Don't Blame Me! - DBM: Better Dating App Matches

Episode Date: March 27, 2025

Content Warning: Update and Write In #3 - Sexual Assault This week Meghan and Melisa are giving advice on: Update: RA sharing experience dealing with SA in the dorms How to keep yourself fed as a college student Dating app advice Heinous bitch watch your bitches Romantically connecting with someone who's neurodivergent Don't Blame Them: Being with a delicate lover Buy Our Merch https://crowdmade.com/collections/sister-sign Call In - 310-694-0976 (3 minutes or less) Write In - [e-mail] (300 words or less) Follow Us! instagram.com/meghanandmelisa @meghanrienks instagram.com/meghanrienks https://twitter.com/meghanrienks @sheisnotmelissa instagram.com/sheisnotmelissa instagram.com/diamondmprint.productions Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome, people, to a brand new episode of Don't Blame Me, which is a call in, write in voice in advice giving podcast starring two of the baddest bitches that you will ever encounter in your life one of them was just stroking their titties when are you ever i've been wearing them lately why because i found out that the compression socks i'm wearing are not compressing and like they're not i need medical grade and that's probably why they're not doing as much for me and so I just everyone's like you gotta wear compression garments like you know wear them in general and so I thought a good compromise until I get someone's maybe I should put a bra on okay well feels compressive it feels restrictive which yeah yeah okay I understand your reasoning

it's by your heart makes sense exactly it's literally I have a bra right here that I just have to put on does it fit yeah you know I have so many different bra sizes because these titties have fluctuated over the years that's why i'm wondering i've got a couple that fit like well and that are practical that's even a smaller number but like you know like i've got a got a couple but they should maybe get another okay okay well enough with bra talk megan how do people participate with this show we can participate by calling us and leaving us a voicemail at 310-694-0976 and international listeners you can send us an audio message email that to meganpodcasts at gmail.com you can also write into that same email we have a form

that you can fill out or you can dm us over on instagram but for the audio versions keep it under three minutes you can write everything down practice time it out and then just read it out loud you only get one try when it's on voicemail like you know you we're not going to like compile a couple of them together just just one so practice a few times and then just read it and then uh for the written versions keep it under 300 words and then for all of them 18 or over have your parents permission please keep it all anonymous so you can come with some fake names on our other show there's a big hit when someone uh they melded the universe of powerpuff girls as well as teenage mutant ninja turtles so just know that that goes incredibly well with our fan base

don't pick that one again i think it's a little too soon for that but you know use your imagination or don't do it at all if that's stressful to you you really don't have to do it at all but it either thought has to go into it if you're going to come up with the aliases like that or no thoughts just vibes that's also very okay but the thing we really need to know is your age we need to know how old you are not just that you're over 18 but it does determine the advice that we give because you know sometimes calls don't include like the life stage that you're in it's not about like college or it's not about like i don't know other random things aarp like things where it's like okay we know the age that that's typically associated with they're trying

to move away from it though who's that aarp they're trying to move away from old people or they're trying to be the end of social security is coming to a close and so they said we're actually gonna dip they're trying to just be for everybody now what do i have to do with arp right now i mean it's like is it honestly all i know had to do with social security is that they provide things for people it's like a club that you get discounts for and i know that they're trying to move away because they have been pitching to podcasting and they're like doesn't matter they oh okay well i would i would urge them to maybe change their logline because it does say arp is a large nation's largest non-profit non-partisan organization dedicated to empowering

americans 50 and older but you don't have to be because you can just you can get a membership it's open to anyone 18 or older okay arp is blind yeah they've got lots of articles they're furious about trump girl me too glad somebody in a corporation is saying it maybe they'll wear like a little pink shirt and like throw a little bingo sign that says boo why pink it's it's the color of resistance melissa okay how could you ask them to do more i mean their actual color is his color so yeah maybe they'll hop on the democrats who are just like let's color coordinate to show them that we don't like them yeah thanks guys really showed them fucking hell well all right should we get into an update

yeah i love an update so we're gonna get into sort of an update it is somebody that called in with the don't blame them and then they had a comment about after we shared their don't blame them. So they're following up. So, um, the original one was somebody had been blackout drunk and hooked up with their friend that they didn't actually like in that way. And we had mentioned that because they were blackout, then it wasn't actually consensual. And so then this RA wrote in with some advice and now they're following up with what we initially said. Hi girls. This is the RA writing in again. I actually spit out my water listening to the episode because I fully did not recognize my own voice until like 30 seconds in. So glad that you guys thought my

advice helped. This is quite literally what I was trained in. So I'm very glad. LOL. I also recommended y'all's pod to every RA friend on staff, including my boss. Hey, I know you're listening. My boss is a really big reason I take my job as an RA super seriously too. My boss is an early thirties black woman who consistently tells us that our job is not to be a cop nor a superhero. Especially because we are struggling college students ourselves. Our job is to keep students safe and care about them. We have quote-unquote fight club rules about what on our staff we take more seriously and what we chill out on. While we're lax on whether we actually smell something skunky or hear clanking bottles, she always demands we take essay the most seriously

because we are often the one person that a student felt safe to open up to. And quote-unquote fuzzy boundary situations like this caller are unfortunately the most common combo we deal with because students are unlearning societal bs about sex and relationships anyways i'm graduating this semester but i'm an ra abroad this summer so i feel like i gotta call in about that xoxo the ra i didn't know you could be an ra abroad i didn't either but it makes sense yeah i guess like you some people you do live in like dorm adjacent things i guess i would have assumed that it you'd be home place where you or they would be the ras but maybe there there might be like a language barrier no and that makes total sense why you would want that or even just having like

you know at least one ra not necessarily like on every floor with or every hall that has um international exchange students but at least having like one there for that it's like you're like the little consulate i love it that's fun where are you going tell us about it can't wait to hear about it give us a call you said you're going to all right well we're going to take a break when we get back we will get into giving advice we are back and it's time to give some advice all right hello wonderful women i'm 19 she her looking for some advice on how to start cooking or meal planning or any tips on how you guys keep yourselves fit. This is my second year in university and I really need to start eating

proper meals. I don't eat out a lot, just a lot of snacking and a habit of binge eating. I find that I never have the motivation to cook. I do have some skills in the kitchen. I grew up cooking meals for my family from time to time, so not a complete beginner. I just never see the point in cooking a full meal for one person and i'm not huge on leftovers but i need to get over that also my family owns a butcher shop so i basically get all my meat for free so no budget constraints on that end and i need to take advantage of this more hell yeah you do oh my god let us know do they ship right fucking hell so i would love to hear what you guys cook and any recipe recommendations or meal planning tips megan what are you making in your dutch oven i have

one too thanks guys i'm sorry you're 19 you have a dutch oven and you're in your second year of school you're like already fucking crushing it and you get free meat yeah i'm i'm jealous i'm very jealous i meat is the most expensive thing especially here's my thing that i go specifically to a butcher for and that is beef bacon oh it's so good like it just imagine just really thin strips of bacon i mean beef yeah it's delicious it's people who don't eat pork well that can be an alternative as opposed to just turkey bacon yep it's like i don't know how anyone is eating something they're not supposed to okay i would love to give you wonderful advice i do think this is delightfully ambitious for 19 i cooked a lot when i was 19 but she doesn't really like it's a

begrudging like oh like i don't really want to do this but i think there's a way to make it fun yeah what do you think about the leftovers thing I do when I cook I do usually cook like a meal for the next day whether I eat it for lunch or dinner I do have it again there are ways that you can repurpose it so it's not the exact same thing like if I have spaghetti one night then I'll take like the sauce and the meat from that and put it on a sandwich and then like that's a way to repurpose exactly repurpose the same thing where it's not the exact same thing but i think you should start having dinner parties like you do me and my friends would do this in college all the time is that everybody would have like a night where they would cook and so that way

that you're making usually like what the you know it's usually like four to five servings in a meal and then everybody would cook it. And especially if you're getting the meat for free, all they got to do is buy the vegetables. And then also my inspirations for meals usually come from me looking on TikTok or looking just at recipes online. Like just get on foodnetwork.com

and scroll through and be like, oh, that looks good. That looks good. That looks good. And you can do, maybe it's not something you don't like exactly, but you can do your own it will inspire you to do your own interpretation of what the food is that's a good call i think

that like i mean now that we know that you have to meet the meat hookup because i would say that like moths is not big on leftovers i'm a huge leftovers person like i my whole life i've loved leftovers so in general i do think cooking an individual one individual meal is hard and meal planning is planning for leftovers like that is what meal planning is like you're making food to eat at different dates so I think like you know I'm I don't want you to waste food but I think like financially meat is the thing that is true the most expensive so you know you've got to hook up for that but I think like what as a leftover is like I assume you have at least like one exception to the rule of something that you already like as a leftover what is that and then

like break down to what category that is and for Mott's that's soup like he likes soup like that he can without a doubt do that and in doing that it all it opened up just like a realm of other things and like once you start regularly eating the one thing you're cool with eating as a leftover you just in general you start to kind of get better with eating leftovers like it just is something like that but i just you don't want to spend a ton of time because this happens to people all the time like who spend a ton of time meal prepping things and then like i got the ick i can't eat this the night the day after or whatever but you can always like have a recipe quarter recipe to like make something much smaller and i think like good ways to do that where it's

feeling manageable is cutting out steps so like whether that's a dinner party where you just make one thing and then everyone makes something else and then you you know swap and share but also like we will use like a rotisserie chicken from like sprouts it's like the base of something and so then it's like oh we only have to cook this this this or this or whatever and that's really helpful and I think like I was I wish I should utilize TikTok more for recipes like it's usually just like whatever comes across my feed I don't search it as much I used to be very big into like Pinterest and it wouldn't even be like I want to make those because half the stuff on Pinterest looks fucking weird but I'd find like I would judge a book by its cover I'd find food photography

that I really liked find the blog that that came from and then just it inspires you as you're looking at it because it will remind you of something else or whatever and like just looking at food that looks good makes you want to then find food that tastes good that like tastes as good as it looks and I would say that like I don't know I don't know I don't want to like assign you to being more like Matz than me but like Matz is definitely like he was not the um and you obviously cook more than him he was not like the he had a roommate who was a really great cook his parents cook and his godparents lived next door and so they would like he like had never had to eat leftovers ever in his fucking life and he didn't really need to learn how to cook and for him he

has like really loved the new york times app i'm not going to necessarily recommend the new york times for anything but finding a specific place like he doesn't look for recipes other places he doesn't like search something else and like cross post whatever like it's literally just that it can be something as simple as like getting a subscription to bon appetit magazine and cutting out the things that you like getting a cookbook but doing one thing where it all is in one place it kind of puts you in a box it tastes good like you're it's it's giving you parameters because like yeah shit is endless all the recipes all the things that you can make are endless and i would say my like love and enjoyment and like desire to cook really came from watching Barefoot Contessa

she just makes it look pretty and like the food wasn't crazy like it was expensive but like simple like she it wasn't fussy food and that makes it look like you want to eat it again so I think I haven't watched it yet can't wait to watch it but I think that food eye candy just food is a creative aspect like it's creative so like I think it needs to be something that sparks that creativity for you and it's also very okay to like have like one or two nights of creative cooking especially when you're just starting out and then like go to in and out or like get like good like take out or like fat like whatever like it doesn't have to be everything tenders that are already like breaded and you just pop it in like the air fryer yeah it doesn't have to be and like an all or nothing and

i think like in general if you're cooking some of your own meals like dinner like not just like cereal or breakfast or whatever if you're doing that at like 19 sophomore in college like you're already like leaps and bounds ahead of other people like who are not doing that yet so i would really start small so you don't burn yourself out um as for dutch oven recipes allison roman who is the leah michelle of um food she has a fantastic shallot pasta that's what i ate last night so i've been pooping so much today but that is a me problem that one is like delicious we love that Mott's has been making um barbacoa and we made like barbacoa tacos that way or something that I've found to like repurpose like I've gotten a again like a chicken from sprouts and done like

a chicken noodle soup and then I don't add the pasta for the like all of it we'll do the pasta for like one night and then the next night you could add like rice in there instead or something else to kind of like break it up and then we'll use the second half of the chicken to make like a chicken pot pie like things that using like repurposing something like as simple as like the the meat aspect that can be what's like the leftover that you carry on and then you just make smaller portions of a side or a vegetable like that's a lot easier but i also think like sheet pan meals and like you have the dutch oven like one pot things you don't have to make sides on sides on sides on sides but that's a great way to do it and then to help with the left getting over

like the not enjoying leftovers sauces hot sauce different kinds of all of that kind of stuff i think greatly help break up the monotony like one night can be spicy one night can be like a tangy sauce that you have with something but i think this will be great i think it will be i just typed in on tiktok dutch oven recipes and so many different things came i should do that i'm looking at like a dutch oven pot roast a baked tuscan chicken pot pie like megan said there's so much how to roast a chicken in there braised short ribs marry me chicken orzo there's so many so i think just get on and the thing was like for me with tiktok i have a tab saved where i just save a whole bunch of recipes. There's hundreds of recipes because I'm on like that side of TikTok

where I'm getting all those recipes. There's hundreds of them. I probably will never get to them, but because I'm always saving them, I'm getting new recipes that pop up. So just use resources. They're all there. Yeah. And I think it's smart because I have a playlist to keeping them in one spot. You can also here's another like if you don't like leftovers, but don't think of them, quote unquote, as leftovers, cook like something that has four servings, but freeze three of them and put them in a freezer. And then, you know, a week from now where it doesn't seem like a leftover, you can thaw it out and cook it. So it could be like one week you are cooking every day of the week, but you're freezing most of it. So then in the future, you can just go

to the freezer pop it out and it'll feel like a fresher meal because you didn't have it yesterday yeah that's a good point and i would like to say if you say to everyone i do need people to stop meal prepping rice yeah it it's not gross it's quite literally dangerous like you can have it the next day but anything after that that's it next day but i literally saw someone do like a seven-day meal prep with rice and i was like wellness check like this is a cry for help like what is wrong? Like, no, no, you can't do that. Can't do that. Don't tell other people to do that either. Oh, another good suggestion. Chili. Chili is something that I think universally people talk about like soup gets better with like a little bit of time. Nothing soft, nothing that's like

texture based. I would try and like dive in for leftovers. All right. Next one. Hi, Eminem. I'm looking for some dating advice or suggestions for how to help my dating app profiles work better for me. The problem isn't a lack of matches or not finding people that interest me. I love this. The issue I'm running into is that every interaction on the apps goes one of two ways. I match with a man, we have a great conversation and get along really well, but there's zero sexual chemistry. Or I match with a man who matches my freak and we vibe sexually, but talking to them about anything else feels like a chore. I've been on and off of the apps for the past few years, but I haven't dated anyone too seriously because every person

I talk to or go out with inevitably falls into one of these categories and I get bored of not getting what I want or need from the relationships. New friends are great, sex is great but i'm at the point in my life where i want to date more seriously and find both with the same person ideally do y'all have any ideas on what i could try to find matches that give me the best of both worlds or things i should slash shouldn't have on my profiles that could help me attract the right folks for me for additional context i'm bi queer but only focusing on dating men for this particular advice request trust me i am trying my damnedest to date anyone except a cis hetman but the queer dating world is a whole other beast entirely thank you so this is

specifically about the guys what app are you on and then also what do you have that you're looking for because if you are just saying like if you're just hooking up with somebody what does it say like are you looking for a serious relationship because i think if you have looking for a serious relationship it will weed out those guys that you just have sexual chemistry with and then you'll get more people that are also looking for something serious talking to you because if it's just like you know short term is this isn't the exact same the exact thing but like short term is fine but i'm interested in long term don't do that yeah i have questions about like the are we talking about sexual chemistry in like initial conversations on the app because like you're not gonna get that

No. And you need to like to be like super frank with you. You are. This is about you dating men. You men will not view that as long term partner vibes. It's not like that they won't categorize that for you, but like they will be like, oh, this is not what they're interested in. Like it is. I do think in general, like a chemistry thing is something that like you should be attracted to someone and have like a flirtation there. But like you are separating good conversation from chemistry and like so what is the good conversation because to me like having like a back and forth banter with someone is sexy like that is something that like I do enjoy but if you're creating like a big divide between that and sexual chemistry do you mean like in person

because I I think you need to give people the opportunity because in general coming on really like sexual heavy flirty is you might be an anomaly and someone who's like really looking for that while also looking for wanting a serious relationship to kind of start like that that's like not in general of what men are being told uh to do on a like on like a first date or even like talking on dating apps it's like really just like start talking dirty like girls love that like so so i i think that like i i don't want to say that this might be like an issue of like expectation or what you're looking for but this the this sexual chemistry and stuff is either that's a way of you saying i'm not attracted to these guys like i don't think

they're hot or it's like unless you've met in person and there is no chemistry there because you also don't find them attractive but if you find them attractive and there is no chemistry have you done like have you kissed like is have we gotten to the point where the chemistry is actually like half like it's happening it's not just like thinking about what it would be like because these are these are two very different ways that these go like these are polar opposite ways and one of them reads I'm looking for a relationship and the other one does not and that's not like a matter of like you you can be a fucking horny freak and want to be in a relationship and be in a relationship that's totally fine you are dating you are talking to

men that is that and along with Melissa said about like what what you're categorizing yourself your profile under I think you do need to recognize that like if it's not the point where you're telling someone what you are looking for people will put things together they will assume if you're just like talking dirty you're trying it's a one that you want to hook up tonight it's like a you up like let's I'm in a new city but people will assume that not the latter so I don't necessarily i don't want to say that like they're not putting you in these boxes i also do think you're putting yourself in these boxes because these neither of these things they don't have to be separate like great like conversation and sexual chemistry unless you're talking about

people you're not you think are ugly which i would like to normalize you guys you're allowed to write in and say that this person is ugly like that i'm trying to date like that's okay you don't have i don't want to dance around ugly people yeah also some people don't and also being ugly is subjective so yeah let it's it's also hard to say without seeing your profile too because like what kind of pictures do you have up what are you saying in your prompts and need more information yeah and when you say i match the man who matches my freak to me that sounds like you are instigating this and if you are instigating it it's not being reciprocated but you're saying we have great conversation whatever but like the sexual chemistry is not

there i need to know what that like what does that mean because for me sexual chemistry is like oh we kissed and i was like that nope that's not we don't have that there that's or even something as simple as like i i don't want to see you naked like but you've you have to give someone like if it's just like you look at them and you're like nah which is fine like there's one thing like you look at somebody and you're like that person's ugly to me i don't want to fuck them but like you know if somebody looks fine and then you go get to know them the sexual chemistry can be increased dramatically so I think maybe like if somebody's in like the fine category and not fine category hear them out like just because you know we're all a little shallow but

just because somebody doesn't like immediately look like they're your type but you seem to match in other places maybe just go out with them and and like they might match your freak but let's also like maybe don't find out how freaky we are on the first date yeah that's actually not matching your freak that is that is a freak that is that's like a that is a freak that's too much and so i i think that like get to know the guys yeah like i also i really don't want us to like normalize men just an encouragement who just like say like really nasty shit like the first opening like very early opening lines but i also wonder like how do you start these conversations like are you flip-flopping between these two versions of you're like that person is really

hot so i'm gonna be a little freakier or everyone's got a little freak but like you give them you have to have the opportunity for that and if someone is showing you like their dirty nasty little freak immediately just know that that dirty little nasty freak is not so little it is it's gonna it is so like that's just the surface but i also wonder if you need to get off the apps quicker or it's like going on a date quicker yeah and in general like i find like banter conversation that's very like sexy but also typing banter conversation now in the days of um ai it's a little easier for people to be a little more flirty with you because even in like hinge has it where it's like would you like to improve this like they're using ai so like just because somebody seems sparkly on

their profile doesn't mean that they're going to be sparkly in real life so getting off the apps sooner like you know we want you to be safe of course like if you feel like let's have a face time if you're comfortable with that or like you know let's go out somewhere where there's a lot of people it's broad daylight and you're not a hike not a movie because you're not having a conversation in a movie definitely do not have them come pick you up no go somebody was listening to this this is all the fucking lectures i get for all the time yeah um but go somewhere public very bright where there's a lot of people around and you know talk actually have a conversation with them yeah but in general i like i'm fundamentally against men being like straight men being

sexual on the overtly sexual on the apps uh with and especially if your profile says you're looking for like a long-term relationship it's just these men go oh this is what girls want i'm going to start doing this all the time now and that's not your responsibility but i do think that the the people who are really getting real freaky with you and your messages early on i promise you they're unsolicited doing that to other to other people and i got someone can be incredibly respectful to you and then call you a dirty little slot in the sheets you gotta you gotta give them the opportunities too especially like i always think like digital footprint like i someone's like sending me real nasty messages like super early like

like right after we've matched i'm like are you just not worried about like not that i'm going to screenshot like i could screenshot but like it's just i'm you don't even know me i could be anybody it's a big game usually why do you want to date men i think they're i think they're doing fine with women that's how i got it is that they're doing fine with women but they were like i really want to make it work with men and i'm like well yeah the problem is men dude like what the fuck yeah yeah you don't actually want them for their it might be you just want to fuck men that could literally be it that you just want to fuck men and not have anything else to do with them and coco let us know yeah if we are doing too much yeah we are two straight girls so i do

want to say this but i will we obviously don't know why you're talking about like wanting to like date men right now but here's something for consideration yeah if the emotional if it's just sexual like maybe that's what you you're interested in right now if you're having a hard time forming like an emotional attachment to a man relatable like and maybe that's not what we should be holding out for like putting all that on maybe you just want to fuck men yeah yeah and that's all you just want them for their body and that's it and you get your emotional and also physical support from women as well or whoever yeah but i i think in general if you're finding it like this is incredibly hard to date connect with a man on a yeah then i think like i know dating is

hard but like dating is hard because like you fall for people it doesn't work out like it is an ebb and flow if you're just finding like i'm just not interested like i'm not interested i'm not i'm over again and again and again i think that you're worthy of having a conversation with yourself or like reflecting on like why that is what's that tied to yeah i might just either want to be friends with men and that's why i'm not sexually attracted to them or i am attracted to them but I don't want to have an emotional connection to the ones that I am attracted to yeah and that's fine yeah we just you know maybe take some time to figure that out and it doesn't always have to be the end-all be-all of like I really I want to I in this moment I decide I want

to be with a man it's like if there is no man that you want to be like valuing that above everything else isn't necessarily you know I don't think it doesn't mean nothing I think you need to look into into that because men are a lot and you you should enjoy them you know all right we're gonna take a break now when we get back we'll get into some more We are back and it's time for the next. Hi, Megan and Melissa. I'd like to give a trigger warning for sexual assault in this message. I, 27, they, them, live with my spouse, 28, they, them, and three pets.

When we adopted our dog, three, he, him, thank you for that info, last year, our circumstances were very different than now. We both had hybrid working arrangements, so someone was always home with the dog. My partner got laid off from their job six months ago due to some stupid bullshit that I won't get into. They had an old job on hold they've gone back to, but it's shift work and they can't work from home. Our dog care situation has become tenuous because my work has gotten less flexible about work from home due to some other stupid bullshit. This is where Jane comes in. Jane is our neighbor and a distant family friend she loves dogs and has said she's keen to look after

ours whenever we need the problem is that jane is a heinous bitch when she came over to meet the dog she was in our house for all of 20 minutes before dropping some casual racism i also learned from our relatives that she stealthed her husband by poking holes in their condoms because she wanted a fourth child, like I said, heinous. I'm not comfortable having a racist sex offender in my house. It's also less important, but she's an I-like-dogs-more-than-people person, and that's just the cherry on top. I want advice on how to proceed. Finding consistent care for my dog has been one of my biggest stressors. While I believe in taking free labor from pieces of shit, I also don't want to maintain an amicable relationship with one any advice is welcome i'm very sensitive

so be gentle please jane does sound like a heinous bitch this is hard because i also do fundamentally agree with squeezing horrible people for all their worth i have said i've been on record saying i will take horrible people's money but that doesn't mean that i will support them directly no but like you know at a certain point you do draw a line and that is your own peace and your own sanity and this is impeding on your peace and your sanity so i think that like i obviously don't want to put this on you because you're the one who is going to work but i was going to say like dog friendly office vibes not in the sense that like oh you should bring your dog to work but like i have i swear to god if our neighbors they're so they've had like a dog they have a dog walker

and sometimes if the dog walker like scheduling wise or whatever i work from home and so i will go let the dog out and like you know to pee or whatever especially if they have like a long day and the walkers already come for the afternoon but if they i guarantee you like if they asked moths to like oh could you like let he he would be like can i bring the dog to my work like can i bring the dog my office like if you have like friends who like love a dog even if they don't work from home you don't have to have dog care set up in like a it obviously is you know a little bit more of a hassle but it doesn't have to be like oh five days a week or this many days whatever it goes to the same person every single time like you can have like a friend who helps you out one

day a week and then you only then you figure out something else one day or one day or whatever it can kind of be a collection of sorts in that way but I think if it's a financial thing and like you would not be able to afford dog care if it is not free then i think whose family is jane a family friend i think if jane was like you know torturous one of the like a biter like you know those kids who just like bit you or hit you i we can't say i relate to are you kidding no oh my we had a we had a family friend who me and so me and marilisa we're not sisters now but like we have we grew up together very close some people closer than others um and um but we had another family you i almost did another hand gesture didn't do that one we had another family friend

who like we like would still talk about as adults of being like we would play rock paper scissors and when we would get out she'd like slap us across the face and we'd be like what the fuck i think she was like even a year younger than us but she was like a big kid so like it would it hurt and like it was she was just like kind of like a terror and like i'm i'm sure she grew out of that and also like not her fault she was very little but like we did not necessarily enjoy that so i was gonna say i do fundamentally usually believe whoever's family and i think family friends are adjacent to family whoever is that initial connection it is their response that relationship is their responsibility but i think if this as a kid if jane was like a biter

or a hitter then i think you have to protect your partner and then you you are the in between not them if you like have to utilize their free labor to watch the dog because i am not a i like dogs more than people kind of person i do like your dog more than jane so i think in this instance if there is no way that this dog if like she treats the animal well and like there's no way that you're going to be able to have food on the table and hire somebody yeah then i think you you keep airpods in and you just wear your hair down so they can't see them and then you just like smile and nod or it's like a drop off yeah like a very quick thing have a computer you're talking to somebody on the phone yeah yeah david dobrik pulled that on me once and then his phone rang

and i said make sure you're on do not start but what do you think about uh any alternatives of not using jane i like the idea of like seeing if there's other friends that have a pet friendly office i don't know if there's any apps where you are that you can do it where somebody will come and let your dog out i know that's also you know a safety hazard because they're gonna have to have a coat to your house to get in or a key to your house there's also what else could you do maybe there's a kid in the neighborhood that like you know will work for kid praise i'm like i don't want to say things that are gonna you know be paying below like a minimum wage or whatever but maybe there's a kid in the neighborhood that you know their parents won't allow them to have

a full-time pet but they love animals and they can watch your kid your um your kid your dog until like they get off get out of school earlier than you get off work and they can come let them out and take them for a walk and then put them back make friends with people in your neighborhood yeah besides this neighbor if you have people in your neighborhood yeah even if you have people in your neighborhood who have like dogs like we are like quite literally i think we are the only people who don't have a dog and like all of our neighbors are like when are you guys gonna talk to me so like i know that if we got a dog i know who like works from home who walks their own dogs i know who uses a dog walker and like it could even be something along the lines of like i don't

know what your dog's needs are like like how much they need to be like let out but it can be something is if if they need attention the whole day someone needs to be in the house with them at all times versus having a dog walker come and then having like a neighbor come let them out again before you get home like doing that like those aspects of it especially because you said your partner is mostly doing shift work which is unpredictable yeah i think that financially deciding to do something that's like a longer a longer term more expensive commitment might not necessarily it might not be necessary like it might just be like oh this thing has shifted oh and then this thing has shifted but hey you know i also want to say i think jane might like

dogs more than people because i think dogs might like jane more than people like jane true and sometimes those people make great animal carers you're like oh i wouldn't want to hang out with you but like i trust my animals with you 100 because i actually do think if the fire the house is burning down i think you would grab the dog and step on me on the way out and that's fine in this case it works for us both yes you use them for what they have available yeah you just don't have them for your human emergency contact yeah all right next one i started seeing a guy 36 in january that i really liked we had super incredible chemistry and banter we had three dates that went really well and then we were planning our fourth when things started to shift

he started responding more slowly slash sporadically and when i tried to confirm our fourth date over the span of a month he left me on red i stopped texting him two weeks ago but i still feel like there was something strong there should i text him he's the first neurodivergent person i've dated who i actually related to from that standpoint i'm neurodivergent i just wanted to say again for everybody they are not related they are not related me libra sun scorpio moon and him oh scorpio moon moon and rising and him pisces oh oh march pisces oh yikes also um the writer is 30 she her oh you're right 30 she her my bad i think you're being very generous with like the this could be his neurodivergent like it totally could but you know it also might

of just run its course yeah and i will say that like as someone who like i am like very i'm and i can i don't know what neurodivergency is but if it's adhd i have been told by many psychiatrists i present like a i have a textbook male adhd i am not the kinds of the young girls who are like oh my god no one knew i was gifted i'm like everybody knew i was not gifted i i had all the textbook symptoms i would say that like the thing with that aspect of if it's that side of adhd if it's outside of neurodivergence we love shiny new the people who you are more likely to kind of like let see your shortcomings quote-unquote like the things that you don't necessarily maybe like love or traits that aren't categorized typically as like positive ones of neurodivergence those

usually go to the people who you trust and you know the most who you can kind of like slack off with and then the people that you're trying to either foster a relationship with or it's new and exciting that tends to get all of the focus um but that's just me so i think like sure that could be the reason i think that like a fourth date like i i i you we should this shouldn't have been a long time to try and even get a fourth like you've already done three others like this should be like we're i'll see you day after tomorrow i'll see you tomorrow like it should be kind of quick because i think after fourth date is you get to the dating stage like that to me is like a big shift so i think breaking off before that is stopping before you actually start dating

right right so you know if you want to make yourself just make sure that you're covering your bases reach out to him just say hey see what he says back and don't push it more if it's not like a reciprocal we're gonna keep you know moving this head first into the next steps then that's it and you know it does feel it feels special because this is the first person that you've connected to on that level but that doesn't mean this is the only person that you'll be able to connect to on that level yeah and also and i don't want this to sound bad or whatever but like you could also have connected to him on that level and then realize like oh i like no two neurodivergence are the same and like there are some people who like I there are some people who

are neurodivergent I really mesh with and other ones it's like it's we're it's we're the exact opposite and it's and it's hard it's harder to communicate it's like we're not speaking our own language there's all those aspects there so like you know and three dates in maybe you know that but like just remember like it wasn't necessarily like oh this is this is this thing we share so we're similar in this way it can just be like an umbrella that you share but like you you don't share the same aspects and the same branches of that umbrella but I also think like yes you could reach out I think what you're gonna get when you reach out is either no response or the reason why there's no response and I don't think the reason why there's no response is like

oh my god I totally forgot would love to go out with you again it's gonna be like I rekindled something with an ex or I started dating someone like it's if he hasn't reached back out to me it's still like one foot in one foot out like it's not you're not gonna pick up exactly where you left off but I do think it will you'll snip it off on your end and if you are not you're trying not to say closure you're not ready for that part and you want to keep the door open I think if you don't say anything and like six months from now after you've like you've been dating like he might just like pop back into your life but I don't know that you're going to I don't think a step's moving forward at this point i was thinking it in the way of um getting closure as well without saying

that but in this case sometimes you need closure just to close the door not to like closure as in the sense of like let's see where it goes where it goes this is more like i need to move on and not even permission but like i guess permission for your own heart yes to move on especially if you're a one-track mind kind of person where it's like well i need to know if this is still a thing because i don't want to like you know mess up something if it's good but like it might already be messed up and that's fine like it literally is so fine unless someone travels internationally there is fundamentally no reason why after you've had three days it should take you two like a month two weeks to plan a fourth day because i assume you're in the same like you've

been going out and if it's like oh but it's been we've going out like random dates over the course to six months that man has a family yeah that's what that's what that is usually if a man i like don't love like things that men say to you in general and if they don't say something to you think about all of the horrible things they do say they're withholding what they're saying suspicious yeah nefarious not all of them but i don't know this man and i love to judge a man i've never met all right we're gonna take a break when we get back we'll get into don't blame them we're back it's time for don't blame them what is don't blame them don't blame them is where a listener will call in or write in with their own advice pertaining to a call that we had on

a previous episode so they might have personal advice they might have professional advice they might have experience through a friend of a friend of a friend or they might just be like oh my god this reminds me of this other thing let me tell you about it so what do we got so this week is a follow-up to the episode we had with uh jerome milligan where somebody had called in and they had been with someone that was a very delicate lover and really didn't complete the loving part of that because they couldn't and um the caller just wanted to get railed by their cheating ex and so this is somebody calling in with advice pertaining to that hi i'm calling in for a don't blame them so this is for the most recent episode um about the girl

wants to get railed so I personally I 35 is a little late but I think if he can redeem himself the second time I know for me my now husband the first time we went to hook up he was kind of you know I I wasn't just for the street I was the streets and he had only really been in very serious relationships but there wasn't like a lot of sex going on in those and so he definitely had a little performance anxiety and I remember telling him like hey I like you enough where this part like I'm not just with you for this part I'm with you because I really like you anyway he ended up really just coming out of his shell knowing that piece of information I guess But I think she should, she never said if she was exclusive with this guy, this might be a little ho-ish, but she could always just, like, hook up with her ex and then wait, like, get that out of her system, hook up with this guy.

I don't know if that's maybe, like, what we should be advising, but it's a possibility. And then she could hook up with this guy. And maybe the first time, like the second time you have sex, you let it be like a little vanilla. After that time, if it is successful, you say, hey, just so you know, I'm a little bit of a freak and I want you to rail the shit out of me. so that's just my advice as somebody who is now married with kids to the person that i had that experience with and yeah i hope it really works out for her she really sounds like she needs to get real so i i really hope that for you caller all right bye yeah that bitch was horny i love the energy from moms who are formerly from the street like not from the streets no they were the street yeah la santa boulevardess like she's the boulevard she is the avenues like i i and like you know that they when you meet them you're like i i love that energy and is it a good advice

is it sound advice to tell someone to fuck their ex while they're dating someone else you know this person has a great question are they exclusive that's a really great question they're not in a committed relationship so therefore it's not cheating yeah would i do it a hundred percent i i said i said but i have yeah i was gonna say by the way we i but we yeah yeah i forgot no i i literally used to like the second i had to have a one like go on a date with someone that i liked i would go now's the time for me to go through every person i've had some like now that i'm dating again let me go through every person i've ever wanted to date or potentially or had it at some point and let me just make sure

that i'm on okay now cool yeah the thing is i have very good memory but for some reason when it huh i was about to say not in this category that's what it's about to say okay let me finish for some reason when it comes to men i forget because my heart wasn't into it but i wasn't thinking with my heart thinking with the wrong one i was thinking with the wrong pulsating organ yeah the wrong aortic yeah yeah but i wouldn't even say wrong it was just like that's who they were to fulfill at that moment and whatever people who i actually loved i do remember them totally yeah she doesn't have sex amnesia it's just yeah sometimes sometimes you don't you forget you know i've been there i have it's fine and i do once my memory is jogged i do

remember yeah sometimes and you want to forget sometimes you pretend that never happened i go if i if i couldn't remember for years therefore it doesn't count now that i do know no no no no no uh i really hope that person calls back and writes back in please and if i sense if they call me like we all be here in the instant if though if you gotten railed yet that sexual frustration and pent up right right right that thirst is quenched and you're no longer dehydrated or you'll come in with the energy of the fucking coolant right because i could feel that that energy in that that that original call no it's like it's to a point where i i do think you're you're you're busting down the doors and suddenly the coolant man is here in the hawaiian shirt

you're just like oh yeah so before we end this episode we're gonna read some comments from spotify thank you guys so much if you don't know you can leave episode specific reviews or comments on spotify and we will read them when we remember to do so on air all right so this is from the episode with jerome milligan milligan from i need to get real the episode that we were just highlighting anna androis said such a fun episode tess said omg a guess yep and it was a good one i laughed so hard we literally if you missed it we did record for three and a half hours and we had a good time and we didn't even well i knew it was three and a half because i kept trying to get us back on track but we kept derailing but uh it was so much fun i also

um went to his show this weekend it was great uh josie said in high school my brother and his friends spray painted 415 fizz in the bay on his bedroom ceiling needless to say our mom was not pleased but honestly legendary i am addicted to that because not to out josie's from the same that i am from and like that is so that specific kind of boy who's doing this and then uh sydney spelled s-y-d-n-i i've never seen it spelled that way but i like it said the fizzle it's fizzle the fizzle dance is sending me i have never heard of such a thing and i'm a native new yorker oh no it's when you say when you're like fit and i was like no fizz with a t like that makes me feel even more crazy yeah it is a fizzle dance everybody th

th macdray r.i.p can you do that i was gonna make a tiktok of it it's not too late i'm going to tell my to-do list make sure you tag the pod i will i'll get tagged mecca too so now we're at the end of the episode megan take it away that is it we hope you all enjoyed it don't forget you can join our patreon you can watch the video versions of the podcast you can also just watch ad free support the show and we do live streams twice a month they're very fun great place to meet new people everybody has become friends people visit each other they go see each other across the globe it's wonderful and very very very rarely like i can't even think of like not like it's happened probably like count on one hand how intense it's happened that there will

be nobody new in it so you will not be the first or only new person it's not like coming to like a school in the middle of the year don't worry we're very good at explaining backstories a lot yeah you did that's why you're very i hate the word resilient because i don't think it's fun for most people because you go what the fuck else is i supposed to do right but it you you have that everyone who moved around a lot has that like energy and the energy is everybody wants to be your friend you don't always want to be everybody else exactly um and yeah get our merch and new spring colors coming soon okay good i thought you're gonna say out now and i was like shut the fuck up no follow our socials and getting back posting on there and don't forget to respond to

the form or write in call in for an upcoming episode thank you so much to everyone who's giving me so much excellent feedback for the posts that I've made because you're all terrified and that just warms my heart so much the posts I'm talking about are the ones where I'm asking people to uh fill out the form really really makes me happy inside yeah it's rage marketing consumer outrage marketing thank you so much again for listening to this episode join us tomorrow for fisting friday that is an episode where we just catch up with each other talk and talk there's no outline there's no segment it's just us talking and we're funny so it's entertaining uh monday we've got but am i wrong that's our show where sometimes people

don't take our advice or they've done some things and they're like oh i might have been wrong in that situation. And we give our thoughts and feelings. We also share situations in our lives where we might've been wrong or things we just want to rant about. And then we nominate somebody in the world who we think is the wrong of the week. Tuesdays, we have see you next Tuesday. That's where we take the votes out to the people, you guys on Instagram, and you share your thoughts and feelings from but am i wrong wednesday that's your day to catch up fill in the blanks do whatever you need to do to help us help you grow and then on thursday we're back here for don't blame me love it perfect wonderful we'll see you next time goodbye

this is a sister sign production hosted by me megan rinks and me melissa d montz plus diamond imprint productions post-production by coco lorenz production assistance by melanie d watson and music by ryan hunter and giacomo picasso