Don't Blame Me! - BAIW CLASSIC: Sister's Boyfriend Was In Jail

Episode Date: August 4, 2025

Original Air Date: 8/18/2022 For But Am I Wrong Meghan: People who call people who don't drink boring Melisa: Saying no to someone who doesn't respect your time and knowledge In But Am Y...ou Wrong they if listeners were wrong in the following situations: Sister's boyfriend neglecting their kids Stopping an uncle that overshares too much in the hospital And in But Are They Wrong AKA "Rachel of The Week" they nominate Meghan nominates actor Sean Bean Melisa nominates white privilege card carrier Mimi Israelah Write In: butamiwrongpod@gmail.com Weigh In: Vote in the weekly poll on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/by.meghan.and.melisa/ Buy Our Merch: https://store.dftba.com/collections/don-t-blame-me Join Our Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/dontblameme Listen to Don't Blame Me: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/dont-blame-me/id1223800566 Follow Us: https://www.instagram.com/meghanandmelisa https://vm.tiktok.com/TTPdYV7J5p/ Follow Meghan: https://www.instagram.com/meghanrienks/ https://twitter.com/meghanrienks https://www.youtube.com/c/meghanrienks Follow Melisa: https://www.instagram.com/sheisnotmelissa/ https://www.instagram.com/diamondmprintproductions https://twitter.com/SheIsNotMelissa Hosted on Acast. See ⁠acast.com/privacy⁠ for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:51 Scotia Bank. You're richer than you think. welcome to but am i wrong starring two people who are so hot so sexy so smart and in an unfair advantage to the rest of the world have also never been wrong but anything ever nope and i'm glad that people are starting to like clue on clue in because we talked about trader joe's in the last episode and someone was like i'm from the uk i've never been trader joe's but meg has never been wrong so i'm gonna have to agree with her we do have one person when i brought up the uh choco taco who is a frequent guest on our other podcast frequent update on
Starting point is 00:01:48 our other podcast and she said that the choco taco sounds disgusting and she voted against me and she's never had one before. And she said, I hope you still love me. And I said, absolutely not. No, this is, I don't think anyone, like if you listened, you knew how serious of a topic it was. Oh my gosh.
Starting point is 00:02:05 Well, I guess, I mean, we'll get into it when we give the recap, read the results of the polls from last week. But yeah, this is, but am I wrong? And if you are watching, hey, hey, hey, yes, we are available on Patreon. Now you can see the video version, but you will see that we are not split screen.
Starting point is 00:02:23 yep we are together together together together i knew that you'd only just yeah slightly touched imagine i just like fully like what are you doing it would have made me feel weird yeah you're like this is not that was not what this yeah we know what this means uh this is exciting we are back in person now we're the emojis oh yeah i think mine should be the right hand though so welcome to the podcast welcome back uh if you've been here before and welcome for the first time you've never been here before you are in for the ride of a lifetime without actually maltinas you know i see i love how you went to that and i was thinking of like surfing oh have you seen point break mott's obsessed with that movie of course he is what man isn't it's so true it actually
Starting point is 00:03:16 though to be fair like as soon as we started watching it i was like this is camp i kind of love it it it is camp that that movie is the definition of camp because it's just yeah dudes hanging out and doing shit i hot take this is not my hot take for the episode but hot take i think the vast majority of like movies that are targeted to men are like the campiest things in the world yeah and like they want to give shit to be like oh my gosh i'm not into like reality tv or i'm not into like these things that we view as like traditionally feminine and i'm like if you want to talk about camp the movie uh sleepover julie corkey that movie is nowhere near as campy as as point break or uh face swap whatever that fucking one is face off i'm like so can't fast
Starting point is 00:04:03 and furious camp yeah going back to point break it's also just i feel like just a beautiful love story too but they they they were too scared to tell the or they told it in the way that they could tell it yeah and like if you have eyes you know that they're in love it was so sexual it was so there is so much sex in that movie without there being sex like that movie probably could get off to it yep and they want to they want to talk shit on Brokeback Mountain and I'm like I'm sorry first of all every everybody cop movie just stars two men best friends in love alone high-stakes situations. Gazing lovingly in each other's eyes.
Starting point is 00:04:50 They have to trust each other. The test of their friendship. And we're supposed to believe that the girl you speak to for 0.5 seconds in one scene and at the end, that's who you end up...
Starting point is 00:05:00 Anyways. Oh, I guess I should introduce ourselves. Hi, my name is Megan. And my name's Melissa. And together, we make up stories. And we lie. We don't.
Starting point is 00:05:13 We don't. We don't. unless it's for the comedy someone they were being funny and i thought it was brilliant they were like it was three things that they said i forgot what the third one was but i had posted a picture of myself at pool this weekend that i was at and it said like bride to be like one of the little yeah banner things and they were like look at you always lying to us you're getting mary you're gay and then what other thing that is i like for some reason i didn't even realize that you were going to include that bit in the episode and so as i was listening i go oh my gosh
Starting point is 00:05:47 i am so glad that people get to hear this like story because i don't know why i don't know why i didn't know if it because i mean we could we run long when we record so sometimes things that don't necessarily pertain to the episode don't get kept in and so i just thought it was good it's it was so good and I was I I think in the back of my head I was like thinking that we went over and it was gonna get cut out and I'm so glad it did not because I've thought about it all the time like I think about it and I laugh like it's just so funny and if anyone has not seen was that in but am I wrong or don't blame me I think it was but am I wrong no it was don't blame me it was don't blame me again if you all haven't signed up to watch the video please watch the video version
Starting point is 00:06:28 because I was listening to it and again I lived this but I was listening to it and I was like wait, I want to, I want to see the video version. And you can see if you've watched us for a good amount of time, it's like, it's written on your forehead, what you're going to say. And I see it on your forehead and we're both like laughing because we know, but you haven't even said it yet. And it was just really, really, really fucking funny. Oh, it killed. It killed. Anyways. Wow. This is quite the intro. On this podcast, we have a lot of segments. We have our, but am I wrong segment where we pitch our personal hot takes for things that are happening in our lives. And we ask each other, hello, am I wrong? And we will be like, oh, of course you're not
Starting point is 00:07:10 wrong because you're never wrong. And then we have, but are you wrong? Where you, our audience listeners, you write in situations happening in your current life and, or it could be past life, but just things on your mind that you're going through and we will let you know if we think you are the hero or the villain of your story and then our third
Starting point is 00:07:28 and final segment is but are they wrong aka woe of the week Rachel of the week where we nominate a celebrity
Starting point is 00:07:38 public figure something happening current event wise who sucks beyond belief yes sucks in the bad way and then the best part or one of our favorite parts
Starting point is 00:07:48 you listeners get to vote on everything that we talk about. So on our Instagram, there will be a story up sometimes on Friday, at least between Friday and Monday, pick a day for 24 hours for you to go and vote on the situations. And if you have opposing opinions from the majority,
Starting point is 00:08:11 please just write in and let us know because there might've been things that we did not see or know. And also if you are the original writer and you want to give like address a question that we had or like give a little bit of an update or your thoughts on like what we said, we always love to like read those as well.
Starting point is 00:08:28 And if you want to have a hint to when the voting will go up, look on my Instagram, see if I'm at a wedding or at an event, then know it'll probably go up closer to Sunday. Or if you see me and I'm just like posting stories and I'm clearly in my apartment working, send me a message on my own account
Starting point is 00:08:46 and be like, hey-o. That was like your birthday. Yeah, this one was an exception. This was like, you know, birthday, wedding. All right, should we get into the results? Yes. So for episode 37, first up was me. And my hot take is Trader Joe's is not good. 31% said I was wrong and 69% said I was not wrong. I think a lot of people who said that I was wrong also agree with me in the sense that like, it's a snack place. Like everyone's like,
Starting point is 00:09:17 you know what? I'm saying you're wrong, but like, I really love a couple of like their snack things from there. And I was like that. Yeah. I'm saying it's not, it's not a real grocery store. You're saying it's a vending machine and it is a vending machine. It's like an upgrade at 7-Eleven. Literally. And first of all, I love 7-Eleven. I know how near and dear it was to your heart as a child. Yeah. When you have one chain in your entire town and those people, the Kim family lets you have no concept of what money is and you just give them some coins and think it means a dollar
Starting point is 00:09:48 and they eat the cost so you can have a Slurpee, that sticks with you forever. And then the next family bought it and they didn't do that. And I was like, maybe that's why I don't know how to do math. I would never blame the Kims for their generosity. But I then realized, I was like,
Starting point is 00:10:02 these random quarters, not even quarters, these random coins don't make up a whole dollar. I can't get one. All right. Okay. Let's go with me. melissa versus choco taco decision maker needs to be fired who is wrong seven percent said that i
Starting point is 00:10:18 was wrong 93 said that i was not wrong it will say a lot of the people that said that i was wrong they've never had a choco taco so again if it doesn't apply don't vote yeah and here's the thing i personally never had choco taco but hearing about what they were like from a friend and i realized they were soggy i was like you know not my cup of tea they're not soggy they're just not as crisp as like like think of think of it like if you ate like an actual waffle you know yeah between that and then a waffle cone it's in between that's not my it's not my preferred texture but i see the joy that choco tacos bring everybody across the world and so who am i one singular person to say that they shouldn't get fired like i don't even enjoy it i don't i don't
Starting point is 00:11:08 eat them yeah i should not be the one deciding you know who i have beef with cody from peloton because he got on instagram and he was like y'all don't like choco tacos just admit it you haven't had a choco taco in a long time and just going off on the choco taco and cody cody cody go work off your anger on your peloton i don't need you coming for my choco taco no he has lots of sermons that really resonate with people. And I just feel like this was a miss. This wasn't it. A swing and a miss.
Starting point is 00:11:39 But now it might've been a long con for Klondike, but now they're talking about because of all the backlash that they might bring it back now. Well, they should because who the, I can name off the top of my head, like at least five friends who've had a Choco Taco in the last,
Starting point is 00:11:54 like, I don't know, three months, the calendar year or whatever. I mean, three months is not a calendar year, but I'm saying a range of like the last couple of months to a year. i could not name someone in my lifetime i've never seen anyone eat a klondike bar here's the thing too is that klondike when they bought the choco taco because they haven't always been part of the choco taco family they made like a version of the klondike bar that has
Starting point is 00:12:20 the waffle cone in it so i feel like they were trying to make moves but it doesn't taste i when i saw it i got one and i ate and it just didn't have the same because the cone was inside the chocolate as opposed to the outside so it just wasn't the same it didn't hit your tongue the same way so it might have been a push for them to move towards that but not the same thing like what would you do for a klondike bar i would get a choco taco that's what i would do then we have writer number one also can we just talk about how of everything that we've like talked about at like nauseam and length the choco taco is something that like i have as much passion for as like some of the political things we talk about yeah like it like we have is just as much to say
Starting point is 00:13:05 it's just like choco taco and abortion yeah our our those are our ballot issues i'm a single issue voter that's what i'm running on that is your platform it's a good fucking platform and anti sprinkles and big milk it all goes together honestly it does life is a scam next up we have writer number one versus feeling guilty for relying on her husband for income while she focuses on art 54 said writer is wrong 46 said writer is not wrong so this one is really split i will say i didn't give the i didn't say this in the last episode which i think is attributing to like why this is like really skewed but moving forward when we say like when we say like our final consensus we've been trying to do at the end of each one of these now where
Starting point is 00:13:54 it's like oh i don't think you're wrong for this but i think you're wrong for this and in the context of the show that would mean that you're wrong so when people are like well i agree with what you said but i don't know which one to vote for if you're agreeing with what we said and we kind of gave that caveat like i don't think your feelings are wrong but i don't think you should feel that way and so therefore I would say that you are wrong in that in this sense you shouldn't feel like that vote with that like so I want to make sure like moving forward we've been we've been making a point to make sure that we say our stance so when there are ones that are more confusing like this because I can't really word it in yeah in this poll and I also think when
Starting point is 00:14:30 people are writing in maybe also don't when you're asking what you're wrong about don't put it towards your feelings word it so it's for the situation and i think that will help clear things up as well yeah because sometimes we'll adjust it where it's like oh if you have like friends who are being judgmental about it but it's like oh am i wrong for feeling like this as opposed to like am i in the wrong for this or are my friends in the wrong for this it's reactions versus feelings and like people's responses versus like your internal kind of feelings but i just want to make that clear because it is 54% said the writer's wrong. 46% said writer is not wrong.
Starting point is 00:15:06 But pretty much everyone was messaging agreeing with what we had said. So I don't want the writer to see this and see 54% and be like, wow, that's some people think that I'm wrong for doing what I'm doing. It is not that. Right.
Starting point is 00:15:21 So, and if you need screenshots to prove it, you send it to the DMs. I can send you. This was probably one of the ones that we had the most people writing in on. Yeah, no, but in lots of people were like thanking and being like this is a similar position that i'm in right now and like i like have been feeling guilt about this and it was really nice hearing that i shouldn't be feeling
Starting point is 00:15:39 guilt about this so just know that nobody thinks that you are wrong for feeling this way for doing what you're doing the only the people who are voting that you are wrong were the same things that we said that you were wrong in the sense of you're thinking that you are in the wrong is wrong yeah yep convoluted but i hope that made sense all right and then we've got writer number two versus father who she doesn't want to invite to her wedding because he is currently cheating on the writer's mom with the woman he met online that lives overseas. A mouthful. Who was wrong? 2% said the writer is wrong and 98% said the writer's not wrong. We had an update from the writer too. And it says, hi, I'm the one with the dad having an online affair. Unfortunately,
Starting point is 00:16:23 she is real. He is over in the Philippines with her now on holiday. Thank you for your advice. I need to hear that from someone who doesn't know me and my day. I'm so sorry that she's real. Yeah, me too. Yikes. Yikes. So my wrong of the week was the COVID scammers. And 96% of the scammers are wrong.
Starting point is 00:16:45 4% said scammers are not wrong. 20 votes and vast majority of you all messaged immediately and went, oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. I do not think the scammers were right. My bad. Yeah. Yeah. Somebody did write in that said, can we have both answers? Because I think the government shouldn't have made it so easy to do it. But again, that was not what was proposed.
Starting point is 00:17:09 Yeah. And I vote on what's proposed. Yeah. And we also said that in the episode and sometimes like the wrong of the week or whatever we're voting on boils down to like a single issue of that. There's always going to be more nuance in the conversation on the podcast. Yep. And then also my wrong of the week is body parts dealer Megan Hess. I had no idea what this woman looked like before. And thank you for sharing this picture. First of all, beyond the hair, the blush placement, the earrings, the makeup, I think that's tattooed eyeliner, like everything, even the coloring of this photo. It's like they tried to help her and desaturate it and make it look like it was taken in the 80s or the 90s.
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Starting point is 00:18:20 Terms apply. Hear that? It's your money calling. It wants a promotion. Elevate your savings with the Scotia High Interest Savings Account. Always earn high regular interest rates that grow the more you save and invest. Conditions apply. Visit ScotiaBank.com slash H-I-S-A to learn more.
Starting point is 00:18:42 ScotiaBank. You're richer than you think. Oh, this is this is now. Yeah. Ninety eight percent said that Hess is wrong. Two percent said she's not wrong. I don't think anybody wrote it. So I want to know.
Starting point is 00:18:57 I want to know why you think that she's not wrong. OK, one person said they voted wrong. But that one person who is pretending to be 16 years old, they voted for that with no adjustment. Yeah, I've got questions. Also, I just would like to extend my condolences to the other person named Megan Hess, who is a real. Oh, yeah, yeah. I saw that other person and how much bad press this must be for them, because I'm pretty sure they're an author. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:19:25 And there's also a politician named Megan Hess. And an artist, too. Yeah. Maybe this is the solution. If you want to commit a heinous crime, make sure your name is John Smith. yeah there's an illustrator it's very chic i know all right now it is time for but am i wrong our first segment so mine is a hot take but it is inspired by some actions of some people who i do not know but this video ended up on my for you page okay so i it is this this girl did a
Starting point is 00:20:06 TikTok in which she's talking about how she has kind of added a lot of content to her TikTok account, coining the term damp lifestyle. Yeah, I hate the word damp too, but she chose it and I've never heard anyone else use this word before. And she said that she had coined the term and I believe her because no offense to this girl, I hate the word damp. Like it's just, I think it was the alternative to moist lifestyle, but it's basically, there's been a whole influx of people who are, you know, talking about like sober curious and trying to live, reevaluate their relationship with alcohol and have like a partial relationship with alcohol and not making sobriety and not drinking as the only alternative to either your binge drinking or you're sober,
Starting point is 00:20:53 like having a healthier relationship. And this person's in their 20s. And I think it's like a really, really great like concept and a really great thing. And I've seen a lot of people who've talked about it and she was doing this tiktok saying that she was listening to a podcast of these other tiktokers that she really liked and on the podcast they have a segment where they say like yay or nay yes or no we like this or we don't two different topics and one they brought up with sobriety and they said nay like no and then they reference a whole uh-huh and then they reference saying like you know people who are like doing this whole like damp lifestyle like this content which again is this singular individual who a couple of these tiktokers i
Starting point is 00:21:40 guess follow her and they have like similar circles or mutual friends and they said if you're not an alcoholic and you don't have a problem with alcohol re-evaluating your relationship with alcohol a damp lifestyle or choosing not to drink whatever it just means that you're boring and like just say that just say that you're boring like that's really what this is and anyone doing that is just boring and my hot take is if you are so personally threatened by somebody else evaluating their relationship with alcohol which is quite literally poison and adjusting their relationship and how much they consume and if you are at all invested personally in somebody else's drinking in a negative way I'm invested in you should be drinking or I all of that you have an
Starting point is 00:22:30 alcohol problem yeah it sounds very judgmental and putting your own issues on other people like if you're personally if you feel personally attacked by somebody else choosing not to drink you have a problem with alcohol and far more people have a problem with alcohol than know that they do i think we like view sobriety the medical term which is important because like we need to acknowledge that because i think like there's a lot of misinformation and judgment that comes from people who are dealing with like active addiction that people don't understand that like yes it does change your brain chemistry you can't just quit culture like there are these steps that's why you need medical intervention for a lot of these things but that is one level of extreme
Starting point is 00:23:14 to like that is an addiction to poison but it's never not poison like it's always poison and there's always issues that are going to arise at different levels of consumption of it and like the automatic level of consumption like hangover that's like the first most basic thing like when you are doing something that actively harms you and either ruins your day or you're throwing up or you're doing anything like that you're weighing the pros and the cons but there's always a con to drinking. There's always going to be a con. Like you can't drive a car. Like there's always something there. And to treat this as like the default, I think is super, super, super problematic. And if you are watching somebody else not drink or like
Starting point is 00:24:00 reevaluate their relation with alcohol or not drink on excess, and you feel like that is a personal attack, that is because you have a problem that this is making you reflect on. And I also think that if you see someone who's saying like, oh, I'm doing 30 days, no drinking, I'm doing 60 days, no drinking. And your mind goes to judgment of that person of going, oh my gosh, wow. Like that's like, you're having to like do all of that stuff. I could never do that. If you can't even fathom considering not drinking for 30 days, you have a problem. And the idea of like, oh no, no, no, no. Well, I don't have a problem. Like, i don't have a problem so i don't need to stop for 30 days that to me is like do you hear yourself
Starting point is 00:24:43 like if that's something that you're like i could never i could never do that that's not because you don't have a problem with alcohol so then you would never need to do that it's good for anyone to do that like periodically when something we know a substance is addictive we should all be taking breaks from it like you in general like you always like that is something that like yes some people are more likely to have addiction and more likely to have substance abuse issues, but it's that you're not exempt from that if you don't have a family history of that. And I just think that like the binge drinking culture is so heavily normalized and the blackout culture of like showing videos of like people doing crazy things when they're like so wasted
Starting point is 00:25:27 and like so drunk and all of that. That was definitely prevalent when I grew up and like, I don't drink, like I don't have a good relationship with alcohol, but I can't even imagine how much harder that is now on social media with like just everyday people like yes you're posting this but then you're also seeing like barstool sports like these videos are blowing up these random people are blowing up for like having these crazy drunk stories and like this is so fun and cool and if you're excessively talking about how much you're blacking out and how much you're drinking to me that is also a red flag that you your circle is so has normalized this behavior so much that you think that saying this out loud and talking about this on a platform
Starting point is 00:26:04 where you also post aspirational content and you also are posting like everyone says it's a highlight reel. Why is blacking out a highlight reel? Yeah. When I was in college, we didn't there. I mean, Twitter was coming along and Facebook was up. But Facebook, you wouldn't post pictures of like the way that you do on Instagram and YouTube of like you drinking like that. And I know for a fact that my group of friends, drinking was like a personality trait for us. And I recognized that the way that we drank, it could be a problem for me. So I stopped. I mean, like I still socially, I might have a drink. I guess I'm part of this damp lifestyle. I did look up what it is while you were talking, but I was kind of, if somebody wasn't drinking,
Starting point is 00:26:54 I was judgmental of it because I was like, oh, they don't know how to have fun. They can't handle their liquor. And it came from a place of judgment. And so how old are these people that in their 20s, late 20s, early 20s? Because I think there is. OK, to me, that sounds about right. And I probably would have said that when I was that age. but it did come from a place of judgment and projecting. And I know that like alcoholism
Starting point is 00:27:26 is a problem, but we'd also say things like enjoy it now because after college, this is considered alcoholism. And so I get where they're coming from, but it's wrong. Yeah. I think that like there is one of the downsides of if you're choosing to be a young person on social media with like a platform, this was said on a podcast, if you're choosing to do grown-up things before your brain is fully developed you're going to be treated like a grown-up with a fully developed brain like the profiting off of having a platform I hope that they really like regret how they speak about this and how they talk about this in general and to most people in their 20s like yeah I like look back to like how how normalized it was and
Starting point is 00:28:07 I even like will see younger people now talking about this and I'm like you statistically they're going to be people in your friend group who are alcoholics and they're going to need to get sober and they will like if you're not going to reach your 30s before you meet one of your friends who you've known drinking who then has ceased drinking because they've had a problem yeah you're not going to make it to your 30s before knowing somebody who's either gone to aa gone gotten clean or gone to rehab like it's just not going to happen and the this othering like we're different I'm not like this or whatever, but like, to be fair, I think binge drinking culture and drinking culture in general across all ages is so horrific. Like there are doctors who've come out who are
Starting point is 00:28:51 like, yeah, one drink a day does negatively affect your health. And people are like, no, like that's not true. Like, and people do not want to believe doctors for this. Like you'll see like of all ages, people who are like completely denying the research behind it when it's like informed consent but you need to not treat this like people treated cigarettes in the fucking 80s that is like oh yeah this is fine like this is totally not deadly this isn't at all like no you can make the choice like we do things all the time like i don't know some people uh you eat like raw seafood like you eat things and you know the risk of them but then denying that there's any risk there at all or these numbers are skewed in any sense is like you're gonna get so much deeper
Starting point is 00:29:34 before you realize that you might need help, then you would have to. Like you don't need, it doesn't need to get to that point. Yeah, but the problem for me is the judgment behind it. Yeah, and like, I don't know. I think like there can be really like, she's around the same age.
Starting point is 00:29:48 Her name's Hannah Elson, H-A-N-A dot E-L-S-O-N. And so I don't know. She said she kind of coined the term damp lifestyle, but maybe just in this circle. So the reference is like very clearly about her, but it's just a really incredibly damaging thing, especially because I think it doesn't take until you're 30 to become an alcoholic it's usually when a lot of people are the consequences that they've reached in their life the relationships that they
Starting point is 00:30:12 might be losing or the health effects or things it's now no longer deniable and or they've now reached the point where they're willing to like kind of seek and get help but there's a lot of people who should and have gotten sober or stopped drinking cut back excessively in their 20s and when you make judgments for that, you are alienating. And also it's a really dangerous thing to spread that being sober and not drinking is lame and isn't cool. I really hate that. It's one thing to be like ignorant of knowing that like you're binge drinking when you're glorifying it and putting it on your platform. Like, and yeah, I was the same way. It was like my personality. There's a dip. I, that's also not good, but that I can also attribute to like your brain's not
Starting point is 00:30:58 fully developed and like you know you don't have a healthy relationship with alcohol there's that and then there's judging other people for re-evaluating their own relationship and maintaining a healthy relationship with alcohol yeah because it's possible but it doesn't happen after binge drinking for years and years and years and years and years like that's not building that habit pissed me off you seem like it i comment on her videos like i have no idea who these people are But I'm inclined to say that they might have an alcohol problem. Well, all right. So mine is personal this week.
Starting point is 00:31:31 So a friend reached out to me who works in the entertainment industry, but does not work in our sect of the entertainment industry. And they're like, hey, I want to be a writer now. And I was like, OK. And they said, can you like give me some tips or whatever? And I said, yeah, sure. let's schedule a time to talk about this. When they had originally reached out, I was super busy. I mean, I'm still super busy now, but I was like, we can do this in a few weeks. So we set a
Starting point is 00:32:02 time. And then over the week before they started sending me voice memos, which I hate of, Hey, so I have this story. I want it to come out on this specific day, which I was like, already, you don't know how this industry works like it takes for if you get something made it takes forever to get made and you have no say on when it would get me or when it would oh like see the light premiere oh yeah okay which is less than a year from here from this time i said that's not realistic and then they were also like i have this idea and i've written these specific scenes that have to go in it and i was like again that's not how things work and they said but what i'm really looking for is someone who knows what they're doing to finish this story for me so they came
Starting point is 00:32:55 to me initially saying i just want like some tips and pointers and then ending it with you i want you to write this why did you come on as the new writer what is it called when you know it's not rewrites but it's essentially they did the story by and then i would do the action right oh they want you to yeah just write it just write it and i said i don't have the capacity to do this at all were they offering you money nope okay didn't offer any money didn't offer i said do you have financiers and you already have like this ready to go and they said no what does that mean have no understanding of how just the industry works as a whole and i again told them that i have no time to do this and they're like well oh and but i was like you know if you want pointers
Starting point is 00:33:43 i will do this because i have there's certain parts of the industry that i want to get into and i've reached out to people and i always feel like if there's just like tips that i have then i will meet with the person and share well and also those kinds of tips are not mentally or physically laborious it's just kind of like off the top of your it's it's easy to share that might be harder for other people to obtain that knowledge but like it's not a lot of mental or physical work for you to say those things so we set a time and they didn't show up for the time for us to uh talk on facetime and then they messaged me a few hours later and was like i put this in my calendar wrong can we meet tomorrow and i said no they also called me but i was asleep when they called
Starting point is 00:34:29 and I said no I'm busy and they said is there another time I said no I told you everything that I have to do this month that's due I don't have time to do this so am I wrong for telling them no no did you suggest to them that they might be interested in writing fan fiction I didn't suggest that but they also or a novel they also uh it was like do you know another writer that would be available and I said do you have the money to do this and they said no I think people in entertainment and in Hollywood specifically like view writing like a screenplay or a tv show as a romantic creative process similar to that of writing like a love story like a book or something that you pour everything into when in reality you're writing something
Starting point is 00:35:27 that you can't love it like you can like it and you can really like love the concept and but you have to you know the the trope not the trope or the the the saying is like gotta kill your darlings like that's why no one wants a writer who wrote the novel to do adapted to a screenplay yeah like just because you you care too much you love it too much you can't let go of like this isn't going to translate on screen like this is we're going to have to cut we're gonna have to do all of this kind of stuff yeah that's obscene it's obscene and also i just felt like it was just disrespectful of me and my time and also i laid out that i have two screenplays that are doing the next two months like i don't have time to do this and i also explained to them in detail
Starting point is 00:36:17 like in a text message the process of even getting something made and they're like well i know enough people to ask and i was like okay then go ask those people yeah your proxy to the industry should make it so like i don't want to say like that whole thing like oh there's no stupid questions but like your proxy to the industry should make like a lot of the kind of basic questions answered without having to like seek out someone also google yeah exactly i was gonna say and then there's google and so then it's like after you've done all of this individual work yourself then when you reach out to your friends who are working in the industry you want to work in who are incredibly busy and you're calling in a favor that is the stuff that it's like i've done
Starting point is 00:36:58 all this research i've asked all these other people i've like taken these mentorships i've like looked at the master class i've done all of this kind of stuff and there are a couple like little technical things i'm caught up on could you help me out with that and not the like you i would if you're in the industry at this point and that you don't know that you like need to pay a writer to write i'm like do you walk around with your like fingers in your ears going like like it's just that's wild yeah i don't think they actually want to write any they don't i don't think I don't believe that these scenes that they say that they have written have been written either no I'm sure they've just been like fleshed out and like story-wise I don't even think that
Starting point is 00:37:43 I think it's an idea that's in their head that they have not put on paper I also just hate in general how a lot of people talk about writing because like writing and like scream like writing like in the industry specifically because yes anybody like of all of the ways to get into the creative field and like Hollywood or making movies television shows writing is the way that like you don't need a ton of credits like you don't need like if you write a really great script it is what it is like that is that entity like you don't have to like it's not like delivering one good audition and then you're not good on the callback like you know all you have to do is deliver one like amazing great script that a production company happens to want and so and
Starting point is 00:38:21 it has to be the right time the market for it has to be like there's a lot of things that have to hit for it to even get made unless you just have money and you can make it yourself and then distributed itself. But I think a lot of people talk about like, you should just write something, just go for it. Because yes, there are people who've written one thing and the first thing they wrote hit and it was amazing and it was great. And it's like, you don't necessarily need a ton of credits, credentials, like anyone can do it. But that means anyone can do it. Yeah. Like that, that, that means that like, then do it. Like anyone can do it, do it. It might not be good. It might be great. And it still might not get made. But like this idea that like,
Starting point is 00:39:01 it's simple and it's easy just because it is the one of the few things that it is kind of like getting discovered at a mall right like yes we have those like some there's still so much work that even goes into that and those scripts are phenomenal yep and even great writers who've written amazing scripts if they write a shitty script it doesn't get made then like a next movie they make like it doesn't uh-huh it doesn't happen in that way yep i can't i'm still not over the This is the day I want it to come out. Wow. You are not wrong.
Starting point is 00:39:35 Thank you. Survey says not wrong. Should we take a break? Oh, yeah. We'll be right back. This episode is brought to you by Accenture. When your advertising operations fall out of sync, everything else follows. Spotify and Accenture are working together to reinvent the rhythm of ad sales, using automation, analytics, and smarter workflows to simplify campaign delivery and access better data across the business.
Starting point is 00:40:11 The result? Less time spent on operations, more time connecting brands with the moments and fandoms that matter most. Learn more at Accenture.com slash Spotify. When WestJet first took flight in 1996, the vibes were a bit different. People thought denim on denim was peak fashion, inline skates were everywhere, and two out of three women rocked the Rachel. While those things stayed in the 90s, one thing that hasn't is that fuzzy feeling you get when WestJet welcomes you on board. Here's to WestJetting since 96. Travel back in time with us and actually travel with us at westjet.com slash 30 years. And we're back from our break and we're going to get into the, but are you wrong segment?
Starting point is 00:41:02 So if you want to email us to be a feature on episode, send us 300 words maximum, type it out to amirongpod at gmail.com. We ask that you include your ages. It's all anonymous in the story. Anonymous in the story. If you're going to use pseudonyms, use full names, not like numbers or letters. It's just harder to follow. Include everybody's ages. If you want to include pronouns, go for it and give us as much information and detail as possible and like we said the beginning of the episode format the end of it with like what specifically you're asking if you're wrong about just so we can yeah take feelings out of it yeah because you're never wrong for how you feel about a situation but i at 25 they them and not a fan of my older sister's boyfriend she her 29
Starting point is 00:41:51 and he him 29 and neither are my other sisters both she her 23 and 24 so my sister's boyfriend let's call him chad fitting makes no effort on helping my sister let's call her dolores with the kids what a random name to pick when you picked chad they share one kid together my nephew who is three and my sister already has a daughter who just turned 10 whenever she goes to work she'd ask him to take care of the kids and when she'd come home my niece would complain they didn't eat all day. Oh my God. Not only that, but he'd leave them both home alone or call me or my other sisters to take care of it. We all hate him. He's got no car, no license, no job, nada. We hated him more when my family and his family tried to have an intervention and it ended with him pointing a
Starting point is 00:42:37 gun in my face. The fuck? What the hell? And vandalizing my house a month later. We found out he went to jail for God knows what, and we were all happy until we found out Dolores bailed him out and brought him to a family event, and he was high and drunk as shit and kept calling me bro and cuz, as in cousin to the white people out there. So here's my thing. Am I wrong for wanting to confront my sister that she needs to break up with him, or I'm lawyering up and taking the kids away from her and adopting them myself? I love those kids with all of my heart, and I want them in a safe environment. Chad just brings out the worst in Dolores and it scares me for the kids safety. You are not wrong at all. At all. I think you have to have a loving conversation with your
Starting point is 00:43:26 sister coming from a place of compassion and not judgment, but compassion for the kids of being like, this is not a stable environment and this is not okay. And if they live together, I mean, the first thing I would do is be like, I want you and the kids to move in with me. And I think that that should be something that would be great. I think we should get you like in therapy. This relationship is like really hard to watch you go through and it's really scary and dangerous. And I can't imagine how much harder it is for you to be in the thick of this. But I would really, really, really love to be able to support you and the kids in working towards being in a happy and healthy place because there you mean there's a way you have to go about it
Starting point is 00:44:13 like because i'm and this is not what you're asking at all but this pops up on like lots of things where i'm very very very much not in the camp of unless it is in dire need and there's no other option in calling cps on like a family member i don't think unless there is not a way that you can help it's completely out of your control like all of these things because cps in theory on paper is great but in practicality it's it's not it's kind of in a lot of cases like there's just too much they're overwhelmed and in similar cases it can be like kind of calling the cops for domestic violence like things can get worse from doing this so i think that like i don't think you're wrong in giving that ultimatum but i do think that you need to strategize
Starting point is 00:45:03 with your family and it seems like his family's on the same page like I think you all need to kind of strategize as a whole because when kids are involved and like there's custody kind of stuff you want to do what's best for the kids but there's a way to go about like it's always going to be hard but there's a way to go about it like you don't want to make it harder than it has to be. Do you know what I mean? I don't think that you're wrong in, you know, being scared for the kids. So practically, depending on what state you're in, I would research and then Google, research or read other people's research, like figure that stuff out and then talk to a lawyer because more likely in some states, grandparents can step in. So, I mean, I think that practically
Starting point is 00:45:53 you look into like grandparents rights. And I mean, I don't know if that's exactly the right term. I think that applies. I don't know if that applies to custody, but looking into that, because that by proxy in some states is kind of the only way you can go about things without bio parents relinquishing their rights willingly. But I think that depending on what the legality of that is, and that kind of has to be like a hundred percent sure shot that that's going to work, that is also really traumatizing. But my mind automatically goes to, and I know this isn't like we're supposed to be giving you advice, but my mind does go to having the kids and your sister move in with you or having something where when someone's in a bad relationship or a bad situation
Starting point is 00:46:40 and they're not really seeing that and they can't really get out of it, sometimes the best thing that you can do is provide them a good relationship and a good situation. And it makes it so that feels like it could be a long-term forever possibility as opposed to I could never imagine that happening. Like the one thing you don't want to do when someone's in an abusive relationship is let their abuser, which I guess I don't want to put onus on anyone else, but abusers want to isolate you. And the best thing that you can do as someone who's like witnessing this happening is making sure that like you maintain a good relationship and a place like a safe space where that person doesn't forget what that is like and doesn't think that that is so far out
Starting point is 00:47:19 of reach that it becomes like a viable option to pursuing and getting out of that situation. But yeah, this is like really, really, really, really hard. And even if it's not being able to move everybody in with you, like scheduling time to take the kids and being like, I'll babysit on these days. I'll babysit on these days. That's always like if you can't get kids out of an abusive situation especially if they're young the best thing that you can do is to take them out of that situation as often as you can and just temporarily because it's going to be hard no matter what but it's easier to not continue the cycle and easier to break that and like go no contact or like get mental health help or do all of that if you have other point of
Starting point is 00:48:09 references of healthy relationships and you have like places and people you can go that, you know, you can count on and kind of escape to. But I think it's better that it doesn't always feel like escaping, that there's planned times that you can, you know, that you're going to take them and that inadvertently is like protecting them as best you can. Oh, I cannot believe this. I hate Chad. I hate Chad. But Dolores is also, yeah, this is an abusive relationship. So it doesn't surprise me that chad brings out the worst in dolores because that's because chad is the worst and that's the intent like you make the person you're abusing an unlikable person so then when you isolate them people aren't missing you know i mean like people like you you piss people off
Starting point is 00:48:54 before you isolate them from their family and stuff and it and it yeah you hear that stuff all the time when people are like how i can't reach out to people like that i was so mean i was so like all of that and that's what abuse does yeah a gun yeah a gun i did not know that was gonna happen all right my turn yes all right so here's the next one hey bitches hi i like that i need an honest opinion about an issue weighing on my mind i am a 28 year old female and my grandma recently got covet from an irresponsible friend of hers who did not disclose testing positive She was admitted to the hospital and readmitted due to unresolved symptoms. When my grandma returned to the ER, my uncle began spamming the family group chat with updates,
Starting point is 00:49:45 some medical related and some also very unnecessary, including every time he was in and out of the ER and messages such as, but not limited to, and this is a quote, nurse came in with tomato soup. first time I've seen it in a disposable container, end quote, new quote. I have added coconut oil, turmeric, and zinc to my diet ever since I got COVID, end quote. He received minimal responses to these updates, and it was difficult for me to keep up to date having to read through unimportant details. I replied, hi, could you please only send factual medical information? I want to be up to date with grandma's status but it's a lot of messages to read thank you in advance he didn't send any additional messages after this response he provided no updates about
Starting point is 00:50:40 my grandma her admission her admission room number or phone number the next day my mom was able to get through to the nurse the next day and the nurse stated that my uncle that my uncle was having issues with his phone i really have no intention to be mean as everyone handles stress differently i do feel bad though that i may have caused the lack of updates am i wrong for sending this message would it be significantly better to have messaged him privately thanks and i love both podcasts this is something i would have done it is i might have already done this uh i actually did that do this let's just say i did this i did this i did this i had a cousin that was in uh the hospital for covet as well and i was getting updates very much like this play by place play
Starting point is 00:51:30 by place it was a little different situation as he is was i don't know his status now an anti-vaxxer so i was angry on many reasons but do you know how much more relatable you just became you have an anti you had an anti-vaxxer in your life i do i do have an anti-vaxxer in my life and so we were getting play-by-plays of what was happening in the hospital and so me and my sisters sidebarred and we were like do you care no do you care no okay so they're like but i don't know what to say i said don't worry i'll handle this i got this so i sent a message very similar to what you said you know so I said if this is not an actual like life or death update if this is not a change to his status then I don't care please stop messaging I sent it to the whole group
Starting point is 00:52:25 and it changed and do I think that this might have made your uncle feel pissed off and he stopped sending actual updates that you needed probably but sometimes people got to be put in their place And so now now that he's not sending actual updates, I would send him a private message and say, hey, you know, kind of like what you said here. Like, hey, I know that, you know, what I said might have come off a little bit harsh. And I'm sorry if you were offended, but it's just like there's a lot of things going on. And I would just like to be like on the highlight reel and not if you wouldn't be today. Yeah, I don't need a live stream. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:53:07 part of me thinks it would have been better if you did this privately but i would also wonder who is who i'm always big into like delegating so like if this is your uncle right are your parents or guardians around like are they involved like who else is on this message because if you do have it seems like her mom or their mom i don't know who the caller is their mom yeah because my mom was able to get through the nurse so then my thing would be like hey mom i'm gonna turn this on no notifications you let me you send me a message and let me know if there are updates and like what those updates are because i don't know what the extent of where your grandma is at but if he is the only person in that hotel room that i mean hotel room in the
Starting point is 00:53:58 hospital room that can be really isolating and like i understand yes everybody like deals with stressed differently. But when someone is there in the thick of like a really clinical medical kind of sterile setting and you're seeing presumably his mom hooked up to all of these tubes and that stuff, like it doesn't feel it can feel really not human. And that then this is very clear to me that like this is seeking human connection and not really knowing how to do it and obviously has no kind of fun life update. Like it doesn't have a way to kind of reach out. So, you know, could have also been
Starting point is 00:54:37 that maybe he was kind of lonely before this happened. And this is just to me, I read this and I go, this should be two different threads, but it's not. And it seems like this is someone who is taking the opportunity of people who want to listen and be there, that like this is kind of a very isolating
Starting point is 00:54:56 and lonely thing to kind of even if you're not being the caretaker and like there are nurses and doctors when you are like the family member like that is a role that you play in the hospital so at the same time I don't necessarily think if you messaged him privately it would have made I think it still would have hurt his feelings but I think what I would have done is I would message your mom and be like I'm swamped I have so much shit to do I can't scroll through these and read these, I need to just like know like the actual update update and just send me those when those happen. So, I mean, I would definitely reach out and apologize and be like, hey, I'm sorry if that came across really harsh. Like I think we're all really stressed about this. And mine is just
Starting point is 00:55:36 kind of manifested in the sense that like I don't have a lot of time. And so I was feeling really frantic trying when I had a minute to get away to scroll through and I'm unable to see what the updates are. And I want to be able to look at my phone and quickly know if something has happened. And every time I'm getting a text message from you in this group chat, my mind is going like something's happened and I'm getting really anxious of that. So like, I wonder if it would be possible if we could have two separate ones where it's like, you know, one where we all catch up and we can talk about things and like, I can send you a funny TikTok if I see that and like kind of reach out in a compassionate way. and then we can have one where we're giving strict updates or maybe we do an email at the end of the day or like something like that where you're not cutting off connection because he's just i think it's just the wrong vehicle for this because this would piss me off too yeah but yeah also i can't i've added coconut oil turmeric and zinc to my diet since getting
Starting point is 00:56:33 since covid are you making a curry with a shot of orange juice afterwards yeah also if you're not doing black pepper with your tumor doesn't activate it nope yeah this would i also but i also have friends like this like i have friends like this who like even if they're the ones going through kind of medical things and i'm waiting for updates like from them specifically they'll kind of do this and i understand i know it's them trying to like also calm themselves down and like de-stress all of that stuff but like you just there needs to be two separate if you can't do that then there needs to be two separate avenues yeah pawn that off on your mom i want what were your mom's feelings about this was your mom like yeah i agree with you yeah because it doesn't seem
Starting point is 00:57:20 like you got like reprimanded by your mom yeah so she received minimal responses that also in itself is kind of just sometimes those things resolve themselves yeah yeah thanks for writing in again, send us your, but am I wrong to, but am I wrong pot at gmail.com. Whether life serves you an ace or an unexpected backhand, the high protein yogurt Oikos Pro is there to feed your strength and help you turn every challenge into a smash. Oikos Pro helps build strong muscles and support muscle recovery with high protein and contains no added sugar. Because true strength isn't about being able to take the hits. It's about being able to bounce back.
Starting point is 00:58:12 Oikos Pro. Feed your strength. Visit oikos.ca for more details. Your playlist might get you through the workday, but have you ever wondered how your ancestors spent theirs? What work helped them build a life? How did they adapt as the world around them changed? With Ancestry, you can search select historical occupational records for free for a limited time and discover the stories behind the jobs in your family tree. You've got questions. We've got ancestors.
Starting point is 00:58:41 Search free until August 31st. Visit Ancestry.ca for details. Terms apply. And now what is it time for? Now it's time for But Are They Wrong, a.k.a. Rachel of the Week, a.k.a. Wode of the Week. This is when we will pick something in pop culture, in the news, in the headlines, in our minds that is something that's just happening in the zeitgeist.
Starting point is 00:59:17 And we nominate someone who is the worst person of the week or, I mean, in the running for the worst person of the week. So who you got? I would like to nominate... Sean Bean. And I just want you to know that every time I hear the name Sean Bean, I do think of Mr. Bean. So when I first saw this trending on Twitter, I was like, Mr. Bean said what? I thought of Bean from Even Stevens. Beans. So you can imagine my surprise when I see Sean Bean says intimacy coordinators ruin
Starting point is 00:59:51 the spontaneity of scripted drama. And my mind went to when has Mr. Bean had a sex scene in the movie? And I open it and I go, oh, no, this is Sean Bean. So this is from AV Club dot com. I decided to pick this specific headline because I love how they worded it. It is because no one asked. Sean Bean says intimacy coordinators ruin the spontaneity. I love AV Club. I've never I don't think i've ever been out here before today in jesus who asked game of thrones and lord of the ring star sean bean decided to throw the advertising campaigns of two massive tv shows under the bus by sharing his awful opinion on intimacy coordinators so he told the uk times of his frustrations claiming that intimacy intimacy coordinators inhibit him because
Starting point is 01:00:35 they're always drawing attention to things he finds it artistically stifling to have quote unquote someone put your hand there while you touch his thing well we're sure that bean doesn't want his scripted sex scenes to be a free-for-all his description sounds a lot like the relationship between an actor a director and partnership which the director tells the actor to do something and then the actor does their best to accomplish that task but lawrence oliver technique of try acting after all is still on the table this is just like so maybe explain what an intimacy coordinator is for people that don't know so an intimacy coordinator is someone who is hired and this has happened in recent years um it has only become offered it is not industry standard it has only
Starting point is 01:01:16 become offered in the last five to seven years and one of the largest shows that has spoken about how they would have benefited from an intimacy coordinator on early early seasons is game of thrones the show that he was on so an intimacy coordinator basically comes in and there's also some great intimacy coordinators on tiktok if anybody's like ever interested in industry related job that is much more like psychological based like a lot of people have like psych degrees and like they're like have backgrounds in like therapy and lots of psychology based instances and things to to know how to implement that safely among people who are in a vulnerable state so infancy coordinator comes in and for any scene that is romantic so it should be there for making
Starting point is 01:02:07 out, sex scenes, anything involving consensual or non-consensual sex within said script. So like absolutely anything, not just romantic stuff, but anything that involves touching body parts, even alluding to touching body parts. And they make sure that you have the right garments, which is like privacy garments. So whether that's like pasties or strapless bras or whatever, and they're not telling you what to do. They give you options. They look at this scene with a director and they come up with various options they can do to do this but they're also there to advocate for you if you are not comfortable doing something and then they can say that's not happening we're not filming this they they do hold a lot of power they can't be like over
Starting point is 01:02:51 if you're hiring as an intimacy coordinator and you override them like you will get reported to sag and that's uh never any production wants like that or whatever guild any any guild any guilds that you will get reported for everything. They will come to make sure that the actors are safe. They will then investigate the director. Like, it is not something you want to fuck with. And I, as somebody who's had to do intimate scenes, oh my gosh, how nice would it have been
Starting point is 01:03:19 to have an intimacy coordinator? I've been incredibly lucky that the two times that I've had to do one is me and Melvin. And Melvin and I had to figure it out on our own. And I was really lucky that it was with, a close friend of mine who I felt like safe around who like he was there to make sure that like he didn't want anyone else to see my bits like he he was there also looking out for me he wasn't you don't and most of the time in these things it's usually the AFAB people who are the ones
Starting point is 01:03:49 who are in the most vulnerable state and so you know I was able to like rely on my male co-star to also be there thinking about me and what how this we can do this and we're coordinating this but also it is a little awkward and that's how lines can get blurred when you have two people who are like okay how are we gonna make out and then you're just and make it look believable yeah that we're into each other or not depending on what the script calls and now you're like making out off the clock like practicing with someone you're like this feels weird because it also doesn't feel like a part of my job and like this is just kind of awkward and then you're kind of going through it and like trying to make it work but you also don't really know how much you can
Starting point is 01:04:26 advocate for yourself and like in one of the scenes that we had to do i remember i was told that day. Hey, you're going to do this scene and like your shirt's going to be off and this is going to be this, this and this. And I was like, what? And you're not supposed to do that. And an intimacy coordinator is there to kind of make sure that you also as an actor know your rights, know what you can say yes and no to and how things are supposed to go. And then the other time I had one, it was like almost it was the vast majority. It was a female crew with a female director. And so it was not in a circumstance in a situation. The set in itself as a whole from the very beginning was made in a way that like you have agency over the choices you want to make and this
Starting point is 01:05:03 is a very safe place and like we are looking out for you always those are two massive anomalies like and that is because everyone else essentially did the job of an intimacy coordinator and so I think it was actually on the deuce oh yeah that's the second season of the deuce that was like the first show to announce the employment of an intimacy coordinator and there are no regulations without one. So like you basically have to go based on director's discretion of do they want to have a closed set or are they okay with people walking in and out who don't need to be there watching you perform like simulated oral sex and you're naked. And so an intimacy coordinator is there to protect actors, to make them feel safer, and also to make the days go by
Starting point is 01:05:52 faster to plan ahead and accordingly and know what kind of garments you feel comfortable wearing and be able to advocate for that and also know that like do you really want to spend even if you really like your co-star but if the actual scene you're doing is a traumatizing scene that's relating to sex that you're not doing that for 12 hours straight that they are looking at what the what the footage that they are getting and they're making it clear that this needs to be wrapped up quicker. There's also a lot of instances of really, really gross producers, directors, people on crews and set who take advantage of being able to watch and tell actors to do something sexual and self-gratify as that is happening. And you don't know that's happening when you are in
Starting point is 01:06:37 front of a camera. Like you don't have eyes everywhere. You can't see what people are talking about. And that stuff happens even not in sex scenes. There always is going to be taking advantage and just weird things and awkward things and not knowing that people are looking at you in a certain way or people are filming you in a certain way. I had one person who was told a camera operator who was a woman who was told to get a specific shot to pan up from. And she kept refusing to do it. And it was on me. And she kept saying, no, I'm not going to do it. I need you to come look at my frame. And they're like, well, just show it. And she goes, no, I'm not showing video village. I come over here. Look at my direct frame. I'm not going to do it. And we're like kind
Starting point is 01:07:12 of in a precarious like location. They would have to like move. And they're like, I'm not going to do it. And she snapped and she goes, so you want me to tell Megan, you want me to start the shot on her boobs. And I was just like, and they're like, oh, oh, okay. We'll come look at this right now. And that only works. And those instances happen when you have a woman who is comfortable standing up to like 90% of the men on set, but it's also very hard to find a woman on a set doing a crew related job. Who's going to be there next to an actor. Who's not in the makeup department who's not in wardrobe who's not at crafty who's not someone you're like literally in contact with close proximity all day every day so this is something that's been great that
Starting point is 01:07:52 they've done this amazing absolutely fantastic and he's gonna get out here and just be like this is like really ruining the magic whoa it's not magic it's your job and i'll challenge that by saying superhero movies action movies all these movies have lots of fight fighting combat have stunts why is a sex scene or any intimate scene not considered in the same way as a stunt would be and that's and it should be because it's you're putting people maybe in a situation where they don't feel comfortable, you're coordinating how the situation will happen. So do you not feel like when you watch a movie that has somebody getting punched where they're not actually getting punched and that was choreographed by the stunt coordinator, do you feel like that
Starting point is 01:08:49 takes you out the moment as an actor? No. Also, Sean Bean, maybe you're not a very good actor. or maybe you're a creep both both at that point like if you need I hate to break it to you all of your co-stars haven't also been in love with you like did you think all of this was like real and true and happening and intimacy coordinators relate their job a lot to like a stunt coordinator and why it's really important and the biggest thing too that is like the difference which is why I think intimacy coordinators are equally if not more important than stunt coordinators is because when a stunt goes wrong everybody knows when an intimate scene goes wrong two people know yep or one person knows and that's it and like there's not as many people around everything is
Starting point is 01:09:34 kind of far away also people want to give you like weirdly like your privacy and your space when doing this when it's like no no this does need to feel as mechanical as possible because this is my job like i don't want you to like take yourself out and be so far away that we get lost in that like do that for like a really emotional scene where it's a lot easier to get to that point because it doesn't you don't have all these cameras around but no in the sex stuff like you're gonna show what 30 seconds of this right like what I hope that this drastically affects how people view casting him in future projects and I last thing I want to add is okay he's I think the natural way of lovers I think the natural way lovers behave would be ruined by
Starting point is 01:10:18 someone bringing it right down to a technical exercise it would inhibit me more because it's drawing attention to things yeah if you are doing things you are not supposed to do and making someone uncomfortable that yeah no rachel zegler tweeted she was 17 when she shot love scenes with 25 year old ansel eglert for that for west side story i can't believe they still came out with that saying intimacy coordinators establish an environment for safety of actor of safety for actors i was extremely grateful for the one i had on west side story they showed grace to a newcomer like myself and educated those around me who've had years of experience spontaneity and intimate scenes can be unsafe wake up and jamila jameel said it should only be technical it's like
Starting point is 01:10:59 a stunt our job as actors is to make it not look technical nobody wants an impromptu grope no one all right so mine is so there's this woman that was in anchorage alaska and she was in traffic but it was at three i won't even say it's traffic she was driving at traffic at three 3 45 a.m take it back she was driving at 3 45 a.m and was like leaving in and out of traffic and she got pulled over by a couple officers officers nicholas bow and charles worland with impaired driving enforcement unit when they did a traffic stop for her for weaving in the lane and she couldn't find her driver's license and she pulled out a card that said this is my white privilege card also this woman is not white oh my god you that i feel like you slapped me across one foot and in the
Starting point is 01:12:02 second i was processing that you slapped me on the other side like wait whoa whoa whoa the fuck Yeah, she was there for, she was in Anchorage for a Trump rally, and I guess they gave away these cards or she bought it at some concession that was there. Not only did, you know, she show that, then she went, they let her off because of it, because they thought it was funny. Not all cops. And then she posted about it on Facebook and bragged about it. And then now everyone is in trouble. If Mark Zuckerberg just leaned in and turned Facebook into like NARC book and like we're just going to rat everyone out. Come on, collect, collect that coin.
Starting point is 01:12:47 So not only did she post about it, but she took video of it happening. And on the video, the officers are standing outside of her car. And she asks, you like my white privilege card? And the officer says, that's hilarious. So is she double agenting? Or is she is this one of those things where it's like, no, like when someone does something absolutely ridiculous and bad and problematic and then they simultaneously take someone down with them and it ends up benefiting the other. Wow. Wow. Unintentionally. That's like kicking the goal, the ball into someone and the other person's goal. yeah she's not double agenting at all she's been seen like she's photographed in professional like
Starting point is 01:13:34 somebody found a professional photo of her at the trump rally and it is posted along with her this article so she posted this on facebook with haha look at me and the cops i got off of my white privilege oh my god and i didn't have my driver's license with me and they let me off wow maybe they will just be their own demise holy shit do we have a picture of what the card looks like because i'm assuming it's similar to like a business card if she didn't have her license and was going through and that was because she had it in the video she definitely had it i saw it in another article hold on let me try to find it this is actually like ridiculously funny to me that they would be like having that at a trump rally because because they try to act like that as we've brought up
Starting point is 01:14:26 numerous times they're just a walking contradiction contradiction yeah exactly where it's like oh but i thought white privilege didn't exist here it is of course it's black enterprise that has it it looks like a credit card oh my oh my god and there's a picture of her holding it up with the police officer video that she posted on we'll post it on our instagram either on our story or on the static yeah and she i mean she has on like a trump hat in the video she has so many flags on a ring on two rings on her shirt so what's happening now this is from the article specific article that i'm reading now is from nbcnews.com and they reached out to mimi israeli and she won't give a comment the officers said that they observed
Starting point is 01:15:21 observed no sign of impairment so there was no citation that was issued and then they looked up to see if she had a valid driver's license in their system and she did so the investigation regarding the incident is completed and is a part of a confidential personnel file that will not be released publicly and of course not and another police spokesperson said both officers remain employed by the department so nothing happened a surprise to absolutely no one holy shit this is like something that mike sherwood right what the fuck shit that's funny this is like how you know it's like so bad when people always talk like about like woke culture of being like we can't say anything now like we can't do we can't
Starting point is 01:16:17 do all of this like you're making everybody walk on all of this and i'm like after cops have killed countless black people they're not operating any differently like there there is none of that there is no like oh well now we have now we're being watched like now we're being so work they don't care there's not because there there is no repercussions especially within like actual precincts in like those communities and even on a larger scale like there is no consequences like nothing has changed in this nothing has changed in the grand schemes but i do want to highlight that you know this week the officers that murdered brianna taylor have been charged and then the two men that killed ahmad aubrey have been basically sentenced to life in jail so i mean there are
Starting point is 01:17:06 because they were charged with a hate crime so there there are repercussions but they're few and far between and taking longer to happen than they should yeah i mean my viewpoint from what i've read about brianna taylor's killers and i have no idea if this is like very off base but from one to me that was like you said like there we have two instances where a semblance of justice was it's not the new like precedent or whatever but that one specifically feels like we are throwing specific cops under the bus you know we're giving them a much like to be fair like like justly like the how what how they've been convicted and especially like the actual terminology of how they've been convicted because most of the time it's like i don't know like
Starting point is 01:17:54 obstruction of just like things that are very like not clearly hate crime or like race-related malicious intent there's usually just like oh on we got them on technicalities this one was very much to me i'm like this is a these cops fucked up as they they are horrific horrible things horrible people and you are using them because there is a much bigger grand scheme issue that is happening there and that's similar how i feel about the school shooting in texas where it's like not that someone's becoming a scapegoat because that implies that they had no agency or they're being like unjustly crimes are being unjustly attributed to like that singular person but i i that's how i feel about that that one that i'm like do you have precinct protocols
Starting point is 01:18:47 that are so bad that you're like having to are you trying to turn eyes away from us as this as a whole because this is actually this is like way way way worse than anybody could have ever known and then there was one case that ended up blowing up on everyone saw all of this and all the attention was on here and so now you're like okay we're gonna give you that yep because that it feels i don't want to say it feels too good to be true because it's not a good circumstance but it feels it's like there was so much media attention we have to do something yeah this won't be what will be the norm going forth yeah and even other other times there's been just as much media attention it hasn't happened so like yep it is a little unnerving how little faith i
Starting point is 01:19:34 have in our justice system that i'm like what's the catch like what's the catch here because i i don't trust them yeah there's no reason to trust them and also like if you got if you if you were nailed down for all of these charges what are we not nailing you for like what did we not know that you did yep because everyone's like oh they're just making an example and i'm like i don't they don't do that no they don't they don't they don't do that with their own so yeah wow wow wow not all cops not all cops that's horrific absolutely horrific when did this happen on the 7th of july i didn't see anything about this it just like it just became public information this week wow
Starting point is 01:20:23 holy fuck well that was our episode we feel like we need like some good news to sandwich oh i do have something i mean it's not necessary it's good news because like we're honoring a legend but serena williams announced today that she'll be retiring after the summer wow yeah i mean i feel like we bring her up every episode so we got a close friend of the podcast so we were sharing her close friends news that she exclusively told you yeah i feel like she probably is up there for longest athletic career like playing at a professional level she's played when she was a child that's what i mean probably because i would say tennis as far as i know like yes you can be a professional swimmer but like it's kind of like olympics but like for tournaments and stuff
Starting point is 01:21:11 you have soccer players those people can play really really young yeah and tennis players and you know gymnasts start really young but those careers aren't as long same thing with like anything ice skating so i would think that she's probably up there yeah her longest professional careers well if venus isn't retiring then she's gonna lap her because they've been playing the same yeah but i would think they're probably both pretty high up there yeah she is on the cover of vogue beautiful cover oh the blue dress yeah but when you open it olympia's at the end holding the train for shut the photo we will also post this on our instagram this is the cutest thing i've seen in my life yeah so it's kind of like i'm retiring but she looks stunning she's gorgeous
Starting point is 01:21:56 i'm sorry i mean to be fair now i'm just looking at every photo shoot image of her ever yeah but congratulations to a legend a literal true goat she's someone that i think of that like has been just someone I've known of like my whole life and I think that's so cool that I don't know that like you know when you get to like like people talk about like living through like oh this was like a legend like a legendary like yes I loved the Jonas Brothers and they're like it's like the new Beatlemania but like there's something about like a female athlete who has been spoken about at nauseam from like your entire life and have men being like oh no I could do and every time just like handing their ass to them and like just over and over and over again it's just like
Starting point is 01:22:39 holy shit this is cool like your kids are gonna learn about this in like a textbook yeah that's really cool and the way she announced it is Vogue like when someone like her who has been who Vogue is considered like the highest of the high as far as like fashion and beauty magazines go and for someone like her who has been talked about her entire career as being like unfeminine and un like quote unquote womanly and like doesn't have this like great body when she's just solid muscle this is like huge yeah no it it yeah that that puts it perfectly i didn't even think about what the pinnacle of fashion and like uh unattainable luxury and glamour and all of those things like that is what encompasses Vogue and what people have claimed that she doesn't fit forever even
Starting point is 01:23:38 though you could literally carve her body out of marble and put it in the Louvre and be like you could touch both of them and you wouldn't know which one was harder no clue you'd be like which one is a marble carving and which one is her abs she's ranked singles world number one for 319 weeks including a joint record of 800 of 186 consecutive weeks how long has she been playing are you gonna tell you you would think that would be the first thing in the article her prize money she's first in all-time rankings her prize money is a million dollars is that in total no there's no way yeah because i didn't even know that you went moth was telling me that like about golfers and stuff about like how much they win each time yeah i was like wow she's only
Starting point is 01:24:25 five nine she seems that to me she seems taller to me probably because you're tall well no it's just like you lie about your height i mean to be fair it's yeah but also at the same time actually maybe i didn't think she was taller do you know how hard it is to have that much muscle at that height yeah she has 23 grand slam wins she turned professional in 1995 you were born in 93 right i'm 29 yeah i know how old you are now i know because i just looked it up 27 years wow so yeah that that fits that i i've never known a world without like her yeah and she was always like the best and she was like always the greatest i also just think that she's like a wonderful example of um i don't know like when you get to see other athletes who who they say
Starting point is 01:25:16 they look up to and then you get to watch their athletic careers and you're like wow i can actually see the serena williams inspiration or like shaping you yeah in that and like that's also really cool because you're like wow this person is like now ending their career but like their career has had a lasting impact impact on athletes that i'm now going to watch the rest of my life and then they're going to have an impact on all that's just like really cool and especially just because like there's not a ton of representation from like black women in sports and so like and i think that she and venus both like ushered in yeah well i mean there's been others althea gibson like was kind of that for venus and serena like bringing the mainstream into yeah that i mean
Starting point is 01:25:59 in tennis has always been like quote unquote like the rich country club like golf is too so there's been a barrier for black people or non-white people to even enter it so yeah and i i think that like you know you we even just looking at the olympics like you see how from american teams could always be better but like you you see that it's not just all white people in every sport and like you hear people on every sport say like this is who my inspiration was like yeah in like ballet like misty copeland is like so many people who like aren't even ballerinas but like i saw someone do something where I'd only seen white people do this before and like that made me think of how the thing that I want to do in my life that I haven't seen people who look like me do
Starting point is 01:26:41 and so then it just like it starts like and it just trickles down to all of these other people and I just she must be like so proud and like her kid I mean her husband like obviously Olympia's dad and love because he should be because she's amazing but it I that kid is like well imagine the child of a legend right i know that's so cool well hell yes serena williams maybe we can also incorporate what's serena doing what's olympia's dad doing what's olympia up to yeah in our malala segment malala friends of malala people who are going in the hall of fame yeah that's it for episode we hope you enjoyed if you want to go leave a review on the podcast app please do we appreciate it so much you can also support us on patreon we do video versions of the podcast so you
Starting point is 01:27:36 can watch our reactions and you can also join us for live streams we do live streams with the don't blame me live stream crew and it's so much fun it's a great way to like be social you also don't have to participate you can just watch you can talk you can come and feel comfortable to talk you can also just watch them on playback get the vibe but um it's great everybody is friends and it's a very inclusive and not intimidating community the way you said it though kind of like made it seem like a cult i mean here's the thing everybody you know if you want to you gotta get the gotta get a word in you gotta work to get a word in that's it all right ready for a review yes five stars good from gracie 92 lou a podcast that
Starting point is 01:28:28 balances serious and frivolous topics. Perfect. Not wrong. This podcast is so refreshing and fun to listen to while I also am able to gain new perspectives on topics. Megan and Melissa have such great chemistry as friends, not to mention an absolutely stunning duo. We are stunning. Thank you for noticing. And the topics they cover range from serious issues, social issues, and human rice etc to more fun not so serious topics sprinkles printers or big milk all their takes are correct and it would seem in fact that they are never wrong and have never been wrong highly recommend to anyone also happy birthday megan thank you i really love when people lean into like the they've never been wrong yeah oh fuck if you're still listening go comment on
Starting point is 01:29:21 the instagram i really have to pee so go comment i really have to pee on the instagram people are gonna be like what the fuck we hope you all enjoyed the episode and we will circle back next week goodbye but am i wrong is a production by me megan rinks and me melissa demonts plus diamond imprint productions post-production by coco lorenz and production assistance by melanie d watson Thank you.

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