Don't Blame Me! - DBM: Good Roommate Turned Bad

Episode Date: July 3, 2025

This week, Meghan and Melisa are giving advice on: Attending a birthday party with your no-contact ex Roommate lies and doesn't clean Work friend doesn't want you to get a new job Update: Not getting along with your sister-in-law Buy Our Merch ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://crowdmade.com/collections/sister-sign⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Call In - 310-694-0976 (3 minutes or less) Write In - ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠[e-mail]⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ (300 words or less) Follow Us! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠instagram.com/meghanandmelisa⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ @meghanrienks ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠instagram.com/meghanrienks⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://twitter.com/meghanrienks⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Hi. How you doing, Megan? You know, keeping on keeping on. Welcome. to a brand new episode wow didn't ask how i was doing you're right and i just move on completely yeah what a bitch how are you doing we've been sitting here talking so i always forget for hours i know how are you doing what's i'm doing spectacular you look spectacular i love the eyeshadow by the way it's making your eyes pop thanks i did it up oh so i was trying it out

so i'm glad that you noticed i didn't even notice it as a different positioning but it does make your eyes pop and that's probably why wow love it maybe if you guys are really nice to her she'll find the tutorial for you on patreon it'd be all of two seconds yeah she's like because it's one of those pins that we got from um thrive cosmetics yeah thrive and i just went up instead of going over like i usually do it looks great beautiful you can check it out over on um our patreon watch the video version of the podcast see how gorgeous and stunning we are and what is this podcast we're giving you advice oh i thought you're asking me what is our podcast this is don't blame me we are giving advice you can call in write in send a pigeon carrier we won't accept that because it'll

be covered in bird things and um but otherwise shoot us a message and we will do our best to answer your advice also make sure you are using the correct form yeah we've got two different forms listed they're in the show notes they're also in our social media and just pay just just do the reading just know that there's a form for each of our shows so in doing that they will it's worded differently so you'll be able to tell which one you're writing in for um and if you want to give us a call 310-694-0976 international listeners you can send an email or even if you're not international you just prefer to type out an email meganpodcast at gmail.com but if you're international and you're like i don't want to just type out an email i want you

to hear my gorgeous voice and my super sexy accent send us a voice memo to that email we would love it in the form too and we do ask that you are well actually we don't ask we demand that you are 18 or over and that you let us know how old you are not just that you're over 18 we need to know exactly how old you are you don't have to tell us your sign you can if you want to but we need to know how old everyone the story is the problem the situation because it makes a world of a difference to know where you're at in your life and if you're like i'm a i'm a young 25 explain i'm a young 20 like like what does that mean yes and if you're like i'm actually really mature for my age which is why so cam dating a 65 year old you have to tell us how

much money he has and how close to death he is exactly how is his heart how are his arteries did you swap the cheerios for frosted flakes we got to know gotta know and we're here to help you with that if you need help did you did you put stuff on your nose i have blush on my nose it's cute i noticed it earlier and i didn't say anything but i did notice it because it kind of it looks like a smathering of freckles oh thank you so i have a zit on my nose that um is incredibly stubborn to cover up and it's like a scab of a zit because when i put my glasses on there so i have just leaned in to just not doing as much makeup on my nose and then doing the blush to be like it's giving sunburn because it's right here i didn't know you i think that you just have

freckles there perfect one of them is a scar i mean or knock on wood i hope it's like a cluster like a cluster but yeah thank you it's my new favorite trick is called bronzer like a blush that's kind of a mix between a bronzer and a blush shade oh which i like okay it's good i didn't know if we were going like you said bronzer as opposed to bronzer and i didn't know if we were going like brownie as opposed to blondie i hear all of those words i don't totally know what you're asking if you're with me then you're with me and you know what sometimes sometimes i'm in the dust and that's okay sometimes it goes what i feel passionately about is calling a brownie a brownie and a blondie and a blondie a blondie but do not call when you're mixing strawberries and do not

call that a strawberry brownie the name is derived from the color oh no that's that's a strawberry yeah that's false advertising it's fake information that's fake news like that's i am filing a complaint with the better business bureau if you tell me it's a strawberry no i've actually i feel so bad for you because i've never seen that and that would make me irate well uh they've come across our feed and you say not and i've been holding it down and saying not interested wow you've been doing the lord's work i appreciate it yeah because i would not want them popping up they're doing it with several different fruits but calling them all a brownie but with that name they're calling it but what it is actually is a blondie there's a name for it yeah but a blondie

mixed with strawberry it's not even blondie right which that makes sense but a strawberry brownie does not make sense there's not even fudge in it that is crazy do people not understand that it's not only just the flavor of why it's called that but the color that's what i said a minute ago god wow infuriates me i infuriates me and i've never even seen them bring them I've been shielding you. Thank you so much for protecting my four little eyes from the horror. Well,

we've got a wonderful episode for you, so let's change some lives. Dive in! Let's dive in. This is two professional divers. That's even scarier than swimming. You can't plug your nose.

how should i operate at a birthday party my no contact x will be attending for context my 29 they x 25 he him broke up with me late january and up until may 20th we had been trying to be friends over those four months i really didn't get to process the breakup as i was too busy trying to be a good friend then hurting my own feelings thinking about how badly he had treated me during the relationship picked fights with him over the way he treated me and got jealous of every girl whose Instagram posts he would like while he ignored mine. On May 20th, I decided to cut all contact with him as I didn't feel like we were healthy friends and I do feel like no contact has been good for my healing. We are both involved in community theater and a mutual friend has a

huge beach birthday party every year in July. I don't really want to break no contact, but I do want to avoid drama at the party. I'm thinking of texting him the day of and asking if we can be cool with each other just for the day. I don't know if this is a bad idea or not. I'm going to have plenty of people to talk to because they're mutual friends the chances of being in the same conversations with him are actually very high or i risk being pushed out of conversations over my decision to go no contact this party is something i look forward to every year and i don't want our beef to sour the experience for anyone mostly myself thanks in advance for your help as someone who has someone adjacent in their family that they do not like at all have never liked this person

but thankfully 18 years has come and passed i hate him everyone knows this and we are thankfully within at the last event in may together that we'll ever have to be at thankfully everyone knows and i think you need to know let everyone know how you feel about this person and we exist in the same group of people a smaller group than urine and i just simply act like he's not there i don't look him in the eyes i know his presence is there i don't say hi cat dog move out my way i used to cuss him out every time i saw him but i've grown as a person now just doesn't exist to me you can't see him like i can't see his presence is there it's a shadow see him yeah no defining facial characteristics there's absolutely nothing when he talked can't see

can't hear any of that right i think that is the ultimate way to go and the only way that that does not work is if this person this guy if he does not let that work if he's an instigator so like i'm a big believer in like no contact in general like the biggest thing from like what you've said breaking no like i think what melissa's describing that's not necessarily breaking no contact like you know you're in the same space you're not talking any of that but i think like texting him ahead of time is without a doubt breaking no contact because like it is a one-on-one conversation it is like more private is more intimate like it is not like an obligation it is like you're going out of your way to do something it's not like oh i happen to see this

person at the grocery store and it's not like you're gonna drop the eggs and run like that's like the level but if it's like if it's so volatile in the sense that like it doesn't sound like you're it is like a unsafe situation because it sounds like you know it doesn't sound like you have an issue with this person being friends with your other friends like it's it is what it is but i would say that like unless they are like an instigator an agitator they're going out of their way for it like unless it's going to make the circumstance in the situation he is going to go out of his way to like make it a fucking a show he's gonna give it like fucking wild and crazy then i think that like the person you talk to is the person whose birthday it is and if they also

know that this this is who he is if that is something within his character traits then it's like hey i'm and he's invited then i think i'm gonna bow out from i would love to attend but like i don't i don't totally trust that he's not gonna like make a scene and i really don't want to do that on your birthday that's what i would say but other than that you can just quite literally pretend he like does not exist right like you see right through him yeah can't see him can't hear him right john cena like the monkeys la la la i was like you're missing one but then yeah but you did it at the same time you did them here so you covered them both i said no sense the monkey can't see the monkey's not speaking and the monkey can't hear it the monkey asleep the monkey not

fucking present yeah i i don't i think you're reading into this because i mean even you seem very particular because the fact that you know the exact day that like you stopped like you went no contact you you have to think of this as like ships passing in the night like and no contact is in my eyes far more for private moments and like things that are related to like relationship kind moments like there are people who have gone no contact with uh significant others and they have kids and like they have to co-parent their kids and like they do it through another person but it's like it's not that they've never laid eyes on that person ever again yeah so there are ways to do it even if it's like drop off and pick up swapping kids they'll meet like at a neutral place

and the kids will get out the car and get in the car and they never talk to each other yeah so you can be in the same space but in general i think the for your mental health too the best way to do it is like you keep it all unplanned public like happenstance like in the sense again like like you saw him at the grocery store yeah and let your friends know is there like one or two friends that you would be cool with where maybe one of them can say something to him like hey she does not want to talk to you she wants to keep up with no contact can you please respect her boundaries and if not you can leave and if those people if your friends are like if he's not respecting those boundaries and like the person whose party it is is not being like you need to get out of here

then you gotta leave because you're the only one who can enforce your own boundaries other people can respect them but you have to be the one to enforce all right we're gonna take a break and we get back we'll get into the next one this episode is brought to you by Accenture when your advertising operations fall out of sync everything else follows Spotify and Accenture are working together to reinvent the rhythm of using automation, analytics, and smarter workflows to simplify campaign delivery and access better data across the business. The result? Less time spent on operations, more time connecting brands with the moments and fandoms that matter most. Learn more at Accenture.com slash Spotify.

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We're back, and it's time for the next. Hi, don't blame me. I'm a huge fan of the podcast and absolutely love you guys. I'm 24 years old and currently living with my fiance and a roommate. For a while, things were great, but lately, not so much. My roommate, Sarah, was initially fantastic. She had a full-time job, was taking night classes, and really seemed to have her life in order. She was never around. Exactly. Which was a big reason I asked her to move in.

plus she was looking to get out of an apartment she shared with an overbearing ex when she moved in everything clicked we got along really well but recently things have taken a turn Sarah barely helps around the apartment she doesn't clean contribute to groceries or really pull her weight she leaves her belongings everywhere what's even more concerning is that she's been lying to me about who she's bringing over it turns out she's been letting in the overbearing ex she was trying to get away from. I'd never met him, but I'd heard plenty of negative stories. When I realized who he was, I became extremely uncomfortable with him being in our shared space. I tend to be very blunt and straightforward, usually preferring to address issues head-on. However, I've learned that this

approach doesn't work with Sarah. She struggles with communication and avoids confrontational conversations. Any advice you could offer would be amazing or let me know if you need more details. thank you so much and i adore your podcast bye i'm hung up on the grocery thing maybe they just share groceries they have a hello fresh account together and then they cook and she just doesn't buy groceries and she just eats the food that you buy yep i'm gonna be honest with you i'm far more that's the part that i have a way bigger issue with than bringing around the ex because i do think your fiance I'm sure is great but in general I think if you live with a couple it's I think if it's two single people or even two single people but like two people living together not in a

relationship then I think you have a little bit more of a say about who romantic part people who you bring over because it's like this is a shared equally space I think when it is a couple living with a single person I don't necessarily think that you have like the same kind of grounds to stand on for expectations because like you're not bringing any romantic seemingly romantic partners over and like living with a couple is hard and like you obviously have pre-vetted your relationship but like i just think that and i also think there's a certain kind of person single person who's cool living with a couple and it's a hard i don't know how much you can say when you say overbearing what do you mean by that yeah was he abusive because that's different

that's different and so if she is allowing the abuser to come into your home your shared home then i think that's a huge issue and i think you need to call it by the name then yeah because overbearing doesn't mean overbearing is like or i do feel like it's towing the line overbearing is towing the line it's very close but if that's what you actually mean then please say it because that does change their perspective yeah overbearing can also mean like this person is a lot like it's a big personality it's like very loud very boisterous like very all-in it could even be like just someone who is you know all or nothing like at a hundred percent all the time and that's like very hard or wants to know what everyone's doing like it doesn't sound like

regardless it's not a positive trait in this but like it does completely change the level of what i think you have grounds to stand on but you did say that you've heard some terrible stories about him and again like when people are breaking up with people they do tell terrible stories and don't tell the good but if he was abusive that changes everything totally and also the fact that she was trying to get away from him so i need more information with this yeah i also think that like you're allowed to have a shitty ex that you go back to and like i will also be honest if if it was like really toxic and abusive or borderline abusive or like leading to it being abusive then i think that you need to scrap every other issue you have with her as a roommate

because being an abusive relationship is not a poor decision as a roommate like that's not like it's i don't it's not weighed the same as like i think it is fucking crazy that she's not paying for groceries but like if she's an abusive relationship and you want to help out with that like this is not like a hey we have to have a roommate talk you need to start contributing to groceries you need to start cleaning up and you're in an abusive relationship those things are not the same like and i think you need to like she might not if it is that do you think maybe how she's treating the apartment and how she's behaving now is connected to that like right that can be just a side effect of the bigger picture issue and yeah i again like it's really

hard to find and i'm sure you know because you went through all this but like it's really hard to find a single person who wants to live with a couple it's really fucking hard and i think that she told you she really wanted to get away from a like toxic ex and all of that i do think that like you've you've probed this conversation to start with her so you already know enough about this and i think the you're saying like i don't want to have a confrontational conversation how did that initial conversation go when she was looking for a place and she brought up her relationship because i don't think it should be confrontational on your end unless it is just that like he's annoying he's very needy he's got a big personality and like you're it's yeah you

don't like him and like you don't like him for her but like it's not dangerous or unhealthy or whatever and then that is a roommate issue then it is like i don't like the person you're i don't like your judge of character of bringing this person around to our place but you also legally she can like you just there is something of being like even if unless it is something that's like an evict worthy and you are you own the place if he's over there more than because i think depending on the state yeah so i can't even but like if somebody is staying the night more than i think it's 14 days in total but then even certain sequence yeah it's the seat it has to be yeah yeah so like here in california then like they are legally either required to be on

the lease or they can't stay so if there's something where depending on what kind of agreement i don't know if you own your place and she's renting from you or whatever there might be a loophole in here somewhere but even if he like just doesn't in that sequence doesn't come over for one day it starts over again yeah so i think that like you have to figure out or decide what are you trying to help a friend out of an abusive relationship or do you have a roommate who is you know you're are or are you regretting having a roommate situation that like you might feel like maybe you didn't properly you didn't vet as well as you would have liked and that she's a little more toxic or drama centric than you would have preferred as well as being deeply avoidant

because like there are there are just two separate things in two different ways you go about it because you cannot chastise someone for being in an abusive relationship nor i think like the repercussions of like what happens and how that bleeds into other aspects of your life and then in that case like it is important if you are feeling unsafe in your own home you have a little bit more grounds to stand on versus like i don't love your partner and this feels like a toxic relationship that's your roommate's allowed to have a toxic relationship and like it sucks without a doubt but it also sounds like maybe your roommates around more yeah which is also hard and i'm not saying that like you have to accept shitty roommates but in general again the pool of people

who would want to be in this living situation is relatively small and there comes a lot of compromise with that you know yeah so i would just advise in general anyone who's opposed to confrontation can't relate i would text her ahead of time and be like hey like can we as opposed to like bombarding her being like hey like i'm gonna make dinner tonight um let's hang out essentially not saying like hey we need to talk later maybe not make dinner because you're already making dinner for her as it is something along the lines of just being like ensuring that she's gonna be home and it's just you and her whatever and if that's not gonna happen then then i think you're allowed you're entitled to have like a hey can we talk and if that stresses her out that's

fine she's allowed to be stressed she will survive and then bringing it up in the sense of uh like either i'm concerned about this how can i help you out you know and even like melissa said like i know when people get are in they're getting out of relationships they only really say the bad and so like i know i've done that even if you haven't lie i've done that relationships and so like i'm obviously worried about you because i've only ever heard these horrible stories about him and like i'd love to give you like i would love to hear something like the good i would like love to hear what's like why you're dating now like are you happy are these things because like i i feel like it's naturally i'm a little concerned because i've only ever heard these things someone's

like oh my god no yeah it's this this this this whatever because are you seeing poor behavior from him or are you going based off of something that she has said yeah so i think uh but in general for people who are like poor communicators or bad at confrontation it's just like a you asking direct questions not yes or no questions not just like talking at them and then being like asking them like okay how do you think we can come to a resolution make them actually do something like work and being a poor communicator and bad with confrontation is um not a permanent state of mind nor is it a way that you can exist for your entire life like you have to be able to at some point and it is not your responsibility to like coddle and cater to that at your like in regards to your

own expense oh also and do not have your partner there just have it be you all right we're gonna take a break when we get back we'll get into some more we're back time for the next i'm megan and melissa i'm writing to you because i 30 she her need advice on whether my friend 26 she her secretly hates me. For context, we are also coworkers with different job titles, but the same boss. I've been working at our place of employment for about eight years, and she's been working there for two years. I recently went back to school for a master's degree to pursue a career change. It's been the best decision I've ever made. I feel more confident in myself and my decisions. I'm so excited about this change in my life. My friend, on the other hand, is

struggling with self-confidence. She's dealing with problems in her personal life and trying to get a promotion at work. Whenever she brings it up, I've tried my best to boost her self esteem and reassure her that things will work out for her. However, I know it's taking a toll on her because she's become more withdrawn. A few days ago, I got an interview for my dream job. When I found out, I told my friend right away. She seemed happy at first, but over time, I feel like she was trying to discourage me. She told me that nobody gets their dream job right after graduating and that I might not stand out compared to the other interviewees. She also makes a point to ask me every day if I've heard back yet. I told her I'd let her know if I did. I feel sad every time it's

brought up now i'm not sure what to make of this situation maybe i'm feeling more insecure than i thought or does it sound like my friend just doesn't want me to get a new job well i don't think your friend secretly hates you she might they might just be your work acquaintances and not actual friends well i think if your friend hates you then then if the if the end result is your friend hating you i don't think that it's a secret because of what she said so like i don't think she necessarily hates you i think it's coming from a place of jealousy and like a place of insecurity but if she doesn't could be hate no but if and if she but if she does not like you i think that like this is a valid thing to be like okay so you did this doesn't feel like you

like me pulling away backing up i don't think it was the right call you didn't ask but i don't think it was the right call to immediately tell your friend because i know that you're taking these now as slights i think she took that as a slight it feels like you threw the first punch and she's just responding and to you it doesn't feel like that so it feels like you are being poked and i think for her it felt like that was you did it first i don't think this person is your friend and i'm being quite honest with you fair like i really don't think that this person is your friend i think they are work acquaintance that you might have stuff in common with and they at the seat of everything they're jealous of you you've been at the job longer you

have more experience you went and got your master's a friend doesn't come back and say okay people don't get their jobs right their dream jobs right after they graduate a friend is supportive of you i do think it's a little she had a reaction to i know like she's your friend and you wanted her to be the first person to hear which i completely understand but when i was going um looking for jobs and i knew that my friend was also looking for jobs and i was still i'm still employed i was just looking for job writing jobs on top of what i was doing and this person wasn't employed at all and i knew that they had been interviewing and frustrated with like the job market I did not let them know right away when I was looking at

jobs because I knew the frustration that they were feeling and I didn't want to add on to that and so after like some time had passed I did tell them and they were my biggest cheerleader and checking in I think there's a way to go about it when you know that your friend is like struggling and also being there to support them but i just i under i could understand if the first thing she did was negative but her continued negativity is what makes me think she's not your friend at all yeah i also think that like there's i have a hard time with people who like i you know i love i love a daydream like i love to like think dream big like i'm like i'm a big creative person i really do not like when people are not rooted in reality i find that like a

really hard trait to be close friends with because like why are we complaining about something that's like it's so black and white about why this hasn't happened like do you know i mean like someone who's like like it's like someone being like deeply disappointed that they didn't win the lottery and i'm like it's statistically you're not like it's not i understand of like wanting a dream job or whatever that is but like in this situation like you have been there for eight years you are older than she is you are getting your master's and this whole thing of just being like oh like you know people don't get you don't know you don't have your master's you don't know if people like don't get jobs immediately right after like it is just like a level of like this isn't rooted in

in reality like this is rooted from a place of like like jealousy and i agree i think like the first reaction to that i think she felt and i will say i think you threw the first punch i don't think you intended to it wasn't meant to be a punch it was just like i'm celebrating with my friend took it so for her she felt like she was responding to something but unless you are not saying something and you have been doing more things she's no longer responding she's doing it she's throwing the first one now she's throwing she's she's starting it again over and over and over again asking about other things and like trying to like make you feel bad and like to that i think like we're all grown-ups here if i did something that hurt your feelings and i'm so clearly didn't

mean to a if you think that i meant to hurt your feelings we shouldn't be friends anymore you should stop you should cut me off and we shouldn't be friends but if you think i did it on accident you need to tell me that instead of trying to like pick at me and pick at me and pick at me over and over and over again to get to see how you felt you have to tell me how you felt like we're grown-ups here and i think like this is a i think this is like super fucking petty from like a friendship level i think it is fucking insane from a work and friendship level yeah like i think this is someone who like even if they don't hate you they still want to be your friend this would make me reevaluate the friendship yeah yep because it was like she could have been like damn she's

kicking me when i'm down and then had that gut reaction and then came back and be like you know what i'm so sorry i know that you've been working hard that you've been in school i was just you know a little bit jealous i'm so happy for you if that would have been the second move then i would have been like okay but i truly do think that she hates you yeah and i would be curious to know if you have had any self-reflection of being like hey i probably shouldn't have done that and if you have said that to her already because like i think that at this point i'm i wouldn't even do it no i i think but i think in general like moving forward and these things if you have like a second guessing about like how something it came across say it say it in the like if you

clock someone's reaction and being like oh i think i probably shouldn't have done that i should have said that you can say that in the moment and like or looking back on that in that instance but i think in general i'm a i don't know like i'm also like i'm not like a reactive person but like i have to more often than not i have to hold myself back from saying something like whether that's like you know interrupting just in general or if someone says something that i like or i don't like i have like i i'm just gonna say it right off the bat and i think in this instance you are both you didn't she she thinks you're playing like a you played some psychological game with her and now she's like trying to get deep in your psyche and this is hard and i will say that like i don't

want this to like jade you or whatever as a lesson but in general i'm and maybe it's because of like the industry that we're both in i'm like so big on like not counting your chickens before they hatch your eggs before they hatch your chickens eggs in the sense that like if there's something for you to be insecure about like if you're gonna get in your head about it if the job is not secured or even if like you have more interviews to come if there's something that's gonna get in your head about it don't do not share it in a way that it can make you spiral so like if it's something where it's like okay yeah i'm really nervous about this and someone's following up did you hear back did you hear back did you hear back did you hear back like if that's

gonna make you spiral valid don't tell someone don't tell other people like that and even people who have the best intentions which i don't necessarily think this friend does there are people like the same thing of like i have friends who like they don't tell their family when they go on a date because it's like oh how was that how did it go how did it go and it's like you have the best intentions for me but like you're psyching myself out and i was so confident and chill and cool about this beforehand that there's like no need for to to bring on someone else's feelings about this that now i'm wearing is mine yep i didn't tell my mom about the job i was interviewing for into the third one where it was over and they had pretty much told me i had a job

they were just waiting for the project to come along and i didn't tell her because she was she would have been like that every second texting and calling asking did you hear back how'd it go you know also people don't necessarily know how everything works in that way and so then they get in your head and then you're like well now i'm losing touch with the actual reality of i know that this is normal but this person's acting like it's not normal and now i'm thinking it's not normal even though i know it is also don't talk about new jobs at your job she thought she was talking to her friend no but at job at your job because i think what if you're someone else overheard in the workplace setting i think there's some other things that can get messy

which is technically illegal to like rescind if it was an offer to like rescind an offer because someone got upset but it happens all right we're going to take a break when we get back we'll get into an update when west chat first took flight in 1996 the vibes were a bit different people thought denim on denim was peak fashion inline skates were everywhere and two out of three women rocked the rachel while those things stayed in the 90s one thing that hasn't is that fuzzy feeling you get when west jet welcomes you on board here's to west jetting since 96 travel back in time with us and actually travel with us at westjet.com slash 30 years we're back and it's time for an update an updoot a dude got oopeded

is that simlish i just talk like this sometimes this is how you know i've been spending way too much time with months he's always like what making our grocery list and he's like i don't know what you're asking me to get so he doesn't know either so it's not even a secret language so it's really just you so him spending time with motts really didn't equate to anything no but he he he humors me in um figuring out what it is but he does have the look of confusion like trying to type out on the notes app huh all right last one okay sorry now we're gonna get into an update which megan just said in her weird language dude megan and melissa my update aired june 19th and i do have more to share

so this was somebody that had called us previously and they didn't get along with their sister-in-law and so they were trying to figure out how to coexist with them because their children are around the same age and they wanted the cousins to have a relationship they called back gave us some new information and then this is the update to that information and it should also be noted that one of the more memorable things in the last update was uh the relationship hasn't necessarily gotten better and the sister-in-law made a comment that all newborns are ugly the sister-in-law is pregnant with child and uh the writer has what we didn't consider a newborn but was just past the threshold of what would have been considered and so some maybe some people

might consider a newborn i think they're cute by that age in clothing they don't consider that newborn oh true valid that's what i was basing it on that's a very valid point all right they said i do have more to share i mentioned the newborn to our ugly comment to give my sister-in-law some credit because honestly she often makes off-handed remarks we see each other one to four times a month depending on holidays or birthdays that is a lot the last time i saw her she explained to me she's giving her second child a middle name after a deceased relative i said i understood i did the same for my second child same type of relationship e.g two of mom's first cousins she had even offered to attend my relative's wake but when i finished my thought she just stared at me blankly

for several seconds without saying a word that same day she told my husband she thinks she has undiagnosed gestational diabetes. I had gestational diabetes during my second pregnancy. I think I need to be firmer about limiting contact. I already follow Megan's kids table advice pretty closely, though not 100%. And I also use Melissa's vent to the common disliker strategy. But even in one interaction, just a simple greeting or overheard conversation, she always does something off another example she was mimicking all my instagram stories i have over 20 screenshots saved in a google doc so i blocked her from viewing them i also agree with megan's interpretation that those blips that these blips on the radar are momentary setbacks to my big

picture vision of having positive family relationships okay after this one she's weird she's just weird she's weird and i think you're doing too much yeah why the fuck are you seeing her almost once a week that's not just that i think that you're taking the things that she's saying she's she just is a random person and i think you're taking the things that she's saying to heart when she actually doesn't actually mean them she's just saying shit what's why do we need to so she thinks she has undiagnosed gestational diabetes and so and you had so our research inferred that she's lying that she like doesn't have she does lie about diseases she's did that in the fast i have to say though undiagnosed gestational diabetes has got like i know that

that still happens but like but like it is so heavily screened for at this point now every time you go to the doctor they're doing blood tests you wouldn't know if you had it because in general like they used to not and it's really there's a there's a very severe consequence and also like if she thinks she has undiagnosed gestational diabetes like that can quite literally deliver a stillborn like it is not like a he he ha ha kind of moment so like if she's not eating like she has gestational diabetes if she's not telling her doctor if she's not actually checking her blood sugar she's not doing all of that then like just ignore like ignore it's not a personal slight against you it just sounds like she's odd it's not like she's odd just to you she sounds

odd and now i'm really curious what your husband thinks like this just sounds like this is who she is and she's a little fucking weird yeah she's just a little fucking weird and i think you just need to take a step back and just accept that she's weird and this is who she is and stop taking it so personally she was making fun of your instagram stories i get that that's annoying that's weird you blocked her that was the thing yep but don't take 20 screenshots you're giving too much of your valued energy to this woman yeah did your husband want to cut her off because if he does not that's not even on the table like unless you want to are you going to divorce over his sister-in-law because like i will be honest she does not sound neurotypical whatsoever and

like there are things that like can feel like off-putting or pointed or like like slights and passive-aggressive and sometimes it is people as a kid something i used to do which i like look back and i cringe on is anytime i would talk to anyone who had an accent i would start doing the accent back to them and my parents had a friend who's this british lady and every time she'd pick up the phone and she would speak in her normal fucking accent i'm responding like i'm oliver twist and i i look back on that i'm like oh my god it just but it was just i wasn't medicated at the time and it was just like i was mimicking like it was and it wasn't ill intent it wasn't anything like that and like i didn't think i never once thought anything bad about it until i got

older and i was like oh my god why did you then it's like i didn't try to do it i didn't necessarily even try to stop i wasn't aware that i was doing and i also wasn't aware of how fucking socially weird that was like and so i think for her like she does not sound like she has great social cues she sounds like this and especially when you're like she's just like listen staring at me to me that is not bitchy to me that is like processing yes like it's not and it's not personal and so like i think in this instance like if she is intentionally cruel to you and nobody else and your husband sees that and is like i want you to be cool with my sister being so out going out of her way to be evil and cruel and awful to you then i think you have a husband problem but i think like

if she's just a little fucking odd and she's odd in every circumstance she's odd in every situation and like you said like every time you hang out with her like she just does something a little bit weird some people are a little bit weird and like she's either in your fan like you either handled it because she's a part of your family and you handle it in a way that you can deal with which is not four days a fucking month like which is not like once a week like that's way too much and you do it in circumstances you take her in the doses that you can take and if you can't take her in any doses then it is a conversation with your husband about the future of the relationship and what like if this is not a cut offable offense for him i think it's a ridiculous

thing to ask of him yep so i think you just got to accept her and if you can't accept her then don't spend time with her and like you can send your kids over there without you like she's not gonna it sounds like she's just odd and you're not gonna be able to make her not odd and like a person that you maybe want to hang out with and spend time with like and at the end of the day she's a fully grown adult it's hard to change adults in that in that way and i think because it's not like overtly offensive like she's not being like a bigot it feels like it feels like this is just a oh we're miscommunicating how can we get back on the same you're just on different wavelengths and that's you if you can't get to her level that's fine you can't expect her to get to

yours yep all right well what a journey we've been on this one yeah we hope you enjoyed this episode as always you can leave us a voicemail voice memo right in the form send us an email send us a dm all the ways we said the beginning to submit to an upcoming episode if you're like wow they give such good advice i want to get some advice from them we are here for you and we are here for you not just in this podcast but we are here for you four days a week because we care what are other podcasts so tomorrow we have fisting friday where we're just catching up on monday we have but am i wrong where people write in as they're wrong in a situation on tuesday we have see you next tuesday where we take the votes from but am i wrong and share with

the class and give some more insight wednesday use that day to catch up maybe i'll put a random episode up who knows thursday we'll be back for another brand new episode of don't blame me wonderful fantastic we hope you all enjoyed and uh we will see you next time goodbye this is a sister sign production hosted by me megan rinks and me melissa d montz plus diamond imprint productions post-production by coco lorenz production assistance by melanie d watson and music by ryan hunter and giacomo picasso