Don't Blame Me! - Becoming a Sugar Baby

Episode Date: January 30, 2023

Meghan and Melisa give advice on: Little white lies Tips on casual sex Not inviting a friend on a trip Getting an offer from a Sugar Daddy Don't Blame Them: Trouble finding a job Buy our merch: https://store.dftba.com/collections/don-t-blame-me Follow Us! @meghanrienks www.instagram.com/meghanrienks https://twitter.com/meghanrienks @sheisnotmelissa www.instagram.com/sheisnotmelissa https://twitter.com/sheisnotmelissa @by.meghan.and.melisa https://www.instagram.com/meghanandmelisa Affordable Therapy By State (Curated by Crissy Milazzo): www.tinyurl.com/y64kwdnf Need Advice? www.dontblameme.show Domestic Listeners Call: [phone] International Listeners Send a Voice Memo To: [e-mail] … with as much detail as possible under 3 minutes! WeI'll do our best to share our wonderful words of wisdom. If you're under 18, please get your parent's permission. Advice is for entertainment purposes only, so you can't blame us if we screw up your life. I kid! Our advice IS AMAZING. Want to WATCH this episode as well? Become a patron! https://www.patreon.com/dontblameme Join the Facebook Group! https://www.facebook.com/groups/dbmsecretgroup Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/join/dontblameme Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

hey hi hello how are you i'm doing splendid how are you i know you weren't asking me but i'm gonna answer anyway i'm i'm doing it doing it the girls are doing it the girls are doing it the girls are girling what are the girls doing it what's it working hard working nine to five making a living neither of us work nine to five i might today no i started at eight so never mind i might be done early though today because i started early and then i did a lot of the stuff that i was supposed to do today yesterday so you know we've been on i shouldn't say we because you've been so kind to accommodate my lack of brain cells um but there's so few left they're fighting to the death um maybe your bing bong needs to die my bing bong died a long fucking

time ago why do you think i took it so personally when you didn't like bing bong i'm without my bing bong i think that maybe we should start recording earlier because getting more sunlight you know they're right about sunlight helping depression i'm like oh wow look at this the sun is shining and i do whatever some lyric about sun shining like i'm feeling it but that means you gotta start prepping the night before well you know this was helpful because um we get into why we had to push recording uh on tomorrow in our cnx tuesday episode but i did all the prep before and so it was like look i i prepped the night before and then i didn't end up recording that day so then i got to even add more additional stuff right so we got to start prepping the

night before getting up early and then just getting it over with yeah we just want to get this podcast over with we're also tightening up how we record too yep because i misread a text message so but it's it's good for us i just want the record to state that you have been wrong and you will all hear this i wasn't wrong wrong no you literally said well you were the one and i went hold the fuck up i was not the one who suggested we record at 9 a.m i think something happened because sometimes my texts do not come all the way through on my computer if i'm checking like my phone will be two texts ahead and i think something happened where i missed something and it didn't come through on my computer melissa don't make me fact check this i swear to god

they're like in the same message i know they're in the same message but i'm just saying it's on my computer it gets delayed what i act what gets received okay well we need to explain this the people so melissa was like you know you were the one who wanted to record like we've had to push yesterday's recording so well you were the one who wanted to record 9 a.m the very next day and i was like literally no like you told me what days worked for you and the exact text message is if you want to do tomorrow we can we just have to start early and not record long episodes i have to be done by 2 30 that's one text message then a separate text message right after she says or thursday i need to be done by four and i said we're gonna skip the part for me saying let me

try and shit and see if i feel better i said let's push it tomorrow or thursday either works for me that's one fucking text message and you respond okay tomorrow night whatever things happen you'll hear on friday things happen the biggest vindication of my life actually that's really not true i don't want to set my standards so low because that's really no that's really fucking low anyways we are megan and melissa and we are here to bring you a wonderful podcast episode um and if you're new here this is don't blame me where we give wonderful amazing life-changing advice because beyond being gorgeous and funny and hilarious and stunning and nepo babies we suffer from nephophilia we also give the best advice oprah has us on speed dial yeah we consult with

world leaders on how they should send real leaders text messages we we were not involved in the text messaging of um jeff bezos and his mistress that is like if they would have then we would have just went straight to his ex-wife anyway so without a doubt we're here to help we're here to stir the pot and we're here to comment on your lives and you can call us to be featured on episode let us know what's going on in your life and we'll give advice by leaving a voicemail at 310-694-0976 international listeners you can send us an audio message at meganpodcasts at gmail.com you do have some requirements you should be aging or over have your parents permission let us know your ages we keep it all anonymous but if you'd like to let us

know your pronouns anyone else involved in the situation you're going to tell us about please do you can create fake names something that's easy for us to kind of track as a story as a narrative so we can give the best advice. We can also give the best advice when we have the best, most like concise, specific information. So we do ask that you write it down

and then read it out loud a couple of times. Make sure it's under three minutes. Time yourself and make sure you have all of that good info in there. You can cut out the bulk, whatever,

but keep against like examples. If you're talking about like a toxic roommate situation, like, oh my gosh, just all this like absolutely asinine shit. We want to know. Specifically.

Like we love specifics. We started a podcast talking about other people's gossip like do not leave us hanging but we also can't give good advice if we don't know specifics because it could be something as oh my gosh she always leaves her hair tie on the kitchen sink or oh my gosh she always uses the neti pot in the kitchen two different things oh my god very two very different things and very different emotional reactions we would have both of these are things that my old roommate did.

Skolsten. Absolutely, Skolsten. So, yeah, call us. Send us your voice memos and you could hear yourself. And you can hear us give you advice. But if you are sensitive, let us know. We take it into account.

Oh, we're also on Patreon if you want to watch the video version. So, I do have to say that we give wonderful facial reactions all the time. Great face shots. We give a good face. but specifically listening to the calls you might you might see yourself in our reactions and we also do live streams there twice a month it is very affordable you can literally have a

patreon like access to like all of the additional content from like the videos for both of our podcasts as well as live streams like you can it's not expensive you could have the full package the full brazilian for under ten dollars who's monty by the way you ever see the movie monty python no it's a movie called the full monty oh so what came first the monty python or the full monty monty python anyways let's get into the show let's do it here we go hi megan and melissa i 22 they them and calling about my one year and nine month relationship with my boyfriend 23 he him ever since we started dating i have had issues with him saying little white lies as he thinks it would be better for me to hear than the truth. This includes him lying about talking to one of

his female friends I always felt iffy about because he told me that they slept together about a year before we started dating. It was never weird it just hurt that he lied to me and it always made me feel suspicious. Another thing he lied about was when we just started dating he told me he didn't smoke after I said it was one of my big deal breakers. I later found out that he deals vape. I decided to look past it because I still love him but it did hurt. Now the main reason I'm calling is because two hours ago, just after we signed our lease, I found out that he lied to me 10 times about emailing places that we were looking for to rent together as I was in another state and he said he would handle it. He didn't get responses for weeks apparently after

he said he emailed so many places and within one week of me emailing a few places, I had booked an inspection for him and I found our apartment. So I found this really suspicious. Today when we were talking about trust as this has been an issue while he said fine I'll come clean. I actually didn't email. I was so hurt by this. I asked him about this so many times and he lied straight to my face. I always offered to help and he said no it's fine he could do it as it was easier as he was still living in the city. I was also stressed about us finding a place as we live in a really expensive city and I don't have a place to live when I move back and so I was always really stressed. He also didn't come clean until I asked to look through his emails as I found this really

weird and I thought he was telling the truth but I just wanted to assure myself so I didn't think he was lying all the time. Now all these white lies are usually to save face but they're still really helpful because he keeps lying and now I'm not sure if I should snoop as when I asked to check his email is only when he decided to come clean. We did talk about this and he said it was because he has to do this with his mom to save face and stop an argument. I said maybe he should go to therapy about it but he said no it should be fine when he moves out with me. I am just not sure what to do and I'm asking for advice. I don't want to break up with him as we just signed our lease and I can't really afford to live there just on myself and I moved with him as it was my only

option. I'm just not sure what to do as I've raised this with him many times since we started dating and it doesn't seem to get better and I just don't know if he's lying about anything else or if I can even fix this and if I should just leave in the end because it doesn't seem to be getting better but I still love him so much

so I want to stay with him forever please be really nice as I'm still really upset by this and I am quite sensitive thank you guys love you so much bye what's your definition of a white lie?

not this no nothing that you listed was a white lie I was waiting for the white lie to come but i was like these are these are skyscrapers yeah these are all lies him talking to his friend and then saying they slept together and i didn't understand which part was the lie does he not no no they had feelings about their boyfriend being friends with this girl who they had previously slept together so the caller they knew that they'd previously slept together and

then he lied about them talking and hanging out after that that's not a white lie no and then the smoking thing not a white lie especially when you said that you that is that's a deal breaker to you that is not a white lie that's like manipulative calling not saying that you're calling places to move that is not none of these are white lies no and like here's the thing like this is lying to save face is like very very common and i'm not gonna say that like your relationship can't get through that but at what cost because you have to think that like you're not living together yet you just signed a lease and it's like okay so what if he tells you a white lie about like an actual white lie of his time no i'm saying like a white quote-unquote a white

lie about oh yeah i turned the oven off before i left the house or something that like now you're really financially and like spatially tied together i paid rent yeah so that to me i'm like these are not white lies but i the only you can't force him to change the fact that he doesn't think that therapy will help to me means that he actually doesn't think this is a problem and again white lies to save face is something that happens with people who grew up in families where either they were the golden child and everything was like they could do no wrong and So if they ever did anything that they felt was wrong, they couldn't own up to it or that they were always scrutinized.

And so it was like, I have to cover my own ass and do all that. It's a really, really fucking common coping mechanism that goes into adulthood. But coping mechanisms aren't necessarily the ones we have since childhood aren't necessarily healthy, nor do they serve us long term. And the only way that we can evolve and grow and change is we have to personally recognize that our own coping mechanisms are no longer serving us and they're hurting more than they're helping. but if he doesn't think that and he thinks it'll just solve on his own when he moves out

that to me is like more of a red flag and i think if he hadn't said that my advice if you can back out of this lease together now like within a window before you move in and i would look and see what the window is of that it's not just as soon as you sign the lease you have to pay to break it like there's contingency plans like there's fail safes and all of that like i would do that first because my whole thing is like i'm not going to commit on a concept of future you i'm gonna commit on current you and i'm not it's not like i'm gonna break up with if you don't want to break up like i it's not if me in this position if i'm being you and i'm saying that i don't want to break up with you that's fine but i i need to protect my assets and myself and then

i need to make sure that what you're saying you're going to be you're going to be and that's that's when things can move forward and like those life choices can move forward with this because yeah it's not a pleasant experience to deal with that and the way that you deal with something like this it's like it's making sure that the person knows that the truth is more valuable to you than telling the truth is more valuable than what the truth is so it's like i'm you can't really be upset when if you don't like what the truth is in the situation in the circumstance because it's the worry of you know disappointing or failing people or whatever and that's again that's like a process that shouldn't have to be done individually solely in a relationship it

should be like the figuring out the cause and effect and like oh if you fuck up at work you can't just like lie and then you get caught in the lie you can't teach someone that own that lesson yourself but if you are taking on that accountability to do that and provide essentially free therapy for him you do have to sacrifice a lot of your own feelings on it so like you find out that he's lying about something or like he tells you something that is really fucked up or like hurts you or whatever you can't be hurt you have to be happy that he told you the truth and that's not that's a reason why significant others aren't your therapist because it's a really impossible position to put you in especially as a roommate like if he fucks up something

and like tells you the truth about it and it involves your compromise and it's your living situation and in order to quote-unquote teach him this lesson and positive reinforcement which is like the only like the way that it would work you then can't be upset and that's you're that's sacrificing so so fucking much of yourself for someone who doesn't really see it as a problem like i know you said that you're sensitive but everything that you mentioned thank you for the very specific yes oh perfect explanations these are red flags to me everything about this is a red flag everything but like even saying that he looked at places and then lied about that what what was the point what was the reason does he actually not want to live together is he

just like a man child and can't do anything on his own and if he's lying about this like to you someone that he loves what's he lying about like in his everyday life with his work stuff you know and then that again sets you up because let's say he's constantly lying about things at work too and they find out about it and he gets fired then you don't have half the income for your apartment. This is just not somebody I would want to spend my life with, somebody that's constantly lying, somebody that can't get an apartment for themselves, somebody that just isn't, they're just not pulling their weight. I know you love them, but that doesn't mean you have to be with somebody that you love. And I'm not saying break up, but he needs to go

to therapy because he needs to get to the root of why he feels like he has to lie about everything. Well, and I would only consider one of these a lie. The other two, I would consider crossing your boundaries. Like you set a boundary of like you are not comfortable about him having a relationship with like having a friendship with this person who like they've had slept together. And if he wasn't OK with that, that would have been his boundary. But like lying that it's lying and a boundary. that's what i mean but like but then afterwards i'm like that wasn't if that he accepted your boundary and then lied about it and to me that's a boundary crossing the smoking thing another thing boundary crossing that's not lying that's like levels and levels and levels above all of this i would also note like what's his relationship like with his mom because if is he expecting you to kind of come in and take the mommy reins in all of this but then also if someone will lie to you they will most likely lie about you yes and that's another part that like you don't

necessarily know how he talks about you to some other people and it's just a lack of being able to take accountability and in this he's blaming his relationship with his mom for his reason why he couldn't do all of this but when you tie yourself to a person like this you can you can then become the scapegoat of oh i can't do this because my girlfriend said like blah blah blah whatever it is and like I just don't think that in the long term or in the big picture like Melissa said like love's not enough like it's not enough to be in a healthy relationship and partners but more than that to cohabitate and be in a legal agreement together and then it's also like you've been together a year and nine months and you're you don't trust him you

don't trust him because you were snooping in his email not snooping you were just no you were figuring out yes you're figuring out information so when you see the emails like if you don't trust him I'm sure like this early in I mean you've been together a good amount of time especially at the ages that y'all are at but like this just isn't someone that you should be building a foundation with when there's no foundation because there's so many cracks because it's not solid to begin with yeah it's and if you want to stay you just have to like accept and know that like it's gonna get a hell of a lot worse before and if it gets better and like it's never gonna get better with just you it has the potential of getting better if he actually goes to therapy and then

I would also probably want to do couples therapy because you don't really trust him to be honest with you and you can bring that up and so like it's going to be a lot of time money energy and work and you can't want it for both of you he has to also want it and want to put not the relationship but like want to heal this and want to fix this and so I think it's easy for me to just be like break up like get out of this lease and like logistically if you can get out of this lease I do think it would be in your best interest that and I think I also think if you do want to salvage this relationship. I think it's going to be easier to do that if you're not within a financial legal agreement with him, because that's going to, it just ties you to him. And it just,

it really puts this situation in the incinerator. Like it really hypes up and the stakes are a lot higher and it's a lot harder to fix things when the stakes are that high. And so if this is something you want to commit to trying to fix for the next however many years but just knowing that like there's no sure thing it might not ever fix and it might get a lot worse and you need to know yourself and to know where you're at to see like okay can I handle that and like if this isn't the perfect outcome and situation that I want am I willing to accept less like what am I willing to accept and right now this to me is like all glaring glaring red flags that like the only way that you can work through this and move past this is if he is not only an active participant

but he is the one like leading this change because it's him it's not you and people can change and i fully believe that but i just don't know that he's ready or willing to accept that he needs to change and I don't think that there's nothing I know there's nothing you can say or can do that can make him realize that he has to realize that on his own time and what timeline are you okay with so maybe set your timeline for yourself if you can't get out of this lease set a timeline for yourself that it's like I'm not going to push him I'm going to he knows how I feel about this relationship and it's like this something needs to change and I'm not going to feel comfortable or safe in this relationship until then and like yeah it's gonna it's gonna

fucking change our day-to-day interactions living together and i'm not going to talk about i'm not going to push it i'm not going to do that like he has to take his own initiative and if it's not within a year i'm gonna i'm gonna be done and i'm gonna take myself off the lease or whatever but you can't handhold him through it he has to like he has to open the door he has to be the one propelling all of this and he's not and that really sucks and i feel for you and on paper if you didn't give us the examples this to me is also indicative of a bigger issue of someone crossing your boundaries and also when someone's lying the truth that you find out you don't know that that's the whole truth either like this is the truth that you could stomach telling me

when push came to shove between a rock and a hard place this might not be the whole full truth so any man who is like so anti-anti-therapy while being like yeah it's my mom's fault but i'm not going to therapy i'm like oh i don't know if i want to but if you're so self-aware that it's your mom's fault then you should know that there are solutions like well that's what i mean like that's why i don't think that you he believes that it yeah it's anyone's fault but him i just don't believe anything that comes out of his mouth yeah and that's like no way to like live that they will he's like oh i heard mommy issues were a thing so banked it here it is i'm using it but then also like well what would his it's just very antiquated like gendered role like of like oh so

like daddy issues go to therapy mommy issues like i just heard about that on reddit and like there's no nothing working through that it's like what so yeah i would i would really rephrase these as white lies to boundary crossing and i would guess that um he was the one who called them white lies yeah i feel like there are things that you need to find yeah i do agree and you've got our full permission to snoop phone email postmates venmo venmo snapchat venmo gets a lot of people visco tiktok foursquare well i'm really sorry that you're going through this and this is this is a lot and i would also encourage you to go to therapy if you're not oh in therapy all y'all so okay next call hey Megan and Melissa I'm 21 years old she her and I recently got out of a

five-year on and off relationship which started in high school he was my first boyfriend and first everything I'm starting to put myself back out there and get on dating apps again and I wanted to call in and ask for advice about casual hookups right now my future is kind of unknown I'm graduating university this spring and I'm waiting to hear if I'll get into grad school, so I'm not really in the place to get into something serious because I don't even know which city I'll be living in later this year. I've had a few casual hookups when me and my ex were on breaks and one since we've broken up permanently recently. However, I have never had a good casual hookup, not even an okay hookup. I have masturbated and finished with myself and had great sex and finished

with my ex, but casual hookups have never felt good or been enjoyable for me. I'm a shy person, so I don't know if it's me being too nervous in the moment to really get into it or what, but I wanted to ask for your advice about how to feel more comfortable with casually hooking up with people or if there's ways to make sure that they are more enjoyable. I don't think I'm the type of person who needs an emotional connection with someone to enjoy sex because I don't feel emotional attachments to the guys that i have wanted to casually hook up with but maybe i do i have no idea um but any advice is appreciated i love the podcast so much and i look forward to listening every week i love your voice yeah it's very calming no like i don't even like asmr

but like you could read me the dictionary and like i just that just sent like that was like a weighted blanket like that was like your your tone of everything so soothing i think you just had bad casual sex and that's why you're apprehensive about it um if you if that's some people just aren't wired like they don't want to have casual sex but you seem open to it and it just hasn't been good i think with casual sex i think a lot of times when people have sex for the first time with anybody it's kind of performative like you're showing and doing things that you think the other person wants or wants to see or wants to hear but it's not necessarily things that you enjoy and so you have to go into it knowing that you're there also for your pleasure it's not a

show and so you might be a little apprehensive if you want to have casual sex you can still have casual sex with friends or people that you're comfortable with, if that's going to be better for you. So, you know, maybe like knowing the person a little bit before you actually have sex with them or, and actually this is an and, it's not an or, you need them both together. Go into it seeking your pleasure. You know, you said that you've masturbated with an ex. So if that's something that excites you, then do that. Don't like think of this when you have casual sex, you got to think about it like the fifth time

you're having sex with somebody you're in a relationship with. When you're a little bit more comfortable, you know the person's body, but because you don't actually know their body, you got to kind of take your time, figure out what they like, but also keep in mind what you like

and be vocal about it. Don't fake it. Don't say that feels good when it doesn't actually feel it. You could not feel anything. You have to say and show them what you like because it's casual. You're not building an emotional bond. Emotional bond does take sex to another level, but that's not what you want. So you have to think about the other things that bring you enjoyment. Yeah. And I, I think like you mentioned that you're like, I don't think it's there. I need to have an emotional attachment because there are people who like, I want to

have sex with who I don't have an emotional attachment with. The people you've had casual sex with before, I would like look back and do an inventory of like, why did I have sex? Like, if I saw them walking down the street, like, did I think they were really attractive? Did I think they were, this is going to sound really bad, but like, did I think they were really funny? Did they have great personalities? But like, I'm not trying to get to know them or whatever. And then suddenly like, oh, and push came to shove. Like, I think I like you as a person, but I'm not in it, not in a sexual way. And now we're having sex. So like, what was the, what was the driving factor of those people that you did have casual sex with before because I think a huge part of

enjoying sex is not just sex it's like the lead up to that and even when it's just a casual hookup that's you know you're dancing at a bar together like there is like that kind of chemistry there and I'm someone where like I need I either need to like I don't need to really know you like I'm like I need to find you hot but you can't talk too much because then I'm gonna feel like now I fucking need to know because now you've got a neutral personality but now I need to categorize you and then that will shift it for me or I need to like know you know you and so for I need like I would be more inclined like I had like hooked up with friends and to me that was a little bit easier and then having hooking up with someone because I'm like very rarely am I going to be

like immediately really attracted to someone like want to have sex with them and like i've you know done without like specifically having i think i've had a i don't know whatever but like there's kind of a fine line between i'm thinking about you as a person versus i'm thinking about us as some people who are going to have sex and so like you kind of have to teeter and figure out where you fall in that and it is a spectrum and then when you're like how are you meeting how are you meeting these people how are you meeting up with them and there should be like a lot of chemistry and sexual tension and build up to actually enjoying the sex like the whole process should be sexy if you're trying to like like uh like a quickie like smash and go all of that that to me that's a friend

someone you know friends with benefits that's like you rip your clothes off real quick like pound it out and you're out because you already know each other so i think that like it's not dating in the casual way but like there has to be enough time to build up the arousal of it and then if you want to get into like the regular smash and go kind of thing like that's what that's a fuck buddy like that's there's a difference between that the people that i've had just like casual sex with they for me they've had to be like insanely attractive to me because like nothing else needs to get me going yeah and like and i can be in relationships with people that aren't like somebody that i don't instantly feel a physical attraction to but then as i get to know

them then the attraction builds but that's that's you know those are you have to figure out where your line is with that yeah and i'm someone who like i would not say that i need an emotional connection to have sex with someone but that's like me talking in big picture but if I look back on my dating history and everything like that yes I don't need that but it's far more likely for me that I'm gonna have an emotional connection that feeds along with an attraction regardless of the emotional connection is romantic or just friendship like it's just pretty rare for me to like see and obviously when I was single, but to like meet someone, think that like they were really hot and then like immediately go and like hook up with them. Like I'm a very talkative person.

Like I tend to kind of do all of that. And so even though I wouldn't consider or like tell a partner that like, oh, I need to have an emotional and I have friends who are demisexual and it's like, you know, a conversation that they'll have where it's like, I don't experience sexual attraction in their specific case. I don't experience sexual attraction until there's a romantic or friendship really deep, like a deeper relationship bond. I would not say that I have that at all, but I can also like recognize that like, oh, I don't need to be in a relationship or to be in love with you to have sexual feelings to you, but tend to be more comfortable around my friends or people that I've known for a little bit longer. So I don't think

it's as black and white as you need an emotional connection. Because I also think that there's something about feeling like safe with the person that you're sleeping with too. And that's not an emotional connection that's just a feeling of comfort and safety and we can equate that a lot with friendship and romance and it doesn't have to be that but you do have to kind of talk to someone a little bit long enough or be in a situation where you're safe here I've I've known people an hour and I've fucked them but like but I I did have conversations about like yeah when was the last time that you were tested and sex gets better with time like there are a few people who i've like made out with and immediately i'm making out with them i was like holy shit i want

to have sex with you and then there are people who i've been really fucking attracted to and then we've hooked up we've had sex and i've been like oh yeah so it is kind of just like a trial and error thing like these are just like sweaty bodies smashing together and it's not always i don't sweat i glisten oh nice i also don't want to say like you got to put those 10 000 hours in because you know sex is something that have as much or as little casual sex or not casual sex as you want but you need to feel safe and you need to feel comfortable and if the goal is having good casual sex it's i get more into fuck buddy territory then yeah and this is so this is like i would get into fuck buddy territory but i would specifically ask your friends about the fuck

buddies they've had and who's been the best in bed like that's when i'm like share the little black book like find out who's fucking good like who's great in bed like if you have any if you have any friends who've like slept with someone or they know someone is like great and like and you gotta make sure that they're okay with oh without a doubt but like i remember like one of my friends and i in high school we both like slept with like the same guy and she found out we had i like what didn't tell anyone we hooked up and she found out and she pulled me in the closet i was like oh my god she was mad and she goes we gotta talk about it and i was like oh i'm like oh we're just like gal paddling about like having sex with like the same dude and there are some people who

are kind of known for being like a fuck buddies of of people in that sense so you know ask i would i would like ask your friends or you know how their fuck buddy kind of relationships are but again also like first time i've had like sex with fuck buddies it's like you know it's good but it's not it's comparing it to having sex in a long-term relationship with someone who like knows how to make you come with like a snap and a blink it's just going to be different because that wasn't probably the first time with your partner either like it takes a while and that's what i'm saying with folk buddies if you you build it up and you figure things out and you see what works and what works for the two of you so like there's time to figure it out yeah honestly i would find a

fuck buddy of someone who has been in a long-term monogamous relationship and got out of a relationship no if you if you if you want someone because if you think about this and this doesn't have to be monogamous but i mean in a sense of someone how your your ex just knows exactly how to get you there you might find comfort with someone who is used to that or but i'm thinking about some of the calls that we've had actually a lot of the calls that we've had where people like i've been in this relationship and the sex sucks you're so right i take it all back because no because when you it could you could be where like they're they've been in a relationship for so long that they they're just they didn't know they weren't told i take it all i take all that back find someone

who's had sex with a lot of people and has a lot of happy customers like i think i mean at 21 it might be a little hard to find somebody but i mean that's been with a lot of people what's your definition of a lot like over 30 at 21 that's a lot that's like a lot a lot i mean it's just it's gonna be you know yeah try it out see if you like it if they can if you feel like they can improve with notes do it again if you don't move on yeah there is something really sexy about like a guy who has game and a lot of the time guys have game because they got the swagger because you know they they can talk the game because they they walk the walk seal the deal and so that's enough like this is i would go to a bar yeah so if you're trying to like get laid and have great

casual sex i wouldn't go for like the dorky guy who like turns out to be like oh you would have never had guests or whatever like i think you should go for someone who their confidence is really arousing and sexy to you because that's someone who's gonna be forward and if that's something that is attracted you have to go for what you're attracted to and what arouses you in the moment not like the long term some of the best safe sex well some of the best sex some of the best casual sex that i've had has gone from me going to a male gay bar and then the straight guys or bisexual guys that are in that bar and they're a little bit more confident about who they are you feel i feel a little bit safer because i know that they're they feel

comfortable around gay men and then like that's where i've i've met the better of the casual sex partners good casual sex is confident sex and like you're really confident in your but you can't be confident enough for for two people so like find a guy who can talk the talk walk the walk find someone who has game someone who has like swag is not just how someone talks or someone walks like the reason why they talk and walk like that like the definition of what it boils down to is like you look like you are a good fucker like that's literally what that is like that's what you're trying even if you don't realize that like oh that's what it's like when someone's like oh he's got sweat like it's literally like I think you would be great putting your penis in parts

of my body like some people might surprise you and be confident and not have that like exactly what you think that you're like looking for or what your textbook definition of a casual hookup is but to start I would go for the people who are the most confident and know that it's trial and error yeah and saying exactly like saying what you want bringing a vibrator in like also with casual sex like you can be as like weird and as fucking freaky as you want oh yeah you can always do that in a relationship but like it's kind of like it's kind of like i might need to ease in it into it because i'm like i like them a lot and you know i'm not sure if they're into this one thing yeah but or you might have to backtrack where you're like oh actually not like that

like i was just trying i was being i was in a silly goofy mood i like to just casually throw out a few of mine like in casual conversations as a little jokey joke and then they're like yeah i got to picked up what you dropped up good text conversation earlier this week that's what you're gonna say today and i was like that's why you're in a good mood this morning that would have been really early i know i was like damn you're like i've been working getting up earlier i'm like different time zone got a set got a sexton worldwide dropping some of my things and then they were picking it up and getting a little excited and so it's pretty easy to tell yeah once you start giving it and like a lot of people especially when it comes

relationships like want to give people the benefit of the doubt and that's totally fine but if i'm like looking to get my clit like i can't have to be like no okay no like cut the bullshit like for sexting we're sexting like let's let's i need you to match my horny level like i'm not playing coy here and batting my fucking eyelashes so like i need you to stop doing that with yours yep so it might be a different type of bit of a guy that you're than normally like you want to date or you're normally attracted to yeah you know it's different oh my god i'm so excited for you this is so fun be safe get regularly tested make sure your partners are also being regularly tested and not just word of mouth you guys should be showing yep each other your results physical

papers screenshot on your phone and i want not even a screenshot i want like the actual document from the doctor yeah yeah okay all right let's take a break and we're back on to the rest of the calls hello listen megan okay so i'm just gonna get into it because it's kind of a long story. Everyone in this situation is an 18 or 19-year-old female and uses she, her pronouns. For some background, my hometown friend group since ninth grade includes 12 people, and we are all now freshmen in different colleges,

so it's our first time not being in the same school as one another. Now, the other day during break, my friends, Sarah, Alyssa, Morgan, and Susan and I all went to dinner to celebrate Rachel's birthday since everyone else in our friend group had gone back to school. During dinner, we were all reminiscing about our beach trip that took place last summer, and has since decided we want to go again this summer. When I brought this up, Rachel said that she would love to go, but she said she didn't want to invite our other friend, Gracie,

because last time she felt Gracie was purposely excluding her when we broke off into smaller groups, since half of the time half of the people wanted to go shopping, while the other half, including me, just wanted to go back on the beach. Morgan, Alyssa, and Sarah also piped in saying that they felt Gracie's personality was off-putting, since often at group hangouts, she complains about wanting to leave and doesn't really talk to half of the group. making them feel like she doesn't really like them.

Susan, who is my best friend, felt shocked by this because it was the first time she's heard of it. And I was also shocked because while this has been brought up to me before, it's never been brought up to the point where they complain for 20 minutes and talk about details of what she's done. For example, cleaning on one member of the group who wasn't part of the conversation. And they also mentioned that sometimes when she hugs people that she likes, she kind of just glares at the other people in the group, which I've never seen, but mentioned that. The problem is that Susan and I are pretty close to Gracie and hang out with her as a group of three pretty often. While I've noticed Gracie's annoyance at bigger group hangouts, I've always seen it as her feeling overstimulated by our chaotic group since it is like 12 people in the group.

Susan and I are usually the ones who plan entire group events, including our summer vacation. But after this, we're considering planning it when we know Gracie will be out of town. Instead of causing more drama by telling her, we just don't, a lot of people don't want her there. But I don't know how it's going to go over with Gracie, because I do know that she kind of really enjoyed this sweet trip. How do you think we should approach this trip and our friendship with her? I don't necessarily want to stop being friends with Gracie, because I know, like, all my friends pretty well. But also, Rachel mentioned that she doesn't really want to be friends with people who are close with someone who makes her feel bad, which isn't really lost on me. Any thoughts or advice on this would be great.

Also, since I still have time, I didn't bring this up at the dinner, but Gracie has told me that she doesn't like Rachel because she finds her annoying. But they've never had a big argument and are pretty cordial to one another at group hangouts. And at one point, I'm pretty sure they used to be friends. So I wasn't really sure how to go about this situation. And I also thought Alyssa and Gracie were pretty close because they do hang out with each other a lot, but I guess not. Any advice on this would be great. And I've been listening to the show for forever and I would really appreciate it. Thank you so much. Bye forever. You're 18. Yeah, that's a little alarming. I'm just afraid for what you heard. But psychologically, I don't know if you know this. You gave someone the name. I mean, I know that you know that you gave someone the name Rachel, which is an automatic assumption of villain. But one of my good friends is named Gracie. so you just have to know i'm going into this psychologically this this has been manipulated

for me you have two options can i have a question before 12 people is a lot of people to have in a group of friends like that's a big ass airbnb that's a big ass group and i'm surprised more than half of people don't hate each other because they do yeah but like this is just too many people Too many people, too many personalities. This is why we say, like, you should not have big friend groups because everybody is not going to like each other. No. So my two options, exactly what you're saying, though.

One, you wait it out because this will implode and it's inevitable. It's only a matter of if and when and what role you partake in it. Or B, you pick a side. Yeah. Because I don't... And I think it has to be B. It has to be B and you can't not pick a side. there are sides being picked

and I'm letting you know right now, everybody who was at that dinner participated in that conversation, they picked their side. Yep. And even if like, oh, well, I thought this, this, and this, nope, they picked their side

because there are people who can account for what they said there and then go back and tell Gracie. So even if they decided they wanted to switch sides, I don't have the power to do that anymore once they started talking shit. So if you choose to plan this

for when she's not there to avoid talking to her about this, you were at that dinner, you heard what people said, you are implicated in that, you picked a side. you invite her and you tell everyone like to fuck. Like, I think if you really want to avoid talking about this

and like bringing it up to her and like causing whatever, then you have to be like, no, she's going to come. And then if shit hits the fan and it's like, well, we didn't even want you here, blah, blah, blah. She's going to find out that you knew that and you brought her into a situation where people didn't want her to be there. So you have been against your will,

implicated in all of this shit. And the only thing that you, the only control and power you have at this moment is what you do with that information. And we have both said someone being annoying is enough of a reason to not be friends with them. If you don't want to be friends there because you think she's annoying, great. If you look on this situation and think, well, I think that like, you know, she might not be the best person in groups, but all of you are just shit talking someone else in a group. So are you better in a group than she is? like would you prefer her shit talking you yeah so anyone who's going to feel comfortable and this is why big group friend groups of this like people can't really form really great close bonds

and if they do it's not universal between everyone and so what kind of friend would you rather have and like what friend would you rather have if you were gracie because you can be gracie at any point in time you can be someone who's annoying you can be whatever and like you recognize that You thought that she maybe was overstimulated, which tells me you either also get overstimulated or you have some sort of knowledge or secondhand experience with that. And you're you it might not be wildly different than what the rest of your friends have. And so it's like, oh, OK, so if I was in a situation like this and now do I have to second guess all of my actions and how I behave? That's clearly not malicious and very much a me thing. Are they going to take this and then talk shit about me?

Like, who's a good friend here? and like you also and what's your definition of a good friend because named Susan as your best friend like you also don't have to this isn't like a 50 50 side that you have to pick it can just be like you know I really didn't like how that dinner went down with like and like you can let them know like I really didn't like how you talked about like Gracie and like you know she's like really great and I'm gonna I just think that that was like really not nice and I think that like you know make this makes me second guess how you would talk how you talk about me when I'm not there and then you remain friends with Gracie and Susan and maybe Alyssa I'm only naming the

ones that I remember so like you don't have to pick a 50 50 side but by not doing anything you're picking Rachel's side yeah and that's okay if you know that that's what you're doing but then if you're gonna do that then you should actually do it and it's much better to let someone no. Hey, heads up. They don't want to be friends with you anymore versus icing someone out slowly over time. Because as someone who has been on the receiving end of the psychological icing out of a friend group kind of thing, that creates a cycle of what the fuck is going on. I'm crazy. So much self-doubt. And that is I. I would always fucking rather someone just be like, i'm done or ghost me then like trickling on as friends and rachel says that she doesn't want

anyone to be friends she doesn't want to be friends with gracie more and doesn't want anyone who's going to be friends with gracie and it doesn't seem like gracie's feeling like that and so like who's a better person at the end of the day right also and i'm not trying to be mean but after this is y'all's freshman year after your sophomore year everybody's gonna want to do their own thing anyway and i don't think that everybody's gonna still be friends with each other everybody's gonna make new friends because y'all are all at different schools so this might be the last trip to be honest and i i would just like invite everybody and i would also kind of give Gracie the heads up because she shouldn't be trusting these bitches and then you being there

and let's say let's say one of the other girls is like a defector of the group you know she's like oh I actually felt bad about what I said and then goes back to Gracie and tells Gracie everything that happened and you were there and you get implicated with the rest of them if you want to be a good friend I'd tell I'd give her a heads up also I just I would have my guard up because I wouldn't trust any of these bitches no i would i would i agree in the sense that like i think everyone needs to go and you need to grace your heads up like i've talked shit about people behind their backs and like learned from it and regretted it and like my whole thing is i'm not going to say anything that i wouldn't say to your face and so if you find out and there are people who've like

come to me like oh i heard you said this and like well yeah we haven't had an opportunity to talk about it and like i'm not gonna at this point in my life but like i've been i'm not i don't want to equate you to being a teenager but like to your friends being like i've talked shit about and come back and bite me in the ass and i'm like wow i feel bad about that i'm gonna not do that anymore but like you can't control the narrative even if you didn't participate like you were there and you heard it so you either go give Gracie a heads up or you don't go and you and Gracie go on a different trip and Susan and whoever else you actually trust go on a different trip but like I would also give the people at the dinner a heads up and be like hey I didn't

think what y'all did was cool I don't feel comfortable about this it made me feel so uncomfortable I called into a podcast about it it's a great podcast you should listen they're very beautiful but like this just it didn't sit well with me and so like I feel like Gracie needs to know how y'all feel so like I'm going to tell her because you know Gracie doesn't like Rachel Rachel doesn't like Gracie like that's all fine but you can't weaponize your friend group against and then in like use that to get someone uninvited or not to plan a trip around when they're going to be there or not that's just it's not a good look and like you are who you surround yourself with so like who do you want to be associated with in these circumstances and situations and like

Melissa said you might not be friends with any of them in a year's time but I think how do you want to enjoy not to put a timeline on but like how do you want to potentially enjoy like one of the last years of your childhood your intact childhood friend group and or how do you want of spend like a huge transitional year from teenage years into adulthood to kind of set the tone for your adult your young adult relationships and like the kinds of people you're you allow yourself to be you choose to surround yourself with yeah but again you picked the name gracie and the name rachel so it's inevitable this is a little too close to my name and also susan you just picked a random name so we were rooting for the underdog i was like grandma susan aunt susan

so you know i'm partial to gracie i got a gracie okay all right next one is a write-in so we had a special situation everybody don't write in but if you have a special situation where you want to write in let us know yeah and explain the explain the reasons yeah hi eminem plus team i have a physical disability a speech impairment and use a mobility device and i live in canada My pronouns are she, her. I'm 26 and I'm writing in so you can understand my story clearly. I've been living independently for eight years

and would like advice about becoming a sugar baby to support myself financially. In my province, the government assistance and post-secondary aid I receive monthly barely covers my expenses. I would get cut off from welfare if I get a traditional job and a guy he, him messaged me last week offering to be my sugar daddy

and will pay me in gifts and cash. The opportunity sounds great, but I have limited dating slash sexual experience as a straight disabled woman and need advice on what to consider before making a decision. We both are up to date with STI testing and COVID-19 vaccination, so this is reassuring.

The food inflation rates are ridiculously high and increasing, plus social welfare supports are oppressive and ableist. is this an example of an ethical scam would love to hear for other listeners how they are coping in this economy happy 2023 everyone sending gratitude for the advice sexy virgo on wheels it's like i love a sexy virgo i love virgos okay so disclaimer i've never been a sugar baby and and neither have i so i think you take what we say with a grain of salt and like a huge aspect of my advice is going to be like seek out advice because it's not even just advice from people

who've been in this but personal experience and there is kind of just a level of for someone who's been doing this for years they can give you kind of an accurate representation of how many people who they reach out to or how many people reach out to them and what the percentage of it being legitimate and like how to know if something like what are the fail safes and things you can do to protect yourself they're going to know that from personal experience and like again they'll have the actual data and proof of concept of how many times they've done this and all of that yeah there's i will say there's a podcast called the sluttrepreneur podcast which i would listen to so the first thing i would say is i do i think it's an ethical scam um yes i don't even know

if i would call sex work a scam in general but i think sex work is ethical it can be if it's done it can be ethical and empowering and very valid and should be not only destigmatized but like you know decriminalized all of it like i'm big advocate of that but in this instance i think the first thing that i would do is i would require money to keep talking to me like i wouldn't i would there needs to be some some money exchanged because sugar baby isn't just money and exchange transactional after sex it is an ongoing financial relationship that most people will i mean people who have a lot of people will say that it doesn't involve intimacy but it does a lot of vast majority of the time so there needs to be a proof of funds like as if you're getting a hug i need to know

that you actually have money and you're willing to spend it on the other aspects of sugar babying where it's like we're texting we're talking on the phone like whatever like it's because if it's purely transactional for photos and things like that to me i would be like only fans something where you're not meeting up with someone like if you're trying to treat every sexual interaction as transactional and it's not you're not willing to give some money ahead to like you know prove that this is something that you want to do that's there's that's the difference between sugar babying it's taking care of someone financially however much they have but like but if it's purely transactional based on photos videos sexual encounters I think that is something that is

more suited for only fans or someone that someone that you know is safe and also good for the money like because doing that digitally they have to pay on a platform first so that's the first thing that i i would do and i would also like you didn't say where you met because like if it's seeking arrangements to me that's much more likely than if someone's just slid into your dms and i think that a really unfortunate thing to kind of also recognize is i would also seek out sex workers who are disabled and how they deal with or doesn't even have to be people who are disabled it can be people who of different they don't even have to be a part of different religious backgrounds but people who do content that is like specifically catered based on their

race based on their religious identity and something where it's how you're physically presenting yourself by choice or by not and people who like fat sex workers sex work with whatever it is to talk about the safeties and the trans sex workers people who talk about the safeties of where the line is between the dangers of the the the fine or whatever you're comfortable with the level of fetish fetishization and then the level of where does that become potentially a red flag and i can't tell you that and most people are only going to be able to tell you that within their own community but i think it's and your own feelings towards it too yeah and i i would really like get a lot of information from a lot of different people and then see what how

you feel and there's no way to specifically feel but to kind of gauge all of that because that's a really unfortunate part is that kinks are harmless fetishes can be harmless and they cannot be and they can lead to unsafe situations if you're specifically meeting up with people in real life and so I think that's another thing to like factor in what your comfort level is like I guess my only advice is just to do as much research as humanly possible before you get into any situation and then even when you if you are meeting up in person it's going out to dinner first and it's in public and you have a friend who's at the restaurant as well like you have like your friends have your app like tracking and you suss out engage if this person feels

safe and also knowing that that person might pass all that with flying colors but like there is still a risk there and doing what you can to mitigate the risk long term and short term yeah agree with all that but even before you get to any of that i would write down what you're willing and feel comfortable doing make a list just for yourself and then you should also go to him and and y'all should like talk about what you're okay with doing and what he's okay with doing and like the limitations on what that is as well because you don't want to get into a situation where he's expecting something and you're not expecting that or you're expecting something and that's not what he wants because then that can set you up for something that's uncomfortable and could potentially

be dangerous too yeah i also wouldn't be really transparent about your financial situation with yeah no no no because uh we've heard so often about how people will use that and so i think it's a good idea to write down what you're comfortable and tell him write it down and then have him send you his list and then if there's anything on his that you're like no then it's not even telling him no that you're not going to do that thing it's just no overall because i well i depending on the level i'm saying depending on the level of what it is like if it's something that like it makes you sick to your stomach it makes your skin crawl it makes you feel like there there are certain things that are non-negotiable even if they're willing to like oh

no no no it's okay fine there are certain things that like if that you're not going to be able that's unsafe i meant like things like if if and i'm going to make it very simple if like he wants his nipple pinched and you aren't into that and you say i'm not into that and he's like okay that's fine with me yeah but if it's something like that's gross like so grotesque that like to you to you because i'm not going to kink shame anybody but it's so like grotesque or it's just something you don't feel comfortable with. And it's like so over the top that you're like, I couldn't see myself with being with anyone

that's into this thing, then yeah, then that's a no. But if it's something small, then like it's a business deal. It's a negotiation at first. Yeah, it's just about knowing that you're going to have to kind of hyper read into a lot of things and because your safety is on the line. And so that's the part that it's like, I would get multiple eyes on it.

like I would be like, show it to a friend. I would, if there's any sort of shame or things that you feel like you need to hide in this, I would, I would work through that first because in order to set up the most safe option, which is never going to be a hundred percent safe, you can't be the only one who knows who you're seeing and where you're going. And so until you can feel comfortable sharing it with people who are able to be at your aid in your city quickly if something were to go wrong and who are looking out for you constantly it's just not the time yet and it's building up to that but it's a really hard thing to be dealing with like you know the economy and a recession and it's even harder to be disabled and have a

cap on the income that you can make there is so there are so few options and so I don't think that this is something that you should rule out I think regardless of your if you're disabled or not disabled or if you're wealthy or not like I think anyone can do sex work who wants to do sex work but I think if you feel like this is your only option I would maybe put feelers out for some other organizations or groups of ways to make extra income from home, make extra income with cash, make extra income in whatever it is in that way. So you're able to make ends meet and any money you made from this would be additional, not something you need. Because when we get to that crossroads of financial distress and need-based, like what you need in this, you might

end up in situations that you're not comfortable with and you don't feel safe in. There's great like TikToks and Instagrams of people talking about, I don't know what your food preferences are or if you've dietary restrictions, but there are lots of ones of like people who are doing quote unquote recession core meals and like learning how to save money on food and things like that. And so there are certain things that I've been following and we're obviously in very different situations, but just learning different ways to kind of like save money, to allocate money for other things. And in our young adult, adult lives or whatever, this is like our first economic downturn as a world. I know that there's something that that brings people together as opposed to

when you're financially facing individual financial hardship. Right now, everyone is. So there are so many articles, there's resources online, people doing all these recipes and all of this kind of stuff and I think you asking the question about like how are other people getting through that like if you're part of our Facebook group if you're not message us we'll we'll kick you the front of the line but I think it'd be great for people to respond in on how they're doing that on whether it's how they're making side money or how they're saving money all right well now it's time for another break and we're back and it is time for don't blame them where a listener calls in and gives their

own advice pertaining to a call that they heard on a previous episode i almost said a previous podcast like just a different there's calling to tell us about dax shepherd's podcast anyways maybe they have personal experience maybe um they are professional in the field that we talked about or just maybe they're impassioned and they love the sound of their own voice which is a relatable uh thing to me hi megan and melissa i'm calling for a don't blame them for the episode titled trainer set me up with his brother-in-law. This is for the caller who's in a science-y field who's having trouble finding a job. I've been working in engineering for a long time now. I've mentored college students how to get a job. I've worked with recruiters. I'll leave my email with Megan

and Melissa if you would like to contact me, but definitely get your LinkedIn profile up to date. I would say to apply for a job at a company and then find a recruiter from that company, message them and say specifically, hey, I applied for this job. This is the rec number. I'd really like to talk to you about it. Apply for jobs that you're not qualified for. Men are likely to apply for a job when they only need about 30% of the requirements, where women feel like they have to meet 100% of the requirements. Let's say you work in physics. Apply for a chemistry job, a biology job, an engineering job, an astronomy job. Apply for any job. I'd also recommend applying for a company that's pretty big, maybe a thousand people or more. That way, maybe the job you start out

with isn't the job you want, but you can get your way into the job that you want. Also to know when you do eventually get a job offer, negotiate your salary, negotiate your time off, negotiate your sign-on bonus. They do relocation, negotiate that. Women are also far likely to negotiate it all. Go get your bag and email me if you'd like. Have a good day. Bye. See, if we had money, we could send money to this person i fucking love this community yeah that's so kind and so helpful and my fucking tiktok was listening to me after that and i got like set got fed this on my for you page this tiktok of this woman who works in hr in her company and she was talking about how everyone should down who's looking for a job to download linkedin on their phone and she was like

you can send a message at any point in time she goes you let me know and like dm the head of the company she's like i'm the head of the fucking department she wasn't hr she was the head of the department of whatever and she goes the amount of times people will message me and be like i see you work here this is why i'd be a great fit for this and she was like it's so ballsy to send like send our fucking ceo with linkedin like jump ballsy that how many people have gotten that because like they've put themselves out there and if you don't like no one thinking less like you're just not qualified for the job but you never fucking know the person that runs the social media for my business account listen to this podcast it's like a podcast listener she just

sent me a message and was like do you have any internships and then I mean she's out of school now but she's continuing to do it so like and and I just want to say I only do paid internships so but but like I've had yeah I've had people like message me and I've hired people that just send me a message if it's a good message exactly and that's like what this TikTok this woman was saying and she was like if you have the confidence to message a head of a department on a Saturday night she goes i'm gonna see that and she's like it's i get a notification on my phone most of us all have the our linkedin notifications turned on our phone she goes respond to it at like 2 a.m and i'm going to like direct you to the best person and then i'm going to follow up with that

person to see if they reached out to you like so everybody wants to help everyone else it's just a matter of like letting people do that and giving the opportunity to do so and i had no idea that i mean it makes total sense to me that like women like men will apply for jobs they meet 30 of the requirements for and women wait for a hundred percent because a lot of people aren't even a hundred percent qualified for jobs what what jobs are posting is their ideal candidate it usually says this our ideal candidate will have these qualifications it doesn't say and then like the actual required required qualifications may be like three bullet points yeah and the idea might be like 15 bullet points and if you hit two of them you're good it gets you in the door yeah

well they're building their dream not real person they're building false idea like it doesn't it might not even exist in anyone yeah somebody sent us a message in our dms that said i inspired them that's so nice you want to read it out loud i do they said oh my gosh i have hated networking because it makes me feel so icky stupid ick it just makes me feel thirsty and awkward and insecure But hearing Melissa's networking story on today's Don't Blame Me was inspiring and I was hyped for you. So awesome. Of course, it's you with clapping hand emojis. I definitely need to work on feeling like I deserve the positions I really want and go after them, but by whatever means necessary. Thank you. I just want to give a little update to that. I think, I don't know which podcast, I kind of talked about it, but I did have, you know, a follow-up meeting with someone who has actually moved up in the place where would be my dream job. And we had a good meeting this

weekend. We went out to coffee for two and a half hours and we're just talking. She was asking me what my goals are, how I envision making that specific job better. Yeah. So it's like you have to foster relationships because i know when something comes up yeah she's gonna call me and good networking that icky kind of thirsty feeling that it's kind of like making friends or reaching out to like anyone calling to make a doctor's appointment like there's that but like when you're networking with the right people it doesn't continue to feel like that you foster a relationship hang it out if you're not feeling that then it's like okay let's time and move and pivot because it should be two people who have the same goals same interests and also like

respect how the other person works and will then vouch for you and then want to kind of set you up because they want to make their life easier or their job easier, or they want the person that they recommend you to, to like think highly of them. Like it's a symbiotic, really mutually beneficial relationship. If you're not vibing, it won't be mutually beneficial. And so like cut the cord, move on, you know, trim the dead weight. And I've had networking experiences that have gone wrong I've had some woman that I was vibing with forever and then she just like stopped talking to me and I have no clue why absolutely no clue why yeah and it's like whatever that just means that I wasn't meant to work with her the vast majority of what like auditioning is is

essentially networking where you meet casting directors or you meet producers you meet heads of talent at like studios or whatever and then they think about you for other things and they reference back to you and they bring you in and they do all of that stuff. And it's it's prevalent in every space. It's a long burn. And sometimes it can feel like they're not coming to fruition and there's no benefit to them. But again, like a good networking in a good way will also be kind of like camaraderie as well, or it can be mentorship like it's fostering a long term relationship and people want that yeah i mean everybody that works at my company is people that i've worked with before or we came out the same womb but um melissa and i

i mean uh the people that are on the payroll for my company yeah i'm not on the payroll for a company but uh but yeah it's about fostering relationships it's like when i had something come up I'd be like oh I worked well with this person elsewhere or you know I know that they can do a good job and I just like ask them if they want to come work and they do and it makes your job easier too because you can also count on those people so it might feel like networking is thirsty but like it's just as beneficial for the other party yep all right well good luck job market is hard and annoying and aggravating yeah but when you build good relationships with good people it makes things easier without a doubt all right that's it we hope you all enjoyed

the episode if you did leave us a review on the podcast app or if you're on spotify and you listen five stars and go leave a comment on our last instagram post letting us know what's like the weirdest most interesting coolest or lamest most exciting most boring job you've ever had yeah oh next week we'll have a special guest so if you want advice by a special guest a famous special guest I thought you said fang

special guest a friend do you want to get my joke I do now after you said you get my joke do you want to keep it in so the people can pick up the Easter egg yes a fang-miss guess then write in and she'll answer

yeah burn it okay bye bye Don't Blame Me is a production by me executive produced

by Melissa DeMonts and Diamond Imprint Productions edited by Coco Lawrence post production sound by Chris Henry

production assistance by Melanie D. Watson music by Ryan Hunter and Giacomo Picasso