Don't Blame Me! - BAIW: Mother's Day Guilt

Episode Date: May 16, 2024

Content Warning: Body dysmorphia (Melisa BAIW) But Am I Wrong: Meghan: Stop meme-ifying activism Melisa: Getting banned from events for toxic dieting But Are You Wrong: Asking your boyfriend's ex to take a picture down Not wanting to see your mom But Are They Wrong Caroline Konstnar "Veneer Techs" Write In: [e-mail] Weigh In: vote in the weekly poll on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/by.meghan.and.melisa/ Buy Our Merch: https://store.dftba.com/collections/don-t-blame-me Join Our Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/dontblameme Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

hi welcome to another episode of but am i wrong starring two people who have not once ever been wrong and on this podcast we will tell you when you're being wrong other people when they're being wrong and um occasionally each other though that does happen rarely we've got three segments on the show we'll explain each of them before their respective time to shine um but what you need to know is this is like ethical shit talking kind of we're gossiping uh but we're talking shit in what i would say is a an intellectual constructive and girl boss feminist kind of way so like if you actually are like oh i'm against that you hate women so watch yourself congratulations megan on 100 episodes of this podcast girl i already forgot she already told

me and i already forgot wow you guys are gonna be so excited for what we have planned nothing nothing because time is because last time when we recorded i thought that was episode 98 but then when i went back and saw what we needed to do votes on i said oh we never did votes on this episode so that was episode 98 so therefore what we recorded last week was 99 and this is 100 so somebody messaged justin was like why aren't the episodes numbered and one there's multiple shows on this feed so it would be very confusing but two the podcast apps don't like it so like they don't want us to do it so it used to be the norm but then they said stop doing this and so we did and there we go we we listened to what daddy warbucks says even though both those people

are giving us no money well actually spotify does give us a little bit of money even they give us the platform to make money yes they do i was gonna say apple i don't think we've ever received a dime from them but we give them the most money of anyone yep apple i've got so many questions about you know how they have all those great tv shows that they never market they never tell you about but they keep making them they're they're not going to cancel them they're like you don't need to watch them but we're still gonna keep making them along those lines yesterday hulu disney plus and Max, also known as HBO, announced that they're going to be bundling as if this was a new concept. One, that's called cable, but also two, I already bundle all three of those things. I don't

understand what they're talking about. I've been doing this for years. Since Disney Plus existed, I have bundled Hulu, Disney Plus, and HBO on my Hulu account. So is it all going to be in one app? what already hulu is on the disney plus app and then hbo is already on the hulu app so what is i just i don't understand what's happening i think it's marketing and i think they're getting rid of like a couple other options where like you can't like they're making it not the default but like you either bundle this or you don't and it's on the same page like whatever it is i'm like this has always been it's always been an option i've this is what i've had yeah i don't for years i've always had as long as i've had hbo it's always been bundled with my hulu and then when disney

plus came along and they said that you can add that that's what i did so i've been doing this at least for five years i don't how long has disney plus been around longer than five years because they were definitely around during the pandemic that was four years ago so five years is what I want to say you know marketing girlies weigh in who's doing what and why because like it is so weird that we're also announcing it and I'm like okay so what does this mean like what what's changing what's different because you got to tell me because right now nothing is changing nothing absolutely nothing yeah anyways this is a wonderful podcast and we're so entertaining and we're so great you're gonna love it speaking of confidence i saw this tiktok of this girl i

saw someone stitch it and it was of this girl who was like talking about how she was like if you ever feel bad just like look at me and know that i got cheated on she goes me look at me like i i'm gorgeous like i'm i'm sending and i got cheated on and she like made a video about how like you know everyone's like clearly her videos are satire i watched that original video without opening the comments I went so what are we mad about and then everyone's like oh it's satire and I went oh I'm so sorry that's actually how I I talk like that's like that level of people are like oh my god the ego and I was like what do you mean you don't ever just like open your camera and go god I am stunning like look how gorgeous I am and people were like stitching it being like first

of all you should say that like you are gorgeous like you know all of those things then she did this like very essentially turned into like a tiktok turned into a video essay about how um women are told they're beautiful their whole lives and like they're just brought up that and like that's what they're valued by but the second that you acknowledge that like that's wrong like you're only allowed to be beautiful in the eyes of other people even though you're not allowed to be smart you're not allowed to be like charismatic you're not to be like cunning or any other compliment you're only allowed to be pretty but you can't say that know that own that or act like you know that and i was like insightful but also i think we'd be lying if you don't come on you

look in the mirror and go i look every time i walk past the mirror i'm like oh okay yeah i'm like stunning looking right here two beautiful women like people tell me i'm pretty i'm like i know i know you guys should live in our world it's it's not always great but like i can at least always say that i can be like feeling really bad about myself but there's not it's not 24 hours in a day where i'm like i'm a piece of shit i might think i'm emotionally piece of shit but i'm like but at least i'm pretty yeah yep yep yep yep same thoughts same thoughts sorry if you don't i i know my worth and i actually try to tell people all the time that write in call in whatever i'm like know your worth i don't think it's like that i'm like oh my god i'm so much prettier than

everyone else i'm just like i'm pretty you're everyone else and you're also pretty too exactly And I'm like, we got to know that it's not a it's not a standard competition. Anyways, anything else or should we hop into our first segment? Let's hop into our first segment. Our first segment is, but am I wrong? And this is where we pitch to each other something that has happened, a hot take, a rant that we want to know if we are in the wrong about. And oh, I forgot to say one of the best parts about the podcast is it is interactive.

So while we have all of our topics, we also will decide on our answers. but then we want to hear your answers so we post the same things we talk about and you can vote who you think was in the wrong on our instagram stories and then we read the results on friday's episode so you'll hear tomorrow the results from last week's episode and you can also write in and share your thoughts and feelings why you voted that way why you think that way or if you have some experience or whatever and we love to read that so that's the best part about it it's not just the votes it's a it's the interaction in the commentary we love most of our listeners you're up first my hot take is we need to stop memefying activism this happened with

brownie taylor and people would put in their captions or something like click this for a nude And it is going to like, oh, Breonna Taylor is murdered by the cops. And it's like trying to bring awareness in a way that we're making it internet-y and internet slang. And once we reach a certain point in activism, awareness is achieved. people are aware people know what's happened no no one is discovering this brand new information and that information just being someone's name or event or whatever it is that i think it makes people complicit in that checked it off the list i've i've done enough and it starts to become no longer about the actual event action or or thing and more about like a moral battle of like who's better than who and like that kind of a thing and this all prompted for me when I was just looking at captions of any TikToks or anything about the Met Gala and yes the Met

Gala is a charitable event it is a fundraiser for the Costume Institute of the Met yes tickets are $75,000 no celebrities are not paying for their own tickets the designers are and the brands are buying a table and then they invite what celebrity they want to come get it approved by Anna Wintour celebrities are not paying to to to be there these designers are and the brands are and I am totally cool with criticism about events that are very that there's a huge uh public relation aspect of it because yeah the Met Gala is a fundraiser but the red carpet's not a fundraiser The red carpet is like an advertisement for the designers and all of that kind of stuff. That is PR. So I have no issue with people critiquing being like this feels very Hunger Games for rich people and wealthy, famous people to be wearing these over-the-top outfits where at the same time, well, Rafa's being totally bombed and eviscerated and people are dying at a genocide that's continued to go on and that it's being shielded similarly to the Super Bowl. and like how we're hiding behind large American events

where the eyes are on something else. Commenting that on like as a gotcha on people talking about outfits from the Met Gala, people doing any of that. I don't believe in like activism burnout or whatever. People are like, oh, I'm too, I've done my part. I'm too tired now. But it's not constructive for achieving anything.

And I think ultimately it's becomes just disrespectful because what's going on in same with Brianna Taylor's life that was a fucking tragedy like it's not a meme it's not something that you use for clicks it's if you don't have any insight you don't have any information if you're just sharing someone's thing and then you say well now do your own research go do all of this kind of thing it makes you feel like you've checked off the box like I've done something I'm I'm morally superior to this but you're not engaging in productive discourse nor are you participating in like again very productive discourse i think the hunger games analogies are very insight you important to read but doing that it waters down the movement when

that's not the only action item it's just like the easiest thing and the thing that you can use to weaponize and like as a white woman like there are times where i like look back on things that i like said or did thinking like that was the right thing to do and i'm like girl no that was wrong But I'm learning, growing from that. And this is one that I just, as someone who wholeheartedly aligns with the cause and understands that there is consistent bombing, but specifically these really, really horrific targeted attacks happening when the Western media has their eyes on something else. like i totally understand and especially like in the way that people will phrase it of being like love your dress like so cute i think your eye makeup would have looked better if its eyes were on rafa and i'm like what like you spent there sitting like trying to formulate a way of being like how can i like hey queen talking about genocide like you're now mixing the discourse

of the thing that you're saying this dichotomy is so awful which i agree the dichotomy is fucking crazy but then when you mix it together and like wrap it up in this weird pop culture social media kind of bow i'm like that's that's the that's the problem like we're equating them as being we're relating them when in reality if we want to have all all eyes on on a genocide that's happening which yes don't engage in the content that's not that it's just i just think it's just super disrespectful and i don't think that people mean badly or like me have like any malintent with it but it's a trend that you look back on and you go oh fuck that was like really insensitive and it doesn't move the needle yeah because it's like with Breonna Taylor people would have like

long videos or long posts or something it wouldn't have anything to do with Breonna Taylor and then at the end they would be like well anyways arrest the cops that killed Breonna Taylor and it was like these two things don't go together and this feels like a cheap shot and it feels like you're just trying to do the content that you actually want to do and then just add and scoop this in yeah it feels like a punch line yes and then with the Met Gala stuff I'm just seeing like interesting videos and then they'll be like well now that I got your attention here's what's going on in palestine it's like two things can exist and happen at the same time and like you said the met gala is also a fundraiser and is providing things and you know and also on top of

that is also like benefiting art and not just like art that's at the metropolitan museum but also the art that these fashion designers have created and it's also like even though this is incredibly serious the genocide is incredibly serious but we all we can enjoy things still too yeah and you can care about both things and like i saw people leaving the most heinous comments about gg hadid and i'm like she's a palestinian woman and like you're going to come at her for attending the like and you're you're a white girl from Ohio yelling at a Palestinian woman for going like what like it has been incredibly outspoken about where her stance lies talking about her own family I'm like what the fuck and even like her sister didn't go and being like Bella's the better

one and I'm like oh my god like and I'm and I'm seeing it to be explicit like and to make it incredibly fair I'm seeing it from white women like that's who I'm seeing it from and there are so many things that you can that we can all do that are productive that are informative but to equate those things like you're saying like it like you're putting them on the same level and that's the exact opposite of what you want what we want to do they're not at the same level of seriousness of what's happening and so it's like why why equate the two and i also want to point out that Erin Hattemer on TikTok, it's E-R-I-N-H-A-T-T-A-M-E-R. She has been doing this thing called this organization. I mean, it's not her organization, but the organization Operation

Olive Branch, she's been like really working on in working with this organization, which they're assigning TikTokers with like large followings to different families to then make videos for their audience for them to raise money for those families, whether it's evacuation, whether it's medical treatment or travel whatever all of it is but assigning different creators who have the big platforms and educating and having these people who make these videos specifically talking about these families like about people with names and faces and real stories and she's been doing that and i've seen more tiktokers talking about this than i have like in the last since october and that's someone who i think is doing a really like wonderful job and like if as all of us are feeling

like this is so awful what can i do to help like that's a wonderful organization to donate to and if you are commenting on pop culture things being like all eyes on rafa but if you're saying all i can do is raise awareness raise awareness for that raise awareness where there's a call to action where someone who then sees that you're raising awareness to it, they have the means to donate. They have the means to do something about it. Because social awareness, that's the starting line. It's not the finish line. And I think a lot of activism drops off there. And there are things to do. Yeah. So I think what Aaron's doing is great. And Hank Green did a video about it as well like thanking aaron and there's so many families who you can donate to and get that help

to activism involves being active in it so i think that's just something to be aware of all right i don't think you're wrong and i think that was a interesting conversation yes mine is um kind of it's around the same event not the same vein though but I think that if you have to develop a breathing technique to attend any type of function then you should be permanently banned do you want to caveat breathing technique for your wardrobe not for anxiety of course I know but I want people to know that that's not I'm about to get into what I'm speaking of i'm waiting for the wim hof girlies to be like i love wim hof as two people here we have breathing issues of course i'm not talking about facts if you have to bring your inhaler stay home so she

can stay home um but kim kardashian you know the founder of skims i don't know if you've heard of it but you know the the clothing that constricts you but can help in some ways but she has created i don't think she actually created but someone in her camp created a breathing technique over the years to help her fit into her met gala gowns that she's worn a few times so this year she wore a chrome corset and it looked like she had no waist and she said that her breathing is an art form but I've got it and doing all this these interesting things so that she can breathe while she's wearing clothing that cuts off her full capability of breathing and also like functions of full functions of sort of certain organs and i just think this is sending the complete like

wrong message to people that look up to her that you have to hurt for your art since she thinks that this what she's doing is art and you have to suffer for beauty so she has these outfits that she wore like i think last year she was fine was that the last year she wore like a little drapey metal thing so she could properly breathe but the year before that she wore marilyn monroe's dress where she had to do like this crash diet and actually broke the dress She lost 16 pounds in three weeks and her waist was completely like sucked in and health professionals are saying, depending on how much the waist is restricted, this can lead to difficulty breathing and fainting, compressing your organs and your abdomen can be harmful

for your digestion, lead to muscle atrophy and also deform your rib cage, can also lead to long time breathing and heart issues due to lack of oxygen and poor circulation and digestive issues and acid reflux, also skin irritation and reducing muscle strength in your internal organs. She also wore in 2019, wore a corset that was doing the same things. And that's where she, when she started taking breathing lessons. And she also mentioned that if there's an emergency, see I think I can pee my pants and then my one of my sisters will wipe it up so I just think that she's doing too much and I just don't think that and I'm sure there's other people that are doing things that are not in the best of their health but when you can physically see how constricted

her outfits are and she's like bragging about these breathing techniques I think just think that it's harmful and it shouldn't be allowed I agree with that wholeheartedly I also think if in order to get like heads turning fashion wise that you as a very beautiful armenian woman who has really redefined prior to this you really uh renaissanced on the back of black women but renaissance the hourglass body type becoming back in vogue quote unquote after the very very thin body trend to then just turn around and say fuck it to that or like it used to be like it was rail thin six like super fucking tall she's petite she's short and she's curvy and to then been able to take credit for the leading of this uh empowerment of the changing of the body type

and the height and all of those things to then hop on like six inch pleaser heels with a dress that it's not you're not hemming because it's too fucking long for you so you have to wear these heels that are so long but have no heels on the back because it'll get caught in the dress it's just like what a weird fucked up message and like yes to the public but i think about her kids and her family that like you're not a contortionist you're not a you're not transforming like i already think like actors who drastically transform their weight for a role i think is incredibly problematic because it will it has lasting effects on your physical health your mental health but also people around you and like what does that say about like how dedicated you

are that you're willing to like hurt your body like for that it's it's alarming but yeah to like watch an adult in your life do that is like irreversible damage like that's almond bomb times 10 000 yeah and like it's not even it's not even a good outfit and like no i think she's even doing herself a disservice like i think like feel however you feel about her but like you're lying if you don't think that she's she's a naturally beautiful woman and like specifically years ago and you have her high school photos her college photos like she's beautiful she's gorgeous she's gorgeous and she has she ushered in like the the um this like gorgeous ethnically ambiguous quote unquote but like she looked armenian like she was so beautiful and she still is beautiful but like

the more famous you get turning into more eurocentric beauty standards when you look like her i just think is like such a fucking bad message to send because she doesn't have to like she's been accepted into hollywood in the world with who she was how she is what she looks like but then to to succumb to to that for like seemingly personal preference and personal taste i just think it's like what a fucking shame yeah like what she wore last year i was like this is pretty like i'd like that better than what she did this year and even when she wore that head to toe Mugler like all black we still knew who that was without seeing her face and like she looked like I thought it was cool it was different like that was art and then like when she's doing

these things where she has to drastically change her weight and shape of her body I'm just like why like you don't have to do it you don't have to do it at all yeah you got invited here not for that like it's no one's asking you to to do that and like you're making yourself less you for this and in turn you're one of the only people there who's a reality star who got famous for being themselves and like it's just so fucking backwards and and and weird to me and the bleached hair really falls in line with it like her hair's falling out like yeah and she said she was fine with it she's like if i have to do this then that's what i do and as a white girl who bleaches her hair that is a that is something that happens people like i can't be blonde enough i cannot be

blonde enough it is toxic and it's rooted in creepy fucking aryan euro beauty standards and i'm like good god like stop like and it also makes me like so uneasy because her kids aren't white and her kids are not like it's just like oh like i just it it freaks me out for um no matter if she says that she just does this for herself people internalize that and like her your kids will her kids internalize it yeah and she's gorgeous like it's just yeah no one has to do this but especially her she does not have to do this it doesn't make her more interesting like whatsoever it makes i i'm less interested in looking at her i'm like can you not yeah like you said i was more interested looking when she her entire face

was covered and she was just a silhouette like if you don't keep that then who are you anymore like you know i mean like you were iconic with a silhouette of you and now we're just completely diverting away from that it's just like every other year it's this yeah i agree you're not wrong thank you okay well that's it for but am i wrong um we're gonna take a break when we get back we'll get into but are you wrong welcome back it is time for but are you wrong and this is where y'all write in with the circumstance you are currently facing and the situation that you want to know if you are in the wrong in. You can send it to ButAmIRongPod at gmail.com. Keep it under 300 words. Include ages. It's all anonymous, so don't include real names. But in order for us

to keep track, you can include fake names. Make sure they're applicable to the circumstances and situation. We don't want to infer anything that's not actually there. And include all the relevant details, and we will tell you if you're in the wrong or not. First up. Hi, Megan and Melissa. I, Layla, 34, met my partner, Nick, 35, last November. We're both incredibly happy together, though I'm dealing with the situation of my own jealousy. My partner had a short fling last year with a long-term friend, Rachel, who lives in Germany, and asked him to go on a two-week-long road trip with her through the U.S. After that, he visited her in Germany, but it was, quote-unquote, disastrous and they decided to remain friends nick had already taken down photos of their road

trip soon after we started dating recently i snooped rachel's page since it's public i know to find out that she had just posted some film travel photos among them being her and nick with arms around each other during their road trip in front of a sign along with another photo of him i'm feeling really uncomfortable that she posted the one of them together since to me their body language is obvious after discussing it with nick who also offered to talk to her i introduced myself and very kindly asked if she could find it in her heart. Oh my God. Find it in her heart to take down the one picture and even mentioned hoping to meet her one day. But she responded with liking the composition of the photo. I let her know I understood that and I would still feel

better if she took it down, but she left me on read for three days. I know she might be feeling defensive, but I'm having a hard time trusting her intentions as his friend. Am I wrong for thinking that posting a picture like that from a time where they were in a fling is a strange choice particularly because she knows very obviously that he's in a happy relationship thanks for reading so here's the thing i don't think you're wrong for your feelings but this is what i called this is what i would call inside feelings if you had asked should i reach out to her i would say when hell is over good god no because this is like a totally natural thing for you to feel like weird about but you you make it weirder when you say something because

to me i'm thinking that you're nervous about her you're nervous about their friendship otherwise you wouldn't be snooping her profile and you wouldn't want her that you wouldn't really care about her keeping the photo up because if anything you take away like your reaction i'm like oh my god what like losery behavior of her like that's so like cringy and losery like not threatening behavior like losery kind of pathetic behavior that it's like oh my god that's like kind of so awkward and sad that she would like tag him into that and that it'd be like me and nick being like oh my god like I feel bad oh like I hope she's okay like that's such an odd thing to do but I think you took it as like threatening and to me that's because you feel threatened and I have to

it had to have been there before the photo because my instinct reaction is to think that this is not threatening yeah because why were you looking at her page to begin with and if they're just friends like why don't you already know her yeah and also like if you did feel uncomfortable to the point where you're like i want her to take it down it should have come from your boyfriend not from you because he is the common denominator here and it's his picture i i just i don't think that she cares about him at all like from other than a friend took a while to develop she just yeah she just liked the picture as she said the composition of it she just wanted to post the picture i don't think it had anything to do with who was in the photo with her it was just a photo

to her but if you were gonna do this it should have come from the boyfriend not from you especially since you don't even know who she is and like y'all probably aren't friends on faith on instagram so like now she knows that you're looking at her profile yeah yeah I think you're wrong for this and I think it's odd and I would have also left you on read yep I think your message I don't think it's your intention your message reads so passive-aggressive like it reads so like hey girly like it like belittling like it just it it's it it reads so not how you want it to and I think you're being earnest I'm not saying I don't believe you in your message that like you're not coming but like it without a doubt that's how she took it that's how I would take

it on the receiving end because you're assigning malice to to this or that it's inappropriate I'm gonna bet that you said that they had a fling a short fling last year with a long-term friend but then you and him only started dating November of last year so I'm assuming that like this is like the friend that you've kind of compared yourself to but I think you clearly love him and like you're so enamored by him and sometimes when that happens it can be hard to think that like well everybody else would love him like of course but it's like you said that he visited her in Germany it was disastrous it was probably disastrous on both ends like it's not just like a he's such a catch and he was the one who was like no and like she's still

pining after him like so rarely does that happen and like if they wanted to be together and it worked out they would have been together and their friendship predates this short fling that they had and like that photo they could have taken it when they were just friends and then had that posted so i think like if it truly was like really fucking disrespectful like melissa said he should have said something and it should have been a deal breaker for him for ending that friendship because he would be like that crosses a line i feel uncomfortable i don't feel like our friendship is real anymore it feels like she's trying to pursue me again and like disrespect my relationship but that's not what happened like i i just i think when you assign malintent to it that's

also offensive to her that she's like what i'm his long time i'm his friend like you think i'm this is so odd and like it's just not a good way to like get on the footing with her so yeah I mean not that you're asking I would I would honestly like I would either like hope I never meet this girl or I would send a message and be like hey I'm sorry I was like so out of pocket I just really like reading this back like I've been stewing on this like please ignore me like I I don't you can like make up a lie being like got stressed from I was really fucking stressed from work and I wasn't on a lot of sleep and like I just totally reacted out of impulse and like looking back on this now like it's a gorgeous photo like I love this this

is a great photo of him and I was out of line messaging you that and assigning malicious intent to like what you did and I'm really sorry I hope we can start off on the right foot when I get to meet you like something like because like it's just this is such an odd it's such a weird way to engage in a power struggle when someone else had no idea that they were engaging in that so like you like squared up thinking that you were like this is this is a power struggle and she was like i had no idea it's like it comes on i don't care yeah yeah like it's like holy shit i didn't even know we were fighting like that's so it's so you're like you've missed the first 10 steps and it feels super abrasive so uh unfortunately i do think that you are wrong again not for feeling

this way these are inside feelings though yeah this is what you you talk with your friends and be like oh my god how fucking weird is this listen i did this before the podcast started i was like let me show I literally pulled out something I go let's look how fucking weird this is that this person did you know but inside inside thoughts all right next one hey Megan and Melissa I'm 28 she hurt and I want to know if I'm wrong so Mother's Day is coming up and me and my mom do not get along at all I speak to her on big holidays because I wouldn't miss Christmas with my siblings I have three brothers and one sister everyone is going home for Mother's Day but me i live five hours from my hometown and would love to see my siblings but if i go i swear on

everything i will not be buying that lady a gift or so much as acknowledge that it's mother's day snippet of the backstory she isn't happy with the way i live my life and has been very vocal about it to anyone with two ears am i wrong for not going home but neglecting the holiday no simple no you can do and feel and be wherever you want to be I understand like there's like some FOMO there with your siblings missing out with that but your relationship with your mother is your relationship with your mother and just because there's a holiday celebrating the fact that she's your mother which i always like i think it's funny that that we have these holidays celebrating our parents when like we didn't ask to be here yeah where's my fucking day

like who's paying for my therapy bill right like we didn't ask to be here so like we have birthdays like if you want to celebrate somebody's life you celebrate it on their birthday even i love my mother and she sent me a list of things that she would like for mother's day and i looked at and i said i'll probably get you something but like i didn't say this out loud but these were my inside thoughts like i don't know why this holiday exists like i just don't get it well did frankenstein throw like have a specific holiday for the doctor who created him like do what I mean like thank you for building me out of nuts and bolts and whatever green goo like that's just like it's such an odd thing and it becomes like I've been on TikTok the current trend of like who do you like which

mother gets priority is it like the your parents or is it your you as a mom and your kid all of that stuff and i'm like okay i that's just stressful it is and i think if you like don't have a good relationship with your mom the holiday you should probably spend with her the least would be mother's day right you know yeah maybe you can go and don't even let her know that you're in town just hang out with your siblings and dip on sunday yeah i think you'll be hearing this after when it even is mother's day no clue i think that you'll be hearing this after is it this weekend yeah so let us know how it went and if you decide to go i always believe that like uh it's always better to be genuine versus going through the motions because you

think you should be because like that doesn't benefit either party like it's not fun for her and it's not people might say like no just make the just just do it just i'm like if you're don't want to be there it will be all over your fucking face yeah don't go but happy mother's day to everyone who's a good mom out there yeah and fuck you to all the bad ones the mothers that are listening better be a motherfucking good mom if not i'll beat you up well we're gonna take another break and when we get back we'll get into but are they we're back and it's time for but are they wrong where we nominate a person place your thing someone in pop culture something current events topical that we think deserves tomatoes to be

thrown at them the vote of the week the boo boo boo and i would like to nominate something that i saw that i was like this has to be like a joke like there's no way that this is this is real unfortunately turns out it is real there's this youtuber who i don't know but her name is caroline cosner and in looking at some of her like people talking about her i will say allegedly angelo was who I saw on Twitter talk about this. But initially I saw Emily Ann on TikTok talk about this first. And then I went and deep dive

and went on Twitter seeing who this was and was able to kind of figure out, oh, I've definitely seen some of these videos before. Like some of this person, like I've never watched their content, but like, oh, this seems kind of familiar. So she started making,

by making like videos, like her series that really, I guess, blew up on YouTube was her making like faux old school VHS tapes. So it's kind of like, I would call it like outrageous, outlandish kind of humor where it's like,

they kind of are like the mom jeans SNL sketch where it's like we're selling whether fake products or fake things or PSAs kind of a thing in something that's, it's ridiculous, not like ridiculousness, but like it's over the top

and kind of campy, that kind of era genre of YouTube, like sketch kind of stuff. and so i guess she had been pretty inactive on her youtube channel for i think over a year or something possibly even longer than that and she was on a she's got a podcast and show had been doing that but her youtube channel which has over a million subscribers was pretty inactive like dormant and the initial person who i saw on tiktok uh emily n was like i was like she i thought she dropped off the face of the planet like i like didn't know she was on this podcast and was like

where's she gone? And so she uploaded a video announcing her pregnancy with like a pregnant thumbnail and everything, her with a belly saying, I have an announcement and talked about all of where she's been and it's, this has been it and how all of her health struggles specifically relating to the pregnancy and like carrying this pregnancy. She's got all these like aesthetic, like little polaroid photos of like oh 10 weeks 16 weeks baby bump photos 19 weeks and it's like a whole ass video like it's like six minute video talking about all this it's an announcement people are so happy for her and she's talking about how she's really nervous to be 20 and a single mom and like this is like why she she's felt kind of embarrassed coming to talk about this online like

she's you know being vulnerable and all of the comments are other single moms in their 20s you got this or people who are dealing with the same health issues who are like we've got you've got a support system in us like we're here for you this is what's helpful for me like reach out if you need anything like just people giving well wishes good thoughts offering assistance offering whatever they can do whether they've been through the experience themselves or just offering like specifically with solidarity and women like we you've got this and to her audience who loves her and then a week after she uploads another video saying i lost the baby with a thumbnail of her holding her stomach sad with the original thumbnail of the pregnant to the side large

belly kind of like faded in the back and in that video she reveals that she was never pregnant It was a social experiment to prove parasocial relationships and how everyone you walked right into it eating out of the palm of her hand that you all like went so crazy for someone that you could offer any shred of faux vulnerability people just lap up at and you can say whatever you want. And she was able to garner all this sympathy and empathy from these people who were actually for real concerned about her and for real cared about her, even though it wasn't real because they don't know her. and this is why she can't be vulnerable online and why you can't trust people being vulnerable online. But she wants to get vulnerable. So join her Patreon. Oh, I don't like this broad.

Melissa, when that was the reveal, I was like, you're fucking kidding me. And then the top comment, or maybe it was a pinned comment, something or whatever, was saying, someone commented on the video saying, if you're mad at Caroline, then you must be new here. And she pinned that comment.

basically being like exactly so i go so girl this was a social experiment talking about parasocial relationships being like y'all bitches don't fucking know me but then you pin a comment with someone saying you guys don't know her and then you validate that so is that not a parasocial relationship that you are encouraging that you what like this the detachment of parasocial relationships are fucking weird like you don't get to claim that when you are putting yourself online you do not get to claim but you can be for or against but you have no control whether people form a parasocial relationship with you like you that is out of your goddamn fucking hands to so to like act that this is like a holier than now like intellectualizing like

you guys are fucking fools i'm so much smarter than you is insane because despite the fact that you are like yeah i never called this is why i was never vulnerable because you guys would have a parasocial relationship with me people already had a parasocial relationship with you because it's called community because people care about other people it doesn't matter if you're fucking famous or not it doesn't matter what audience you've built like people on tiktok i saw this girl who had posted a video and like didn't have like tons of followers ran a marathon with her hair in a ponytail and it was raining and her hair got in huge mats and she did an update video and she was like i like worked so hard on this we like we tried for so many hours like this really

kind woman came over and helped and it's a woman who commented on her tiktok being like hey babe i think like i live in the area i can come over and help you just came over and helped her brush her hair i'm like it's called community it's called sisterhood it's called being a woman like you're that's fucking crazy fucking just so unhinged and i looked into her podcast it's giving the um men with microphones and then we have a one girl here too so what's her last name again K-O-N-S-T-N-A-R K-O-N-S-T-N-A-R and people are like her content's good

it's allowed she did it for attention and I'm looking at her Patreon there's 544 people in there but like in order to have a Patreon you still need like

a little bit of parasocial relationship for people to buy into what you have so she's just a walking contradiction and a liar but she's masquerading it as being like an artist and to me this is like so i will apologize for women left right and center like i will i i will give so many chances to women think that we're suffer at the hands of so many things that are uh what intentional unintentional subconscious of whatever it is giving like the only other fucking youtubers were like that was a social experiment it's like sam pepper sexually assaulting

women on video like it's like this i'm like stop hanging out with men like what's going on like this is like it's giving it's giving man with a mic it's giving this youtuber like oh you guys are fucking stupid but then at the same time degrading your audience calling them idiots but then being like so then pay me money and like part of me is somewhat impressed that she's managed to do that with her audience because women don't get to do that with their audiences men are allowed to be mean to their audiences men are allowed to give boundaries men are allowed to say that you guys are fucking thirsty and creepy and then give me your money and like people still do but like women don't get to fucking do that and the way that she has i'm like what the fuck like it's so

fucked and the audience that she tricked and the audience that does not find this funny is women specifically single mothers who had babies in their 20s or have suffered health issues during pregnancy you know who finds this funny straight dudes who love watching women upset like this feels like a matt rice move of being like can i have all of my men alpha males who hate women do you want to come pay me because we can talk about how i hate women too like it's just it's just like the fucking weirdest behaviors and in 2024 when like it's not even cool to do a april fool's day pregnancy announcement jk april fools but this you made a production of this you storyboarded a fake pregnancy and you went along with this you took these photos all of it is just like not once ever

you're like this is a bad call and the videos are still up she like stands by it and i hate it yeah that's that's so gross and people are like oh well she's just sarcastic it's her sense of humor like she's so funny and i'm like but it's it's not funny to weaponize people and specifically vulnerable people from like from weaponize other people's traumatic experiences to be like a gotcha fucking loser and i feel bad for him like there's no shot that you have a community because you would never do this if you were someone who had a community who had participated in a community or had benefited from a community like from sisterhood or any of that like because you're not going to get that back you might have you've reaped the benefits of that without ever knowing

but like this is not solidarity sisterhood this is not how you how you do this at all it's yeah horrible all right so mine is I kind of touched on it last week but it is veneer techs seems to be like the new hot up-and-coming scam in Atlanta so in case you didn't know what a veneer tech is you're correct you don't know what a veneer tech is because they don't exist it's fake So people are spending between like $2,000 and $6,000 to get these fake training courses. And then they get like the online certificate of completion that looks like that they were made on Canva saying that they have now become a licensed veneer tech. But again, this does not exist.

It is not recognized by the American Dental Association. This is a fake job and it's a scam. And it's preying on vulnerable people who can't afford actual dental work. That's a scam. And it's also not just that, but it's also preying upon people that think that they are actually getting this vocational skill and are paying their hard-earned money to get this skill in order to do these medical dental procedures. So it's a two-way scam. A lot of times they're just buying equipment that is on Amazon. I saw one person drove five hours to get their teeth

worked on for these veneers and when they arrived it was in the back of a barber shop and they had to pay ahead of time so they had already paid for this fifteen thousand dollars on cash app fifteen thousand sorry fifteen hundred dollars on cash app i don't think cash app will let you send fifteen no i just went to this person whose name was princess told her that she was a licensed veneer tech got her teeth worked on then the the woman was like thought it was a little weird but she saw that there was a framed certificate on the wall and was like reassured like this person has been trained she was told ahead of time not to eat for three hours got her teeth worked on and then when she was driving back home she stopped

and ate some grits and eggs which tells me it was probably a waffle house and then several of the veneers fell out of her mouth and then princess said that she would send her a diy a diy kit to fix the missing teeth but within a couple days a dozen more had fallen out and so the victim had to go to their local dentist to remove the remaining ones and it cost her thirteen hundred dollars. The dentist was like relieved that the veneers had only been in place for a short amount of time because they hadn't caused permanent damage yet. And the dentist told her that you can't just let anybody play in your mouth. And so this is just one of many stories of people doing this. And I just I know that it's being like shared on social media a lot, but I just

want more people to know that this is not a real thing and also these coaches are preying on people again that are like trying to better themselves and like a lot of these people are still working quote-unquote working and working on people's mouths and they're like y'all are just trying to bring down people that are trying to better their lives and like aren't listening to like this is not real first of all this is illegal like you can't do this because any dental work in america has to be under the ada and they're gonna i'm sure like right now they're organizing to figure out what they need to do to crack down on this stuff because it's probably not something that they have had to worry about before and when they do these people are going to be fined so much

money so much money and then also probably sued by the people who they have been playing in their mouths so don't go to veneer ticks they're not no don't i'm like anti-veneer and in general but like veneers are can be life-changing for people like you said like dental work is a luxury unfortunately and so you're preying on people who if you look at like the one of the clearest signs of and the most detrimental effects of poverty is oral health like it's point blank it's so bad and if you have bad if you even go through

a period of that as a kid or at any point in your life like it could be detrimental permanently and so there's so much confidence that can come from that but like if anyone watches like Tana Mongeau had real veneers like veneers from a real fucking dentist and she's had them pop out so like

picture getting it from someone who is not an actual dentist like she's had issues and like people who have veneers real veneers from real dentists have issues with them still because there's still a liability. But it's like getting LASIK done by someone who has a laser pen and has dogs with anxiety medication and says, hey, pop a couple of these and I'll do this. It's not a foolproof thing, even when it's done by a licensed tech professionally. There's still user error. There's still just anatomy issues, all of those things that is a risk with the procedure when

it's done perfectly and when you have someone who's like not qualified whatsoever um and yeah in a lot of like the branding and like advertising it's a lot of like single mom working on one budget i'm like oh fuck off like stop fucking like you are going to train single moms who do not have a large income to do this to better for their life and their family and you're opening them up for a fucking lawsuit and like you know because you went to school for this but like your oral health is connected to the way that your teeth are connected to your brain so fucking quickly like it's one of the most dangerous places to fuck with that's just that your nervous system too yeah but like even like in terms of like not even just pain aspect but like you can fuck up

things in your mouth that fuck up things in your brain that you might not know about and shit your goes dark pretty fucking quick it's connected yeah but that's what i mean with the nervous system like it's connected to your heart too and like you can get like heart disease from your mouth yeah it's so bad and it makes me like livid and it falls in the same thing and i'm not going to talk about it for an episode because um i think i would just direct everyone to listen to do we know them jesse and lily's podcast because they did a really good deep dive on it but it's also happening um with lip filler specifically in texas so anyone who is getting lip filler in texas drive out of state stop getting it there the the there's a couple legal

loopholes in texas that people are interpreting as being larger loopholes than they are so a lot of like the branding or whatever but people are inject doing lip injections without a pen they're doing it with air pressure and um this other inject this other like cert like a what an rn or uh uh what is it called an nr you're an rn or you're yes or an mp she has had herself has had i think at this point it's over six clients who have come in who have all gotten this lip injections faux lip injections from a lip injection pen or whatever from different people who are all trained under a different person who is like blocked them who's lying who says they're working under a doctor who's saying they don't use needles but who's also using needles who's not using anything

sanitary or whatever these people are having horrible she's had to like call emergency she's got to call ambulances on people who've come to her and she's like i don't even call them my clients anymore so these are my patients like i'm monitoring their health like these people are it's so bad she doesn't know how many people who've been trained under this person but it's just it that one is like the way that it's being advertised is pretty similar to it's hard to figure out if it's up to bar because what how it's done in texas is very different so um i i would also just urge people if you are getting injectables done there in texas maybe don't or do so much research because it's so widespread um that it's like really alarming yeah i mean it goes in line

with how last week i talked about that mother-daughter duo that put butt implants in someone or inject injections and the person ended up having a reaction to it went into cardiac arrest they eventually she eventually died they're in jail also like the people that are doing these vampire facials and like four people at their clinic have gotten hiv because they're not using sanitary practices and you shouldn't be doing those anyway no i wish people would be so much more discerning when it comes to like injectables like or whatever botox uh anything that's breaking skin your anything body fluids like or like anything that's like considered a medical procedure just because someone has a license or a certificate or something in that

specific thing like you're putting thing foreign objects in your body it should be monitored by a medical profession yeah i'm i'm even against aesthetic spas or med spas and stuff for injectables like i tell everyone to go to a plastic surgeon just because there's a higher liability insurance there there's more training that comes in there and like even from like an aesthetic like look point of view you have someone who is not just trained in how it looks but also functionality of like muscle and all of this kind of stuff that and they're someone who they have a much larger risk if they do something wrong so they're on it it's and they they usually are connected to a hospital where a med spa isn't yeah and they know the warning signs and they

know them in a practical sense because plastic surgeons also do trauma surgery like there are things that like it is it's not just this like surface level kind of a of a thing i i like encourage everyone like i i've heard some like horrible stories because especially in the one that like i would make anyone like i think like under eye filler can get like really sketchy no matter who's doing it and like a plastic surgeon and a doctor will is not going to do things that they that will potentially they'll have to then cite on their medical record which they're not going to want to do they're not going to do things that are incredibly risky or like botox under the armpits like if you inject it a fraction of an inch wrong you're not you dead you're dead there's

no time to resuscitate you nothing and so i just think that like it's not just like so whatever like this shit is this shit doesn't just like potentially not dissolve or like fade away in takes longer or goes away too quickly, it can be deadly and it can be deadly really quick before you even know it. So if you wouldn't get a nose job from a med spa, if you wouldn't trust them to give you a pap smear and take your appendix out, don't trust them to put needles in you regardless of what those needles are doing, whether it's for functionality or aesthetics. Like I just, I'm so anti that. And that's not a knock to anyone who does that

because a lot of the time they are nurse practitioners and RNs and that stuff. But a lot of the time those people are the ones running it and then everyone underneath them is not nearly as well-trained and all of it is resting on the time and reputation of the people who are well-trained. And I just don't think that's safe or fair.

all right well that's the end of the episode happy 100 we hope you all enjoyed don't get veneers sit on that for like at least 10 years you know do that and don't fake pregnancies i think that that's that's a good lesson to take away yeah i thought we learned it but i guess it's never too late to learn something new never too late well we hope you enjoyed if you want us to talk about anything else on an upcoming episode you can always tag us on um tiktok or instagram twitter you can send it to us in a dm as well as always you can write in for the but are you wrong segment that is to but am i wrong pot of gmail.com and yeah if you have hot takes you want us to cover anything like that too we can always like to listen to that feedback

and um make sure you vote for who you think was wrong in this episode let us know your thoughts and feelings and we'll read those on next week's episode of fisting friday but tomorrow you'll hear last week's episode or last week's results some i just want to somebody wrote in and said um literally just binge listen to the whole eminem universe in a couple months i'm officially cut caught up on all the lore and little heart hands best big sisters i never had heart hands and then the little watery eyes i love that we have lore i know it always makes when people say that or they'll say things like i'm so excited to join the patreon and like meet all of these people and i'm just like i can't wait to introduce you to all these people it's so fun

and yeah i want to i encourage everyone like the patreon is like so non-threatening like literally immediately it's like people be like hey so hi welcome if you want to join our group chat you can't you don't have to don't feel any pressure to you can let us know later but like we'll add you to our group chat and um someone had i don't know if they want me to name check them but someone recently joined uh has been in our facebook group and i was like you've never been here before like i know your face i know your name i feel like we already know you but it was their first time in the live stream and they were late to everyone they joined the group chat with everyone else and then they were bullied or pressured into being in monopoly playing monopoly

go and then now everybody's like what cards do you need like we're just trying to encourage like so they'll stay and they're like okay so instead of asking for cards everybody's just offering to be like here do this so it's all it's all it's all kind and good and everyone's fun and wonderful and if they're not fun and wonderful we won't see them again yeah anyways we will uh circle that circle that i forgot about it yep but am i wrong is a production by me megan rinks and me melissa demonts plus diamond imprint productions. Post-production by Coco Lorenz and production assistance by Melanie D. Watson.