Don't Blame Me! - DBM: No Clue What That Last Write-In Was About

Episode Date: October 17, 2024

This week Meghan and Melisa are giving advice on: Meeting new people Navigating changes in lif Planning a trip after getting laid off Crush on sister's boyfriend Don't Blame Them: Knowing if you're in love (10.10.2024) Follow Us! instagram.com/meghanandmelisa @meghanrienks instagram.com/meghanrienks https://twitter.com/meghanrienks @sheisnotmelissa instagram.com/sheisnotmelissa instagram.com/diamondmprint.productions Need Advice? dontblameme.show Domestic Listeners Call: [phone] Affordable Therapy By State (Curated by Crissy Milazzo): tinyurl.com/y64kwdnf Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Get tickets now. hi hello hello welcome to a brand new episode of don't blame me you should watch the video version over on patreon so you can see the um the conducting you did the the instruction you're mixed between a conductor not a train i would say of an orchestra or like a teacher with a little they're what's it called like the little stick a pointer a pointer is that what it's called yeah huh that seems such like a i feel like they would have like a more academic word for it like a i don't know because i was like that's where my mind was going but i was like megan that's actually the exact opposite of academic my uncle was a train conductor

that's cool i like trains even they make me really car sick yeah i know what i'm doing for my birthday next year already because my birthday always turns into a shit show because we're trying to always coordinate with everybody's schedule and also my birthday is on the weekend of valentine's day and president's day so a lot of people aren't around but i don't like to celebrate my birthday when it's not my birthday so i'm just doing something by myself and i mean like for my actual birthday i'm doing something for myself but i'll probably have something else but i just don't want to be disappointed on my birthday i fully understand the feeling i so understand the feeling yeah well welcome we're gonna give you some advice because this is an advice podcast

where we read your emails your dms we listen to your voicemails and your voice memos and you tell us about the predicament that's going on in your life and we do our very best to help solve it for you and give you some advice sometimes that advice is fantastic sometimes it might miss the mark i don't think we've influenced anyone to do anything like horrific in seriousness in a long time no but um this is also our first episode that's going to be on our new app network that we're at baby we're so excited we've been teasing for a while that we've got changes coming and this is one of the big ones yeah so lots of cool things coming we're very excited if you want to call and leave a voicemail you can do so at 310-694-0976 international listeners you can send us a audio

message and email that to meganpodcasts at gmail.com if you want to do a write-in submission you can also email it to meganpodcasts at gmail.com or you can submit it in our instagram dms so for the actually for all of them you have to be 18 or over or have your parents permission and we do ask that you like include your age and all relevant information but for the voice memo and voicemail you should keep it under three minutes and for the written versions under 300 words for the voicemails we recommend practicing writing it out first and just reading it out loud a couple times timing it out making sure it all fits we want as much relevant information as possible because we want to give you good advice in order to give you good advice we have to have at least i like to say

we have to have at least three big pieces of the puzzle because then if maybe there's only four pieces of the puzzle and like we can like fill in the blanks there but if we don't get like some examples things a quick little rundown of it we might be wrong and also we want to be on your side we might not be on your side but if you give us the relevant information and you're like so sure that you are on the right you are more likely to have us agree with you then instead of withholding information but also like if we aren't on your side we're still on your side because we want you to do better totally i am someone and melissa's too we both said this we're ghosters if someone has a lost cause it is not worth my time and fucking energy and if we are answering your

question your advice like your predicament your situation that you're in we're actually trying to help because sometimes we'll either just totally write you off or we'll call the authority and we've done both we have not in a while thank god so i can start hey eminem i am 23 year old she her who's looking for advice on making friends in a new program i recently started a new graduate degree in a new city same country where i don't know anyone my program has a big cohort but we are all split into four sections about 60 people in each section and we all have all of our classes for the year with that section. I found this whole process quite overwhelming and has brought out my social anxiety, something I've struggled with on and off. I moved away from my undergraduate

across country and didn't feel those same challenges with friends and loneliness as I feel now. I was in a dorm then and now I'm in an apartment with roommates. It has been around a month of school and I already sense that people are getting closer and I feel like I'm totally falling behind in that. I find myself second guessing interactions I had with people and overthinking things. I'm friendly with people and have done things outside of classes, but I want to create a new community for myself in the city as i will be here for a couple of years i also have some friend crushes and i want to be better friends with them but we're not in the same section so i don't have classes with them i want advice on how to get through this time and how to

not let those little things bother me when trying to make friends how do i keep going and remain optimistic when something when sometimes i just want to give up on socializing thank you love the podcast oh this is tough for you maybe but i just mean like getting out of your head in social interactions can be hard. It took me having to move. So when I moved here, I just like I wanted friends. I'd had a friend that lived here. But other than that, I didn't know anybody. And I knew that if I wanted to be friends with people, I just had to tell them that I wanted to be friends because at that point, like most of the people that I was around were new here anyway. And people would be like sitting at home by themselves because they didn't know anybody. You just have

to tell people, hey, let's do this. I want to try out this restaurant. There's this happening on campus. Do you want to go to it? Just ask people. The worst they can say is no. And yes, that is a little heart crushing, but you'll get over it. You'll move on and be like, talk to somebody else. Also join different campus clubs and things. That is a great way to meet friends. Yeah. I think like you having friend crushes of people who are not in your exact section kind of make it like a little bit easier in the sense that like if it is weird or like you know it's one of those things of being like oh I felt like you guys were really different than you actually are and hanging out they're not directly people that you're working with and seeing all the

time so it might feel like more of an inconvenience to like naturally become close with them but I do think it's kind of better because if it doesn't go well or there's rejection like you kind of have that built-in buffer zone between the two of you you're not like spending all this time together but it gets easier like the second that you do it it gets easier and something that I have had to learn or I really like learned as an adult was that you know when you're in high school middle school and even in like college you're always starting new things and so it's like oh so we're all tend to be like new in this we're all sort of new in this and even if it's only like four years of something people are always kind of looking for like new friends and expanding and I think

when I got to be an adult, I was like, oh, well, that's over now. It's on like adults want to make new friends all the time. Like people always talk about that as well. So I think like looking at it as there is sometimes it can be hard to break into a friend group of people who have been friends for their entire lives. But you are in a spot where you will not be the only one searching for friends. You will not be the only one looking for that kind of connection. So even if it is like a rejection in a way that you feel awkward about that, know that like 10 other people probably went through that exact same thing that day. And I think if you are too precious with those relationships, similar to romantic relationships, you can build people up in your head. And then

by the time that like your masterful, very slow burn plan of like serendipitously becoming friends happens, you might realize that you're actually not that compatible. So I think like going for it quickly and just like trying to reach out makes it a lot easier. And there's a lot less like weighing on that and you're not putting all of your eggs in one basket. So I don't know. I think I kind of look at it the same as dating, where like if when I was single and I was like going out with someone I that I liked, I would be like, OK, I'm going to schedule like four other dates this week. So like to kind of like spread out that pressure. So I don't feel that as much. And then sometimes it would be like, oh, this person who I was the initial date who I really

thought I was going to like, I did like and like that helped me not be as nervous because, you I felt like I wasn't putting all this on it. But then there were times where I'm like, that date fucking sucked. And I'm like, I'm so glad that I had these other ones here. So I shouldn't feel silly, but I might feel a little silly or feel like, what the fuck was I thinking?

And sometimes if you spend so much time planning without action, we fill in the blanks in our head. And that's not fair to us or for other people. And it's kind of just like ripping off a Band-Aid. and as kind of like universal advice how would you want someone to pursue a friendship with you like i've said before i think in literally in the last episode mox was like we should be friends their neighbors like they're really cool he had like talked to them more just like based on their schedules versus getting home at the same time and i had like hung out with them a couple times

thought they were really cool and i was like i want to be friends with them and literally my neighbor knocked on my door and was like i don't know how to do this but like let's do you want to be friends and i was like that was perfect that's exactly how i would have wanted that and like now that i've seen someone do that to me i'm like that's how what i'm gonna do to other people so yeah everyone's in the same boat yeah everybody's in the same boat just you gotta you gotta jump in too yeah it's not gonna happen for you the same way with like dating and relationship i don't think relationships in general relationships most relationships don't fall into your lap like you can be presented with the opportunity but until you take up that

opportunity and you start pursuing it and putting time effort and energy into it you're not going to get a friendship out of it it's not going to appear all right we're going to take a break when we get back we'll get into some more And we're back and it's time for the next one. I'm Magda Melissa. I am needing some advice about hanging with new friends while staying true to myself and my old friends. I am 19 and I use she her pronouns. I am a freshman in college and recently rushed a sorority. I went to college out of state and thought joining a sorority would be a great way to meet new people. I was right. I absolutely love my sorority and the girls I've met. I have a great new friend group and I spend

most of my free time with and even study with a few fellow chemistry majors. So they really like to party on the weekends, drinking a whole lot and staying out late. All things that weren't really me before college. But college is about growth, right? For fall break, I went home this past weekend and my best friend I grew up with and I caught up. They told me I've changed and I'm not the girl they left all because I suggested we get some wine and have drinks one night. I don't think i've changed just grown how do i navigate my new life but stay true to the girl that left for college you are 19 yeah like you were going to change regardless they seem where did you move from i need to know like did you move from like some like rural texas like christian like very

very christian very it doesn't mean christian or like did you move from like a very religious suburb of like massachusetts in boston or whatever and then did you go to like asu like are you at clemson like where did you go and like what is that difference then where'd your friends go did your friends all go to baylor like or did they just stay home or what like i literally went to college with the friends i went to high school with and none of us stayed friends and it has nothing to do like i will say most of us did join sororities too and were in our own sororities and became closer friends to the people that were in our sororities but it really wasn't anything like we changed no one was judging because we kind of were all in the same situation and it wasn't like

coming back we were all amongst each other and things just changed there i did keep one friend i'm not friends with her anymore and she also she actually didn't join a sorority so that might be why, but we're not friends now because she's a MAGA hardcore. But it just happens. Like it was going to happen regardless, even if you all stayed in the same place and went to the same school, it would have just happened. You're going to be who you are. You know, your situation that you're in does help evolve who you are, but it doesn't really change who you are at your core unless you're just a horrible person and from what you're telling me this just sounds like a normal college experience yeah would i make fun of my friends if we like came back from winter break and or like we

like were in winter break they were at different schools they're like let's have some wine i'd be like ew i don't like wine i'm not having wine let's have a fucking like smearing off ice like i would judge you for the choice of like if you're having me drink red wine like yuck yeah yeah taking a shot yeah exactly like no no no i'm also like it would be a he he ha ha and not a totally not a like uh you've changed they seem like judgmental people that i would not want to be friends with yeah this seems like you grew up in an area where like you were the friend group that did not party did not drink didn't do any of that kind of stuff and it can sometimes be hard to know if like the choice to do that is based on your own personal value system or it's

based on who you're surrounded by like I didn't go through this in college but like in high school I had friends who like I had like different groups of friends but I had like one friend in particular who was like super super against drinking like incredibly judgmental of drinking and all of that i do not think they're like this anymore and like i also don't fault them for it it was not like a religious thing they had like crippling emetophobia and like a lot of people have emetophobia are not don't drink and do not cannot really associate or be friends with people who drink do you want to define what that is then that's like a it's like a i can't stress enough like a debilitating fear of throwing up and vomit and whether that's like around you but like it's a lot of it possesses

the fact of like things that could be like contagious and getting sick, but even just being around somebody else getting sick like that. And so I had two friends that really struggled with that. And like at the time, like I didn't drink, but like I didn't really, I didn't have like a strong stance against it. Like I didn't have a big like moral code against it or whatever. Like I just didn't. And then I remember like my other friends were trying to drink earlier and they were like asking if I wanted to. And I was like, I don't know, like, I don't know. And probably should have listened to that because now i don't drink for the very reason that i liked it too fucking much and then when i finally did they were so mad at me like they were so livid with me

and i like couldn't wrap my head around it because it was like i totally respect that like you're not comfortable with that because the possibility of throwing up like i would never drink around you i would never i would but and there was like just a lot of judgment in the fact that like you know And I don't I probably think if like we're all adults now, I'm sure they probably were like, yeah, sorry for that. Like, I don't think they would have stood by that belief system. But like when you're young, you can have like overwhelming feelings and emotions that you can't really define, like why you feel that way. Like some people have families who have history of alcoholism. Some people just have been so sheltered from it that it like becomes like a bomb.

Like it becomes like this like terrifying fucking fear that like you don't know anything. You don't know about it. And so, like, it's just, like, something bad is going to happen or whatever. And, like, I have that around hard drugs, which it's a valid fucking fear. But so I think, like, no, that's what I'm saying. Like, something like this is just kind of like, to me, anyone who is so deeply judgmental of the choices that you are making, the reasoning and why they're making their own choices is either so wishy-washy, like, they're not concrete and, like, confident and solid in

their own feelings because they would then be able to explain that to you do what I mean like so there's a lot of times people just assume everyone thinks and feels the same way that they do and I think there's a huge difference between someone feeling like uncomfortable and like weird and then you going like cool so sorry we don't have to drink like yeah and then having those be the friends you don't drink around like I don't think you have to have if you're like you know all of my friends have to want to get fucked up with me to that I would say you might be like meet a couple years and going yeah maybe maybe drinking is not for me maybe this is not this is an unhealthy relationship but if you can like have friends that you don't drink around

they should have friends who don't who drink not around them yeah so i think if it's not respectful on both ends of that then i agree with melissa that like sometimes people just grow apart and it doesn't have to be forever or permanent we both are big believers in stopping that relationship and putting like a pin in it for the possibility to come back to later versus like trying to tough it out yeah and then you completely ruin it yeah just talking about like how people change to and evolve like i was a heavy drinker in college very very heavy drinker now like when i hang out with people from college i'm like i don't really drink that much or like tiffin had fun that uh christmas break last year but that was more edibles i had a half a drink yeah and just edibles yeah um but

when i tell them like nobody is like you melissa you don't drink anymore like no one cares yeah like truly no one cares yeah i i think like the judgment has to come from a place and like i think it's really hard to move on from having like someone casting like intense judgment at you especially a friend without knowing where it comes from like that to me is like that's a deal breaker in my friendship because like then I'm like do you just think I'm a bad person like what is what is that there like unpack that like figure out your own shit or whatever so you're allowed to like you're totally allowed to change but also you know you you should be both of you and them should be able to have fun the ways that you have had fun together before and if you guys can't

then i think like yeah the friendship you've kind of grown out of it but there's not two separate versions of you there's not like current you and past you like they're both you and like i would hope that your other friends have like grown and changed and you know had more life experience since they've been in school too okay next one okay hey moissan megan i am a long-time listener first time to submit. I'm excited to finally have a reason to write in. I'm 26, she, her. My friends and I have a girl's trip coming up when everyone comes back from our hometown for Christmas. My only issue is I was recently laid off from my job, so money will be tight for a while. I haven't told anyone because I'm so embarrassed. They all have great jobs. Some are married. They

have two incomes. Then there's a little, then there's little old me. I know if I tell them my position, one of them will volunteer to cover me. Then I'll just feel like a loser and uncomfortable with any purchase I make, such as ordering the cheapest meals to keep from being a burden. I really don't want to go anymore, but I've already bought my plane ticket. What would you do in this situation? Should I let my friend cover me? I'm actively looking for a job, but I know I'll have to pay my parents back as they're helping me with my bills for now. I know they'd let me postpone paying them back, but I want to be financially smart. Any advice would be great. As someone who was making good money when my friends were broke college students,

nothing brought me more joy than being able to like share experiences with them and cover them and if any of them had been weird about that I would have been like why the fuck are you being weird and I mean that with love that like if you know your friends would cover for you that is because it's like not it's like nothing for them they want your presence there they want you to be there and if that's what it takes for you to be there that's they're totally fine with that and like I'm I'm not at the financial place now we're like I could be like yeah come on do this whatever so I would find something else that I could do with my friends do what I mean like I will you'll make sacrifices of what you can do but like if you want if your friends want you there

they want you there and like that you you bring so much more value to this and I think like what's really talking I think you know this it's like the you feeling shame from the job and like that's and feeling like a burden in that sense. But the fact that you have no question what your friends would do to make sure you could be there tells me you have really great friends. And these negative feelings are just solely coming from tying your sense of self and sense of worth to your employment, which is like a very normal thing that we do in society. Yeah. I mean, being laid off is nothing to be ashamed about. That just means that your company could no longer pay all of his employees and the amount that they agreed to pay and so they laid you off like that's nothing

to be ashamed about it's not like you went in there and did something horrible and got fired tell your friends i'm sure they will understand people are getting laid off every day and people understand what you're going through let them know and if somebody comes forth then i know like it can be very like i don't want to be a burden but like people should never volunteer to spot you for anything if they don't have it like if you don't expect it ever to be paid back you shouldn't go into it expecting to never be paid back but like i if they want you there and they're willing to do it it i can i understand like how you're feeling i completely understand but if you want to go and they're able to cover it and you know it's not going to be any type of burden to them then do

it and then you know you'll have their back somewhere down the line yeah and like sometimes like you can bring so many different things to a friendship or relationship and sometimes some people can bring money to that and like that's not has nothing to do with like their character or like how great they are whatever it's like some people just were born with more money some people just have jobs that pay more money and like sometimes they don't might not as much time maybe they can't make like a handmade really thoughtful gift but someone's going to get you something like really nice that they know that you've been interested in or whatever so like i just think that you don't like not deserve your friends because they would do this for you this

it doesn't have to be like a well i could never i could never cover them for that that's not what people need like you you can do so many other things as a friend and people would not offer that if you weren't a kind of friend that they value so much that they it's holding over your head or whatever and the fact that you already know they're gonna say this makes me like think that like you know this is who they are to their core and like how they are and so I also would not do that with anybody do what I mean like when I was in a good financial spot so just know that like this isn't this is probably very exclusive to a very small group of people that they would do this for because you add that much value in their life yeah that's tenfold more than like

whatever the cost of that trip is but yeah also you know you never know maybe someone else is going through a financial hard time and they're like i really like this is i don't want to be the only one or like you know rescheduling something or you know whatever that activities or yeah i'm always going to tell my friends if i'm like oh just kind of strapped for cash at this point like let's do this but i also really appreciate when friends say that to me because I'm like perfect give me a box and parameters and like we'll come up with so many fun things in there and I think like we have to think highly of our friends that they would never want to put us in those positions knowingly so like don't let them don't don't put them in those positions

unknowingly where they make us feel uncomfortable or spread too thin so yeah I think it sounds like you've got great friends and do everything in your power which I know is an impossible ask to not have this feel like a sense of failure and instead feel like this is kind of unfortunately like a inevitable thing in the economy right now all right we're gonna take another break real canadian superstore has everything you need this back to school season Save on lunchbox savers like Ziggy's sliced deli meat products for always $3.75. And get Life Brand Pure Vita shampoo or conditioner for $8 each. At Real Canadian Superstore, when you're ready, we're ready.

With a whole world and more. And we are back from our break. Hey, to my advice-giving queens. And boy, am I needing advice. i have had a huge crush on my sister's boyfriend ever since i can remember super inappropriate for a while considering they're five years older than me i am now 20 and they've been broken up about a year and a half he never knew about my feelings pretty sure he barely knew i existed as me and my sister weren't close until they broke up so i made up a random gmail oh no so i made up

a random gmail and confessed it all to him anonymously he responded back and really wants to know who his longtime secret crush is i've i've left him on red for a week i don't know what to do especially now that me and my sister are close i feel like such an idiot for even sending this email do i tell him it was me do i tell my sister i am so confused and not sure what to do i'm not sure how to feel please tell me what you think i'm not a softy so no need to sugarcoat this don't do it that's the only thing like stop remove delete this email delete this email account beyond that gmail remove the account from your profile yes remove any memory of any password stored remove truly absolutely everything if the email address is based on an interest of yours you no longer

like that thing no if it is based on your birthday you have a new birthday like truly you like this is one of those things where it's i've been at the receiving end of this before but like you know those like age-old like therapist things of being like you know write this person a letter and then like burn it you know i've been on the receiving end of like burner email wrote a letter and then they just decided to read it to me and then they were like that was like years later they're like that was like really fucked up i was like actually that's the most fucked up thing it's like people hear the first part of this write the email you never send it no i also was on the receiving end of this while sitting in a car trapped couldn't get out while casey and jojo's all my life played

on the radio it was what a soundtrack for that moment i know well they put it on on purpose it was uh it was not fun no and you were 15 and he was 20 when this started so if he's interested in him send him to jail yes like but he doesn't even know who sent it and now you know you're now gassing up some man who your sister broke up with why did they break up like this is this is not cool no i understand getting something off your chest but you don't go put it on somebody else's chest now too yeah like this is this this this information needs to die with you and i need you to believe like i truly need you to believe the fact that it never happened so like if somehow it comes out like he he figures it out or whatever i need you to believe

so wholeheartedly that this never happened that you could pass a lie detector test yeah like i need you to i need you to believe your own lie so fucking hard because it was a lapse in judgment you don't know who that you don't know that girl who sent that no like you need to never be that person ever again to the point where that's the only way that this you can maintain this lie forever because truthfully you don't know you don't know the girl who sent that it never happened because you would never do that but you have to grow and mature and change otherwise that lie no one will believe it because it will be like that's everything there's no way she'd do that that doesn't sound like her at all you have to change your whole life moving forward

from this this and like you also just said like you're now like you said i'm now now 20 i wonder if you're like a fresh 20 i like you know i don't care where you're falling on the 20 spectrum i was gonna say like were you in were you in college like were like when you sent the email like did you have this like false sense of confidence and like there was distance there and then like you come back home for this and you realize like oh my god like he's from this town like i'm with my like this is like why would i do this like it this isn't going off into like the ether this isn't a pen pal this is like a real person that's tied to my home life and my family i don't think that you expected him to respond back no and that's the problem but like if somebody sends

me an email i'm gonna try to figure out where it came from first of all i don't like this man regardless because he's a man but second of all the like oh my god who's had a secret crush on me for all these years and he's like i'm just trying to rack my brain of all of the bitches it could be sure you're not even on the radar at all no offense because you were a child either you're the only person on the radar and then send him straight to jail or he thinks so highly of himself but the list is like endlessly long because it could be anyone because of course who wouldn't have been in love with him for all these years but also like i think you're in love with the idea well you were had a crush on the idea of him because you said that you and your

sister weren't even close so you weren't even spending that much time with him and i don't know how long did they date because you said they're five years older than you they've been broken up for a year and a year and a half ever since i can remember i don't know why but i read it as they were together for five years so no but to me i would think in my head they've either been dating since college or since high school yeah because like that's kind of the age range and if you've had a long time crush I would assume it's again either high school or college and I'm kind of leaning more towards high school because you would have been around him more than if it was a college boyfriend like that's kind of like how I would deduce that and like yeah could be wrong

but like that just makes the most logical sense to me but like I hope you're able to like reflect on this situation and like know that everyone you have to read the whole prompt the whole prompt is write an email and then don't actually send it like there's all of that to kind of get your feelings out there but also that like like Melissa said like you were had you had a crush on like the idea of like who he was and especially if this was starting from the age that you were like quite young it's not based in anything other than like childhood giddiness of like you know what I mean like there there is no there's nothing behind it it's the same way and I don't want to say this you know like little little kids who say that they want like little little like who say like

oh I'm gonna marry daddy or I'm gonna marry mommy or whatever or like yeah your brother or like you have a cousin who you're like oh my god I like he's so I love him he's the best and you're like holding hands or whatever and then you get that's because there is you recognize these feelings of like you like this person and then you know you see your cinderella movies and all these kinds of things and you know that mommy and daddy are married and they spend all their time together and you want to be with mommy and daddy forever so you'll marry daddy like there isn't like any it's not based in like uh knowledge of like what these systems mean and then you grow out of it and like that is i think in this like a childhood crush like you just knew him as this guy who was

around who was with your sister and was probably the idea of what you had seen with what a boyfriend was and so therefore like i want i want him no maybe maybe as a kid you're just like oh my god i want to what a nice boyfriend and then he is just boyfriend to you he is ken it is like that is like the insert of that and so that is like a very normal totally normal thing but like with love i would have assumed by now if we're going based on this what we web we've pieced together are saying that you've they're dating in high school we again could be wrong you being 20 i do wonder what your own life experience has like been in pursuing and like flirting and dating or whatever like have you done any of that or have you just been pining over this guy who i don't

even think you actually have feelings for it's like the idea of of what a relationship is what did the email say i know it doesn't matter because it doesn't you don't gossip you don't exist it doesn't exist anymore it doesn't matter because it's you've deleted it now you know deleted it from your life your memory your brain like it never happened i don't need an update because there is no no this never happened we all dreamed this and i want to say wholeheartedly i fully believe you can come back from this like i do i think that this should be a wake-up call of why the fuck did I do that and like the person who who read me this horrible letter that they were supposed to should have burned and they were like didn't listen to the last part but what they

that they had heard about those kinds of things they literally were like I it was one of the worst things I've ever done I and I vowed to never do that again I was like it can be a huge learning experience and for this I think it this is a wake-up call of like you need to spread your wings you need to have social interactions and situations and you need to unromanticize this man by like removing him from just what the idea of like what crushes what love what like infatuation what like is like he's been assigned that role when in reality those are feelings that you can have for a plethora of different people they're not like exclusive to him and that is a child thing that's like a young thing that we do and also if you ever do feel like you need to get

something else off your chest you can tell your sister when you're 40 and it's a haha and this man is no longer in our lives 40 that's 20 years from now you've already forgotten it doesn't matter yeah or when he's dead yeah you know and i can't trust enough um if you want to get something off your chest use the internet use reddit or might i introduce you to something called a notebook no no perforated pages that you rip out and then safely safely incinerate it burn that shit down and symbolically that is then leaving your your body your mind the universe and it's done so like i'm just wondering do you have like notebooks in your childhood room that like have his name with like hearts please throw them away yeah you need to like erase anything of this and

like you need to also need to erase his email address from your um address book on your email so like i don't even have his i don't even know his email it's like oh you don't have his email from my graduation party like no i don't even know what his email is yeah go into your actual contacts because it does save everything automatically in gmail go into your actual context and delete it and then it will not show up when you start typing somebody that has the same name as him yeah this man is dead to you and this never happened what if he gets back together with a sister no that like that could happen i know also i'm i just know this man is not hot enough for any of this like for him to be walking around with this like someone that is like men

don't deserve that no oh i'm so sorry you're going through this even though you did it to yourself i do feel really bad for you this like would keep me up at night and but it never happened so it can't keep you up at night anymore never happened we're gonna take another break when we get back we'll get into don't blame you're back now it is time for don't blame them which is where a listener will call in or write in with their own experience based on a call or again a write-in something we've talked about on a previous episode. So they might have professional experience. They might have like gone through it in their social life or just have some insight, something we didn't touch on that they want to

give their own advice to the original. Hi, I'm writing in about today's Don't Blame Me episode, love, relationships, and sex, specifically the person calling in to talk about how to date as a potentially ace person. I agree with all you two said. I want to share a recommendation for the book by Angela Chen, Ace, What Asexuality Reveals About Desire, Society, and the Meaning of sex. There is research, but also a lot of personal stories of people all across the asexual and aromantic spectrum, and I think it can be both useful to learn more about this, but also a lot of comfort to hear about people who have similar experiences to yours. Additionally, I'd like to share a personal story. Both me and my ex-partner were quite sexual people. We dated for three years

and each of us had periods of time where we just weren't feeling sexual at all. These times didn't usually happen at the same time, but we were able to navigate this mismatch and drive by openly communicating, not judging each other and not taking the situation personally. That is just to say, I believe everyone will be able to find someone whose matches their needs, wants and desires if they want to find someone like that. But also these things will change over the duration of the relationship. So every couple needs to navigate and communicate these things as time goes on. It's never a one and done conversation. Lots of love and hope you figure out what you want and find people to support you in that. I agree with that wholeheartedly. It's very helpful because

yeah it's not a one and done conversation no and thank you for sharing that book recommendation and your your own experience yes thank you well that is it for our episode we hope you all enjoy okay just new girl chess oh don't act like that's not what she does that's true the jazz singing voice versus the zoe dejanel singing voice is such a huge like anyone who wants to like give her being like oh my god like she's not even i think jess is one of the best main characters of a network show because most most female main characters of network show fucking suck they're so boring they're so annoying they just make stupid decision after stupid decision she well-written character and like the she's not just playing zoe deschanel like nope

she she's a character she is and i think everyone should watch elf and be like that's that same bitch guys that's the same bitch i've never seen it oh have you ever seen failure to launch yes she is i showed matzah and he was like a new girl fan way before me and like had watched it for like i know years i've been trying to get you to watch i know but he was someone who he always found like jess always stressed him out and i was and he was like he's like but he's like stress me out i go no no the character of jess stresses you out like she is acting and he was like i feel like she always plays it and i showed him failure to launch where she plays like a very like very aquarius coded but like very like kind of like sinister and kind of like creepy and

unsettling character and he was like oh and i was like yeah she might be dating a property brother but she's not she's not boring she's she's fun she also doesn't recognize her nepotism but that's neither here nor there what do you mean her parents are like her dad's like a very famous dp and her mom is something else and then she and her sister's an actress as well and she was like i'm not a nepo baby and i'm like let me let me legit look up who her dad is hold on well her being like a fashion and style icon and like everything because like she got she was attached to new girl yeah like she wasn't it was like very heavily influenced by who she was as a person but that's also the project she's most famous for like that in

itself should like let people know that like how were you somewhat famous then already her dad worked on twin peaks law and order conviction bones which is her sister show but also like she's been nominated for academy awards like you can't for the right stuff fly away the patriot the passion of the christ never look away like you had access to also like worked on titanic like you had access to things that other people didn't have access to his his imdb is long her mom she's an actress but she her her list of things that she's been on is also long like you have you have access to things that most people don't have access to but like the stuff that your dad has done that just speaks for itself yeah the additional fourth credit is um almost famous

like you know yeah there's there's also a a reason that obviously kate hudson is the best person for that role but she's also the best person to play a role like that so young because she already she's got a star power family behind there's a there's a confidence level in that and a bit of irony yep that's so funny that's so funny i had no idea that she like rebuked that i think it's ridiculous when anyone rebukes that and their sibling is in the industry because statistically older sibling is more than one family member if there's two siblings two siblings or more in the industry that is because you both like you cannot both make it as like a late in life adult like it's you were child actors and why most of the people who are

child actors their parents are in the industry or their parents were in the industry like that's how that works typically um so this isn't like a phineas and billy eilish situation where their mom like begged to be on a show so that she could keep her health insurance also she begged for like two lines yeah of a day player yeah when people say that like that's enough i'm like that's not at all below the line is not nepo baby and below the line is how do you explain that to people well i guess the best place to be able to describe it when you're watching a movie oh yeah that's exactly what it is and that's where it comes from yes it's like when you're watching a movie and the people who are who are their names are coming up before the movie starts

like when the movie's starting and then versus when you see at the end of the movie after like the credits rolling with all the small names going fast above the line is the ones before the movie below the line is the rest of it that's where that comes from but that's how the best way to describe it for that and so unless their name is platt and you're seeing it at the beginning it's that's not if anything i would say they're probably nepo parents at this point yeah yeah so yeah that's funny well i hope you enjoyed that like little hollywood history lesson um and some background so yeah we hope you all enjoyed please write in call in for upcoming episodes as well as for don't blame them and we will updates oh yeah and updates we want some

update except for that like one mysterious one that we had towards the end of this i don't know what you're talking about yeah yeah i think it was just a dream i don't actually i don't even remember at all so yeah we hope you all enjoyed follow us on socials we're getting better at posting join us tomorrow for pissing friday monday for but am i wrong tuesday for see you next tuesday nothing on wednesday but sometimes there's little treats on the patreon see and uh back here on Thursday for Don't Blame Me. Bye. Enjoyed. Bye. Don't Blame Me is a production by me, Megan Rinks. And me, Melissa Demonts, plus Diamond Imprint Productions. Post-production sound and editing by Coco Lorenz. Production assistance by Melanie D. Watson. And music by

Giacomo Picasso and Ryan Hunter.