Don't Blame Me! - DBM: Legally Petty

Episode Date: June 19, 2025

This week, Meghan and Melisa are giving advice on: Feeling unwanted Getting back at a shitty landlord Find a job as a neurodivergent person Update: Trying to get along with your sister-in-law Buy Our Merch ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://crowdmade.com/collections/sister-sign⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Call In - 310-694-0976 (3 minutes or less) Write In - ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠[e-mail]⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ (300 words or less) Follow Us! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠instagram.com/meghanandmelisa⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ @meghanrienks ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠instagram.com/meghanrienks⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://twitter.com/meghanrienks⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Elevate your savings with the Scotia High Interest Savings Account. Always earn high regular interest rates that grow the more you save and invest. Conditions apply. Visit scotiabank.com slash H-I-S-A to learn more. Scotiabank. You're richer than you think. Hello. Hi, Megan.

Oh, I didn't tell you. when i said we were coordinating i have a little pink bow on my shirt that matches your pink shirt i just thought you meant the like it just feels springy it is we have like rosy tones like you know we're looking very cute you can see how cute we look over on patreon um but yeah welcome to another episode of don't blame me where we are going to give you some wonderful life-changing amazing fantastic advice do you think they'll take it sometimes i always wonder about the people that never call us with an update how'd that go and you know i understand having to push things so far out of your brain because you're like didn't go well and i don't i don't want to

circle back to it and you know what that's okay i think we've all been there we've all done stuff like that yeah so hope you're having a great day today we do we do even i hope even the girl who wanted to date the man in jail who said he's a good christian man i i hope you're also having a good day today actually i just hope you have the day that you deserve i'm not gonna say no and she doesn't mean that she means it passive-aggressively if you deserve a bad day but she she means it genuinely if you deserve a good day she hopes you have a good day yes i do good day sir and good day sir so yeah we're gonna give advice if you want to call in for an upcoming episode you can leave us a voicemail at 310-694-0976 international listeners you can send us an audio

message at meganpodcast at gmail.com we also have a form that you can fill out that is linked in the show notes as well as in our social bios but for all of it you have to be you have to pee i don't you have to be 18 or over uh and we need to know your age and we need to know what's happening in your life but we do not need to know your name it is all anonymous but uh we need to know the important facts because without the important facts we can't give you the best advice like you might be you we might be giving you something that's like not entirely helpful because you're not given all of you're not given all of those details and it could be you're not giving the details because you're like well i don't want them to like read too much into this unfortunately

we are going to read into it and if you give us less information we will read into that lack of information more we will notice if you don't say your age and your partner's age better relationship we will notice if you are talking about drama moving in with your significant other and you haven't told us how long you've been together like we're we're going to pick up on those things so just get out of the way just tell us right we want to be on your side but as always there is an age gap we will judge you but we will judge you in the context of what you're giving us yes and we will be able to give you better advice for someone who is in an age gap relation like how to go about this or what to do all of these things like we we want to help you because you're the one calling

into longhouse you're the one writing in like you you are the listener and uh if we have to piss you off for the greater good we will but let us know if you're sensitive because we'll try it we'll do we'll do it as best we can there's only a couple people i don't i don't handle with kid gloves you know and usually it's not people who like say hey i'm really sensitive because by the way any of you who say i'm sensitive pleasing eyes we never need like there's never a part of us that is like i really wish i could have gone in on this person like usually you're not in the wrong at all usually yeah all right should we get into the first one i think we should would love your advice on an issue i 25 she her have been having with my partner 25 he him we've been together for

10 ish years holy shit and are each other's firsts for everything we have been hope so please good god we've been living together for the last five and a half five and a half years we are playing house five and a half years and two years ago our sex life started to slow down at first it wasn't anything that i was concerned about but over time it started to become less and less and is now it is almost completely petered out with us going months without having sex we used to have sex pretty regularly maybe twice a week i've brought up how this bothers me many times and he says his libido has changed since going on medication for anxiety i completely understand how this plays a role into it as i'm also on medication for anxiety however i haven't

felt that side effect quite as much i've expressed to him that despite this it makes me feel like he isn't attracted to me anymore and that i'm unwanted he's reassured me each time that we've talked about it that it's not the case and he will work on changing it nothing ever changes though and i'm exhausted from bringing it up each time we talk about it it seemed to be a very sensitive subject for him and he beats himself up about it i know he loves me and he's attracting and is attracted to me but it's hard for me to fully believe that when there's little to no intimacy i have a hard time initiating sex now because i'm afraid of rejection i'm not asking up sex all the time any improvement at all is really what i'm looking for at this point where do i go from

here you guys have done so many things in your relationship why not therapy yep this is like yeah this is not like a there's a direct cause in this of anxiety medication i also i'm an anxiety period anxiety can affect your libido and then adding the medication on top of that and specifically for specifically for men like it's like they're there because there's also like a psychological performance anxiety but that is as far as i know i'm pretty sure it is even a more of a common side effect in men from that medication specifically and women if you're on birth control if you're on all that stuff are no one cares about libido like they're like low libido is a side effect a lot of medication that they prescribe for women for men it's like they really care about that there there

are fixes for that there are things that are much more attuned in the medical like space for that and i think like you know i understand it's hard not to like take it personally and all of those kinds of things but i think that those are two separate issues like if you are not feeling like loved and attracted to and like desired and all of that like he doesn't have to have sex with you to like make you feel wanted and loved so that to me is like that's a therapy issue and then i also think that like someone who you're allowed like mismatched libidos can come from like anything it doesn't even have to come from medication it can just be like how you are it can also be who you grow up into being all of that kind of stuff

and to me i think you could make a relationship work with mismatched libidos if you want to make it work both parties have to want to make it work and to me i think the thing that's more insulting is like we're not doing you don't want to do anything about it like yeah because also like different medications can affect your libido differently so like he could go to his doctor in the same way like how birth control or any type of medications that we take can also affect how our libido is. And he could go to his doctor and say, hey, my libido is low. Can we try out another medication to see if this helps? He may be afraid that if he goes on a different medication, then his anxiety may change too. And that is another thing to discuss in therapy.

but you want to have sex he doesn't you don't feel attractive to him but he is telling you that you are attractive to him there are both physical and mental things going on here and you should be treating it from both sides yeah i i agree with that wholeheartedly and it i think the the most attractive thing and like the biggest green flag in a relationship is like two people who want to work on it and it can be like if you want to move past something as a couple you can get through anything like if that if you are on the same page for that you can deal with like any obstacle you can you can do that if you want to make it work you will make it work you can't make you can't want to make something work or be better for both parties and in this instance I think he's feeling

a lot of responsibility for you like he's feeling like and he's feeling a lot of shame and it's like without a doubt a touchy subject but I think like like we're saying like splitting these two things up into you are pulling back from me and I'm not feeling like this love and effect I'm not feeling all of these kinds of things and like intimacy isn't always sex like there are so many other aspects of it and I can understand if he's feeling like well I don't want to like seem like I'm leading her on that that's where it's going to go and I don't know that it's going to be able to go there in that moment but that is something that like if it's a touchy subject and you've tried every which way to talk about it that means like if you could have figured out a solution just the

two of you you would have done it already that's where like you bring a medical professional in a psychological professional in and you talk about it together and you figure it out together because if his ultimate answer is like I'm fine with where I'm at I don't want to fix it that's allowed to be a deal breaker for you but it also might be helpful for you to hear like okay like you're not trying to fix it so like maybe if I just stop trying to fix it I will feel better about whatever decision i end up making for where our relationship goes next but like me trying to fix this enough for the both of us when someone else doesn't really want to fix you build resentment towards someone right so and especially since y'all have been together since you were 15 years old this is

the only relationship you you have ever been in and i'm guessing this is the only relationship you ever want to be in so like you're still young let's figure this out together like you've been through your teenage years and now your young adult years together like you have to keep forging through but in order to do that you're going to need to bring in another party and maybe two other parties three maybe if he needs to go to three maybe if he wants to go to individual therapy plus couples therapy and you going to individual therapy too and talking to the health care as in physical health care provider about it yeah I think like it moving in together at like 19 and I don't know if you're like 25 and a half and you're saying we've moved together five and a

half years so you moved together at 20 you moved in together at like 19 ish that is like such a young age for this and this how you handle conflict in a relationship and communication is like so imperative just to like the health and success of your relationship long term not the amount of years you have like it's not about like what we've done that we've lived life together so much we like are each other's like other half or whatever but like if you if it if you can't like work through things together whether that communication all of those kinds of things you're holding on to something that like that is a commonality that you're going to have no matter how old you are no matter what life like you're going to need to and it's a muscle and it's

something that you have to learn and practice and you're not naturally going to be good at it and i think in general we think people we've known forever and we're really close to those the easiest people to have those conversations with sometimes it's not like sometimes it's it's you can't be as straightforward or you you have there's all this weight and history to that relationship and i think that like yeah you've done so many life steps therapy i think is a great one couples therapy for you together like a really really really great one especially because been going on for two years yeah that's a long time yeah and like as you age this libido shifts and changes and stuff and so like if this is your baseline right now at this age are you comfortable

with it going down from here are you comfortable with it going down is he comfortable with it going down from here and like you both have you're both gonna have to like face uncomfortable like have these uncomfortable conversations and i think doing that with a therapist and medical professionals and stuff like it's helpful. All right. We're going to take a break and we'll get back. We'll get to the next one. Using automation, analytics, and smarter workflows to simplify campaign delivery and access better data across the business. The result? Less time spent on operations, more time connecting brands with the moments and fandoms that matter most. Learn more at Accenture.com slash Spotify.

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Conditions apply. Visit scotiabank.com slash H-I-S-A to learn more. Scotiabank. You're richer than you think. All right, we're back. Hi, Megan and Melissa. I need advice on how to be legally petty with my shitty landlord. Oh, I love that.

long story short he kicked me female 28 and my boyfriend male 28 out after purchasing the building we live in claiming that he will occupy our unit at the end of our lease which he can legally do in canada quebec but we discovered that he wants to rent it to someone else and raise the rent which is illegal we are suing don't worry great we are leaving soon to move into our house and i want to make his life a living hell with a bunch of petty actions that will not affect the apartment itself but will be annoying for him to deal with if you have any ideas that would be great thank you for everything you do you guys are the best do you want to annoy him in the unit because i i do fear that that's just going to get passed

off to the next yeah i think that's why they were saying something that didn't affect the apartment itself okay something just that annoys him yeah sign him up for a bunch of listservs emails just anything that you come upon on the internet where it's like put your email address here put his email address in there yeah remember grocery stores when you could like sign up for like raffles just not not that he could win things but like you know if people who are doing petitions sign them up click the little check mark i would like to receive emails about this another check mark i would like to receive emails about this um if you want to use a little bit of money maybe there's like a sub stack about shitty landlords that you could

subscribe to like something that's very poignant yeah and petty you can there might be one where like the that you still get i know i'm signed up for sub stacks for that i'm not specifically paying for but i'm getting emails for them so even if you don't want to pay any money you can you can still sign him up for it well then it's even more annoying because you're just getting the teaser and then you're like well now i kind of want to read the rest do you know what car he drives um i do think it would be wonderful if like you know you call him from different phone numbers or block phone numbers and tell him his car is getting towed repeatedly you could put up signs around town that have his phone number on it that's talking about something that's lost

yeah yeah yeah because i've done some things that like aren't totally not not illegal right so i we want to make sure we're trying to toe the line yes so so it's like madly we like pick the thing you do and then it goes okay what are the legal ways you can do this because again i have done allegedly maybe some of the other ones i think in general it's important uh on you know post on reddit post in facebook group heads up this guy you know not a great landlord shitty landlord if if people are asking that kind of a thing places you'd recommend you find out what like coffee shop he goes to and you have like a friend who works there always give him his coffee like lukewarm and then remake it and make it like slightly colder each

time and then when he goes okay i'll just get an iced coffee make that iced coffee hot and ice just melting so it's watery that's another good one maybe maybe maybe you get a job as a barista at his favorite coffee shop just to irritate him like that there is a whole subreddit called petty revenge a lot of those are not legal i understand that but you could skirt the line totally they live in quebec i don't know their laws there i don't know your laws i don't know at all i will say i also don't know your legal system in the sense that like here when you're suing someone or an entity you have to be the most prim polished buttoned up non-petty version of yourself until that thing is like settled and done because it can look poorly

on you and affect the results of that so if that is the case if you have like a i don't know if it's just like a mediation thing or it's just like kind of going through you check the boxes you go through the steps you get compensated for whatever uh but if it is like you have a legal representative and you've got like all these different kind of things i would definitely like ask them hey if i you know if i prank calls him a couple times is that gonna affect the outcome of this remember when i was gonna sue my old landlord yeah but that man was fucking sneaky and smart and knew that when he wasn't going to give us our entire deposit back even though legally he had to he knew he knew the fucking cost of it was the exact the the cost that he was giving me back

was the exact amount we'd be able to win in small claims court and that was the limit and to get what we deserved which was more than that we'd have to go to a regular fucking court which would cost us more money and i was like you're a fucking super villain super villain please i said feels did not make me feel good also if you have any french friends like maybe like have them go like call him speaking in french and then like i don't know if he's like an old quebecois man because there's a scene there's a lot of tension between old french men and old quebecois men about pronunciations and accents and that kind of stuff maybe maybe you hire an old man to get under this old man's skin i'm looking up petty revenge stuff and most of it is like relationship based so you wouldn't be able

to do them because you would need to be in his home yeah don't go that's not good well uh everyone listening please write in especially if you're in oh canada with things that skirt the law skirt Thank you. Less time spent on operations, more time connecting brands with the moments and fandoms that matter most. Learn more at Accenture.com slash Spotify. Great news. The federal EV rebate is back. Eligible customers get up to $5,000 with the federal EVAP rebate on select 2027 Volt and 2026 Equinox EV models. Visit your local Chevrolet dealer today for more details.

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Search free until August 31st. Visit ancestry.ca for details. Terms apply. shall we get into the next yes hi megan and melissa i'm 27 i use they them pronouns i'm calling in because i hate my job and i'm hoping you can help me pinpoint what i should do next the leadership at work is toxic unkind and uninclusive despite touting diversity i have a difficult relationship with my manager and i don't get the support i need support for me specifically looks like time and location flexibility room to learn from mistakes

without harsh criticism and backing me up in projects that she's the lead for I currently have none of this I'm doing so little work that I actually enjoy like data analysis research internal processes and so much work that drains me like I'm asking customer meetings and internal meetings with angry men for some context I have ADHD that was just diagnosed a couple of years ago, which I'm now medicated for. I used to be a chronic job hopper. My record for shortest job is four months. A lot of the moving around came from boredom and impatience, which Ritalin has helped me cope with better. I've now been at my current job for a year and a half, a record for me. I'm good at my job, evidenced by the fact that I've been promoted twice in the last 18 months.

I'm still incredibly unhappy. My current situation isn't sustainable. Work is my biggest source of stress, and anxiety, and it's taking a toll on my mental and physical health. I want to leave and pursue something else, but I'm not sure what. I don't want to go into another corporate office role if that means I'll just be unsatisfied and leave after a year. I also can't just quit as I'm the primary earner between me and my partner. I'd like advice from two people who have an outside perspective and who know my personality a little bit from the live streams. Hey, do you have suggestions for jobs that work for no divergent people? I'd also be interested in your take on a career that could work for me specifically in the longer term thanks both love you i too was a

chronic job hopper when i didn't work for myself but i didn't even argue right now in my careers i still am a job hopper i just have lots of different jobs funny bounces bounce but i just but the thing is i can jump around all those jobs because they're all grounded in the same thing but i and the thing is broad because like yeah if anyone doesn't know melissa's doing her if you're like more recent here oh yeah melissa directs audiobooks that did not start like that did not start like a very long time ago that started because i went to a writing retreat which is another one of my jobs yeah i went to a writer's retreat they knew that i did podcasting one of the people that was putting on the event knew that i was a podcaster and asked and they

work for penguin random house and asked me would i be interested in directing audiobooks and i said i didn't know audiobooks had directors and then the pandemic happened and i needed an audiobook director and i had already gone through some training yep and so then we did it and since then i directed over like 70 books and one has been nominated for a grammy and they've been nominated for several of the books i've directed been nominated for audio awards yeah and i say this because you said that there are a lot of things in your job that you dislike and you're barely doing the things that you actually like so i think what where you would probably thrive is freelancing because i have like i have contracts with the big like audiobook companies

and also smaller ones too where I'm not doing one job at a time I'm doing different audiobooks when I want to do them but also I'm doing podcasting and I do what podcasts I want to do produce and what we do in hosting podcasts but also I'm writing scripted content too even with that we have to wait to see if we get renewed for season two and then if I'll continue on when we're done with this first season and i have so many i'm gonna be like teaching a class in one class on audiobooks i've been asked to guest speak on different things so like i'm always doing something new my days never look the exact same but also i can like yesterday i directed an audiobook in the morning we recorded two episodes but then i could go and get my hair

done and be gone for several hours in the day yeah it had subpar lasagna and then while i was reviewing yeah don't blame me she brought her computer and said i did some work uh-huh so i think you you need to write down everything that you're good at and maybe like do data entry because you said that that's part of your job do data entry for some companies maybe like a smaller company that doesn't need several small companies that don't need somebody full-time but you're working for all these companies where it gives you full-time income without you having to work for them full-time yeah i'm a firm believer in once a bouncer always a bouncer bounce in a constructive way because if you if you try and hold yourself to like not be a bouncer a some

people are just bouncers yes i am a bouncer i get bored yes and if you have adhd like that is like that that in itself not bouncing is masking and like masking is exhausting and like trying to stick with something and find something to stick with like you will be chronically unhappy chronically unsatisfied because like that's just like not how your brain works it is firing off on multiple cylinders and like bouncing can be from like bouncing it doesn't have to be job stuff it can be bouncing to different hobbies it can be like bouncing in this like but you just instead of trying to like squash and quell that like viewing that as like a negative character trait versus just like how you operate and some people some people are stickers some people are bouncers

other people are stickers and like there are pros and cons of both but like one is not better inherently better than the other like you just have to figure out which one you are and make that work for you i was gonna say which is so lucky i was gonna say the only thing if you are the primary like breadwinner it's like i was gonna say maybe getting a part-time job that has good health benefits but you don't i don't think you need those it's very hard to find a part-time job that has good health so starbucks does but in like certain of those other uh i think a couple other fast food places and stuff but we know where you are and i don't think that's unless something is i'm very clearly misinformed i do not think that that is part of what yeah so i

I I think that like if there is something that you like for stability that is you like okay well I need to make you know I I need to make x amount of money to to cover our costs and do x y and z and all of that kind of stuff and making the leap to like freelance and being able to make that certain amount of money freelance like right off the bat can be really intimidating and really hard and then you can just like freeze and then you're like I don't know what to do so I think like whether that's staying in this job and finding things that you like that you can do outside of this job for money to build up like a freelancing thing or there's nothing wrong with quitting this job and getting a job that you do not find draining you don't find stimulating you don't

find draining and so then you have the capacity to do all of these other things that you like and you enjoy and you're good at while building the freelance side of things I think it is really hard to like find a job that you're like oh my god this would be perfect for me because you're not wrong like the corporate stuff it is a lot of fucking meaning it's a lot of this kind of like just just these things that you just have to kind of do and in reality what will make or break those situations are the people that you work with because you will have to do shitty things and things that you don't want to do but if you're doing with people that you like then you will enjoy it but like that's a really fucking hard thing to figure out and i would say

like you know i i love my man he is a he's a capricorn capricorn capricorn capricorn through and through and the job he is at now he still has to like do the things he like you know he hates he he hates a touch a touch-in meeting he's like i would just i would rather we be straightforward like he's very much like melissa and i like the can we just like cut to the chase let's do like x y and z like really pragmatic in that sense but he like really gets along with everyone who he works with and so those things that are typically draining at another place are not nearly as draining because the social not even just like the social aspects but like you get along with people other people are on the same vibe on the same page and that's a hard thing to

like know when you're applying or interviewing for a job but b it's also like not those people don't always stay like that that kind of culture doesn't always stay there so I think in general instead of like finding a place that like you're okay with dealing with the things that you hate it's like what's a job that like isn't as draining for me and then I find that stimulation and satisfaction somewhere else and I can build that up and like that's how everyone I know who's done freelance has has done it like it's it's never a cut and dry like I'm I'm leaving this and I'm starting from the bottom yes yes you always have to I say like as a freelancer you always have to have that one thing that's like your steady income and so like for me podcasting has turned into

that's always my steady income and then everything that I add on top of that is getting me to the money that I actually want to make and I think for you you would say like content creation is that I would say that that and also I'm at the point now which was my next suggestion too is like while you're figuring things out start investing your money because like that's a big thing that no one is able in general like no one is able to maintain a creative or freelance job style without either a being beyond a jack-of-all-trades like also being an insomniac like being able to bleed yourself dry and do every job which way to like make ends meet or having a secondary income in a way of some people have like a trust fund but like even like small investments of your money

that can just get you over and then being able to live cheaply like those are things i would say that like not how i used to be whatsoever but like that especially someone with adhd uh that was the one of the most helpful things that i did was when i when i had the money to invest invest and do that kind of stuff and that's very smart yeah and the younger you do it and that was not on i i had that was our our manager who was like honey we got to do this and i was like i don't know how to do it you figure that out so it's just there's a lot of thinking ahead for the future because it's just not consistent. And I would say if you value consistency, I, someone with AG, I do really like consistency. I'm not so great with it, but like, for me,

the podcast is consistency that I'm like, this is really helpful. This helps me structure the rest of my week. Like, so doing those things of being like, I think if I didn't have that, like, I think I would benefit from like someone who has like a retail job or like a barista, like something that adds like just routine and structure to your day. And then from there, expanding off that. And I also say be flex. If you do go the freelancer route, be flexible and saying yes to things that you don't necessarily think that would put you on the track to what you actually want to do. But those little things build up to the big thing that you want to do. so when I came out here to LA my goal was to be a writer producer that was point blank my

actually was it was a writer director was my goal and I would say like I've been here for 10 years now 12 years now I don't know a long time and last year was the first year that I was professionally getting paid to do everything that I wanted to do so but it all started like with me saying yes I was able to move up in my career faster. So when I was working as an assistant, by chance, an editor for one of the podcasts we were working on at the time was out of town. And then the producer of that podcast was like, you can edit, right? I had a very baseline understanding of editing because I had said yes before to an internship where I actually had reached out to a GoFundMe person that was funding a film or was it Kickstarter? A Kickstarter person that was

working on a film. I asked him, hey, can I shadow you while you're directing? He reached out to me and said, hey, I don't have anything right now for you to shadow for directing because we're still raising money. But would you like to come and work on this other project that's in post production where we're doing? I need an assistant editor for that. And I said, I don't know how to edit? And he said, well, I'll teach you. So me saying yes to that gave me the basic skills to edit. And then I was able to say yes to this editing other job, which I stayed home that weekend and looked up YouTube and just studied how to edit using the basic skills I had. And then I edited it so well that the producer was like, actually, do you want to take over the editing?

because this was great. And I said, sure, because then that was more money and more skills in my back. And then from there, because I was doing an excellent job assisting and editing, I moved up to producer. Because I was good at those things with the podcast, I was able to move up to producer for other projects that we were working on as well and be in the writer's room. Then I, like I said, when i went to this uh writer's retreat i said yes to directing audiobooks that saved me during the pandemic for consistent work oh yeah also saying yes to a lot of podcasts that i didn't necessarily want to work on but they were paying me consistent revenue just to be clear it's not any of the podcasts i'm working on now or anyone that i'm friends with yeah that i've had podcasts

within the past either but also like those doors just keep opening because i say yes and i search for new opportunities so yeah fake it till you make it lily always talks about how like how beauty break even like came to be or how her and i kept working together was like they had someone else drop out for the initial shoot and it was like a brand i think it was like sally hansen was like it was just be like a two video thing. It was branded by like Sally Hansen or some Garnett, something. And the person had dropped out.

Yeah. Person had dropped out and they had hired a, like a mark. There was like a marketing representative there who was like, you know, hired out as freelance to do this. And so she laughed in it. She was like,

fuck, holy shit. And like looked at who this person who dropped out, who they hung out with and who lives in the same area. And they found me. and then they reached out to me and it was like so last minute that they almost felt like it was insulting and then they were like would you be able to do these different hairstyles and i said of course i couldn't do them whatsoever and i get on camera and like before lily's like i meet lily

for the first time she asked me if i could do them and i was like totally and she's like i fully believed her and i started doing it and i'm not really doing it well but i'm like being really funny about it and like i'm like it's constant and i'm like it is engaging to watch and then know lily was like so she she definitely like cannot do it but like this is better than if she could have actually done it to this same level and then she and i she enjoyed working with me so much and just the fact that i was like yep i can do it i can do whatever i can do whatever but then she just started hiring me over and over and over again because i made it easy and it's one of those things that it's like if i was being truthful and honest about my skill set

my that love i wouldn't have done that and then none of you would have even had a beauty break like this is like how this whole thing spiraled and like how her and i became friends but like i was gonna say you got one of your best friends yeah and like there's something about like be like you should be really honest with yourself when you need to be but you should also be incredibly delusional and lie to yourself and other people when you need to and like when there's like a confidence aspect of this like and like think about how like straight men do this like they think they overestimate and like over say state their resume and in general people who are not straight men don't like we just in general we like we pull ourselves back and we make ourselves

smaller and there's something to be said about like blind confidence that can also with adhd put you into a little bit of a panic which you kind of get work done yeah so i have i've got high hopes uh for this for you me too all right we're gonna take another break can we get back we'll get into an update this episode is brought to you by Accenture when your advertising operations fall out of sync everything else follows Spotify and Accenture are working together to reinvent the rhythm of ad sales using automation analytics and smarter workflows to simplify campaign delivery and access better data across the business the result less time spent on operations more time connecting

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It's your money calling. It wants a promotion. elevate your savings with the scotia high interest savings account always earn high regular interest rates that grow the more you save and invest conditions apply visit scotiabank.com slash hisa to learn more scotia bank you're richer than you think we are back it is time for an update so the original call was about someone who didn't want to hang out with their sister-in-law because they didn't like them but they have children around the same age and she felt guilty about not hanging out with her nibbling i forgot if

it was a niece or nephew yeah so this is the update hi megan melissa i want to provide an update to my submission that aired august 29th 2024 regarding my sister-in-law i really appreciate your thoughtful responses my husband and i have been trying to practice radical acceptance as Melissa suggested, and I've continued spending time with her in neutral spaces like county fairs, etc., which Megan also recommended. There have definitely been more issues since August, but I still feel pulled to have a close relationship with my niece. I love her and I love children.

I also want her to have a relationship with my son. The challenge is that my sister-in-law's ongoing behavior, even just the small side comments. For example, at a recent family party, my sister-in-law loudly said, I find all newborns are ugly, while I stood there holding my three-month-old. She is also pregnant. If it helps, I don't find three month olds ugly. My husband and I are in couples therapy and we are both and we both recognize that addressing this kind of behavior typically results in us being painted as quote unquote too sensitive. Still, I struggle with playing nice just to see my niece. It's petty, but I'm resentful that my in-laws tolerate this behavior. My husband has tried to talk to his brother privately, but he just defends himself and his wife. even that medical lie yeah she like lied about having this just this is the for anyone who

doesn't remember she like lied about having this like serious like medical condition and issue and then then yeah and then was like no that was like not like i like that wasn't even possible like it wasn't even like a mix-up like it was like straight up like no i didn't and like there was no way i could have like haha and everyone says move past it and she posted it on instagram yes even that medical lie proven through her own instagram story was never apologized for only rationalized. I waver between going no contact or continuing to endure this for the sake of my niece and future children. I'm working towards accepting that I may be in this for the long haul until they all turn 18 and can choose to spend time with me or not. I wish you'd given

us more examples besides that I find all newborns are ugly. In my family, there are certain people that I don't particularly like, but I love their children. So I just deal with it and sidebar and express my grievances with other people in the family that also do not like this person and so we can have our own in the same way that you're speaking with your husband and your therapist we can have our own conversations to the side i'm able to be in the same room with this person because i love their children so much that they're just there they exist and deep down i do love this person but they piss me off a lot i wouldn't even say a little bit 90 percent of the time they piss me off which is a lot yeah there's only 10 that they're not right and it's probably 10 you're not

there it's actually better when i am there i will say oh that yeah sometimes that happens yeah but knowing that everybody else also cannot stand them it makes it easier to go through the situation you got way too comfortable i did i also talk shit to them to their face but they see it more as a loving enduring thing yeah yeah i was gonna say because like i think that like while that comment is like not kind and i'm sure it felt pointed at you she's also like pregnant about to like have a have a kid and like i don't want to come across as insensitive but like a lot of newborns do look a little a little wild a little crazy and i think in general people once you've had if you once you've

had a baby and you see your baby and you're like oh my god and it shifts and i think it shifts in you how you view all newborn babies because like it brings back all these memories and stuff so if it you know in general i think like there's this i think you have this more of like a universal i don't want to say like you're viewing this as like this family like oh i want my niece like the cousins and you're viewing this and i think like she's just like spitting off the fucking dome like i don't think i think you're really thinking like long term and like lineage and tradition and family and and childhood and growing up and like all in the community and all of these things and so when she makes comments like that it can feel like directly opposed to you i think

she's just saying shit like at least for this example it is also insulting to her because she had a kid and she's about to have another kid so i think with your which your three-month-old i don't think is i would never consider a three-month-old newborn like in like the sense of like sometimes they look like aliens or whatever but isn't newborn zero to three months anyway so like your your baby yeah that could have been a compliment that could have been like looking real cute like and so but i understand how you know compiled with her other behavior it feels like my god another thing like can't you just like keep your mouth fucking shut and to that i would say what if you adopt the mentality what if you adopt the mentality of being at a party and there's a

dog there where you're like i'm gonna go hang out with the dog do you know how many times i elect to sit at a children's table do you know how many times i love sitting at a children's table i live to sit if i hear people talking about something that it doesn't have to be problematic it can just be boring to me i go who wants to play uno and like i i will go i will be disney princess i will hang out with the fucking kids like and that is like fun like i've like parties of people who like i didn't know that well hung out with one of monster one of monster's best friends monster's best friend hank his parents were there i sat on the couch and hung out with hank's mom and dad the whole time like everyone's like megan you know i was like no i mean they're not drinking

i'm not drinking we're hanging out over here like there's just something about like you don't have to adhere especially when someone is not adhering adhering to like i'm not even gonna say like traditional social norms but just like you know uh it's not conducting themselves and how they communicate in their life and the lying and in ways that you find not only like engaging to participate in like it makes you feel like you got a fire it makes you feel some type of fucking way so to me i'm like then you get to abandon all sorts of like typical norms of like the adults sit here and the adults talk together about this kind of stuff it's like well this adult fucking lied about being fucking sick and all this shit so like I'm not going to then be buttoned up enough

for the both of us or like make this to be the most like typical relationship because it's not going to be so I think in that sense it's like you don't like I would truly just like not engage with her and hang out with her and in addition to that if I have to I would say something to her face in the moment yeah and that's what I do and I do that I do that I do with people I'm not related to where I literally go you can't say that or like no let's not or that was an odd thing to say like should we talk about that like there is just and I understand that you're feeling like I think you're doing it I think the thing that you're running into is you are towing the line with being like this is my in-laws but then you're also being like this is my cousin's family if you

really want to have those close family ties you need to stop tiptoeing around the family aspect if it's family it's family and then like speak your truth be honest talk about it if you want it to be like delegated in the sense of like well i want my partner to deal with this and all of these kinds of interactions or whatever then you can't want the cousins to be close you can't want to be a huge part of your niece's life you're separating yourself from being part of the family yes and if you want to be an aunt you are a part of the family you don't you're not an in-law yeah and because and also remember that like those kids do not view you any less of a relative because you're married like that means nothing to them because she's also an in-law yes so i think

that yeah you have equal standing ground in this family no sister-in-law versus sister-in-law yeah if you are not united you're allowed to be arch enemies and you're allowed like you do not have to go through someone else to like talk to whatever and i and i think because of like you're building this resentment towards his parents and all of this kind of stuff like you need to start living this life and interacting with her in a way that feels good to you because no one else is going to do it in a way that feels good to you yeah so like it has to be enough for just you and if it's not enough for just you after you're like i'm gonna call her out i'm going to like not spend time with her i'm gonna hang out with the kids and do all that if it's like still

not feeling good for you then do not go because you're it will affect the relationships of the cousins it will affect all of that and you know that tension but i i just go to the kids table right even when my friends have big parties and i don't necessarily like their friends i'll hang out with the kids i mean like 100 and everybody's like where's the dog at the party and i go where's the chatty kid with the glasses that are goggled to the back of it like tightly strapped on well give us another update i hope this goes better and pregnancy hormones maybe maybe things will shift and fluctuate and she'll she'll level out yeah she'll she'll be like i don't know and she also maybe she'll have like a really difficult baby that will make her

like humble herself or she'll have a really easy baby after having a very difficult one and it'll like mellow her out so her baby will come out really ugly i don't wish that on a child i just wish who cares it doesn't in the eyes in the eyes of her that her child comes out ugly but it's actually not an ugly child no i hope that i hope it is an objectively ugly baby that she views as so beautiful and then when the baby turns at six months and she looks at one of those pictures she goes oh i should never have said that before because uh yeah yeah and like i'll be real i have i've talked i haven't said it to the people but like i've talked about people's babies being like they used to like that was a it was a little undercooked yeah and like i have when i was a

child I did say that about one child and I got in a lot of trouble well like I was maybe like six and they were newborn I was older than that eight probably and then they were newborn I was like but I didn't mean for the adults to hear it I was just saying it to other people around my same age and the adults heard it I got in trouble but that baby grew into being a very beautiful adult yeah that's a scam artist but um but she's able to use her looks to scam so you're really her villain orgy story that baby heard and said i will be so hot i will actually use my hotness to be a menace in everyone's life i will use my hotness for my own personal advantage and to ruin other people's lives.

Kind of love that. Big Joker energy. We all need an origin story. We hope you enjoyed this episode. Don't forget to call in, write in for upcoming episodes, give me advice. If you have already been on an episode,

we've given you advice and you would like to give us an update. Also, call in, write in. You can fill out the form. There's just different ways to do that. It's all very self-explanatory. Make it easy for you. And if you would like to write in,

call in with advice to someone's something we talked about on this episode or a previous episode you have your own advice to give the caller you can also do that that's like a segment we do don't blame them we will shift between doing a don't blame them and an update so we didn't have any of those today but if you'd like to give advice to someone maybe you have accidentally maybe you have said that all newborns are ugly and you know you you were handed a slice of humble pie and how did that how did that happen what can we what can we get an etsy wish uh what can we get an etsy witch to wish for to happen to the sister-in-law for her to to come to her senses so uh join us tomorrow for fisting friday on monday we'll have a new episode of but am i wrong tuesday we've got

see you next tuesday wednesday listen to a random episode and i do see that y'all are listening to more random episodes than than ever thursday we'll be back for a new episode of don't blame me and we hope you enjoyed goodbye bye this is a sister sign production hosted by me megan rinks and me melissa d montz plus diamond imprint productions post-production by coco lorenz production assistance by melanie d watson And music by Ryan Hunter and Giacomo Picasso. Wayfair's Labor Day clearance is on now. Right now at Wayfair, you can get up to 70% off everything home.

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