Don't Blame Me! - DBM: Flirting With An Older Coworker

Episode Date: April 22, 2024

This week Meghan and Melisa are giving advice on: Lying cohorts Finishing school vs. taking a job Going into acting Boss wants to report a man flirting with me\ Don't Blame Them: Roommate Gets It In With The Door Open (4.15.2024) Follow Us! @meghanrienks instagram.com/meghanrienks https://twitter.com/meghanrienks @sheisnotmelissa instagram.com/sheisnotmelissa https://twitter.com/sheisnotmelissa @meghanandmelisa https://www.instagram.com/meghanandmelisa Affordable Therapy By State (Curated by Crissy Milazzo): tinyurl.com/y64kwdnf Need Advice? dontblameme.show Domestic Listeners Call: [phone] Email: [e-mail] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

hello and welcome to another episode a brand new episode dare i say of don't blame me starring your two favorite people megan and melissa princess diana can be next megan markle oprah kiki palmer if you're us who else do we love angela bassett who did the thing my computer froze and it just came it came back on diana and i was like what are we talking about i was saying that uh it's your it's podcast on your two favorite people and then i said us and then i said you know also princess diana megan markle and i was listing all like favorite people and then i said angela bassett did the thing i was there for that part i just didn't know where what what led to any of that what what does you know it's it's the eternal question how

did we get here i don't know never know so this is a podcast where you give your wonderful amazing life-changing advice that changes your life and uh it is a common advice podcast but recently we've opened it up to be a write-in advice podcast as well. So you can leave us a voicemail at 310-694-0976. Tell us about your problem, your predicament. And you can also send us an audio message at meganpodcast at gmail.com. And for both of those, you have to keep it under three minutes, be 18 or over, have your parents' permission. We do ask that you let us know your age and all relevant details. So the best way to do that is to write everything down and then practice it a few times, make sure it's under three minutes, and then read that out loud, either on the voicemail

or for the voice memo but you can also send us a written submission that's under 300 words the same email address or you can slide into our dms and we ask that you give us all of the relevant information in the sense that like imagine you're a totally unbiased third party you're telling this to someone who doesn't know either either party whatsoever and we want to give you the best advice and we like want to be on your side unless we like really can't be on your side so if you tell us all of the things that like make it important like we love when people give like i'm gonna give like this person is shady and now i'm gonna follow up with three examples incredibly helpful you know like or we have a history here are three examples of like this

negative history there so we always appreciate that and yeah i really dived into like dove in great deep dive dove over i hate tenses tenses are so confused are you tense about tenses i'm always tense we've been over this i'm a sack of bones being held together by a skin by skin not a skin i guess my skin's attached so it is a skin yeah if you think of it in the sense of like a phone cover exactly and you know i never thought about them in that sense so now it makes sense why people call them skins. Check out the Patreon to see the realization on my face for that, which I never fucking thought of that.

I used to have this flip phone back in the day. Which kind? It was before we were really calling things a thing. It was just a flip phone. It wasn't a crazer? No. But it was, I had, at my school, I had the first camera flip phone.

It was, like, after we all had the Nokia Bricks. and then the flip phone with the camera came out it's like and then there were skins and by skins it wasn't because we didn't need back in those days you didn't have to get a case because the phone itself was durable as and so you could get if you want to make yours you know a little different stand out a little bit i would get these things called they were called skins but you like it would be made in like sticker forms of your phone and then you would transfer it and then rub it wow until they stayed stayed forever and i had pink of course that's really cute i remember i bedazzled i had a um it was a phone that i think it was the one that

flipped both ways it was a nokia i think well i had one that like i always like the like after they were cool so like then when they were like budget and everybody had moved on so whatever when i had the first i think it was one of the first well no i had a pay-as-you-go phone first and take in mind everyone it's not because i'm like that was the only phone that was a bit like i think people had iphones at that point like i just like that was a choice that was made by the adults in my life but i so desperately wanted a sidekick because i watched like the oc and it all of those shows like the simple life and they didn't exist at that point like it was like that was a relic at the time and so they had this one fucking phone that was like some nokia one that

nobody else had that had like the similar kind of like slidey keypad and i remember i spent like a week and a half over one summer bedazzling the entire thing like tiny little rhinestones that i bought and like i had a pack so like the extras so it would like come off and i would replace them but like it couldn't i like was so delicate with it i'm like i can't put it in my pocket like it's gonna they're gonna come off but i was like so obsessed with it and like thinking back to now like the fact that i just super glued rhinestones to my actual phone not a phone case like i just to my phone and my phone survived that i was like wow that was really brave and very bold and like a very like 15 year old 16 year old thing to do there was a place in the

mall where you could drop it off and they would do it for you i love that i'm also trying to remember that one phone i don't think it exists anymore or it got like sucked into sprint and now has been sucked into t-mobile but it was like one of those flippy type phones but i didn't know anybody that had it and it had you could see like your friends that were you could see their locations and they would be like in a little car on the move and everybody was like why would i want that and now it's like me and you are like living by that's the greatest invention ever is find my friends yeah but the thing is everybody had to have that phone but no one had that phone so it didn't even make sense at the time yeah so it's like who it would be an incentive to get the

phone the same thing where it was like oh you could talk for free to people who are also at the same like network and it was like oh we should transfer networks yeah oh my god i found a listing on etsy for my old cell phone it is 62 vintage y2k lg keyboard cell phone and i'm like what are you called though what is it called i don't know they're just calling it a vintage y2k phone it's a samsung oh no lg lg the expression or the slide no because the front looks uh oh i think it's lg cosmos oh yeah yeah so the other ones existed at the time but again this is the budget version i think my dad had this one probably way before me i had nope probably not um i had what year was this i don't know what grade were you in do you remember probably i want to say i

got my iphone either junior or senior year and but people had had iphones from probably like eighth grade or freshman year people had already had them okay so i think about the same time when you had that the lg phone i had what was called the pocket pc is that the one with the little stylus yes and it was huge it was big it was literally computer some tv showed it had a product placement with that which is the only reason why i know about it it had it was literally like a microsoft computer in your hand not a palm pilot they were more advanced than palm pilots like it had microsoft word on it and i could like take notes in class on it everybody was amazed after i got it then like all my friends got it too it had the stylus like you the touch

screen wasn't advanced as it is now where you can literally just touch it with your finger you had to use the stylus or it wasn't exact yeah i always had it on silent i can't do that um but uh it was it was a phenomenal phone like i've never i even now i think i would prefer it now to an iphone yeah i just remember it was some like smart kid in some fucking tv show or movie who had it and like god i remember that and i was like look how cool they look with that little style yeah god what a good time i love that i remember when you used to get excited about phones i know except like i didn't have like unlimited texting for like i don't think i even got into like senior year maybe junior year let's see texting wasn't even a thing like people were like why would i

text message when i was in high school it was like oh my god text was like our whole life no yeah it wasn't until like later in college which would be around the same time where like everybody was like like it was like no to texting actually i did have who was that yeah i did have a friend in high school i used friend in a loose sense someone that i cheered with and we also had many classes together and we were at a nursing home because we had to be there for part of our medical honor society that we were in and um she was texting away on her phone and i didn't i didn't understand who she was texting because nobody else was texting so i was just like you're just doing this for show yeah it's like when i've been on flights before where i like i'm going to the

bathroom and i walk by someone and they're just on like the calculator app just like crunching numbers and i'm like you're not even writing it like what are you doing this for like is this like you don't have to play it was like the definition of like do you think are you doing this for someone else who's not seeing behind you to make it look like you're texting i was like they were literally just being like okay 12 times 2 minus 4 plus 37 000 times 7.2 and i was like what the fuck are you doing that's probably what she was doing that's funny yeah probably that actually would be right up her alley yeah anyway well welcome to us giving you advice gird your loins buckle on in and prepare yourself to either get us to give you some advice if you're someone who

had called or written in or just to be a voyeur be a little perv be a little creeper all right should we get into our first call I think we shall hi Megan and Melissa I'm calling to tell you a kind of bananas story that happened to me one and a half years ago that basically shows the audacity of men and how sometimes whilst I love lying for fun this was a bit weird and also just like how annoying this man was. So I am 23 they them and I went on a work placement at a remote mining village one and a half years ago with a bunch of other students and this one person we'll call John who also had the same name as my partner which still throws me off was just the gripe of my existence while I was there and I'm happy to talk about this now because I'm over it

but basically within two or three days they got under my skin because I said that my family was from Kazakhstan and please don't make Borat jokes I hate Borat jokes and they were like oh why and then another point was like but one of you made fun of new zealand accent how is that different which if you don't know the history of bora it's just a very problematic movie and it's very racist and absolutely not my work also tried to do this well-being eating healthy program that was a bit off and i made some comments about it and he was like oh but it's so easy to lose weight like i'm at the gym all the time even though i could lift more than him and then quoted the first law of thermodynamics to me even though I studied physics and he was an engineer so we both know

that is not how it works because we both did uni physics but my favorite audacity was that he said that his family owned majority of a major tourist town in New Zealand I am talking that there apparently isn't a council a local council there that they there's not police they control police that they own half the businesses um and that he's going to inherit it all one day i try to look into this because apparently it's a trust and i could not find anything in this man's name and ever he just kept going deeper and deeper and i will disclose the town in the email but i just don't think this is true for several reasons but it was utterly banana and i guess what are your thoughts and comments and advice for me one and a half years ago because

because I was really bothered about this person at the time. And I haven't said everything, but it was just, like, such an annoyance. I ended up ignoring him most of the times, even though we spent a lot of time together because we were the only students there. But I guess, what are your thoughts? What are your feelings? I know you've guys been calling out for some more gossip and drama,

but I just thought this is such a weird story. This person lied about owning a town in New Zealand. Oh, and this dude was white, by the way. He wasn't Maori. But thanks. Love the podcast. Bye. Melissa, I need you to go look at the town.

It's the only town I know of. And I go, that is the big... What a lie to tell. Why didn't they say that? I kind of want to say what the town is because I'm just going to... Just as a hint for everybody, think of the...

If you are not from New Zealand and you're like, I only know one place in New Zealand, it's that place. What? I don't understand what the advice is that you're asking. This is a bonkers question. a post advice of what we would have given you because it pissed you off back then

my advice would be to do exactly what you did was just ignore him there's nothing some people just lie for attention well i think most people lie when you lie it's for some type of attention people are lying for attention you know it's a lie don't let him live in your head like rent-free like if he's gonna do it at least get some money out of it there's nothing i would just say ignore him and move on and who cares like or if you really want to be petty look up who actually owns it and say so what was your family's name and then be like oh well it says here that these people own it yeah i just you're i think you're still to this day still using a little bit too much brain power for this dude that doesn't deserve i understand that would piss me off

too and like i think there's only two options like once i said like you do what you did which is you just ignore it or the other option is like you so sorry michelle obama when they go low i'm going i am catch me underground catch me burrowing like a naked mole rat catch me catch me crating tunnels down there like go so fucking low and that's to me of like being like oh so like wait could you like explain that more to me like oh like i what's the proof of that like oh that's a weird thing to say i don't know why or i would literally be like oh that's i'm gonna be honest with you i'm just like super not interested in that and like oh god that that tone of your voice is so sharp it really grinds my i just can we give like a quiet moment some quiet time or like i just

can't hear you or whatever it is like just to a point where it's like making someone feel just stupid for that because like his whole goal is to make you feel less than stupid impressed by but anytime someone like specifically really lies about the like power that they or their family holds or like the wealth that that has or like all of those like that is like you're doing that because you're trying to make up for something so like most of the time most of the time it is kind of more like a salt burn vibe where someone's going to someone's going to like lie and have their life seem exponentially different than it actually is so when someone usually lies and says that they're like so wealthy all of those things it's they're not not even close and when someone

like lies to say like oh my god we're so poor we're so like destitute like my life is so hard that usually is like totally run-of-the-mill kind of family and life but like you're not getting attention from somewhere else or whatever that is so like it's usually not even somewhat close to like the reality of it and so like the older i've gotten like the more i like note like i am just like okay people who are pathologically lying usually that's because like the the truth is like kind of depressing and like they just want to lie about what they do what that is and all of that um but then at the same time sometimes men just want to tell you like everything about their family what they own their like all of that kind of shit but i do think it's crazy to claim

you own what i would think is probably one of the largest i don't even know it's a town i assumed that was a city i assumed that was probably the capital or you can just use it for your entertainment like you know they're lying so you keep asking for more lore and like they have to keep making it up on the spot and like oh my god and then what i have a friend that they have some pretty wild stories and i would say half of them are fake and half of them are real because then i can trace them and um and so there'd be hours that we would spend on the phone and he would just be talking and yakking away and i was just like i don't think this part of the story is true at all but like lovely to hear everything lovely to hear everything that's going on here like it

was just entertainment yeah they gotta be good stories like tell me that that's also part of the reason why people are so like trisha paytas has gotten so famed like half of trisha paytas stories she'll be like i don't know if i like like there's some that there's a clip that i just saw of someone was asking about like oh tell me this something story about some celebrity and she goes i don't talk about that because like i said that story so many times she goes i actually don't know if that was true or like i just made that up but i've said it so many times that like it becomes such yeah and so it's just like she's like i just like don't talk about anymore because like i'm just like not sure that that actually like that i if that actually was true to begin

with i think i might have made it up and i like can't figure out if i did it's like i just like don't want to touch that again and like that's part of the reason why people enjoy watching and consuming content entertainment content from people is like some people just some people lie and those lies make good stories and they're good storytellers but if you're lying about things that are not exciting and fun at least lie about being a tour guide universal like please make it fun well we're gonna take a break when we get back we'll get into the rest and we're back and it is time for the next submission it's a write-in i am 20 and i use she her pronouns i am needing advice about sticking it out in college i currently am in

school full-time work a corporate job part-time that will turn full-time when i graduate in 2025 the thing is i'm making good money and i could live comfortably with the amount i make i am currently in an entry-level position but another position just opened up they asked for college degree or one year experience was I have. If I got this job and work full time, I could be living comfortably, especially for someone my age. This company also has unlimited potential and most positions are based off of experience. I don't know what to do. The main thing holding me back is I'm the first in my family to go to college and I feel obligated to complete it as lame as it sounds. I really don't see the point if I can live the life I want without a piece of paper. I'm also

like i could always go back later but i know that's an excuse if i leave i doubt i'll go back i'm currently thinking of applying and just let the cards fall where they may i know if i were to drop out it would crush my family but this is also my life they live theirs hell they could go to college now if it's that important what do y'all think should i wait it out there will be more opportunities or should i snatch up the one in my face thanks love the pot okay this is going to be maybe a shocker as someone who did not go to college you went you went for a minimum amount of time but you went i did and i always said that i could always like go back i don't regret leaving because i had a very bad college experience and i also was not medicated at that point for like

adhd i wasn't getting any accommodations or any help so like i was like really struggling and it was not getting better and i had a very hard time socially but if i took away all of that like i do have i'm upset that i don't have a college degree like and i yeah i could technically go back but when you aren't in that mindset it's a lot harder like and like you said like you're probably not gonna go back as someone who like rushed into the like professional world it's really exciting when you can be the one like the first one of your peers or you can kind of do that first but then everyone gets there everyone's also going to be there and then you haven't got there a year early isn't a it's not it's not a huge thing and you do end up missing out on something else

and for me it was a need base that i needed to be financially independent i needed to do this i couldn't pay for school i couldn't it wasn't gonna happen for me but in the circumstance in the situation there's a lot of romanticizing about like starting your career and like having this and like building and growing and all of that like you're going to spend your entire life working at jobs getting fired getting promotions getting hired doing all of this like song and dance for it and while this company right now is saying you just need one year of experience or a college degree that is not what every place is going to be and you could have all this experience and you could literally have the exact same thing as somebody else and the only difference between

like your qualifications your resume all that shit is that they have a college degree depending on the person who is doing the acceptance they go well we'll just pick that because they have that degree there so for me i don't think there's anything you're going to miss out on positions will continue to open up and because you didn't mention anything about like the financial aspect of it like if it is not a financial or mental strain i it is not going to be a better choice for that and like yeah i just think back to like my i think my cousin and my dad are like the only people on my dad's side of the family who went to college and like i do kind of hate that like i was able to break the teen parent curse of like literally ever on that entire side of my family

but i didn't with the college thing so like now my cousin's kids like that's gonna be the ones who have to like keep that on and like my brother went to college and like his kids went to college but like i for my side of it i didn't and so there's something that like i can't even imagine like the small bit of like guilt that i feel even knowing that i couldn't have finished i wouldn't have been able to pay for it i wouldn't have graduated like i was not i it would have been sacrificing my mental health and i also still was not academically going to be able to make it I do wish that my circumstances were different and I could have continued on and like gotten a college degree because knowing how hard it was and how much like my ancestors and my grandparents

and like all of that kind of stuff from that side, it was not even an opportunity. Like it was not even a possibility. And I didn't have to like join the army to pay for school or do any of those kinds of things so I just think that it might not seem that important to you now but I just think that it will feel important to you later and if it was a waste of time it's a it's a year that's a waste it's not going to change the trajectory of your professional career yeah um you're you have a job like once this you graduate that same job is going to be there and money may look good now and it may be exciting now it's one more year isn't going to make things worse like Megan was saying like unless you plan on only working for this company the rest of your life it's not going

to be a positive in the long term unless this is the only job you ever want there's you said that there's a lot of growth opportunities that means that there are a lot of job opportunities always available. It's still going to be there when you finish. Enjoy. I just, I just want to like really say this, enjoy this time where if finances are not an issue right now, like enjoy this time of like being in school, furthering your education, but having fun without the pressure of like paying bills like in in a way that it's like that's you work to pay bills like enjoy this like enjoy school enjoy your friends enjoy like going out without any like real real responsibilities yet you don't have to grow up like so fast if you don't if if it's not a necessity then don't do it

don't do it there's some like I had the opportunity to graduate early I was basically done and I was just like but why well first of all I didn't know I no no longer wanted to go to dental school and I didn't even know what the fuck I wanted to do I need to wait a little bit yeah to bide my time but um also it was just like like why I don't I don't have to I don't have to like I'm I'm fine i i loved i was going through a little depression but as as a uh whole i would have been more depressed if i was out working a job not where i had the cushion of like i can go to class i can have fun on the weekends but like i was the reason i was depressed because i didn't know what i wanted to do but i have that time to figure it out you know what you want to do what do you

actually like want to do this like because you would enjoy this job or is it just like the imminent the immediate money that you can get from it yeah just you have a year like you'll this time next year if you're walking in the spring like this time next year you'll be done it's not and we've still got the summer like maybe you can work full-time during the summertime and then go back to part-time but like you're almost done just finish it yeah like what a waste colossal waste of time and money to just not finish it and like you're so close and like people used to say that to me and i was like bitch i am not close at all i don't even have a full year worth of credits like i have been scamming this fucking system like i haven't taken any of my prereqs like i there's no

shot i write my trajectory i'll graduate in 10 years like there's just it's it's it's not that but like i this is probably the only time in your life you're ever gonna even work part-time like that is the the the graduating from part-time to full-time like is a lot and i always i tell matzahs all the time because he's a rusher he's always trying to like rush into things and i'm like what are you running towards because this is forever like this is just going to be the rest of your life and like if you are what is the finish line you're trying to get to because getting there earlier doesn't make a difference because you're just going to be there and then everybody else is gonna be there and then you're just still there so like there's something to be said about i think

college is a lot of times in point blank way too fucking expensive and like way too hard of an entry point for so many things but you've gotten this far for it and the the guilt that you would feel that you're saying like i feel like i would feel really guilty listen to that because it's such a huge privilege that not everybody gets to have and yeah like i'm very i'm so like acutely aware of that because the only reason why i was even like i didn't get into a great school the only good schools i got waitlisted for were audition-based ones but like was because my dad chose to move to a spartan area that had good public schools so i could do that there because he was the first one in his family to ever have gone to college and had to do that through joining

the air force and then faking a psychotic break to get out of the air force and um to have the only one yeah to pay for his school and so that was like yeah it it changes the course of not just your life it'll change the course of like if you choose to have kids in life if you choose to mentor other people's if you just choose like whatever you decide i think you already have made this decision three years ago and this is the time to stick it out not everybody needs college college i don't think should be a barrier to entry for all of those things but i think this would be the worst choice because you put the time energy and all that stuff into it and then you don't actually get the end outcome or benefit or result from that and so i think it's too late to switch

like i don't need college then i would have said go to a trade and do all of these other things and like start a job where you don't need the college but i just think that you would be doing a disservice to not just your like your family but i think like you in a couple years would be like what why why did i do that look at me defending college i i i had a feeling where you'd be yeah i think college as a whole is like a really conceptual like great thing i just think that So yeah, I'm envious. I didn't have that circumstance or situation, but yeah, the barrier to entry, like it's just, it's hard. And if you're lucky enough to get to be there, I think you should like really don't take that for granted. Yeah. All right. Next one. Hi Megan and Melissa. I'm a 26 year old male who uses he him pronouns. I'm calling for advice this

time in regard to something that I've had on my mind for a little while now and I think you guys will be honest with me about this. It's been almost a year since I graduated with my bachelor's degree and I'm still looking for jobs that make use of my communications degree. I've been applying and have either been ghosted or received the standard pre-written we went in another direction response. Since graduating I've started to fill the time I would spend at school doing more fun and relaxing things, such as reading more books for pleasure rather than class, playing video games, etc. I've also caught up on a bunch of shows and movies that have been on my watch list. During The Strike, I watched a lot of good shows and movies that contained

performances that made strong impacts on me. The way that actors portray stories and characters that parallel my life have especially given me that feeling in your gut that you just can't quite describe. As of late, I've noticed myself being more interested in the idea that maybe I could portray these characters, and while I can honestly say I've never seriously thought about this before, but the possibility that I could be an actor. I think the creative side of me has been subconsciously ignored for so long. I've always been taught that education and financial stability are important, and with my parents putting me through college, God bless them, especially longer than expected, I felt that I had to be focused on just one thing,

getting through college. I thought about quitting many times, but I'm glad I did it no matter how long it took. Now, I don't want to just quit my job and hope to be on TV the next day, but I feel like if I give it an honest try, what can I lose? Like a hobby, something that I would pursue in my off time. I've always dreamed about being that person on the screen, being in that scenario, or putting myself in the shoes of my favorite character, but immediately push that thought away and put my focus back on reality. I think my problem is I've always told myself that I need to think practically and never really looked into it. Where should I even begin? Is it even possible or practical for me to do my own headshots and demo reels to start and maybe have professionals

do them later on? Where should I even source lines for a self-tape? I've looked into trying acting classes near me to see if I'm any good, and I've done some research into what entails the different processes of auditioning, how-to websites, and I've even browsed backstage, but I'm not even sure if that's a legit website. It's definitely overwhelming, but I can't seem to take my mind off the idea, and I honestly just want to jump in and see where I might land. I'm at a point in my life where I feel like I don't have school or a serious job holding me down. Part of me also feels like I'm looking for my purpose in life, and maybe I'm blindly thinking it might just be in this the idea of being the person who others may see themselves

in on screen the way i have is really intriguing and inspiring to me right now my delusional as two people in and around that industry what are your thoughts do you have any advice or places to start should i jump in and see what comes or do i need to start seeing a therapist thank you both yeah and as two people who have predicted your film career we said it we called it we have talked to this person before and we have given them and we have told them that we could see them in the entertainment profiled but we profile yes you have a great voice i could even like you could do like audiobooks yep you could do voiceover work but i think starting the starting point does need to be going to acting class like i don't want you to waste money on things that you like if you were

seeing this as like another hobby like paying for backstage or things like that like get into an acting class so that you understand there's a lot that goes into acting that's not just like showing up on screen and saying some lines so like understanding different techniques different methods even like what a slate is those are like basic things that like going to an acting class help but i'll let megan take this away because she is our resident actor i am retired from the field well so i've got two different things that i think you should do simultaneously i don't think you should like just upheave your like life and throw everything into this because there's no job security so regardless like you have to have another job like you have to have another job

because like it is a very rare um the vast majority of union sag actors don't meet the minimum requirement for even health insurance like you can't it's not like your full-time gig because it's it's an eternal auditioning gig and even people who you recognize during the strike had to pick up money somewhere else because they can't live their life just based on those singular paychecks alone usually so the thing i would say is like i think it needs to be twofold I so agree that acting class is great I think that the choice that I would make for you is like I would start go to like something that might be a cheaper entry point depending on your location like look into community theater like look into something like that where it's just a performance

based thing to see if you like performing because there is this might sound so backwards but performing on like a stage live audience wise is universally pretty regarded as not it is maybe like harder higher expectations higher standards and all of those kinds of things but you do feel less exposed than you do acting on film because acting on film is very close everyone is very close to you you can see other people's eyes like it's not just you can't shut it all out and you're just in your bed like and you can envision whatever like that's like that's the difference of that there and then i would say like get on get a pa job working on a set to see if you even enjoy that like look or see if there's any student films going on near you and

like you could definitely audition for them but there is again i don't know the specific location that you're in so if you feel like oh i don't know how this works i don't know how this goes or whatever like there are so many things you can like read on reddit and all that but i do think that you feel very exposed like as an actor and like some people are just not there's not a lot of uh when you get to a certain level you can be handled with like kid gloves but for like a lot of it like you're treated like a not a real person and if you're just starting out it can be really you can feel silly and you can feel stupid you can feel like oh i don't know what this is and like i don't want to let people down and so depending on the kind of personality you are if

you're like cool with that and like faking it till you make it and auditioning for like student films and then knowing that some of the tapes might be like hella fucking bad or whatever or like reaching out to like student film productions and stuff and like asking if they need like a PA or if they need something else and so you can just kind of be around it to see what that's like and loving watching like the the finish enjoying like what the finished product of a movie and how people see themselves in the characters and all that that is only partially due to like the actor and the performance it's also a huge thing due to the writing and so i think like if you love stories i would also like really encourage you to write even if you don't do anything with it

but writing things and then like reading them out loud or performing them like i was very into poetry from like a very young age and then like writing different poems from different perspectives which as i got older i was like oh those are characters so doing that kind of a thing can give you a taste of the whole industry and i recommend to everybody who wants to get into the industry is you can't just pick unless you want to work crew and even then you'll a lot of people will have bounced around between a couple before they like land on the specific department that they like and you you can't just do one thing um because it's a it's a big waiting game and it's so it's it's so much better to well round yourself from being like you're someone

who understands how production works but you're also someone who is interested in the post production you might be someone who's interested in editing or whatever that is and you can learn so so so much and it's again this is something that for even people you know their face you know their name it's still a hobby that pays and sometimes a hobby that doesn't pay and a lot of the time it's a hobby that doesn't pay yeah and it needs to be treated like that and so i think because you like are from like recent of the college era and time you can notice a lot of people who like are live breathe die film school all of that kind of stuff that is a luxury that like most people don't have like most of the actors you'll see like everyday working actors

like not all of them went to school and all of them like had the ability to be like this is the only thing i'm going to focus on i'm going to focus on this training like this like a lot of the time it's like you pick up classes here and there you read books here and there you do all of those kinds of things but i think like any sort of acting class any sort of like whatever like is a wonderful life skill for anyone regardless of what profession you go into i know people will always like recommend improv i am not an improv person but you can still be into acting and like acting and be a good actor and not be interested in the format of improv classes like you can find something that makes you excited and interested and it also doesn't have to be your career it

can scratch the itch that way like just whatever you're doing in that sense but i without a doubt see this world for you whether it's acting or whether it's something in that and there are lots of actors there's lots of people who work in production started off as actors and then they like liked another department more I have a lot of friends who like are actors who are like I just want to direct but like I'm gonna build up to that point it's also an industry that is very welcome with like sidestepping and stepping back in front and doing all of those things so I think any way you can kind of get into it and not wanting it to be like perfect or needing it to be perfect or needing to be prepared enough you know never going to be prepared enough there it's like a

constant imposter syndrome sort of thing but yeah I mean I my like latest headshots I took myself like you can do that without a doubt and like having a reel yeah you can find you can literally like pull monologues from plays movies can print them out memorize them and do them and then as you continue as you like get cast in things or you do other things or you like make a short film with friends or do whatever though your reel changes and that content and what's in it changes as it goes on but everybody starts with no projects and no professional headshots like it's a building up that thing so i always advise anybody like don't put money into things that are changing which again like are the the headshots and the real and all that stuff so like

if you're putting money into that people probably won't even really see that for a while and then you're going to need to put money into it at that point so there's like places where you can save money from that but i think the classes and immersing yourself in it is a really great call and it's like yeah if you love it you love it and like some people it's it's like uh it's it's a very um tumultuous relationship and so it's not for everybody but i think if you have like the calling to that the second you step on a set you'll know like it's just like oh this is this is what I'm this is it like this is what like my face would hurt like after the first time I don't even know what the like my face would hurt because I was just smiling like so big like it is just

you'll know and at that point my condolences like then like hop on the ride and but I hopefully that's a comfort to you because if you don't have that feeling then then you know that this can be like a fun hobby and like what else would you like to do and who else would you like to shadow what other things like see where that spot clicks like if it's not that like you'll you'll just know there's no other way to say it yeah and even like just to go on like the thing about working i have a friend who he works pretty regularly like every month he's pretty much in something but he still has a full-time job that he does and luckily he's able to take off from that job but even like somebody that's working pretty regularly still needs to have a job or a rich family or a rich

family like that's the only only time even celebrities have other ventures and that's like a lot of the time it's survival not just like let me hoard my wealth yeah when i saw sarah jessica parker hawking a mobile game yeah i was like i thought pedro pascal hawking a game that i play yes i think it was the same one that sarah jessica i don't doubt it like everybody everybody has a different so many celebrities have like a hair company or like just random things so yeah you're always still working on other things so best of luck and keep us updated it and the last thing i'll end on is just uh we told you so we told you we told you we told you we're gonna take a break

and we are back all right next one i 27 work in casting first of all cast me and a few months ago worked on a film the director was 20 years older than i am let's call him michael after the last day of auditions he dm'd me on ig asking me to coffee i hate this already it bridged flirty and professional tonally so i don't know what to make of it i responded politely saying that it was nice to work with him too at our creative team meeting the next day michael started sending me dms on zoom very friendly but he didn't realize but he didn't realize that i was using my boss's zoom account so we both received these messages in real time once the call ended i came clean my boss freaked out about how inappropriate it was and how michael was really using his power to

make me uncomfortable except i wasn't uncomfortable the way i want to jump through the screen and smack you across the face since i wasn't uncomfortable i was pretty into it i liked the idea of having a fling with this random old guy who lived in another state i'm usually extremely cautious but i'm feeling swept up in the the prospect of living recklessly for once my boss wouldn't drop it wanting to get our lawyer involved and for there to be some sort of legitimate repercussions i begged her to let it go she stopped pursuing it but still gets very angry when the subject comes up she is the only one who brings it up now i'm traveling to the state where the project is premiering and michael dm'd me asking for the details of my trip i want

to tell him and i don't think i have to disclose anything professionally since the project is over but this is a work trip for me help me out i don't know how my boss would react if she found out we met him do you like your job do you yes everything that he did was unprofessional you said when casting was over, he DM me. You still had a meeting the next day, like the very next day you had a creative meeting. So yes, casting was done, but you were still part of the creative process. Now you're going to the premiere, which is a work trip. You are still tied to this man in a professional manner and your boss is correct. Your boss is trying to protect you and you don't see that. It would be one thing. First of all, he's way too damn old for you,

but it would be one thing like if the project was completely over and then he messaged you but like all this is still work related and it's unprofessional and he was messaging you during a work meeting being flirty and your boss saw that your boss again is trying to protect you and you're not seeing that if he was a professional like he's claiming like you try to you're trying to like rationalize this if he was a professional he would have waited until everything pertaining to this was over but he didn't he was distracting you while you were in a meeting he messaged you right after casting was over this is not right and your boss is trying to save you and you don't want to be saved but i hope that uh that what we're telling you i know megan's gonna hit it

after i'm done but i hope with what we're telling you like you can understand that everything that's happening here is very unprofessional and if you want to keep your job then you have to stop this yeah i agree with all that your boss is not only trying to protect you but protect other people that this guy works with and this is also your boss has a professional relationship with this director and so knowing that you are engaging with him then this director I mean then this your boss then has to be like okay do I cut off a relationship with this director and then cut off a relationship with my employee is this going to be the end of this because I'm not comfortable knowing what he's done because that also then cool so now I know that there's

in an inappropriate relationship but my employee says that it's fine and then i'm supposed to say okay i don't think it's okay based on all of the hand all of the sexual harassment handbooks it's not okay then if you decide later on that you're actually not okay with this your boss is then in fucking trouble because they have said okay whatever passing along whatever i'm just not going to do anything about it there so like your boss knowing this it is a liability for them as well if he also does something inappropriate to someone else at work who is not okay with it and the boss your boss has known that he has a history of doing this and then let him be in situations with other people who didn't react the same way that you did this is so beyond

unprofessional you should be upset at him because this puts your job in a very bad fucking position and if you're going to give up your job and i will also add your reputation for this man for what like and for and for what a guy who does this to people who he works with for small contracts of time does that to everybody he works with for small contracts of time and what do you want to get out of that because the repercussions are are not good and unfortunately the status and reputation of a director will hold so much more than someone who works in casting and this doesn't go the way that he wants he's not going to work with you or your casting office again and then tells other people not to work with you or your the power that he holds for

your reputation while you're protecting his reputation and your you i don't think you've done anything morally wrong i think you've this is poor judgment but i don't think that like you have crossed a line yet i think if you go see him on your work trip that is a like crossing line and it's grounds for being fired yeah but right now you're holding the power of this guy did something inappropriate and on the plus side thankfully you didn't feel that way about it at this current moment and that's a great thing that's great that you did not feel uncomfortable you didn't feel any of that kind of a thing that should be a red flag for you though that like okay my boss is not cool with this and this is like inappropriate i should i should check why i was okay with this first

but if you continue pursuing this you then take away the agency and the power that you have right now that like of what he has done and instead he then has your reputation in his hands to do with it whatever he chooses to whatever he wants to whatever he will and i think if you are enticed by this at this like age and i don't know how long you've been working in this like this might be like i need to be a in therapy and i might need to take a break from the industry of this because there's so much exploitation and power dynamics of older men who work in the industry and young people regardless of gender orientation there's so much of that that um you need to have such a strong head on your shoulders and like head on a fucking swivel to notice what are signs of

something being x y and z what are things leading to this this and this and knowing that like when you are cool with and i've had something i've had to learn like my friends and i like on sets like would make we would make dirty jokes with each other and we've had to have like talks of like you guys can't do that i know you're comfortable and you guys are close friends you can do that on your off time you cannot do that here because other people can then see that and then take that to another set with people who are not you who don't feel comfortable with that knowing that how you carry yourself in your behavior sets like standards and expectations for everyone else and everything else and you are not responsible for his bad behavior or his unprofessionalism

but you are now getting the choice to be like are you going to take his unprofessionalism and decide to be unprofessional as well like who do you want to be in the industry and this to me i'm like this is giving like um camp goggles desert island dick like where it's like okay hop on a dating app like you are this is not what this is and like if you're feeling like picked and like this is kind of illicit and hot um no like that that's that is something to do on your off time with like hooking up with someone who went to your rival high school or whatever something that has nothing to do with your professional life when your reputation is everything like that's how you maintain a job in this industry and i don't think your boss your boss is willing to go on a

limb for your boss is willing to like go after this guy and like he should face repercussions so he cannot do this because assuming he definitely does this to lots of people in lots of different casting offices and that is not a luxury unfortunately a lot of people will do that a lot of people will not stick their neck out for that kind of stuff but your boss will protect their ass if you participate in this they're not going to open themselves up to that possible repercussions and also like i've said this before i'll say it again go fuck it go fuck a celebrity if you want to do that go fuck someone from a reality show go fuck someone fame all of that but like fucking some old dude who's a drag like is this martin scorsese like what are you

getting out of this he wouldn't i know but i'm saying like his daughter would beat you up oh my god francesca would come out here the fuck she would be smacking you upside the head and i would say go francesca like so that's the thing that it's like if you want to fuck old men what are you getting out of it like look up randall emmett this feels like a randall emmett situation like you can have fun and sexy things like in the industry like i've hooked up with people who like i was worked on a crew with when the things wrapped or whatever like i've had those dates and flirtations with people like it's yeah you're flirty on set and then legitimately wait until it's over yeah and never ever someone who is that much older than you and has power and control

over the future of your career right because you could do absolutely nothing and they could decide i don't want to see that person's face again make sure they don't get cast in anything ever and it's like make sure they're not doing the casting for anything yeah but as i'm saying like make sure that this person is like not on my radar whatsoever like this is not i and then the director unfortunately again will always be more important so i just think that like there is better less messy dick that doesn't jeopardize your job and you need higher standards and i think you need a hobby like i think you've got work goggles on like are you on location like you've got options like get out of this now it's time for don't blame them and don't blame them

is where a listener will call in or write in with their own advice pertaining to a call or write in that we had aired on a previous episode that they might have personal experience with professional experience with they just had some additional insight that we didn't cover but more advice more voices more people and they'll hopefully help you out all right so we have a write-in it's from last week's episode roommate gets it in with the door open hi eminem i'm writing in for don't blame them for episode roommate gets it in with the door open yes for that one i had a friend let's call her jenna we were roommates for a year and she wouldn't leave the door open but the noises she made higher than max when i told her how much

it bothered me she said okay but you're gay bitch i don't want to hear that shit also you're a terrible actor oh my god here's one thing i did that got her to stop i called her mother not only did i call her mother but i called poor barbara not her real name while jenna was getting it on she has then stopped and after our lease was up we moved out separately and we are no longer friends found out she was an anti-vaxxer so there's one option otherwise maybe just be a giant cock blocker and start smashing pants together and saying i ain't got no sleep because of y'all or throw a bucket of water on them something that'll get them to stop be petty always best of luck also she definitely owes you money for therapy you'll be needing for this sorry

barbara barbara barbara barbara two more babs babs going girl if you do not the idea that being like you're gay so what wait so because i do i would think that like it's not even true but the logic there it's like yeah i don't want to hear you have sex why would i why would that make me be like oh then i'm fine hearing you have sex you know what i mean like yeah what's the fucking difference there is like is she thinking if this is like oh no you're you're gay so you like hearing people have sex or you're i don't understand anything about that no that makes no sense or you're gay so it's like well i'm having heterosexual sex so therefore it shouldn't bother like i'm like what like i that's crazy i like love that that petty part of it i just i think we need to be considered

as roommates about the fucking the second and fucking i'm trying to find the one that was dm2 oh okay i think i have it now hey hey i just finished listening to this week's episode of don't blame me and wanted to share a funny story related to the roommate sex call when i lived in a dorm with paper thin walls i could hear my neighbor moaning every time with her consistent hookup one day i was at a party and we were drinking when i saw him i i walked up to him and told him hey can you give tara a pillow next time i can hear y'all fucking like i'm right next to you because well i am and she's loud i just remember him being like oh shit sorry my friend group that was hysterical when i recapped the next day that is very fucking funny like that's

that's hilarious i remember being in like college and hooking up with this um guy who's older and he was a junior or senior when i was a freshman and he like lived in like the frat house and i remember i was like so excited to meet some of the guys like oh yeah i've heard you and i was like and i'm going to kill myself now so thank you for now i've been mortified just mortified and i was like cool cool cool cool so i i do think it's um college is where we learn those things and then once you leave college or you reach the age past college age that's when we stop there's a time and a place to be an inconsiderate horny piece of shit and there's there there's a time limit there's an expiration date and without a doubt it should happen at least i think a couple years

before your uh prefrontal cortex is fully developed but certainly that is the final fucking got off all right well what an interesting episode what an interesting episode i enjoyed it thank you all for writing in and submitting uh please send us more for our next episodes we love to hear it and we love being right about things you can tell us we're right you can give us an update and join our patreon we also have more podcasts besides just this one tomorrow you can here see you next tuesday where we catch up we we we chit chat we discuss we have a fun time and um that's actually all you're gonna be getting this week because you'll get a classic episode of but am i do a replay yeah um we said at the beginning of this episode we say and see you

next tuesday we say let's see you next tuesday but okay so you'll if you listen to see you next tuesday you'll understand why that's what you're getting this week um but you can join our patreon watch the video versions of the podcast you can go back and watch the old like videos of the podcast for previous episodes if you're like oh damn i really want to see their face about the bridesmaid or the bride who peed on the maid of honor that's a classic one go watch that video it's a great time and we also do live streams twice a month where we hang out there are some swedes we've got we've got we've got an irish girl joining very excited and we also trade monopoly cards we have a whole group chat about monopoly go and it's it's it's very fun i have a great time

me too i work out during it yeah and she gets encouragement where everyone's like and yeah it's great there's new people all the time too so if you're worried about being like new or joining you can always watch a couple first to kind of like get a vibe check but we always have like new people so you're never going to be like the only one everyone's very friendly and very nice unless you cross us nice let's push it a little bit kind kind friendly friendly not nice no i didn't i wouldn't want it any other way someone on tiktok is being like renee i met renee rap and like she wouldn't take a picture with me and like she was like so mean and mott's like tim how do you feel about this and i was like she never said she was nice i'm like no i didn't

okay like i don't clock her as being a nice person no and i also don't think what was this what was the circumstances of you wanting to take the picture at coachella at a bar and i go you don't take pictures in vip at coachella that's like not a thing like at all point blank no no no and have some decorum know where you are yeah act like you've been there before and they hadn't been there before but it was just funny to me because everyone's like oh my god this is like so disappointing and i was like i don't even think renee would be like oh shit i've been clocked because like if that's like when people to me they're like man what used to preach about kindness and positivity i go you aren't mistaking me for somebody else like

this is no no no no no no and yeah this is why i say i love capricorn women and some people just don't they're unfamiliar they're unfamiliar and we all deserve them in our lives all right well we will talk to you tomorrow bye don't blame me is a production by me megan rinks and me melissa d montz plus diamond imprint productions post-production sound and editing by coco lorenz production assistance by melanie d watson and music by giacomo picasso and ryan hunter