Don't Blame Me! - Be An Informant

Episode Date: August 29, 2022

Melisa tells about her day from hell and then... Meghan and Melisa give advice on: Update - Boyfriend feels entitled to my body (10.1) Roommates left apartment filthy Inviting friend's toxic +1 to your wedding Kicked off ex's cellphone plan Don't Blame Them - Friend not supporting your move (10.6) Buy our merch: https://store.dftba.com/collections/don-t-blame-me Subscribe to our new show: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/but-am-i-wrong/id1591757891 Follow Us! @meghanrienks www.instagram.com/meghanrienks https://twitter.com/meghanrienks @sheisnotmelissa www.instagram.com/sheisnotmelissa https://twitter.com/sheisnotmelissa @by.meghan.and.melisa https://www.instagram.com/meghanandmelisa Affordable Therapy By State (Curated by Crissy Milazzo): www.tinyurl.com/y64kwdnf Need Advice? www.dontblameme.show Domestic Listeners Call: [phone] International Listeners Send a Voice Memo To: [e-mail] … with as much detail as possible under 3 minutes! WeI'll do our best to share our wonderful words of wisdom. If you're under 18, please get your parent's permission. Advice is for entertainment purposes only, so you can't blame us if we screw up your life. I kid! Our advice IS AMAZING. Want to WATCH this episode as well? Become a patron! https://www.patreon.com/dontblameme Join the Facebook Group! https://www.facebook.com/groups/dbmsecretgroup Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/join/dontblameme Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Get tickets now. hello hi welcome to don't blame me hi an amazing podcast starring two people who definitely got so much sleep last night are feeling first of all melissa's gonna crash at some point we don't know when it's gonna happen a thing to go to the night no i know um this is gonna be fun i think you'll just get i think you'll probably it'll probably be good because i think you'll get to like the delirious loopy side before you like like by the time that you're like going to your thing tonight and i think you'll be able to ride that wave but i am worried about your tomorrow i was playing i don't never mind i used to not have things on wednesday but now we record candace's podcast

on wednesday so i was planning on doing some boxing before and i probably won't i wouldn't yep i wouldn't do that yeah we both independently for no reason nope that's a lie there is a reason we both stayed up till 4 30 because we both fucked up when did you fuck up your hair washing routine i was planning to do it on sunday no no no i was wait no the thing is i had so much stuff to do this weekend so saturday can i tell the story quick and we get back to it yeah okay so saturday was his dodgers game oh yeah i saw moths was jealous because he kept being like man we gotta go to daughter's game and i was like maybe and then he saw you go and then he was like and i was like well there you go it has some melissa seal of approval i guess i feel safe and i'm going i

have my mask on no i saw yeah so as i'm walking up well actually leaving my car i have i've left my car and i'm just like a row up as i'm walking to the stadium i turn around and i see a man's penis oh no he's peeing oh okay like but like between cars but didn't open the car door so it was blocking sure have you never peed on a freeway when i was a child then you would have gotten a child sex offender they call the cops yeah so for this was just like upon arrival upon arrival upon yes like i get the desperation you're drunk afterwards and like you pee and like but no no like it hasn't started yeah the night is young so then i get up to the stadium and i'm like hey i need to my what's the fastest way to get to like this because it says that mine is on the right

side my entrance is on the right side but like how far is that away from if i go because it looked like from the ticket i was like this is the left entrance and then if you're watching and then i was like i think it's just like around the corner yeah and the woman's like no you have to walk all the way around so i was like okay whatever so i get in line and i'm there and then i get up to the front and the guy's like your purse is too big and i didn't know that you have to have your purse a certain size i haven't been to a game in a long time so certain sides are clear right clear and i didn't know that and it was also a small purse yeah like it wasn't big and i was like god damn it and so then i had to walk all the way back to my car put my purse in then get back up to the

front and go inside and we were on field level and there's no science telling how to get to the field level in daughter stadium at all i asked three people that work there no one knew i was like okay but the and then i finally asked a police officer and they knew how to get down there so i had to take the stairs down three levels finally get there like this is all this is all taking me an extra hour oh my god i would go home i really wanted to but like i hadn't seen that friend in a year over a year and so i got inside if if i wasn't seeing her then i would have yeah definitely and you're meeting me there both in like i'm out i'm out yeah so i got inside and i get to where the seats are and i like i said hey i'm here i waved to her saying i'm so hungry now because

i've probably walked more than i have in weeks months so i go get in line i was like all i want is a dodger dog dog garlic fries they didn't have it in the area that i was in so i wait in line for a long time because the line was extra long of course and it was in the pavilion area where they have like the different restaurants set up so i go by the time i get to the front of the line order my dodger dog we're out of dodge dodger dogs we don't have buns you have one job oh okay are you gonna get it without a bun oh i know i i was planning this the whole day i was like i know that my stomach's gonna be raw carb but i'm fine we don't have buns raw dog it there was no sign up saying they didn't have any they didn't announce it and there was only one other food

item on the thing which was the nachos which are disgusting they're like movie theater nachos yeah exactly and twenty dollars because they're in that little hat that what am i gonna do go to the bathroom and wash this out eat cereal out of it so i get back to my seat just devastated devastated tired hungry yeah that's awful yeah and then after the game i was like okay i have to walk all the way like around to this other side by the time i walk around and i get back to the other side i realized that it's the same gate that i was standing next to to begin with when i said bye to my friends so that woman that had told me i had to walk around i didn't have to it was that gate it was just like a different angle so you couldn't see it that's cruel i'm

still not done though oh my god you had such a day so then instagram really is a highlight reel yeah i walked i get to my car they have no one directing traffic to get out no that's not allowed it takes me 45 minutes just to get out of my parking lot yeah oh also before i even got to my car i made eye contact with the pee man again as i was walking to my car like he was at his car where i saw him peeing we made eye contact it was awkward oh god i've seen your dick yeah then i get to the car and i sit there 45 minutes just to get out the parking spot another like 30 minutes well while i'm sitting there i get a notification that says spectrum there's an outage at home so get excited to rush home without your fucking wi-fi exactly so it takes me a hour and a

half to get once i get out the parking lot only takes me 20 minutes to get home yeah sitting there hour and a half get home spectrum's out i'm like i guess i'll go to sleep nothing else to do because i can't watch tv did you eat yes i did okay i did eat this story's making me hungry okay so three o'clock rolls around i'm getting i get hot as i usually do but this is different because i had turned my air conditioner like extra down and i took a gummy earlier because i was like i need to realize this has been a stressful day took a gummy three o'clock i hear this beep i'm like what the fuck is that and then my lights all come on so i guess electricity had went out at some point and the night and that's why i was hot but since all my lights are hooked up to my alexa they flash

because they have to reconnect to the alexa so every light that i have connected so my bedroom light office light the lamp and then the lamp that's in my living room all flashing and i'm high this is awful this is the most awful story ever so i have to get up delirious and then i had to pee so i had to go pee first while all this flashing is your inner rain my covering my eyes hot because the air had been off and then i had to like i couldn't even say like alexa turn off all the lights wait alexa turn the light back on i couldn't say that because they had to reconnect to it oh my god so i had to go light by light and turn everyone off while i'm delirious high and naked high and sweaty is like actually like like cruel uh-huh wow what a day so naturally you

didn't wash your hair yes wow i'm so sorry yeah but i just want you to know you do you are contributing to toxic instagram culture because i see it i go look she had a lovely day at the dodger game would have never known had to be truthful let's tell my truth on the podcast yeah no you gotta you gotta and if you want to watch it you gotta pay for patreon wow yeah you have a much much better excuse for throwing off your hair washing schedule we usually both wash our hair on sunday not like sunday like evening ish because your hair takes like you go you wake up the next morning and it's still pretty damn and so i was like you know what I'm just going to start doing that too, because I was trying to earlier on Sunday, but it wrecks

my whole day. Cause it makes me physically exhausted and I'm just so tired. So I was like, okay, you go to sleep with your hair damp. I'll go to sleep with my hair damp. Like I'll be fine. And so Sundays is what I've usually been doing, but I just, I just haven't been, it's just been like working to like, what it really has been is most. And I've been like doing stuff on the weekends and I usually need like energy to shower. Cause then I need the energy to be depleted. Like I need energy to get depleted but if I don't have any to start then I'm like I can't even do it and so I've been doing it on Monday for the last couple weeks and I did it on Monday again and then the issue with Monday is I have the opposite of a case of the Mondays I'm like a toxic Monday

person where I'm like Monday I made my to-do list like we're getting stuff done because I've tried to like work edit less on weekends like to like kind of have some sort of schedule it doesn't always happen i did it this weekend but then i don't shower get in the shower because i'd like to shower at night when matz is home because if something goes wrong so he's there and i start with the door open so when he gets home late and then i'm like i'm gonna shower after dinner because like if i shower when i'm hungry then i'm definitely gonna faint and so then my ass was like i'm gonna get in the shower at 11 45 my ass gets in the shower p.m that's what time i did too and we were up yeah we were having parallel lives i was watching ncis and naturally i'm not in bed

until 1 30 and then i am just tossing and turning trying to fucking fall asleep until about 4 30 a.m that's what exact time i went to sleep because i was like it's too late now for me to take melatonin because then i'll have the spins when i wake up and so same story it could have been like in a movie like a split screen where we're just like living the exact same night that's so funny and mots is always just like and like he can't like we had to have a conversation where i was like you like can't like when i tell you i'm like you need to remind me to shower i'm like all you can do is remind me and you have to do it like completely neutrally like you can't make it seem like there's any like thing morally tied if i do or do not because like i will have a meltdown

and he was like why the fuck is that and i was like i feel like it's an adhd thing and i google and there's literally these like literal like dissertations on like the moral qualms of showering and adhd because it's like this is so much energy and effort to do but like i have if i don't do this like i'm the worst and i was like so there's like he only has like a small like thing of heat things that i'm like that you're allowed to say that will remind me but not make me feel bad if i don't do it but that in turn is like yeah i'm just gonna shower this late at night and i was like this has to be the last one i have to just do i have to get back to my sunday yeah mine was um i was working on stuff but then i was like i have to eat but then i was like

because it takes me forever once i wash it i need to twist it and i was like so like i should listen to this pod like review this podcast while i'm twisting so then i'm like doing work while i'm doing it but then it just turned into i was too tired to do the work and i was like i'm gonna watch tv while i do it and then i was just up yep so that is the really long disclaimer that you have some two sleep deprived bitches here for you to give you advice and just know that despite the fact that we are both sleep deprived it's going to be perfect amazing flawless wonderful advice because we never don't deliver we are constantly giving the most doing the most going above and beyond doing the most with the least that's literally my entire brand

i used to say it was mommy blogger without kids doing the most with the least and a lot of personality if you are brand new here welcome to don't blame me if you want to join our patreon you can see melissa get startled by her own hiccup video version this is an advice podcast where we give wonderful amazing life-changing advice and you might be wondering how are these two absolutely stunning visions supermodels stunners business women ethical billionaires moguls sex icons how are they also fantastic evening advice and that's because what we lack in credentials we make up for in opinions this is a call-in advice podcast so in order for us to give you advice you have to call in and if you are in the united states ha ha whoo things are

going great here you can give us a call at 310-694-0976 and international listeners you can send us an audio message at meganpodcast at gmail.com the requirements for both are the same we ask that you are 18 or over have your parents permission you write down everything before you call us to record write down all the details include your age it's all anonymous so no names but you can give fake names for people if that's helpful if there's a lot of people in the story It's also helpful for us because got to follow along, include your ages, if it's about a relationship, how long you've been together, all of like the most important details, then pull out your phone, pull out an hourglass, something else that you use to measure time

and time yourself because you only have three minutes. So if you're way under three minutes, we're like, okay, what other additional details can I include that they might have questions about? Especially if you've listened, I actually honestly would probably recommend listening to an a previous like episode like a call from previous episode before you call in whether that's like a perfect like wonderful call that you should emulate or you as a listener what do you wish you had heard like what additional details do you want to have so be the call you would like to see in the world i'm gonna say that i think we've said it before have we i think so okay because it does

make sense it flowed so perfectly if you have called for a previous episode and you have been on an episode and you want to give us an update we would absolutely love that so much so you can send us an email at meganpodcast at gmail.com the three minute mark for the calls as well as the voice memos is strict you will get cut off in both instances so make sure it's under three minutes and that's way longer than you think and it's three minutes from if you're leaving a voicemail from the beep and it's three minutes from the time you press like record if you are doing a voice memo yeah we are also available on patreon if you want to watch the video version of the podcast we now have six tiers on patreon because we have them for this show and then our other show but am

i wrong and the tiers are divided so you can watch the video version of this podcast you can also watch the video version of our other podcast and we also do live streams twice a month they're super fun i feel like that's like one of my favorite things that we have like on our patreon that we do that not we're not like other podcasts that like not everybody else does and it was something we started during the pandemic and i love it like we you look forward to we look forward to it like it's fun for us we're also not the most social people in the pandemic but we are at our core social people yeah so it's a if that describes you or even if you're more of like a watcher you don't have to participate but it's like the perfect thing for extroverts with social anxiety

mental health issues or a compromised immune system so you can like have all of that fun like social aspects that like once you start going a lot you catch up with people and you're like oh my gosh how like oh you got your hair done that looks so cute like oh how did that job interview go so it's like not even just it's not like a first date you know what I mean it's like a hangout yeah and I feel like we know like we know everybody that are regulars now yeah like deeply deeply and we hear like wonderful crazy stories we hear disturbing disgusting stories about poop that one i will never be the same i have twice forgot about them and then y'all keep bringing them up never forgot and i don't want to know i drive in the car person and i think

about it i don't and i hope that i forget about it again can i just give a tease to the people pool diarrhea contact lenses i will never be the same i will literally never fucking be the same i have goosebumps you your hair is literally standing up on your now you can see it now if only it did this when i was trying to fucking shave my legs well you've got to get like scare yourself when you're shaving but the issue is is get a little wet yeah done yeah it's like i'm like glowing firm like a golden retriever because i'm bitchier than a golden retriever yeah i don't think you have golden retriever energy first of all large offense to everybody like who but like the whole thing of being like oh my god i just want a boyfriend with golden retriever energy

energetic and stupid loves you because he's too stupid to do any yeah because but it's not in a like a i love you so much way no offense to golden retrievers i think like i had a friend who had golden retriever like beautiful love them like the sweetest but like this is not like i want to be chosen i don't want you to love me because you're too stupid cat to know no see that's what that's what it sounds like to me no no because cats don't like and they choose they no they don't choose anything they choose they have to choose themselves love like that like to cuddle and shit i don't know any cats like to go i do that's scary my cat that i used to live with just come in my room get on the bed make their little is it whatever they do you know i know i

don't like what people call that i don't know what it is it's too cutesy for me um and then like nestle between like it's all cats i don't know this i've only lived with one cat okay this is the cat that i have i was about to say like except for these little strays that run around here that they like at home here's the thing and they like me at the other let's talk about this you have achieved universally i'm saying this now that i've seen one cat interact with you and this one story by other cat you universally have achieved like undenying love from the two harshest critics of the entire world yeah children and cats and cats remember my other apartment too that lady that like lived with me oh an old oh no not lived with me sorry lived in my complex

and she was vegan and wouldn't feed her cat the food that the cat needed and i didn't know i thought it was a stray cat because it was just walking around and real skinny so i started feeding it and then she was like thank you for you have such a beautiful she left a note on my door you have such a beautiful soul and i really appreciate it but um my cat is vegan and i was like okay that's that's animal abuse hot take it is yeah wait so no no you have actually achieved three three crotchety old people children of like and like children of like asshole ages like just kids love you yeah and cats because i talk to children like they're adults and that's what they don't want to be talked to like children yeah i am the opposite i talk to children

unintentionally like a disney princess and most of them tend to like it kids tend to like me i will say my nephew love him to death he is starting to get into kind of that like little asshole stage where i'm like please don't throw anything into this thing that i'm telling you not to like throw this thing into and he just will look at me and like hold his hand out and smile and i'm like yeah they do that no we're not gonna do that my guy or also he has this thing now where he'll be playing with his toy and he'll just like grab like he's playing with it and he will grab it and he looks at me mine you cannot play with it and i go i literally wasn't even reaching for it he goes no aunt megan and then we'll run to his dad and be like aunt megan can't

play with my toy and i'm like aunt megan was not even trying to play with your toy why are you routing me obviously like i didn't do like you narc yep he's so cute though he liked me the first time i met him that is the one that's like the moths was like because like he immediately there was nobody he's ever done that with before like if if the grandparents had been there to see that but like moths was there being like this fucking kid won't even do this to me and he sees Melissa one time and he's like I knew I knew what he was into oh yeah I waited for my moment you secured the ball and then you were like and he was like we see each other it was impressive he's also at the age now where like he got his first haircut but his hair's like you know growing

faster oh I'll show you it's really cute and it's getting longer and I was like the one where I was like don't cut it don't cut it and his mom was finally like we're gonna cut his hair and I go that's fine last time I saw him like you're right um and she's like it's just you know a little thin so it's looking a little scraggly but he's like at that age and he's always like run really hot but he's like at that age where like his hair's growing really fast but like it's still like relatively thin because he's a kid baby yeah exactly and so but he like runs around all the time so like he just always looks like i look at him and i go you probably had the greatest day ever because like his hair is kind of like stringy and like sweaty and like his face is all flush and

there's dirt everywhere and like his hair just like it looks kind of like dwight from the office where it's like deep side part and i'm like you had a good day didn't you like you really like this is the this is what you we should all look like at the end of the day when you have a good day like that's so cute he's adorable yeah but he's about to get in that three eight three nature as they call it yeah but it is cool as he gets older though like he will have now ongoing bits that like he starts that like we don't even start that he then is like remembers and like oh this is funny he knows that like walruses he like likes to make walrus noises and he's very into walruses right now noises do walruses make it's a very specific noise and i like looked at his mom and

she was like we looked it up i was like yeah because i was like what is that and she goes it is surprisingly accurate like that is what they make the sound they make it's kind of like a grunt but it's a little higher try it and that's not happening why not because i don't even remember it that well but so he takes his bed why don't you just call taylor out tiktok audio from chris jenner uh he takes his veggie sticks like the veggie straws and he puts them and it's like the between his teeth and his top lip and just turns around and will like make walrus noises and like that he does that joke to like everybody that he sees because he knows that it kills and i was like this is pretty good i'm impressed by this it's very cute and i think he might want a walrus cake

for his birthday he's not sure yet yeah he did probably change his mind three times i know he told me he goes are you having a walrus cake for your birthday and i was like no and he was like you want a walrus cake for your birthday and i was like i don't think i do and he goes yeah you do and i was like do you want a walrus cake for your birthday he goes yeah i was like yeah those aren't the same thing he's got a few more months we'll see where he is i wonder i'm glad it's not last year it was i made the starfish cake but it was between starfish and ceiling fan and i was like it kind of looks the same so i think we'll be okay they do so i was like depending on how bad my starfish are i'll just call him ceiling fans and like he'll make a ceiling pancake true true

true yeah anyways all of that are very long intro aside we have an update so we are just gonna throw over to that well first thank you guys so much for your podcast i love you both i've been listening for a long time and you guys like get me through my mornings because i'm in a male dominated career failed oh god so the girl power in the morning is really helpful when I'm getting ready but yes I'm from season 10 episode 5 and I am the girl that called in because I dated someone and they made kind of a abusive comment to me so we broke up I gave them another chance but then they've like not respected boundaries there's some gaslighting and just like love bombing me mostly so I wanted advice to know if like it was me because of my trauma that was the problem or if it was

them as the problem so going into like what happened since I called because that was a little bit ago I was still at school for a long time and this person continued to love bomb me they kept pushing my boundaries um they were being really over sexual when I told them not to be I kept trying to break it off but they would call me crying and I would forgive them and like they would tell me I'm gonna do better and I tried to believe them but when I got back from my training they wanted to do like a weekend getaway with me and I felt really uncomfortable because I just knew I was going to be put in a weird situation with them so I'm like how do I get out of this meanwhile my job offered me to move to a position and another city that I've

been trying to move to for a really long time and they were basically like you don't even have to interview like they want you there well like the position's open so I was offered that and And it was hard though, because I have also been wanting to like quit my job because of where I work, which if you saw my email, you know where I work currently and it's not always the healthiest and they gave me a lot of trauma there. But I thought maybe if like I moved to this new place that I've been wanting to live at for a while, like maybe I could, you know, stick around and it would be good. So I tell this person, I'm moving and we're not going to work out and I'm not going to come on this weekend, get away with you. So I kind of had like an out, which was nice,

but then they called me crying, like bawling on the phone. And they said to me, like, you don't like your job. Like, what are you doing? And basically this is what's funny. this was like a few weeks before I heard myself on your podcast and I received your guys's advice which meant a lot to me but I told them like I set a really firm boundary on the phone I'm like I am not quitting my job like I can't it's not financially responsible to like I need to have like a plan b before I do that and also this might be good for me and this is what they said to me oh god they said quit your job and move in with me I would take you homeless you don't even have to work like and mind you like we don't know each other that that well and I kept saying like no

I like to be independent like I don't want that for myself like also in my head I'm like that's wild a very wild idea and so anyway I kept my boundaries but I was just like that is the craziest thing to like ever say to someone sorry not crazy but wild so anyway that was when I really like knew how bad this person was and how unhealthy they are and so I broke it off broke it off and they have been like texting me still so I probably need to block them but I have not been responding and then I heard your podcast and I was like oh my gosh like I needed this validation like I needed this so bad it was so helpful for me to finally like not only you know break it off but like hold that yeah after I heard what you guys said so that's my update wow well Melissa just found your

email um and then showed me we're obviously not going to say it here but now I know your work the field you work in and that offers a lot of context and explanation to me a why he probably singled you out and like targeted you like you for this because just by some of the nature of some of the relationships and why those lines might have been blurred for you in combination with like previous relationship trauma that like it makes a lot of like sense why obviously like regardless of who this happens to like this is creepy and like horrific and shitty but i feel like I understand much more the internal questioning of like, is this okay? Is this not like, is this normal? Is this not? But wow, that is like the number one abuse tactic is like

isolating. And like being like move in with me, even if you don't have a job. So like, you don't even have no contact with any like, and it's financial. Yeah. Right. Oh my god. Like, wow I could not believe when they said that like I could but I was like what like now you're using like my trauma that happened to me in my career field I like almost like to just manipulate me at this point and it just was like okay like well I get it yeah and it's like I'm not I'm othering myself from that while simultaneously like upholding some of those similar things like it's just like you're birds of a feather like you can't claim to be like oh no you don't do this that is toxic that's bad for you and it's like but look at you like you're the epitome of

that and like choosing to not be with you and to like not do that like that's i i'm so glad that you like felt validated by what we said and like stood your ground for this because like that's really really really really hard like especially when people like they call you crying and it feels like if you listen you've listened to this podcast for a while that the value that we have and our we have in our audience has on mental health and a lot of times like narcissists abusive manipulative people will play into that like empathetic like i value your feelings and i value your mental health and then it becomes like oh i'm weaponizing that to then further my like abuse or manipulation and it's just fucked yeah yeah yeah wow have you moved yet no and that's

I'm like there's so much going on and I have like I didn't have a long time to make decisions and now I'll be moving like September 1st wow and I am I'll give more context just because I'm not worried about this person anymore like hearing this so I live in Colorado and then um Melissa I drove through what I think might be your home state because I think you went and visited there Arkansas yeah yeah what part what part through the whole state um because I was going down to Mississippi okay well I'm so happy for you that you also have like the boundary that you create like the universe stepped in and was like we're gonna help you uphold that boundary which is really nice yeah yeah good good timing on the podcast I was it was so yeah and when I heard my

I forgot because it had been like a while and like I didn't expect you to play it because I kind of rambled and then when I heard my voice I was like okay oh my gosh that's me so it was very helpful uh we're so glad and looking forward to happy healthy hopefully covid negative and you know good relationships in like a new chapter yeah absolutely thank you guys so much thank you of course thank you so much for uh joining us absolutely you guys have a great day you too bye this is one of like usually the updates that we have a lot of the time people like to call an update when it's like funny like uplift like this is like fun because some of these things are hard to talk about but a i just want to like thank this caller so much for calling back and giving an

update and this is so good yeah you know i'm i'm glad that things align the way that they would they did and now you're out of that situation yeah because sometimes we like creating boundaries is like a huge task in itself and i don't think that there's anything wrong with and i think it's like we need other forces whether that's like people or situations to help us uphold our boundaries and so i think that like that's a really you know a good thing when that when that happens so happy that things are hopefully going to make a big turn and i hope anyone who related to that call will also be setting those same boundaries same shall we get into the the meat and potatoes what is that saying from oh by the way another thing i don't understand the seven c's we have more than

seven c's was that saying before pangea and also why do not more people have pangea and jokes because i think anytime you bring up pangea like fire i love pangea like i just think it's such a it's not a niche reference but that makes it a niche reference because who just loves me gea me why mesopotamia pangaea i love mesopotamia though i know you could bring everything back to like was this because everyone's like oh before bc or like uh ad and i'm like no no before pangaea or after pangaea i think it's mostly because you know ebom's world the like i think that's where it came from what about mayans how you feel about them i like the mayans here's the issue mayans came after mesopotamia for me and my brain was i was capped i was done i like achieved pure euphoria

from learning about mesopotamia that like there were other yeah the mayans i was like okay interesting i was really into this educational video i had to look it up to remember the exact name it was called the voyage of the mimi i don't know if you it was probably real old by the time you were in school was already old when i was in school because a young child ben affleck started hold up wait so this is like what would this be like would this be like a substitute teacher movie or is this like a teacher teacher teacher who was didn't want this was in science class and for some reason she was teaching us about history and math and i just don't think that she wanted to teach well so it was elementary school i told you my oh it was junior high oh

i told you my elementary school teacher we didn't learn science because she was like i really don't love it no this was like that was her subject to teach so it's alarming called the voyage of the mimi and it depicted this crew exploring the oceans and taking senses of the humpback whales is it mimi yeah oh because i was kind of loving the idea that it was meme but you just pronounced it mimi and then it could get misconstrued as like this is the journey of a meme so they were searching for the lost mayan cities and then like taught you how to do the mayan math and during the class i did not understand this mayan math at all at all i was like i don't where's the calculator function for my yeah so then i used the internet and then found

some like lessons on actually how to do it and then learned it and then took a test and then my teacher was like we're not gonna use this test and i was like you wasted my fucking bitch you wasted my time bitch i took out of office hours to learn this shit that's cruel i remember teachers like you would spend so much it'd be like such like a useless thing we had one like that where like the test was to teach us a lesson about something and then was like i'm not gonna use this and i'm like first of all i cheated my ass off on this and i would like some recognition because i know that i put in work so you didn't catch me and the person i cheated off of i would like to know if they were right so if i could know i could cheat on them in other classes but also

like a lot of it would be memorization because like that's the stuff they're like well i'm just teaching you that like no learning is actually about like ingesting information i'm like no no that's not how my brain works i should memorize what would you do this for yeah why would you do this to me yeah i think about that teacher all the time and i want revenge but i don't remember her name she's probably dead i was gonna say because she was old then yeah she's like really not not into the science and she's like we're gonna be teaching my yeah 1980 this thing come out yeah 1984 from the baked street college of education yeah i'm thinking she might yeah she's probably dead i don't remember if we had any educational movie spanish class we would watch

a lot of music videos after my favorite spanish teacher left juanis fotografia i can still like sing almost all of it i remember we watched some schoolhouse rock oh schoolhouse rock is a classic if you didn't watch that in school that was like a substitute teacher thing in like elementary yeah like elementary or middle school and then junction junction what's your function a bill on capitol hill yep i don't remember much of i remember them but i don't remember learning anything from them and the only thing other movies i remember watching is every time we had a substitute teacher in high school always the number one movie they would just turn on regardless of the subjects pe history math we're gonna watch gandhi and i was like you're fucking kidding me i've seen

this movie a thousand times there were two that we would watch black beauty which is i've heard about that the absolute most boring movie that ever existed or two the last of the mohicans where daniel day lewis plays an indigenous person oh yep also it's very violent it's not like we get the the library edited version but it was still some violence in there shall we take a break yep and we are back from our break and finally after so much fanfare are you ready to get into the calls hi megan and melissa i am a 21 year old female and i use she her pronouns i'm calling in about a situation involving college housing and roommates i'm sure you're thrilled so here's

the situation over the last year until the end of may i lived with four other people i'm sorry if this gets confusing but i'll try to explain it as simply as i can basically the four of them lived in a rental house for the 2020 to 2021 school year with another roommate and when she moved out for the 2021 to 2022 school year, they needed someone else to take her spot, which I took. My bedroom was the only one downstairs and had its own bathroom attached, and I paid more for the room, which isn't super important, but I'm just trying to give as much context as I can. The other four bedrooms were upstairs. Very quickly, it was clear to me that we had very different expectations for day-to-day life and just decent common respect, and it didn't take long before I became frustrated.

They smoked inside of their rooms in the house all day long, would come home at 3 a.m. on school nights, screaming and blasting music, and just didn't really have respect for me or for our living space. All of that isn't completely relevant and is a story for another day, but I think it adds context. All of us moved out at the end of May to move home for the summer, though our lease ended July 31st. When I moved out in May, I deep cleaned my bedroom and bathroom, spackled any chips in the paint, deep cleaned the downstairs common areas, including the kitchen and living room. and made sure all of my belongings were removed all of them planned and said that they would come back at the end of july to deep clean their rooms and empty their stuff out of the garage and basement so tell me why on august 1st a group chat with the five of us and the landlord starts being blown up with pictures of their rooms in the garage the landlord clearly stated in the messages

she was also sending that the downstairs bedroom was completely fine the downstairs bedroom being my bedroom and that there was nothing more than normal wear and tear but all of the upstairs bedrooms needed new paint jobs and new rugs. Based on the pictures and videos that the landlord was sending, it was clear that it really was that bad. She also questioned in her messages if people had been smoking inside of the house. There were also piles and piles of trash and belongings left in the basement and garage. The landlord was clearly very upset and let us know that she would need to deduct a good amount from our security deposit to deal with the damages and trash removal. However, we all paid her in one check for monthly rent and security deposit. Because I paid more for

my room, I included a larger portion of the rent and security deposit. My problem is that I am worried that my old roommates are going to try and take whatever amount of the security deposit is given back to us and split it five ways rather than giving me back my portion first if there is even that much left and that they are going to try to fight me for the money. I don't know what to do but our landlord said she will get back to us with the list of deductions made and the reasons for them by the end of the month. So I'm just hoping for your advice on the situation. Thank you so much. I love you guys. Have a good one. Bye. oh my god that's hell i had a roommate in college we lived in a house and she she brought her dog

there even though we weren't supposed to have animals in there and so she kept it hidden upstairs in the bedroom with the door closed and so the dog would paw at the door and so then we had carpet in there and so all the carpet came up and it smelled like piss dog piss and shit because she just let the dog pee and shit in her room and we were only living together during the summer the plan had been that my sister would move in Megan would move in like when the school year started because that friend actually had graduated and she was just staying in town for the summer and then she'd move out and then Megan would move in but it smelled so bad and it was raggedy and I was like I have to get out of here and so we broke the lease I mean it's kind

of easy in a college town because there's always people moving in and out so they're like okay that's fine when they did the inspection i always whenever i move somewhere i always get hire somebody to come deep clean everything i think i actually did it then but also i didn't we were there for three months and so it wasn't i didn't have any wear and tear in there at all and we got charged for all that mess that was in her room and she was like well like we have to pay more because you're breaking the lease because you went against the plan and i just think that we should just like split this and i was like the reason i'm moving out is because you did not keep this room the way that it should have been kept one and then two this is because of your dog yeah

and she tried to turn it on me and I was just like no as you can see and so I laid out everything I was like all these charges are coming from your room and so since they're coming from your room then you need to pay it and I need to get part of the deposit back and so that it was some like arguing and back and forth but eventually that's just kind of how it ended and so I feel the same way since the landlord didn't send pictures of your actual room legally she can go after all of you because you're if you're all on the lease and yes then it's all of your responsibility for every room but i would tell the roommates you know like she didn't send pictures back of my room she explicitly said that my room was fine and then she didn't send pictures back of the common area

that i cleaned what's messed up is y'all's room so y'all need to you i would ask the landlord how much each of these rooms like the the surcharge is going to be in each of these rooms and then specifically say i never i didn't live in those rooms and i think a lot of landlords the ones that aren't shitty are understanding and they will say like okay then i'll just take from theirs because that's not the room that you lived in the garage area is probably going to be a little bit more complicated to do because that is a common area but they're actual rooms i don't think that if your landlady seems like a reasonable person i think that you can just go directly to her and get it taken yeah i i think that too i think you can literally just ask her and just be

like hey so that my room was the one that you pointed out that's not that like i'm these roommates are they're awful and they're horrible and they were smoking yeah they were and like just rat on them like get your what is it be an informant like take an informant deal and just be like I would be happy like I would actually phrase it like this I would be like so this room was my room and I know that you had some like questions about like what was going on there and I want to make sure that like my security deposit I paid more for my security deposit because I was also paying more in rent because my room was bigger and I you know I really took care of it And I think that you can see that I really did like care about your place.

So I would be happy to like share with you all the information that I know about what was going on in their rooms and like the potential damage that like, you know, because sometimes you can see damage, but you're like, what did, what caused this? That can be helpful. And I would be happy to like, let you know that if I can have my security deposit back first, because I don't necessarily trust, but you can like literally be like, you saw how they treated that place. Like, I don't trust them to give me that money back.

and like i'm on your side here but like i like help me i'll help you and if she is like no i'm just gonna like treat this as kind of a lump sum you tell your roommates i didn't do any of this shit this was all you i'm not paying this i will take you to small claims court yeah because like those are the options you have go to judge judy she'll give you your money she will she will you know that she was paying her bailiff a hundred million dollars an episode that makes sense to me but for some reason he didn't come over to the new one i don't think judge judy who was insisting that man got a million dollars was like out yeah so i'm assuming something it was probably because she can't technically have the same exact show so i wonder if they were like we can't and i

wonder if she probably couldn't promise that same pay there and then it's like you've been working for so many years like you're probably fine he can because they're not even in like la or anything no who judge isn't it it records down the street oh i thought he was i thought they were did she live here probably because they record down they literally for some reason i thought it was someone it was seen people lining up outside and there's a little sign oh fuck you're right i have seen that too yeah well anyways yeah but it's in syndication so much he doesn't have to that's what i mean yeah especially if he doesn't uh if he he can probably like if he wants to move out of la he can retire retire i mean he's got millions upon millions unless he's

just irresponsible with his money but he's still got millions coming in you would hope you would hope not but he's still got millions coming exactly fair those are your only two options honestly like you're you can't there's no reasoning with your like roommates it's just like those set firm boundaries and it is a lot of like i know this is a very confrontational thing like it's literally being like hi landlord i would like to make an informant deal with you and like don't give her any information unless she gives you your security deposit back because she should do that yeah most laws favor landlords like universally and i know that you said you all paid it in kind of like a like lump sum and how it's divided up but that's not necessarily legally

binding and that she has to give it back that exact same way she doesn't even have to if there it's messed up she doesn't have to give anything back because she's gonna have to use that money to yeah repair so that's why i would ask how much it is because if it's you're getting back like nothing then yeah because that's the other like the whole point of a security deposit is so that they can fix up things when it's in excess of the normal wear and tear and a security deposit doesn't cover individual rooms so if they fucked up their rooms let's say your security deposit it was like $5,000. They, four of them fucked up their rooms, a thousand dollars each. And the garage is fucked up a thousand dollars. Your room not being fucked up doesn't mean that you're going

to get money back. Like they'll use that for wherever it needs. So I think like, yeah, you're right. Like the first thing being like, could you send me over like an itemized cost breakdown of how much like everything is like my room was the really clean one. So, you know, I'm obviously really hoping that my portion that i paid i'm going to be given back but i would just like to have an itemized list to see this yeah because to be fair like maybe it's within like the realm of like there's 150 and for a landlord who's like raking in money for them that's like nothing so they're not even going to bother reimbursing someone for that but you know if knowing that someone wants to see how the cost is broken down it's similar to like a hospital bill you want to

see how it's itemized because people tend to be more honest but the last thing i will say is like having roommates especially like this age and this many is always going to be a learning experience and sometimes learning experiences are expensive and sometimes they're expensive like monetarily sometimes they're expensive for your mental health they're expensive in therapy that you have afterwards but the good thing is is it they won't happen again like after you've been through it you you didn't walk into it knowing that was going to happen there's really nothing you can do to prevent shitty people from being shitty people and you shouldn't treat everyone automatically like they're gonna fuck you over but once you've been fucked over now you're not going to necessarily

be bitter with every roommate that you have but what you'll probably do is you'll draw up a contract that's not just your lease agreement that's like we're paying x amount for this this and this and for security deposit this is how much the security deposit is this is how much each person paid from the security deposit if one person's room was not affected and is like completely fine but the rest of the house is trashed then my then the roommates owe that person money if they're using it so like that's the only thing that like you can do like moving forward to new places but i think in general and this is not i am not a financial person but i think of security deposits similarly to how i think about loaning people money if you are counting and betting on

getting your entire security deposit back don't don't you shouldn't ever think that you're getting it back assume you're never getting any of it back yeah like it shouldn't be the money that you need to finish a move. It shouldn't be the money you need to like put an onto a down payment to like get out of some place. Like just assume you're not going to get any of it back because most of the time landlords will just like, they're not, they will come up with reasons for why they shouldn't give it any of it back. And then rightfully you should be getting it all back, but you will have to take them to small claims court or tell them you're going to and spend all of that time and energy. So it is not easy money. Like once you, once it's out of your hands,

it's going to be hard to get back. Yeah, no matter what. So moving forward. I know it's hard to say that because like housing is so up in the air right now. And like people are so fucked over with that. And so like, it is hard to say like, don't count on that money. But just if you can create that separation in your mind, next time when you're moving into a place that might help because I had to do that. When I had someone living with me, rent free, it was supposed to be just a friend trying to find a place to like live and I was like oh you can totally like crash me while you find a place and then it was like oh you came with a moving truck like I thought you were like looking for a place to live and then you would move not like move everything in here

and they were there for like I think almost a full year and had dogs who wrecked everything like absolutely everything they were never home would always be leaving their dogs there and i had to pay the security deposit and my landlord i like had been with another like another place this landlord says my i've been with them for multiple places i've lived and so they knew like the reasoning behind it like why i was moving because i was like i need to get out of here and kick them out if they weren't on the lease i mean to be fair i think i probably could have asked him to do it but he was like you're a great tenant like she sucks and like I don't want to make it weird for you but I definitely probably should have asked him to do

that but I did that what that was my excuse when I was like moving upstairs was that I was like oh like because of how it was treated here like he said I can't like have anyone else on the lease but I had to pay like a ton a ton of money and even then like I was given like a bit of it I was given some of it back because it was a massive security deposit and I was given some of it back because we had like a good like long-standing relationship so if you have that with your landlord like that is a good thing to foster and also recognizing and knowing that what the damage someone else did does cost money and not downplaying that because that's like incredibly insulting to someone else's property even though like fuck landlords but like do you know what I

mean like it's just there's there's a line you have to toe with being respectful yet firm yep and compassionate and personable without letting them see that as like, oh, I can completely take advantage of you. Yeah. So I'm sorry. This like really, really, really sucks. And it's like an expensive,

expensive and like shitty lesson to learn where it's like, I didn't even necessarily need to learn this lesson, but it's kind of just, you're be hard pressed to find someone who doesn't have a story like this. Last thing I'll say is if you're in a situation like this,

where you see that they're going to be regularly smoking all the time, I would have a service call oh yeah and then the landlord will send someone out or if your landlord's the person that comes and fixes stuff and they'll come over and they will smell it and then it would have nipped it in the bud earlier yeah right it's okay to rat on your roommates when your dollar is like also on the line yeah yeah that's a good point too all right next call hi melissa and megan i 30 she her have a friend let's call her sarah 28 she her sarah and i worked together for the last six months

but have known each other for nine years after working together at a previous job for seven years. Sarah is in a relationship with someone called Alice, 26, she, her. They've had an up and down relationship. They started out casually, went serious very fast and became quite toxic for one another. This included fights almost every other day, extreme jealousy, gatherings, lack of trust when the other isn't responding and more. They broke up about six months into their relationship. They stayed separated for about a month, still in contact, but very negative contact, drunk calls, I hate you, I hope we never talk again, things like this. They started hanging out again for the last two months, Sarah's words. Sarah has been quite distant and cold from myself

and many other mutual friends and colleagues the last two months. Many of us have tried to check in with her but only got one sentence responses or just a thanks. We figured she was going through a rough patch and gave her a space knowing she would reconnect when she had the ability to do so. About a month ago, Sarah asked me a question about a mutual friend. I asked her, have you asked them? as it wasn't my info to share. Sarah flipped out on me and said her being mad had nothing to do with me not sharing the info about the mutual friend,

but me making her feel like an idiot when she asked me questions. I apologize that I made her feel that way, asked what I could do or if there was an example that she could give so I could understand how I can change to stop her feeling that way. She blew me off, said we were totally fine,

it wasn't an issue and not to worry about it. Asked her once more that I would like to talk about it and try and fix this issue as our relationship is important to me, but no response. Three days ago, she is suddenly acting like herself of coldness gone, not just me, but to friends and colleagues too. I'm getting married in three months and I'm sending out invites at the moment. Sarah received a save the date six months ago.

When I mentioned this to a group of friends, including Sarah, she pulled me aside and goes, I've been meaning to ask, can Alice come along? I shared with her I wasn't sure, I needed to talk to my partner and that I was hesitant due to the toxicity and drama their relationship usually has brought to events in the past. Sarah shared she understood me feeling that way and they were doing really well. They have lots of events coming up together and it's not like it was before. I haven't seen them together since they got back together so I'm not sure if this is true and if I can trust what she says. Plus she's barely spoken to me for the last month at this point. The context everyone else has their partner invited to the wedding provided me and my fiance know them which is the

case for Sarah and Alice. I'm worried if I say no it'll affect our friendship which is already slightly rocky due to her flipping out on me a month ago and if I say yes it might bring unwanted drama to my wedding. So do I invite her partner? Is she in the wrong for even asking me to invite her to bring up the past month of silence before making a decision or do i let this go i really don't know what to do i feel really stuck please help thank you bye i said don't invite either of them i mean yeah you just like i don't think it's rude of her to ask i think it's some i don't think it's rude of her to ask i think it's like a little a little delusional in the sense that like if this has been like uh you know fighting at events and that kind of thing

i just think like it's a little like i don't again i don't think it's rude because everyone else has their partner there but like it is a little like do you have like selective amnesia for like how this how your relationship has been in public and like what but also you're barely talking to her as it is that's what i mean yeah it's just kind of like that it's just it's just odd the thing is is that like you're right in the sense that like okay if I don't invite her that will that affect our friendship yes if I do invite her will that cause drama yes like both of those things are true and so you just have to decide what is like the reality that you can live with and like what will be less like I think like in making any decision I'm like I have to

value what is going to be not only what will make me feel better in the moment but like my more likely will value what makes me feel better in like a month's time and then like a year's time and then a couple years after that like I need to like the decisions I'm making I'm not making for momentary satisfaction or like happiness thinking it through so you don't invite her it affects your friendship to be fair this friendship seems like it's already been affected exactly you do invite her there's like there's potentially drama and then if there's drama your friendship is affected and you're no longer friends so it does kind of seem like the same means to an end the only thing i will say is there's always drama at a wedding and most of the time that people getting married

are the people who do not know about it so like you can be shielded and protected from the majority of the drama of your at your wedding but then you have to have a conversation with your friends of being like hey if drama happens here I don't want to hear anything about it like I don't want to blah blah blah blah blah but like do you want this friendship to go out with a bang or do you want it to not because I think inevitably it's probably going to end like if you don't invite her but then I also think like if you do and she goes in the girlfriend or her as in the front the girlfriend I think your friendship will end in that moment if you don't invite her because I don't think she'll probably come to the wedding and I think it'll be bad and even if she comes

solo like might be like so mad and then create solo drama because like acting out because like didn't get invited or you do invite them and like let's say like it all goes perfectly well and it's like amazing and great what's like the risk you're willing to take on it here's my thing at your wedding you should have people there that you want there and are fighting for you not people that are showing up to show out and i feel like this person wants to show up with their plus one to show out because that's all that they've been doing so you had already sent out the invitations and the saved the date six months ago there was no if you didn't put a plus one on there then you can say this is not included in the initial head count maybe if someone drops out i might be able to invite them

invite your girl, whatever, current girlfriend, ex-girlfriend, whatever y'all are right now. But it could be where by the time your wedding rolls around, they're not together anymore because they are toxic and don't need there. But I personally wouldn't want that toxicity that I know and I can prevent at my wedding. Yeah, I agree with that. I think also if this, because this is a toxic relationship i don't think that like you said like wedding comes around and like they're not in a good place but she's already invited her girlfriend and her girlfriend's like no i'm gonna come and it's like well no i don't also want to put my friend if you're finally able to get out of this toxic relationship i don't want to put you in a position where you feel like

you don't have any agency in this so like i agree i think it's just hey we did the head count like i looked over all of the budgets and like we how weddings go like we invited more people than we assume that people are less people are going to rsvp we actually had more people rsvp we've you can like fudge in line just like we've already extended everything and like we just like don't have any more room like i'm totally sorry and then i would say i completely understand if it's uncomfortable for you to be at a wedding where like and it seems like what you've said like all of your other friends like are bringing a plus one because they know each other like you know both of them and say like if you were like assuming she's the only person at the table who's

doesn't have a plus one I know that like I can totally see how if you were the only person who doesn't have like a partner there that that would feel uncomfortable so like if you want to rescind like retract your RSVP and not like RSVP and not come like I completely get that I don't want you to suffer through like the evening because like you're not going to have a good time I don't want that at all if this had been in like just lying like if if the circumstances had been different and like you know could have had a plus one like that would have changed but just know that I can't give her a plus one but no hard feelings if that means you don't want to come yeah and then you have to mean that though yep but also y'all aren't even friends at this point no and your co-workers

and I think that there's just like a something that gets a little bit dicey especially being so invested in your co-workers like personal lives and like their toxic relationships I think like it's good to be like wary of it but I don't know that kind of drama that's not even workplace related drama then like infiltrates into like your workplace and like it can just kind of create not the greatest environment and it just feels like you might be a little too intertwined and your friend like the whole thing might be just a little too intertwined but I don't know I always think if you think a friendship is going to end because you don't invite them to your wedding and for like a very legitimate reason you don't uninvite someone to your wedding without

having a huge reason or I think if you're having a small ass wedding and you're like I can't invite someone and that person's like okay we're not friends anymore like that friendship was always going to end yep they just needed a little bit of like the fire under its ass that was inevitably going to come after years but it just happened to be a little bit quicker don't invite people to your wedding that you don't like yeah all right let's take a break we're back back again again again roll the tapes hi megan and melissa first of all i've been listening to the podcast since episode one and it is one of my favorite things about mondays anyway so the advice that i need has to do with my ex-boyfriend so this past weekend i was in las

Vegas had my phone 5g the whole time we were good woke up Sunday morning to no service I thought it was weird it happened before you know iPhones are kind of crazy so I you know didn't really know what's going on drive a bunch of hours home by the time I get home it's still going on so I have to go to the cell phone store and they were still open thankfully probably should have mentioned I was still on my ex-boyfriend's cell phone plan now I know that sounds kind of crazy we've been broken up for almost nine months but we did talk about it he was actually the one who insisted on me keeping my phone because it was a gift for my college graduation so he had insisted on me keeping it he wanted to pay it off and I was just paying him monthly for the service which I had

been doing so when I go to AT&T to ask them why my phone isn't working they told me that I had been taken off his plan. So my question is, I ended up having to, I couldn't even keep my previous phone or phone number that was under his plan because I wasn't like an authorized user on it. So I had to get my new number, my new phone, everything that day. But I'm at the point where I have this phone that is the one that's on his plan. I don't, I guess, I don't know if it's paid off. I don't know what's up with it. Either way, I didn't pay for it. So I don't really feel right keeping it I don't need to keep it so we do still live in the same town and I'm trying to decide do I shift the phone back to him maybe put a little handwritten note like hey you know AT&T told me

that I was taken off your plan here's the phone I mean if that is what happened now AT&T couldn't confirm it because they couldn't go into his profile without him there but you know they're pretty sure that's what happened so do I do that do I send the phone with no note I thought about texting him or emailing him. But then I'm like, I don't want him to have my new phone number if that is what happened. So it's pretty shady. Keep in mind, we had just talked two months ago about the whole situation of him wanting to keep the phone. You know, I told him I'd probably go on my own plan at the end of this year. And if there was a balance remaining, I would pay it, things like that. So we totally have like a non-messy breakup. It really wasn't a big deal.

So yeah, what would you guys do in this situation? I'm just trying to figure out what i should do um i'm 24 see her he is i don't know 26 or 27 see him yeah would love to hear your guys's advice because i'm not really sure what to do i'm so sorry you didn't call him immediately when right when you got to at&t to pull up the contact from your phone be like hi can i use the landline or some other phone here because if it was that amicable of a separation then you calling him wouldn't have been that big of a deal like it would have been an accident like i feel like you're operating on this that this was like obviously an intentional yeah you're really thing seems like something's missing from this story but it was a gift i would keep it or sell

oh without a doubt do not give you don't give the phone back you don't give back gifts that's bad luck i don't know if it's bad luck but it seems like bad luck but this whole situation i think he got a girlfriend me too and girlfriend saw that old girlfriend was still on the phone bill and was like what the fuck is this and then he had to kick you off real quick but i was gonna say you know what my other theory was yeah uh his parents pay for his credit card bill and they were like what is as a 27 year old charge for you're right are you kidding you're right i'm like i if if it's that and um you know like they were like what is this charge for huh because it it's easy to kind of like mask that when you're on a plan with him and it's like oh your monthly is increasing

but this is already a bill that we're paying right and then maybe it was like uh we're starting to see maybe he got a new phone or a new upgrade and they're like actually paying attention to the cost breakdown but I think it is either he was not paying his own credit card bills or got a girlfriend yep yeah I mean the thing I will say though is you've already bought a new phone you got a new number and everything so at this point I don't actually think there's any reason in contacting him and being like hey like I think what you should have done if we could go back in time I would go back in time and be like hey does something happen because it honestly it literally could have been that his credit card expired and he like got a new credit card and like the

automatic payment wasn't on that or like and he auto did his thing like it could have been like so many flukes that he took her off the plane but they couldn't they said they couldn't confirm it but that's i think but they can't the thing is they can see it they just couldn't tell her exactly what happened so like they knew if the account was still active they knew they just just like tea and like the messy shit that like at&t and like verizon workers have and they're like sorry ma'am your husband's mistress is also on this phone plan i mean i think that there's also a reason why you didn't think it was a mix-up like why you just bought a new phone and like you didn't call him like i think there's something missing from this little story here maybe she

doesn't even know maybe yeah so i mean don't keep the phone it was a gift like also but if they ended amicably like she doesn't want him to have her new number and because you're feeling offended but she was too like i don't know something to not call him and say what's up i get it in the sense that like no matter how amicably i ended if an at&t worker told me like oh i think they took you off of this like that is like a big move yeah and in the sense that of being like well i don't want to call you to look like i need you like fuck you like i can do this all on my own like I'm gonna pretend like this isn't even on my radar like this doesn't even affect me in that sense like I get that part of it but this phone was a gift and I don't know you said that

you talked two months ago I don't know if you talked in text messages or if it was on the phone if it's in text messages you have in writing that this phone was a gift you know unless he like starts trying to like sue you for the phone like give the phone back but I would just keep the phone it's still you said under his family plan so like the service stopped working but is it under your own iphone paid off no she's not sure if it's paid off well my unethical advice is if it's on your icloud still i would probably i would just like wipe it yeah take the sim card out it has sim card yeah and then if i this is like so unethical if you're gonna sell the iphone i would sell it on facebook marketplace and i would do it for cash and i would delete the listing

afterwards and do it all from like a private browser so it can't be traced back to you but that can still be unethical no and there's a there is a large risk there but like if you want to sell it like your options are either keeping it selling it or giving it back to him if you do want to sell it there is a risk there because it is tied to a like it's a lease like it's a lease and a contract that's why i think that the phone's paid off because they would have asked for the phone back they just couldn't say oh my god they couldn't say it but the phone's paid off because they would have asked for it back cracked the code you're right because it's like it's a it's like a lease on a car and so if you you they wouldn't let you drive off the lot with the car if it

wasn't paid off oh okay so you don't have to be sketchy about selling it you can just sell it I might, in general, you know, still do it for cash and Facebook Marketplace and delete the listing afterwards. But still, like, you're right. It hasn't paid off. But no, it was a gift. And if it was a fuck up, he would have known because his bill would have gone down monthly. And if he then is like, oh, my, like, where's this phone? I want it back.

And it's like, well, you intentionally took this off here. And I've been paying the bill on it every month. Yeah. And, like, you stopped paying him for the bill. So, like, this feels all like a passive-aggressive means of communication. Yeah. And if he wants it back, that's his bad. Yep.

Can you imagine, though, waking up Sunday morning, Vegas? In Vegas? Phone doesn't work, and then you have to drive all the way back? I'm assuming someone else drove. I would have stopped in Vegas at the AT&T in Vegas before. Me too. But I'm assuming that you were with somebody who had a phone that worked. Yeah.

But that's still too scary, because Vegas. That's a long... When you wake up from Vegas... it's like you're waking out of like you like six feet under i'm taking dirt out of my eyes woke up on saturday went off no do you know the amount of times that i've gone to vegas where like i didn't even go to sleep and are i've i'm a very strict person about dds and we had a dd who had been like sleeping and i just naturally it's vegas so i'm why or did not go to bed and i like look over at them and they're like you know basically like kind of awake still

were you like six deep in a room too yeah yep and i look over at one of my friends and she probably like slept for like three or four hours or something but like you know didn't drink was sober and does not need a lot of sleep and i like look over my eyes are awake my eyes are open and i'm like do you want to leave now it's like 4 30 in the morning maybe 5 a.m and she was like yeah let's go and we just traffic is cleared out coasted coasted and then lily was in a car like so much later i can't even imagine all right it's time for don't blame them there we go coco don't cut that out why would you cut it out that's exactly what we meant to say this is don't blame them this is where this is where a listener will call in with their own advice pertaining to

a call that we had on a previous episode so maybe they have personal experience they have some additional insight whether it's you know again personal or through their work or if they've you get what i'm saying opinions they got it or they have opinions hi megan and melissa i am just calling in for a don't blame them this is for the episode that aired a couple weeks ago titled boyfriend won't get high school diploma this is for the caller who is moving and didn't feel supported by her friend in the move so i think a big issue here that could be addressed is feelings of trauma or jealousy on the friend's part because there's this idea that the caller could be having a lot of new

or more exciting quote-unquote experiences in her new city, and the friend might feel like she's going to miss out and have the less cool experience. So I think something that would be a good idea here is making a plan that involves an activity that celebrates both sides of this. So, for example, me and my two best friends from college are all splitting up for this next year. Two of us have moved out of our college town, and one of us is staying there.

So we've discussed a couple of options to stay in touch and kind of engage everybody. So the friend that's staying in the college town suggested we start a shared journal that gets mailed between the three of us. And each time we receive it, we add a little bit to it each time. And you get to just share whatever you're feeling, make an art piece, just add to it, and send it on to the next friend. And in our case, it's a triangle, but potentially for the color, it would just be back and forth. And we also thought of the idea of creating one of those group Instagram accounts where it's just kind of like a shared photo album highlight reel for everybody and everybody gets to contribute to it.

We like these because they include everybody's experiences. So it's not necessarily like one person is having the like fun, new and different experience. everybody is engaging and regardless of whether they moved or have the same experiences they were before they still get to celebrate those in the same way so i think that something like this could be helpful for the caller if she does want to maintain this friendship and keep engaged with the friend if you don't want to maintain the friendship moving is a great way to ghost people but if you do i recommend an activity like this where it allows her to feel like she gets to share some of her own experiences because you don't want the conversation to be dominated by

everything that you're feeling that is new and fresh and exciting all right hope that helps thank you is that how those traveling pants worked i was literally about to be like or you could buy a pair of jeans that fits everybody and you pass them around and can we also just talk about like the different like you've never seen it but the coming of age of like some of them like first of all one person like fucks for the first time and like someone else is like oh yeah like i'm in greece and other people are like yeah i'm in like a film can't like it's just one of those things that like i don't know i don't feel like the exciting experiences that happened in the pants were evenly spread out and i feel like it's fucked in the pants no but like oh you know the pants

were taken off to fuck that's disgusting this is what i'm saying though but those pants i hate these pants if those pants could talk if those pants could talk those pants would be like i am tired because they put me away about how your friend got wet in those pants exactly and they fucked and you mean to tell me i gotta go play soccer in these pants i gotta go to film class in these pants what the fuck did carmen do in the movie i like cannot remember so lena went to greece also these pants are like someone washed me like i am salty like i've been everywhere and who's paying for the postage of this like these pants are tired these pants are working a full-time job maybe that's like the what we need to do is like the the next for iteration of sister the

traveling pants it's from the pants perspective oh that's gross i didn't even know who all was in this movie interesting we've got america i know she plays carmen we've got that girl from that show you watch right that's her what yeah oh no wait tibby doesn't go to film school in the first one then we've got the original emily quatermain from general hospital and then blake lively yeah no there's like first of all there's sex in these pants you're with someone when someone dies like it's just like a lot what is carmen carmen's visiting her father in south carolina tibby staying home film school's not the first one okay yeah tibby's is like sad like so you mean to tell me that lena gets to go to greece and tibby meets a child with cancer and like the

pants are like cut tibia break who's tibby uh amber tamblyn original emily quartermain oh there we go uh so then carmen yeah carmen has another they're blonde waspy and they emotionally neglect her because she's overweight and these are the terms they're overweight in puerto rican oh my god and they're getting married and like she it's just yeah she has a traumatic summer i mean bridget also has I'm not gonna lie Bridget also has like a from the outside a wonderful amazing experience but like girl's got some demons she's dealing with some shit Lena no Lena literally got to have the summer of everyone's lives and they're all just there being like these are my trauma pants and she's like these are my grease pants anyways that is it for our episode we hope you

enjoyed please give us a call leave some voicemails we are not to sound like we are scrounging and scraping to get calls on the show we're not we are just trying to have quality i'm not gonna say that that's what i'm gonna say i mean she said the quiet part out loud i was gonna say we want to make sure that they are different than other calls we've had so we've had a lot like let me give an example people who are like losing a spark in a relationship and then breaking up and then getting back together do we give it a second try like we've done so many of those i think it's even one of the titles of like an episode so we don't want to do you know something like that some things that we're like really like not qualified for anything that has to do with like

suicidal ideation like those are things that we are not we don't have like a the i don't have the we i can speak for myself i don't have the bandwidth i don't have the emotional bandwidth to deal with it but i also don't have like the resources to be able to respond in a way that is helpful to you and not harmful to me yeah and so we got a dm with something that they did put a trigger warning on it at the top and so i didn't read all the message but like if you feel like that you or you want to send something that you know is going to have a trigger warning maybe just like send hey i want to first of all we don't answer questions in dms anyway but like say like I have something that the trigger warning is this before you type out the message because like

it might be like I see the initial message and then Megan opens the message later and didn't see the trigger warning yeah and so please don't send that kind of stuff to us yeah if you're in our Facebook group we have like a very like specific format about how trigger warnings are like used and also trigger warnings don't they're not like a catch-all for like just saying anything and we've had calls on the podcast that like we have we've issued trigger warnings callers have issued trigger warnings it's important to state what the trigger warning is for but then also knowing that like if your entire call is about something like really really really traumatic and intense and it's something that you don't feel comfortable talking to your therapist about

we're we're not the right people we're not equipped for that and we both have our own yeah going on and it's a lot to take on yeah and we're just not qualified to take it on and like why therapists are qualified to take it on some therapists suck but like why they're qualified to take it on is because they can deliver like the resources to you they actually have like a code of ethics so like if you are in danger they have resources of how they can help you but then they also go through immense amounts of schooling to like not take it on personally so that's something that we have and just knowing that like we want to we want to address like real life things on the show but also recognizing if this wasn't your call if you wouldn't listen

to it because it would be triggering that is something we want to like keep in mind for the audience as well we've had calls again where people have been like how i'm behaving in this relationship is because like i have a past traumatic thing that happened in my life and that is like the the most that it gets into those things but other than that we're so happy that you feel like this podcast is a safe place and like to be fair like our voicemail like if you're gonna call in for that like just don't take it personally that we're not including that like if it's cathartic for you to call in like call in but like just know that we can't if you're calling in with something really traumatic and we're not answering on the podcast please just reach out to somebody

who's more qualified because we're not and like I don't want you to wait around hoping and thinking that we're going to be able to address it we're not and we can always we can we can't make it better but we can't always inadvertently accidentally make it worse and that's never the goal especially with like having a platform like this so all that being said we want to have calls that are a mix of like you know serious things that people are going through like funny things like hearted things but the podcast also isn't like so immediately you call and you're getting this advice on here and like this is happening in like a really like quick kind of turnaround sort of way that it's also important that we're not your for something serious we're

not your first call and your only call yeah you know so what happened to fucking in a barn what happened to any of that stuff so give us a call ring-a-ding-ding and leave a review if you haven't yet or if you have already go update your review tell your friends to listen recommend an episode to your friend recommend an episode to a sibling a romantic partner a sexual partner recommend the podcast to your enemy maybe you'll become friends recommend this podcast to your tiktok audience recommend this podcast to your teacher thank you for all that but there's no no new one to your pets and we will see you all next time goodbye goodbye don't blame me is a production by me executive produced by melissa de monts

and diamond imprint productions edited by coco lawrence post-production sound by chris henry Production assistance by Melanie D. Watson. Music by Ryan Hunter and Giacomo Picasso.