Don't Blame Me! - DBM: My Friend Is An Adult Film Star

Episode Date: October 16, 2025

This week, Meghan and Melisa are giving advice on: Ending a friendship with a cheater Getting the confidence to date Frustrated with boyfriend's sadness People judging your friend's occupation Join our Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/dontblameme Buy Our Merch https://crowdmade.com/collections/sister-sign Listen to Melisa’s New Show https://apps.apple.com/in/app/pocket-fm-audio-series/id1538433480?mt=8 Call In for DBM - 310-694-0976 (3 minutes or less) Write In for DBM - [e-mail] (300 words or less) Write in for BAIW - [e-mail] DBM Submission Form BAIW Submission Form Follow Us! instagram.com/meghanandmelisa @meghanrienks instagram.com/meghanrienks https://twitter.com/meghanrienks @sheisnotmelissa instagram.com/sheisnotmelissa instagram.com/diamondmprint.productions Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

hello what's up bitches what's up bitches how you doing on this bitchin day welcome to brand new episode of jump on me where we oh my god i love that this is a podcast where We give you wonderful, amazing, life-changing advice, and that's what we excel at. So if you want to call in and be featured on episode, you can leave us a voicemail at 310-694-0976. You can also send us a voice memo if you are not in the United States and email that to megapodcasts at gmail.com. And if you're like, okay, I love both of those ideas and I want some advice and I would love

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i'm ready to just dive in drive forward accelerate hopping bitches we're giving advice all right ready i 31 have a friend bailey 33 bailey has a friend justin justin 33 she's known since high school Justin has been in a committed relationship for seven years until recently I've only heard negative things about his girlfriend she doesn't come around even when Justin is hanging out with us I have only been friends with Bailey for two years and when she was catching me up on her lore she made it clear that any feelings between her and Justin didn't exist. Justin has dated Bailey's friends, other women, with one lapse in college where they made out and he felt her up. It's important to note that Bailey has never had a romantic

relationship, casually dated, or even had any sexual experience past making out and being felt up. A few weeks ago, Bailey's father passed away. Afterwards, I noticed more physical affection between bailey and justin more days passed and i learned that they hooked up and basically did everything except for sex i also learned that they have been flirting heavily for months including bailey joking about telling him to come over and fuck her important to note that a few days after they hooked up bailey and justin and his girlfriend all went to a show and stayed in an airbnb be together. I have come to accept that because of this and other reasons not being shared for the sake of word count, I have to end my friendship with her. Because of our group dynamic, I do have

to be clear and make this decision known to her. But out of the smidge of respect I have left, I'm worried about timing due to her father's passing. How or when do you think I should tell her we're breaking up thank you for writing in this is a it's not really a conundrum i i don't think the timing of her father like yes he did pass away but that didn't stop her from being the the other woman yeah at all grief makes people do weird things did you ask for any of this information or was this just given to you because like i think it was given to her yeah this to me is like one of those things of being like maybe this is a toxic advice but like i i would start by just like ghosting and if she asks like what's wrong like or like why are we not

hanging out like i would like really just like give it a really good effort to just fully ghost she said that because of their friendship group dynamic she can't do that so i'm guessing there's other friends in the group oh okay because you're not going to be friends with either of these two people anymore yeah but i think there might be other friends in the group that she might still want to be friends with but she can't just like ghost her bailey because she's going to be coming around so she has to be clear how much do you like these other friends because like what do you say you just say like i mean i'll be frank i don't think you need i i don't bring up her father's passing like i just think that that shouldn't i think it's just the writers just trying to be

considerate that her father passed and doesn't want to be another person that has left her life i think if you want to leave her life to the point where like you're like i gotta do this despite the timing of it and like for all these other reasons i can't be friends with her anymore i think it's kinder to stop being friends with someone when you know you can't be there for them and like you can't be a good friend than to like stay out of feelings of like obligation and then you just become like a shitty friend and like psychologically that fucks with the person on the other side so like i think just being like hey you know i you know wanted to have a conversation with you because we have been friends for a while and we share a bigger friend group and i feel like

i owe it to you um but because of x y and z you know the things like i'm just thinking that like we're not compatible as friends the way that we once were and like i don't harbor bad feelings towards you or anything like that and i'm sure i'll see you around in like group settings but like i just i i think that we are better off as uh i don't think you need the last part about we're better off i just it just needs to end with i don't agree with what you're doing and i don't want to be your friend anymore also who they've been together seven years him and his girlfriend the girlfriend never around she never comes around but the three of them went on a trip together and then also who has been saying bad things about her was it bailey was it justin was

it the combination of the two of them i also i'm curious about like the tone in which she said like nothing ever happened between like we're just friends because like that to me is giving like if you like wanted to hook up with him you could and it's like okay well i'm not interested in no i'm just saying that like you know we've like no like i have no interest and i'm like okay you're like stressing of the no interest that you have in him is giving me that you have a lot of interest in him so yeah this seems like you've you've stumbled upon a complicated dynamic but you know another way you could just do this you can get this over with real quick tell the girlfriend and then they'll cut you off and then you're a girl's girl yeah and maybe she's got some other

cool friends you can hang out with doesn't it now i'm like the three of them went on vacation together they stay together because maybe maybe the girlfriend knows and then you can still stay friends because then it's ethical yeah then you're like oh it turns out she's like yeah that's the move tell the girlfriend if the girlfriend already knows you can stay friends if she doesn't know then then then the friendship is ruined anyway so win-win i think that's the perfect way to do it i love it you just like you plant the seed and then you go i don't know whichever way whichever way it goes i'm getting the outcome that i want yeah but boy is this complicated also they are too old for this like what i just can't imagine having like a big friend

group into my 30s and one of the people there has like a girlfriend for seven years like we just don't see her i'm right huh does she go to school in a different she goes to school in a different town you wouldn't know her she's canadian like what i um i just i have a question is this the same friend that you wrote in to us about before or in the same friend group all right uh we're gonna take a break when we get back we'll get to the next one we're back and it's time for the next okay dear megan and melissa i had to do the formalities within the past year or so i 28 straight female that's a new one i have decided i want to start dating unfortunately i don't have much prior experience in middle school i was a weird kid

in high school i was never asked out which was fine i was generally pretty happy with my life and i told myself all in good time but it did hurt a little knowing that i was never desired like my friends then college came i studied fashion and it yeah i studied fashion in a tiny liberal arts school so my pool of eligible bachelors was slim straight ones that i added that part just for anyone who's maybe not picking up on that i think that's why she told us that she was straight at the beginning yeah it's like hey if i wasn't i would have been crushing it swimming in it exactly my freshman year i had a nine-month situation ship with a guy from another school about a half hour away we met on tinder and only hung out in person a handful of times

it ended because he got a girlfriend and i found it on facebook it was awful being reminded of that feeling that i had in high school that i was not desirable i had crushes after that but they were never reciprocated but again i was happy with my life focusing on my education and still telling myself all in good time which brings us to today while i'm still happy with my life i'm really struggling to put myself out there i'm worried that my lack of experience i.e confidence is holding me back i'm not looking for anything serious i just want to get to know people but i don't even know how to approach someone also i was raised catholic so while socially i don't have issues with sex personally it brings up a lot of complicated feelings i don't think i could

just casually hook up with people any advice on where to start i'm a cancer insensitive but i do appreciate a slight reality check every once in a while you're also a great writer and since you're catholic there is a loophole all right put in the butt just joking i think lack of experience and confidence are two separate things and i think the way and i also want you to know that you don't have to have sex with people if you don't want to have sex like that that's nothing like going on dates is where we start and it doesn't even have to be like you know at this point maybe you're not dating for a relationship you're dating just to know figure out how to date because you've never done that before and that is more of a numbers game than a I'm interested in

you and reciprocate feelings game just so that you can learn how to how to talk to somebody and then that builds up for your experience and then once your experience is built up then I think the confidence comes from that yeah it's it's something that like you can't like study and prepare for without like having first-hand experience like that's where you get the confidence from it you can't prepare enough to get super confident like it just doesn't happen because it's not about self-confidence like it's about like confidence in something that like you haven't done before that's like the first time you drive a car you're not confident in that because you're confident in yourself like I actually haven't done this before so like I there are so many like variables here

that like I don't even know about the variables because I haven't participated in this yet so I think that like a great way to like lower the stakes and like to make because unfortunately Melissa's right like it's a numbers game and the numbers game is inevitable everybody has to go through it it is i think the one of the most exhausting parts of it because like it's like oh my god it just feels like a slog and it's like well dating supposed to be fun sure totally it's not always fun like there is something that's kind of just about like oh i have to put myself out there i have to do this and it's not always gonna feel like a rom-com movie montage like getting ready like i feel beautiful and gorgeous and like i

meet someone and like we hit it off and there's sparks like sometimes like it really fucking sucks sometimes it feels like a slog and a drag so like i think a great way to do it is to like have a friend schedule dates at the same time in the same location sit across from each other like not from the tables but like across you are in each other's eyesight at a bar and you give yourself okay we're gonna stay here for an hour and then we're moving on to like the next location because i think the worst thing that you can do especially when you like you don't even really know what you like or what you want or any of this stuff is to get too invested too quickly and so like you create a time like a time frame for how long you're going to be there what one coffee two coffees whatever

drinks i don't know whatever you want to do and you do that with a friend and then you leave and you're like okay and then you try and do that again you do that again and it builds up a confidence because you feel like a sense of security because you have like a friend there and you are making this so there's not this like you said like we're like sex at the end of the date like it's not that like we're not even that's not even on the table if you create the parameters of the date to begin with and you don't have to tell that to the person you're on a date with you just say like oh i've got another thing that i've got to do at like eight i can meet you at six and like you've got this like window and i will go even farther to say that like a lot of people will do this and i

mean i think that's great advice in dating in general regardless of experience you have is like to create a set time frame and like if you like the person go longer i wouldn't even do that now like i think that like you can't really know if you like someone versus i like the feeling of being on a date or like i like this like to know that to distinguish like the feelings that you're having for a person versus the experience so like i wouldn't even extend it if you like the person but like you can see them again if you want to but i think doing that and like even figuring out and like writing down like what are some things that are attractive to you when you see someone on a dating profile like what are the things that you are interested in and or even just like swipe

right on like however many people that you like and then look through it and be like what are the commonalities here what are the things that i'm seeing that i'm liking here and bring that up on the date like there are certain things that like what are you interested in about this person bring that energy to the date or just make sure they're not oh it's hard you know in a dating app to even see if somebody's a weirdo but like just see if there's just like okay there's nothing wrong with this person let me just meet up with them and just or have a face time with them i think like because she hasn't dated that much she doesn't know what she likes so yeah that's what i'm saying so like but looking at what you have there to be like okay so what are patterns that i'm noticing

in in this like are there certain things that i'm noticing that i'm liking here in this and i this is advice i'd give to everybody but i think like you need to get off the app quicker in general and like the issue is is like when you don't meet up with somebody you can fill in the blanks in your head and you can you'll build them up so like even if it's someone where you don't have to be like oh my god i'm so obsessed with this person that is actually bad yeah because you've created a person in your head and if you're like obsessed with someone that you see swiping on the apps and you're and just from their profile that's awesome i want you to go on five dates before you go on a date with that person like that is because you and i don't

want you i don't want you to keep talking to that person like you you have to burst the bubble of this because like you have to get comfortable with knowing what you want and if you go into something being obsessed with someone or being like so into someone you're not going into it for you you're going into it being like how can i get them to be interested in me and even if you're like not aware that you're doing it you are when you build someone up like that it no longer becomes about like what you like and what you want and that actually makes you the least attractive version of yourself yeah i was at what's that joe's place that you're like that's old it's been there forever the smoothie place oh joe and juice yeah so i was at joe and juice and

this girl was there and she was talking so loud and the music is already loud in there so the fact that i heard her whole conversation and she was on the other side of the place she was talking very loud but as somebody that's nosy i was loving hearing what she was saying but she was talking about how like for the week how many dates she had lined up and she was like i just want to get out here and meet people and so like i'm not like if i actually like them cool but i'm just trying to just get myself out there so she was just had somebody every single night for the week it's the best mentality to have and like that's why like i'm giving the forewarning like you'll you'll burn out like it'll it'll exhaust you it'll be frustrating it'll get annoying but like

like it's decision fatigue like you have you can't you're incapable of making a decision because you have so many options and people talk about that all the time on the apps it's like an endless way to swipe and endless and all of this kind of stuff and then it becomes like a a high from whenever you match with somebody but sometimes you don't talk which some of the apps like hinge has started to limit like you can't it once you've matched with like i think it's like eight people you have to talk to those people until you say no that's good yeah yeah so i think like yes there's too many decisions there's all of this kind of stuff like you have like i mean there's too many options so it makes it harder to make a decision so make more decisions as opposed to like doing

all of this and i think like we think of like the vetting like there are safety vettings to do 100 most of that has honestly like you're not like you said you're not going to know that from the profile it really just has to do with like the time that you're going to a place the location that you're going to and like making sure that you are arriving in your own vehicle you are leaving in your own vehicle and you know you're aware of your surroundings and like unfortunately that's like kind of all you can do to prepare you cannot vet someone to like make sure they're not like a fucking creep just through messages there it's you just can't and so i think like but i can't i do think that like you can't even though creeps will like some can outlive a first date but like i

think that like looking somebody in the eyes and having a conversation that will eat more people out some people are just fucking weirdos and they hide it for a lot longer but uh meeting them will help with that yeah it it eliminates a lot but also dating apps aren't the only way to meet people like megan said like going to a bar or something or um joining clubs like join i don't know what you're interested in but find out like what type of things are in your area because like here in i know we're in a big city but um there's like breakfast clubs and dinner clubs and lunch clubs and run clubs and we like to go play games in the park clubs and there's a club for anything yeah do you like to run while on cocaine we have that club too

there are other clubs there's there's even like ones that they do like a like a city crawl for going to certain food events during the week so like find find niche things that you're interested in and join them and see what's up yeah and i think if you're really really nervous about like going on uh a date like a first date make a new friend first like reach out and like like make a new friend and do that part of it first because i think that's so much more nerve-wracking than like going on a date with just like random fucking dude so i think like if you can get yourself comfortable with that um and i'm not going to suggest have your friends like set you up with people who are in like long-term relationships or anything like that

because like that can feel like an added pressure but just keep that in the back of your mind as like hey if once this is for me to get comfortable with dating i might not meet my person on a dating app but this is the way this is one of the ways that i might get more comfortable putting myself in situations with new people and like i get comfortable with the actual aspects of dating and then once i feel comfortable with this i can still stay on these apps but i can simultaneously be joining clubs and doing other things making new friends and like those friends might set me up with someone but i'm not i'm gonna do something that's proactive in this but it doesn't have to be the end all be all so like treat this like practice and go out with people who like you know

you you have an interest in but not the same people like don't you should never have a crush after you match with someone on a dating app like before meeting them like there should be no feelings to that level and i think if you recognize you're starting to do that then i think just do melissa's thing and join clubs and start things that are not just dating focused and work on that first yeah but this is also so common very common all right we're and take a break. And when we get back, we'll get into the next one. you when they occur. Going above and beyond industry standards. A vision of zero collisions. Volvo's legacy revolves around you because safety is about helping to keep you and everyone around

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Shop Wayfair's Labor Day clearance now through September 7th at Wayfair.ca We're back and it's time for the next one. I'm at... Oh, I'm first. You spelled my name with two L's. It's just one L. Is that... Anyone have two L's? Yeah.

when i tell people my name i say i say 1l1s because there are some people that whoa as a megan who has an extra letter when i see anyone who has more than my letter i go i already have too many letters in my name how are you surviving the m-e-a-g-h-a-n is a lot no that is like so deeply your last name better be like blue like something like three letters maximum yeah all All right. Hi, Melissa and Megan. Oh, she also spelled your name wrong too. Stop.

What do I get? An extra? No H. No H. So you got longer, I got shorter. Uh-huh. Okay. Love it.

Keeping us on our toes. I am a 25-year-old female and have been dating Joel, 24-year-old male, for 2.5 years now. We moved to a new country five months ago, and I'm struggling with knowing how to support Joel and keep myself happy too. Joel had a hard time finding work and had some health problems but is completely okay now we have both had a hard time adjusting to the new country and with our living environment recently although everything has started working out for us and we have settled in it feels like Joel is also saying he is tired and doesn't want to do anything and is in a bad mood same it really brings me down especially when i am excited to see slash hang out with him after

work and on weekends he spends all this time on his phone and doesn't really have many friends separate from the ones we share together i want to help him and be there for him but i don't know what else i can do i am feeling fed up with always having to bring my mood down for him because it often feels like i am my happy energetic self it's too much for him and the too much is in quotes i also feel guilty with my frustrations as i feel i should be more sympathetic and supportive i went through a rough patch emotionally when we first moved and he was really good at helping support me through that so i wonder if i am being very selfish about all this possibly let me know what you think you can be harsh i mean so if you're saying that you

went through a rough patch when you first moved he was really good at helping you through that it's seemingly like are you just not implementing the same things that he did for you or i assume you're doing the same things that he did for you and it's just there's no improvement and it's just not happening and it also seems like you know i would you say you feel it often feels like if i'm my happy energetic self it's quote unquote too much for him i don't know if you mean too much and like you're just trying to like give us how you're perceiving it or if like you're using quotations because like he actually said that because i think you know he sounds depressed which like is fine like that's like that's normal but like it doesn't have to be that way

i think like your job as a partner is to like let him know that like hey i think you are depressed and like that's okay but it doesn't have we don't have you don't have to stay like this and there are things that you can do and it's not going to be like a magic wand to like wave it and fix it but I think you know there are things that you can suggest and implement and if that's not something that you wants to do then I think it's like hey I think I'm out of my capacity of how I can how I can help you and I want you to be happy and I think that like ultimately you want yourself to be happy and when we've kind of exhausted everything and we've tried everything if we could just turn that switch back on like if you could you would and like that's something that

like my therapist was so great about which is like if you can solve this yourself you already would have like nobody wants to feel shitty like you you will do anything in your power psychologically like it's a human response to be like i don't want to feel like this and like if you're staying in that and wallowing it and feeling and all that kind of stuff it's like well that's because that's everything else hasn't worked and so that's when like a professional you work with that because I think you know he might hate his job he might you know and he also might have had to like feel and this isn't like to make you feel any sort of type of way but like he might have felt like he had to put his feelings on the back burner to help you process this and get through

this and that can seem from the outside that's like oh it's cathartic for both of us now we're both feeling good but like he put his feelings on the back burner to help you and that is something that like he does still need to address how he is how he's feeling but you also said he had some like health problems but is like completely okay now but if he's like always really tired and in a bad mood and it can be like it can be just like straight up depression but it can also be depression like mixed with some continued health stuff or even like side effects from medication or something or whatever and just the adjustment period like is obviously hard and I'm curious what he had a hard time finding work so did you move because of your job that's

what I was thinking yeah that's exactly what I was thinking because I'm wondering if the friends that you share are work friends from that you have or if like it was something where you you were working already like maybe you were like flying out and you met people before then and you already knew them so i don't know but i understand like how you're feeling as far as like there's a point where it seemed like everybody was just sad and whenever i asked anybody anything they'd be like um you know doing the best i can i'm like well i feel great and then I can't share that because I feel like I can't share it because then you know they're they're already low so I don't want to make them feel any worse with how you're like trying to work with him

and and um you know be there for him is it that are you doing the same thing that he did for you as far as like whatever he did because it might be something else have you asked him flat out like I noticed that you've been down lately and on your phone and you don't really like seem like you want to spend that much time with me and I really look forward to being with you when we get off when I get off work is there a better time that we can connect or is there something I can do what can I do to support you because I understand like you were there for me before but I want to give you the specific support that you need and I also would like to know like when you were like I you feel like I have to bring my mood down because if I'm my happy energetic self it's like too much

I think like you know I can kind of get like a caged Yorkie because I work from home a lot of energy Mott's does not work from home he has like a long commute and so like there are some times where I'm like it's a weeknight and I'm like Megan he's had to like have conversations with other people and like be social all day I haven't so like this need for me to get met is not like he's not the person who is it's not his responsibility to meet that need because he's already reached his capacity and because i haven't reached that yet like there is there's ways to like find ways to like enjoy doing something together that's not just like you know talking at someone who's like i just like kind of just need to like be quiet and it's like

sit and watch a movie together like sit and watch a show together but also like is like most said like have you flat out like straight up just asked him or is it like you can tell his mood is off and he's like oh i'm just in a bad mood like do you ask why like you're like let's talk about it or is it like hey i've noticed that this has been going on for like like this seems like it's been for a while like are you liking your job or not like let's talk about how you're feeling because some people are really good at just like outright saying how they feel to like a person like hey i'm feeling like this or this is what's going on in my life and i want to tell you about it other people like you know they have kept they keep it to themselves they weren't they didn't grow

up in a way that that was like something that you do and so he not that I'm saying he's waiting for you to ask but that like you don't burden somebody with your problems which again that's like a learned behavior that's not like how he should feel but you don't burden somebody with your problems or your feelings unless they ask about it so I do think that there is part of that but like if you're saying like he really brings me down is that intentional like right is he in like a vindictive like nasty bad mood where he has to bring everybody down or is it you being like oh my god like i have like so much like so many things and it's like let's go do this and it's like hey i'm like really it's like a tuesday i'm really tired after work can we rain check and

that's what brings you down versus being like oh my god stop talking so much you're driving me crazy like like the world is on fire like i don't know how you could be like what is the intention kind if they're behind that um because the malicious one to me is like not i know you moved from other country then but to me that is like not something that i find that you can solve on your own let alone sometimes even at all like it's just because like that's hurtful like to to want somebody to be as miserable as you so if this is also affecting your relationship therapy i think he needs individual therapy without a doubt but like couples therapy too but if the frustration is that like he's miserable and he's doing nothing to change that that then that doesn't become about

him anymore that does become about the relationship and so to me that's something where you go like hey i love you i care about you if you do not get some help and professional help and like actively work on this like i can't be in this relationship because this is not it's not fair to me and every time i've been like in like a very bad depression if i'm like so cognizant about how my feelings are affecting other people around me to like a point that's like detrimental to like my own mental health but i'm like i'm making it worse for me for that so i think if he really if he doesn't want you to feel as bad as he is feeling which he shouldn't i think hopefully you saying something like that will get him to like lock in yeah because also he's not choosing

to feel poorly but he might not be choosing to make decisions that can help him with his mental health to feel better okay all right we're gonna take a break when we get back we'll get into the final one wayfair's labor day clearance is on now right now at wayfair you can get up to 70 off everything home shop wayfair's labor day clearance now through september 7th at wayfair.ca wayfair every style every home we are back last one you're up i the way that this is written i'm like obsessed with hey mecca and melissa i'm 32 she her my best friend is 38 she her we've been best friends

for five years she's awesome very sweet very kind very funny i can tell her anything and she doesn't judge me we've always had a good time together and we've aligned in our ethics and morals i'm worried about where this is going i'm worried i'm gonna relate we've always aligned in our ethics and morals i genuinely couldn't ask for a better friend bonus she's pretty faint bonus she's pretty famous in a specific community i love my famous friend sorry she didn't say that i love going out with her oh my god no she did say that i love going out with her because we get a lot of free stuff and it's funny when someone say a man who is out with his family recognize her oh she does only fans definitely but can't seem

to place where they know her from we always get a good laugh out of it she's an award-winning adult film star what i need advice on is other people in my life judging what she does for a living mainly other friends and my parents i obviously don't care she loves what she does and she has a contract with a woman-owned production company that makes sure she's protected and taken care of and she also does only fans she is very proud of what she does so it's not a secret i don't want to tell other people in my life just to just fuck off i love them as well and i don't want to end my relationship with them what i want is for them to understand that she's a whole person that doing porn doesn't make you a horrible human being how do i go about

doing that have you asked her how she handles it yeah yep my thoughts exactly because without a doubt like she receives this from people in her life and i know you're like i don't want to say like fuck off but i think most likely what she will tell you is like some people just they have their feelings about it and that's not going to change and like are those feelings deeply hypocritical if you like look into their own lives yes are these feelings logical no but they are feelings they're just feelings and if they're not like actions and they are not like saying and doing things that are harming her if she's cool with either like i don't know if these people are like if you're in social situations with them together for sure but i think like if like if

you have a birthday party yes like if she's comfortable being there for that then that's that's that that's her own prerogative and that's like her own choice and i think she should she should tell you how she deals with that but i think like there is like morally ethically like when it comes down to it if these people are like just not okay with her presence and her existence i i think you should get a little more comfortable with the fuck off mentality just because a why are we talking about her job like why are we talking like why do you want to talk like a thing where her parents are like you know what does your best friend do and then she tells them and then her parents are judging because of that instead of like just knowing that this is a job she clocks

in and clocks out yeah well i guess i wonder like what's plaguing like how long are these conversations like is this is this circling back because like i will be real i do think you should say fuck off if you have like a little brother who's like i think sex workers don't deserve rights and they deserve to die when he is 100 watching porn yes that is like a fuck off response um but i think on the other side i think if you are like looking to be able to like tell your parents be like oh my god the funniest thing happened to so and so last weekend like you're like they are just not the right audience for certain kinds of stories and specific kinds of things like to me this shouldn't be an ongoing conversation because i think it was an ongoing

conversation from there from them i do think we get into the malicious territory quite quickly and then i think it does get into okay you need to tell them to fuck off because they the ethics and morals might not be aligning with your family there or being like we need to stop talking about this like what is your like i also think embarrassing people being like what is your obsession with sex work like are you just like is that something you've always dreamed of doing like did you always want to like do you like filming videos of like i would get well maybe because i don't have a relationship with this like it but i'd be like so you and you and mom just like love filming yourself like literally like should i make you so deeply uncomfortable but i just don't

think it should be a continued conversation because like you're an adult the people in your life are also adults and your friend is an adult like there's just once we've gotten past it like this is what you do for work kind of a thing if they're being like so how many guys is she like railed in a night be like how many have you railed in a night dad how many dicks have been in your ass father like i i'm trying i've been friendly with some adult film stars in my day uh because like they were guests on podcasts and we just kind of vibed and then like one of them was a lot older and she just would write randomly randomly text me at any time and it would just be like hey just wondering how you're doing how's it going like yeah she was very nice um but like i think

and and the thing is is like the conversations that we would have just like in life had nothing to do with what her profession was and maybe if you're afraid of people judging then it's more like she just works in entertainment and leave it at that i don't really care about like what most of my friends do like for work some people i don't even understand what their job is avia she works at amazon i don't know what she does she has something to do with making sure stuff looks good on avia and her husband were in my dream the other night i forgot to tell you they're not married but okay well they were in my dream the other night have you ever where have you seen him i was of course i haven't so it's just some random man

i specifically you know you can't you can't make it on social media like he hates social media it was just his essence was there it's just it quite literally it was just his essence and you asked me to describe what he looked like i have no idea but avia was there i knew it was avia that's hilarious but like so many of my friends i'm just like okay like i don't why is it such a conversation or is it more so that you you want to you yourself you're like i need to make sure that people realize that she is a whole person as you put in this conversation and they're not just judging her because of her career and if that i think like that is a wonderful mentality to have i would get into sex work advocacy because like it like it doesn't have to be

specifically about her yeah she's not an exception to that to be like well they need to see her as a person it's like well we should see everybody as a as a person right but i think like if you are trying to you're you're like i care about this person so much great friend to me and i want other people to like see beyond this and like see that this is like her career and have respect for her and that i do think you are so personally invested in this specific relationship i think your friend will tell you being like it is not worth your fucking breath like it's just it's it either happens and someone cares about me as a person or they don't and like it's that can't be my concern and like i shouldn't have to work so hard for that kind of respect and i think for you you

don't want her to have to work for it so you want to put in the work for her that's again just like not how it works but like if that is something that you feel like very strongly about and it happened to be because of you've witnessed this with your friend then i do think that like sex work advocacy like all of those things like i think there are ways that you can channel that those feelings and making a difference in a way that isn't so you're not so emotionally tied to like people that you love because like you obviously want the people in your life who you love to like love each other and to like really get along and all that and like unfortunately like that's if you're also not willing to like cut someone off for not that you're not willing

to pick a side i do think if you keep pushing you are going to have to pick a side yeah yeah yeah i'm also just like i'm not i'm not in the in the in the i'm not the kind of person who's like let me plead to you about why this person deserves human decency and rights like it's just it's like i promise you if you have to try that hard that win is not a real win like it's it's just it's not and you know your friends already been through this and if they're if if they are like if it's like a religious thing just remind them that sex work is the oldest job in the that has existed and jesus's best friend was a hooker yeah so she wasn't selling mary k like even though that was her name mary mcdillan it was oh my god i forgot i was like it's magdalene one i forgot mary was

the first part of that but yeah it's just like this whole thing of being like there's it's a disgrace and i'm like oh my god you sell tupperware like you're an mlm all right well i'm glad that you writer gets to enjoy all the benefits of her job i know i was like i love my friend who's famous i was kidding and i went oh my god no you actually do but i have to say that like that is so funny because like i've had that with like friends who have been in like more like you know like children's not children's programming but like things that people would have seen as kids and so when they get older they're like wait did i go to high school with you like did i grow up with you every time i'm out with people always say that

she's like no i'm from it's like it's so funny like i totally get that point of it but i can't even imagine how much fucking funnier it is of like someone trying to like i'm like friends like you were on disney channel and they're like trying to place this person but i'm like you're not getting you're not getting it they think you went to elementary school together they think you did this and the person's not being like oh you know me from tv because like that's usually a very fucking weird thing to say but i can't imagine if that's already fucking hilarious i can't imagine how much funnier it is when it's like a man with his family trying to play someone is like you you've you've seen me have sex that is and i'm sure it's some some of them at some point they

it clicks and they go oh actually oh that's probably so fun what kind of free stuff do you get like where where like is she like big in like jamba juice like worker like like what's her what has she found her niche is out and about like her she might be one of those cake sitters and everything every butt cake the way that i would cater my sex work to the things i wanted for free genius nothing but cake i said every butt cake yeah but y'all knew what i meant yeah every bunty gets a bund bund bund bund bund bund bund

it's good cakes okay alright well thank you for joining us we hope you all enjoyed you can always leave us a review for the specific podcast episode if you would like or just for the podcast in general be like oh my gosh I love them they're so

lovely and beautiful and gorgeous and if you're like beautiful and gorgeous I've only can hear these beautiful gorgeous voices well you can join the patreon you can watch a video version of the podcast you can also listen there ad free and write in so we can give you some advice in your life help you out we are getting into spooky season do you have any halloween advice you need megan's got some merch do you want to talk about your merch are you gonna let me put it out you can put it out i won't be wearing it i need to see when it'll ship because maybe that ships out pretty fast all

the merch that we got came like within a week okay perfect um we are going to be releasing a halloween exclusive limited edition they're not going to be that many variants don't worry well what we're putting on foot now um and it is how do i sell you on this it's the thing that megan went to a store and was like cracking up about what it was and i kept saying i hate this so much i hate this so much and i think if you listen you know exactly what we're talking about but yes megan has come up with a halloween exclusive for it and it's halloween specific because um we did find a way to a make it so we're not copying someone explicitly um which i don't even know if they own the trademark on it and b it fits the holiday and we also thought melissa

would like a little bit more we we is you we workshopped it on the patreon though we did we did we did so if you're thinking what i'm thinking it's there it's coming get ready it should be i feel like you have to put it out right now it's there like it's the link is in the color variants people like though it's halloween black and orange okay tell me which font you like better though megan this is your project i've been asking you for months to do the other merch and this is what you send me a link i was like oh she finally finalized the other stuff and i click and this is what i see okay i'll pick it and it'll be up by the time this is out yeah get yourself some

i definitely want to do a black on black one so it's like a little you know more subtle in case you're like you don't want someone to like see yeah i don't know how many people will actually be out wearing these but no it's a good pj shirt and i and i made sure i picked like the softest brand for that reason okay well happy halloween join us tomorrow for fisting friday monday for but am i wrong tuesday for see you next tuesday and then we'll be back for a new episode of don't blame me bye This is a Sister Sign production hosted by me, Megan Rinks. And me, Melissa D. Montz, plus Diamond Imprint Productions.

Post-production by Coco Lorenz. Production assistance by Melanie D. Watson. And music by Ryan Hunter and Giacomo Picasso.