Don't Blame Me! - DBM: Can’t Pretend To Be His Girlfriend Anymore

Episode Date: October 2, 2025

This week, Meghan and Melisa are giving advice on: Getting burnt out in a relationship Paralyzing breakup Being a self-absorbed friend Don't Blame Them: Study abroad fuckboy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Shop Wayfair's Labor Day clearance now through September 7th at wayfair.ca. Wayfair, every style, every home. Hello. Hi, everyone. welcome to a brand new episode of don't blame me two people who give wonderful life-changing amazing advice and we've decided to put some of that sage wisdom out for you you have called and we're here to answer we're here to help and um we're gonna do our very best because hey we we that i was gonna help i was gonna talk about how we're helping um cleanse the souls for our

incoming rapture and already passed we're just we're just on inhale yeah but don't you think traffic should be a little lighter like don't you think i called mods this morning and i was like how's traffic and he's like brutal we're in la i don't think so oh you're right we're in holly weird yeah we're in a holly weird everyone here is staying so texas you must be empty nebraska empty well nebraska's already fucking empty nebraska got even more empty uh well let us know how it's going there the ones who are left this feels like one of my favorite underrated short miniseries stephen no king yep i almost said spielberg stephen king's under the dome where it was people trapped in the dome and then there are people outside of the dome

and it was like and this isn't silo it's a different movie this show it's a mini yeah just a mini series with brett robertson it lasted like 10 episodes and i have to say i do think i was the only person who watched it i tried to make months rewatch it with me and he was like i i can't do this i don't like i of the left behind type shows and movies i really like the leftovers but even that i still got like i've had like five episodes left since the show was airing i didn't finish it real dark i wouldn't say it's really dark there's like a lot of ridiculous stuff that happens like there's these people that did get left behind but then they join like a cult that wears all white and they're just sitting there smoking all day and don't talk

like that's ridiculous yeah that also checks like that seems like also realistic about something that would happen yeah that was an hbo right and even like in his wife who is uh what's her name but she like he thought that she got raptured but she's just part of this cult now oh that's actually funny yeah maybe i'll watch it i mean it's not funny by any means but it's just there's just ridiculous things that happen in it that's got that guy jennifer annison's no this random blonde man who was in like every abc family thing for a point what was his name chris zika zilka yeah yeah you know what i'm talking about i bet like the chads like love him he's like got that look that they love he was in montana oh he's in montana

love it love it maybe we'll watch it always looking for new shows specifically new shows that ended a long time ago so we have all the episodes we know what we're getting into i don't like getting attached did you ever watch orphan black no that's on our list we've talked that's that's been high on our list for the last like two weeks i also never watched the final episode of it because i never wanted it to end oh i do that there are so many of my favorite tv I've watched all of it, except for the last episode. And it is so good.

We debated putting it on last night. That's on our top list of ones. And I was like, maybe we should do that. And it's also kind of low budget, too, because it was made in Canada. I appreciate that.

It's like low budget slash high budget, because I think a lot of money just went to tatiana must because of her acting and the editing and then the wardrobe and hair yep that's where all the money went but you'll be like did y'all just film this with the phone driving down the street there are so many shows like that that like you'll see that you're like and i say this with i'm just being honest where i immediately go this is so canadian like this is it just has a different vibe to it canadian it has a we tried to cut cost that kind of vibe and

i'm not saying like the canadian actors but i'm just saying like they get these canadian actors and they put them in what i have to assume is their own clothes and they make them do that and then they go yeah for the stunt you can drive your own car you can well bring your car you'll drive it and it's just like you're really you're really making a student film here and then you're selling it to a big old network for all this money and everyone who made it's not seen it i'm that there's so much science stuff in it and like all that looks very expensive but then they'll just be outside i'm like yeah especially that first season no season one of night agent as soon as it started i was like this is because they do something where like they're going to like

i don't know the washington dc zoo they're going somewhere and i go that's canada like every they're walking down the street and they're like you don't even have the budget to pick a different spot in canada that looks more like the city that you're saying you're just like let them think it let them think it and i'm like okay okay they increased the budget um season two because they got britney snow for one episode and then i go i thought we were i thought we were about to be absolutely just cash cash because i go britney snow oh my god they're killing it one episode and half the time it's dark and i go i don't think that's britney snow anymore i think that's her sun double oh you know how i feel about dark stars did you have your glasses

i had glasses at that point okay i did well you know that was me and telling everybody oh my god watch lupin with um the uh the uh the dubbed version because i didn't even know it was dubbed finally i watched it with my glasses on i said oh you can tell it's dubbed i just couldn't see but it's great still great dubbing on that one can't wait there's a new that new season of that coming soon but like he speaks english why couldn't he just so that's part of the reason why i think i fed into this fantasy because i i mean he's there's there's something about him he's like magnetic on screen so i immediately looked him up and it checked like it wasn't like their voices sounded wildly different i'm like playing character okay but yeah so i was kind of

just like okay so what was this for what was i guess france but also i think you get residuals for netflix france okay i just mean why couldn't he do his own dubbing though oh that's a great question maybe they just wouldn't pay him enough yeah i don't know i have no idea anyways nothing to do with this show but should we get into giving some advice so there are many ways that you can to get some advice from us you can call in you can write in you can send us an email you can a dm you can fill out a form there are so many ways and uh the rules for all of those is you have to be over 18 years old and tell us how old you are for the call you can leave us a voicemail at 310-694-0976 if you are wanting to hear the sounds of your voice on this podcast but you're

like oh not in the states not gonna be able to do that that's okay you can use a voice memo and email it to meganpodcast at gmail.com and that is the same email address if you want to type out your predicament your problem that you want our help with same place and the dm is social media specifically instagram and then the form we also have listed in the show notes it's probably the easiest way to do this and it also helps you like you know how old are you you know you don't have to remember all those things but you do have to tell us those things we need to know how old you are because it completely determines the advice that we give and we want we want all relevant details we want the stuff that's going to be like oh okay this changes how i feel what you would

tell someone who has no information on like we're a completely unbiased third party we are tend to be we want to be more biased towards you so help us help you yeah i had to process that for a second but yeah we want it we want we want to help you and we want you to be in the right life yeah and yeah exactly but also tell us the truth because also like if you were like hey i like did this thing and i was like kind of a raging bitch oh my god welcome to every day in my life hi my name is megan i'm a raging bitch this is my drop my life like if you if you did something that you're like oh this is embarrassing or i fucked up or whatever like that's totally fine we'll help you in the recon we'll help you like figure that out but you have to be honest with us otherwise we can't we

can't help all right should we get into the first one let's do it i'm writing to you because i'm in a tricky spot and need some guidance about a year and a half ago i was talking to this guy mark we were 22 and everything was great we were in that sweet spot where you're not officially together but everyone knows you're an item we'd even talk about it and we both knew we were on the verge of making it official. And just for context, this person is 23, she, her. Then out of nowhere, he completely ghosted me. He stopped responding to my texts. And after three days of silence, he didn't show up for a date we had planned. I was heartbroken and confused. I later found out that he had blocked me on social media. It was one of the worst feelings I've ever had.

Eventually I moved on. I started seeing someone else, but that relationship recently ended. A few weeks ago i got a message from mark he apologized for what he did admitting it was messed up he said he missed talking to me and wanted to at least be friends i was hesitant but i agreed because i genuinely missed him now he's starting to flirt again he knows i'm single and his messages are getting flirty i'm lonely and i miss him and i find myself flirting back i really want to believe that this time is different but i'm terrified of getting hurt again what do i do i don't want to shut myself off but i also don't want to relive that pain how do i go about without getting burned i want you to shut yourself off i i wouldn't go that far yet and here's why i want to know

what the reason was that he stopped he stopped talking to you and why and why he started again and then what he said to apologize and did his apology mean something because you were just lonely or was it like an actual genuine apology and also were you on social media with this person that you recently broke up with and mark has been following you from a burner account and then realized that you were single again i need these answered and then you yeah and this is the thing though that like i don't want you to have to ask those questions i think he should have offered that information to you in order for you to let him like back this whole thing of being like hey it was messed up okay but how what was messed up what was what did you do in his life did something

happen that he was like i just blocked i just had to get rid of everybody in my life for a minute while i process everything yeah because i have to say that like him coming back right after you've gone out of another relationship to me does not change anything from him it's like oh yeah yeah so he's interested up until the point where there's any sort of like commitment or there's something like that he's like popping back in in a vulnerable state he's like seeing that there's a spot there to slide right into so i i feel the same way where i'm like there is no like forgiveness if you're not apologizing for anything like if you're just being like yeah sorry that was messed up what was and and how are we not going to do that again and like what has changed how have we

grown like and i don't want to have to ask those questions like you need to be giving that stuff freely because i shouldn't be like letting you i shouldn't be like starting to have these conversation with you or like talking to you again until you have like earned that back so like i think that like unless there's like stuff that you're that he said that you're not telling us that like he gave an explanation for this but if the explanation is that was messed up now i'm back baby yeah like with love that is embarrassing you need to not that like you are so much better than that and like that is something where it's it is you are making a choice based on like well i did miss you and it's like what you're going it's gonna happen again it's gonna just

happen again and happen again because you're letting it happen again because he now can think that he can get away with doing this and he's going sorry i messed up but if it was just it was something traumatic and he needed time away and he didn't know how to process those feelings and he already told you all of this then how you can't you know block yourself from just getting hurt again unless you just cut him off right now but if you if he was actually genuine about everything he said and you believe him and he's he's changed and he's better at communicating now and he actually like wants a relationship with you whether it be a friendship or y'all move back towards where you were going before then you know like I you can't stop it from eventually getting

burned in the future but like you're better equipped this time and you know that like you're you megan and i have been ghosters in the past i don't really do that anymore megan's been in a relationship for like 20 years so of course she hasn't done that no i mean but i ghosted other ways we're talking about relationships here okay because i'm i think right now in my life ghosting is being the bigger person okay but sometimes i don't want to be the bigger person yeah i understand that um but uh let's just let's i think letting him know what your fears are if if you are like but also do you need time to recover from this last relationship because you just kind of you're just jumping right back in yeah i also want to know how long you and mark

were like initially together like that is i'm really curious about that but to me i also think that there's like a level of i don't like feeling like i don't like being disrespected by anyone i really don't like feeling disrespected by men in the sense of like them thinking that i they can just like they don't have to offer an explanation or they can say something like so minimal and it's like it's cool right it's like no no i haven't i have a brain i'm intelligent like they're that you can't just like say like a blanket thing like oh dog ate my homework and i'm gonna take that us that is the only reality that that exists like i do think that there's something also like if he's like i want to be friends and then like pretty quickly also starts flirting with you

i don't find that flattering because like i i don't think you actually want to be friends like i know when you you message me you're not looking to be friends you're like looking to rekindle because it's not a coincidence that you're doing this now that i am fine but now that i'm single but then just to like start flirting without being like thinking about my feelings in the sense that like you fucking ghosted me the last time we had a relationship and now you're just gonna like start flirting again while telling me you just want to be friends it's just like no don't like i i can see through this like this you are not slick like i can see what you're doing and i think there's something like fun about flirting and it can feel like this like innocent

sort of thing but right what you are telling him now is he can ghost you circle back tell you he just wants to be friends and then start flirting with you again leading back to that and then he can then go well i said i just wanted to be friends like if he has not like made his intentions clear that to me i find not i find it disrespectful and i also find it like unattractive and i'm like you're not taking me seriously still because if you were taking me seriously you'd also be taking your feelings seriously and you wouldn't suddenly start flirting with someone who you said you wanted to be just friends with because you also want to protect your heart because you have feelings for me like there's just something like careless about that which like really does give

23 24 year old guy i don't think you should have to ask these questions like i think this these are the prerequisites to even like continue like to you responding like to you having a conversation with him or talking again or anything like that and i think if you're like well i'll ask him now i think go for it but i do think like what melissa said you if you're gonna choose that and you're gonna choose the i'm gonna ask him these questions and then you're gonna decide how you feel about those answers i already think you started to have feeling you've already got feelings again and you're not gonna be able to prevent your prevent yourself from getting hurt in that situation yeah i think the only way that like you can't prevent yourself from getting hurt

regardless but i think the way that is you would be a little less invested is if he offered that information you didn't have to ask and it wasn't after you already started talking again and it wasn't right after a breakup it just feels like huh odd coincidence plotting yeah this is a plotting man he's got a shovel he's drawn out maps and he's like that's my plot of land see that's not the plotting i was talking about but it came to me yeah i don't like this man but also i feel like there's a lot of things that weren't said in this message that we need more information on 100 but i also do wonder mark might be a man of few words and if he's a man of few words then no no more words mark yeah i just don't know if the writer themselves gave us all

the information and also that might have been purposeful on your behalf to make him look better and if that's the case i bet you it's even worse so no this just reminds me of we are african americans plus mark i literally watched that three times today do you just look at it no it came up in like a uh like ranking of like best it was like his best moments that coach and they had that as like number five and i was like number five no this is what i know number one maybe but who knows i don't know i don't watch the show could it's funny but it is crazy because like for me that's been around forever like for a long time i thought it was a sketch like i thought it also thought he was like 40 and we looked him up and he's the fact that this happened in like 2020

i was like wait i what do you mean i thought i lived my whole life with this quote it's just that impactful very powerful and i truly thought he was a comedian he's got a future he's so funny all right we're gonna take a break and we get back we'll get into the next one In Toronto, every arrival is a statement, and nothing says it better than this. Cadillac Optic was the number one selling luxury EV in Canada for 2025. Find your rhythm across a seamless 33-inch display and an immersive 19-speaker AKG surround audio system.

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SAP Grow is built with AI embedded at its core, working across every system. And it's ready to go from day one, so you can hit the ground running. Bring it with SAP Grow. AI Cloud ERP for any size business. wayfair's labor day clearance is on now right now at wayfair you can get up to 70 off everything home shop wayfair's labor day clearance now through september 7th at wayfair.ca we're back and it's time for the next this person is 19 she her i'm in a tough spot right now and i really needs some outside perspective. I'm 19, a freshman in college, and I have the kindest,

I said a kind of boyfriend. I have the kindest boyfriend, Alex, who's 20. He's genuinely a great guy, thoughtful, supportive, and we have a comfortable connection. The problem is I'm not feeling that spark. I feel awful saying it because he's done nothing wrong, but I can't shake the feeling that he's not my person. I'm 19. I'm wrestling with the secret because he's about to start his sophomore year at college two and a half hours away. This feels like the perfect time to end things but i'm terrified of hurting him he's such a dedicated and sweet person and that that i don't think he would ever break up with me the responsibility of doing it myself is paralyzing oh okay i want to stay friends with him i truly value him and i would love to be able to catch

and move people from both home for breaks my god i just can't pretend i just can't pretend to be his girlfriend anymore first of all i don't think you're pretending i think you are you are his girlfriend i also feel like i'm not the right person for him you're not he deserves someone who is head over heels in love with him and i know he'll meet so many incredible people at his new school who will be a much better fit i just don't know how to go about having that conversation what do i do i have to say there's something deeply unattractive about being like this man would never break up with me like what do you mean like i could shoot you in the face and you make still love you like that's not attractive to me like i i don't think they were thinking

that for me well i also think no but i'm saying that like she's like well i don't feel that spark and i'm like okay but the way you've described him as being like oh my god this is amazing some of the things that you've said i'm like okay i could kind of get this little like i i don't feel the spark like i wouldn't feel a spark if someone's like everything you do is flawless and perfect and like you could treat me like crap and like i would just say thank you i'd be like okay i like people who have a little more self-respect than that like you have to break up with this man no she i she knows that she just is like how do i go about that i'm dying that you said pretending to be his girlfriend you've already been out honey you've been his girl she's like i broke up i broke up

with him in his head in my head he just doesn't know he doesn't know it yet so i'm pretending no babe that's your that's that is your man that's your man and if you don't want that man to be your man you have to tell him you have to and how close how soon is it are you leaving school year it would have to be soon it might be on like how ucla is on the trimester so it hasn't actually okay so here's the thing you have to do it you have to do it and you should do it in person without a doubt if you're like i can't do it in person i then i guess i'll do it over christmas break no do it over text yeah i think you're in the perfect position because you don't have to tell him it's because of this spark you can be like i just i can't do longer distance

relationship if that's what you're afraid of unless you're like oh no because i think if he was that obsessed with you as you say he would have just because he's going to a new school he would have went to a school with you also i think it might if she didn't do it it might just naturally happen anyway because they're so far away yes but but i don't want to risk that i also i also i am thinking it's without a doubt gonna happen on her end and sometimes when that happens you come back and you go we're both the same and it goes no i literally haven't touched a single person i've been waiting for you and it's like oh okay i thought we were yeah stop launching our breakup yeah just just just tell him you just have to tell him i've been thinking

about it i you know i've really like loved being together and being with you but like i really want to and like you you've been how long do you say you've been dating i don't think that's it okay so you're a freshman in college he's about to start his sophomore year so saying like i have like love dating you but like i really want to experience college being single like i think this is like a really important thing for me and like there this relationship has been like so wonderful and so great and you've been so awesome but i think i am now recognizing that i really want to have that experience and i think i owe it to you to have you be able to start at a new school with that versus you know saying like waiting until christmas break or something like i think

you also deserve to be able to start this new school being single yeah you cannot bring up when we're back in town we can go to the movie do not say that that's me that's really mean you have to you need to say something like what Megan just said and also and I I would also say like um it's just a lot to like going to college is a new transition and me being a freshman is I just I I need to be focused on school and I just but it might be hard like for us to be keeping up and like I want you to like go out to parties and things and not be waiting for me on Saturday night stuff like that just end it end it end it end it there is no room for debate there is no room for like oh how can we solve it there is none of that and if he starts doing that just being like

i really hope i wish the best for you and then you just stop responding like i know that hurts and that sucks also you can go to movies by yourself yep like that is don't bring up like wanting to be friends don't do any of that shit like that's if it happens if you're from the same hometown if you want to be friends it will happen like there is no need to like say that when it's a very one-sided breakup i just think it's it's cruel at that point and also it does kind of leave something open depending on the person of being like oh well then maybe we can yeah so i just think you whatever it is it there you need to make sure that you the conversation doesn't end it doesn't ask questions for him there's not things for him to like you know answer for or

to be like well how would this work like i don't know how that would work and say oh it would work like this just saying like it does not work for me like it there needs to be statements about how you feel and how also you are thinking about him and how it will benefit him and how it like will hopefully make him feel but ultimately ending with how you feel and what you want so you're gonna have to do it and i i stand by what i said if you do not do it in person before you go it is exponentially better to do it over text over phone over facetime anything like that than it is to wait until christmas break yeah i don't think they were waiting till christmas break well if they're like well i can't do this now what do you think they're gonna wait for parents weekend hey

send a letter bring this back i don't know because they wanted to be they wanted it to be over by christmas that they could still get together at christmas so it was going to be before i think they were gonna go to the movie and then be like this was so great i love the friendship in this movie i was thinking friends how about we were here how about we demote down friends enjoy your freshman year i think everybody should go into freshman year being single 100 percent um you can also use that line no because you can use the line um that god god just said this isn't the right time i got a vision from god and turns out the whole reason why the rapture didn't happen was because like god doesn't want us together god said like this

is like god thinks you're hella cool and god and i tight but god's like yo you two you're not vibing and meshing the way that like he is he the holy spirit well god is three okay i can't the father usually when you're talking about god you're talking about the father and then the son is jesus and then the holy spirit i could do so many more jokes if i understood this that's why i'm explaining it i know so you can say the holy spirit talked to me and said jesus isn't coming back until we get this right yeah we were it was whispering behind everybody's back and it was like you know i gotta do i gotta do it for the souls so god bless holy spirit activate amen yeah and he's like oh you found god and you're like i found god and going first

you know what i'm saying all right we're gonna take a break and when we get back we'll get into the next one this episode is brought to you by accenture when your advertising operations fall out of sync everything else follows. Spotify and Accenture are working together to reinvent the rhythm of ad sales using automation, analytics, and smarter workflows to simplify campaign delivery and access better data across the business. The result? Less time spent on operations, more time connecting brands with the moments and fandoms that matter most. Learn more at Accenture.com slash Spotify. When you're a mid-sized business, you need every competitive advantage you can get.

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elevate your savings with the scotia high interest savings account always earn high regular interest rates that grow the more you save and invest conditions apply visit scotiabank.com slash hisa to learn more scotia bank you're richer than you think all right we're back i'm hoping you can help me with a huge problem i'm 28 and my best friend harper and i that's one of my niece's best friends too and i have been inseparable for 20 years i've been completely overwhelmed with work in the city so i saved up to surprise her with a trip to her family's remote cabin in the Pacific Northwest. I was so excited for a relaxing escape and some quality time with her, but the trip was an absolute disaster. The entire time

it rained non-stop and we just fought constantly. Harper, who has always struggled with her mental health, was clearly having a difficult episode. Things came to a head when she accused me of being selfish. She said I was only there to escape my own problems and that I never care about what she's going through. She looked me straight in the eyes and said I was the most self-absorbed person she knows. I was completely blindsided. I went on this trip because I genuinely missed her and wanted to be there for her. We haven't spoken since I flew back. I love her so much and I've always imagined her as my maid of honor and the godmother of my kids but i'm so hurt by what she said i don't want to lose this friendship but i don't know how to get over her words or what to

even say to her when you say struggled with mental health difficult episode like what are we talking about because like specifically yeah if this is like if she is you know going through medication changes or she's not on medication and it is something like bpd bipolar it's something like that where like she's like lashes out and then there's a lot of shame so like because i think in general like we think of like oh this person said something that like really hurt me and like they haven't we haven't talked since and they haven't apologized if you're dealing with like if it's a specifically like a mental health aspect to the reason why that she did this and this is something that happens there's like a hell like a huge amount of shame like a lot of

people just be like i'm just never gonna talk to this person again because like i'm the fucking worst person in the world and like they ultimately end up obviously they hurt people but like they deeply hurt themselves with those actions and like recognizing that afterwards and then the shame is what stops them from you know uh trying to like mend that connection because everything just feels hopeless and not worth it but if it's like you know she's dealt with depression and she's you know well medicated for that and like we have never had any like she's never done anything like this before we've never like had this happen and like she's never this is not a part of like the mental health that she has like deals with and she doesn't do this to other people like this

is just a one-time thing that she's done to you then i don't know how relevant her mental health is to this if she's not using that as an explanation along with her like apologies like i don't think that you get to be well her mental health so therefore i forgive her for something she didn't apologize for all of what megan said but also what do you mean you surprised her did you go pick her up in your car and just keep driving until you reach this cabin and then y'all were stranded there and it was raining because i also would be upset with that yeah that's a fucking horror movie yeah that's that's a and i so like that could tip anybody off so is this something she wanted to do you said you'd been working and saving up but did you run

anything by her like hey you know i want to take a trip let's do something do would you also like to take a trip and would you like that trip to be at your family cabin right because like i don't i'm sure i think part of me wonders if you are feeling really hurt by this because like it's making you second guess your actions because i will be totally honest with you i don't think that this is like the most off-base accusation not like you're the most selfish person i've met in the entire world but like i don't think that surprising someone inviting them on a trip to some to their own family place i don't know that that's like a foolproof nobody's going to be kind of like i feel kind of this feels kind of usey and like it doesn't have to be like

because like you know your history of your relationship this is totally normal it could be like you know her friends in the city that she's in have like been feeling kind of usey and this has like been the tipping point with someone who she doesn't view usually doing this kind of stuff but like to be perfectly honest like i don't this to me is not with like melissa said without clearing it with them being like do you want to do this to me this doesn't really feel like a i could see where it's like well this feels like more of an escape for you not for me so i think she would i think the rest of what she said was like you know i i can't say that like that's yeah but if you did that to if you did that and didn't tell her and she didn't want

to do that you are self-absorbed yeah and like that and that might be why you're feeling like this is like so deeply hurtful for this because i also don't think there's anything wrong with like being like oh my god my mental health is like in the gutter how fun they do you want like what if we went to the mat like the cabin or whatever and you do that but i think framing it as like a surprised depending on the level of how you framed it like that that to me is kind of just like well this doesn't feel like an even kind of split like it's like the difference between like surprising your friend at their apartment and now they get to see you so fun they're also now a host versus planning a trip to go to a new city together where you're both tourists there

you're both that neither one of you is hosting the other person and i think that there's also again i don't know what the vibe is but like as someone who has spent a lot of time at like matz's family cat mike mountain house i have like a great time there it's so fun but like there is it is far more a vacation for me and i even though like i'm have lived there for months at a time like i don't i don't feel like a guest whatsoever like i don't have childhood memories of being there monster like it's there's a level of like he gets excited in a nostalgic way to go back and i get excited like oh my god this is still fun and new to me kind of a way so i i i don't know that it's again not foolproof like that this is gonna like go over super well because also if

like you know her mental health was like not doing like super great and it was like family related then she's in a place that's like family memories and family family stuff there or like if her family's like to you they don't seem very strict about this and they're very chill but like her anxiety is just disproportionate to like the expectations or standards that they have that she's still feeling anxious there because it's like well no i have to make sure the house doesn't get messed up and even if it's not going to happen it doesn't have to be like realistic fears but like that can manifest even more anxiety so it might have been more of a relaxing thing for you and like not relaxing as much for her even if it had been prior like before it's just surprises

are surprises are tough i'm not a fan of surprises that also has to do with my control issues but that is something that is known about me yes i like a surprise but you need to do a good job yeah and like i feel like people who know me if someone i don't know that well i was like i want to surprise you no out out out and if someone who's like oh my god i want to surprise you but i'm unsure i'm not going to be like don't worry it'll be fine i'll go i'll give you three three numbers to call phone a friend run it by so like that to me is like the perfect level of this but i guess it really depends because like if this the surprise was just like hey like i'm gonna book a ticket like let's go do something and then she suggested you go to this

cat like then all of what i said is like not relevant anymore like she was a part of it but i'm again i'm still a big believer like i don't think you can forgive people for things to like bringing your relationship to back to where it was if they don't apologize like i think that like you don't have i don't think someone has to like apologize to you for you to move past it or for you to just like accept them for where they are but like it will fundamentally change that relationship but i think if you want to get back to where it was you can't ask for the apology i think that apology needs to be given and then you have to like work through that together because it takes two active parties yeah all right

we're gonna take a break and we'll get back we'll get into don't blame them we are back and now we are going to do don't blame them don't blame them that's exactly what we're gonna do yep don't blame them i just was waiting to see if everybody else also knew so don't blame them what is that this is a great question don't blame them is where a listener will call in or write in with their own advice pertaining to something that we had on a previous episode so they might have personal experience professional experience or they have thoughts insight and feelings that we didn't that we didn't say and we got to get it back to that original that the original person knew the advice maybe this will be the thing that

makes it click or helps all right and sometimes it's also phono lesbian yeah my meds have worn off hi writing in or don't blame them for the 25 for the 25 year old digging the 22 year old who just came back from study abroad i'm 29 female and studied abroad at 20 if this boy is cocky enough to date a 25 year old just know he was swimming in pussy in spain not just local people but women studying in the program there really is something about living in foreign country that makes people even more horny just to help ick you out my hookup lived one floor below me and i found out he had two other girls on the side he fucked in our broad friend group did i go back to him i fear i did i blame convenience he was short and not even the

frat star of the group the six foot plus tall frat star also had two u.s girls he was juggling living at separate ends of the metro line so he's smarter and was constantly being approached no exactly he could literally see ahead he's seen the future like raven constantly being approached by local girls we went out you can find plenty of washed up frat boys in your city just find out what bars they play college football maybe a local team to be safe try you mish they're michigan they're everywhere trust eminem when they say lose that man's number and date someone at your age yeah oh my god so fun i wish moss was here to the to um wax poetic on is his um study abroad experience or as he says when i lived in ireland but the craziest part is

is so this person is like so not wrong and this is why when your friends come back from study abroad they're in several yes because they're like oh you don't understand i'm so worldly and i go no you just got rails in different countries that's what i was about to say you had hoes in different area codes and you know when you're getting dick down and pee down whatever down you're naturally going to be happier oh my god they literally they're like glowing just like walking like you don't even understand it's like i've been fucked like it's fucked i've been okay i've had that post nut clarity i know what it's just like it's so true but like mods also when he was there he also got a job being a bartender and i was like oh my god i can't even imagine him

being a bartender i was like imagine lacrosse frat he's in ireland studying abroad he goes yeah i'm gonna get a job at a bar and guess what i'm a creative writing major ladies i'm like oh my god oh my god but um yeah this is anybody else wants to write in about their escapade studying abroad i also want to know those of you who studied abroad how many years out of it did you realize wow i was so fucking insufferable for like the first couple months when i came back and like how long did that last for you because my god when my friends came back from study abroad i was like i literally was like i need you because like i had already dropped out of college by the time that they were going on study abroad and i was like i need you to not

i need you to fucking not i was at my dental group and they had like a special study abroad for that i know but it was like part of the why did they take you to the uk and it's like don't do fix these teeth and i i literally told my the advisor of the group i was like i do not want to go and he's like what is it money i said no i have money it's i don't want to go no no no there's nothing i just i don't i don't i didn't like living in the dorms i got out as soon as i could yeah i don't like being around the same people all the time i don't want to leave my actual friends like there was just nothing about it that interests me at all no i can i can go to a different country with the people i like and i care about we can stay in a

hotel and then i can come home right and i get to pick the people i'm with yeah and it's nothing against people that can do it i'm just not that type of person it's a personality type i used to think i would like have loved studying abroad i couldn't even make it i hated college and i was like i also hated the dorms i immediately was like who's an upperclassman that i can hook up with so i can get out of this tiny little fucking bed and this person that we are also that wrote in they're a jet setter yeah so i can understand you enjoying them 100 yeah it's that's that's like perfect for you the only only only like thing that i think about of um like we think about it as like oh yeah like study abroad's also like these like sexcapades like so fun or whatever

and it's like okay he'll get it out of his system but at the same time i also know someone and i went to their wedding they got married because they met during study abroad well good for them no i know but that's what i'm saying like this this little this fuck boy and this person was also a fratty fuck boy could meet love of his life and then be with this person so like regardless of what happens it's it's just it's not for you yeah i wouldn't you couldn't pay you could not pay me to have sex with a man who just got back from study abroad no no no i need to see all of your health i do think yeah that but i do think the spain ones if you went to spain you may probably learn a few tricks though oh oh i will sleep with them not immediately after no no i just need you

to you know no first also because i can't deal with like the tiny madonna accent i'm like no yeah we're not doing that like i need i need there to be time i need you to have learned something from this but i need this to have been in your past i need you to talk about it like you were in yet like in war like i'm just like oh back in my day not like oh yeah last like i i i recently was there and i was like i was nine months ago let's be real all right well thank you so much for writing in thank you to everyone for writing in that is it we hope you all enjoyed and then stay tuned for the rest of our content that we put out join us on friday for fisting friday monday for but am i wrong tuesday for see you next tuesday and we'll be back on thursday for

another episode of Don't Blame Me. Bye. Bye. This is a Sister Sign production hosted by me, Megan Rinks. And me, Melissa D. Montz, plus Diamond Imprint Productions. Post-production by Coco Lorenz. Production assistance by Melanie D. Watson. And music by Ryan Hunter and Giacomo Picasso.