Don't Blame Me! - DBM: Don’t Know My Sex Buddy’s Name

Episode Date: July 22, 2024

This week Meghan and Melisa are giving advice on: Content Warning: Body weight for submission #3  Introducing your dad to your partner Everyone’s Living Their Best Lives, And I’m In Debt Dealing with trolls online as a microinfluencer Calling your hook up by his embarrassing nickname Don’t Blame Them: Quitting Your Hobby Follow Us! instagram.com/meghanandmelisa @meghanrienks instagram.com/meghanrienks https://twitter.com/meghanrienks @sheisnotmelissa instagram.com/sheisnotmelissa instagram.com/diamondmprint.productions Need Advice? dontblameme.show Domestic Listeners Call: [phone] Affordable Therapy By State (Curated by Crissy Milazzo): tinyurl.com/y64kwdnf Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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You're richer than you think. hi nia hey there hey there all you cool cats and kittens how's she doing i don't know didn't they find her husband's plane what happened with that i don't know and here's the thing it's really none of my business if a woman's husband dies mine either it's like it's one of those things where i go no matter the woman accidents happen my guy sometimes people slip sometimes you fall sometimes people disappear and even a woman i dislike unfortunately i will back her for any man any old man i think it did they're still legally married since nobody has been found so i don't know what's going on she gives me a cameo vibes on her wikipedia it says her life's work

and that of her family included passage of the big cat public safety act when it was signed into law in december 20 2022 by president joe biden so i'm so happy you know that was actually the top of my list of priorities because you know what i say the true genocide big cats so i guess she's a an activist a philanthropist she's really moving the needle entertainer an influencer and a kitty cat meow geez well all right well glad we had that update yeah and we all

been just on the edge of our seats wondering whatever happened to carol baskin and now we know the only time i really think about her is yeah meg the stallion song me too that's literally like what came to my mind now i gotta dance

don't do that to me it takes over i feel like those toddlers whose parents yeah crazy crazy i don't know so in love island rob and leah the early jokes that they share one brain cell and they like pass it to each other sometimes i feel like that's you and me where it's like well 100 you and i like we wouldn't make the same facial expressions which has been caught on camera now and i'm laughing because now patreon is just when we have the frame selected it's just us making the same faces without even you selecting it it was just the automatic generator generated one it was this

is me screenshot i go what are we talking about she goes i don't know this was just the one it chose at random so i go oh so we were doing that pretty much the entire time yes yeah and it's happened a couple more times since then and that was only what last week two weeks ago and it's happen a couple more times and then also we finish each other's sandwiches as well so and then we forget things too and we always forget the same part and it goes well now you said that and that's because we share that one brain cell it's like we're twins now the circuit is gonna cut off right there so not much to do after but welcome you're welcome to share our singular brain cell with us where we're a podcast we have many podcasts actually well we're people

who make many podcasts we are megan and melissa and uh this is a podcast called don't blame me where we give you wonderful amazing life-changing advice and if you love it here and you're like this is so fun boy do i have great news for you on tuesdays we have another podcast called see you next tuesday where we chit chat we hang out we catch up it's very like just listening to your friends in your ear and then we give you a little break on hump day similar to usa love island they they say every day but hump day and yesterday but it's thursday when we record this so yesterday was wednesday and months came home and i was like babe and he's like what and i was like it's hump day and he went oh no we were like devastated that there was no love island and then we are

back on thursday with a podcast called but am i wrong where we talk about if we're wrong if you are wrong other people are wrong it's like you know passing judgment this is like giving advice and we're here to help the other one is um we're passing judgment and we're like bad call shouldn't have done that or support it love the choice you made and then we also have you vote on who you think was wrong in each of those segments on that podcast for us to read on our friday episode called fisting friday great job megan thanks i try and where can they watch us switch off between having our full body shakes they can go to patreon which is the link is down in the show description and you can subscribe from one to six dollars a month depending on how much you want to be active

with us and uh you can see our faces the faces that we make you can see the big shiver that ran through my body a second ago you can see my chesticles are out you titties titties titties you can also participate with us on our live streams that we do twice a month and they're they're a good time you get to know us on a more personal more deeper level and not just us but also other people that are part of this phenomenal community that we have curated do you need friends we have some for you they're great and i feel like we should announce this podcast not everyone's gonna know but the two people we've made fun of for being not even just in the same city like so they're constantly two ships passing each other by one's at a coffee

shop the other one's two blocks away and they were never meeting up and we've been trolling them about this the entire group us uh for years at this point they met in real life in person they finally met and i'm still not sure about one of their heights they claim to be tall but they look about the same height in the picture they sent i but the issue is is the alleged tall also the graphic designer so we don't know what kind of wizardry has been done to the photo that's true or what kind of wizardry has been done to every other photo of them photo of them that makes them look tall yeah and they also got a mini refrigerator to put in their house this has to be edited i'm looking at it again it is because they are the same height and they did

that on purpose after she went through all that to say she was trying to find her outfit that made her look the tallest no there's no way it's a great time and also if you have like more than six dollars to spend or more than a dollar like and you're like hey i have unsubscribed from cody co and i stopped giving men money finally listened to us after all these years and i would like to support you more or maybe you acquired some money under suspicious circumstances you're looking to diversify our patreon is open your money is good here i always wait for melissa to co-sign or say megan you can't say that but she's remaining silent so therefore i'm assuming that's a go-ahead on me saying that you can spend your dirty money on our patreon yeah you can spend

anything that you want to do to launder your money in the opposite direction diversify launder sounds like that is negative connotations and i'm not here to shame anybody's girl boss anybody's hustle yeah you want to diversify your profile your uh portfolio go for it but i was looking at the shoe size difference and i think you're correct yeah i had a friend like that and friend who had uh two different cup sizes bra like two no okay no i did first of all first of all i so did but thankfully i was like not really wearing a bra anyway and it was crazy when i figured that out one day and i was like i think my boobs are two different sizes and then every like then you came over and then i had another like couple friends over like a week later and

i was like i need you all to look at my boobs and you're all like ah and then i'm like wait when you let me lean over and then you're all like oh shit yeah i'm not on that birth control anymore it just made one tit grow now i've got like the normal it was so you guys it was so crazy evened out and i think i pointed it out to you baby and i think i switched from the brand name to the generic of it and that's when my period like stopped fully and like the the boob size evened out like it regulated or whatever but it was so fucking funny because like they were so different but i wasn't even wearing a bra but i had a friend in high school who like without birth control her boobs grew one was a double a and one was like a c plus yeah my cousin leslie and i can

say that because i'm not putting her on blast because i have three cousin leslie's my cousin leslie damn my cousin leslie uh is like that like all growing up it was wild yeah like and i and now i think back i'm like well thankfully that they make bras now that are like two different cup sizes but she used to just deal and like she would just pick the cup size for the bigger one and she wouldn't stuff the other one but she'd be like oh it's mostly just air up in here and she just wouldn't wear tank tops that were too loose or low cut because yeah like one would be not even grazing the skin so let us know do you have two different size boobs we love it everyone does technically yeah well this is a podcast where we give you wonderful amazing life changing advice

that guess what it changes your life and maybe the advice is hey did you know they make bras for two different cup sizes it's great it's fantastic and if you want to call in for an upcoming episode you can leave us a voicemail 310-694-0976 international listeners you can send us an audio message at meganpodcast.gmail.com or you can write into that email or or or you can send us a dm and write it in there so for all of them you have to be Asian or over or have your parents permission and for again all of them we want to know how old you are you can let us know your pronouns if you would like for the voice memo and the voicemail you have to keep it under 300 nope for the voicemail and the voice memo you have to keep it under three minutes and for the

written versions keep it under 300 words we ask that you like write everything down even if you're just like recording the audio write everything down and practice saying it a few times so you can time it make sure it's under three minutes and you can just read it aloud on the voicemail or the voice memo so we can get all of that we need the details to give you the best possible advice so just remember that like you're telling it to two people who despite the fact that we are with you in your ear pop in your ear in your air pods in your ear holes on your commute while you're cooking dinner we're not actually there so we don't have the whole backstory so you've got to fill us in a little bit and that's how we can give you the best advice because that's what we want to

do and you can let us know if you are sensitive as well but yeah and just know if you if you omit information that feels critical we will have to read into that so better just to give us all the information because otherwise we're going to probably draw the same conclusions or totally wrong conclusions and then can't blame us nope it's in the title uh so be as descriptive as possible in the allotted amount of time and or words good way to put it all right let's get into the first one and it is a call hi megan and melissa so i am 27 years old i'm gonna go by these unpronounced so um just a call because i need advice on how do i introduce my partner to my dad so my partner is 30 years old they go by he they pronouns and dad forgot how old he is

He's the same age as Madonna, and it goes back to him. So my dad, he and I have had kind of a rocky start with me coming out, but he has changed now. He, like, literally last year got me a pride flag out of the blue. He was like, hey, I got you a pride flag, and he makes mistakes here and there, but he's learning, and, you know, I appreciate that. In the back of my head, I still have that little fear that he might change his mind or something. But I can't think that. But I do want to introduce him to my partner.

And I've never introduced my dad to anyone before. And this partner, I feel, they're special. So I feel ready. I just don't know how. And I'm a little nervous. So I would like some advice. Unfortunately, I cannot ask any of my sisters because when they introduce their boyfriends to my dad um my dad just so happens to be drunk and I don't want my dad to be drunk this time I want my partner to have a good impression of my dad so I don't know that might be the last resort like hella last resort um just get my dad to agree to being like hey dad that's my partner but I don't know so yeah thank you guys so much love the podcast yeah first of so happy for you i know after all these years and all these choices yes and all these choices

i'm just smiling because i'm i'm i'm genuinely like happy i have like a little tear i don't know if it's my allergies or not but i have a little tear right here and um i'm just very happy for you that you're in a relationship that you're happy in and you're not calling us about a problem about your partner or hiding something about like you know what i mean like this is this is such a clear depiction of like you are so you want to you want to share this person with the people who you love so i would just say that like for how much that like we can like tell how happy you are and like how amazing this is i bet your dad can too and i think it also means a lot like you've never introduced someone that you've been dating

to your dad before so i think like if there are other people in your family who have met your partner already i think that might help them and you feel a little bit more at ease so everyone else kind of knows like we've all met this is to meet dad so you've kind of got the support in that there but I think like it's I think it's natural to be nervous when you really like someone and you want someone else to like them and you want the person that you're with to like your dad like you you want it to go well and I think that that's an indicator of how important it is like how important all these people are to you so I think like when you're having conversations your partner about when they're ready for that as well and other people in your life being like

okay when do we think the good setup is i would say not drunk i think that's probably not great but i think as long as your partner is also like aware of like the history of this of being like i think it's gonna go well i really hope it does just know that this has been our journey to get here so i i've never done this part before so like we've been on this journey of together of them coming around and them understanding me and all that but uh this we're at a we're in new territory here so i'm optimistic that your dad is going to see how and know how happy you are and yeah just be happy and like i'm curious your dad knows that you're dating someone because i think that that's a i don't i don't in general for anyone think it's a great call to introduce

someone to having a big announcement i'm dating someone here they are right in that moment that's how i am but she's gonna show up with like three kids and be like hey meet your grandkids and your and your son-in-law but i agree i think it should be something that is arranged and you let him know that you expect him to be sober and if he's not sober then don't bring your partner but I also feel like just knowing how things have changed over the years because you've been calling us for years just knowing how things have changed with your father and your relationship with your father has changed I think like he knows at some point that you're going to bring someone home and I think that he knows like who that person would be and I think him extending you know the

pride flag was also like a white flag, like I'm here and I'm accepting you. So I just think you should talk to him about who your partner is and then say, like, I'm really excited for you to meet them. So this is what we're going to do. And I think like talking about it is a good way to gauge how the actual meeting will go. Yeah. And even like where you want to meet of being like, OK, so my dad obviously knows and is excited but like i don't really want you to come over for like dinner so i think like coming to a family thing for a little bit like where we pop by i think that would be great or before we go out and do something like something like low stakes like that i think you'll be able to like once i said like i think you'll be able to gauge what that what

will be the most comfortable for everybody involved like including you of like being like like the bridge between like the facilitator so yeah because i i also think that everyone should essentially be in on it in the sense of like there should be a plan you know if you're not driving in your the car with your dad whether it's like your sisters or somebody else being like dad don't fuck this up like there's just like people are there and they know because i think yeah like melissa said like what what we've seen is through your dad with all of this is like it's just taking him a little bit more time like and it's just taking him like he's trying and that like speaks volumes to you but it just has taken him a little longer so i think like prolonging

this for him so he is getting excited he knows it's coming he's getting excited all of that kind of stuff i think will be what will make you less anxious i think it will feel like oh it's about time not like rushed or too soon or anything like that i just came up with the perfect scenario what is it does your partner know how to use a hammer in any type of way and then thank you i was just trying to start something your dad on one of his many projects no no no you know what it needs to be you need your partner to be handy but pretend to not know how to be handy and say teach me how to do one of these projects you are so good at them and then he can teach there's so that i would actually die hey i need help setting up a bookcase

will you both come help is the book but the bookcase might be in a tree yes would you come do this um would you help me build a cave but you do like the like you make it in a text message and the wood is like actual wood so there's a little pun there oh i i was like what wood where took me a second i got it i love that don't do that don't do it don't do it but also cater to your dad's um cater to cater to like people's interests in in this and like baby steps like i it's obviously so not the same but like i the first time i met matz's parents i literally think was at we might have gone to dinner but i don't even know that we did like i think i might have met them at like uh like uh the welcome drinks for his brother's wedding like and it's

just like a big place to be meeting yeah and like we might have had dinner before something like that like we probably did like have dinner like once before or something like that but like you know we i i think we had met one like over facetime when like he was facetiming them before it's like oh hot like so there's ways like that that it doesn't always have to be like the movie moment where it's like knock on the door there's the corsage sit down meet my shotgun like there's not always like that like you can without a doubt like breadcrumb it or being on the phone and being like oh like they say hi and it's like oh my dad says hi back like there's that kind of stuff um where it makes the person like excited because i think if you don't talk about the relationship or

your dad's not included in like seeing you so happy you're hearing about all of that stuff that's what i think makes people like really excited to meet someone significant other yeah so i love this for you me too all right we're gonna take a break This episode is brought to you by Accenture. When your advertising operations fall out of sync, everything else follows. Spotify and Accenture are working together to reinvent the rhythm of ad sales. Using automation, analytics, and smarter workflows to simplify campaign delivery and access better data across the business. The result? Less time spent on operations, more time connecting brands with the moments and fandoms that matter most.

Learn more at Accenture.com slash Spotify. Your playlist might get you through the workday, but have you ever wondered how your ancestors spent theirs? What work helped them build a life? How did they adapt as the world around them changed? With Ancestry, you can search select historical occupational records for free for a limited time and discover the stories behind the jobs in your family tree. You've got questions. We've got ancestors. Search free until August 31st.

Visit Ancestry.ca for details. Terms apply. Hear that? It's your money calling. It wants a promotion. elevate your savings with the scotia high interest savings account always earn high regular interest rates that grow the more you save and invest conditions apply visit scotiabank.com slash hisa to learn more scotia bank you're richer than you think and now it is time we are back from our break and let's get into some more good morning megan and melissa i am 30 she her pronouns i'm trying to get out of debt and i just

don't know where to go from here i've held a full-time job since i was 16 i went to college because i felt like i had to but looking back i wish i went into the workforce and just built my career from there. I work in a large office and probably half the people in there have degrees, even speaking for the higher ups. Nowadays, experience is where it's at. I'm just settling into my field. So while I am making a good amount, I have to wait a while before I'm really breaking even due to debt. I did not manage my finances at all until recently. I am paying my student loans just enough to get by. I don't know if I'll ever fully pay them off. I'm just paying enough to keep them out of collections. I seriously budget every little thing I do and I feel like

i'm missing out on life is this how it's supposed to be i see people around and it looks like they're living life while i'm spending it worried about making sure my bills are paid i know don't blame these are usually a bit more upbeat so sorry if this is a downer topic like i said everyone around me seems to be living their best life so i don't know who to ask thanks for everyone's living a lie and melissa how are they paying for those things there's only two ways mommy and daddy's money or credit cards there you go so just know that like you are amongst peers who are doing this you are just like you said you're i only recently started budget i only recently started they're not there yet they're they are where you were a couple years ago and that nothing makes me more irate

than like watching this kind of shit happen and like seeing this kind of stuff happen and like like I started working when I was probably like 13 I started babysitting and then had my first like job job that wasn't babysitting at 16 and then started making exactly TZUI and I was a lifeguard assistant and I was making videos but the YouTube partner program monetization wasn't even a thing for a while and then by the time that I was like 1920 like that was 1920 was when i was making money from that but i was amongst people who were we were making like the same amounts of money sometimes i was making more sometimes they were making more and i just remember like here i am budgeting everything and being like okay so i have to save up this

amount of money for a car if i want to drop out of college which i did i'm like i need to make this much money for rent on an apartment i have to can spend this much on grocery like this is these things that i can do and i am not good at math so i would underestimate everything so like i would live more frugally than i even needed to because i'm like i need a cushion i need a cushion and i have to save this much for taxes and all that and i remember having saying something about it to someone and then them going oh my parents just pay my taxes and i was like what and it was i was hanging out with them and i was like how are they spending all this money and like getting their nails and whatever and like i would be like no i'm not hungry or like no and so that's okay

and i was just like how in the world and the people be like oh my god come on you have money you can do this and i was so confused until the end of the fucking year and they're like my bank account is zero my dad has to pay for my taxes and like but he does it every year and i was like what like it was mind-blowing to me because i felt like i didn't know i was hanging out with mommy and daddy's credit like people don't really advertise that is what i'm trying to say it's like even people who i were like these are my peers in the workforce and like i know how much money they're making and like what am i doing wrong that they're able to spend that money and like be totally fine with it and like still have savings and all of that they weren't like the

bank of mom and dad sometimes is silently paying the rent sometimes it's also like what i've always said is like having family with money or even having yeah having family with money is having a safety nut that makes you take bigger risks in your career and makes you do all these different things and take a job that might not pay as well because you are you always know you have a backup plan it's not like oh i can't do this because i won't be able to pay for my health insurance and if i get sick i'm screwed it's well it'll figure itself out and what that translates to is my parents will pay that bill or whatever that is so i just want you to know that like they're living their life on somebody else's dime or they're doing exactly what you did before you're not doing

anything wrong and not having debt comes 90 of that comes from generational wealth and like people who can pay like that's what that comes from or luck and even then those people you're not not in debt forever like that's not a permanent state either when i was this is the first time i realized that this was like happening to people i was in college or not happening to people people were doing this i was in college probably like around the same age that you you were yeah and i had i had friends that would like every weekend would like be traveling to like another school or whatever to party and then come back and they were like why don't you ever come and i was like well i don't have the money to do that and they're like you have money and i said i'm in school full time

and sometimes i i'm like a quote-unquote ambassador where i was uh you know handing out flyers for things and i was like i truly don't and i found out that a lot of people were just taking out extra loans and then had a lot of extra money quote-unquote extra money because they just were taking out loans or their parents were paying for it or it was like in the instance of like some other people like all their school was paid for and then they would take out loans so then they just had the loans were basically just their job yeah and then like when i got i would say within like last five years is like the when i started having like actual conversations with like friends friends now about money and like everybody is like budgeting and i know like

how much people are actually making and like we're talking about investments and we're talking about like the future and things like that and that didn't start till recently for me so like writer you've still got like a few years before the rest of your friends catch up so I understand and I've been in the exact same situation that you've been in but it'll catch up to them yeah I I so agree with that and the thing I would also say is like seek out people who are in your spot and it'll be so easy for you to tell what people are in your spot because like i where i grew up everybody like i grew up i would pretending i grew up with money because everyone had money but like it wasn't the kind of flexing culture so it weirdly

made it worse because it was just assumed and expected that everybody had whatever that they had and so it wasn't like oh my god we're so rich because kids only really do that when they're aware that there are people who are poor around them but like when you think you're all at the same level like it's so much just like trying to keep up appearances and i've had people on youtube like no you definitely grew up rich i'm like oh my god it worked like thank you so much i tried so hard and like so then when i went to college i remember i was still kind of a bit in that like mindset and i went to a school where some like the vast majority of kids had a job or if they didn't have a job they had student loans and if they didn't have student loans and

a job they either commuted from their from home but or whatever but like it was not a like lavish spending money like the vast majority of people in my sorority were on like payment plans and like all of this kind of stuff and that was a huge weight off my shoulders that i didn't even know that i like needed or was looking for when when that happened of like people who were like i didn't have to be the one to order a side salad when everybody's getting like an entree and like still wanting to go or whatever it would be my peers being like oh i don't we're not going i can't like spend money here and i had like one friend who grew up she who had a lot of money and she was like if we wanted to go she'd be like no i'm buying like whatever if i went to go hang

out at her parents house her dad would give me a hundred bucks like there's that kind of a thing and like if you are not surrounded by that it exists you just need to get out of like whatever cycle you're in with these friends and these people because even if they're not from family money even if it isn't they're in debt they've had to create a different reality in which this isn't affecting them and you've already popped that bubble so like don't go back into trying to be like i like no no thoughts just vibes just swiping and swiping and swiping but there's something like very validating about being friends with people and spending time with people who or even just like following people on tiktok who are in your same it feels much less isolating america

like wants you to spend i mean the world wants you to spend money and like wants people to be in debt or whatever so seeing people who are having fun not spending money yeah will remind you that it's like oh this is like capitalism trying to push this to me like this isn't a real reality this is like what they want me to think so i keep spending fucking money yep yep i have like one of my friends um we were like on the hunt for like just finding free things to do around la and not having to pay for stuff unless it's like food or anything so like and they were also telling me like they're an actor and like the strike happened and it like during the strike their savings got deplenished so like just find like like-minded people and so

like now she's on the quest of like building that back up and telling me how she's doing it so yeah you've got friends you've got friends or fine friends or people on the internet that are in your same situation yeah i i know it feels like you're missing out on life and it's like is this what it's supposed to be and for the vast majority of people it is this is kind of like what life is. And I obviously can't give you like real financial advice because anything I've learned about finance, I was lucky enough to be in a position where as soon as I started making money again, didn't even have a credit card. I was in my twenties, didn't have a credit card, didn't have like, I, everything was in my checking account, not even a savings account.

Like I was, I just didn't grow up. I grew up with zero financial literacy. And I got, uh, I think my third manager who was manager we have like who i love immediately she was like i've set you up with business managers and i was like it's expensive it was a lot of money to give them money to do to invest my money and do all that stuff but you can do that on your own now like especially when you're not doing with like large sums of money or whatever you can do small investments just don't look at it like the lottery and don't look at it like a casino game because that can get really slippery and i don't know why i didn't think of this immediately i produce a show gabe dunn host called bat with money he talks about how like he was bad with money growing up

and how like he became more on the path to financial freedom and there's been several times where he's had to like go back to the basics because things because he made bad investments and stuff so listen to that there's also a discord and a patreon that you can join the discord's free and then patreon to pay but like they're always having the listeners are always having conversations about money and so that's a community that you can join yeah and don't buy into like the dave ramsey tony robbins like all of that kind of stuff as long as you stick on track it's not going to get worse you know like it's it's you're going to learn more you're going to feel more comfortable and like things might come it might go up and down or whatever but like

the popping of the bubble of this is just a piece of plastic this isn't real money like none of this is fucking real like whatever once that dissolves you inherently make better financial decisions because you just think about it so you're so not alone in this at all all right uh next one hi eminem love the pods long time listener and i've called in a few times as well so i need advice and i think y'all are the best ones to give it i have a pretty large social media following i wouldn't say i'm an influencer just yet but it's my goal i make get ready with me videos daily routines skincare tips etc so as my videos get more popular the trolls are rolling in I know this is a part of it. I promise I know but my feelings still get hurt every now and then

For instance, i'm a mid-sized girl and I did a video of put my groceries away with me I literally had someone message me and say wow more fruits and vegetables needed so you can drop that extra weight No shade. You're still pretty good. God. I literally cried after reading that I have always struggled with my weight What this commenter doesn't know is that I have worked really hard to love myself in my own skin. I try to let stuff like this roll off my back, but it takes me back to being that insecure teenager I was growing up.

Comments like that make me want to give it all up. Maybe I am just not cut out to have large audience follow me. The thing is, I really enjoy what I'm doing. I even secured brand deals and I'm making money off of it. Please let me know your thoughts. oh i almost forgot i'm 28 she her and a scorpio this is your plane of expertise it is i wouldn't say that you're first of all congratulations this is like so many people try and do that or want to do that and it doesn't work and it's working for you and you enjoy doing it which is not common

like it's something where it's like if you have a knack for something and you enjoy it and other people enjoy it that's to me like something that you should stick with and I do I won't like lie I think that the longevity of the career or I don't know whatever scope it is tends to be better suited for people who don't take those kinds of things to heart but there are certain things that people say or do or whatever that like regardless of like how thick your skin is will still upset you and even like if it doesn't necessarily like make you cry it might make you just like feel annoyed or feel like misunderstood so regardless of how sensitive you are like i would not consider myself i would consider myself i have like very thick skin online like i'm not

really affected by any of that but i'll get annoyed if someone like gets something wrong and even if it's like you know i'm like that's stupid but like i mean it's wrong but whatever it that's still like an annoyance there and so no matter how much like stuff doesn't affect you the whole thing i always tell people is like don't ever seek out what people are saying because the people who are coming to watch your content whether they're liking your content or hating it or whatever those people are still seeking it out they're still seeking it out but if you then go to seek it out those are people who aren't coming to you and they're not meaning for they're not wanting or necessarily intending for you to see what they've said so when someone intends for you

to see that it fucking sucks if and like when people say things that like hurt you and that's awful i think a lot of it comes with like self-acceptance and knowing that like where are you in your own like journey of like whether it's like therapy or like whatever that is the internet can be like you know everyone had like internet is my like internet is my therapist like all of those kinds of memes or whatever and I'm someone who's like shared a lot of stuff online but like that's definitely petered off as I've gotten older and I'm much more like intentional about those things so just knowing that like despite the fact that an online community can feel a lot like a community it can turn on you a lot faster than a real community like then your friends and family

are like in person so i'm a big believer of like don't rely on that like solely as your comfort or your solace or like the listening ear or whatever that is but a lot of it is also just getting desensitized and that's kind of dark and sad but i mean at least for me i don't know where you're posting this i'm assuming you're posting on tiktok and straight up tiktok is not for the fucking pain of heart like that's a level of like commenters and like all that like i have gotten the absolute worst and nastiest comments on tiktok than i have on like any other platform maybe okay well a couple people on instagram but like besides that like it's just that's one where it's not really your audience and it's not really a community and i i don't

know i encourage anybody like tiktok's a great place to get a community and or get people's attention who want to join your community on another platform but i don't think you'll find a sense of community on tiktok that you will with like longer form content so i wouldn't say like abandon tiktok and do youtube or whatever but uh i think there's a different level of thick skin you need to have and if you love content creation and like let's say you are doing it on tiktok you love content creation but like it's really hard i would move to a different platform like i'd still post on tiktok but like i wouldn't necessarily engage in those comments that much like and i would really focus on youtube and then promo a youtube channel or whatever that is

but yeah there's not really like a secret trick to the fact that otherwise other than the fact that like you need to like your life on camera and your life off camera and those things can't be like exactly the same so it can be really hard when it feels like all the best parts live in your phone all of like the things that you are love you love and you're most proud of and all that like I got so into like the workaholic obsession that it's like I had no life like my life was what I was putting out and then when you're bleeding out for people even if it doesn't feel like super intense or deep content it's everything you have that leads you to a point where any negative comment just like sends you spot like you need to have like such a full life offline

um and that's how you'll also continue enjoying it and i've had to like learn that and like i go through phases and stuff but like yeah i burnt out way too much and it's hard because you feel like you're on the come up but i think longevity is far more important and people want to watch people doing things that they enjoy so as long as you keep enjoying it i that's what i recommend and then finally mute words whatever words you don't want to hear even if it's like something innocuous that like no one else would think is an insult but you really like that like there's certain like words or like phrases or whatever that are like not things that i like to be called even if they're kind and also don't tell people like that's another thing like don't give people

the ammo of like you've like a irrational fear or this is my biggest insecurity don't tell people that these people do not deserve to know that um but yeah mute those words in that case and no one to like step away from it but i think the best thing about making content is building a community and i don't know that i don't think tiktok is the best place for that because it just and you end up on sometimes i read comments of like a video that i go this is definitely supposed to be on my for you page and i open the comments and i'm like who the fuck are all of you like this is nasty it's vile and it's like that's so hard because you can't do much being on the other end of it like as a viewer and it's even harder for the creators something i've noticed

when i look at people like look at comments in on people's videos and their negative comments i'll click on that person's profile and look at it and they're usually commenting about something that they're insecure about in their own life and some people i follow will point those things out to them and you know some people just won't say anything um but i think like it's important to know that a lot of times people are reflecting on their own self-hate when they are leaving nasty comments and they're not coming from a genuine place they're coming from a place of insecurity and block those people like if somebody makes a comment that you don't like block them because why are they here yeah you can keep scrolling i also find sometimes on tiktok i click on the

username and then i see like 20 30 100 other videos from different creators responding to the same person leaving nasty comments like all across that and like i think the hardest one is when ones that don't feel that the people who are leaving them it doesn't feel like it's negative people can sometimes feel way too comfortable talking like ones that like i like just i just watch brooke afric was talking about this about how someone said like sent her a message basically being like oh my gosh like thank you for like wearing a bathing suit like i've never felt beautiful and like i look at you and like i've never seen my body before and like i've just always hated myself and my body and like now you have my body so like i guess it's not so bad and

it's like it's an inside thought like what the fuck so yeah i to me that also i have to have a healthy relationship with the internet to then be able to recognize other people not having a healthy relationship with the internet and then being like this is this isn't about me but if i'm too deep in it it feels real like and it feels significant and important because i can't register that they're too fucking online if i'm too fucking online yep yep yep all right but good luck and congratulations on your success yeah send us your account yeah i won't troll you i promise i really won't imagine it's me all right we're gonna take a break this episode is brought to you by Accenture when your advertising operations fall out of sync

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and invest. Conditions apply. Visit ScotiaBank.com slash H-I-S-A to learn more. ScotiaBank. You're richer than you think. we are back for a break and it's time for the next hi eminem love the podcast i 23 she her have been hooking up with this man for about six months now and i don't sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry you gotta say it again say it again i i'm not kidding you guys we really i just this is this

a cold read who uh hi eminem love the podcast i 23 she her have been hooking up with this man for about six months now and i don't know his name we matched on tinder where his name was t and eventually followed each other on instagram where we talk now but his name on instagram is a nickname it's whatever please don't hear the pod it's yeah this is a nickname that's not a real that's not a name it's like a descriptor he's in his mid-30s and very private also mostly just follows his family there so i'm pretty sure that it's even a family nickname i simply cannot be calling him that especially in bed yeah so everyone again it's a descriptor the first time we met it completely slipped my mind to ask and every time after that i've been too scared to ask because i really should

know i really should know now should i just ask him now or is it too late is there another way i could bring this up or trick him into saying his own name please help thanks love you guys okay get that man's credit card i think i think though if he goes by t or the other name all the time i don't think it would be out of the ordinary for you to ask him what his actual name is at any point what if you ask where the nickname comes from yeah that's that i or just find this man's credit card but i i truly don't think there's anything odd about asking a name for somebody that like you don't like for somebody that never goes by that actual name yeah and also like you're saying like i should know by now but you're like trying to figure out you can't figure it out

so then how would you right no you know and there's no way to know and like you would not be you have never he would know if you had asked him and you haven't asked him so i think maybe the best way to go about it is just being like uh i've been meaning to ask and i keep forgetting like what's like what is what's t short for like it or just say it's t short for something because i think it is better to kind of just well we know what t is short for no but we can if it if his first name starts with and if he says that and then it's like like how did you get that nickname like how did that happen because i think that like you know instead of i don't think in general this is he's an exception to this but i think in general when you hear someone who has goes by an

initial or uh just a single like one initial not even two or whatever being like oh what's your what's what's your real name like i think that's fucking weird like just if someone introduces himself with whatever name so he is like melissa he's presenting this as his name you've tried to search to find his full name you can't so it seems that this is what he is choosing to go by so asking him i don't think is out of left field but i think if you play it off like oh shit i should already know this then i think there's a reason why he doesn't have it readily available so like i think accepting like that this is his name and being like oh i'm just curious is it short for anything not assuming government name yeah not assuming like okay well what's your real

name there just because that's like he clearly wants he clearly leads with this for a reason and i don't think i don't think anyone who goes by a nickname like should be offended if someone like or goes by an or and i we don't mean a nickname like becky like let's say um um lil wayne just going by lil or who's just the who's the one rob and the the the mtv short guy big guy big is that robin big yes exactly so like that's one of those things where it's like okay i i if that's your total if that's your government name if you've got an like a more unique name people are used to being like yeah that's my name that's what it is if you don't come at it from like a disrespectful or judgy place and I don't think you will people who go

by nicknames are used to that a lot of my dad's friends go by nicknames and I had no idea that they were nicknames for the longest time until like when I would notice when I was around their spouses their spouse called them what their actual name was but everybody else would call them these names so like i don't think it's like out of the ordinary but um usually the significant other yeah but it's usually because like they you have to ask it might not just naturally come up like i didn't know my grandma's one of my grandma's names was like i thought her name which was her name and then it wasn't until and i like should have thought because like i did act i did i guess technically no but i assumed this was like up until my sister and brother-in-law

were having their kid and it was like oh what is what are the grandma's gonna call themselves one of them said something i was like why would you call yourself by my grandma's name i was like no that's a name for grandma and i was like the fuck like i was shocked but i was like oh actually wait i guess i do know i thought the other one was a nickname and that wasn't so like it's just i don't think make don't make it a huge deal about like a secretive or whatever more nonchalant the better my brother-in-law's best friend who's they're basically part of the family now but everybody calls him duke and i spell it's they call it like it's spelled d-o-o-k and i was like that's an interesting spelling but okay but then when i met his wife he she

calls him cordell that is his name his name is cordell he goes by duke this is the way that this was me meeting all of monster's friends and he would refer to and go there he said someone by the like the other day and i was like where does that come from i was like no idea what that anything comes from and it would be i would go out with them like we'd go to the east coast or we'd see them and they would shake their hands to introduce themselves to me with a first name take in mind 90 of these men their first name is alex which i go thank god you all go by nicknames because i don't know who you they'd introduce themselves and i have to be like hi i have no idea who you are because they're giving me their first name not their college bro

nickname and i'm like hi and oh you might know me as this is not a real one but it's similar you might know me as salamander and i was like oh so great to meet you like that's like yeah i was like thinking of like my dad's friend like doc i don't like right now off the top of my head i cannot think of his actual name i'm trying to think like i can hear his wife's voice in my head but i can't think of what his name is no clue he's not a doctor no i had a science teacher named doc not his real name but again couldn't tell you what his real name was uh-huh so I love a nickname and people who have like usually there's like fun stories behind it or whatever so I think like you should ask because it shows interest in it but I would also make sure you include like what how

would you prefer I refer you like I don't want to now that I know that this is your name like what what do you like to go by yep so um also call back and let us know about you a 23 year old dating somebody in their mid-30s let's talk about that what's up how did i miss this i don't know how you missed it i figured you did since you didn't bring it up oh my gosh wait i'm so sorry i actually revoke everything i've said he's in his 30s and very private he's mid-30s and very private you don't know his full name he's married get that man's credit card he does follow him on instagram and sees all his family and stuff and they all call him that though oh it's his mostly just follows family you follow on it okay well yeah uh he might be running from the law you

do need you actually now you actually it's crucial you figured this out so sorry i missed the whole numbers part um it's important you figure this out because uh a man in his mid-30s should not be lying to you a woman and you're a woman or anyone a person yep in your early 20s so we have more to discuss call us back or write us back um let us know how this whole situation is going we have follow-up questions i also have a question because um i know somebody whose name is a first letter and then a dot and then another name but sometimes it was just the first letter and um if you're dating that person they are not in their mid-30s they're old i'll find out let me know we'll cross reference i can't believe i missed that

i figured you did yeah no of course no you that i'm glad you mentioned it because yeah no i fully fucking missed that now it's time for don't blame them and don't blame them is where one of you all call in with your own advice regarding to a call we had on a previous episode so that could be you have professional experience it's about something in the workplace you work in that area or a field or it's a friendship thing, a relationship thing, something that you've gone through personally or maybe by proxy that you just have your own advice that you would like the caller to hear. Hi, I'm calling for a don't blame them for the caller who was trying different sports and felt like they were quitting if they weren't good early on. So this year I started

taking pole dance classes, which at the beginning is very humbling. It takes several classes to get used to using the pole. And I had those moments early on of frustration that I wasn't good at it and felt like I might never improve. And as a Virgo and a perfectionist, that was a hard pill to swallow. For me, I think what helped get over that was first reframing it as how impressive I am for trying something to challenge myself and putting myself out of my comfort zone. And second was finding the right instructor for me. I've been lucky that every instructor I've tried at my studio is very supportive and inclusive, but I ultimately clicked with one that has become my favorite and I go to her classes every week. She's super supportive and

reminds me every class that even if my move doesn't look anything like what she can do, that it's still a great first try. And as a former overachiever in school, having this type of instructor really brings out my inner teacher's pet and makes me want to come back week after week. I also remind myself after every class that I'm just here to have fun and I'm not going to be thrust on a stage to perform anytime soon. So I would encourage the caller to try other programs within that same sport, maybe at different locations or find a different instructor um if you're not feeling like the first one fits you best and fits your like preference and if you ultimately decide to quit tennis like Megan and Melissa said it's not a bad thing

to try something and decide you don't like it and want to try something else and that's all I have thank you I love pole dancing yeah that's something that both of us have done in the past and you had to quit because it was bruising your knees up too bad right well their in-person auditions aren't happening anymore and that was the issue was that they said Megan casting loved you they are a little concerned about the status of your legs and I was like okay cool cool cool fair point fair point fair point but now they won't see it they won't see it until I get booked the role um I um went and I wasn't I don't I wasn't particularly good at it but I am of the mindset if not great at something then I don't want to keep doing it

but they had other things that I was good at like the twerking class phenomenal she was you guys she was I of course didn't attend because you know I'm still at the stage of practicing from the mirror hoping to unleash it the videos I it was it felt cruel for me like it felt like some people have all the talents and all the skill and the twerking class it would incorporate the pole but not like the scary part that I didn't like to do so I could just climb up a couple little scoots and then roll on it then come on down to the ground and twerk my little ass off um I don't know I said little fat ass off uh and then they had like a um flexibility handstand class headstand class I've been able to do a headstand easily since I was like five so

excelled in that and then there was also a gym that I would use too so like I like it opened wanting to try pole dancing opened the door for me to try other things that I enjoyed more than the actual pole dancing part. Yeah. And I think their advice about finding a teacher is great because that's how I ended up sticking with SoulCycles. I found an instructor I really loved and that made me stick around. And then I like even when I was like at a gym and going to those kinds of workout classes, like I then once you have one really good instructor, you then start to value that and then you seek that out and you try all of the instructors from this place until you find one that you like and then you go oh well i know i could have one i really like so

like i'm not going to settle for something i don't so you move on for that but yeah that's a a great tip too because yeah i could see that as a teacher's pet i was never one of those not so much not academically at least i was the personality hire of my entire academic career so thank you for giving that advice to us and now i want to go to a poll class yeah let's go i had promising it's similar to when i went to tcby and my manager maria said i have a future in yogurt that i did not take so kindly because i said maria if i'm going to college i can't have a future in yogurt and also i know you're lying to me i'm so bad at this job but then when the poll teacher was like you're great at this you're like you're a natural

when i was like i think it's because all my bones and joints are so loose that i can just really swing around i was like amazing so yeah that that like there's no other high like that you keep striving for it so love that if you all enjoy this episode of the podcast thanks thanks for listening thanks for hanging out with us like we said at the beginning of the show we have more podcasts for you for the rest of the week the only day you will not get us is wednesday so stay tuned they're all released on this feed so if you are just listening on apple podcast subscribe here or spotify as well and again our patreon you can join see us the video version you can listen to it ad free you can also just join the live streams or you can be like i just want to

donate money to a charitable organization and this is our organization it is us so yeah it's not like a registered non-profit because we are for profit but uh give us money also like here's an incentive i if you are part of the patreon and you see the video i will put my twerking video coco's gonna edit it into here you guys you're you have to it's it you'll die it's great speaking of i need to send you janae's um heart race challenge her dance because like when i said said the guys afterwards were like i've never seen anything like that and they meant that was her ass i was like you would love her um so yeah we hope you all enjoyed send us your voicemail leave us your voicemail send us your voice memo send us your email and dm so we can give you

advice and you might hear yourself or hear your words in next week's episode all right goodbye Don't Blame Me is a production by me, Megan Rinks. And me, Melissa D. Montz, plus Diamond Imprint Productions. Post-production sound and editing by Coco Lorenz. Production assistance by Melanie D. Watson. And music by Giacomo Picasso and Ryan Hunter.