Don't Blame Me! - DBM: My Cousin Is Dating My Ex

Episode Date: November 14, 2024

This week Meghan and Melisa are giving advice on: Nervous about going to school in person Torn in between two guys Getting my friends to trust me after drinking too much Dealing with my ex who still wants me Don't Blame Them: Surprise party in the bedroom Follow Us! instagram.com/meghanandmelisa @meghanrienks instagram.com/meghanrienks https://twitter.com/meghanrienks @sheisnotmelissa instagram.com/sheisnotmelissa instagram.com/diamondmprint.productions Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Wayfair's Labor Day clearance is on now. Right now at Wayfair, you can get up to 70% off everything home. Shop Wayfair's Labor Day clearance now through September 7th at wayfair.ca. Wayfair, every style, every home. Hi, welcome to a brand new episode of Don't Blame Me. this is an advice podcast where we give you wonderful amazing life-changing advice that will change your life and we are buckled in we're ready to to change some lives because you know aside from that what else is even going on it's a great distraction so distraction for us

from the world to give you advice and then um if you're just listening to this podcast this is distraction for you and then there are some of you who are even being productive in getting advice in this like you really are the true heroes i guess of this whole thing thank you so much thank you so much big fan big fan so uh yeah we have collins we have write-ins and how to get on the show is you can leave us a voicemail at 310-694-0976 international listeners you can send us an audio message at meganpodcast at gmail.com or you can also slide into our dms on instagram for all of them you have to be 18 or over or have your parents permission and we do ask that you let us know your ages and all relevant information but for the voicemail voice

memo keep it under three minutes and for the written version the email and the dm keep it under 300 words and you will be cut off so we ask that you if you're recording it like talking out loud practice it a few times write out everything you're going to say and uh structure it like how you would you know an essay give us a thesis statement give us the three three examples to back that up back that ass up and then finally the conclusion the the the question you're posing for us to answer for you and the advice you're looking for and let us know if you're sensitive please and no one ever does it but if it's like about you so desperately like letting someone treat you like absolute trash and you're like but so good i don't need to know their astrological

sign i need to know who would play them in a movie yeah and their address would be cool too yeah i'll show up i'm i'm ready to i know i'm you literally text me yesterday you were wanting to punch something yeah oh and i was just thinking about our boxing instructors who always were so impressed by us and also like knew when we were going through it the way that they would have been expect if we had still been going they would have been expecting to see us uh-huh and they would have been like i know i know and don't throw your back out yeah so also to the one person that wanted to listen to the podcast on youtube it's now available if you've been getting all these notifications that blame that one person yeah that we're back on

youtube because it's under our old channel where we put videos up it's them um so uh yeah so um you've got it now it's there you can listen i think you've also helped a few people because it seems like we're getting a couple hundred listens on every one of them so thank you there we go yeah doing the lord's work apparently yeah that that was my one announcement but yeah should we get into it let's get into it let's save some lives it's a hard job but someone's gotta do it i feel like that's like um i could if i watch gray's anatomy i could give like a quote i was literally gonna say the one you can call me married of gray or two in the words of derrick shepherd it's a beautiful day to save lives yeah i was gonna say i'm sure doctors already do weird

platitudes like that but then also like doctors on tv i'm like i'm sure there's some phrasing we could do there so first up hi megan hi melissa long time listener definitely before i should have lol oh you know this stresses me out yep here we go i just turned 19 and i used to hear pronouns i took a gap semester from college i know a lot of people do a gap year but i just didn't want to fall too far behind. So my plan is to start in January and do summer school so I'm all caught up and going into fall 2025 as a sophomore. I didn't take a gap semester to find myself or travel. I took it to get myself ready to leave home for the first time ever. I'm incredibly close with my family. We live in a small town and I'm going to the closest university to my town

and it's still four hours away. I've never been away from home. Now I'm a little less than the two months from leaving and I'm questioning everything. Should I enroll in an online program instead of leaving i'm a first generation student and my parents are so excited for me to get to college to get the college experience but my nerves are so bad anxiety through the roof please help this just warms my heart that's so sweet leave uh i i know that that sounds a little harsh but you didn't say that you wanted us to be nice and you've been listening to us since you were a child you already didn't listen to the rules yeah so you didn't follow uh so i'm just gonna get in there go like leaving home for the first time is a big deal and you it would be weird if you weren't a

little like nervous and jittery about it but um this is gonna open up your world so much your parents are excited for you we're excited for you go it might be it probably will be like a bit of a culture shock it'll probably be a little overwhelming especially coming in in the spring but you won't be the only person that is starting then in that semester i would say the biggest thing is you know go to class of course but also take advantage of all the help that they have on campus one for like newer students that are coming in because now since you are coming in in off cycle is kind of considered like you're you could be considered a non-traditional student if you wanted to go that route so you could go to that office and get connected talk to your ras

talk to the people in your dorms if you're staying in the dorm get involved in as many activities as you can that you don't get too overwhelmed with but that way you can meet new people you can join some clubs you can have like instant built-in friends it's gonna be great you're gonna have so much fun don't go too wild we both both of us may have at some point but if you do it's fine because it's college the thing about college is like the judgment is is lower have fun have fun get out there have fun if you want to participate in certain activities make sure you're wrapping it up if you are drinking make sure you're keeping your drink close to you and you're getting it yourself but like this is a time to discover who you are and you're gonna have a blast and uh if

you're gonna participate in any sort of recreational drugs carry narcan with you two doses per person who will be possibly participating and um test them always and i will say if you've never done before i would just like hold back on the drugs for a while like i just wouldn't start with that i didn't do drugs no i'm also terrified of drugs um i didn't even have weed until i moved to california and i was 23 yeah i smoked weed in high school but i like didn't do i'm terrified of cocaine i would never do cocaine um i did uh like molly and shit when i was like older but i wouldn't do it i would i just would not do it now if you want to feel like you're on molly get you some um my god brain uh olive by the way i ordered them where are mine um the thing i was

gonna say though is that like i understand your mentality of like not wanting to like quote unquote get behind and i would say though that like if it's a financial aspect of like i could not afford to do for full years that's different but i would say that like you i would keep the door and the option open of being like you know you're starting as a sophomore but like i might keep that door again an option open of being like talking to a counselor or anyone at that school to be like do would you recommend i start as a freshman would you think that it's better for me to start like meeting people that way because like you have put a little barrier up for yourself in the sense that like there are lots of people who transfer anytime that you get to know people

but like the forced socialization tends to be freshmen or tends to be in dorms so I you said four hours away so I'm assuming you're either dorming or apartment but as someone who did not like like I just to be frank you will I don't think you will be having the time of your life for the first 48 hours and it could even be longer than that like everyone I know even people who loved college like it was hard like it's real it's a huge huge huge adjustment like I sobbed and like I don't even like my parents like and like I need I wanted to get away so bad but like it's just different and it's just like very like out of your element and everything feels really different and the things that you might not have realized were going to like affect you as much do and so like

leaving room for that and letting that happen but not using that as like a oh therefore I don't like college but also knowing that like talk to people like how you're feeling like talk to people about it like if it ends up being like not the right school for you that doesn't mean this that doesn't mean like college is wrong for you doesn't mean school is wrong for you and I was really no one I knew was like when I was like being like I actually don't think that this is right for me that wasn't an option at all and then I had friends who were able to like reach out to me when they were in freshman year we were one friend we were both freshmen and then one was two years younger than me were able to like reach out to me and be like I well how do you know the difference

between like these settling nerves and like this anxiety and the getting into routine and like if it's wrong and i would like talk them through it and like be very open and honest and um when you don't do that then you can kind of either make a very rash decision and staying something that you are staying in a place you really should not stay in and like you know becoming someone you really don't like like and doing that kind of thing or you leave something before you've gotten over that kind of adjustment period so like whatever that is like talk to someone and specifically if you can try and talk to someone who is very open-minded about that because like everybody would say that me dropping out of college was like the most rash thing ever and

i was like because none of you bitches were listening to me like nobody was listening and it made for my friends who when they transferred or they left and they took a break and they went back and all of that everybody graduated college i'm the only one who didn't but like it made it a lot easier for their parents too because they were like well megan did it and like she's she's okay and even if she doesn't go like even if my friends don't go back to school Megan's fine and I know that like they're talking to her or whatever so it sounds like your parents are very supportive of this for you but if you feel like there might be they might be a little bit toxic positivity for it like if you have another friend or something but like it's going to be an adjustment

and I don't want you to take that as being like oh it's wrong like this is like all of my feelings everything came true it's just as bad as I thought because that's pretty much how everyone respond like it does take a while and the social aspect is what will make or break the experience for you because if you just wanted to get a degree you can do that online you don't have to have the college experience but the college experience is yes it's going to class but it's also like going out and it's like joining clubs i joined fucking surf club do i surf no they party there you go swim do you want me to turn that back on you motherfucker can you i didn't join surf club there you go well i didn't join swim club i joined surf club what if it's surfing the

web i was very good at that so trying things out so like if it's um i would if you're like looking for social kinds of things i would try and have it be like somewhat separate from your major because like you're going to meet people who are within your major depending on how large the school is like there are a lot of people who like people who are friends with their freshman year they're not even friends with my sophomore year and like i wasn't sometimes people meet their like closest friends their senior year there's all of this kind of stuff but it's the difference between that and like again and i say this from small town i went to element i went to preschool to the same people went to elementary school with same people went to middle school with same people went to high

school with so for me casting a wide net is like not really in my dna that i've never really had to do that or known how to do that and so i get invested in people and things in a much more smaller insular way and so when that like is disrupted it that's all i'm familiar with so i wish what i had done was branched out in that way on a bigger scale for college yeah because i i like i moved in early because like if you volunteer to help people it's called help a hog if you volunteer to help people move in early then you got to move in like two weeks early so i did that we had like associated student government was like throughout but then like the every dorm had its own government system within it yeah um i forgot specifically what that was called but

um i was part of the senate for that and then i got nominated to be on associated student that word um and uh so then like i met people that way then i found out that most of the people there like actually wanted to work in that as politicians and i said y'all are too nerdy for me so i joined i uh i wouldn't say i dropped out i just kind of um gave somebody else the responsibility to go on my behalf like proxy yeah and then um i joined physics club because i went to school as a physics major and i said can't hang out with these nerds for the next four years there was only one girl there was five people in this club one girl and they were the nerdiest people i had ever met and i said i cannot spend four four years with these people because

the major itself is small it's not a major that a lot of people go into yeah and i said i can't spend the next four years with these people you have to watch greek because rusty is a um oh my god it's something he's in the he's on the honor he does honors engineering but like it is very much like he literally gets to college and he's like i'm ready to be a college kid and he gets there and he goes y'all are fucking losers and then he like joins a frat and he like brings his friends you have to watch freak you would love it but i also what other i was in oh i was in dental club there was i actually had like friends from high school there those were the only friends i kept up well like the guy friends that i kept up with they were in that club they they are

dentist now so good for them when i'm the ex-boyfriend i i just if something was mildly interested me i was fucking rachel berry i was there and that's what you have to do because like you can drop just as easy as you can join yeah it's a club like you don't do anything there um so just join the clubs all right good luck let us know how it goes we're gonna take a break when you're back we'll get into some more we are back and it's time for the next hi Megan and Melissa I am a 28 year old female she her and I recently got out of a five-year relationship. Lately, I've been connecting with two guys from my past.

First, we have John. He was a manager at a past job and we always had chemistry, but we were both in relationships at the time. Now we are both single, so we started hooking up and getting to know each other. We have a lot of sexual chemistry and our conversations are definitely spicy.

He's making me feel things I couldn't feel anymore and I really enjoy spending time with him. Here's the kicker. He's 22. I knew he was younger when we worked together but didn't realize how much. He had a traumatic childhood and had to grow up really fast so he doesn't act like a typical 22 year old but nonetheless he's still 22. We are in different stages of life and I know a relationship would not work but I'm not ready to stop talking to him. Then there's Chris. Chris is a friend from college that is 32 and always been interested in me. Now that I'm single, we've been talking and he checks every box. He's a safe and smart choice, but I don't have the same excitement and flirtiness talking to him as I have to John. they are both getting invested and i don't know at what point i need to tell them i'm talking to other people i'm enjoying my single era and like the attention but don't want anyone to get hurt

in the process i've only been single for seven weeks so i also don't want to rush into anything what should i do love you both and looking forward to hearing your thoughts you don't like chris my question have you slept with chris because like you are talking so much about like you're hooking up with john and like the sexual tension all of that and it's like if you have not slept with chris and you want to have sex with him but you haven't had sex with him yet yes your relationship with the person you've had sex with will be more sex heavy but if you haven't had sex with him and you like don't really want to have sex with him you period point blank don't like him you don't like it you just say that he checks your boxes just because somebody

is good on paper for you doesn't mean that they're the person that you're meant to be with especially seven weeks weeks you should run away from a guy who checks all your boxes you should run towards the 22 year old away from the person who will make you feel like oh this is who i'm supposed to end up with seven weeks later yeah like you've been in a relationship you were in a relationship for five years you've been single for seven weeks you were in a relationship most of your 20s like chill you don't have to if you don't enjoy being with chris if he's just somebody that is a friend step away and keep fucking i'm i know i changed i changed what you gave us the name sorry if that's a triggering name for you but yours is triggering for us yes yours was triggering

for us um i changed the name so um i hope for like their sister like their brother's name's not like john and they're like yuck um but uh for john like just keep fucking him responsibly yeah i agree with that i think like there's mixed messages going on in what you're saying because you're like you know i know i couldn't actually i couldn't have a real relationship with him like but he did grow up really fast and the other guy's like checking off the boxes but he's on his fun and like who wants what like do you want a relationship because i'm gonna say right now i don't think you should i don't think it's time for you to have a relationship no i think you should pursue and continue on with what you're doing with john do i think that you're gonna end

up with john no like so those they're they're two totally separate things i'm like i don't think you need to tell these guys also because i don't think these guys are it because you have been broken up for seven weeks like it's i and i think if you are wanting to be in a relationship like you're looking for a new relationship then my advice would be to neither and then like take some time solo but like you don't i think you're just rushing it and i think like sometimes it happens and i saw this tiktok of someone who was talking about how they'd just gone out of like a long-term relationship and they weren't looking to date but they had a friend of a friend who was like very interested and always had been and so it felt like okay you know i feel like and they said like

this isn't a healthy mindset but i felt like okay they've always been so nice i know they've always been interested in me like i and now that i'm single i should you know go out with them they're really nice people were giving them shit being like you said you didn't want to be in a relationship and then they ended up being in a relationship and then they broke up because ultimately months later was like i just don't want to be in a relationship and like i just don't think we're right for each other um and people were like giving this person shit and they were like we're it's so ingrained and they were in their early third they were like probably 32 so similar like age bracket being like people tell me all the time have been in a relationship for

so long you're so lucky like all the guy dating now is trash these guys are horrible and so it's like unfortunately when i have one the first guy who i i know is a good guy i've been friends with them they check the boxes they do all that kind of stuff like even though in my heart i know i'm not ready and i know i don't want it like people get in your head of being like this is the last there's no good guys like hold on to them when you can like what if this is the only good guy there is and if i say no now then i can't say yes later and it's never going to happen that's just not how it works and that is rhetoric that men have created to keep women in relationships they don't want or to lower standards like i think like to just remove the fact of like this like

butterfly effect of like well if i don't go out with him now does that mean that like if i pick the like the more like the more um sexually not explicit the more exciting guy and not the guy that i ultimately want like if i ignore the guy that i know i would want to settle down with to the guy that i know i wouldn't want to is this now the universe is not going to give me that again that's just not how it works and i think like if you are having that those kinds of thoughts and you're stressing about it you shouldn't be dating anyone and you should you should go to therapy and You should work on yourself and do all of that kind of stuff. But there's a reason why you like them for different reasons.

And the reason why you're more drawn to John is because like that's what you we can all be with lots of different people at different points in our life. He is who you need and want at this point in your life. And also, Chris was around when you were in school like he can wait like if this is somebody that you're going to be like, it seems like you might you were in this relationship when you were in school or like at the end of school um so like just if this is the person that you're supposed to be with you know the timing will add up eventually right it hasn't worked twice wait please wait please wait also the age i know that you're in you know you and the 22 year old are in

different life stages but the age differences between both these aren't that big i know life stages mean something but um yeah they're not that big and i think if you were wanting to settle down with a 22 year old who had to grow up really fast because of childhood i would say i've been that 22 year old and the best thing ever was because i was dating maz who was you know older than me but that he knew that so like it can be like yeah she's grown up for her age not great like it's it's not like this like oh get out of like scott free card like okay cool like the road have been paved this whatever so like because there is nuance to the fact of growing up fast is not growing up in the same way it's a different kind of growing up but uh I think that like you

know if there's someone who you're like I could see myself settling down whatever like and you're not ready for that don't date because I think that's when you ruin it and like I was I had a crush on Mats like from the very beginning but I was like I'm not I don't want to do that I'm not ready for any of that kind of a thing and then like we were we maintained a friendship and that didn't like ruin the chances of anything of us like it was just like if it's going to happen it will happen if you try and force something that like is supposed to happen the wrong timing no matter how great the person is no matter how good you could be together if it's the wrong time it's it will be the wrong time and that will you can never overcome bad timing yep what a good

problem to have seven weeks after a five-year relationship though two guys i know i wonder if either of them knew the ex and like have just been like waiting i feel like the 32 year old krista didn't know that okay all right next one hey megan and melissa i'm writing in to get advice about my epic halloween fail so i'm 22 and use she her pronouns i am known in our group as the party girl i like to have fun and i never thought anything was wrong with that until halloween oh god this is so triggering this was these are some of my worst memories of not remembering anything. Drinking and Halloween. I got super wasted at a party we went to. I don't really remember most of it, and this isn't the first time it's happened. Apparently, it's the time

that my friends decided that they'd had enough. On Saturday, when we all went to brunch, it was actually an intervention of sorts for me. They said I was a sloppy drunk. They spent more time taking care of me than enjoying themselves. I was also overly flirty with some girl's boyfriend, and I had to stop her from kicking my ass, which caused the couple to leave. I'm so incredibly embarrassed. They let me know we will not be going out together until I clean my act up i'm not an alcoholic by any means i only drink when we're going out to let loose it's not worth my friendships especially when they said they don't even have fun so i'm looking for advice on ways i can show them i've changed so they'll feel comfortable going out with the new

me i'm partaking in no drink november and i was thinking i could volunteer to dd the next time we go out so there's no chance i'll drink any other tips and ways to show them i can be a better me would be great i'm not sensitive but please don't judge too harshly i've been really hard and down on myself since that intervention i'm gonna make a joke and don't take this the wrong way i'm just making a joke a little hee hee ha ha before we get into this what if this is the person remember somebody called in and they're like they're having a halloween person a halloween party and they have a friend that drinks too much and they don't want to invite the friend and then this is the friend hey if it is that was very gentle the the original call they really care

about you and if not pretend it is your friends if you're drinking too much to the point where you're not remembering, that doesn't necessarily mean that you're an alcoholic, but you do have some sort of problem. That's exactly what I was going to say. Like, ask yourself what your definition of alcoholism and alcoholic is, because like it's not really cut and dry. Like a lot of people have different ideas of it. And I think if your definition of alcoholic is chemical dependency and like a physical dependency on alcohol, then I think you need to broaden the definition to include what having an unhealthy relationship with alcohol and that might not be what you consider like a medically quote-unquote alcoholic but that it's not like that's it would be like

step one and then step two and not like they're they're not so far separated like having an unhealthy relationship with alcohol is not closer to someone who has a healthy relationship with alcohol than to being an alcoholic like it is closer to the that side of it that's probably hard to hear, but I would ask yourself what your definition of that is. And if you're flirting with somebody else and about to get your ass kicked, that is a problem. Stay away from other people's men. If your friends have to sit you down and have a talk with you, that's also a problem. I do think it's great that you're taking these steps to not drink and also volunteering to be the DD. But we are two people that drank heavily when we were your age. Now, like I might have a

drink every three months you don't drink at all so I just stopped drinking like that literally it was it I stopped drinking yeah and like if you are not emotionally reliant on alcohol it will not be hard to stop drinking and so I think like for you if you're like well I'm not an alcoholic but like I'm not gonna like I don't need to stop then just stop to show that you that you can and then like there is like a huge period of like shame and embarrassment and like it does feel like these quick fixes and like i would also say you have amazing friends i like that is such a like huge thing on them to say like my friends were it would be much more like we're not gonna say anything like that and like i am mortified and so embarrassed about like how much people had to like

you know how much i made other people's lives more like complicated annoying like how people i wasn't getting sick and it wasn't like someone has to like oh like take care of me take care of me but like there were two times that i was like definitely had was it was so bad and like someone had to carry me and i it was i threw up in their bed and it was horrible and like i felt so bad and instead of like sitting with the reason why i felt so bad i just like kept partying and it was like there there has to be like this feeling of like embarrassment and um i don't want to say shame but like uh feeling bad that you've put the people you love in these circumstances and situations dive into that feeling don't run away from that feeling and a lot of people would never

even have told you it would have just been like an end of a friendship and that kind of stuff and so like they're giving you a really great opportunity to be like this doesn't have to be who you are and what you do and um the other part is like if you are regularly blacking out and you are and that is happening when you drink that in itself is a problem and i didn't know that until i was older because i'm like i would always brown out or always get black like that was and then when i found out my peers weren't i was like wait what and it's because like i wasn't stopping drinking like that's it was i was getting to a certain level to then be like hey this is drunk enough and that is like it's not a healthy level of drunk yeah so that to me too is like you know

you should be able to count the times you have been blackout drunk. And I can't. So I'm not going to come at you with like shame or like anything like that. Like I can't do that. And that's also why I don't I don't drink to like loosen up and have fun. And like, I get that. But is it fun if you can't remember it and it's hurting people you care about? And like, I think like for some people, like it feels very final to be like,

I'm never going to I'm not saying you never have to drink again. Like I drink occasionally, but I have like one drink. I don't have multiple drinks on top of each other. Now, if I have a gummy, that's a different story. Well, I also think that like there is like a collective, super unhealthy relationship with alcohol leading to alcoholism in college for a lot of people. And like statistically, unfortunately,

there will be people who will be able just to like be done and drop it. And there will be other people who will not be able to. Like, it's just like your body and how you react to that. And like, if you're like, well, everybody drinks like this, I can tell you that like the people who I drank like that with and people who I've seen who I'm like, I relate to that. Those people are either in like the thick of an incredibly unhealthy relationship with alcohol at this point or they're sober and they've like gotten to that point. But it is unfair and it does fucking suck. And that's like it's genetic predisposition. There's all of those different things about this. But like, you know, blacking out is something that we need. I think we should just take a lot more seriously and it needs to be very scary. And it needs to be something that like, if you black out, you should question if you were drugged, not like, oh, I had so much to drink.

I was definitely blacked out. It's just so it's so not safe. And unfortunately, like your friends are being amazing and like helping you out. And like, I think that's what they should do. But at a certain point, they will have to protect themselves in a safety situation. And like over 100 pounds of like absolutely dead weight, like they might not be able to help you in situations when they want to. and it would be really hard i think about how hard it would be to be friends with me and how i was

then and i think about like how i do not deserve the people who like still maintained a relationship with me or like don't hold that over my head or anything i do think it would be different if i still did that you know i don't think those people would still i would have a good relationship with like my college roommates no but even the people who knew me at that time like and they dealt with that like my college roommate and I would like never speak she would like hate I would be like the person she hates the most and also she could still hate me and like that would be totally valid but like if I kept this up and like maintain that it's just it's a lack of value for again not only your safety but their safety and them taking care of you so yeah I also wonder are you in

school because I think like this is um if you're out of school and you're having a hard time not drinking on weekend because in college there's just parties like all the time I think if you're having a hard time wrapping your mind your head around like being sober for more than a month and you're like a grown-up job you've got all that stuff that to me is like okay we've got to lock in a little bit more this is this might be a little bit harder um but also read books like i have a lot of friends um who yeah relationship with alcohol is like not the greatest and like that aa meetings and stuff might feel like i've never been there i haven't been at that rock bottom. I haven't done all those things. And it can feel like just comparative in the sense of

being like, OK, so then I'm fine. And it's like there's so many levels between that. And I think like something that you can explore on your own, like different books about like specifically like if I had read just information about like alcohol is a carcinogen. If I had read things about like what binge drinking does to your body, what it does to your brain neurologically, if like, you know, I would have been medicated for ADHD health loss and like all of these other things that like what we can be predisposed to by drinking so much can be masking other things and um i would have worked on my social anxiety and i didn't even know that that's what it was and so there's a lot of books that can help you understand yourself more and it doesn't mean that like you're an alcoholic

you're gonna have to detox you're never gonna be able you're gonna never have a drink of alcohol ever again but i think if you avoid any sort of dialogue and discussion and like research on it that to me is an indicator that you you might be aware that there's a bigger problem that you want to let on yep all right we're going to take another break when we get back we'll get into more when west chat first took flight in 1996 the vibes were a bit different people thought denim on denim was peak fashion inline skates were everywhere and two out of three women rocked The Rachel. While those things stayed in the 90s,

one thing that hasn't is that fuzzy feeling you get when WestJet welcomes you on board. Here's to WestJetting since 96. Travel back in time with us and actually travel with us at westjet.com slash 30 years. Your playlist might get you through the workday, but have you ever wondered how your ancestors spent theirs? What work helped them build a life?

How did they adapt as the world around them changed? With Ancestry, You can search Select Historical Occupational Records for free for a limited time and discover the stories behind the jobs in your family tree. You've got questions. We've got ancestors. Search free until August 31st. Visit Ancestry.ca for details. Terms apply. Hey y'all, it's Kelly Clarkson with Wayfair. Ever order furniture online and wonder, what if? Like, what if it doesn't hold up?

That sofa was four days old. You should have ordered from Wayfair. With Wayfair, there's no what if. Just style you love and quality you can trust. visit wayfair.ca wayfair every style every home we're back i am in a weird situation to say the least i am 25 and use she her pronouns the holidays are coming up and i'm looking forward to going home but there is an awkward situation that has left me really anxious every time i think of going home for context my whole

family and friends live in my hometown. I did too up until February of this year. I moved three hours away for a job opportunity. I used to go home all the time but got busy so I haven't been in a few months. I also wanted to get settled in my new community and not feel like a visitor anymore. While living at home I was in a one-year relationship with let's call him Chad. The relationship was very surface level. Neither of us were in love or in love anymore so in lust. Once I got tired of long distance, I went ahead and ended things about April. I thought it was a clean cut. When I was going home, I often made a point to tell him when I'd be there every so often

so we could catch up. So everything changed in June when he started dating my cousin. Let's call her Sasha. Sounds messy. Honestly, to me, it wasn't. My cousin confronted me before she was even gave him her number asking what I thought. me and my cousin are moderately close I told her to go for it I've been living my best single life and I thought me and chat were friends so they enter into a relationship and I hear everything

is going great then chat starts texting me comparing us like Sasha is such a good kisser but not better than you and they increasingly got more explicit as time went on no matter how many times i've told him to stop i'm no longer interested he keeps texting me i threatened to tell her and he was like you'll just sound like the bitter ex which is valid and not what i want to do i haven't been home since they started dating so this will be the first time how do i tell my cousin he's using her to get back to me without sounding like a jealous ex because i'm not i just want to look out for her this is you have it in writing you have him saying uh if you tell then you'll just sound jealous it's literally in writing screenshot it and send it to her

i don't think it's that hard she should not be dating him no it's his child's play on his part yeah like you should tell her exactly what's going on and send her the screenshots i think this is very easy to solve i thought this was going to go another way also on general hospital the two people that found out they were cousins their names are sasha and cody so names are very close on purpose no because they would have named him cody instead of chad that's i i think this is an easy solution and i also don't think you should be like hey date my cousin no yeah i think it's weird for your cousin to even be interested and i think she was interested the whole time yeah and like to me i'm like as soon as you date someone i'm close to you become a non-sexual

entity like you have no genitalia you are not a sexual being whatsoever and if your cousin's mad and says like oh yeah you you are just like jealous or whatever like that's also just not the end of the world and like that's not um shouldn't be stopped i always think like we always say that like say something someone they might not react the way you want them to they might not take action immediately but like you've planted the seed there so like when something else comes up you know you've it's out of your hands at that point so it's like you're just wanting to plant the seed so like they might not be like ew i'm dumping him you're right like he's the worst they might say you're being jealous whatever but like that that voice will be in the back of your head

and also he's such a weird freak loser weirdo yeah he's a very very very weird so please tell her yeah all right we're gonna take another break and we're back and we're gonna get into don't blame them what's don't blame them megan don't blame them is where a listener will call in or write in with their own advice pertaining to uh one that we had on a prior episode so they might have experience in the sense like it's their job and they're like oh yeah i've done that at work i can give you some good good advice with or they've been through it personally or by proxy or they just have some insight. Hi Megan and Melissa. I'm writing in as a response to the call asking for advice on having a threesome

on the podcast. Don't blame me. Surprise party in the bedroom from 1024. I'm a 24 year old bisexual woman and I've been a unicorn. Y'all were asking about if the profiles on dating apps work and I'm here to say that I've been that third before. Before I get into that, I want to reiterate what y'all were saying about not objectifying whoever the third is and making sure everyone is included also not assuming that bisexual husband wants to have a threesome just because of his sexuality sexual interests that are out of y'all's norms always be communicated and discussed before doing them like maybe don't surprise a person with a finger in their butt my personal interest in having a threesome with a significant other has varied in relationships

some i would with and some i wouldn't have and if your partner does end up wanting a threesome It might not be the gender you assume, i.e. they might be jealous seeing you with another person, another man, another woman, depending on your sexuality. So in regards to being a unicorn, I saw a woman's profile come across my Tinder. If I remember correctly, she stated she was in a relationship and they were looking for a third. From what I know, typically people would put photos of the woman alone first and then come in with the boyfriend later, mostly because it's usually like ugly guys. It can definitely be predatory. I've seen some where they don't disclose or they don't show any photos of the guy and then bring it up further into conversation or just generally sketchy looking like one photo with little to no

text. So this couple looks nice and they wanted a throuple situation, not so much a one-time threesome. So I swiped and chatted with them, went on a few dates with each of them alone and together. They were always taking priority with what I was comfortable with and didn't push me to do anything. I appreciate how I felt as if I was included in the relationship and I was not objectified we had open honest conversations about what we were interested in and looking to get out of the situation and also you know like std testing etc i don't know how they could have gone about it better i would say that most of the time that people looking for a third on a dating app aren't successful i don't know anyone else who has swiped right on that almost all my friends are

bi or queer and none of them have been the third before and a couple i was with had only had one other third before. Final side note, I'm the color from the re-gifting podcast on 1-16-23 and then a subsequent update. I can't find the exact episode. I'm the one who wasn't official with her man after a year's worth of dating and I love you. Update on that, we've become official a few weeks after a one-year anniversary. Now we've been dating over two years. We moved in together a month and a half ago and it's going well. We've met each other's families within the last few months. The worst part is that our cats don't get along yet so if anyone has any advice thank you yeah that's the advice get rid of the cats thank you so much for that's the one who that we were like that is your

boyfriend that's your man yeah wait like babe you did not give us the accurate excitement left like that was your man you lived out a fanfic and like just throwing that in the end is crazy we need more details i need so many more details like what did what how did the conversation go what was his reaction did he like try and play cool now that you've been together for like a while now is he like oh yeah no i was like obsessed with you like what is i'm so curious about that you meet each other's families like you're so nonchalant like the same way you said like most of these guys and threesomes are ugly and oh yeah by the way we are officially dating now like i love the aloofness right but i want more details share more share more please call

that you were like my friend i would be like it's like you say something and you're like wait no come back wait what what finish i was gonna say it's big aquarius energy it's what libras wish they were yeah i need more details i love that though and we called it we knew it and he knew it he said i am your man i'm just waiting for you to realize that i am your man yeah but love it thank you for all the information that you shared you gave us a different perspective from the other person that had called about the same thing but also we need to fucking update and get you know that we're not cat people no we're not i think they knew i think they were calling that they were uh calling out to the wider unfortunately like despite the fact that we have said over and

over again we are not cat people cat people listen to us i guess it's because like a large percentage of the population is they're cat people and ironically i'm not friends with any no our neighbors have a cat i'm trying to think but they have a dog i love more close friends have cats oh katherine and alex are cat people they had two cats they're no longer with us but they were actually mother and daughter but girl boss yeah i our neighbors have a cat and Mott's loves their cat and their cat is like you know smart and very nice and like literally will like always come up on me and like they'll be like dying laughing because I'm like yeah it just sounds like Mott's he the way that he will sit there with that cat and pet forever

and so for me I'm more like their dog who cannot play catch or fetch to say like if you throw a ball it will hit her on the forehead like hello like that's me that's who I love that's my that's my girl and um she will bark at the window if i go let her out if they like they were at disneyland the other day and they asked if i could like go just like let her out for the second time of the day after their dog walker was here and they now have they have to at first they usually would do the back door but the one time they left the front door open and she would not stop barking and i was like she's like not an aggressive dog at all and like i'm very afraid of dogs because i got attacked by a dog when i was a kid so like she doesn't freak me out but she like is not she's probably

like a cocker spaniel maybe or like a king charlie you know like a cavalier looking dog but she's like you know she's not tiny so i think she's probably a cocker spaniel maybe or just a bigger one and i was like she's not like a gret like she doesn't i don't because also i don't want her to bite me and then like not that i don't want to get hurt like yeah but like my biggest fear is a dog that i love biting me and then like i have to go to a hospital and i have to get it done and then they'll have to have a mark on that and like if it was a thought like whatever it is like i'm like i just no i don't i don't want to scare her and she was like barking so loud and they were like no she just she just does that and i was like okay and like i was being very like hey hey hey

and then when i opened the door she was like hey and like just like licking me and loving me and i was like it's so hard to distinguish like from your bark if you are excited or unhappy and like i can't tell and now they just do the back door open and then she's just like so fucking stoked and like adorable but uh yeah they have a cat i literally never think about the cat except like don't let the cat outside all right well thank you all for writing in thank you for calling in thank you for listening we really appreciate you all we do i would love an update from um anyone who's like done like any recent any recent calls in the podcast it can also be old ones too but yeah i've been thinking about some people if we did say though we're trying so hard to like

not think about it don't go as an update because we're with you and pretending that those things never happened never um so i want an update from the model who i said was ugly on here maybe they probably aren't listening anymore if you would like to participate you can give us a call at 310-694-0976 is that correct great and you can also send an email to meganpodcast at gmail.com keep the emails to 300 words or less keep the voice memos in mp3 form and um calls to three minutes or less if you're calling you're going to get cut off if you're emailing you're going to get hey tighten this up join us tomorrow for fitsync friday monday for but am i wrong tuesday for see you next

tuesday and we'll be right back here on thursday for don't blame me and uh join our patreon if you want to support the show it is a very fun time get to know lots of new people hang out with us and it's i would say this is a very good season to join because like maybe it's cold out yeah and you're like it's dark early you might be participating in the 4b movement you're like i'm not fucking people okay as a black person when i heard 4b at first i was like are we talking about hair texture and then i've heard about this movement before and i never heard it called 4b until recently i still don't know what 4b means and if you say 4b to me that's a hair texture yeah so like i don't and this was the first time i like like learned what it was and i thought that

like maybe it was like um i only saw it as like a four and then a lowercase b and i was like maybe it's like representative of some it's not that and then i heard someone say 4b and i said what does it love that for you what does it mean because i see it written down and then i typed i clicked it and it was just hair type video then i was like i'm just curious um but i support it for everybody yeah and um yeah join it's a great what i was saying it's a great time of year to join the patreon um because you know it's getting cold outside you know you might not be uh looking to engage with uh straight men or avoid it at all if possible i don't know that we have any in we've also we also have people that you know they might they they've gone out clubbing and

then come join they some we have people on like the train ride home we've got people in the back of their uber we have all of that you know you could be in at home doing crafts you could be doing a puzzle. You could be making dinner. You could be putting on makeup and get ready to go out. You could be pre-gaming. You could be with your friends. You could be at home by yourself. You could be sleeping. You could be playing a harp. You could be doing a birthday hall. You could be doing a Sephora hall. You could be opening up your pole dancing studio. Yes. There are so many things. And we talk about so many different things, you know, someone just all of this up and i've said this recently and i think it deserves to be repeated about one of the things i

think is the best about us is there are so many inside jokes we will explain them all to you you will not feel left out or if you want us to introduce if everybody wants to do their own little introduction we can do that we can do whatever you want when i say hey is there anybody new here take the floor away after you've answered the questions that i demand of you yep and everyone's new everyone has been new and also you will not catch a live stream where there's not at least one new person so everyone's very used to it you don't have to be nervous and you can watch a couple ahead of time to be like is this and also rumor has it lily and jesse just joined our patreon so i don't think they'll join the live stream but just know all the cool

kids are doing it yeah i said you guys have money now i'm joining i was like oh my god they joined our patreon i was like i told them i was on facetime with them and i said join our patreon and they said okay love it love it all right we'll see you next time yeah bye this is a sister sign production hosted by me megan rinks and me melissa d montz plus diamond imprint productions post-production by coco lorenz production assistance by melanie d watson and music by ryan hunter and giacomo picasso