Don't Blame Me! - DBM: Feeling Hopeless

Episode Date: April 3, 2025

Content Warning - Body image in submission #2 This week Meghan and Melisa are giving advice on: Scared to become an influencer Losing weight because of a medical condition Not being compensated for work Unsure of what to do in life Buy Our Merch https://crowdmade.com/collections/sister-sign Call In - 310-694-0976 (3 minutes or less) Write In - [e-mail] (300 words or less) Follow Us! instagram.com/meghanandmelisa @meghanrienks instagram.com/meghanrienks https://twitter.com/meghanrienks @sheisnotmelissa instagram.com/sheisnotmelissa instagram.com/diamondmprint.productions Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

are we rolling are you familiar with that song rolling rolling rolling rolling rolling rolling rolling rolling limp biscuit no no i thought limp biscuit and simple plant were the same thing for years they're not even no i said to mons i was like is limp biscuit not like a good charlotte and he was like literally not at all and i was like could have fooled me is lincoln park a band or is that just the opi color no lincoln park is a band okay you don't remember it starts with one thing i don't know why it doesn't even matter how hard you try i think i thought that in mind they were the

I thought maybe that's what the fans called like Linkin Park they're like that's my Limp Bizkit no Limp Bizkit was around before Linkin Park oh god and they're like they're intense right yeah Fred Durst

Robert Durst? nope Fred Durst Robert Durst is a serial killer right? not related? okay well I don't know they could be related as far as I know they're not that would suck

Limp Bizkit was the first mature, what do they call it? The CDs when they had the mature rating CD that I ever bought. And it wasn't because I particularly liked them. It was just the fact that I could buy. How old did you be? I was in Canada. So they didn't. A rebel, eh?

Yes. And so they didn't, you could just buy it. And so I just wanted to buy it. And then I took it home and hid it. Just to feel safe. that's great okay did did you listen to it yeah i know their music but like i wasn't a fan no but like did that make you a fan no but you have fond memories i have fond memories they were always on trl you missed the golden era of trl yeah i think i know some stuff about trl

yeah it was incredible just imagine imagine you go home from school you turn on the tv and you've got the top 10 hottest songs that are in the country right now and you can also participate by calling and voting i love a call-in and it's recorded live so you're seeing it live as they're airing it and like all the celebrities are there destiny's child britney yeah in sync like they're all they're always there and it's just a good time you can like get tickets right You could get tickets and then also you could like stand outside and then everybody yelling. And then they tried to bring it back and it didn't work because they didn't use the same formula. I think I went on the one that was brought back.

I'm sure you did. I think me and Crutchie went on together. I think I was on TRL. You were. Oh my God, I'm crazy. You were. But that's my fun fact. Well, anyways, this is Don't Play Me where we give you wonderful, amazing life changing advice that will change your life.

So you can call into the podcast. You can leave us a voicemail. you can also send us a audio message in our email you could just type out an email you could slide into our dms write it out you could fill out a form there are so many different ways for all of the above you have to be 18 or over or have your parents permission we do ask that you include your age not just that you're over 18 tell us how old you are because it does uh affect the advice that we give you it it matters it matters you matter too sometimes and your problems do unless they don't and then we're here to tell you don't stress too much about it so please keep it under 300

words if you are writing it down and keep it under three minutes if you are recording it and tell us the whole truth nothing but the truth so help you what's the what's barbara say in the grown one too oh what's the first part is it sweet baby jesus and the grown one too yep help you that's yeah i did that plug perfectly seamlessly did you watch no last week no but i didn't watch last week and i am it pissed i know and so i wanted to stack at least a couple of because i saw people were mad i was pissed are you feeling better after this week i haven't watched it yet okay so i'm holding off tell me how you feel because i've been holding off watching last week's because everyone was so pissed i was like it was such a good episode and in the end

That's what I heard. That's what I heard. I am up to date, but I said, I'm going to hold back on that. I can't be in this stressful state with y'all. Okay, well, we'll see. Yeah, tell us the problem going on in your life. We'll do our very best to help you solve it. You got a problem?

We'll solve it. Kicking. Ice, ice, baby. And we're making a Melissa. I'm feeling very musical today. Is it because I said Millie Bobby Brown did a rendition of Grease at a wedding? Melissa said Love that taking notes

I have to do this She does. You're a performer Go Grease What a good song The phone number to leave a voicemail is 310-694-0976 and the email address meganpodcast at gmail.com

and then our Instagram is just our Instagram and then the form is put uh on our story say our instagram though by megan and melissa nope megan and melissa our instagram is just megan and melissa and there you will also find a you can click the link in the bio and you'll get taken to the form or once a week you can stay up to date with our stories where melissa makes something so eerily unsettling to remind you of the form this one really i really mr bean edition this week i felt well i had mr bean on one and then peewee on the other two different entities oh i think i just saw a pointy

i mean they're they're a similar type one's british one's american but they're the same oh i forgot one was british mr bean's british he is peewee is american but i wanted to give you know the same vibes and before we get into these just a reminder be cognizant of where you're writing into if you're asking for advice then this is the place if you're asking if you're wrong write into but am i wrong and if you're coming because you saw us on a podcast featured we have more than one podcast and that's why their tweet was so lovely because it felt so personal it was so personal it was and we appreciate it whoever you are please come to the front so we can thank you um yeah we have multiple podcasts and this is the one where

we give advice yes all right uh here we go this is somebody that is a 23 she her hers um this one is is more in into your um realm of expertise okay overcoming my fear of the internet that's a scary fucking place hi eminem long time listener first time advice seeker i have dreamed of being in social media world since I was about 13 years old. I finally decided that it's something I'd like to pursue this year. I am in the process of going back to nursing school, so I feel like it might be a good hobby outside of school. My goal isn't to become super famous. I want to be like those niche influencers. I have always been kind of shy and I'm having a hard time taking the first steps. I know you guys have been part of the social media world for a while. How do you

recommend i get started what platform do you think i should start with this is even worth pursuing i'm a capricorn by the way love the pot it's a very capricorn energy with love you're doing a lot i would say nursing school is i don't know if that is the time to to pick up a hobby where you feel responsible i see a lot of nursing students on tiktok but i also don't know if their their goal is like me you saw i was a college student my goal was in high school i was but like i was doing it in college all the well knowing i'm about to fucking drive out of this bitch like i'm i'm cranking these videos out because i need to save the money so i can leave like so i don't know if people are using it as like a means to not have to finish nursing school

or whatever because like to me i'm like time commitment wise like that's that's a fucking lot but people do enjoy watching it i will say corporate and or quote-unquote regular job content creation has a a limit because you either start one has one has to probably be prioritized at a certain point and a lot of the time people who like we're doing like corporate stuff and like day in my life they drop out like a lot of law students do that too like they'll drop out because you're making a lot more money way quicker than you could have before but i will say you do not have the same sort of upward trajectory and salary at all like i'm very well aware that there is a high likelihood i have made the most money

i have ever going to make in a calendar year already and like i know that that's why i invested that money like there's versus a job that has like the traditional path of like raises and advancements and title changes and all of that so I don't think it's necessarily like a bad thing to do if like you it is like a relaxing hobby for you editing is not always the most relaxing or mindless thing especially like usually usually people love making the content or people love editing the content and i don't love making it like so i would say that like if you find it fun totally i'm only like being serious but you're a capricorn so like you can buy it off more than you can chew and like really want to be the best at whatever you're doing and pursue and even you

say like i just want to be like a niche influencer what does that mean to you right like like where is it i for one make one video a month on tiktok you mean like two videos yeah and none of them go together at all and i just and i just make i'm not trying to like make a career out of it i just sometimes i have thoughts and i put them up or like my cinnamon roll video that i made i'm gonna put i made another one for the chocolate ones to have i i've edited them haven't made the voice over for it it's sitting there yeah it's it's it's certainly not as fucking hard as nursing school by any means it is it's time consuming and so like it's not it's it's kind of mindless but that's also part of the reason why it can be hard to motivate because it's like you're just

pressing fucking buttons and clicking whatever um i also do think that the sometimes not always because i love jen hamilton but like sometimes the nursing space i guess to answer your first question tiktok is a platform you should start with if you are if it's still around yeah it's up on the docket again if you're interested in growing an audience tiktok is where you should start um if you're looking to have people who find you in general if you're looking to do this for a long time you should start youtube without a doubt yeah that's not going anywhere no and if you like filmmaking do youtube like you're you're just people have longer attention spans and like your people will cast their teeth like i have friends who exclusively watch youtube on their tv

like you can have more creativity like filmmaking aspects with it um and you're not as limited and if you want to pursue it again for a long time do both without a doubt but i would say like i would advise against um or not advise against i would be really wary about how you incorporate your being in nursing school into your content because there is again not all love jen hamilton there is a sect of nursing and nursing students on tiktok even medical students and it's like really not i do like this one person i think she's like a x-ray tech or something and she makes these very funny videos where she take she misconstrues what the person is saying giving her an order for but they're not actually giving her order and then it's that voice that uh

tiktok sound that's like oh all right all right and she's not making fun of patients she's just taking orders the wrong way like doing a dance instead of what exactly she's supposed to be doing I gotta say I have never met an x-ray tech who I've walked away from saying we couldn't be best friends like the way that I phlebotomist and x-ray techs ultrasound technicians as well I immediately I'm like should we hang out like I just feel like so great personality can really hang but there is like a way to do it and then I think like if you look at like a day in my life nursing school that is what's going to blow up like that's what people are going to want to watch and they're going to see that but when you start incorporating the nursing school aspect

into like letting the audience have opinions on it or ask questions or respond to that or even not saying that you're having people come to you as like a primary source of information and saying these things or whatever but it can then end up leading you to you know you're using that education and what you're learning in propelling your content forward and socially a lot of people that you that you're in school with will not that will not jive with them that won't sit right with them and then also depending on your school your school also might not like it so I will say in general when you want to make content you want to incorporate something that is an organization bigger than you that can't be the only thing a can't be the

only thing your content is relying on and b you need to you need to get a you need to do it in a way that it is people don't know where you are like it needs to be private enough that there are no way to connect the dots it's not on your instagram it's not any of that stuff also safety wise that's a big thing or you need to not include that part of it and like it's obviously not the same fucking thing but like i nowadays you're allowed to talk about being in a sorority and film being a story whatever but like i got to the point where they were like no you can't talk about this anymore you can't say that you can't do any of these things you can't you know wear letters on your instagram like i couldn't do anything because it was not representing capowell and i

was like it's just crazy when um everybody here is not everybody my big was lovely when most of people here are like so like just like awful horrible but like it was such a everybody policing each other and policing and policing and all of that and that giving up on a sorority that wasn't what my content was about initially so like that wasn't too hard and also at the end of the day like it's fucking stupid sorority they don't give a shit about now except for Meghan and Markle and I Meghan Sussex and I being sisters actually I think Markle was the sister I think Sussex now she's like I don't even know who KKG is anymore I said girl me neither but it should just never you don't ever want it to be a choice that you have to make you

know i mean like or a sacrifice yeah that makes perfect sense to me yeah so i would say like if it's you've been wanting to do this since you're 13 like what's stopping you just what is it what is what is it the editing part are you afraid to put yourself out there are you they're shy shy like too shy but like a lot of influencers are shy a lot of people put on there's a lot of people that i've met in my day who are totally different than the personality they put on the internet and some people who like people that you all know who have people been like oh my god they are totally different online and offline and i'm like oh they're pretty similar when i talk to them and then i see them with other people and they're like yeah i i don't i

fuck with you like that and like we're close like that but like yeah these other people haven't seen that version of you so they think that version of you only exists on the internet it's like oh this is it's very curated but i think like a good niche would be not like day in my life going to nursing school or like studying with me i just think those things also unless you're in nursing school for the rest of your life your content uh dries up because you're done i was gonna say like what if you made stuff that has nothing like no one knows that you're in nursing school it has nothing to do with nursing or being like i'm you know i'm currently in school and i'm like learning how to cook like this is me teaching how to and you don't have to you can start by not including

your face in videos like you can and do stuff with like a voiceover you're reading it like the cooking would be good it's like i have such like a busy lifestyle this is what i cook on the go yeah packing my lunch for school like that kind of stuff i think is a great way to do it um but i think in general also you have to be wary about how you are how you are perceived on the internet um when you are also letting people know that you are in the medical field because your job is not insular like you can come across any kind of patient or whatever and so there will people people in my opinion are entitled to have opinions on what you put out there and the content whether they find it insensitive or they find it in poor taste and you know some people who I might not

agree with like think it's you know beneath like whatever like they can have negative opinions on that but they feel more entitled to that because there's a likelihood that they would run into you in your profession right so yeah yeah you'll be fine but just do it do it yeah I think start a hobby and then film that hobby yeah but making content can't really be a hobby unless you make it about you and your life which i think in your case while you're in school is it just a dicey choice to make all right well we're gonna take a break when we get back we'll get into some more you can make a niche fan account or something too or you just like clip show yeah oh my god you just any medical show the good doctor yeah yeah the way i feel like

i've seen that whole goddamn show this is a trigger warning this definitely uh talks about body image issues we will be bleeping specific um numbers numbers and things like that so but just know that this is was is talking about uh unintentional weight loss body image issues hey megan hey melissa i'm calling in for advice about body image after weight loss over the past few months i've been going through a lot of health issues which has one put me under a lot of stress and two caused me to look and feel a lot different than I used to. The bulk of the weight loss happened between September and October and at that point I had lost around 20 pounds without even trying. Since then I have instead of losing

weight and at this point have lost a total of 20 pounds again without even trying. For a while I didn't notice because I look at myself every day and two because in the past I have had issues with body dysmorphia and I've tried to reach the point of body neutrality although that has been difficult. The harder part is because I was somewhat overweight before, losing this weight has made me look more quote unquote healthy, but because my physical body still doesn't feel good, this has not been a fun change for me. I've also noticed myself being a lot more self-conscious about the things that I eat and worrying that the weight will come back just as suddenly as it left, especially because the weight loss was unintentional. I've also found myself being

self-conscious about how people perceive me. It's obvious that people have noticed the weight loss and the people who I know genuinely care for me and love me haven't brought it up unless I have. But it also makes me worry about how I was perceived within the beauty center before versus how I'm perceived now. I also don't like how I am perceiving myself. Before the weight loss, I knew that I wasn't at the healthiest weight I could be, but I was happy with the way that I looked. But now looking back at those pictures, I don't like what I see and I don't like that mindset either. I don't really know what I'm asking for advice on and I will be talking to my therapist about this but i would love to hear your thoughts i love you so much and thank you for

your advice bye this is i mean yes please talk to your therapist your therapist about this this is if your therapist doesn't um have experience also with and you know this might not be a term you identify with at the current moment but with eating disorders like this is the body image part of i think a lot of people view eating disorders as you are starving yourself or you are purging or you are, um, binging. Those are the three things. And then from there, they view it with caveats of you look a certain way with each one of those things. And it's not true. People of all sizes can have eating disorders. And also orthorexia is an eating disorder. Being too aware and being like nitpicking every aspect of whether

it's the food you put in your body or the clothes all of that that is that is eating disorder it doesn't have to be like oh well i'm not acting upon i'm like that's not those are actions those those are decisions you're doing subconsciously or consciously it doesn't just have to be like the big three that you you think of in that kind of a way and then that's where the body dysmorphia that you're feeling is coming into yeah this is i mean i so deeply understand this i went through this when I had mono this was like really what I like it really what I went through that what long COVID when I you know started gaining the weight back and was like okay this is you know I didn't let I didn't really like how I looked before I lost weight that was I this is too much

this is not this is not good but then getting the weight being like oh I I actually kind of want to look like the way I did before but then objectively being like well no I know I don't but I also understand in the sense of both of those things had health things tied to them so it feels I understand the feeling of knowing that it is a out of your control so you can't change it or stop it either way but also feeling in the sense of I'm not better from this thing yet so why the fuck am I caring about how I look when I don't feel physically good like it's it doesn't it it feels really silly and trivial and it's it that's just that's what it's the beauty stand like that's like that's the part that's coming in there it's not like a personal failure of yours by any means um

but I think like it it it has to be it has to be tied to your health like you have to like you have to like you cannot separate them in the fact that like the weight loss is tied to poor health that and like it's not it's not a separate entity it is the exact same thing and so in the same way that you know you approach talking about like your health things or whatever like that like with your doctor you should talk about your weight with your doctor you should talk about those things it shouldn't be in its separate entity where it's you know just staring at yourself in the mirror and this is not a medical setting like i think the the best you can do to separate the current acknowledging that the

current body that you are in is a result of something that is like not beneficial and it is not good and i also think in general what would be helpful for a lot of people if they read up on what malnutrition does to your body over periods of time it is not a very long time i know people who suffer with eating disorders in like mid like middle school to high school for like four years and these people have pacemakers they have long-term health problems they will not their teeth are not there they've had to get dentures like not just pacemakers like you're a lot of your body organs do not work yes osteoporosis is a big one your your organs do not work properly your skin might be extra dry like yeah and it and it doesn't it not to it's not like i don't want

to be like too scary like it doesn't bounce back once you reach a certain point of it for an extended period of time, like it does irreversible damage to your body. And it feels like for the beauty standard for a lot of the times when you're sick, it feels like the only and this is not correct. It's not a healthy way to think about it. But like that is what, you know, the world has taught us that the only positive side when people like I could, I'm just one stomach flew away from my goal weight. It's like tying weight loss as the only benefit to poor health. When weight loss is poor weight loss is poor health in that way so I would be also really cautious about like the doctors that you talk to about this yeah because some doctors a lot of doctors yeah and

they also will say that some of the reason that you're experiencing the health problems that you're currently going through is because of your weight yeah and that's not necessarily true and And like, you know, I don't know how tall you are or what your build is or where you fall on the not relevant archaic BMI scale that they still calculate with. But I will say that like I, I have not had doctors when I have been under like when I have been like under underweight, it never bothered them. No, like I had lost a significant amount of weight, like in my mid 20s. And I look back on pictures of myself and and I'm like, I don't look good. And but everybody around me was telling me that I did. And even now, like I've said, like, why didn't y'all tell me that I did not look good? And they're like, we thought you looked great. And a doctor never said anything like, hey, like, this is too much. You're doing too much.

No one ever did. They applauded me for it. So you have to be very careful when you're talking to your health care providers. Yeah. And anyone who you talk to about that, because like there are some people who look at people who are well into adult age, deep, deep, deep eating disorder, dream body, dream life. That's what people were saying to me. No. Like and I can look at that person going, I don't want to look like that when I'm that age. They look miserable. They look absolutely miserable. This is not an effortless life. this is so much obsession has gone into this and like a deep unhappiness yeah and i don't want that but i think like it's you stopping like not looking at yourself in the mirror in that like

not doing that not looking at full body in the mirror not taking pictures of full body like just removing all of that from there and asking when you go to the doctor getting weighed with your back to the scale and saying i don't want to see what this is and then you know really talking about this of being like, I don't like how my mindset about this is shifting because like Melissa said, they'll be like, oh, well, you know, losing weight will help you with these problems and help you feel like it's not that. And as much as I'm saying you have to tie your weight to your health right now, your weight is not, that's like very specific for this call. I don't want anyone else to think like, oh, my, you can see how healthy I am based on my weight. No, but this person is

saying they're currently not healthy they're experiencing a lot of health problems right and this is the side effect and this is a side effect and they don't want to feel good about this being the side effect but right now tying those things together for you well also then with your like in your mindset when you like so like this is something you work on with medical professionals this is not something that like you dwell on by yourself you obsess on by yourself like because this is out of your hands and then but at the same time treating this as a very important issue with your therapist so like it's hand in hand with your medical doctor about like this is a side effect and this is becoming

an additional medical issue and it's becoming an additional physical medical issue and an additional mental medical health issue um and yeah i just i i'm so glad you like can recognize this in yourself this is like if anybody feels similarly to this like get help for this like when you can body image issues food issues are like so deeply prevalent and so deeply normalized in our society that like if you can recognize this early on and nip it in the bud not only will it benefit you it will benefit the other people in your life it'll benefit if you you know have a partner later down the road or maybe you do at this point or if you have kids or anything like it is just like i can't think of a woman on my specific side of the family who doesn't who didn't have

body image issues so this is it is if it helps you to also think about this as being bigger than you and as a society this is like a massive fucking issue that um it will only cause you more health problems so if you when you get healed from this and you get better from the health problems you're dealing with you don't want to transference and just replace this for another health problem that um is like really fucking deadly like and if you don't die from it and like the rates of dying are astronomical and people always want to talk about obesity and i'm like do you understand how more people die from eating disorders like it's fucking crazy but beyond that people who do not die for again a prolonged um process of malnutrition the effects it has on your physical

physical body long-term that you will live with. It's, it's a lot. And you right now have like the power and you have the wherewithal to recognize this shift in you that you don't like and lean on your friends. Sometimes I think distraction is the best thing of just being like, I know my friends aren't going to ask me about it. I know they're not going to talk to me about it. I know I, you know, need to eat and I'm going to ask them to pick a restaurant and let's go. And I know they're not going to bother me about it and then we're going to go see a movie and we're going to do that and like we're not we're not going to talk about it at all but it's going to get me out of the house and i'm going to move my full-length mirror and it's not going to be in my apartment

anymore and like it might feel extreme but like i promise you your future self will thank you this shit like i do wish people viewed this like eating disorders as they do with like opiates like people like oh one week on an oxy and like you can get hooked one stomach flu and losing some weight can that that can completely shift everything yeah so and even like with how i'm training now i told megan like if i start looking a certain way can you please let me know so then i can reverse that because exactly like they said like you're looking at yourself in the mirror every day it's like it's hard to necessarily know and then you get to a point where when it clicks it's more of a drastic spot and then you're like something's up yep good or bad do i like

do i not also if you have clothes that are way too big on you put those in a uh in a section of the like don't be wearing things that make you that are affirming of weight loss like wear things that fit you i'm not saying go out and buy things and then be like oh i want to wear these forever but like there is also an aspect of people wearing a lot of like feeling very small in their clothes and that's a feeling that they want but just being really conscious of the outcomes of this and like you're catching yourself before it's like a it is a very slippery slope and um i have yeah i i i think with like the right finding a right doctor to talk about about this and if that doctor is not the right doctor find another doctor who can do your medical health

as well as this yeah see if your insurance covers meeting with um a nutritionist vast majority of of them do a lot of like your insurance is just included in a lot of people don't know that like it's just part of it but you make sure they're in your network yeah all right we're gonna take another break when we get back we'll get into some more I, 24 as she, her, am a photographer, and my mom's friend offered me an unpaid stills photographer position on a movie set that they're producing. Damn. The job would require me to put all my paid work on hold for a month and live on a remote ranch where the film is being shot. The producers and directors have been vague about the job details, and I recently found out I

wouldn't have any rights to the photos I take. Yeah. That means I can't use them for my portfolio, post them, or use them to promote my work in any way. When I brought this up, they said it's normal in the film industry and they have others willing to work for free if I'm not interested. While I get the value of gaining experience, this just doesn't sit right. As a photographer, I know how common unpaid jobs are, but there's usually some other kind of incentive, like growing my portfolio. This just doesn't feel fair. They argue that since I'd be credited in the film, that's enough incentive. Lol. For context, this film isn't huge, clearly. Some of the actors and crew have worked on bigger projects, but it's not a Hollywood blockbuster. They'd cover my food and stay at

the ranch and give me $500 for travel expenses, but not any actual payment. I'd be working 12 hours a day, six days a week. Part of me feels bad for even asking for more compensation or rights to my work, but I'm new to the film industry. I usually do portrait and wildlife photography. So is this normal in the film industry? Should I feel taken advantage of? Am I passing up a good opportunity by turning it down? Would I be wrong for asking for more? No, this is not normal. No, this isn't a movie. This, this one still photographers are usually not on set all day they're there like two days max yeah like two days max and not the whole day like like four hours maybe but are you doing behind the scenes stills are you doing like

art stills um also people don't work for free and if they are working for free it's on like a student film and even then you get the photos to be part of your portfolio there's a change there's you know you if you're working for free then you get this these photos for your portfolio if you're not working for free then they have all the rights to it this is not normal they're taking advantage of you and you should have had a contract or a deal memo in place before you even agree to this it needs to be in writing and they're taking advantage of you do not do this then paying for you to for to travel and to stay there is not this is illegal but yes it's not that is not something that's not compensation they need somebody there so therefore they should

be paid you should not be working six days a week either no this is this is fundamentally illegal this is very illegal um i don't know if there's any union if the actors have worked on things before then it's sag they're not working six days a week no um they're probably rotating actors out but still like this is not how things are done at all no and also I can't stress enough how not common yes wanting to use the photos for your reels your not your reels your uh portfolio I don't know what they're looking for you to do depending on there's only would this even work in your portfolio like bts photography is a lot of the times is like it it's a lot of the times people can get screenshot stills from it and like there's not a lot of like craftsmanship that goes

into bts photography also because they only let you be there for like two hours on one or two days max and so like it's not that i'm saying that those photographers are not talented it's just like they're not asked to be talented they're like literally just asked to like snap these photos use them in teasers released you know uh press release whatever but i also do a thing at the same time like i don't i also don't know i assume you're doing key art too because i don't know why such a small movie would want to invest in behind it's not even invest but like you're not getting a per diem like that's not a thing this is what you should be doing tell them to screw themselves like fuck you reach out to the student to the uh university schools around you and ask them can

you come do still photography on on their sets it's not going to be paid but you know it's going to be legitimate it's you're going to get the credit you're going to get the photos for your your portfolio and the thing is is you want to get in when these people with these people when they're young because when they start moving up the ladder then they'll bring you with them so if you're going to do free work this is the type of free and you're not going to be there all day you're going to be there for two or three hours this is bullshit yeah i also just think that like Like, is this a sect you want to get into? Because like, this is, like, is this the kind of photography you are interested in?

Because like, it is a very, very, very different kind of photography. Like, and so I don't, if you're interested in it, then like, cool. But this is not, this is an insane ask for a photographer. Also, traveling fees is not a thing. You'd be, they cover your travel. They don't give you money for you to then book your own travel. But then also like, you would get a per diem. You're on location, you're on set.

And, you know, I think the first thing, the thing I would do, but I'm also I've been in this longer. And if you don't feel comfortable, that's understandable. But I would I would do it. I would just, you know, if it's if it's if they say it's SAG ultra low budget agreement. You know, check it out. But if it's Union 600, I think cinematography, which still photography falls under, report them. yeah but like it look at if you're looking at the project in general and i and if it's like well i don't want to make a fuss whatever it is so much less about you making a fuss and it coming back

to you or whatever than doing it for people who and i i will always come at it from like an actor perspective because like crew jobs are paid far less than actors a lot of the time there's more consistency with work in a in a crew job than it is an acting job there are a lot of actors who are putting themselves in incredibly unsafe situations having no idea because they're trusting their agents and they are so unimportant to their agents that their agents aren't even looking at these emails and assistant assistant assistant is and then they're going on location in this way and it's just not safe no it's just like fundamentally not safe and so if you find out that if you could see that this is saying that they are with a union there report them and do

not do not work there because if you get caught working on a non-union set while knowing it is non-union and like it is breaking if you got caught working on a union set well it is not abiding by union rules knowing that it was and like you are turning a blind eye you you will you will not have the career in this yeah they yeah they do not take that lightly and they and they it's fair really shouldn't but you said that this is your mom's friend on movie set that they're producing is she producing it yeah and they're on some bullshit like i'm this as a producer this pisses me off so much they're taking advantage of you don't let them do this and them saying oh we have numerous other people signed up okay hire them i want to see who's working all these hours

for free hire them yeah this is they're they're really trying to take advantage of your at nativity and i appreciate you coming to us like us go work on some student films yeah and they will they probably will pay you yeah you'll at least get lunch yeah 50 bucks also i really don't remote ranch to me there's like i think a lot of people don't view this in like well maybe now that some things have been more publicized but like they're if they're skimping on this i don't think they'll have stunt doubles if they're on a ranch i'm thinking that there's going to be machinery used whether that's trucks equipment whether it's driving transpo or whether that's guns or whatever a lot of people now know about the rust shooting like there there is

there are no checks and balances here the safety precautions are not being taken and that jeopardizes your safety being on set or you will witness someone like you will witness something horrible and horrible accidents happen on well fucking run union sets but they are there because even with all the things in place freak accidents can happen when you don't have those things in place it just becomes the norm you're doing things you wouldn't be comfortable with and it is just like it's just so so recklessly fucking dangerous um and yeah yeah and you're not like they don't even need these photos i'm just like sketched out because they don't need these photos so why do they want you to be on a remote rant like if this is so low budget then

they would never do this they would just have the producer taking pictures well they're not doing a press like you're you're not going to be asked for multiple different photo varying photos from press releases you can use the same photo for a press release unless it's like some of like the big five outlets and they well we want an exclusive photo if it's not going to get that it this to me it just feels it feels like nefarious it is nefarious and like walk away yeah reported and if they're your mom's friend they fucking know better and yeah there's no way they've produced anything before or they have and it's been yeah bad and even like quote-unquote hollywood things are like things that are bigger like i've turned down auditions before where it's hey this is

someone's first time film it's an indie which i have no issue with and i look and every single person listed is a man and i look at them and i see getty photo images of them with some men in hollywood that i am like that person has about two dozen me too allegations and i'm the only woman who is auditioned like there's only one female role in this and there's things of sexual nature in here there's you know a simulated sex scene and there's a lot of blood and gore and like violence and I'm I would be I if I booked this I'm shooting on location with a bunch of older men who I've never met before and that's just like unfortunately something that like you I am able to make that call and like have like the understanding of being like that's not safe

and i can i can turn and like not that i booked it like i can turn down this audition even though it's i'm much more likely to book that than the power of girls pilot but like there are people who they don't they don't have the experience or they don't have the team or the agent like that tell them that like yeah you know if you don't feel comfortable don't do it yep yep so we're telling you don't do this also send us a message about what this is called and the productions like all of the info you have and if you don't want to report i'm happy to report it me too and then also like if you want an email template to reach out to schools ask ask and i'll send you a template because that's what i did like even tomorrow i'm having lunch with a friend that

is the head of development for a studio we met on a student film like and there's so many ways you can get in if this is not like your big passion like so for my movie I wanted I wanted our BTS on set photographer to like have the images be very not look like typical BTS photos and I was like I want us to be able to use them on our socials to promote like now and when the movies coming out like I want it to be fun I want it to look like another friend took the photos I want it to feel comfortable and I like you know went on this whole spiel and like made a whole list I think I included like Olivia Bee who's a photographer that I really love on like just a mood board of like this kind of style and from there someone who worked at like Lionsgate was

like oh I think it was this I think it might have been the social I can't remember who it was specifically from the team which one of the girls but it was like my roommate I like she is a great photographer I think she would totally fit she shows up Taylor Krause love her she took my engagement photos she took our podcast photo like I met Taylor through that Taylor was not doing BTS like photography for like film and tv like this is her first experience doing anything like that and she was recommended because she was quite literally someone who worked there's a roommate and she was like I never would have thought of suggesting her for this job until Megan said what she wanted in this kind of photography so stay true to your style too like if this is not what

you're interested in like for your future don't totally shift this and change this to mold to that if it's if your goal is national geographic like you know i mean like yeah don't shift that because i didn't ask taylor to compromise her her style this is crazy please tell us what production this is when west jet first took flight in 1996 the vibes were a bit different people thought denim on denim was peak fashion inline skates were everywhere and two out of three women rocked the rachel while those things stayed in the 90s one thing that hasn't is that fuzzy feeling you get when WestJet welcomes you on board. Here's to WestJetting since 96. Travel back in time with us and actually travel with us at WestJet.com slash 30 years.

Hi Megan and Melissa. I'm a long-time listener and first-time caller. I'm writing to or calling to ask for advice on how to not feel a bit hopeless when I can't do as much in life as I'd like. I've been diagnosed with major depressive disorder and generalized anxiety when I was 13 and I've been riding that roller coaster since. I'm in active therapy so getting help for it and it's been really really helpful. For the last three years I have also felt a decline in my physical health. As an example, I get frequently ill, even under normal circumstances I often get dizzy and lightheaded and I have to make sure that I'm careful with how much physical activity I do and that I eat and drink enough. I'm finding it difficult to come to terms with often not having

the physical or mental energy to do activities I'd like to do or as frequently as I'd like to do. i've had to like cancel hangouts when i'm ill trying to i'm trying to build a fitness habits but when i go into a low point with depression it's difficult i joined a creative writing course as i would like to pursue that but i have to keep missing classes because of my health um i'm trying to get some doctor's appointments and address the health issues but um it can take a while especially with the health system in uk where i live being extremely underfunded um i know megan that you've talked before about mental health uh problems you've faced and also like chronic illness and low covid and i think melissa mentioned having asthma which

i imagine impacts like physical activity um do you have any tips on how to come to terms with sometimes your body not being able to do as much as other people's or as much as you would like to or having less mental energy and like finding joy in life with these circumstances just a bit more about myself I live in London on my own and I usually work from home so I can work but also I get less social contact because of that I'm currently single and I'm also trying to date which takes a lot of energy out of me I'm a Leo hey Megan and I spend a lot of time at home with like at home hobbies like reading cooking and listening to podcasts I also have a dog who I absolutely adore and I am kind of forced to go on daily walks I have a lot of local and

international friends however I feel like all of those relationships have also been negatively impacted because of all of these problems and I think I have a little bit more time and just to say i have been listening literally from when you posted videos on youtube and megan and melissa wasn't even on camera and megan had guests every time um so this is a really cool day thank you you have to see the melissa is a hottie reveal internet loved that that day oh she's gorgeous why the fuck hasn't haven't we seen her this whole time you know i like to be a little tease yeah i was gonna say everybody's like megan you're so rude if you know anything about melissa she loves a grand entrance she loves a mislead wow i deeply

understand and relate to this this i i very your specific health i very much understand those ones this is tough i could have called in with this at any time in the last let's not even talk about how many fucking years it's been too long don't say it too long too long it's too long do your anthony mackie face yeah suck it back in take you back in mr mackie um so i really understand this um and it it sucks point blank it like it fucking sucks and it is definitely for me like an ebb and flow when figuring out and like I've got different health stuff or additional health stuff now that I'm trying to figure out but um getting comfortable with a new normal for me is routine so like planning things the day but making sure I'm doing x y and

z things and also we have a thing with Monsignor where I'm like we have to leave the house on we have to be out of the house on Saturday and Sunday like on the weekends when we have we have to do that and then like weekdays if we want to go see a movie we have to do that but like even sometimes if it's like oh it's cheaper or easier to do this from home we have to go out and do this the physical exercise that stuff that is the for me has been like the hardest one to deal with because I'm um I'm a natural I have the same ADHD as elementary school boys I have a very like physically active going through my day not just exercising but like I'm just I'm a mover And so getting exhausted from things that like I don't view as physically strenuous that has been like very very hard

but when I took away the aspect of like That right now is my workout like cleaning my room and doing those things and viewing them not as like Oh, I wasn't physically active today But it's like if my body's treating this as physically active then I need to mentally acknowledge that this is physically active um, you live in london, so my My other piece of advice is not going to be helpful for you. Maybe you have a balcony i have found gardening and doing outside stuff and you said you you have a dog because you don't walk you take your dog um walks yeah then i guess you could freak um but doing things like that like

outside i think is like really helpful um but the friendship stuff is hard i think like if you have friends who are also you know Melissa's got asthma like if there are people who are also like COVID conscious COVID conscious and like flu season RSV like who are also conscious about their whether it's their own health is like the like the initiator or they're just also worried about your health I need friends like that where I am not seeing them once every three months and they are seeing everybody else four days a week. Do you know what I mean? Like I need people who are like at this, doing the same thing that I am, that I'm not just getting included every five times of hanging out. And I'm feeling like very left out because a whole group is moving

on without me. And like, that can be a group of your friends, but like you need to have one or two friends who are living life more parallelly to you like a parallel experience in the sense of you know whether they're busier with work or they just aren't going out because they have kids like something where it's not like I'm missing out on going out to the bars every ending every every night with a happy hour there there just needs to be less FOMO and it doesn't mean you have to cut those friends out entirely I just think it's like seeking out friendships and relationships in addition to those ones yeah um as like for me um i before i got my inhaler when we would go to workout classes

i would be so exhausted like i wouldn't be able to get through my workouts i would have to stop for a minute and your face would be red for like yeah two hours yeah afterwards um and then like getting treated still i have to be careful so like i split my workouts i do my um cardio during or i do yeah my cardio in the morning and my weight lifting at night because i can't do them all together also the weights that i have in my apple watch tell me really smart and you need to get an apple watch tell me i know but just wear them how often are you out no but i don't like looking at it even when i'm at home sleeves on you would usually have a sweatshirt are you usually wearing that bracelet yes i wear these ones all the time i never take the little ones off okay

well switch hands um that arm has nothing on it i know you can you can get bands different bands get different cases but that tells me if the one the weight program that i use connects directly to my phone and the weights are electronic. And so it lets me know if I'm doing way too much and then I have to stop. It's like we're not continuing this. It literally pauses the workout and won't let me finish. But also in the way that you talked about like cleaning up and stuff, if I'm cleaning my house, that's my workout for the day. I also take lots of breaks when i'm doing it because i do get winded just doing everyday normal things and the friend thing also helps because we're in the same boat yeah it's like the same with like if you don't drink

a lot having friends that also don't drink a lot it's exactly the same thing just finding friends that want to do the same types of things that you want to do and when you want to do them and um yeah having friends with kids is also yeah and like great not to be like your friends could be super supportive or whatever but like i will say that some of the best things is like having um like we've become friends with like our neighbors i moving moving was i can't even stress how it was expensive and that's not like a a go-to for anyone but if it is possible not living in the same place where i have all these memories of being like very healthy very agile and work like having a place where like this is my starting when i move in there that is like super helpful

and then the same thing of like you know having if you're if you're friends it's only the man like you've known them forever that's great but like having ones who are if they're not in the same boat as you but meeting people who this is how they this is how they meet you this is the level of where you're at and where they meet you because even if they're not doing it sometimes we can feel like people are you know looking at us in a way that they're like oh I wish that you just want it to be like this is where I'm at right now and I have to be okay with this and sometimes being okay with it is just not acknowledging like not doing that and like knowing my own limitations but having that be the only normal these other people who I'm hanging out with know of me like

it's not like a oh I'm having to modify this thing that we've done a bajillion times before because we can we can assign judgment to people who are not passing judgment on us um but yeah like yeah I have been trying to get into going on walks like around our neighborhood and like Mott's now do it like I've been doing a couple like solo walks and yesterday I was like gearing up to get one and I like to go on one some was going down it was like the perfect time and I was like okay and I just like was not feeling like totally great and I was like you know what I all I haven't had a beta blocker I'll pop one of those see my heart rate I check my heart rate my heart it's like 145 and my oxygen is like 94 93 and I was like okay and I took one I was like

I'll just wait till it kicked in and I'll feel better and it kicks in and then the most it right now the most it can get me down to like is 80 to 85 which is not still not great um and I still felt horrible and I was like I'm just gonna go I'm just gonna go and then I was just sitting there and I was like no there's no reason there's no benefit I I'm holding myself to a standard of me when I was healthy that I was gonna feel bad if I didn't go on this workout but if I feel bad right now if I if I take this walk around the block I will not only feel worse afterwards physically I'll feel worse tomorrow and then mentally I'll be really mad at myself yeah this isn't going to give me this like this like um shame punishment like accountability thing that

we have like that a lot of people have in the fitness and exercise culture in able-bodied healthy people that is so wildly detrimental to like progress and health when you are dealing with like a chronic illness or any sort of thing like that so removing those expectations from you um and while i don't have an apple watch my heart rate monitor was is wildly helpful because sometimes you feel bad and i think a lot of people think they know what like a racing heart feels like but like it's not like dun dun dun like pitter pat like it sometimes it feels like you're having a heart attack sometimes it feels like you're gonna sometimes feel like you're gonna throw up like it's just like something feels wrong and it and that's why a lot of times people

initially think it's oh it's just anxiety it's whatever but like seeing or indigestion yeah when i did my had my heart rate monitor and when i like got the results back the validation that i felt of being like oh i pressed this because it felt high and i was at 175 that is too high and And like knowing that it's not just like, oh, this is me feeling bad or feeling out of shape or whatever. And that was also helpful having like a doctor be like, this is not a spike that going

from a resting heart rate of this to this is not a sign of being out of shape. That's your resting heart rate would be higher. This is not a sign of anything like that. This is just, you have to take it easy. So seeing something visual like that. And I also think if your health is, getting worse um you know the health care system here also very much sucks but um

you know if you are able and you have or if you have someone who can help you out who can pay for a private help like those things um just because you know if you're having like scary like i can't stress enough that like that's even though i made a comment being like oh this sounds like long COVID. I, you know, uh, had someone in my life who were not, well, I won't give much, someone who I know who had reached out to me and I know them personally for most of my life. Um, and they thought they were dealing with long COVID similar symptoms and it was not. And I had such, I was like, Oh, that, I mean like that definitely does sound similar. Like I would definitely go to the doctor. They went to the doctor. It was not that. And like, I'm so glad that they went when they

did but i think with long covid a lot of us i mean so many fucking people have long but you it just it's it's wide widespread but i think because of that a lot of time people are like oh well there's no use going to doctor doctors can't be helpful with that it has an overlap of other things that need treatment a lot quicker or not need treatment a lot quicker but like they have ready available treatment for it a lot quicker and it's something that has um it's just not the same and also it's good to have it monitored to have an actual like starting point of this is where i am in case it does get better or you can also see if it gets worse yeah yeah but finding i would say yeah finding a cardiologist pulmonologist like the heart and the lungs are deep if you're having

like get getting out of breath or whatever there are so many things that that could be and if it's progressing worse um you know don't downplay your symptoms yep all right that is our episode we hope you all enjoyed as always you can watch the video version over on patreon you can also listen ad free there and we do live streams twice a month very fun meet new people hang out with us also follow us on on tiktok but stay tuned we've got new merch coming oh yeah join us tomorrow for fisting friday monday for but am i wrong tuesday for see you next tuesday wednesday that is your catch-up day and then we'll be back here on thursday for don't blame me bye And me, Melissa D. Montz, plus Diamond Imprint Productions.

Production assistance by Melanie D. Watson.