Don't Blame Me! - Boyfriend Wants Me to Pose Like His Ex

Episode Date: March 9, 2023

For But Am I Wrong Meghan thinks that jobs should have built in maintenance/admin day Melisa believes that God is a cis man - based on period pains In But Am You Wrong: Boyfriend wants you to recreate his ex's sexy phot Sister's new boyfriend wants to attend your grandmothers' tombstone unveiling Reporting a teacher for being racist Boyfriend hanging out with his friends after being deployed And in But Are They Wrong AKA "Rachel of The Week" they nominate: Meghan: TERF Ruby Sampson Melisa: Culture Vulture Rachel "Raquel Evita" Saraswati Write In: [e-mail] Weigh In: Vote in the weekly poll on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/meghanandmelissa Buy Our Merch: https://store.dftba.com/collections/don-t-blame-me Join Our Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/dontblameme Follow Us: https://www.instagram.com/meghanandmelisa https://vm.tiktok.com/TTPdYV7J5p/ Follow Meghan: https://www.instagram.com/meghanrienks/ https://twitter.com/meghanrienks https://www.youtube.com/c/meghanrienks Follow Melisa: https://www.instagram.com/sheisnotmelissa/ https://www.instagram.com/diamondmprintproductions https://twitter.com/SheIsNotMelissa Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

hello everybody were you harmonizing are you only talking when i was okay well this is we so can't fucking do this because we are recording virtually and this is already what happens naturally so you're fucking my brain up and i just told you my adderall has not kicked in so you're about to make me short circuit did i take advantage of the situation yes do i regret it no of course not welcome back to what am i wrong and yes you heard it we are recording virtually not that we owe you an explanation but if you notice anything a little bit different vocally um not the beginning part because that was intentional on melissa's part but if it's an unintentional sort of lag i think i don't think we're lagging

at all today no we're not lagging we're not knock on wood good that's why i could match you exactly but reporting virtually because la's weather it sounds ironic as i say this not that you all can see because if you're watching on patreon you just see our faces the sky is bright blue clear gorgeous so bright outside it's like what i'm saying like oh la weather's like a it's been a shit show it sounds like i'm lying we're not this is the only fucking day in the last like over i mean i think in total over the week we almost had like almost 10 inches in rain yeah but it's gonna at 6 p.m it's gonna start raining again so yeah so we have had well i thankfully again knock on wood have been dealing with uh not dealing with the power outages but

melissa has and so it's easier to kind of like pick up and do these things if her power went out when we're doing them virtually because once the sun goes down your girl cannot be driving a car and that's even a little bit earlier when it's raining because if you have astigmatism and you see those little halos you know what happens when the road is wet and it's raining and then you have zero depth perception with the headlights and you're like i feel like a like a child who's like stolen their parents car and is driving and it's like i shouldn't be allowed to drive yeah so that is why we're recording virtually so for all y'all wondering what this show is but am i wrong is a podcast where two people who have never been wrong come together to solve

life's problems where we ask but am i wrong but are you wrong but are they wrong and then we come together for a solution that felt like you were doing adr and you're like give give me some options and then the best part of the show that megan likes to say it's the best part of the show is that y'all get to vote so then megan makes these cool graphics and they go up on like friday or like saturday or like sunday or maybe monday depending on if melissa remembers to send the thing and then um y'all get to vote and if you want to listen to like what the results are tune in tomorrow we'll actually tune in next Friday because

that's when they'll be on a little show we like to call Fisting Friday great great intro Melissa it's absolutely fantastic you didn't fall asleep did you I kept you on your little tiny

tiny toes don't talk about my massive fucking finger feet like that my extended god damn long dexterous

fucking noodle toes like that you've got the little Vienna sausages I do quite tasty men love fat toes stop I'm not doubting it but I just right now

I don't need to picture someone sucking on your toes why not because I don't want to no is a full sentence you didn't say no as any part of that statement okay no can i just say my makeup looks so good today well it's blurry on my end so no clue you should know that it looks really it looks really good if you want to see how cute i look you should go check out the video on patreon you can see our facial expressions how we react to things we do pull

a lot of great faces oh my god melissa put your put your tits back in their top oh my the whole coochie wow i can't you're so flexible wow everyone you're gonna want to see what just happened lissa that's what they call me for someone who hates icebreakers you're really starting off i only like things that i can control and with icebreakers you can't really control it it's up to the person that starts it oh wow did you really just unpack the reason why i also hate icebreakers i thought you already knew that okay so my hot take is that jobs should have maintenance slash admin days and i want to give a first a a fatty disclaimer that i am not pro-capitalism, pro-hustle work culture at all. And this is my realistic attempt of making the

system work better. And I should also state that I have not worked a normal job. Some might say ever. So naturally, I'm speaking on something I probably shouldn't. But I have been in a relationship with someone who has a quote-unquote normal job for years and years and years almost all of my other friends have very normal jobs I don't no you don't count because you aren't one of my friends who has a normal normal job and while I am a hundred percent for like a four-day work week just without any rhyme or reason without any justification dare i say i think what could be our stepping stone to that is admin and maintenance days because here's the thing you end by that so i'm gonna i'm gonna get into it so you end your work day maintenance for your

face your face face maintenance like your botox like jackie aina maintenance yeah do you see she's a skank for a team with john legend when i tell you i saved it to my watch later so goddamn fucking fast i was like i hovered over it on youtube and i went jackie aina is this man in the same room with you jackie aina are you and there's no video chatting it's not that she tried a skincare line no they're in bathrobes hair pulled back except he's kind of bald in the same room skincare routine and together you're not bald he just has a hairline that starts back further no but i'm saying he doesn't need the headband i'm so fucking excited i've never been so tickled in the last five days

i have no i'm thank you for that giggle and excitement that i will endure later so let's paint the i was gonna say let's paint the picture of a work day and everyone's like bitch we know what a fucking work day is but so you end your work day friday most people have a commute regardless if that's like five minutes in your car 15 minutes 20 minutes but you know you have to tie up loose ends before the weekend and unfortunately a lot of people end up working a little bit later on like a friday versus going home earlier because you're trying to get ahead of things and so friday night that's not really a weekend like you had a full-ass fucking work day you woke up early you probably did more shit because you had to catch up and

make sure that you were ready for your job to be start back again on monday so friday a fucking wash. Like you come home and you fall asleep. You're tired. And if you're not, you power through and then you're fucking exhausted on Saturday. So then you've got Saturday. You have spent your whole fucking work week. Bullshit, whatever. Even if you like your coworkers, you now need social friend time. You want to hang out with your friends. You want to go see something. You want to go do something like that'll be great, amazing fun. But one day of that, one day of that, we haven't even had a relaxing day. We haven't even had anything else. Then we get to Sunday and it's like, oh, waking up Sunday, scary tomorrow to be back at work. So it's like,

OK, so with that looming over your head, relax, but also go grocery shopping and also prep everything you're going to eat and also make sure you're like work stuff is all like laid out and ready to go. And also do any household projects you need to do and also clean your apartment and also all of these things stacked on top of each other. And most of those things at a certain point at a certain age or wherever you live, you get to the point where you're like, okay, I can't do that in one day. I have to do it in two days. That's going to be my Saturday and my Sunday. And then when am I supposed to have a social time and hang out with my friends? And then we start over and do it all over again. It's not sustainable to,

I mean, I don't want to say it's sustainable because it's what we're currently doing. But in terms of like burnout, people are working more hours than they have before. People are working overtime constantly without even getting paid for it just doing all of this fucking shit that it's you're constantly constantly playing catch up on your own life and so there's no way for you to even you can be succeeding but there's no way to feel like you're succeeding because you're behind on relatively almost every aspect you're behind on your social life you're behind on tasks you need to do your house you can't even up do additional things that you want to do because you have to just bare minimum keep up

and have the upkeep of the home or an apartment or a bedroom, even if you just rent a room in a house. And then you go back to work and you are an absolute, like you're stuck to your desk, you're stuck to whatever you're doing. And then even once you get home,

you can't start the home projects. You can't do that kind of relaxing because you can't actually unplug until the work week is done. So just how we have sick days, vacation days, which needs to be more and unlimited and constant, I think there needs to be added admin and maintenance days and like a minimum requirement that you have to take at least two a month to create your own three-day weekends. And if you don't want to take it, like then you can stack them up and then you've got an entire summer where you're only working a four day week and you don't have to report them to your boss. Don't tell them like, oh, I was catching up on this, this and this. But like even like Mott's will like schedule dentist appointments on his lunch break.

And I'm like, that's not even fun for you. or I have other friends who work like corporate jobs and they will ask to have like a work from home day on a Monday so they can go to a doctor's appointment. And I'm like, the idea that like everything comes after work and then employers expect your employees to be refreshed over a weekend and ready to keep working. Like more people are burning out than ever.

And while I personally am a firm believer in the four day work week and the I mean, I'm also into everybody just gets paid for existing. And, you know, we just you don't have to constantly give your life to capitalism to live. This to me, if anybody has an ability to implement this, I think it would be great because I also think that naming things for what their use is for is a lot more helpful because psychologically, and this is a full blown, like just in my mind, there was something really negative about sick days and absences when you were a kid. So for me, like I almost couldn't graduate middle school and high school, but it was definitely high school because I had so many like sick days and it would be like a star of achievements. Like, oh, yeah, no, I've never been sick. Like I've never had any absences. And then you have all these adults like Mott has never taken a sick day at his job. Like he just hasn't. And that is we then start to equate. Oh, you haven't taken a sick day because and that's gold star. like great job and I think if we created a category of like oh these are admin days you

have to take them and we want you to take them and this is what you can do on those days it's like oh okay this isn't me like thinking that I'm better than everyone else in the third grade because I didn't take a sick day so yeah I like this I I kind of do this already for myself I have I have my weeks my weeks even though I don't have like a typical nine to five job my days are pretty much not pretty much. I schedule out my days a week in advance. And so I have some weeks that are heavier than other weeks. And on my lighter weeks, they're more so focused on writing. And then I take what you're calling a maintenance day in the middle of the week. So I'll either do it on a Wednesday or Thursday, depending on how my schedule stacks out. So I agree with you. And

I also like for the people that work with, for me, they don't, they can work whenever they want. they just have to meet their deadline so I don't even care like you can be out all day as long as you meet your deadline cool care less everybody works better like that like and even if it's a matter of like oh you want people to come into an office unless someone is like I work better in an office environment then you shouldn't be working in an office because that social aspect of it there's only a certain kind of personality that and a certain job requirements and like asks and what your deliverables are where being in person working with other people will produce your work at a more efficient and like better pace and like at a higher quality but for most people

other people just fucking slow you down yeah I mean I'd be at some job before I was working for myself I did work in more like office types jobs and I remember one job like in my evaluation they were like you know you're you're like you're doing well like everything's going good but we just feel like we don't know you and I was like why if I'm doing my work that's what I'm here to get paid for I'm not here to talk to y'all yeah I just there's nothing relaxing or like fun about grocery shopping like meal planning all of that when it's like part of the monotony and mundane and repetitive nature of just like oh my life i'm on a giant fucking hamster wheel i feel for people who live their lives solo and so all of the maintenance home and apartment things fall on

one person but i also really feel for couples and groups of people who live together where both of them or all of them have those kinds of jobs like i already feel like we're behind on so much shit like trying to like upkeep things and we're lucky enough that I work from home and he's the one who has to always remind me that like just because I'm working from home doesn't mean that like I'm should be like cleaning he's like that's not your job like the amount of hours I'm working at the office or the amount of hours like I never expect to come home to have you treated this day like a home care maintenance day and he's like and if you did I hope you filmed it for content i'm like thank you i will and then that makes it work yeah that's my hot take you're not wrong

thanks so i have a hot take then this is for people that believe in god oh i'm ready to be offended god has assisted me i can't even gauge how hot of a take this is like i don't know i'm just like no no listen listen okay we had you know ariana grande had that song god is a woman and cool some people like to say she instead of he but I'm sorry if God was a woman he she wouldn't have made periods as painful as they are I understand why they're in place but why I hate periods I hate how I feel I felt like shit for the last week and my period didn't even start yet i have a stuffy nose i sneeze what the fuck like why why is my pms so this is a hot take slash rant why is my pms so weird why is everybody's pms so different why is everybody's cycle so

different why is everybody different post like i hate this and i will stand on this why do they have to be painful why do they have to make a mess why do they smell like copper why why are there so many different fucking products regardless i'm either gonna stick something inside me to sop it up or hold it or just sit in it in a diaper basically and just be wet why are they sticky why do people don't talk about the sticky factor enough yes cleaning them up cleaning them up is so fucking hard because yes that shit is like a nerd's rope like that shit is fucking sticky it's sticky why is it that everyone that has a period why do we all have blood stains in our sheets and in our mattresses that looks like you have a mattress without a

I will I'm on both sides like you flip your mattress and there is not one blood stain on there like that's when I first started I wouldn't say like first started but probably when I first got in like my contamination issues that I have when my period I would get I would get dry L and I don't know if y'all even remember dry L I don't even know if dry L still exists you get you could put like get your dry cleaning and it would be like this solution which is basically like peroxide or whatever but it would like or like a tide pin but it would like magically like erase stuff on like stains and stuff and then you would put it in this bag and then with this little damp cloth that it came with and you'd like essentially then throw it in the dryer and then it like

cleans up but then I realized that that little cleaning stick works well on mattresses with am i and i'll be sitting there getting it out so when i was younger and i cared a little bit more about what other people may see then i would do it but now i'm like every everybody has seen this and then i start thinking about how many hotel mattresses look like that and so i will never lift a hotel mattress again because i did one time awful um i've definitely bled in a hotel mattress so yeah yeah who has it who has it what else about periods the bloating the gas the acne the fruity farts not just fruity let's say you are like wearing a pad and then it gets a little juicy like the bubbles creates a little juice in there and then it's like a like a bubble

like an actual little bubble no and then it creates a bloody it's like a queef that was not that wasn't there naturally it goes oh we just took the air from this blood bubble put it back in your body and now queef it out have a wet queef it out yes and you're like i hope this doesn't spill it's wearing a pad it's just kind of just like if you're lying down it's kind of just like rolls like a little tickle feels like a little tickle and not in the good way not in the way that I want a tear to roll down my thigh you know what I mean Melissa I have a distinct memory first of all it's happened so many times I have a distinct memory where Mott's and I were dating and I was like talking to him and he was like oh babe and I was like what there is blood running

down I have I have like a pad on I've got a tampon it like I'm I'm secure and there's just blood running down my leg and we look and I have tracked it across the entire house and he cleaned like the whole thing while i went to get in the shower to clean myself but like all the time right constantly no no no but here's what i will say as someone who knows absolutely nothing about well i don't know anything about much religions but definitely not christianity that's the whole lore i'm learning every day the lore so god is not a woman because of of you know of the creating periods but then also i gotta say the credit for whoever created birth control but more specifically whoever implemented and said you can take your birth control constantly to stop getting your

period i that that's the one that i'm like thank you thank you thank you if you're going to give us this that we have to deal with all the goddamn fucking time thank you medical but things don't i mean we've already talked about it before then i'm going to get started on how different birth controls affects everybody differently and you gotta try a whole bunch of them before you figure out what works for you and even then you the side effects can at sometimes not be great yeah but because everyone's periods are so different too and the um desire to further any sort of research into things that affect people with uteruses and people who menstruate no real progress is being made with that and so like it's just bullshit the fact that i couldn't

breathe all week with allergies and my period and then having having a sore throat me freaking out like did I get COVID I took like five tests they're all just lined up right here I was like we're getting marginally better at remembering that we have period no but it was like my throat was like raw oh it was different than your normal it was different than normal the combo of my throat being raw having a low-grade fever not being able to breathe sneezing it was just all bad and like why couldn't why can't it just all be if we all have to go through it why can't it just be blood coming out and that's it with nothing else happening but like the ovulation is happening why can't that just be it no pain no changing our body chemistry no sweating this oh i didn't

even talk about the sweating i get so hot and sweaty that's the one that really makes me think i'm sick and it's a different kind of sweat too like it doesn't smell the same it's just a different kind of sweat and it's not like it doesn't come from your head it just comes from other body parts and you're like i guess i'm sweating here today yeah my hands get clammy and i'm like what like that's not a sweaty place for me no like why why can't we just bleed yeah i mean there's like whole people like who now do diets around different you're like different phases in your cycle along with like exercising and all of that shit and i do think that there's so many things that if like modern medicine could have the funding for and to care about a little

bit more we would prevent a lot of fucking faux wellness pseudoscience bullshit which happens a lot specifically for pms and like other things revolving and involving like periods and reproductive shit but like it's just fucked okay well you're not wrong as the number one period hater you're never gonna be wrong about it now it's time for a break real canadian superstore has everything you need this back-to-school season save on lunchbox savers like ziggy sliced le me products for always 375 and get life brand pure vita shampoo or conditioner for eight dollars each at real canadian superstore when you're ready we're ready with a whole world and more

we're back we're back and now we're gonna get into our next segment which is but are you wrong where you listeners send in submissions to our email address but am i wrong pod at gmail.com and you let us know the predicament the situation happening in your life the story where you ask us are you the hero or are you the villain and we tell you we do require that you keep it under 300 words use pseudonyms full name i mean i don't okay pseudonyms but have them be fake names not initials or numbers or anything like that let us know your ages and feel free to include your pronouns if you so wish. And we will tell you if you are wrong. You ready? I'm ready. Hi, Melissa and Megan. Me and my boyfriend, both 26, were out the other night and got to talking about the first

girl he was in love with. This is literally like eight years ago and she helped him through a difficult time. So I'm really happy he had her. However, during the conversation, he randomly said she took a really hot photo once that you need to recreate she was wearing this type of shirt and then nothing else we were drunk so I kind of laughed and brushed it off but after about an hour I realized that it really did get to me I just thought it was such a weird thing to say especially using the word recreate like her picture would be some kind of template however when I brought it up he told me that it was eight years ago and that I can't be mad that he found her attractive to me this was clearly not the issue but he thinks I'm crazy for getting upset

about it and keeps saying it was meant as a compliment. Just a, I want a picture of you because I think you're sexy, quote unquote thing. This turned into a huge argument and it still kind of pisses me off when I think about it and he still thinks it's dumb and that he didn't say anything wrong. So be however harsh you want. Am I overreacting? Am I reading into it too much? Desperately need to know if I'm wrong or not. So who better to ask than two people who have never been wrong ever? Love the podcast. You are like so beyond not wrong. I would be so upset if some dude asked me to recreate using the word to recreate a photo of his ex no this man would be six feet under the ground this man would be fed to the pigs not the cops because i meant like

legitimate pigs because i would i would murder like you're a stronger person than i am oh my fucking god like this is not a rembrandt you're not recreating a fucking a visco cam edited tezza filters megan rinks presets of a little hot picture like you're kidding me you're kidding me and the fact that he's like so steadfast that he's not wrong at all and you're crazy i hate to say it but that's a red flag to me like the fact that like because i personally think that there is a level of respect and assumed territorialness and jealousy that people should go into when talking about an ex. Like, I think that you should be aware of how you speak about someone you used to be with to the person you're currently with until you're sure of how

comfortable they are but then also knowing that you might misread the situation and say something and be like oh shit my bad like you have to know that you are not an unbiased third party when you are speaking about your ex to your current partner and if you say something that makes your ex that makes your current partner upset you have that you ran the fucking risk of it by talking about I'm not saying don't talk about your exes, but like you have to know like there is a level built in there that you cannot truly think that you did nothing wrong with that. I'm curious how you talk about partners the other like the rest of the time that he felt even comfortable bringing it up. this is different though like if an ex was like i wish you would make like this cake like my ex used to make this is something that is sexual that he's thinking about either it's different

though like you're when you're eating like a cake it's not you're not necessarily thinking about the attractiveness of your partner visualizing what your old partner looked like and then wanting your current partner to essentially copy that thing I think they're both bad but I'm just saying that this is like doing something that is so that it's so like sexual like and then saying you can't expect me not to be attracted to my ex who I haven't even spoken to in eight years so that means like I'm still thinking about it or I'm still looking at their Instagram and then wanting my current partner to like that's weird like it's just it's weird no i i truly think any form of comparison between like your current partner and your ex if you're gonna bring that up

to your current partner like more than like 70 chance that like that's gonna be upsetting to them so like baseline regardless of what it's about but then you have this so like there's already a weird dynamic between an ex and a current partner. And like, I'm not against talking about your exes at all. But even when it's like innocuous, it's not a big deal. Your partner could be jealous and be not comfortable with that. That's totally fine. So how did he get to this point? Like, how did he get to the point where he thinks talking about her like this and talking to you like this is completely warranted and he did nothing wrong like I am so curious how have you have both spoken about exes before in the past like this to me I don't even know how like to be

comfortable saying this how like how do you and then get mad when you're you're you're called out for it and then double down on it yeah i'm so confused and the fact that like you're wondering if you're overreacting and it still kind of pisses you off and like he's trying to he like tried to turn it into a compliment but like i'm curious how long you've been dating i'm curious like how you speak about exes prior to that like this to me gives like a male on the receiving end of the gone girl cool girl monologue where he had an idea of what women are like of like oh they're so hyper jealous and high strung and all of that stuff and he like mentioned his girlfriend a couple times and you were like oh i'm really happy that you had someone who got

you through a hard time like she sounds great he heard that and then suddenly was like oh can you dress like and that he could get like that this is the level of what it's supposed to be like oh she's a cool girl like that's so this is what she'd be down for and like don't be like you're being crazy no this is like you're so not wrong he's so wrong and i can't believe that he is here with us today it's like i got off to this picture and i still get off to it because i'm still thinking about it but like it feels weird so can you just like do the um new version of it so it feels okay also can we talk about so this photo is eight years old what's the fucking quality on this like does he still have this photo do you think he still has it I think he still has it

like I don't even know without probing and asking Mott's and being like reassuring that he would even feel comfortable telling me about like a like a costume from someone wearing a movie like something that to dress up as because he like wouldn't you know like it's just there's a level of like i don't want to look at women as you are there to fulfill my sexual fantasies and that's exactly what other women do so like you are interchangeable with other women in how i i see fit and what's the most attractive to me like even like again like fictional characters movies like all of that shit and he's willing to do that with nx some free unsolicited advice abandon ship let him jack off to a picture that's eight years old all right number two hi Megan and

Melissa I 25 am graduating from college this spring and the majority of my family is coming into town for it both my grandparents passed within the last year and we are having their headstone unveiling ceremony a few days before my graduation since everyone will be traveling to the area already. My sister Robin has been dating her boyfriend Ted for three months and they're very attached. He's already trying to move in since he lives two hours away from her. Robin had told Ted about my graduation and this intimate family event and he assumed he was invited. Robin thinks that Ted should automatically be invited and doesn't get why he doesn't. No one in my family, including myself has met Ted, except for our mom who met him briefly very recently. I don't think it's

appropriate for Ted to be introduced to the family for the first time at an event like the unveiling nor my graduation, which is a time to celebrate my accomplishment. Knowing my family, if he comes, the focus will be on their relationship and everyone trying to get to know Ted. I've discussed the topic of Ted coming to these events with other members of my family who agree that he should not be included. My mom on the other hand said that I'm being a bitch for saying I don't want him to come and that he's part of Robin's life so I should just get used to it. I usually don't love being the center of attention but I think I should be allowed to have this one thing and decide who I get to celebrate it with. Am I wrong for not wanting Ted to come? Love you both and the pot.

I think when you're having any type of event, especially if it's your own event, then there should be an invitation list. And if a plus one is not included on the invitation, then there is no plus one. You get to have a say in who you want at your graduation, who you want at your party. And then two, the family gets a say in who they want at this unveiling. and if the majority do not want him there then he should not be there i don't think you're wrong yeah i don't think you're wrong either i mean i have to say when you are the grad the graduate like you truly hold so much goddamn fucking power like you've got those tickets you're the one in

contact with your university like you have that power some universities if they're big enough depending on where they're holding it anybody can just come to the graduation like in my graduation you didn't have to have a ticket oh well if you have tickets then it's like truly no matter what anyone else says like you don't give them a ticket like it is what it is I will say there's only so much we can do to like craft and preserve these like big life moments with like the quote-unquote right people because even everyone who you think is the right person like you might have zero relationship with them in a couple of years so it's about like enjoying the actual day of it and there's also the aspect of like okay well you weighing the pros and cons of like is my sister

gonna be more insufferable if he's not there than having him be there but i think for something that you call the shots not at all and i agree with melissa like if not everybody wants him there It should be a family vote. And truthfully, I don't advocate ever for talking about these things in front of a person, but anyone of sound mind, body, and someone who is a green flag, the second that they pick up on the fact that they're unwanted at a close, intimate family event, that they're going to want to run the opposite direction. but if someone's like no i'm gonna sink my teeth and no one wants me here but i want to be here that's a big ass fucking red flag who wants to go to this voluntarily when this is not your family i also can't even fucking imagine going to like a graduation like i don't even want to do that of someone i'm not close to like but they've been dating for three months like three months and he already wants to move in like this dude just seems like a lot i was gonna say it seems

like a giant walking red flag and that doesn't mean that like him not being there means that like the entire both things are going to go flawlessly and means that like you're going to look back on both of these days with zero regrets about who was there standing there with you and even if he ends up going to any of those things you're not going to care you're probably not even gonna remember all of that shit but like i remember him at my graduation that's what i mean though but i'm like he's he has he doesn't have the ability to ruin it because like he's just literally there but if he doesn't have to be there then he shouldn't be there but he can ruin it because then everybody's going to be focused on the new guy that's what the writer is worried

about is that everybody's going to be focused on him instead of being focused on her graduation because they're going to be asking about the new guy. Yeah, I guess I'm just a fucking cunt. So I would just be like, oh yeah, this is Ted. Ted wants to move in with Robin two months in and he also wants to go to the headstone unveiling ceremony for someone he's been dating for two months. Ted is a walking red flag, but I'm also a bitch

and I can understand why someone wouldn't want to spend their graduation doing that. Well, her mom already called her a bitch, so really dig into it. Yeah, just be like, thank you for giving me my character, my role, and just really go method with it like like i could understand if robin was like you know i just really need him there to support me but no he just assumed that he was invited she didn't ask for him to come but you know ted mosby was a wet blanket so do you think that's why she picked the name yes yeah not obviously it's the relationship of the characters but like because he sucks yeah okay hi eminem i 25 she her italian have been hired alongside alongside 14 other

engineers congratulations my age by a company that is also paying for all of us to attend a 100 in english post master program at a prestigious university once per week one of us vivek is an indian and still learning italian one of the professors professor cherry is abysmal can't speak English, can't slash doesn't want to teach, and worst of all, has made discriminatory comments towards Vivek. Since you're here, you have to speak in English, but I'm not the one who should be learning English. You came to Italy, so you should be learning Italian. Once she spoke in Italian so much that Vivek got frustrated and left. She said, we lost a foreigner, so now I can speak Italian, finally. Vivek heard and was upset by it, as he felt he didn't belong. A

colleague, Marco, and I went to send an official complaint to the head professor because her behavior is unacceptable. I checked with Vivek and he is okay with it and are asking the others if they want to send in a group complaint. Some people think it's fair towards Cherry and maybe we should talk to her in person to quote unquote make her understand or talk to the head professor in person to avoid being too loud about it. Am I wrong to think that we should be loud and that we shouldn't talk to her in person? Would Marco and I be wrong if we send the complaint just us two as we could be quote unquote indirectly involving the others? Am I wrong for not understanding why anyone would be against a statement saying, I don't like discriminatory

behavior. Be as harsh as you need. I might just be stuck in my own perspective. Love you and the pods. You're not wrong at all. At all. And you should be loud and you should be loud with a paper trail. There's just the idea of other people not wanting you to make noise about something like that and giving the perpetrator of the bigotry the benefit of the doubt just continues to enable this behavior and to me like shows me i'm like oh you don't want to ruffle quote-unquote ruffle any feathers and to you calling out obviously fucked up racism like is not it is like what you would consider feathers being ruffled and in reality there is not a single person who would not have allowed an angry reaction to discriminatory behavior towards at least one group and like

the idea that they're like no but here's the thing you could change it to whatever thing that is a personal cause or culture that they would feel offended by and they would have no qualms or no issues with you and them being loud about how incorrect this is and the only time people want you to be kind of quiet about it is not because they take that as their mo for any for everything it's because it's being complacent in racism because they think that they're not a part of it and it doesn't affect them when in reality it's either affecting you or you are part of the harm causing to other people so yeah if you're uh indirectly involving others that's on them that's them being like megan said being complacent if they're not speaking up that's not your problem

that's their problem and you and marco going and talking to or sending a letter like i think that's the right thing to do because you're putting it in writing you're letting know that you don't stand for this and you're standing up for your workmate which is the right thing to do you're right you're right you're doing the good thing yeah okay you're not wrong and the final one am i wrong for asking my boyfriend not to go out with our friends without me Hello, Megan and Melissa. I am a 24 female and my boyfriend is a 24 male. My boyfriend is soon to be home from his first appointment and it turns out he is getting back the day I leave for my annual birthday trip to go celebrate with my family. It's a three-day trip. as a response to me saying that he couldn't go out with our friends without me he said that's selfish of me I responded to that's not how I wanted to word it but it was more of a if he could

wait for me to get back home from seeing my family to go on his big outing so I can be there to share his joy and if he gets too drunk I would be there to look out after him a little background over the course of his deployment, our so-called friends said that they would look out for me while he was gone. As I'm the most away from everyone, 35-minute drive, and my family is on the other side of the state, and I live alone while most of them still live with family, and so does my boyfriend. My reasoning is that this is because there has been many times that I have been excluded and forgotten about when the group makes plans and I always tend to find out afterwards or see it on social media. I have ranted and let him know of the instances and how they make me feel. So am I

wrong and perhaps being selfish about asking this of him? I personally think that you're wrong because he's been gone all this time and you're, I know you're celebrating your birthday, but why does it have to be on the day that he's coming back? I know your family's on the other side of the state, but like you couldn't do this another weekend, not the week. Like he's coming back from something major and you just want him to sit at home and not see anyone. I think that's very selfish. And if they like haven't looked out for you the way that they said that they would look out for you, then was that including like, we're going to invite you out to go places when we do things? Or was it just like, if something comes up, then we'll help her out? Because people might

have a different definition. They may not think of you as like a friend that they hang out with all the time when people are going to get drinks. It might be like, I'm going to check in to make sure she's doing okay type of thing but i do think that you're being selfish yeah i i do too and i think that like you're trying to orchestrate this event to prevent you from the feeling that you've been feeling that they've already done like what making him wait to hang out with you with them isn't going to change the fact that you feel slighted and let down by their behavior before and it's not going to smooth things over if you're upset about it still and now it's just like as opposed to feeling like you have no control in this social part of your life the response is

like then you controlling someone else's social life like that's not the response to that feeling and it's not going to change it or make it any better and yeah i agree with melissa like a lot of people have different like expectations and definitions when saying that you know they're they're supposed to look out for you but like looking out and hanging out are two different things yeah that's how i like i if i was a friend i would have probably disappointed you too because my expectation for that is like will you look out for her it would be like i'm probably gonna text like check in every once in a while if i'm like in the neighborhood i can say like hey like i'm like around let me know if you need something like i don't know if i had like a skill set of like

i can do this thing for you if you need like if you i've got a big like car like something like it would have been like favors exactly like i would have operated much differently if someone had told me like hey i'm getting deployed for x amount of time it's going to be really hard for her if you could like you know reach out and like spend some time with her like i'm sure she would like really appreciate that then i would do that but it's not the same expectation of the with that phrasing but the response to feeling excluded from social events is not to control the social events which sucks i wish it was that that easy to change that feeling but it doesn't change like that. So I do think you're wrong. All right. Well, we're going to take another break.

and we are back with our final segment which is but are they wrong aka vote of the week wrong of the week rachel of the week where we nominate one of the worst or the worst of the week the weeks what we have been seeing it can be anything from influencers celebrities pop culture politics anything under the sun no one is safe from our of the cone of shame the podcast of shame the virtual tomatoes being thrown at you so i want to give a massive massive disclaimer for mine for transphobia and i do want to like i don't even know if like saying an apology is like right melissa and i've talked about this like off camera there's like a specific thing that i'll get into the brutal murder of brianna gay is something that i've wanted to talk about on this but i

don't like my emotional reaction to it and like I can't get through talking about it without getting emotional and it's not my it's not my community to center my own feelings and my own tears in and by the nature of a podcast we're centering our voices and for something that I can't emotionally speak about in a way that I don't think makes it even more about me is not productive but i haven't seen a lot of people talk about this and i a lot of people i've talked to have never heard about it and i am like really mad and i think that in the last couple of weeks the turfs have gotten so many goddamn fucking headlines and this came off the back of that and I don't think that there's enough talked about that as a catalyst for a fuck ton more of

transphobia, like the response of a horrific story of a teen. And I would advise anyone before just know that before reading an article, I'm not going to get into the details of Brionis. It's really, really, really, really graphic and really horrible. So please know if you're going to read it or look into it what that kind of content is but the fact that she was a trans teenager who was beaten to death murdered by classmates who were like 16 years old and that has incited the TERFs to come out louder than fucking before off the backs of a teenager's brutal murder to be as justification of being even more transphobic. So I just want to say,

because there's a mention of Brianna in this article and what I'm going to be talking about, and I just think it's important to know her story and know what that means. So I would like to nominate Ruby Sampson. I'm just going to give you the headline that this is from. The Daily Mail, of course. How a friendly chat in the ladies of a London pub

turned menacing and plunged a tory chancellor 22 into the clash between trans trans rights and women's safety so so she wrote this entire article which is essentially like a goddamn fucking like letter confession sort of thing that starts with these days i don't feel safe going to the ladies loo alone and she basically fucking details this story that is like so clear that I'm like, okay, someone took a fiction class. Someone is really enjoying the adjectives, the flowery language. We're really painting a scene here. That's a statement I never thought I'd make. It sounds crazy, doesn't it? I'm neither shy nor fearful. But after my experience at a Westminster pub earlier this month, that's

how I feel. Basically, she goes into talking about how it's a Wednesday night. She was attending event upstairs. And before heading home, she goes to the women's restroom. It's got two different cubicles and that she emerged at the same time as a woman who at about quote-unquote six feet tall towered over me she wore a skimpy top which made her shoulder seem bigger and as she spoke with a strikingly deep voice a trans woman the lavatory is cramped and i had to stand directly behind her waiting to use the wash basin she goes into this about like i'm totally shocked but like what's it going to be like okay you know well we had quite a nice chat not exactly girly but but friendly What would she be like?

There's a sense of novelty. I think it's going well. I'm handling the situation fine. I didn't treat her any differently. Why would I? And it goes into this part. It was as she moved to the door to leave that it happened. I remarked that we had no choice but to awkwardly shake our hands dry.

And she turned to me and replied, I'm going to wipe my hands on my penis. With that, she disappeared. So then rounds it out by basically being like, oh my God, we were in such close proximity. Like, what if she turned violent? like it would be minutes it would be so long before my friends realized i was missing like i was in danger like there's this is the reason why single sex genitalia spaces are needed like

people are infiltrating our restrooms and like i could have been killed the typical turf i i feel it's important to state that i support trans rights people to live an authentic lifestyle quote-unquote life lifestyle okay we got it transphobe and agree that people with gender dysphoria should be able to change their gender at 18 but singles but single sex spaces are paramount to women's safety goes into a whole fucking transphobic bullshit who the hell would say they'd wipe their hand on their penis that's the exact fucking point that everybody's goddamn and then also on top of that nothing happened so everything you said is invalid get ready then a tweet comes out the account is sophie from mars and they tweeted the article and said okay

so kind of weird story but i'm not kidding about this and i'm kind of embarrassed i went to the brianna gay vigil outside the department for education the other day wednesday so the vigil for her death was the day that this story is taking place and then we about eight friends and i went to a pub and we haven't that we haven't been to before in the westminster area super tory weird anti-semitic conversation going on between some dudes outside at one point i went to the bathroom upstairs and the ladies room was absolutely tiny and just generally a bit shit the stall i went in and into had no loo roll so when i stepped out i had to say to the cis woman who was coming out of the other stall that i needed to go in there for that because i had to

talk to her in order to explain that we kind of made awkward small talk about the bathroom in general as we both washed our hands and then she said something like we'll have to shake i paused for a second to understand she meant dry our hands, and then I said, oh, I'll just wipe them on my jeans. So I can't 100% confirm that I'm the terrifying trans from this article. I've looked at the pictures. It's the same pub. I can't be sure about the lady. Cis woman looked the same to me. But I was there on a Wednesday night and said to a cis woman that I'd wiped my hands on my jeans, just taking some time to process that I've been possibly anonymously sexually harassed in a national newspaper because this Tory dumbass couldn't think about anything else when she saw

a trans woman besides dick pretty weird the details that match the article the marquee of grampy pub the upstairs event wednesday night shit bathroom no loo roll awkward small talk broad-shouldered giga chad transgender also whether or not it was me but i'm increasingly sure that it was she used her weird made-up story to write a letter asking for more transphobia normal exceptionally normal legitimately what the fuck like the idea who in their mind says i'm gonna just dry my hands on my super absorbent sham wow of a penis do you not understand that's the exact same thing as saying it's fine i'll just dry my hands on my vagina what the fuck are you talking about like if i was talking to someone who was wearing a shirt

that said i have a penis and then they said i'm just gonna dry my hands on my penis even then i would be like oh i probably misheard them and they said jeans like it's just not a sentence it's not an exclamation it's not something that anybody has ever said there's a reason why jk rowling is a turf fiction writers like you jumping through fucking hoops painting fucking different goddamn realities in which oh you will never believe we are so targeted this is a cis woman like we're under attack i'm like where fake stories to harm real people as a cis woman i can fully fully agree with the fact that women are targeted men hate femininity men fucking hate it If anything, you can't look at how fucking vulnerable

and after the fucking JK Rowling shit and her New York Times goddamn bullshit, which again happened after Breonna died. Breonna died in the UK kid. After that, we're still going to just keep writing. We have one of the most highly publicized deaths of a young trans girl that is getting written about far more than most other people.

and still you're going to take that as a response to let's let's make more hate inducing violence inciting articles to cause more harm and death of innocent young lives yeah that's absolutely disgusting yeah and i just want to make sure everybody knows the voting for this one i'm probably not going to give you an opportunity because i don't think that there's any room for you to say that bullshit and i don't want our platform to make you think that that is a viable option or argument or belief system to hold like it's not and the last thing i will leave it on is a tweet from india willoughby on twitter they said there are zero trans rapists in women's prisons in the uk there never have been yet tomorrow you're going to read blanket press

coverage of all trans people losing a basic human right to stop trans rapists in women's prisons cruel dishonest hysteria fuck the tories and that's been another huge thing that jk rowling has been advocating for it's these false and not real situations that don't exist um that making it more dangerous for trans people like it's just it's fucked and it makes me mad yeah yeah Mine is a true Rachel of the Week. Raquel Evita Saraswati is a 30-year-old, 39-year-old woman who was named the Woman of the Year, served on the Mayor's Commission of LGBT Affairs until last week. She worked as the senior inclusion officer of the American Friends Service Committee, a Quaker founded social group. Raquel is also a former Fox pundit who claimed Arab, South Asian, Latin descent and was outed by her own mother who said she is white as driven snow. You found another George Soros?

I call her Rachel. I don't know what she's doing. So this white woman's real name is Rachel Elizabeth Saraswati. The AFSC, where she works, said that there's no requirement for an employee to prove their race or ethnicity, while confirming Rachel's departure and describing her separation from the organization as a deeply personal issue. The organization also stressed that its commitment to working globally with people from all faiths, ethnicities, races, and backgrounds for lasting peace with justice. hr professional oscar henry castro who participated in affc's hiring committee for rachel said that rachel had represented herself as multi-ethnic and as a queer person of color who happens to be a muslim in the high in hiring interviews and this is all in quotes these are

things that she said herself family members said that she is british german and italian and started to shape her new identity after going to boarding school it's the widest sentence i've literally ever heard yes she had a public profile as a muslim woman often wearing a hijab and frequently making media appearances to discuss islam in 2007 rachel appeared on cnn with conservative commenter Glenn Beck and also appeared on Fox News and Newsmax, which is far right in case you don't know. In 2013, she also appeared in a film

called The Clarion Project, an organization the Southern Poverty Law Center said specialized in rabidly anti-Muslim films. And she worked with the American Islam Forum for Democracy, another group that has been accused of promoting Islamophobia. Rachel has received a number of awards for her activism in recent years including liaison for the marginalized award according to her own LinkedIn. She also worked as a consultant on diversity and inclusion issues a field that has grown exponentially in recent years in response to national debate on racial justice issues that

follow a number of high profile police killings of black people and so a leader of afsc says that dei is becoming a multi-billion dollar industry corporation companies and non-profits the data shows that a tiny percentage of the directors are black and now you have white people in brown face getting into DEI positions with its salaries, resources, and power. And then documentarian Leila Al-Aryan said, this is not about proving one's heritage, but about lying, misrepresentation, and taking opportunities from actual women of color. She also called this Rachel, the Rachel Dolezal of the Muslim community. How many years was this spanned over? if she's 39 years old and started doing this when she was in boarding school but then as far as back

as 2007 she was on cnn as a arab south asian and latin so because to me i hear in this i go what'd you do to piss your mom off that made her tell people because like your parents like they knew and they were just coasting along with it like yeah this is like your family knows she unlike rachel dolezal who still claims to be black and is still doing hair black people's hair wherever the hell she is this woman has deleted all her social media presence where rachel dolezal is like no this is who i am so this is different because she knows it's not who she is like that's a long goddamn time like i was still in college when she was on cnn taken down by her mom because she's white as a driven snow i'm shocked how long it took for hillary baldwin

shit to come out like where are your classmates like where are people like from your childhood who are like you're not like how did you go about this for so fucking long i think about that too but then i think about like if i haven't talked to my classmates in years and i see somebody that just kind of looks like them and they're going by a different name i'm like that could be them that could not were they going by a different last name too i mean when they they weren't in the limelight until they married what's his name so nobody knew until okay that makes somebody figured it out no that makes more sense because in my mind i'm like oh yeah marriage you you know but if they weren't publicly facing until they had their married name then yeah you're right i

probably would be like this kind of looks like this person but not so much and they've got a new accent they've got their they have a different name but it did like eventually like one classmate started looking up and that's how it became public they found her i think she was also at boarding school what's happening at these boarding schools dude a lot rachel dolezal she'd spray tan did she she still does like yeah has not no she's not she's not let she's not eased out of it at all this is the she's a lifer but i was gonna say that both of them for fake tanning which i'm like why you can be truly any shade and still be a part of any community that you are claiming in all of this but the choice to do that which also simultaneously between how rachel dolezal does her hair and the

other rachel raquel uh covering her hair you don't see that white ass part that's the they look very similar no Melissa they look like like they could be sisters yeah without a doubt don't you think it might be if this is what you truly believe in in equality it might be good to be a person that's white and an ally no because as a white woman I have to tell you the number one goal is victimhood and yeah the being the number being the most oppressed and because in that mindset it's oppression equals attention and i want attention and so therefore joining in a religion that has been persecuted constantly and still to this day and is dangerous to be publicly invisibly muslim as is with other religions it's like judaism and

things like that but that in itself she still has the shield and the protection of being a white woman covering her hair and she's like no no i need i need more attention so i need to make myself a minority multiple minorities too she didn't just pick one no anyway well this dumb bitch the fact that that's killing me it's like through all of this the quakers are also involved like it's just like oh my gosh leave some groups alone no it was just no group untouched truly collecting like infinity stones yeah she said you want me to be in dei i'm gonna be inclusive to all oh my god wow you find some great shit i gotta say thank you well that is our episode we hope you enjoyed if you would like to leave us a review wherever you listen to your podcasts

please do we always appreciate them and if you have a topic you would like us to cover for our rachel of the week or you personally have a hot take you came across another hot take and you're wondering do we share said hot take should we lie and pretend like melissa's done in the past what are you talking about nothing nothing nothing you can tag us on our individual tiktoks our twitters our instagram all of those things to let us know send us a dm slide in there and we will do our best to accommodate again like melissa said at the top of the episode you get to vote on who you think was the hero or the villain in each segment that will be up on our instagram i always add them to the highlights except for uh this week i definitely forgot but check there you have 24

hours to vote they're usually up friday but they will be up before monday or on monday so really you just have to turn on your notifications so you know when we start both now okay all right But Am I Wrong is a production by me, Megan Rinks. And me, Melissa DeMonts, plus Diamond Imprint Productions. Post-production by Coco Lorenz. And production assistance by Melanie D. Watson.