Donnell - Happy Birthday Donnell

Episode Date: December 6, 2019

Episode #003 kicks off with a birthday toast from the legend, Dave Chappelle, and a song from the lovely Mari-Kate-lyn Quigley (@kateqfunny). Bartender Eddie Berke shares nostalgic moments from @HollywoodImprov and you always learn something new. Show Donnell some Champagne Wishes, Hennessy Dreams and BIRTHDAY Love... --------------------------------------- Check out Donnell's upcoming tour dates coming to a city near you: http://www.donnellrawlings.com/whereisdonnellrawlings Like, Subscribe & Follow Donnell on: YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCnXf59H6e99fQpWYM5uvEQw?sub_confirmation=1 Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/donnellrawlingsofficial Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/donnellrawlings Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/donnellrawlings Website: http://www.donnellrawlings.com Hashtag: #donnellrawlings, #2soonwithdonnellrawlings, #toosoon Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Mr. President, on this occasion of your birthday, this lovely lady is not only punctitudinous, but punctual. Mr. President, Marilyn Monroe. Oh, hi. I've been dancing all night. Happy birthday to you. You're ashy as hell and cute too. You're a Sagittarius wild mofo. Happy birthday, ashy hoe.

To you, Donnell. Yes. Yo. You don't understand how hard it is to be a comedian. You don't understand the fucking disappointments that go along with it. And then even though you get disappointed, you get your heart broken, things don't go the way you want them to, you still get out on that stage every night and you say,

walk, walk. Now, let me tell you something. I've been doing this for 30 years. I'm only 44. This motherfucker has the enthusiasm of a child for 25 years straight. This motherfucker

is the man. And just when I thought we had reached the bottom of the well, he had his first son, and I knew his well went so much deeper. I work with this guy on the road night after night. He keeps me in line. I get tired. He says, Dave, man, look what the fuck we're doing.

And his excitement, I borrow his eyes, and I look at my own own life and I say, this is not a bad life. And you know why it's not a bad life? Because I have people around me. Not everybody, but some that I trust implicitly. I trust this guy with my life. And by the way, this is a terrible decision on my part. Ha ha! Ha ha! I was trying to figure out how far you were going to go. I'm going to take this man down here.

I'm going to take this man down here. So we, um... So I think, Kate, we should start with, um... So I think, Kate, we should start with, um, we'll probably be coming out of the Marilyn Monroe. Okay. With the happy birthday at the club and everything. We could probably be coming out of that. We could be maybe Man on the Street stuff,

but I think what we might be doing is we come in, you sing a happy birthday and just start like that. Is that cool? Sing a happy birthday in here? Yeah, like happy birthday. Like as myself? Yeah, like happy birthday. Like it's myself? Yeah, like it's my birthday. I'm sorry, one note for you, Don, now.

Is she like all up in the mic? I don't have to be. No, no, you're good. I'm saying your level is kind of like going around, so like try to stay consistent with the mic. Was that in the last episodes? That's fine. I can fix it.

Okay. I'm just saying. You got lotion? If you can. I need lotion. If you can, be aware. No, no, no. This was, yo.

Is this a joke? No, no. When we start, we're going to start like this. You can be singing. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday, dear Donnell. I need some lotion.

What do you mean? I just sing it. I was singing. You interrupted my song. No, but look at my hands. Why don't you carry lotion? Look at my hands. You know they're going to talk lotion? You should sell lotion.

That should be your merch. Ashy lotion. It's too late. Now they know. Now they know this is... I don't just sing. I'm not like a singing birthday. I don't just sing. I'm not like a singing clown. Everybody know how to sing fucking happy birthday. Just sing happy birthday. I'm coming

right back. Happy birthday to you. Say some nice shit. Say some nice shit about me. I'm really gonna go get some lotion. Where are you gonna get lotion? With the improv. Just keep talking. I'll be back. I'm not gonna just sing till you come back with lotion. I got you a present. Guys,

what's up? This is episode, I think this is episode four. I'm not sure to just sing until you come back with lotion. I got you a present, guys. What's up? This is episode, I think this is episode four. I'm not sure where we're at. I wore the shirt Donnell gave me. All the fights on these episodes are real, by the way, when we argue. They're not fights. Donnell likes to call them communications, but they're really more like fights. But you see, you see what he did.

He gets like, Deary, would you say happy birthday? Thank you. Good shirt. I like that shirt. To you. I like your shirt, too. Where'd you get that lotion? This shirt is dope.

Rita gave me this lotion. I got that lotion for free in a swag bag. Man, we should get somebody to give us money for lotion, yo. We're going to get lotion. Ooh, I want some of this. This is good stuff. You want some of this lotion? Body to flesh.

You really should sell lotion at your shows. I can't believe you don't. I thought about it, but then I didn't want to be so connected to ashy. I mean, I am an ashy motherfucker. I know, but it's still just funny. It makes sense, right? You put your face on it and call it ashy lotion. Why do you got a difference between hand cream and face cream?

I never understood that. Can I put this on my face? My face feels ashy. You can. You know what? I always wondered that, too. What's the difference between dish soap, laundry detergent, bath soap? I use all of it for the same.

Yo, and a hood? Yeah. You know, white people have bubble bath. Mr. Bubbles? What do you have? We had a- Soap. No, we had Doves, Palmolive.

That was a- That's what I'm saying though. Why can't it be? You know that when I run out- It's marketing people. They want to be able to sell you something with a different name. I use dish soap on my clothes and the laundry. And when I run out of body wash, I use it in the shower.

I'm so cheap. I use 7-Eleven makeup. I use dollars. No, you are cheap, son. I know. You know why? Because I remember once we were supposed to have a meeting, right? And I was intimidated because I was like, how do you make a white chick happy at a meeting, right?

Bring them some coffee. What the coffee do white people really, white women like? Starbucks. what i thought right this is what i thought and i was like because i was like i'm a 7-eleven motherfucker yeah right but i was like man she probably got one of makiako chikiako type of drinks and then i said um you want coffee and he was like yo i'm gonna get coffee from 7-eleven i was like she ghetto as shit no the best part was you were like, I'm at 7-Eleven. Or you called me I'm at your 7-Eleven. I love 7-Eleven. I buy makeup there. You eat 7-Eleven shit, though. Yeah, I really do

because I got the app. Sometimes you get a free salad. Yo, you got the 7-Eleven app? Yeah. I don't have the app, but I do got a number. You can use the app because you get points. I mean, I didn't mean to cut you off. I'm sorry. You're fine. Did you say happy birthday to know, I mean, I didn't mean to cut you off. I'm sorry. You're fine. Did you say happy birthday to me?

I sang it. How did you sing it? You weren't here? No. You were changing. You were changing. No. The funny thing about going to 7-Eleven with that point situation, you could spend like $300, right?

It's almost like hitting the lotto. You're like, when are these motherfuckers going to give me a free coffee, nigga? I know, but then the best point is when you get those notifications, they're like, congratulations, you've earned one free turkey jerky. You got the app. I don't got the app. Oh, yeah, you got to get the app because they send you surprise texts. They go, congratulations, today you get a free beef jerky. It's like some weird random thing.

I go to the 7-Elevens in the morning. I hope this don't sound racist, but it just be a line of little Mexicans and Salvadorians, man. It depends which one you go to. That's our neighborhood. Yeah. 7-Eleven is kind of racist, though. You know why?

Because I buy the makeup there and it only comes in dark colors. Like, they don't even think white people are trying to buy this. I don't think you should tell anybody that you use 7-Eleven makeup. Why not? They have good bronzer. That sounds so country. That sounds so Midwest. No, it doesn't.

You're looking for a man with a pickup truck. No way, man. You're looking for a man with a pickup truck and knows it's his right to vote. No, man. And he's going to stick to it. I don't care who he like. We don't have 7-Eleven where I'm from. Maybe that's why.

Where is that? I'm from Canton, Ohio. That's close enough. We don't have 7-Eleven. Yo, but y'all got the motherfucking, you know what I'm talking about. Our gas stations don't sell makeup. You, Ohio, you a Buckeye? Well, technically, but I'm not a Buckeye fan because I don't care about college football.

Are you a Buckeye? I mean, the state, that's like the state plant or whatever. Man, I got this funny Buckeye story. You mean Buckeyeyes like the college team yeah ohio yeah like tell it it is my birthday i know i can we do birthday stuff first yeah but um it's a very funny story all right tell the story i was uh years ago years ago years ago i was in ohio and um i was at this bar and i was talking to this girl at this bar right and I was just joking and she I was like I don't even want to talk to you I said I'm gonna talk to them chicks down there right and she looked me right my face

right and she said let me tell you about them Buckeye bitches listen she said let me tell you about them Buckeye bitches I'm like what about them Buckeye bitches. I'm like what about them Buckeye bitches? She said I'm not lying. I can't make this up. She said them Buckeye bitches will suck the skin off your dick. Shut up. She said yo like

mine. She said will suck the skin off your dick. She said for rent money black or white. To which i said well how much is rent in ohio bitch i got like i had four five buck i bitches i had four five ohio rents in my pocket at that time because it's a different number if you just said like new york or something i'd be like nah i'm good on that but But that was the funniest. How long ago was this?

This was like, I can't claim the year. But I knew it was that type of energy because in this bar, they had like a drink special, like top shelf drinks. Five bucks. Like three bucks. Yeah. Three bucks to like Hennessy and all of this shit. I got the whole bar fucked up for like $83. Dude, my rent.

Okay, I moved out. And somebody offered me some neck. Some neck? Neck. What's neck? Neck. You don't know what neck is? Like neck?

Like necking? You don't know what neck is? Uh-uh. Like, let me see. You don't know what neck is like let me see you don't know what neck is like your neck it's no you know does that no you don't know seriously you don't know what neck yes that neck yeah is that a blowjob i'm not saying no i've I'm saying neck is like, it's a, what the rumor on the street is, Becky, Becky, they say Becky has the best neck. That's what the streets are saying.

Oh, is that like a head thing? Like you stretch it, you take it in your neck? I'm not answering no question. What I'm saying is- I need to know. In the streets- Who are the streets? Let's call the streets.

I don't know who is in the streets. What neck? We said got that good neck. Can I look this up in the Urban Dictionary? Neck? Yeah, I don't know. That might not have even made. The Urban Dictionary?

Urban Dictionary. Let's see. Good neck. Good neck. I'm looking up good neck. Getting neck. I was getting neck one time. Here's how it went.

She pulled out my 10-incher, and I could see a bulging in her throat. That was some good neck. Okay, that's what it says. That's what 10 incher and I could see a bulging in her throat that was some good neck that's what I'm saying that's what neck is I couldn't tell you they still we call it deep throating yeah they call it neck in the streets

what's up with that neck in the streets so great dude my rent when I first moved out I was 17 and my rent back then for like a huge one bedroom with a full attic that could be a second bedroom. $150. Yeah. You probably spent more on beer than rent in Ohio. Oh, dude.

I mean, I made $300 a week back then waiting tables. So I made my rent money in half a week. And then all the- $300 what? I made $300 a week waiting tables. In Ohio. When I was 18. Yeah, that's cash for Ohio.

Yeah, and then my rent was 150. That's one lap dance. I was rich. That's one lap dance in Miami. I was so rich. She was rich. Happy birthday. Thank you.

I'm so excited for your birthday episode. You didn't even sing happy birthday. I sang happy birthday. I'm happy about your birthday. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday, Donnell. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday, Donnell. Happy birthday to you.

Woo! That was the whitest. I brought you a present. That was the whitest happy birthday. You made me sing it as Marilyn already. I didn't make you do anything. I'm not a misogynistic asshole like that. I don't make you do anything.

You're not an asshole. I only have suggestions. You're a little misogynistic, but you're not an asshole. Man, a little misogynistic goes a long goddamn way. Misogynistic. You know what I'm saying. Ready for your present? Wait a minute.

Fuck that. This is better. Oh, my God. I'm scared. Be careful. Don't hit me. Oh, shit. Let me see what that neck do.

That neck. You ready for that neck? Don't have your piece in. Oh, shit. Jesus Christ. All right. that neck you ready for that neck oh shit all right i love that you brought champagne i didn't buy champagne the club hollywood improv gifted me that that's why we got these um improv flutes david i have extra glass so that we can give

the producers a sip for once i can't believe i don't have no one. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait, wait. You know what? Wait, wait. First off, who's working security right now? What? Who is security?

Because we have been infiltrated. What is the word? That is the word, infiltrated. Penetrated. No, no, infiltrated. No, infiltrated. Not penetrated. All right.. No, no. Infiltrated. No, infiltrated. Not penetrated. All right.

All right. First off, I am not a happy person right now. I'm happy. I'm so happy. Because one of my least favorite people in the motherfucking improv. What are you talking about? I wanted him here for your... What are you doing on a podcast?

All right. Why would anybody want to listen to you on a podcast? I wanted him here for your birthday. You know what? You know what? I'm going to go to the bathroom. Wait, you can't leave? No, no, no.

That's my boy. Let him introduce himself. Let him introduce himself. Eddie, come the bathroom. Wait, you can't leave? No, no, no. That's my boy. Let him introduce himself. Eddie, come sit down. Eddie, come sit down in Donnell's seat. Watch the cameras. Yeah, don't hurt your knees or anything. I texted you.

Don't hurt your knees or anything. It's okay, they're right. You know what, Donnell? You just go pee. They're right. Go pee, man. Oh my God, Eddie. Go pee. Hey, Quigs.

I'm so happy you're here. How are you? What's going on here? Are you happy I'm here? You were disappointed with me? Yes I wanted Eddie for your birthday I would have man

You walk in There goes the god damn neighborhood That was your present That's it What's going on here? I'm so excited that you're here Thank god I need somebody in my corner

You're welcome Eddie everybody We gotta introduce you Eddie's my favorite bartender Here at the Improv How long have you worked here, Eddie? I've worked here 40 years. That's so amazing.

You have a podcast here now too, right? I do. It's called Eddie's Bar at the Improv. It's an oral history of memories and whatever of the people that I talk to. Didn't Donnell do an episode? Oh, God, yeah. He did. He really did.

And it's like, you know, unfortunately, it turned out really good. Yeah. Because that's Donnell. Sometimes he's funny. Did he yell at you at all, though? Because he yelled a lot. At all? Yeah. He didn't stop yelling at me. He walked into that podcast and he goes like, what am

I doing here? And why are you doing a podcast? You're great. It's been a lot of fun, and actually, he was great, but don't tell him that. Let him go to the bathroom while he's doing this. He is funny, but we can't compliment him anymore. If you compliment him, he goes off for like five minutes. He just goes off. I know. So what is this? Is this your podcast? No, this is Donnell's podcast, but I'm co-hosting it. So we're doing it together. The Donnell Rowling Show. Oh man, let's take this off the wall. I know, I know. I'm the full-time co-host, but so we're doing rolling show yeah I know I know I'm the full-time co-host but oh cool this is the only saving grace is his son yeah

yeah I know I know he'd be a terrible person for Austin I'm doing good how are you you know we tried to call you on the last episode like on the phone because we always that a little while ago yeah it was yeah I was in the car you were coming to work. Yes. Why are you here so early? What time is it, like 2 o'clock? No, it's about, well, 2.30, 3 o'clock.

Yeah, I get here early because I avoid traffic. I like to sit and relax. Do you want some champagne? Actually, I do. Yeah, help yourself. Just don't tell anybody. Oh, yeah, whatever. Because I'm working tonight.

Eddie has worked here. You guys, Eddie is my favorite person. Last time I was here, gosh, you just had eye surgery a few times. You're all recovered now. I can't see anybody, but everybody looks at me. It makes it a lot better. Honestly. What's your favorite thing about working here?

The people I meet, the comedians I meet. Really? It's like the relationships I've had with so many of them over the years. It's just been a trip. And that's really what's kind of spurred my podcast on. It's like I just finally, people have been asking me to do something with either writing a book or whatever. And I just decided that with the advent of these podcasts, this would be a great way to go right now. Honestly, it is crazy how much your face like i mean when i walk

in now no when i walk in here and see you it makes me happy like you feel like there's somebody there that knows you like it's really cool because you're here almost anytime i'm here you're here so it's like cheers this is like cheers because of you yeah i appreciate that it's fun when i see you guys too it's like you know i you know, I. Except for Donnell. Except for Donnell, because that just kind of fucks up the neighborhood, you know, right, right away. It's like Donnell walks in and then it's all over. But is, you know, to get back to your question, it's, you know, the the relationships and the comedians that I've met over the years. Everybody. It's it's really been a trip it's with everybody like uh you can go back to

jerry seinfeld to george wallace to today with jim jeffries and and ian edwards and kate quigley and donnell rawlings stuff like that people like that it's it's uh i've i've been honored really you think of off the top of your head this is hard one to ask you the spot, but the wildest thing you've ever seen go down here? Like if there's one night in your memory that sticks out, is that was a wild night at the improv bars, anything. Could be an audience member did something, a comedian. Oh, probably something I always think about. There were two incidents.

One involved Bruce Willis way back in the day where he was sitting at a table in a restaurant area with a bunch of people and and they were all drinking everybody's having fun and somebody at the next table said something to him which I do not know what it was and all of a sudden you saw Bruce crawling across the table to punch the guy in the face no No way! It was like, God. Did he punch him? Did he get there? I don't know if he ever got to him because he had friends with him that I believe that held him back.

But it's, you know, when people get drunk, no matter who they are, you don't want to say a few things or whatever. Hey, I'm looking at Donnell's phone too. Rick Rubin's calling. Where the hell did Donnell go?

He just left. I just texted him, come get his birthday show. His phone's in here. Oh, is this his birthday show? Yes. Yeah, it's his birthday show. We're supposed to be, you know, that's why we got champagne. I brought him a present.

He's not even here. Where's that motherfucker? Oh, let me tell you the other incident before he gets here, too. It's like, I don't know, Christmas Eve. Oh, shit, he's back. Hold on, he's in the middle of the store. There go be the neighbors. Say one second.

Let him finish this. He's always in the middle of the store. This is a good one. He always is in the middle of the store. Just tell this last. Most of them. The reason why he's always in the middle of the store. Can I get a chair?

No, man, stand up. You're such a young buck, man. You can stand up. The reason why he's always in the middle of the story is because all he does is just lie, lie, lie. He wakes up to lie. He wakes up to lie. Yes, yes, yes. I don't know why people respect him

here because it's the same story over and over and over and over again. He said you were great on his podcast. don't tell him that don't tell him that I didn't say that I'm no no I don't see when Eddie first said he was doing the podcast I was said there goes the neighborhood I said and I had to do a check last night, who's been here? Like, who laid the first brick probably here? I was like, Eddie.

Who's seen the older comments come? Eddie. Who's seen people go from humble people at the bar to arrogant assholes? Eddie. That's good. Who's seen people get kicked out of the place? Eddie knows everything. So it wasn't that I wanted to, but it only made sense because if anybody's going to tell

the history of it, it's going to be him with all of his lies. That's my phone. That's your phone? Yeah, you like that ring? It's like the Vikings. The Vikings. Is that really your phone? Yeah, it is.

That is the whitest ring ever. When you call me, R. Kelly comes on. I don't even know who it is. I'll have them leave a message. Yeah, by the way, Rick Rubin texted you something. Really? Yeah, so now if you'll shut up for a minute. The other, I already finished one.

I'm going to tell another one. Don't make me the interrupter. You wouldn't like me when I'm the interrupter. He is the interrupter. He walks in and he interrupts. But this last story is just just a minute long it's like we're at the bar meet would you shut up my god when you say a minute when you say a minute to donnell he thinks that means 10 more minutes of jokes that's right he'll be gone

he's going to the bathroom again uh it's it's around christmas time christmas eve whatever i don't even remember. We were open. It was quiet. There were like two people at three people at the bar, including Mark Lano, who's one of the founders. And these two guys walk in and, uh, sit down, have a drink, you know, fine. Order another drink. Still fine.

Yeah. One of them just turns to the other, just turns to one of the other guys, not the two that came in. The two that came in, one of them turns to one of the two that were sitting there and goes like, I don't like you, man. Just out of the blue. Okay.

And the guy smiles at him like he's kidding around or whatever. And honestly, I heard it and I thought he was kidding around too. Turns back around, turns back around again, and goes like, no, man, I hate your fucking guts. The guy says to him, what are you talking about? I don't even know you. And with that, the guy just jumps up and starts swinging on him. No way. And, yeah, starts swinging on him and Mark and the other guy. They're all trying to break this up. The swinging on him. No way. Yeah, start swinging on him and Mark and the other guy.

They're all trying to break this up. The guy bites him. Oh, my God. Bites them both. They literally beat the living daylights out of this guy. Holy cow. He's practically crawling out. They toss him out into the street.

Just a regular dude, not a comedian? Nope. Wow. Somebody just came in off the street and obviously had to be hyped up on something because he was taking too much of a beating. I think it was a friend of Donnell's. That sounds like something Donnell would do. Are you sure it wasn't Donnell?

Listen, see? This is what happens when I leave the room. Can I sit down for a second? Yeah, please. You go to the bathroom? Yeah, I'll go to the bathroom. Oh, man. Kate, don't leave me with him. I'm just saying. Come on, Quiggs. I got to sit here for a second? Yeah, please. You go to the bathroom? Yeah, I'll go to the bathroom. Oh, man. Kate, don't leave me with him.

I'm just saying. Come on, Quigs. I got to sit here with this guy? Yeah, sorry. Jesus, folks. My question. You don't have a question. I do have a question.

Oh, Don, just give me my purse. Keep talking. Why are you acting like give me your purse like I stole the purse? That's Donnell's purse. Donnell's down here. I'm not leaving.

Donnell likes purses. All right, Eddie. When was the moment that you knew that you was going to be in love with me forever, Eddie? And this is not in a homosexual way. Just in like that moment when you said Jesus Christ. I am waiting for that moment. You haven't had that moment?

That moment has not come through yet. The only saving grace, as I told Quigs about you, is your son, who is a great little kid. And that's the only reason I like you. I even talk to you or give you the time of day. That's it. I was going to say that's the only connection we really have. See how soft he gets all of a sudden? The only connection.

I am because I remember when I, you know, I talked to you from the pregnancy. And I think you said something to, like, when you saw my lady, you said, like, did somebody leave, lose a bet or something? Because you didn't know how it happened. But you talked about me because I didn't know how to prepare for it. I didn't know what to expect. And then, you know, the times, and it was only a couple of times that I really, like, didn't despise you is when you talk to me about fatherhood and what to expect and how to prepare for that.

And you probably messed it up, but you're trying. That's the only time your face looked kind to me. That's the only time. You reap what you sow, brother. The only time your face looks calm to me is when i'm talking about my son that's it because that's like i said that's your saving grace that's it i have what are you what are you doing this is your birthday show i was told this is my birthday happy birthday i don't have a lot of friends you don't have any friends 75 years old you look great

listen listen i know i don't have friends because because if Eddie is getting ready to wish me a happy birthday, then my life is fucked. Nobody else will come by. Nobody else will do it. That's, again, he's part of the fucking, he's part of the building. That's it. He had to be here for birthdays. Yo, Quigs.

Divorces, earthquakes, anything. This is a shelter. Well, don't forget I've actually performed a wedding here on stage. Really? Yeah, I married Flip Schultz and his wife. Damn. On the improv stage. Oh, yeah?

And now they're divorced, yeah. You want to get divorced? Hold on. You're ruining that shit. Hold on a second. I also performed the wedding ceremony of KP Anderson, who was one of the execs on The Soup, and a stand-up comedian, and his wife.

And they are still married. And this was the first one I did. And this was like, God, 12, 15 years ago. So a one out of two ain't bad. I'm just curious. This is not off topic, but it is a little off topic because I didn't want to hear that shit you were saying. How do you feel about, how do you feel about how do you feel about

I know you started your podcast how do you feel about it about it? about your podcast is it going smoothly? is it how is it like yeah I think it's

going the way in the direction I want it to it's still a learning process for me same thing for me you too old to learn

shit now, man. Forget about it. Nah, nah, nah, nah. You ain't never too old. No, no, no. You have nothing to do with this. We don't fight like this. We ain't friends. Don't nobody try to teach you nothing new, man. No, I'm going to tell you something and this is because of you.

When I told you that I was going to do this podcast, before it even started, I told you that I was going to do a run-through with my producer, who is Mike Carano. And you said, don't do no run-through. Just go out there and do it. Right.

And that's probably, so far, the best advice I have. Man, it's so funny. I was kicking your ass, and I need somebody to kick so far the best advice I have. Man, it's so funny. I was kicking your ass, and I need somebody to kick me in my ass at the same time. It's so easy because you know the right thing to do. But for me, and I knew that what my dilemma was, the reason why I could give that advice because I was hearing it from other people myself. And it's like because sometimes, just in life period, we wait too long for the perfect opportunity yeah the right time this has to be this i want to go to new york but i gotta save my money up right i want to do this but i got my

family i got my kids you know i mean and that blocks us in a lot of things and even though i was blocked at the same time i was like this at least i could say it you know and then i was like damn if i say it to you then i gotta gotta practice what I preach. Practice what I preach. How long have you been doing this podcast? This is our fourth one. That's it? It was, the thing about it

is our fourth one, but it's been in my brain for eight months. Yeah. For the first time I did, Joe Rogan's, he suggested it and I was talking about it,

I was talking about it, but I never had the nerve to do it because the problem I was having was like, because I don't know if I was gonna be me by myself, how do I fucking talk to myself for 45 minutes that shit scared me I

could talk for 45 minutes in front of thousands of people you can talk for a hell of a lot longer than 45 minutes believe me I know this guy this is the bullshit this is it 45 if nobody yeah I mean if you've ever seen him on stage as funny as he is when he gets the damn light. You heard that, right? As funny as he is. That's about as much as I'm going to compliment him. When he gets the light. It's like, it's a white thing.

I'm not paying attention to that. I'm just going. I do it. It should just be calling me. It should just be calling me. But I'm glad that I could do that. I'm serious about your advice. I mean, that was like... I'm serious about...

I understand what you're saying. Yeah, because it was valuable because had I rehearsed or whatever, it's not the same. I don't rehearse anything. Right. What I do in my podcast is... So you're mean to me that's not scripted

absolutely not that just comes natural man that just flies right off you know i don't even have to prepare but with for everybody that i i have on i do research on everybody that's come on i i go into their history and then i'll make up some questions but 90% of the time I'd say I don't even get to those questions because wherever we go, we go. We go into their stories of their time around the improv and wherever else it goes. But even when you brought it to my attention that you were going to do it and as nasty as you are to me, you were very humble when you asked me about it. You told me you had the idea and you even made it seem like if it's something you would do, like, you know,

very humble, like, would you be a part of it? And I'm looking at you like, you old motherfucker, you know goddamn well I'm going to do this shit. Whatever you want me to do, I'm going to do it, motherfucker. No. I appreciate that. And I appreciate that coming from a person that probably seen the biggest names in comedy. Watch comedy go. And this is the last question I'll ask you before Kate comes back here and gives me a birthday lap dance.

It's my birthday. At least he said Kate this time and not me or somebody else. You never know which way he's going. How do you feel like comedy? How do you feel like you've been there when there wasn't social media, you've been there when there wasn't Twitter, you've been there when there wasn't like, okay, a person can do skits and just become funny without stand-up. How do you think comedy has gone from pretty much the first time

when you first came to this franchise to where it is now has it evolved um and what do you what do you think about that i don't think comedy itself has changed what's changed obviously is the technology and the different ways of getting it out there i mean as far as uh comedians and their stories and their jokes uh i don't think it's changed at all. Because, you know, if you do your due diligence as a comic and you go through your process, you know what you have to do. You know whether or not, you know, you're funny.

And you would have been funny back then if you're funny now, and vice versa. Sure, there's topics you would change and stuff to be more dated, but comedy itself hasn't changed. It's the technology. It's the way of getting out there. It's also unfortunate, in my opinion, that everybody and his mother now thinks,

because of social media, that they can be a comic. And it's not the way it goes. You know, the thing about it for me, my thoughts on that is that your social media, it could build you a platform for people to see you, but you still have to have a skill set. That's exactly right. It builds you the platform, but do you have a skill set? I see it so often.

We'll have some, I was going to say Yahoo, some YouTube sensations. Yahoo, he is a hundred years old. Some Yahoo on YouTube. Some Yahoobers. Some YouTube phenomenon, phenom, that will sell out the club in a minute. And I've gone in and watched several of these people, and they have no acts. They are not funny.

And yet, unfortunately or fortunately, the people that are watching them enjoy them for whatever reason, but they don't have the routine. But that's the twist to it. It's a different style with a different audience. The attention span is different and everything. And then coming from, you know, your sentiment is similar to mine when I come from that.

Like, I don't want you to, oh, he old head, this and that. But, no, we're from a place, and our thought is just continue to work on your craft and have your toolbox sharp. That's it. Whatever platform you create, that's cool, but care enough about it to get good at that form if that's

what you're going to pimp. It's like any other job or business. If you want to be good at it, you have to work at it. Shout out to all them hoes out there that's trying to get that price to go up for that neck. You have to be good at it. What you talking about? You have to work at it.

If you're a lawyer or whatever, you go to school, you come out, you get a job. If you're in the arts, it doesn't work that way. You just have to continue to work. But getting back to what you said about attention span, that is one difference that has changed. I know because I fell asleep

just listening to your story so many times before. I do not have attention span for it. He's going to go home and try to write. Y'all don't understand. Everybody lives in America. He looks like a nice guy. I'm telling y'all. I am. It's not true.

No, I love him. He always gives me half-price nachos. That's right. Yeah, you got nice tits and you're a pretty girl. Of course you're going to get free nachos. That's right. And you're not. So keep that in mind because that's the way it is.

I love it. Man, listen, man. I'm going to give you your seat back here because I'm getting out of here. That's my seat. That's my seat. That's not Donnell's seat. Eddie, damn, man.

No, he's never coming back. To the show? Eddie's going to come back to the show. The only reason he's here now is because... I'm going to tell you something, and I haven't said this to anybody. If you really want an interesting show, you have me on and you discuss my life before the improv. You was a freak?

Yeah. Yo, you was a freak? It was. You'd be surprised. I want to hear those stories. I have a little bit of a back story that very few people are aware of. Will it be on CNN? Will the Me Too people be upset?

It will be on what's it? The Raz. Predator? Catch a Predator? Predator is more like it. But that's it. Hey, hey, I left some cookies downstairs. Hey, I'll be right back.

Tell everybody to watch Eddie's Bar or listen to Eddie's Bar at the Improv. Donnell Rawlings is on there. Eventually, Miss Quiggs will be on there. But I will say, I hate to say it, if you really want to know the history of the improv and what made the brand so popular, the ups and downs of it, and I hate to say it, I don't think there's another voice that can give you those true stories. Eddie, I appreciate you, man. Thank you. That's cool. stories. Eddie, I appreciate you, man. Thank you.

That's cool. I appreciate you. I love you, man. Love you too, bro. Fuck, cut that part out. Yo, cut that love. We can cut love out, right? We can cut love out, right?

No, we ain't cutting them out. Now, can I give you a present? Listen. You're in the big boy chair. I mean, now I'm giving you a present, but all the water, the ice melted, but I brought you this for your birthday you can open it here

for your birthday and I wasn't well prepared because I just found out it was your birthday show but that's yo man this racist this is a motherfucker

man what are you talking about this is racist it's not racist this is racist well how is it racist it's Hennessy it's Hennessy

but you think so you think because I'm black it's my birthday I'm about to drink some Hennessy that's right that this. So you think because I'm black, it's my birthday. I'm about to drink some Hennessy. That's right. That's racist. And we're doing it.

That's racist. It's not racist because you need to enjoy Hennessy. It's my favorite thing. What about pickleback shot? What about a pickleback shot? You want to do that? You from Ohio, you know about a pickleback shot. Actually, I never had a pickleback shot.

I never even heard of it until last week. A pickleback shot is whiskey and it's pickle juice. And you take the whiskey, you do the whiskey shot, and then the pickleback shot is whiskey and it's pickle juice and you take the pickle juice you take the whiskey you do the whiskey shot and then the pickleback juice and and at the end and the acidity i don't know what it is but it's you like that man it make motherfuckers i never heard of that you didn't even get me a whole bottle of hennessy you got like a half that's all they had downstairs this was the last that was left from DeRay's Monday night. I didn't know that.

Can we drink it? This is like two more chicken wings. I brought ice, but the ice is melting. I'll do a shot for my birthday. Yeah, we need birthday shots. Here, do it out of here. Give me that. I'll pour you a shot. Who cares, man?

I like this with mango. I dated this chick once. Wait, you got to do this. Hold on. They have a stopper in here and everything. Oh, the shop. You're also funny about here. I got to tell you, I'm not going to do that whole shot. Yeah, you are. No.. Wait, you got to do this. Hold on. They have a stopper in here and everything. Oh, the stop. You're also funny about Hennessy. I got to tell you, I'm not going to do that whole shot.

Yeah, you are. No. Hell yeah, you are. Listen, I dated this chick. She was years ago. She was Albanian, right? Okay. White, whatever white they come from.

Albania? Albanian. No, they come from Albania. I mean, whatever white part, yeah. But listen, so we were we used to go out and we would go out and everywhere we go

she would order Hennessy and I was like I used to be like this okay I get it you're fucking a black dude I get it that's not why because it's so good

it makes you in a good mood no but that's what that's not what it was I thought that when she drank like she was like oh I'm gonna be cool as shit I'm gonna drink some Hennessy

because he's black. But it's part of their culture. That's like when they get married. Any holiday of any significance, they celebrate with Hennessy. Oh, really? So, yeah, I thought she was just trying to be like, yo, yo, I'm down with OPP. You know me, but I didn't know it was part of the Albanian culture. Can I tell you the truth about Hennessy?

I never tried it until I went and did a podcast at Be Real Studio, and I asked for tequila. I thought it was great to say, too. You smashed this black guy. But go ahead. No, yo, I'm sorry. That's what I thought you were going to say. No disrespect.

Don't mean to me. It was a joke. It was my birthday. I can say whatever the fuck I want on my birthday. No, man. No. And I asked for tequila, and they said, all we have is Hennessy. And I said, I never had it.

So they gave it to me. I said, do you have a mixer? So they put a little mango juice in it. You know what you sound like? You sound like a description at a white porn right now. Like, oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Like this. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. This is my first time. I really never had it. Whatever. The point is, I was in the best mood ever that night. I even hooked up with a stranger.

I never do that. Let me tell you something. Be careful. When the Remy's in your system, ain't no telling me if you fuck him or you diss him. Be careful with that Remy. It's not Remy. It's Hennessy. Well, it's a cognac.

At the end of the day, we feel it's the same thing. You're not a connoisseur of it. Cheers. Cheers to that. Are you going to drink that whole thing? I'm going to. We'll sip it. We feel it's the same thing. You're not a connoisseur of it. Cheers. Cheers to that. Are you going to drink that whole thing? I'm going to. We'll sip it. We'll sip it like upper class.

Can I say this? Yes. I want to send a shout out to Eddie. I want to send a shout out to the improv, Rita, Paige, Ben. And what's our producer's name? Did we ever give him a name? Dave. He don't like Dave.

He didn't like Dave. You wouldn't let me call him Double D. don't like Dave. He didn't like Dave. You wouldn't let me call him Double D. I like Double D. Double D? Come on. What you want, son? Double D's are good. You don't want a name, nigga?

That's T. At what? Super producer. Yo, this motherfucking shit. David. That's what I wanted to say, but David don't sound cool enough. How about just Deary?

Deary? That sounds soft. That sounds gay as shit. Double D is dope, dude. It's like double D, like dicks, double Ds. D. Derry. D. Derry. Whatever.

Who cares? We're spending too much time on this. D. D. Double D. Nah, double D. I like double D. Happy birthday to you. In all seriousness, I love you so much.

You're one of my favorite people. I should be. And you're probably my favorite person to watch on stage. Thank you. And that reminds me of the time I was a stripper years ago. Your phone's ringing. I was a stripper. I can't say who's calling you right now,

but I just want to say you have it named as someone or two others. Like a person's name or two others. Oh, shit. That's my baby mother. Oh, that's hilarious. Or two others. What two others? You got to get this.

Hello? Hey, you want to get on there? Oh, yeah. What time is it? Oh, I got to go pick my son up. Yeah, in 10 minutes. Listen, this is the perfect time. We're doing a podcast, and it's my birthday.

It's my birthday podcast, and I was trying to get people to wish me a happy birthday. This is the episode of my birthday what you can't sing happy birthday no, my God. I got two different births. Wait a minute. No, it's the one in December. What? Wait a minute. Why do you? What? What?

Okay. It was a mistake on Wikipedia that I was born in October. Are you sure that this is your birthday? I'm going to go. Bye. How are you going to just say bye? What do you want me to say? Happy birthday?

I didn't say happy birthday. It's his birthday yet. Happy birthday. No no this is hey man i'm peeping that part out, man. Nobody. All right. It's all good. It's all good. You're funny.

All right. I'm going to pick Austin up. I'm so happy you were so excited. Okay, bye. All right. This is the worst birthday podcast ever. You can't have two birthdays. It doesn't count anymore.

I'm glad I gave you half a dragon. Can't you see? Cheers. I really love you. I really do. That doesn't count anymore. I'm glad I gave you half a dragon. Can't I just eat? Cheers. I really love you. I really do. This is my favorite shirt. Happy birthday to me.

I had so many questions planned for you. We're going to have more episodes. Happy birthday, dear interrupter. Yeah. Happy birthday To you Woo This thing will dwarf me I've seen him throw blows Where'd y'all meet?

Literally Where the fuck do all of us meet? In the fucking comedy club Yo I'll tell you exactly how I met them Tell us I was living in New York killing it everybody in New York was like have you seen that young nigga from DC I was on fire and then I went back home for the holidays a couple years into this

fucking just great run and I said what's poppin in DC I said who's funny and it was all the usual suspects same niggas that was funny when I left but then they go and there's a new nigga named Don L. Rollins and before I even met him I was like man fuck that guy comedy is the only job well not the job, it's like being a cop. You're a cop even when you're not working. It's a terrible thing we do to our minds. We run these drills in our heads day after day so that we look at the world

and it's almost like we're picking it apart instead of enjoying it. But not Donnell. Donnell was the motherfucker after I quit the show that came back and just checked on me. How you doing nigga? And Donnell was the nigga after I quit the show that made sure when we hung out we just had a good time. Yo, there was no love laws,

there was no nothing. This is a special mother fucker. So tonight Donnell, I am going to sing Creep for you. For all you do, here's Creep. Can I YouTube this? Yes! And I would encourage the entire audience to sing along. And some white people, they all know this.

And those of you, wait, those of you who still have a drink, raise your glass. And we will drink and sing. And we're going to take this right into the goddamn party. Yes, to Donnell. To Donnell! To many more years. I ain't gonna cry, but I love you. This is TLC Creek. Happy birthday to my dad.

Happy birthday to my dad. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to my dad. Happy birthday to my dad. Happy birthday to my daddy. Bye.