Donnell - Narcissistic Disorder

Episode Date: February 14, 2020

From free styling to free speech, friendship and more, Donnell has an honest conversation about friendship, business and his narcissist personality. A joke can be too soon but it could never be too soon for a funny observation. Special thanks to @jivantaroberts, @mfdaviddeery, @hollywoodimprov --------------------------------------- Check out Donnell's upcoming tour dates coming to a city near you: http://www.donnellrawlings.com/whereisdonnellrawlings Like, Subscribe & Follow Donnell on: YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCnXf59H6e99fQpWYM5uvEQw?sub_confirmation=1 Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/donnellrawlingsofficial Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/donnellrawlings Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/donnellrawlings Website: http://www.donnellrawlings.com Hashtag: #donnellrawlings, #2soonwithdonnellrawlings, #toosoon  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Always gotta start to show off, drinkin' a little water. This is for the homies in here, cuz I don't got no daughter. I bought her something nice and she still broke up with me. But it don't matter cuz I'm going from raspy to nasty and back to ashy. I speak 16 off the top of the dome. Shout out to my man 40. Shout out to my nigga Rome. Sometimes I'm on the road.

I be alone, but I feel good when I pick up the phone. And FaceTime my son. That's right, Austin Donnell Rawlings. One of the things that make me keep wanting to win things. People think I got this written down but it's off the top of the head. You don't believe me? Grab a harmonica and holla my nigga Fred. I'm flowing. The rhythm is all in motion. Last week we did a show and we had no lotion.

Flavor Flav clock in the front, holding the lead. You know what I need? Nothing. Nickel? Yo, can you turn my shit up some? Hell yeah. Turn my shit up, son. Turn my shit up.

I can't hear you. Uh, uh, uh uh uh uh a lot of people been asking what's up with kate quigley but listen i'm gonna tell you a story and i do it real quickly sometimes friendship and business don't get along you start arguing you bicker and everybody's wrong you think about you step back and look at what you want and you say fuck it our friendship is better i can't be on this podcast and i can't front i love that girl she gave me a shot a lot of niggas fucked with her because the bitch is kind of hot hot. Flat stomach, nice titty, and a smile to go with it. Fuck it. Sometimes you fuck with people, and sometimes they not with it. I spit it. I said it. I wrote it. I feel it. Last week, I did a show called Monique and Friends. People try to count me out, but I keep multiple wins.

Win, win, win, win. Fuck everything else. Win, win, win, win. From Degenerates to Monique in this summer on Pixar. Thinking about my school teacher. She never thought I'd get this far I started about 25 years ago as an open Micah shut up to my nigga L big tone holding down Holding down in Rikers. Island. I win. You win.

They can't stop my flow. Fuck it. It's time to roll with the Donnell Rawlins show. Bars, nigga! You niggas know nothing about this. That's called bars! If I could have... If I could have... Yo. If I could have...

Yo. If I could have... If I could have... If I could have... If I could have... Yo. Yo. If I could have...

If I could have... If I could have... I don't give a fuck. Is that your motherfucking question? Sometimes... Yo, yo, I don't give a fuck. Is that your motherfucking question? Sometimes shit just don't fucking work out. Sometimes you have an idea of what you want to do. You have an idea of the direction you want to go in. And you know how you're going to do it.

You know it's going to take hard work from yourself. It's going to take you aligning yourself up with the right people and when i first started this podcast i 100 aligned myself up with the right person because kate quickly was someone and i did her podcast some time ago and one particular thing kind of resonated with me we were talking about michael jackson and how he has how you should switch out the bubbles. Like them chimpanzees, they look cute, but them niggas got old and he always would just swap out and get new bubbles. Because if you see bubbles now, that nigga looks stressed out like shit, son.

But we did that and I was like, it was a dynamic that we had. She was funny. She didn't believe half the things that I said. You know, she was like, what? Uh-uh. And I was like, what? Uh-uh. And I was like, oh, man, this bitch kind of slow. But in a good, slow kind of way. And I was talking about podcasts forever,

and she introduced me to David Deary, who's the producer of this show. He's one of those producers. Everybody, you know somebody that know every goddamn thing? A motherfucker know everything? Anybody know a nigga that just know, I mean, it's like nothing that they don't know. I'm pretty sure everybody's listening to this right now.

Know somebody that this nigga know everything about everything. And you don't know nothing. You know, you say something, you say something to me like, so I was thinking, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, you know, I got a yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's his nickname, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Everybody know that person, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then they yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ask. And then when you ask them about what they yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then they yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ask. And then when you ask them about what they yeah, yeah, yeah'd you about, they be like, oh, shit, you're right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But you know what their intent is.

You know their character. You know they just know every goddamn thing. I know this much. I got you a Christmas present, and I finally brought it. You want to open it? Can I finish talking about Kate? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I want to talk about Kate.

Oh, you were talking about Kate right there? Yeah, Kate Quigley. Oh, okay. I thought you were talking about me. I was talking about you at that part, but I was talking about Kate, too. I see. I'm the yeah, yeah, yeah guy, though. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But, I mean, long story short, you know, people have been in my comments, where is she, blah, blah, blah, blah, good riddance riddance I miss her she makes the show and all that type shit I love Kate quickly but you know sometimes like you could be going for something and then you know whatever whoever it's not just and not on the you're not on the same page for whatever reason and it just has different um and um nigga how you just gonna walk out the show what kind of fucking show is this bro you can't just leave when i'm telling a heartfelt story javanta's here bro

i heard that no i don't want to leave her hanging what javanta javanta yeah yes yeah you're late i was trying to tell a fucking story about kate i was trying to explain to it was going good too i was trying to explain to everybody how i miss her so much what's up i was like i was trying to explain how i miss her so much i'll explain how we started this. She really was very instrumental in getting this started. She got me out the gate and everything. And we had some very good moments. We had some very good moments. And unfortunately, some things just don't work out.

Kate's doing wonderful things in her career. Y'all make sure y'all listen to Date Fails. Date Fails is a dope-ass fucking podcast. That's the first place I met her she's up I wish her well and anytime right now if what happened

can we get some code words or something bro I mean come on we can't get no like can we get some professional can we get some professionalism on I'm telling the fucking story about Kate man man yeah i couldn't wait 15 minutes for what i didn't know we were on what do you mean we were supposed to wait for you yes you uh so i made it in time this is how it all starts so we were supposed to just stop the productions what time did we say we was going to do this? We said at 8 p.m., but you know. What time is it now?

It's only 8.15. What is that? 15 minutes late. Late. That means CP time, we're on time. This show isn't about CP time. CPT time. This show is about breaking stereotypical, breaking stereotypes.

Okay. You know what I'm saying? And I thought you'd be able to do that. And I'm trying to tell you motherfuckers about how much I miss Kate Quigley, God damn it. Okay. And I missed her a lot.

I missed her so much. We tried another podcast last week and it was going fine. It was going fine. Something happened. I can't say it on the show because she told me, she advised me

that if I was to air the podcast then her lawyers will be involved and her agents and when a white woman says their loyal lawyers will be involved there that their lawyers will be involved it's almost like a white woman saying, can I see your manager? You know what I'm saying? Like a white woman can say anything, but the minute they look you right in your face and say, can I see your manager? All hell is about to break loose, you know? And that's what we're trying to avoid.

We're trying to avoid situations of chaos. Of destruction. Of destruction. Yeah, I smoked a joint earlier. I can tell. Yeah. And um

We're gonna miss her. Sorry. What the fuck is going on? I just walked in. You got to give me a break. You should have told me you were on. I'm sorry. Continue.

I should call Kate. No, I ain't going to call Kate. But what I'm saying is that I should call her right there and she'll be like, what the fuck do you want? And I'll just call and just say, you're being recorded right now. Should I? No, I think you should just leave it alone. Okay.

I would say. Nada? I would say nada, but. What? Would be good. Would be entertaining. I'm going to say about it. So.

So what you're saying is we have a podcast in the can. We're never going to use it. We're never going to use it. I mean, maybe if she lets us use it or no, it's not. We should call her agents. Oh, this is what I think we should do. We should call her agents and her manager and send them a copy of it. See what they think.

There you go. And then we get the fans to hashtag, you know, release the episode or something. No, I don't want to do that. I don't want to do that. But you're saying if they were into it, airing it, you would air it? Yeah. Okay. I would love to.

I really, really, really want to air it. Because it was just so many good things that we talked about, you know? And the thing that resonated the most and as angry as, I mean, it was a great podcast, but as angry as it got, what resonated was like a friendship. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. And the whole bottom line,

it came down to that, you know, Kate was really concerned about our friendship. Right. That was more important to her. Right. I mean, it's like, I'd rather not take a chance of being on one of the dopest podcasts or any of that. You know, it's like, it's about friendship.

You know, and this is a thing that a lot of people don't understand. What friendship fucking is. Friendship is standing for your friend. Friendship is going to fucking funerals and weddings and friendship is like sharing a hot dog at a fucking barbecue. You know? Listening to

motherfucking Frankie Beverly before I let go. And you know they're going to start sliding and wobbling and wobbling soon. That's what friendship is about. And business is about making money. Fuck my friends. No, I'm just joking. It's a joke.

It's a joke. If you release that, what's the worst that can happen? The worst thing that can happen if I released it would be that I gave my friend my word that I wouldn't. You know what I'm saying? I respect that. For whatever reason it is, I really thought it was a very entertaining episode. But she doesn't, for whatever reason. But I really know it was a good episode.

Because I just remember the rhythm of it. I was happy to see her again. She came in with fucking energy. Whenever she's's on the podcast she busted open literally and figuratively speaking you know i mean but it was like but i would never like if she said she didn't want it um to be aired i would never go against her even on quarter anything like that it wouldn't make sense and so much other stuff to talk about but in the interim of that this is something that really happened that was surprised out of nowhere Javante a lot of people don't know Javante and they like who is this you got nicknames they call you cinnamon I ain't got no goddamn nickname no they called her Cinnamon Toast Crunch. They called her Poster Girl.

They was like, keep ma, yo mommy, what's up? She shouldn't, why you don't fucking put the camera on her? Tell her to put up some more posters. And it was so funny. I had no idea, like, I had no idea what was going on back there. I had no idea what was going on back there. I had no idea what was going on back there, literally and figuratively speaking. Me, considering you, my daughter,

I never would have even thought about what was back there, literally and figuratively speaking that day. But for the people that do follow the podcast, it was very interesting because it was a trying podcast for me because it was right after the death of Kobe Bryant, so everybody was stressed out. The world was stressed out. it was a trying podcast for me because it was right after the uh the death of kobe bryan so everybody was stressed out the world was stressed out i was stressed out didn't even want to do a podcast and i was in a fucking solemn mode and i'm sitting here which one is my close-up camera to the people right here furthest one yeah right and i'm sitting here and i'm looking at you motherfuckers like this.

And then the fucking poster just fell. And, you know, I'm an actor. And actors are never like, did anybody say cut? What are you fucking stopping for? Keep it going. Poster fell, and I'm already nervous. I'm like, fuck it, I don't even want to do this goddamn part because I don't even want to be here. I want to mourn right now. Poster fell and I'm already nervous. I'm like, fuck it, I don't even want to do this goddamn podcast. I don't even want to be here. I want to mourn right now.

Poster fell and then, you know his nickname is, right? No. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. He know everything. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's straight yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Anything. No, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I wanted to cut the podcast off. It's like, fuck, cut.

And I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah. We're not going, yeah, yeah, I wanted to cut the podcast off. It's like, fuck that. And I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, we're not going to do that. Just go. I was already nervous. So I'm still talking to you people who've watched it. And Javanta Roberts, associate producer,

I've been knowing her for so many years. I'll get to that. Like, you know, people just think you're pretty faced, but I know you more than that. But she got up. And when I said I didn't know what was going on back there back there and back there she stood up and the motherfucking yo the comments didn't give a fuck about nobody dying son they was like yo i'm gonna get to that helicopter shit later son but get shorty to put some more pictures

up we just need her they was like this can i come there and just somebody was like Yo, I'm going to get to that helicopter shit later, son. But get Shorty to put some more pictures up. We just need her. They was like this. Can I come near? Somebody was like, can I just come and knock pictures down? Like, this motherfucker's going to come up here like this. Yeah, put fucking Flav back up. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Don't fucking picture block. Because you would do that. You would be like, get that fucking ass out of here. What? Yeah, you would do that. You'd be like, cut that. You would. You would be like, cut that fucking ass out of here. What? Yeah, you would do that. You'd be like, cut that. You would. You would be like, cut that.

But I know everything. I know the ass got a standing shot. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But that's not what we're promoting. And that's like, and that's another thing. It was so weird because people were talking about it. There's like, why isn't she like co-hosting? Why is she more of the camera?

Because what we're doing doing what I was doing I didn't like being beautiful having a nice body didn't mean thing to me only they meant something to me was like the person I've been known for years that anytime I call I need to get draw up some documents or have a pitch idea if I have an idea as much as I procrastinate as much I'm like okay ready to do it okay we're gonna do it nah I want to you know she's always there you know for 15 years of my life and I've watched her I watch her go from I watch her go from it's not an acceptance speech nigga I didn't win nothing you just read like you were like thank you I want to thank it. It's not an acceptance speech, nigga. You didn't win nothing. You just went like, thank you.

I want to thank my mom and my dad. Without them, none of this would be possible. I'm just saying the history of a person that's been in the business for years, have done so many things in the business, from started off as a dancer to where it was some of the biggest musical acts in the world pursuing an acting career when the audition's not really popping like that. Motherfucker turned into a producer.

Motherfucker write books. Mental health books. We can talk about, we can talk, you got mental health shit too. Yeah. Not that you have mental health, like. Well, you know.

What? Yeah, I got some mental health issues. You got mental health issues? Like diagnosed mental health issues? I mean, I suffer from anxiety. Okay. You know? Okay.

All right, we're going to do, we're going to do mental health 101. Okay. For the people that may not know what anxiety means and just lump it up into this nigga crazy. Right? Mental health 101. What is anxiety, having anxiety? Well, it, for me, it takes over everything it's like that nervous feeling in your stomach when you're about

to go on six flags it feels like a continuous anxiety can you can does that apply like that feeling inside if you want to somebody i mean yeah i had i've had to you that's so that's that's a form of anxiety i just i didn't know people was with anxiety son it's bad i mean really and and a part of my discovery with doing the the documentary is that you know in our community it just wasn't a thing that we spoke about you know i'm west indian we didn't speak about that we didn't have time to to deal with our mental health and um we didn't even know in my family so is it like is it like like anxiety like oh i feel a certain way i'm gonna be all right do you like put it off yeah i put it off and i've i've learned to um use breathing exercises for anxiety yeah i've learned to deal with it so in this in an angry situation? Mm-hmm.

Okay, so if I give you, I don't want to know if this is a scene, but I give you a scene. Mm-hmm. And how would you deal with your breathing with anxiety? All right? I mean, I want to know how you would start breathing if a motherfucker came at you like this. Go. All right. Bitch, you think I'm stupid? You think right. Bitch, you think I'm stupid? You think I'm stupid?

You think I'm stupid? Fuck is you talking about? I called the club. You wasn't there, but you got pictures from the club. Another picture. Where the fuck are these old fucking Instagram pictures?

You think I'm fucking stupid? Why you not breathing? Because you're dumb as fuck. I'm what? I would... Why you not breathing? I want would... Why are you not breathing? I want to know. Why are you not breathing?

I take small breaths. Then I slow it down. Wow, motherfuckers yelling at you. You do all that shit. The only person that yells at me is you. So you've taken... I didn't even know you were practicing deep breaths i had no idea you're the only person that yells at me in my life oh so what i am to people in their lives

is that i make motherfuckers take deep breaths i didn't know that yeah yeah yeah i make you take deep deep anxiety and really remember last night you were like, yo, you fucked me up, son. And then you walked away and I was walking around like, oh, fuck, Don Hill's mad. But what did I say you fucked me up about? I have no idea. Remember I asked you and you go, what was you scared about?

I don't know. You said I fucked you up. No, you fucked me up because I had some friends that wanted to go to the show. And I asked you, could you put them on the list? Yeah, I put them on the list.

But when they got there, they weren't on the list. But I put them on the list yeah I put them on the list but when they got there you were they weren't on the list but I put them on the list but you probably did it you probably did it later no no I did it I did it well some kind of way it was a mess it was a mishap and that's why I wasn't fucking with you yeah that's fucked up though I did and then you was stressing me about coming to the show and you know I wasn't stressing you and you had a million other comics you like where are you where are you I'm like asking if you wanted the spot.

No. This is interesting shit. No, no. You weren't asking if I wanted the spot. I had the spot. You were an MC. No, no. I was asking you.

I knew you had the spot. That's why I was saying, do you want it? Are you taking it? Taking the spot. It's coming up. That's all I was saying. I was saying your spot's coming up. So am I the only person that's confused about what he's saying right now?

I don't know what he's talking about. I mean, if you're booked for a spot, why do you have to come get the spot where you're already coming to get the spot? I mean, I don't know. Did I miss something? No, it was like the lineup was happening. You were next. The guy was on stage before you. So I was texting you, hey, man, you're up in 10 minutes.

Okay, but here's the point. Because you weren't there. And this was the point I was making. As the emcee, I'm not being there. I'm going to be there. And, you know, if you got to stretch or you got to do jokes, you got to cover the time. Right? Oh, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, so it wasn't, I was going to come. And I came. Yeah, yeah. And I smoked him. Of course. But I didn't need that information. No, Sam wanted the information. That's all.

The show wanted the information. They just wanted to make sure. The show was going to end at some point. So another white man, it was another white man. It was a white man. I think he's Armenian actually. Whatever it is, they got some fire and smoke and I got their green room set. Oh yeah.

Yeah. But how did you deal with the anxiety? Right. Uh, I have a meditation course that I, I meditate every day. So my anxiety is kind of chill i just think rational thoughts like uh donnell's pride doesn't give a shit about whatever he's mad at is probably gonna go away eventually or whatever or like because usually when i'm mad it's because i'm not communicating my thoughts right right because i don't like for you and you like certain

people like you just don't want to get mad at like it's just a waste of emotion being mad is a waste of emotion true you know i'm saying it's better i feel like it's better to move past something to be frustrated with it all the time and then you know it's like especially when the same thing happens you keep wanting different results you don't get them so you're just making yourself mad you know i'm saying if you put yourself around that shit you just make yourself mad and sometimes it what I'm saying? If you put yourself around that shit, you just make yourself mad. And sometimes it's easier just to step away from that shit. Right.

You know? Right. What do you do? You have anxiety about anything? I don't even know. See, I think I'm one of them black people that don't even know

what type of mental shit I'm going through. You know what I'm saying? And I'm not being funny when I say this. Most black people don't think that there's anything wrong with them.

Nah, I'm a little fucked up right now. You know? Like my brother, when my father passed away man one of my brothers we was talking about it right and this is the brother with Georgetown law Brown University he answered the phone like I beg your pardon you know I mean like this thing like you just feel like you're gonna argue with this thing because you his diction is just so he clears throat before he says anything

and you know the person that says something to you, they be like this, and you say that to say. They looking into your soul like my vocabulary is way bigger than your shit, son. So, and he's like Ivy League school, really smart guy. And when my father passed away, I said, how you feeling? He said, I'm a little depressed, right? He said, how you feeling? He said, I'm a little depressed. Right?

He said, how about you? I was like, nah, I ain't depressed, nigga. I said, I'm a little fucked up right now. So is being a little fucked up like being depressed? Yeah. It is, right? It's the same. How did you?

How did I deal with it? Yeah. I deal with it by going to do something that I love to do. You know what I'm saying? I was like, I smoked a joint. You know what I'm saying? Not like in a needy situation, but I just wanted to be at a different state. And I was like, I went on stage. You know what I'm saying?

I was like, I got to do something. Like I can sulk or whatever, how do I turn how do I turn this awful feeling just something good and my way was to share stories of my father and memories you don't say it as sad as it was and it's inevitable for anybody it's gonna happen I was just like this I want to just focus on the good times and how do I continue that with humor for For me, I guess any mental issue, I deal with it with the stage. I got to get on stage. If I'm happy, I got to get on stage.

If I'm mad, I got to get on stage. I just got to get on stage. Could that be considered, that's therapy. Exactly. It is. And no, it is because you have something that you love, something that you have passion for, and it expresses your being. Right.

So that is therapy. Right. And a lot of, you're lucky because a lot of people don't have that. You know what I mean? And it's like a lot of people go through life searching for that, and that brings them depression because they're like, what's my value in life? Right. And you have a value. But it's, I think at the end of the day, it's like, and I'm not a psychiatrist or anything. I think it's just coping.

How do you cope? Yeah. You know what I'm saying? I think that's what make people go from one end of, I guess, normal anxiety or whatever, to like just could flip how you cope with this shit. Some people can't cope with shit. No. That's why

motherfuckers kill themselves. But I think you found a way through your comedy to get over this. So do you feel like you've are you still suffering from the effects of your dad's death? No. I don't really suffer from too much

of anything. I just get past it figure out a way to get around it. I don't think I'm suffering. It's just moments that I have thinking about him where I'm really happy, then certain moments when I'm sad. You know what I mean? Especially, like, as Austin grows older, you know what I'm saying, not being able to have that story of, you know what I'm saying,

like, you know, Austin about to graduate from, I know niggas like, I'm like, Austin about to graduate from kindergarten. Niggas look at me like, nigga, my son about to graduate from I know niggas like I'm like also about to graduate from kindergarten niggas Like look at me like think about somebody graduate from med school Fuck was you waiting for? All as old dead dino dead ass motherfucker It is what it is I know I'm dino dead, but knowing what you know now would you how you going to implement this in Austin's life? What you mean?

In regards to mental health and the education. I don't know. I mean, I'll just... Shit, I'll teach him the way I knew. Shake that shit off. Go harder, son. Fuck that. I'm old school, nigga.

Stop crying. Right? Yo, fuck that. That's. I'm old school, nigga. Stop crying. Right? Yo, fuck that. That's how I deal with mental issues. Like, what are you going to do to talk to us? Stop crying, nigga. You better stop crying. You want Paw Patrol?

That's how I deal with it with them. I'm an old dad. We ain't got time to be doing all that. We just like, yeah, nigga, lollipop. Shut the fuck up, bruh. I'm old old dad, we ain't got time to be doing all that. We just like, here nigga, lollipop, shut the fuck up, bruh. I'm old nigga, stop jumping on my stomach. Yo, I don't know how old you think I am, man, but this dude be jumping on me like,

whee! Daddy, ha ha, whee! Yeah, but that's the time when I think about my dad, like him not being able to have those memories with him and stuff. That kind of makes me upset. But then I think about some of the things that he said to me, and it's like, it's not easy for me, but I just have an understanding. I don't know.

Can you have, can a person have an understanding of death? Yes, absolutely. You know what I'm saying? an understanding of death? Yes, absolutely. You know what I'm saying? An understanding of it. White people have more of an understanding of death than black people, I think. I agree. And I don't want to make this all black or white or whatever.

They have a better understanding. I don't never see them crying and no shit. Never. What do you mean? Never. The only thing I've seen I've seen a motherfucker like not a motherfucker bitch I mean a woman Queen mascara what's the shit right here mascara I said yeah I like I said do a couple of

these right but not no straight out not no fall out Holy Ghost joy yeah I don't think I've even really dealt with death my grandparents were alive most of my life and recently lost a couple friends you know what I know how you would deal with death if you even someone you heard someone came up to you it's like did you know Michael yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah I know you're dying yeah yeah we're yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I know you're dying. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're all dying.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. But I don't know, like. Brody's death hit me really hard. Yeah, you were close to Brody. And I loved him as a comic. Right. I fucked with that dude so hard as a comic.

Right. And anyone that would say. It fucked with me. It fucked me up, too. Oh, my God. It was brutal. It fucked me up because, like, that's when we did the episode uh tears of a clown that song resonates to me so much especially being a comedian it's so true people

say i'm the life of the party because i tell a joke or two but take a good look in my face and for the most part that's what most comedians are And then because we found out how Brody left us, that song is even stronger. Yeah. Because it's easy for us to put on a face, but on the inside, motherfucker be crying and hurting like shit. And I think that that's, and nowadays, there's so many ways for motherfuckers to try to hurt your feelings.

You know what I'm saying? Yeah, and he was so sensitive and always on the internet. Yo, let me tell you something. Let me tell you something. This is the realest shit I would say, Brody. Man, come on, man. Yo, you asking for it, son.

To fucking enter a world where people have no filters yeah like that's what the social media world is it's like anybody and everybody think they're a comedian they think they're a roaster they think they're a fucking critic they think and what they don't understand for the most part um we are content providers only want to do is present content. Yeah. The way we feel it to be,

the way we think, and motherfuckers act like they fucking like, you about to try to get parole and shit. I don't think you should. You better not. And you know, the funniest part to me is when motherfuckers troll, because I am a sensitive person,

when motherfuckers troll, when they do the time code. Like, I know you're paying attention to this podcast. Yo, nigga, you trying to act like you're not listening to it? When you're like at 1732, it was cringe. These are words. That's the ultimate troll. Yo, yo, yo, these are the words.

Boss troll. Yeah, like cringe, like in in the streets don't mean shit. Right. Cringe in the tweets will fuck a nigga up. Right. Yo, you'll be fucked up. Yo, I'm telling you words that wouldn't mean anything to me in the hood. Like, go to the Brooklyn and be like this, unlistenable.

They be like, this nigga gay, son. Yo, unwatchable, cringe, brain cells. And I'm like this. I'm like this, man. I'm telling you, everybody say don't read the comments. But it's hard not to. But I think I might stop fucking reading the comments. We'll have your ass dealing with mental health.

Absolutely. Narcissistic. Okay. Am I? I've been accused of being that. Definition. Pull up the right one. White person definition.

And I want to see if I am this. Okay. You want to do it in a white voice? A disorder in which a person has an inflated sense of self-importance. Inflated

sense. Wait a minute. First off. Of self-importance. Okay. I heard the inflated part, motherfucker. What is it inflated sense wait a minute first off okay I heard the inflated part motherfucker what is it inflated by inflated okay inflate it like they think too much of themselves yeah oh I'm 100% I don't know can you own it yeah you can own it so when does it become destructive? When it's a narcissistic disorder. Oh, so me being narcissistic, that has nothing to do with me having a disorder about it. Right. So that would be a character trait that would drive a comedian or an actor or anybody, right?

Yeah. Basically, it's like you feel like you the shit. Yeah, rumor has it. You feel like you the shit. Rumor has it. No, not rumor has it that that's what drives you. Oh, see, I'm narcissistic. You said rumor. I thought it was about you. I was like, rumor has it, nigga. No, ain't no rumor has it, You feel like rumor has it. No, not rumor has it. Oh, see, I'm narcissistic. You said rumor.

I was like, rumor has it, nigga. No, ain't no rumor has it, motherfucker. I am this shit. No, I think a lot of people would say that actors, comedians, entertainers, you know, are served by their narcissistic tendencies. So when does it, when is it, if that's a disorder of yours, when does it affect other people? That's a good question. I know it's a good question. You don't gotta, you don't, you don't have to, no, I mean, you're trying to buy time. Yeah. You don't have to say that's a good question. I just gave you the question. I'm just trying to stall. So you don't have an answer

for it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, that is a good question to be posed. When is it? What's the line between just having a narcissistic trait to having a disorder? I think that is a good question. I don't know, but I might be. But I think you suffer from that. I think the disorder may be in the eye of the beholder. I think you're on the cusp.

I think you're definitely on the cusp. The disorder is in the eye of the beholder i think you're on the cusp i think you're definitely on the cusp the disorder is in the eye of the beholder is that it yeah yeah that's what it is you think i'm crazy bitch i ain't crazy you crazy bitch we both crazy why we can't be crazy together that is so funny but um you have something to say yeah i was gonna say that i think that's um it's interesting like have you ever dealt with people that are hard to deal with in entertainment but you know because a lot of successful people have a certain way but i've learned i've learned how just to deal with it right you know i'm saying like like like I look at it like this and instead of me saying fuck somebody. Mm-hmm I could say

This is what I fuck with them with right You know I'm saying like if I know your skill set is stronger in one area and not in the other lacking another one I'm not gonna fuck with you in the area. That's lacking. I'm a fuck with you area that you winning it Right, you know I'm saying like out out. I'll figure out a way to work with almost any situation. I think you're very forgiving in that way. Because there have been times where you were like, fuck that. But then I see the same person, and you are. You're so forgiving.

And not a lot of people have that trait. That's why I try to do another podcast again quickly. Yeah, this is the perfect example. But no, not forgiving, but just like, yo, okay, not forgiving, but i'll say this like you breathe in pattern yeah you know i'm saying like this like because i know her heart is pure i know her heart is good you know i'm saying like no i know she's a good person i know she wants the best for herself and everybody around her and sometimes people you know you can't dismiss friendship but sometimes people go so hard with the friendship you know i'm saying that's cool and it's respected because we all need them but

sometimes you'd be like just okay fuck it what are we doing you know i'm saying like i think that's a level of maturity too where you could still build and grow with somebody you ain't got to necessarily love the motherfucker yeah you know, what's good for you? That's what me with doing, being in entertainment for over 25 years, that's what I learned. Like when I first started, man, I was such a hothead.

Everything was like, fuck it then. Watch, I'm gonna show them, fuck it, fuck it. I know I probably wasted three years of my career, not wasted, but stagnated my growth for three years just because I don't fuck with them niggas. You know what I'm saying? I don't fuck with them niggas because it costs you a lot of time and a lot of money. You know what you mean? What's wrong with them?

I just don't fuck with them. You know what I mean? What's the reason? Then the reason it's so petty, then you're like, really? But that's just a part of growing too. You know what I'm saying? It's like you look back then you're like, really? But that's just a part of growing too. You know what I'm saying? It's like you look back and you're like, God damn. If I would have fucked him, I could have positioned myself for this.

I could have positioned myself for a lot of things. Then you go through the period where you're like, okay, now you get it. You know? Now you get like, I want to love you, to work with you. You know, now you get like, I want to love you to work with you, you know. And then you get to a point where you just know everybody in your circle, in your camp, that you got to just connect the dots. You know, you know, I think you get to a point in your career and I think that's what's happening with me right now. I've been doing it so long and so respected and this is not me being narcissistic it's the truth nobody can't deny that you know what i'm saying it's not

if i'm cocky about one thing i'm talking about me as a stand-up comic that's one thing that i'll be like whatever you were acting whatever juggling no but comedy you know but now after all the time and after i'm talking about years of like i don't know if i've had a year where i wasn't nice you know i mean like some people's career they go then it's in the skyckets then they teeter off and in regard to creativity and all that and you're like what happened to him i think i've been on a continuous chase yeah you know like i've been going hard for a long time a long motherfucking time you go high. But now this feels like with this podcast, with the people in my life, with my son, with everything, it just feels like it's easy now. It's like connecting the dots.

It feels like a puzzle coming together. Puzzle, you got to get the outside first. You know what I'm saying? Is there anything you would say to your younger self knowing what you know now if you had a if you can go back in time what advice would you give your younger self um be forgiving a lot faster you know i'm saying be forgiving a lot faster you know grudges you know grudges like grudges that make you not see things you like somebody might have an opportunity for you because because you still got a grudge they don't want to communicate with you so you you lose that opportunity you know that would be one of the things that i would

would say you know don't hold grudges you know because i don't think i've done anything to derail my career it's just that people get their shit at different times. People always come up to me, man, I don't know how so-and-so got on. You should have. And I'd be like, man, don't even. It is what it is. You know what I'm saying?

It's going to happen when it's happening. The race is long as shit. Tortoise and Hare. I've been saying I've been in Tortoise since I first started. You know, and you're just keeping the pace going. shit tortoise and hare i've been saying i've been in tortoise since i first started you know and it's just you keep it you just keeping the pace going but the beauty and the dopest about this and there's a comedian i don't even know what her health is like or anything just june she was in the marine corps she was like in this down like in the south she's like a legend I'll google you

she's just funny and I was rolling with her early on in my career early on in my career I'm talking about probably 8 or 9 months into it and she said Donnell what's your what's your dream and I said my dream is to have a

I started naming all this shit then she said do you know you already live in a dream? She said, you live in a dream. You wake up when you want. You control your own hours. You control everything. You are your own business.

And you make a living doing it. That's the minimum you can get out of being a comedian. That's the minimum you can get out of being a comedian that's the minimum you can get out of any job you know what I'm saying and to be quite honest to be able to fucking tell jokes

and make a living man sometimes I'm on flights right I might go do a show overseas I was like so these niggas ain't got no funny niggas in the UK I would be mad as shit if motherfucking flew motherfuckers into my club I'm like nigga we funny right here but it's always amazing knowing that the reason I am on that flight even going

here is because of what I do even some of the situations I've been in is because of what i do even some of the situations i've been in is because of what i do some of the people that i meet i'm like how the how the did i get here do you have any regrets or any bridges that you've burned that you wish you hadn't no i don't really burn bridges people be up with me somebody probably put in the comments yeah you burnt that bridge but i don't think i've burnt any bridges i one thing i've been able to do is continue good relationships most of the work that i get is never like i'm not a really good auditioner it's usually like oh i worked with him on this project. Let's bring him back in. You know what I mean? My relationship I have with Kevin Smith is part of that. I came on one project.

I kept in touch with him. And, you know, not just like, can you get any work? But like, hey, how you doing? Thought about you. That went on to something. But most of my stuff is like just the relationships that I continue. You know, but I don't can't remember last time i went to an audition room and just left there like called my agent like yo we got this a lot

of times i've been like this yeah man so i got some shows this weekend right fuck this acting shit i'm gonna make these people laugh man, man. I never auditioned for it. What's it like to audition for something? It's nerve-wracking. It's nerve-wracking? It's nerve-wracking. You have some people that are really good auditioners. But what's the process?

What do you do? The process is you go, Royale Watkins used to tell me, you go make-believe. That could never resonate with me. It's like make-believe. The process is you get these words they give you in advance

they give you these words in advance and they say study sometimes you get the whole script right but usually they'll give you the side size is just a piece of the script that the directors or casting people just you're going to just do this your part yeah yeah okay so you you know you get your size you you get studies. Usually you get a notice the day before, a couple days. Sometimes it's like, come read now. I bombed on all of them joints. And you go up there and you slate your name first. They say slate how tall you are, what role, and what agency.

So they just slate your name just as, hey, I'm Donnell Rawlings. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm reading for. Yeah. Yeah, Donnell. Yeah, the slate is, you don't say that. They know it. When you go in the room, they know it.

But you just slate yourself because they look at people all day. And then you go up there and you do make-believe. I remember the first time I went on an audition, I didn't know shit. I was so happy. I didn't know shit about an audition. I was just like, I'm going to audition. I knew I wasn't

going to get it. I'm talking about if I get this I can't remember. I can't remember what it was. I can't remember but I do remember this bitch shitted on me. Yo, they put me with a Juilliard bitch right like

Yo, they say y'all go going together I'm like I don't know this bitch man she went in there she was an asshole and I know she was trying to fuck with me cause yo I was doing my shit like this and then we went to the

store I was looking down at the paper it was awful and she was off book off book mean you don't use this paper right and she she tried to act like she was on book and then it was something she like just and then i and she threw the paper all up in the air yo she threw the paper up in the air that shit fell on my face and that motherfucker said get the fuck out of here yo i remember one time i did an audition it was for some play shit. Damn, what was it?

I don't remember, but I remember the situation. It was them like, it was them muffins behind the desk like them Billy Porter niggas. It was, yo, I'm just saying. Like work, yas, slay, and action. You know. Yo, I was telling you, I was like, yo, I said, they said, okay, that's good. I said, they said, that's good.

I was like, does that mean that good? Like, you want me to do it again? This dude, he literally said, no, that's as we've seen enough. Yo, he did his neck like this. He said, we've seen enough. He said, we're good. I was, like, embarrassed. It was awful.

And then, I'm going to tell you, my process was, I was like, you stink. I'm in my first agency. She said, first thing I do is learn how to act like an actor. You know what I'm saying? What does that mean? It means, like, if you you fuck up say you fuck up you like amateur like fuck i fucked up god damn can i um you know some simple shit like i'm sorry can we go again you know i'm saying they'd be like okay you was a little fucked up bring it back you know

what i mean it's just the way you carry yourself with the slating, with everything, you know, because they can tell a green motherfucker right out the gate. So the first thing, the weird thing was the first thing I said to myself, I was like, nigga, you ain't an actor. You better learn how to act like an actor. And I used to go into auditions and knew I wasn't getting it. But I was like, I bet I acted like an actor though I was like this I know I ain't get that shit but I know I know I acted like an actor it wasn't enough and I used to get discouraged because I used to like my people used to send me out on auditions and this is what used to throw me off too and this is part of being an

actor like I would go places I remember one time i want to audition with something on mtv and and the description was buff they said buff hunk like buff hunk stud all of these words and i'm looking at this shit like am i in the right motherfucking room look i was i'm like um i heard some ding ding what is that i think whatever is on the bluetooth yeah okay look at that angle on your hair the angle on it's all right no it looks like you have hair this is the first time i have ever no i swear to god look if you look the shadow from the headphones look like you have hair right there oh my god right there doesn't't it like he has like the Wayne Brady like But I remember the first time I started um, was like, you got to act like an actor.

And I was going to this audition. The description was hunk, buff, all this shit. And I'm going to call my man. He's like, yo, why the fuck y'all? I don't even know hunk. I ain't buff. But then I was, you know, sometimes I took myself out of the game. But then later on I realized, they don't,

sometimes they don't know what they want. And at the end of the day day you got to get an opportunity even if like and sometimes sometimes things happen and it was just because you made them switch it up you know I'm saying they'd be like we want this guy we want the guy then you go in there and fuck it up they like wait a minute and even if you don't go get that you might get something else so my process was um i was shitty i said i want to learn how to be an actor or act like an actor right and then i then i was like okay now i got a i gotta get something

i remember the first thing that i got it was uh it was for law and order and this is the funny thing the funny thing about like showing them something else I went out I auditioned for this role as this uh as a janitor security guard something one of them little one of them little day joints and um I went for this role and my agent called me she was like yo kiddo you, kiddo, you booked it. I think this was like my third time. She was like, yo, kiddo, any agent, they love calling a client and say they booked something. They love that. They get their nut off. They be like, yeah, nigga, about to get this 10% right now.

You know what I'm saying? Right? And she was like, and Rebecca. She said, hey, kiddo, you booked. I was like, what? And you got to realize, I didn't have no training. I was from the hood. Never took a class or anything.

I don't even know how I got to the position to even get an audition. But that's what it was, right? And I was like, Law & Order. And I'm from the Def Jam circuit. Niggas ain't doing a lot of crossover acting. Like, it was a big deal. But in New York, they say, you're not an actor unless you've been on law and order because there's so many roles but for me being from bt comedy deaf comedy jam i'm like i'm about to be on law and order

i'm like yeah i'm about to be on law and order and i was like oh shit that role for the uh the security guy she was like oh yeah um oh um you didn't get that role but they liked you for something else and i'm like what is it she said uh uh african cab driver right i'm like bitch where i look like i'm from bitch like right she said african she's an african cab driver right so immediately i'm like i can't have this voice I gotta get an African voice so I said to her I was like oh shit I work on an African accent and she said

nah kiddo don't ever do that do whatever you did in the audition don't ever do that right so I was like this don't sound right right so I get on set Arthur Formey he was director he still directs on it he's a a legend in the TV world. So I walked up. I'm already

nervous, right? Bitch, this is how long ago this was. Benjamin Bratt was in it, Jerry Orbach. It was insane. And I'm walking on set and on long notice, everybody on that bitch looked like a police. They looked like undercover. Like the grip niggas putting the fucking doritos in the bowl

they all look like snitches right so i'm looking nervous as shit i'm still living in brownsville now arthur for me came up to me first he said he said hey hey donnell nice to meet you i said nice to meet you i was like thank you and the first thing he said to me was can you do like a french west african west indian accent that's the first thing he said to me first thing he said to me was, can you do like a French, African, West Indian accent? That's the first thing he said to me. First thing he said to me. And I didn't even, you know what he said that, you know what I said?

It was this one. And she was bleeding from her leg. She get out without her purse, I call her back, and there was a gun in it. There was a gun in it? Yeah and there was a gun in it. There was a gun in it? Yeah, there was a gun in it. Nigga, I did that, and he looked at me like this. And I was like, even though she told me one thing, I had it prepared.

I was like, nah, this is not going to work like that. And I did it, man, and that was the first. And the fucked up thing about it is another thing. It's hard to tell people. Unless you know for for sure unless you got like a starring role in something the worst thing to do is tell somebody you're going to do something too soon but i was excited because my family hadn't seen me do anything on television so man they was having law and order parties they was having law and order parties everywhere, son. Niggas was like this, yo, nigga, we about to get dated for this law and order party. My nigga, that nigga acting Denzel-ass, nigga. They calling me Denzel, right?

And what happened, this shit hurt my feelings, man. I got people in the crib weeping like this. Boom, boom, boom. You know, like, boom. You know, what is that noise? The boom. You know like, boom, you know what's that noise? The, boom, what's that? They did it on Chappelle, that noise, that's a transition noise.

You a producer, nigga. Yeah, doom, doom, doom. What else? That's the start of it, nigga! The, when they be like, okay, whatever, whatever. We gon' find that sound. That sound.

Yeah, that's it. That's it. Right? We just used that one. That one's good. So I'm waiting. No, listen. Let me fucking tell a story, man.

Yo, so I'm up there. We got popcorn and shit. Nigga's got motherfucking white Hennessy. And we watching the show. and I'm watching the show, and I'll just keep watching it. And people started to look at me like, I keep watching it. I watched it all the way to the credits. Yo, you can't tell nobody.

But the funny thing is, the fucked up thing it was, it was an episode. J.B. Smooth was in another episode. So they was like, oh, nigga, what happened? You lost weight, nigga? It didn't look. And then it was like, well, at least we got to see J.B. Smooth. I never. In fact, when I finally got the air date for it, I didn't even tell anybody.

Oh, damn. I never. I was like, nah. I tell people all the time. I was like nah i don't i tell i tell people all the time i was like people could start going through the audition process somebody told me this when you do audition you do your shit and you just forget about this shit you got to forget about it because you'll you'll you'll go crazy you'll go crazy wondering when somebody's gonna say uh you're good enough for them that's why I'm so excited right now

in this part of my life because I know I'm gonna start creating all my shit. I go out on so many auditions and I'm like, damn, they ain't pick me for that wacky ass shit. Don't make no sense. That's one thing I noticed that has changed about the industry that and it's a lot of people may not agree with me with this but with the being a lot of gatekeepers there's so many other

routes you could take now yeah so many other routes like it used to be like you could take out the routes but you wouldn't get the money from you know like yeah you know I mean yo he was you wouldn't get the money from it. You're like, yeah. You know what I mean? Yo, he was playing in the NFL, but then he went to CFL, but eh, you know what I mean? But there's so many different, the only thing that can,

I really believe the only thing that could stop someone now is themselves. That's the only thing. How much work you wanna put in? How much work you wanna put in? Because whether people know it or not, whether you know it or not, are no more fucking excuses excuses are done and i know this because four months ago i did i went to atlanta and i did um wilding out not trying to relive my youth but

they had a wilding out old school versus the new school right because i knew i was like i passed that that part and and the reason i said there's no excuses because i get the car picks me up at the hotel and then i forget what street it is but long story short and the short story is gonna get longer is this ty it's Tyler Perry Studios. Yeah, how's that? It's Tyler Perry. How's that? Yo, this nigga got like a whole like city. Did you see the White House one?

I didn't see the White House. But this, yo, I'm telling you. And like this one, I was like, and I was, it was so, it was, it just, it made me, and I don't never do this because I'm too gangster. It made me go like this. You know what I mean? I said, I was like, it's like, not just the size of it. Not just that it's new. Not that it's more staged.

It's like five Hollywood production houses in one not that it uh has its own white house but a in a dress i know that's right yo i know the streets i know the streets were like yeah they put you in a dress and ruin your career. I was like, this Madea dress is rich, bitch. I'm telling you. But then, I mean, that's the funny side of it. But I'm like, this is a guy that came from nothing, that used to live in this, sleep in this car, built this. And people are like, why does he keep doing these movies whatever and I know that's probably a

Brand that he'll never be able to get rid of completely because he made his fortune his name off of that Of course Tyler Perry is bigger than that He's doing other things but some people can't get with can't remove himself from the image of him in the dress But he was a tough-ass dress nigga Yo, I'll tell you what if I live I'm Madea, I wouldn't be talking shit to Madea, son. Them big ass, but you know, that was his baby and he turned it into something dope. And then I looked at that, and then when I was in there, I was like, look at this shit.

Nick Cannon production, black production, driving into the black studio to give some more black people jobs. It was some white people got jobs, but I really get excited when I see, no disrespect, black people with jobs. In Atlanta, you always gonna see

black people jobs, because they never black people down there. I'm like, where these niggas get all these jobs? I'm like, where they get all these niggas? They all down there. They down there,'m like where these get all these jobs i'm like where they get all these they all down there they down there all flavored shapes this is y'all's is there y'all's is yas yas yas central yes every time i turn around billy billy billy billy billy i thought it was Billy. But it was so dope. It was so dope seeing that. It was so dope, man. It was really good to see that. And the studios was new.

Just seeing these builders named after some power black people in the business. And it just was fucking awesome. And I ripped that shit. I didn't rip it. Them youngins did not want to laugh at none of my shit. They was looking at me like this, zzz. Yo, someone's dad's trying to be funny. I started with a freestyle.

I'm ending with another. This is for my sister, my uncle, and I can't forget my brother. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's sitting to my right, Javante's a little late, but it's okay because once she rock with me, we gonna eliminate that hate. The candle is burning right in front of my face.

This show ain't about sex. It ain't about sex reality. And it ain't about race. It's about a nigga that get up here and say what he want to say. How he want to say it. When he want to say it. Turn my shit up.

I guess what I'm trying to say at the end of this show. It's about 1030 and I got to go. Kate Quigley is out here doing her own thing but I was a little fucked up and then the doorbell rang and what walked in was a Nubian goddess

I like it for her brain but some people say she's the hottest the Donnell Rawlings show people say she's the hottest. The Donnell Rawlings show live in your face. Fuck y'all bitch ass niggas, you'll never take my place, nigga. Thank you.