Donnell - The Donnell Rawlings Show Episode #079

Episode Date: April 21, 2022

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices...

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey boys and girls, this is boy Don Air Rollins and first off I want to personally thank you for helping the Don Air Rollins Show grow. In a matter of five weeks, we've gained over 15,000 new subscribers. That's you, you, you, you, you. And the motherfucker that didn't do it, it's not you. I want to take this time to say thank you, but we want to keep going, keep pushing forward. So I encourage you to tell all your friends, all your fans, subscribe to the Donnell Rawlings Show on YouTube and all podcast platforms. All right, now, time for the show. The Donnell Rawlings Show, live in your face.
Starting point is 00:00:40 Fuck out, bitch-ass nigga, you'll never take my place, nigga! Thank you. So what's the deal? I can't clap no more? All they do is this. What the fuck they doing, man? All they do is this. I just want to take my place. I want to start by saying this. I want to say that I want to drop a bomb.
Starting point is 00:01:48 Only reason I want to drop a bomb I want to start by saying this I want to say that I want to drop a bomb The only reason I want to drop a bomb Because on that button There's a bomb To be dropped Who win an award nigga I ain't even paying attention Them Ukraine niggas right Yeah Yo them Ukraine
Starting point is 00:01:59 Hopefully by the time This show comes out It'll be over Man Ain't no goddamn war Gonna be over in three months. Man, them Ukraine niggas is going over. I don't even, I haven't really been following because I don't really know too many Ukraine niggas,
Starting point is 00:02:13 but I know that Russia is like, god damn. They thought they were going down fast. Them niggas is like fucking Mexicans. They fight like Mexicans niggas. They're not leaving. No, I'm just saying they fight. When I say I ain't trying to be disrespectful to Mexicans, I'm talking about the Latino niggas.
Starting point is 00:02:30 Them Latino niggas, they do shit like cut your pinky off. Oh. You're talking El Salvadorian. M numbers. Mm-hmm. M-13s. I remember when I used to live in Alexandria, we used to be scared of them.
Starting point is 00:02:43 Anything with an M or a number, because they'd be like, yo, man, you're a foreigner, man, they're going to chop your thumb off. A motherfucker can take a shot, but knowing you're going to chop somebody's thumb off, then you got to ask yourself,
Starting point is 00:02:54 will I grow another thumb? Don't grow another thumb. Never, never. Is it how it's going to feel? Because y'all know, I got shot in the thumb. Told y'all about that shit. Did you really get shot? I think I kind of
Starting point is 00:03:08 heard this story. I don't know if you really got shot. Just for the streets. In the streets because I was in the hospital for three days, right? Right? Everybody know. I talked about it on Joe Rogan. So you being in the streets. Me being in the streets.
Starting point is 00:03:24 How did you find out? What happened though? I don't know. I just heard bits and pieces of the story but you did not get shot. I got shot? The fuck you talking about? No. So what story did you hear? You just hurt your thumb and it was very minor. Was it the shell casing that hit him?
Starting point is 00:03:41 I was in the hospital for three days. I know you were in the hospital for three days but it wasn't that big of a deal to who to the people on the streets I could have died fucking with these streets man three days in the hospital though that's a hefty bill that's a hefty bill
Starting point is 00:03:57 if you don't have insurance absolutely yo y'all gonna hear some funny shit about when I had got shot, nigga. Yo, this is the funny shit. I was like, yo, how long you going to be up there, man? I was like, until they kick me out, nigga. This was during the pandemic.
Starting point is 00:04:19 I didn't want to hear nobody's mouth, nigga. The first time I got some rest was when I was in the hospital. Yo, I was like, oh, man, I had to recline a joint. And then I didn't have no, you can't, I wasn't going to have surgery. They just was checking and digging all the fragments out. Oh, so you really got shot. I was in the hospital. But you were using it as a resort?
Starting point is 00:04:44 Yes. And calling food in. I Yes. And calling food in. I heard you were calling food in. You know, like getting mad at people who couldn't get there, but it was COVID. I was like, damn. That's what you heard. That's what I heard.
Starting point is 00:04:57 So they said I was acting up in the hospital. You were acting up in the hospital. So that means to tell me, the streets was like, this nigga act like he got shot, shot, shot. That's what they were saying? Shot, shot, shot. So they said that I was in the hospital. So that means to tell me the streets was like, this nigga act like he got shot, shot, shot. That's what they was saying? Shot, shot, shot. Shot, shot, shot. So they saying that I was in the hospital door dashing.
Starting point is 00:05:11 Door dashing. I ain't going front. What was your favorite meal you got in the hospital? Them niggas said, I had In-N-Out. Javante brought me In-N-Out. Yo, I was up in the hospital chilling, son. That pandemic was getting to a motherfucker. All you hear is...
Starting point is 00:05:26 That hospital, man, that shit felt good, son. But niggas didn't believe that I had got shot. Fuck it, I got shot. You ever got shot? I've never been shot. Just gotten those medical shots. Which ones? Like when I went to Africa, you had to get all those immunization shots.
Starting point is 00:05:44 I got the old school joint you know what I mean that scar that round yo you got that round joint you just started hearing mash theme songs I got that round come on man what the fuck is up man what is the mash theme song no what the fuck is up with these shirts
Starting point is 00:06:01 yo huh cause we match is that okay you think that it's okay if we match it's okay could we when we go out to the club i already have an outfit for us i already have an outfit for us you know your little sparkly joint and then she has an outfit for me we about to match my crisscross uh-huh with the sparkles we about to match don My crisscross top. With the sparkles. We about to match. Don't even trip. Let's go.
Starting point is 00:06:28 And nobody want, don't nobody want y'all to match. They want y'all to jog. I'm sorry. These shirts. You're just watching it on the monitor. Yeah, I feel like a pervert. I'm like somebody call for something. Well, this will open to my next conversation that I would like to have with you. Did you practice this?
Starting point is 00:06:44 No, I didn't. No, you felt. How is your light so fucking perfect? And my shit like, what the fuck is going on? Yours is good. You got two lights. I have one. Your shit is glowing.
Starting point is 00:06:54 That's just my skin, honey. Oops. When you got that glow. That Nubian queen. That Nubian queen. Comes in what color? Brown. Thank you.
Starting point is 00:07:04 All right. Brown. Cinnamon. Cinnamon crunch, or whatever. And for our listeners, just so you know, I've had a couple of these drinks, so I'm feeling a little looser than usual. So you know Julius, your friend that just had the beautiful baby boy? I'm talking to you. But he has a gorgeous baby boy. So I wrote him, and I just said, he's gorgeous, he's beautiful, and I'm like, I always wanted a gorgeous boy. So I wrote him and I just said, he's gorgeous.
Starting point is 00:07:26 He's beautiful. And I'm like, I always wanted a little boy. He said, why don't you talk to Donnell? What? About having a boy? Because he said, that got your attention from the monitor right now. You looked at me in that moment. Yo, man, you had a couple of drinks.
Starting point is 00:07:38 I had a couple of drinks. This is what niggas do when they get drinks. So it got me to thinking. Sorry. Is that wrong? Fuck all that shit. Don't let titties around me when Iies. So it got me to thinking. Sorry. Is that wrong? Fuck all that shit. Don't have titties around me when I drink. That's all I'm saying.
Starting point is 00:07:49 So it got me to. Me too. Me, nigga. Take that. I'm the only nigga that's not gonna fuck out of here. I'm looking too. Go. It got me to thinking.
Starting point is 00:07:59 How good is a friend? I don't give a fuck about what you're thinking. What the fuck we thinking, nigga? So, okay, listeners. If you had a friend i'm 42 years old i brought that out there the guy i'm dating is not ready to have kids i'm on the i still want sons and so julia said well donnell wants more kids why don't you ask him to donate what are we close enough friends where you would donate your sperm to me to have a child you call a donor i call the fuck you no no no no because i don't know we can't we can't have sex because
Starting point is 00:08:32 we wouldn't be able to have sex because that would bring in a whole bunch of other emotions and so how are we gonna make a baby we go to the office fuck i can't feel that boy with that shit I want to be up in there I'm saying niggas got a certain stroke so I'm telling you I knew it also was about to be born nigga I knew that I knew that I said this is it right here so you hit a boy what that stroke I just knew it
Starting point is 00:08:57 the stroke brings the boy I don't know it's just an energy was it a back stroke I ain't even gonna talk about it cause there i was like that backstroke oh no son i ain't gonna talk about because it's people like that i mean whatever but yeah uh donate no no you wouldn't you would not if i was at the verge and said i because you would be a wonderful father would you want to cope would you want to co-parent with me what how good of a friend you have to be first off able to co-parent somebody?
Starting point is 00:09:25 First off, I'm not co-parent with you. I ain't going to do this. I ain't going to donate without smashing. And co-parent, nigga, fuck that. Something got to, something got to. But we work together and we're friends. And that sex thing always brings in other elements, right? But if you can raise children together, you know what kind of mother I am.
Starting point is 00:09:43 I know what kind of father you are. Can you get together and have and raise this by i don't know i could do that right now because that's what he said no the reason why because um i'm it's crazy i'm still in love with the idea of having a kid with somebody that I love. Yeah, I love that. You know what I'm saying? It's like certain shit don't work out all the time, but I still have the idea of being in love and raising a kid together.
Starting point is 00:10:22 I still have that, too. You know what I mean? But I also have 42-year-old eggs, and I'm wondering how long they're gonna last. I'm also a real nigga, and I ain't skeeting in the cup, nigga. If you wanna get it, you gotta get it out of there. You gotta get it out of there.
Starting point is 00:10:34 You gotta get it out of there. Yo, you gotta get it out of there. Don't hand me no tube, nigga. Get it out of there, nigga. Walk, walk, walk, nigga. Get it out of there. Let's go. Yo, fuck that.
Starting point is 00:10:46 Would you mind, Donnell, we're going to have a kid together, daddy, mommy, and everything, and we won't have any. It would be hard for me not to have a connection. But there's more connection than that in life because you lose that, as you found out, you lose that connection. I do out, you lose that connection. But you know what? Real talk, I know you will be
Starting point is 00:11:11 adult. Well, you're already an adult, mom. And then the fact, just so you know, real mom bitches in the best way. Mom bitches that gave up a certain part of their life, altered it. They were young. They had kids young, so it's a certain part of that, not gave up a certain part of their life, altered it. They were young. They had the kids young, so it's a certain part of their life
Starting point is 00:11:28 they gave up. They still did the thing when they gave up. And then right when you're at the point where, okay, like you are, they're gone, they did a good job, and still young enough, and still got the energy to go again, and to feel that,
Starting point is 00:11:44 and then that when I have kids, like, that makes you like super bitch. You know what I mean? Two rounds of kids. Two are going. I could be a grandma
Starting point is 00:11:51 if I, you know, if my kids were like that. I could be a grandma now, but my kids are like, they keep it clean. what the fuck you laughing at? You said you'd be a grandma
Starting point is 00:12:00 and she looked at me like, this nigga is a granddad. Yo, Toya, she looked at me like, this granddad, daddad. Yo, Toya, she looked at me like, this granddad, dad, ass nigga right here, I know it's the real. I'm going to tell you, this is how I know.
Starting point is 00:12:13 Well, I do know it's real, but this was so dope. Like, I did a show recently in Denver at the Comedy Works, right? It's dope. So now there's a franchise. There's two of them. Wendy, the owner, she owns a few years, the best comics in the world. Love to perform there. It's downtown. them. Wendy, the owner, she owns it for years. The best comics in the world. Love to perform these downtown.
Starting point is 00:12:26 I was the only one in the country where no black people go. Like, it's just all white people. I was like, who the fuck is performing at night? Wayne Brady?
Starting point is 00:12:39 Is that wrong? Wayne Brady owes me 50 cents. Well, you can finish your story. So, now I'm more excited about the 50 cents than Wayne Brady owes you. What is it? Years ago,
Starting point is 00:12:55 I was at Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles. Of course. And, and, and you know, when you're at Roscoe's, there's a bunch of meters out there. And so every time the meter maid comes by, the host comes running and says,
Starting point is 00:13:08 does everyone pay their meters? The meter guy is here. So you see everyone jumping up from every table and everyone runs outside. And Wayne Brady goes, I don't have any change. Because this was back in that day where you actually need change. They didn't have cards. Why you do his pants like that? It was real tight.
Starting point is 00:13:22 It was tight. She was like this. Knowing Wayne Brady. Yeah, it was tight.? It was tight? She was like this. Knowing Wayne Brady, yeah, it was tight. Nah, don't talk about Wayne. I fuck with Wayne. And so, I like Wayne.
Starting point is 00:13:29 I think he wears, Wayne Brady, I want my 50 cents back. Or a thank you. A thank you would have been nice as well. Any hoot. I gave, I said,
Starting point is 00:13:40 well, I have extra change and I had a bunch of quarters because I came prepared. You know I'm always prepared. And I was like, here, take this. You prepared for that donation. I know you're ready for that skate, skate, skate. But go ahead.
Starting point is 00:13:51 And you looked me in my eyes like I was going to answer that question like, Donnell, what would you do? Well, I am. Well, on that, I'm curious of how good of friends people need to be for someone to, like, can I give birth? Like, if I had a gay couple friend that wanted me to have their child I just wonder how like what would that dynamic be if someone trusted me to birth their child for me I would say yes only if I had a really
Starting point is 00:14:13 if I was involved I would say yes yeah I can't yeah I can't just skeet I wouldn't be able to give it away I wouldn't be able to give birth to a child and give it away I ain't got a lot of extra skeets to just be giving out to me. And eggs. I mean, I don't have those either. How many you got left in you? Skeet? I'm gonna tell
Starting point is 00:14:30 you something, sir. I don't know, sir. How many skeets you got left? Look, look, look. My street skeet. The skeet. What's your street say about your skeet? Ain't like it used to be. But I'm gonna tell you that shit. When it hit, it hit. You know. And you know. No, I know my shit is fire, sir.
Starting point is 00:14:44 What do men mean when they say it ain't like it used to be it used to be like you used to go all night like you try to just fuck a chick all night to get her to get like three nuts right you get to the point like
Starting point is 00:15:00 it's about the quantity of the nuts they get right so what used to take you three hours you figure out a crevice or a spot to hit where you can bang out three back to back it's the quality not the quantity I know like it's like a certain like it's certain motions
Starting point is 00:15:16 it's certain I'm on both alright get both I ain't saying a nigga can't you know what I mean I always say a nigga can't you know what I mean? You know what nigga, sorry. I always say nigga Kate, you know how I do it, nigga.
Starting point is 00:15:29 That's how I do it. Bitches play with me, fuckers talk about this. Get bowlegged out here. Stop playing. I was up in here doing donations for Nicki, nigga. That's how I do it.
Starting point is 00:15:44 You get both, you get both you get both but you get to a certain point and then you look at like okay numbers you took down and everything
Starting point is 00:15:49 and then you're like okay what do I what do I want her to do what do I want her to do what do I want her to do how can I get her to do it I could we could
Starting point is 00:16:00 prolong this we can knock it out it can be whatever it's just what energies. But it's something to be said. How tired am I?
Starting point is 00:16:07 Yeah, how tired you are? I'm like, yeah, nigga. It's something to be said about it, nigga. Like, can plan on two hours, but push comes to shove. Literally, push comes to shove. Push comes to shove. We can, like, shorten that down. You know, we got shit to do.
Starting point is 00:16:21 Yes. And I don't even know, like, where, like, god damn. All night. I hear these stories. Yeah, I don't even know like where like God damn all night. I hear these stories. Yeah, I don't want that. Of all night. I'm like a whole night?
Starting point is 00:16:31 I don't want a whole night because I'm not sure this breaks in between. Naps, eating. All night. I don't like the all nights.
Starting point is 00:16:39 I like to go to bed. I want to walk funny the next day. Oh my God. But you can get that you can get that without going all night. You just funny the next day. Oh my God. But you can get that. You can get that without going all night. You just need the right one. Yo, wait a minute.
Starting point is 00:16:50 Wait a minute. I did not know. Pigs want to walk funny the next day. That's how I know I was doing good. Wait a minute. Literally. So if you're not walking funny next day
Starting point is 00:17:06 for you that's not a good session no you wanna look like you're on that movie death becomes her when they're walking yeah
Starting point is 00:17:12 I'll give you two more years of that type of yeah it's always like yeah I want that reverse cow girl and then till they do the reverse cowgirl,
Starting point is 00:17:26 and then they start saying, oh, my leg's burning. Let's get off of that. That's how they do these things. You need a bitch that works out. Yo, they do industry. Leg day. You know you get older
Starting point is 00:17:36 when you start negotiating positions. You know, like, you start saying shit like, all right, you got to do all the work. No, it's even more when you tap though when you when your legs are burning you tap you double tap all right your turn when you got to negotiate before it's like you look at their faces like okay we both want to do it but uh who's doing all the work you know it's like i'm like this can't we work together no it's like who's doing all the work and then they'll hit you with negotiate and you can't win
Starting point is 00:18:12 because you'll say they could be excited right like oh i want to do it and then you're like okay let's go and then they'd be like but and then you're, but you gotta do all the work. But that's why, no, did I hit this shit right here? All right, nevermind, I'm going to sleep.
Starting point is 00:18:30 No, that's why us girls just lay on our back. We just call it a day. We don't say, have to verbally say you do all the work. We just lay on our back.
Starting point is 00:18:37 We're like, you want it? You want it? Yeah, but don't nobody care about all that shit, man. Motherfuckers just want
Starting point is 00:18:42 a moan at the right moment, a oh shit, a grasp of the pillowcase, a look back, and then pop, pop, pop, pop. There's your donation. Skeet, skeet. Motherfucker. But you said, God damn it. I don't want to make this show lip service.
Starting point is 00:18:58 This show's called Dick Service. Yo, did y'all see me? Angela Yee and the whole crew. Fuck that. Yo, welcome to. That's a good show. That's a good show. Dick Service.
Starting point is 00:19:09 Hold on. Hold on. All right. Okay. Hold on. That's right. You got a popular cast. Popular podcast called Lip Service when the women get together and they talk about candelilla
Starting point is 00:19:21 rice. They talk about how their clitoris can be tantalized and touched. And we all know that Nikki has had a couple of drinks. And she's swinging them things. But this is an episode of Dick Service. We drop it upon. I think Anjali needs me on her show, too. Because I would have fun.
Starting point is 00:19:42 Oh, God. Nobody wants me. Here we go. God damn it. Anyhoo, back to Wayne Brady. He got up. How did we go back to Wayne Brady? I gave him 50 cents.
Starting point is 00:19:49 He ran outside to pay his meter, and he came back in and sat down. Didn't take care of me and my girlfriend's breakfast, and didn't say thank you for the 50 cents and nothing. That's my experience with Wayne Brady. Why did you make it seem like it was going to be such a joyous experience, and then you look at me like, fuck that nigga Wayne Brady. Why did you make it seem like it was going to be such a joyous experience and then you look at me like, fuck that nigga Wayne Brady. You gave him 50 cents.
Starting point is 00:20:11 Yes. Did he give you 50 cents back? No. And he didn't put anything towards our food. Put 50 cents towards our food or anything. He just got up and left as if I didn't give him 52 quarters. Okay, answer this question. And he didn't get a ticket. You wanted him to do something, right? I thought a thank you would have been nice. Okay, he wasn't going to give him 52 quarters. Okay, answer this question. And he didn't get a ticket.
Starting point is 00:20:25 You wanted him to do something, right? I thought a thank you would have been nice. Okay, he wasn't going to give him no money. If the nigga just got 50 cents from you, he didn't have no money to buy it. So maybe he was, it was like. This was like, I'm going to say this is like 2002. You didn't do it from your heart.
Starting point is 00:20:41 Sounds like to me. A thank you would have been nice. You didn't do it from your heart. You did it because you thought something could become of you giving Wayne Brady 50 cents. No, I didn't. You couldn't just take the memory. No, I didn't. The memory that Wayne
Starting point is 00:20:54 Brady needed 50 cents and you gave it to him wasn't enough for you. I did it because he was in the table next to me and we were all rushing around and I'm pulling out change and it was like what did you want from wayne brady i didn't want anything and i thought it like because he was like i don't have and i was like oh i have these coins thank you i want to say it was like two 2002
Starting point is 00:21:14 issues before i had my daughter before i actually was it before wayne brady had to choke a bitch? Wait, what happened? Was it before Wayne Brady had to choke a bitch? I don't know. You don't know that Wayne Brady came close to choking a bitch? Absolutely not. I thought he always just worked on the show, and he was like a goody two-shoe. So you don't know when Wayne Brady was so fed up with the situation
Starting point is 00:21:47 that he looked at a close friend of mine and said is Wayne Brady going to have to choke a bitch that's right ladies and gentlemen she seems to think oh wait that's right that ladies and gentlemen. She seems to think... Oh, wait. I think I know.
Starting point is 00:22:06 I know. Hold on. That drink is kicking in. It's coming in. That drink is kicking in. I know. All right. Put your titties away and focus.
Starting point is 00:22:14 I know. There will be no donations. And that shirt... I know. Nikki, I have to say, if I ever thought about dropping off a donation, well, there you have it. And... I know what you're talking about now. Latoya, Jesus Christ.
Starting point is 00:22:27 They try to say, I don't got no positive black boy in my life. Well, you're fucking wrong. And that there's no regular positive black bitches. They eat salads, nigga. And buy a plethora of it. What's up, boys
Starting point is 00:22:44 and girls? It's time for a promotion not a promotion but an endorsement and one thing i like about endorsements is when i like the product i know people say donnell you've been ashy all your life why aren't you hydrated because sometimes i don't drink the water that i need to drink but fret no further Donnell there's a new product that I enjoy that helps me go from ashy to classy and it gives me all the hydration I need for a day what's that product Donnell it's liquid IV what's so special about liquid IV I don't like to drink a lot of water one stick of liquor IV and 16 ounces of water will hydrate you two times faster than the average water so you don't have to worry about being
Starting point is 00:23:30 bloated, you don't have to worry about the yucky yucky taste of water because it comes in flavors. Some people are saying, Donnell what flavors would it come in? It comes in watermelon, it comes in lemon lime, it comes in pina colada and more importantly you'll be hydrated. But there's more. You're saying Donnell what It comes in watermelon, it comes in lemon lime, it comes in pina colada, and more importantly, you'll be hydrated. But there's more! You're saying, Donnell, what does this do for my body? How am I gonna feel in the morning?
Starting point is 00:23:52 Well, when you've had that long night of partying or whatever you're doing, you wake up in the morning, 16 ounces of water, one stick of liquid IV, and your life will change two times faster than anything water's ever going to do. The flavors are amazing. It's filled with vitamins, essential minerals, vitamin B3, 5, 6, 12, 13, all of them. I know it's got vitamin D. You know what vitamin D is? D's? I won't say that. And it's filled with vitamin C. Donnell, how do I get to change my life with
Starting point is 00:24:22 hydration? I tell you how to do it. Go to any Costco nationwide and buy it in bulk. If you don't want to do that, you can save 25% by going to liquidiv.com. That's liquidiv.com. Change your life. Change the way you think. Get motivated. Liquidiv.com. Stay hydrated.
Starting point is 00:24:40 Salads. Salads. Salads. And here at the Donnelly and Rollins Show, our mission is to have fun, not let Alex curse us out. Right? Ever. Have a good time. Have fun. Right?
Starting point is 00:24:56 I want to call somebody. That's what we do. Who are we calling? Don't worry about that. Calling out my name. Call me by my name. Yo, so first of all, Latoya, thank you for sitting there.
Starting point is 00:25:10 People are seeing you in the background. And she's very interested because she looks good every day. And then it'll be in places like, yo, we're going to go to the gas station and get some M&Ms. And she'll show up like, looking like she about to hit a red carpet
Starting point is 00:25:26 it's anytime she has the prep and then I'll be like this where you coming from she's like home like home and she's part of team Donnell she's a part of what we're going to do in Yellow Springs and
Starting point is 00:25:44 she has no problem at all with spending your money yo some people I'm going to tell you something I'm going to tell you the difference because I got a couple people to spend my money I'll be honest
Starting point is 00:26:03 I got some bug eyye bitches spending my money. Let me tell you about Buckeye bitches. This is why I'm so excited about Memorial Day weekend. It's like streets, creeks. You know what I'm saying? It really is street versus creek. And everybody has their things at Breach Entertainment. It's dope.
Starting point is 00:26:19 One thing I noticed about Buckeye bitches, they don't like to spend a lot of money. No. notice about Buckeye bitches, they don't like to spend a lot of money. No, like, they will faint over it. If you're shopping and a shit hit a certain amount of money, they start doing like this. Yo, they start
Starting point is 00:26:38 getting like, they should be like $900. They like, I gotta go outside. I gotta go relax myself. The bug out, bitch. The creeps. The street bitches like her, Queens. It's my shot to see her.
Starting point is 00:26:55 Both of y'all. We getting everything ready for summer camp for Donnell Land. Accommodations, hotels. We trying to lock, hotels, we're trying to lock down everything. And I was trying to lock down all the, god damn, it's going to be out by now. I was trying to lock down all the Airbnbs, and initially I wanted to lock them all down just so I could block Cena out in case he wanted to do something.
Starting point is 00:27:18 Oh, my God. Because Cena's a Persian asshole. Right, shout out to all the niggas wearing Air Force Ones. And where they're not allowed. So, damn, what was I saying? Help me back.
Starting point is 00:27:33 Airbnb. So we getting Airbnbs. So, it's a person on my team that doesn't like to book Airbnbs for whatever reason. I don't know if it's like
Starting point is 00:27:41 some shit they saw on like forensic files or something or something. But it's really a tough situation. They just don't want to do it. And I was like, fuck that, you ain't know if it's like some shit they saw on like forensic files or something or something but it's really a tough situation. They just don't want to do it. And I was like fuck that. You don't want to do it. And I called you right?
Starting point is 00:27:52 Yo. And I was like I was like I was like I'm going to say I'm going to say their names. We are real. We are real. I'm like well Elizabeth. Liz Beth. We call her Liz Beth. Liz Beth. Yo she's Liz Beth. Liz Beth. Yo, she's a white chick that likes salads and gets drunk off of water.
Starting point is 00:28:09 And she's the best. Like, her idea of a good time is doing shots of Aquavina, nigga. Oh, my God. And she gets, like, loose off of shots of water. Like, who? Right? So, no, I'm telling you. Like, am I lying Samson
Starting point is 00:28:26 I know so Elizabeth didn't want to do it for whatever reason so I said I told you I'm not upset or anything I said for some reason
Starting point is 00:28:35 the family doesn't like associate with I don't know what it is I said I have to respect I said but I need to get out
Starting point is 00:28:43 and I'm trying to be really nice about it because I'm not mad at her. You know what I'm saying? I'm not mad at her, but I'm just like this. I don't have time. What can I do? You just need to get it done. I need to get it done.
Starting point is 00:28:54 So I was like, you know, I was telling a story. And right half way through the story, Latoya says, what do you need me to do? And I said, oh, shit, man. I was like, lock these shits down, right? Right, shit. No, you said, I want everything. I want it all. Get it all.
Starting point is 00:29:12 Buy it all. No, I didn't say buy it all. Buy it all. I said, whatever. Is that like buy it all? Yeah, that's buy it all. That's the same as buy it all? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:29:21 I was like, all right. I was like, whatever. She was like, so what are you? I was like, whatever. Get them. Get them all. Get them all. buy it all? Yeah. I was like, all right. I was like, whatever. She was like, so what are you? I was like, whatever. Get them. Get them all. Get them all. Like, all of them.
Starting point is 00:29:29 Get them all. Whatever is left. All of whatever is left. Get them all. And then, yo, and I didn't know she was. I did not know. She was listening. No, I did not know.
Starting point is 00:29:40 Hey, you tell me you're doing something. I didn't know she was going to get them all, like, before I hung up the phone. Yo, I thought I got robbed, son. Yo, I was on the phone. I was fresh. Don't say nothing else. Yo, I was so fresh off of her.
Starting point is 00:30:00 I didn't even know what was going on. I was like, oh, somebody stole my credit card. Hey, son, I'm not on right i was like oh somebody stole my credit card hey son i'm not lying i was like this i love fraud alerts right i'm like oh man it's annoying but at least they're on top of it right that shit was like this i was in front it was like this large item approved large item approved i was he said, what card you use? He called me and said, what card you using? I thought it was a fraud. I thought it was a fraud because I was like, I mixed and matched on
Starting point is 00:30:33 whatever card for like benefits and shit. And I don't even know. I gave two. I didn't even know that someone, you should move to Atlanta, sir. Like, you got scammed. That's know that someone, you should move to Atlanta, son. Like, you got scammed. That's like that quick, nigga.
Starting point is 00:30:49 Yo, that shit came through. Bring, bring, bring. So I'm looking at him. Because Airbnb is not that expensive. I'm looking at him, right? I was like, where the fuck did this joint right here come from? She's like, that's the one you really liked. She's efficient. Yo, she was like, that's the one you really liked. She's efficient.
Starting point is 00:31:05 Yo, she was like, that's the one you, she was like, that's the one you really liked. I said, yeah. Yeah, that's the one I really liked. I said, how much what, what I really like?
Starting point is 00:31:14 And she told me, I said, I could have got four, I could have got four ones that I like for that one that I like. That you really like. And I was like this. But it was nice.
Starting point is 00:31:23 It was very nice. But for what, here's my thing. For what we're doing, you know what I'm saying? It's like, it wouldn't make sense to do that when we got to, like, host so many people. But on the dolo. You're going to stay in that really nice one. I might lock that joint down anyway.
Starting point is 00:31:43 Just for, you know. I had a hot tub. So you got to, there's. Just for, you know. I had a hot tub. So you got two. There's one thing you got to do. I know this sounds crazy. My arrogant son, we go places. He talking about, how a little six-year-old nigga going to say, do they have a hot tub?
Starting point is 00:31:57 Do they have a hot tub? My son. Spoiled him. You know what? Yep. That's what old dads do. This dude. I just, what I was saying earlier was that I just did a show at Denver Works in Denver.
Starting point is 00:32:13 Right? It was a weekend. His mother, it's her birthday. Happy birthday. Happy. By this time, it would be belated. Happy birthday, Stephanie. You know, she's beautiful.
Starting point is 00:32:22 Okay. I never argue with that. I know. I'm just. Why you act like I don't see it? You know, she's beautiful. Okay, I never argue with that. I know, I'm just... I've never, like, seen her. And I've seen your posts and stuff like that. Yeah, I've seen her before. You know, she's pretty.
Starting point is 00:32:32 She's really beautiful. Yeah, she's beautiful. Which leads me to what I have to deal with all the time. A nigga told me straight up. I told him I was going to show him a picture of my son. Right? And I pulled it out. he looked at the picture he said I said well he said
Starting point is 00:32:49 thank god so well he said he don't look nothing like you god I was like that's dirty I feel like he I see he looks at your body too she's very attractive I can't take it away she's very attractive she's very so attractive that she gave me a fine ass son.
Starting point is 00:33:08 In my face, you guys look closely. It looked like it could be funny, a lot of things, but fine. So she gave that to me. I think he looks like a perfect half between both of you. He's a nice little kid. Yeah. Yep. But you made me forget what I was saying.
Starting point is 00:33:22 You were talking about the hot tub and him loving the hot tub. Also, my son, that's one thing about being a nigga old enough to be a granddad and a dad. You don't have time for stupid shit. Only thing you fuck with is all the shit he like. Nigga, I ain't trying to win a race. How much you want to race for? Five dollars, daddy. Okay, here's the ten dollars. I'm going to go take a nap.
Starting point is 00:33:47 You won. Oh, you won. I'm happy, but you won. You want to win a race? Or you want to get the money? So this weekend, we went to Denver Comedy Works and his mother was on a girl trip or whatever that trip is.
Starting point is 00:34:02 I know. I mean, that's what it is. You got to take your lumps wherever they are. was on girl trip or whatever that trip is i know i mean that's what it is you gotta take your lumps wherever they are girl trip or whatever it's funny no girl trips with no girls in the background nigga i mean i took bitches they never saw me in here eating oysters nigga I'm that nigga bitch oh you're the you take the picture
Starting point is 00:34:31 of the girl that's on the girl trip yeah I take the picture oh yeah yeah you on the girl trip yeah yeah I remember when Ricky
Starting point is 00:34:37 and Angela went on the girl trip I remember you wanted to be a part of that so bad because I can hang out with the girls no but they wanted me to go I'm a. Because I can hang out with the girls.
Starting point is 00:34:46 No, but they wanted me to go. I'm a good time when I hang out. They wanted you to go. No, real talk. I tell you, if you ask any of them chicks, whatever, if it was one nigga that you would let go on a girl trip, it would be me. Except for that one.
Starting point is 00:34:58 No, I could have went on it. My schedule, I was too busy. So I was way too busy. Okay. I was. So the weekend I was way too busy. Okay. I was. So the weekend we did Denver Improv. I mean, no, Denver Comedy Works. I got to take my son on the road. I got to take my sister on the road.
Starting point is 00:35:19 And I got to take my daughter, Maggie, on the road. I see that. Oh, Maggie. Man, I was winning. I was like this. I look at good nights I've had on the road. I had a lot of them.
Starting point is 00:35:33 I had some questionable. I had some that could make TMZ. All that. And I had some joints. I'm like, you can tell. Say, wait, nigga, you remember this? Nope. I don't remember. Did I have a good time? Yep, I had those. I had some good ones. Some good ones. But when I look at
Starting point is 00:35:49 like my career and the fun I've had and hanging out and what I consider to be a good night, and this weekend was special as shit. It was the longest like my son hasn't had like an overnight like that
Starting point is 00:36:09 with my side of the family you know i'm saying like his side of the family love me ma i love big tree i love the whole family but that's the side that he is more connected it happens sometimes yeah the mother's side it's usually the mom's side. Mom's side, you don't get that. You know, I get it. And I respect it, but I want them to see, I want a nigga to see niggas with bushes.
Starting point is 00:36:39 Yo, I fuck with them Salvadorian niggas. Y'all here too pretty. Nigga, I be picking that shit out. Fuck is y'all talking about? I know my son a nigga, but that nigga like pupusas. Nigga, stop playing. M13, M17, whatever the number is. All y'all niggas fuck with pupusas.
Starting point is 00:36:57 My son like the ones with the bean and the cheese. Nigga, get out of here. Samson, though, that nigga's son addicted to pupusas too, son. My son is a pupusa head. And we was in Denver, and he's arrogant too. And I knew he was going to be arrogant because I named him Austin with an E. So he could stop niggas in a sentence. He'd be like, my name's Austin.
Starting point is 00:37:27 And then he'd be like this. He'd try to write it. He'd be like, I'm sorry. That's Austin with an E. And guess what? That nigga act like Austin with an E. He does, and he's so adorable. This is what he did.
Starting point is 00:37:39 This trip was so dope. I'm going to tell you for so many reasons. First time my sister did an overnight with him. And me and my sister, this is my sister from my dad. We had like 10 kids. It's probably still counting. And we were really, really close. We were really, really close.
Starting point is 00:37:54 We were really close. We had memories. And I remember one memory we had with my dad was my dad just dope created Land Over Maryland. Dope for those standards back then. It was a house he bought from his man, IJ. And if you know DC, that's all I have to say. That jacuzzi up in his spot.
Starting point is 00:38:19 All this shit. And this shit had a motherfucking Ms. Pac-Man arcade game. I'm gonna lose some niggas when I say this because they only know it from like a app or fake or replica but this nigga
Starting point is 00:38:37 had a Ms. Pac-Man arcade game that at the time the only place you would see it would be like in Pizza Hut. Or at the arcade. Or at the arcade. You couldn't just, you could get a kilo of cocaine, Samson. You could get a kilo of coke.
Starting point is 00:38:54 But could you get a Pac-Man nigga? Absolutely not. Nigga. And my father had the Pac-Man. We used to go, nigga. Like, it's so funny. My father had so much money, but we were so poor. That's just, I guess I say this sometimes, you know?
Starting point is 00:39:10 Especially my mother didn't want to steal money he used to bring. I don't know why my mother ain't rob that nigga. I used to open drawers, nigga. It'd be like, like where the socks was. It was just like drawers and drawers. I'm like, who's stealing this shit? I didn't steal that, but I'm going to tell y'all where I stole from what I stole from the change bucket nigga
Starting point is 00:39:28 oh my god me and my brother tore that shit down nigga yo we came up nigga we was like cause the change bucket start off like this mad quarters you like oh shit nigga look you like sifting gold you like this nigga all these quarters nigga I got ten dollars
Starting point is 00:39:44 in my hand. That's the first week. The next week, you be getting down to dimes, nickels, and pennies, and then we think they ain't going to know. Put some more nickels in there, they ain't going to know. And I kind of stay like part of it when my son gets it. And I remember he had the video games, and that's a memory that I have with him
Starting point is 00:40:06 I used to call niggas right playing Miss Pac-Man I was playing Miss Pac-Man right calling niggas I used to be like this nigga I'm at my father house I'm getting eight I'm getting eight up and everything
Starting point is 00:40:28 and it's like that nigga said I'm in my father house nigga they said wait you sound like you at the arcade I was like yeah nigga cause he got an arcade up in this motherfucker they was like the fuck out of here let me hear it again when I was like the fuck out let me hear it again when I was like this
Starting point is 00:40:47 I was like who this nigga know and it's in an article of his life and the troubles that he been it's Charles E. Greer versus the United States of America and it talks about him and his crew when they had video arcades locked down in D.C.
Starting point is 00:41:13 Video arcades locked down in D.C. And the reason I'm telling you all this, so we get to, usually in the comedy scene, they have the comedy condo. The comedy condo is usually fucked up. You know, you could get, they leave donations in there. The donations you like.
Starting point is 00:41:32 Them donations. With no love attached to anything. They'll leave a baby. They'll leave a baby in a solo cup. That's normally what you think about with the comedy condos, but this comedy condo is not like that at all. It's beautiful.
Starting point is 00:41:46 And when I walked in there, I walked in there with my sister and my son and my daughter, right? I walked in there. I was like, oh, man. I just saw all the bright colors. And in the bathtub area, he had a big rubber ducky. I was just like, yo, man, I don't know if they set this up for kids or perverts. I didn't know. I was like, it's a lot of hungry hippo over there I'm like you nigga
Starting point is 00:42:09 but it's like so family friendly and my son was going crazy he was like look at these games and then in the middle of the floor this is what touched me it was a Ms. Pac-Man game.
Starting point is 00:42:27 It was a Ms. Pac-Man game. The same it was probably refurbished or whatever but it was the same style it was the same everything. The nostalgia.
Starting point is 00:42:43 And I looked at that shit and I was like same everything. The nostalgia. It's the, yo. And I looked at that shit, and I was like, oh, man. I was like, everything, I was like, what? This is dope. Right? I looked at it. Austin don't know what the fuck it is. He don't know it was a lamp. That nigga, he just know where he put his Capri Suns.
Starting point is 00:43:02 Like, we like, oh, is that Ms. Pac-Man? He like, what? I know Ms. Pat from her new, oh, is that Miss Pac-Man? He like, what? I know Miss Pat from her new show. Is that Miss Pac-Man? Get it? Shut up. Goddamn, I shot my own shit. Austin paying no attention. And my motherfucking
Starting point is 00:43:18 sister pulls up on it. Blip. Blip. And I was like, goddamn. I was like, damn I was like we sharing the moment my son totally ignored it right
Starting point is 00:43:31 and I was like and like I was talking about earlier like what is a good time on the road that shit was dope as shit this moment was for you yeah but not only that but it was like discipline too I was like
Starting point is 00:43:41 oh nigga you can't turn up this nigga's at home. He's going to be at home waiting. I always take him to the first show. And the funny thing, this is why this trip was so special to me. Y'all know I'm an old-head dad, Nick. Dino dad? Is that what they call you?
Starting point is 00:43:56 You know what? Yo, first off, you going to stop who they is, bitch. I want some names. Fuck that, Mickey. Shut the fuck up. Fuck you and Mickey. Fuck you and Mickey. I thought you were talking about me, but no Mickey. Shut the fuck up. Fuck you and Mickey. Fuck you and Mickey. I thought you were talking about me, but no Mickey.
Starting point is 00:44:07 No, no. Now you got fucking pronouns. No. Fuck y'all, her, she, they, them, theirs, they's. But I was, that moment, I was like, man, this shit is crazy. I'm about to recreate the same shit with him. Right? And being on the road, I'm like, oh, shit, I can't go out.
Starting point is 00:44:30 I can't turn up. I wasn't even mad at it. But I did go get one little nightcap. Of course you did. Yeah, and then shout out to my man Julius, because Julius was there, and he's a dad now. And I know he a dad, because he gave me dad energy the whole night. Everywhere we went, he looked like, yo, I'm ready to leave, bruh.
Starting point is 00:44:48 And I was only backstage. He got a newborn. Shout out to River. His son's name is River. Congratulations. Adorable, too. And this guy's been down with my podcast from day one. I'm going to tell you what this motherfucker said to me.
Starting point is 00:45:02 He said, Donnell, I'm going to make you a million dollars. Okay. I'll just leave it at that. Such a loyal guy. I didn't realize how handsome he was until you posted this picture. I don't know handsome niggas. I know niggas with regular faces. Get the fuck out of here.
Starting point is 00:45:22 He looked like he'd go a whole night. That's what you're trying to say? I mean, heas with regular faces. Get the fuck out of here. He look like he go a whole night. That's what you're trying to say? I mean, he just had a son. Was he about 6'3"? What is Julius? About 6'3"? Yo, you stupid. You see?
Starting point is 00:45:35 She said he does have a son. Yo, that's going to hurt so many niggas that only got daughters. No, I understand it. But he did tell me. I talked to him, and he was about you know working on the deck and stuff he's like didn't donnell tell you i just had a son i told everybody i maybe didn't tell you but that's what i knew i knew that his energy like i was like i was so happy for my dude going back to heal dad now because he's a really private person whatever and this is why I understand
Starting point is 00:46:06 like how much of a blessing in like like having a kid some people have kids for whatever reason they do they don't or whatever but like he was like oh I don't know if that's gonna ever
Starting point is 00:46:22 when you said he said talk to Donnell I didn't know if that's going to ever. When you said, he said, talk to Donnell. I didn't think it like that for a donation because I told him, in probably like the last eight years, I have conversations with people talking about kids. And every so often, I'll pick somebody, not pick them, but I just fill out like this. This is what happened to you in a year.
Starting point is 00:46:45 I could just fill it. Michael Yo, I said it. Chris D'Elia, I said it. And Julius, I said it. And Julius, and I don't want to put his business on the list, but just the dopeness of being able to have children. I told Julius that. And one one day i just called him i said nigga when you gonna tell me you're having a baby he said nigga are you kidding me this is a real story i was like i could just feel it right
Starting point is 00:47:19 and he was excited and he was like ah and he like me, ah, ah. And he, like me, and a lot of people, went through a situation where your excitement was soon just cut because... And I'm not putting this business, I'm not trying to put this business on there. I'm just talking about with somebody, like, when that happens to you, when you want it. It's real because it happens almost 50% of the time,
Starting point is 00:47:48 60% of the time. You ain't doing it like you ain't fucking for fun no more. You fuck for fun. You know, you're like, okay. You know, and then it don't happen. And then you get close. That's how he was. And then you know.
Starting point is 00:48:05 But he never like gave up on it and tell you if you have a miscarriage you don't tell if you go again you don't say nothing
Starting point is 00:48:16 to nobody until you get past where you was no you yeah that's how it was me and Stephanie nigga
Starting point is 00:48:21 you're supposed to wait three months anyways nigga okay tell her over here nigga that haven't heard I'm pregnant in years nigga I know wasn't me and Stephanie, nigga. You're supposed to wait three months anyways. Nigga, okay, tell her over here, nigga, that haven't heard I'm pregnant in years. Nigga.
Starting point is 00:48:28 I know. I remember when Stephanie told me she was pregnant. I said, about who, bitch? I said, I had this skin a long time. Uh-uh. I want a DNA test.
Starting point is 00:48:41 Why, to see if it's your son? No, to make sure you ain't my daughter, bitch. You know how old I am, though. Ah! I was going to save it for the special. So you're not my daughter. Yeah, I was going to save it for the special. Well, that's a cut.
Starting point is 00:48:57 That's a good one. You know why it's a good one? Because it's the truth. It's the truth. And that's what, I'm going to tell you. This is so funny. I'm talking about being an older dad. So we in Denver, I got my son here
Starting point is 00:49:06 and one of my friends got named Demetrius where I've been knowing him for years he used to fuck with one of my relatives cause he could dance remember back in the day
Starting point is 00:49:13 when niggas could get some pussy cause they could dance oh absolutely like did nigga hit one of these you be like oh shit come over here
Starting point is 00:49:19 JD whatever your fucking name is it's always some letters yeah it's like Jay come over here CJ TJ right hey CS Jay, come over here. CJ, TJ. Right.
Starting point is 00:49:28 Hey, CS, get your ass over here. BJ, I got a BJ. Them nickname niggas was getting all the rest. Right. It's my man's, right? And so he was like, yo,
Starting point is 00:49:38 why I got to find out on Facebook? You got a show? I was like, because that's where you get your information, nigga. Turn on the radio, you're here.
Starting point is 00:49:45 Turn on the news, you're here, right? And he was like, you coming down? I said, yeah. I'm coming down your information nigga turn on the radio you're here turn on the news you're here right and he was like you coming down I said yeah I'm coming down he said yeah I want to come to your show yo I got my son
Starting point is 00:49:51 I was like nigga that's your son he said yeah I got my son I was like I got my son he said my son
Starting point is 00:49:59 six I said nigga my son's six they're two months apart aww I seen them six. I said, nigga, my son's six. They're two months apart. Aw. I seen them. And me and these,
Starting point is 00:50:10 these niggas, old niggas. We old niggas. If you old nigga with a young son, you gotta travel across country to catch some of, yeah,
Starting point is 00:50:17 niggas done with kids. To match. Yeah, niggas done with kids and shit. Nigga, 38, nigga,
Starting point is 00:50:22 35 year old niggas be coming to my parties and shit. So, I 38, nigga. Of 35-year-old niggas, we call them my parties and shit. So I told my manager, I said, I was like, bring your son. I told him, I said, nigga, I'm going to have my son. Bring your son. I was like, they get to meet. You know, it was going to be dope, right?
Starting point is 00:50:37 And I said, put Demetrius on the list. Then my manager called me. He said, yeah, the club just called me. Demetrius showed up With a six year old He said And I was like okay He said Demetrius showed up With a six year old
Starting point is 00:50:55 The club doesn't want A six year old In the club He's gonna go in the green room Look I said Well I'm about to bring My six year old nigga
Starting point is 00:51:04 And we going to the green room Yes Cause I was gonna do a joke And say put Demetrius Look, I said, well, I'm about to bring my six-year-old, nigga, and we going to the green room. Yes. Because I was going to do a joke and say put Demetrius plus son instead of one. And, man, they hit it off. They had a great night. They came for the first show. They didn't give a fuck about who was on stage.
Starting point is 00:51:23 It was backstage having an amazing time. After the first show, they went out there and they started having dance contests and shit. And I was getting mad, right? Because my son kept on trying to challenge this nigga, right?
Starting point is 00:51:33 And I'm trying to tell this nigga, do you know this nigga used to fuck my aunt off of how he danced? I ain't say which one. I wanted my son like nigga this nigga nice
Starting point is 00:51:49 he gonna be fucking Maggie nigga you better stop playing right yo I know that's crazy but it's a comedy show but I was like don't fuck with him his father's
Starting point is 00:51:58 this nigga you know this nigga his father that nigga I'm like don't do it so they have the dance contest Austin lose the dance contest he looked like he was winning a little bit he's cute
Starting point is 00:52:13 what the fuck is your problem yo I love him you just told me my son can't dance can he how am I going to answer you just told me you didn't say he's a work in progress. You didn't say,
Starting point is 00:52:27 with a little more time, you said, Austin can't dance. He can't. He can't play basketball. He can't do that either, but I said, What the fuck is wrong with you?
Starting point is 00:52:36 What the fuck is wrong with you? I said, I am going to take him for a while, and he's going to have the dancing down, and he's going to have the basketball down and he's going to have the basketball down. Man, fuck all that, man. My son can dance. I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. I'm going back to my goddamn story. I need a sound
Starting point is 00:52:52 effect. Fuck that. Say something else. Oh, no, that's my son. Hold on. That's my son. Damn, son. Where'd you find this? Wait a minute. I think that works for me. Shut up.
Starting point is 00:53:11 No, I'm going to fuck you up. Yo, get the fuck over here. No, nigga. The money. Because I know what I'm talking about. Okay, what I'm trying to tell you. So, they hang out. It's beautiful. I'm trying to tell you So They hang out It's beautiful I'm like, oh shit
Starting point is 00:53:29 This is a beautiful weekend We on short time I was like, he's gonna go home Right, this is why I know this nigga It's Austin with an E So later my sister told me So after Austin Took his bath
Starting point is 00:53:42 He said Auntie Can we order room service? Yes he does After Austin took his bath, he said, Auntie, can we order room service? Yes, he does. Listen, in the condo, the comedy condo, she was like, I don't think they have room service here. He said, this is what he said. He said, okay, what about DoorDash or Seamless?
Starting point is 00:54:03 Seamless? Yo, wait a minute. This is how he talks. He said, DoorDash, heamless? Seamless? Yo, wait a minute. This is how he talks. He said DoorDash. He speaks in mom. Right, right. You know where DoorDash and Seamless come from. It's not Drink Chance, but I am sipping.
Starting point is 00:54:17 He said, Kimmy DoorDash, she said, I don't know, but what would you want? He said, pupusas. And my sister's like, what the fuck is a pupusa? He said, it's a Salvadorian street food
Starting point is 00:54:36 that looks like a quesadilla, but mainly it's stuffed with beans and cheese. Bean and cheese being my favorite. I don't like the ones with the meat. She said, well, I don't think we're going to be able to find any
Starting point is 00:54:52 pupusas. Then he says, how about a stuffed crust pizza? I love him. She said, I don't think I can get a stuffed crust pizza. To which he said, well, then I'll settle.
Starting point is 00:55:12 I'll settle. I'll settle. Yo, this is his shit. He said, I'll settle for a regular cheese pizza and wings you realize that that's why your son had me out at like 10pm walking to BJ's from our hotel room when you guys had the second show what did he
Starting point is 00:55:34 do because I know you guys disappeared forever well they were hungry and then they asked about the room service they did and I said these places don't have room service I said this place don't have room service but there's a couple I said, these places don't have room service. I said, these places don't have room service, but there's a couple of restaurants right here. Well, what do they have?
Starting point is 00:55:49 Who said this? Your son. Oh, God. He said, well, what do they have? And so we went through the menu. So we ended up walking to go get some pizzas. He said, what do they have on the menu? So he got you for pizza night.
Starting point is 00:56:01 What about Krispy Kreme night? The Krispy Kreme was all on this one over here. Samson had me driving in a line for 45 minutes. And then to where I'm like, can I park? Is it slower or is it faster for you to walk in? So I parked. He walks in and goes and gets those donuts. I would have said no because I wanted to get it for breakfast.
Starting point is 00:56:22 Because I think donuts are breakfast food. I don't think you should say no. No, listen. I'm a mom, and I'm a good mom. I'm a granddad. Okay. I'm a granddad. Listen, it was almost 7.
Starting point is 00:56:33 I think your show was at 7, so it had to have been like 6.30. We were running late. Right. And y'all were leaving me with kids high on donuts, and you were going to go to your show? Right. No. Right.
Starting point is 00:56:45 No. Could you do me a go to your show? Right. No. He said right. No. Could you do me a favor? Huh? Go ahead. Could you not beat Austin? I don't beat him. No, I'm just saying. Don't beat my son.
Starting point is 00:56:54 I would never spank somebody else's child. You're a beater though. I would never spank someone else's child, but they do see it in my face. I just saw it. You're a beater. You're a beater. You're a beater. You just scared me.
Starting point is 00:57:07 The thing is, they know how to shape it up when they're getting too much. But the thing, Austin has never gotten too much. I give him the eye like one time, and I think Stephanie might give it to him. He knows it, and he's good. He a hustler. You know what his hustle is? And I don't know, it might be, this nigga
Starting point is 00:57:27 know how to get birthday cakes. This is what he do. He go around talking about, he find out who birthday is coming up. Or if it's something, he give him a birthday. This nigga had a
Starting point is 00:57:43 fish and a Frank Fogg, right'd give them a birthday. This nigga had a fish and a fake frog, right? They both had birthday parties. Yo, because he know you could be attached. You're like, aw, his first birthday party with a fake frog, right? This nigga be like this daddy. And we had a frog. Oh, no, it was a fish named Jerome and a fake turtle. Jerome?
Starting point is 00:58:03 What kind of fish was it, by the way? It was the darkest one. He had a fake turtle named Slowpoke and then I thought he was good at naming shit and I got him a fish. He called that shit Jerome and he treated him like a Jerome. He fed him.
Starting point is 00:58:19 These niggas went on vacation to Paris and that nigga came back. It was an angelfish. They don't die for shit. They just got to run out of water. If you hear somebody had an angelfish that died, that means the fish died with half its fin dry on the outside.
Starting point is 00:58:34 Oh my God. So wait, so he named him Jerome. You said they went to Paris. It was like a Paris. So it was Jerome and not Jerome. Yeah, Jerome. They went to Paris. They went to Paris for a birthday or something.
Starting point is 00:58:45 They ain't give a fuck about that joint. So going back to him being a hustler, this motherfucker, he had a birthday for a plant. He got a cake, a fish, a frog, his grandma's birthday. Anybody, oh, did y'all got a birthday? We about to throw this shit. Get the red cups. So he told me, he said, Daddy,
Starting point is 00:59:08 I want to give Mommy a surprise birthday party. You know, surprise birthday party. He want to throw totally different from the one I want. Can you explain the difference?
Starting point is 00:59:23 Listen, no, I didn't explain nothing. I'm just saying I'm supporting my son and what he the party he wants to throw. So he was like, Daddy, I want to throw a surprise party for Mommy. I'm like, oh, man. That's so cute.
Starting point is 00:59:40 And then I said, where you want to throw the surprise party? He he said at Universal Studios that was for him he's a smart kid he said yeah man I want mommy to do a birthday party
Starting point is 00:59:58 at Universal Studios I'm like dang it did you fuck with so I'm like this you got any other suggestions the shit. Did you fuck with? Right. And that's it. And so I'm like this. You got any other suggestions? I said, you got any other ideas? He said, yeah. Yep, Legoland. Yo, this nigga is like, he don't think I know what's going on.
Starting point is 01:00:19 He like, yeah, Legoland. I was like, I don't know about Legoland. He going to hit me with this. Daddy, what is mommy's favorite place to go? And I'm like, nigga, please don't let me ask these questions with how I really feel. You can laugh, bitch. She's going to be mad at you if she like you. You just tried to
Starting point is 01:00:46 you did like this you did like this Stephanie I held it yo you did like this I like this nigga baby mama there's a lot of people like that nigga I am one of them but you did like this oh no you did like you might be like this that's right Donna we're gonna move
Starting point is 01:01:02 it right along right so he went from she wanted the party in Universal Studios whatever that means to Legoland they said okay daddy
Starting point is 01:01:17 what's the favorite place mommy like to go I knew, I felt what it was, but in my mind, I just didn't even know it. What, like catch? No, nigga,
Starting point is 01:01:31 out of the country. Oh yeah, of course. Italy. Yeah, one of them. Police. Paris, whatever. French. So she was like,
Starting point is 01:01:40 who's this? So he know, he said, he said, daddy, what's your favorite place to go? I said, I don't know. He said, Daddy, what's Miami Faye place? I said, I don't know. Italy, Paris, something?
Starting point is 01:01:51 He said, yeah. He said, yeah. I'm like, okay. And then he said, Daddy, that's where we do the surprise party. In Paris. He said, ha. I said, yeah, I did. Is this the realest podcast ever?. I say, yeah, hi, nigga.
Starting point is 01:02:08 Is this the realest podcast ever? I'm like, nigga, you be better off than Chuck E. Cheese, nigga. I ain't fucking with that shit. Fuck out of here, nigga. Fuck that, nigga. Let them get it. No, okay, too soon? Listen.
Starting point is 01:02:18 Listen. Whatever pronoun. It's a pronoun out there. Everybody know people get pronouns. Right? If you don't let that laugh go, bitch. Let it out. Right? If you don't let that laugh go, bitch. Let it out. Yo, if you don't let that laugh go, nigga,
Starting point is 01:02:32 you about to be that chick that held her fart for seven days. Oh, my God. Was that real? Nigga's in the hospital. Was that real? Yes. Oh, my God. Nigga's in the hospital because she was holding the laugh. Oh, my God.
Starting point is 01:02:40 So, wait a minute. Let me tell you. So, then he like like this nigga so fucking slick down this nigga like this he said I said she likes Paris he said yeah I was like well I don't know about a Paris trip this little
Starting point is 01:02:58 motherfucker said daddy I already paid for it nigga I went to my account so quick. I felt like I was checking my shit after Toya got a car and shit. I was like, what the fuck? But that weekend,
Starting point is 01:03:17 I shared with my sister. Shout out to her, Linda. Shout out to Comedy Works. Shout out to everybody that was a part of that I mean the easiest shit was just this is what I always tell people
Starting point is 01:03:31 it does not take a lot to make a dope memory and yes I am in a position where I can get my son to go on a flight lesson or whatever I can travel my son to go on a flight lesson or whatever. I can
Starting point is 01:03:45 travel the world wherever. And I'm gonna finish by saying this. The other day, I said, Austin, I got a big ass surprise for you tomorrow. He said, Daddy, what? We going to the car wash?
Starting point is 01:04:02 I was like, that's my nigga. You know what I'm saying? He thought the biggest thing he could do the next day was go into a car wash and get motherfucking spray soap in the sun, but it's the simple shit. And the best thing about anything... Being present. And more than anything,
Starting point is 01:04:18 create motherfucking memories. A nigga out here now, if your kid ain't getting those memories, it's fucked up because it don't motherfucking memories. A nigga out here now, if your kid ain't getting those memories, it's fucked up because it don't take a lot to make memories. Kids, I remember so many times I waited.
Starting point is 01:04:34 I was supposed to do things with my friends and my dad said, I'm coming to get y'all. I'm like, my father coming to get me. Everything is dead. I remember nights that nigga left me waiting, the sun going down and everything. What happened to your father,
Starting point is 01:04:48 nigga? Don't worry about it. He gonna come. Even if he came for five minutes, that would have been enough. So for you motherfuckers, oh, but she doing this and she doing that. You do not know the impact that
Starting point is 01:05:03 you have just by showing up. That's right. This is Donnie and Raleigh Show. We're up to 70,000 subscribers. Our analyticals, our algorithms are going up. I got to get this prison one more time. This is Donnie and Raleigh Show.
Starting point is 01:05:23 Subscribe. Hit that notification button. Hey! Today's our day! Hey! Hey! Hut! Hut!
Starting point is 01:05:33 Hut! Thank you.

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.