Don't Blame Me! - DBM: Boyfriend Cheated With My Best Friend

Episode Date: December 5, 2024

This week Meghan and Melisa are giving advice on: Being afraid of penis Getting pregnant by your ex Parents are in an open relationship Revenge for cheating ex boyfriend and best friend Don't Blame Them: Making friends in college Follow Us! instagram.com/meghanandmelisa @meghanrienks instagram.com/meghanrienks https://twitter.com/meghanrienks @sheisnotmelissa instagram.com/sheisnotmelissa instagram.com/diamondmprint.productions Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Visit ancestry.ca for details. Terms apply. hear that it's your money calling it wants a promotion elevate your savings with the scotia high interest savings account always earn high regular interest rates that grow the more you save and invest conditions apply visit scotiabank.com slash hisa to learn more scotia bank you're richer than you think hi megan hi hi hi hi we look so festive and jolly this is the first episode in december oh don't blame me what did you just call me bitch yeah i called you a hoe bitch specifically called you a ho three times i said ho ho and oh before i forgot oh wow what a call thank you so much you're so welcome so welcome to another episode

don't blame me where we are going to give you some life-changing amazing wonderful advice and i have taken a a sneak peek at what we have for this episode from the sentence one sentence summary alone buckle the fuck up guys this is i'm first of all i'm concerned i'm glad you're all reaching out to us for help and i'm locked in like i'm so ready for all of this i do feel like once we get to this time of year we get a little chaotic this is when the chaos happens it's like hey i'm going to my hometown or if you're not even on like quote-unquote winter break i think we still have that mentality that like we're doing that like it's just like fuck it whatever or it's like it's cold and we're bored and we're stirring shit up so i

for one cannot wait i'm excited well what is this show megan well we're gonna give you advice and you might be wondering how we're qualified to give you advice and that is because what we lack in credentials we make up for in opinion hunt yeah exactly like that it's giving house a bunny Jessica. I've never seen it, so. You would love it. You know how much I love Anna Faris. I know I would love that movie.

I just haven't seen it. Maybe I'll add it to my rotation since I had a rough go at it. I have to say, it will be a stark pivot. Like, from everything else you've been consuming. And if you're ready for that, I love that. This time of year is crazy because Bons and I, we rewatch all of our favorite Horrible Christmas movies and we watch all of the new ones

and we try and find ones that are the most unhinged. But then you also have the early awards, like the award-winning movies that are coming out. The Oscar bait. Yeah, and then it's like, I'm sorry, I have a really hard time with Whiplash going from hot frosty, hot whatever, to like, hey, do you want to see Selma?

And it's like, whoa, I need to detox from what I've watched to then hop into something artsy and intense. And you know what? I still haven't watched, oh God, what was that one with all the men? I'm not going to watch it. Too many boys. it was a uh uh what's that martin short no scorsese it was the uh i the irishman yeah that

one i remember months so old at this point i know but i remember mom's like let's watch it and i was like i unfortunately just watched a canadian christians movie where they're pretending to be in atlanta and they all have horrible accents and the uh audio was bad i'm actually not ready to watch something with a 10 million dollar budget it's about your people though also wasn't 10 million dollars first of all they're men second of all that's all you need to know i i've i've created the thing with monster i'm like if we're watching a movie and in the first five minutes there's not a woman i'm turning it off i this is how i feel about oscar movies if people aren't still talking about it like i don't just sit down and watch oscar movies like me i'm the same way

people are aren't still talking about it two years later i don't want to see it no no i'm just now getting around to oscar movies from 2017 and i'm like okay i'll watch okay fine you got me i'm caving like also the last time i went to i think the last time i went to go see an oscar movie in theaters besides like little women was la la land and unless you can guarantee me that i'm gonna see la la land and then i'm gonna see la la land think they get robbed out of an oscar when it gets to a very deserving movie moonlight which i did also see that year maybe that maybe i just want to end on a high note the last time i think i watched those i saw moonlight and i saw um la la land i think both in theaters and i don't want to i don't want to have a different experience i think la la

land may be the last one i saw but i didn't think it was going to be an oscar movie when i saw it no and i saw moonlight and i said well there's the oscar movie yes but i don't think i've ever other than that i don't think i've really paid to see an oscar movie in a theater i think i've gone to screenings yeah I don't think oh I saw Moonland as a screener you're right there you go like oh my god La La Land is the last one I gave my money to I think La La Land might be the last one I also gave my money to oh my god and we were just no no I'm safe I'm safe I saw Wakanda Forever oh oh my god me too okay you're right we're good we're good I was like holy shit a movie I saw is a bit oh no I did too much I'm just not into movies like I used to be well there

the movies aren't moving like they used to no I used to legit sit down and like plan out going to see all the movies how did you know what movies were coming out if you've never watched trailers I used to watch trailers oh well that's why you but but but I would still like like sit down and put everything like i'm gonna go watch this no matter like when but but the thing is i used to go to all the screenings i used to legit go to like the ones that the dga or the pga were hosting and i don't go to them anymore yeah i don't i don't know what it's gonna be like are we gonna put the last season of love island eligible because like love island usa they can learn i'm fine with that like but i don't even know how we're gonna have enough to fill

love these categories speaking of awards you know what wars i am excited about what the grammys oh my god first of all battle of the bitches these girls are about to sing that is what i'm excited about i like stan twitter is gonna be upset no matter what like this i don't know we've ever seen something so cutthroat this is i usually don't watch grammys like as a full show i'll watch bits and pieces and clips or if i get a hearing like beyonce's here like the last award show when she showed up in the country attire and we're like what is this and then heard about jay-z droning on i was like okay i'll go watch for this and then you know cowboy carter the next week i think yeah it was something it it was because it all happened when i was in arkansas when i had

to go back and it was all within the the same time span it was like beyonce shows up in cowboy gear to the grammys what's she doing there here's what she's doing there and then super bowl and it's like drop the mute i think she said drop the music and then we go in and then that it was a super bowl yeah it was that moment and that could only have been weeks before yeah wow so here we are anyways i'm on moviefone.com there's the count of monte cristo is coming out moviefone.com is still a thing i didn't even know it was sonic the hedgehog 3 mufasa which is starring no it was you have to watch him act he's a beautiful actor you and megan sister megan both said and she that's not even her type of man i know he's also he's my type if you made his eyes

darker he's got he's got those hip hypnotizing eyes and i don't mean that in a sexual way i mean that in like a you go to sleep yeah oh and craven but are these oscar bait movies no was it these are just what's coming out in december and i'm like so nothing so we're just are we just not going to have the oscars are they going to go solid effort try fucking better like you know what what it is and it's not even oscar really marvel doesn't have any movies out well that's why we don't know because we aren't going to the movies to see marvels who are not seeing the trailers yeah that's a very good point exactly what it is yeah yeah anyways welcome we're getting some advice uh if you want to call in you can leave us a voicemail at 310-694-0976

international listeners you can send us an audio message at meganpodcast at gmail.com you can also just type out an email to that same email address um and you can also send us a dm at megan and melissa we have all those things listed in the show notes too so if i spoke too fast you can you can grab it from there and we do require that you be 18 or over have your parents permission for all forms of calling slash writing in and we would like to know your age you know even if you're over like 18 we just want to know how old you are because it does affect the advice that we give you it will be more catered to your age and that's not in a patronizing way you know like we just we've lived the lives yeah it's helpful gives us context clues um so if you are going to call in

you can write everything down ahead of time practice a few times make sure you have all of the relevant information and then just read it out loud and then for the written one you have to give it under 300 words for the audio one under three minutes um and we ask that you give us like your thesis statement your three examples or like three bullet points to explain your pov or whatever um or the situation and then what you need advice on specifically let us know if you're sensitive and we do ask for as many details as possible because we don't want to get it wrong and if we get it wrong we're sorry yeah just call us and give us more information yeah we'd love an update and reconsider and change our thoughts and feelings and we also have a

patreon where you can support the show but also you can watch the video version of this so if you want to watch my pure bliss and sheer excitement oh melissa's promoting it with something she's holding it's a it's well unless that's huge it's girthy i can't even get my hand around it wow also you can purchase individual episodes if you don't want to lock in with us you also may have missed a big announcement last week because you weren't part of it or you leave and you know who i'm talking about i'm speaking directly to you don't be ashamed don't be upset with me but you left a message on our spotify that said that the ads drive you crazy well you can listen ad free on patreon and i responded that you can listen ad free on patreon

yep yep yep also we're getting close to the holidays great if you're like trying to figure out what gifts that like your friends family are like what should i get you and be like hey give me a year to patreon and i also was thinking that you and i should have megan and melissa's uh favorite things like oprah you know i love over favorite things just like oprah's but for our own stuff and we should just make a list i'm fucking there we can all each put 10 things on my squatty potty is already gonna be one of them i pooped for the first time in days today anyways let's get into the first one i'm not gonna read it out loud because my mother's in the next room but you can read it read it that makes me excited hi megan and melissa this is pretty embarrassing

but I'm going to keep it short and sweet. No carpenter. I'm 28. She, her, and I've been with my boyfriend since high school. We recently broke up for reasons that don't matter. He was the only guy I had sex with. And now the thought of sticking another man's penis inside of me in an orifice makes me absolutely disgusted. I really liked having sex with him, but I can't imagine another dick. How do I get over this? I think imaginative dicks can either be so much better than the real thing or so much worse than the real thing i think you need to see a real dick i i was gonna say i think that you need to do some exposure therapy and maybe not just like it doesn't have to be specifically in person but you can um look at videos online i have a book of dicks i don't

know what it's called and i can't go it's hidden right now hope your mom's not reading it no no it's hidden i you know i put things away when she comes i know but i just remember there is a the dick thing that you left you gave me yeah there's two of them um but whatever they're there yeah i think you just need some exposure therapy to see a lot of them they're all different no two look alike there's different shapes and sizes and some are disgusting and so are you more afraid of looking at the dick or the dick inside of you because if you're afraid of looking at the dick you don't have to look at you don't have to look at it there's a pocket for that like you can it can you can just tuck that away but if you're if it's like of having another man's dick inside of you

how do you feel about kissing another man like if you feel also disgusted about kissing another man i don't think it's the penis i think it's just maybe you're not ready to you're not ready to move on yeah but i i think since they didn't mention that then that's not what it is also what did your ex's like was your ex's penis like gorgeous like i think it's just the only one that she's ever seen in 10 i don't know how long they were getting it in but if this helps i've been together since they were in high school and she's 28 now if i close my eyes i'm trying i'm trying to remember my high school boyfriend's dick actually he doesn't know the first dick i saw but like i'm trying to remember i could tell you what people's dicks felt like but if you ask me to

draw a dick from memory from years ago there's only one i could do that's what i'm saying like from memory drawing it i yeah like i can tell you what it felt like because i had much more but like i wasn't studying it sketch pad and paper yeah so but if it's just the thought of someone else's pp inside of your pp i don't have a pp i have a vv you go pp out of it though not that not my vagina no not the vv but it was like don't get the area the area the area i was like if there's any straight man listening to this that that was incorrect simplified there's a urethra yeah they're like i don't know too many holes so maybe if you're so disgusted by the thought of thinking of other penises i think first step exposure therapy second step stop thinking about penises

or go get some realistic dildos yeah the thing i'm the least afraid of of a lot of men is the penis it's like so weak and like you know what i mean like it's like yeah easy we learned that from this podcast a dick can break i didn't learn it from this podcast i learned it from gray's anatomy but um as you do yes and everyone's like i learned about lupus from house um because you saying that like why we broke up doesn't matter it might like would you say when you broke up recently broke up for reasons that don't matter 28 and you've been through boyfriends since high school yeah i'm gonna be real with you i think i'd be afraid of penises too yeah i think that's what it is it was the longevity of one and you've never been around

another and the comfortability of it and that's the only one prepare yourself like they all feel different they look different and some penises taste different look we can't get into that don't scare like they smell different you don't say that don't do that if it smells like mac and cheese run if he unzips his pans and you go craft run get out but like you can even like from the look of a penis sometimes looks can be deceiving and like the feel of the penis totally different then sometimes you look at a penis and like you underestimate it then there's other times you go that's gonna be great and you go where did that go and to that i would say maybe look at like the best penises ever because if you're afraid of penises i don't think you should look at like

the startling ones yeah like look at hollywood dicks like look at gorgeous gorgeous penises yeah you've got to look at like the the professional yeah she is the professional porn mom is at her house we should just say that uh the professional porn stars look at theirs that the ones that work a lot like go to a porn site and go to where they have the stars listed and then look at who is the top ranked and look at those yeah and if you're like not ready if you like need more of a static dick you're like not ready to like see what that dick do you just want to see it in a still image you can also do like movies like you can like like movies are fake yeah but that's fine we're just they're they're prosthetic they've been made

beautifully they move a lot they move a lot more than a real one would but we're easing into it we're easing into it so like you know look up pictures do not look at the at the one from what was that movie that your man is in i'm sorry because the first thing i thought of where he's a pop star is it called pop star yeah don't look at that one don't do not look at i thought you were gonna say the one with army hammer don't look at that one either not call me by your name the one with the horse what was that called we i loved that movie i don't know sorry for bothering you sorry to bother you oh oh oh yes don't look at that one don't look at that one don't look at that one and if you're tempted don't watch the chronicles of narnia afterwards because like you

will start to go suddenly I'm attaching anatomy on Mr. Tumnus that isn't there so don't do that either yeah look at like I don't know red white and royal blue are there dicks in that I don't know something where it's like hot men in a locker room probably not but I think they would be beautiful hot men in a locker room anything that's been like if you have any gay guy friends like lusted after in like um coming of age like movies of like yeah I don't know like what uh that gymnastics movie is for women who are into other women like there are some men who've had these like and like even it could be like dick lines where it's like oh this is this was it for me i mean i was gonna say in uh challengers there is one it's a little guy but it's a real i guess

that's a good question are we worried about them being too small or too big i think it just might be the disgustingness of them yeah and maybe go to the louvre go to a museum look at the dicks and marble look at the michelin look at the look at those look at the look at look at them with their big balls and their tiny wings they have like i'm like what how were men built back then i just think that they were jokes i heard that they were jokes they have to be because why are your balls so big and your peen so small nobody wanted to be hard for this like that's crazy to me that i'm like we just wanted to make it because it wasn't about being sexual no i know but like i just would think that specifically with marble it would be easier to make an erect penis than a

flaccid one like i feel like there's less chip like it's just a little more of a little less curved a little more i don't know because i think because if it's just sitting there you don't have to like if it's out you gotta go all the way around if it's just sitting there you just gotta do one side or like you know but they do arms and legs that's true i don't know anyways please let know what words for you and if anybody has any other tips of like content tips for real specifically tips and shafts and balls if anyone has any like like oh watch this this is a gorgeous penis or and only send penises that the people who are attached to those penises they are they've co-signed yes please don't do any leaked i think the book that i have is called the book of gorgeous

yeah and i think that i think that's the exact name i'll put it in the show notes though it was a gift from someone and then if you're really having a hard time start looking at pictures of titties and vaginas and see if you like those more and if you don't watch like paddington like watch something that you like has none of that and then just like like put all the the sexual stuff on the back burner maybe don't think of it as sex you're just i think you need to get medical no no no attach the person like you need to like people and not just you just don't want to go out and fuck yeah that's true like unless if you have a gorgeous gorgeous dick i i don't care as much about what you look like but very rare do i don't

want to just see i'm not asking for men to walk around with their faces covered and their dicks out like that's i don't i don't want that and i and i like dick but like i don't you don't have to get like that with it sometimes it's the body attached to the dick and sometimes you don't want the body attached to the dick no all right let's take a break when we get back we'll get into some more this episode is brought to you by Accenture when your advertising operations fall out of sync everything else follows Spotify and Accenture are working together to reinvent the rhythm of ad sales, using automation, analytics, and smarter workflows to simplify campaign delivery and access

better data across the business. The result? Less time spent on operations, more time connecting brands with the moments and fandoms that matter most. Learn more at Accenture.com slash Spotify. Hear that? It's your money calling. It wants a promotion. Elevate your savings with the scotia high interest savings account always earn high regular interest rates that grow the more you save and invest conditions apply visit scotiabank.com slash hisa to learn more scotia bank you're richer than you think and we're back hey my name is i'm 32 year old female she her and my ex is 33 he him we were together for two years and broke up a little over three months ago we started out as friends with benefits and we were never supposed to be serious with each other but

we quickly fell in love everything was great until i had a near-death experience and realized i wanted to be a mother the issue is that he and i had both discussed that we didn't want kids i had changed and he didn't so we broke up but he never we never stopped loving each other to make matters worse we work together and a very specific feel so it's not like either us can just leave our jobs without uprooting the rest of our life we've both been dating other people but haven't been able to get over each other in a weak moment we've kissed a few times well one night after working late we had dinner as friends then one thing led to another and we slept together now i'm pregnant sorry i knew it was coming i knew it was coming no great storyteller and he's 100 the father i want to keep

the baby but i'm not sure i should tell him since he said becoming a father would be the absolute worst thing that could ever happen he has a strained relationship with his own father and doesn't feel like he had a strong enough role model to be a good father himself should i tell him or should i lie and say that someone else is the father no no in the words of more povich you are the father you are the you are the father and he doesn't have to be a dad but you need you should be getting child support for your kid like it's not for you it's for your kid so like he yes he is you need to tell him i'm not going to say that his reasoning for not wanting to be a dad isn't valid or whatever but like for your own peace of mind he should be in therapy like that's

like having a bad relationship with your own parent does not doom you to like repeat the cycle or whatever and I say that as someone who you have been through that and like I for a long time was like I would love the idea of having kids I don't know if I'll ever be ready to have a kid and I've I'd always said that and like therapy helped with that immensely because it was like oh I'm not that person I'm not my parents I don't I'm not doomed to make my parents mistakes and I also wouldn't view what my parents did as mistakes if I didn't like if I if I was going to do those things do what I mean like you don't if you're going to be just like your parents you would see nothing wrong with your parents like there it would just be it would be great it would be fine and like that's

how those cycles continue where it's like normalizing those relationships and accepting them and being like no no it's fine it's totally good that's how you continue that on because you don't know any better so like already knowing like didn't have a good relationship didn't have a good role model therefore like by just that realization alone you won't be like that for his sake and for like your future child's sake like i would tell him and be like so i'm pregnant there again there's always a risk of that and he also knew that you wanted to have kids and being like i'm keeping this baby i'm really excited to have this baby i completely understand that this was like not in your plan you know you don't have to be a present father if you don't want to like but we'll

establish some ground rules for this and I would love if you get to a place where you want that but like that needs to be something that like we iron out before our kid is here because like I'm not going to let our kid go through the growing pains of that so like you know if if if things change or whatever but like I think like going to therapy would be really really great I think he would be an awesome dad if you're not an awesome dad like we won't co-parent and like that will be okay but I think that like I'd love to give you the opportunity to do this and I think you'd be doing yourself a disservice if you didn't maybe see like work on some therapy and if after that you decide you still don't want that's totally good I don't want you to feel

pressure or feel any regret or feel like you're you could have done something else like I think this would be really good for you regardless of this kid being here but yeah because he's going you work together he is going to see you throughout this whole pregnancy so i and i and you're gonna you know people get hormonal like you're you're gonna be seeing him too and i think if you don't tell him at some point he's gonna figure it out or you're gonna blab it out and it's better if you sit down and plan this out and talk about it if he's not gonna step up as far as like being part of this child's life and getting therapy uh he does need to step up financially yeah regardless like point blank and i agree i didn't even think about that part the the like tell him

now like obviously you still have hormones raging through your body but like it gets more and more that like yeah in a moment of annoyance or frustration with him you don't want to tell him you're actually the father and then also like keeping that from other people so it doesn't get back because like if you guys work together i have to assume this can't be like the biggest place ever and like i have to assume you must have people in common that like y'all are still slipping up and kissing sometimes you slipped up and did this like i just i'm assuming that other people at work knew that y'all were together so i think people are also going to assume that he's the father anyway oh fags that's actually so true yeah it's like some people are

like wait you guys broke up like i fully thought i see y'all together i see the chemistry y'all are still in love with each other so and also you can only keep the father of your child a secret without another man in the picture who looks strikingly like that other man for so long like you just it's at a certain you'd have to move away like it's because he would just be like that's my kid like i think we're related and like there's something very powerful about that like i have watched tiktoks of people who were like of like people who were abducted as babies and then like ran into their like their mother and their mom being like that's my kid like i know that's my kid i was like your kid died in a fire she goes that's not my kid give me a piece of your

fucking hair and then be like told you it was my fucking kid like there is just like a there's a pull like that so i think like to prevent him from knowing is such a huge undertaking and task i understand the idea of like you would rather you would rather disappoint yourself and you would rather let yourself down by not telling him so he doesn't have the opportunity to hurt you by like not wanting to step up but i i think it's a disservice to your whole relationship and like him as a person because like you you said you still have a lot of love for him you seem to really respect him and like care for him and so i think like when we really love and care about people they deserve the opportunity to be that person who we love and like they might hurt us

but i think not giving them that option is i don't think that that's what we do for people we love but you know he also knew you wanted to have kids yep and he slept with you yeah so first of all congratulations because you said you had a near-death experience we never even touched on that and that made you realize you want to have kids and i don't know how you only broke up three months ago so i have to assume this is all relatively recent so congratulations on getting pregnant and having this having this baby when are you due i would love updates on like you know what are you are you doing like have you told people your other friends yet um do you have any names what's the nursery theme i love a nursery theme oh all right let's get into the

next one. Hi, I'm a 17-year-old girl. Yes, I did get my mom's permission. I almost said, do you have your mother's fucking permission? She actually listens to the podcast and recommended that I write in because she listens and thinks that you guys can give me some good advice. Oh, hey, mama. She had me when she was 20, so she's like the same age as Melissa, since Melissa said that she's the same age as Raymond. Wow, great point of reference. Anyways, so I recently found out that my parents are in an open relationship. First, I thought that my dad was cheating on my mom because I saw Tinder open on his phone, so naturally I told my mom. She was embarrassed at first, and I was ready to beat my

dad's ass, but then she explained that while they are committed to each other, they also date other people. I'm sure it's more than date, but she didn't say that, and I don't want to think about it. I know it's their business, and I think if it was someone else's parents, I wouldn't care, but it's mine, and I think it's weird that they seem so in love. I don't get how they can date other people. Can you also write back and let me know if you use this because my mom promised not to listen to the episode if you do that's very nice of your mom okay so your mom's not listening we'll talk a little bit of shit on your mom right now just a wee bit of shit on your parents right now this is totally like fine like non-monogamy is without a doubt fine your dad leaving tinder

open on his phone is not fine and also i'm sure it was an accident no no totally but i do think that like you have a seven you have a like i'm assuming you live at home if you don't live at home i take it all back but if you live at home i do think that there is a level of you're allowed to be your own person when you have kids without a doubt you have your own needs when you have kids all of that but they do have to take they are secondary they do have to take second place to your kids and like if you are consuming uh adult content or doing all of those kinds of things you need to be very very very mindful like just be like so on your a-game about making sure your kids aren't exposed to that because if you were younger than this like that's a it's a lot more

like your your mom i don't think probably would have told you this if you were younger so like you are having you're bearing the burden of the truth which is like the truth is great but also like if you had been younger it's just you know and if you're like sitting on the couch watching a movie with your dad and he's scrolling tinder that's i find inappropriate like it's maybe he was like doing something and like it wasn't where she was like if it's in his office she wasn't in yeah like he was in a private place doing it and then she walked in and then you know he like flipped it down so i do think that like that's very jarring i think it's like totally fine to feel like wow that's jarring i also think that i'm impressed with the amount of time

your parent are you an only child like to have time to have a kid and also date other people I think that like relationships are complicated in the sense that like having an open relationship and this is not something I would ask your parents about because like I don't think it's you don't need to know but like there are so many ways people end up in open relationships and sometimes people start relationships being open sometimes people have done that in a prior relationship and it becomes a non-negotiable. And then sometimes the other person, that's not their thing, but they really love that other person and they make it work for that. So I think there's so many different things there. And like, you can be worried about anything. Like if it's

like a hypersexuality thing that you're like, I feel really gross thinking about that kind of a thing. Or like you said, like I felt like they were really like in love and all of that. There is so many different so many different ways that we love like think of like you know you love your favorite sweatshirt you love your friends you love your family you love your pet you love ice cream like you love things in different ways that doesn't change how much you love other things I've heard someone in a polyamorous relationship say that because we're poly then it makes me love my main partner more because even though I'm with other people, I always want to come home to my partner. And so I think it's with these types of relationships, it's like, it's not, if it was

somebody that wasn't like your parents, your parents, I'd be like, it's not for you to understand. And like you said, if it was somebody else's parents, you wouldn't care, but maybe just like sitting down and talking with them and just like, I don't want to know the details of like what y'all are out here doing but like why did you decide to or have you always been even before i was born were you always polyamorous or did you open this up later like what is it and i think like just having an open conversation with them it will help you understand and you'll get over these um feelings that you're having yeah i would prepare because there can be different reasons that you don't really want to hear in terms of like sex stuff like it's just there's needs that

are being met in different ways and like it can even be something as simple as like one of your parents travels a lot for work and your other parent like really values you know spending time with someone I would say if you are 17 and they have been in an open relationship your entire life I would be surprised because like that you would have not figured that out and like were they present were they around like it's just like that is so many plates juggling in the air like it could and like I don't like in and I mean that in the sense that like it doesn't mean that your parents have been like going on first dates with new people every week that doesn't that's not what that necessarily means it can mean that like there's one person that one of your parents had

been seeing for a while as well or whatever that is but I think that like I mean oh my god I feel bad if I were you I would just be like I and I'm sure how you feel like I'm being I just wish I didn't know like in that sense so like would finding out the reason what is there a reason why or like I'm not I don't say reason why like you need to defend it but like is there a what drew them to doing this and like when it started and all of those things is there an answer to any of those things that would make you feel better than a different answer because I think if there is and you're like hoping being like I would really really fucking hate if it's that sex like I don't want to I don't want to know that like my parents are into some fucking weird shit that

they can't get from other people like I don't want to know that okay so if the answer is my dad cheated on my mom and couldn't stop cheating on my mom and then this is how they were able to maintain this was her knowing and having boundaries within this aspect of it and then her also seeing other people or her not also seeing other people would you prefer that answer or is that like because i think i do wonder is any answer is might be something that you don't really want to know every answer might be something that's a little too much in the sense that like you can also have gotten this information and be like cool so i need you to not to be on dating apps when i'm at the house I want to I don't want to know about this stuff now that I know I don't want anything to

change I don't want you to talk to me like I know I want you to still pretend like I don't know I want you to hide this from me I don't want to be participating in this I don't want to be about this at all that's it like pretend this never happened you can also do that and it but it could also be where because you don't know you're going to go to the worst possible scenario in your head and then it makes it bad too. So I think it's weighing both options. Is there a bad, is there the worst scenario to you? That's what I want to know.

It's like, cause is there one thing that you were like, well, this would make me feel a lot better and this would make me feel a lot worse. And I think like, if you're not 50-50 on like, if it's any of these things, I'll feel better. And if it's any of these things, I'll feel worse. If there's only one way that this has come about that'll make you feel better,

the likelihood that it's that, it's just it's a game of numbers like it's it's just not unless you're like 50 50 these reasonings will make me feel better these will make me feel worse I just think you're running the risk of feeling like you you already feel like you know too much so I think that would be my advice but yeah I think there's something very complicated about this dynamic with kids when it's not like known and like there's like couples and people on tiktok who like talk about being in i also think there's a huge difference between being like publicly in an open relationship and being an open relationship content creator and also not telling your kids and profiting profiting off of

that like that's like they like and there's lots of people who talk about it being like i don't know what we're gonna do when our kids are older like it's we're not sure and like it's sometimes we find out things about people like our parents whatever that like we don't want to know and like we want to put that back in the box and then sometimes you just like need to smash the box and like figure like learn everything figure it all out and then you'll feel a lot better and other times like you are allowed to just like shove it away and like do your best to not think about it like that doesn't make you immature or anything like that i would also ask them like what was your were you ever going to tell me yeah and and like maybe the question is like are you happy

together are you still like let's say like if you do live together like when i move out if i can go to college are you guys going to stay together because like I wonder if there's a bit of representative of thinking that like you feel like this relationship that they've had between them has been fake and it hasn't and like or if you feel like they've stayed together because of you and they're unhappy because I think that that would be a bigger thing than like finding out about this but good luck let us know if you want to let us know how it goes if you take like further steps and we will keep you in our hearts and uh it is cool we have multi-generations i know to this and that's nice of your mom to not listen to this episode yeah oh dad

fucking dad on tinder also you're ready to beat his ass i love that i like that you went straight to your mom and then we're like okay all right we're gonna take another break This episode is brought to you by Accenture. When your advertising operations fall out of sync, everything else follows. Spotify and Accenture are working together to reinvent the rhythm of ad sales. using automation, analytics, and smarter workflows to simplify campaign delivery and access better data across the business. The result? Less time spent on operations, more time connecting brands with the moments and fandoms that matter most. Learn more at Accenture.com slash Spotify.

At Desjardins Insurance, we know that when you own a nail salon, everything needs to be perfect from tip to toe. That's why our agents go the extra mile to understand your business and provide tailored solutions for all its unique needs. You put your heart into your company, so we put our heart into making sure it's protected. Get insurance that's really big on care. Find an agent today at Desjardins.com slash business coverage. When you're a mid-sized business,

you need every competitive advantage you can get. Like an AI solution that works for you, not against you sap grow is built with ai embedded at its core working across every system and it's ready to go from day one so you can hit the ground running bring it with sap grow ai cloud erp for any size business we're back we're gonna get into the next one hi ladies life has been especially heart right now i'm 26 just got out of a relationship because he cheated on me with my best friend so that relationship is over as well i was of course planning on spending thanksgiving and christmas with him and my best friend was going to be the backup because i'm basically

an orphan but now i don't know what to do kill that i'm sorry i'm feeling angry frustrated and lonely i want revenge not petty revenge but something that's going to hurt but it won't get traced back to me and or i won't get in trouble by with the law any suggestions okay my gut instinct was death for both of them so but that could get traced back yeah which is unfortunate because i do think that that's the punishment for this this is messed up that's so fucked up i'm sorry i'm sorry especially this time of the year which is like the worst part of the year like I am so sorry I think that like obviously your partner cheating on you at all but your partner cheating on you with your best friend is heinous always but as someone who also does not who I

don't know your entire family situation but like that is also me I do think that people who do that to people who they know don't have the same support system that they do is wildly fucked up and especially at this time of the year like i'm like if anybody is like mean to me at this time of the year i was like how dare you you have a family like you're better than this like it's just like it's evil like it's so nasty and so fucked up and like for two people who both know you right to do that is it's disgusting oh god my petty revenge i don't even think yeah not petty i think it needs to be anything it needs to be serious and deep revenge first of all how what's the size of your town everyone should know and i know that like yeah yeah i think reclaiming

i think public shaming is huge and i think a lot of people like feel embarrassed if like they are in your position which you should not you did nothing wrong it is not embarrassing to have gotten cheated on it is embarrassing for the person who cheated but i do think that they should not be able to like go through their life and like have everybody have no idea i do think everyone should know so i think a public shaming is wonderful super great if you want to take it past you know just your your uh inner circle tiktok's a great platform it is it's a really wonderful platform you'll see girls supporting girls um and also you know i love an anonymous phone call I love an anonymous voicemail I think anonymous voicemails maybe to family members

co-workers just letting them know what has happened I think is great were you tied to him in any type of financial thing where like you both might have been paying a bill on something but his name was only on it or your name was only on it and then like if his name was only on it do something where you are raising the cost of that exponentially if your name was only on it and it's your responsibility change all the passwords exactly kick him off in any way that you can if you share a bank account it's yours now drain it drain it and close it yeah i think starting rumors is always fun especially rumors think of drake hot sauce condom think of things that could that are believable but wow that's fucking crazy and people wouldn't be comfortable

asking if it's true or leak their secrets like things that you actually do know about them that are true that you know that are things that usually when you have a close intimate friendship with someone that you would never tell anybody but now that they have screwed you over you screw them over yep yep yep i especially think that's good if you also know that like if you know things about they have um a third person living in their apartment who's not on the lease and their landlord doesn't know or they like claim that they have to take a family member to physical therapy every week so they work from home for a couple days on their own those kinds of things anything they've done to get out of any situation where you knew that they were lying about it where

usually it's like you know just a little white lie tell the truth now every time they've talked shit about anybody else in their life tell them tell them exactly what they said and what they said yep i also think that like there's lots of like different websites and things set up for revenge so like you can mail someone an envelope where glitter explodes everywhere i would recommend doing that to their place of work you know and you can also like mail people bags of shit and then you know hide in your car and like watch them open it that's another good one shit on fire that's another good one they gotta step on it and then it's everywhere i again i think a good old-fashioned phone call where you just call anonymous number and you don't say anything

and they they keep asking who hello hello and you don't say anything sometimes you can just breathe on the other one breathe heavily that freaks them out and then eventually like after you do like a go back to back they won't answer then wait a couple days do it again i'm pretty sure this one is without a doubt illegal but like i do think we have bigger fish to fry signing up for like spam email and stuff signing people up for that stuff and then even more poignant signing people up for like ashleymadison.com signing things for i'm gonna make sure that this looks specifically targeted for what you did to me yeah or putting them on like not just spam like digital things but actually like their actual male

where weird things could come there too? Yeah, I will say that this was probably one of the most, and I didn't do this and I've done some of the other things we've talked about, I've done. So what I'm about to say, someone did this to me in middle school and as a middle schooler, it almost ruined my life.

It was so diabolical. As an adult, I'm like, that was fucking impressive. I stopped being friends with this girl and she was like so mad at me. And I think to this day, she like still denies it was her. And I was like, at this point, girl, own it. because I was like, that was fucking impressive. She pulled the mean girls

and did the whole, remember like, oh, like you're like Planned Parenthood here. And it was an STD test, not an STD test. Said it was a pregnancy and then signed me up for free baby formula, which, you know, that's could have gone to people who actually need it and mailed all of these teen parenting

pregnancy books to my house. And all of those things, the way I got in so much trouble. And at that point, I had never kissed a boy. And it was like absolute, fair. No one really believed it because they were like you're a loser and I mean the people who related to me said there's no is it true you're a fucking loser and then the rumor was going around school and it was like it was

crazy that part of it was crazy so it could be something like and it was like oh new mom expecting like make your reg everything I was getting mail about new expecting mom for like a two years afterwards and it's like congratulations your baby is one year old today and I'm like I don't have a fucking baby so something that like signing up in the sense of like saying you're doing x y and z and that is a great way to do it i've got another one to frame the two of them for any like frame them against the other so that they're turning their backs on each other so like do something but do it in the other person's name that's a great call because then it's a double whammy and start a rumor and say start a rumor about one of them and say the other told you because when you

start a relationship like this it's so backstabby and cutthroat that they think they know the other person is capable of that so like it is quick to it to believe that it's not like oh my god they would never do that it's like you just slept with your best friend's fucking boyfriend of course you would do that like there are and especially as long again the first thing you have to do is make sure everybody knows so then no matter what their credibility diminished absolute gutter gutter if they have like an elderly grandparent befriend them start visiting them in hospice all of those things if your boyfriend's family if he's close to his mother ask his mother if you guys can go out to dinner and then let him know let her know everything that went down and tell her how much

you how much you respect her how much you love her how much she raised her son to be better than yes like he was such a good boy and you're gonna miss spending so much time with her but if she still wants to continue a relationship with you i hope it doesn't mean i lose you too and i just want you to know if you ever see like any like valuable items in your home missing um she's a little bit of a sticky finger i check her purse you called the right podcast i could go on and on i just want you to know i co-sign all of this wholeheartedly i think a lot of people view this of being like don't stoop to their level first of all you can't stoop to their level none of this is even remotely close to what they did to you yep and when you have been so badly hurt by what they

did you would never do that to them but all of these things you deserve this you get this it will make you feel better and for anybody who is like oh my god no this is toxic it's bad you'll get it out of your system i promise you like you will do this it will make you feel great and at a certain point you'll be like okay cool i'm done great there you go but there is a time period where you will spend your like when you're so upset about something you'll think about it and you'll be stewing on it you can either be crying or you can be scheming and i think you should scheme i think that's what your heart tells you and then if you after you scheme if you want to cry cry but then like we're done yep i think this is a very productive way to process emotions yeah

anyone have any other suggestions let us know and if you ever get to the point where you're like i'm okay with maybe getting in some trouble we'll come up with some more ideas i love a good old fashion house tp so old school so retro oh yeah but i also love um popping uh three tires and then they can't do insurance because insurance is like this there's only all three tires yeah i had thought about that but we were trying to keep it legal so i know so i'm saying if you after you've completed all this actually the first thing that popped in my head yeah because i saw that one tick dog of an insurance claim adjuster who was like hey so you have more than two tires usually three that are popped at the same time we don't always cover

that because that sounds suspicious oh i had another good one but it's illegal yeah i was gonna say this is not an endorsement of anything i do not co-sign this i'm just talking about what we recently talked about um but am i wrong yeah it's your creative writing assignment yeah um but am i wrong when um those people dressed up as a bear and then tried to file an insurance claim if you have this insurance information you could hurt his or hers you could do something that's very stupid like this and then file a claim as them and then get them in trouble but i would never suggest for anybody to do that i just heard you know i just that reminds me of that story yeah a news story very much on the news it was it was nbc you can't blame me everyone um i also

think after you've told everybody in your personal life who you know who like all of your mutuals and everything i do think like post on tiktok but also good old-fashioned pen and paper print some photos of these people and said watch out yep put them up boyfriend stealer best friend fucker on the loose if they go to a gym put it up there yep put up at their workplace put it on the door mm-hmm literally regina george money flying everywhere you go their favorite coffee shop their dog walker stick it on their dog like literally everywhere making it rain with fires if i was writing a creative story another plot line i might include in like a fictional movie would be um putting photos of like this character let's call her susan

susan i had like been friends you know i take we've all these pictures of her apartment and all the pictures I have of the interior and as well as the address I might list it for lease and say knock on the door and say hey this is this is ready to be rented and you know I might do that for another character too and just have it be kind or saying please call me for this go for it and any other thing where you could put your phone like like I could maybe put this guy's phone number this character somewhere advertising a service that people are interested in and then say call to follow up yeah that could be another good one so that's just my creative writing exercise yeah i love it please anyone else let us know yeah send us a dm send us an email

call in we're gonna take another break when we get back we'll get to don't blame them We'll see you next time. data across the business. The result? Less time spent on operations, more time connecting brands with the moments and fandoms that matter most. Learn more at Accenture.com slash Spotify. At Desjardins Insurance, we know that when you own a nail salon, everything needs to be perfect from tip to toe. That's why our agents go the extra mile to understand your business and provide tailored solutions for all its unique needs. You put your heart into your company,

so we put our heart into making sure it's protected. Get insurance that's really big on care. Find an agent today at Desjardins.com slash business coverage. When you're a mid-sized business, you need every competitive advantage you can get. Like an AI solution that works for you, not against you. SAP Grow is built with AI embedded at its core, working across every system, and it's ready to go from day one, so you can hit the ground running. Bring it with SAP Grow, AI cloud ERP for any size business.

We are back, and it's time for Don't Blame Them, which is where a listener will call or write in with their own advice pertaining to one that we had aired on a previous episode. So they might have professional experience with it. It relates to their job and their industry. And we were just kind of guessing before and they let us know the truth. Or you might have personal experience with it. So they've lived it, had a friend who lived it, and it just offers additional insight, usually from someone who is qualified with a bit more than just us with our loaded opinions. So this is for advice for meeting new people in grad school. it's so tough to make friends because people may live far from campus, have families, part-time or

full-time jobs, or just won't hang out after class gets out. I'd keep an eye out for lunch seminars put on by the school, free food, or socials put on by student organizations. My grad school hosts a grad bar once a quarter at a bar near campus with free food and drink tickets. For starting a convo with people in your program, if you're talking about the same classes, ask if they have a study group. I bonded hard with my cohort mates struggling through homework assignments and exam prep and we eventually transitioned to hanging out outside of class that's good find the friends when they're weak and vulnerable final season and then you are also weak and vulnerable and like that's kind of like meeting that's kind of like meeting a drunk girl in a bathroom you're

both on the same level inhibitions flying and you are like besties you're in the club in the club we all fam yeah because like you are there for the same goals to pee you're you're approaching the goal with the same baseline drunk you are happy you're loving everything and now take the reverse of that your stress exams finals you need help other people need your help but i do think that like the most like any situation or circumstance where you're like the most relaxed or you're the most not necessarily looking to make friends and you're just kind of like existing with someone you get to know people very easily and it's not like the the interview version of you like the hi i'm so and so like i'm trying to get to know you in that kind of

setting so that's a good way to ease into it when you don't necessarily have the time to like naturally meet people like that and yeah i think anytime you can get free food from like catering not from other people's homes i recommend it i agree and if you're in school you probably already you paid for it anyway it's coming from your tuition yeah you're using your tuition for those drink tickets and you're like that's what we're spending money on yeah yeah but you know it's like at my college when um we had this thing called heat which was a concert in about 115 degrees because it's riverside and i'm like this is where our money goes and then i found out mac miller was performing and i said this is where our money goes i was like i love that spend

that good love it love it love it so that's our episode that was exciting it's a great episode thank you so much for writing in sharing your souls spilling it all out to us i feel like honored that we we received all this information me too me too me too so uh if you would like to participate you can send an email to meganpodcast at gmail.com keep it to 300 words or less or you can call in at 310-694-0976. I also had this realization, which Mott's always tells me that it's really bad I don't have his phone number memorized. The only people who I had their phone number memorized right now, I can't call an emergency. They would say, die, bitch. So I just want you and I and everybody who has access to that phone number to know if I call, I need

help. Megan, you actually came to this realization years ago. This used to be before you had another option. Yes, you did have another option. Right now, Melissa, I have none. Well, why don't you try to commit Mott's and my number to memory?

Whoa. The thing is... Both? There's no fucking way. I don't even know your area code. Here's the thing, though. Well, it's the same as this number, so you're already a third of the way there. Oh, well, I already know Mott's area code. It's the only part I know of his phone number. but I too

I can't think of a zero phone I do have an easy number to memorize but I cannot think of a phone number that I have memorized Sam I wish I could give you my old home phone number I wish that was my cell phone number because it's a pattern on the keypad

like it's a very easy pattern like that and I can't do that one I guess I I can't like steal someone's phone number if it's available you can get it it's not let me see if your phone number is easier or his i think mine might be because it's the same

numbers i was able to pick my number i purposely that's that looks like a picture number here's the thing though there's a high likelihood that i just start saying your cell phone number for the bottom for the don't blame me i would be able to cut that out though yeah because you know your number you would go that's the wrong one yeah i know this number but i have to think about it for a second this is the like if i got arrested and they said you have one call my call is this number melanie would hear it first if melanie hears that she needs to say who knows to call hey melissa i'll save your phone number oh good so it says me megan but no no no that doesn't make sense because if you have your phone you'll be able to call somebody else we need this in an

emergency situation where it isn't somebody that has your number yes yeah this all came because um i heard uh someone was talking about how they it was a clip from a podcast um and they were talking about how their boyfriend's in jail for 10 days and they didn't even know it was happening and they just got like a call from a random number and the answer and it was them being like hey i have to go to jail for 10 days because i smoked weed and it was like the plea deal as opposed to like a felony in whatever state they're in and so he went to jail for 10 days and i'm like if i'm in that little room with the one the two-way mirror and they say call someone i said how about a podcast like that's tough yeah it's not safe moth keeps yelling at me about how it's not safe he's

like you have to memorize my number before we have kids and i was like well yeah because you gotta teach it to the kids oh i never thought about that part i i need okay i gotta work on numbers yeah i gotta hey we got our ollie gummies we'll pop a couple of those i'll do i won't do horny combo yeah yeah but we'll we'll open up that shot maybe that could be though the the horny combo could be the fuel that you need to memorize because you're like if i i can't release this energy until i memorize this number oh here's the issue though i do have an actor's brain i can memorize something and it's got to stay right out maybe post it like places in your home too yeah i know that sometimes like things just you know you see it all the time so

then it just becomes part of oh my god maybe i have to go back to preschool because we used we drew out a home phone and we wrote the number on it and all the kids you took it home and then nobody else put it on their wall except for me because i couldn't remember the phone number but if you take it around and then every time you see it say it out loud and then close your eyes and then say it out loud yeah that could be it or i should make a song because i know we're doing the bone dance and also i still know the periodic table the periodic table alkali earth metals transition metals carbon nitrogen oxygen halogen noble gases make our dreams come true that's all that's i made that up that wasn't even ordered i don't think it mattered then how are you filling

out the table well so we've been over this i mostly made up songs and things to prove that i was learning something for extra credit so i would pass because i wasn't going to pass the traditional way i thought you were using it to fill out the table and i was like i don't think so let's see periodic table it's hydrogen helium are the first oh then i just missed one i can't even read this i had to memorize it ninth grade before i went to ninth grade because i was in ap for pre-ap chemistry so i had to memorize it then no it's alkali metals earth metals transition metals but then the actual elements oh no in the table okay i thought you're you were doing the actual periodic table i think i had a different system for those ones like an alabama alaska

arizona like one that's quicker i made up like i did like groups of words like i got hydrogen helium and then i was like lithium and then barium berulium whatever it is it's like boys always have flying saucers to soccer practice and it like breaks it down based on each letter yeah that was the planets though oh we never learned those that's why i still have such a soft spot for pluto because it was never put into question for me i said that bitch is always a planet stay tuned for fisting friday tomorrow folks gonna be a good time don't know what we're saying but it will be a good time actually yeah all right goodbye this is a sister sign production hosted by me megan rinks and me melissa d montz plus diamond

imprint productions. Post-production by Coco Lorenz. Production assistance by Melanie D. Watson. And music by Ryan Hunter and Giacomo Picasso.