Don't Blame Me! - DBM: My Boyfriend is Hitting on my Friend?

Episode Date: May 22, 2025

This week Meghan and Melisa are giving advice on: Selling vinyl records Having more pleasurable sex Quitting drinking Friend thinks my boyfriend is lying Don't Blame Them: Unsure what to do with life Buy Our Merch ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://crowdmade.com/collections/sister-sign⁠⁠⁠⁠ Call In - 310-694-0976 (3 minutes or less) Write In - ⁠⁠⁠⁠[e-mail]⁠⁠⁠⁠ (300 words or less) Follow Us! ⁠⁠⁠⁠instagram.com/meghanandmelisa⁠⁠⁠⁠ @meghanrienks ⁠⁠⁠⁠instagram.com/meghanrienks⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://twitter.com/meghanrienks⁠⁠⁠⁠ @sheisnotmelissa ⁠⁠⁠⁠instagram.com/sheisnotmelissa⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠instagram.com/diamondmprint.productions⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Your playlist might get you through the workday, but have you ever wondered how your ancestors spent theirs? What work helped them build a life? How did they adapt as the world around them changed? With Ancestry, you can search select historical occupational records for free for a limited time and discover the stories behind the jobs in your family tree. You've got questions. We've got ancestors. Search free until August 31st.

Visit ancestry.ca for details. Terms apply. hello hello we are recording virtually today for a brand new episode don't blame me because i am still in arkansas and she's looking glamorous regal and she's looking like she's take take her home to meet the parents have her have her speak on a panel put her behind a podium like you are giving like professional expert in your field gorge thank you thank you it's gorgeous i appreciate that i love it i love the necklace i love the dress it's your dress right it's a it's a two piece it's a skirt top combo but it does look like a dress i've seen you wear it like full body and that's why yeah i love a two-piece set like that so check it out on the patreon you can see how

gorgeous she's looking well i appreciate that megan well welcome to don't blame me a podcast where we give you wonderful amazing life-changing advice like we said you can watch the video version of this podcast over on patreon we also do live streams there twice a month but all you need to know for this podcast is sit down buckle up and get ready to have your life changed maybe we're giving you advice maybe by proxy of us giving someone else advice you're like that totally reframed everything for me and and we're quite we're quite good at this we are we've been in it for a minute i didn't mean to rhyme but i did it we have been in it for a minute we've been in it for for a while so and also shout out to everybody when people post those things on tiktok of being

like looking for a new podcast like what's your favorite podcast shout out to everybody who tags us we love that and the people i recently was going through our dms and i saw melissa's much better responding to our dms than me and i saw one of the ones of someone who had said they had like banked a bunch of episodes for like a cross country i don't know if it was just a road trip or if it was a move or like something like across the country and uh or the state depending on how big whatever state they're it was a long time it was like 10 hours they were driving a while yeah they were driving a long time that's all i'm trying to say and they had like stopped listening for a while it's like bank these episodes and they were like i timed it perfectly thank you so

much for being the soundtrack for this i've been listening forever and i was like oh my god that's so like that's that's so nice to be considered in that way and yeah i think i responded thank you for bringing us along for the drive yeah i love a road trip me too okay so anyways this is my podcast again where we give you you guys advice so if you'd like to call and you can leave us a voicemail at 310-694-0976 international listeners you can send us a audio message at meganpodcast at gmail.com you can also send us a dm you can just write it in the email we also have a form that you can fill out that is linked in our bios for all of our socials as well as like podcast show notes and everything like that and for the audio recording versions keep it under three minutes for the

written versions keep it under 300 words and for all of the above you have to be 18 or over that point blank we don't care about your parents permission at this point but you also have to tell us how old you are not for us to just confirm that you are over 18 but uh so we can understand where you are at like life stage wise it's an important detail and we need the important details so we can give you the best advice because if you leave out something like imperative that would change our opinions or whatever like we're not going to give you the advice that that's best suited for you and we want to like we're earnestly trying to give you good advice great advice terrific advice yeah so if it's about like how long you've been dating someone you know

gotta include that like include those important things and just view this as we are unbiased third parties with an asterisk that like we want to be on your side like we do want to be on your side so give us the information so because what if we what if you don't give us all the information then we're accidentally not on your side and we could have been on your side the whole time and then tell us if you're sensitive because we are going to be honest we will be very honest we will still be honest if you're sensitive but we will choose our words differently we'll be a little more careful totally like i have to get back better at like not calling people bitch positively if i don't know them like you know the woman checking me in at my uh urgent care appointment

for my uti because i was like bitch no i said bitch your nails are so fucking cute and she was like and then i was like oh my god and then she was like oh my god girl thank you so i was like okay but the issue of like referring to that as being like love it so cute positive they were like stunning stopped me in my tracks okay well all right shall we get into the first the first one's a very silly i love a silly hi eminem so kind of a not serious one so i have some vinyl records and something people don't know about physical media is that they're technically the demos of music like once it's out it's out compared to digital music where the artist can go back and edit some stuff for example beyonce during renaissance and heated she used a word

that was offensive on heated so she changed it to blast it on that ass blast it on that ass fan me quick while i eat my glass and on energy how you can hear the i won't say it in the exact time because this person likes to sue la la la la la at first but then beyonce took it out after calise was upset about the sample so those original lyrics and sounds were on the physical copies but since time has passed, the changes were made. Now I have two vinyls that I've noticed didn't have vocals and even songs. The two I have and want to talk about is Eternal Sunshine by Ariana and Cowboy Carter by Beyonce. So for Cowboy Carter, it's missing five songs. The transition from Levi Jeans to Desert Eagle is crazy. Eternal Sunshine, there's vocals that are missing and it

actually takes a long ass time to make physical copies so I can't really edit them. My question is should I get rid of the vinyls and get the updated vinyls of Cowboy Carter and Eternal Sunshine? Like I want to keep them because of how it sounds like Tyrant even sounds different but also amazing on vinyl but then again I want to hear Yaya and the new Deluxe songs and Eternal Sunshine. I really don't know what to do with the old vinyls if I'm just going to play the new ones if that makes sense you keep them they are collector's items i was gonna say my first question is are they errors or are they like because with ariana's it sounds like you just don't have the exclusive yes i mean the deluxe the deluxe one and then for beyonce is it one of

the ones that she sold that is just like a collection of shorter songs but if it is like a full-blown error you should sell them because there'll be so much more money it's not an error but they just didn't put the full in the initial release they didn't put all the songs on it yeah that's a lot of artists just do like collections within the album released the different like graphics and different stuff they had printed it before the digital album was finalized and so if you ordered one of the first ones like in the first pre-ordered it then you got the pre before it was finalized album so you know she makes thousands of songs upon thousands and so she then she made a final copy of what the media actually was okay so then i'm gonna say if you

like like look at the visuals of like what is a physical album i mean the physical yeah like the physical vinyl look like because sometimes like those things kind of change and i think if you're going to sell one immediately without like sitting on value of it for like a decade sell the ariana one because if that's one still being sold yeah beyonce keep that for years and it will be worth so much money yeah if you like but i'm saying if you get in a financial hard space when you're like 65 like retirement plan yeah because they're like you like you said in the written version like the songs sound different and i and even like she let out cds and the cds have different titles than what the songs finally ended up being like if you put the cd in something and it comes across the

screen then the titles are different than what they ended up being like you need to keep all of that the cost of these things are so exorbitant and they just get keep getting more and more and more like worth more and more and more and I'm a big believer in like if something you have retained value but you also have a sentimental feeling towards it you keep that thing until the value overrides the sentimental like the to the monetary value of it and like what that would do for your life and like what you need overrides like the sentimental keeping of this thing but you will always in general regret selling something like that too early and too soon like i had a econ teacher in high school who talked about how he sold apple stocks like about five years after he

got them and like he talked about it every year almost every day like that kind of shit he was like i didn't have to be here no he's like i didn't have to be with you motherfuckers like and he was like let this be and he goes that's why i'm an econ teacher at a high school not in college because i was a fucking idiot so like in general i think like you you you hold on you you hold on you keep you hold on you keep and you enjoy but i don't think that means that like you don't have to i don't think you have to like run out and go buy another vinyl version unless there's one specifically like i mean like colorway wise and all that stuff that you're like oh i love this one but because i think you can listen to the digital versions until there is a vinyl

version that you like love or you know free shipping something where it doesn't make like you don't have to run out and go spend that money immediately i think specifically for cowboy carters the transitions are different because it's just different and the sound on vinyl is different but eternal sunshine just seems like it's just more song the deluxe yeah yeah i'm sure that's like lovely to hear but i think you could sell your original and get the other one if you if that's if that makes a big difference also with the final ones because they're not as rare if you wait a little bit they won't cost as much money yeah the ones that you have will go up in value the other ones will not because they're still printing them i know that cowboy carter is still

being sold on her website so like it's still very much available and eternal sunshine is newer so like it's very much available and if you don't like the colorways that are out right now don't get them because like artists will like you know for anniversaries of things or whatever like they will release exclusive drops or anything like that so but i love this this makes me want to get more vinyls yeah i bought about 10 of them years ago haven't bought anymore we all did that yeah do you know what i bought because i bought months one a record player a couple like years ago when we were dating for i mean we're still dating um for like a christmas or whatever and um i got him like a bunch of different albums that are like you know good albums like ones that

Like we had gone to see in concert together and all that stuff. And then I also got him, of course, Justin Bieber's. I think I got him Believe on vinyl. Fire. My dad has hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of vinyls from like the 80s and 70s. And so my plan is to start taking one or two of them at a time. So that was always my initial plan, but I didn't do it. but now he has gotten more into i put apple music on his phone and he was like oh i can just listen

to whatever i want whenever yes and planting the seeds yes and he doesn't care like he doesn't care about his albums anymore because he thought that he couldn't listen to them i was gonna say it was not like a preference it was just that's what you had and that was the option i would have known that i would have done this a lot sooner so now i'm just gonna start take because he has like really really good ones that you can only find on vinyl or like digital now but like they're very rare because he worked when he was in high school and college he worked at a record store and so he would just get records oh that's cool yeah my dad had a big a pretty big collection of them too i will say though i'm sure most of that because that's like how we listen to music and then they

i remember however old i was when they got this like the cd player that has like the multiple discs in it and so like it rotates between all those i will say though some of those are classics but the way that the way that those songs i just go nope i've been transported to a place i do not like turn this on like muscle put on song i go can't listen to this can't listen to this oh okay just it's just like um and i did double check i got him the purpose album from justin bieber it's a great fucking album it's got sorry is it too late to say sorry what do you mean well i love this everyone um i would go on if you listen on spotify go comment on this episode what your favorite album to listen to on vinyl is so for building our collections i would love to

know all right we're gonna take a break and when we get back we'll get into some more in toronto every arrival is a statement and nothing says it better than this cadillac optic was the number one selling luxury ev in canada for 2025 find your rhythm across a seamless 33 inch display and an immersive 19 speaker akg surround audio system. This city demands agility and Optic delivers with precision to make every drive extraordinary. Let's take the Cadillac. Find out more at cadillaccanada.ca. Luxury sales claim based on S&P Global Mobility Canadian New Vehicle total registrations for calendar year 2025 for the Cadillac definition of luxury. Your playlist might get you through the workday, but have you ever

wondered how your ancestors spent theirs? What work helped them build a life? How did they adapt as the world around them changed. With Ancestry, you can search select historical occupational records for free for a limited time and discover the stories behind the jobs in your family tree. You've got questions. We've got ancestors.

Search free until August 31st. Visit ancestry.ca for details. Terms apply. We are back. It is time for the next one. Hi Eminem. I, 25 female, would like to have more pleasurable sex. I've been with my partner, 35 male, for two years.

But the first three months was a situationship slash friends with benefits messy thing where I was staying at his house and sleeping in his bed. I was in love with him and he didn't initially want a relationship. Before I arrived at his house from another continent, we talked every day for six months, including some sexting. And a week before I arrived, he hooked up with someone else. after not having relationships or anything for two years all that made me kind of insecure about the solidity of our relationship even more as he is my first everything we are in an open relationship parentheses which i am good with and have only dated each other since i arrived at his house and i know that this is a bad portrait of him but i only have so many words he is genuinely

a great person and my best friend who was only aware of part of my feelings and tried to preserve them by telling me several times that he wasn't looking for anything serious and that we should stop obviously i didn't want to stop so i told him i was big enough to protect myself but my biggest problem now is that i only feel desire sometimes and not a lot of it most of the time that's my main unsatisfaction and if i can't tell if it's because insecurity mental health anxiety depression queerness or what as i've only ever been with him i would like to feel more desire and have more pleasurable sex i just started therapy but any other tips would be greatly appreciated i'm a bit sensitive don't roast my choices too much okay i hear you with that last

bit but like we gotta be we gotta be honest yeah i gotta we're trying to help trying to help you babe what are we doing what are we doing like you have feelings for this person that doesn't have feelings for you you are in their bed but no one else's bed even though you're in an open relationship you gotta run this roster up you're from another continent yeah like i just this i i have i have a really big issue with like men who do this thing of being like i don't want anything serious like i'm like and then they put like make you feel like you have taken the onus of being like you know he gave me the warning like i but like i'm a big i'm gonna like i can handle this when in reality an actually good guy would just not be would just be like yeah i'm not looking

for anything serious and then clearly can see that you are more like you are and then they don't fuck with you yeah please please date other people let's you know experience someone else let's do this safely of course but also are we masturbating please don't think about him when you are i i just i just think you just don't have enough experience yeah and i would like to know when you say like i would like to feel more desire like do you are you is your issue like not feeling desirable exactly from him or are you like not super into the actual sex because i'm tell you right now this whole thing is like from a different continent situationship to this friends with benefits by the way if you're not enjoying it that is not a benefit that is an obligation and then all of this

to be like if you are not gaining pleasure from this to me that is so indicative of someone who like does not is not prioritizing you if they're not prioritizing a your emotional needs or your physical needs like it's just like they're not checking they're not hitting any of it let alone the spots you need them to hit so i think if it's that part like this is more i think this feels more along the lines of like i love the i want the idea i really like the idea of this and like this is how i think it's supposed to be because you are not able to compare it to anything else but this is not it and also i'm so confused about the open relationship part because you're still if you're in an open relationship this is still a situation shit like what has changed

nothing you have feelings for him he doesn't have feelings for you you're just having sex with him he's having sex with other people i think this is purely a lack of more we need more more people on this roster i need you to explore yourself more i need you to have a little bit more value on who you are as a partner and what is the i just don't understand what the point of this is you're putting all your eggs in a basket that has a hole in it perfectly said because like now that i'm looking back on this this has been two years yes so the first three months was a messy thing and then now you're saying but we are in an open relationship and i've only dated each other since i arrived at his house so seemingly before i arrived at his house we talked about so you

moved continents for this man who the first three months were rocky and then the three months after that were like seemingly okay and then that was what confirmed that you should move to a different continent to be with him but you're also still in an open relationship but yeah like i i do also think that like i'm a big believer and like we have to be honest and forthcoming with our emotions like people are not mind readers but none of none of this is giving me an indicator where you're like you know part of this it's on me because you know he was only aware of some of my feelings and he was trying to preserve my feelings like if you're trying to preserve your feelings yeah he knew and if he was trying to preserve your feelings he would not have let you move across

a continent like he would not like have someone's first relationship and first everything be like yeah move across move to a different continent and like let's have an open relationship like that's that's not and like this to me is like you're giving you're putting a lot of the responsibility on yourself and none on him and i think that like you are responsible for your own happiness but like you are not responsible in like making a situation making yourself be happy in a situation that like ultimately is like not working like right now it feels like you are like lowering your standards and your expectations and i think this is your body telling you like get out because like you can fake it to yourself mentally we all can't like you know you can play

the part but like your body your body will be like no no this is not it this is not right and i listen to that part of it and he might be like a great friend and all of that stuff but get some more friends too yeah while we're running up the roster i need you to get some more friends as well because a best friend wouldn't treat you like this exactly and you need to move like i i cannot stress how like to say that you understand that you're like well i don't want anything serious blah blah and then you let someone move to a continent like that's you don't do that like that's a really fucked up thing to do this feels like you are put in like a quite unstable isolated place and yeah he's also way too way too old to be doing this so good luck let us know how

it goes when you get some more friends i need to get on bumble and get both bumble bff and bumble as in dating and add add more people to the team on both sides because i think at the end of the day you'll realize that he's not a good friend and he's not a good lover clearly and depending on where you are we have people in our patreon group from everywhere so if you are looking to be like hey look if you are somewhere well no one's from new zealand we know kiwis we know too no one's from sweden we know i think we're like three four three four five now we're we're australians lost count like we there are people in places that and there are people with frequent flyer miles who who love to travel so we just want just know that like you're this

this is not this is not gonna yeah this is not it this is not it and we'll send a recon team we'll send a recon team from the uk to come get you and be like no yeah okay this stressed me out a little bit it stressed me out a lot i don't feel good in my stomach you neither all right next one hi megan and melissa i'm 29 and i've been thinking about reaching out for a while i'd really appreciate any advice you have on how to stop or cut back on drinking i know you've both talked about quitting alcohol and it's really resonated with me. I've realized that I've often used alcohol as a way to cope, even when I'm with people I trust. One drink turns into two or more because I'm chasing that feeling that lets me relax and have fun. But the truth is I don't

want to drink anymore. I drink today and afterwards I felt gross, not physically, but mentally. I always end up asking myself, why do I keep doing this? It never makes me feel better. The hard part is that i've got weddings coming up and also my co-workers love going out to happy hour i'm already feeling the pressure even though i know deep down i don't want to do it anymore this is the first time i'm really saying this aloud i rely on alcohol more than i'd like to admit and i don't know how to move forward if you have any tips on setting boundaries handling social situations or just starting to step away from alcohol i'd be grateful i think this is like a very like so it's such a good thing for you to be aware of of yourself like this is something that takes a lot

of people a lot of time and a lot of it takes a while to put the dots together so I know that it has taken you a while to put the dots together and like to accept that so I think like the first thing that like the advice that I give people is it's okay to to lie until you feel comfortable not lying like it's okay to be like oh i'm on antibiotics or like oh i have an early morning tomorrow like it's very it's like it's very okay for you to like make an excuse for you to feel like that's a baby step like i don't think you have to like right out the gate be like hey i you know i don't think that i should be drinking also because i think like a radical honesty in that sense and accountability i don't think is necessarily uh something to talk about with your

co-workers because I I don't know your relationship with your co-workers all of that kind of stuff like when you're like quitting alcohol like that's a bit of a vulnerable state and I think like having people who hold you accountable people you talk to but you have to be the one to hold yourself accountable and sometimes just saying something that's like I'm being like I don't want to have to drop a bomb to then have people be like oh you're made of glass we need to make sure that no one ever gives you like all of that kind of stuff you want to be like I want to be able to make this call myself i want to be able to like know that i can do it i think that saying i'm on antibiotics can't drink or just like even something as simple as like i'm yeah like i had a

i had a stomach bug last week like i'm really can't handle that right now like anyone who pries or pushes or want like that in general is usually a sign of like how they their view their own relationship with alcohol that it makes them insecure that someone else is not drinking and or that person is like not your friend at all yeah I um I haven't quit drinking I just want to be completely honest with that I haven't completely stopped drinking but I do not drink most of the time so I'll have if like I'm somewhere and I just like want to it's not it used to be I needed to have a drink. And because everybody else was drinking now, I sometimes might have a drink. I drink maybe once every three or four months or something. I was like you, like I relied on

alcohol to have a good time and to have fun. And it was a good time and it was fun, but I also felt really bad afterwards and not, you know, like physically, yes, but also mentally I was exhausted it. And I didn't like that, especially as I was like moving up in my career, I didn't want to have hangovers. I wanted to be able to think clearly and be able to do work without being sluggish. And I feel like once you've gotten over the hump of like saying no this time and saying no that time, it just becomes easier and easier. And a lot of times now when I'm out and I know if you've experienced this too, where you're like, I'm not drinking, then there's other people that are like, thank God, I don't want to either, or I'm not either. And like, I've been at parties

before where like one person said I wasn't drinking. And then I was like, yeah, I'm not drinking either. And then like other people overheard us and they were like, oh, I don't want to drink either. And like, we were getting cute, fun drinks. And it's so easy now to like, everybody is doing a non-alcoholic spirits menu so even if you're going to happy hour with your co-workers you can get a drink that's non-alcoholic and it looks like everybody else's so you don't have to drink to have fun and it's not fun for you so i think when you get in that mindset of remembering like this is not fun for me i can't get to what i used to be and i never will and i don't want to because it's not a good time then it just becomes easier because the mental

physicality of that makes it easier yeah i i mean i i second all of that like i have had times where like i'm like oh i'm i don't i don't drink and it has gone from like a table of 10 people who are all planning to drink realizing i'm not drinking and then going oh my god perfect we don't have to drink and then nobody wants to drink nobody and it's not like oh well if you're not we won't like it's I'm never being like oh you know I have a problem with alcohol like it's just I'm like oh I don't I'm not drinking and that becomes like the new vibe change I will say prepare yourself for the fact that like you might not other people might have been more interesting when you're drinking and so there's a huge huge shift in a the kinds of things you go out and do

with people and it's not a matter of like well if you have to be drunk to go do something for it to be fun i promise there are things that you enjoy doing sober so like do the things you enjoy not doing drunk like there are things like if it aids it and it's more it makes something that you already enjoy but there's a difference like if you're like if it's like pulling teeth hanging out these people or some people just like are not there are some people who i i love to death they are fantastic they drive me crazy when they're drinking like i don't i i'm like that's not i'm not gonna go out with you in this way that doesn't mean that like we're no longer friends but like it does change like the dynamics of like when we hang out or what we do or whatever

all that stuff is and I think also for work related stuff you know I think a happy hour for like a singular drink is not necessarily detrimental to people who don't feel they have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol but I do think like professionally I would hope that it doesn't change your experience there too much because I would really hope people are not getting like absolutely hammered and it's like that you're like oh my god i cannot stand these people because like i do think that is deeply unprofessional unless maybe like i don't know you work at a restaurant like something where like that is the culture so i don't think that like there's never any wholeheartedly there's never any downsides to like scale back on your drinking let alone

quitting drinking it will only make your physical health better it will only make your mental health better and when those are things that you are noticing are lacking and you can see that this is part of the cause to that even people who might be like a little like oh why you're not drinking they will just see how much happier you are they will just see how much more confident you are and all of that and like that is a net positive for everybody so like do everything in your power to remove yourself from situations where you a feel like you're being judged and then be, feel, feel like you are, you are not supported in that because there will always be people who will support you without even having to know you without even needing to know the

backstory. So trust your gut. Um, and I'm happy for you. I think this is a great, very self-aware choice. Yeah, me too. All right. We're going to take a break. your summer travels deserve an upgrade with select Chevrolet Buick GMC and Cadillac vehicles connected by OnStar you can stream game and more on the go whether you're headed to a music festival or a cottage getaway you can access hundreds of apps on google play right from your center display explore OnStar tech today at OnStar.ca and discover how to take your summer to the next level OnStar better never stops get your tickets now for the dog stars it's no surprise how fast civilization can disappear

not there kill or be killed Jacob Elordi there are people out there they need our help Josh Brolin. Shoot first and inquire afterwards. Margaret Qualley. Okay, tough guy. And Guy Pearce. Arm up. The Dark Stars, directed by Ridley Scott. In theaters Friday. Get tickets now. We took a break and now we're back. Next up. I'm 22, almost done with college, and I've been casually seeing this guy. It's nothing serious, but I genuinely like him. We hang out, we hook up, and honestly, it's been a lot of fun.

Recently, one of my best friends came out with us and she ended up hooking up with one of his friends. Now these two are spending like all of their time together, which is totally fine by me. But what's not fine is that she keeps telling me that my guy has been talking badly about her, supposedly asking if he can hook up with her, which just doesn't make any sense.

I've literally never even seen them have a conversation. When I brought it up to him, he was like, he barely knows her. And honestly, I believe him because that kind of behavior just doesn't line up with how he's treated me. Oh, this friend has always been a little competitive when it comes to relationships, I've noticed. And now she's saying that I should stop seeing this guy because she feels hurt over something that didn't even involve her directly. What? I'm feeling so torn right now because she's a good friend in some ways, but there's definitely a pattern here.

It feels like every time I start to connect with someone, there's some kind of drama that comes out of nowhere. So what do I even do? Do I confront her about this? Do I just try to ignore it and hope it goes away? Or do I start putting some distance between us? I just really don't want this whole mess to ruin something that was actually going really well for me okay so what did she say that the guy that the writer is seeing is trying to hook up with her so but has been talking bad about badly about her and the badly the bad things he's saying about

writer's friend is that he wants to hook up with her that's what it seems like or maybe because she won't hook up with him and he's talking bad about her and who is he saying these things to her or his friend and are his friend and him still friends because to me i'm like if he's hooking up with this girl who he seemingly like they're spending all their time together and then his best friend is like i want to hook up with you and then she says no and he goes okay you're a fucking loser slut and then this guy's like still my boy like yeah they're still friends to me that knows the entire point like that's a stupid lie like that's i don't buy that for one fucking second if she's talking about how good of a guy her guy is and like how they like

are inseparable but it's like yeah the only downside is like yeah he lets his best friend talk to me like i'm a piece of trash like that doesn't add up to me i'm i'm kind of with you that this feels a little odd yeah don't let me defend a man and that's what this is coming to i think she's lying and the thing is is like if she's not lying where's the proof because if they never see each other then it would have to be in some form of messaging that would be in writing so show show me the proof if not when are you seeing him that he can say this yeah i would honestly i would and i'm not condoning talking to a man but i would talk to his friend and be like hey she told me this happened like and you're cool with it yeah like and like you can come at

it from like a hey i you know i hope this isn't true but if it is true like i also don't hope she's a liar but like what why are you okay with this happening if this did happen because like to me again that's like that's the biggest loose end to me but that that's the part that like really solidifies it doesn't make any sense because why would you and her being like he's not a good guy if the guy that she is talking to legitimately is like don't care that my friend is treating you like shit bitch he's also not a good guy so like this comparison uh-uh but i think if you have said like you've always felt that she's a bit competitive and when it comes to dating like there's always something up i say like listen to that instinct especially if you know if you can trace a pattern

of behavior that like if you look back on some other things that she's told you might and that you've acted on might not have been true because you said that i am feeling so torn right now because she's been a good friend in some ways what are the ways that she hasn't been a good friend let's focus on those yeah well i think what she's been doing not just this there's other things going on yeah yeah because like i've had a friend who like it wasn't it was just like a control like it was just like I've had actually two different ones and points of my life where it was like they they were in really they were not interested in who I was with but like they were even if they were in a relationship like they were not interested in the idea that like I would get

male attention for something that they viewed was something that they excelled in far more than than me and that is like a sometimes like that kind of natural competitive thing happens and if you've notice a pattern of that behavior specifically i think like you know also at like 22 that's like if this was happening in like 30 or 30s i would be like okay what but like 22 this is behavior that like your friend might not have clocked and also bigger question how long have you been friends if you've been friends since like high school and like you know you can look back and being like they got more attention from men and like i didn't i like blossomed later and so she kind of fit into that role and i was more this role and if it's college that you just meant

this and you already have enough of a history to piece together a pattern of behavior just from four years of college no no no please and you said that you're almost done with college might be an easy way to end a friendship really cleanly if you aren't living in the same place ultimately my advice is you talk to the guy that she's she's having her thing with and get that information and then from there decide if you if it's worth it to confront her because i think like if she's straight up just lying i don't really know for me that's like i'm done like i'm good i don't i don't there's nothing to talk about like i'm just summer you're never gonna hear from me never gonna hear from me again but if it's like oh this guy's like yeah he said that but like you

know whatever he's just then i would be like okay i have to talk to you about this now being like why the fuck are you with this loser like yeah you know what i mean so like i think you talk to him first and then my other my from there you take the your choices i think are little prongs ghost and then tell her to dump this loser she's with maybe they deserve each other yeah weird weird behavior they like to play little games with each other well games of telephone all right we're gonna take another break when we get back we'll get into don't blame them get your tickets now for the dog stars

it's no surprise how fast civilization can disappear go out there kill or be killed jacob elordi there are people out there they need our help Josh Brolin. Shoot first and inquire afterwards. Margaret Qualley. Okay, tough guy. And Guy Pearce. Arm up!

The Dog Stars, directed by Ridley Scott. In theaters Friday. Get tickets now. Your playlist might get you through the workday, but have you ever wondered how your ancestors spent theirs? What work helped them build a life? How did they adapt as the world around them changed? With Ancestry, you can search select historical occupational records for free

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this is where we read or hear some advice from a listener based on a call that was on a previous episode so they might have personal experience they've gone through something that the original advice leader has gone through was going through or professional advice or they just have some additional insight that we didn't touch on that they think might be helpful and it usually is Hi, my name is Melissa. I'm 24, she, her, and I'm calling in for Don't Blame Them, specifically for the caller who was asking, who was unsure of what to do in their life in the episode Feeling Helpless that came out on April 3rd. I just wanted to say that I also have been dealing with a lot of these same issues, and they have been exacerbated by going back to school,

getting a graduate degree and other things. I have been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, OCD, and I think that for me, one of the best things that's helped me in terms of if you do want to get back into the gym and exercise, I think that weightlifting is really great, and that's coming from someone who was an avid runner or whose eating disorder made them an avid runner for a long time and then I switched over to weight to lifting weights and that is such a good exercise because like half the time you're laying down if you're like bench pressing or just between sets you're resting so it's not as like it doesn't demand your attention in the same way that I think that running does at least not for me I know that like if you get into a bodybuilder type

routine then it might be a little different but it's one of the best things that I've started doing in my life and it kind of helps everything else fall into place and so maybe just doing like three hours a week you know an hour Monday hour Wednesday hour Friday would really help and because that's just that's what's helped for me and I know that it wouldn't help for everyone because everyone's not me but it really helps especially with like eating disorder um issues and with my OCD and then that quells a lot of anxiety and depression that you know it's all cyclical but anyway love the pod thanks guys bye cool perfect very helpful incredibly helpful I I miss weightlifting exponentially and I want to get back into it as well it I do it and

I enjoy it I also run but that's different I've sprint so it's I there's a lot of me doing the same thing sort of sitting on the ground waiting i'm not running for a long time but weightlifting is like i can be doing other things like i have the tv on and i do and i check my heart rate on my watch if i'm doing too much i stop and then i chill i think it's a perfect way to shut your brain off in a way that like maintains like all you can think about is like mind body connect like your like your brain is making sure that you are not dropping these heavy weights on you like it does not have time for the other stuff like you can't really let your mind wander in that way like i think i can ingest entertainment and i can do that kind of stuff but like i can't spiral

and it's also like not a workout class where like it's because like i'm a big fan of pilates but like pilates like you're in front of a mirror the whole time like there's a lot that you can you know obsess over physically wise but i enjoy pilates reformer specifically because it's like you're trying to just keep yourself upright you're trying not to fall like things where i'm not saying that like there's like a danger aspect of it but like where it is a forced mind body connection is a really great way to shut the whatever that part of your brain cerebral like the really like spirally cerebral part of your brain off and go and just back into like functionality. So thank you for that. Thank you so much. And that is it for our episode. We hope

you all enjoyed. Don't forget to leave a review for the podcast episode as well as for the show in general. We'd love to hear from you. You can call us, write in, fill out the form, send us a DM, get some advice from us, what problems you got in your life that you would like our help with. And as always, you can submit also those things for a Don't Blame Them. So maybe you have some advice for people on this specific episode and we would love for you to you know help them out as well so please join the patreon join the community hang out with us follow us on socials check that all out and stay tuned for what else do we have melissa well before we get into all that i do want to you know go back you said you know leave leave reviews per episode so i'm gonna read a

person and i'll say their name later because they tell us so glad i got to see the confusion about wisconsin baseball in real time if listeners want more information check out patreon for the live stream where i info dumped about it for a little i still don't know why the milwaukee brewers were like the fourth search result though also my name is pronounced helena not helena but i totally get the confusion there's a guy at work who just calls me hannah instead because he can't remember my actual name so that's always an option that's rude and i'm not telling i'm not calling you that no all right we've said before we just have that is a surprising like it's not a name that i've encountered in my everyday life but like we have like at least three in our group and it is either

a helena or helena yeah and then on the don't blame me before that never had sex with your partner megan not this megan another megan said imagine being in the shower and you hear your voice i shouldn't be shocked but i was out of curiosity because i did both is it better to email the audio or upload via instagram submission email it is better so they their voice was on a previous episode that's also so funny because you know as somebody who like listens to podcasts while i shower you're committed you're committed through ad breaks like you're committed through everything so like even if you were like hey i'm not ready to actually hear my voice right now like you're soapy you're sudsy you just gotta barrel on through and hear that so hopefully that added

to your shower experience yes hopefully so um tune in tomorrow for fisting friday where we're just gonna chat catch up have a little gab mondays but am i wrong were you right in you might have been wrong in a situation and then on tuesday we receive votes from you guys on instagram and you share your opinions and we share them with the class wednesday use that day just to catch up on any episodes you've missed or listen to your old favorite episode or a new favorite episode thursday we'll be back here for don't blame me wonderful we will see you next time goodbye this is a sister sign production hosted by me megan rinks and me melissa d montz plus diamond imprint productions post-production by coco lorenz production assistance by melanie d watson

and music by ryan hunter and giacomo picasso