Don't Blame Me! - DBM: I Need to Get Railed w/ Jerah A. Milligan

Episode Date: March 13, 2025

This week Meghan and Melisa are joined by Jerah A. Milligan and are giving advice on: If I should continue a friendship Husband and her friend think the guy I'm dating is gay Feeling undatable Being with a delicate lover Jerah's Show: But Did You Die? Buy Our Merch https://crowdmade.com/collections/sister-sign Call In - 310-694-0976 (3 minutes or less) Write In - [e-mail] (300 words or less) Follow Us! instagram.com/meghanandmelisa @meghanrienks instagram.com/meghanrienks https://twitter.com/meghanrienks @sheisnotmelissa instagram.com/sheisnotmelissa instagram.com/diamondmprint.productions Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

When WestJet first took flight in 1996, the vibes were a bit different. People thought denim on denim was peak fashion, inline skates were everywhere, and two out of three women rocked the Rachel. While those things stayed in the 90s, one thing that hasn't is that fuzzy feeling you get when WestJet welcomes you on board. Here's to WestJetting since 96. Travel back in time with us and actually travel with us at westjet.com slash 30 years. welcome to don't blame me

wait do people hear all that we might put it on for our patreon people yeah as long as they learn i'm here to help and that's that's what we're that's really what the motto of the show is we are here to help sometimes we accidentally hurt um but the reason why it's called don't blame me is they can't get mad at us if we give bad advice and they follow it oh love that it's a liability protection i give that i give that advice that you want to hear but you know don't follow this exactly and that's why we have our second show but am i wrong where they don't take the advice and then write in and ask if they're wrong in the situation great that makes sense yeah i mean sometimes we give multiple kinds of advice we go here's the chaotic advice that you shouldn't take

here's like the responsible thing to do most of the time melissa's being more responsible sometimes i lie sometimes she fully lies and then we go we're gonna take a break and she turns to And she goes, I was lying. And I'm like, okay. So she got you out. Wow. Wow. I was lying.

I just didn't want to be judged. No, I just like to be chaotic sometimes. Wow. Yeah. And I go, well, I wasn't lying when I was saying that shit. It's not lying for the better. No, she's lying for the story. She's lying to be funny.

I'm in for that. Go for the buzz. Right. Chaos is fun. As long as it's not for you. For me. Yeah. Chaos other people.

Damn, that's crazy. it's content for our podcast yeah and we love when people call in and they go oh my god i'm so glad i finally my life is going to shit i can finally call in and i was like i'm so glad too that your life is going poorly like so sorry but thanks wait did i mess up the oh by the opening by by talking over the no no no no no no we talked we used to talk i didn't know if it was going to be like when you said the title i was like oh no no no we edit but we do have a special guest here today draw me again hello a director writer actor cress is it cress or cress commercial cress smile man yeah no way braces for four years how do you get that going

that's actually a pretty short braces time i mean no it was bad i had four years and i got them off right before college and i had it bad i had like rubber bands and also i thought it'd be cool to try to color code my braces with my outfits it was cool yeah but this is the thing you were stuck like that for a week for for three weeks and the color gets a little dingy and that's the thing the color gets dingy no matter how much you have to get no matter what you brush wasn't fun at all wait i get the voice back just in case people like like when you when you're a man and you're on a podcast you gotta i mean i changed my voice when i was a child and i can't get it back oh my voice i forgot about it wait did you no when i was it

was i was in high school my voice was very high pitched and so i forced myself to have a deeper voice because people would think i was like 10 and i was like 16 and now i'd yeah so this is just where my voice sits now i had a very high pitched voice i used to sound like chris tucker for a very long it was very squeaky no no my voice has gotten deeper but it was it was i think you could get there i can't not on this podcast well what's your sign pisces birthday's coming up women say that what is this is my thing when i say pisces i used to get a yikes i don't really know anything about i just know about my own son which is exactly me and why should i care about anybody else wow that's chaotic energy look at god like that is you haven't seen me in my

element on the podcast. My favorite is people who know Melissa from outside of this podcast when they come on this podcast and they go, who is this girl? And she goes, welcome to my real personality. I'm obsessed. It happened with Mecca and Jamila too. They're like, I am learning so much about her. Well, that's because we had only

known them for two weeks at that point. It was kind of a crash course. But still, that was chaos being like I only know my side. I don't even know. I mean, I do know this about Pisces. I feel like what I've heard is Pisces can turn on people quite often. They'd be very lovey until you do something

and they never go back. Same with Aquarius too. But to be fair, there's actually no sign of a man that I go, wonderful, that's great. Like,

because they're all... Yeah, we're pretty trash all over. Yeah, I was going to say, as long as you know. Oh yeah, I mean,

listen, I feel like I live my life trying my best to not be as trash that day. Yeah. I love that. Well, we are going to give advice.

Did I say everything? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's just get into the first one. Hi, Megan and Melissa. I need advice on whether

or not to continue a friendship with a girl we'll call Macy. Macy and I are both 28, she, her. We've known each other since we were kids but didn't get close until after high school. We were pretty close for about four years but summer of 2020 started a series of ups and downs and periods where we didn't talk. First was when she confessed to cheating on her fiance and I don't align with that behavior and I was supposed to be in the wedding and ended up losing money because they called everything off. The other being when she had her first baby, we were again still pretty close. I even helped her mom and sister with the

baby shower, but then after the baby was born, despite my efforts, I was the last friend of her to meet the baby, like months, literally months later. Because of all this, and at the time I started going to school again, I decided to take a step back from the friendship and focus on myself, but we were still in contact. Macy has started posting memes and quotes on Facebook referencing how people change and disappear after you have a baby, and I knew this was directed at me. I addressed it once to her, and she actually apologized, but it still continued. So much so I eventually deleted her off Facebook, and we didn't talk for about a year. Fast forward 2024, I had a baby.

Me and my family actually moved back to the area where Macy lived. She reached out and apologized for everything, and we rekindled our friendship. My family and I ended up moving again after a year to be closer to my fiancé's job, and Macy's family was also looking for a new place and thought it would be perfect to take over our home after we moved out. So we put her in contact with our landlord. He didn't charge an application fee. He approved her right away.

Macy had been to the house a handful of times, but her baby daddy's fiance, we'll call him Tony, had never seen it at all. So we had them over, gave them a full tour, but a couple days later she texted me saying after weighing pros and cons, it makes more sense for them to stay in their current home. No biggie. Well, fast forward maybe a week or so, we get a text from our landlord asking about a smell coming from the upstairs carpet, and this is coming from a comment that Macy had made. I immediately asked her what this was about, and her explanation was that she texted her landlord to decline the lease, and she gave a list of reasons why, one of them being that there was a little bit of an odd smell coming from the upstairs carpet. But really, it was because Tony had said he could smell our cat throughout the house, and they would have wanted the carpet replaced. Well, I understand all pets leave some sort of smell, our cat has never once peed on the carpet, and the home would have been professionally cleaned before we moved in, or before they moved in. but none of that really matters because they tell us not to sign the lease so these are just

unnecessary comments we were doing them a favor and after being in our house for 10 minutes i'm getting questioned by my landlord thankfully we have a good relationship with him and took good care of the place so we got our full deposit back and he texted me later and apologized but i told her all of that was unnecessary and while i can forgive her i need her to understand we feel insulted i never responded to that message but then a couple days later sent an invitation to her daughter's birthday i don't know me and my fiance are just frustrated over the situation and feel like with all the ups and downs over the years is it really worth continuing this friendship we would have been out so long ago yeah i would have been out yeah wait can i ask y'all a question

guys keep friends so much longer than girls out of the two which one is the problem yeah the friend of the one both of them i thought you meant between melissa one of us is the problem that's why we're best friends yes no no i was like we are between between like the so here i think both of them are not compatible with each other so i think they're both doing too much but not enough to be actual friends so like them giving the apartment where they're or whatever where they were gonna move in cats smell even i don't care how how clean you keep your cat i can go to a house and know that a cat's there well even litter smells even if it's unused like their sense of just better i'm like this is trick cat i know a cat has been here i know a cat lives

here it doesn't matter if i pee or not yep they smell they smell and so like them truthfully saying hey like if we're gonna move here we need the carpet replaced you just wanted to clean they wanted it replaced which i feel like is understandable like i don't think i think that she was right in saying to the landlord if we want to move in then this carpet needs to be replaced and you getting mad over that doesn't seem right to me. I think if they said it like that but if they just said oh we're not interested in moving

in we don't like the carpet smells if they said like we would be interested in moving in if you replaced the carpet. That's what she said though. She said they asked why aren't you taking the place and they said if we moved in we would need the carpet to be replaced. Also I'm going to think about like I feel like I am never

suggesting cheating. I am not. You got there so quick. I'm going to let you know because she said, it was the first thing she said and I'm expecting my best friend

to like, hey, you got to be like, hey, draw, you shouldn't have did that, blah, blah, blah. But if you're going to be like,

I pull back the friendship, that's judgment. I should be able to call my friend and be like, hey, bro, meet me downstairs. I need to help you

hide this body. Help me hide this body. They got to be like, bet on the way. This friend ain't a down friend. She is not a down, she's not a down friend. I think she'd call the cops

if you said I need to hide a body. And like for me, that is not the kind of friend that I need. But I agree with what you said, Melissa. I literally, one time I was like, Megan had, you had retweeted somebody. No, it was on TikTok. You had reposted their video

and said something about them. And I said, Megan, this person is my enemy. And you said, okay. Didn't ask any questions. Unreposted it. I literally, I think I blocked that. I didn't even ask. Like I'm gonna ask if one of my,

if my best friend or like my fiance says like, oh I hate I have no follow if you tell me hey we gotta go something's about to happen I have no questions I'm packing my go bag

I trust my thing is you cheated and I was like I had to pull back that's judgment that's judgment that's judgment

cause then and it's like oh I help with the baby shower I'm like if you help with the baby shower that's your best friend you're supposed to help with the baby shower

I also think it's fine to judge someone but judge them to their face don't pull back from the friendship like I've had friends who've like been like the problem in a relationship

and i stayed friends with them but i was like you fucked you were the problem and i'm good i'm not going to like coddle you and tell you that like you know you did nothing wrong or you didn't like whatever i'm like i think this is a learning moment i'm not going to leave you i'm going to support you but like i'm not going to tell you that what you did was fine so i think like taking a break from someone and then expecting them to like learn and change and then be mad that you like wasted money being a bridesmaid i mean i would be mad about that i mean i'm mad about the money but like they didn't get married but also my thing is yes you can be married about like spending money but imagine your bridesmaids dress as compared to like what it costs to cancel that

wedding and also she cheated yeah she was a cheat i mean listen this is my thing we don't know we don't know the levels of the chief we don't even know what she did she could have she could have like googled like staring at somebody's eyes canceled the wedding yeah that's pretty bad man we sensitive man we sensitive if if my fiance if i found out my fiance just told a man And, hey, Gerard was pissing me off yesterday because of this. I'm hurt. I am devastated. What if you worked at a cell phone?

Wait, what? A cell phone company? I did work at a cell phone company. What? The advice is. I feel like that person needs to be a better friend. This needs to be. No, no.

I don't think. In the friendship, stop talking. No, you're not. Yeah, because you're not friends anymore. You're putting in too much. You're putting in effort for someone who, no matter what their return will be, you resent them and they're pissing you off. And rightfully so.

This person's not a good friend. and I also have questions if this is is this the same person they cheated on with or they cheated you know what I mean because like

who's the baby like who is that so I think like in general fundamentally if you have like a huge if you need to take a break from the friendship and it's not like a

learning moment and a growth moment it's just like we'll move past it moment the friendship is kind of dead like I don't think you can get better from there

and you should put your energy with other people and people need to stop having expensive bridesmaid stuff I think they both should just be better friends

even outside of this just like you guys aren't great friends yeah they don't have friendship compatibility that's why that's why they married

you need to put the effort into people who are gonna give you the same effort back some people I feel like when they get married they just stay with their boo like that's loser behavior to me

it's them and the boo yeah listen I don't know I mean unless I'm gonna marry you let us know once you go through they've been together like 10 years

you've been together for 10 years no it hasn't been that long hasn't been more than 5 it's almost it it's gonna be 10 in like October like she was like

we'll be 10 in October wow they've been engaged for three years I don't know well that's good for you that's good for y'all

look at that love yeah love he's fun that's beautiful I like him he's funny he's a good time

yeah you're about to marry him you gotta fit all the feels about to not about we're not having a wedding it's just too expensive so unfortunately

you get really lazy when you're not having a wedding and we wanted to buy a house so we bought a house and so anytime we go do we want to spend three thousand dollars on a photographer to take pictures of us at the courthouse or we could get a new roof i mean we have to spend a lot more to get the new roof but i mean you can just marry it in backyard get married back i'm ordained so yeah you know i'm coming up on my tenure ordination i got a cam i got a camera she has plenty of cameras i got yeah but i want a nice picture yeah yeah i mean listen you know i'm in the dj he's a director i'm an official dj member

oh i thought you were saying melissa could take the pictures and i got you bitch she's too well no how tall i'm fortunate with with love to both of you true you're not i don't think you're the right height to be taking the photos listen i got boots i got i got a monopod you know i'm saying i'm ready i'm ready hollywood hollywood it's a tall motherfuckers out here yeah bring an apple box you know i'm saying i will i will i bring a quarter and a full what's up perfect perfect Stack them. You're dangerous. We've done one question.

Oh, sorry. Sorry. All right. When WestJap first took flight in 1996, the vibes were a bit different. People thought denim on denim was peak fashion. Inline skates were everywhere. And two out of three women rocked the Rachel.

While those things stayed in the 90s, one thing that hasn't is that fuzzy feeling you get when WestJet welcomes you on board. Here's to WestJetting since 96. Travel back in time with us and actually travel with us at westjet.com slash 30 years. Your playlist might get you through the workday, but have you ever wondered how your ancestors spent theirs?

What work helped them build a life? How did they adapt as the world around them changed? With Ancestry, you can search select historical occupational records for free for a limited time and discover the stories behind the jobs in your family tree you've got questions we've got ancestors search free until august 31st visit ancestry.ca for details terms apply okay let's go to the next one go to the next one okay hi megan and melissa and guest No, you go.

Hello, I'm guest. Yeah. I've been listening to the podcast for years, but this is my first time calling in. This involves me, 36 she her, and my best friend Molly, 38 she her. Molly and I have been friends for four years. I've been dating a lot in the past year,

but there hasn't been a guy I really, really liked until Nathan, 35. I hope this isn't an insecure reference because I hated Nathan. Oh, I was like, Nathan is a child's name. Nathan and I have gone on a few dates And he has checked all my boxes We haven't slept together yet

So TBA on that one Well he hasn't gotten all your boxes And we know that can make or break a relationship Well anyway Molly is an A1 hater Yeah Like the sauce That's definitely an insecure reference Yeah yeah

Which you directed some of her comedy special I've directed Some of Yvonne Orji's I directed her sketches on her comedy special Very lovely person her quote was everybody wants to be isa but she really doesn't molly makes sense uh usually i find it funny because i am also a hater but she's hating on nathan for no reason he's hot even she admitted it has a good job is politically lined and has most of the qualities i'm looking

for in a man where molly has an issue with is that she snooped on his instagram and saw that the majority of the people whose pictures he posts in his stories are other women from her snooping snooping from her snooping she's gathered that they all either have boyfriends or girlfriends so she doesn't think he's a player but she thinks he's gay and her husband agrees first of all it pisses me off first of all it pisses me off that she's talked about my dating life with her husband but second i think it's incredibly immature thinking what do y'all think well of course I don't know how we got to gay. She's going to talk to the husband.

He has friends. Is having friends gay, fellas? Like, what? No, I have female friends. Like, I haven't had, I haven't. Sounds like her husband doesn't have friends. Yeah. Well, this is my thing about it.

She needs to ask questions. Because I have female friends that are beautiful that I have zero interest in. Because at that point, I know you as a friend, so I know all the, like, the weird shit. So I'm like, you lost, like, I don't, I'm good. I have some female friends who we may have hooked up, but now we are legitimate friends.

We don't know what he's doing all yet. I think it's crazy to jump to the assumption that she's gay versus she fucked some of his friends. But also, how long were they dating? Like, they haven't had sex. And what's the reason for it? If the reason is that any time she's trying to have sex with him, he's like, oh, no, I can't do it. I'm not interested. And then, then, I'm like, now we're getting a little spicy.

Also, what are the photos? They've only gone on a couple dates. But also, the way I take photos with, like, my straight friend, my straight male friends, is very different than the way I take photos with my gay friends. So I'm just like, to me, to jump to he's definitely gay versus they have hooked up before, I just. Also, I don't like that it feels like a pastime. Like, I don't like that, like, her and her husband are like, oh, let's look, let's have an activity. I don't have a problem.

I don't like that. I don't have an activity. You're allowed to do that. By the way, I'm okay with you doing. Yeah, you do that with your husband. you do that with like the amount of times like melissa will tell me shit and then i go okay i gotta go tell mots but it'll be things that she knows he'll love yes and i'll tell him and then he'll be like ask melissa and then like we'll all gossip and then it's like okay something might

come of it you know in person and i go sir you're not invited if you can't keep your cool like we keep it insular we can all talk shit together we can gossip we can speculate but like if you can't keep it together in person or like when we're having interactions with the person we're talking about then you you revoke the gossip privileges right and it's crazy to me to like tell the person like me and my husband were like we were you know we were talking about that and we think this and i'm like okay we all talk shit but why would you tell her this is what we think was she trying to protect her from like being catfished maybe well it's not catfish because they've been on dates well i mean catfish were like oh she thinks that you know this could lead

to a relationship but maybe her friend is like i don't think that dude like you because he may not like women like you know let her discover it we've all dated a gay man before yeah i was gonna say molly's never met a gay man i think that's the issue but to answer this person's question keep dating find out for yourself and screw molly and stop talking about it with like there are certain friends that like you can like confide in and talk about like and i'm a best friend but i'm a well i'm also a firm believer if you're gonna say one thing like if you have a bad feeling about someone or you don't think it's a good vibe your friends are allowed to say one thing and then after that they have to just like you're allowed to do whatever but like they can't keep

bringing it up if it's like they don't like him they don't want you to date him then like they don't have to be friends with you right now but like you can't just like keep trying to like keep him apart because it'll make you like commit too hard it'll make you like then in spite like them even more and i'm like but you don't you might just think that like you don't want them to be right so you're like no no he's perfect he's wonderful he's amazing just have sex yeah just do it i mean if the sex is bad then you know i might not like them that much yeah yeah but i would also question if they're a little bit or a lot bit homophobic because that is a jump that is a big jump if her husband is straight and like is being like that dude looks gay and her as the

wife she goes yeah he does i'm gonna go tell her versus going what the fuck is wrong with you if the husband is bi i might take it in more consideration yeah if the husband isn't straight then i would go let's sit down have a conversation do you know him how do we know this is it a familiarity i want to say as a straight person sometimes i can see a brother and be like oh yeah and i and i get it are you'd be like yeah that brother good but you also have a lot of yeah i'm gonna say honestly i got a lot of my friends oh yeah didn't you have a gay roommate too for like seven years so that's true yeah i just think in general like the to protect her also from a if he was gay like he's the boogeyman like we gotta tell her like he's and i'm like okay

just because there's photos of him with women who or he could be a homewrecker that he's ruining all of their relationships or you could just be bi yeah or he could have a lot of sisters which i actually think is worse i don't like that i don't i don't like when people are too close to their siblings really what's the deal with that no no i'm fine with sisters who are close i'm fine with well i'm fine with some brothers who are close but sometimes when two men get together and they're really it gets a little intimidating but i don't like it when boy girl siblings are like this is my best friend like we do everything together we've had a few incestual we've had a few incest calls i think oh wow really yeah yeah have sex with nathan and stop telling her things let

us know how it goes good luck hoping some good sex also molly's husband is quite a gossip boys love the gossip also it's true that is true like if you tell me some info i'm like cool cool cool because i'm actually wondering how much info the husband had i feel what i imagine is she sat down had the Instagram up like baby look huh yeah he look gay

and he's just like and it's just like it could have been that quick and she's like well me and my husband decided I was like my man is like

bro what conversation and if he doesn't know any gay people I'm just like what is your straight man's husband who seemingly has no friends and no hobbies

why is he the authority on that's a gay face I don't trust most straight men's gaydar I'm like no not so much that is true

okay what's next one hi megan and melissa and jarrah you got a direct name shout out on that one from your seductive picture that photo that photo everybody i didn't nobody is safe nobody is safe all right i am 32 female pronouns she her i am very single and haven't dated since 2020 the thought of swapping germs with someone post pandemic gives me the absolute don't worry I'm in therapy and working on that in my 20s I was

in the streets but now but now I'm physically and emotionally not in a place right now where I feel dateable my therapist tasked me with what I want out of relationship and what I feel like I can give to a relationship right now I can't come

up with a damn thing please help What do each of you think Are your assets in a relationship And Megan What were you looking for in Mott's What the fuck Well what is that Something direct towards you

Oh god Something direct towards you Melissa In that white male celebrity That you're dating I can read between the lines Stop What

Someone figure it out You dating a white man No I'm not No But he likes her This is blasphemy And he's a celebrity No

He's got a little crush I have to say, that person must be so online that they have seen us comment on multiple different TikToks and listen to the podcast to piece together who it could be. Do you think they know who it is? I don't think they know who it is. I think they just took something that we said and ran with it. I rebuke that. She's not dating him. I rebuke that.

And Jara, I don't know you, but if you're out there or locked down. That must feel good. I feel so safe. I feel so safe. I feel so safe right now. what are you slash were you looking for in a partner i have the same values as you guys so help inspire me well unfortunately i have i think i bring so much to the table i don't have that i have the opposite issue of being like i'm wonderful and perfect that makes sense yeah

women often say this yeah i'm a leo i'm an actor i have to be resilient i sit here knows all the time and i go they're crazy i'm wonderful so um i think like thinking about the things you like about yourself it's easier to ask like the like people in your life like your friends and like ask your family if you like your family and they're nice to you but like ask people who like you those things about you and or so what do i bring to the table megan you're funny you're sarcastic you are hard working you're empathetic you're you're selectively generous which i think is the best kind of generous because the other kind is like a pushover like you do a lot for the people you care about but like you don't feel obligated to people who you don't care about yeah

there's there's endless hot great ass like you know all of those things so or you could write for yourself like write a i don't know what this person does for me like write a casting breakdown like what who what kind of character is this and being like who could i play and it's like oh this is this this this and it's these aspects of me i could do you could also take one of those personality tests online it'll give you all the information or just look up adjectives and go which one of these are me and try and pick the good ones

I would definitely ask friends I feel like for me it's like if I'm what I actively look for in a partner it has changed

as I've gotten older it used to be strictly looks and I would figure out could I put up with the person depending on how hot like if you

if they were like seriously annoying I'm like can I deal with this but now the hot crazy ratio which I learned from what was that

how I met your mother it's like it's gotta equal out I think for me now as I get older looks definitely something that brings me in but i have learned looks fade very quickly because you don't know how people are going to age so that is not the thing to win me over to me i'm like do you have a hobby like can we still like have our own individual lives like we can be together but can

we like have autonomy because i need that i realize and also can you teach me a thing like i have things i like do you have a thing you like also how we argue yeah so are you yelling i'm not a yeller but but i will say i'm not a yeller but i i do realize now that if somebody questions how i feel about a thing that is the thing that triggers me to get upset like i i will listen to you vent i will like you call me whatever but if i finally say like ah this makes me feel this kind of way and you get mad i'm like well yep then then i'm like holding back oh how would you say yeah can't shut it down yeah but you know yeah i like somebody that's confident in themselves and then i feel confident being around too yeah i get that safety yeah yeah i think that there's

like people you're i think people usually fall into one or two camps you want someone who is like your other half where like you're so similar and all that and you can do everything together like you watch you can watch the same shows and you can do all of that stuff or you want someone who is not the same as you very different very different hobbies you have your own individual personal social lives whether like you're hanging out with friends or you've got your own hobby or whatever and then you come together and either share in the things you individually like or find things together that you both like that's your thing that's me i'm i'm 100 that way too but i also like we can be doing different things in the same room and i still like that quality time

together too yeah because you're in the physical like my big thing is like there's a safety and i feel like sometimes because in our dating world now we have so many options there's a lack of safety like i feel like if things get bad and say like ah you know my partner's pissing me off or like they're annoying you for a week we live in a world now where you're like i ain't gotta stick with this i can just go on this app or blah blah blah where's swipe swipe yeah back in the day you were together yeah you know but also there were a lot of lists rights and things too where you had we couldn't have credit cards or land you know that's true so maybe who knows maybe soon we won't have those anymore.

I mean, listen, look, I'll tell you this right now. I think black dudes think he who will not be named might get in some land. But I'll tell you this, in his cabinet. Who thinks that? Because some of them, man, some of them be on Fox News, like, rah, rah, rah for him. Like, he ain't putting anything on that cabinet. No. He fired a lot of people.

I'm like, y'all stay talking about this dude. And he made Target fire you, too. Like, what the f— Facts. Crazy. I love Target. That's the worst breakup of my life. This one's actually been—

Never went. This one's been deeply hard. this one's been deeply hard this one's inconvenienced my life which is how i know it's making a difference but like it is it has made my life hard it makes my errands so much longer same oh oh and then what you're looking for in a partner whatever you're looking for in a friend but add that if you like sex that you want to fuck them yeah it's literally the same things that you want in a friend so like if you are someone who like wants a friend you can do everything with and you like like like a beat like attached at the hip then you're gonna want

a relationship where someone's very similar to you but if you want a friend who is like you know you can bring around other people like all of it's truly just it's it's not that complicated and i think people make it more complicated than it it's just a friend you want to fuck yeah all right last one that's rude this is i feel like you guys know me more than three but that's whatever we did more than three uh we've only done we did the friendship one then the gay friendship than being undateable and then this one

okay alright cool make it short make it short I don't become a guest and get short changed and this one I'm glad

I saved this for last oh so you heard this already uh oh I just read the summary oh okay you look very moisturized oh I do not believe in being ashy

yeah it is a thing cause I'm dark skinned so I was like if I'm ashy then it's like bro what's happening like what's happening

with your hands and your elbow I like your jeans Where are your jeans from Thank you These are Celine I wish

I wish I love a bell bottom These are These might be Zara jeans Before we had to stop Going to Zara too I like the wash Thank you

This is an outfit I would wear Yeah This is a very me outfit Thank you I have the hat on Because my locks aren't done I almost wore a cardigan

She wouldn't have known I almost wore a cardigan No I'm a white person I'm combing my old hair All the time She wouldn't have known Yeah

but like literally days before you're getting your hair done i go your hair looks beautiful but people people watch the yacht like people will see they know somebody would be like man that brother neither yeah it would be erica see i ain't trying to get dragged brie would be nice about it brie wouldn't say anything brie'd think it brie wouldn't say anything erica would say nicole has lots we we know our patreon audience very well oh see all right see i don't need that in my life you know i'm saying mary would also compliment and go i know your hair is probably old and i think it looks lovely she's in atlanta though no but she would know that she's doing it a t l a n t a that's all i remember that's how i learned how to spell atlanta where are you from

dc hey that was erica yeah okay erica do you know the fizzle dance the fizzle see oh my god this is a bay area dance nobody knows this fucking dance i was convinced that this is as big as like e40 and i'm i'm baffled i've never heard this man that's dead he's dead and in jail or he was in jail now he's dead yeah but let's let's not too much i don't know why he went to jail i'm going tiktok fizzle dance i don't think it's on if it's on tiktok it's in the very niche of bay area tiktok yeah they're talking a lot of and it's old he's been dead for five years so i think he's been dead for more than five years so yeah she was doing the fizzle dance about not fizzle sorry the thistle dance in high school where they were smelling their piss that's part of the dance yeah

thistle dance I think it should be the new cubit shuffle and I can't believe that other people don't know it I see the jabberwocky thistle t-h t-h yeah the way that you guys are not even saying it's actually sending me like this to me like this yeah wait you know you know hyphy right you know I do know that okay okay oh wait someone's doing it from the bay yeah turn the sound up I can't see you doing this, Megan. Look at her. This is my shit. Wow.

And you were like, with your knees, you were doing all that too? Oh, I'm fully squatting in my prom dress. Like, I am, I am on, like, it is,

I can't believe, I, it has been so, an eye-opening experience for me. You know what? I mean this respectfully. I mean this respectfully, but now I understand

when she was like when I was like oh you've been together most of your 20s and she's like well I had a life if you was out here doing this

like oh you just saw me do the face face and you said oh she's been in the streets that is legit my thought was like oh you've been in the streets

yeah lock her down she's fine take her off got it anyway the last question did you like the song I mean I'm not gonna say

no on this podcast with my face out that song was great I he's dead so it's okay this is so I'm not disrespecting the bay no way that's no here's the thing I will admit and this is why I think I I'm like I love I love our music because it it does sound always sounds like a a

theme song to a sitcom like it's so like campy and like there's a dance and there's always a like you know we're just a little we're a little goofy see I'm from DC and we used to I grew up with go-go music so people hate our music and I'm like I like it I like it too it shows instruments we like cover I don't love it but I like it so yeah so as an adult

now I'm like actually no I still kind of have like a nostalgic kind of vibe for it but honestly I kind of like that we just

almost never get to this this recording I love it did they call oh yeah how does it work did you play it no I haven't played it yet

oh I was like I can't remember what we were supposed to be telling them it's almost like a deep tease hi Megan and Melissa I have a bit of a situation

I she her female 30 have been seeing Tyler male 35 for two-ish months. I know it's still fresh. We've been on a fair amount of dates and things have been fun. He's funny, sweet, easy to talk to. And I have a great time when we're together. I had a tendency to move pretty slow. So we haven't had sex yet. Partially the Catholic guilt from growing up, but also from insecurities I have from past relationships. And I'm a little on the won't say no to dessert side of the scale. So the idea of getting naked in front of someone

makes me want to gag. The furthest we had gone was literally a kiss, dry, not even make out. I knew I wanted to rip off the band-aid, so to speak, and initiate something more during this date because I could tell he was trying to be respectful or at least that's what I thought. So I was like, okay, I need to make a move. Otherwise, nothing's going to happen here. So I start, you know, things are happening.

Clothes are coming off. At one point, I think he's going to go down on me and then he doesn't. And I'm like, okay, interesting fake out. I don't think this is ESPN, pal, but okay. I get the ball going or should I say balls? He's like fingering me gently. I don't he goes to put it in and he goes soft and I'm like okay um maybe we try a little more

foreplay so then there's a lot of foreplay on my end not a lot going on on his end finally he's going to go in and same thing happens and I'm like okay time out he then apologizes and explains to me that he's only ever had sex once before and oh my god and that like it's just not gonna happen tonight apparently the wrong head and that he doesn't have a ton of experience but he had only told me that that was in relationships like hadn't had a long-term relationship anyways he asked if at least the fingering was good spoiler I think we know the answer I've been with a few people but mainly long-term relationships so that shit was basically in a well-oiled machine and I know it didn't start like that but I don't know where to go from here he basically checks every other

box I want in a partner but I want to fuck and I want to be fucked if you know what I mean maybe it's a Catholic school stereotype, but like after when this man asked me what I was into so that moving forward, we could figure that out. I didn't know how to say I want to be railed. I want to be sore tomorrow. I want to be cramping. I don't know. I need a water bottle or two afterwards. I don't think I give off those vibes or so I've been told, but hey, girls got to eat, you know? He's also hoping I meet his friends in the next few weeks and well, I don't know what to do. Like if it's something I can coach him through you know but like it's gonna be bad for a while and i just don't know okay so keep this

fucking issue in mind right on the flip side my ex ryan male 30 from four years ago wants to rekindle things he and i had been talking again before i met tyler um he cheated on me it was a whole thing i don't really care anymore honestly but i do still kind of have feelings for him and he's made it very clear he has feelings for me um the sex is great with him fantastic he's great he's caring he's funny all that what do i do i don't know what to do help wow that is that's wait so when she said i she likes dessert that means because at first i couldn't figure it out i think you're right though okay because at first i was like oh she likes dessert doesn't mean she likes to eat but then i was like oh no she likes dessert she likes her happy endings you know

if you go on a date and then i was like okay what is the euphemism i mean it's still a euphemism No, I just didn't know what it was supposed to mean the first time. I was like, I don't get it. Damn, that's a lot. This is... See what I said? Are you comfortable talking about sex? Oh, brother.

35? That's a lot. And he's not religious? I will say this. I grew up very religious. And I was a late bloomer because I used to think that if you made out with somebody,

you were going to hell. because i was like in church and they like made you believe what denomination i was baptist and they were like if you do this dc damn because dc we had like people having a bunch of fucking babies instead they were like if you do this and i was like well i ain't trying to have no baby and i it took me a minute but he 35 but you saw a titty though in church that was a titty that must have been pretty confusing you don't have sex but listen i know look i ain't getting you know what i'm saying yeah and i just saw the titty i didn't like do nothing with the titty i was like oh shit those titties look don't touch from afar can't get pregnant that way yeah this

is objectively crazy i think like there is there is someone for everyone there are you know mormons who leave mormonism and they have like never done anything and i think they are perfect for other mormons who have left mormonism who have never done anything but like this is like how are you gonna wait till he's 40 to be like he can finally rail you like that's crazy here's something okay i have said a time or two on this podcast that i do enjoy being real there was somebody it was actually a nepo baby i was with one time and nepo babies man they get everything they get all the stuff in the street they do they get all the jobs and all the fucking pussy yeah and uh who made all the pussy it was an f-o baby i hate that this is a shirt on a name on a hot topic i know spencer's

shirt that she saw there's a graphic shirt that's for sold at spencer's that literally just says who ate all the pussy and i'm like that's objectively a great t-shirt i love that and i hate it so much i'm addicted to it i can't stop saying it i walk into rooms when i'm literally home alone and i go who ate all the pussy googling it and the guy wearing it is so happy to be modeling that shirt he is like i'm gonna look that up in my um in my private browser you should be out and proud um you've already said it that you love it so i'm here i'm here so as a good partner experiences i feel like women talk and if you're gonna talk about me i need you to say things so good that your friends go huh yeah that's how i feel yeah yeah so um one time i was

with this it was the first time that we were together he was like five years older than me in the same regard i was 25 i think and it was bad and he knew it was bad and at that point 30 yeah we all have a bad day yeah that's what i'm saying let me let me explain and he said to me give me another chance I can be better there we go and he was and I think you listener writer caller you should and I know it's hard when you're just starting out in a relationship and you said like with the other two people that you've been with they were long-term relationships and it got good after you have been working at it for a while. So in this instance, I say, give him one more chance, but say what you like and what you want. And then if he screws, because she likes him

in any other instance. And then after that, when it still sucks, just know that you've explored all avenues and then you can go get railed by your ex. so i'm gonna say it all right i remember growing up i had my senior year of high school we had counselors who were like fresh out of college so i'm like 18 my counselor might have been 22 I remember him saying to me and my boys because he was a he was a frat bro

what fraternity he was the dog Omega Psi Phi so he was nasty exactly uh huh that's why I had to ask

and he was like and he always said look not every day is gonna be your best day and he was like it was not your best day and you feel shameful

eat your shame to help you get around too and he was like look sometimes things can throw you off it could be excitement it could be the cut

because women like it could be it could be the presentation you know the presentation can just throw you off and if it throws you off you eat your shame and you get a round two but for that round two you better come prepared now there is a lot like i'm not you know car i'm not telling you to do this but you know there's there's chocolates men can get to help you know there's like pills there's gummies he if he needs a little help because he's too excited yeah be like hey we about to have some dessert she likes dessert she likes dessert

you about to have dessert and if she tells that man this I like to be real to me that takes a lot of pressure away because that means you can just go

you're just going for the fences at this point baby you know what I mean full speed he doesn't have to be in his head counting he ain't got to listen

the stamina does not have to be that long you ain't got to say nothing you got to we're acting like he is like he's too excited like he's 16 he is 35

what do we think the likelihood that he's having a hard time keeping it up for another for the opposite reason it could also be medications there's a lot of things that could be in play

and it could be to me sometimes sometimes the packaging okay is so exciting that he might he'd be like

oh my goodness this is for me this gift this gift is all mine and you know sometimes you might be like ah shit I never get presents

and then you know he ends up dropping the gift you know because sometimes you get something and you drop it you ever get a plate of food or you get

oh I never drop anything she drops all the time You know what I'm saying? You told me she just stubbed her toe. You know what I mean? And that's just the beginning. You know? I stubbed it and sliced it at the same time.

Remember that time that you fell with a wheelbarrow? I got stuck under a wheelbarrow. And that's when Melissa said, you have to give me access to your ring camera. This is not safe. Wait. I'm deeply independent and not nearly capable enough as I think I am.

Like, I think I am so strong and capable. you fell under like it flipped on top of you it it was it was really full she's a cartoon character yeah one time she fainted how did it one time she got she one time she got an earring stuck in her ear and i tried to remove it what we thought was a seizure and then i woke up and then suddenly the the fire department was there and they were getting such all over my rug and i said what and i said you should go to the hospital and i said that is too expensive so they went to urgent care and then this man at urgent care the doctor allegedly said i don't know what you want me to do with that and i was like that accent was a little too good

because it was a fake accent it was not a real accent because i go that we were convinced it was a set i was like who where the act it was abandoned and empty and he said i can get the earring out of your ear but they cannot promise it would look good and i said first of all sir have a consistent accent where are you from it felt like that's a hudgens fake country accent by the way it was the urgent care i always went to never saw him there before never saw him again after i said i knew you were it was eerily empty you're about to touch your earlobes and get your earlobes up empty and then i went to my plastic surgeon he had to fix it well we should have well you said you went to your plastic surgeon she had to get it removed because

it was like it was stuck inside my ear it was it didn't rip through my ear it got stuck inside my ear my ear was piercing like it was so swollen you couldn't see it because the ear was so swollen and i had how did you do that a vasovagal vasovagal syncope got caught yeah so now i don't wear rings on this hand and i used to wear a ton of rings and i'm like so careful about all of like everything i wear i do really just need to get a different earring put in here so things can't get caught not on it but it's been so long can we and you you fail under the wheelbarrow yeah so that one i don't understand i don't understand we have a house with with a yard our house has like a yeah so we're on a little bit of a slope

and there's like a stair and i filled it with trash i mean no i didn't fill the trash filled it with dirt and i was trying to go down but unfortunately when you don't go on a slope i try to take it down the stairs i was gravity was on my side and then suddenly i was in a bush and it was on top of me and thank god someone else like because mott's was not home i also smashed my hand under a rock when he wasn't home and i just like laid on the ground outside for 15 minutes and then i was like okay gotta go back to give you a life alert yeah yeah your husband must be no he the way he gets so he literally is like stop like i will start so i will like decide i'm gonna move something that's like 300 pounds by myself no warm-up and i'm just like i'm gonna

pass out i i'm not very good at you know people are like know your body i'm not good at that i know i'll be fine i'll power through wow what's crazy about this and hearing you say power through I'm having a tough time with this one because I do think she needs to give him a round two I do but what's tough to me is

is that she's already not into it she's talking to her ex already thinking about her ex already talking to her ex is willing to forgive the cheating she didn't even say I want to be back with him

she just wants sex with him she didn't even want to be back with him she just wants sex but what's tough is even if she gives this man a round two he now has to prove himself and sometimes it's almost like

it's like unless you come out of the gates and you're swinging crazy, he may never be able to fulfill what this ex did because now he is openly in comparison with the ex. The ex is still going to be there.

No, I'm talking about for the guy now. I'm talking about for the guy. I'm like, he's almost in a win, maybe, most likely lose. He has another win, though, is that she likes him outside of the bedroom where the ex is like, whatever.

That's true, but if the sex ain't good, then it's like... I know, but just one time. The second time you have sex with someone, i think usually is more important than the first time you sex someone like i agree just like it will be better or worse but like i think in general if you had sex with him and it wasn't great and you want to have sex with him again there's a part of if there's a part if there's

no part of you that is like i can never see this man again i am so utterly disgusted then go for it like if you don't have the ick then then you should definitely do it again for me if it was like so fucking bad i would quite literally pretend i didn't know this like i like for the streets that was that was i was in the streets answer right there i would never speak to this person again i would forget their name and they pop up on facebook years later and i go oh my god and i forget forgotten a few there you go oh and like oh really oh y'all have dudes y'all like kind of like oh my god when you see them on facebook and you go i feel like i know you biblically and i forgot you even existed i signed up for swim lessons with oh my god i signed up for swim

lessons with a guy but i didn't it was like i was at a gym adult swim lessons yeah because i can't swim and no no no what do we what do we say we can we're not strong swimmers we're not strong swimmers we can get through okay same i'm saying i i'm gonna take a swim with glass yeah there's yeah there's i don't there's an obama center right around the corner it's like this brand new sports facility and they have a really nice indoor pool if you come we now have four adults in our personal life who all go yeah i'm not great at that like yeah i'm not too good at that i'm trying i'm trying to get better because at the end of the world yeah yeah no i so oh yeah actually if if none of us know how to swim well someone needs to be able to do the swimming

challenge at the end of the world yeah we got to figure that out got to figure that out so but this was years ago i'm not in the streets like this anymore this was still same level of swim skill yeah i haven't improved because this was weird so um fair they were like you need to confirm with your instructor so they gave me the number the number pops up in my phone when i saved i was like oh i have this person saved couldn't place them oh what couldn't place him the whole swim even when you met him even when you met him lesson did he know did he know she's she's swimming she's paddling along she has no idea and he's going we know each other we know each other we know each other and melissa's like no fucking clue zero clue he's gonna teach her how to swim i mean his

hands are on your body yeah no no no recognition did you even think that like it could have been was it weird for you no she had no idea until after he was like yeah you remember we met on the plane i said oh oh yeah yeah by the way she met him on a plane on the plane she met him at That's for the streets. That was in the streets. Imagine your life being so crazy. That doesn't matter. But meeting someone on a plane is like bucket list.

And then going, I forgot about him. And then there is a swim lesson I forgot to do. It was years ago. Still, how many people meet somebody? Do you know how, do you know? I love a rom-com. Yeah. I desperately have dreamed to get on a plane

and the person sitting next to me is like a baddie. I am like, please let it be a baddie on this plane. You know what I get on planes? Babies. and people who respectfully respectfully just not for me he's an ugly just not for me and i'm like i've never never and you met a dude on the plane you remember that man look i used to be for the streets but for the streets and i've retired i've retired from the streets and i've retired from white meat listen everybody gotta change i respect it some people

are for the street some people rest on the stoop they want to know the streets they want to know the streets they want to know the streets are right there within view somebody on this couch did have i did see quite recently in their instagram bio that they were for the streets i was no no no it said it said you put that in your instagram bio it said it said are you trying to repel people it said for the streets respecting okay because i respected the streets i wasn't in I love hoes hoes I love the hoes

hoes friendly place hoes coming to find the DMs I love them with that honestly honestly that that

that Instagram handle had the bio had to be changed because it was like that's a crazy bio that wasn't it it said God fearing

for the streets respecting which I thought was balanced whoa I liked it what a whiplash I didn't I didn't I didn't

I didn't express that I liked it but I did I liked it this is my thing i feel like when you meet somebody i feel like every relationship needs and i and i do and i do i actually do mean it i feel like when you're dating somebody two things have to be consistent you have to know that the person you're with somebody else wants all right the period it's like if you were to break up you would know that the moment your girl took you off her ig page her

dms are going to be flooded so you are a lucky man and you need to be trying to impress her even if it's like years down the line it's like you gotta keep trying to impress it all right also i think things do get boring after a while but you always have to respectfully be disrespectful all right hell yeah and i feel like when you first when you in the streets this is what women and men when you're in the streets half the time you don't give a fuck about the other person you just trying to have fun and you get a little disrespectful but then when you like somebody shit changes it's like oh i love i want to hold you a little bit longer you can do that but you got to remember you gotta respect the streets or they may send you back to it that's my philosophy

i like that also not to get dark i do find that men without a lot of experience by the time that they are 35 like the idea of a girl who's had some experience in long term they get very threatened by that like yeah because you start wondering how you hey yeah you know that trick i will say i don't mind it just my rule is and i try to do this for for everyone i date i'm gonna let you know if we appear in a place and there's somebody that i'm like shit stephanie hooked up with but sometimes i'm like i've been in situations where i've had that agreement with someone and we've went to multiple places and you go uh-oh back home no not not for me but for her she'd be like oh just you know hey that bartender i'm like all right oh hey that record exact it's been a time i'm like like

it's the same person literally there's been one person in my life damn she sounds cool I thought she was cool the first couple times I'm like oh this is dope but then at one point

I was like cause she made a comment it's not that many and I was like wait how many has it been and I went back and did the math

I was like god damn do we need to move maybe she was lying just trying to make herself look cool I don't know if that's a cool move I mean honestly

it's kind of it depends on how the bartender's not so cool the record exec depends on what label What exactly? It was not the same.

Okay. Okay, that's cooler. Yeah, it was not the same. Otherwise, I go, I think you're a victim, honey. That's not good. I mean, either way, he could have been a victim.

But you know what? Some people are like, you, again, to me, my theory is you only live once, you're young, you're hot, live the dream.

That dude who's 35, I would be very curious why he's only, because even if he were in a long-term relationship, then that means it must have just ended. But he should still be good

if he's good at it. Yeah, if you're in a long-term relationship, you should be good at it. fine so like i i prefer to date a guy who's like a former fuck boy like i want a guy who has i want i want a man who has been run through i want someone who has done the dress rehearsal he knows what he like i want someone who's completed i want like i don't want to work in progress well at all so i had a friend who just he was in a relationship for 16 years one person that's

fine that's just as fine to me is that you've been with a lot of people if you have like consistently been with someone where they wanted to keep sleeping with you like then you know how to put the work in so he admitted that the first time he hooked up with this particular woman it was bad and i was like what made it bad he was like his old partner was attractive but this person what is it but the person he hooked up with was extremely attractive and he was like i knew my moves with my ex but with this new person i knew i needed more moves or like i needed to be better and i got really self-conscious about being good and he was like need to be better no he did not but he was like but when you but if you compare the two and even look at him i was

like bro you was you was your personality must have been on one that day you know what i mean like your personality was on one time i dated a basketball player and i thought and from tall girls everywhere fuck you that's offensive look that's fucked up and you shouldn't be doing that He pursued me. Was it a good team? Can I ask what team? What was that? If you're on a good team, too, that means, ooh, that's a lot.

That's a lot. Yeah. Not good. He was in the league. He was in the league, but, like, on the bench. Hey, that's still, like, that's still six figures. Hey, still a contract. Facts.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But wasn't good. But he didn't have to be good. To me, but, like, when you're, when you are, like, honestly, a really handsome man or a really successful man, you don't have to be good. just like sometimes really hot women don't be good no they just you don't get it you're no longer attractive you're not good but this is my thing a lot i i feel like sometimes someone made this was a comedian i remember who it was he brought up like how some of the most famous women

in the world i won't name them because i think they're all hot but how all of them have been cheated on and he was like the reason they all have been cheated on he's like at the end of the day they just become like susan they're just normal and he's like honestly some of those women are so beautiful that they know in theory they don't have to do much because it's almost just exciting to have the opportunity to do it and i feel like men get that too if like you're super tall you're super handsome super rich it's like i ain't gotta be good you're here for me and like you know but people also still cheat on the hot rich like ugly like we'll cheat on the hot rich because they want to have a good experience though well also there's just a once for a lot

of people once you hook up with someone who they view as like hot or like a different level whether that's money fame job career success looks they view that as like they absorb that level and they go oh now this is leveled me up so now i'm i'm going and doing all this stuff but you know i i just like i i think if he's insecure you you you're out for this yeah yes i agree if he's excited to learn he want and like this is it's gonna be fun but if he is like insecure that's like a personal problem and like then do you have to figure out on your own and like we can circle back but like this is just a big project it's really good because then it's like oh i can mold you to the thing that i like you know that's why i like you you hire somebody you're like hey this is the way

we do it here and that way like your workers like no hey i like my edits coming this way oh i feel like we're talking about sex workers me too maybe they can get that tool what's that tool melissa for the balls that you squish in and then you what's that called what does that do baldo yeah what's the baldo do you cram your balls into this thing that looks like yeah that's like classic so then you can do like double penetration or you put your balls in your penis no the penis is out it's putting your balls essentially in like a like imagine if like a dildo was like a basket it and then you put it in right isn't it like closed like that and then there's a dick coming off and then it becomes a dick so where's my where's have you ever wanted your balls

so you got two dicks now you have two dicks but one dick is actually your balls wait so so you feel the the thrusting because you feel it against your balls so wait so i so basically i have an option to use this fake dick on my real one or you can use both of them at the same time if you ever wanted two dicks double penetration and no balls okay yeah but why would i want to do double double but that's a double decker yeah but that's a double decker yeah that's not like in two different areas that's like a no it's it's literally what's two-headed yeah wow also i'm gonna be honest i don't like a lot of ball stuff I'm not a big ball

I'm not a big you don't have big balls I just don't like people like the ball like that's not the star of the show it's like that's not that's not

that's not even the opening yeah it's like I'm like this is my thing it's like that's not the background singers why are you why are you talking to them they here

you fit perfectly into my whole thing because I don't understand guys who are like so into ball stuff but then if you like a strong gust of wind brushes past them

they're like oh my ball's out and I go you literally were enjoying getting kicked in the balls earlier like when they love and I go you want them squeezed but if someone accidentally taps them you're you're crying in pain this is what i think that the baldo was made for is people that like to have their balls in a vice grip yeah

that feels so uncomfortable like i'm like that's not a yeah yeah well head i'm like you ain't got to focus on that that's not the star that's cool it's just there let him be yeah wow long for the ride wow well brother and ma'am i hope y'all figure it out get that man in around two yeah but only two for the love of God only two yes but you know what

if he is a kind person if he's a loving person you know maybe you can figure out maybe it's an open relationship he could be a friend like true

like if he's checking off all the boxes except for sex and all your you're literally and I can say this because my dad was Irish Catholic you're a Catholic school girl

who wants to get railed and everything's great but the sex okay maybe bring a ruler not enough or you can make it open whichever make it

if you if you were to date somebody and everything was good but the sex could you make the relationship open an insecure 35 year old man who has no experience do you think he's gonna

handle that well if she goes hey you can't fuck me let's open it up she would be like you can't rail me oh that's true like there's no way

that he'd be cool with that also respect her for saying that I feel like when women say fucking rail it is the most awesome thing because that lets you know you know what I mean respect

yeah that's very our podcast yeah we have a lot of straight girls who are trying to get railed we have a lot of gay girls who are trying to get railed we have a lot of people we have a lot of gay guys

for trying to get rid I mean I think and then we have and then we have some people who are asexual and they say I'm not into it

but I'm here to support all of you who want to get rid of me yeah I mean the real or I heard the term on Twitter because they wouldn't

say it on TikTok Twitter and it was like the new thing oh you're not on my side of TikTok then go ahead I'm trying to get off

of TikTok my TikTok just like fucking weird I can curate it to be perfect I'm not a problem with TikTok Melissa's fucking

Instagram real algorithm is a scary place really let me see that no i heard people the big term now is like getting fucked through a mattress like that is that is the goal in life and i'm like you know what until until the thing though it's fucked into the mattress until the room stinks that's the that's the fool honestly i can't believe you don't know that because quite literally that was like the top like 10 to 20 comments on that was just that.

It pops up immediately. Tanisha Cara pops up immediately. Danisha. Danisha. She looks like A.I. Yeah. Oh, she's real. Yeah, she's real. What would I tell you if she's a secret conservative? You're shocked? Honestly,

I can't tell. Her hair is so straight. I feel like I can tell. And the blue contacts. You can't tell about the contacts? Well, you know what's so interesting? My cousin is about her complexion and he has natural greenish blue eyes. Yeah, I can understand

her natural, but she talks about how hers are fake. She looks like a character from Narnia or Snow White. Like, it is... Oh. Wow, so she's a real human.

Yes. Rest in hell. But she got caught up in a scandal because she was hooking up, well, one time, had sex with this man that's also TikTok famous.

He didn't want to continue their one-night stand that they had and so then she crashed out yeah she crashed out hard and then tried to say that she was pregnant with his baby

but she didn't talk about it in person so she's like texting her friend about this whole everything that's going on the friend ends up leaking the text messages wait so her plan was to tell him that she's pregnant but we have to talk about it in person

and she wanted to have sex again how does that get you to have sex again that's a really great question it's a really good question and i guess the dick so good no logic is gone yeah but it's like you you couldn't be like it was so fun i would love to do it again like well she did and he rejected her yeah he wasn't he was not responding to her and so then she got desperate and said you need to call me we need to meet up immediately oh that means he did not have a good time but she did no but that's why everyone's like imagine the dick being so good like that you're embarrassing

y'all remember that y'all remember when people were saying like that song do whatever for the dick and it was like it was like mad celebrities

talking about what they would do for the dick well it was her and like but it was it was a cast of people I feel like it was her and Regina Hall

they started it and then people like started picking it up from that listen I'll tell you this man we can be as trash as we can be but if you a trash dude

with good dick you'll go far in life yeah mhm mhm and it's something that everybody can learn this is what's on my reels no it's prepared and she's determined to fuck up my algorithm because you won't stop sending them to me.

No, it's terrifying. Imagine opening your Instagram and you just see, you open your DMs accidentally and you see that. And she goes, you never respond to my DMs. And I go,

you, of course. Like, I'm not gonna, and the one time I sent her one back, she went, oh my God, I can't believe you did this to me. I go,

are you fucking kidding me? Like, all of us. Because yours was about incest. It is a different. Sorry, my algorithm, my biggest fear. Okay.

wow that is your fucking wow is it the robot fucking no i'm just scrolling through my real robots fucking the bread so she found a video that is i literally on the podcast was talking about two so two things i hate i think we need to be nice to our electronics like transformers i love that movie and you have to say thank you all the time because i know when they turn against us i'm they're gonna be we're gonna be on the same side i say i say thank you to my chat gbt all the time i even named him i say thank you to my devices that i have all around my home i won't say it now because it'll go off we've automated the sex lights will be coming on any minute i was i was looking at the time going are you gonna prepare him for that she has she has these the

lights like switch at a certain time and everything goes like red and sexy and like we'll be recording and i'm like was it your sex and she goes uh-oh and the sex that they just i just it's crazy it It is crazy. And it's sudden. So just at any point. It's timed with the sunset. Yeah. So prepare yourself.

Also, low key, there's no light in this room whatsoever. I don't even know what type of day it is out here. Yeah, but guess what? Then suddenly you're going to have the sex lights and it's going to feel jarring. It's going to be any second. But she found a video of these robots,

which I don't think robots should be on their hind legs ever. I don't think robots should have legs and I don't like robots on their hind legs. Like that stresses me out. And I also don't like when people make food videos, sexual specifically when they're making bread like i don't like that i took that back i took a cooking class i made some bread that's no that's fine but you can smack the bread and then don't put it online and then make eye contact with the camera with like a little smile

uncomfortable and what's it found a video of a fucking robot i didn't find it it found me kneading bread sexually like fucking thrusting into the bread and i was like Are you really kidding me? It's insane. Are you kidding me? But it's a she. She's putting her whole back into it. This is a she?

That's what they said. Also, I really don't like that this robot is like a person. Thank you. They shouldn't be on their hind legs. I don't like the hind legs. Honestly, I'm not going to lie to you, though. No. I don't think you would fuck it.

This robot can get in there. This robot can get in there. This robot can get it. This robot can get in there. I saw a video of a robot twerking, and I was like, what the fuck are we programming? A robot can twerk, and I can? This is fucked up. I definitely saw a robot twerking.

So, you're here to talk about your show that you haven't talked about at all. Wait, what? Was I? I mean, I know, but I didn't know how to have that go in. Well, I feel like you sold yourself. You're very funny.

I mean, I'm trying. This is what the poster looks like. It's a good poster. Thank you. I like the title, too. Thank you. I think your picture in my phone, you're doing that, too.

Yeah, that's like one of my profile pictures. I'm doing the exact same face. I think it's my Twitter one. insert I love it because people would tell me I have a lot of friends who are bad drivers and when I would complain they would always say but did you die did you and then one of my one of my boys specifically I feel like we anytime we go out of the country and like going one of those big you know we're going on a trip there's always a near-death experience yeah and he's like but did you die and so my show is a comedy it's a dark comedy but um as the title is a dark comedy um

but it is about like a legit near-death experience that i was like did you ever have something happen that's so crazy all you can do is just laugh about it even though if you told it to someone else they'd be like oh my god that's not funny um so that's what this show is but this show has a couple of audience interaction moments because i didn't want to just be talking for 45 minutes that sounds insane to me so it's more storytelling it'll be at the Elysian on my birthday March 18th and the day after March 19th at 7 30 tickets are doing well so please grab them quickly so who's in LA Josie Dayoung I love that y'all know the names I'm sure I know I'm missing other people y'all come bring your friends please bring your friends we're talking about black

male mental health in a funny way. They're both Asian, but yeah. No, they can still support. They can still support. Yeah, they can come. Please come.

You know what I mean? You can, I'll be there on Tuesday. Yeah, birthday day. You can meet me in person. What's your favorite birthday song? It's your birthday.

It's your birthday. Bad bitch, God does it. I like that song, but I feel like as a guy, we don't have like a dope birthday song. You can say,

all I want for my birthday is a big booty hoe. Same song. You know what I'm saying? But also, the song I love when it's not my birthday and it's a woman's birthday

is one time for the birthday. Two time for the birthday. Three time for the birthday. Because you know, it's perfect. It builds up. It just,

I love a song that like, because also, you know what it is? I think I like celebrating other people's birthdays more than my own. Because I feel like

My birthday is a lot of pressure. I can't relate. Really? Are you like, it's my birthday week. It's like my birthday month. Birthday month. She starts the weeks before. Months before.

I'm a summer birthday. Do you do multiple activities? I definitely did it more. I used to be like, we're getting a house and we're going on a trip. That was always the thing that I would do. But I like to do a lot of things. I've lucked up that my birthday is usually around, like when I was in college, it always fell on spring break.

or you have a good timed birthday and i have a terrible time for yeah melissa's got a bad timed birthday mine's also not summer birthdays in general are not great because people are just like not around i don't know the august oh that's when people on vacation yeah beginning of august it's when people are doing their last final vacation that's tough oh just so you know i did make this is a very random tangent but i did make a playlist for my show so it's a playlist that's going to take everyone through generations it's going to be like fun times party time second times trl times like early for the pre-show for the pre-show is lily i wanted it to be like um i don't know if you guys ever watched like those new like djs that always be on like um youtube

like those long sets oh what's it called room what's it yeah like boiler room and those kind of spots yeah um artistic does yeah so i'm i'm i curated a vibe like that so it's going to give you a clubby vibe before it gets dark and funny you know do you have any crazy out of the out of the box selections on it well there was one i took off there was one i had to take off if you say i know i what i had to take a drake on it drake is on it drake is on it but also listen this i'm gonna tell you this right now how do we feel about your audience drake no but also i feel like even though we do hate drake and i get it drake make that if you hit drake at a brunch not me i'm on record i don't like canadians i told you that i'm on record on this podcast

and in print how much from day one I got Drake on there it's not a but I do I had I had I'm embarrassed I had I had I was about to say it's that was literally what my face was

I heard though I know what it is when you play his music it goes to his it does go to the victims but the issue I have is that some of the songs it kind of kills the vibe it does they're confessions quite exactly literally he said sing what you know

okay I had feeling on your booty on there and I was like man who did you make this song literally I had it on there and it wasn't the whole song I just mixed in

because I was like that part is like oh man so stupid it is so dumb but I had to take it off yeah

well that was the hardest one for Motts to remove from his playlist and even still like he'll just like begrudgingly skip a song I said this is the only thing that I'm okay with AI

doing remakes of is Archelic, so then I can listen to it again. Dancing in the name of love. I'm just like, you know. Step, step, side to side. There were songs he sang that I was younger, I would sing out loud, and I realized all the adults got mad and said I can't sing it.

And now being an adult, I'm like, oh yeah, I could not sing Bumping Ground. Well, you were in his demo, though. Wow. on that note that weighed heavy in the air that was heavy

that was heavy she said it and it just looked at nobody and I was like yeah I just and we all have to sit with that

yeah you can't end you can't end an episode like that you gotta say say well we have to end it the way we actually end it

thank you guys so much for listening my meds have so worn off the number how to participate yes yes uh um you can call us for another episode if you need advice three one zero six nine four zero nine seven six international listeners everyone else megan podcast at gmail.com write it call it in if you have an update get reach out as well we also have the form and we would love to hear from you and help you with your life oh where can people follow you oh you can follow me at gerard milligan on twitter and instagram um you can go to the

lesion.com type in but did you die grab tickets there again that is march 18th and march 19th at 7 30 in los angeles and if you're not in la wish my happy birthday please hit my dm i feel like my dms be dry my dms be my dms be dry i mean i like have a little conversation what no have a little conversation like what do you mean just i'm trying i need more friends i'm not industries i'm in my house so i'm like i need to hear the stories of childhood you know i'm saying like you know DM say what's up say hi that's all I'm saying okay you're leaving the streets

you got stuff to do this is not a street DM this is a hey I'm saying what's up okay this is a Bumble BFF kind of DM yeah yeah yeah that's only for the girls though so there's a

on Bumble Melissa told me to get on it and I said you think I'm that pathetic that I need to get on Bumble BFF you have lost a lot of friends at a certain point in time so i was trying to help you out she said but now i've introduced to my other friends no she said you either have to leave the house and meet my friends or you need to get on here because this is this is getting dark and sad yeah what do you mean oh so on bumble if you're a woman there's another part of bumble where you can meet just friends and it's called bumble bff

i mean you know what is i don't have male friends my age on now like i got like two Everybody else is married. They don't marry with kids and stuff, so they be in the house, in the house. Like, chained in diapers in the house. Yeah, you're not chained to the house. You're coming in and out of it. I can go to a park.

I can go to a coffee shop. I can go on a walk. I ain't chained to that. But you go to a walk to the fucking mall. Yeah, you take a 30-minute walk. You know what mall he's walking to? The worst mall in the world. Wait.

Beverly Center? No, our least favorite mall, where we've had bad luck at. How dare you? You walk to the... How dare you? We're going to cut this out. How dare you to?

What streets do you live on? Because I'm just... How dare you? How unsafe these walks are. Okay. So, also, buy our merch. We're coming to the last weeks of this iteration. What else we got to do?

Join our Patreon. If you're going to show some skin. If you want to buy my piss, tell me how much. Because it needs to be a lot. can't let people have people framing you for shit if you want to buy a video of me okay so patreon can make a good amount of money yeah yeah we're just a little nervous about sending people dna i feel like they'll frame me for a crime yeah but you can send a video of that yeah yeah and nowadays with actors and stuff a lot of actors got only fans yeah they reached out to us only

fans reached out to us multiple times and we said we're just doing the podcast topless like what they wanted us to join them to upload the podcast on like make your podcast content and I was like hey you getting the top 2% yeah maybe we should reach back out I was trying to I need a Cowboy Carter outfit

Patreon join we have live streams twice a month meet us and then we can name you as we do and then that sounds very OnlyFans-y shout out shout out thank you so much they're like our friends at this point some of them friday join

us for i hate saying this wait we've never actually had to say when people are around we've said it in front of jamila on friday no but they saw ahead of time because we recorded like around then they were like i think i saw a weird episode you guys have so that was so friday we have fisting friday on wait don't worry about it don't worry about it wait what's it what's it called fisting friday yeah wait you can't you can't say it no i i can say it i do feel slightly responsible because i i did make a joke about calling it fisting friday and then it was also my job to then come up with a better name and then i came back the next week and i said i'm so sorry melissa the only name i can think of is fisting friday and so then she said okay fisting and then

i started making weird noises to go with it like an announcement like it's like what's this thing friday it's just us chatting just an episode on friday we just run an alliteration the only effort we could think of was fisting yeah because we're just made a joke about it this was a bonus episode it's not really bonus anymore now it's just part of our content yeah we just talk we literally just show up and talk and i made a graphic with it and it's just a fist does the fist go forward it's just like this yeah it's whatever way you wanted to go and then we make really crude jokes about preparing preparing yourself get your holes ready open and welcoming for our thorough fisting and then we ask if people enjoyed it at the end

does anyone say could have been harder yeah somebody got mad because we were playing on youtube but then youtube kept saying we couldn't make any money off of it they weren't so happy was the title and somebody so we stopped saying our things with fisting friday and somebody was mad that we weren't doing it anymore so it's not on youtube anywhere that's when we started doing this during the episode fisting yeah why did it go sideways like that it was like yeah she's playing the drums and then monday we have but am i wrong tuesday see you next tuesday that's cunt and then Wednesday is your catch up day and Thursday join us right back

here for Don't Blame Me. Who do you got next? Is it another question? I got somebody else. No. No, it's 730. I'll be back. Okay. I'll be back. Okay. This is a Sister Sign production hosted by me, Megan Rinks.

And me, Melissa DeMonts, plus Diamond Imprint Productions. Post-production by Coco Lorenz. Production assistance by Melanie D. Watson. And music by Ryan Hunter and Giacomo Picasso.