Don't Blame Me! - DBM: Meet The Parents

Episode Date: September 11, 2025

This week, Meghan and Melisa share advice on: What not to do when you meet your partner's mom Being jealous of others' relationship with their parents When to introduce a man to your child Meeting the right person at the wrong time Join our Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/dontblameme Buy Our Merch https://crowdmade.com/collections/sister-sign Listen to Melisa’s New Show https://apps.apple.com/in/app/pocket-fm-audio-series/id1538433480?mt=8 Call In for DBM - 310-694-0976 (3 minutes or less) Write In for DBM - [e-mail] (300 words or less) Write in for BAIW - [e-mail] DBM Submission Form BAIW Submission Form Follow Us! instagram.com/meghanandmelisa @meghanrienks instagram.com/meghanrienks https://twitter.com/meghanrienks @sheisnotmelissa instagram.com/sheisnotmelissa instagram.com/diamondmprint.productions Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This episode is brought to you by Accenture. When your advertising operations fall out of sync, everything else follows. Spotify and Accenture are working together to reinvent the rhythm of ad sales. Using automation, analytics, and smarter workflows to simplify campaign delivery and access better data across the business. The result? Less time spent on operations, more time connecting brands with the moments and fandoms that matter most. Learn more at Accenture.com slash Spotify. hello hi welcome i got really high on monday night oh and i slammed my finger in the door damn damn yeah when you get too high that you forget where your body starts and ends like a

it was a good high like that's good yeah it was a great great feeling really into my body daytime high evening high but like early not night it wasn't night it was seven oh okay hey i said 4 30 yeah no seven that's that's a wind down yeah but like i wouldn't really do anything so what was i winding down from the day but i then got up at like two and did some work and then went back to sleep i don't know how you do that i need to get a sleep study like i literally wake up every day like i have been woken up from like the least restful coma like i'm such a raging bitch and like i don't even ever wake up unless like and i'm like there's something wrong i'm just so tired anyways welcome we're a podcast here to give you wonderful amazing life-changing advice

we're megan and melissa and the podcast is named don't blame me because if we give you advice that fucks up your life now you can't sue us don't blame us we consulted with lawyers so we are gonna give some advice and if you would like to participate if you're like holy hell i need oh my god i need some help in my life uh we're here to help you young leprechaun and you can give us a call at 310-694-0976 international listeners you can send us an audio message at meganpodcast.gmail.com and you can also type it out send an email to that same address or fill out our form or send us a dm we make it so very easy for you um for all the voice recording one including the voicemail you have to keep it under three minutes and for the written

ones under 300 words and for all of the above you have to be over 18 and it is anonymous but please tell us how old you are it does influence the kind of advice that we give you and include as many details as possible because as far as we know we weren't there you're telling us the story yeah i wasn't there truly i don't think i was there unless you talk about a story and i go was i there is this is this play about us did you see the two tiktoks i sent you i know you saw one of them oh that big old lady i don't even know you sent me the one about that big lady in that little house she's the one who's six one i don't know how tall she is but i just thought it was

funny that she was doing the thing where she was standing next to her refrigerator everybody's like i love her for some reason it's like a universal thing that people are like let me do that and then in the comments it's another universal first thing being like that doesn't help at all no like we all don't have the same fridge it comes in so many different sizes yes it's not like a regulation it's not a standard height no not at all and i don't know why people are like okay here's a good thing i'll stand in front of the fridge and it's like that tells me nothing mary so that one and then i don't know if he's white but he's non-black michael b jordan I was calling him Miguel Jordan.

It's, we've, we found him. We found him. He is, I don't think he's white, but he's, he's not black. He's not. Or he's not phenotypically. He's, he's looking, he's looking how that person I would have assumed meant when they said white Michael B. Jordan. The first time I saw it, I was like, no. And then I said, hold on.

And then I went back and I paused and I said, you know what? i'm actually seeing this like once i got past like the facial hair like the his facial hair is just like the crisp um sideburns and different hairline once i got past that i said you have the exact same nose you have the same eyes and these lips are actually looking somewhat similar and i was like oh uh this kind of is his face but i was yeah it literally has only 41 000 views and i just say like i love when they listen to us because the fact that you got served out on your for you page like it's crazy i know actually and i think it was on my other account hey they really know they know what we like yeah because that one also as i've stated

before that account has also turned into a um caitlyn clark hate account as well that's what the algorithm feeds me and um i wanted to see because she's been from the sidelines just being an asshole she's not even playing she's been injured for a while and she's acting like she's the coach like going out and yelling at people during a call that she doesn't like and then yelled at a cameraman that crossed in front of her so i need to go to like mexico like go on a vacation get out of here you think that she would like mexico no that's why i wanted to send her there don't don't i don't want to do that to mexico yeah i don't want to do that to her i want to send her somewhere that she would not like yeah i don't like to say this about women

but she has a punchable face she does i mean i just feel like that's a fact yeah and the personality doesn't help no you know you can overcome a punchable face if you have a personality that i like but also the vast majority i will say this earnestly the vast majority of like funny men have punchable faces like that's why they're funny that they grew the personality to get over the fact that they have a they have been plagued with a terminal punchable phase and so they said what if you punchline this face instead and then they do that but then some people they succumb to their punchable face and they fulfill a villain role and then i go okay now i don't feel as bad for having this urge for violence anyways shall we get into our first let's do it

so i am 28 years old i go by they they pronoun i have been with my partner for a year and four months now they go by he they pronouns um 30 years old not middle-aged so i am gonna be meeting their mom for the first time and they told me that like a month in advance so she's like so I could like prepare myself and I feel ready I'm still nervous because like this is actually the first time I'm being introduced to the parents because they didn't have a really healthy relationship the first time um if y'all remember having the hook goodbye thank you next but um that's who I'm dating let's just call them Josh because I love Josh Waterson so Josh and I like I they're my forever person and I literally see a future with them and

I love them so much and yeah like I like I'm ready to meet their mom and like I've already met their sister and their brother-in-law they think I'm funny which I mean yay that's a good sign this is to say that I look like I have my shit together which is so nice but that is a lie that is a kind lie but um and I want to make a good first impression like I know like what not to do like obviously no PEA

because that's weird and gross and I know my manners I'm not going to go like overboard like man and man like no and I still want to be myself I just have to like you know backtrack my humor don't put everything out there

so how does one like kind of like prepare themselves I will freak the fuck out of course But, you know, how do I prepare myself? Because I want to make good impression. And, yeah, so anything. But I love you guys. Thank you.

Don't forget to surf Prince. But, I mean, y'all never forget. So, yeah. Bye. We did not forget. No. Never. I love this.

It's so exciting. I love when we get, like, fun advice. Yeah, this is exciting. I want to know how it went. but i think you were on the right track anyway of like you know don't do pdf because gross who wants to see that pda pdf sorry don't do pda do a jpeg instead oh that's so funny i will say that like i think the like i'm not gonna go overboard with like the like you know ma'am miss or whatever that to me is like a know your audience kind of thing and

like i think it's like a partner's responsibility i grew up on the west coast that's like not a thing that like is commonly done to people here but if i like met your parents like that i do i mean like i i i would be calling them like sir and ma'am do you know what i mean like that's just a difference of they're in this like they're like it's just they expect that yes and i i know that's like i think there's like a cultural aspect of like that's not me in like my life here and if like matz's parents weren't from colorado yeah that's how i kind of would have like started to go about that but i think that it doesn't necessarily mean that you're like not being yourself but like it is it's just a matter of like you want to be yourself in a way that is like

receptive to other people so like I can I can make I can mold myself so you can see the best part everyone can see the best parts of me but I just have to put it in a slightly different package and so like I think that's like what the key is about meeting parents is like you can be yourself in like the when you're funny and all of that and like the funny you are with your friends is like it's not like you're suddenly not funny with you know your co-workers or people where you have like something slightly more professional like delivery is always funny like timing always funny like the content sure that will ultimately change but for anybody else who like is you know listening to this and like has something similar the thing that I will always say is like the best way to kind of

go about this stuff is like a neutral third place so like going out to dinner the first time you're meeting partners family or whatever I think that if you have the confidence to just be like yeah I'm gonna travel to see my partner's family for Christmas first time meeting them and we're gonna stay in their house like you are on the front lines like that is a bravery that like I as somebody who like needs to decompress like do not have so like I always think that like have going somewhere else that's like not a place that like not your necessarily your apartment or your place but someplace that feels like you know neutral you're both on even ground even footing that's like a good place to get to know someone and it has like a set end time or it could be

like let's go get ice cream afterwards let's go do this like something afterwards but kind of similar to a date in the sense of like you're probably just gonna be like holding your breath for like a large amount of time um but i don't really think there's much you can do to like i guess maybe there is like stuff you can do like royally fuck up because the only i will say the only person parents i've ever met are matas yeah i've met a few parents in my day i think parents love you they do they do i love for my meeting so i love to be in charge of it and uh i love how someone's in charge in this situation i didn't even know that was an option yeah like i say no i'm in charge you come to my house and i've made dinner because then i'm getting

complimented on my cooking and my skills and i feel like that helps oh always um just breaking and then like asking like what they like but no never make their favorite dish because you're never going to make it the way that they want no and if like your partner's like my grandma used to make this don't touch it with a 10-foot fucking pole nope nope no you just need like a general like do they like salmon that kind of thing not a let me make this yeah not let me make this very specific meal and i also like that because usually when you do that then they have uh like it's easier to split up in groups to discuss because somebody will be like can i help you do this and that and i can have my one-on-one time without it being obvious but i'm controlling the situation

because if i want to talk to him i'll be like yeah i i would love if you could you know chop up this vegetable if i don't want to talk no i've got everything handled like i can control what's happening when and you can retreat you have you have a job you have something to do with your hands you get to keep busy that's yes I like that I can have like a deep breath like if I need a little minute alone like it's good for me but you know I have also been in situations where actually no I've always been able to control it so yeah actually no I'm kind of always fantastic get this it's actually never been an issue for me i'm actually really good at this all yeah there's a reason why i said without a doubt parents love melissa i mean my father's never even met melissa

and he loves her yeah but yeah i understand how it can be very nerve-wracking i understand that like you know it's you want to make a good impression but you also don't want to be fake which sometimes that can be hard to do without like because like i know what my humor is it's not for new parents like i'm just meeting until we get to know each other and it's like okay you might have the same type of humor let me test this out a little bit um but like everything everything's a little i think you can be a little trying it out you can be yeah you gotta be in the same way when you were first dating this person you put out your best foot and then you get comfortable and you can relax everybody gets to know each other and things get better hopefully

yeah i don't want you to lie like a like a job interview like i don't want you to lie to a level of like i'll figure it out later but like lie in a sense of best foot forward omitting certain things like putting yourself in a in a shiny little package with a bow like that's the that's the way to go about it and also like it's super normal if like you don't feel comfortable right away or if it like takes a little bit of time or even if you do feel comfortable still being like i am still kind of drained like that's like all still very normal because like at the end of the day it's like it's still social interactions but it's like just more it's more pressure and like already social situations can like take a lot out of you um but ultimately like there's only if it

and this is the other part i'm like if it goes bad for anybody that's also like not your problem you're not related to those people it's your partner's problem to deal with so through all of it if you vibe and you get along great but people are never gonna like you know not like you because it's like oh i feel like they were being fake or trying really hard because the only way that like if that if that's how they feel then they immediately be like oh my god you don't have to call me like you don't have to call a certain ma'am and then they break the ice of being like this is the level of like comfortability we can be at so like you're never going to be like doing too much and then having like parents just sit there and like silently judge you as they were

like we were ready to talk about tits and ass and it was like okay well you never fucking brought that up so how am i to know right i want to know how it went let us know please please please all right well we're gonna take a break and we get back we'll get into the next one Real Canadian Superstore has everything you need this back-to-school season. Save on lunchbox savers like Ziggy's sliced deli meat products for always $3.75. And get Life Brand Pure Vita shampoo or conditioner for $8 each. At Real Canadian Superstore, when you're ready, we're ready. With a whole world and more.

We're back and it is time for the next... Hi, Megan and Melissa. I am the 33rd female who has been coming to terms with who my parents are for the last few years. They are emotionally neglectful, selfish donors for my entire childhood, and a lot of my caretaking was done by my grandparents. A little over a year ago, I went no contact with my mom

and have been low contact with my dad for several years, not that he's really reaching out or anything. I really relate to you, Megan, with your relationship with your parents. Yes, I read your book years ago, especially the weird feelings about your dad. My dad was present in a bare minimum kind of way, and it reminds me of the relationship

you described with your dad. My mom also convinced my next door neighbor to let her spend the night at my neighbor's house where they were watching my yard for me slash my kids. Oh, your neighbors are watching your yard? You have to watch a yard. Like, what are the plans? I think so.

Okay. I've recently been feeling so much parent envy when my friends talk about their parents. For example, one of my friends got to go on vacation with her husband for a week while her mom watched her kids. I get so angry that I don't have trustworthy grandparent figures even in my kids' lives, let alone something as wonderful as getting a child for a week.

I get so upset when my friends talk about how normal and nice their parents are. Even the problems aren't like the psycho ones I have. How do I deal with parent envy? I've been in therapy for the last four-ish years, but recently stopped seeing my therapist, so I'm looking for someone new. A little over a year ago, you went no contact. I mean, I will level with you. I think you are dealing with something that, like, I have been preparing myself to deal

with like a new wave of yeah jealousy of that from like people I would say that like I did this a lot younger and so for me it was like holidays like that was where I would feel like really jealous of people with the parents and stuff and then you know got over that worked through that or like not got over that but like worked through that got used to it and like understood how to like process that and like it's also a huge aspect of it is that like I have a significant other and like I also know that if I didn't like I would just I'd go to Arkansas with Melissa like I would like like I don't have like a worry in the sense that like I would feel alone in that way like I don't and I think that's important is like making sure you have friends who like you know know your

situation and like would not let you I like wouldn't let you isolate yourself let alone have them be okay with you being isolated so then I had to then dealing with like the wedding stuff I was like oh this is a whole other wave of like life events and like you're dealing with the kid stuff and like I haven't gotten to that place yet but like just to validate your feelings like this is a thing I work like not even worry about like this is a thing like I dread in the sense of like it's just like another reminder that like shit is not the same with like your family and other people's families i think that like there's something to be said about having like a village and like having friends and people who like you feel like you can talk to like about this kind of

stuff and like be annoyed about it and like friends who support you in the same way and like i don't know if your friends are just like oh man that like really sucks like yeah my mom's actually like great that's like really fucking weird to me yeah so i don't know if this is really like a you issue like this is like a oh how do i get over this or like or if you are just like in an environment where like you are like deeply not supported and like why i don't know why your friends are just talking about how nice and normal their parents are unless like that's what you're reading into this or like the problems no one's parents are nice i was gonna say and like as great as parents are as some parents may be there's still issues oh 100 and like there's something

like the the problems can be different and something that like i have like always tried to keep in mind with stuff like that where it's like if you think about it the same thing and i'd said this in my book but it's like about like your first heartbreak it will feel the first heartbreak you have will feel the worst because like that's your only scope that's your only barometer that's your only sense of what that feels like and so people's parents like that's all they have like that's what they have like they don't know it feel it is like the worst to them because it is the worst possible thing to them and we can like put ourselves in other people's shoes but like that only works to a certain extent and not even in this kind of context like

sometimes one of my favorite phrases to use with friends is like they'll be telling you about something and i'm like love you to pieces wrong audience like i'm not i'm not the right audience for this conversation not necessarily in this context but i do think like if your friends are being like oh you have you've you've got like a hard time with your parents like i'm really i'm getting really frustrated like my mom is just like she's not getting she's not getting uh breccally the barbie dream house she wanted and like i just need to vent about it i'd be like love you to death i don't want like that's not for me like drawing those boundaries with your friends if they are turning to you being like hey you've got a difficult life situation

that means you can understand my point of view and they like share something that is like so not anywhere near compatible to me that's a friend problem that's not like a parent problem that's like a a filter problem that's engaging the situation that's reading the room kind of a problem but i don't are you you didn't mention having a uh partner which is not really relevant to what i'm saying but i was gonna ask like i think there's you might not be able to like seek out friends or people in your community who also have the same family life that you do but you could seek out people who are also juggling a lot more so like i don't know if you're a single parent but like other single parents in your kids class like there are ways to befriend people who

like it's so nice to be close with someone who like has a big family and like has that kind of support and they bring you in on that and like you feel really like welcomed through all that but also there's something nice about someone who's like oh you're also juggling more plates the same way that I am and we can like parallel do that together like we can do that in that same way so for me this just sounds like a community issue not so much like your resentment because I don't know why your friends to be like perfectly frank I don't know why your friends are talking to you about this like point blank yeah because it's weird right yeah I think it's weird I had a person in my family who, um, wasn't as close to their actual parents and, you know, and she's just

naturally part of our family now. And like, we don't really talk about the other people because we don't need to, unless she wants to talk about it and brings it up. So I just don't, I think that the right people will create the right community for you and you will feel part of the family without any questions asked. And I'm sorry that you're going through this. Yeah, I think it's like without a doubt a natural kind of feeling, but I also don't know how old your kids are. and if like there's like a phone tree of things like that like it's not too late to also just expand your friend circle for that and i also like i'm not trying to like psychoanalyze you but you said you were seemingly raised i mean from what you said it seems like you're mostly

raised by your grandparents so like that's also a lot like i'm i don't it doesn't sound like they're here like they're with us anymore that's also like a loss of parent figure for like in that like there's like levels to this because it's like you your parents weren't there for you but your grandparents were there for you and now you have kids and you can be there for your kids in a way that your parents weren't but you don't have grandparents there to be grandparents there for them and that's obviously difficult but if it's any any consolation like some grandparents are really fucking shitty and that relationship if it's toxic with the parent which you're saying it without a doubt is with you it is toxic with the kid as well like they're not missing out

and i hope that you can like know know that i would have loved if i never had a relationship with one of my grandmas like it's just like that's something that and the fact that i don't have to ask which grandmother exactly like it's just a matter of you're making the right call and the right decision for your family for what's happening and your own life not a hypothetical life not a life on paper not a possibility or what you want it to be and so just knowing that you're doing the right thing for the circumstance that you're in because no matter how you go about it or change it doesn't change the circumstance that you're in which it it sucks and it's tough and it's hard but like that's the best part for me that it's like the choice that i'm making is the choice

that i'm making and even if i made a different one it doesn't change the cards i've been dealt so like i gotta make the best of this one and like your your kids will thank you yeah and you know now you know what not how not to parent as well yeah that's helpful yeah all right i'm gonna take break. When we get back, we'll get into the next one. to simplify campaign delivery and access better data across the business. The result? Less time spent on operations, more time connecting brands with the moments and fandoms that matter most. Learn more at Accenture.com slash Spotify.

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All right, we're back and here's the next one. I'm 26 and just walked away from a long relationship with my ex-fiancee, Daniel. He isn't my daughter's biological father, but he's been around since she was in preschool. So to her, he was dad. That's honestly what kept me with him for so long. Her smile when he tucked her in at night made it easy to ignore how miserable I was becoming. People always say, don't stay in relationships if you're unhappy. It's worse for your kids.

And they're right. But when you're staring at a little girl who doesn't know the difference, it's not so black and white. Daniel had a pattern of lying, cheating, and twisting stories to make me look crazy. He told friends I said he was the real dad, which was never true. Like he wanted to script himself as some kind of hero stuck in a situation he didn't choose. He cheated on me three times, then turned around and accused me of being unfaithful if I so much as put on mascara.

The final straw? A couple weeks ago in Austin, I grabbed dinner with a childhood friend. I dressed up a little nothing wild just jeans and lipstick and Daniel blew up my phone calling me disrespectful and parading for other men. That was the moment I realized I was done. Now I'm left asking myself how do you know when a relationship is really safe to get serious? My daughter already had her biological father vanish then Daniel walked out and I can't keep putting her through a revolving door of men. I want love, yes, but more than anything, I need someone steady for both of us. How do you spot that early on? I think that first of all, you need to be with someone who

wants to be a father and they have to know that that's on the table. Also, are you still co-parenting with daniel since that's the only father that she's known is she is he still going to be in her life in that sense and if so then you have to have the conversation with potential partners about like this is a co-parenting situation then too but i think it's not an early on thing i think you've got to be with them for a minute before you even introduce them to her like it needs to be to the point where you're like I'm in love with this man now I need to see how he reacts around my daughter because that's going to really set up what you're doing in the future and there's no way to for you to know if it's going to be like a long you know

this is going to be something that is going to be forever because what even is forever when it comes to relationships or anything in life but you said you don't want them parading you don't want to parade men in and out of her life it needs to be somebody that you're serious about and even in the beginning introducing him as like a friend and not just this is your boyfriend or whatever um it's just a friend and just see how he and she both react to him and if he doesn't love her and if she doesn't love him i think that's also a telling thing of like this doesn't need to be somebody that's in your relate that's in your life yeah i agree i think that like meeting your kids should be because it doesn't it doesn't it sounds like you're open and like

even like wanting to get like married and like be in a relationship like that not just like date so if that's something something in your future that you want then i think that meeting your kids should be the last step before getting engaged like i think you should be that level of your relationship and it should be like you shouldn't fall in love with him as he's playing house you should already be in love like you should already be in love and then now now that i love you i need to see how you how you are with my kid and i would also put up a boundary of like not i mean you this i'm not you didn't tell us how long you and daniel were together or like and you were also engaged everything like that but like i think it's like melissa said this is a friend this is a friend

this is a friend i don't think it's like coming over to your house like most of the i think it's a lot of like we're all going to go to the park together we're spending time out of the house together anything you can do that is not playing house because like that is a where it gets the most confusing for kids and it does feel like that's where the door is go places where there are no doors but like doing things like that versus and seeing how he is and like you sound like a great mom so it sounds like if shit fucking changes when you get married immediately or a year down the line you're also you're fine being out like yeah dip the fuck out but i think like to keep how keep home like a family space keep home like a safe place it's that's where me and mom

are and like you know even if like your kid has friends over or whatever but like that is like your place and like you both get to make the call for who gets to be at that place and like if you have been dating for years and like you know she's seen him 20 times and is like does he want to come over and watch a movie with us it can be like hey we can talk about that but having it be that you are not bringing a man over that this is a decision that you make with your kid and even like saying like hey do you think it'd be fun sometime if like maybe we invited him to like one of our at-home movie nights but i do think that it is like it is a long a much longer process of that because i mean i was surprised i mean like i didn't even cross my mind that you'd possibly

be co-parenting with daniel and like to be perfectly honest i don't i'm assuming you're probably not but like once i said like at a certain point if you want this person that you're with to assimilate to the point to being like that's like essentially like the dad like is assuming a father figure then you can't really take that away like if that's what you want for your kid then you can't be the one by okay well i'm done with this relationship i'm now taking that relationship away so that's like i also kind of think like not every kid needs to have that figure in that way in a way that would make you stay in a relationship that is not safe and not healthy because you're like well this is how close they are to my kid like i'm not someone who really

believes that a kid needs a mother and a father in those like exact specific terms um a kid needs confident and happy safe secure adult or adult like it can and so I think like whatever that is for you and your kids not missing out on anything like that and like yeah it's obviously like not the same but like I have like so many of like amazing memories with like grown-ups who were like friends of people in my life like not like they weren't related to me and those things can be great while you're still protecting your child's feelings and i think in general like i i'm very wary of men who want to play house in any circumstance and situation like yeah you're trying to play house and we have a kid you're trying to play house and i have a kid you're

trying to play house you have a kid you're trying to play house nobody has a kid like it's just very performative and it shows me that like they're more interested in like the act of how they're being perceived as something versus like having like the wherewithal to like and restraint to be like let me make the right decisions of the timing of this like i don't want to play house until it's ready for us to like be a home together be a family together yeah good luck uh i just say you know wait a little bit and make sure that this is this is somebody that you want in your life not just because they would be a what you ran into an issue with before is that you kept daniel in your life because he was a good father but wasn't a good partner so just be wary of that

of falling for somebody because they treat your child well but they treat you like shit all right we're gonna take a break when we get back we'll get into the final one Hear that? It's your money calling. It wants a promotion. Elevate your savings with the Scotia High Interest Savings Account. Always earn high regular interest rates that grow the more you save and invest. Conditions apply.

Visit scotiabank.com slash H-I-S-A to learn more. Scotia Bank. You're richer than you think. we are back and it is time for the loss hi megan and melissa i'm 23 from georgia and i need you to settle this once and for all is right person wrong time real or is it just the plot of every nicholas sparks movie here's the deal i dated this guy we broke up last june and technically it wasn't a messy breakup no one cheated no screaming matches just a lot of confusion the last week we were together i was riding the emotional roller coaster of my birth control

and turned into someone i didn't recognize think mood swings but like olympic level i'm a pisces when i feel things i feel them hard and he got the brunt of it asterisk here i don't know if that's a horoscope i would talk to your doctor about pmdd yeah i feel oh sorry we split but a few weeks later he dropped i love you for the first time In my brain, that meant season finale plot twist, we get back together. Spoiler, we did not get back together. Instead, we've just kind of been orbiting each other, never going too long without talking, but never actually fixing anything either.

He keeps saying I deserve better, but honestly, I just think he hates himself. Meanwhile, I'm here like, sir, you are the better that I want. So now I'm stuck. I'm dating other people. I'm in therapy, but deep down, I can't let go. So tell me, am I holding out for right person, wrong time? I think you have a misconception of what right person, wrong time means. because it's real but you're not giving the time no you're still in the wrong you can't hold it's

not a back burner kind of a thing very rarely does it like circle back to like work out to be like wow wonderful but like you have to let it go so time can pass right now you're in like that what that oprah movie that was a book you're gonna have to be way more specific than that she loves an adaptation i was gonna say reese witherspoon unfortunately mindy kaling wrinkle in time wrinkle in time yes yeah trippy movie loved that book though that like you can't hold out for you can't hold on to the right person for the timing for the time to get right i'm i think i'm about to say something and it may come off a little too harsh but i just want to say it and put it out there i think this is the wrong person at the right time because what i think that you both

might be a little toxic here because what do you mean he hates himself but i but you're the better that i want i think you might hate yourself a little bit too i think so too and then also what what do you mean that he told you he loved you but y'all aren't together anymore but y'all are still orbiting each other also what do you mean you he told you he loved you after this breakup and you took that as a fun little plot twist i'm like yes no babe no that's not how you should have been receiving that information you are treating this as if it is a romance novel and not the real world. Yeah. Put the Kindle down, put the Kindle down, put the Kindle down. And let's just, let's take a moment away from this relationship completely. Let's go to the doctor

and get checked out for a PMDD because I also know that feeling so much. So let's, let's just take a moment to, to check in with ourselves, make sure, you know, that we love ourselves and we're taking care of ourselves physically and mentally after we do that maybe let's we can talk to him again but i need you to be better before then because you really are like living you're trying to live out a romance novel and not in reality no you're stuck on the wrong you're stuck on the first guy like it's imagine like watching a romance movie or romance and reading a romance novel and like the main character like will not break up with the setup that gets her to the next guy and you're like my god like let go of this one this one is not the right one you're on like

page 30 and being like let's wrap it up and you're like no the episode just fucking started my god the credits just like literally the intro like we just saw the title card so this is your inciting incident which that's what i'm saying it's just set up to get you to your fucking person you're holding on to dear life dear life and might i suggest one of the best ones of that like setup that i'm like why the fuck would you want to be with this person why are you even sad about this breakup crazy stupid love the care the whoever emma stone is i mean both of them who they're with but like emma you're just like oh my god like and you're you're wanting a proposal from this from this like you're so clearly settling and

everybody in your life knows you're settling and you deep down also know you're settling but i also like want to say like even like you're how you're framing this of being like we're both orbiting each other no with love gonna be harsh as well you're orbiting him he's the son you are he's telling you i'm not good for you i'm bad all of these kinds of things and you are accepting all of those flaws and being like it's okay it's okay he's not trying to make it any better he's not working on that he ultimately hates himself and like in reality like the reason why you're not getting over this is because like you never stop participating in this like you're still in the thick of it and like unfortunately like this is the best and this is this is the best and the

worst it will get like this is consistent this is where it's gonna stay it's not gonna change from here yeah yeah to quote my um favorite tv show so you know the whole pick me thing originated it from Grey's Anatomy with Meredith Stanning. Pick Me, Choose Me, Love Me. That is where Pick Me came from. That is the original Pick Me girl? Yes. The reason it has that name

is because she was literally saying Pick Me, Choose Me, Love Me. So was she also like personality wise to make Pick Me? Yes. He was cheating on her. I mean, no. She was the other woman. Girl. Oh, I saw that clip on TikTok where the other girl, she like runs like, where is she? And like runs there like wrong person.

And I was like, damn, this show is fucking messy. yes but i mean she ends up with him and he dies whatever okay but i mean that was her guy and then yeah he's dead um not in real life but uh patrick dempsey he's alive very much but then christina came to her and was like he is not the son you are and so like you need to become the main character in your own story and become the son and then let them rotate around you yeah you're we're not in orbit with each other no you're not in orbit they're orbiting you get out of orbit hop on out it's like a wave pool i need you to break from the current get out of that gravitational pole and you can do it watch interstellar you can get out of that pole the answer is love but like i

no in this case it's not love because this one's not love even though he's saying i love you after y'all have broken up the way that you took that it's crazy was it like uh you know i love you but like we can't be together type thing or was he like i love you and it's just the wrong time i need to know how this was or was it like in a text message like well tough shit because guess what i also love you yeah what and the fact that like did you say it back and also you're like nothing really changed after that okay regardless they first of all it should have not changed for the better that should have made you be like ew i like that's such a weird manipulative gross and also like loser thing to do that i'm like first of all you don't love me second of all get out

of here like it's just please tell me you didn't say it back but i think you did no if you said it back and then you guys are just like fucking around with each other like i'm like dude the way that i know your friends are like begging you to fucking be done with this like they're like i need to you are not in love with this man this man is not in love with you and like what kind of love like are you thinking of romance of like romances because like by the way walk to remember she has cancer she's a teenager she died i think it's one of those were like i love you well i love you too but we can't be together right now i think that's what they think this is but like how long do you think those books are because like we we're already we're imagine like you're on the fifth

the fifth installment of a series and you're still stuck in that place you're not rooting for them no you're not rooting for them you can't just like pick and choose the the moments and the blips and then put them together in an order that has it's a quicker timeline to then be like see i'm rooting for them i'm not rooting for them no i'm not rooting for them to go work on themselves yeah don't let this man get in way of like finding the person your actions to be with that got me riled up more than i want you to i'm not asking you to break your kindle but i am asking you to like let's give it to a friend go on a break yeah i don't even want it in the same no home as you remove it from your amazon account i want you to get less literate i want you i want

you to i want you to rot your brain i want you to watch no romances i want you to watch gladiator I want you to watch Hereditary I want you to watch War of the Worlds I want you to watch zombie movies I want you to watch No I want you to watch old lady movies My old lady movies

No my old lady movies Which is all those I mean there is like romance elements To it but All those are about like Finding yourself and being a better Version of yourself And loving yourself

yeah and and then the romance comes later and if you want to like no you're not healed enough for that i have other recommendations once you once you're healed but i fear if i tell you them now i can do it no no this is like i tell mods i was like reading is great i i do wonder i do wonder that i unfortunately i think it is benefiting some men and their toxic behavior has been romanticized i mean a lot of these novels are romanticizing toxic behavior like most of them and a lot of people are like oh well no it's great because these books it's like it's like i don't need a man i can just like chill with these books i'm like yeah but that's like not really a thing that most people are if you're reading a ton of these

books you also want to experience this unfortunately you have romanticized this or like that one girl with the kraken the seattle the hockey team now you're sexually harassing hockey players and you go i wasn't aware that was sexual harassment i go well you're screaming smut at them that is sexual harassment those are real people and i swear to god if you if you're watching the summer i turned pretty no you're not you're done you've been cut off watch the grinch i don't know something else there's a love story in there too that's true but i just need you to not see yourself in them and i'm thinking hopefully a green furry suit will take you out of it a little bit more well that is it we hope you all enjoyed um hey sometimes we have to give tough love

we do we do we can't let any of our listeners be like in the orbiting men that's just that's like fundamentally against our ethos yes deeply against what we stand for and we need you to stop so that's what we're here to do one one planet at a time one one solar system one i don't know i just got it i'm i'm just oh yeah yeah i will say though i do want to watch this movie because well i need to see how this went down okay i feel like we already know this movie i know i know all right well uh join us tomorrow for fisting friday monday we've got a new episode but am i wrong tuesday see you next tuesday when did wednesday take a little break and then we'll be back on thursday for another episode of don't blame me we hope you all enjoyed and we will

see you next time yeah we don't have another one for this i forgot this is a sister sign production hosted by me megan rinks and me melissa d montz plus diamond imprint productions post-production by coco lorenz production assistance by melanie d watson and music by ryan hunter and giacomo picasso