Donnell - Tears Of A Clown

Episode Date: January 29, 2020

On the heels of the tragic death of Kobe Bryant, his daughter and his friends, Donnell addresses the disrespectful attempt of a comedian, Ari Shaffer, to gain clout at the expense of a mourning world. Sincere, heartfelt and honest, Donnell Rawlings touches on family and the meaning of fatherhood, showing his range and bridging the gap of comedy and tragedy. A joke could be too soon, but it could never be too soon for a funny observation. Special thanks to @joerogan, @rza, @jivantaroberts, @mfdaviddeery, @hollywoodimprov Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You know, it's interesting that you say that because I had to continue to do shows, do radio interviews and stuff. And the thing that people kept saying was, he was so young. He was so young. And he was young. But I don't believe that we're all going to live to be 80, 90, 100. You know? Only thing we all guarantee when we're born we have our born date

we have that dash in the middle and then we have the end and it comes down to what the fuck do you do with your dash how hard did you live, what did you go for what inspired you what motivated you, what did you do with that dash? People say I'm the life of the party cause I tell a joke or two

Hot, hot, hot Dun dun dun dun Dun dun dun dun Dun dun dun dun Dun dun dun dun Dun dun dun dun Dun dun dun dun Dun dun dun dun Dun dun dun dun Dun dun dun dun

Dun dun dun dun Dun dun dun dun Dun dun dun dun Dun dun dun dun Dun dun dun dun Dun dun dun dun Guys, I know there's always a lot of, like, hate, pain in the world. There's always a bunch of terrible stories. And every once in a while, there's a good story. A good story comes out. A guy who got away with rape got his today. Kobe Bryant is a god. I'm here in Charlotte, the home of the team that originally drafted him. Maybe he wouldn't have raped that chicken ever if he had stayed in Charlotte with the Hornets.

But anyway, the point is, dude, it's like... Guys, I know there's always a lot of, like, hate and pain in the world. There's always a bunch of terrible stories. And every once in a while, there's a good story. A good story comes out. A guy who got away with rape got his today. Kobe Bryant is a god. I'm here. If you, no, you don't got to cut, let it roll. Just fix it. Cut what? Yeah, fix it. If you just listen to that,

or if you've already heard that commentary from a comedian by the name of Ari Shafir. Am I pronouncing his name right? I don't know too much about Ari Shafir other than I've seen his I've seen his handle come up on on my

Twitter page. I understand he had a show on Comedy Central a while back. Didn't he have a show on Comedy Central? What was the name of the show? Oh, yeah, Storytelling Show. He's had an opportunity, and for the most part, he's done well for himself as a stand-up comic.

And I also understand that we say comedians are quick to say, in the defense of anything, I'm a comedian. I'm a comedian. Oh, I should be able to say whatever I want to say. I'm a comedian. And I understand that. And that's what makes some of the best comedians the best comedians because they're unedited, because they say what's from their heart and what's from their mind.

They don't conform to what everybody wants. But the thing that fucked me up about when you say I'm a comedian and you want to get away with saying certain things or you want to say certain things is the shit ain't funny. The shit ain't funny. This shit ain't funny. Like, the number one thing a comedian wants to do, of course, if you're lucky enough to make people think, that's one thing.

If you're lucky enough to motivate people, that's another thing. If you're lucky enough to inspire people, that's one thing. But be funny. Be funny. And this is not even a direct, well, it is a direct. I'm speaking directly to, I'll get to Ari,

but just the culture of comedy. Be funny. Everybody has, we have all these different platforms where people get to hear our voices. We get to say what we want. We can get an immediate reaction. But some people are abusing it and not using the platform for what I think the intent was as a comic is to be funny.

Everybody want to beef. I talked about this in the last episode beef, beef, and I also said it's not even real beef, it's plant based it's beef that you plant to start something, to get an audience to engage in you and want to hear you, but then when they come to hear you you ain't saying shit

you not funny, every time I turn the new wave now with um all these sit down interviews and people doing podcasts is so and so said this about you how do you respond expose respond roast and nobody being funny. Motherfuckers don't want to be funny. What happened to the art of being funny? And there's some people that I respect. I'll give an example, Monique. Monique's a good friend of mine. I seen Monique come up.

I love her. I seen Monique go from having a comedy night at this restaurant in Baltimore the night got so big that she changed it into weekend and at some point she got the lease to the place and it was a

black comedy club and I seen her come up from that I seen her come up from being in bad relationships you know struggling to raise her kids to making herself And I've seen her come up from that. I've seen her come up from being in bad relationships, you know, struggling to raise her kids, to making herself a force in comedy and name. And as Monique was going out and doing these interviews, and a lot of it was about the Tyler Perry stuff,

the Oprah Winfrey stuff, and Monique has a right to have her opinion, be of her own opinion, but the only thing that was missing for me when she went out was it wasn't being funny. You know what I mean? The interviews

weren't funny. I do understand that she felt that Netflix disrespected her with the offer they made her. But even with, I just believe with anything you do, you could still have a funny undertone of it. You could still remind people of what you do. You know what I'm saying? We can be mad all we want.

We can voice our opinion all we want. But ultimately, people want you to be funny. And Ari Shaffir, am I saying his name right? Yes. That's Jewish? Yeah, definitely. Damn, he might get away with it. He's Jewish,

he might get away with everything you just said. I forget, Drew Tanclan ain't nothing to fuck with. My thing with it, it was a- It's nothing new. I mean, just to, you know,

I know Ari pretty well. Yeah, you know him pretty well. It's nothing new. I mean, it's just kind of what I know Ari pretty well. Yeah, you know him pretty well. It's nothing new. I mean, it's just kind of what he does. I can't explain it. I don't even, like, I can't even talk on it. I mean, I just see it. I know it's what he does.

I know it's what he does. I've heard it's what he does. Yeah. And for you to explain to me that it's what he does, he's been doing it for a long time, and it finally came to a point where, you know, for a motherfucker to tell jokes like that, they got to have guts, they got to have balls, and they're just riding on when is it going to come to the end.

They push it every time. Everybody pushes something to a limit. I understand you saying that's his style, that's what he does, but even with that said, eventually that style is going to catch up with him, and I think in a case with this, when you're talking about the death of someone, you know, people are going to draw the line. And I understand that he does this when people pass away, whatever. But what a motherfucker don't understand is with death, a lot of things go along with it. Somebody lost a father.

Somebody lost a brother. Somebody lost a father. Somebody lost a brother. Somebody lost a dependent. The world lost what they consider to be a great athlete. As much as he said he got away with rape, but was he convicted of anything? No. Were you there, Ari?

Were you there? Do you know the circumstances? Do you know that there are, and I'm not to say the case with this there are some ratchet bitches out here that will put you in a position to try to get money none of that was none of that came out none of that was clear so you're basing basically you're basing on on hearsay and somebody lost a motherfucking father you know and Kobe Bryant is not the only person that passed away in that motherfucking

helicopter bruh Kobe Bryant didn't walk across the street get hit by a motherfucking car a fucking helicopter didn't fly and just land on him and just kill kobe for whatever your feelings are you don't have no empathy or anything for for nothing a kid man two kids two other families the pilot that we don't hear too much about it you know the unfortunate situation when something like this happens with a celebrity, the headlines and everything goes to the person. You know what I mean?

That's unfortunate. That's just how it is. But I've noticed that celebrities have, making sure they, you know, send their blessings out to everybody that was involved in the helicopter. But Ari, man, like, I'm just trying to figure out where the fuck is the funny where's the funny like it's a dark time this is the toughest time

this right here is the toughest time for a comedian this is when the men are separated from the boys in situations like this for the most part if you're in a comedy club and the crowd is rocking, everybody doing good, everybody's in a good mood, somebody's celebrating their birthday,

anything like that, it's probably the best time. Everybody wants to stay on stage then. But in moments like this, this is when our job is one of the toughest jobs to do and it's the most needed. I performed the day of the death of Kobe Bryant. And I did two shows. I did one show and the show was solid.

It was funny. I enjoyed it. It was good. But I just felt like there was an elephant in the room. You know, I just felt like as a person that just speaks on pop culture, as a person that speaks on topics and stuff like that, I just felt like as a person that just speaks on pop culture,

as a person that speaks on topics and stuff like that, I just felt like something was missing, not to address it, but I'm saying to myself, I'm a comedian. And then anything you say, people are going to be like, oh, and I'm a promoter of too soon. That's my whole brand. That's my whole brand, too soon. And I say a joke, in some cases a joke can be Tucson,

but it never can be Tucson for a funny observation. And when I went on stage, I said, this is the toughest job, I said, because we got to be funny even when we don't feel it. You can't hide your emotions. I said, the Kobe Bryant shit has got me fucked up. And I know people is like, okay, where is he going to go with this? And I didn't have a place to go with it in regard to a joke. Because when I first started getting the news of it, I didn't believe it.

I did not believe it. I was coming from the airport. I was on Instagram. And the story flashed. Kobe Bryant dead. TMZ. And I know this sounds crazy. I laughed.

I laughed. I was like, these niggas don't give a fuck. They'll do whatever. Yo, I was like this. They'll do whatever. I was like, these Shafari, what's that nigga name? Shafir. Shafir niggas.

I mean, I was like, these Shafiri motherfuckers. I was like, who does that like and who this is what i said to myself who does that and who does that to kobe bryan i know there's probably a couple people out there that don't wish good things about kobe bryan don't wish bad things on him but i don't know too many people out there wish he was dead and when I saw it I was like this is bullshit man first thing I did was I googled it and then the only thing that came up only thing that came up was TMZ and I was like there is no way Kobe Bryant could be dead and only one news outlet is reporting it I was like like, this is bullshit. And then I was like, ah, fuck out of here.

Then I Googled it. I went on TMZ page, and I saw it, and I clicked on it, and then it said technical difficulties or whatever. It wouldn't go to another page. I was like, goddamn, the motherfucking Russians, son. I was like, somebody did. I was like, yo, I was like, I said to myself, that is the dopest hack you could hack. Facts.

I was like, these motherfucking, these motherfucking Iranian motherfuckers is going hard. I thought, yo, I thought the Iranian niggas hacked TMZ. I was like, Harvey going to be mad as shit. I was like, if they could hack TMZ, they could fucking hack anything. I wasn't thinking about death at all. I wasn't thinking about it at all, right? And then I said to myself, wait a minute. If one thing TMZ get right, it's death.

If TMZ say you dead, you're dead. And then it started popping up. It started popping up everywhere. And I just got, I just got numb. I just was numb. I didn't know what to say.

I was like, what? And then I'm like, am I this concerned? Because he was a well-known athlete. Am I this concerned because he was rich? You know, am I this concerned because he lived a dope life? And I realized what my concern was and what hurt me the most was as a dad. That fucked me up. Because you put yourself, when stuff like that happens, you put yourself in that place.

You put yourself in the place of the kid, the father. You put yourself in that place. And I put myself in that place. And I was like, that's fucked up. That shit instantly made me want to love my son more and more that instantly made me want to try to live the best life that I can

it didn't make me want to stop smoking weed that will never happen no it could happen but it put me in that and I was concerned smoking weed. That would never happen. No, no, it could happen. But it put me in that, it put me in that, and I was concerned, and I care about anybody,

not anybody, but, you know, him losing his life. But I was like, damn, man. And it hit me hard. And when I came home, I hadn't been home in five days.

When I came home, the first thing I said, first thing I saw Austin, he said, Daddy! You know, he said, Daddy! You know? He said, he said it like, this is the most exciting thing that's going to happen today.

You know, like he said it, he said it, Daddy! He hung on to the E at the end. He hung on to the E at the end he hung on to the E you know they don't get down he said D and I was like Austin I hug this little nigga so much I know he thought I was gay I swear

I know cause he usually get a regular hug but this time I just not want to let him go I did not want to let him go and I talked about it and I did not want to let him go right and I said to myself you know

and I've said this on other podcasts before I said this before I said on Joe Rogan's podcast. And life is three parts. When you're born, the time in the middle, the dash, and then the end. We're going to get a dash. And what are you doing with your dash? I started wanting to start a campaign, do your dash And what are you doing with your dash? I started wanting to start a campaign, do your dash.

What are you doing with your dash? And as much as people always get caught up on the youthfulness of somebody, they were so young. They were so young. Kobe was only 41. But he was 41 Kobe years. That was like dog years. I'll take a 41 Kobe year over 80 years

of a nigga I went to high school with any day. Any day. That nigga knees is fucked up. Yo, I'll take 41 and take me out than the 80 of these niggas. What are you doing with your dash? And even though people are young, people make mistakes, things happen in your life that you look back on and you're like,

oh, man, I was out of pocket. I was young and dumb. But if you don't stay in that mindset, you can grow. People can grow. And I'm making no excuses for anything, but people can grow. You're judging someone on their character 25 years and to what they are now, guess how you go? Guess how you grow?

You grow through mistakes. You grow through fucking up. You grow through going to jail. You grow through a bitch. You grow through going to jail. You grow through a bitch breaking up with you. You know what I'm saying? You grow through pain. You become a different person.

You can feel that Kobe is a different person. He was a 41 year old man and this is the thing that really resonated with me in this situation. You hear of an athlete like in a horrific accident or something,

like a private plane or something like that. A lot of times, your first thought is like, they was probably partying and shit. You know what I'm saying? You know some haters

niggas like this. First thing, some nigga was like this. Who is it? Who is it? Who is it? Who he's on the helicopter with. That's some real shit.

Before niggas can attach to it, who he's in the helicopter with. Because that story could have been a lot of, it's a lot of different scenarios. It could have been Kobe Bryant in a helicopter with five porn stars. You know what I'm saying? When OJ Simpson was on there too. Niggas just throw OJ up in there. You know what I'm saying? Well, OJ Simpson was on there too.

Niggas just throw OJ up in there. You know you can call him OJ. It's a wrap. Fuck you doing with OJ. Ari Shafiri or whatever his name is, he act like OJ was on that plane. He act like OJ was on that plane. Yeah, we got him.

Then I can see white people. If OJ was on that helicopter, white people would have a holiday right now. They'll be like the nuts guy. They'd be like, Gotti! Yo, if it was OJ and it was in the same shit, it would just be no big deal, right? What?

I mean, Ari said that about every famous dead person that ever died. So when it was Michael Jackson, I don't feel like there was a huge backlash. Yeah, but if it was OJ, people would have been like, okay, it was a reason to get back. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's like, you know what I'm saying? If it was O.J., it would be like, yeah, black people, we finally got you back.

You know what I'm saying? That's what that would be. But it's different. Like, where does, and like, Ari is basing his argument on a guy he said got away with rape. You don't know that. You know what I'm saying?

On O.J., people don't really, okay, white America, there's still people out there that believe that O.J. didn't do it. I know what I'm saying? On O.J., people don't really, okay, white America, there's still people out there that believe that O.J. didn't do it. I'm just going to let you know. I know you guys are about to blow the timeline up. I know this is about to go. You bring O.J. up and they don't give a fuck about that helicopter or nothing.

Let's talk about O.J. I'm telling you, O.J., the only thing to stop a white person from being in the middle is give me a multimillion dollar deal. Donnell, we want to sign you for five million. Sign right here. And if you put OJ down, and you put OJ down, oh, I'm sorry, nigga, we're not going to be able to use your services now. You know? That situation, the tragedy that happened over the weekend,

it could have been a whole different scenario. It could have been, I'm telling you, I know some motherfuckers. As soon as you hear about helicopter, you're like, oh, I know they was probably banging bitches in the bathroom and shit. Them motherfuckers doing all type of crazy shit. But the thing that,

and another thing that struck me is that he died on daddy duty. He was dadding. He was motherfucking dadding. And Ari, there was another family that was dadding. There was a little girl that was on that fucking helicopter that don't know shit about no bitch from Denver, Colorado. There's a little girl that probably didn't even know

that that situation existed if it wasn't your thoughts. Motherfuckers was dadding and you feel like it's the time to not even be funny. I'm a person believer of a fucking good joke. A good joke, a well-written joke is a good well-written joke. It might be not of this time, but it's, a well-written joke is a good, well-written joke. It might be not of this time, but it's a good, well-written joke.

There was nothing that was well-written or no... I don't know, maybe I'm missing something. Let me see, let me see. The whole team that originally drafted him, maybe he wouldn't have raped that chick in Denver if he had stayed in Charlotte with the Hornets but anyway the point is

dude it's like what's the point nigga what's the fucking point what the fuck is the point I'm really trying to figure out the point okay the point is you think he got away with rape

where's the Nah you know when Someone like slaps a sandwich Out of your hand Like when people like That's a joke to people Like you wait in line At a barbecue spot

You go to Texas You wait in line like five hours Cause people say It's amazing barbecue And then you get your sandwich And there's like that one dude In your crew that like Slaps the sandwich

Out of your hand You know what I'm talking about Yeah I feel like that's the kind of there's like that one dude in your crew that like slaps the sandwich out of your hand. You know what I'm talking about? Yeah. I feel like that's the kind of, it's like he doesn't like the- Nigga, we ain't talking about no sandwich, nigga. No, but I'm saying he don't care about the rip. I know what-

He's just pushing buttons. No, and I'm addressing that. I'm addressing that. And obviously, and I'm not taking away, you're a fan of him. You're a fan of him. Obviously. And I'm not saying- Nah, I'm not saying that. What I a fan of him, obviously. And I'm not saying, what I'm saying,

it's not slapping a sandwich out of a nigga's hand. It's like, when I say insensitive, I push the envelope as anybody would. When I say insensitive, for me to say it's insensitive, it's a point like, come on, that was some dumb ass shit. Like, and my thing is, what do you get out of that? Like, what do you get out of that? And what type of people appreciate that?

And if those are the type of people that you appreciate, then their insides are just as ugly as your inside. If there's a fan base for that type of shit, then it's shit. It's shit people. Somebody could, like, I get it. I'm a comedian. But again, I miss the joke in it.

And maybe because I'm a father. You know what I'm saying? I know a lot of that, not just a father thing. A lot of people share the same feeling I feel, but especially as a father. You know, especially as a father. And, again, I can't say it enough that other young kids passed away that didn't have an opportunity to live a life as their parents. It should have just cut.

Nine people died. Yeah, nine people died. And there's two kids left on that other family. as their parents, should have just cut. Nine people died. Yeah, nine people died. And there's two kids left on that other family. Now, there's children parentless right now. I just think the comment, the joke was completely insensitive. It was disrespectful and disgusting.

He's going to have to pay for that one. No matter how you try to twist the joke, there's no joke in it. There's no clapping of the sandwich, none of that, it was just uncalled it. There's no clapping of the sandwich, nothing. None of that was just uncalled for. Yeah, and I'm telling you, and you got people that share that same sentiment. Do you know, as much

as Kobe Bryant was loved, he was the most hated motherfucker. You know? But then this is what death does. It makes you reconsider your thought process and what is really important in life. You know what I'm. It makes you like reconsider your thought process and like what is really important in life. You know what I'm saying?

It was people that hated Kobe Bryant and nobody can sugarcoat it. It was people that hated Kobe Bryant for different reasons, but he was like loved and hated. The thing that most people hate about him the most that he was so good. You know what I mean? He was so good and he beat the shit out of motherfuckers, you know? And then I know it's a toss-up. Well, I know even when the whole shit in Denver happened,

and I think Shaq and Kobe were at odds with each other for years. And I don't know where it changed. I don't know. A couple years ago, but I don't know if it was through an interview or something, but they, I guess, reconnected. And you can tell when people let stuff go. Because the post that Shaq posted, it was from a place of love.

He lost his friend. He lost his brother. And then just what Shaq was talking about, too, is that the one thing he missed the most is how they both embraced each other kids when they saw him. You know what I'm saying? Like, okay, we was beef or whatever, but at the end of the day, look at this, man.

We can't live like this. We can't let them see this. And it's going to be tough. It's going to be tough. It's going to be tough. It's going to be tough for a while, man. But that's the one thing that you can't duck. You can't duck it. You can prolong it.

You can prolong it you can preserve it but you cannot duck it what do you plan on doing with the rest of your dash moving forward the rest of my dash my dash here and out is everything that I could do to be

a positive image in my son's life, to provide for him and his mom, give them the best life I can give. I really feel like, I can't say I've done everything in life, but I've done enough where I could say I did it, you know, and that doesn't gauge on money or any of that. It's just like what you want, what you want to accomplish. How did you want to affect people? You know, and I think this part of my life is for my family, you know?

That's what I do. That will make me happy. That will make me happy. The happiness that they have will continue to make me happy. And I can get my, like, people, you can get your happiness from all types of shit. Niggas get their happiness through bitches. Niggas get their happiness through drugs.

You can get your happiness. people go through different stages in life but I think me personally I think the best happiness is the happiness you get with family having a family having a family being part of the family that's where my happiness is

it ain't for Donnell no more. I did it. I don't even want to take pictures with niggas no more. I'm so sick of taking pictures, I think niggas trying to R.I.P. picture me. Yo, yo, yo, I'm not. Yo, them niggas are too big. Nah, nigga, y'all trying to R.I.P. picture me, nigga. Oh, what the hashtag, nigga? Them niggas, soon as somebody die, them niggas are to me. Nah, nigga, y'all trying to RIP, pinch me, nigga. Oh, what the hashtag, nigga?

Them niggas, soon as somebody die, them niggas, I got old. I told y'all right there. Yeah. We was just in Cancun, nigga. Yeah, everybody, when someone die, they want to post the exact picture of their last picture. I said to myself, and I take a lot of pictures. I'm a mannequin. Yo, and I don't have a problem.

I embrace everybody. You know, you've been with me. It's not too often I'm going to tell a person no to a picture because I realize some people do it, but I also realize how it makes people feel. Like, it means a lot to them. Like, it's hard for me. Like, hey, like, can I get a picture? I don't want to buy, can I get a picture?

I'm like, yeah, let me. Of course you can get a picture. I can see it in their face. But then I'm thinking about it is that they doing it to put it in their RIP library. Nigga, nigga's got a library. Like, oh, Tony, oh, oh I know that nigga about to go I'ma be right

yo I'ma be right on it they RIP for anything they like nigga I got one from last week they like there's no look I'm telling you we was right here

we was in Cancun don't RIP picture me nigga but then when I go I be mad as shit I look down and ain't nobody hashtag me ain't nobody if they don't hashtag me I'll be like

man them niggas talk all that shit they thought I was the funniest nigga they know why ain't nobody hashtag me ain't nobody hashtag me ain't nobody the RIP photo you don't know no more only thing you can do man it's so funny because the RIP photo, you don't know no more.

Only thing you can do, man, it's so funny because with death, it feels like something is born, you know, like a different energy. It feels like when somebody passed away, it feels like it makes you want to live harder. I lost my father. It's coming up on his third year anniversary. On Valentine's Day, he passed away. And when he passed away,

it just made me want to just do everything for my son. Because, man, my father's relationship, my father was a street guy. He was a heroin kingpin out of D.C. And I know it sounds crazy, but I was proud of it. Were you from the hood, nigga? You know what I'm saying? Like, I know, I mean, mean we gotta step our game up on what we consider to be our motivators

and inspire you but for me in the hood he represented success he represented getting to a certain level the worst thing to do is have your father a drug dealer and that nigga sell nickel bags nigga you selling nicks

yo you on the corner your grown-ass father you sell you on the corner niggas selling dimes so i was proud of the fact that he was big time really big time in fact when the story broke it was like it was um it was uh it was news in the Washington Post. My father used to throw Go-Go's in D.C., and it was a place called the Washington Coliseum. My father rented it. He tried to buy it. It was like a roller derby ring. My father had to lease on that.

He was one of the first promoters to bring the three top go-go bands together in one event treble funk eu and rare essence it always used to be treble funk eu eu or as it never was all three of them this nigga had all three of them and i remember my mother used to run the concess, and I used to work concessions with my brother and another friend, and we were so stupid. We didn't even know when to steal money. How you don't know when to steal money? I mean, you know, I'm just telling you,

you ain't supposed to steal from your parents or whatever, nigga, but I used to see, yo, I used to see literally trash bags of money. I didn't steal. I know my friend took some shit, though. That's fear, though. That's fear, right? That's fear, nigga. That's fear.

You knew what was going to happen. I knew. I was like this. There is no way this nigga know how much money back here. There is no way. But I think I might have clipped him for like 20. I think I caught him for 20. I'm petty as shit.

I'm like, if he catch me, nigga, then you ain't even know. I'd be shaking like a dog about to pee. All right, it was only $20. And I remember the night my mother came in, because we were trying to sell all our shit out so we could go to Go-Go. Spelling like hot dogs and sodas and shit. And I was about to go Go-Go. And my hot dogs and sodas and shit. And I was about to go, go-go.

And my mother came up to me and she said, she said, they looking for your father. Did you say, who is they? I knew who they was. But I knew they'd been looking for him.

What she been to say, they got him. That's what she was trying to say. They'd been looking for him almost my whole life. And that was it. It was, they looking for your father. And he disappeared. He disappeared. I didn't hear anything from him.

I didn't know if I was ever going to see him again I didn't know what was going on he was on the run and I remember maybe four or five months later maybe even sooner than that it was Christmas

and I was like man Christmas is going to be fucked up man my father on the run he the only nigga that got money I ain't going to get no toys fuck with these FBI niggas right and we just knew it was going to be crazy

and I remember Christmas Eve we heard a knock on the door boom boom and uh we was like who is it I remember Christmas Eve. We heard knocking on the door. Boom, boom. And we was like, who is it? He always answered like that. He said, it's your father. We was like, what? That was like Santa Claus came knocking.

And he was on the run. And he made it his business to come see us. Put us toys and shit like that. And he was like, well, I don't know when I'm see y'all again. And he fled to Jamaica. He went to Jamaica.

He started promoting shows in Jamaica. He had new addition. Melbourne Moore. Somebody had a dope lineup. And this was new addition. he had New Edition, Melba Morris, somebody had a dope lineup. And this was New Edition. I ain't talking about New Edition like on BETL.

I'm talking about Candy Girl all around. Hey. You're everything. You're everything. I'm talking about all of them niggas

was fucking grown ladies. New Edition was fucking grown ladies when they was like 17 son they was getting molested like shit didn't even know it they was getting reverse tuned yup and then and he got into he was over there of course government over there they're kind of shady

he was making money for motherfuckers and then, I guess the money, something fucked up where the government snitched to our government. Oh, damn. And they came and got him. He must have been making too much money. He was making a lot of money. Yeah.

They came over there, extradited him back to the States, and the motherfucker did 13. My dad did so many bids. I think this was like a 13-year bid. This wiped out my whole childhood. You know what I'm saying? But no, this was never disliked. It was like he chose a lifestyle that didn't give him opportunity to do as much things with his kids as he

wanted but 13 years and he finally came to my show when he got out I mean the first time he came to my show he heard about me doing comedy right he came to my show and I was like

daddy And I was like, daddy. Daddy. But listen, it was more manly. I felt like daddy on the inside, right? And he was with his niggas. These niggas don't take pictures. You know them niggas? Yeah. Yo, these niggas like this. No, we don't take pictures you know them niggas yeah y'all these niggas like this no we don't take no pictures right

old ass Frankie Beverly looking ass niggas right talking about they don't take no pictures they all real gangsters though they had they time but they knees all they knees fucked up nobody got no good knees they got the gray shit they before I let go beards all over the place right

and then he came to my show. I was so happy. I was like, I was like, Dad, I said, how you like the show? This nigga looked at me and said, it was alright.

No. This nigga already shafirred me, son. He shafirred me, son. He said, what's nothing funny about that? He shafirred me. He said, it was aight. I was like, I'm ready to

beef now, nigga. He said, it was aight. He said, it was aight. You know, you gotta answer that like it was alright he was like yeah I mean what you could do is I was like advice damn nigga

hello where were you hello yeah I mean, yeah. I'll give you the old dad thing and all, but hey, mom. I'll take that from her. And he was like, what you got to do? He said, what you should do?

He said, because I came out on fire. And then I think at that time, I didn't have a closer. Closer joke. So it was like I gassed out. The hottest part wasn't at the end. And he was like, I'm like, nigga, you don't know nothing about no comedy. I'm like, stay out of jail. I mean, you stay out of jail, we can have more of these conversations. I love you, but yeah. of jail, we can have more of these conversations.

I love you, but yeah. Clink, clink. Not too much communication with that. And he will always, and I said right there, I was like, my father hated my comedy. Right? And then he, I remember one time he said, he said, you know who i like you know who i really like i thought he was gonna say me he looked me in my face and said bernie mack nigga when are you gonna fuck with me same dna nigga can i he said that motherfucker is a funny motherfucker, right? I'm like, this nigga don't fuck with me.

He went from Bernie Mac, and then he went to Charlie Murphy. He was like, I love that nigga. He liked Charlie Murphy because Charlie Murphy was like gangster. He said, that nigga. My father liked Charlie without even telling a joke. He just liked, he say that gangster, that nigga. He say that nigga my father liked Charlie without even telling a joke he just liked he say that gangster that nigga he say that nigga grill that nigga get you with a heat like the fact that Charlie

look like he'll shoot somebody right and then Charlie Murphy passed away I'm like nigga I know I'm gonna get it this time I said I know it's finally I went to three motherfuckers I'm gonna finally get it this time. I said, I know. It's finally, I went to three motherfuckers.

I'm going to finally get my props. And he said, he said out of nowhere, he said, you know who I like? He said, Snoop motherfucking doggy dog. He loves Snoop.ucking doggy dog.

He loves Snoop. And before he passed away, not on his deathbed, before he passed away, because I said, oh, yeah, you don't like my car. He said, son, you still fucked up about that? I said, I didn't think he knew what I was beefing about. He said, man, listen, man, anybody can tell you what you're doing right, but not too many people tell you what you're doing wrong. That's powerful. It was the truth.

But I was like, yeah, I know that. That's some deep shit, dad. Like, you was locked up for a long time, and I didn't know you was dropping jewels like that, you know? And I understood, and as I looked at like that. You know? And I understood. And as I looked at it, as I went on in my career, I was like, he is right. Because I would have shows where I come out ripping. And then at the end, it just don't pop.

And then I'm like, that's the last thing I left him with. It happened with me when I did Netflix Degenerate. I did two sets. The first set was dope. The first set was dope. First set was really good. I know I had two shots at it. The first one was really good, but I didn't want to think about the second show.

I wanted the second show just to be mine. I wanted to nail it like a gymnast. You know what I'm saying? I'm like, I've ripped that shit. You know what I'm saying? I'm like, I was, I ripped that shit. You know them gymnasts, they be like, foom, foom, foom, foom, foom, foom, foom, foom, foom, and then, they stick that shit at the end, and don't move.

The first set, I was like, foom, foom. First set, first set, first set, I did like this. I was like this. I did this. I said, foom, foom, foom, foom, foom, foom, foom, fo set, first set, I did like this. I was like this. I did this. I said, I said, foom, foom, foom, foom, foom, foom, foom, foom, foom, foom, foom, foom, foom, foom, foom, foom, foom, foom, foom, foom, and I did like this. Yo, let me do it from the side. I did like this.

I did like this. I said, foom, foom, foom, foom, foom, foom, foom, foom, foom, foom, foom, foom, foom, foom I do like this. I do like this. I say. You know when they get that shit? Yeah, that little part right there. Yo, the niggas be like this. They be that shit. Yeah, that little part. They be like, oh, they killed it. That nigga be like this. They be like this. They be like this. 10 years, bitch, you didn't step back. They face me looking like they stuck it, though.

They be like this. And then they hit this. Yo, that shit. That's what happened to my first set. I stumbled. I stumbled. I stumbled. And then Robbie Praw, Robbie Praw's the one that

didn't give Monique the money she wanted. Jewish dude from Canada, he's a pretty dope guy. The first set, you know, white people always, you know when you nailed it or not. They'll be like, there's good stuff. Right? Yo, he's like, good stuff. Yeah, we could, I knew it was good,

but then when they start talking about, we got what we needed. Yeah. You know, they'd say, like, we got what we needed, you know, in editing. He was like, good stuff. But the motherfucker, I knew it was good stuff, but I know at the end,

I was like, alright, and my age, good stuff, great stuff. I'm like, these niggas ain't happy enough. Even though I knew it would work. Man, that second goddamn show, I went back, I reworked my set. When I tell back, I reworked my set. When I tell you,

I was like, this is the second show. I ran. You know I ran. I stuck that shit yo and my my agent said everybody came out the back room I got up they was like this

they was like this when you know you may position yourself. When the guy that writes the check and makes the offers comes out and says, fuck yeah! You know, I'm talking about what white people do. Like with this, fuck yeah! He was like, that was it. I was like, yeah, that was it.

Everybody came out. My agent said he'd never been in Video Village. You know Video Village. Yeah. He said he'd never been in Video Village when the fucking whole Video Village stood up. Yeah, tell them what Video Village is. Video Village is like when you see on television, when you see what the cameras see, but you don't see what's behind it.

And more importantly, what's behind it is an area where they have all the monitors, everything that's going on, you can see it there. Those are the white people that walk around. And they always got headsets. The headset people, they always got headsets. The headset people, they always got headsets, and they just look into their, and they don't really enjoy their self because they got a different eye when they look at it.

And they just stare, and they were like, okay, cut, let's do it again. But all of those people stood up. And it felt good because I felt that energy. It doesn't always translate to those people. You never know how it's going to turn out. But I was happy. The second one, when I stuck that landing, I was like, yes.

I was like, this is going to be a start of a great relationship with Netflix. I just feel it. You know what I mean? of a great relationship with Netflix. I just feel it. You know what I mean? I feel like I've been doing it long enough, been consistent. I just think it's time, you know? And that felt good.

But going back, I know I got a little off. I was speaking about my father. So he gave me this tidbit of information. It was like something you expect your father to say, but it doesn't really matter until you actually say it. You take a lot of things for granted. You take for granted that you'll always be able to talk to somebody. You take for granted, like, when he came home, the one thing that it was our tradition was he always would come to my Thanksgiving show,

the DC Improv, every year. And he would come with his boys, and he was so proud because he would go, and then he would just say my name, and motherfuckers just gave him shit for free. Because he was a hustler. He just said, here, go order for you like this.

Yeah, that's on Donnell Rawlings' tab with his father. They be like, okay. He was like, shit, nigga, can I get a call like that? You know, and he would come every Thanksgiving to his show. And about five years ago,

I get a call similar to the conversation my mother had where they got your father. I'm like, nigga, you still? How do you? You still trying to sell drugs?

And like the nigga was, oh! I'm like, man, yo, this shit was on news in Washington, D.C. Man, first off, my father's, one of his favorite shows was HBO's The Wire. This nigga got caught on The Wire. I didn't even wiretapping you, dad. Did you watch the show? Did you see the show? Do not use that phone, nah.

And then the code words they was using they was like yeah we was out there yo this was the code words they was like yeah so you want to meet me and get them chicken wings but the order was like 40 chicken wings 20 chicken wings yeah it's going to be snowing out there where the Lakers be right

I'm like you thought you was going to get away with that shit? This nigga got police chasing him in the car. He running over speed bumps. He get locked up. And I'm saying to myself, what motherfucker

would at this age, risk everything, whatever everything was, seeing your kids and all that stuff? I said, the only person is, you know, you heard the phrase, natural born hustler. Some motherfuckers, it's just that's their mindset. That's all it's going to be. But you know what? My father never bitched about nothing. He said, shit, ain't no sense to be crying now.

He said, I wasn't crying when I was spending their money. You know what I mean? He was a straight up motherfucker. Anybody from D.C., they know it. He didn't complain about it. His health was ailing. And the thing that fucked me up was I was like, damn, man. I'm going to lose my tradition.

That tradition is dead. That's one thing I look forward to with our relationship. There was one day I knew I was going to see him every year. And then this happened sometime before the date. The DCM probably didn't come up yet. And it was getting close to the date. And my father called me. And he said, yeah, son.

I talked to my lawyer today. My lawyer said, I got some good news and some bad news. The bad news is I'm not going to be able to see you today. And the good news is because'm not going to be able to see you today and the good news is because you coming home the federal FBI agent that was assigned to his case

was a dirty cop my father I ain't never heard my father my father was Muslim I never heard him say Look at God Look He was I was like this

I was like Cause I was like It was meant I was like He was gonna He was ready to cop He was gonna cop for 10 years His health was bad

That's almost like Almost like the Bill Cosby sentence. You know what I'm saying? You're at a certain point in your life. You know what I'm saying? How many more years you got? And I was like, damn, man. Like all the bits he did, all the bits he did, man. All the bits he did, man.

I just didn't want him to die in prison. And for his record, it possibly could have happened. And he got, and he came home, and he came to my show. I was like, it was dope. And when he passed, I said, I really, really just got more connected with my son. Because, like, my son is four. I got more memories with my son for four years than I had with my dad my entire life. You know, I mean, I know I'm not the only person to share this story.

I know it's a lot of people don't have that connection with their father. And that's why through the death of my dad, through the death of Charlie Murphy, people close around you, just the idea of it, it just make me want to live harder and live and create those memories only thing we can do

is create memories what do you want to do with your dash you can start your dash right now when somebody dies it's always people get amped for the first couple of days, blah, blah, blah, then they go back to the same shit. How can we be consistent? How can we grow?

How can we become better people through the death of another individual? I know people are listening to this podcast like, nigga, be funny. Be funny. Sometimes it's a funny undertone in a serious situation. A joke could be too soon, but it never could be too soon for a funny observation

fuck you Ari When I reflect on this tragedy and that half an hour that I spent with Kobe Bryant two years ago, I suppose that the only small source of comfort for me is knowing that he died doing what he loved the most, being a dad, being a girl dad. Outro Music