Don't Blame Me! - DBM: Engagement Ring Twins

Episode Date: November 13, 2023

Meghan and Melisa to give advice on: Update: Moving in with your boyfriend but you're having second thoughs How to ask someone out Asking friends for your money back Proportionally splitting bills Friend copying engagement ring Buy our merch: https://store.dftba.com/collections/don-t-blame-me Follow Us! @meghanrienks instagram.com/meghanrienks https://twitter.com/meghanrienks @sheisnotmelissa instagram.com/sheisnotmelissa https://twitter.com/sheisnotmelissa @meghanandmelisa https://www.instagram.com/meghanandmelisa Affordable Therapy By State (Curated by Crissy Milazzo): tinyurl.com/y64kwdnf Need Advice? dontblameme.show Domestic Listeners Call: [phone] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

we're back a long time not hearing a full up brand new episode from us apologies that you know what life happens and sometimes people get sinus infections like melissa how do you think you got sick by the way I don't know I don't know I guess it probably from when I went to the concert but like you didn't get sick from it and neither did Allison or Gabe and Sonam like y'all like Sonam was with me and then you were with me the day after and then Gabe and Allison were with me on Friday but nobody else got sick now I'm getting sick but I also could blame it on the trick-or-treater who coughed on me yeah but like it's been two weeks since you've seen me and you're getting sick now so it wouldn't be the same thing no i usually would get sick like immediately after

two trick-or-treaters tried to come inside of our house they were like so little and i was like you're adorable do you see that tiktok of that i've seen yeah i saw a couple of them yeah okay and they were so cute and then there was one that just like coughed on me and i was like okay okay thank you yikes yeah well welcome back to another episode of don't blame me i fumbled there because i was like what are we recording again we've been off our game we haven't recorded in a while but melissa was sick and now i'm getting sick so we're doing this virtual and it's going to be a wonderful amazing great time and we're here to we're here to save the day we're here to save

everyone's lives and you have two people on i'm on cold medicine and so just know that like unfiltered we're about we're just going to be very honest maybe a little drowsy i'm i'm drowsy but like i haven't taken any medicine since last night so i'm i'm alert oh wonderful i'm drowsy and i'm on cold medicine but you know that means that we're going to be really honest here and i probably won't talk as much which will be great i won't just drone on and on we'll see oh and if you want to watch the video version to see the eye roll that she just gave me um you can check out the patreon it's a great time video video versions of the podcast you can also listen to the audio versions ad free there and we do live streams twice a month and it's a wonderful fun time where

we vibe out and it's fun because we've if anyone's new and you're like oh i haven't done this before just know that there's almost recently pretty much there's always at least like one new person um so you will not be the only new only the only newbie there and we promise maybe maybe lauren can come hop into like the dms and we can post it on our story to like share that like we're very nice the first time you come you know ish we only start bullying you once you've been there for as long as other people we know you and know how and know how to get under your skin exactly shout out shout out mary so um the giant that is mary speaking of mary mary this is for you and for people who know i saw a tiktok of a little girl interviewing lil wayne and she said

Mr. Lil Wayne. And it reminded me of you. So to explain what this podcast is, this is an advice podcast where we give you wonderful, amazing, life-changing advice that changes your life. And you can't blame us because it's in the title of the show.

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writing it in well let's give some advice let's change some lives we're gonna start with an update though i love that hello m&m i called in for advice all the way back in september 2021 season 8 episode 15 not wanting to relocate to live with boyfriend it's been a while but after giving your advice you wanted me to update you on what i ended up doing so to refresh y'all's memory i called in for advice if i should move to a new city with my long-distance boyfriend of two years i was having doubts in the relationship and second guessing the choice to move you told me i shouldn't move he wasn't my person i should be excited to move and i would be excited to move if it was the right choice i took that to heart and it also confirmed what i was thinking and feeling i decided to call

him and break up with him after i told him i was feeling and then i changed my mind he made me second guess my feelings and reasons for backing out he guilted me saying we have worked so hard to get to this moment and why not just give it a shot to know for sure i pushed back against that but then he made a grand gesture and drove six hours to physically stay with me and didn't leave until he moved to his place red flag that's even if it's a flag that's like a a tent even with him staying with me for the entire week leading up to the move i tried to be honest once again i told him i didn't feel right and i don't want to do this he made me feel like i was the bad guy giving up on a relationship and setting him home after a grand gesture of love he again dismissed my

relationship concerns and assured me that everything would be better once we lived together i realized he was now being immature in delulu but i had already quit my job at this point and my lease was up in a few days so i gave in and i moved in with him i felt in my gut that it was wrong to do the entire time but he was gaslighting me so much i somehow convinced myself it was cold feet and i owed it to him to try please don't judge my stupidity he was highly manipulative and i'm an empath to the situation fucked with my head i would never judge you for this this is all him i tried my best while living with him i tried to move past my feelings and make it work i ended up staying a total of 10 months i won't go into detail but things were not great and it

definitely confirmed what i had known before i had moved we were not compatible and distance was not the issue obviously i feel resentful towards him and was a shell of my former self i was missing my old friends in my old city i started therapy found my power again again and broke up with his ass i moved back got a new and better job reconnected with my old friends and also met my current boyfriend who is amazing and the love of my life i've been a listener since 2020 and i don't know if anyone who didn't take your advice has given an update moral of the story making a muster always right and always stand firm in your gut feeling i grew a lot from this experience but i would have saved a lot of time and heartache if i would have taken your advice love the podcast

i'm so glad you're in a better place me too and i want to say the title of this email was i didn't take your advice and i regret it but sometimes you gotta live and learn yeah because you would I think if if you would have not done it you would have been thinking like what if I did go even though you knew in your heart that you shouldn't go but I feel like you're probably a better person now as in like when you're looking for a relationship you know what the red flags are and now it makes you better at picking who your next partner is and you said that your current partner is the love of your life yeah that's amazing and I think like especially when this relationship was clearly like super manipulative and toxic and it didn't just

appear overnight so i do agree in the sense that like i think if you hadn't moved in with him you would are you were already suffering at the at the hands of his manipulation and all that toxicity that when people get their like claw like they sink their like they sink into you in that kind of way it's a lesson either way and i'm glad that like you everything's everything's going so much better now and fuck that guy yeah well happy for you yay all right we're gonna take a break and when we get back we'll get into the rest of the episode and we are back all right first up we've got a write-in hi megan and melissa i love all the pods they make my week i 19 she her and writing for don't blame me for some advice and if i should

ask someone out how to ask someone out i have a crush on someone in my gender and communication class and i really want to get to know this person more his name is peter he him i literally know nothing about him besides the fact that we're in the same class i don't know how old he is what year he is, what his major is, if he's single. I only found his Instagram because of a project we did together in class. I've only spoken to him during our class, small group discussion, but he's really cute, nice, funny, from what I know. I've never asked anyone out before, been on a real date, or been in a serious relationship, so I really don't know what to do. Should I just ignore it and probably never see him again after the semester, or should I ask him out? How do you even

ask someone out where do you go am i being weird and obsessive do i follow him on instagram and reach out give me the tough love i can handle it thank you so much this is cute it is cute i think you're being a little weird and obsessive but like we've all been a little weird and obsessive yes we've all been here i think we're like even like when you've been seeing someone for a minute you're still like a little weird you're still a little weird yes like you you know like you get those yeah you see them post something on instagram or something and you get those little or like i don't want to be the first one to look at this and i hate i hate how instagram now when it's somebody that you're looking at all the time yeah they go you go yeah no put it i do i don't

want to i do but not not this easily and not like to the point where like the minute they post it it's the first thing that pops up i don't don't don't let don't let it be that i'm this thirsty yeah I do like that I when I post something and I see that they're the first ones to look I'm like great and then you go well reverse I know what's going on with you and your algorithm but okay right yeah but don't do that to me but I don't want to do it don't do it to me be for the girls Instagram be for the fucking girls but one I don't think this is going to be the last time you see them even I went to a big university and I saw people all the time even when I didn't have classes with them at all like you'll still see them around and this was also like we I was you

gotta keep in mind too that like I was on Facebook like I was one of the first people on Facebook at my university and that's the only like social media that we had and so like people were quick to follow people because it's like this is how we act like you had to add people for them to join Facebook whoa so I was I like legit my very rich friend I feel like she knew somebody that got us on to Facebook because she was like the first person at our school that was on Facebook and then she added me but I would go ahead and add him now like I don't think there's anything wrong you've had discussions with him you've been in the same group I don't think there's anything weird about going ahead and add him and if you're feeling like nervous about talking to him in

person I feel like social media is the best is like a great buffer for that if you want to make it less weird I know we're coming up at the end of the semester like in case you're like afraid of getting rejected maybe wait until the class is over that way it's not weird in class and add him like when class is ending but like do something memorable at the end of the semester so like he's like okay I mean if I was in school I would have just been like hey there's you know find some social thing that's going on and invite him there or just like ask are you going to this blah blah it could be something that's like in the major or if you know something he's into when you're doing your uh instagram stalking find something that you think that he might be interested in and it

might not be something you're necessarily interested in but it's a way to create an environment where you would be there together and uh you can talk to him more outside of class But I think it's cute. I think this is cute. Don't be afraid. And I know you haven't really dated anybody before, but this is the perfect time to to start like just exploring dating while you're in college, especially since, again, we're coming up at the end of semester or quarter, whatever your school is on. And you can, you know, get some flirtation during winter break just on social media where you guys are just chatting back and forth, you know? yeah i i agree with all that i would do a slightly shifted timeline in the sense that like i would add him now and i would the excuse for i would ask him something about like i would ask him to study with you like for the cram for the fine like i'm studying for the final like do you want i would start like that kind of thing there and then also i would add him see if like he has a

girlfriend from the instagram after you add him so that's why i would i would definitely do the social media thing first also because I think social media can tell us a lot about a person because like you don't know that much about him and you might not like him and so I think asking someone out I would rather know that I don't actually like you by spending two seconds scrolling on your Instagram than like arriving to a date or like a coffee or even a study session so yeah I would I would add him do a quick little peruse see if you're still into him I think she's already perusing oh yeah i guess if he's not private yeah and then i would be like hey did you you can even like i used to use all the fucking time with like people i liked i'm like

do you remember what like the which day they said the homework like i wrote down this day but like i don't think it's right and they're like oh no it's actually like this one's like oh my thank you or it's like hey do you actually do you get a copy of like i can't find it online and then like you know they can do that kind of a thing and then hit up of seeing like if you want to like do you maybe want to like grab coffee and like study or you and like there's something like flirty and cute to do being like do you want to say for our final or get distracted and like not study at all for the final and like or like distract like something like in the sense of being like we're both in this kind of thing together do you want to study for the final or get dinner

with me so i don't have to study for the final because i've been studying far too much like something flirtatious in that sense so he can opt in or opt out in a way especially because it's like you've never really had experience with this i would say i would tread lightly in the sense because there is a rejection just in the sense of like might have a girlfriend might be into somebody else might not be interested in dating or whatever the reason is that like will have nothing to do with you even a seasoned dater can take it really personal so I think like setting yourself up for an outcome like if you have to envision in your head how they're rejecting you if they do reject you what is the way that is like most comfortable for you so like for me

I know that that is not in person I know that that is over like text message or over social media or something like that and I also know that I like to give someone an out so then they're picking from my two options not just like shutting something down so I think like that doesn't have to be how you operate but figuring out what that would be because dating is all about like picking yourself back up after that and like enjoying the time but we can also get really like stressed out so we don't even enjoy going on a date with someone because we're so worried about the outcome of it like it should be fun yeah have you ever asked someone out yeah I was I feel like you definitely would have I've never asked anyone out but I usually do it like a more of like a

hangout type thing like a group or just like chill no just like chill I was thinking about the last person that I hooked up in college hooked up with dated and I was trying to think about how that came along because we were in a class together it was a screenwriting class it was the like I had like never offered a screenwriting class at my school and he was in my screenwriting class my senior year and he asked me if i wanted to come over and watch like a movie that we were like reviewing or something it was something where i went over to his apartment and then he was like showing me his camera equipment and stuff i was like okay and and then showed me some shorts he made no i truly did not know he was into me i really just thought like we were just doing school

yeah i thought we were doing like i wasn't into him at all really oh and you're having to sit through a short film with someone you're not even into yeah i i was just like this is because again like this was like a screenwriting class they had never offered it before and i was like this is awesome this is somebody that's like into the same stuff i am and i'm thinking more of like we're gonna make some like shorts or something together he wants to make a different kind of movie yeah and so um i was just like i was like cool and i think we watch i don't even want to say what we watch because that person is problematic and then um as i was walking out he just kind of kissed me and i was like oh i'm scared shock shocker but like he was a really good

kisser oh that's that's so that's that's what you're like fuck the kind where you're like he like held the size of my face yeah and you're like well damn right it's like okay i guess i'm gonna use you for your body now and then yeah and then we kind of started dating after that so i just think like just like hangouts can you ever start to like him yeah i did like after he kissed me i just wasn't thinking of him in that light at all he wasn't in that box so like you can't even yeah then he got into that box and he got in the box yeah and so it will i wasn't thinking about it so i will say like just doing hangouts and things may lead to things that you know the other person isn't necessarily thinking about at the time it's a good call very very very good call

so i'm excited like a like a crush is so fun so i'm really happy for you writer i would plant the seeds and at least start all of this before school happens again because i definitely had a crush on a guy for more than one like quarter and i wasted a hell of a lot of time when i could have gone on a date with him and realized that this man was so weird and like not cool and like really it was he It was one of the worst dates I've ever been on. He almost abandoned me on the side of the road. But instead, he just had his friend drive me home who then tried to have sex with me. And I was like, please let me out of the car.

It was horrible. But like, if I had been bold and like made a move, I could have gotten it. I think I wouldn't have had to like have this like build up and stew on this. And then I started ignoring like clear red flags because I was like, I built up this crush on him. So I always think it's better to act earlier because I have a bad habit. of like stringing out those feelings not doing anything about it and then ending up in the situation being like i actually don't like you at all yeah but that's you know when you're having a crush on people you're kind of filling in the blanks of what you want them to be because you

don't actually know them yet yep and when they're over six feet tall it's dangerous because you fill in the blanks you go must be good and it's actually usually the opposite all right next one yes hi eminem i hope y'all are doing great so i don't know how to ask my friends to pay me back money that they still owe me. Whenever I buy my friends food or a concert ticket or anything, they usually forget and then they do eventually pay me back. However, it's always last minute. Like when I bought tickets for a Bad Bunny concert, my friend who I went with didn't pay me back until the day of the concert, almost a year later. They eventually didn't apologize profusely. Or when I paid for my friend for brunch because she forgot her wallet and she

didn't pay me back for almost four months. They did the last time we went to go get brunch and they also apologized profusely. This has happened multiple times and I'm genuinely surprised how people don't have a calendar or use their reminder app on their phone so currently i have a friend who hasn't paid me back for the beyonce renaissance movie i pre-ordered and it won't come out until december 1st how do i get myself to tell any of my friends that they owe me money without waiting until the last minute or ever or without singing bitch better have my money by rihanna whenever they come over to my house i'm usually pretty straightforward with everyone when it comes to money but when it comes to money it's weirdly tricky maybe that's just me hope hoping a listener

can relate as well i mean there's been times that you and i have owed each other money and then we forget about it but i mean i've owed you money too the thing about me i'm gonna forget and i'm gonna hope someone will remind me because otherwise i have no idea yeah and then like we have sent each other brianna memes without like anything just like yes my money oh you're right i do let me get how much does it get like it's just yeah but if you want your money one if you're loaning people money or um buying things or you know like you shouldn't you should never buy people things unless you're expecting god to get your money back which is bad but like don't loan it if you don't have it but two we live in the digital age of uh venmo and things

like that just send them a money request as soon as you want the money just send the request yeah i also firmly believe if someone is going to cover money for you for something and it's not need-based it's not like oh i don't have enough money in my account to pay my utilities and my friend is like loaning me some money like that but like when it's for like extracurriculars if you are the person paying there's in an ideal world people wouldn't forget and would immediately pay you back but you have done the nice thing by fronting the cost there is nothing you can then do that makes you uh the like the bitch someone who's nagging anything like that like you have relinquished any of those roles by behavior because you have fronted the cost and so then you like

you shouldn't have to be like immediately after be like hey pay me back like you don't have to pay money and also be chill about it like you don't have to be both yeah i think as soon as you're like you buy it or be like hey i'm getting tickets to the renaissance movie it's this amount send me the money like or just again send them a request on venmo if you want cash next time you see them be like hey remember to bring me this and you can also lie and just say like can you pay me back like i think i'm gonna be short on like i i really need the money back like you can guilt people into paying the money back because like it is your money and as someone who forgets all the time that i owe people money there has never been a time where i've been like oh my god

like chill out because i'm like no you literally gave my like i owe you money like there is no realm in which you are then the bad person in this situation like i there there is no ego there or being like oh my god chill like chill it's not that and I think people always worry about like they don't want to be the person who I will say I do find it annoying if someone is like covers a tab like you're going out to like or something like that and it's like you owe two dollars and like you hang out all the time and there's a lot of like you got the tab last time and it was like two dollars that they owed you but you're like I'm not gonna do that but then they always they never offer to pay you back the money that you've spent on them but they always expect you to pay

back the money that they've spent on you that is annoying but unless it is like again not reciprocated you you never fall into the position of being that annoying person on venmo yeah that's only time that person is annoying is when that person is asking to be paid back when they never pay anyone else back right right but like the thing with brunch i would have just asked for the money like venmoed immediately that should have been something you don't leave the table immediately without paying back on like and i i'm a big believer i'm like i don't we don't leave the table because i can't do math like i need you i'm gonna hand you my phone and you're going to enter in how much money i'm supposed to pay and i'm or i'm gonna type it i'm gonna show you because i

don't yeah that's every time um when gabe and got allison come over to order when we have lunch they're bad at math and so i just do everything do a spreadsheet and then just venmo requests immediately and they pay me back it's far easier that way so i would say in the future just ask for it immediately or stop covering and stop covering yeah you get the points i really hope you're getting good credit card points yeah i mean like even like when i went to the janelle monet concert i bought those tickets like i bought two tickets because i was going to go regardless and i was just going to ask you know and i wasn't going to have anybody like pay me back because i was gonna go regardless for that but like my cousin was like no i'm gonna give

you some money for it but i was like i don't want your money but when we got to the concert venue she bought like all the food which food at concert venues is so expensive she bought all the food and drinks and like anything else that we needed which it came out to the same amount of money as the ticket was so yeah i think that that that's the uh those are the kind of friendships i and enjoy in the sense of like money shouldn't have to feel like weird and i say this is someone who's like not good with money melissa knows how bad i am with money but like i'm not my issue is not that i spend it it's just i don't know how to add or like write numbers you don't spend money at all at all and so like that is something that i don't like ever think that me being like bad at

money or not understanding any of that like i am that friendship should never feel awkward when it comes to money in general like i know that's a hard thing to to say but like i think for money can get weird in relationships but like friendships like your good friends like will not care yep all right we're gonna take another break and when we get back we'll get into calls and we are back and it's time to roll the tapes get those voice box get the get those voices going love you guys so much i've been listening to the podcast for literal years it's so insane anyways i'm just gonna jump right into it i have a girlfriend right and she moved for work whenever whatever her sister was in the same city as her so she moved into the city just

for a little bit just you know right before she gets back on her feet for like two weeks or two extends a little bit who cares um this is just like hey maybe we should like move in together because my lease ends in June so if you want we could just you know split it now here's where it's getting crazy because I just want to hear y'all take on this because my take is like what the fuck's going on because my sister makes double the amount of money that she makes because her sister's a nurse okay now I'm listening to the situation and my sister's telling me like okay okay okay now she tells me yes she wants to put a 50-50 I'm thinking the fuck is this the fuck is am I crazy or is this not proportional or something like I can't like think around why

this doesn't feel right to me maybe it's because like she just moved and she's just getting back on her feet and like for the job and stuff like that but I feel like if you split the bills with like I would say with a partner or family member I'm going to say that because with a friend maybe you're not going to be as lenient or whatever but I feel like the bill should be split proportionally, I feel like that's the more ethical, correct, morally correct way to do it, because if she's disability-half, she's, like, borderline poor, like, borderline, like, at the brink, like, living paycheck to paycheck, and she could live by herself or to save up any money that she'd be splitting up with her sister, okay?

I was, like, thinking about this. I just, I don't know. I just think it's right with my spirit. Like, I don't care about her living situation. I just don't care. that's not what bothers me i'm really really just thinking about is this okay just in general like how would you guys feel like how would you guys feel i don't know it doesn't trigger my spirit then again we have different cultures like in my culture this is like unheard of like like you i

said you would like live with your your parents would come to live with you when you're an adult and you're established like it's very like raised by a village mentality and so maybe it's because i'm not like american american that's why i don't understand it but this feels psycho to me like your own sister doing this i don't know i haven't shared my opinion on it because like this is your family your sister i'm just your girlfriend i'm gonna mind visit that please me if they can i've been doing too much but i'm i don't know it's very odd anyways i hope you guys answer this because i'm like what the fuck's going on love you guys her like partner or is it like a friend that's a girl i think it's i think it's girlfriend partner because at the end they say

you know who am i i mean i'm just i'm just the girlfriend in the situation like here in like the sense of being like it's not my life it's not my family like it's it's girlfriend but i'm just the girlfriend but you can listen there's also a mention in the middle of moving in together and i think that that pov is from this is how they found out about the splitting 50 50 is because then they talked about moving in together okay but still like that still works either way i know now that you're saying that but because it's like i have a girlfriend or is it like my girl i would think that if it was like partner it'd be like my girlfriend instead of I have a girlfriend see that makes logical sense but the entire time when I'm hearing it I still thought it was

I mean I guess it doesn't really matter it doesn't matter either way I think it's none of your business like what do you think it's weird though I do think yes I do I think it's weird yes like I think that like if if melanie were to move in with me and as we were uh initially deciding before uh she got married and uh pregnant like she was supposed to move to la and we were supposed to be here together and we were both would have been in school in school together but i would have been working in a school because i was i'm like older than her and then i think by the time no by the time she got here I would have just been working and so it would have made more sense for me to pay more money than her especially depending on like where we were gonna live even when

me and Megan moved we're living not this Megan my sister Megan when we were living together in college I was working more than she did and I like there were times where I would cover her rent for her because it just made more sense that way yeah so i understand where you're coming from and i do think that it should be proportional but um i don't think it's your business i only think it's your business if this is your romantic girlfriend not if this is a friend girlfriend because are we going to include the beginning part most i were trying to figure like i assumed that this is your partner girlfriend and melissa was like but you would say my girlfriend not i have a girlfriend which is a very valid point and so now I'm not sure but so in my mind I would say

if this is your romantic partner this is your business I think regardless if it's your partner or not if it's a friend you're allowed to have an opinion but I don't think that like it's your business you can have you can have opinions on lots of things that you don't share but also like even if it's your romantic partner then I'm like how long have y'all been together because if y'all been together like three months it's not your business but if y'all have been together like two years then yes it's your business if you're gonna like continue having a relationship you know like this is saving for finances in the future but yeah i think if it's like this is your partner and this is your romantic relationship i think like the to the extent of which it is your

business i think that you would not be out of line to say to ask like oh is it like you guys don't pay rent proportional and then if girlfriend says like no like do you think that's a little weird i think you're gonna be like i mean i i like i think that that's like kind of puts you in a tough spot but like you know it's it's not my business i think that's the extent of it if it's a friend i think you avoid the conversation completely but like i think in a really in a romantic setting i think you have to be i think you have to be more careful about how you talk about a romantic partner's family like if you're a friend you can be like that's fucked up that your fucking sister did that but like i think if you're together i wouldn't i wouldn't go that

level i don't think it's chill i don't think it's cool uh and i think it's especially like nursing is like very hard and you have x you have more schooling you have all of this kind of stuff and so like you know the grind and then the the part about nursing is like then you start making pretty good money right after you've kind of gone through all of this and you know you can look at someone who is also just starting and getting on their feet and i think in general if you're going to live with someone else especially if you're going to live with a younger sibling you need to have a mentality of i'm going to take care of you and however i can whether that is financial whether that's emotional whether that's like whatever that is like my role as an older sibling

is to take care like it's to take care of you but if you don't have to do that so then don't live with them so like that's the kind of thing that like I do think it's kind of shitty too and I agree with you caller in the sense that like I think romantic relationships and family that is where splitting proportional I think friendship wise it is pretty fair to not split proportionally uh then that I think is divided based on who gets what room but I think it'd be kind of friend split things proportionally and it also depends on like if you move into where someone else is already living and you're essentially subsidizing what they were already paying i think paying 50 50 is astronomical because that you wouldn't have gone out of

your way to get that place because it would be too far out of your budget so i think when it depends on the budget which like that could have been something with if you you melissa lived with your sister like it's like if you have a higher standard of what you would want then it goes okay so we'll pay proportionate to what you would be paying if we picked the cheaper place that you liked more that was more within your budget but like i'm gonna pay the difference for this so yeah i would be if i was the uh the sibling i would be like what this is not chill like this is hella not chill yeah i would yeah i would probably live alone at that point yeah but if she does uh she's paycheck to paycheck so whatever no but still paycheck to paycheck it's still going

to be paycheck to paycheck either way but then you don't have to live with your sister because like you have to that's also someone you fight with more than you would a regular roommate also i don't know if i said this caller i'm obsessed with your energy i loved the vibe i love the energy and i could i could sense a little congestion in your voice as well and just know that solidarity you've got two other people here with a little bit of congestion a lot on my part but yes my life's coming all right next call hey girls i love you guys so much my fiancee 26 and i 25 have been dating for about six years about three years ago we moved in together and we became very close with a mutual friend and his girlfriend our same age we're

gonna call them lindsey and carl we lived in the same apartment building during covid and we now have a large friend group of about 12 of us. We're not best friends, but I'd say we're set below. Lindsay and I have very similar tastes. So now fast forward to August this year, my fiance proposed and I requested an unexpected engagement ring. It's a green sapphire as my birthstone is emerald as well as my eye color. It is set in yellow gold and has vines and small diamonds surrounding it. Now, three months later, Lindsay and Carl got engaged today. Carl proposed after someone else's wedding that they had to travel to. Her ring is almost an exact replica of mine.

It is a green sapphire on yellow gold with vines wrapped around the ring. She posted a story on Instagram, so I texted her and congratulated her and asked for more pictures of the proposal and the ring, etc. I remember how elated I was that day. I wasn't mad at first until mutual friends started sending me screenshots pointing out the eerie similarity. I honestly just felt shocked. I remember a few times of Lindsay loving the green stone and complimenting me, even going as far to comment in front of her boyfriend, saying she just loved the ring.

Carl even made a comment to my fiancé that she wanted the same stone I had. I wasn't made aware of this at the time. As the day has gone on, I have now become fuming. I know after fact-checking with the guys that this ring was bought after my engagement, and did she rip off my engagement ring? I won't say anything to her, but should I? Do I just pretend they're not the same? Do I make it a joke? I don't think it's a joke. I think it's rude and tacky.

I no longer feel like I should show her details I'm planning for my wedding because I think she's going to make them and take them her own. I keep saying imitation is the highest form of flattery, but honestly, it just makes me mad that we now have the same ring at the same time. She texted me back. She's so excited and happy and sent me an up-close picture of the ring. I haven't responded, and I don't know how to at the moment. I'm glad I didn't ask her to be in my bridal party because of this, honestly. Should they have asked permission to have a ring so similar to my untraditional ring? I know I'm not the first to ever do it, but what would you guys say or do?

When I see her in person, I can't decide how I'm going to react. I'm not excited about the ring, but I can be happy for her at the same time. Should I just say, screw you? How dare you steal an idea so special to me? Is Carl just that stupid? I'm going to add a side-by-side of the rings and an email to you guys, but thank you so much. I sincerely need your advice.

I'm going to say right now, I think this is a Carl problem. I do not think this is a Lindsay problem. I think there's a chance it's a Lindsay problem, But I would put the blame on Carl because when your girlfriend says, oh, I really love her ring to me, this is I think it's more likely that he goes, oh, cool, easy, goes onto your Instagram, grabs a pic of that. He knows that she likes your ring and then has no creativity of his own to change it up versus her telling him she wants an exact replica of your ring.

you know like i think that like i would always rather assign uh lazy intent than malicious intent especially to people you're friends with some guys are just like not creative in that sense but i would then think that if you saw her in person if that's the case she would tell you like i'm sorry if this is weird like i mentioned that i really liked your ring i had no idea that he was gonna get like your exact ring but she might not send that over text message because they i'm assuming live together like it she might not want to have that they're in the same building okay true that's what i mean it's like i think that like there is a chance that like she could have said something like that or like also i think that they again not if we're

not if we're choosing to not assign malicious intent how fucking embarrassed would you be if you were lindsey that you got engaged and your boyfriend picked the exact same ring as one of your friends i honestly wouldn't care because no but i'm saying like if if she if it wasn't assigned maliciously and she just like told him like oh i really like this and like tried to use that as a jumping off point and like maybe we assume that like in private they've had other conversations where she's not shown other rings and it's just like i told you all these different things i like and you literally just copied her exact ring like that puts me in a weird position but like i also don't have any qualms because like i have like the most common engagement ring

so like yeah i know what kind of ring i want to and i've wanted this ring forever and it is like unique a lot of people don't have this ring but if i saw somebody i want a canary of course diamond bitch i i was gonna do you want pear shape or marquee i don't want pear shape i like know in my head i was like you want a real housewives of atlanta ring but like a nice one i don't think i don't know what it's uh what shape is it cushion i there's like a lot of things that i want but if somebody else had the same ring I would not I truly wouldn't care yeah I think like it is a really slippery slope to kind of go down when it comes into wedding stuff of being like like and I have both Melissa and I have like big individualistic complexes but like with weddings that is something

like if you start thinking like oh I don't want to like every wedding is a copy of everything else And like, I do think that like, it will make you really susceptible to like, start going fucking crazy. And like, in a sense of like, you will be miserable, not saying that like, other people can make Oh my god, like going crazy. Like, you know, I think you will, you will drive yourself insane. And you will be really unhappy. If your quest for a wedding or for all of this, like to let this interfere with your friendship when like, I don't think that there's malicious intent by it. like i think it can be a little bit weird but i don't think that it's i think it's more likely that it's just kind of cringy than like something really fucked up and malicious like it can be like maybe a social faux pas but i also think that i would say like a prom dress is something that i wouldn't like go out and get the exact same thing of or if i had a friend who's like going to a wedding and i was like oh my god that's so cute i'm gonna get that same dress but like an engagement ring like that to me is kind of like there's no way it's going to be the most unique thing in the

in the world and even like i'm on like a bunch of like the jewelry subreddits and people will post like saw someone post their ring here and like that i got engaged and like i had shown my fiance like my boyfriend at the time pictures and like this is what he did and people were like oh my god that was my ring i love it but i've always saved this like there's only so much you can do with that and there's only so much that looks good too so like sometimes things have never been done don't look good but i i think if you're gonna live your life in like a nobody can copy me kind of a thing i don't know how happy you're gonna be at the end of it and i i want you to focus more on the meaning behind the ring and not the physical ring itself like yes the physical

ring is important but it's important to you and you think about your individual ring like it might look the same as somebody else um and you even said that you know that you're not the one that came up with this um as it is so like yeah like everything is a copy of everything nothing there's nothing new under the sun and also why didn't your fiance tell you that like he had asked about it yeah because i think that's like i i just wouldn't put all of this blame on her at all because i don't know I think like sometimes people can do things that like for us feel like what the fuck why would you do that and like you realize that this person had no idea and so like why would I punish someone or like chew someone out for that when I'm like this person has no idea that they

had done anything wrong and if they did know they probably wouldn't have like done that so I always think it's better to give your friends and people you care about the benefit of the doubt with that like i always think like unless until you've copied me on like unanimously like obviously like undisputable indisputable undisputable more than three times i'm not going to assume the first two are copies because there's only just so much by proxy whatever that is so yeah and also like like melissa said like yours you have all this great meaning behind it and she might also they might have great meaning behind theirs but there's also a chance that like again her boyfriend just picked a ring that she he knew that she liked and there is no meaning behind it and so like that

sucks for her like and like she's not a villain for that i don't think anyone should be punished for lack of creativity right okay so it sounds pretty though did we get the picture well you when you hear this caller send it send it and maybe that will change my mind it's not gonna change mine no but like you know to be totally honest the only way it's gonna change my mind is if this ring which i don't think it is based on how you describe it if this ring is uglier than bella's ring in twilight and then i will go this person is literally being so petty that they're choosing to have a hideous fucking ring to make a point i i imagine though when y'all get together if you haven't already she's gonna be like twinsies yep

take a pick twins yeah well that's all the calls amazing wonderful we hope you all enjoyed this episode we had a great time if you also had a great time there are so many things you can do you can leave us a review on podcast app or on spotify but you can also join our patreon support the show watch the video versions again listen ad free and join us for our twice monthly live streams where we hang out we have fun we cook we talk shit and now finally we can talk about tv and movies without having to cut uh it out or just like so so it's a great time and as always send us your voicemails your voice memos your emails and your dms so we can give you some advice and stay tuned for the rest of the week we have so much more content for you

Tuesday we have see you next Tuesday what do we do on see you next Tuesday we just catch up with each other's lives and this one that you'll hear tomorrow um it's just a lot of us just catching up the last two weeks we haven't been texting each other but we just haven't seen each other and then we don't have anything on Wednesday you get to recoup and then Thursday we have but am i wrong which is when we talk shit ethically you know we we we tell you if you're being wrong we talk about if we're wrong and we talk about pop culture in the same kind of format it's a fun time and then what do we have on friday friday's the big that's what everything leads up to it's a foreplay for friday 15 friday and that's when we read the results from the previous but am

i wrong hell yeah so gird your loins buckle on in and enjoy all right well we will we don't have anything to end this episode goodbye goodbye don't blame me as a production by me megan rinks and me melissa d montz plus diamond imprint Productions. Post-production sound and editing by Coco Lorenz. Production assistance by Melanie D. Watson. And music by Giacomo Picasso and Ryan Hunter.