Don't Blame Me! - DBM CLASSIC: Bekah Martinez - My Boyfriend Chose Me Over His Ex

Episode Date: June 17, 2024

Original Air Date: March 23, 2024 Bekah Martinez of, “Chatty Broads,” joins us this week! We're sharing advice on:   If your boyfriend doesn't know how to communicate without flirting Your friend's possessive boyfriend Discussing difference of political views with your partner Being falsely accused of asking for dick pics.   And we have an update from the caller who wanted to break up with her boyfriend but his mom was her boss.   Join our PRIVATE Facebook Group: www.facebook.com/groups/dbmsecretgroup  You must answer all questions correctly to be approved!   Follow Us! @meghanrienks www.instagram.com/meghanrienks  @bekah https://www.instagram.com/bekah/ @dontblameme https://www.instagram.com/dontblamemepod/ @sheisnotmelissa www.instagram.com/sheisnotmelissa     Listen to ad-free on Stitcher Premium! For a free month of Stitcher Premium, go to stitcherpremium.com and use promo code 'BLAME,' PLUS exclusive bonus episodes.     Affordable Therapy By State (Curated by Crissy Milazzo): www.tinyurl.com/y64kwdnf    Need Advice?  www.dontblameme.show  Domestic Listeners Call: [phone]   International Listeners Send a Voice Memo To: [e-mail]    … with as much detail as possible under 3 minutes! I'll do my best to share my wonderful words of wisdom. If you're under 18, please get your parent's permission. Advice is for entertainment purposes only, so you can't blame me if I screw up your life. I kid! My advice IS AMAZING. - Want to WATCH this episode as well? Check out my YouTube channel:  http://youtube.com/meghanrienks Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/join/dontblameme See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This episode is brought to you by Accenture. When your advertising operations fall out of sync, everything else follows. Spotify and Accenture are working together to reinvent the rhythm of ad sales. Using automation, analytics, and smarter workflows to simplify campaign delivery and access better data across the business. The result? Less time spent on operations, more time connecting brands with the moments and fandoms that matter most. Learn more at Accenture.com slash Spotify. Hear that? It's your money calling.

It wants a promotion. Elevate your savings with the Scotia High Interest Savings Account. Always earn high regular interest rates that grow the more you save and invest. Conditions apply. Visit scotiabank.com slash H-I-S-A to learn more. Scotia Bank. You're richer than you think. hello everybody and welcome back to another episode of don't blame me today we have a

fellow podcaster one half of chatty broads and a former bachelor contestant becca martinez hello i have a hard time not calling you baka because that's what so many people called you hey what's juliet from the ringer that's what she called you as baka i like that a lot better than baby becca which was a thing for a long time that's too many words annoying now because it's like and i have babies so don't call me baby becca anymore it's weird and every girl from the bachelor is like how old you were yeah now yeah it's like you started the trend that's true and no one's questioning if they're ready to get married well hopefully that's gonna switch back after oh i'm very excited remind me after this to show you what my boyfriend's friend found her on

the beach and his friends were like hey she's the next bachelorette and he like literally is just like it's a whole video of just him flirting with her like trying to get on the season like you need to stop this is embarrassing yeah he's uh he's had a couple of reality tv stints i was like i think we you need to go on one that like isn't gonna wonder if you're there for the right reasons because a quick google search will show that you're not although like half these girls now are influencers it's true he was just on america's next top model and like was like the villain and i'm like you can't go on the bachelorette like it's not gonna work but it's a good time uh if you guys are new here this is advice podcast if you want to call in for an

upcoming episode our phone number is 310-694-0976 and if you need to write that down totally write it down because someone definitely wrote on our facebook wall being like why uh could i not call in it was a busy signal and it was not any of the right numbers not at all not even like the area code not a single number was the same i was like where did you fucking get that phone number and she's like oh oops so just write it down i say it all the time it's in the show notes uh and if or an international listener, you can send us an audio file at meganpodcasts at gmail.com.

But yeah, I'm excited. You're going to be great at this because you guys do advice on your podcast too. We do. I get so nervous about the live calls though, so you're really brave.

Oh, they're not live. Don't worry. They don't call. Oh my God. We've done, we've done. They leave voicemails. Yeah, they leave voicemails. So you can go in.

Oh yeah, rarely, I mean sometimes we're on, it's 50-50 if we're on their side or we're telling them they're being the dumb bitch. Do you ever listen to Viall Files? Yes, I have. yeah because he does that all the time the live calls and it just gives me i can't listen to it

when i'm listening to his podcast because it gives me so much anxiety me too also he's like a dude so like he can kind of just like say whatever i'm like i don't want to hurt your feelings you know no you're gonna get lots of one-star reviews if you're laying in people like men are able to do somehow yeah but i mean i still do we just get people who then like won't listen they can't respond yeah we've only done live calls when we had our 100th episode yeah and we were on we were on their side for most of them yeah that's a good idea though yeah i like that that was fun i also just can't deal with the lag like when i'm like waiting for them to respond true and i need to talk a lot yeah we need the audio files too okay great i'm stoked it's gonna be a good time

should we should we start hi megan melissa and possible guests um i have been with my boyfriend for about three years um a little over and he recently like came to some conclusions in his therapy which great he's going to therapy um I actually encouraged him to go um and so he figured some stuff out uh one of them is the fact that he has never had female friends before and he's starting to have female friends which I encourage that like obviously you should have friends of all genders because that's just how humans interact I guess I don't know anyway so he said he doesn't know how to interact with with girls in a non-romantic way um so before this I was never like worried about him and any of his female friends however now I am a little

bit worried about it and he's going to his friend's birthday party on Friday night and I can't go to the party for several hours and I'm like thinking about possibly asking him not to go until I'm going because his female friends are going to be there and he's going to be possibly under the influence of something yada yada the second thing is the fact that he uh he came out to me as bisexual and uh i actually don't have a problem with that it's just the fact that we've been together for three years and so this revelation kind of like puts a little different perspective on our relationship um that also being the fact that he doesn't know how to be friends with the opposite sex um it just you know all of this together really makes me feel like i

don't know the person i've been in love with for three years and so i'm a little lost and i don't know what to do about it or really how to communicate with him about it um the party thing i think i might just go ahead and ask him not to go because you're probably going to answer this after well with the friend thing it's like congrats you played yourself i'm confused though like i i i this is like and not even in like a shade way i'm just like so confused why that's something that you would bring up in therapy like i don't have a lot of female friends like well maybe they're talking about like i don't know i'm maybe this is a reach but no but him being like i feel like i don't have very many female influences in my life besides my mom and

my girlfriend and blah blah blah blah i don't know they're probably talking about his dating history in therapy yeah i just think it's i don't know i just think it's odd that like he brought it up in therapy that like he doesn't have a lot of like female friends and now he has a bunch of female friends that she's not friends with maybe the therapist asked him maybe they're talking about his friends and then the therapist was like do you have any female friends yeah he was just like it's more of like an emotional support thing right yeah it's just how do you make all these female friends that's what i'm a little curious about because like i don't know like i go to therapy and like i don't know i would like i would just i would feel i feel like my

therapist if i like said something about like oh i don't feel like i have a lot of like guy friends like my therapist would be like okay like i don't know what like she would say that like or how that would go in a certain way so to me i mean like my cynical ass is being like oh he's just like you know wanting an excuse to like i maybe he didn't even talk to his therapist about it he was like oh i just made a bunch of female friends i just think it's i don't know i think that's i think the bi thing is like who care like i understand her saying like i don't feel like i've known him but he probably didn't really fully realize that about himself until he started talking through some shit so you're probably both discovering something at the same time so it's not

like he's hiding anything yeah no i i agree most of my most of my friends who've come out as by the ones who had the hardest time were the ones who are in like heterosexual relationships because they were like i feel like i've been lying to myself and now in turn i've lied to my partner and it doesn't like devalue our relationship at all but now that i know it i feel like i have to like let them know because like and you don't have to be it's whoever whatever you want to do with it but yeah my friends who come out in relationships had the hardest time versus like single ones because it does it feels kind of like you're afraid of how the other person is going to react if it is like invalidating your current feelings but i don't know i think

there's a bigger issue here i think if you're like worried about a lot of stuff because she's also like i encouraged him to have female friendships but now i don't want him hanging out with which okay okay okay okay i guess that's because he told her i have trouble relating to women outside of romantic i have trouble relating to women platonically which why do you tell your girlfriend that i know that's true i just lie like i that's true people are truthful no just fucking lie because that's the thing if like if it's not if you're not gonna act on it and you're just like oh i'm flirtatious because here's what i would say like if you're just a naturally flirtatious person and you're in a relationship and like you don't want to make

yourself uncomfortable then like maybe that was you self-regulating of being like i'm not gonna have a lot of female friends because i don't really know how to relate to women without like a sexual air to it and flirting and stuff like that and i like really respect my relationship and so i i know that like i can blur those lines but it's just weird like it's essentially being like hey i don't have any female friends i don't know how to like be friends without flirting so heads up i'm about to flirt with a lot of bitches so that's the thing i can see saying it in passing and you know how men are where they'll like say something in passing without really thinking and then you're like it's a bomb for you right so they've been together for three years so i can

imagine having a conversation about like maybe he's talking about i don't have a lot of female friends and like it's really hard for me to even start a platonic friendship because i don't know how to because i've only ever dated women that's how i relate to people and that doesn't necessarily mean that he's flirting it up with these chicks who are now his friend it could have been like two convert like the conversation he doesn't know how to be friends with he like only flirts could have happened like at the same years ago and then this is happening now and she's like but i remember yeah it's weird what's the context of that i don't know but also don't tell him he can't go hang out with no i mean she did you're there probably too late but it's also a party and if

you if you're worried about what he's gonna do drunk what the fuck that's what i think it has to be something else like i just think that like unless you have like the greatest imagination in the world i think if you're like if you can piece together oh he's going to a party with all like these other girls and he's gonna be drunk like there's something else had to have happened that made you worried right and in that case if he's now come out as bi and he's going out drinking like what if he's gonna now be drunk and explore his bisexual are you worried about him being drunk around guys now too yeah which is yeah i just think that you're just gotta quarantine him i think there's a bigger issue here i think like that's what it boils down to maybe you should talk

to your therapist yeah and i would also just have a like i think you need to assess because we obviously don't know like the sequence of these conversations because if it did kind of happen all at once yeah it does kind of sound like hey i'm creating a situation an opportunity where you're gonna root for me to like kind of be unfaithful and because i also think like well i don't think that like leading anyone on is like a legitimate thing at all but i do think that if he knows that he's like super flirtatious uh he's not actually making friendships then do you what i mean like if he's like oh i want to go be friends with all of these girls but like i don't know how to like have a friendship without being flirtatious like that's not really how you make like that's

not how i make guy friends like the guy's like flirting with me i'm like oh he wants to be my friend let me be his friend so like it's just gonna create like confusion on their end too and if you don't know these girls i would also like i could totally understand like being nervous but it does to me sound like if it did come out all at once that it is like a little sus it also sounds like she's being included on in his some of his activities with them maybe she hasn't met them yet i don't know yeah i just think you need to figure out what you're nervous about from in your own relationship like take out him being by and take out like the friend stuff like what is there other aspects of this that you are nervous about that he hasn't do you have some

reason to distrust him yeah so like maybe evaluate why especially because the drunk thing that i'm like that sounds like a prior in like something else had happened before or is it going off of like oh my friend this happened to them and all of that stuff right because there's also a level of like your partner can be too honest with you and like you can be like hey uh there are some things that like this is the kind of stuff that like i want to know about stuff that pertains to our relationship but like when you talk about me like talk about this kind of stuff that you talk with me in therapy uh because he's processing it in therapy and then he's probably recapping you and you're not you're not a part of that so like you don't know everything so i think you either

need to ask more questions or let him know that there's certain things that you don't want to hear about i know and my boyfriend does that all the time he'll overshare with things where he'll be like or he'll even drop like you know his friend he's been friends with for 15 years about how they hooked up 12 years ago and i'm just like don't tell me yeah i don't need to know i don't want to know that you slept with jenna in college like and i know it's 10 years later just don't fucking tell me are you can you not tell if you've met if you've seen like people together like there was one friend where he like would casually drop like oh yeah when we hooked up when we were on this like senior trip or whatever and i was like what the fuck like she comes she

like we hang with her and her husband and stuff and i'm just like don't tell me yeah i don't need to picture that dumb it's weird yeah i'm very lucky my boyfriend is not friends with anyone he has slept with thankfully but like we'll go to weddings and i'm like fuck that bitch you fuck that and he's like what i'm like i can tell i know what you're talking about there's that but then it's like these are friends he's been with since high school yeah and they got drunk and hooked up and i'm still like just don't tell me no it's just weird are you dumb yeah that's not it's not a good time no because then you just like dwell on it where they're like oh yeah it's like mentioned in passing and like i don't think about this effort and you're like but the way you said

it now i'm thinking about that you think about this all the time and i'm like what do you mean how many of your friends are you stuck with exactly exactly but yeah i think you just have to have a conversation with like or like an internal conversation with yourself figure out why you're upset and then i don't know talk with him about it and maybe if you want to and you feel like it would be beneficial ask him if you can like go to a therapy session with him and you guys can kind of talk through that stuff because hit up his therapist become friends don't let the therapist know that he's your boyfriend then try to get information from the therapist about the boyfriend that's the advice yeah and it's nothing it will not blow up in your face it will be great

and your boyfriend won't break up with you and his therapist won't leave him i also just think if you're at the point where you're restricting your your partner then you need to evaluate the relationship well it's just gonna backfire like it's not healthy i'm also in the mindset of like i don't want to have to tell if you're hurting my feelings and it's an accident but there are other times that like i don't want to have to tell you how to behave like if that's how you're naturally going to behave I'd rather know that when you're drunk yeah and like I don't want to have to be like oh shit he is going to do all this stuff unless I tell him not to I would just rather know that you're going to do it and then like I can evaluate your character from there

versus like you know when you're like accidentally hurting my feelings and I'm like you have no idea those are my feelings but I did then I'll tell you but other stuff I'm like I'm not going to tell you not to do that agree yeah um should we go on to the next one best of luck for starters i'm 22 and everyone else in this situation is between the ages of 20 and 22 um so for a little background my boyfriend and i met at work and we've been together for about a year and a half because of the timing of how we got together um we kind of became the focal point of like a work friend group and just as a side note like none of us work at this place anymore. But within this friend group are my longtime best friend and this other girl among

some other people. So anyways, my boyfriend and I have a really great relationship. And our friend group is really great too. But there's some tension sometimes, because my best friend and the other girl are in pretty rough romantic relationships. This call isn't about my best friend's relationship. But don't worry, she's still really important to the story. So I'm calling because the newer girl that my boyfriend and I became friends with is in a super toxic and controlling relationship. Whenever we all hang out, this girl's boyfriend gets really possessive and jealous because there's another guy there, who is my boyfriend. And there's obviously no reason for anyone to be jealous or uncomfortable. Like he obviously doesn't have any feelings for

her whatsoever like he's been with me for a year and a half um and we even try to include her boyfriend by inviting him out with us when he can come um but sometimes he can't come because he's not 21 yet um also this girl's boyfriend is my best friend's brother so there's that um so i guess what i'm asking is how do my boyfriend and i navigate this situation knowing that one of our friend is in a relationship that's terrible for her while the other friend will always be on the other guy's side because he's her brother.

Thanks. Bye. Didn't see that coming, did you? You need to ghost all of these people and make some new friends. Also, like, why are you just gonna be on your brother's side just because he's your brother? My brother's being a shithead to his girlfriend. I feel like, yeah, you'd be the first person

to be like, sorry, I'm being a shithead. That is odd. I, yeah. i mean i also i'm i wonder how big this friend group is because like or maybe it's just them because it's just them and he's not always there it's like it's like her and her boyfriend and then their other friend the female friend that sucks for her she's probably so bored well best friend best friend i think she said the best friends in her part uh the two girls has a boyfriend best friend and her boyfriend and then the best friend's brother and his girlfriend who

is also her newer friend and then her and her boyfriend. So it's the six of them. This episode is brought to you by Accenture. When your advertising operations fall out of sync, everything else follows. Spotify and Accenture are working together to reinvent the rhythm of ad sales using automation, analytics, and smarter workflows to simplify campaign delivery and access better data across the business. The result, less time spent on operations, more time connecting brands with the moments and fandoms that matter most. Learn more at Accenture.com slash Spotify. Hear that? It's your money calling. It wants a promotion. Elevate your savings with the Scotia High Interest Savings Account. Always earn high regular interest rates that grow the more you

save and invest. Conditions apply. Visit scotiabank.com slash H-I-S-A to learn more. scotia bank you're richer than you think i mean i would just stop hanging out ghost them all yeah i mean i'm a i'm people are always like megan you like talk about ghosting like it's like it's such a good thing to be proud of it's an awful thing that i do yeah but it's only for people that are toxic it's not just like random situations yeah yeah it's not like good friends no and also i would prefer to be ghosted than someone to be like i don't want to be a friend anymore oh my god we just talked about on our podcast yeah it's like i could never please don't tell me like you just don't like me anymore no

i'd rather just take the cues exactly like okay cool we're we're we're i get this don't say anymore yeah i mean i don't know i mean there's i don't think there's anything it's hard because obviously it sounds like she really wants to continue being friends with her best friend and her friend yeah and her newer friend sometimes people date your friends date people that fucking suck and like jeez he sounds awful though right like i i i have if he's just getting jealous because another guy's there existing like awkward like in the moment like there's only like six of you there and he's like glaring at the dudes like but he can't be mad at the other one because he's fucking it's like the sister his sister's boyfriend so he's like jealous of all the

few like do you want to fuck your sister how is this playing out like i don't know that's the thing that i think of like i think that's probably why my mind goes to ghosting because i'm like this sounds like an uncomfortable situation like not fun but if she's like cluing you in if she's like talking about it when he's not there that he's hella jealous and stuff like that I think the only thing you can do is like be supportive and listen and not contribute too much to like the takedown of him but being like yeah you know like it does seem a little odd that like he would feel so jealous about like my boyfriend being here uh but like I don't know like I just think you have to kind of like be a listening ear but if you tell her like hey break up with your

boyfriend i think it'll see i would do that i would be like he's really toxic and like this is a major red flag like among all these other red flags and then if your best friend comes at you if she's your best friend i'd just be like bro look at your brother's behavior do you want him treating women that way like that's not acceptable that's actually probably exactly what i would do but i would also be okay losing all of those people do you know but like i've had people who've dated guys who like they kind they like kind of suck they like weren't the worst and i would like vent with my other friends about it and then i'll be like okay cool i'm over it like you've been around a long enough time like i've warmed up to you it's fine but then there's

yeah i've done also kind of like you were saying it's like well what's the what's the future longevity of this relationship with the newer friend looking like with him is this been a couple months has this been a couple years like how long have they been together is are they going to break up on their own yeah because i mean people like there's obviously like extreme manipulation and gaslighting which you're not aware of when it's happening to you but if it is like pretty early on in the relationship and she's talking about it like she knows it's happening it might just be like a this isn't going to last forever and she'll realize we just gotta wait it out yeah but also like if you if she's a newer friend you don't know her like that well some people also just like

like shitty like shitty people like it might be like oh i would never because i think there's like a difference of like you meet your friends i would never i would never date them versus someone being like i can't be friends with you if you're dating someone like this because like i don't feel good morally like i'm not like necessarily letting it happen but kind of like sitting by and idly watching someone treat you like this well also if it's a newer relationship i would maybe be more apt at the same time to get in the way like to try to stop things because also if it's already headed down this road it's like how toxic is this relationship gonna be for this friend can you imagine like two months in and you're like the worst and you're like no that's

when i'm like perfect like what do you mean you're gonna be bad now my best behavior right now it's gonna get so much fucking worse but i mean i've definitely lost friends because i've been honest about the people they've been dating but it's only when it's to a level that like again i am willing to lose you as a friend because like i'm just not cool like so that's experiencing it with you that's what's crazy is that i think she's nervous about losing her both her friends yeah i mean i wonder how long she's been friends with this best friend yeah i just think that like you have to weigh the situation and like are you okay because like ultimately like you can't have your friend break up with this guy and maintain all of your friends you can't guarantee that so

like it has to be either you guys just and like maybe just the answer is like stop hanging out as a group like and just don't be don't involve yourself in it because like then you're protecting your friendships only hang out with them solo don't do like this double date all this kind of i mean you could just straight up say that to the newer friend and be like honestly i think we should all stop hanging out in a group because you and i both know that there's a lot of issues with jealousy when we're all hanging out together it's so weird maybe i'm like being such a shit starter but like maybe the girl like the the newer friend maybe she'd said something like before i mean i don't know maybe you're like i don't know what i see what you're saying like

maybe it's not really playing out yeah like maybe she's just talking about yeah like maybe it's something that like I don't know it's just not as I don't if there's tension because like the best the sister and the brother like maybe she's upset about it like maybe they're I don't know like to me is like there's so many moving pieces that I'm like who's right in this situation well and I've also I have one friend in particular I can think of who I ended up breaking up with and I but she gave me a good you know sometimes like when you don't want to be friends anymore and someone anymore and then they like give you a really good excuse to break off the friendship we were literally talking about in our like last episode that I was like it's the greatest thing about

toxic friends because they do it to them you're just waiting for them to do something and then you never talk to them again and you're totally justified exactly so i had that happen but she was dating someone i remember and he was like 20 and she was like 21 we were around that age but he was so toxic where literally within 10 minutes of meeting him he was like screaming about something oh my god yeah it was it was really wild he was like in the military and he's like i've killed people within like 15 minutes oh yeah oh yeah and she was just like ignoring all the red flags anyway so it could be that this guy is like literally that crazy yeah and is literally just like stop looking at my girlfriend it's so weird maybe maybe the solution is talking to your

best friend about it and then being like hey i love you and like i say this because like i care about you and your family but like i feel like they're not a good fit and like i don't she wants them to date either like maybe that's weird for her and like if you like pose it not as like your brother's toxic where she's like i just feel like they're like not like a good couple and then she can maybe like let you in on that stuff or you just get a whole new group of friends i could never do this revamp yeah you and your boyfriend just need to also can you imagine your boyfriend being there like i'm not into her like this is so weird and he can't go to stuff because he's only 20 i know i'm like maybe maybe the solution is her boyfriend confronts the brother

and he's like bro i'm not into your chick yeah back off you need to calm down like if he actually is really crazy in person if he needs to be like you need to stop yeah this is not appropriate that's so fucking weird well that's i'd be doing that i'd be like okay go talk confront him my boyfriend be like i really don't give a shit and i'm like fine okay whatever it's like just like the least like i could get cat called he's like you got this and i'm like you don't want to like stick up for me he's like well don't you want to do this i was like oh you're right i do like hold my hips i got this i love it um let us know what happens i would love an update on this one because this is wildly interesting to me and i give details yeah i feel bad for your friend

group this is stressful also imagine there's like one other person you didn't mention who's just like in the friend group who's like not a part of any of these send them in yeah to break up the yeah the relationship well best of luck on to the next i am a 21 year old hispanic bisexual female who is dating a three-day-old cis white man um so I guess I'm asking for advice because my boyfriend grew up in a small town in North Carolina and otherwise I mean he went into the military for a few years traveled around for a few years and for the most part bro is like genuinely he's knowledgeable he's not ignorant about stuff you know but i've been having a really big issue because i found out that he was registered republican which you know i get why

you may have done it like 10 years ago but anyways and so it became kind of like this thing that we just stopped talking about it like we stopped bringing it up and we stopped talking not like politics as a whole until like one day he was like the only democratic person that I liked running like isn't probably going to be nominated so I'm gonna have to vote for Trump and as someone being me I was I was a little like shook by it and he didn't understand why I was shook and we like got into a huge argument about it and he like apologized to me for he said not like understanding where I was coming from and then we just never spoke about it again but like now we're just talking about I don't know why he brought it up but he's talking about

Columbus Day and about how like people know like makes like a big deal about it and like and act like America's like a fucking paradise before Columbus came and like spread disease but like the part that gets me is that he's like and now like people are like saying stuff against white people now like yada yada yada and it's like I don't know I tried to tell him like it has nothing to do with the fact that you're fucking white it has to do with like the fact that you had hard stuff in your life but like you being white didn't hurt that and every time idea that he just gets really like super pissed off and i don't know how to like deal with that and like make him i guess like us be on the same sheet about that i don't know i could just really

use advice on how to deal with him not recognizing that he had white privilege okay cool thanks yeah you're totally gonna be able to change his mind this is such a good use of your time and energy try to educate use your emotional energy and output to try to educate this guy also when you're already choosing not to talk about politics like you've already heard all of this stuff and he's just bringing he's like to the point where he's bringing up columbus day boy wants to fight you he wants to like he like you're trying not to bring all this stuff up and he is i hate him i hate him so much and i i don't know you know you know okay here's what i'm gonna let you know mike he you know that he's on internet forums being like honestly the people

the the biggest victimized group in this country right now is white males like we can't do anything for fear of like this is what he's not fully saying to you guaranteed since he's bringing up this much already dude why the she already knows the answer to this yeah i'm just here i'm highly curious if who else is in your like in your orbit of like friends and stuff because like i just think it's like absolutely preposterous to put up with this shit unless like you are the only like queer minority of your friend group and like so you don't have someone else to like talk with about this because like my like my boyfriend mott's night we literally get in arguments because like i like think that like everyone who's racist like their purge should happen and like like and he's

like well we can like educate i was like too late fucking done like i'm out like i have no i am like no patience yeah i have no patience for that and we're both like very liberal arguing about this stuff like i can't imagine like and also you know like i know what you're talking about because me and my boyfriend will get in arguments where i'll be like yeah there's not enough black artists in museums and he'll be like well what should we do about it and i'm like well take out the white ones right and he's like well white people are losing their jobs that they've had for years i'm like well that's what's gonna happen like there's gonna be imbalance and we like argue about that kind of shit but it's like it's not and i'll still get really heated i'll be screaming at him

so much more livid than this girl's getting and like we're not we're voting for all of the same people right and like we we like align on everything it's just like i'm a little bit more extreme so like this is like i just think this is absolutely wild and also this is like this reminds me of the kind of guy like have you heard who he like blew up online but he like made a post about like his plus size girlfriend and it was essentially like praising him for dating her and like how like like like like society idea beautiful like that's not what it is like and it was one of those things that i'm like congratulations you like to fuck fat chicks is that what you're saying like it was like wow what a sweet guy and everybody was like ew dude

like you're also fetishizing her well totally exactly like you're basing your relationship with her off of the fact that you're attracted to her in spite of her body and this to me seems like he thinks that like he has every right and claim to say all this stuff because like no my girlfriend is hispanic and she's queer like so what like look how good of a person i am i can't possibly be a bad person and also like oh and also i've had hard shit in my life too i'm not privileged because i've had a hard life and also like if she like if you were an illegal immigrant or your family was like his feelings about you would completely change like that's the part that i think is absolutely insane is that like if you want to talk about like and nowadays there's like

fiscally republican and i'm also just going to state here people get so heated which like if you want to unfollow so happy i'm fine if you want to yeah if you want to unfollow and like stop listening to this podcast because like the way we're talking about like republicans that's totally fine i would actually love if you left like goodbye like this has been great hope we've had a good time like i don't like i have no desire for you to be here as much as you have no desire to be here like that's fine by me again like i said i would just like everybody and this isn't me claiming that everyone like i have like i know people who are fiscally republican but we're talking about being republican and voting for trump specifically also in this day and age who

is this democratic nominee that he was so set on and now he's like well my only other choice is to vote for who like who like is it bloomberg i don't know it would have to be but he said they weren't running but bloomberg ran i thought i thought he said that they're they're not gonna get that like they're like no chance turns out it's elizabeth warren can you imagine can you imagine my fucking queen i would die i feel like yeah bro that's not how we bounce i mean i started zoning out when she said that he was in the military and this is not my podcast so i can say that yeah you can no i mean i also will say i just saw a tiktok about a girl who found out her husband was in the military was cheating on her and she found out by looking through his google search history

the day that she had surgery and literally said what happened he googled what happens when you cheat on your wife in the military and it's just all these google searches and she's like yeah so like not only does he suck he's like really dumb I was like that is the stupidest thing I've ever heard so I'm not like judging at all of those relationships but like the fact that she's still trapped in that marriage because it was like a military one I just think that like you're being too lenient and I don't think you're surround and I say this like as a white woman I don't think you're surrounding yourself with enough allies because like I think this is so far beyond that this is someone who's like invalidating your life experience and like is trying to yeah but women

compromise themselves all the time for partners where they're all their partners their friends will be up here on their life and for some reason yeah we talk about that all the time i'm like you have to hold your friends and your significant other to the same standards yeah i just think that this is such a shit show and we had a call from like season one or whatever where her husband was voting for trump and it was like a huge issue and people got heated at us because we were like i think and she was like concerned because she was very liberal and it was like a whole thing i it's like the issue at this point being a republican uh who's voting a republican and for trump at this point it's a moral issue it's not just like a political one sure and i think

that like if you stay in this relationship it's only gonna get like more invalidated like you have kids with him like you have like all of this other stuff really weird like why is that a how is that like a surprise to you at a certain point yeah and like not talking about politics i understand how yeah like i understand for some people not talking about politics is fine but like i think that works when you are like one of you is when one of you is like a little more apolitical and you don't really care as much but i think if you're on such like opposing different sides i just think that like it comes down to how you're going to raise your kids it comes out to all of this sort of stuff like yeah you don't want like if you're you're hispanic and if you

guys have kids and you've got like you know mixed race babies and then like there's all these like if like saying racial slurs and then their dad's like well and also like what um what you were saying earlier not that i'm like giving people a pass for doing this but i remember i nannied for a family where the wife was this is years ago voting for hillary and the husband was voting for trump and he was super straightforward of like yeah i agree with democratic politics and he was just like i've got three small businesses and i'm voting for trump but i'm not saying that's right but like as a partner yeah i'm going to evaluate something differently than someone being like what he's saying where he's like white people are always coming under fire these days and

columbus day was is is still a great holiday yeah it's like this this she knows who this dude is just break up with him and it seems like a gross idea that like okay sure if you're like a a cis white dude who's voting for trump and you're dating like a cis white woman but you're like literally dating someone where you can look at her and be like yeah i'm gonna vote for a president who like invalidates your existence and thinks you're a piece of shit and i'll say like and you're dating her like how does that work at all like i would just feel so uncomfortable with like my boyfriend looking at me every single day knowing who i am and choosing to vote for someone who doesn't care about me i'd be like so you don't care about well how about just thinking that his

struggle is exactly the same as yours which is not more so and i get why like i've had to explain to like my boyfriend like a bunch of times like especially when it comes to like not even necessarily like like somewhat like mansplaining stuff and i was talking to her like we have a couple of therapists and I was talking to her about it. And I was like, I really wish that there was, uh, I like mansplaining has become like such like a terrible term because like, it's not a great thing, but it's also not same thing with gaslighting. It's not a forever thing. You can do that totally by accident. And like our society and our system is set up for men to think that like, yeah, my opinion is valid. You want to hear it. And I'm like, so if I'm going to tell

you you're mansplaining to me, this isn't like an end of a conversation, me throwing a hissy fit. It's like me explaining what you're doing. And then I'm going to tell you what it is you're doing it i'm not claiming you're doing it intentionally and then we're gonna like learn from this and fix this and like the same thing with like white privilege sort of stuff where like i like will explain uh and like of like something that like happened like a like a long time ago where i was like here's the thing like you we can complain about this happening and like it totally sucked for you uh and i'm not gonna invalidate that at all but i think something you can check here is like how happy are you in this situation like you reaped so much

from your white privilege here and he's like well no it still sucks i was like no it's still totally anything can still completely suck but your race didn't make the situation worse something that you can't control like anything that happened in your life that you you played a part in all of this sort of stuff it happened it sucked not a great situation but your race didn't make this a worse outcome and it was like oh okay and i was like no all it is is checking your privilege well and also it's like your partner's got to be at a place where they're willing to like listen and it just it doesn't sound no i think that's not the case here she knows it she knows it that's why she's calling and asking about this and also to this podcast specifically how can i make him how can

i make him understand but it's also how can i make him care about me but also why do you want to continue to put in this like emotional energy output for this dude he sounds like a piece of trash well that's why i think you need to evaluate who else you're surrounding yourself with because I cannot imagine this is the first time that you've done this and like you've gone out of your way to make other people like make something good and like just kind of push your feelings to the side and all of that stuff I think like I would take like a big evaluation um and yeah spend some time with people who are like aligned with your politics and like have conversations with them there because like it's not your job to like mediate and I think he's just going to keep

picking fights over and over and over again yeah again like you said why is he bringing it up yeah especially to his girlfriend who i'm sure knows how he feels how and if you're like consciously saying like let's not talk about politics and he's like goes to like columbus day like you're gonna bring up columbus day was it even columbus day like do you know what i mean like that's in october she called in recently so nope it was not columbus it's just so fucking weird like so so so so so weird to me like completely and i just like yeah i just don't understand i think yeah i think you probably do this a lot in your other relationships and i would evaluate that because you don't have to also just be with someone you don't need to change yeah and it's

only gonna get worse like what if you get pregnant you don't want to have the kid and he's like no you have to like can you like oh my god it's just the yeah it's just i it's only gonna i truly think it will only get worse and like i would get out while you can and then like date like a nice lady you know yeah a nice lady like you're gonna like surpass like first of all you're gonna date a 22 year old hispanic queer woman you're literally gonna surpass so much of that shit of being like okay cool i'm gonna be able to dodge like the like the white male privilege bullet i mean i would always phrase it like this too would you want your best friend dating this dude and if you had a kid would you want your kid dating this dude like just your actions how

you're how you're reacting and responding to him because he does it you can't love someone like you shouldn't have to handhold someone and like explain to them like oh your morals don't align because like you're not the you shouldn't be the exception where it's like yeah i like hate all hispanics and think we need to like build a wall but like you can stay i'd be like well well no that's not how it works well also yeah what does he even think about queer issues what the fuck i know i wonder if it is like he's making you feel special sort of thing like you're the one that's chosen and you get to be saved oh gross hey don't break up with him um is it time for a break okay guys we're gonna take a quick break and we'll be right back

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Always earn high regular interest rates that grow the more you save and invest. Conditions apply. Visit scotiabank.com slash H-I-S-A to learn more. Scotia Bank. You're richer than you think. okay guys we are back from our break and we're getting to the rest of the calls so i met my boyfriend on tinder actually a couple months ago in like november um not september sorry and we started dating in december because he is literally the love of my life I'm not you can judge me but he is not that I'm gonna like marry him or anything but I love him um anyways we recently talked about kind of like the beginning stages of when we were first

talking and I told him I was like talking and having sex with two other guys and he got like really jealous about it and then he was like yeah I was still hanging out with my ex around that time and keep in mind that was in September it's now January so it hasn't been that long since he's been without his ex and I was under the impression that he broke up with his ex all the way in like March or April um and now I find out that they were hanging out in September and I'm not I don't want to sound like super insecure because I feel like I do have a pretty good self-esteem but his ex is a model and she is so fucking hot and um I know this because I've stalked him and I've seen photos blah blah blah yeah she's really hot and skinny and pretty and it makes me super

insecure and she's actually in a different state right now on a modeling contract so he was telling me like I my ex wanted to get back together with me because I told her I was talking to you and she got jealous and blah blah but I chose you and I'm like in the back of my head I'm like I think you just chose me because you didn't want to move states to be with your ex and I'm kind of just someone out of convenience and I feel like he's probably not over his ex I don't know am i going crazy or is this completely rational um let me know thanks wait so i'm confused yeah they started dating they started talking in september they met on tinder in september they've been dating since december december it's january he's the love of her life she's not gonna

marry him or anything but he's the love of her life um which i want to know how many other times you've said that if you also go but i'm not gonna marry him so it's like doesn't mean that much um and you she was dating two other people and like sleeping with them at the time that they like first started talking and he was also still talking to his ex at that point um so i'm assuming but nothing's happened with the ex since then no like he just did yeah well so he's so she said that she thought that they had broken up in that she thought that they were like done done in march so that's why i'm assuming she moved in march so he was upset right though that she was sleeping with the other two guys okay and then she found out turns out he was still talking to his ex

okay and they broke up in march of last year yeah yeah i'm assuming so she thought that's when it happened but they were still talking did she say when they stopped talking when he and his ex stopped talking no she didn't specify that but i mean the whole thing only started with them they only started dating in december so it's only been like but he told her that his ex like is upset that he like is dating someone or like she like wasn't happy and he chose her and she should be happy um i think this is weird i'm confused i think this whole thing is weird i when did he stop talking to his ex he still talked to his ex now because that's the thing if she i'm i don't know i also like when have you guys been like exclusive and like dating dating has he called you the love

of his life because if you guys have both called each other the love of your life and you've been dating essentially for like a month at the time of you calling then i think like you guys but might kind of both be those people who just deserve each other like but if you're saying this and he hasn't said it at all then like i would be like yeah bounce the fuck out you're you fall fast and he's still talking to his ex but yeah i mean i think there's definitely a possibility that he like would get back to like gather with his ex like this to me sounds like one of those situations like no matter how like hot and pretty you think she is i think like he told her which also is a little i don't know i think it's a i always think and again i'm all he admitted it to

her even though he was upset about her sleeping with the two guys so part of me is either like so are you lying because you were just trying to get back at her or are you like trying to cover your ass like for the future essentially i think those are the two options right um yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah i'm really confused about this i don't think it makes a lot of sense also like i don't know how long she's going to wherever she's going before you said states not like international because i have friends who modeled and like if they were doing like half the year yeah and they'd be like tokyo and so like it's not permanent like they're going or they're going to like they're going overseas for uh like two seasons or something like that but moving state if it's like oh we're

moving from like kentucky to like new york like yeah you'll never see her again i don't know you kind of have to like figure out how permanent is this move because like if also is he still talking to her yeah and when did he get back on dating apps because if you guys if he got back on dating apps like immediately like maybe they're maybe they're keeping it like an open relationship they're gonna date other people until they get back like college like i had friends who did that where like their hometown boyfriend they would stay together so like if she if it's like if it's in miami for swim month or whatever it is like she's coming back i just think the whole thing is a little i think you fall too hard to be with someone who

unless she's saying it like i have one of those friends who does that and she's like joking where she'll meet someone at the bar and the next day she'll be like oh my god i am in love with him no that's my best friend who's labor i literally i get a text once a week i just met my husband and i'm like this is my friend too she's exactly yeah we're getting yeah yeah no my friend will do that she's like oh my god we've been talking three weeks we're getting married and you know that's how she talks and she's like and then i will literally bring up i'm like oh what happened to him he's like who oh yeah yeah this is like he fucked some other bitch and i stopped talking to him yeah like i hate him he's not cute at all i'm like cool you're marrying him yesterday nice

um yeah i just think this whole like i don't know if you've expressed your feelings to him about this uh but i i mean to be fair i don't think i think a breakup if i found out a guy that i was dating and i don't want to say it's like a double standard at all because like i also think that like i don't think he should have been annoyed with you that you were sleeping with people when you guys started talking and I don't think like you should be more annoyed with him that he was talking to his ex like I don't think it's like better or worse I personally just don't think I would date someone who was in contact with their ex recently but more along the lines of like actually no maybe if they were in contact with their ex like just friendly but someone who like

their breakup was based on a technicality like do you know of her moving of moving and like that might not be permanent like it could not work out like that's like moving to LA to be an actor and then being like well it's not like a surefire deal like i might move home and do all that kind of stuff hopefully i don't have to um but yeah i don't think i would because then i would be like you're you kind of mentally have one foot out the door i would think also um i don't i also don't think that hotness has anything to do with like someone's whether or not someone wants to get back with their ex no because i've definitely had your ex but like right sure i mean but i've had boyfriends that are like the super hot but then i'm way more into this new guy that i'm dating

who's like not as hot yeah i don't know i i wouldn't i wouldn't let that tweak her out of being like this girl so much prettier than me because it's his ex yeah but again was it a technicality because i think that's where my insecurity would lie and like there's one thing about like yeah we're in contact with friends and like yeah they're technically in contact as friends but like are they always replying with like little inside jokes from their relationship on instagram stories back and forth is it like private messaging versus commenting on an instagram picture sure and also like maybe the maybe it's not like talking on dm that's maybe it's innocuous technically but is it like them still kind of holding hanging on to the little thing between

each other yeah and i think him saying i don't know my answer would lie in the fact that him saying that he told his ex about you when you guys started dating and like she was pissed about it and he was like i chose you because i think like if he's gonna tell you that he chose you he's essentially being like uh she like she wants me but i said no yeah and it's like oh okay so yeah you you and you might choose someone like who knows how long they've been dating like you're gonna choose a girl you've known for like three months over someone if she moves back suddenly yeah because yeah i i do think there is a likelihood well how long were they dating though too did you say that no because that's another piece of the puzzle and i don't know my mind is

really going to the two-year relationship and like really depending on where she is if she's living in a model apartment she's so fucking bored she doesn't have a ton of friends she's probably not going out she's probably poor as shit and she's going to keep talking to her hometown boyfriend and like every girl in a model apartment all has hometown boyfriends like that's like it would it would align with that lifestyle for her not necessarily to like move on and be like oh wow look at me i'm such hot shit it's more like i'm homesick and this is a comforting thing and every other girl i'm surrounded with is doing the same thing and talking to their have a backup in case i yeah yeah i mean i would just pump the brakes on it but no i would just

pump the brakes on your like feel like on like being so madly in love with him without like being assured that i don't know some people can like just give their feelings away and like if i get my heart broken i get my heart broken i'm definitely more cautious about it and i think if you're concerned i would like have like more of an in-depth conversation with him about it of like yeah and I guess if it's making you feel insecure I'd be like is she moving back like is there a chance you guys getting back together like yeah you chose me but yeah did was I your only option and also like when you say you chose me like that's such a specific word choice as opposed to being like no I'm so over her like and I like really like really like you I'm so

interested in you like it's just like it's like Peter choosing Hannah Ann it's a flip of a coin where like the next day we don't know what's gonna happen he's gonna choose Hannah Ann and then switch back over to madison and then back again and hannah brown is over there being like really gonna dodge this fucking bullet yeah i just think it's a weird word choice altogether and i do think like if it's this much drama like two months into a relationship i i don't know personally i would be out not that like he necessarily did anything wrong but just um yeah i wouldn't want to get involved with someone who again i guess you need to know why they broke up maybe ask some more questions and stop stalking her like block her or not block her but like yeah

hide all of her stuff so you can't stalk their stuff and find out about her through him because like how he talks about her too you'll be able to tell if those feelings are still there does he continue to bring her up randomly yeah just weird very very very weird best of luck let us know what happened um i would just yeah i'm just highly curious and like where is she where is she modeling i want to know i want to know because if it's miami she'll be back in a month and a half do you know what if it's la what if she moved to la that's weird if it's la then she actually wants to be an actor because like the modeling here is not unless you're from oregon depends unless you're commercial are you more commercial look rather than a high fashion yeah they want

skinnier taller people in new york than they're doing in you'll just book more in new york there's just more opportunity you're not as skinny as tall i had a friend like that who i had i had a friend like that who was with la models who was like way more yeah got way more work in la no it's if you have a california look if you've got like the tan meanwhile she's moved to like denver and she's doing modeling it's barbizon she pays like a 1500 to be there hey megan so i'm sorry if this is a little scattered um i'm kind of doing this on a limb um melissa hates that so this kind of starts whenever i was a sophomore in high school i'm a senior now But sophomore year in high school, I was diagnosed with anxiety, depression, and ADHD.

It was a really hard time. You know, I was not okay. Anyways, I became friends with this girl, and she really helped me through a lot. She kind of helped me build my confidence back up. And, you know, there were red flags with her, for sure. Like, I did not, I just chose not to, you know, acknowledge them because she, I felt like she was the reason I was okay. Obviously, I know the reason I'm better now is because of me. Like, that, it was me, not her.

Anyways, she was dating this guy, and he was, he is a year older than us, and he's in college. One night, he snapped me. This was this year, so this happened senior year of high school. um anyways he snapped me and he started you know sending me news and saying how he's always wanted to fuck me and how he's only with my friend because um he knew he didn't have a chance with me and i have a boyfriend okay like i'm not i've never given him any signs that i liked him or anything but anyways i told my friend about it because you know if if the roles were reversed i would want her to tell me you know and um so i told her and she spun it like i was the one that

did it and my the girl believed him and you know whatever that's her choice to believe what she wants to um she's very strong head like strong i don't know she's very stubborn and so she's gonna believe what she wants to believe and if she wants to believe that i'm not who i've shown her i am after three years of friendship and that's her loss you know i'm a fucking amazing person okay and um anyways so my response to that was just to block them on everything um which you know i know made me look guilty but i just didn't want that negativity in my life because i didn't want any of my like depression or anxiety to hit back as hard as it had and i feel like having that negative like negative air around me all the time would you know get bring

that feeling back so i ended up blocking them anyways i just wanted to know your opinion i really hate where my mind is automatically going i'm just confused like yes like blocking them is like hella guilty but like do you not have screenshots to like show what happened it was on snapchat so unless she thought to screenshot in the moment she's fucked can you not screenshot snapchat

well you can but you'd have to think yeah you'd have to do it in the moment and he would have known immediately because you get like a notification right plus he could have sent it he could have sent it for like four seconds and she could have just been like what the fuck so if you hold it can you like

continue to read it or no because I'm curious so it's a dick pic and then he said i'm only with you only with my girlfriend because i thought i wouldn't have a chance with you so is it a picture of his dick and then like text in the corner well you because you can also text on snapchat but then couldn't you screenshot disappears you have to save it in the conversation which he can also see if you've saved it right i mean i wouldn't be i would love if he knew that i was like screenshotting but again if you if you don't you're not thinking about it like it doesn't it doesn't it's not like instagram wow i'm old it's It's not like Instagram DMs.

I haven't had Snapchat in a few years. Me either. But I remember that that's kind of how it goes. You really have to be like cognizant of it in the moment. Yeah. So it'd have to be long enough that you can see it and then read it. And then it's already gone. It sounds like she also had an inner debate where she's like, should I say something?

Which is like, obviously the answer is to do it. But she was probably like, oh my God. Okay. One, shocking. I get that too. And I would also assume, like she did, that my friend of three years would believe me if I said... like your boyfriend is sending me dick pics and send like what yeah I'm just I yeah I think the whole thing is weird and like I yeah I just don't get I had a friend in high school who her boyfriend

he had like a substance abuse problem which was like also like a huge part of this that like I don't even remember how he sent it to me it might have been through like Facebook or something but like sent me like a whole long thing about like how he'd like always wanted to cheat on her with me and he like was super into me and all of that stuff and i like just never fucking opened it never read it and like they they had like i think they had recently broken up or were on the outs and i was like i'm not gonna fucking i'm not i think they must have broken up and i didn't i never said anything yeah at all and even then they haven't they haven't been together in like fucking years but i never i don't know i never brought it up to her just because like yeah they

were broken up like that was just gonna hurt her yeah but i do think that like i don't know i i i saved the screen this was like fucking 2011 like i saved the screenshots like in case like he said i don't i don't i don't i think but i think this with the snapchat there's nothing it's just it would if it happened if you just saw it and read it and saw it too fast saying for him yeah like that's absolutely wild because that's so beyond premeditated like i'm choosing an app in which i'm choosing to send this to you and say tell all this information in which it's going to be my word against yours if you tell her which is like probably why yeah you're right probably also why she debated whether or not she's going to say anything because she doesn't have

anything to like go off of of it also how was he able to spin this in his like even if she was like send me nudes and then what he's just doing it like but this is i think this is where i'm confused about like if does he have screenshots of something because like his excuse to his girlfriend was oh she asked me for nudes as opposed to saying i didn't send her nudes i have no idea what you're talking about what like well because maybe he thinks that she has like the nudes oh wow this dude is smart for being such a dick yeah like i'm i think that i'm not like not questioning like the validity or like if you had any part of this i think i'm just more surprised at like how premeditated and smart or maybe he's just like that seems really unbelievable

for me just to say she made all this up versus like she asked me yeah but but how is i mean the best kind of lies are partial truth imagine if your boyfriend though was like she asked me for wait yeah and then you sent it was like so i sent them wait yeah that's so true about is she's just like oh my god i feel so bad for you you victim you sent her nudes because she asked for them he's in college he doesn't have anything better to do yeah what a creep also creepy like if you're 17 that's against the law and you could actually like press charges if you're 17

and not 18 so wow this is all so weird but I mean you did say that like you ignored a bunch of red flags at the beginning of your friendship with this girl so like I think that's probably why you're I mean I get blocked and we're just kind of done this kind of sounds like a final straw

yeah I get that too and I think the blocking thing like yeah maybe made her look guilty but again she's like I don't really give a fuck yeah if you're going to fucking college like if you're going to college and it like really doesn't matter like she said who cares you have a boyfriend i don't think it'll like if it's like a reputation thing and it's like drama i think people who are like highly highly dramatic and like you deal with a lot of toxicity from even if it feels like you're the only one you're never the only one and so like if if there's a falling

out most of the time people are gonna be like oh that makes sense to me i like i've had that similar sort of experience so i mean i guess like all you wanted is our opinion i mean yeah i think the whole thing's fucking weird and i'm surprised i've never heard of a guy who's like that's smart when sending a dick pic like snapchat like thought provoking also you did the right thing yeah i think it's the smart decision to tell her especially if they're together yeah yeah i don't know if i would necessarily if they were breaking up if it was just gonna like be triggering but wow actually this makes sense i had a friend who a guy she went to high school with snapchatted her and, like, told her that he had always had feelings for her

and all of that stuff. And then she was like, yeah, I couldn't screenshot it. I didn't get it fast enough. And she was like, I don't know what to do with this. Like, he sent it, like, it was essentially, like, he threw his feelings out and then they disappeared. She was like, wait, wait, I need to reevaluate what you're saying. And I was like, oh, wow.

And she's like, yeah. She's like, it was the weirdest thing ever that he chose Snapchat because, like, that's not really how they communicate. It's just a weird, like, I don't know. It's so odd because I don't use Snapchat at all anymore. And so I think it's just, it's such a weird choice to pick an app. yeah you have to like hold down the text if they send it to you and then it'll stay on their side too so they know that you've saved it wow it shows if you screenshot it and if you save the

the portion of the text that's why you got to have another device so you can take a picture of it do you know how many of those i have for like a while i think instagram i think now it doesn't tell you if you do a screenshot but for a while it used to be like either a screenshot of a story or a dm did it yeah yeah for like it was a no way it was like when it first when i think it was they were trying to make it like snapchat yeah and so i have the amount of shit i have of like on other people's phones i'd be like take a picture of this for me and so it's just like of my phone screen i want them to bring that back that's juicy well i'm the kind of passive-aggressive person that like the only reason why i have a finsta is because i'm blocked from people like i would rather them

know that i'm watching like i would rather like i would if i did a screenshot like i would want you to know i took a screenshot and i would want you to know that i specifically did it like i'm the kind of person like i could never like get away with murder just like people but like i'm the kind of person that like i would never like they talk about like i think they said virgos are like the sign that'd be like most likely to get away with murder because they're like so meticulous and they like watch shit burn and then just stay in the background like i'm a leo like i can't go down with anything without being like i did it it was me like i wouldn't be able to i'm definitely blocked from a few people too but i have other accounts that aren't

finstas that are like yeah like i go off our podcast all the time instagram to look up see see what people are i've done it on accident yeah there's someone that like popped up the last time on our podcast i was like search and i was like what who's melissa looking for yeah i do yeah i've got i've got a finsta that i'll like look people up on um well do we have is it we have an update okay we have an update so this is um oh great oh great i'm ready it's self-explanatory what's it from so this is from the episode with bows and um it was the original the caller she wanted to quit her job but her boyfriend's oh no she wanted to dump her boyfriend but her boyfriend's mom was her boss yeah it's a bad decision oh fuck right that's what we said

we but this is the part that i latched on to in the call was that um he's got a lot of siblings i'm like oh so she won't care as much like it's not her only son like she'll be like they live together yeah so i mean my mom wouldn't care if you have a lot of siblings i'm one of five so you then you disperse the yeah and also like depends how the mom is because my mom was someone's boss and like they dumped me my mom would just be like well that's business yeah that's business that's relationships what are you gonna do and she said that he like kind of sucked i was like maybe you and his mom can like empathize like yeah he does see i wouldn't cheat on him that's one thing but like dumping him so let's see what happened i ended up breaking up with my boyfriend

and he just finished clearing his stuff out of my apartment um i you guys are gonna hate me and judge me but like okay i know you wanted to know the order of events here so basically the son my ex-boyfriend worked at this place before i started working there with his mom as the boss and so anyway I started working there right after high school or whatever and uh we both had partners when we first met um but eventually those relationships both ended and we started getting feelings for each other so we started dating and then he quit and started a new job and I stayed there anyway yeah so it was uh an interesting series of events but basically the breakup went pretty well actually and his mom was super nice

to me and she really has not been awkward at work like at all which is great um that was what i was worried about the most absolutely and he ended up moving home with her and now his twin sisters are sharing a bedroom until his deadbeat ass can find his own apartment uh yeah so there's your update um yeah it ended up better than i thought it would and uh i'm so glad that you guys gave me some advice and yeah thanks she sounds so much happier than the first call i know like you can't contain your giggles yeah you're fucking so your kid's deadbeat ass like you are stoked i'm so happy for you um no it's great i mean like i hate like a best case scenario yeah like i hate doing like the applaud a fish for swimming or whatever but like yeah you i mean i would also be worried

at the same time of like his mom being upset but i mean i think his twin sisters are probably more upset at him probably but whatever yeah but if he's like if they're all like fuck i understandable but now we have to share a bed this is exciting for you though on the prowl now that's so funny i mean not only did he work for his mom now he's moving back in with his mom yeah and you get to keep the you got the job through him and you're still there yeah how long were they together a couple like i think over a year because they were living together damn i cannot imagine breaking up after living together no i've never experienced that like that's so yet baby daddy on watch know your place damn yeah that's just stressful stressful as fuck also

wasn't she paying she was like paying for well we live in my house so it's a breakup yeah like granted my rent is expensive so i'm like fuck we'll need someone else to come back but um thank you i'd love that do you want to move in downstairs have you thought about that more i've thought i know actually i haven't you shouldn't lie about i think you should move in don't you where do you live i live i'll cut it okay well that's it for our episode becca thank you for being on plug your shit where can people find you well i'm on becca i'm on becca she's on becca i'm on becca gram it's the app i'm starting it's only pictures at becca i got the handle impressive b-e-k-a-h yep um wait plug your podcast so yeah my instagram's at becca and then my

podcast is chatty broads and we do recaps of the bachelor and the bachelorette and now bachelor listen to your heart and bachelor in paradise my whole life is becoming about the you guys also do other ones i listen to um yeah yeah i listen to your i forget which one but then it auto played with the like post-birth doula i'm not even pregnant and i like part of the one oh my god i'm i'm felt like i learned so much i'm so glad that people actually tuned in oh yeah you said autoplay literally and i was like this is the whole fucking thing it's fascinating and i am not pregnant i am not trying to get pregnant but here i am being like this is the smartest thing ever i think it's fucking genius anyway well yeah so you could listen there and yeah we'd half the

year we do non-bachelor shit but we are going to be start starting to recap love is blind but i do think our audience will like you because you guys are like we talk about sex yeah motherhood it's like which i think is interesting even if you're not a mom woke women who are doing like like you don't really find that a lot with like bachelor recaps necessarily and like we have a lot of our audience oh trust me if you watch the bachelor we have hot takes yeah on it on the show that i think i yeah we really psychoanalyze the shit out of the show that's how i watch it too it's the way you should really because otherwise it's like you're just blindly loving a lot of people being like no they're all there for the right you're just gonna let chris harrison tell you also can

we talk about what was on his face yesterday did you watch last night's episode yeah of course he had that like when he was talking to peter at the end i had this like weird bright like dark spot on his chin he like missed a whole section while shaving and the whole thing looked so weird and i could not pay attention it was also shadow or something no because every time he moved his face it was just like it looked like a splotch like it looked like a modern art pretend gone wrong maybe it was that i tell my boyfriend he and i were like losing it the whole time like pausing getting really close being like what is it like how did he forget to shave that because i remember once i got a spray tan and like a droplet of it actually fell on my foot and then

it was like very like a dark spot or if he had like dry skin there and it just really clung on i think you're right oh my god i have to look it up now wow that's crazy um well guys thank you so much for having me on thank you for being on you're very good at i mean you have a podcast but this is a good time thank you if you guys want to call in for another episode you can give us a call that's how you would do it leave us a voicemail at 310-694-0976 international listeners you can send us an audio message at meganpodcast at gmail.com all of our socials will be listed down below if you want to listen to ad free stitcher premium we also have youtube version as well as uh anywhere else you listen to podcasts follow us on instagram buy my book it comes out

may 5th sing good to my own melissa's nine because i'm supposed to promote it in every single thing that we do um and uh we'll see you guys next time goodbye don't blame me is a production by me executive produced by melissa demonts camera operator amanda lechner and music by ryan hunter and giacomo picasso