Don't Blame Me! - DBM: Failed Valentine's Date

Episode Date: February 19, 2024

This week Meghan and Melisa are giving advice on: Update: Friend isn't giving the same energy Husband was too tired to celebrate Valentine's Day Racist co-worker friend Girlfriend is extra clingy Family wants you to give up your dream Buy our merch: https://store.dftba.com/collections/don-t-blame-me Follow Us! @meghanrienks instagram.com/meghanrienks https://twitter.com/meghanrienks @sheisnotmelissa instagram.com/sheisnotmelissa https://twitter.com/sheisnotmelissa @meghanandmelisa https://www.instagram.com/meghanandmelisa Affordable Therapy By State (Curated by Crissy Milazzo): tinyurl.com/y64kwdnf Need Advice? dontblameme.show Domestic Listeners Call: [phone] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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hello everybody and welcome to a brand new episode of don't blame me where we two gorgeous stunning wonderful women we give you advice that may or may not change your life for better or for worse in sickness and in health till death do us part because that's the only way you're getting rid of me no without a doubt first of all i also have committed that like i do need to die before anyone else i love and care about dies because like i'm i'm just like not equipped for that you know i've started thinking about that recently i don't like it no it's just like i just like don't really think it's the right time or the vibe like i just need like everyone to just like stay put and like we can circle back at a later date if like anything is gonna change

but like just like can we not yeah so yeah anyway on a lighter note let's introduce ourselves my name is megan my name is melissa and together we are an unstoppable i just tried to expand this and i just minimized the whole window of this i was like where'd you go i hate it it's jarring i hate when you accidentally click that one also i don't think in in in okay so i i like mac i do think they're superior to microsoft as far as like computers go if i'm not a gamer i know for gaming you need a different computer i am a gamer i'm a mobile gamer though um join our patreon and also by the same people that do my marvel game so that's probably why i love them both shout out to scopely actually you're not great with the marvel stuff because you've started making things way too

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episode was called dating your cousin's ex and this was the first call in that episode friend isn't giving the same energy so this is a live one let's get into it give everyone a little recap on the initial call and hop into the update so we can hear all about this because as someone who just re-listened to this i'm like it's reinvigorated like my investment in this and like i'm on the edge of my seat i'm not kidding i'm i'm looking forward to this because i uh kind of hate that guy so let's go all right so um i'm the caller from the episode of i believe it's dating your cousin's ex um i was the caller who called in asking for advice on what to do with um a friend who and i think you guys put it really nice in the notes of the show um not

exchanging the same energy back kind of thing and um so basically in the call i was just giving you the basic rundown of our friendship at that point and kind of some of the things that were kind of going through my mind and whether i should just kind of like let this friendship go the way it was going or should i say something should i not um so i guess in my update um i think i sent this call in on like beginning of october of last year and so probably about a couple weeks after that there was the same kind of communication we had been getting where it was just like a couple texts here um a couple tiktoks here one of the things you love to do is send me like stupid tiktoks and it was one of the things where it's like i can

they're either something that i've already seen or it's something that's obviously faked and like um staged and i was just like i would laugh like you know lol not really laughing but i would just be like you know whatever and then go about my day um i would get snapchat i know your girls don't like snapchat from what i i mean i've watched the show forever yeah why is a married man snapchat why is a 26 year old man using snapchat i should say but um anyways something i do so you get some snaps back and forth you know um and he would talk to me sometimes on there like leave some messages about what if i something i sent or posted on my story you know picture of my dog or something like that um and then i want to say the week before thanksgiving

or two weeks before thanksgiving um he messaged me on snapchat and said we really need to get together and hang out it's been too long okay um and at this point i believe the last time we hung out was towards the end of 2022 like in person like made you mount a tv or something um oh that was one of the things because i just i listened to your guys's like questions and kind of thoughts and i kind of like took some notes one of the questions melissa had was what is it that i'm doing when i go there and like what does he do where it's like he has to cut it short and like has to get back to his wife um i guess i should have said in the call for context his wife is the same age as me so she's like 26 27 and he's just turned 37 so um we had all used to work

together okay um and so when i would go over to hang out i would um what the one of the last things he had me do is help him move a washer and dryer into the upstairs of his parents house because he's living with his parents oh yeah i knew that wouldn't there's there's so much that i could have put in the call that kind of like you guys would have been like whoa so i tried to keep it as like general like nothing too crazy or nothing too like i don't know like ridiculous off the cuff because that wasn't like the main reason that i called was stuff like that yeah i mean even that week that he had messaged me about hanging out again and i said sure you know let's let's do it i i don't mind i mean i haven't seen you in a while it'd be nice to catch up

um follows up with a bunch of texts about what computer should i get my father for this what should I do for this? Like tech support. Like I get it. I'm techie, but I'm not like your personal tech support. Um, so to make a long story short, um, we planned for after Thanksgiving. Um, and that week of Thanksgiving, it was the day before we were supposed to hang out. He had asked me if I could cover in his, um, work location, um, which is about probably 45 minutes away from where I lived on my day off. So I had said, No, I said, I've got a lot of things to do today. But I'll see you tomorrow. To hang out. We never hung out. He messaged me that morning that he was not feeling well at all that he was sick. And then I think two days later, a couple days before,

no couple days, this has already been after Thanksgiving. So a couple days like before December started that he had gotten COVID and that his girlfriend had gotten COVID or not girlfriend, wife, um, had gotten COVID. And so I was like, okay, whatever, you know, I hope you feel better. Um, it wasn't his first time getting COVID and he didn't seem too like in pain about it. Um, flash forward, like two weeks later, um, I had went to the location that we all used to work at together. I work in one, he works in another and his wife works in the one that we all used to. So I had to go bring some supplies over to the one that she works at. And I ran into her and I said, Hey, long time, no see. I don't talk to her on a daily basis or anything. So it's

kind of just like, whatever. She was happy to see me. And I said, Oh, how are you feeling after getting COVID? And the look on her face, without her saying anything, told me that she didn't have COVID. And that they didn't have COVID. So and the other thing that had came up without with that, that made me kind of like, question it was two days after he had told me he had COVID. He said that he had to go into work because they needed him to do something his supervisor needed him to do something. And I said, well our policy is five days until you like or don't test symptoms but you have to be masked

and so he was like yeah they just want me to go in for a little bit so i'm going to go in for a little bit and i was like did you really have covid why would you go to that extreme like if you're going to lie about being sick why would you go to an extreme of something that you have to be tested for that's such a bad lie yeah and i mean this isn't i i don't this is gonna make me sound so bad but this is not the first time that i've gotten this vibe about him like maybe lying about something um just because we all work in for the same company and we work around the same people and i've been around a lot more of the different like sides of it and i'm trained in a lot more things so I've come across a lot of people and so you know people talk it's a it's

a workplace and like I hear things about like you know this one's been out of work for two weeks like somebody told me he was out of work for a couple months because he was in a car accident and he never told me like he told me he got rear-ended so technically a car accident but never like said anything about how bad it was i think i even asked him one time i was like how does the car look and he didn't have pictures to show me but he's been telling me he had been telling me at that point that he'd been fighting with insurance for like a month maybe a month and a half and had to get a lawyer and i'm like okay so you don't have any photos of the damage to your car yeah that doesn't make any sense at all that's like the first thing you do when you get an accident

No. So after that and I heard about that, I kind of ghosted like he kept sending me random tick tocks. I'd be very short with him. Never brought up trying to reschedule hanging out. Even when he asked to hang out, he was like, what do you want to do? And I was like, we can do whatever we can go to dinner. We can get drinks like we could go like do something fun. like bowling or you know something simple um and never got a follow back on that he kind of just left it up to me for that idea of it and then um at this point i haven't heard from him and i think since like december mid-december just before christmas do you still follow him on stuff do still see like him like posting things yes uh we're still on we're still on like facebook's

and instagrams and all that um he looks at my stories on like everything i post so like my instagram stories whether it's like um like today they announced uh x-men coming back i'm a big i'm so excited i'm a big marvel fan if you couldn't tell let's go yep yes see captain marvel back there um and so i posted about it on my story how like when i heard the theme song i'm like it's nostalgic and looked at my story looked at my story like it's it's constant so i'm and i think i was really like wondering like should i be done with this when i called the first time and for you guys to be like yeah it's okay if you're like done with it and you sound done with it because i kind of like was done with it yeah like i'm i'm i've been done with it

before i think i said in the call that i was kind of out of it before he asked me to be his best man and like i was like one foot out the door and i was like i don't know i guess i felt bad because it really seems like i'm his like only friend yeah but also like he's not treating you like a friend so like at that point I'm like okay so we're not you actually just have no friends because like you're not treating me like a friend so yeah like an assistant yeah and it was it wasn't always like this like especially at the beginning and obviously I mean I was younger like I think like 28 god 2018 I was probably just 21 just 22 um so like I was different I was not as you know I mean I was mature for my age I mean I got along with a lot at that point a lot of my friends were

either my age or older like I wasn't that much friends with um much younger people or anything so um even then it was like more of hanging out going to the gym all the time you know um and even now it's like one of the things was hey you want to just join me for a workout like it's simple you don't even have to go the whole time if you want to just jump in we don't even have to do weights or anything you can just jump on the treadmill um and it was always uh or like when the car when the car accident happened it was i can't go they don't want me to go in because until my insurance is all settled and everything and i'm like i'm getting the vibes that this is not real like no yeah and i honestly like i get what you like even just like the the kind side of

it is you know it doesn't seem like he has anyone like other people there and it's like you want to be there for someone like that but i also have to say like some of the lies when you know someone is kind of just like a pathological liar sometimes it's kind of fun to keep them around to be like what are you gonna say next because like yeah that is like melissa and i know someone who lied about getting hit by a car and then that then the lie when they got caught saying they got hit by a car was like oh i was just covering up because i actually have cancer and then it like someone sent all these gift baskets to them and then like reached out to their family and the family was like we have no idea what you're talking about so like there is something that like and we didn't

like this person but there is something about like this like you feel bad because you're like no one who's of like sound mind would be lying about this stuff but then also there's like this there's this kind of like nasty side of me that i'm like what are you gonna say next like this is kind of entertaining to a certain extent but then when you're just wasting my time and like you're not even giving me funny stories to go out of this then it's just like what's the point of this yeah i mean there was definitely a point where like and going off of like the the lying thing i guess is my biggest question like i would always ask myself and then even other people that i've talked to um like uh i'm i'm an only child so i don't have any brothers and sisters i can

confide in um but like i have an older cousin who i would consider almost like a brother to me and we would talk about it and he would be like do you know why he's lying to you like from what like all the things that I've caught him in or like even this stuff I've always like known that it's like a lie and doesn't come clean I don't know what he's afraid of like it just I don't know if it's because of everything that happened after his first marriage which ended at the time that we started becoming friends because that's kind of how the friendship started was before this point this man had worked maybe like 15 hours a week like nothing i barely saw this man in part time i mean i was part time because i was in college and then all of a sudden boom he's there

all the time that i was and um i mean at that point in the friendship we were pretty close to the point where i went with him to court when he got his divorce finalized well that makes sense why you're the best man oh my god he's like you've been with me for better and through worse like yeah but that's that's just how i am like i'm i'll do that for any my closest friends my friends i have friends from high school to this day we're best friends and everything like that anything i will drop at a hat for any of them even people that like i'm just like good friends with you know not like super close or anything like that I'm very like nice and outgoing and I'll always do something and always give them the benefit of the doubt

so like going to that just kind of seemed like the thing to do because he just didn't have anybody yeah like he didn't want to get his parents involved and all this other stuff so I mean it's just so weird it's like I've I've been I've seen everything I've heard everything you just have to pinky promise me if they have a baby and they ask you to be the godfather you just say no thank you you're already you're already on the list yeah no like you're no you're you're actually the list so like i do need you to like solemnly swear that like you're not gonna do that and you can't do it can you you can't promise it no i mean i don't know i mean at this at this point i think i'm more more inclined not to good than i would be before um but like i've always

said to all my friends like if we don't talk and for a little while and nothing like really ever happened where we like had a fight and like whatever if you called me and something was wrong and you needed somebody to talk to or whatever and it was feasible i'd be there um that's just i don't know that's just the kind of guy i am kind that's a very kind thing to do even though i i am a scorpio and i deduce the shit out of everything that's funny i'm just wondering when the day is that like whatever happens or whatever it is comes out or he's like hey i lied to you about all this stuff um sorry kind of thing like it could happen but probably won't either way i'm hoping it comes from her being like so i need you to act as a witness

and i'm going to get all his money and then you'll be like okay cool cool cool cool that would be funny wow let us know if that happens um would absolutely love to hear that and yeah thank you so much for giving us the update this was this was very satisfying as well and you've got wonderful taste in movies and you seem like such like a nice person that i'm excited that you have like more you've had more free time to like have friendships with people who reciprocate in a positive way yeah of course this won't be included but we just let everyone know that like when you call in to give us an update and we like chat with you afterwards we might tell you that like we're having like a psychic oracle experience and like we tell you the next job

field that you need to work in um and we change the trajectory of your life so hopefully we're gonna get an update in i'm gonna say within the calendar year i'm gonna say six months so maybe six months yeah that's gonna be like hey megan melissa i just want to let you know that i took your off-air advice of you saying that what do you mean you don't work in this field this is where you're supposed to work and and lives are lives are going to be changed so that's an un that's an un um unexpected perk of that but what a what a nice young man i'm obsessed love wonderful vibes also inspires me to be a better person i'm like damn you're like a really good person you know in the situation that i am in in arkansas i've been like melissa you're such

a good person no melissa you're a great person has anyone ever told you you're not a great person yes who someone that was jealous yeah i was about to say i could name i could think off the top of my head but also they're not good people their opinion doesn't matter no if they told me i was a good person i would go i'm doing something wrong like that's alarming that you you you horrible horrific demon think i'm good uh-oh yeah yeah so you know people people be like melissa you're like so nice and i'm like like in certain situations i'm like i don't feel like i'm being nice i'm just telling the truth but it's kind you're kind and you're great that is the difference thank you older siblings so i say only child and older siblings i'm like

yeah i understand the vibe shall we get into giving some advice let's take a break first oh it's a good idea we're back for a break and we're gonna get into the calls okay uh the first one is a write-in Hey Eminem, I am 30 and I use she, her pronouns. My boyfriend was supposed to plan our whole Valentine's Day date. Well, he dropped the ball big time. I was expecting a nice dinner and maybe some sexy time later tonight. Nothing.

He came home from work and said he was tired and we could just order in and watch a movie. I've been looking forward to going out all day. Am I being selfish? we've been together six years and usually go all out but i wasn't feeling the love on love day we usually at least go somewhere ordering in and watching a movie was no fun as i type this he's sleeping so no sexy time either uh this has been the worst v-day we've ever had do i bring it up to him or should i be more understanding i know his job can be stressful so i feel bad for complaining but i mean it's v-day minus the v clearly oh i i mean i my first question is

did you get flowers did he get you a gift like because i think that like a a total rescheduling of valentine's day of being like i'm swamped i can't do this like so like we're gonna either like i've got your gift here but like we're gonna i'm gonna make i'm gonna make this up to you i just like can't swing it today um i think that but if it's like a half-assed like he thought he did it like he thought that this was fine and like an like a a fine equivalent then i would say like yeah that's that's an issue but i and like something to bring up but i would say if like it is a hey i can't tonight it's it's swamped and either like i'm gonna i've got all of your stuff i'm gonna reschedule it so we have we're doing a full day

redo or you're essentially getting two valentine's days and one of them is like not really what you wanted but you're still gonna get the one you wanted that i would say like you're allowed to be annoyed and you're allowed to be pissed but i would keep that part to yourself but if he has not offered that like and you have not gotten the agreement ahead of time that like this is this is unfortunately like he's so apologetic and this sucks and he knows but like you already have the rescheduled date on your calendar and it is for like the next like two days later like then i would say like you tell him that you're disappointed and like what's the deal yeah because i mean obviously he was tired since he did he was falling asleep as you were sending us the message and it

was yesterday because we're recording this on february 15th uh and you were annoyed so yes he was tired but did he make any effort in any other way he did say he wanted to watch the movie did he fall asleep while you're watching the movie um what movie was it but yeah what movie was it um but yeah i think like the thing should have been i'm not feeling great right now like my energy's down can we please reschedule this for like saturday or something which is better but if you were expecting all day like yeah he came home and you were expecting all day that like y'all we're going out yes that is a huge disappointment um because if he still like was planning to do something today he should have probably already had those other things and it shouldn't have been

something that he was coming home from work and picking up but yeah i would be annoyed me too i was gonna ask do you think it was that because i think there's a huge difference between canceling the dinner reservation that you had and the plans that you had because you had a really rough day at work and you're exhausted versus having a really busy week at work and never getting around to scheduling it and then just being like i'm gonna we're gonna order take out and watch a movie because like that to me i'd be like you have to can't then you have to tell me ahead of time you can't just say the day of but also with thanksgiving i think also with valentine it should be thanksgiving you're giving thanks for our love but for valentine's day you can't

just schedule like that week things have to be done a few weeks in advance so like if he was going to get you flowers you couldn't like unless he was going to the grocery store which maybe he was doing grocery store some grocery stores do have really nice flowers like but those things should have been ordered like candy should have been already bought things should have been done even if you ordered it from like he said y'all were ordering in he could have ordered those the candies and flowers or whatever you were expecting he could have ordered that and it could have been dropped off to you even if he was having a bad day it would actually save some time yeah and i wonder like did you get all ready to go out and go to dinner like because that to me like when i

tell you i would be seething and then they fall asleep and you don't even like i would be like i am actually so mad at you because i think there's something about being i can be understanding and I will be understanding and I need in order for me to be understanding you need to be considerate like I can't be understanding when you're being inconsiderate because then I'm just being a doormat and I'm being a pushover so like you give me the you give me honesty and the opportunity to be like hey this really sucks and I'm not going to be able to do this in a way that I wanted to so like let's reschedule or let's come up with an alternative that like works for both of us that like doesn't have me bleeding out versus someone who like can over promise and under deliver and

then it's like well it's a thought that counts it's like actually no because you also didn't think through that like i got all ready and i got dressed and i was excited for this and i will can be understanding if something comes up totally but you have to give me that opportunity instead of like just disappointing me in that so yeah i i i i'm just a big fan of in this instance like communication like it's okay if you forget it's okay if you drop the ball but own up to that instead of like making it seem like this was this is either the plan all along or a fine alternative when like it clearly isn't like it's not about your expectations it was about like the expectations that had been set by both of you that were not delivered on so i say communicate and i'm wondering

if you got flowers because love of my life motts he's great we didn't do valentine's day last year and he fully just forgot and i could tell him like you've you've forgotten and so he ordered flowers the day before he's like no no i ordered them i ordered them a while ago it's like your presents just like a little bit late and i was like because i told him i was like oh i'm really sorry by the way your present's gonna be late and he was like and i was like it's okay if you do because we didn't do we didn't do presents last year and i was like we did talk about doing it this year but like we don't ever do things on the day of valentine's day because like it's i don't like going out to dinner like i'm a fan of ordering in and watching i get a prefix menu

and i so like the flowers he already like called and he was like yeah i ordered them yesterday and i was like i i i heard i knew you did and that's fine they literally whoever worked at this floral shop i was like damn you are bleeding out they delivered these flowers at 11 45 p.m to ensure that they got them in on the day and i was like oh my god it's fine deliver them tomorrow go home like but like this person delivering that like they could have been they could have been causing a fight they were like this is maker and i was like it's really it's really i wish i could be like it's really not a big deal like don't worry and like imagine the pressure of being like a florist or delivery on valentine's day like holy fucking shit like you you feel like you have

relate you've the world that's your super bowl and imagine what if you were a what if you were a niners fan and it's after super bowl you're sad about the super bowl and then you have your own personal super bowl well i would love to know the actual the the more details of this and how he makes it up to you if he makes it up all right uh next one hi megan and melissa this question is for megan i'm a 30 year old white woman i have a friend sarah who is a 36 year old white woman woman sarah and i are co-workers who have gone on weeks-long work trips together and every couple of months we get brunch i wouldn't say we're close but i consider us friends about six months ago we were getting brunch and she was complaining about another co-worker i don't know and mentioned he

went to an HBCU. She said it with the undertone that this man had only gotten hired because he was black. I replied to that by saying, well, we're women in engineering. And with that logic, you'd have to assume people are saying we only got our jobs because we're women and they needed diversity hires. She just shrugged it off and changed the topic. A couple months ago, we were playing tennis and she spent 10 minutes complaining about a white man who works for her, talking about how he doesn't know how to do his job and she hates being his boss. She then moved on to talking shit about a black woman she is also the boss of. During this conversation, she said something like, well, you know how black women are. Even though we were outside with no one else around, she whispered

it. I completely stopped and said, I have no idea what you're talking about. She started stuttering and I said, I don't know what anything you just said has to do with the fact that she's black. if anything it sounds she sounds like she's acting exactly like the white man you just spent 15 minutes complaining about she changed the subject and we went back to tennis part of me wants to continue to be friends with her and i also feel like i need to stay in contact with her so she has at least one person calling out her racism do you think i should keep her as a friend or should i distance to us just seeing each other at work when i did call out her racism she didn't double down or try to defend herself. She almost seemed shocked that I even called it out which makes me

feel like I might be the only person in her life who would. If you would remain friends with her how would you go about having further conversations about racism? In previous relationships I would just cut the person off but I realize now that's not helpful especially if I'm the only person calling her out. I grew up very conservative and while I've done a lot of my own work in an effort to unlearn the racism i've been taught i also have friends who along the way graciously corrected me when i said something fucked up any help would be greatly appreciated thank you bye um i mean i think that uh i i think your conservative upbringing is actually an asset in this and that like you've been on the receiving end of this um because i think that the there's a difference

between calling someone out and having someone be receptive to it i do think that these two instances i would need to know like what happens next because like she at a certain point i've had to do like reflections on like when people have said something fucked up i'm like why would you feel comfortable saying that in front of me like how have i made an environment where you thought that that was a thing that i'd be cool with or okay with and so i think that you calling her out about these things twice I would be curious if it does this keep happening again because then I would be like okay why why is this that this is something that she's comfortable saying to me here and I think that and I don't want to say that this is what you were doing or whatever but I do

think if you want to take the role of educating her um being like asking someone to be like oh I don't I don't I don't get it like I don't understand that and then the conversation kind of moves on is is just it's not furthering the conversation like it's asking her to do a lot of like the thinking about what i said oh thinking about how that's racist versus being like that's super racist like that's a uh and the specific trope about black women like that's like that's really racist that's a very i why would you say that versus asking someone to like reflect on it themselves to be like is this racist both of those things can be effective um but i don't think that i i think that you can only know if she's open to changing her mind and she like learns from this

um but i personally would not i would not like self-identify someone who was like actively saying racist things as a co-worker or a friend i would not like self-identify them as a friend i would be like very specific about the instances and where we hung out um and the people that i would bring her around because you know other people are a reflection on you and i do agree that like she sounds like someone who is like shocked and is not having anyone call her out on that but i would just say that i do think that it's different in friends than it is like family members or you know if someone's an abusive relationship where you're doing it in a way that is palatable to them so you're not pushing them away and all of that kind of stuff

if she's susceptible to this and is like willing to learn and understand and you notice that then i think like that's a green light of like okay cool this is someone who wants to learn and is willing to learn and is unpacking their stuff at a different timeline than i am and if you see that you are taking on the role that someone else had taken on for you and she is being receptive in the same way that you were uh i think that's great but i think if it just means that she never talks about this ever again and like doesn't bring up race in front of you doesn't say anything but also isn't like you know talking about anti-racism or is like going on the other side of it then i think it's just you're no longer a safe person for her to be racist uh to talk about

being racist in front of um and to that i personally would just i wouldn't be able to i wouldn't be able to be friends with someone who had those thoughts and feelings and were comfortable feeling them and saying them uh and thinking them even if it's not in my presence like i want the person who i'm friends with to be that person to like everybody else um so i i think it's time but i would also be curious how long you've been friends did she say that she didn't say but this is where i think that this is a little different as far as like with friendships and just like not being friends with somebody is because this person is somebody that you work with so her opinions on people and being their bosses will make and break if these

people are getting a promotion or not so i think that you should be sticking around um and maybe not in a friend way but like you think of this as your colleague if you want to be like a true ally if that is what like your goal is and to fight anti-racism then you need to still be like work friends with this person and try to help change her opinion because where she is right now in her role as the supervisor the boss to these people she can keep people from not advancing in their careers because of the way that she is so maybe you don't think of her as like an actual friend but this is like additional work that you're doing project yes yeah this that's it and if she ever says anything in a professional setting you need to report her ass well yeah

that's so that's what i was gonna say is i would i and maybe i'm wrong in this i would try and keep most of your interactions now go about it in a way that it is like a little bit more professional because it i don't know how much you interact with her at work because the tennis thing and like doing that and then like kind of whispering it you get brunch and that and stuff yeah I just think you're blurring the lines in general of like work and friendship and what is she doing because I this is something that needs to be this isn't the friendship aspect of this regardless of like take away the racism aspect of this like we've talked about so much about like there's a different kind of friendship you have with co-workers and like especially in a not like

freelance kind of field like when you depend on your co-workers like it is different there are politics and those things involved there and like when people say things offline it's like super strategic and it can be really fucking messy if you get into something like this where someone says or does something that is like super fucked up that does affect their work but they're not saying it in a workplace setting so therefore like you've had no paper trail it's word of mouth and like it's just it's messy so i would take your friendship and really like hone in on the the professional side of it so like even something like taking lunches during work hours as opposed to brunch on the weekends like things that are like that because i don't some people can you

can think that like how someone is someone's just like venting after work in like a friendship setting but like that will translate to how she treats her employees and how she is at work and if you're not directly working with her they're like you don't want her to have like in my mind she says something racist and you listen and you hear it out and like you call her out on it but then she you're in a meeting and then someone says or does something and she gives you a knowing look as in like you feel me and it's like right fuck no fuck no you're this is a part of your also professional relationship and this isn't like a uh there's a moral obligation i personally find but there's also a professional obligation for everyone who you work with as well that like

i just think that taking on this task as from a friendship perspective is not going to be useful uh or trackable in a sense of like is this changing because she's talking to you about this in settings that have already happened she's talking about this and things that doesn't seem like you're in the room with her and these other people she's just retelling these things and i also would not feel i don't know if it's like even legal but like i would not feel comfortable knowing that she's saying these things about people i work with because i would also like that just feels like you're complicit in that aspect and i might be extreme of me at this point um but i would i don't know what your relationship is with hr but like i might even just like

anonymously be like hey i i would love to have or even like check in with the people who she's like if you work in the same area and circle i wouldn't give it like a year and to then see that like a black woman is never getting promoted underneath her like i just think that like you're you have you have vital information that she's being racist to co-workers right now and i think that you need to not just wait to see what happens next i think like has this person not gotten promotion how much is this person getting paid less than this other person there like i i just think that like there's no way that this just started from her i think you're just hearing it and i would ask i would also ask yourself like what has changed that she started she started talking to you about this

like how did this just come up six months ago because if you just started and you're just brand new co-workers and she feels this comfortable saying this to you already off the bat i'd probably reporter to hr just now if this is like you worked there you started working there let's say it was six months ago she said the uh hbcu thing and if she said that you've been working there for eight months she says someone she's known for two months i would immediately report her to hr um because yeah this is just she should not feel comfortable saying these things to you and she's strategically doing it when you're not on the clock and you're not like actually you said that you were kind of more of so acquaintances than actual friends what is she saying to like her actual friends yeah and

what is she saying to like her and i don't know what your specific position is but like let's say that like her her specific boss is one of her bosses is like uh like a white man or so she has someone who works at her level like what are then they getting together and saying and how are they taking their racism and infiltrating that into the workplace with these other people there like and there's also just something to be said about like someone's saying something racist to you about like the hey my fellow white person like you you you get it there is nothing to be decoded there like there's no subtlety there at all and it's like so comfortable being so fucking outwardly racist that those people are the the micro and macro aggressions that the people that she is

working with have to deal with from her this isn't that they have no idea like at all i think making sure that you pay attention like now and see how those things are going about there because i don't know depending on what the diversity breakdown of your company is that there might not be a safe place for those people to report those things happening and you are going to be the only person who has the agent who has the who who has the knowledge of this going on and has it from a perspective or from a place where you feel safe and comfortable to talk about it and not worrying about risking your job and feeling supported and i'm guessing um just based on what you said uh that there aren't very i mean you specifically said that there aren't very many

women in your field and so she probably is gravitating towards you because you are the the other white woman and she feels like you're the person she can talk to about this i think you're using really sound logic on her um but i it's it's it's asking her to do a lot of self discovery and that's something that like we can't really count on co-workers to do the same way that you can in friendships and that because like you pick your friendships and you want your friends to do better you expect more of them co-workers you end up in the same place at the same time so I think taking a back seat and kind of easing into it in that sense is just I don't think you're even gonna know if it's yielding results

you know I think she's got too much power with the she's got too much power and is and is just straight up racist that like it's not necessarily considered a win at all if she stops talking to you about it like that and then who knows and then also like I think that it doesn't just end there like this is much messier than than that so I would really focus this on a workplace kind of thing and I would also like go out of your way to like who do you hang out with at work besides her Like, do you specifically hang out with mostly other white women there? Like what, what is your friendship breakdown or the coworkers that you hang out with and spend time with? Um, because you got this intel from her in however long that, you know, I'm sure other people have other things to say and we shouldn't just, you're, you're not the HR who needs to hear out both sides of that. but i don't think it's a huge ally move to just um maintain a very white group of friends and call those white group of friends out when they're being racist but not expand your social circle or

the people you spend time with hang out with and all that i hope she pelted her in the head with the tennis like just i honestly that was in my mind i was like did you hit her with a ball like how how good are you at tennis yeah well because you know me i would just have to hit her with the racket but then she'd have the grill marks on her face yeah but like she took her out of the knees oh yeah hey that's always that's always a good one get those little knee shots in there all right we're gonna take a break and we're back and it's time for our next call or is it right in this one hey guys so i'm having an issue with my girlfriend being extra clingy i 24 she her and my girlfriend

she her have been together for three years now and live together too lately she's become super clingy i'm not sure what started it but it's getting exhausting i can't even hang out with my friends that aren't mutual without her wanting to tag along i want to mention this but i don't want to hurt her feelings please help me out I don't mind tough love I can take it I love you guys so much long-term listener oh poor clingy are you saying poor clingy and not poor I know well I just it's there nobody is winning when someone is being like so extra clingy like they're not getting their needs met because their needs are like it's they're impossible to be met like you're just like you need more more more more more so like nobody's unfortunately like

nobody's winning in this situation and like that's just like it just it sucks um you said how long you've been living together let's say living together for two years three years so i would just i would just be straight up and be like hey i like love you so much can i ask like what has happened in like the last let's say like six months i don't know how long it's been since this started be like did something happen like what's going on like it could be something as simple as like she watched like a like scary movie or something not even like a horror movie but like something where like someone like got it I'm not gonna I don't want to like have anyone who also has anxiety or OCD like spiral about like you know had some thought or heard something about

something that was like really sad and devastating about a couple who was like in different places and something happened and it was like really bad there because I have to assume that something happened that this is just totally shifted yeah because it's not going to just happen out of nowhere if someone wasn't clinging like how how like what what stage of clink were they before like the stage one and now they're stage four um where it was just like a healthy amount of y'all spending time together um yeah figure it out and you say you have mutual friends no never mind i wasn't gonna say no don't ask anybody else um damn girl stirring the pot i don't know it may be different in in same-sex relationships yeah yeah so uh because you because you all have

the same friends it's like some you you want to vent to your friends but then you can't actually meant to them because they're the same friends um i don't know uh yeah just just ask ask and then see what the answer is and then if if it's something that you can help with help but also like it may be something that requires professional help and steer them in that direction yeah it could be something as simple as like they went through a friendship breakup recently and so like they just have felt even if it's like they have other friends and they've got all this stuff like it might just be hitting them harder than they had like let on or maybe even that they're even aware of that it's like oh this is hard or they've had a loss in their life recently or whatever

whatever it is um but yeah there's something but you you you just have to ask and if you love her which it sounds like you do i i don't think you need to hope so after three years yeah i just i don't think that i would not say i would probably wouldn't use the word um clingy i would probably say something along the lines of like hey like i would like can i just like ask like i feel like something has kind of shifted within whatever time frame it is um that like it seems like it's uh used to be before like we could hang out with other friends and do our own like kind of solo things and we were a little bit like more um independent or like hanging out and i don't know if it's like she's like being physically clingy where it's like we would hang out together at

home but like we weren't just like really like proximity so close all the time um and i just like want to know i can like let me know like what's happened because this just feels like a pretty sudden and drastic shift i just like want to check in um because i i can't imagine this came out of nowhere and she just needs to be honest and she's not then i think like you can just say like okay well i really loved that about our relationship and so like i'm gonna go out tonight and if she's like well i really want it i i really don't want you to go and it's like can you tell me why like are you feeling anxious like are you feeling anxious something's gonna happen like what is this because i want to help you out here but like what we're doing right now i don't think

it's not working because like moth and i will talk about it all the time like we'll like go back and forth of like who's clingy but like it lasts like a day like maybe a couple days and Like you go back and it's usually just like, you know, whoever has less work that time, who like doesn't have as much busy work and is like, I'm bored. Hello. Hello. But if it lasts for longer than that, it's because you're not getting those needs met. So like, I don't think she's getting what she needs out of this and not out of the relationship,

but I just mean like, no one is like clinging for a prolonged period of time because they're trying to get more, trying to get more. and so i think like it serves both of you so i would like make sure that you really sent you you also sent to her in that too that like this is something that she's not there's something there for her too it's not just that like this is annoying you and this is too much for you like it's not fun for either of you good luck yeah truly your worst nightmare i also could not handle someone being clingy for like more than like a week and i'd be like okay stand up it's it's sweet you know when i have nothing

to do but that's what i mean but then when you have something to do and someone's like oh that's like it's like vacation time that's the time to be clingy yes you have nothing to do for a whole week yes let's cling on to each other but and then let's when we get back home you gotta find something else to cling on to yeah you know like it can be like eight hours a day i'm clinging on to work uh-huh one hour of the day i'm clinging on to making dinner like let's section out our clinginess to other things in life not just to me specifically because otherwise you'll suffocate you keep holding on to somebody when you're trying to swim you're gonna drown both of you yeah and that's coming from two girls who can't send that well exactly all right uh last one

hi i'm so nervous i'm nega melissa i'm calling in for a career advice um i am a long-time listener i've been listening since i was a junior in high school and this is my first time calling i she her i'm 22 years old and i just graduated from college with a degree in english art My goal is to work in the illustration industry, doing children's book illustration or graphic novels, and or to work in the animation industry as a storyboard artist. The problem is that I'm having a hard time getting there, and no one around me really seems to believe in me. I haven't been able to secure an internship in animation, and I am still working on a professional portfolio to submit to illustration agencies. So I'm so nervous, and I haven't had any major breaks or successes so far. I personally think my abilities aren't up to par with other professionals, but I'm trying hard to get them there.

The challenging thing is that no one seems to see how much work I put into my art because it doesn't have any immediate effects or rewards. My dad says I should just go to law school and be a lawyer. My mom sends me article after article about selling NFTs. My grandfather sent a message to me and my whole family about how I'm a failure. and my close family friends have told me that my goals are just fantasies and I should try doing something more realistic. Currently, I live at home and I'm working two jobs as a barista and a nanny and in my free time I work on my art.

One family friend said I should apply to a local community college job but I would be working 40 hours a week and wouldn't have time to work on my portfolio and I just got my coffee shop job after months of building rapport. I guess to sum up, I'm super lost, and I'm lacking a lot of confidence in my ability to achieve my goals and the dreams I've set out for myself and my own skills. I'd love any advice or thoughts you may have about what my next step should be, because anything would help right now. Should I look into more schooling, keep doing what I'm doing, try a new route? I guess I'm also just asking how I decide whether to keep pursuing my goals and when to give up. I don't want to be someone who keeps trying to make something work if it's not meant for me.

And I'm afraid that to the outside world, I just look like an idiot. Like I said, I'd appreciate any advice you have. Thank you so much for listening. That alone means a lot. And I wish you both the best. And I hope you know how helpful you are to so many people. Okay. Sorry if that was really heavy.

Also, I'm sorry I'm nervous. Bye-bye. You just graduated. it like you're doing everything right and I did look up your area code and that's the issue I think if you're living at home that is the issue there because I don't think you're around people who are doing this and I don't think you're around the arts in this sense but like when I tell you that like by anyone that I would know who like lives where we live and like works in art this isn't like this is I would say tangentially our industry like yes you would be with everyone you

would be doing very well like you would be doing what everyone else is doing you're completely on the right track like this is you're doing what you're supposed to do and this is where you're supposed to be at this point um but i don't think you're surrounded by anyone who's also in this same camp so it feels like i'm doing it wrong and you're not at all they don't understand the industry and with art shop we work in the creative arts um also like you have to i know that you said like if you got a full-time job and you worked 40 hours a week you wouldn't have time you actually will have time because you will make time you i will say that would be the one thing that i would say is the difference of like you working full-time and then um doing your portfolio on the side

you kind of like that is part of it you will working in entertainment you don't work 40 hours a week you work or in the arts you don't work 40 hours of the week you're going to be working 60 70 hours a week so if you were to you know if you need to stay at home to appease people and work a full-time job i would say still do that and then do your art on the side um but everything else like literally you just graduated you're not going to get a job right out the door like this not just like the economy side like if we were in a great economy and um people were getting jobs left and right like you still you would still be struggling to find a job that's just how it goes and you're not a failure sorry grandpa you're not a failure again you just started like there's just so much

that you have to do like getting your portfolio like yes you have to get your portfolio together you probably will need to you have to when you're gearing up to do like your next step in the art field like you're going to be working on the weekend so like you need to be putting any spare time that you have into this you know like still have a social life um but like this has to kind of become your whole personality is getting this stuff done do not give up you were nowhere near any point where you need to give up i would say even like 15 years down the road you shouldn't be giving up from this because it's hard to break into the industry so like put your get put your pen to paper you know get to work get your portfolio done you need to be out talking to

people you need to network you need to be reaching looking on linkedin and reaching out this week even like i'm pretty established in what i do but this week i reached out to like five people on LinkedIn just to ask like how they got into the specific thing that I'm like interested in and I had some good this one woman was giving me all all the hot tea and her like I just said hi hello thank you for connecting how did you get started at this job and she was just like well here's the breakdown I got recruited from somebody else I somebody else has like reached out to me to work for this they aren't paying so like if they reach out to you don't go like like she was giving all the tea yeah so like i you just have to be nice like i would like reach out to authors that you

may enjoy and just be like hey find them on linkedin people love to like hear how much you enjoy their work or or illustrators yeah and um just say hey i really enjoy your work um i just kind of i've been reading up on giving them a compliment tell them like specifically what you like and then like ask them like a very specific question that only they can answer and people love talking and then that's one connection that you have but you need to be specific you can't just like go out there willy-nilly and reach out to everyone you have to be very specific about the kind of questions that you're asking and the kind of people that you're reaching out to but like connections in the industry are the main key people don't understand even now i think

some people don't understand what i do for a job um but it doesn't matter they aren't paying my bills i'm paying my own so um uh but like yeah you you may have to do things that you don't like to begin um and do them because you need some money but also like be working on your craft i i probably work every i wake up at six o'clock in the morning and then start and write from 6 30 to either 9 30 or 10 depending on what i have when my like professional professionals work starts and i and then i work until about like eight or nine o'clock every night yeah like i think that the barista nanny jobs are great i will say that like a full-time desk job is going to be a lot less exhausting than both of those things combined that like you will have more time or more brain

power or more capacity to like being on your feet all day for both of your part-time jobs is a fuck ton like that's a lot and both of those jobs i understand are quite flexible but really what right now like once you don't need flexibility you just you it's honestly probably going to be better for you to have structured time that you have work and then structured time that you have your other work which is the arts but the the kind of like oh well it's good because i can just drop this and do that the benefits of both of those jobs are more flexibility but it comes at a cost of like these are fucking exhausting exhausting jobs and you have to deal with customers you'll have to deal with parents you have to deal with young kids like it can that's just it's it's a lot

and so i think like those are very good gigs and like i specifically know a lot of actors and writers like those are those those are their gigs um but i would also recommend i don't know you probably already follow this person if this is what you want to do but laura price who's on social media um she is a visual development artist she works in animation has worked for like sony paramount disney all of that stuff and like she's like documented her journey and what she does and i think that like having being able to build your skill set that is within that is around what you want to do makes you a more desirable candidate to hire so like melissa does that very very very well in the sense of like you know being into film and wanting to make film and television

and then doing podcasts doing audio all of those things are like it's not exactly that but it is the same a lot of the time same studios same connections a lot of the same people but also a skill set there that will differentiate you from people who have just kind of done the same run-of-the-mill internships and the same like you know summer programs or all of that kind of stuff and you will get more uh you'll get better at it so like i don't know if graphic design is something that you'd be even doing like a freelance graphic design stuff on the side from another job that you have that can get you just to get more comfortable in things because part of the thing you're saying is like I don't know if like my skills are there like I don't know if it's if it's there and the

only way you can do that I think in a really realistic way is to get job assignments from other people because like when you create your own things for your portfolio you're picking things that are usually already within your wheelhouse they're things that already interest you and sometimes it's really good to do things that you're like i hate this project i hate the concept this is not something that i'm good at but that's the only way you can get good at it and expand your skill set is by being given those essentially assignments like that you're forced to do and you have to do so it's a long long road and the fear of looking like you don't want to embarrass yourself that i would really unpack because the arts historically and have always been embarrassing

like it is like you have to be able to shoot your shot and you have to be able to do it over and over and over again and stand back up and do it again and if you're worried how that's perceived from other people you're never going to actually shoot your shot because you're never going to try as hard as you need to try because you want to try like there's like people talk about like acting pretty where it's like people will like they'll be acting in a scene or doing an audition or whatever but like you're so concerned with how you're holding your face or how your face moves or whatever that like how you're being perceived doing your job is your number one goal versus actually doing the job and you're not going to be able to do the job if you're worried about how

people are watching you do said job it's just they're completely counterintuitive and so i i think that there are so many voices and so many people who are saying all of this shit that like frankly is none of their business and like yes you still live at home but like fuck off like you're trying to crush my dreams and a lot of the time you'll figure it out like after years a lot of people wanted to get into the arts and didn't have what it takes not necessarily skill set wise but confidence wise and a lot of people have really threatened by people who feel like they can be the one in 100 one in 1 million person who gets a chance to do it like there's a level of delusion you have to have to want to work in the arts and that is an

enviable trait like people really wish they could have that level of fucking delusion and I cannot imagine that I would have sustained doing what I've done for so long if I was not primarily friends with people who also do what I do because like I don't know how like I like going to like weddings with mods and like talking to people I'm just like I have nothing to contribute to this and like you make me feel like a total fucking failure even though if I was successful in your industry that wouldn't do me any good because it's not what i'm doing like it's just completely unrelated so i think you really need to find a community of people who do what you do and are passionate about what you do and even subreddits are a great place to kind of like see

that and like join people doing that and like anytime i'm like oh my god i'm so fucking behind like i'm so that like and i don't mean this in like an asshole way but like i'll see people who like i've i think about a lot that i'm very uh i'm sad that i didn't go to like acting school like i wish i had done that but it was not in the cards for me it was never going to happen could not have fucking afforded that and also like i learned best i don't learn best in that environment but i'm jealous of people who do and then i'm like oh god i would be so much farther along so much better and then i'll see people who are like just graduated from like a great school wonderful program and then they'll post their self-tape and like they don't know how to do it

yet and they're like they like something like look at the camera for a spot or like they paused for too long or something has happened there that i'm like oh that's like a skill set that i have learned afterwards there that like just because you did everything textbook right there are things that you know that i will learn hands-on there are things that i have learned that that it's a back and forth kind of thing that like no one's ever late like this is something that will take a really long time and you'll know when you should quit and you should quit when you don't it doesn't bring you joy anymore and also like that you don't have that fire and you don't have that drive when it becomes something that you're like I don't like this I don't want to do it but to kind of think

ahead to be like well I want to make the right decision for five me in five years giving up on your dreams is not the right decision for five year in the future you like it's never going to be the right call it's like I don't know I'm a firm believer and like you keep trying forever because like having the courage to try and to put yourself out there is a the most marketable skill ever but it's uh it's a talent and if you stop trying it's not gonna happen like you have to get used to trying and trying and be comfortable trying and i think there's something really like i love people who try and be comfortable with failure too because like you're gonna hear a lot of notes in creative spaces. Like you're just going to, that's just part of the job. You're

going to hear probably more notes than yeses. Um, and like, I was just touching back on what Megan was saying about building a community, but like build it, like find, find the community, find the talks. Like I'm constantly going to like seminars or like hearing producers and directors and writers talk and um sometimes i've been like one of like two people in it when there's like a huge because there's there's there's always stuff going on especially like like i'm talking specifically in our industry especially right now during like oscar bait season like there's so many things going on and so like sometimes people don't hear about certain events or like they're already going to some other events and i'll be like one or two people like sitting here

talking to some of the biggest people in the industry and like other times i could be teaching whatever's going on but it's still just like another connection to someone else that i didn't know before that knows my name now um that didn't know it so like always be putting yourself in in like situations where you can hear people that have more experience than you talk or even if they're at the same level of you talk and like learn more things like again you just graduated yeah you don't have the experience like the the reality of it you don't have the experience you won't have it for a while but you need to be putting yourself in situations where you can gain more experience and it's not going to be things that you're going to be getting paid for right

now yeah yeah i uh i think it's also like you're very lucky in the this specific art that you can post animations you make on tiktok like you can post those fit like you can you can build your real not what's a portfolio you can build it yourself and do it yourself and the marketing of that and like you can't be precious with your art at this stage so like you have to just throw things at the wall and see if they stick um but they need to get off your computer they need to get off like wherever they're living and you need to like put them out there and not just to prospective employers like you need to like put it out on social media put it out on youtube put it out wherever that is um because you need something to hold you accountable for producing

the art that you're producing because you can't you can't build that kind of thing alone like you know like there's something like when people like take 10 years to like release like a perfect album and they're like it has to be perfect and they don't let anyone else listen to it you become your own worst critic and you become your own demise there like you have to get comfortable making shit and throwing it out there and hating it five minutes later and then not taking it down and being like okay and then moving on it's like not being precious which is something that i struggle with i very have a hard time not being precious with things and so it's a practice i have to practice not being precious with it and just trying and even like my art that i do for fun

like my fan fiction that i've been working on for like over 10 years and i've won numerous awards for it sometimes like i'll write a chapter and i absolutely hate it yeah and i'm like i just need to get it done because i know what the next thing is going to be because i i that plot point i love so much but it's just like this is the bridge that's going to get me here and i don't like this but i'll post and be and people will give like the best like i love this so much this was so good i found this funny blah blah blah and i was like what the fuck i like i didn't like it but like i knew i just had to get it out there yeah our own taste is like truly some of the most inconsequential aspect of producing what you make like you can make there are people who have made

some of the have made oscar award-winning wonderful movies and if you can do the deep dive on imdb to know who i'm talking about there is someone who has made literally an oscar-winning movie who was I was working with on something else and I went what are you like okay you seem very cool they're great got along with them well they told me what they were doing and they were putting the fucking hours and in their dues in to do the other thing that they wanted to do and then I was in a trick I was at a movie theater and I went oh my god someone's making her movie this is devastating and then I see her name at the end and I was like holy fucking shit like she did it like she she really like grinded it out and like made things that like

are in nowhere comparable to the other stuff like your your portfolio your real like everything whether or not you're showing it to prospective employers but like you should be able to see drastic growth you should be able to see like huge amounts of like you can do everything and all of these things and you have your specialties but i i just think that you're so at the beginning of this and if you let this like negative self-talk or other people's opinions infiltrate it truthfully you will never get there if you if this if you take any of this in because like you now is the time to be building like resilience and building like being fucking scrappy so like don't let them tear you down at all because law school is not a backup plan and if it is a backup

plan you can go to law school in 25 years but do you know how many lawyers that i've had that i know personally and also have had on numerous podcasts that were like that have been in your position where they were like i didn't know what else to do my family was pressuring me to go to law school so i went to law school i hated it i did it for years i made some money but i did not like this and now i'm doing this for example i had um i just directed an audio book by um a woman that's a deaf doula she went to law school like i like she went to like ivy league schools oh my god never wanted to actually be a lawyer but people told her to do it she was like whatever she did it she went worked for a non-profit still wasn't like getting the fulfillment because she couldn't

help everybody in the way that she wanted to she would travel around the world and then on one trip she met this woman who like they were both going to some place in costa rica i believe and just like talking about their they ended up like the other woman had saved her a spot so that she could get her ticket and then board on this bus that was going to be like a six hour trip that woman made somebody next to her like switch spots so they could sit next to each other and that woman had just she's in her late 30s and had just been diagnosed with cancer and that's why she was on the trip and then the woman that i was directing that this is her life story she like started learning like about this woman's process for how she's like preparing for death she has

she's in recovery so she didn't end up dying but like wow from that was like her jumping off point to being like what is this and then her i'm not gonna get into it because i think everyone should read the book yeah um put it in the um description but like um she eventually stumbled upon a career as a deaf doula yeah and she's like giving ted talks about it and she like loves like this is this is her true calling. But I know numerous people that have gone to law school and dropped out on a lot of podcasts that I produce. There's been numerous people that they went to law school and then dropped out or not dropped out. They went practice law for a couple of years and then found their actual passion. Yeah. You'll find a lot of the people who are giving you that advice

are people who took that advice and they need it to have been worthwhile. So then they try and give the advice to other it's it's just or or they hate the career they're in and they're like i could i should have done that i'm in that could make more money and so i'm gonna like make other people feel like failures or whatever like i i feel like i'm being encouraging telling them that they should go to law school or whatever field it is yeah i have anyone i know who went to law school or as a lawyer has never once said i recommend people to do it because just just go for it if you're not sure just do it like i don't know anybody who is like if you're on the like if you're like not that interested like and you're wondering what to do with your life just go to

law school everyone's like go to grad school for the arts if you can like go do something like that so yeah this is this you gotta be in this for the long haul and tune out anyone else because you'll be your own worst critic. You don't need other people. You need other people to be like, to believe in you when the moments and you can't believe in yourself, but right now you have to believe in you. Wow. We're so inspiring. I'm invigorated. This is our, our second day, our second time today giving a career advice, but this time it was on Mike. That's true. And of course, everything's related to both of our career fields and our paths, but yeah, love that. Well, is that our last one that is our last one oh amazing well we hope you all enjoyed this episode if you did

you could always leave us a review on the podcast app as well as spotify you can leave a review for the specific episode join us on patreon like we said before very affordable we have monthly no twice monthly bi-monthly which i would like us to get rid of the term bi-monthly because the idea it can mean twice a month or every other month is like no no no like that is it's so we've gone through this i hate it it pisses me off so we do it twice a month and you can hang out it's really wonderful it's fun and we also have the video versions of this podcast as well there are other podcasts so if you're brand new here stay tuned tomorrow we have our see you next tuesday episode where we catch up we talk it's fun very cash and then on no not on wednesday and on thursday we

have but am i wrong where we someone once described it as don't blame me is when you ask for advice and then but am i wrong is when you don't take our advice and how to deal with the aftermath so it's a good way to describe it and the fun part about that is people vote you vote over on instagram story about all the topics on said episode and then on fridays we have fisting friday where we read the results of the prior episode or if we've um been in a kind of like this haven't had as much we just use it as a uh hang out or we skip it entirely and that's the beauty of having quote-unquote bonus episodes exactly because they're bonus and anything else cool write in call in we'll you'll hear from us soon wait wait for our letters

bye don't blame me is a production by me megan rinks and me melissa d montz plus diamond imprint productions post-production sound and editing by coco lorenz production assistance by melanie d watson and music by giacomo picasso and ryan hunter