Don't Blame Me! - Banned From Parents' Home

Episode Date: August 15, 2022

Meghan and Melisa give advice on: Life after being cut from dance squad Talking to some a guy of a guy you previously dated Telling a friend you aren't going to their wedding in Hawaii Parents being upset over something seemingly small Don't Blame Them: Returning to working in an office Buy our merch: https://store.dftba.com/collections/don-t-blame-me Subscribe to our new show: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/but-am-i-wrong/id1591757891 Follow Us! @meghanrienks www.instagram.com/meghanrienks https://twitter.com/meghanrienks @sheisnotmelissa www.instagram.com/sheisnotmelissa https://twitter.com/sheisnotmelissa @by.meghan.and.melisa https://www.instagram.com/meghanandmelisa Affordable Therapy By State (Curated by Crissy Milazzo): www.tinyurl.com/y64kwdnf Need Advice? www.dontblameme.show Domestic Listeners Call: [phone] International Listeners Send a Voice Memo To: [e-mail] … with as much detail as possible under 3 minutes! WeI'll do our best to share our wonderful words of wisdom. If you're under 18, please get your parent's permission. Advice is for entertainment purposes only, so you can't blame us if we screw up your life. I kid! Our advice IS AMAZING. Want to WATCH this episode as well? Become a patron! https://www.patreon.com/dontblameme Join the Facebook Group! https://www.facebook.com/groups/dbmsecretgroup Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/join/dontblameme Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

hello welcome if anybody ever wants to see like a perfect example of like when people are like oh i don't really notice like things in film and when you people comment on cinematography if you want to know what bad cinematography is you watch a power rangers movie because you don't even know where they are that power rangers move we're not going to talk about the ones of the past that came out in the 90s the 10 000 other ones no no we're talking about the first one and i keep no no i'm talking about there was a big like picture one that came out oh no no i know i'm talking about the most recent the most recent one the most recent um and i don't want to keep attributing it to becky g because like it i'm calling it becky g's power rangers but like she is in no way

at fault for the film atrocities that were committed it was the only movie so kyle's obsessed like kyle lived and breathed power rangers what's that like yeah she can't relate and he wanted to go see it in theaters we went in theaters and despite me being high out of my mind i pulled something that i only do when a movie is so so bad like i love seeing a bad movie in theaters like i will go multiple times to a bad movie in theaters i will tell everybody like we gotta go see this movie it's so bad let's pay 25 to go see it in theaters like i love that and again i'm high i saw fucking like minions whatever like without ever seeing the earlier ones leo and i went to go see the kingsman like sequel and like we leaned over like an hour and i leaned over him

and go this is the sequel and he goes i figured that out a while ago neither of us had saw the first one so like my standards low i went out and went to the bathroom and then i with sydney too when this happened which one when you went to go see the power ranger movie i don't know maybe i didn't know me and kindle were at the movie theater oh did we see you there no no you and kyle and sydney walked past us but didn't realize you walked past us and then i called out and then you came back and you were high that day too so i didn't know if it was the same day oh good question but we were at the movie theater but you weren't going to the movie oh no i think we were just high at the mall yeah but uh i forgot about that i do remember it now though and i like left

the theater and i went pee and then i just sat in that little hallway for like 15 minutes and some guy comes out of the theater he goes oh my god i can't do that and i was like yeah it's not good he goes i think this is the only exit though i left my kids in there i'll go back in a minute but like they're safe i just i was i can't i was like he's like i can't even like my head hurts i go yeah he's like i don't know why and i was like it's because they're only doing close-up shots like you have no idea what's happening your brain is like what it's like yeah so how did we get on this subject it doesn't matter the thing that matters is that this is don't blame me what you already said did i the thing is we have two podcasts if you don't know that we have another

one called but am i wrong and um we started doing that one and did an intro and we realized it was too don't blame me ish so if you're watching on video we're about to cut to that and you'll see that we have on different clothes all done in the same day if you're listening there's no change yeah there's a slight difference between our banter our off script banter in the intro of each episode of each different kind of podcast and we we don't blame me where we should have been but am i wronging yeah so here we go are you cracking your toes they always crack do your ankles crack no when i walk my toes crack they never not crack i can't move my toes without them cracking do your toes ever get like um dude you need a bomb us scholar scholarship

either where are they gonna send you to school no you need a bomb us sponsorship no i've never once caught you slipping i've never once seen you with a competitor no exclusive exclusive i just i don't understand how they haven't sponsored us like at all i don't know they sponsor every other podcast that i produce and this is a podcast with two people who do not like their bare feet to be shown like we're always wearing socks even if like we bring socks in our bags yes to wear on the podcast yeah yeah so i just feel like it is that and sex toys why aren't we being sponsored to talk about the things that we're going to talk masturbating and fucking yeah and socks yeah and being hot not want socks on when i'm fucking

are you one of those people or do you not care here's the thing i think in concept i don't care but i think i do do what i mean like i think like the idea of it i'm like no whatever but then i am then still consciously aware that i am wearing socks and i think i'm trying to be staking it to the standards but i'm like well no now i'm still thinking about it it's not like the sexy it's just the feel of it like i don't want socks on i saw an adhd meme that was like do you have the kind of adhd where you can never wear socks or you must exclude you can only wear socks always and forever and i was like oh wow this does make sense just i i don't like it i don't like it i'm gonna start wearing gloves everywhere like diane keaton gloves or like medical gloves

man keen gloves that go like all the way up my arm i think you should i saw her once in her g wagon she had a scarf on in the middle of summer and driving gloves and she looks glamorous i mean she's dying keaton did you see that new movie she's got coming out no they're friends they go it looks like it might be palm springs where they go on a trip in palm springs i'm sold maybe and one of them i'm butchering this i saw the the the trailer i think that they go to somebody with crystals or something and it's like a body swapping movie where then the one gal ends up in diane keaton's body and then they're like wait so who it's diane keaton and the girl from zola she's very young did you know that anyways um to give you a little uh info on what this

podcast is you probably have no clue if this is your first time you probably already tuned out no you probably were like i like these i like these bitches this shit seems good this is don't blame me where we give you wonderful amazing life-changing advice you leave us voicemails or if you are not in america or not able to call or google voice number you send us voice memos you email them to us at meganpodcast at gmail.com so for both the voice memos and the voicemails you have three minutes to do it i mean like not including calling it's not like the grim reaper is behind you that you have three minutes i'm playing a lot of sims oh sorry you have three minutes from the time that you hear the beep or the time that you start recording your voice memo

and we ask that you write everything down before you actually call or record then you can time it out to make sure it's three minutes include your age if you've got a relationship how long you've been together ages of other people who are involved in this it's all anonymous so you don't need to include anyone's names but the more details you give us the better advice we can give you and if you don't give us all relevant details that would impact the advice that we give we might like be completely off on your situation we don't want to have to guess about things because you know we are never wrong but you know maybe we could be more right true you know also have to be 18 or over or have your parents permission and yeah give us a call we're always looking for

more calls ring-a-ding-ding don't give us all ring-a-ling bling ring great movie i haven't seen it but i know that i would enjoy it because i enjoy i know the story it's a good story enjoy everyone that's involved i enjoy the actors i enjoy the director i just never got around to watching it you know why the timing was weird no no it wasn't even the timing it was when i i went to watch it on netflix and it was at the time where very little things were streaming on netflix and i didn't have that plan and i they didn't have it available on the dvd you know what's weird about netflix is that you can still get dvds you know like mott still has some does no i mean like you can still order he like still regularly orders no you have to set it like in

your thing to get it and i think that's weird and like who still does that i was gonna say i was like i had a really hard time getting rid of a bunch of dvds and moths was like how are we gonna play them and i was like i think we have a dvd player but we don't have we i think we had one and it was like either in the bedroom or like not in the living room it was like something that was like we wanted to watch a dvd we had to like pick a specific tv to watch it on and now you do because you had the little soccer movie with amanda bines the little soccer movie i'm so sorry what's it called he's the man she's the man it's not a little soccer movie wow i can't believe you just we have no update this episode we forgive the person who had to reschedule on this last minute

because they were incredibly professional for the last week's episode they were also not able to come for this week they're coming next week they're coming next week but if you have called for and you've been on a previous episode and you want to give us an update you can also write in now because we know it's harder because people we started this during peak pandemic time yeah for people to do live updates and we realized that people have returned to work so it's harder so if you are just like i can never make it work during the day write in yeah unless you just like want to talk to us which we don't bite unless you ask and even it's covet i'm not gonna bite you monkey pox is more of my concern oh we're also in person so go watch on patreon if you

are like i need to see how sexy they look as i look like a member of the flds shall we roll the tapes yeah roll the tips hi megan and melissa i'm 21 years old and you she her pronouns the person i'll be referring to also uses she her i just need your opinion on something because it's a predicament and I'm not really sure what to do. It starts turning small. Just wait. I'm going into my senior year of college and I have been on the dance team since my freshman year, including two years as a social media officer. I was also very tight with my coach as she picked me personally to be her student supervisor for the on-campus job she is the boss of. Half my schedule ended up revolving around that job as I was one of two people who ever

did their job. With that all said, I was cut from the team for my senior year without any warning or explanation from my coach. Even after replying to her generic copy-paste email that was sent to every other rejected dancer, it has been two months and no response. I was professional in my response. I should note that. For the short version of my theory, I'm pretty sure I was cut because I'm a theater major and she cannot stand the theater faculty, and she valued having them off her back about me occasionally missing rehearsals for practice more than she valued any of the work I've put in for the last three years. If you want a deeper explanation, I would love to one day tell you my whole theory because I realize that sounds a little shallow so my

strange and tiny first predicament I have all these clothes t-shirts jackets sweatpants that I don't really know what to do with do I throw them away like I already asked my best friend on the team if she wanted them and she said no could I still wear them should I still wear them I realize how tiny and silly this sounds like I'm packing up for the semester and I'm just like what do I even do with these I'm also struggling because the school year is about to start And I'm really embarrassed about being cut, but my best friend is still on the team. I want to support her and some of my other friends on the team, but it seriously sucks because every time I see a post about what they're doing next or their camp coming up, et cetera, it makes me angry and upset because I'm missing out, and I know that I should be doing that. I also don't know if the other girls on the team know I was cut or if they thought I put myself.

None of them really reached out or asked besides my best friends. A few of them still wished me a happy birthday a few weeks ago, which surprised me, but other than that, I haven't talked to anyone really. literally half my senior year was basically ripped out from under me and I'm also dreading seeing all of them again in person since a lot of my classes overlap with my teammates so let me know what you guys think or what you would do in a situation thank you I don't know how I ended up on high school seniors not getting on their dance team for the fourth year after they've done it like all those years but I literally ended up on TikTok that was like just people opening their letters with their friends and then being like the one that didn't make it and crying they got letters

yeah it was really sad and like not that i don't think yours is sad but there is something like the juxtaposition of being in like a really like dark and like sad high school classroom and like doing all this with like your friend like you know i mean it's a little like oh no like i'm glad you have a couple years on them for getting this but this ours was posted on a wall yours was posted on a wall oh like a cast list for a theater yeah but it was more like because tryouts ended at like eight o'clock at night and so it was outside the gym like a big scroll kind of thing wait i love people that were currently on that were like graduating or whatever that went they're running it like paint it your name big and then like you

had to walk up and like people were like around like it was a thing where like like the football players and basketball players like came with to like look at everything and like cheering people on and then like when the person walked up they knew that wasn't on it was like a hush in the crowd you like went to like movie high school that's so dramatic yeah i love that it was then but now that i look back on it i'm like wow that was very dramatic and then the one when we were like in high school going from ninth to 10th grade because ninth grade was part of junior high for us i forgot what it was called but it was a dance that brought both schools together i forgot what it was called but both the junior highs because we were going to high school so then at that time

this district only had one high school now there's multiple but we had a dance after so then you were like in like your tryout clothes and then everybody's like standing around then you go to the dance after very dramatic now i'm understanding why there might be a rivalry between a theater department and a dance department because like that is some drama shit yeah i mean mine was cheer but no but i mean the same process that performance team too never in my life have i known something as dramatic as that's just that's that's theater that's cast list yep so i get it even like i mean it was different from us like our theater department wasn't that deep and so they would come and like try to recruit us to be because they're like you can dance you can move

yeah so come that's fucking funny this definitely sucks and like i think you know i understand the inclination of kind of wanting to have like a reason if i were you i would just take what your theory is and commit to that and just believe that and don't because you're gonna get answers and it might not be the answer that you want if you get it and they also might not be in truthful like you might be totally right and they might not own up to that and so they might tell you something else which like is not actually true but like it's going you're gonna think it's true and that hurts a lot more so i think you like go live in your own reality like go with your own reality as for the clothes no don't wear them i think that depending on your personality i think

it could be like really funny if you wear them you're like oh yeah no i got kicked off as if like I don't care and like whatever haha this is funny because it does kind of devalue like everybody has this one the dancing like this is like we're these these make us like so cool and these are our things like and we've been picked and this is you don't have this kind of thing so if that's like the vibe but you have to actually really not give a shit to like wear them like she cares that's what I mean like so I think the only reason why I would say yeah go for them pack them wear them is if you truly genuinely didn't give a shit but you do like I think of like people who like would deactivate the sorority and they're supposed to like give their letters back

and they didn't they would just wear them and i'm like oh you're like a kappa and they're like oh no i like dropped out i don't give a shit the sweatshirt and that to me i was like oh this isn't this like elite group and thing that i've like viewed it as that i'm like this is just it kind of like it's like a healthy dose of reality but if someone was wearing them like if i wore them and i was obviously very sad to like leave college like that would not have been my outlook i think that you should take the clothes and put them away like save them and then when you're over this like in a few years when you're looking back upon this in your 20s then it's things that you have like for nostalgia reasons like i still have like my cheer sweatshirt and stuff that i'll wear

sometimes if i'm out of laundry but um like it's stuff that i have like that i look back on like the fond memories but right now i feel like that you're still very much wounded from this and so i don't think that this is a good time for you to continue to wear them and i'm also being truthful because i know how brutal college can be that i believe that you'll get made fun of i do too so i don't think that you should continue to wear and i i say that with love because it can be like it's not good it's not good it can be very brutal so like don't wear them again because you're still hurting from this you still have a lot of questions and unanswered questions i would not wear it no because the only way it has to be a fuck you and that again it's not gonna make you

have great relationships the rest of people like it's it is that's what you do when you've been burned by every aspect of it and you're like i'm taking everything down with me but i agree i think like once you can have some time away from this i think you'll regret if you throw everything away because i totally think you should hold on yeah and i think in 15 years people won't even remember that you weren't on it for that year when you got cut to be fair i think probably six months into your senior year you're probably gonna be like wow this because this shit is so time consuming you're gonna be like oh my gosh look at all this other fun stuff i can do and it doesn't negate the last three years that you had doing all this stuff but like you basically have the best of both

worlds and there is like this kind of i don't want to call it like a cult mentality but there is like a we're surviving this together mentality of college sports and extracurriculars that are i consider like a cheer or dance like also a sport whether or not it's like a school it is a sport yeah but i like even even if it's ones where it's like you know you're not uh at performing at games or whatever you're not competing but like you're like practicing all the time and like it becomes so encompassing of your life that you can feel very othered by those groups of people and feel like you're missing out on a lot but it's because they actually can't do anything else so it's kind of like the only way that you can have a social life and I had a friend who played d1 basketball

at our school and she joined our sorority for a bit and it was like impossible like it was impossible for her to do both but that would that helped her see that she was like oh wow i don't want to play d1 like i can't do anything else if i do this i actually want to have a college experience and she transferred to a school where she could play i think d2 or d3 and that i think in especially in an instance where like you've already had these like three years of doing all of this it sucks a ton but you're gonna meet so many more people as opposed to like walking away from college with knowing that you kind of did the same same these same things you had these same experiences the same four years in a row you have three years of this which is great and like

wonderful and a lot more than a lot of other people have but now you get to have a true senior year yeah and when you're doing like a heavy competitive sport you don't really get to have the same senior year and you get bonuses and like things that other people don't get to have like it's a wonderful experience but that experience has ended and i think that it hurts a lot right now but the best thing that you can do is mute all of their stories not don't start looking for that but then also pursue friendships of people who are not in it like making sure that you have plans and meeting people who like they don't know anything about this like they they're not in that circle they don't even know what your coach's name is like it's not and you'll end up broadening

your college and like view i think you will miss it a lot less when you don't feel like you're just the one at home like watching these people yeah but i'm sorry that's sucks but it'll be okay it's not the end of the world i don't remember half the things i did in college maybe because i was drunk who knows me too i was not even there for a long time hi megan and melissa i am in quite the dilemma, and I could definitely use your guys' help. So for context, I'm a 22-year-old female, and I used to talk to a 24-year-old male that we will call Trace. Trace and I matched on a dating app in December of 2021, even though we already kind of knew of each other because we were in towns that are close to each other. We hung out about every two

to three weeks for about five months. In May of this year, we stopped talking because I couldn't mentally handle liking someone that was as irresponsible as he is. When we were together, everything was great, but the in-between times really wrecked me because he would go to the bar about three nights a week and he would always get blackout drunk. And oftentimes he would have to cancel plans to come see me because he'd be too hungover to drive an hour to my apartment. When things were at peak in our situationship, he would refer to me as babe, but that is about as far as we got into the situationship before things started to fall off. He never invited me to hang out with any of his friends, so our whole relationship was based off of going to each other's

apartments when we weren't busy. We just kind of stopped talking to each other because he thought that I was crazy for not approving of his lifestyle and I just couldn't see myself dating him. Flash forward three months to present day and I'm still single but active on dating apps and I match with one of Trace's good friends who is also 24 and we're going to call him Bryce. Bryce and Trace live a couple of hours away from each other so they don't hang out often but I know that they're good friends judging by how many pictures they have with each other on social media and I believe that they've only hung out one or maybe two times since the beginning of the year, but I know that Bryce is on Trace's best friends list on Snapchat, so I know they probably talk at least a little

every day. Bryce and I have been texting for about a month now, and we have plans to hang out in the next couple of weeks. Bryce is really enjoyable to text, and I've had a really good time talking to him. I think Bryce is really attractive, and he could be the love of my life for all I know. I don't know. I haven't hung out with him. So my question is, when do I tell Bryce that I used to talk to slash hook up with one of his friends? Do I need to tell him right away? For all I know, he might already know that I used to talk to Trace. But then again, do guys talk about girls that they are pretty much just hooking up with? I think that I would like for Bryce to kind of like get to know me a little bit first. So at least he can form his own opinions about me before

I tell him. But at what point do I tell him? Do I wait until I see if the casual texting and what could be casually just hanging out turns into something like more serious do i tell him if i start to notice that he's liking me or that i'm liking him more i haven't hung out with him yet but i was just curious what you guys thought on the timeline of when i should let him know about this little thing that he might already know about hopefully he already knows about it and it's not an issue but i i don't think he knows but anyways thanks guys i really appreciate your by tell him now what do you think well no so my clarification is how do you know he's on it's like snapchat best friends list i don't know how snapchat works haven't been on it in years

it's not like a like have they changed they could have changed maybe yeah i'm so my thing is like you know that they're friends because you've seen like two or something two to three posts on instagram okay here's my thing about dating homie hopping dating friends of people that you've dated before i think the sooner you tell them the better because what why you and trace ended up breaking up is because he kind of sucked and also like you don't have an aligned like you're not into his lifestyle and usually with friends we are who we surround ourselves with like not always you don't always have like the same lifestyles or interests as your friends but trace like kind of sucks so like why I always think that I'm like if you're gonna like date

someone a friend of someone you used to date you should probably think pretty highly of that friend of the person that you used to date because they're friends now like that actually speaks volumes of like new person's character you know so I think that's a little weird so to be fair I think the way to rule it like to know at the beginning like oh maybe they're not that close Like maybe they're very different. Maybe they're childhood friends. It's kind of like, it's not as, they're not best friends. They don't know everything about each other's lives.

The second you match with them and you share Instagrams, you go, oh my God, that's so funny. I actually used to date so-and-so. So I'm saying now, you got to tell them now. I think you need a time machine and you need to go back. Yeah, retroly, but we can't do that. So you have to tell them now because like- It just gets weirder every day.

Your playlist might get you through the workday, But have you ever wondered how your ancestors spent theirs? What work helped them build a life? How did they adapt as the world around them changed? With Ancestry, you can search select historical occupational records for free for a limited time and discover the stories behind the jobs in your family tree. You've got questions. We've got ancestors.

Search free until August 31st. Visit ancestry.ca for details. Terms apply. and it gets weirder and like if you're liking him and then he's liking you as much you think as he's liking you and he's falling more for you like it's unfair that you have this information and he doesn't if he doesn't already know and it could some people don't care yeah but it could make things between him and his friend weird and i think you you have to tell him now like all this extra information you gave is is irrelevant it's irrelevant you need to tell him now because his

answer is not going to change like if that is weird for him and he's not comfortable with that that's what it is like it doesn't matter if he really likes you or how long it's been then you're just getting your own feelings hurt like this is something that like he deserves to know and i think at this point i would i would probably just like save face and i would be like let's say like i don't know how you know they both maybe they both went to college something and then i would just be like whoa i just realized that like i wouldn't be like hey so i've been sitting on this i would be like i just realized like i just saw this i just saw that like so-and-so liked your picture or whatever or i just saw we had like a mutual friend on like

something i like went to go make an account something like how do you know him yeah and like that's what that's how you do that like oh like and then he can be like to be fair if you are bringing up somebody like that like most likely an automatic response is he's gonna be oh they definitely dated and if whatever your ex will say about you if that influences how Bryce feels about you and like if wants to pursue something with you moving forward that actually doesn't say anything about you that says everything about him and you can't like protect that kind of information but also like if I were you in this situation I would hope that Bryce and Trace weren't that close because I don't really like Trace so like

it does speak on the character of the person i'm currently dating or the person i like if i find out that you and my ex are really close and my ex is kind of a piece of that doesn't just stay on my ex that kind of reflects on you because you're friends with him yeah and also y'all weren't really even together but y'all were talking and he cancelled on your plans trace cancelled on your plans sometimes he says as far as y'all got it was him calling you babe which and he was drunk most of the time so you weren't even like you were talking you weren't even you were in a situation ship you weren't even dating i think if you're honest with the new guy bryce and you tell him that and if he's a a decent person then i don't think it'll

matter or you can just play completely dumb and never bring it up and then but this is the reason why i think you should bring it up because here's the thing yes you can play like completely dumb never bring it up and you and him start dating and you see in the you're like oh my gosh that's so funny like i didn't know you i didn't know you knew him like oh yeah like we like had a thing for a minute or whatever but i think how he will react to this shows you how not how he feels about you but how close he and trace are which will then give you an insight to his character his own character or the character and the treatment that he allows people in his life to like to do to other people. Like I think it's just protecting you. Yeah. Bring it up now. Tell him. Yeah. If

you wait and then you fall more for him and then he turns around and he's a complete jackass about it, then you wait. I don't say you waste your time, but like you're more emotionally invested in the situation. Yeah. You just prolong the inevitable. Also, might I suggest with love making your hinge and online dating profiles location a little smaller because why are we driving you don't know where three to four hours though but like they she might live in a small town and then she's got a like so she's not just dating the high school people she was around all the time then she's got to venture out some i don't disagree but is there another direction or have we eliminated all do you know i mean like if we're if we've got a circle radius you're in

the middle i feel like we've gone we've gone over here like an hour out each way yeah and i'm like but have we eliminated north south you can't do this north east southwest no i know but i'm just saying that like if we have to have that if we're casting that broad of a net i don't feel like we need to swipe on people who we know no other people that we've hooked up with do you know what i mean like i think like if you're stuck in a really really small town but three to four hours away for homie hopping three to four hours away for like a potential oh like this is like you know him this is this could be awkward i just feel like that mileage and that distance we shouldn't have to have too much crossover but maybe you're right maybe it's like a really really really

really small town anyway time for a break we'll be right back and we are back i hope you all had a wonderful break listening to our ads from our amazing sponsors and i hope that if you work for a company that does podcast ads you're like i have a great podcast uh i don't like that what you're doing with your fingers i don't like that what about this no what about this oh mine sometimes get stuck and i have to like manually do it with my other hand yeah if i hold my pencil for too long they like get stuck nope i hate that great content check it out on patreon yep her titties are out all right ready yep hi megan and melissa i am calling in for advice regarding attending a friend's wedding

everyone involved is 26 years old and she her um two of my best friends from high school recently got engaged a couple weeks from each other about a couple months ago, and we are all excited about next year for both weddings. The dilemma is one of my friends is planning on getting married in Hawaii. She texted in a group message with me and the other friend saying, I've convinced fiance to have a destination wedding, and we are going to have it in Hawaii in September of next year. Start saving up. Now, I get from people like the appeal of destination weddings, but the start saving up comment rubbed me and my other friend the wrong way. This friend makes significantly more than us as she's a pharmacist, so I don't think she realizes a lot of people our age aren't as

comfortable financially right now. Her fiance is also a pharmacist. Going to a place like Hawaii would take a lot of saving and sacrifice for me to be able to go, and I also understand there are a lot of valid opinions regarding tourists in Hawaii, so I do feel uncomfortable with the situation and the location. The other friend has told me that she's pretty sure she isn't going to be able to go because she's also saving up for her own wedding next fall, but I don't believe she's mentioning this to the destination wedding friend. I'm just a little concerned that she's expecting us to attend the wedding and might be upset if we can't go. My other friend who's also getting married has a valid excuse to get out of it, but I don't. I can't justify spending a thousand dollars

or more to go to a friend's wedding. The other kicker is she sent us the schedule as she has most of the general logistics planned out already, and the wedding is going to be on a Tuesday with activities planned in the days beforehand. I would have to take most of that week off of work pretty much, if not all of the week. For more context, the three of us were best best friends in high school, but we have drifted apart from destination wedding friend a bit. We will reach out to her and check in just asking how everything's going, but she rarely asks about us or cares about what's going on in our lives. If we see her in person, it's because one of us reached out to her to set something up and she very rarely you know reaches out to us I'm not super upset

about this I understand people grow apart but the wedding is a big commitment to attend especially when we aren't super close anymore and I have other things like college loans and bills that I could use that money for how should I approach her with how I'm feeling about not being able to attend how I'm feeling about the whole situation thank you in advance for any advice I love the podcast don't go no I don't think this is a no no decision it's just the way of presenting the information to the parties involved. Yeah. To make it even easier, it would cost so much more than $1,000. Anybody who has a destination wedding should, not always, but should be doing so because they value the destination part more than they value who is attending. That's just kind of

the blanket statement a destination wedding is like if you can come come but if you can't that's assumed like it is even assumed if you invite i'd say you invite 150 people to a wedding in your town you're gonna expect like 120 to come if you invite 150 people to destination wedding you're gonna expect maybe 70 to come and i feel like a lot of people do destination weddings because they don't want a lot of people to come. So it's a way to filter out those people in your lives. Like, for example, if I were to get married, I know my father would probably want to invite

the whole town of Little Rock, Arkansas to come because he's a socialite. I would have the wedding coming. He needs a sash, socialite. No, for real. That's... I need him on Bravo Show. And so I would have,

definitely wouldn't have the wedding in Arkansas because... Don't can't make it easy that they would all show up because everyone thinks that they're his best friend. So having a wedding away would, you know, clear, clear the cobwebs out of the corner of the house. Cockroach. I like that. In the pipes. Yep. Yeah, like that is true. Like a lot of the time you have, and I don't want to like devalue this invite to you. But a lot of the time people feel more comfortable like i think when you're like when you get an invite to destination wedding you're like oh my gosh they've pared down so many people so like i'm like i'm like the not like i'm

of the a list of the a list who got invited to that a lot of the time they actually don't have to do that because they know people are going to say no so you can actually cast them a lot of people for destination weddings cast a much wider net of invites but i think yes the whole thing of being like save up now i don't like that i don't like anything that should be expected whether it's birthday party, bachelorette party, wedding, anything that involves other people spending money on you. I do not like when it is brought up a in a group situation and brought up like it is expected. Yep. And also if it is expected that there has been no dialogue or communication with what your finances are and what you're comfortable with. And then if it's really important for you to

be there, then that person needs to make it sure that you are going to be there by covering your cost i am going to a destination wedding in november and they have it set up so that family and close friends are staying in a hotel that they have completely bought out and you don't have to pay for it you just if you're coming pay for the ticket to get there yeah so i think that like based on her kind of text response save up money i'm gonna level with you i do i think no matter how you say it she's gonna be pissed she doesn't seem like someone who she didn't go about this in the way that most people do with destination weddings where it's like we decide we're gonna do this we totally understand that it's like very expensive there's no hard feelings

we're gonna like we're gonna have a barbecue at our house when we get back for another celebration but like if you are able to we would love to have you there but like please no pressure that's how they go been to a lot of destination weddings that's literally how they always go and then when you're there everybody is like again like what whether it's covering certain things like making sure that like oh we did got cabanas for everyone this day like we're so grateful that you were able to come thank you so much like that's how it goes she's not doing that so she's gonna be pissed regardless of what you say and i think you said you don't have a valid excuse first of all she doesn't know that and she might not think any excuse is a valid excuse also is over a year

away who knows what can come up between now and then and it being like oh this is like just really expensive like that is a valid excuse like saying that like i don't it's on a tuesday you can just it should be just i'm tired a catch-all i don't even think you just be like hey i just want to let you know like i'm so happy for you and excited for you but i'm not going to be able to make it Like I would love to take you out for drinks when you get back and can't wait, like so excited to see all the photos. And if she presses, I would just say like, I don't have a lot of time I can take off from work and a destination wedding is not something that I have the funds for.

And if I'm able to save up that much money, like I am going to be taking a vacation and I'm going to be doing that. And if she keeps pressing, then you can be like, I have no desire to go to Hawaii. And if you really want to cut ties that friendship, you know, you're not particularly close to no, but you know, make sure you know, the other girls know you're gonna do this, then like, you know, it's a, I think it was pretty hurtful to like, not be considered financially. I know that you're excited about your wedding, but like you and your fiance are in a much better off financially than I am and most other people our age are and so I don't think that you

can expect everyone our age to be able to afford the things that you have well knowing that we haven't done the things that would give us the money to afford what you're doing and I have no interest in going to Hawaii and ethically whether it's been with with COVID but also this a lot of it came to light in COVID a lot of people are talking about it and they had a lot more attention but i don't want to go to a place that has been asking repeatedly for tourists to leave because they are being stripped of their resources and i also certainly don't feel like that is a cause for celebration yep also who knows where we'll be with monkey pods i think planning a destination wedding to an island while we have two pandemics happening is like actually like what's wrong why

what's what yep where do you live yep like what what planet are you on do you also like you mentioned that you don't ever hang out unless you yourself caller proposes so i just y'all aren't that close and if you're not proposing to hang out then and this is where she's like this is where i'm calling the shots for us to hang out no move on you think you've said you've drifted apart as friends and i think this is this is the end this is the okay we've set sail and now we are going on different hemispheres like this is just know that this will be like every probably every bad trait that she has and things you haven't liked this will probably be amplified and i don't it's not it's not a phase mom but like this is the end and i think you have to operate with not

trying to salvage your friendship because i don't think there's anything to do to salvage and i don't even think it really was that much of a friendship at this point no now think of how good this is now you don't have to have like the obligatory like checking in like all this like you just have an event now you're like i'm not gonna go and just be like this is a deal breaker for our friendship i know and it's been real i have a hangnail please when she asks like why can't you come i i have a hangnail it's in a year from now i have a lot of hangnails yeah i have chronic happening they're terminal to be fair paper cuts and hangnails should not hurt as bad as they do i haven't had a paper cut in a long time but as soon as you saw that i felt a pain

shoot up my finger do you know what i had that's even worse than a paper cut and i didn't even know that a plastic cut like from like packaging it burns and it's and it was like stinging and i was convinced and then i also had one that was i had one that was metal and i think i had to get a tetanus shot for that one but it wasn't even like it was like a new piece of it was like 10 foot something but it was like but the plastic one was from packaging that i like cut it open oh my gosh did it bleed so much and did it hurt more than anything in the entire fucking world in cardboard like a thicker cardboard worst pain ever no thank you hey okay not actually worst pain ever that's ovarian cyst rupturing but hey it was up there yeah it was up there all right

next call yes hi so i'm 26 and i had a falling out with my dad so to backtrack about about a month ago I was going to a wedding I flew in for this wedding at my parents house and then we had to drive up to go to the wedding and it was about three hours away before we leave my mom she asked me if I could do her hair and I'm like okay yeah sure and then we get to the hotel at three and then we have to leave to go to the wedding at 3 15 and she's like oh what about my makeup and I was like oh my god so I started to use her makeup and then he asked me oh what about my eyes what about my eyes and then I lose it because doing hair and makeup in 15 minutes, not possible. And so I raised my voice. I did not yell at her and she starts bawling. And luckily my dad was not there

to witness this, this fight. And so then my mom starts bawling and she's just like, well, I'm never asking for favors from you ever again. And I was like, mom, stop crying. Like I can do your hair. It's okay. And she's like, no, it's fine. Like, I don't want anything from you. And I was like, okay. So then my dad walks in and then we're just like trying to be cordial or whatever. And so then there's the wedding cool fine whatever the next day I'm trying to fly back to where I live and I am in a good mood I'm in good spirits and stuff and me and my mom actually made up before I left so we were on good terms and then I get a text message from my dad and he sends it in a group chat with my mom my sister my dad and my sister's boyfriend and he's like he says my name

and he's just like your mom told me what happened and I can't believe that she was trying to help you because like also i lost my driver's license that's another thing she's like she tried to help you and you hurt her again i don't want you in this house you're never welcome here blah blah blah and so i have tried to make amends with my dad but he is not reciprocating like i tried to call him maybe after three weeks or whatever and he was just like no i don't want to talk to her and i was supposed to go home again like earlier this month but that didn't happen and i was gonna bring my boyfriend too because he was gonna meet like the rest of my family because he only met some of my family whenever we went back to my hometown in January but that did not happen so

yeah I don't know what to do my mom is just like just apologize to your dad I'm like apologize for what like me and you are on good terms but that is the one that is being difficult at the moment also to give some more context my dad suffers from really bad depression and he could possibly just be taking it out on me but also I suffer from depression so if this has been negatively affecting my mental health and my well-being and like right now I just feel like I am disowned by my father and I can't go back to my hometown and like see the rest of my family that lives there so yeah if you guys could give any advice that'd be really great again I don't know if I mentioned this but I'm a Pisces so be delicate with me and I hope you guys have a really great day I love the

show I've been listening to it from the beginning see this is when no offense I don't really care about your signs I really want to know your mom's um no I want to know dad's yeah yeah yeah parents Sorry. Yeah. Yeah. I want to know the parents signs. Your mom's fine. I think you think you and your mom are on good terms, but your mom, after you left and you and your mom were on good terms, she then went and told your dad and not like, oh, we had this thing, but like, you know, we're all good now. It was to the point where like, this is an active anger from him. And I think like this whole thing is like super, super, super immature. Like your mom immediately bawling and you being like oh my gosh okay okay to me that just says like this is a habit like this is

a relationship that has gone on of your mom like victimizing herself and like oh my gosh no woe is me like no I'm never gonna do anything like that's so extreme and it sounds like your dad is an enabler in that behavior and while your mom weaponizes her victimhood to get what she wants your dad is doing it in a much more overt way where he's just being aggressive versus passive aggressive. And to me, it's like they're both feeding off of each other. And I think if your mom didn't want this to happen, she would have not told your dad. Like to me, this is very much like your mom's going to forgive you, quote unquote, forgive you, clear the air, but wants to punish you in another way by telling your dad about this and then telling you that you need to

apologize to him which i think in turn is her thinking that she's going to get an apology like to me this feels very orchestrated and i don't want to i'm not saying your dad is like a completely like non-guilty party i think they're both equally guilty in this and like the fact that this is so immature and an immature way to operate and i i understand it but like you're having to mitigate and kind of tiptoe around your two literal adult parents for behavior on both ends is just i just think it's so i don't know i mean i wouldn't i would not apologize to your dad but i that's what I mean like I wouldn't like do the make good thing but I would if your dad's not going to speak to you I would have a conversation with your mom be like so what was the point of

this like I thought that what happened like when you reflect on the situation like when you and your mom have these things it seems like this is like a regular occurrence because you were able to like move past this relatively quickly and this didn't seem like a huge blip in your life and that's kind of why like why is dad so up about this I would be like okay so I'm not going to apologize to dad. Cause I didn't do anything wrong. So like, can you and I get to the bottom of why this instance happened? Like why after I left, I thought we were okay that you was there. Were you looking for an apology from me? Like, it feels like you were trying to punish me through him being upset with me. And like, if it was my kid and my husband and like was on a group

chat group text, I don't like how they're both okay with how the other one's treating you. because I know people are like, oh, marriage needs to come first, blah, blah, blah. But like, no, no, yeah, yeah. A healthy marriage should then breed like a healthy environment to raise your children. But like your parents just seem like they are ganging up on you from like different instances.

And I don't think that the solution is to appease your dad by doing what your mom is saying. I think it's like, I don't mean to be like, you should be reflecting on your relationship with your parents. But like, I don't think right now that the biggest issue is your relationship with your dad i think it's the relationship that is still actively happening which is your mom why did she instigate this and not protect you or stand up

for you from her own husband being a complete asshole to you i also have the question of i agree 100 with everything you're saying but like what happened like this happened but to be completely like disowned and you're not allowed to come to their home ever again was this the only thing that happened or were there other things that led up to this because this is the only thing that happened why like what what was the reason why did this happen because this is this seems so minute yeah 15 minutes before being somewhere that you need your hair and makeup done Unless the reason why it was like, even then, even if it was like there was only 15 minutes left because they were spending that time looking for your driver's license, this feels like such an overreaction to a situation. What's the root reason?

And I think figuring that out, depending on what you want to do with your situation, with your family, will answer some questions, not all of them. But if you want to salvage this relationship, you're going to have to have a conversation with them. I wouldn't apologize because there's nothing to apologize for. But like, why are they reacting in this way? like to me this screams like and this could be my own experience is very much coloring this like color if this does not as we say does not apply let it fly to me this reads just narcissists like that's what it reads in the sense that like there is actually no threshold of like justified reactions like everything is a personal attack and like everything is the end of the world like

it's just there are so many extremes it's not like a boiling point and part of the way that she talked about it or like her, just her voice of being like, Oh mom, like, cause if your mom burst out crying and that's not a normal occurrence, you'd be like, Oh my gosh, what happened? Like, did I hurt her? Okay. What's wrong. But knowing that like she burst out crying and it's like, okay, let's stop. Like, let's fix this. And the fact that she burst out crying and you're able to kind of move past this very quickly to me tells me that this is kind of how the relationship is. And there's only 15 minutes and your mom is asking you to work miracles and like do all of this stuff really fast this all just reads to me like you have had to be the responsible

one and even by looping your sister in like that is trying to like publicly embarrass you like and kind of assert like power and dominance and like make you like punish you that's like what this whole thing sister but the sister's boyfriend yeah this whole thing is like public shaming you and trying to like make you embarrass you and make you feel small and that is narcissism 101 and I think that like the reason why this is like a quote-unquote big issue or whatever is because I don't think that you're like like Melissa you need to get to the root cause but it's not the I don't think it's about the root cause about this instance but like what is your relationship like with your parents like what is the history of this relationship what

is the relationship like with your mom I'm also like a big believer in like all kinds of relationships friendships romantic familial that I don't tolerate other people being okay with other people treating me poorly and right now I think you're viewing this very much as like my dad versus me and my mom my mom being like a neutral middle ground but she's not like she was the one who brought this up after you said that everything was okay and if this is something that he's done before like she's doing this knowing he's gonna do this and like she is trying to punish you through him and again I don't think that means he's not guilty like I think this is to me this sounds like two narcissists feeding off of each other and like I don't know if you if maybe if

there's some self-reflection that have have you and your sister had a competitive relationship like have you kind of had to like shift back and forth of like who was the favorite like who was being praised and did they make you feel like oh your sister did this for me like this did this from this this is like were you kind of used as pawns in that like when it comes to arguments with your parents like where were you in your childhood relationship and if your relationship has gotten better as an adult with your parents still like look back on how it was as a kid because a lot of the time relationships with narcissists can get better or even just poor relationships with parents can get better when there's kind of space because this isn't going

to be like oh 15 minutes before we're going somewhere every saturday we have this thing and like this is just a once in a while type of thing so it's kind of easier to tolerate i i think even if your dad like moves on past this eventually and gets over this i don't think unless you get to the bottom of this like it's going to happen again yeah 100 they're gonna over and over again and not just this happening again but they're going to probably bring this up as ammo in the future i i need a i'm not going to call them a narcissist but i need a wider scope of what your relationship is as a whole and do things like this happen regularly because this just this just seems like so much yeah and i think the part of the reason why again my own

experience you're coloring it but the blasé nature of you caller saying all of this that to me is what the biggest indicator of like oh i think you probably were raised by narcissist parents because this is just norm this is just a this is what it is this isn't like oh my gosh i can't believe this like it is just another day yeah and i i i so totally very very very much understand this i think you're being so empathetic with being like you know he does suffer with depression that is so unrelated you can be depressed and still be a good person and you can be depressed and also you know say bad things and do things out of anger and take your anger out on people but you can then recognize that and apologize and do better and not hold on to it and then

banish your daughter no it's not an excuse like it can be like oh wow I'm sorry I took that out on you but like if anyone who tries to use their mental health as like an excuse for why they cannot be held accountable for their actions versus oh this is why I did that and I am remorseful that I did that. And I'm going to work on that. Yeah, I mean, I'm obviously going up from my own, my own personal experiences are coloring it. But I know you're trying to like bring your boyfriend and do like all of that stuff. I think that the best thing you can do is if you're not in therapy already, but like, figure out what the current relationship you have with your family is what the relationship you've had in the past with them is what the relationship you want to have with

them is and what the relationship you can have with them is. And if you can't have the relationship that you want, you need to look at the relationship as it is and where it's at. And if you would change, if you want to change anything about that, or there's things that are deal breakers in there for you, or the things that you really don't want to encounter, then you need to take a step back from this because it can't be what it's not. Like it is what it is. And you don't have to accept the relationship or where they are right now. You don't have to accept that behavior and that treatment but you're going to drive yourself crazy if you're trying to make them be something see be somebody that they're not and have a relationship to you that you don't have

it's just going to disappoint you but oh my god i'm infuriated for you all right so now it's time for don't blame them and this is when y'all listeners call and reflect upon a call that we've already had and gave advice on. Hey, I'm calling for a don't blame them in regards to the caller who works in corporate America and has been working hybrid from home and does not want to work, go back fully in the office. My sister works in a corporate job as well, and it was very, very, very hard for her to transition back to being in person she has a variety of of mental health things that she's

going through and that she's been diagnosed with and she got a doctor's note and is there and her business therefore is legally required to accommodate for her to work from home at least two days of the week so I don't remember what this caller if it was physical or mental health things or if it was a mix of both but they could definitely talk to their doctor about getting a note and getting some accommodations for working from home thanks wow great point and if they don't uphold it then you can sue them yep we got uh someone who wrote in with another suggestion of um scamming this that's not scamming the system that's how the system should work uh but this one is a little bit more scammy a little bit uh so wanted to follow up from today's podcast

episode six i completely agree with megan that corporate people don't take creative seriously the way they might a finance role it's for that reason that i would actually discourage the caller from approaching this from the perspective of what's best for them personally. It is important, but the pencil pushers who made the decision don't give a shit. I encourage them to sit down and have an objective look at their goals, metrics, et cetera, and be able to report back on how this will impact the company's bottom line. Quote unquote, I planned out projects over the next two quarters based on my effectiveness in the home office. I will not meet our goals without a second screen, et cetera. Which of these clients is amenable to pushing projects out

by three to six months until we've resolved our office situation? Even if your boss gets you, they're reporting to someone who doesn't scare them with numbers yeah that's a good one too that's a good one but only one of them you can sue if they don't comply yep and that's a positive do you want to sue do you want to not sue have you ever sued someone it's kind of a bucket list item for me i haven't like directly sued but i've been part of a class action lawsuit for what task rabbit i've actually been a part of a couple where i've had just like surprise check yeah you're oh 67 cents that one was actually residuals oh really yeah you must be an early one yeah i was on task rabbit back in whenever 10 years ago when i moved here nice

so you uh i got that check check yeah yeah um you got that syndication um well spargo oh got one from them what they do i forgot something i don't even yeah yeah yeah but they were taking money from clients for no reason oh uh doing what banks do yep they're banking no reason there's been a few drizzy the company that delivers alcohol oh they had one what you ordered enough from drizzy or just in the right time period yeah right in the right time and it was like 67 cents yeah there's one where i i got something i don't remember exactly what it was for this is the joys of buying things online is that they keep track of it so then oh yeah i guess that is how that happens yeah and so then i got a check from somebody that i thought i was like what is this

and i couldn't figure out what it was from because i didn't have an email and i still don't remember but i got a check and it was that one was like 300 i thought it was a fake check so i went to the bank and i was like hey is this real and they're like yeah you can deposit so that was another one i got one from not lowes the other one home depot depot it was a lot of times where a lot of their accounts were getting or the scanners at their company were getting hacked into and so i got changed you've probably had them too you don't realize oh no i did i know i i opted i didn't opt in for one of them because i was like i really it didn't affect me and i like would rather it was something related to food and i would be like if this affected some people like

I don't want to opt in for 67 cents for something that never affected me I was in an audible one because it was before credits rolled over I got one for audible too it's because I was one of the early early early on that so I think I got like just two credits but the one that was like the best one was um I feel like I must have told you this before I don't know if I've said on the podcast but my information was found on the dark web that's actually where my one from home depot came from they sold my information on the dark web that's what it was home you heard it here first home depot loves the dark web no when there was oh my god what did they call it i know what you're talking about when everybody's phone got phones got hacked for that stuff uh-huh what was

it called the fappening so it was like all these celebrities nudes were getting leaked like all this information and for lawrence that was one of the biggest ones yeah and so i got a notification that and it wasn't even like a settlement because it was like i think it was like a federal case or something like or i don't know maybe it was just it was higher i don't think it was i don't think it was even I don't think it was class action but my information was found on the hard drives of this person and so you could tell me yeah they had to reach out to everybody who's was either their information was published or even if it wasn't published because it was like we don't know if it's been published somewhere that we haven't found yet or if they just have this

information we don't know if they anyone else does but they had to do all that and so I used to get like weekly and I didn't have to opt in like it was like you would have I would have to like call to be like don't give me the lowdown but i would get like every day like every week i would get like updates for the impending trial and like things like new new happenings in this and then during the trial i would get like a full write-up like every single day of what had happened this day this day this day i was like wow i wasn't famous enough for you to leak anything but like to be fair i also you've leaked your own oh yeah that was an accident but like i don't have any like new like i don't i and like i don't have i mean i should probably i think i should definitely

take some nudes now but like i didn't have anything and so i was like well but i did feel it was a wild i would like to i feel like that's a bucket list item it's like sue somebody and win but it needs to be for something that like something good but it also didn't hurt you exactly yeah it needs to be for something that's like validate like if this is oh the act of suing you i'm enjoying this like this is a really petty satisfying act like this process i'm enjoying watching you squirm but the what you did didn't hurt me it was just i have a case to do this and then i can win yeah be nice i think it's probably more likely i will be i mean what at least we'd be in it together to be fair we'd be in it there are some we'd be in together but i maybe i would

just bring it down for some other ones that are very unrelated to you. I'd be like, come along. Anyways, if you're still listening, let us know in the comments of our latest Instagram post, have you ever been sued? Or have you ever sued anyone? Have you ever been in any class action lawsuits? What was it for? And what did you get if you can legally disclose? That is it for the episode. We hope you enjoyed. Go leave a review on the podcast app if you haven't already subscribed to our Patreon. We hope you all enjoyed. Go leave a review on the podcast app if you, I mean, just do it if you have or you haven't leave it a review we appreciate it so much and we will see you all next time goodbye

don't blame me is a production by me executive produced by melissa de monts and diamond imprint productions edited by coco lawrence post-production sound by chris henry production assistance by Melanie D. Watson. Music by Ryan Hunter and Giacomo Picasso.