Don't Blame Me! - Dad Hates Women's Tats

Episode Date: February 9, 2023

For But Am I Wrong Meghan: People that hate kids Melisa: Politicians should take civics tests In But Am You Wrong: Ghosting a friend that doesn't support you postpartum Father who shares his thoughts on women's bodies Brother uses the living room as his bedroom Manipulative mother that wants to go to therapy And in But Are They Wrong AKA "Rachel of The Week" they nominate: Meghan: Jeffree Star Melisa: Florida Nursing Schools Write In: [e-mail] Weigh In: Vote in the weekly poll on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/meghanandmelissa Buy Our Merch: https://store.dftba.com/collections/don-t-blame-me Join Our Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/dontblameme Follow Us: https://www.instagram.com/meghanandmelisa https://vm.tiktok.com/TTPdYV7J5p/ Follow Meghan: https://www.instagram.com/meghanrienks/ https://twitter.com/meghanrienks https://www.youtube.com/c/meghanrienks Follow Melisa: https://www.instagram.com/sheisnotmelissa/ https://www.instagram.com/diamondmprintproductions https://twitter.com/SheIsNotMelissa Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

hello everybody and welcome to another episode of but am i wrong welcome to but am i wrong a podcast where we, Megan and Melissa, two people who are hot, funny, smart, sexy, also happen to never be wrong. These are facts. And it's the burden that we carry every single day. It's the cross that I bear. So on this podcast, we have three different segments. We will get into all of them right before like each one and explain them to you. But what you need to know is that were never ever wrong and so it was important for us to make a podcast to share our i was gonna say rightness but i don't want to say no that's we're the opposite of that correctness yeah we're we're all the way on the left and we're just also correct but we're not like too far left where

you end up right yeah right you're like oh the celery juice to q anon pipeline okay okay okay okay yeah we're not there we love advil we love i just took a tylenol because i had a headache we're big fans of like pseudofed and allergy medications and also shots oh we love i mean i don't love the process of getting shots but we love we love having them and we love what they stand for yeah pro science women in stem we are women in stem sucking the mammaries of america wow memories of america should be an organization that has like a really nice i'm writing that down so our favorite part about this show or one of our favorite parts is that it is not just a solo endeavor or a duo endeavor we include all of you our listeners in so if you want to vote on who you

think was wrong in each segment that we have you can head on over to our instagram and vote on who you think was the villain of the story so it's broken up into us telling each other our either hot takes rants or certain circumstances or things that are going on in our life that we want to know if we're in the wrong for and then we read your email submissions and we tell you if you are the hero or the villain and then finally we nominate a celebrity someone in pop culture something in the news to be our worst of the week aka rachel of the week oh yeah so if you want to vote on this upcoming episode you can vote usually on fridays because those will come out on thursdays i usually post them by friday you can always check the highlights to make sure you don't miss any of

them and then we have our fisting friday episode which is tomorrow if you're listening to this on thursday where we read the results from the previous week so you can feel validated vindicated or just like that you're a part of a community yeah that came together for a common cause

and sometimes people I mean a lot of time people write in with their own input that they think for some of these things which we love to read even if you're not

the original writer in them or you just have thoughts and opinions we love to do that and we share all that so that's what happens tomorrow but for now

let's focus on today okay so my mine's not a hot take it's it's a rant but

people who make their entire brand and personality hating kids adults who do this is fucked up like it's so fucked up i don't give a shit if you're like child free by choice yes do not feel the pressures to have children i will say i do have a bit of a double standard about it when it comes to child bearing like people who are would carry a child having being very very vocally child free even in the terminology between people with uteruses who are saying that they are child free by choice versus people with penises who say they are child free by choice i mean the whole thing it's just like children are an under under not an underrepresented group in the sense that like there's tons of children everywhere but like an under advocated

for group who like we're just like fucking over all the time and like okay a baby's crying on an airplane and you're gonna like be upset it's like all these people like you were a child before like you do realize that you were a baby and you as an adult making hating kids a personality trait you were a kid like what the fuck did you do what adult hurt you so badly as a child that they felt it was valid to hate you a literal child that you think you can go ahead and hate children like it's fucked and my friend on tiktok my tay i love her she did she has talked about how she doesn't see herself having kids and doesn't want to have kids and there was this viral tiktok that was great. And then I did a little more digging in the mom's anti-vaxxer, which was

disappointing, but the video itself was cute. And her child was bringing coffee and they kept looking at it while they were walking with it and they spilled it and they got scared and they dropped the whole cup. And it's a funny video. And my take commented something on it. Like you, you have to have like so much, so much like patience with like children. Like that's like, couldn't be me, but like love this for you. And someone commented a big, Oh, you could, if you like, you can like always do it for your own child. And she was like, no, I could, I don't want to like and she's gone into this discussion with people who she's made statements about like whoa these people coming to like defend me she was like no i mean like i would be i'm sure i

would be like a great parent because like i would be really conscious of everything but like i don't want that like i don't want that responsibility because i know i would take it very very very seriously but then all these people came to like defending and being like oh no come on child free by choice child free by choice and you're like oh no no i do not want you do not want you advocating for this and she made a TikTok basically saying like if you hate children so like if you like are an asshole to children and you're mean to children like that is a huge red flag like that's really like scary and you saying that you have no patience for children and all of that I'm like why is that a socially acceptable thing now like I I feel like the I feel like the women's

empowerment and birthing people's empowerment of not being expected or required to fill these gender roles and have children and live their lives as selfish adults has been co-opted by just ableism like of being like it is so closely tied into the arguments that people have of why they hate children you could easily swapped in disabled people into that sentence and it would still very much so apply. And it just feels like we've lost the plot. It feels like somewhere along here, it reminds me again of the wellness to QAnon pipeline. Someone infiltrated and started dropping these seeds and then you all started fucking running with it. And I just can't stand it. It's just like I love kids so much. I want to have kids. I really want to be a mom. I'm really

excited for that part of my life. But I was not sure that I was going to get to the place where I was going to be ready to have kids or I would feel like I would be a good parent even as much as I loved kids and wanted to be around kids and babysit and enjoy spending time with family members and stuff like that. But you don't have to want your own... Being child-free by choice just means that you choose not to have kids and raise kids. It does not mean that you don't choose to exist in a world with children like when people are like oh i don't want to have like on so many fucking reddit threads where it's like my sister had kids and like i won't see her or the kids anymore and i won't invite them over and she's like really upset with me because like we're

child free by choice like yeah no one's asking or forcing you to have children but being around children is not a part of child free by choice that is like children exist in this world like you can't say that about a literal group of people whose brains are still i mean you can't say you shouldn't say about anyone but like this is a group of people who their brains are developing they're still learning how to communicate they're still doing all of that and if you hate them so fucking much how do you think your behavior is then they're receiving that you think those are gonna make good adults the fuck yeah there's somebody who i really admired and the other day they tweeted out i don't understand the pill of having children do they have redeeming things at

home that the general public is not privy to and i was so i'm so off put off by that and disgusted by it and i was just like i mean i want to have kids and i love children and i understand that there's some people that just don't want to have kids and that's fine but like what you didn't you weren't born an adult you were a child at one point and i know for certain things about this person because they have a book that they wrote that have the details of their their childhood that i read and i was like okay like there are a lot of things that she and i like align with like for our childhoods and i was like that made me like her even more and i'm just like i don't understand why people just talk negatively about children it's weird and children also

don't choose to be here they're here because someone brought them into the world and it's not their choice they also have to grow and develop and learn and get their own personalities and stuff like it's just rude yeah and i feel like people have more empathy for parenting than they do for childhood like i feel so bad for you that you have to raise that child it's a child that's the part that I'm just like parenting is really hard without a doubt and like some kids like will make comments about like our nephew will say something I'm like oh my god he's being like a little asshole I would never I mean obviously I would never say that to him but like it's all like in love and like kids are learning things they're like learning boundaries they're

like learning all of this stuff but these people would never say this shit about like mom shaming because moms are adults and so therefore they deserve respect but like children do not and to me like it just screams like i was a hurt child and so therefore i see children being loved being adored being praised and i i didn't get that so then i lash out and direct anger towards them and treat them as like like even like things like i think it's a joke people who have like who are clearly like love their kids or whatever calling a child like a crotch goblin as like a funny thing of being like postpartum like i'd be like the postpartum because i think it came from the origin of people who are talking about their bodies postpartum i've never heard the term

crotch goblin yeah so like when people who've recently given birth whether it's vaginally or through c-section are talking about like in terms of like oh this like this little fucker if you're dealing with like the trauma after going through like a major surgery or a birth i'm like talk about your experience and like all like however you fucking want but when people who do not have children refer to them as crotch goblins and like i will be the first to say like i have referred to children as parasites in the sense of like a pregnancy to me has always been like that's so crazy it's like a parasite where it's like eating like it's like taking these things and it's not in the not i say a little alien that's living off

and not in a negative way at all no and so that's the same way i feel about people who clearly love their kids and have talked about like the term again i'm i might be totally wrong And if someone please correct me if the term crotch goblin didn't come from that, but I'm under the impression that that came from people who had recently given birth and were postpartum talking about the havoc that has been wrecked on their bodies and referring to that as like a goblin who kind of like, you know, crawled out of their insides and they're doing some, they're recovering. I think this person this person responded to that person and they said they're actually just cool people with their own thoughts and opinions and at some point play pretend and you get to hear them make their toys talk to each other and you sit there watching them thinking they're the smartest most interesting person you've ever met first of all childhood is beautiful like childhood like your own childhood what we watch coming of age movies like there's a reason why

it's been memorialized in like an entire genre of like film and content because it's something that is relatable to all of us it's nostalgic it's like everlasting it's evergreen it's it's it's it's something we all love and we miss that like childlike innocence and things like that and it's just there's a huge difference between not wanting the response of the financial emotional and physical responsibility of bearing of carrying children raising children and molding young minds versus coexisting with like like people who are like newer to earth like newer to earth and like newer to doing all of this and it's right they're still human beings and like it's cool like being an aunt is so fucking fun and being able to like hang out with a kid who's like hilarious and so

smart and seeing them learn and seeing them like retain information and all of this it's just you haven't been around the wrong kids you just it's a you problem like it's an attitude problem that you have so like of course you wouldn't be spending lots of good quality time with children because i can't imagine any parent would any good parent would want you as a for like as a figure in their child's life when you have that attitude and it just no matter what will always always end up in the eugenics kind of category because it's just impossible to say what you dislike about children

without being incredibly ableist. Like, you just can't. You just can't. So that's my fucking rant. You don't have to want kids. You don't have to have kids. But there's still people. Yeah, you should respect them.

Like, if you can, like, sit at fucking dinner with, like, your racist uncle, but you can't, not shoot a death glare at a child on an airplane like that's a problem yeah end scene all right you're not wrong thanks next we've got um me i'm up and i have a hot take and it's oh she just licked her lips no one else saw that but it was sexy it wasn't meant to be sexy no i it was more but you know i just exude it you know um

politicians i agree like you know you know a doctor uh-huh to become a doctor they have to go through a lot of training yeah they've got to take an mcat then after they graduate they gotta take all those other tests a lawyer has to take the lsat all the other tests plumbers have to you know be certified teachers have to be certified you know all these tests that professionals have to take but politicians they don't take anything they don't have to take anything and i firmly believe that politicians should have to take a civics test before they run for office because and i and i i was thinking of this more so last week when i had i don't even remember it was was my rachel i think it was my rachel the week where i was like that politician

didn't know the difference between state and federal funding yeah then i was thinking about marjorie taylor green who is bad at her job and also a bad person i was thinking about lauren bobert who i just i don't know if there's anything going on in there no i um i think that she was from your rival alien like she's not she's not an alien she's not an alien she's she's not yeah it's drafty up there and then i'm thinking about you know the might be the greatest conman of our time scam toast yeah and then of course our last president like how are these people making laws but they don't understand laws and so i typed that into a google search And then I got Liz Cheney, who's a former congresswoman.

She said, we've got people we've entrusted with the perpetuation of the republic who don't know what the rule of law is. She continued, we probably need to do constitution boot camps for newly sworn in members of Congress, clearly. And I wouldn't even say newly sworn in. No, no, no. there's people that have been in there years yeah since they were in their 20s or in their 80s this needs to be we need to like it's just baffling to me how a lot none of a lot of these people don't understand laws and i think you know they say like a great thing about this country is that like anybody can run for office which i think anyone can run i don't think anyone should run but

That doesn't mean that you're qualified. I don't think I need to be qualified for the job. You need to have an understanding of what the job is that you're doing, what how you're supposed to properly lead people, how you're supposed to have a voice for the people that you are representing. Because even if you take and I'm not. Oh, I am trying to always crap on Republicans, but I'm not specifically crapping on Republicans right now. but i mean liz cheney is the one that said that and she's a republican so like there are people that are representing their districts that they had redlined they redistrict and they aren't actually the voice of the people that they have because again they're trying to skew the law so

that they can have people representing their state that don't even understand what the laws are yeah I mean, we take a driving test to drive on the road. And like I would say that like if we come to like the actual responsibility of like lives and the outcome of like not just ourselves driving and like law and policy and politics like those those are ones that aren't just affecting you. Like you are putting people's lives at risk both times. Like when you're like it's a lot of power to have. As a politician, you should have an understanding of the economy. You should have an understanding of laws. You should understand science.

You should understand what democracy actually is, not what you like to put on your patriotic shirts. You should even understand how to properly fly a flag because a lot of these people go around sticking flags on things. and that's actually a no-no for flag like you're not supposed like i just don't understand how these people have the jobs that they have because at the end of the day they're just puppets for the greater people that do kind of understand they're more there for power and control and a lot of times racism too and a lot of times sexism as well but they don't understand what the actual laws are in this country yeah i think that's a great call i think like it would make sense if our government like econ class or whatever like was standard across the entire united states so we

all took the same basic one that future politicians would take and then they would obviously like elaborate and go far on that too but the reason why they also are able to get elected is because like we keep the constituents in the dark as well without having a great knowledge of this so if we all had the same baseline level of knowledge which would then could involve how to spot gerrymandering how to spot propaganda on all of those different things so then it's like what we're taught is not just yes we're taught like the basics of the fundamentals also but then how to be informed voters but then that's also a reason why they don't want to give money to public schools because they know that education is power and they're trying to keep power out of the people but we're

here for power to the people yep oh it's just all a cycle and it's just gross to me yeah i mean the one good thing is though that gen z is fucking up their shit like gen z's rocking it like they're fucking yeah throwing the largest wrench in their fucking plans and the amount of drastic measures that they're gonna have to go to prevent that is not gonna go unnoticed and so they're in a really fucked up hard place to try and continue the shit they've been doing shut down the gen z and the young voter voice all the while not alienating and not being so obvious that their current they lose her current party yeah so i think we need to have assessment tests you're not wrong and a republican agrees with me but she also like basically got kicked out of the republican party

so well okay shall we take a break we are back from our break and we're going to get into our second segment would you like to explain it our second segment is called but are you wrong and that's when y'all write in to but am i wrong pod at gmail.com and you share an email with us about a situation in your life where you might have been wrong and you want our opinions and judgment so write in 300 words or less provide your ages required pronouns if you'd like also specific examples so we know what you're speaking of and then face our wrath and fake names i thought you were they said face our wrath and i was like is that an acronym i'm supposed to get but if you use fake names if you use include your

real name we'll just cut that out but if there's multiple people in the story it will help us follow so first up megan and melissa i love this just starts with our names not even hi hi first off i'm sensitive so please proceed with that in mind am i wrong for ghosting my best friend of 18 years for not supporting me postpartum. I don't even know why you would say you are sensitive in this moment. Like that's your postpartum. That's like you're recovering from trauma. I, 23 female, had a baby at the end of October. And in those 12 weeks, my best friend has only visited me once when he was seven weeks old. For the past two-ish years, we have caught up most weeks, if not then, fortnightly, including during pregnancy. But as soon as I had my baby, she disappeared

when we talked for months about her role in his life. My partner works from 12 p.m. to 8.30 p.m. so isn't home when the baby is awake and parents aren't active in our lives. Oh, that is so tough. My little boy has colic. Oh, he inconsolably cries pretty much anytime he's awake. So I know it's hard to be around,

but she doesn't even message to check in on us. And I have told her that due to a stranger who was annoyed with him when we were grocery shopping, I don't feel comfortable leaving the house. So a couple of weeks ago, I got to the point of just wanting to cut ties with her and I went to the doctor and I was diagnosed with postpartum depression I was told to reach out to my people so I wasn't isolated so I messaged her telling her I was struggling and she sympathized but after she still hasn't reached

out I feel like I'm done with this relationship and can't move past the resentment and when I'm feeling like this I just want to hurt the other person so I think it's best I just ghost for both of our sakes am I wrong if I ghost and cut off this relationship oh my god you're not wrong at all this is so fucked this is real i'm sorry that you're that you have postpartum depression also that the baby has colic and then you know your partner is helping provide for you but like your friend isn't there to support you so you don't you don't you don't have like not just not having a support system but also you reached out in a time of need and she wasn't there for you and that's not what a good friend makes and maybe she has other things

going on in her life that she maybe she doesn't want to tell you because she feels like you have a lot going on but still let someone know yeah I mean I would without a doubt like postpartum's really serious like whether or not you're dealing with anxiety depression psychosis anything like your body has gone through a trauma and your body is healing from that and like even if there was no baby involved like that is a physical trauma that you're dealing with and so any of my personal mental health struggles or like life struggles or anything like that I'm never going to compare my life to make oh this is so much harder this is better this is easier like we're all valid in our own like struggles but like when something is that

serious that like it's timely it's really important and it's really serious and there's something that i could potentially do i'm gonna do it and if i can't do that because i'm not around i don't have the time or i'm going through something that would not make me the good person for that i'm gonna tell the other person that because i understand that my lack of response or my lack of recognition or my lack of effort could really negatively contribute to an already really serious problem yeah no you're not wrong at all ghost ghost immediately and seek out some other friends like if i had a friend who was like i wasn't that close to yeah who reached out and told me like hey i'm deal i would be like i'm there in a fucking second like i could have hung

out with you twice and if you called me right now i'd be like sorry melissa we have to wrap this like i would do it in a heartbeat when i was in college and i was going through like my first serious bout of depression i it was harder for me to tell people that were closest to me and i told another friend that was not as close but she didn't she i would be like i just need to come over and just lay in your bed like for the next hour and she and she might be like i'm not at home but like come get my key or like i'll be there soon or whatever like she would just let me just exists without questioning and so see if there's some like another friend that you like you said you might not have been as close to i always reach out to my friends too when they're a way

i've just had a baby even if i'm not super close to them because you just never know what people are going through and people are finally taking postpartum seriously before they would just be like oh it's just the baby blues you're just sad because like whatever you're just not one person anymore but or remember you say that you're so overwhelmed with how much you love your baby you just like are sad about it yes and now people are actually taking it seriously it's very serious very like like megan said your body went through a very traumatic thing both physically and mentally you're in a new state of of mind and in life and so like surround yourself with people that care yeah and you were not meant to do this like alone and it's regardless of who you're doing it with

your partner's not there for a large chunk of the day so like someone else needs to be and if that's a friend that's a friend who's on it maybe it's not one friend maybe it's there's you break it up into like six different facetime phone calls during the day like you need adult human interaction and you need support and community and that's more important than your baby seeing a screen and i don't we obviously don't have kids so we're not here to tell you how to like parent at all but like you need to prioritize yourself and your mental health fuck what they say about not letting a kid watch tv not letting a baby be in front of an ipad like whatever you need to do to get through the day so both of you are healthy happy and safe i'm really

sorry that she was not receptive to helping and understanding how she can be there for you and support you but it's not the end all be all with her like i would drop everything for i i would might almost say my worst enemy but maybe not my worst enemy but like yeah you know just an enemy not my worst enemy like i would i would drop everything if i heard that they if they asked me for some help or support because they were going through all of this. So please don't let that stop you from like reaching out and even like things with like mom groups on Facebook and especially reaching out to other people who've recently had kids who like understand of like the crying and like you can't do this alone. And so if that means you need to start

fostering new relationships with people, mom groups and things that involve you getting out of the house or having people come over and or spending again, FaceTime, like spending time with people. So you're not supposed to do this alone. And like biologically, we can't do it alone. And it's just not good to sacrifice your mental and physical well-being. And I have so much faith that like you're going to have really great people in your life or promote those other people to your life to a more a larger role because you even were able to ask your best friend for this and then recognize that she can't give it to you and that you don't have to accept that yeah i'm so sorry you're so not wrong at all and my tough love lesson don't call yourself sensitive no no i'm

recovering that's what's going on right now things will get better yeah you've got this all right i am 25 afab assigned female at birth and still live at home with my mom and dad for context i grew up in a Christian conservative household. My dad has very strong opinions about literally everything. Every time he sees someone with a lot of tattoos, he has to make a comment about it. He always likes to mention specifically women who have a giant skull tattooed on their leg and how he doesn't find that attractive. What really pisses me off was when he said, if you surveyed a bunch of men, I'm sure most of them would say the same when my sister and I called him out for being judgmental he brought up a recent transgender bathroom situation at a YMCA which I said was not the

same thing as tattoo as a tattoo and had nothing to do with the conversation any excuse for him to be anti-trans I guess the situation got heated and he got defensive and my sister had to physically leave she lives on her own to top it off i overheard him talking to my mom about how he's not allowed to make observations about the world this isn't the first time something like this has happened am i wrong for calling him out and for being annoyed with his judgy comments thank you love the pot so much no you're not wrong because he's just flat out wrong and sure he can have opinions but that doesn't make them the right opinions and i didn't ask to hear him no and i'm sure when that woman or any woman got a tattoo of a skull on their leg they were not thinking about

if he specifically found them attractive probably weren't even thinking about any men if they found it attractive because it's not about them or him it's about what we like to do with our own bodies So, no, you're not wrong for calling him out. You're not wrong for any of this. And, you know, I'm sorry that you can't leave like your sister can. He's he's just flat out wrong. we if we could monetize every time someone brings up the bathroom to anti-trans pipe we could solve for oh my good fucking god i have to say of all of the fear-mongering the right has done that might be the one that like they should write about it in textbooks like holy fucking shit it's almost like the level of like people who come up with those fake names that like they're oh my like cousin had the story of like these like whatever and you're like these like really

like these like literally century old like racist fairy like like fake what's up what are fables like that shit it's we're we're at that level now it's just i think if you said to someone who is out like just transphobic are you talking about bathrooms and i'm like i'll give you a hundred dollars if you don't make and it's like i can't must make transphobic comment like it's just absolutely fucked and you're not wrong at all i also just like think like i mean i would probably be like well why why just why do you think anyone cares about your opinion right like i really don't care i would just literally ignore him and then just start talking about something else why do you want that woman to be attracted to you yeah i didn't hear what you said what was that again

oh that's really uninteresting to me like that's you should really work on you be better conversationalist like it's like kind of sucks talking to you like you really drain the life out of every room maybe i can just be much like that school yep okay next up hello goddesses oh thank you i feel seen i have a predicament with my brother i 20 he him and my brother we shall call him james 17 he him got into an argument about the amount of time we should be in the living room my brother has basically made the living room into his bedroom for maybe the past year and a half and in the past few months my family's been trying to make him go back to his own room and leave the shared space. Now, the past few weeks, he has been trying to get his

room together so he can be in it. It's not messy, just unorganized, and he's not taking it seriously. This week, I decided to use the living room since I got a new game for my birthday, and I took the week off from work to do the normal birthday festivities. Relatable. And I took the extra time I had to myself to play the game. We had an argument about it at 11 p.m. This was the first day that I decided to play the game. He wanted to go back into the living room to use it to sleep in in the next hour. I will admit I was in the living room from like 2.30 p.m. to that time,

but my brother is a night owl and will be up from like 4 to 6 a.m. and then fall asleep at 2 p.m. This is how it has been the whole time he has claimed the living room. He has ADHD and that might come into play for why he is in his room, but the whole family should have access to the living room.

Anyway, this is a dumb sibling argument, but am I wrong? Is he wrong? Are we both wrong? Thanks for reading. Love you both. Love you too. Thank you for calling me a goddess.

It means a lot. you live at home i believe so you cannot if you have a shared living space and you have a bedroom you cannot sleep in the living room during working waking hours even on a fucking weekend here's the thing you can sleep in the living room anytime you want but you just can't expect everyone else to treat it like it's your bedroom but also like i want to watch tv scoot over move your feet i'm turning the tv on now that's what i mean yeah like like you can sleep there sure everybody else is yeah but everybody else is gonna treat it like a living room like there's a reason why people don't want the couch on family vacations when you're or in the group

vacations where it's like the shared living space because you know that it's going to completely wreck your privacy and sleeping arrangements yeah no i don't even i wouldn't even call this a dumb sibling argument i would just like there's nothing to argue here like he's just like straight up wrong yeah ask him why he prefers to sleep in the living room than his bedroom does he need a new mattress does he does he want a couch in his room instead and instead of like i would say like do you do you want a couch in your room instead of a bed do you feel more comfortable on the couch then you know let's figure out how to get a couch in here yeah do you want a tv do you need like maybe you get a stool and you prop up your laptop so you can watch something where you fall asleep

yes, it's hard to sleep when you have ADHD. If it's hard to do anything, when you're overstimulated, it's kind of just, you shut down like your body and your brain, everything shuts down at short circuits. Like it's overloading, but like, that's a predicament that that's how my brain responds to something. And so then I do my best to work on fixing that. And like, there are times where like our room is so messy and I'm like stressed about it. I'm overstimulated and okay cool let's start tackling this together like let's let's do this so we can then accomplish the goal together and so we can have an outcome that is best suited for you but it's that's the great thing about living with other people is the accountability and sometimes people use adhd as

their excuse i'm like you're forgetting one of the key components which is deep-rooted shame in everything that you do and when you're like throwing this around as your end-all be-all excuse for every for like poor behavior and everything i'm like no because there's a large amount of embarrassment and shame for feeling out of control and the reason why we do these things and a lot of self-loathing so let's not you know you can like yourself just like in spite of because of whatever but like you can't like weaponize that or use that as an excuse to be a shitty roommate or cohabitator like this is just you're not wrong like literally at all maybe help him organize his room yeah you're not wrong not at all next up our last writer of the episode

hello i am a 27 year old identifying as she her i have always had a rocky relationship with my mother. She was very controlling of me growing up, still tries to this day, and is manipulative and emotionally abusive. Because of this, since moving out, I have tried to distance myself from mental well-being, and I will make time for her when I choose. As an example of how our interactions go now, last time we talked, she said me not telling her every second of my day, and I mean every second was me being secretive and it hurt her and clearly I didn't care if she was dead. We were talking about me going to get groceries and she wanted to know why I wanted to get milk and what kind of milk it was and why I wanted that kind, what I would use it for, etc. Believing

that I have every right to tell people the information I want to, I shut down her interrogation. Immediately, she lashed out with the guess you don't care if I die line because I wasn't sharing my life with her. Anyway, after this encounter, she demanded that we go to therapy to work through things. I personally don't feel comfortable considering how conversations always escalate to that level and in that manner. I know she's probably right in saying that I have hurt her in the past but at the same time she won't admit or acknowledge how her behavior is harmful to me my siblings think i should try to go to therapy with her i just don't see anything being accomplished through it for the two of us am i wrong for thinking this way and refusing to

go to therapy with her my thing is if you want to have a relationship some type of relationship with her you know you're still engaging with her if you want it to go get better and she sees that there's a problem you know that there's a problem i don't think it'll get better unless you do get help yeah it's kind of a prerequisite for changing a relationship with someone so if you wanted to stay the way it is where you're constantly frustrated with her then don't go to therapy but i do think you're wrong if you want to have a better relationship with her that that it's not gonna get any better it probably will get worse because you're just gonna become even more frustrated do you go to therapy on your own and also like if you if you feel like that you need

to have even footing to don't go to a therapist that she's gone to before go to a therapist that neither of you have seen and you may pick out together yeah i yeah i mean if if she brings a therapist to you that you should go that she wants you both to go to no you can't if you're going to any sort of couples therapy whatever your relationship is relationship therapy you can't it can't be a pre-existing relationship because it's not or a pre-existing therapy relationship with one client like it's it's not even footing even ground if you want to change how you interact with somebody who you've had a relationship with for a while and you've known there's a problem you always try to fix it like you you have been whether you've been thinking you've been trying

or actively trying like you you have and the only way to then change it is with professional help and if anything i think this might work in your favor there are some really shitty fucking therapists out there but there's a likelihood that she is told that she has done a lot of really fucked up things and she's done a lot of damage and she will either have to reckon with that or she will like refuse to acknowledge that and i think that that can kind of push you in whatever direction you want to take this relationship i will say i don't know if this is a hot take but you said i know she's probably right in saying that i have hurt her in the past I have like a really hard time with the notion that children hurt their parents in the same way

that parents can hurt their children so when that is used as like a well you've really hurt me as a refute or as a justification to that like you're 27 yes there is there's nature versus nurture but like at a certain point like if there's been behavioral issues that aren't neurological based and you're upset with your child for how they hurt you you raised them like what did you there are some terrible people out there no that's yeah but i'm saying like nature versus nurture like there can be neurological things that are like that explain behavior whether that's violent or aggressive and that is hurtful and harmful physically and emotionally but that's the nature in the nurture debate and that circumstance like if you're

refuting that your child had difficulties with your relationship growing up and like you've harmed them if your response is well you hurt me like this is not a tit-for-tat like you we're we did not have the same power like you were the parent I was the child the fact that you're able to be like you know I can admit that like maybe she's probably right in saying that I've hurt her in the past but she still won't acknowledge any of her her behavior is harmful i would really hold on to that because there are bad therapists who can then make you feel like you were awful and you were evil and your mom is the like the victim in all of this and you're right now even acknowledging that she will refuses to admit that she caused any harm but you're able to acknowledge right now

that like, you know, she probably was a victim in this. And I don't know how much she was, but right now it already feels like- And we're also only hearing your side too. Yeah, that's what I mean. But you're already tearing on the side of like, maybe I am responsible for a lot of this stuff, but she's still saying she's not responsible for anything.

I would just think really hard and do a lot of research before picking a therapist because you're going into it acknowledging that you might not be perfect, but she's not going into it acknowledging that she might have done anything wrong. So I don't want to say therapy can never hurt because for me, if I was in this situation, the worst thing that could then happen would be a mental health professional telling me that in your case, your mom, she did everything right

and none of your trauma is valid. So that's why I would really, really, really, really vet it and do that individually on your own i think if she wants to work on it it's either because like she does want to change this and she might not know why she's doing what she's doing or she may not be able to put words to it but acknowledge maybe she might feel more comfortable acknowledging her faults to a professional versus like her kid depending on how she grew up yeah then you also need to go with an open mind too because you've already shut down before yeah you have to go because you want to change the relationship you like melissa said you can't keep going like this right i think you would be wrong for maintaining this current relationship and not seeking therapy

i don't think you'd be wrong to cut her out of your life and cease this relationship and be done with it but i just i don't think you can have one foot in and out the door it's just continuing the toxicity for you you and her because i mean we're only hearing your side but i am biased all right well we're gonna take a break now and we're back and it's time for but are they wrong and that's when we pick somebody in the world who is the wrong of the week the rachel of the week the world of the week somebody that's just needs a spanking and not in the good way in a very much not good way so i would like to nominate someone who i i wish we weren't talking about i wish we had

left them on the farm. But in light of current events, mascara gate, but that's really irrelevant. Jeffree Star is attempting to make a comeback and he is doing so kind of with open arms for a large chunk of the internet who has decided that everything that he has done is not that bad or people didn't know. So I'm here to give you a comprehensive education on Jeffree Star, so you know to not support Jeffree Star. But I want to say before we get into this,

I think, I don't remember what year it was, but Beauty Break, there was like a Shane and Jeffree collab palette or whatever. And we reviewed like Jeffree Star's makeup on Beauty Break. I had truly no clue who he was. And that is 100% on me and like my own ignorance.

And when I learned, I was mortified that we were all like stoked and excited about this and I mean even Shane has had his own set of horrible controversies and again I didn't watch his content didn't didn't know him met him one time and so then it was like oh okay whatever no no I've learned my lesson of doing my due diligence of people on the internet before I support them publicly whether it's on my own platform or I'm being fucking played paid by clever tv to like test out makeup I just want to say that like you can have whether involuntarily or publicly like supported someone on purpose or not out of ignorance and then learn and not anymore so i just want to give a shout out to

the fantastic detective not even detective work but like compilation work of lane loves lipstick on a beauty guru chatter from three years ago they did a comprehensive list of jeffree star's many controversies so just for some context of why jeffree star is popping back off um mckayla from tiktok i don't know her last name nagura little mckayla not oh not little mckayla it's also that little mckayla has a q in it and she's ethically ambiguous so she did a review about this mascara and in between her second and third coats or first and second coat she put on false lashes and it's like really obvious and i don't know what the hell you were talking about it's like not that deep but it's one of those things that like it's kind of like okay this is like so

inconsequential like why would you lie about it and it's like it kind of makes it a larger deal because like there's literally no reason to lie about it it's so it's so trivial and it's like so weird so jeffree star has used it as an opportunity to be like okay well you always wanted my honest reviews like now don't worry like i'm coming back so he had been on hiatus at a farm in wyoming selling yak meat, but now he's coming back, sadly. So if you don't know, Jeffrey Saar started on the MySpace scene and they were doing music and shit there. Very scene. You'd probably recognize the photos. I didn't, but that's definitely what laying on lipstick was like, you know, these are iconic people. People have referenced them. So he left music to do makeup. And one of his

earliest controversies was from 2004, 2006 ish. There's not a specific pinpointed date. So he was about 19 to 21. And it's a video where he is screaming and verbally attacking women, walking down the street calling them the n-word then he did a skit in 2006 skit is in quotations also with the word joke that he makes about putting battery acid on a black woman to lighten her skin tone and in the infamous skit they joke about this saying i'm gonna we'll link this because i don't want to give all of these quotes specifically reading all of this it's just i don't think it's productive because it's endless so basically makes a joke about putting quote-unquote joke about using battery acid to lighten skin tone.

In 2009, he called Tila Tequila a whore. And let's just say, Tila Tequila is a neo-Nazi and a racist and a absolute horrific, horrible person. But Jeffrey didn't call Tila Tequila out for any of those things. No, no, no. He just called her a whore saying that me and that whore Tila Tequila

are the ones that capitalized on it, which she's talking about internet culture. Her and I would be friends, but I'm not into people thinking they have to be like naked all the time. You don't have to prostitute yourself to be successful. So while Tila Tequila has a thousand and one things that you could make valid, valid arguments

for why she is a really shitty, racist neo-Nazi, instead you just decide to hate on her for being a woman and slut shaming her. So, you know. And then in 2013, Davi Vanity, forgive me if I'm not saying this, their name right, not that they, everyone deserves respect for their name being right, this person sucks.

They were from the band Blood on the Dance Floor, very Warped Tour. They were accused of sexual assault for underage girls, and they were in the same Warped Tour scene as Jeffree Star, and they collaborated on music together. And so when the accusations came out, Jeffree tweeted, I'm going to speak the truth till I die.

We saw Davi, they tagged them, bring underage girls to his hotel rooms and do sexual things, 100% illegal. So in that, it implies that he knew that it was happening, didn't say anything, didn't do anything. Later on in that year, though, he tweeted that he had so much love for him, saying he apologized for spreading those false accusations so either one he just like sat back

and watched his friend sexually assault underage girls or two he perpetuated and pushed false accusations but of course it's the former because the accusations were not false and the original reddit user said like after looking into this again like he's absolutely guilty did not lie about the accusations but then he ever however did double down about the accusations and go back to being friends with the racist just this month huffing this was a couple years ago huffington post post put out an article detailing all of the accusations which are 21 women so yeah so then lots of relatively standard problematic youtuber shit like people reviewing makeup products and then saying that like they didn't like some of these things and then jeffrey being

upset at them for making video reviews saying they should have just emailed customer service and then threatening to sue them for defamation and get their youtube channels taken down so then in 2016 he calls shayla of makeup by shayla fantastic youtube channel she's gorgeous girls a cunt and threatens to beat her into the ground so then shayla was attending a they were both attending an urban decay event in vegas where jeffrey alleges that shayla told another beauty influencer that she needed lip filler because her face looked deformed jeffrey apparently was so upset about this that he later took to twitter and called shayla a cunt all these names and she denied the accusations and jeffrey said i'll actually beat you into the fucking ground and

mean it and then shayla basically went on to say that she would never support a man who threatens to beat a woman and then he replied and said but you sound and look more like a man than i do so relax he also then went to call shayla a broke fucking rat then in 2017 jackie aina our queen our icon friend of the podcast my birthday twin she anti-hauled his entire brand so that was like a trend going on for a while it's kind of like right now it's de-influencing uninfluencing de-influencing where people are doing like things they would never buy again so it's a original YouTube trend, an anti-haul of saying, shit, I'm never going to buy. Jackie anti-hauled his entire makeup brand because of his racism and how he treated and his attack of Shayla.

So then Jeffrey responded by blocking Jackie on Twitter and calling her an irrelevant rat and eventually tweeting that she hasn't paid her taxes in three years. So although it has been argued, and this is, again, a quote from the Reddit, although it has been argued that rat is not inherently a racist term, please note that Jeffrey's only ever used this term to describe Black women. So then there was some shady stuff with Nicki tutorials where they're not friends anymore and this is again like typical like less problematic like this is more just messy shit of like posting about how Nikki Troils is fucked over in her contract with Two-Face trying to like take Two-Face down but Nikki and Jeffrey aren't friends anymore and so then it's like well why are you

airing out her contract details that are like she could get in trouble for this and like you're trying to like parade it around of like you're helping her even though you're not friends anymore and, like, you're spilling her, like, legal contract shit. Like, that's really bad. In September 2018, Jeffree's ex-hairstylist released messages where Jeffree Star calls Jackie Aina a gorilla, among other racial slurs.

People have said that, you know, the texts aren't real, they're photoshopped, but let's pay attention to history and how this behavior is a pattern and why are we going to defend somebody who has never once given you any opportunity or reason to do so. so he posted the the his hairstylist posted a video where he scrolls through the screenshots

to prove that they're not fabricated though people are saying they still don't know who it's from blah blah blah the date is already from a year earlier so it's basically impossible for them to be fake and it would be ridiculous so they're they're real in my eyes in october 2018 jeffrey was called out for being culturally insensitive when he wore cornrows for a photo shoot for his makeup brand and after getting backlash from this jeffrey replied to people defending him being like preach young kids trying to be mad at something always instead of you know acknowledging reassessing anything like this and this is again 2018 cornrows 2018 cornrows in 2018 were not used it would have been you do that at coachella 2018 everybody's looking it's like no we we've all learned we've

we've watched all of the celebrities before who've done this this has already been i think kim kardashian had been called out probably like 20 times before this had even happened also in 20 october of 2018 jeffrey accused huda katan of huda huda beauty of copying beauty bakeries concept for all their powders he went on to post screenshots of private messages between he and huda saying that huda should fuck off and accused her of being a thief who knows but it basically is just again quote-unquote exposing other brands by specifically going after women sure maybe she did maybe she didn't but like why are you inserting yourself in this business to attempt to try and take everyone down there's a lot of stuff like lots of ableism in 2009 stating that fans at Warped Shore look

like they have autism if you scroll through again we will link all of this stuff but like there's just never stopping and that's like that's like the history of all of this then I'm not even gonna get into the fucking Tati Westbrook like James Charles shit just fair fucking warning when you read any of these things like they're really offensive to like everyone and everything and so then finally we get to kind of what was the nail in the coffin for jeffrey's current youtube era because a lot of this stuff like that like the myspace era and things like the messy drama he was able to kind of sneak in with like oh the drama community is like so catty like so catty and he was so big that I don't think a lot of people knew that like

yeah there was catty talking about so-and-so stole this shades from so-and-so's palette but like that was like what he was partaking in was racism and like what he was partaking in prior to that was also racism like and this was a ongoing indicator of not that he was bad a bad business owner or bad at making content that like he was a bad person and it got mixed in with this quote-unquote youtube drama when it's really not of the same caliber at all but he was kind of able to skate by and continue to have a fucking career he was platformed by shane and then when shane went down shit started going down obviously even more and then finally in december of 2020 this again i think was kind of the nail in the coffin for his career business insider report unearthed documents

stating that jeffree star cosmetics executive had paid 45 000 off to a sexual assault accuser to retract their statement against him. This is someone who has had a long history of not just being problematic, but like of being ableist, racist, sexist, and a really fucking horrible person. And the idea that we need him on the internet because he does honest reviews is just baffling. And I think honestly, the fact that he has been so problematic for so long, but he's kind of a household name for a lot of people that no one can wrap their head around someone that problematic maintaining relevancy for this fucking long. So I think a lot of people don't look into it. And so they think like, well, if I've always known his name, if he was like so awful and so

problematic, there's no way he would have a career. But like, no, he does. And anytime that Like when I looked into all of this shit, like I had no I mean, I knew this stuff now, but like a couple of years ago, I had no fucking idea until someone told me. And now I'm like, wow, you not that you have to dig that far, but like you do kind of have to dig because he has a lot of fucking diehard fans. So his comments are flooded with people who are like, oh, he's amazing. He's great. He's like and he's not. And don't let TikTok fool you that like honest reviewing of a mascara is so important. And the only person who can do this is a racist.

I really still don't know who he is. I don't know what he looks like. All I've known is Jeffree Star offensive. And I never like looked into it because it was never anything I cared about anyway. Sorry to this man. I could be walking down the street and I wouldn't know a thing. but I just I don't know why he's it seemed like he disappeared for a while and now he's coming back but there's enough honest people that aren't problematic to listen to reviews about

I yeah I I just encourage anyone who like was ever like a fan to to do your due diligence that like I now no longer like there are a few people in my life who if they co-sign someone I don't feel like the responsibility to do, to check in on them to see if I align. But for content creators, I'm always going to fucking check to be like, okay, who are you associating with? What are you doing with all like this, this, and this, and this. And if I had done that when I met Shane, I've spoken to him. I've met him like, I think once in my life we've spoken twice, but I wouldn't have had interactions with him. Like i wouldn't i don't like that i did that and i'm not going to do that again and shame and guilt

for that is not productive but recognizing that like oh oops not doing that again yeah so don't make that mistake especially in the time where like this shit is this information is fucking available all right well my rachel of the week is sienna sienna college the palm beach school of nursing and sacred heart international institute so these are florida nursing schools and they were caught selling 7600 fake diplomas this allows students to bypass licensing training federal like these people are actively working in nursing right now san quentin why that's where i federal prosecutors have arrested and charged 25 people with wire fraud students were able to use fake diplomas to take the national nursing licensing exam they have jobs as registered

as registered nurses practical nurses vocational nurses they work in assisted living facilities and veteran affairs hospitals throughout the country recruiters and school officials coordinated to hand out the diplomas from 2016 through 2021 which means holy they were working through the pandemic the buyers of the diplomas received official papers saying they attended the nursing programs at the florida accredited schools and completed all the clinical and coursework when they didn't the buyers were able to use documents to take the official license exam and work in facilities in Ohio, New York, New Jersey, Massachusetts, Georgia, Maryland, and Tennessee. And that's only the ones that they've found out about so far. And the American Nursing

Association president said that the coordinated conspiracy is disturbing and deeply unsettling. Nursing is without a doubt a highly specialized and ethical profession requiring rigorous and lifelong education and training to acquire unmatched clinical expertise you don't achieve this overnight there's no shortcut in nursing our patients and clients depend on us it is both the demanding and rewarding profession blah blah she you know nursing great yeah a lot of people have been arrested that have been caught so far they just unsealed it to make it public so they've been working to figure things out for a while i didn't even hear about this and it's just unsettling so my question is so i don't like the term fraud i just i feel like it's weak like it's

weak and i think wire fraud is especially weak like i just don't think it sounds like it it doesn't sound that serious doesn't sound like it holds a lot of like gravity to it so i looked it up and it's like why it's a federal crime that occurs in electronic communications such as email text messages used to further a criminal act but specifically they're a fraud is defined by wrongful or criminal deception intended to result in financial or personal gain so like what did they get out of it they were getting paid off by by the people that were by paying for the like they're paying for those they're deploying yeah so pay for nursing school why yeah pay for the diploma easy how much do you think they got no i don't know wow students pay a total of 114

million for the fake degrees yeah did you say how many students it was i say about 2400 of the 7600 students eventually pass their licensing so 7600 total and 2400 actually pass the test but i mean there's people that are walking around saying that they have nursing degrees you know like how you can pass the bar exam but not i mean you can have a law degree but not actually pass the bar so then 15 000 that's 15 000 per per person i feel like that's a ripoff i mean it is it's fraud but they didn't have to go through any schooling so what i was gonna say is like it's not a huge financial or time and sense incentive it's maybe a i could not get through that i couldn't graduate or pass this without it yeah which is even more alarming because it's not out of laziness as out

of necessity yeah i was shocked that there's really people walking around saying that they're nurses beyond the admin who are going to go to jail for this they're gonna pursue the nurses who oh yeah like yeah any anybody died under their care even if it was just like they were going to eventually you know die anything that happened under their care i don't think died just like any slight malpractice like you didn't get my vein when you were getting it well anything anything high likelihood that they're going to publish all of the names yeah because you would have to to make sure that this is ensured that they're not going to go overseas to try and you know each defendant faces up to 20 years in prison that's not enough that's not enough that's why my

whole thing with like fraud and like wire fraud anytime i hear wire fraud i go okay cool white color like white collar crimes are going to prison for like three years and they're gonna eat like sushi this is in an article from justice.gov health care fraud is nothing new in south florida as many scammers see this as a way to earn easy though illegal money said acting special ages in charge chad yarborough what is disturbing about this investigation is that there are over 7600 people around the country with fraudulent nursing credentials who are potentially yeah we all know that but so the fact that it's nothing yeah south florida is where you want to commit a scam how maybe we should go to her inspiration it's health care health care specifically is it because old

people oh that's probably a lot of elderly okay we hope you enjoyed this episode of but am i wrong so are two people who have never been wrong ever before and you probably listen to this episode and you're like you know what i can attest to that not wrong but if you do think we're wrong go vote on the stories where we pose the question who was wrong yeah leave us review please do we love the reviews they make us so happy in a unique place shout out to kirk he sent me a message on linkedin shut the fuck up is this kirk from gilmore kirk said hi melissa just discovered the podcast addictive have a happy new year and keep up the good work and then a few days later now my wife is hooked. You two are super engaging. Thanks, Kirk. Where does Kirk work? Can we get a

sponsorship? Hey, Kirk, what's going on here? Should we form a connection? Write in for upcoming episodes. And as always, we love when you tag us on things on you can send us a message, a DM on Instagram, our joint one for the podcast account or our personals. Also follow the podcast. You can tag us on our personals on TikTok as well. If you want us to talk about something or if you any suggestions we're always happy to hear them video version on patreon or if you just want to support the show and yeah i think that's it that's it we'll circle back goodbye but am i wrong is a production by me megan ranks and me melissa demonts plus diamond imprint productions post-production by coco lorenz and production assistance by melanie d watson