Don't Blame Me! - DBM: Inviting a Third Into the Bedroom

Episode Date: August 1, 2024

This week Meghan and Melisa are giving advice on: Update: Asking your date about their goals Girlfriend is awful at communicating Super messy friend Talking to your spouse about a threesome Follow Us! instagram.com/meghanandmelisa @meghanrienks instagram.com/meghanrienks https://twitter.com/meghanrienks @sheisnotmelissa instagram.com/sheisnotmelissa instagram.com/diamondmprint.productions Need Advice? dontblameme.show Domestic Listeners Call: [phone] Affordable Therapy By State (Curated by Crissy Milazzo): tinyurl.com/y64kwdnf Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

what's up y'all it's thursday and we're here with a brand new episode of don't blame me shocked maybe because you're like don't we usually release don't blame me on mondays not anymore not anymore now we're doing thursdays if you want to know why go back and listen to fisting friday but am i wrong that was released on monday or see you next tuesday and if you're confused don't worry it's a learning curve i'm not confused at all like i'm super on top of it i don't have it like written down just right here that i'll keep in front of me for the next however long i need to so i can remember but we explained it and why we switched that up um on both fisting friday as well as see you next tuesday

so you can listen to either of those if you want a bit more of the uh of the backstory but yeah we're gonna give you some life-changing wonderful amazing advice and we are megan and Melissa and that's what we do so they pay us the medium bucks for petite bucks yeah I was gonna I was trying to make it sound cool the petite bucks speaking of bucks you got us extra spare join our patreon you can watch the video version you can join us for live streams like we always say if you've like moved recently you're in a new city you're in any transition period of your life and you want to make some new friends join we always have people who are like I just moved or i just got a new job and like that's i wanted to join and make new friends and the last person who

joined of course we interrogate me go where are you from what you do and because there's so many people in our group we immediately were like hey i think you're near this person and they're already planning to meet up so it's a great way to introduce them to a friend yep who lives in said city as well it's like a great way to like think of it as being pre-vetted you know because like you both have this in common you have this podcast and like we can be um cilantro like we can be controversial like you know you kind of weed it out someone's list still listening at this point i don't think you're gonna accidentally go onto their instagram and see photos of them holding like a dead deer that they shot like right four years ago maybe and that's why our

facebook group was closed down for a while we had to clean house yeah yeah yeah and you know We did. And we're here as the results of that. So join. It's a great time. And if you want to call in for an upcoming episode, because it is an advice podcast where you call or you write, you can leave us a voicemail at 310-694-0976. And international listeners, you can send us an audio message at meganpodcast at gmail.com. Record it and email it there. And you can also do written versions on that same email address, or you can send us a DM on Instagram. So for the audio versions you have to keep both variations of audio format under three minutes and we ask that you write it down practice a few times time it and then just read it aloud you don't have to

stress about like remembering it off the top of your head or anything like that and then for the written versions just keep it under 300 words and for all of the variations in various ways you can contact us you have to be 18 or over have your parents permission we do ask that you let us know your age you can let us know your pronouns if you would like but include the most relevant information, think of it like an essay, have your thesis statement, give us like three examples of whatever, or like three big points of the story or however that gets to, then what you're looking for in advice is your conclusion, essentially. And we will do our very best because despite how funny and hot and cool and gorgeous we are, we also want to give you good

advice. Like we want to help out your lives. We don't want to set fire to the rain or burn it all down unless our advice to you is burn it all down in the words of candace burn it melissa still never seen it but if you like other shows about other fantastical creatures watch the pilot of teen wolf and let me know if you recognize anybody i might also have a few things brewing oh yeah yeah because in this house werewolves in this house there are werewolves you might not know but there are some you might know but there are some the werewolves are here and also yet to arrive mary keep a lookout all right first up we've got an update

hi eminem i was the caller from the may 6th episode where my boyfriend was jealous of a guy of friends and i have an update shortly after making the call i went on a weekend trip out of state our relationship was pretty rocky at this point and we got in a huge fight before i left. We didn't speak to each other the whole time I was gone. When I got back, I had many messages from friends and acquaintances asking why we broke up. I was extremely confused and ended up being told that for the whole weekend I was gone, he decided to tell many people we broke up and he slept with someone. I confronted him that night and he admitted to it saying he thought we broke up over our fight but still wanted to be together. For multiple days after he tried to

reconcile and I wasn't interested at all and officially broke off the relationship. After we broke up mid-June he would text me rude things about how I was a horrible girlfriend etc and I always ignored it or asked him to keep his rude comments to himself. I finally cut all contact when last weekend end of june i was gone on a friend's trip and he sent me more messages accusing me of being a whore and all this other fun terminology and i blocked him on all social media thank you guys for the advice as well as the other caller and writer that gave me advice as well i appreciate it this feels very apt to the phrase every accusation is a confession because when he's like no no you can't be friends these guys you're definitely gonna sleep with

these guys a lot do you know why is he sleeping with his friends wow i'm so sorry what a painful way to figure this out i know like men by default are delusional this one seems just like really working overtime in the delusion that you're gonna sleep with someone else you didn't actually break up and then be like well i'm ready to work on it whoa what an assumption right i saw which i feel like if you would have not blocked him it would have led to this actually it still might because he can send you a message from another number but this girl on tiktok got a text from her ex saying hey my wife is pregnant your window was closing the window should have closed when we broke up when you got married so sorry i actually my gps has lost the contact information

i don't even know who this business is and by the way it's boarded up and has been sold yeah the deed is gone the girl that posted it was like she responded and said what are y'all gonna name the baby after me that's iconic iconic that's really fucking iconic speaking of iconic lines did you see that uh fight in um these two women fighting in crumble cookies and one of them's holding her baby and then like the woman she did a follow-up video basically be like the woman just the woman her husband just like kept getting in her kids personal space like they were like essentially touching him like leaning over to look at things and she was like hey back the fuck up like back up yeah and they like got an attitude with her and then by the way she was

like go ahead order before me you seem hungry i was like incredible it was it was so quick with it and I was like poetic wordsmith Shakespeare reminds me of that oh well I'm sorry that it ended this way but I hope that you you trust your gut now you know because you met you wrote into us it's not just like oh we told you this you had you had feelings and that's why you wrote in so So it's a good reassurance to trust your instincts. Okay, next right in. Hey, ladies, I'm in need of some relationship advice. I'm 26 and use she, her pronouns.

I've been single for the last five years while I worked on myself. When I was 21 and got out of a toxic relationship, I made a five-year plan for myself. Some things included finish college, start therapy, travel, et cetera. And the last thing was to stay single until I was 26. This gave me time to check off things from my list

heal from that relationship, and build myself up in my career. I turned 26 back in June and can proudly say I checked off every box in my five-year plan that was relevant. As time went on, I realized there were some things I didn't actually want to do. I just wanted to make my list longer in that moment. Aside from hookups here and there, I haven't been in a serious relationship. Now I'm ready to conquer the dating world. My friends have a blind dating list a mile long. I'm going to give that a go because I really don't want to go on apps. I prefer getting to know people in person. I'm very organized and a planner-driven person, so I have boxes I'm going to need these guys to check off. You love checking off a box. I feel like that sounds so stiff and unappealing,

but I really want a quality relationship with someone who's compatible. My first date is in two weeks. I'm wondering how to ask these questions without sounding robotic or a turnoff. A few to include. What are your goals? How'd you get started in your career? Are you a felon? LOL, but really, I'm going to tell you that right now. You can just Google that one. I have more questions I want to ask as the relationship takes shape, but I really think those are a few good ones to start. Please help with advice on how I can ask these questions, but still come off appealing.

I look forward to your advice if my submission is chosen. This does remind me of Love Island because Serena asked Cordell, what are your long-term goals? And he goes, my what? And she goes, your long-term goals. He goes, what does that mean? And she goes, your goals just like are the long-term.

And he goes, I'd really like like a Cheetos sponsorship. And she was like, how old is he? He's like 23 or whatever like that. but like this is also just his personality and cheetos has been commenting on their stuff and he's geeking and he's like i've got flavor ideas for you and i was like oh this is a fully-fledged idea like it sounded weird when he said it but he's like no i've been brainstorming ideas for years if he's been brainstorming exactly that is a long-term goal it is since then but it didn't until afterwards and we're all like i was like this man is funny does he know yeah he had a

business plan he was a consultant before he was even getting paid okay that makes sense yeah i i mean maybe this is wrong or whatever but like i think that like the questions you have first of all i'm gonna eliminate are you a felon because you can a google that but also b i don't know that people will be honest with you but also i'm like these are people that your friends are setting you up with so shouldn't they know like basic information about them would they be setting you up with somebody that they didn't think unless they hate you that they didn't think that you were already like be compatible with yeah and like if someone's a felon like find out ask who they voted for in the last election and they said oh i can't vote and

you go why are you canadian i go no i'm a felon there you go what was the offense yeah that's a big fucking deal for me thank you like marijuana possession don't go shit don't care to be fair pretty much any drugs i beat the shit out of somebody that deserved it congratulations love that for you thank you a real vigilante a people person some might say a community thinker a community organizer an activist an active activist an activist with running shoes from the capital pass anything financial depends on what it is yeah was it like a martha stewart type situation yeah granted if you come from that if it's like a long-time generational wealth kind of thing that to me i go we're probably not compatible anyway but

if it was like i stole money from the victims of the boeing plane crash no no not super into that one. So the moral of the story, don't rule out felons until you know what felony they have committed. Right. But yeah, I would cut that one off because again, it's not going to get you any closer to the truth. People will be like, that's odd. Why would you think I'm a felon? And they're not. Or they'd be like, of course, I'm not a felon. And they actually are. So I would cut that one out immediately. The other one you said, what are your goals? How'd you get started in your career? Those are two basic questions that people should be expecting on a date. Yeah, I thought you were going to say something like, how do you want children or, you know, whatever, like, or you want to get married or whatever. So I think like, the right person is going to take questions like that, that are not invasive, nor rude, the right way. And people who are like, whoa, it's kind of a lot of information you're asking that to me is like, don't answer the questions. And that's enough. That's all I needed to hear. But nothing further.

so i wouldn't like worry about necessarily being robotic it's only in the sense of are you asking are those the questions you actually want to ask or that way you think you want to ask because i think robotic it comes from a place where it doesn't seem earnest and it seems just kind of like stiff and like oh i'm supposed to ask this but if you're asking something you're genuinely interested in and you're genuinely interested in the answer i don't think you will be robotic yeah you know you've been out of the game for a minute but you've still been hooking up for people so that does mean you have some game but also like don't treat this as an interview don't come with your notepad and like or even like the boxes in your head just come ready to

have open conversation and these things should come up normally yeah this is not one of those things that you can check a box off the same way because that's not how like chemistry attraction like love or interest even works so I was someone who like I was like I want to date a guy so funny like now that I think of that like uh I'm looking for a guy I was like I want to date a guy in finance who's like six three minimum every time I went on a date with a guy who was not like that I go well that's why I didn't work out because like that's not my guy went on a date with a guy who was in finance was six four and I just walked into that and I was like no this this is not what I want at all so it's really easy to to kind of like make it like a tangible list of like things

that you actually you want in theory and I think as long as you don't let yourself close off from someone because they're not who you pictured because who you pictured or what you pictured you might not actually like and then you can then feel kind of stuck so putting yourself in a corner that you don't necessarily need to be yeah give people like a chance to surprise you because so many things change of what we like what we're attracted to like even like the music we like can change from year to year or the friends that we have can be very different and it's someone you want to spend the rest of your life with they will change in the course of that relationship and so will you so I think making me like I want a guy I want someone who or I don't know if it's a guy

but I want someone who has a job. I want someone who, I don't know where you live, but in LA for me, I'm like someone who drives, has their own means of transportation and you can come up with other things like the stuff that kind of comes across easy, but also them being like, I want someone who makes me laugh,

not just things that they've like, quote unquote accomplished or whatever, because you then might find that those guys are kind of, or those people are kind of robotic. I mean, guys in the California where we call everybody guys since, those people are kind of robotic there because just checking off all your boxes won't mean that there's like chemistry you're attracted to them and then ask your friends like Melissa said like

they should be if they're setting you up you can also do some digging on their socials beforehand so you don't burn out from dating because I but not too much where you know things like their sister's name yep that should be something that comes organically during conversation yeah it's like a sweet spot though because i think if you don't look up anything then that's how you might end up on a date with a felon but also you can get burnt out from bad dates and then you're like i don't i need another break from dating so i think it's like doing just the right amount of like research like can i within three taps am i am i still attracted to you within three taps am i still like this seems like a guy either that i'm into or a guy who could surprise me so keep it in

that sweet spot and do it from a Finsta account so you don't actually accidentally like something yeah that's that's a good point but I think you're doing great and you're happy with yourself and stuff so just remember that the goal of being in a relationship is that they're adding to your life it's not another box that needs to get checked off it's like you could be just as happy not with somebody it should only be additional so all right we're gonna take a break and we're back it's time for another hey eminem i am writing in for the first time i use he him pronouns and i'm 22 i previously had an ex who listened to your show and kept listening sporadically even after the breakup oh thanks i'm obsessed with that in conclusion i liked

your podcast more than her shade and she's probably still listening if that's me adding if y'all so girly if you're if you realize yeah so sorry so we've been broken up over a year and i'm now in a new relationship and i feel like i'm in love for the first time me and my girlfriend are so much alike in so many ways the only issue is she is absolutely awful at communication i am always the one to text call or make plans first it is honestly exhausting i know she loves me as well but I feel like she's not even attempting to give her all. I am not sure if this is intentional or not.

I've tried talking to her about this and she just laughs it off and says life gets in the way and she forgets to text and call. My other relationships, even tracking back to junior high, have never been like this. Could I be getting played? I wanted to get advice from a woman's point of view. I have sisters, but I know they would judge her for this

so I can't bring this up to them. I don't want our relationship to end, but I am starting to feel foolish at this point. Please let me know what you think. I wish we had some more details. How long have you been dating and like what level of communication? Like what is it like not making plans or is it like not small talk conversing via text and phone? like when you're in person is she like really like does she seem tapped in and she's there like there with you or is she distracted by other things like are the in-person conversation strong

are y'all is it is it is it just when y'all are apart because i'm someone who like i'm not good at communicating like there are only two people who i communicate with well melissa and mox and even both of them will tell you she's not that fucking good and that's the best i am ever but the thing that i would say is someone with adhd who this is like a natural thing because you're wondering is this just like how she is or is this intentional that she's not interested how does she act with what is she like on her phone texting with when you are with her because if she's like communicating with other people texting with a bunch of people while you're together me no i can be scrolling on my phone

i can be on whatever but i'm like oh shit i forgot to do the same so i want to remind me to do this i'm not like not communicating with this person and then when we're together i'm communicating with everyone else but them that's like a big indicator of how similar is this but you try to talk about it and she just laughs it off and says life gets in the way and she forgets to text slash call that to me is not how i would handle it that seems like yeah it would be like oh i'm so sorry let me try to do better yeah or like oh shit my bad like let me go find that like let me look like it's just not not a way that you handle it when because like being bad at communicating is not i would not say it's like a moral failure if like you've got adhd and you have like a hard time

keeping up with things that's not bad at all but it's definitely not a trait that i love about myself or like i'm very proud of like there's a lot of shame intertwined with being like fuck I let a lot of things slip through the cracks and like you feel bad about it so I would never like laugh it off you know so to me I think like even if it feels like something that is not a big deal to her I think in any relationship when something else is a big deal to someone then that becomes a thing we address not like well I don't think it's a big deal so therefore it's fine and it's like well no you think it's a big deal so like let's unravel it like let's work on that because if it isn't intentional and it's something that I don't

necessarily know if it's malicious but I think the the like pessimistic part of me thinks that it might just be a lack of trying and like you said like she doesn't even have to give it her all but like it it doesn't seem like a big priority and I think if you have like reasonable expectations then I think that you're very much allowed even if you know that she has strong feelings for you you're very much allowed to like want to be in a relationship that has a much better communication style and like regardless of how you feel about her at the end of the day I think if this didn't bother you and it was like oh it's whatever it's fine I can handle it you wouldn't be writing in yeah so I would sit down and have a serious conversation

with her and tell her like how much it actually bothers you and um ask her like is there anything that you can do to help to make it better and then if she's not receptive to that then it's like you either gotta live with it or she's not the person for you yeah and I would really love to know what what communication are you looking for like what is it because like if again she's not responding if she's if you're the only one making plans and like you're texting her and like you don't live near each other so you only see each other like once a week and you're like trying to call to check in and she's like not responding and you like only talk to her once a week and you're like in a relationship and she like bails on plans that to me is like yeah drop that somebody

else exactly she's busy with someone else's plans but if it's like i you know i want someone i can call in the morning and then call on a lunch break and like text in between then and then like face the call on the way home from work and then facetime while we're eating dinner and then text until we go to bed i would be like i that's too much that's that's that's a lot of communication and i think that seeking that level amount from anyone i think anyone who's going to be able to give you that i don't think it's healthy from either side it's just a little too much so really depends on that too but yeah let us know i would love to get more details and hopefully after you have that conversation things things end up the way that they should all right next one hi queens

Intentional typo, don't worry. I clocked that. I know that's not how it's spelled. I am 19 and go by she, her pronouns. I am writing in about my very best friend in the whole world. The thing is, since living on her own, I have found out that she is super messy.

Oh, we are back with the messy roommates. Like I'm thinking we need to call hoarders at this point. We aren't roommates or anything, okay. But I feel the need to step in and say something. All the rest of our friends, myself included, live in dorms, so her apartment is like the hangout spot. What's so weird is she has no problem inviting us over when her apartment is a wreck. It doesn't stink or anything, but there's trash everywhere.

During spring break, she went on a trip with her family and asked if I could dog sit for her. I didn't mind since I live in our hometown slash college town and I had no plans. I just couldn't be in the filth and I ended up cleaning her whole apartment, hoping she'd get the hint. She came home and was like, I knew your neat freak ways wouldn't last long. Thanks for straightening up. I know she didn't mean it as a jab or like she left dirty for me to clean.

She's just that oblivious to how she's living. Our friend group had an intervention between ourselves and they all think I should talk to her about it as I'm the closest to her by far. I feel like it isn't my place. I mean, I don't pay her bills. I would be coming from a loving place, but I'm afraid she wouldn't see it as that way

and creating turmoil. What would you do? I would stop hanging out of her place if it's totally filthy because I don't think you care that much if you are actually hanging out there. I think that if it's where y'all pregame at, you got to find another pregame spot

because that's how she likes to live. some people like to be amongst their things if she's if it doesn't smell that means she's doing some level of cleaning yeah it's just that she just has a lot of stuff so if that you're really bothered by this then you gotta just like go somewhere else but otherwise if it's not truly a cause for concern then you shouldn't be concerned about it yeah I think that you know there's a if I went to like a friend's place and it was like so messy there's like two different kinds of messy it would be like hey like let me help pick up and then it'd be like a couple days later be like hey how are you doing because I'd be like this looks like my depression room like I can relate to that

or it's not there's no emotional aspect of it and I'd be like bitch this is fucking met what the okay pig what let's figure this out like what the fuck are you doing here and it would rip I would rib on them like that but without doing any either of those things i think like the most important thing as like an adult as we grow older and like it even happens with kids in parenting of this is like natural consequences and the natural consequences if you have like an incredibly messy home is that you lose things things spoil and things go bad and people don't want to hang out at your house those things aren't happening so therefore like she can keep doing this and then you guys are still gonna hang out there so if she has a dog and it doesn't stink then that's

a big feat like she's cleaning she's cleaning are the toilets okay enough for you to sit down and piss are the cups clean enough for you to drink out of are there trash bags are there trash cans i honestly commend her for like removing any like stigma from being like the messy friend and like still having people over like that is not most people as a certified messy friend like I cannot have rant like people come over at any given time without knowing but I think like also hosting everything takes a lot of time and effort and energy so I think that like kind of the same way like you have a friend who has the car and you contribute to gas money picking up stuff I think is helpful especially like what's the what is the mess like is sometimes the mess like

leftover from when you all hang out and like I am guilty of like with people that come over I'm like oh don't worry I'll take care of it and then did she not take care of it and so yeah I just think that if you're concerned then I think it's not a conversation about it being messy I think it's like hey this has let me into like there might be something else going on and if not it seems like you guys still hang out there even if it's messy so if i was hurt that would probably be my response i'm being like it's not too messy if you guys still come here all the time but i also would not bring up hoarding because that's a very serious thing and most of the time people who are hoarders have either gone through super traumatic incident paired with like mental

health issues that have like crossed over to being like that's like a coping mechanism of it um or they grew up in a hoarder home and they're trying to like i promise you are already working on releasing some of those tendencies um so i just i wouldn't in general anyone i would just like never throw that word around because there's like there's a heavy weight behind that but yeah i really want to know how messy it is but i will also say her saying thanks for straightening up i knew as a clean freak you couldn't last long to me that does sound like she wanted you to clean she was like oh i'm gonna ask coming over yeah she's gonna watch the dog maybe she'll do a little swiffering all right we're gonna take a break when we get back we'll get to the last one

and we are back time for the last hey megan and melissa i am writing in today because i want to ask my husband if he'd go into inviting someone else in our bedroom i am 32 and go by she her pronouns we got married really young at 18 i do not regret a second of our marriage even at A young age, I knew he was my person. We started dating at 14 and grew up together. Fast forward, we are 12 years into our marriage with four kids. I love our life. Our sex life is great.

No complaints at all. I just want to try something new. We're very kinky and there's not much we haven't explored besides inviting someone into our bedroom. Funny enough, I got the idea from our favorite show, Modern Family. there's an episode where phil and claire want a couple to move in next door but it more so sounds like they're inviting them into their bedroom lol so once this seed was planted i've been trying to work up the nerve to ask him what he thinks i've already decided i wanted to be

another woman and not a couple i also don't want any penetration between her and my husband not only would I be jealous but we are clearly quite fertile over here how do we even go about finding someone who's down for this this is all very new to me and I am not even fully decided on it I just think it would be fun I am not open to a poly relationship no shade to anyone who is I just want to do something adventurous that we share together I am way too embarrassed to ask my friends about this and i know y'all give it to me straight thanks for taking my submission first you need to have the conversation with him to even see if he's interested in it i mean part of me thinks you need to keep having a conversation with yourself to see if you are still interested

in it but if they talk maybe it will sway her one way or another yeah the issue is is you might you might be de-influenced and he might be influenced yeah yeah so conversations need to be had between yourself and then you and him you have a lot of parameters up about what's happening it seems like you want to be doing more of the stuff with the girl maybe or watching them kiss i don't know but make sure that he's comfortable with those stipulations too and also the person that you may be inviting is cool with those things too because if I'm coming I still need to come and there's got to be some type of something going on like are you okay with you're okay with like one of y'all going down on her or something so think about all those other

things how to go about it I've seen people on dating apps it'll be for the husband it'll be because i'm looking for me i'm looking for men so it'll be the husband's account but like the wife is also on it i'm not specifically looking for her that yeah she's just there in that first picture and you go whoa and then i was looking for a unicorn right and so then they'll you know have information about the two of them in the whole thing i was just like okay i swipe left because i'm not interested but you know i see it a lot i think there's also on some websites they also have the option for couples to be there too so i would research different dating apps and i'm sure like if you wanted to double down on that him also like he could have one to well

you only want to well yeah you could he could have one but it might be better like if you had one so then like you can say you're looking for somebody to join your twosome to make or it doesn't even necessarily like from what you've said it does seem like you would be having more interactions with a woman so he could also be there gonna be eating her out yeah so i think that like and i will start off by saying i've never had a threesome that is not something that interests me with another woman whatsoever you know like i'm not interested in another woman another man well that's different perhaps so but the thing is is that like whereas I totally understand you being like this I want this to be something fun for me and my husband to like try

or whatever I think it gets really dicey when that's like the lead of it when there's another person involved because then that just becomes like that person's not a flashlight they're not like they're they're a whole other person there for that so it can't just be about you and your husband there will be another person there who they're they'll have needs they'll have boundaries they'll think they want to be met and it's like not just like to get you kinky like it's not just something to be like oh look at this hot thing me and my husband did so I think in that sense like you actually might just be interested in like watching porn while you're hooking up you might be interested in like talk even just talking about it like to talk about modern family again

Claire and Phil coming up with their little like pseudonyms and they like meet in a bar or whatever so I think like I would write down all of your stipulations and like if one of the stipulations are like I don't want him touching her I don't really want any like anyone then that to that Like you might like the idea of a threesome more and yeah, you just want to make sure that it's coming at it from a place of everyone's an equal footing there. It's not that this person is there to do something hot for you and your husband. So that's like a difference or then you can be looking for, I don't know, some cuckold situation or whatever, whatever it is that you could then break it down into what you

might be more interested in but i'm slightly surprised you've never talked about this in hypotheticals with him you've been together forever to the point of being like i guess maybe it is because you've been together for so long together for so long and we're so young when they got together yeah so it's not like you would ever say have you ever had one or have you whatever because like does he watch modern family like if he doesn't and you just watch it maybe you watch the episode and be like oh my god like have you ever thought about that and like ask in that way but I think you need to pose it as like a in general I don't think it's always great to pose something as like this is what I want to do if you haven't done it before because you might not

actually end up wanting to do it as like let's have like one set let's have a discussion like see if we want to do it not I've been thinking about this for x amount of time and I really want to do it because I don't know if you if you've seen on reddit it's a common thread of being like someone wants to open up the relationship or someone wants to do a threesome the other one kind of like whatever sure i'll do it that person ends up enjoying it a lot more than the other one the other person ends up being like i don't like this at all so i think going into it no like making sure he knows he can be honest with it and then you should also be honest and not just wait for his response but i would sit on it for a while before you actually pursue it because it's not

always just going to be like tv shows and sometimes you see things and like it's hot because clarenfield don't actually have a threesome like that doesn't happen so like the imagination part of it that's like very erotic you can like think about these things like oh that's so hot and then you know it leads to that point but i i don't necessarily think that that always things you might be aroused by in theory aren't the ones you might necessarily be aroused by in the practicality because there's a lot of other factors going in so yeah just and don't be that couple who posts with the caption you can post you can have a couple on on tinder but do not do the caption looking for our looking for our unicorn don't do that one don't don't do that

but um yeah and also even if there's not penetrative sex there you got to be wary about like stds stis and also getting pregnant like that's even if it's not penetrative like their juices are flowing so it could be transferred in numerous waves yeah there's always a risk so you've got to make like calculate that risk for you and what you're comfortable with but you've been together for so long i like i cannot imagine he would be like i don't even know you because like you're not vanilla so yeah yeah i'd be shocked if people by the time you're in your 30s have never thought about it best of luck let us know how it goes get freaky with it i like can't believe that phil and claire look at that they're like

influencing i feel like phil and claire once they finally get everybody out their house they're definitely bringing everybody oh my god so they're definitely having some friends over those are two kinky motherfuckers those with the upside down pint i'm sure they got an upside down pint they go on a cruise they go on a cruise to be fair i do think phil would panic yeah but i think that claire was talking through it exactly it's just their relationship dynamic we are modern family fans over here so that's it for this episode we hope you all enjoyed and submit your calls your write-ins for an upcoming episode to the phone number as well as the email address we set at the beginning and it will also as always be in the show notes

and it's on our website and you will get used to the new sketch. So tomorrow, our Fisting Friday episode is a chit chat, catching up, having fun, and then on Monday you will get a new episode of But Am I Wrong

and Tuesday a new episode of See You Next Tuesday where we read the results from last week's episode of But Am I Wrong. Yeah. Okay. Anything else? That's it. Goodbye. don't blame me is a production by me megan rinks and me melissa d montz plus diamond

imprint productions post-production sound and editing by coco lorenz production assistance by melanie d watson and music by giacomo picasso and ryan hunter