Don't Blame Me! - DBM: Death to Your 20s

Episode Date: March 18, 2024

This week Meghan and Melisa are giving advice on: Engaged before moving abroad Funeral themed birthday Parents blaming you for their divorce DBT -New Hobby -Making Work Friends Follow Us! @meghanrienks instagram.com/meghanrienks https://twitter.com/meghanrienks @sheisnotmelissa instagram.com/sheisnotmelissa https://twitter.com/sheisnotmelissa @meghanandmelisa https://www.instagram.com/meghanandmelisa Affordable Therapy By State (Curated by Crissy Milazzo): tinyurl.com/y64kwdnf Need Advice? dontblameme.show Domestic Listeners Call: [phone] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

hi hi welcome to a brand new episode of don't blame me and if we are watching on patreon you'll see that somebody named megan has some gorgeous gorgeous hair going on she got a cut she got a color she still smells a little like bleach and boy oh boy is that a comforting smell like i'm just like i smell like the salon and i still like my neck's still a little bit sore from laying in that lane in that uh little little basin thing so you know i'm on cloud nine from it i was i you told me to text you a picture and i was like oh i'll just show her in person and then i forgot we were recording virtual and i was like damn it i don't get to have the irl debut i'm not coming over afternoon time by the way matz is so so lovely and so nice to me um my hair appointments

take obviously a very long time when you're doing a ton of highlights um and i left the house at like 11 30 to get there for like a 12 30 appointment i left like 11 15 to get there for a 12 30 appointment i was done by probably 7 30 7 45 maybe only closer to 8 and i can't drive i don't get i don't have good depth perception driving at night so moss ubered all the way there and then picked me up and then drove my car all the way home and we picked up blood so's on the way home barbecue i had that for lunch today on a piece of gluten-free bread i haven't had blood so's in a while i do associate it even though it's like i don't know like warm smoky food i do associate it more with like summer and like it gets warm

about like i don't crave it as much in the winter yeah me either there's something about it even though it's like you know sturdy hefty meat that sticks to your bones it's in a different way now i'm also thinking about the barbecue i had in houston oh i think about that and you haven't even had it no i just know the story and i just know that i looked up the place and i was like damn this does look good but i already said welcome to don't blame me but you're probably wondering what is this show don't blame me it's a calling advice show not just calling you can also write in you can dm us how do you participate with that megan you can leave us a voicemail at 310-694-0976 you can also send us an audio message at meganpodcasts at gmail.com or you can slide

into our dms or you can write out an email to said email address so if you want to do a voice submission um for the phone call as well as a voice memo you have three minutes to do so you will get cut off if you leave the voicemail by google voice and then we will cut you off if you do that with the voice memo that you email to us but for all of them you'd be aging over have your parents permission and we ask that you include your age all relevant information if you would like to include your pronouns you totally can but because it's all anonymous come up with like fake names for people involved not just like initials or numbers because that can get a little bit confusing and we want to give you the best advice possible so in order to do that we need the most

relevant information as possible so if there's like a backstory to like why we hate someone let us know what that backstory is so we can also hate them with you because we are on your side but on the odd occasion that we're actually not on your side and you've given us all the relevant information and you need to hear some tough love let us know if you're sensitive because we can we can tie it up a little bow also please write in if you've got it feels like a lot of people are going through friendship breakups right now and we can't just do a full episode of friendship breakups i was hoping that it was two people that were both writing in about the same friendship breakup and we're going to get it from two different perspectives but no that has not

happened yet uh but i wish it would happen one day but we've been getting a lot of like kind of the same things if you got something a little little funky a little weird going on in your life let us know yeah and just because we might not have experienced it or gone through it like we'll still do our darndest to give you the best advice we've lots of opinions on things that have absolutely nothing to do with us speaking of someone like two sides calling in um i've been listening to we're here to help which is uh the male chaotic version of our podcast like is it's jake johnson and uh gareth reynolds jake johnson has a new girl nick miller jake johnson for the other people who i you know i also went to a school i went i grew up with a kid named john

johnson and so i was like i should i just really clarify because other people might know jake johnson so people will call in for for like the predicaments in their life and they're like very gaggy like you know over the top funny kinds of things and they had one about uh someone who's like was calling in because they were like concerned that their house smells like dog piss because their dog pees everywhere and they like clean it up but they're like i'm convinced that like it smells and like my friends just like aren't telling me and so the producer orchestrated and had like they like you know talk to the person but the they orchestrated to then have them talk to the friends and then put them all on a call together and then they realized at

the end of that was like well because they were saying no her house doesn't smell and like she's a fully carpeted house and her dog pisses everywhere like there's no way it doesn't smell like pee and then they realized that all of their homes smell like pee and they're just desensitized to him it was funny what do they have going on in their houses other dogs peeing okay yeah but also i was listening to a recent episode and jake at one point goes you just don't want to end up like if you keep going down this road you're gonna get a knock on your door from neve and cammy and you're gonna suddenly be on catfish i paused the episode i text cammy and i go do you know jake johnson and she's like personally no i go bitch he literally just

name dropped you and neve and catfish on this and like gareth was like he loves catfish and i texted cammy she was like what and i sent her like the link in the time stamp and i was like do something with this so we can then get in the same circle yes maybe we should do a collaboration with them because they give advice as well sure hey jake johnson shall we get into the first one this episode is all write-ins we're gonna do two um don't blame them for this episode because we had so many call slash write-ins that were very similar also i didn't mention this if you're going to do a write-in via DM or email. Keep it under 300 words. All right. Should we get into the first one? Yes. Hey, Megan and Melissa. I'm 28 and use she, her pronouns. My boyfriend, let's call him

Matt, and I are trying to decide if we want to move to Germany together. My boyfriend got a job teaching English over in Germany. It's a big jump, but we've been together for three years and talk marriage when we are financially stable. Him taking this job puts us in a position to be financially stable. I'm an RN, so I can basically get a job anywhere. My family is totally against this. They do not think I should make such a huge move without some kind of commitment. They feel an engagement at least. I don't agree because they are not in our relationship and don't hear our conversations about the future. But at the same time, they're kind of getting to me. I know this is a big adjustment, but should I push him for an engagement? I know at this time he's saving up for

all things moving, so him buying a ring isn't ideal. Am I naive to think we are secure enough for me to move this far with him? I'm not shy, so bring on the tough love. I need unbiased advice for a neutral party so of course i thought of you all 28 and three years together i think you're at an age where other people's opinions are fine but i think you know best but where do you currently live do you want to move to like do you want to move to germany are you just moving for money because it'll make him financially stable so i have i need those questions answered before i can give a full decision on this situation a full advice but i mean if you want to go cool but if he's teaching english usually those they're like they're they don't last that long no that's like

you just do it for a couple years and then come back so when you come back is he gonna be like what's the money looking like when you come back i wondered if it was like a in a medical like a translation kind of thing like because the teaching English in other countries like that tends to be a pretty early 20s right out of college or gap year kind of job they don't tend to pay like a crazy amount of money nor like Melissa said that kind of is usually like a one-off and that sort of a thing so is it that the cost of living would be less is it that there's like a relocation fee like what is it that the are they're paying for your living expenses which they usually do when you do that they pay for all your living expenses yeah but that's also like

what does he want to do because that does definitely cut costs for like saving money but if there's not if isn't like a stepping stone in his career then he just what you're saving there what you're saving in money for like housing and all of that kind of um stuff you're not getting like a year or two of experience that would then make your pay like your base pay higher at another job if unless like i don't know specifically what this is and it translates to something back to where you want to be because like how long do you want to be here is this like a life is this what he wants to do is this like are you cool to like every couple years move or is this like a permanent relocation you know the three people that i know that did this after college

they all i need to ask them why they all work for the government so i don't know if there's some pipeline for them working for the government to do this um but all three of them do which is wild and i never thought about it until right now wow yeah i don't i don't know what the people i know who did this do now so does he want to work for the government if so what is why is the reason i don't know but that's why that happens yeah but that would be like a stepping stone yeah that is what his next steps are. Or I just coincidentally just know three people that did this abroad and then came back and worked for the government. Yeah. I mean, I'm just like a big believer in like the coming up with a plan that you have with your partner. And, you know, like when

Monsignor first started, not first dating, but like we're in the earlier years of dating, like our plan was that like we both really love each other. We like moved in together and it was like we're gonna eventually get engaged get married and hopefully have kids and then the older we got and the longer we were together it became less of like oh we're gonna eventually do that to being like oh probably in the next like three like five years and then it's like okay actually probably in the next three years probably and like we would like periodically check in with each other for like where we wanted to be with that so i don't think that like that's necessarily like anyone else's business besides you and your partner but when you say that you we talk about

marriage when we're financially stable what is there like a timeline involved in that and like what does like financially stable mean like what's like the emotional level of like being ready because getting engaged can be expensive and getting married can be expensive but it also doesn't have to be so yeah i just i would ask like you guys talk about these kinds of things like what's the what what is the amount of money that he wanted to save up what's the amount of money that you would want to save up and like what is that timeline and plan because i i don't think that it's anyone else's business but i do think moving to germany unless that's something that you've always really wanted to do or there is like a shorter timeline on this or there is kind

of like stuff set in stone it might just be a little confusing to other people like do they know that how long you're going to be there like your family like what would happen if you broke up when you were there yeah and then like the thing about like saving up for a ring is an ideal right now like if you like want to get married and get engaged the ring right like you can get a ring later if like if you actually want to get engaged right now like you don't have to have the ring or you can get like a less expensive ring and then you're going to upgrade it later if that's actually what you want then i don't think that money would be a deterrent from that yeah like i think that it's like being financially ready and then being emotionally ready and it's okay

if you're not emotionally ready but you still want to get engaged to him and get married eventually like that was me for a long time like it was like we had a timeline in the get married no but like months like we used to like always talk about like the timeline he's a couple years older than me um and then it got to a point where it was like we i don't know he's we said like within the next x amount of years or whatever and we got into that point and he was like okay now we're at the point where it's like i'm ready i'm down whenever you're ready and i was like okay but it's just like i'm a little bit younger like i didn't have a lot of friends who are around my age getting married or getting engaged and we came up with like we want to get engaged

and then we want to get a house like so i think like financially saving for things is super important but like i do think if you are going to move across the country and what i think you need to have so it sounds like so sterile but like if you're not going to be whether married or engaged or even if you are engaged i think you should have a like contract written up like you would with a roommate because if you guys break up off chance you guys break up and he's having this subsidized from like the his job that he's on does then suddenly like you're not actually on the lease and he can kick you out and then like do you know what your tenant rights there are in germany so i think like making sure you figure that stuff out before you get there just to make

sure everything's fine and okay and even like i don't know making sure your name is on the the lease so if something if he's working late or something whatever it is um just knowing that you're going to have a smaller social circle pool that you'll have to like work on through that and like do you guys do you speak german because i mean there's a ton of a ton of germans speak english and speak like very like we we we know some who are in our patreon um and they'll be like my english isn't great and i was like it's better than mine but i i just i don't know i think you're right what you said initially it's like i would look at this as like do you want to move to to germany because moving to a different country and then just starting your job there like do you

do you have to know because like in my mind you would have to know not only like conversational german but like medical german unless they have which some cities do have an american hospital or an english hospital and then you go work there i think there are ways to yeah still like school like american schools abroad american hospitals abroad yeah okay because yeah i just if you want to move to a different country and this is like a perfect opportunity like totally but moving to different countries really hard i don't think like you being engaged would make that any easier Correct. I think that's two big life steps to be doing at the exact same time. Yeah. If you don't want to move to Germany, like being engaged isn't going to make you want to move there more.

Like, I think it's more about like, do you feel like this is something you really want to do? But be on your own timeline. All right. Let's take a break. and we're back let's get into more advice hey hey long time listener first time submitter so glad we can submit write-ins now i am so awkward on the phone so to start off i am 29 and use she her pronouns I am leaving my 20s soon and want to go out for a party or girls trip I haven't really decided so I am on Pinterest looking up ideas of course and asking fellow friends more than once it has been mentioned I was not prepared for this I'm what is your

Pinterest algorithm like let me help you like this is crazy to me more than once it has been mentioned to do a funeral theme where you're saying RIP to your 20s and everyone dresses in all black funeral attire. Am I the only one who feels this is morbid? Like it is hella creepy to me. And what if someone from your guest list recently lost someone? I am a huge empath and stuff like that crosses my mind. I didn't want to offend anyone by voicing my concerns on this theme so I thought I would come here and get y'all's advice. I 100% have no intention of ever doing this thing. TBH, I don't think I could even go to a party with this thing. Am I being dramatic? Is this the latest fad that I am just not caught up on? If y'all haven't seen it,

please check out social media. I was surprised to see it everywhere. I love y'all. Thanks for wonderful podcast seriously my favorite part of my days um i'm literally going to my burner tiktok account because there's no way i am going to litter my perfectly curated pinterest feed with whatever you have searched to get this to be an option that you were that you were that you were served i think i saw this one person do it on tiktok and i just scrolled away because it reminded me of this episode of Real Housewives of Orange County, where Sharon Bedore, Shannon Bedore and her husband, who were going through a rough patch at the time. He already had his foot out the door and already had a girlfriend, but I feel like they were just doing this for TV. They did a funeral

for like, if I was, and it was a group setting, if they had died, what they would say at each other's funeral and I was weirded out about that because one it's weird and then two David's bug eyes were like I'm already gone anyway and to think that you're doing this to a part of your life it's very dramatic for me and not in a good way I do like some drama with my birthday but not like this because I don't think a part of you dies when you go into a new decade like you take that with you it's not you recently did this yeah like I don't think that you should be mourning some part of your life like this in a way that is it's too much for me yeah and like I this is part of the reason why I'm like so anti-manifestation because like this to me is something that like

I wouldn't feel comfortable doing this because like in my anxious irrational mind I would think that like i'm inviting this energy of like death and dying into like my home that i'm hosting i wouldn't feel comfortable because like a i would think the universe is gonna be like oh bet now you're fucking dead or that i'm and then i would feel even less comfortable like i wouldn't feel comfortable going to a party because i would be like oh and i'm my i'm gonna die because i went to this party but i would feel even less comfortable hosting it because i would think i'm inviting all of my friends to then now you're culpable and now you're all gonna die but again that is like that is my irrational like anxious thought process which is why i also don't believe in

manifestation because that's how my brain would take it so if it helps you at all from what i am looking at on tiktok this seems to be almost exclusively people who have birthdays from september to december this is because it is cold out there is not like fun like sparkly colorful things it's around halloween fall spooky time and these are the decorations that are available at party city like these look like halloween parties that's what this is and you said your birthday's coming up in a couple months and you're solid it's not it is not october it's not spooky season and also people who have birthdays around halloween 90 of them they like were forced to get into the spooky vibe even if they didn't feel necessarily like spooky from birth they like kind of had to

acclimate because they're celebrating their birthday and everyone's got cobwebs on their on their windows and all that shit so i think that i'm so far i've literally not seen i've seen one person who's no no oh my god someone's birthday is that's the day after rying yeah that's just different personality type but no vast majority of this is that and like it doesn't seem like you have that you know people either have a golden retriever black cat energy you just don't have black cat energy and that's fine neither do we that i mean you have black cat energy in like the personality type sense not cat wise but like if you know i mean like you know yeah but like this is too dark for me and also i have said when i die one i want to be naked in my

casket but then also i don't know that you know now i can turn like bodies into diamonds so either one of those i haven't decided quite one one i'm either going to be naked in a casket or i will be turned into a diamond because it makes it not do both probably yeah one two punch naked then turn that naked body into a dime and then two i want my funeral to be a party i don't want people like if you want to cry over me great but we are celebrating my life we are not mourning it yeah this to me is giving energy of like people who have not lost anyone or you've lost someone very important to you or enough like so many people that like you know you you found a way to kind of cope with like the humor in that and then it becomes a humor and death as a whole not just like

this specific person you lost and that's like not the case for everybody so like i just this is just a total different personality type i would not do it whatsoever but like i like my the ones i see more often the ones that i always like is when people do like a celebration of and like like a celebration of like childhood or like dress like you were for your like your i don't know like hannah montana theme like disney channel original movie like things that remind you of like childhood and like your teenage years or like high school or like prom theme i used to say that i don't know if i said it was like 30 but i used to say like if i was like single by i maybe even said 25 or 30 now that i'm looking back on it i would i would now say 30 i would have done this but the time i

would have come up with this i would have been single so i'd have been like 20 21 ish that i was like i would do a wedding scene like i would get like a gorgeous like white dress i would have like professional photographer like with all of my friends and like cute coordinating out like it would have been like a huge celebration like that so i think like you can have like a super sweet 16 themed 30th part like there's other parties you could reference in other times of life you could reference like that aren't like funeral and like i didn't even think about how weird that would be if someone like has recently lost someone also especially covid people have lost so many fucking people but it's not my vibe it's not your vibe it's not your vibe submitter

So I would say the options that I would give you would be like nostalgia themed. So whether like you are big, you're big into D-coms or you're big into like Disney, I don't know, princesses or whatever. You could be like slutty Disney princess theme vibes. Or it could be like an era of like when you went to high school or like a prom kind of vibe or theme or that kind of music. limited to uh it could it could be so many different things that reference the uh celebrating like what got you here but also like a theme can just be like colors and cute and like disco cowboy i like people that do the memes that's fun yeah there's so many that you could do i need you to clear clear your browser like start your pinterest over yeah delete your account

launch and start a new one because like that's actually just look up fun 30 like fun like cute birthday themes i would also look up and this is you know kind of archaic and in the phrasing but they'll it'll work for the algorithm look up like girly 30th birthday themes because like they'll think of like the oh black and goth is like the antithesis of being girly which is stupid but so think of those things like try and google it uh and pinterest search it like you would for someone who's like not super tech savvy you know like do it in a very gendered kind of way but i would feel so weird if a friend suggested this to me i'd be like the fuck coming i'm not coming i would make an exception for three people and that's it and would those three people do that no yeah like i

don't think you necessarily even have to have a thing just go do something you want to do you could even do like your dress up is like your high school superlative um it could be i'm getting i think a wedding theme is like very fun like a super sweet 16 um i don't know what your background is but like a bat mitzvah or a quinceanera like something that is like something that maybe you also had already done do like doing a second version of that that's always really fun and you can also just like go on a trip and then every night like pick a different color that everyone wears or something fun like that yeah um don't do this don't do this but if you have done this write and let me know because i do want to hear yeah and i want to hear press process would you

classify your taste as spooky because i could see there's a specific person and personality type that i'm like oh yeah this definitely yeah wednesday adams yeah like anyone who's born in that time of year i feel like you've been forced to get kind of spooky it's like anyone who's born around christmas or like very beginning of january is kind of like forced to hate christmas because they're like just taking over okay next one yeah so i find myself in a predicament i am in my junior year of college and just found out my parents are divorcing i'm the youngest of four and apparently they were waiting for me to come to terms with it before splitting i'm a whole 21 years old and have been pushing for them to get divorced forever they are so toxic and using me as a reason to

stay together is utter bullshit like this is what they are telling everyone as a segue into why they are just now getting divorced for context my dad is a total asshole i don't know how else to put it and my mom has her faults as well i want to call them out on it be petty and make a whole facebook post we know old people live on facebook and air them out for all their friends to see i'm so frustrated i'm not even thinking straight should i just let it blow over or call them out on their bullshit as someone who's um been through this uh i i think it's like your instincts spot on totally totally understand it but i would like what are your ties like are they paying for your school like is this like is this gonna get messy in a way that like it's really gonna affect your

life and even if they are paying for your school like are they the kind of parents are like you could do this and like act out and like it'll be fine or are they the kind of parents who are like going to discipline you as a 21 year old based on like how they help or contribute to your life now if i'm looking for not like vengeance but if i'm looking for something to like if i'm looking to like scratch the itch of like this is bullshit like i want to correct you i don't find that you actually really get that satisfaction when it's like on social media because like they can just delete the post and then you've lost your footing unless it's on your own page they can't delete it from your page oh true true true but i was gonna say for me like i'm much more of like a

in person so like them saying that in front of people being like i literally been telling you get divorced forever like this is like why can you not come up with a better excuse like that's like i would do that like i would correct that in person but i mean i think if your first instinct is to be petty and not like talk to them about it there's a reason why you're not like talking to them about it like it's it's petty so yeah i don't i don't know i i think like you know your parents if you want to make the facebook post and say it i don't like go for it they can also do their own things and say their own things too and it might become tit for tat but if you're up for that and you're ready to face like whatever consequences come from that yeah you just have

to know if this is going to feel satisfying to you or not yeah if you're going to lose something like money or anything that they may be providing for you just don't say anything until you're you're out of that situation but if you have nothing to lose and they're using you as a reason and that's probably what they're telling their friends too and you don't want that put on you just tell people no i've called my parents out for things in the past they've done or i'm just like i call them all the time all the time and if you want if you want maybe you you throw a celebration not even a death to the marriage a celebration that the marriage is over like you throw like a i'm so happy that they're getting a divorce party and you put on the invite after years of begging my

parents to get divorced they finally did thank you mom and dad thank you for making my wish come true every year since i was born you can just really lay it on thick when i blew out the candles my birthday i would wish for them to get divorced every time for every holiday they asked me what do you want as a gift just for the ceasing of this unholy matrimony and you just lay it on fucking thick i will say though if they are saying this to their friends they are also saying other white lies to their friends like yeah so and like i don't know again i've been at the other end of that and as long as like you your peers know whether that's like cousins or the the kids of family friends like your circle knows that is attached or has a relation to their circle

it will come out it will come back to them and those like friends might not even believe it you know like it might be like oh they tell these they tell these tall tales like we know that's not actually what happened yeah so i want to marry these two together make a facebook event for their divorce and don't it doesn't have to actually be anywhere like you can say it's a virtual event where we're all getting together to celebrate what's happening but just make an event and that's it and that's it that's what i that's what i would do i love that it is giving me when my roommates made a facebook uh started a party when i was dropping out of college and then they i think they invited me to the just to like or someone else sent it to me and they're

like they're throwing a party because you're dropping out of college and i was like but this this is you're giving them a taste of their own medicine and you said i'm not supportive i'm actually going to be the most show up to like there is it like i don't know i'm assuming it's mediation or maybe it's court but if it's court show up with like a bottle we'll check if you're allowed to bring it but like a bottle of champagne some like party poppers and just like cheer ready to be in the audience section put on a hat like a party hat have the uh what's little things you blowing too kazoo oh yeah not the kazoo the one where the thing unrolls i was gonna say party blowers but that's probably not it yeah you know i'm talking we we all know what you're talking

about yeah i think like throw some confetti in there show them that you're actually like the biggest fan like show up with a t-shirt with their faces on it and being like they finally did it like but like it's like their pictures like cut in half in the picture yeah yeah and just show them if they want to talk about you give them something to talk about this is fucking frustrating i also think this is like the like the worst thing that someone can do and anytime people are like we we stayed together for the kids that's not true no you stay together because you love toxicity let's just be honest yeah you don't stay together because and they're well it's good for the kids and it goes no no anybody who wants to divorce their partner i

don't care how good of an actor you think you are first of all most of the time you're not even pretending to act but like it's so pathetic so just know that anyone who hears them say that like we wanted to wait till our 21 year old daughter could handle it like i don't think anybody who was told that in like my life i don't think any of them even believed it and like i know for a fact ones who are like yeah it doesn't actually match up with the other story that my kids are fucking telling me but like just know that that is that is a statement that anybody can see through they don't need to know the intricacies of um like your family like it is it's it's such a it's like my dog ate my homework kind of excuse good luck and please invite us to

the party hell yeah it's like the opposite of the parent trap uh all right we're gonna take another the break we are back from the break and it is now time for but are they wrong where we have listeners submit in their own personal advice pertaining to a call we had or a write-in from previous episodes so they might have professional experience personal experience or they might just have thoughts and feelings that we didn't touch on that they want to share hello megan and melissa i'm calling for a don't blame me or don't blame them about the girl who wants a new hobby so i have a lot to say so i'm going to try to get through this as fast as possible uh i've had a lot of hobbies and they range from free to all dreams go broke so starting with musical type of

things. You could go to live music. There's a lot of places that are free to get in, and you listen to a little amateur artist. Really fun. Nice to go with friends. Yeah, you could learn an instrument. I'd recommend getting your instrument off the marketplace or a pawn shop, because you know you're not going to practice. Get a street instrument. If you want to be held accountable, get a private lesson teacher. I did this when I played cello, and I ended up playing it for eight years. Or you could get, like, a ukulele guitar. There's a lot of YouTube videos. It's really easy. Okay, then we have arts and crafts ideas. You've got crochet, knitting, paint-by-numbers, diamond painting, which is just glorified paint-by-numbers.

You can just paint in general. I paint the back of pocket jeans or jean pockets, and I would paint T-shirts. It's really fun. You could practice your makeup, get really, really good at doing your makeup. You could play with clay. I made one of those Coraline dolls. I recommend it. It was really fun.

You could get into sewing. If you do get into sewing, I recommend waiting for Christmas or your birthday and asking for a sewing machine. That way, you do not have to pay, and it feels free. If you look on the app Meetup, there's also groups that meet and do a lot of arts and crafts, specifically crochet and knitting. I would recommend that because it will keep you accountable. And then if you want to get into something active, most workout places have a free trial classroom membership. So, like, I will go to one of these free classes every Friday. I've done Pilates, yoga, kickboxing, Zumba, jia jia zai, qi qi qi, and if you're really into one of those, you could sign up for the membership, and then that could be your new hobby.

I also have a personal trainer that keeps me motivated because I have to do it. I'm not going to cancel last minute because that's just cycle. Lastly, if you want an intellectual activity, I recommend puzzles. I would start with a 100 to 500-piece puzzle because you know you're not going to stick to it, so start light. If you want to download an app, you can do Sudoku or cross-object puzzles. Those are really fun and really addictive, in my opinion. I believe Melissa suggested audiobooks. I really recommend those as well because they're fun if you are doing knitting

or like one of the things with your hands that you don't really need to pay attention to or cooking or cleaning, any of that. If you do really want to read, my advice is to read something you would watch on TV. So I like Bridgerton, so I read pretty much all the Bridgerton books because I like watching it on TV. So I believe that's it. Yes. That was fun.

That was so fun. and i'm like so torn because so much of what you said i first of all i own 90 of the things that you reference and i go i forgot i had a ukulele like you have a ukulele of course i do but here's the thing i that feels to me like something you would never want to do but now i have to see you playing it i can't unless i i played it for a day and then i said fuck this like and then i'll like see it every once in a while and i'm like i don't know like i i i'm the epitome of like adhd hobby like i have bought all of those things and so the person who called it like you're you're taking off all the boxes of this but like you're like planning and commitment to follow through even

though you know you won't follow through and then like putting those precautions in place part of me i'm like you just have like a ton of disposable income that you're like i need to fill my life with these these things because otherwise teach me how to have your brain because my adhd brain is not like this the thing about the class is do you remember that when we came back one year like after new year's and we just went to a whole bunch of different free workout classes and then we stopped after we went to that one where it was sweating and it smelled like ass and we were like we can't do this yeah and it was a month before covid it was like a month before we both said i don't know i'm just like getting icked out by the germs and that was before we were getting

any reports of covid and then we were like we'll go back to rumble and then we were just like i'm actually paying a lot of attention to like the grossness of workout classes now that we went to a really gross one and then there was the this the little whispers of covid that you you caught wind of and then you were like abandon ship we're not going to any more of these workout classes we're not sharing sweat with none of these strangers i was like fair fair no first you were like uh it's not gonna come to this rinky dink gym we were going to i was like come on not gonna go here you're like it's just rich people that are international traveling we're not gonna go to the expensive like come on we'll go to the cheaper classes we're not going to

places where people go to international travel like let's let's go to the domestic we're saying domestic here and hey you know i was wrong you were and then i took your word and then i said you're never gonna catch me thinking i know anything ever again i haven't been back to a gym since new new new new new new not said let me buy one and put one in my home that's so funny um but yeah this is like just fucking impressive like just rattling through all of these and it's inspiring me of the other things i want to want to do and also color i don't know if i said this if you're listening to this part something i do will i will run down hobbies like i will ask a friend who like knows me in real life or ask when i know who does that thing like when i wanted to

be like should i like stream on twitch and game i texted arden and she said no like she's like unless you like really want to commit to it like it's it's not one just like just game but like don't stream i was like okay thank you when i wanted to just for you not to monetize exactly and she was like if you can stick with it then do that but like just start by doing that just on your own for a bit because like it will make the thing less fun um and then i asked matthew's mom sews and i was like how hard is sewing and she was like you you need to take some classes and it'll take you a while before you're good and i said okay i don't want to do it and anytime i'm like should i get a cricket and people are like what are you going to use it for and i go i don't

know great question i won't do it anymore like the people in your life who know you but also if you have a yes man in your life to me that yes man is mons mons will go for it he's encouraging to you he's he is the most he would let me go out in public with like spinach in my teeth and go i didn't even notice and i'm like okay no you know i love him to death but yeah he's he can be too support like if i had a bad idea i think he would just be cheering me on and they'd be like well you're having so much fun i recently found out through tiktok which government don't take it away that william sonoma has free cooking classes that you can attend is queen latifah teaching them i would love if she was but you can sign up this month they're doing like soup and grilling which

grilling but like in a pot and i was like no thank you if you teach me outdoor grilling i'm really afraid of those big flames i i would love to learn i don't know how to but i'm i got my eye out for next month what's coming but i don't yeah like i don't need to learn how to make soup i'm good on that i don't think anyone needs to know how to make by the way if anyone you're like i need to learn how to make soup you already know how to make soup soup is like throw stuff in a pot and put a liquid in and season it to taste like it could literally even just be water and that's you've made soup and we were we were doing that with lows too where like we were looking at or i was looking at sending you ones where it was like lows will have like different home

improvement ones they tend to get better when it's warmer outside um like different classes you can take yep thank you so much this person who submitted this i would love if everybody could just like tell us what your hobbies have been or are because this was very inspirational it was very much so yeah i love this i also got a trainer for the same reason hi megan melissa um i'm calling in for a don't blame them for the most recent episode of don't explain me. The caller was talking about forming friendships in the workplace and in a corporate environment. I am recently new to a corporate environment, and I just started in mine. I am 25, so very similar age. First of all, I just wanted to say, Megan and Melissa, you had great advice,

even for not maybe feeling the most comfortable. But caller, one of the things that I would recommend is definitely like, like they said, taking the time to kind of suss out what the vibes are of the office. Depends on also how big the office is that you're working in, how many people work there. There's a lot of offices that are like bigger, but also I work in a very small environment. And when I started, I was very nervous. Another thing that I did was I made it a point to get to know my coworkers and kind of watch them, like they said, and try to figure out like who I trust versus who I don't trust, who is going to be kind of someone that I'm interested in getting to know more about. And I just told them, hey, I'm really interested in being friends

with you. I'm really interested in like talking to you. It helps that I work in a very small environment. My office is around five people. Two of my co-workers are very close to me in age. However, with teaching before this, I even used like just trying to like buy coffee for a person and try to figure out, like, what they like, what they don't like. And I think that you're going to have a great time. Just take your first couple weeks to, like, see what things are like. And don't be scared to, like, approach people that you think are really cool. And tell them that.

Be honest. Be open. Be all for just saying, hey, I think you're really cool, and I think we'd be really good friends. Don't be scared of doing that. It definitely gets so many more friends. Anyway, good luck. I hope you have a great time in your new job, and congratulations.

thanks bye i love your energy i love your vibe i also love that you said we did a great job someone has a praise kink i with when i learned what that was i was like i first of all didn't even know that i the fact that that has to be considered a kink because it's like not everybody likes that i go what like you should i mean you know i don't mean this to say you should see me because you have seen me but people who are like oh i don't like when people like sing happy birthday to me versus me i'm like i'm like so fucking over the top um as a child though i did used to hide and i would get really scared but i think it was more about the people i was with at that point okay you know and i didn't know the other people like i didn't know the people saying

you were at a restaurant and the people i am with like they don't have my best interest at heart i don't like it if i don't know the people because if the people know me there's no shot you kyle casey lily moths are gonna get in here and sing loudly because i'll have a meltdown so like when it's done that way for you at a restaurant clapping with those acoustics no the last birthday dinner that i went to was at olive garden and um they they really get into it if the people who like worked at the restaurant like wanted to get involved i would need to know that afterwards i don't want them at the forefront like i want my friends at the forefront they can be ensemble they can throw backing vocals in there layer it up but like but if they're telling

the people hey it's their birthday we need a dessert then they're singing no they can totally sing but i don't to me i cannot have my friends go we'll just have the we'll just have the the people who work at the restaurant sing to you and i go no no i know everybody i need you lead vocal them back up that's weird if nobody else if the people that you're with aren't singing happy birthday to you and you just have the people that you don't that's really weird yeah is that what was happening i don't know i was under the table okay at mel's driving mel's diner in um san francisco because they used to serve uh like kids meals in a it's like a little paper corn like convertible i think it was a corvette like a paper car that would be like the tray they don't still

do that no they probably still do okay because i think as i've passed by before i saw it you know what i could go for but i i actually can't because i'll be on the floor a hot fudge brownie sundae it's like i knew you're going to say that because i was like oh i that is it's something about a diner when you get that um because i don't know what those brownies are made of yeah but you could first of all they would survive an apocalypse and you could use them as a weapon yet they'd still be soft enough to eat they'd still be soft enough to eat they're miraculous and it's never chips they always put chunks in there oh my god and they always get the crank my nipples are hard to talk about like it is so fucking good and for some reason they make them like the ice cream

doesn't melt like the same quickness that other ice creams do yeah they've really perfected on a warm brownie i think they've got to be like rock hard in the freezer well here we are as two adults who cannot have ice cream and can't have a proper brownie on that very very sad note wow we're playing us the world's tiniest violin everybody and yep that is it for our episode we hope you all enjoyed if you'd like to leave us a review we would always appreciate that you can do that on the podcast app you can also review the episode on spotify um and please call in write in with any advice that you need and as always we have so much more content for you so you could

watch the video version on patreon also support the show hang out with us on our live streams we do twice a month but you can also stay tuned because tuesday we have our see you next tuesday episode we'd give you a little break on wednesday then thursday we're back for but am i wrong and friday we have a fisting friday help you get through the spring because spring has sprung i want to go on record and say that i hate i used to be pro this daylight savings time but now that i wake up at the crack of dawn it is too dark i might have to shift my schedule back again okay first of all this is like a new change for you so for you to be like it's been happening since october that's a long time as habits go no without a doubt stuck to but you've lived your

entire life i know i understand and i have been very into this time of year yeah and then you suddenly have a morning person you're like i'm better than all of you fuck daylight savings it's just it's throwing it's making me very sad when i wake up but what would you rather be sad when you wake up and then be oh happy sunshine and then like it's throwing me off the rest of my day like it's i'm like why is it still bright right now i am like kylie jenner like i'm finally getting my personality back yeah i feel like i've lost it well to be fair i do think i disliked it no i did i really hated it when i woke up early because like especially when i would like go to set or whatever i never saw the sun like i would go by the time i would get to i would work out

and it'd be dark and i'd go to work it would be dark i would maybe see i would see the sun at lunch and then i would just set life i know but then i leave home i leave to go home and it's dark so you don't you don't get to have that like morning invigoration yeah i don't like it i don't like it at all well have a splendid rest of your week thank you for joining us goodbye bye don't blame me is a production by me megan rinks and me melissa d montz plus diamond imprint productions post-production sound and editing by coco lorenz production assistance by melanie d watson and music by giacomo picasso and ryan hunter