Don't Blame Me! - DBM: My Therapist Is Friends With My Ex

Episode Date: September 4, 2025

This week Meghan and Melisa are giving advice on: Getting used to doing things alone Finding out your therapist is in your friend group Update: When to Have the Talk (March 20, 2025) Join our Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/dontblameme Buy Our Merch https://crowdmade.com/collections/sister-sign Listen to Melisa’s New Show https://apps.apple.com/in/app/pocket-fm-audio-series/id1538433480?mt=8 Call In for DBM - 310-694-0976 (3 minutes or less) Write In for DBM - [e-mail] (300 words or less) Write in for BAIW - [e-mail] DBM Submission Form BAIW Submission Form Follow Us! instagram.com/meghanandmelisa @meghanrienks instagram.com/meghanrienks https://twitter.com/meghanrienks @sheisnotmelissa instagram.com/sheisnotmelissa instagram.com/diamondmprint.productions Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Your playlist might get you through the workday, but have you ever wondered how your ancestors spent theirs? What work helped them build a life? How did they adapt as the world around them changed? With Ancestry, you can search select historical occupational records for free for a limited time and discover the stories behind the jobs in your family tree. You've got questions. We've got ancestors. Search free until August 31st.

Visit ancestry.ca for details. Terms apply. hello hi hi everybody welcome to a brand new episode of don't blame me the podcast where we give you wonderful amazing life-changing advice that changes your life revolutionary yeah just call us the war no what else is revolutionary revolutionary road revolutionary only thing i know that has the word revolutionary is the war and the road and i'm assuming the road is about the war props i know nothing about the revolutionary war i don't want to i know enough you haven't seen nope you haven't seen hamilton that break it all down for you no i'm actually so good moving on

yeah huge hamilton fan in the house everybody big fan big big big fan um that's a bastard orphan son of a whore and a scotsman to me it's like if i had a spot pseudofed dream while i'm studying for like a history test and i like go to sleep and like suddenly lin-manuel miranda's like in there like rapping facts about history in my head and i'm just like get out i love the album and then i saw the play and i said oh i just listened to the album so this so they are just doing the album yeah they're they're this is the visuals yeah they're they're standing there in their coats and their frilly socks and they're and they're doing the album yeah they're saying the lyrics yeah i love a musical but i love a musical where we stop say some words and then sing

yeah yeah i when i found out that there was that that was just hamilton i was like oh okay so the part of me that was like willing to like be like you know what maybe i'm just being like a a bitter disgruntled kid who had a hard time with history like maybe i'm just like maybe i'm taking my own maybe this is just as good as everybody says i should give it a shot and when i found out that there were no that we just talked through song i said oh i'm actually even farther out than i already was i i cannot do that i can't yeah me either i don't even did i finish it i don't think i did because i watched i didn't go to the actual play i watched it when it came out on disney plus because i did try to get tickets but it was crazy it was hard even when it came

here to l i think they might still be here but whenever they came here to la it was still hard to get tickets yep yep yep it was difficult and happy for you hamilheads so you call does they call themselves they have a name but it's not it's not hamilheads but i don't remember they even had a kid version too because there's a kid version of the play and the kids love it because there is a lot of cheating and sex yeah I was about to say

you know guns, war, crime well the gun isn't really it's just a bullet really and that bullet is played by Ariana DeBose she's the bullet does she like run

across the stage like a bullet she goes like this moves across the stage slowly and then hits Lin-Manuel everybody is so creative and the thing is is that

in the movie they credit her like they go through the credits and then it says in introducing like this is her moment that was the bullet yep see i prefer things like pitch perfect

but i love the music i do love the music but i need words with my music yes i love greece yeah she does she is greece she loves it um so happy for you all who love hamilton we all need things to love and i love and here i'm not i'm not here to yuck your yums i love kyle xy he doesn't have a belly button that's all i know about this show by the way all you need to know is the entire motherfucking premise of the show why does this bitch not have a belly button and through in this essay i will explain why so uh yeah we're here to give you advice i'm sure you can tell by that intro that like that's exactly what the show is we are going to be great at it and we really are so you have multiple ways that you can submit to get advice on the show you could call you could

send us an email you can send us a dm over on instagram you can fill out a form that we have listed in the show notes and on social media for all of them you have to be over 18 we do need to know how old you are so tell us how old you are um and for the uh written versions keep it under 300 words and for the voicemail or if you want to email us a voice memo keep it under three minutes you will get cut off like we cannot not just by us like it wait that's it beep it's done so for the phone number you can call it 310-694-0976 and if you want to send us a written email or a voice memo in an email if you're international send it to meganpodcast at gmail.com um and it is all anonymous so just do your best to give us all of the details remember we are a third party

i wouldn't say we're necessarily unbiased because we want to be on your side when you write in when you call but we also want to give you good advice so we are a third party who doesn't know everything even if you listen to us in the car and you're like i'm convinced you know everything about the situation we have to infer and if you don't want us to infer make sure you got all the enough info for us to to see the cards we've got right educate us let us be a scholar of your life perfect all right shall we get into the first one yes this person is 33 she her how do you get comfortable doing things alone oh i unexpected i unexpectedly lost my husband in july and he was truly my best friend i am so sorry i've never been the type of person who enjoyed doing things

or going places alone i would even wait for target trips we could go together i'm an introvert with generalized anxiety so i struggle with thinking people are judging me if i'm alone and it's just more fun when someone else is with you lol i have some friends from work but no one that i'm close enough with to run errands or do things spontaneously i'm extremely close to my mom and my sister but they live an hour away from me how do i get over the fears of doing things by myself and make it more fun love the pod and just in case it helps i'm a virgo thank you i'm so sorry oh my god i'm so sorry this is like so so fresh i don't know if this is like bad advice but like this is so fresh i don't think you need to enjoy doing things alone right now like i think you can

ask co-workers and people who you have like might not consider yourself to be that close with or you know take the drive ask your sister to come visit you like I think you you can and I'm not saying that you're not doing this but like lean really heavily on those people um because yeah this is like this is so fresh and sometimes my key thing is is like I don't love doing things alone for the first time so sometimes like even just like going with like as a kid when I would like go to school I would get really nervous like before I would be at a new school I would like go the week before school started and just like walk around and like figure out where my classes were and all that stuff because like I want to feel like mentally prepared or even like workout classes

like I always do a first workout class with like a person that I know so it's like okay we figure out we know we're at a park we know how to do all of these things together and then I'm fine going alone afterwards so I think like maybe starting with and even going to places you haven't been to before like starting at a brand new place you've never been to this place before and it's not like oh I'm doing these things alone that he and I used to do together like I'm doing something alone that like I've never done before I've never done this one thing before and it could be starting to go with a friend or you know just going early and starting the process of like gearing yourself up in the car um but I think that if you go into these things with like a mindset of like I want to

enjoy myself and have fun like sometimes I'll put an airpod in and like listen to or watch like a podcast so it feels like I'm there with someone or like facetime a friend or anything like that where it can make those experiences feel like you are a little less a little less alone and specifically because you're wanting them to feel enjoyable yeah i'm more comfortable doing things alone and i think one of the might be one of the easiest things to do alone is to go to a movie and that might be something to ease you in because a movie is dark nobody you don't have to i know that you say you struggle with like people looking at you and judging you i just want to say nobody's judging you and i know that that is something that's internal that is difficult to

understand but nobody truly nobody cares no no one even notices nobody notices yeah and so i do i love going to the movies alone especially because i love going to like two or three back to back as an all-day experience and i can just pop like i i love sitting down and planning like out okay i know this is going to end at this time and i can just pop over here at this time blah and i think because it's dark you don't there's no talking involved it might be a good way to break you into doing that um because it will also you can chill and like once you get in the movie you can relax and just all you have to do is pay attention to the movie and that's it what's a good point thinking about things that like you don't conversate while doing so like going to like a

bookstore or a library like places that are like quiet or museums like things that are like you're supposed to be a bit more quiet and in general even though we don't notice people who are alone i i can understand if you're a little more hyper aware of like being like oh people are with groups people with groups but like those are the places where like i see the most like people who are just solo a lot of people who go to groups to places like museums they like break off on their own and they do things alone or if you want to you could go to the museum and sign it for a tour and then you'd be placed with other people and then you could you know get to know other people that way if you wanted to as well they could be just like your museum friend for

that day yeah and i also think like i think it's a great to want to enjoy doing these things alone but i think also reaching out to people that you're like well i don't feel close enough as like to like you know spontaneous errands trip or whatever people want to show up for you and like I love an errand friend like being like hey I gotta go run a day of errands and like I think I would like that because like that's like how I was raised and like friends family it was like errands and we would all hang out all day doing that so I think like there's a sense of like community and just kind of like doing the mundane with people and you might not feel that close to them now but like that's something that can bring you closer and there are other people who like

like to run their errands with other people too so i think having a balance between like trying to do things that and finding things that you like genuinely and earnestly enjoy doing by yourself like melissa said with movies like you might find you really like doing this specific activity but knowing that like you don't have to do every activity by yourself like you don't have to you don't have to do that you can seek out that kind of community and the same way that melissa said with like signing up for like a tour for a museum like other random things like i was like looking into just like because of reddit and i was looking about stuff about um different places we go to mine for sapphires and was like oh join a local like rock hounding group like there's these groups

that you can join that are like hobby based that you people either like go and like they talk about these things together or they meet together or they go on big excursions and things together and it's like a shared interest of like a bunch of like adults not getting paid to do it like it's just a hobby and it doesn't always have to be like joining like a kickball league like there are a lot more like random niche things yeah i don't know where you live but like la has a ton of like like there's a breakfast club where you can meet people for breakfast there's dinner clubs there's movie like there's just a lot of clubs so it could this could also be a way for you to meet other people if you can find those clubs that are in your area yeah and people who are

even going through similar things or have gone through the same thing reddit is a great resource yeah i feel like we recommend all the time people are like how do you get on the good side of reddit it takes a while but you just have to find what your thing is once you find what your thing is and follow that then reddit will only put you on your pages yeah you should spend the first day that you make a reddit account you need to like literally search and go through every sort of niche hobby or thing you're interested in and like join every subreddit and don't go to like the the top or the news no don't just make it make set it so it only is set to your page i never see anything on reddit that's not on my page you can also remove the recommendations too which i

yeah um but if anybody has any personal experience with like moving forward in life and like like not liking being alone and having dealt with like grief with this because that's not something we have personal um experience with please write in and if you're comfortable we could try and connect you with someone who might have gone through something similar um but yeah sending you just so much love this is really tough yeah sorry really sorry all right we're gonna take a break when we get back we'll get into the next one all right we're back hello and time for the next. My friend Graham, 31 they then, and I, 31 they then, dated for about a year and a half in college. We had bad communication and individual issues to work out, so we broke up about eight

years ago. It was a rough breakup that ended with us still having sex a few months afterwards until we officially went no contact. We really only directly interacted once because of work in like 2020, and it still wasn't great. I've done lots of work and am now in a much healthier relationship. Earlier this year, we reconnected at a friend's wedding and ended up becoming friends again. Everything has been totally fine and it's been nice having my good friend back in my life after lots of space to become adults. They even got me into a fun sport that I love. The other day, they invited me to play with them and some friends.

We all had a great time, became mutuals on Instagram, and talked about meeting up at an upcoming convention. This morning, Instagram suggested I follow my therapist 28sheher because she is mutuals with the new friends and Graham. I then saw one of them posted about a gathering relatively recently that included both therapist and Graham in different pictures. my therapist previously mentioned that she also goes to this con so now i'm worried she might go with this group and this feels like it may be too close of a connection for comfort okay okay so you didn't really ask for advice but i get what you're inferring is that this is weird that your therapist is friends with your ex and i'm also gathering you probably talked to your therapist about your ex

yeah and it's like it first of all i'm like hung up on the fact that your therapist is 28 like that do you maintain this friendship that like you know already isn't necessarily the most like convenient eat like easy like you were exes but like you've kind of come through this and it's like okay well we managed to like get through this to like be friends now so if we can tackle that can we not tackle the fact that our my therapist is a mutual friend i'm gonna be honest with you i'm gonna say no no no no because it will make the therapy i don't think you can be honest with your honestly at this point you might still need to get a new therapist because now you know that your therapist is friends with them well and like they to be

like if she is a good therapist well not even good if she's like licensed reputable ethical like if she reports to a board like she cannot be your therapist once you see her out of this and you're hanging out in a group setting friend wise together so do you like your therapist that you want to stay her being your therapist then it's like okay fully cut this out and then but i'm kind of with melissa and i'm just kind of like i would get a new therapist at this point too but like she knows too much no and you need to you it would make it would be really difficult if you didn't disclose that to her the next time you saw her too to being like hey so you just showed up on my suggested friend list um because i guess we have some mutual friends and like i'm

feeling off about that and like i don't know that like i can put the the cat back into the bag or whatever so because now you can't hang out anytime you hang out with them you have you run the chance that your therapist is going to be there yeah and then she's like does like i think i think she would say the most ethical thing to do would be like just to cease working together and her recommend you to somebody else which is like really annoying and difficult and like now i have like this new fear like i never thought about it's like what if you just find out one day that like your therapist is like mutuals with someone to be like well fuck like yeah fuck and might i suggest guys next time maybe we get a little old a little older we get but sometimes you they may have been

going through something where they needed somebody that was relatable totally maybe i also understand farther away yeah this is this is this is a you i this is not a situation that i have encountered before this is a unique question that we've also had on this podcast of all the years that we've been doing it so thank you for writing in um i do know that there's numerous therapists that listen to this show so if you can write in with suggestions can you please do it please send it don't blame them also like can you just picture being like wow like i'm such a bigger person like like friends with my ex like i'm in a great relationship like this is like look at look at the growth like look at like i never thought i could be this person because like i'll be honest

like i don't think i could be that person to this day like this is you've done a lot of work and then being like and my reward for that is now i have to get a new motherfucking therapist and i can't be friends with these people yeah this is a great premise for a movie it really is i'd be so annoyed me too i'm sorry i am so because you did everything right no you're you were crushing it like and i'm sure your therapist is like your therapist for you yes your therapist probably really helped you get to this point you encourage me to break back into your friend group i was like oh shit and it's like well you know friend groups are so important i rely on mine so much i really think that like you know this could be so good for you

we're talking about the same people your therapist doesn't know that she's putting you in this situation no that's that's crazy if i was a therapist i probably would like make sure that like my office and like where i work is like 25 minutes from my house like i would be like i don't want to have the same grocery store as like my client you know what i mean like i would i want a little bit of a commute i think 25 minutes is not far enough oh no not in la i'm talking about somewhere else even in like if you're in a small town you still have a very strong chance of knowing that person i live in new york city i am practicing in connecticut yeah i am practicing in boston i am practicing in philly something it's just i wonder how often

and therapists how often has this happened to you like have you ever had to deal with like a oh shit because like i know if you like see your therapist in like in public the protocol is like you don't say anything as the therapist and then if the patient says something you know you don't acknowledge where you know them from you take the cues from them if they want to say anything but i don't i really don't know the protocol if you like accidentally therapize your client into joining your friend group unknowingly and then imagine being like well you know because like your therapist probably knows like oh yeah i'm finally like my ex and all of that and then give you like we were in the same group and she if i'd be like off the record so that's your ex

yeah i'd be like oh shit yeah i would glad you're not dating like it's just or it's like oh he's such a good guy because your therapist has met him on the because your therapist has met them on the other side where they only know this version of them yeah like they did that to you in the past this just it's just it just puts everybody in an awkward position how did your therapist know them like did your therapist like because you know them from college but like especially the rest of the group like does your therapist like know them from their hometown and like the therapist like one of them like was like their their camp crush and i'm just like it just your therapist becomes way too much of a regular human

and you become way too much of like a not a patient or a client anymore this is i'm so sorry me fucking i would the way that i would be i first of all i would book a boxing class i think you need to do that i would be so like i'd be annoyed to the point where i'm like i need to like break something like i would be so frustrated because like i'm literally doing everything right i'm doing so much self-healing and so much growth and this is the fucking thanks i get wow i guess this is like um i guess why we shouldn't be friends our ex because what if our ex is in the same friend group as our therapist this is wild so fucking wild well again therapy therapist listening please write in please all right we're gonna take a break and we get back we'll get into

the next this episode is brought to you by Accenture when your advertising operations fall out of sync, everything else follows. Spotify and Accenture are working together to reinvent the rhythm of ad sales using automation, analytics, and smarter workflows to simplify campaign delivery and access better data across the business. The result? Less time spent on operations, more time connecting brands with the moments and fandoms that matter most. Learn more at Accenture.com slash Spotify. so today we have an update and it is our first live update in a while in a month yeah we did we did make them like you know run all around where they were to like get a better setup so

apologies but please dive in to uh your original call and then give us the update all right yeah so my original call was from the march 20th don't blame me episode when to have the talk I was the titular call. So basically, I had been dating this guy for about, I think at that point, like a month or a month and a half. And we were going on dates basically every week. he was acting like I was his girlfriend and I am relatively inexperienced dating so I was like I don't know when to have the talk what to say how to have it all of that good stuff so now on to the update that call was end of March either end of March or beginning of April we had the talk I brought it up and after we had already spent like maybe four hours together having breakfast and then getting a drink it was quite lovely and then I was like hey let's let's define this

I was having a lot of like anxiety when I wouldn't hear anything from him for like a day or two it like i don't know if he's ghosting or just like not responding so it's like let's define this his answer was i don't think it's fair to you or to me as himself uh if i define it because he was really his future in the city where we live is really uncertain he is not from this country and his visa was expiring by the end of the summer so basically he was trying to find a job that would sponsor him before the end of the summer and did not know if that would be in the city in the state or if he would ultimately have to leave the country which I do really understand I think that's that's totally fair and valid but yeah so that talk happened and I said that

you know I might need to step back a little bit emotionally if we're not you know like setting anything in stone just because I don't want to get myself like confused and worked up I thought that we were both on the same page with that and then immediately as I was driving home from said date he texted me making plans or trying to make plans for like the next few days I was like wait what I thought we both decided like we're gonna we're gonna cool it and so that basically led to a week of drawn-out conversation over text trying to figure out where we were at basically one text sent per day and we ended with okay let's just like keep going as is figure it out as we go and at that point I decided this is like really ridiculous but I'm

just gonna be messy and have fun so I'll you know keep it going and he was paying for all the dates and we went to nice places so might as well uh but yeah then the next like four ish weeks we kept on texting everything seemed normal but we never saw each other in person after the conversation and some of it was like I was gone over the weekends and he was gone for a he just was unavailable generally. And then mid May or beginning of May, he just stopped responding mid conversation. Um, and of course this conversation was us talking about how I found a dead bird on my front doorstep. And he said, he asked like, Oh, you know, who did you piss off like who did you make mad to put a dead bird on your front doorstep which is funny

yeah but it becomes weird when then that's the last thing you ever hear from him right so then after that I haven't heard anything from him at some point at the end of May I found several more dead birds on my doorstep and so I looked up what that meant and found a wiki how article where one of the things that it could mean is the end of a relationship so i being hilarious took a screenshot sent it to him said you know you could have just said you wanted to end it you need to send dead birds to my front door this makes me think that there is a need for instead of wiki how witchy how like a what's a witchy explanation of the thing i'm going through in my life right now i would utilize that all the time i yeah they might

keep it secret though yeah within the coven it's fair i can join i'm very witchy i know i've got witch in me okay sorry continue so that's at the end of may and haven't heard from him haven't seen him since but i still like can't get him out of my head which is really annoying and frustrating since now it's basically been the same amount of time if not more that I have not spoken to him than the like two and a half months that we dated uh and normally I'm really good at hating men and that's how I've gotten over past situationships or uh like ex-boyfriends I decide that I hate them And I can come up with a lot of reasons why I should hate them. And then I get over it pretty easily.

But I have not been able to do that here. Not for lack of flaws that he has. But I just can't get over it. And I think part of it is the unknown. I don't know if he even still lives in this city. When was his visa up? I don't want to be dark, but could this be an ICE situation? Yeah, did he get deported?

I think unlikely. Did he ever tweet anything or post anything talking about them? Yeah, was he political ever? Not political. He, like, on our first date, because I'm pretty... Well, you listen to our podcast. Yeah. But on our first date, he said something.

I'm just yapping about politics. And he said something about, like, not really wanting to talk about politics. And also, he, like, wouldn't outwardly say anything because he's an immigrant. And also, I know people that they have had their phones confiscated and gone through because they've texted something and they've been held detained. right yeah yeah was he in like tech or was he in like finance yeah I think more on the tech side okay I don't know he explained his job to me several times and I sort of blacked out did he move here just for the previous job on network visa or does he like do a college visa then get a job out here yeah he had a student visa and then got a job and the only reason I know or have an

idea of when his visa would have actually expired is because one of my friends who's an international student um guessed based off of what she knows of when the like student visa extension would have ended for him does he have social media no not really so you would not that he's updated to find did he update it before though I don't think so yeah like we we checked his LinkedIn um okay and I don't think my roommate checked it and she said he hadn't posted anything since I think either in college or graduating college which would have been two to three years ago yeah well he didn't seem that concerned of like you know he told you that he wasn't he but you mean like he was essentially like waiting didn't know if he was gonna go back he could have like

sell like gone back on his on his own maybe out of fear yeah something like a self what is it self-deportation like something like that um which i i this makes perfect sense where you're like usually i'm like very fine hating them but i'm having a hard time getting over this because it's like well i don't actually like know if i'm mad at you or if i'm worried about you or like if this is like could you have sent me do what i mean like is it like could you have sent me a text could you not have sent me a text and like so this makes total sense why you still feel hung up on this because like i i feel the same like i'm i'm having a hard time hating him because i don't have enough information about what happened to hate him but like in the universe where he just ghosts you

i hate him in the universe where he gets deported and is like fuck i wish i could have sent her message it's like well detained period shit yeah exactly or even like self well because then if he self-deported if he self-deported he might have but he might have done it like something might have happened where he just needed to get out so like i think if he self-deported like it depending on his situation i think it if he you know had support and this was not there's like a lot of people a lot of who who self-deport and it's not um you know they're going back to families that have a lot of money it's you know it is what it is so in that case i'm like okay definitely probably should have shot you a text to be like hey didn't get that job back here and if he did

get a job and just ghosted you I'm like what the fuck if he got detained that's like awful and so shitty and obviously he couldn't reach out to you and message you what is the outcome that you want it to be like of all of those options like what do you hope happened i mean like in in the like human sense like i hope he didn't have to i hope he just ghosted i'm just saying that like which what is the one that like is it easier for you because like do you want to hate him in the fact that like he like that he ghosted me and like fuck this guy or do you want this to be like a reframing this as like you met a guy on vacation and you had like a you had this like fun couple month fling but it was never going to work out because like not to get like oh we are from

different worlds but like imagining as if it wasn't you weren't where you live like imagining if you were somewhere else and like looking back on this of being like oh yeah or like it's like a camp crush something that like was never gonna go anywhere it was never gonna work out like that like what reality would you rather live in i think like one i would definitely be more concerned about the possibility that he left against his will if he seemed more concerned Like, he really did not seem, like, he was more concerned about wanting to transition careers than wanting, than, like, making sure that, you know, he was okay. So he would have self-deported then. So, like, yeah, if he's, like, not concerned, yeah, that he, that was probably always an option for him.

Right. But I think, like, because I know that he, like, in theory, there was an end date, that, like, a very real end date, even if, even if we weren't, you know, living in the times that we are now, like, there always was going to be an end date for him specifically. So the fact that like that he didn't really communicate much on his end in terms of that I'm like I think even if it was even if I could frame it as like a vacation romance it's that you didn't know it was going to end at that time right when did he tell you did you know he was on a like work visa on your like first time you met yeah but I didn't know how long it was going to last i didn't know like any of the timing with that or how secure

it was like i didn't know if his job sponsored him or if it was like an outside visa and if you're dating someone who's living there you just kind of assume like if you if you're not if you're leaving soon i would assume that you're not going out on dates with people and doing you i mean like right exactly and it's a very transient city as is like people the city basically turns over every like three to four years um so i wouldn't necessarily like it would not surprise me if people i dated like left you know within the year but i would expect someone to like tell me that or approach, if they're entering a relationship, approach it from, like, a more casual standpoint. I do think, like, the thing that really just, like, haunts me almost, but it,

like, really sticks in the back of my head is every time I go out, I do not know if I'm going run into him and there's like a possibility that he's there because you know we liked going to the same places or like every time I see his car driving around I don't know if it's going to be him so I yeah I don't know I feel like I'm getting closer to the point where I can hate him but yeah it's the also the unknown of like if i do see him what you know what then yeah i mean that's that's tough i will say the only good thing for me the when i saw a guy that ghosted me when i was like 15 16 who like i was dating who i like was obsessed with and he ghosted me i didn't see him again until I was about 21 or 20 or something. And then he tried to pick me up at a bar and hit

on me and didn't recognize me. And I was like, see, that's exactly the thing you want. But then you have to leave that town and not come back until you go to your high school, the high school near you's Thanksgiving bar. So that's a lot of work for you to do to get that kind of situation. right now for a limited time everyone's part of the buick team even you buick's employee pricing for you event is on now get a purchase credit of up to three thousand one hundred and sixty eight dollars on a 2026 buick envision surround yourself with signature buick refinement from an available massaging driver's seat to an expansive panoramic moonroof and a stunning ultra wide 30 inch diagonal screen. Don't miss Buick's Employee Pricing for You event. Visit buick.ca for more details.

When WestJet first took flight in 1996, the vibes were a bit different. People thought denim on denim was peak fashion, inline skates were everywhere, and two out of three women rocked the Rachel. While those things stayed in the 90s, one thing that hasn't is that fuzzy feeling you get when WestJet welcomes you on board. Here's to WestJetting since 96. Travel back in time with us and actually travel with us at WestJet.com slash 30 years. On the thing of being afraid of running into somebody, that's kind of a lot of X's. Like it's like once you,

I know that you haven't dated that much, but that kind of becomes a fear that you have that you could run into an X and i'm just like in my head i'm like i i didn't do anything wrong like there's nothing for me to be blamed at if he ghosts at me you know like am i like willing to go up to him and say something like hey what happened i've been worried about you you could have just said cat dog or something or like or is it where you just like see him and ignore him and I think that's something just to having your mind about if you were to see him what would I do yeah and you could do it like

he could come up to you and you could be like I'm sorry I have no idea who you are and like you can ghost him to his face and be like I can't see you like you're invisible like where are you can't see anything who's where's that voice coming from like you can like really like you can fantasize about the different about the different as opposed to dreading it just being like you know when you have like you want to have like an argument and you like practice what you're gonna say in the shower like you can like come up with some like really cutting ways that if you see him how to about it or you could be mature about it or you know whatever but that's not how old is he he's 25 okay how old are you 25 i'm 24 yeah so i'm for context i'm in grad school i moved

across the country so I other than like the people that I'm in school with the people that I've met I do not know anyone in the city there should not be any like exes or ghosts to haunt me that I might run into I have had a very vivid dream of me running into him at a bar at like a specific bar and just yelling at him until he i can't remember at the end of the dream if he cried or just like exploded into confetti type situation i like both of those yeah so i definitely have thought about if i do run into him either bitching at him or just being like oh wait who are you I have no idea no idea who you could possibly be yeah did you meet him on a dating app remind me yes has anyone seen him on a dating app none of your like anyone you know okay not

that I know of and I have checked his profile to see if he's changed anything that's fair this is a lot yeah yeah and it's been one of the like more frustrating things has been that like I basically this whole summer I've been preparing for the exam that lets me continue on with my graduate program so like surely I should be focusing on that surely I should be stressing about that you're just a human and it's just been taking up my brain power when it really shouldn't um this situation has his phone is still connected have you called his phone from like a blocked number I haven't but that's a first step text went through I don't know maybe I'll have a friend yeah like just well you can just do star six seven and that'll block your number um have you

been to where he lived like his apartment yes i did but he also moved like his lease ended it like i think maybe in april so he said that he was moving yeah because i think it was after the last time i'd seen him i'm starting to think this man might be a pathological liar or married or married i know that's why i asked how old does he look 25 yes okay but like and i've seen graduation announcements okay so i know when he graduated college but like as far as him moving in april but he would need to have a job by may was that the thing by july i think is our estimate but if he had moved like if he had moved post-grad and moved here in like may and then had two years of uses his lease would end in like end of april

okay so he was saying i think he got either he was subletting from someone or yeah or maybe he found someone who could sublet his apartment if he had to leave these are all like very real threats of like things that like happen right but all of these things happening like all kind of around the same time like the timeline is just like it let you but subletting does make a little more sense because i'm like you're not he's not going to be able to sign a lease if he does not have a job and he has a has a visa that's expiring within the calendar year like they're just not going to like let him rent an apartment he did have a job it just like they couldn't sponsor him after his visa ended so he was still like employed

getting paid yeah through whenever it ended it is kind of all of these things that he also doesn't have social media like all of this stuff it's feeling a little also a wee bit fishy in the sense that like he's not concerned with anything being an immigrant though like i understand the social media but i'm just saying that like it's the fact that like all of this makes total sense for he is a pathological liar and ghosted you or he was picked up by ice and he is being detained and like all that the only like thing that i'm i'm hung up on just a man that sucks yeah he's my thing the only thing i'm hung up on is is that he was like so deeply not concerned about this but there's so many people that have been not concerned but have gotten picked up or even no

i i mean even in the sense of like i i gotta move new apartment like that's stressful like you you this is you're finding out before other people melissa's moving like that like it is something that like is but again like you're right he could just be a man and like sometimes like men just like they don't worry about things and they just like do it and they do it badly and right whatever but like yeah i think he was like stressed on some level but he was like i i don't want to talk about it but he wasn't stressed at least like comparing it to my other friends who are you know international and had to travel for work like they were really stressed about whether or not they should leave and could they get back in the country yeah

but he was not and maybe it's just that he didn't want to talk to me about it which fair yeah and I felt like it definitely was a lot pretty quickly but it felt more like oh we just clicked versus someone like like trying to put pressure on it which I do realize me saying is like pretty naive yeah but yeah I definitely recognize like it was I I should have put my foot down more in terms of what I was comfortable with like before I guess just like getting emotionally invested which is something that I have been known to do like I'm just sort like oh like let someone else set the pace and then I get really invested and they're like well what the fuck like I don't feel the same way yeah and also to be fair I I am broke I'm a

broke grad student I was like not to not to stereotype you are a grad student so I'm like yeah you know I know a lot there's you know it's it's expensive have you been going on dates with anyone else now no so that's part of the problem is now I'm like you know looking at you know men on dating apps and I'm like these conversations are like so like bleh compared to like not even that we necessarily like when we were like first talking that it was like oh my god like instant connection we got like really deep really fast it's just like no one that I've like met yet either in person or online has really like matched I guess mostly like my like humor and stuff like that and like you're like this conversation is just boring yeah is your profile funny

yes I think so no I believe you I believe you if you say it's funny and you intentionally made it funny yeah yeah I think you need to go on some dates I think you need to not be crass whatever physically you're comfortable doing I think you need to I think you at least at least need to make out with somebody like I think you need even if it's like making out with someone like at a bar like not someone you're interested in from like a date just like something again where you can feel that feeling which I'm assuming you felt with him describing about how you are not feeling with these other people that you've been going out with where you need to feel like you are so cool and hot and funny because like someone's they're getting your jokes they're like you need to get

back to that feeling because i do think sometimes we miss relationships or miss things with people it's like not to be selfish but like we also kind of miss the version of ourselves with them or how they made us feel and so i think you need to feel really fun and cool and hot and funny and that can be like making out with a stranger at a bar that can be you know doing doing anything but like getting yourself back out there so you have so you're not comparing every date to him you compare it to the last date of being like well that guy was a dud this guy's not as bad as that guy let's keep going until we find one that's actually kind of cool yeah I do think it might be a flaw of mine that I've like over corrected a little bit too much I do think that

I'm the funniest person that I know and I do think that I'm funnier than pretty much anyone that I will ever meet so I wouldn't necessarily say it's like a blow to my confidence but I do think that on some level I'm like oh I need to like I need someone else to recognize how much of a gem I am yeah I need you to keep up right

I need someone else who will keep up and also appreciate that like I'm a joy to have around yeah don't date a comedian

oh I won't I would probably like go do a drive-by at the last place he like lived and if he

see if he's still there just by asking the I don't know what kind of building it is or whatever if you see his car something like that

but if you're not if that's not a worry of yours or uh like something you think is realistic then i think we just make a giant list of all the reasons why you hate him and hate him but damn what a what an update yeah it's been a wild couple of months well thank you for sharing yeah i hope he's good i hope he's just a dick yeah yeah that's the thing is i on some level i'm like damn i wish he didn't suck but in this situation i hope that's i hope that's the outcome i hope it is yep well thank you so much for giving us an update and you know breaking our live update

cherry again we that hyman had grown back we we were a little rusty so thank you for bearing with us and taking the time to give us this of course yay i will absolutely give an update if if and when i go on more dates yeah please do can't wait to hear about it wow this feels like an episode of firsts that was like a lot of like not not what expected in the update there were dead birds hated that hated that really didn't love that one um and yeah we hope you all enjoyed this episode please call in write in for an upcoming episode we would love to give you some advice and if you are a caller from a previous episode hopefully this update inspired you to be like hey i should finally give them an update and it doesn't have to be a live one you can also just like write in

with an update if you're like oh i do not have the time um but if you like want to hop on a video chat with us and be like hey we will and we're really nice you can ask other people who've given updates we're not trying to catch you in anything um and yeah we hope you all enjoyed and stay tuned for the rest of uh our episodes that come out well next week essentially well and tomorrow um and hope you all have a wonderful weekend bye this is a sister sign production hosted by me megan rinks and me melissa d montz plus Diamond Imprint Productions. Post-production by Coco Lorenz.

Production assistance by Melanie D. Watson. And music by Ryan Hunter and Giacomo Picasso.