Don't Blame Me! - DBM: Jumping Back In The Sack

Episode Date: June 12, 2025

This week Meghan and Melisa are giving advice on: Finding a new roommate Frustrations about finding a job Having sex again DBT: Making mistakes at work Buy Our Merch ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://crowdmade.com/collections/sister-sign⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Call In - 310-694-0976 (3 minutes or less) Write In - ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠[e-mail]⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ (300 words or less) Follow Us! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠instagram.com/meghanandmelisa⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ @meghanrienks ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠instagram.com/meghanrienks⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://twitter.com/meghanrienks⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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you're like i need to hear about the drama in other people's lives desperately and that's what we're here to deliver for you today and we've got a good episode we do you all have been writing in and submitting in wonderful uh things that we're so happy to give you advice on and just know that like we might be like so beautiful and cool and composed we can get a little wild you can send us wild ones you can send us um we do this show is founded on the wild no i know but like what if people are like what if they're coming in late and they're just like no like yeah that's true because they have been pretty tame lately yeah so like this is just your friendly reminder that like we've only ever called the police one time and like did we even call the police or do

we call where they work no we call the police we call the police yeah because where they worked was a temporary type job but their problem was terminal yes yeah and and just know we don't even also we don't even like the police so that's how you know that like it only happened one time and that's because like morally we were like we we have we have to and we didn't play the call so just know that all the things you've heard on this all the crazy ones there was one that was that was real wild someone a few people have asked us about the peanut butter incest sibling one i don't remember that episode and i feel like we probably didn't go into detail in the description of the episode with it because we would have got dinged so if you know what this episode is

please let us know so that i can share with the people that have been asking i can give you a timeline so it was when we were in the mount when i was in the mountains for the first time when we were there so it was during the pandemic yes okay so person that wrote in i gave you the i put you on the wrong time okay so i because i remember being at the mountain house and i did not we did not ever go to the mountain house you know what i missed i missed i mixed up incest stories well unfortunately we've had more than one we have multiple yeah and this one if it helps this one um they've had an update because they ended the relationship with that person and they got married or like had enough like it was something we got like a whole additional update from them

later on okay so i just want to make sure update was in the mountains i just want to make sure that i'm clear here so there was the one that i believe it was peanut butter with a dog yeah and then sister and mother both had weird relationships with the boyfriend too is that all the same call i think the mom died i think they didn't have a relationship with the mom but it was the sister put the peanut butter on her vagina and ate it and like her and her brother had and they just kept trying to like like shrug it off as a trauma bond and it was like well i don't want to be rude because like they had a very hard upbringing and we were like totally that is a trauma bond we have all watched um yes i'm remembering i'm remembering i'm also in my apartment you guys wouldn't know

but it's my apartment upstairs so i would have been against the wall so it was during the pandemic i do remember this now but again i'm i i think that that was the original i think that was the original i don't think the update i don't think i'm remembering the update being there the update could have been there but i think like the initial one was in the mountains i'm like 99 sure but if not the update was without a doubt like they were there okay and i think we just have to search based on weird relationship and it might have even been a twin sister yeah i put because they do apple does automatically do transcription now and i had put in the keyword for dog and i couldn't find it in that i put in peanut butter and it didn't see it then but also like if we're talking fast it's not

going to be accurate so yeah and also if we're like beating around the bush it might not be accurate and also like i don't think they said it to us like in confidence like off no air no because diane remembers it yeah i was gonna say we're also pretty good at we're like very good at being like more cagey with information that people tell us then we're not very loose-lipped on that yeah so i'd be surprised because we had blocked it out and diane said wait you forgot this one yeah that was because we try we try to forget it all the time yep well um so diane diana oh well we do have both yes so i also have diane's and diana's in my life as well my only other one is princess di yeah you know my cosmic soul sister

anyways uh yes we're gonna give you advice wonderful amazing life-changing advice if you want to call us you can leave us a voicemail at 310-694-0976 international listeners you can send us an audio message at meganpodcast at gmail.com you can also just type out an email to that same address send us a dm over on our instagram and we also have a form that you can fill out that's listed in the show notes but it's also listed on in the description of our socials and in that and you know the voice recording all of it we need you to be 18 or over and we also need you tell us how old you are that's like the the extent of the not like the the extreme personal details or quote-unquote identifying details we don't need to know your name it is totally

anonymous you can use a voice changer if you would like but we do need to know your age because it 100 influences the advice that we give you also if race is relevant please include that please and and also explicitly include it because other times we'll be like i'm pretty sure that This is what you are trying to mean. But if you are concerned, like you're, we've had ones of people like my boyfriend's family is racist and we're like, okay, are you of the race that they are being racist to get like, where do you stand in this? Or are they of a different race and you are of a totally different, like, what is that?

Let us know the dynamics of that so we can give you the best advice. And yeah, tell us everything that is going on, what you specifically would like advice on. and you know unless we really have to we're not going to judge you but also if we do judge you it's okay we judge each other we judge ourselves all the time we're coming from a place of love we want what's best for you we want to help you out and sometimes that is tough love but if you need a a gentle sweet loving tell us that you're sensitive we keep that in mind also um just want to reiterate it is 300 words or less we've been getting a lot of write-ins lately where they're

very much in the thousand word area so please and i've been emailing all to condense it so please just make sure you're doing that 300 words is a lot of time as someone who is a professional writer 300 words is a lot and if you want to get your like personality across and be funny i'm gonna tell you right now you're gonna have to record it with your voice you can get more of those words in like it's okay it's it's really okay if it's just like straightforward it doesn't have to be like a piece of comedy gold you can just like tell us a situation if you really want to be like no i need them to hear my tone when i say that then call then call then call you can get in a lot more words if you can talk quite fast as you know who me shall we hop into the first

let's do it hi wise geniuses i am an international grad student and i finally found my master bedroom My lovely quiet roommates are moving out and I need to find two new people by July. The rooms are on the more expensive side though. The house is very nice and everyone has their own bathroom. How would you approach this task? I'm hopefully staying in school for three more years and want to find someone long term. I don't want to be too close with roommates but still be able to share common spaces not awkwardly. what are the things to ask potential tenants and where is the best place to look. I found this

place in my uni slash city Facebook group and we go to different schools with my current roommates. I can also send an email to the department about rooms. Another thing is that my previous roommate situation ended badly and I'm actually not sure if I was wrong. I believe two of them expressed are some issues about me to the landlord, and then the third one pushed it to the point where I had to move out. In any case, I appreciate some advice on how to approach relationships with housemates and bring some structure to this arrangement and resolve in case of tension. Additionally, I have a mischievous dog. Before moving to the U.S., I lived in an undergrad dorm and then had a whole apartment for myself

and an ex for a couple years. Mistake. I'll be responsible for paying rent. I'm queer femme and also a Leo. Love you. Thank you. Bye. Okay.

I would have loved to know what the roommate past situation ending was. Not sure if you were in the wrong. I would have loved to know a little more details about that because you- I feel like you probably were if the- That's what I'm wondering. landlord had to step in yeah so i've got questions about that because like you seem open to the

possibility that you could have been in the wrong and that you like don't want to do those kinds of mistakes again but my thing was like well what was the disagreements with those old roommates over and are you looking for are you like okay i'm gonna be more chill or i'm not gonna have i've I've relinquished those feelings I had about that thing for this next thing or is it like I'm searching for roommates who aren't going to have those feelings about what happened and was that in your current place or a place before I assume it felt like a it would be a place before because you say you got kicked out so yeah it's not the current place yeah so I would yeah I would like to know is it like what are you taking from that situation like I think you do I think really

before you get new roommates you need to you need to confidently figure out if you were in the wrong or not because you need to it needs to be a learning lesson it either needs to be a way to filter out roommates where you do not mesh with them or to adjust your expectations and your standards of living to like to to prevent that from happening again if you can take responsibility and onus of it so without knowing what that is that's hard but like i'm going to say point blank you have to figure out who was in the wrong and we are more than happy if you want to write back in we're more than happy to help you help you parse that together because i think and do that on our other show but am i wrong there you go because i want to like to me i'm like that is like a crucial

part of this because i also think that finding people who the on paper the situation of having two other roommates who don't go to your school i think that's not a bad call just because like the more time you spend with them especially if you're not looking to be friends with them if you are in the same department if you're at the same school all of that kind of stuff like there can even be more competition like there it just adds in other factors so i think that finding people who are also like you know similar ish age range who are maybe going to school somewhere else or doing whatever but i would say to be to kind of be dead set or ideally looking for something that is a long-term thing i don't really think you can do that unless you have

roommates that you are friends like i don't i don't encourage living with friends but like you only really kind of make that or plan for a longer term commitment with people you already know right and i'm sure that your landlord probably is the one that sets the limitations like you can't unless you're the lease is completely under you and then you're subletting so but i think a year especially if they're students it should be by school year not by we're going to be stuck here for three years because what if they're a grad student that's in their last year and then they're moving away but they would have been good for now or like it could be in like an intern like an exchange student someone who's on an exchange

program like there are so many options especially at like a big university there are so many ways to go about that that like you also don't necessarily want to limit it to post-grad i think like limiting it to under like i would limit it to like seniors though because i would limit to people who are over 21 the upperclassmen yeah because i i don't think in yeah because it could be a non-traditional student totally that started later than um the average but yeah i wouldn't get a freshman in there that's not the vibe it's also i don't think responsible because if they invite people over and they're underage drinking in a place that it sounds like your name is on the lease because you're like i'm responsible for paying the rent and then it seems like you're

finding these roommates so i yeah i wouldn't live with anybody who is under age and i think that like as in like where to ask you gave us plenty of options i think those are the best options yeah like where to post this kind of stuff like school your department you can reach out to other schools that are in the same area and ask them to send out a blast find their housing department have them or maybe non-traditional and the grad student departments and have them sending out housing because they're going to be focused more on dorms so um yeah those i wouldn't post on like craigslist or no facebook marketplace or unless it's like a facebook where it's specific for the schools yeah and like i would say that i don't know well no that's identifying i would

also say that like uh do not live with a couple don't live with like don't live with a couple have it be a big individual people and you know if it's like awkward or whatever it there's a kind of a learning curve and then to figure out like what to ask about like oh how do you like mesh or get along what's your living style like what was your like previous like because here's the thing like if i was getting a new roommate i would probably ask like oh what was your last living situation like and like have you ever had like a bad roommate situation and what was that and I think how did you handle yeah and I think you need to be able to answer that question and so for all of that it's just a matter of right now it doesn't sound

like you have made a decision about how that went down so I could understand why you might be feeling a little bit like lost and confused about like oh how do I like what should I ask what how do I figure this out you just need to mesh you need to vibe and you also need to be able to take responsibility for things that were your fault and then also you should not take responsibility for things that are not on you like so being clear and concise about that and then it's just about who is for me i think the most important is are you in a relationship do you have a significant other that you're inviting over i think that you should make sure that i you know who did you vote for like are you do you feel safe in a home with these with adding these people in

um especially also with where you're from too i that would be a very vital question to ask and like where like what is what's your typical like weekends like what how late do you stay like how early do you wake up how late do you go to bed like things of just like okay noise level how many bodies are you bringing into this apartment and how often and like do you like to cook do you like how were chores divided up in your last place what's your definition of clean and tidy how do you like to keep like when when and where are you cooking are you what time do you wake up what time do you go to sleep even the last time i had a roommate my roommate um got up at five o'clock every morning and she either left to ride her bike or she had this because she was

like a triathlon person whoa new lord just dropped she was a triathlon person wow yeah she also had this thing that if it was like cold or rainy outside she would clip it on the back of her actual bike and it would turn it into a bike thing in yes and i could hear it in the morning first you go yeah do you like to like hang out in the living room do you are you more like in your room do they have an aversion to certain scents and smells allergy yeah like allergies definitely peanut allergy and if that's like a comfort food for you like yeah that makes sense yeah i would also ask like what shows do you like what shows you like to watch because you saying like you want to be able to be in like the communal spaces without it like being awkward it might be nice if

like the extent of the closeness with your roommate is that like you both love white lotus or whatever like you both like a show like you both like a certain and you watch that show once a week together bachelor whatever the fuck it is you watch that once a week together and that's like the the extent of it like that's that's it i think like having something and also if they say they like watch a lot of like tv and stuff that might give you an indication like are they you know spend a lot of time in their room are they kind of that and then i would also say like in your last place or like what and what's your ideal responsibility division in within in a living situation like is it that like one person has one chore that they do for the whole house that like

is like i take out everybody's trash i do i you know i do this or is it like are you someone who likes to clean up after yourself or are you someone who likes to be like okay someone's going to cook dinner for everybody and then someone else is going to clean so that just yeah what an ideal situation is because i think a lot of the time like especially at this age like you might not have ever had a perfect situation but you know like well i don't like this and it's like okay well in a dream world what would you want yeah because i prefer it's just a business transaction we just live in the same place and i'm gonna cook for myself i'm gonna clean up for myself i don't want to know anything about your parents your siblings nothing i don't want to know

anything about you unless it affects me and that's fair yeah so and you know if you have to move again in a year it happens yeah all right we're gonna take a break when we get back we'll We'll get into some more. Wayfair. Every style. Every home. we are back for a break and time for the next so this is from someone who is 22 hi i am a longtime listener and would pretty please like some advice i've entered a new era in my life the oh so amazing entering the workforce era for some context i am a couple months out from graduating from my master's and i've worked during my studies did my bs which is bachelor

science right and ms back to back despite my wonderful resume and education i have not been very lucky in the job application field i've applied to about 70 jobs and only three have materialized into an interview with no offers besides being constantly rejected i also don't feel efficiently supported by my network as i just don't get it no one is in a similar situation with most still studying and my partner is already working to add on to this i live in a country that i'm not originally from and only moved here to study i've been working very hard to learn the but of course I'm not yet fluent. All of this converges to a general stress. Half of my support network is native to the country, so they can't relate to my immigration experience,

my partner included, and my current bosses have not provided the best advice. And the other half are people still studying. I'm not saying that they're not being supportive, but it all feels very shallow and not helpful. But TBH, nothing short of offering me a job would even be helpful, haha. Ultimately, I'd love your advice on how not to drive myself more insane than now. I felt very overwhelmed, stressed, and demotivated, which hasn't helped with writing super inspiring motivation letters for applications. I'd really love to hear some tips or suggestions on how to overcome this feeling. Thank you. First of all, you're not alone. I know it may seem like you're alone because the people around you aren't in the same boat, but they will be when they're done with

school. But you're not alone. I've seen so many people like they're keeping spreadsheets of how many jobs that they've applied for and what who's if they've gotten a call back, they've gotten interview whatever i would suggest so you don't feel alone maybe trying to find people that are in the same boat even if it's online um on reddit or tiktok it will help you feel like you aren't you know going going a little uh stir crazy with this but i think that i i when i've come across people that are either sending me like wanting to work for me or wanting advice about going into the careers they're not tailoring their applications to that specific job they're sending out a lot of applications with the same thing for each one and going through look at the job description

and tailor because a lot of this is they're using ai to just knock out a lot of people use finding the keywords in the job description and putting it not just on your resume in your resume you can also use at the bottom of your uh resume if they're asking you to upload something you put all the keywords from the job description and and then change the font color to white and it will make it show up more in the searches and save it as a PDF. Don't save it as a Word document. But make sure you are tailoring every job application,

every cover letter to that specific job because you have a higher chance of getting that job. Also, when you're applying, see who the HR manager is. If it's like on LinkedIn or something, find that person, add them. I've given this advice before. Add them to your network. If you're able to send them a note, say, hi, I saw that your company, say the name of the company, is hiring for this position. Say what the position is. I have these skills that are specific to that job. I would be a great fit because and give your specific credentials for that job. And I would

love to set up a call or maybe a virtual coffee to discuss the job further it helps anything you can do to get directly to the person who is actually hiring for that job will help you that's a good call i would say um they are going to use ai to filter out applicants you should not use ai for your application like they are going to like to think of like melissa said like it needs to be catered and specific to this like even on something that like to think like the numbers of it no offense like yes 70 is a lot but without knowing like the quality of the applications and all of that like that's not you shouldn't be discouraged by the sheer volume and number and like the sheer volume of it does not necessarily mean that you are being you are a perfect fit for

all of these roles you are you are what they are looking for and they are rejecting you for something that like you can't figure out what what it is we get like people who are like pitching to be on the podcast where it's like so abundantly clear that they have used ai to try and make this tailored to us and it's and it's it's not it's not you are so much better off with having sending less applications especially if it's things that you they are asking more of you which i don't like when they ask too much of you in job application anyway but if they are asking of you are much better off to put the time and energy into like a very specifically curated one for that job than you are to do ones that don't ask as much of you and you just like send the same mass thing out

over and over and over again um i will also say you are very young to have achieved the degrees that you have so like 22 that's a lot of time people are graduating undergrad and you already have your bachelor's as well as your master's and that to also you know they're not supposed to pick you based on your age but like that might feel a little you know they might think of like the culture of the job graduation date yeah as i would say like the the culture of the job might feel a little odd and like the same way that like i would detach age-related things from your application so it's like you know i worked the whole time i was in college don't talk about college don't to talk about college like you are you are well educated you are well qualified i'm sure for these

positions but you are younger you are younger point blank and that will also be used against you if you are too transparent about it because people associate youngness with naivety and like that is something that you might not be naive at all in like the workplace and like you know i've had jobs and done all that stuff you are new to the workforce and like you said you are entering the new workforce era pretend you've been there pretend you've been in it pretend you've done it all of that like don't lie but don't don't don't identify your experience and tie it to something that people could look up your age and like figure out that like oh this reads or feels a little bit younger but i think if you if like aid i mean i don't know where you would be that

they would make you say your age you can't do that here well i don't know if it's if a different country i'm not you know because they were like they're not in their own they're not in their native country so if it's something that doesn't have those same kind of regulations it might suck but you might need to most of the time people straight out of college and you didn't say what jobs you're applying to but like most of the time people straight out of college are taking jobs that they are well overqualified for and it might not be a career but like you know there's it's a job that starts you there and it at the end of the day like you I don't know anybody who is like freshly graduated even though that like you yes you did a lot more schooling in the sense that

you got your like you did a dual degree that they all went no one's at that same job anymore and a lot of the time it's like you got you took the job that you could get and then you were continued applying to another job from there you just have to get into the workforce and it will become easier to get jobs like corporate jobs depending on where you are it will be easier once your foot's already in the door there and so sometimes it also is unfortunately taking a job you're overqualified for and to add on that and I don't want to be mean but people that you did a dual degree people are going to come in with that have that degree typically you're going to have more work experience than you do because they didn't they didn't go to school for their master's right after

school. And so what's going to happen is that you do have a master's, but there might be people that have a bachelor's, but they have more work experience. And because of that, they're going to be more qualified for that position, unfortunately. So you might have to be, when you're initially looking, looking at jobs that are for the bachelor's, but using your, Like you get in the door with that. You might get promotions faster because you have the master's, but you would have to come in with entry level jobs that are just for bachelor's degrees. Yeah. Surprise and delight them with that. Like you, you, you need to set yourself above your, like you need to use, like you need to use your master's to set you aside from the other applicants. not that that was a prerequisite for the applications because you will be lacking job experience and until you get into the workforce as soon as you're in it's a lot easier

to get other get a recommend all of those kinds of things you know i think a lot of time people who like do these degrees which like kudos to you really fucking hard it you think it takes you to like a separate fast track career wise like after once you get out and you're not gonna have to kind of like take a lower level job and do all that like unfortunately like it's it is still what happens people want degrees and they want work experience but like they want both and then it's like okay well this is this enough and it's like well no maybe not yet and like it it might suck and like you know you your peers and the fact that like you there's a lot of people who can relate to you because of the fact that you they are younger and they're doing all this kind of

stuff you can't burn yourself out to a reward like if you keep when you work this hard to be like, okay, cool. Now, now, now I get to like kick back. Unfortunately, that like does not happen. And I think if you go into a job with like the same, like, I will bleed out for this mentality that you kind of have to have to get a dual degree by 22, you will just burn yourself out even more. And like, you will not get rewarded for that. So I think it's about like, you know, finding community that you can like commiserate with and knowing that like, it's all like a steps and a means to an end. Similarly, like that classes are and credits are to graduation, like that your first job will be like that even though you put all this work in beforehand like that work it will

pay off it's not gonna pay off right now right it's gonna take a while don't you love me saying all that without having a single degree but you have work experience no i do i i've i'm chock full of work experience i don't even have my high school diploma because i spelled california wrong and i don't think i ever got a new one but you still have it just because you don't physically you still have from high school yes okay we're gonna take a quick break and we will be back and we're back i'm going to be next hi megan and melissa i'm a listener since 2019 but it's my first time writing in, I need advice about how to get back into having sex, particularly how to tell a partner that it's been a while. I'm 23, bisexual woman, have not had sex in over two years since I

broke up with my ex-boyfriend, who I dated for two years. Before I dated him, I had only had sex twice with men. Needless to say, 99% of my sexual experiences have been with my ex. We had a very intense relationship so it took me a long time to get over him. I've only been on a few random dates here and there since we broke up. Recently I felt much more inspired to start going out on dates and talking to people on apps which I have been. It's making me start to worry about when it comes to the bedroom eventually on a date how to mention that I haven't had sex in a long time. I definitely would want to let them know in some way because it would make me feel more comfortable But I would worry about making it awkward or how to bring it up

Any advice in general for getting back in sexual activity after a long hiatus? Also as of right now, this is hypothetical and not about a particular person There is a guy I went out with I do want to sleep with but idk If he's interested so it has so it hasn't gotten there yet It's also worth mentioning that I haven't dated a woman in seven years and haven't had sex with a woman, making that even bigger hurdle for me. If anyone has any advice on that, thank you, ladies. I would love to know why you why why telling someone you had a like a break from sex would make you feel more comfortable. Like it does for me, like during the pandemic.

I mean, after not during after the pandemic, when I hadn't had sex, everybody was like, yeah, it's me fucking do. yeah um i would like if i would just be like hey it's been a long time for me and leave it at that like it was just a thing clothes were already off and it was just like hey i haven't had sex in a long time just because if you you think if you're bad not that just things tightening back up that's a good point yes physical comfortability okay that makes a lot more because i was like because i also think that like now that because i was gonna say i was like part of that like i you know i've like taken like long breaks from dating and like that also was like sleeping with people and so like i just think oh yeah you know i took like a big break from from like dating yeah and so like for

that like i in general like people just like would infer that it would be like yeah you haven't talked with anyone in a while and like you've been focusing on something else but if you're talking about like a physical comfortable yeah you then talk about the fact that like no no things attached to people have not been coming in and out yeah and you know my home devices my sex toys they do not equate opinions and so like to be more comfortable i would i would just say it like it's not it wasn't a for me it wasn't a big deal i am a little bit older than you so i just it might just be because you know people are more comfortable talking about sex when they're older but um you just just say it and then just like if you need them to be slow then like we need to

take this slower whatever but just say how you're feeling in the moment i've never had anybody be like oh i'm out or like oh like i'm gonna disregard you and your feelings for that because if that's the case i never would have wanted to be with them anyway yeah so i that makes total sense to me i think like if it's about that like if it's about like a physical like aspect of that then like yeah bring it up before you like just when make it out like you're you're start things are starting if you are wanting to say it like when you're on a date with someone like ahead of time are you wanting to say it because you are worried about what like what what are you what are you what is your concern there and also i would ask myself what's your concern why do you want to tell

them if it's not for a physical aspect that you would say right before what's your concern and what response are you looking for them to have because like a lot of the time like if we have an expectation of how we want someone to respond to it like there are bad ways like you said like there are ways that you're like yeah this is a no-go way if you responded but like are there ways that he could or sorry not he and well you said in this hypothetical there's a guy is there a way that he could respond that isn't like an automatic deal breaker but like isn't what you want like would want like think about what reaction you want from that like because i do think in general it's a personal choice it's a thing that you do but like if

if there's only bad reactions that you don't want to have and that's how you're ruling it out but if there is an ideal reaction is it is it is it possible that you're going to get that every time? No. And then at that point, I would be like, maybe you're trying to have this be more representative of something and have this be a bigger sign of something that someone doesn't know that they're in a test. They don't know that there's like a right and a wrong answer. Well, there's always a wrong answer, but like that there is a correct way for them to go about it and what to say. Because if one of the answers that you might ask yourself is like, well, I'm hoping that maybe they aren't super experienced. That's a totally different conversation. That's a really

different conversation or if you're hoping that you know they uh it will be represented that they know that you're not someone who like wants to like you know sleep around casually totally a different conversation like it cannot be representative of like something else that you are looking for or something else you're trying to rule out so yeah I would just I would say I would say that or if you're feeling like insecure about the fact that like oh well maybe i'm not good at sex you're having sex with men you know yeah so you're having like i i just i think coming into in general anything that you've decided to like make a choice to pursue in life you need to go into it with confidence and if you need external validation to feel that confidence

I think you got to work on the confidence first right also bring lube you're gonna need it yeah yeah I mean I'm also kind of a believer in this I mean make me I don't know people can have feelings but I'm like not really big on talking about like a lot of sex sexual things before we've had any sort of physical closeness or intimacy there like I just think that like it can make people weird like we can be like flirty but like i don't want to like meet you on an app and like start talking dirty to each other like immediately like that's just not the vibe so i think unless you're just trying to fuck exactly but like i think if this is like if it's not that situation i would i would avoid bringing up sex things early on because i just think that like they

men don't know how to handle that like they it's just a it's a weird it's a weird thing that they do and yeah i would also like we have a lot of people who sleep with women and date women marry women in our group if they have advice for that aspect of it i think like the last time you were with a woman you were a child totally and i think like i i really think that after like a long break from like dating and sex like is like the perfect time to be like hey i'm feeling like I have I haven't I don't have my sea legs for sleeping with men I and I don't feel like I have my sea legs for sleeping with women like if you feel like you're at a place of like I'm not starting from ground zero but like if you you are feeling like a little bit like nervous and shy and

inexperienced then like maybe lean into the thing that like you this is the first time that playing field right now has been like somewhat even and if that's like something that you would be interested in I think like it's a great time to explore that for you because like right now it sounds like you're nervous anyway. And sometimes being nervous is like a, it's a fun and exciting sort of a thing. And leaning into that can like, I don't know, you can have like really great results and progress in your life. Yeah. All right. We're going to take a break. When we get back, We'll get into Don't Blame Them. In Toronto, every arrival is a statement,

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That's Wayfair. Wayfair, every style, every home. we are back and it's time for don't blame them don't blame them is where someone writes in or calls in with their own advice pertaining to something we had on a previous episode you can fill out the form and do that if you want to for an upcoming episode or you can just again call us send us a send us an email and they are giving personal experience or professional experience something that we might not have touched on just to help that original caller Get some more advice.

This person is 29. Is she her? Hi, writing in for the Don't Blame Me, Meet the Parents episode for the Mistake at Work write-in. Megan Melissa's advice was spot on. Your work should have done their due diligence and had at least a second set of eyes on the data before it was published.

I work with large data sets of healthcare information. For instance, I am getting my PhD in epidemiology and also had recent distress related to attention forgetfulness that I'd never experienced before. In addition to and to emphasize Eminem's advice, automate as much of the data process as you can. If you use coding software, first make sure to always keep a copy of the original raw file and make a new file to do any data cleaning. Use code to directly export your results into a spreadsheet. That way there's no room for error with the step.

In Excel, if you need to merge multiple outputs, use the power query, Google for a step-to-step guide. With a full data set, use pivot tables to automate, I'm feeling so smart, use pivot tables to automate filtering, count percentage calculations, basic analysis, and any potential subgroup information you might need to extract. And yes, absolutely look up the formulas you need. I learned how to quote unquote hack Excel all through online forums and YouTube videos. But to reiterate, this is definitely a management issue. In my work, we've at least one person review the code for a project and check that the data entry into the report was done correctly. even sometimes different even sometimes different people for each step also multiple rounds of feedback and copy editing before anything becomes publicly available it is so easy to make mistakes

when starting when staring at spreadsheets all day especially on a screen so don't be too hard on yourself i often want to throw my computer out the window after a long day wonderful amazing that made me feel like really smart i felt like i was in a vocabulary quiz you were using those words yeah i'm gonna i'm gonna bring all those words up to moths tonight at dinner it'll be like what you know data entry pivot pivot well that's it that is it we hope you all enjoyed this episode thank you so much for calling in for well actually these were all right and thank you so much for writing in you can call in for other episodes you can also keep writing in we gave you all the information about how to how to participate in the show we also do a video version of this podcast

on patreon you can watch it ad free there we also do live streams twice a month make some new friends you're moving to a new city you've moved to a new city you got out of a bad roommate situation you are someone who likes to travel and you're looking to make international friends who will let you sleep on their couch we have those there there are so many fun people um and i i don't know why i've been recently thinking about it maybe because there's been a lot of crows in our neighborhood recently but um my one of my favorite patreon stories has been the fact that um one of our one of our patrons can i can i name check her i don't know the story that you're telling it's soraya i feel like i could always name chick soraya yeah um one of our uh patrons

who is not who's not american um she we were talking somehow we got to the to the the topic of um sunroofs and cars and she was fully convinced that the reason why we had sunroofs and so we could get the sunlight but we needed to protect our heads because eagles would fall out of the sky and we had to be like eagles do not fly in the sky like pigeons or like we also don't really see eagles unless we go to maybe a zoo an endangered species and also um our birds fall out of the sky just as much as the birds and anywhere else in the country and it is not or the the world truly and it is not a a big or a big ordeal um and i it's truly i don't know if that has ever happened the only issue i've ever had with birds and glass is we have hummingbirds

and we have regular you know not hummingbirds but we have a couple trees that have that kind of nectar when they drink they get drunk and then they just keep banging their head into the window that's it but um yeah i've been thinking about that lately as i've been seeing birds being like hope it doesn't fall on that person hope it doesn't fall on top of their car i was like oh that'd be mostly also because i've been opening my sunroof lately being like glad i have this case a bird falls specifically in case a bald eagle falls yes well join us tomorrow for fisting friday where we just catch up talk usually talk about tv shows maybe i'll be caught up with um poker face by then a lot actually no it's not we've watched

it back to back so i forgot that we just started season two yeah probably not but you know i got a lot of work to do these days um and then on monday we've got but am i wrong that's when people write in and ask if they're wrong in the situation we also rant or share things from our own lives where we might be wrong and at the end of the episode we nominate a wrong of the week on tuesday so see you next tuesday where we have votes for but am i wrong we share those results people can also write in with their own thoughts and we'll share those as well wednesday use that to listen to an an old episode use it to you know maybe comment on old episodes too that it'll pop up for us we'll see the comments on spotify and then thursday we'll be back here for another episode of don't

blame me thank you for listening goodbye bye this is a sister sign production hosted by me megan rinks and me melissa d montz plus diamond imprint productions post-production by coco lorenz production assistance by melanie d watson and music by ryan hunter and giacomo picasso