Don't Blame Me! - Adjusting to a Long Distance Relationship

Episode Date: August 7, 2023

Meghan and Melisa give advice on: Staying in a relationship when moving to a different country Going from a large area to a small area for grad school Friends commenting on your body DBT: Leaning off THC And then run down the state of Don't Blame Me Buy our merch: https://store.dftba.com/collections/don-t-blame-me Follow Us! @meghanrienks instagram.com/meghanrienks https://twitter.com/meghanrienks @sheisnotmelissa instagram.com/sheisnotmelissa https://twitter.com/sheisnotmelissa @by.meghan.and.melisa https://www.instagram.com/meghanandmelisa Affordable Therapy By State (Curated by Crissy Milazzo): tinyurl.com/y64kwdnf Need Advice? dontblameme.show Domestic Listeners Call: [phone] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

where's my dad i'm all alone welcome i made jewels do you want one i'll get i'll make you want what colors yeah you can make me one okay pink okay i made bracelets too nice do you have a kit i just bought beads and then i just dumped them all out none of them are organized and then i organize them while i do it that makes more sense to me yeah because it's the um hunting pecking for it that's what tingles my brain it's like a puzzle i'm searching for them but then sometimes they don't do them with all the lights on and then i turn the lights on and i go these aren't the right colors you know what you need the glasses with the lights on them that paired with the little binoculars that like optometrists thinking about i thought there was one that has

they have both yes and you know also saw me struggle taking my glasses off reading up close and they said you know what and i go bifocals i already fucking know my mother-in-law she was like you need to get i was like melissa has already brought this up for years she was like i'm saying like you know and these ones are they work well and i was like okay they should try them on no because here's the thing i hate trying other people's prescriptions on because these are people who wear glasses like all the time and i just throw my glasses on when i like have to and i realize like oh god damn i should be functioning with a higher vision at all times like yes and you know if you had you should not be going oh you didn't have to clean today because

i'm not wearing my glasses first of all you should say you're like thank you for that you're welcome in advance i always clean except for when i don't where's this bruise from your on your arm from oh i got a boost okay i got boosted yesterday they were like you know you don't have to and i was like i want to if i could be here every day and get a booster i would and they're like well are you immune compromised and i was like yeah and then they're like what about him and i said well he lives with me and i only ever get sick from him so adjacent yes and so then we both got boosted nice it was the best boost i've ever gotten she was she i was like you have a wonderful technique and she like laughed i go no i'm not kidding like you're very good at this i would recommend you to

her if i could the last person that i had was spectacular it's a skill it is and i think also the needle matters for me oh yeah she used that retractable needle uh-huh the one that mariah carey used and people were saying that she didn't actually get boosted and it was like no it's a retractable needle you idiot why do you all think like especially because like she had access first i go of course mariah carey has access to better things than you quicker yes what do you mean well welcome to don't blame me what a good podcast do we warrant being good well good is a state of mind so we're good and we're great and we're fantastic but like am i in the state of mind to accept that toxic energy get out of here it is august it is leo season i'm thriving your

hair looks great thank you so much you can check it out on the patreon i haven't been wearing my glasses so i haven't totally been well i'm not kidding like that's truly how it is and i didn't wear them when i was getting it done but if you saw my vlog anybody i was debating like do i get my hair done before my birthday and moth was like emotionally yes like i do think it'll be a good call but my hairstylist went into labor and so like it wasn't going to be from her so she gave me a recommendation of someone who she's worked with who i've also worked with before she did a wonderful job i coco throw up like a side by side from last week you know because i'm on the other like the other side of it i've come out the other end i can't appreciate it but boy oh boy is that

shady i wasn't being true but i just want to show it's gonna be one of those things that like i will realize it is a huge fucking difference yeah looks good though thank you i'm warming it up because i'm not allowed to go red why because i mean shaylee's right she's just like i think you would like it but she's like you just there's no way in hell you're going to do the upkeep for it what and then you're gonna hate it what about even like a little strawberry yeah so that's like my goal is to just keep warming up the highlights so it will be warm warm warm warm warm and so then if i have more like some strawberry more redder warmer highlights when those fade because that's what happens with red hair it just fades like so fucking fast it'll blend in with the rest

because she's like you're just not going to do the upkeep of real red and then you're going to look like you've been through the washing machine like 15 times like i'm just going to look that's a vibe it is a vibe and with peace and love that is lily marston's vibe that is not my vibe i found a video that somebody was talking about how seriously white women take blonde hair and i meant to send it send it to you maybe i did send it to you no it it is so fucking true yeah it is huge and i will say i bookmark it i'll definitely send it to you later i'm no longer where i used to be because what happens is everybody like you can't be blonde enough you can't be blonde enough and then one time you go platinum and then you go you know i'm good now

and that's where i've been i'm good now i like i like the blonde i like the brightness mostly because i have a low contrast face i do i do i have a low contrast face and so like having a high contrast hair color doesn't really fit with me so much um but i don't ever need to go platinum ever again okay and my hair is recovered so like it's very healthy looks good thank you thank you thank you so welcome to don't blame me a podcast brought to you by two incredible phenomenal spectacular i mean my hair is white right now it's not blonde it's white see this is my toxic blonde mindset i go that's too long no it's not it's a white it is white but yeah we're great listen don't blame me we it's a call-in advice show actually now you can write in too which we

do have we lowered our standards we did lower our standards we have a write-in from instagram this week you can give us a call at 310-694-0976 or send an email to meganpodcasts at gmail.com or send us a dm so the requirements to call write or send a voice memo i guess not so much right but we should have our but am i wrong writing the criteria yeah okay so that's 300 words hey three good thing to remember 300 words or less and this with the the voice recordings it's three minutes or less so write that speak speak that speak now or forever hold your peace i was doing it taylor slipped isn't that something no it is great look at me you did it good job bud so give us all the information tell us what's happening tell us whether it's drama whether

it's it's not drama gossip what it whatever is happening that you need our advice on you our sage words of wisdom and we will we'll give it to you we'll bring it well and you can let us know what level you need us to bring it at if you're like i need you to low-key bully me into doing to what i have to do or you can say i'm a sensitive sweet little flower i need you to gentle parent me into making the right decisions just let us know let us know we're adaptable i can take direction um i would like and we're on patreon if you want to watch the video catch some of the more nuanced bits i would like to issue an apology oh my god pull up your notes app read it i'm just gonna post it on screen last week we had a call about someone's cousin getting their

cousins getting a divorce and i told a bold-faced lie i love when this happens and i said that i wasn't close to any of my cousin or their significant no i heard it i cut it out i cut it out as i was listening i was reviewing i was like and i'm saying this for my own conscious and to give better advice oh my god because my cousin sonam who is married to my cousin danny yeah i am incredibly close to her very close to her i literally know her name and when you were like i don't close any of my cousins i was like why did you say i was like damn shit must have happened in the last week like some beef because we were running so late and we were already cutting out like okay cut this out okay cut this out okay we were sidebarring left right and tenor and so

like it was my bad for not breaking it up after early for don't blame me so that is not no but like i was trying to do my best to not interrupt but i literally like in my mind i was like mental know like what happened i was like did they get divorced no okay and so i would like to ish an apology even though i cut it out so no one would know but i know yeah it's way heavy on your yes it's it is it is very close and also i would like to say that now that i'm in that mindset if danny and sonam were to get a divorce i would be like sorry i already know what you would do so so to the person that called i completely understand you now i'm i apologize i i was tired i said while we were recording i was incredibly tired i think i had been up since seven o'clock

in the morning her cousin that's how tired she was and if i were in that situation i'd be like danny i need to know everything like she would have had to like murder someone yeah and even with that who did she was probably justified yes who was it yeah so yeah so you agree with my thing of saying if it'll hurt their feelings just lie yeah there you go thank you i knew one day we'd get there where melissa finally agrees with my advice of just lie yeah so wow glad you got that off your chest it's been weighing i when i was reviewing the episode on sunday what is this this talking about yes i literally cut it out because i and i stopped and i paused and i was gonna text you but then i was like i need to come clean on the podcast because i need to get some

better advice i spoke that into like the ether yes that is so fucking funny anyways that was thank you for issuing that apology it's a really good good one and shout out to all the cousins out there yeah normalized lying when it serves you when it serves you anyways um we'll hop on into this and let's take a break okay bye we'll see you in a minute and we are back did we even introduce our names or say our names okay we're megan and melissa that's because you interrupted me figure it out between yourselves which one's which can you imagine if they're like oh you're definitely giving megan vibes and like i'm giving melissa vibes our names are somewhat interchangeable i mean i literally have a

sister with the same name as you and well minus the age and just answer to all of it anyway yeah meg and melissa melanie then my parents would be like i'll sit there and look at them and then be like you knew who i was talking to so did they have backup names like if there were more of you like do you think it would have been they would have had to get creative no because melanie was a surprise oh we all were surprises as it was so yeah so there weren't backup names i love when like people start with a theme but like specifically like irish catholic people and then they don't stop having kids and then they just have to or when they start with a z and then they have six kids and they go and they go throw a z in front of that one throw a z in front of that one but m

is a good one m a is also another like yeah endless supply yeah melanie's name was gonna be maya we like this show called maya the b cute and so we wanted melanie's name to be that but then they changed it last minute didn't tell us just like this is melanie and you're like who's the fuck is melanie where's maya yeah but we have a maya now yeah it's megan's kid so it came came back around it buzzed back around love that anyways so first up we are starting with a submission from instagram so you can sign into our dms now and we'll give you advice on the podcast not through the dms i'm 23 female a big life change is coming as i got into veterinary school in london i almost said good day mate like you're australian cheerio my long-term partner he

is 20 who is 26 is not moving with me we've discussed multiple times that him staying in the states could be best for everyone we know that there's an exact end date along with extended periods of breaks i think this distance allows me to focus on school as it'll be 29 credit hours a semester i'm not worried about either one of us losing feelings or cheating i'm just worried about this transition we've lived together for four years now and i will have a roommate as i cannot afford to live in lunch alone what could i do to help smooth it out he is helping me move and i'm taking my dog with me i'm still anxious about making new friends and stepping back into school any advice is appreciated for context i've always wanted to be a vet and have been in the field

since i could work i'm not gonna lie i think this is a long time and the transition from going to live from living together to not living together is hard yes so i would say keeping an open mind in an open line of communication that like this might not work out in the sense that like he might be like I just want to come and like live there like after six months after a year or like the last year or something like that or even like living there for a year and him working remote and doing stuff like that I just think that it's a long time to go backwards in a relationship and I don't I know some people who did long distance through med school and the person did their not res maybe it was their residency but they did something like and then their partner

went and studied abroad and so they got like we're very very far but they never lived together and they ultimately ended up moving in together while they were still long distance and kind of ending the long distance a little bit sooner and it's hard and I think it's always kind of hard to backtrack especially if this is coming from you and you're thinking that like this will be good for focusing on school but like making sure that it's like you know if this actually like is not good for me like i want to tell you that and if this for you i want you to tell me that like so we just keep talking about how we're feeling and how it's going and not one of us feels like we're like having to be strong for the other person yeah when i was planning on going to

dental school they highly recommended that your partner come with you to all the interviews come with you to campus like be there so they know go to orientation with you so they know exactly what they're getting into and to be in the same place as you yeah because what is happening here is that y'all are moving apart you're gonna be the time difference is gonna be oh shit so you're gonna be busy with school plus the time difference what does y'all's relationship look like that's a really good point yeah and also even on breaks i don't know how much of a break you will have like that so he might be coming for like two weeks and it's like a vacation vacation but you're not going to be able to have like the energy and the actual hours in a day to deliver on

like a a vacation like that hosting yeah in that way yeah 29 uh credits the semesters it's a lot isn't that what they said credit hours a semester yeah that's a lot yeah so and then like you're doing the credits plus the homework you'll have plus when you have to start doing like clinical stuff it's gonna be very difficult on your relationship and i don't want to sugarcoat this at all like it's going to be hard plus the time difference yeah you're right you're not getting that like passive time or like that just like your presence is in the same room like yeah that this is going to be you're focusing on school and a relationship will take a back seat when you're focusing on school this much but that usually only really works if like you're in the

same place and so you can catch those small moments together and you still have that like just be sitting yeah like you're studying he's there like doing work or whatever like that's still quality time together but having all this plus the time difference is a lot and it's not like you know like you're a few hours away where he can just drive and be there in a couple hours but yeah this is rough yeah i also think that like for i think about like medical school for like a lot of those things too i don't think that partners and i don't mean specifically in your case but like i don't think that like partners should feel obligated to move or do all of that stuff because they know that emotional labor wise like they their partner needs that like it is like

really stressful and really really hard but I do think that like being cognizant of that at least on your point of view and perspective that living with a partner is very different than living with a roommate and like if you do need that like emotional labor you need that like support for something that is like really stressful like that you'll kind of get it in the sense of if your roommate is also in school that you'll both be in the thick of it together but you won't have someone who's like gonna you know bring you some snacks and like you know be there for you for a love and care side it's more we're grinding this out together so yeah I don't think it's bad to like establish and like start off not living like doing all that there but just know if you do want

to change that if you have a roommate like it can make things a lot more difficult and his work like he might get really busy with work and stuff and so then the few moments that you have that are free it isn't going to be around your schedule like he has a whole other schedule too it's a lot to kind of factor in so i think in like on paper this makes like sense because it has an end point and all of that but like four years is a very long time you know and going from living together to not living together so hopefully that was not too um dark or harsh yeah but or pessimistic you know i i'm rooting for the best but yeah you know just don't go on go in it with blinders on yeah and keep all of the options open congratulations for getting into

veterinarian school and if in london do you think that means like going to the cods walls and i'm going to the english countryside there'll be horses i have to fix them fix them up right here i love pissing off british people it's just i don't it's just so easy i apologize to helen helen gets it first of all helen's on over here going megan that was offensive helen's like loved it perfect do it more anyways all right let's get into actual calls as well yay hi megan and melissa so first of all i've been listening to your podcast since i was in seventh grade. I just graduated college. So I really, really love your guys' podcast, especially having Melissa in it, 12 out of 10. But I was going to ask for some advice today, but I want

to give a little bit of a trigger warning about cancer, severe illness in general. So I'm 22 years old, female, she, her pronouns. In March, I was diagnosed with brain cancer. Within a few days of that, I had surgery to remove my tumor and everything, and I went through chemotherapy while finishing college, and I graduated college, but my life has kind of been in a little bit of limbo until I got my first scans post-chemotherapy. I got them back, and they were all clear. The mass had reduced significantly, and everything was healing nicely, so pretty much all good news there. But basically, where I'm asking for advice is now, since that's cleared by my doctor, I can apply for grad school for this upcoming fall. I'm applying to the same grad program that I went to

for undergrad. I talked to the dean. She said she would push my application through since we had a really good relationship. But basically, I'm just ridiculously nervous for going back from a small rural area moved to a very large city and I'm just having really intense intense anxiety about going back for some reason I think it is partly due to what's going on but also just adulting in general even though I'll still be in grad schools with like half adulting but any advice you guys have about kind of like moving on from a significant life event or just like moving across the country in general i would really really appreciate that's all thank you i have some extra time so um i'm a capricorn okay i know that's the same as not okay yeah

i love it i love a capricorn first of all congratulations yes that's amazing so did they say that they lived on campus before or no i don't know i'm i was stuck on the part where they said that they've been listening to the podcast yeah Melissa and I were trying to do the math and it doesn't math it does not math and Melissa was like that's not that's didn't how it happened and I go you know what maybe she's not good at math and it's someone who's not good at math like that's okay maybe you're watching Megan's videos yeah or you just skipped a bunch of grades or you couldn't do quick math which neither can or you were just like exaggerating and being dramatic for the sake of it which I also do and like I was like no shame seventh grader was watching this

yeah and then you said you graduated college and it was like no how does any of this work so i mean and i can be totally off base here take what serves you or and ignore what doesn't um but traumatic incidents like they can be very chaotic but in this instance and other ones there's like can be a method like life can be really structured in this sense and so you You spent a lot of like your undergrad and college years with which can be seen as, you know, pseudo adulthood, like you're kind of you have a little bit more freedom and you have more free reign and making more decisions, more mistakes, more consequences. and but you still kind of have that safety net there but it's a lot of people like exploring their independence and then you had something incredibly structured and regimented during all of that and so that to me would definitely be like scary because even though it is not

a positive or happy experience it's a schedule and it's something that like if you know what to expect like there are things you can't predict and things you can expect but like you know that like I go here on that I do this I do this I do this and there's a plan and someone else has made the plan for you and you just you you do what you can in it but now you're having you're having freedom and you're having independence without that structure and that's kind of like a like it's a little bit of like an adjustment yeah I went from smaller area to bigger area for grad school but i will say in grad school it's so insular like i did not leave the bubble of westwood except for to go to my internship yeah and so like it still felt like a very like small area

yeah and so i think like when you're in grad school location depending on like depending on what you're studying it doesn't matter like because you're going to be with the people that you study with all the time you're gonna go to the college if you're somebody that goes to bars you're gonna go to the college bars like you're gonna be studying and partying and doing whatever you do with the same people regardless of where you are that's true most of my friends who are in grad school like i didn't really talk to them for those four years and they only ever hung out and talked to people who were in grad school with them and they stayed in that spot yeah yeah so i don't i really really don't think you have that much to worry about yeah and the gossip's gonna

be hot i like that small town gossip is hot but again it's just it's gonna be in your community of yeah of other students and not much else and i think that it is probably even more insular than undergrad like and you don't have to put in as much legwork to like you know socialize make friends like and all of that you're not casting as wide of a net with like your classes and all of that so you'll have the same people in your classes and your social circles and you know you'll have similar interests at least one yeah you at least have one similar interest most of those people so i would also just like recommend i don't know if you're in therapy or if you are in any sort of like group therapy or like support groups or talk server or if you like journal or

if you like to draw or do something like but like anything that you can add into your or even like a dance class or painting or a tv show that you or a book series that you like and if you want or joining a book club or something that you can incorporate structure that isn't stressful into your life in grad school. Like, because even though you have all these things that you're kind of working towards, you've just been powering through a lot of everything. And knowing that like structure and schedule

and like regimented things can also be good for your not just physical health, but your mental health and give you those kinds of needed breaks. Because this is also like a very traumatic experience to kind of just like then go back into school. And I don't think that that's a bad call at all because even though you manage to still be able to do undergrad like you do sacrifice

a lot of things but making sure that you're in you're enjoying like you're enjoying the day-to-day not just like the destination of like finishing because grad school is like really fucking hard yeah i don't even know what you're in grad school it doesn't even matter what you're in grad school grad school is just it's so much time yeah and so having something to like look forward to every week to kind of bring that um into you and like i think like a book club would be also a great way to like make friends who maybe are in like if there's schools nearby that aren't your school too i just don't think you'll have the time that's fair very very fair or just like you know get into a book that you read and you read that book for you finish the book after in the

whole process of the four years of however long it takes you to do grad school all right well there's our advice hope you enjoyed it we're gonna take a break now and we're back hey ladies i'm just gonna get right into it One of my biggest triggers is the sexualization of my body. As a young child, I matured physically faster than I did mature mentally, so I did not get to choose how my body was viewed or treated as a child, so oftentimes I was sexualized and I was too young to know that it was wrong, and I feel very, very insecure about that now as an adult.

I talk about this a lot with my friends because certain things make me feel very gross and icky about myself. For example, me wearing a regular outfit and someone making a comment about my butt, or wearing swimsuit around my girlfriends and them talking about how big my boobs. And even though they probably think that they are complimenting me, it's just very hard for me because I cannot wear or do regular things that my friends do without being viewed as sexual. It just reminds me of being a child and never being in control of how my body is viewed. So when I went on the beach trip a couple months ago, I explained this to the girls there after they asked me why I'm 21

years old and I have never posted a photo of me in a swimsuit. I got emotional explaining it and I started crying. My closest friends on that trip, let's call them Titi and Tierra. I have known them since I was 12 years old. So they have seen me go through my relationships and evolved from a girl to a woman and have heard me more than anyone else in the world talk about how triggering my body is because I feel like I'm seen as an object. Last night, a friend called me in a conversation that happened on the trip months ago without me in the room, came up in conversation. After I cried, a girl on the trip that I was not close with said, I feel so sad for her. I just didn't know what to say. And without me in the

room, she responded and said, yeah, growing up, it was just hard for her because me and Sierra were always much more skinny than her. So she felt self-conscious. This hurt me so badly because if anyone would understand the relationship I have with my body, it would be them. They were there every relationship I had with a boy. So they know how I was treated. Never once have I called myself big or said that I was overweight. So do I confront them and ask if they understand my trigger or do i just try to bring it up in conversation and just re-explain i just find it hard to believe that after 10 plus years of friendship they get sexualization mixed up with feeling sad that i'm not as skinny as them i feel very betrayed by this i would love to know what

y'all would do love the podcast so much you can be harsh if you need to bye ladies well growing up i got boobs and a butt before most people and the boys would say make comments um they talk about me like wearing a bra and this continued i think just because i moved away it kind of stopped and i moved a lot when i was a kid but like this was like my sixth grade yeah sixth grade was sixth and seventh grade i was in the same place and this was what i it was my life and the thing was is like my boobs weren't big it was just i had them before everyone else did so i completely understand where you're coming from um i don't think i like really accepted my body until i was actually around your age where i was like this is my body like i can do

whatever the fuck i want and i love my my body now like and i and i'm at the point when i know you're not there yet but i i'm at the point now where i love people talking about yeah while we're recording i was like oh i will stop talking about you're mostly like no no keep complimenting me on my ass but it's also like consensual like from people that i like yeah and friends and like but like i've had like one time when i was in college i was like at this bar i think i don't know and this man was like like jiggled the bottom of my butt and was like you got a little tooty booty and i was like what the fuck does that even mean i guess because i was smaller bite and then had a little butt at the back but like to me it's fart yeah but like he was it was a compliment to him

and i was like don't fucking touch no and it made me feel gross and then like other girls were like why are you being weird about this and so that kind of makes me feel like how your friends are but like in a different way yeah and i think and i hate to say this about other women but i truly think that they're they're jealous and that they have their own body insecurities and they're projecting them onto you because you probably got attention well you did you got attention because of the way that your body was and so then they're like well it just didn't happen to us because we were so much smaller than her yeah i mean so i would say that there is a dangerous thing about like the phone tag because there is a chance that this third party person who has then told you this

is they're projecting and they're not they're not remembering the nuance to this and they're someone who actually doesn't know you as well and so they're not describing that post-conversation when you weren't there with accuracy but I also yeah I think that there's the other side of it that like there's it's also I think just as likely that one of them or both of them is going through their own body image issues and so therefore they're so encompassed in their own like struggle and like living in the thick of fat phobia that they project, they can one track mind

that they're so concerned with their own bodies that they can only assume anyone else who has issues with their bodies, it's that. And that they're rewriting history and all of this. Or yeah, that there's some people and like we hear about it a lot in, you'll see it in like media where it becomes the,

well, what were they wearing kind of comments that you see coming from women and it's like women who have felt so invisible to men specifically that they think that people who get unwanted sexual attention they don't think that's fair and that it's like well no i would want that that's what that's like you're just not a pre like oh it's just that's a them that's a them issue and they become bitter about unwanted sexual attention which is not on you like that's like a that's a whole fucked up shit for someone else to be processing and deal with and i would say like if this is like super out of left field you felt like this isn't aligned with how they've been i would it's like has something happened but

if you've been friends with these people since you were 12 and only recently you had to have a conversation with all of these friends including them to stop making comments about your body how much have they been listening you know because like that should be something like if i would have been friends with you since we were 12 and you brought something if and other people that were mutual friends started like saying things like and i knew that those things made you uncomfortable and I also knew that like you're not necessarily like wanting to like pause the conversation so like hey don't do this like the second like you went to go to the bathroom I'd be like hey like this I would I would I would do recon as a friend in the interim not

wait for those people to ask me about it and then be like oh well like if you know something makes your friend uncomfortable I think it's also up to you to know would they want you to say something in the moment while they're there or hold off and wait until they're not around but this just felt Like, did they ever get it? And I hope that they did or I hope that they and I hope that they do. But it's also this is a very hard conversation to talk about. Like one of my friends in elementary school, her and I, I mean, we're not close anymore, but like she developed way earlier than everybody else.

And we've never talked about it, like because it was like it was awful for her. And I think that like when we can observe that, especially from a young age, it can feel like i don't know if i should bring it up or want to bring it up or if that's going to make it worse or not and so sometimes proximity isn't isn't always the kind of like window in that we think it is and i've been guilty of that with like other people like where people are like well i don't know and i'm like what do you mean you don't know like you're with me for all of for all of this kind of stuff but sometimes people feel uncomfortable watching other people go through vulnerable moments they kind of put those blinders on and it feels like well you've been with me

here you've seen this and um you don't owe people a conversation about something that's really difficult for you um but sometimes it's like it's before we you know there's a chance that this was like intentional and they hurt you like that but i also think if you really care about them and like love them giving them an opportunity to have like an open and honest conversation when you're ready about that because i think that there's a chance that it could be just miscommunication yeah or misinterpretation and especially when you're young like we either rewrite his like a lot of it gets colored with our own experiences but i'm really sorry this is like yeah this is very it's very very hard and this i do know most people i know who've gone

through this though have similar stories like melissa said that this like eventually you get to a point where the feelings you have towards your body are not just the feelings of like shame that you hold for when you were younger because you get to like tell your own story now like you get to be in control of that and at an appropriate age right now right but it takes a while so i hope it's a big miscommunication otherwise you need new friends because yeah you need to definitely have a conversation with them yeah you don't need to carry this all right well now we're gonna get into don't blame them oh my thing so don't blame them if you were curious is when a listener calls in with their own advice pertaining to a call we played on previous episode and i

guess now that we've opened up calls to dms you could probably send us a dm yeah or an email or message write it on out um and let us know maybe they had some truly personal experience like i've been to this exact same thing did i call this is crazy or it could be that is i work in that field or you mentioned something if someone has there's some tie seven degrees of bacon you don't want to say kevin sure all right ready to play hi um i'm calling in to respond to the caller who was asking about weaning off of thc um i would recommend potentially if they have a medical card and their dispensary sells CBD, I would recommend using either a CBD vape

or sometimes they have CBD cigarettes that don't have any THC in it. That can help you wean off of weed since it still kind of gives you that same relaxing effect but won't show up on a drug test. So good luck to the caller and I agree with everything else that Megan and Melissa said. well cool um just don't don't don't no don't babe but yeah i mean for me thc and cbd completely

different effect totally different effect if it's like the anxiety though like that can be helpful one helps my anxiety what gives me anxiety but yeah just say say no to vapes like regardless of what air nicotine weed anything like it is the your lungs like truly don't care like what it is they don't they don't know the difference like it's just not good and the oral fixation and addiction of that is really really hard to kick just suck some dick exactly do it yeah suck some dick and if you're gonna have like an oral fixation dick and lollipops don't give you popcorn lung correct lollipops might give you cavities though cavities over pop you can get teeth removed or replaced or like all of that but like you're not getting a lung transplant

like on a casual this is true with nova cane like that shit is fucking intense and i say this is someone who's one of her best friends is so fucking addicted to his goddamn babe literally he lost it and he was like ripping her at the house and i was like we just said before i was like are you gonna quit and he was like yeah no i can quit anytime and he lost it and i was like bitch you get that at your birthday party too he's no it's it's even fucking worse yeah so um if you want to check out our patreon support this show please do we are doing a lot of live streams this month yes i don't know when we're gonna do them but me neither because you've got friday no no and then i'll be gone two weeks from then but we'll figure it out

follow our socials everywhere give us money goodbye bye Don't Blame Me is a production by me, Megan Rinks. And me, Melissa Demonts, plus Diamond Imprint Productions. Post-production sound and editing by Coco Lorenz. Production assistance by Melanie D. Watson. And music by Giacomo Picasso and Ryan Hunter.