Don't Blame Me! - DBM: Roommate Gets It In With the Door Open

Episode Date: April 15, 2024

This week Meghan and Melisa are giving advice on: Friend is a Pickmeisha Being the nosey neighbor Mom doesn't trust men Bestie has sex with the door open Don't Blame Them: ADHD in the workplace (4.8.2024) Book Rec: Supercommunicators by Charles Duhigg Follow Us! @meghanrienks instagram.com/meghanrienks https://twitter.com/meghanrienks @sheisnotmelissa instagram.com/sheisnotmelissa https://twitter.com/sheisnotmelissa @meghanandmelisa https://www.instagram.com/meghanandmelisa Affordable Therapy By State (Curated by Crissy Milazzo): tinyurl.com/y64kwdnf Need Advice? dontblameme.show Domestic Listeners Call: [phone] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

hello everybody and welcome back to another episode of don't blame me your favorite podcast where we give you wonderful amazing life-changing advice scrumptious advice that you put in your mouth and you're like oh that's good what a mouth feel i hate that i said that um well my name is megan my name is melissa together we make up your favorite m&m whether that is the wrapper or the candy coated chocolate or i don't know they kind of yeah they've got monopoly on that market right there well it's two so it's not monopoly that's that's true and then we're the third yeah and then also me and my sisters too but it doesn't work for our brand

surprisingly we're not related unless you're listening to the audio which we're totally related we're twins where have you been twins why do i know that because it's on tiktok okay all day long i'm i and i'm also on tiktok all day long remind me i have another tiktok to show you about someone who's doing an impression of olivia pope meeting your situationship it's so fucking accurate to the point where like if someone said be olivia pope i don't know that i would know what to do and now i do the people that are doing the olivia pope impressions on tiktok genius i can't do it because i don't have an upper lip and part of the charm of olivia pope is that quivering lip and when i do it my lips turn into gabrielle union's lips because she also

does not have a top lip like i do and so she does it in a like snarling way so i have gabrielle billions so i can't i can't do a good a good olivia pope god and boy oh boy the fact that we were so lucky to get a crossover episode of scandal and how to get away with murder yes and we got to see annalise keating and olivia pope in the same room yeah and the world continued on it's like it's not like suddenly they were like this is too powerful this is explosions i feel like if they liked each other it would have exploded but they hated each other and it made sense why they hated if they had them be like besties i would go and we're lying yes and now suddenly this i believe that these college kids killed an adult and have covered it up i believe

olivia pope i believe that fitz went to war for her but you can't tell me that these two bitches would be friends these broads hell no hell no um well yeah welcome we're gonna give you advice uh what a segue and um if you are brand new here welcome and if you want to call in or write it sorry i had an almond and you know sometimes they they yeah they dry up later that's why i prefer um a roasted one you're right i i as i ate the raw one i was like no the roasted ones that that is better they go down easier yeah a lot smoother well um if you would like to participate in upcoming episode you can give us a call 310-694-0976 international listeners you can send us an audio message at meganpodcast.gmail.com and you can also dm us or email us at

the same one for those ones keep under 300 words it is all anonymous so do not include your names or anyone else's names please include your age you can include your pronouns if you would like and then for the audio one you have to keep it under three minutes for everything be Asian or over have your parents permission and we do ask that you write everything down ahead of time even if you're not like just sending us what you've written down when you read it out loud practice a few times make sure it fits under three minutes because we can only go off of the information that we are given by you so we don't want to give you bad advice or misled or wrong advice and like if we do that we want to do it intentionally like as a bit and then like we'll give you good advice

after um but we need to know the situation to give you the best possible advice shall we get into giving advice we shall dear megan and melissa long time listener first time caller i'm 22 and in need of advice on a friendship my best friend is 21 and we share a friend group which consists mostly of boys. And my boyfriend. We've all known each other for a very long time, all through school. Some longer than others. My best friend, I'd known her for 10 years, is also part of this group. I love her even though our relationship has had rough patches through the years. It began when I met my ex. She didn't like him and made it known. We saw each other less and less. After two and a half years, I realized I didn't love him and we broke up. My best friend and I grew

closer again. And she was there for me. I fell in love with my now boyfriend and she was scared that leave her all over again she told me after she discussed this with some of the boys and she was afraid they would tell me so she wanted it to come from her we had a good talk after that the boys did tell me i needed to be a better friend so i was i made time for her made plans with just the two of us and we grew closer than ever this was about two years ago one year ago little things in her behavior started changing she let me know she wanted to be in a relationship like most of her friends were, but never really opened up to it and all the guys that she dated she got bored of quickly. There was always something wrong with them. She also never wanted to be committed. She

has commitment issues, knows this and told me a few times. I tried giving her advice, but she didn't really take it. Now the problem I've been having is that I feel she wants to keep fighting me over the attention from the boys, a game I don't feel like playing. She's so in pick-me-girl behavior when we both hang out with them i have a few examples one my friend and i haven't seen each other in a while he puts his arm around me and asks me how i've been and tells me he missed me she hears and she needs to come running puts her arm around him when he tells her no she uh and that he's talking to me she doesn't want to hear it another example is that she speaks to me weirdly about them she tells me that they like having her around and that they treat her like

a princess and she needs to tell me every time she's called pretty by them that she also tells me that they would do anything for her if she asked nicely and then laughs like she can control them she tells me this six times in an hour-long conversation the third example was a few days ago when she was drunk she fell and her face is now bruised and her lip is busted she takes a photo and puts this on her snapchat account with no text just like she's waiting for everyone to go oh no what happened the first thing she said to me is that one friend told her she finally doesn't have a pretty face anymore i don't know what to do i don't want to lose her because i love her but i don't know why she's doing this i guess insecurities it makes me uncomfortable when she

speaks to me like this about them please help me well i think you hit the nail on the head it's insecurities um i do like how you uh have been taking notes of everything yet everyone else take notes giving us the three examples super fucking helpful very helpful very helpful thank you we got a real insight into who this girl is with the boys i i the way that the way you say the boy like that's it just it scratches an inch of my brain like it was just so lovely it just felt so nice in my head um i think like you have a friend problem but i also think you have a friend group problem because don't take this the wrong way i do think if this is like you didn't explain like do you have other girlfriends other female friends because i please check out our patreon

you watch that will intermittently happen to the both of us all the time um the having like being the only two girls in this friend group of just guys it kind of becomes like the spider-man meme of like pointing at each other being like you're the pick me no you're the pick me no you're the pick me when in reality i think that a her behavior would not happen as often and it would not piss you off if you weren't the only two girls in this friend group you know i mean yeah like i just think that that's that's the issue in itself and she yes she's totally being um she's being a pick me but I think that like if you look and you don't have other girlfriends whether it's being overtly a pick me in that like why is that and then why is that like I'm finding issues with her

and then it's like hmm then am I now not having any female friends and now I only have guy friends because like i do think that like as someone who like has had a lot of male friends and had like growing up had had a lot of male friends as well like i i think it's inevitable that we all go through pick me phases that's just the patriarchy does um but also knowing that you know um i do hold my i do hold my like female friends and i hold women to a different standard than i hold men like i'm like if everyone's shit talking on like if if the conversation's about a girl who like is just being the fucking worst and it's all women and then a man comes in and starts talking shit i go i love this woman i would actually die for her i would take a bullet for her like i can't

believe you'd say any one negative thing about her like what do you mean so i do think that like there's not there is not like female camaraderie here and i think it would benefit both of you to have expand a friend group with that and i think like the boys getting involved in all of that even if you might find that like you know they're she told them certain things and then they told you or whatever i do think it is kind of enabling in the pick me behavior and i think men enable that a lot because like the pick me's are for it's for men like it's the point is like trying to like contort and like make yourself into this idea that men have of like the ideal woman or whatever so um i think hanging out with her one-on-one and like having that separate time is

it is great but i think to preserve your friendship you guys need you need to hang out with more girls yeah i agree hang out with more girls will help um and i'm trying i'm trying to think of a nice way to go about having a conversation with her of why why she feels like she needs to be like if you're having a conversation with the guy and his arms around you and then she comes over and puts her arm around him why does she feel like she needs to run over and have that conversation like is she jealous of you it seems like she's jealous of you yeah and like you know you have in this friend group you have friends and a boyfriend and she just has the friend part so

i think for her she might feel like you should get special attention from your boyfriend but then she should get the special attention from the rest but i think like does she is there a specific boy that she wants to date and she's like not getting that reciprocated um and then also her talking about like how the guys you know call her prettier than she posted the thing where she fell on her face and he's like you're not pretty anymore like she there's there's it seems like there's a void that she needs filled and it's not getting filled in other relationships yeah but i think the guys are also enabling it by saying those things like oh look now you're not pretty like it just to me is like and i don't know that this is you're holding on to this friend that like

might not be a great friendship for you because she's your only female friend like that's why i think if you hang out with more women you might be like oh i like these other people a lot more they're better friends i'd rather hang out with them or wow her when i we've we can have deprogrammed her from this i enjoy this a hell of a lot more because i think that like i think that guys are i think men enable pick me behavior because they reward pick me behavior it's also though like you can because the caller said that she really loves her you can also love someone and they not be the right friend for you like there's people that i love that like i legitimately like love them love them but they're just not a good friend yeah and a friend group is a really fickle thing

um especially when your significant other is a part of said friend group and i don't know how long that you have known the rest of them or if you brought her into it or whatever that is but it's just like a lot of personalities that can be hard to kind of coordinate everyone getting along at the same time all the time and you know obviously people have their side friendships and like within that group and like the the one-offs and all that stuff but like when it gets to the point where like people are being like oh well she said this about you all of those kinds of things like i again i think the the guys are kind of enabling um some of that behavior and i don't think you're doing anything wrong because i do think hanging out with her one-on-one outside

of the group is good because again your boyfriend's in the group i don't want to hang with my friends they're checking for another all the time like it's just not fun um but i i think that like like Melissa said like she's there's something missing here that she's like seeking out within this friend group and that's just not a dynamic you're enjoying and I think unless she can be honest with herself and you guys can get to the bottom of like what is she seeking out from from who in this group specifically is she interested in or whatever that is then I think like maybe not having so much friend group hangouts yeah because like there are some people that you like in a group and some people you don't like in a group too that's true that's

very true yeah and i think that like if you guys still hang out in the group then you're just talking about the group i think like having some independence from that and having those things is great but then also like change the subject anytime it comes up just change the subject and be like okay cool hey did you see this thing like i watched this really cool like this funny movie later like i watched this funny movie yesterday um let me show you this clip i think gil really like it or you know she starts talking about how the guys i treat her like a princess and you're like oh my gosh that reminds me did you see the new they're releasing the new something princess movie like you can do things where it's like you change the subject without and if it

keeps going back to it then be like yeah i i love you like i just don't really like i don't really want to talk about this all the time like we have so much more to talk about besides them we're so much more interesting than just talking about these guys let's pass the bechdel tests on our own yeah it's i i i i i think she has to have feelings for someone in there because like to kind of like idolize romanticize and like put your guy friends on a platter like that i've never on like i don't get i've only done that with like crushes yep yeah it's also like weird flirty friends yep for flirty friend groups don't work for they they have expiration dates okay all right uh let's take a break

we are back for a break and it's time to get into the next one hey ladies i'm needing advice on what to do about nosy neighbors i live in a nice apartment complex the place is newer but the walls are thin like when my neighbors argue i can hear it as if i'm in the next room by saying i'm calling in about nosy neighbors it's me i'm the nosy neighbor me too bitch i listen in on their fights all the time because it's they're more entertaining than reality tv they argue about the dumbest things i feel bad and like a total creep my room is connected to their living room so i hear them when we're both in our respective areas we're friendly enough that we cross paths should i alert them to the fact that i can basically hear everything i kind of worry that

it'll make them uncomfortable in their home oh i am 28 she her pronouns this is you in your last visit when i tell y'all i had a makeup imprint on the wall because like the stairs that would be like it was a duplex so it was a house that was made into a duplex so like i was on the top floor there on the bottom floor and so my stairs would obviously thinner walls there like the acoustics and so i would put my ear there and i would be in their fucking living room and you could see the outline of my makeup like blush bronzer a little bit of foundation like i use i used to do the cup on the floor i would and then i would open up the little um most like i guess maybe this is a thing in like lots of places but like all of the old la homes that they have the doors that have

the little like peep opening things and i would just open that listen in so uh no go outside oh yeah sweep the the grass make eye contact with my neighbors to be like who is here first who can give the backstory you can tell us about how this started so um no you do not tell them if if you feel if you're getting entertainment out of this i don't see what the problem is um but they're arguing about stupid shit but if let's say you do want them to know then you just be loud in your own apartment and then they'll know that you can hear them yeah like there's just no way that they it's not that you hear them and they don't hear you because if the walls are that thin they'll hear you watch tv yeah unless you don't watch tv anymore can you just listen to them or you put

headphones on yeah so you're there they they know and they probably just don't care care when people have petty stupid arguments anything's gonna set them off and they just don't care yeah my neighbors had an argument about ice cream so they had some like arguments that i was like i was picking sides like i was like have you checked in on their instagram lately i was thinking about them because they moved out and i was like i wonder like what they're up to are they still together i hope not god i've never wanted actually no people i was related to i've wanted to get divorce more but like they're up there with someone i'm like get divorced and the weird thing is is the husband was so nice like and i was just like i've been here when y'all have ever

had arguments like this is awful like nice to us but like you're not nice to your spouse no and like at least for her fake she was a bitch to everybody yeah and i respected that yeah and i was like girl here i don't think you're not fooling me you know what i mean like she's like no she's a bitch to everyone and that's fine but yeah no he was so charming so charming yeah they were there it was horrible so i i so relate to this but yeah i think like you do not um anyone who lives in an apartment is aware of their voices and like how loud they are like that's just like how we're programmed to be nobody is like completely shocked that like oh my gosh other people can hear us like it's just not going to be that so I think that like if they're fighting

that usually means that like they're angry enough that they know that you can hear and they know you know but I would not let on to that whatsoever um and you know if the fights are very bad and like you feel like that something's wrong wrong you know you can uh alert officials or if you feel like someone's in danger you can try and reach out to that you can like call a hotline and figure out what to do from there but um i think while you're enjoying the petty fights they're just like never gonna talk to you again or ever look you in the eyes again yeah because like they know that it's like it's like if you have a roommate and like you can hear your roommate have sex and like they know that but you're like we're not gonna talk about it

and it's like hey by the way i can hear you have sex and it goes well i can hear you have sex too but why are we talking about it right right why would you bring that up um my neighbors uh that live in a house over their kids are always arguing with each other and and uh uh the mom asked me like it was my mom was here when she asked me so that was in uh for around thanksgiving she's like do you hear them argue and i was like yeah i do but only if i'm on that like i'm like my bedroom is not on the like on a wall that is by your house it's just like in my gym and she's like i was like it doesn't bother me i was like i have three sisters too i don't care hey it's just but they are loud and it has quieted down i i i just i think that like it's one of those things

that like when you live in a city we all know we all know you know and like if you have to ask or you have to tell figure out why like what's the circumstance that you need to ask if someone's hearing it or the circumstances where you need to tell because if it's like you need to ask it's like oh i think that we could definitely tone it down or we should get some rugs and i'm trying to i'm trying to justify girl math if we can splurge on a new rug like that or i need to tell someone and if you that you can hear them it's like i don't know they work for the cia and you're hearing classified stuff and you're like hey i would keep this down or they're listening to like music with a lot of swear words and they're you've got kids and that like there are certain things like that

so i do i think that like reserve telling them when it gets to a point that you have to yeah because right now you're just going to ruin your own fun right if you consider yourself lucky this shit is entertaining are you a writer because you just use it yeah for things or you know i don't know why i'm trying to monetize it just enjoy it that's like one of our bit like collectively it's one of our biggest downfalls like how could we make this a job just just enjoy it and let us know about some of their fights the craziest one i ever heard that they had was about ice cream i say as i'm on their wedding website well next one yes hi eminem i am 25 years old and you see her pronouns my mom she her and i are very close like talk every day usual multiple times a day

we tell each other everything a little over a year ago my dad asked my mom for a divorce It was a hard few months, but ultimately they decided to work on their relationship and stay together. This was great news, but now my mom is very wary of men, including my dad and my boyfriend. My boyfriend is transmasc, he, they, so all of his childhood through college friends are women. In the past, when I dated cishet men, that would be a red flag to me. This is not the case anymore, except my mom seems to not understand that nuance because she makes remarks about how he has, quote-unquote, a lot of female friends. Another example is when my partner and I moved to the city that we live in now,

we decided to both download Bubble BFF and find new friends. I started going on friend dates before him and told my mom all about them. She was so excited and happy for me. But when my partner went on one and she asked where he was, she said, he goes out a lot, huh? Mind you, this was the first time since I've known my partner of almost two years to go out without me and to meet a friend. I told her no, he usually just goes to work, goes to marching band practice, and goes home. My parents and my family seem to love my partner and our relationship, even to the point where my historically homophobic uncle calls me to talk to him.

So how do I tell my mom nicely to stop projecting her insecurities onto me and my relationship, and how would you handle it? for reference i am a leo and she is a gemini thanks so much love the pod i know you've reached the point where you as a child are um having to tell your mother to go to therapy and i don't know how well it's gonna work out for you your mom needs therapy you've been your mom's therapist no matter how close you are like yeah this is not good no talking multiple times a day twice a day i don't know if you saw it in the transcript it says when i dated cis hitman but it translated to when i dated this hitman and i loved that um yeah like talking and i say this obviously i have a very different experience but like talking to a parent multiple times a day every single day

at 25 years old and with the additional context of like divorce very hard like she talks about your relationship and her distrust of men and all of that like that's too much it's it's it's too much and you're feeling responsible for her feelings she's making you feel this way but you're still concerned about the package you deliver it in to her which to me is like yeah you've been responsible for a lot of um a lot of feelings as like a kid in this circumstance and situation and i mean my advice is that you know wanting to do something nicely and not wanting to hurt someone's feelings sometimes it's just enough to like be totally honest with that and know that the intention there if you're thinking about i don't want to be an asshole about this

usually like that's all you really need to do is go into the situation and be like hey i i really you don't want to do this in a way that's like being an asshole but the thing I always say in circumstances where it feels like this might become across really harsh is I always kind of like caveat it with I could totally just ignore that but I could ignore this thing that's like happening or that you're doing or whatever but I don't think that you are intentionally trying to make me feel this way and I if I if the rules were reversed I would want you to tell me that I was making you feel bad because i i think so highly of you that i think this is this is not your intention this is not what you want to do and i think so highly of you that you can upon knowing

it that you will have no issue and it will not be hard whatsoever to change that behavior so like i always think when someone's telling me that like hey you hurt my feelings or can you not do this this this or whatever as someone who's a ghoster if i give someone like can you not do this or can this hurts me whatever that to me is like you're worth it that i would like to continue and pursue this relationship here and that i'm not just going to like jump and abandon ship so i just think that like you need to put your feelings above hers because she's also supposed to put your feelings above hers yeah like i can understand her being wary of men because men yeah but uh she doesn't trust your father that's what it is yep is that she doesn't trust your father and she's projecting

it onto you and your relationship and so they may have worked things out as far as like staying together but they haven't fully worked on their relationship because if they did then she wouldn't be projecting the way that she is so um they need to go to couples therapy uh-huh um just because they decide to stay together they work things out and stay together if they didn't go to couples therapy nothing was actually solved um or if they didn't fully talk things out because obviously she's not over it no and like does your mom have a job did she have a career did she have like a did she have to take a break from her career um what's her financial status like uh if you are and you if you have siblings if you're all over 18 they divorce she's not getting child support

like and if would she be getting alimony like a lot of the time like people stay together after almost breaking up or divorce not because they've worked on the relationship but because it's too expensive complicated or complex to break up yeah or they just don't want to be alone like they they don't know what it's like not to be with that person especially if you're 25 they've been married at least that amount of time or have been together at least that amount of time that's a long time it's a really long time and you don't like you don't know who you are without that person because you haven't experienced that in a very long time so um it could have just been fear and now now they like confronted that fear and they're like we actually don't want to be alone

but like i don't trust you and i actually don't want to be with you but like i don't want to be alone yeah and it could be like they could have been super distant for a long time it could be someone's traveling for work like they're like ships in the night but then it's like so then do i move out of the family home i've lived in for this many years and move into an apartment and start a brand new life that like i don't necessarily want to start like some people are okay being complacent in a relationship that's like out of convenience at a certain point um but like Melissa said if you don't go to the therapy on it you're allowed to stay in a relationship for whatever fucking reason you can stay in a relationship for money you can stay in

a relationship for access you can stay in a relationship for love whatever the fuck but you have to be confident and comfortable in your choice and she's not I I think that she's viewing you as a vessel for her life and is and as someone who like has definitely been on the receiving end like don't make the same mistakes that i did it's like bitch you've got your own fucking life then like don't make like you're telling you don't make the same mistake that i did as i'm watching you make that mistake and as you're staying in that mistake and i'm like what like you the the cognitive distance like and like the fucking separation from that is is so wild and i think it's remarkable and i don't mean that in like a snarky way like i mean that in like i'm very

impressed with you way that you've ended up in a relationship that seems like very loving and very happy and like not tumultuous because like that's case in point pointing to me uh up until now but like that's like not what usually happens when you have been enmeshed or have been to be be the parent to a parent and all of that kind of stuff like that's very difficult and she's threatening your piece now and i think despite i i think there's it's never too late for the roles to shift for a parent for a kid who's been parentified um i think like if you still like love and you care about your mom what you're doing you said you're very close i think the best thing that you could do for both of you is to give her the opportunity to to be the mom yeah so um

if she doesn't react well that's on her and like you already know she's projecting and I will also say that like if she reacts poorly just know that there's no other way you could have phrased it so like sometimes people are just going to be upset because they want you to be a cardboard box who's just receiving everything that they want to say that you and you don't absorb any of it it just bounces right off of you but you're always there to listen and all of that and then when you have your own feelings and your own thoughts and you respond to that kind of stuff like sometimes people just get upset so know that like i hope it goes well but if she's hurt it's not because of how you said it it's because you said it and she doesn't want you to say it and

that doesn't help either of you also also has she been like trying to make your father he might be but how she's been trying to make him out to be like the bad guy and then it's you two against the other because that's sometimes what people do too yeah and and then if you see him as the bad guy then that's you seeing your boyfriend as a bad guy and then y'all can commiserate in that yeah and like you even said like your uncle will call to talk to him like does it get separated as okay girls do this boys go do that like does it get separated in that sense where it becomes like you you and her versus the men and like does she have friends does she have like what's her social life like like what is what does she have that's not just you

because yeah this is just like she's projecting so much but i also think you can just tell her like i with love i think you're projecting and like you know if you're not happy in your relationship like as your kid i wholeheartedly support a divorce yep i love divorce i think divorce is amazing a lot of people need it and don't take it oh my god yeah the fact that we have divorce i'm like wonderful wonderful more people should get divorced hey megan and melissa i am calling in with a roommate issue i'm 26 she her and my roommate is 24 she her we've been living together for almost a year we're really close friends and i love her like a sister uh-oh around this time last year we decided to move to a new city together

and to start our careers since being here we have made great we have met great friends and even i i even met my now boyfriend it's time to re-sign our lease and she's all for it well i'm a little on the fence she's going through her hoe phase her words not mine and is not discreet in her affairs she has sex with the door open oh my god the way i read this shut the fuck up up megan has removed her glasses and pulled her computer closer instead of just keeping her i'm just shocked i need to see it closer and when i questioned her about it she says they're just so in the moment she doesn't let a door stop them and i should just put on headphones i have a boyfriend we're always respectful if she's there to close the door maybe and maybe even turn on

music she's very open i don't know if i can take another year of this we both make money enough money to live on our own that's what i'm leaning towards but i also don't want to hurt her feelings or cause a strain on our friendship any advice would be greatly appreciated move the way that i would straight up be like if she's like i want to re-sign a lease and it's like i'll re-sign a lease if we sign a contract that if every time that you have sex with the door open you have to pay me 50 more than that a hundred dollars yes because if they can live on their own oh yeah oh you're right they have money yeah so it needs to be however much yeah however much that y'all would make like however much it would be for you to live on your own uh-huh divide that by how many

month how many days are in the month and then take that money anytime she has sex with the door open and put it in a jar like she has to do she has to you just send a vimo request yeah as soon as it happens because no one is that in the moment that you can't shut the door no you can be making out with someone and shut the door it feels like she's a voyeur i was gonna say that excuse to me is i'm like you stop lying you not like yeah you're trying i even the way you're saying this it's a fanfic i go that's not i'm your roommate have some decorum i don't care how in the moment you are you're gonna shut the door if you know somebody else is there like like it's it's you've seen it in tv shows where people are being like so overcoming and then they slam the door

because they they just have to get in it like yeah no it's just being like we're so in the moment my response would be like so are you having protect using protection it's like you're not just fucking right here at the door of the apartment you're not fucking in public right like you're making it to the room you can close the door the way i would have i'd put on blindfolds and headphones and then just walk in and slam the door oh you know fill around and slam the door be careful what you feel i the way that i would get a megaphone and i would like close my eyes and scream into that being like are you fucking kidding me and even it's it's here's how i know she's doing this on purpose because the any man that she's with they're not closing the door

either she's like no baby leave the door open she's doing she's 100 you're sitting on the couch watching real housewives of potomac and they're like don't worry about it and it's like he's like i i feel like she's worried about it no you know part of me also maybe when she walks the door you hang out in the living room and say shut the door when you have sex you fucking perverts yes and that guy's gonna be like whoa okay yeah you're right like this is not these are not two people who are being like oh my god we are just so bad like that's a lie no because that would mean if they would start in the hallway like they would have to start in the coffee shop they would start but then they make it to the bedroom no it makes no sense makes no sense he's sticking his penis

out of the little zipper in the front just all clothes still on like what a liar she gets off on this yeah no i my advice is just move out it's not even the jar anymore move out this answer no i'm saying the jar is what i would have done the first time it fucking happened but like the way that this is that answer makes me even more irate yeah because i'm like and we're just lying and now first of all you're having sex where i can hear you and now you're just going to just lie to my face also when a woman lies to me about something that we as women know someone that's like your sister that's even more incestuous like when it's like it's like a woman being like oh yeah no like i don't need anyone to like play with my clit like i can just

like get off whatever and i go there are no men in the room why are you lying to me so kirby like we were just like so caught up in the moment that's what dudes being like accidentally nutted inside her and she's pregnant we just got so caught up in the moment but like girl to girl and we just got so caught up in the moment and i'm like are you just walking around just like dripping out your pussy all the time just ready what the fuck do you mean we were so in the moment yeah she's a liar move out yeah you've been roped into this kink and that's just like so not fucking fair non-consensual no but i tell you and your boyfriend too uh-huh and tell her be like i would say this even before like not even bringing up the lease but it's like hey i love you so much

i need you to stop having sex with the door open like and this is what i would say because you said you love her like a sister and i've said this to you before it's making me hate you and i don't want to hate you like it's making me fucking hate you and i don't i don't want that to be our life and so like point blank we are not fucking renewing this lease but like if we make it to the end of this lease without me murdering you in your fucking sleep i need you to shut the goddamn door or i'm gonna show up in a fucking freddy krueger mask and just scare the shit out of you and whatever man you're fucking that night two can play at that game i'm irate i would be i i would i don't even i can't even wrap my head around it no because it was bad

enough when my the last room i'd ever had uh her and her boyfriend would be going at it and um what i could hear like in their room but the door would be closed the old lady yeah oh my god i mean she got pregnant so like oh true they were fucking but they would be going at it all the time like all and then they broke up at one point and then she got this dude that was so hot i don't know what i know good for her and he had i knew it he was it was a new guy because it was different shoes at the door when i came home and i was like who is this and then i saw him i was like okay girl but like that dude was really railing her like hard and then she got back together with the other dude uh-huh shortly after um but that they like i would just you know

they had the door closed unfortunately my um the the my headboard was on her wall and i would just put headphones on and just shut up i can't i literally used to be that like that girl who like if like we were like well this is also why i don't drink anymore but like you're drinking college or drinking in high school whatever and it was like oh like hooking up with someone it's like everybody's asleep and then the first time that that ever happened to me and i was on top of the bunk bed and i'm just going this ship is now swaying what's going on and my friend and i realize that someone has gone to the bunk bunk the bunk below us and they're fucking and then i was like you know i'm actually never gonna do that again did i yes but i also quit drinking and

then i never actually really ever did it again but i was like wow i we should know less about each other especially the people that we live with and we're like so close with like i don't need to know someone who i'm close with like a sister i don't and like what if you like where's the location of like what if you like walk into the kitchen like i'm thinking of the layouts of different apartments i've been in like if the door's open there's no shot there's no way i could see into your room from some other part of the apartment yeah because the way you should be fucking mortified and be like we can never speak about this she is fucking mortified to completion disgusting disgusting she has no shame i would put her in jail she's like i don't even believe

put some headphones on what about my eyes what about the the sense wafting after you're out of your room the way that i would gouge my eyes out and then gouge their eyes out the way i would take crows and leash them into that bedroom oh i put a stink bomb in there i would like i would do i would make it in an uninhabitable this is i i bless you for trying to maintain this friendship about i don't know how i would do it no move out like you have the money she has the money y'all are just trying i guess you just you know love to i don't need if i i i'm not a person i'm not a person that like if i can afford it that i'm just gonna have a roommate no unless it's a significant other yeah you know like i'm not come and knock on my door like i just want to hang out with the

girls and no that's not my vibe i get annoyed hearing other people breathe for extended periods of time let alone someone having sex with the door open like i sometimes get annoyed with moths who i love to death because sometimes i'm just like i need my personal space like so the idea that like whatever benefits you reap from this roommate because again it's not financial like that's fine but like you can afford it whatever benefits you reap like make this a difficult decision I you are you are a much more patient person than I am well I would love to know if anyone else has any stories like this yeah call us and let us know now it's time for don't blame so don't blame them is where a listener will call in with advice pertaining to a previous episode

they might have professional experience might have personal experience um they might have had a friend or family member go through something similar or they might have just noticed or heard something in the call that we didn't that they want to touch on to give their own advice hi i'm calling in response to the recent uh don't blame me episode of the caller who was looking for advice on entering into the communications, PR, and social media industry with ADHD. I'm actually four years into my career in this field and also have really bad ADHD. That was undiagnosed for a long time. The biggest thing that I would say for this caller is to set boundaries up front and get

very clear expectations from your bosses in wherever you end up going. I made the mistake of kind of taking too much on at a small PR agency when I was a social media account coordinator and realized that the expectations at that agency were just so unrealistic for somebody, especially with ADHD. I would also agree that you don't need to disclose that to any employer really at all because you know that could impact hiring. I would maybe recommend starting out as a social media coordinator in-house because sometimes working at PR agencies can be really overwhelming when you have like five to a dozen clients at a time. I found that working in-house allows me to focus on just one thing at a time. And I would really recommend using

Asana or Trello dashboards for tracking your tasks. That helps me to stay organized and write everything down. So yeah, I agree with everything else that Megan and Melissa said. I don't really have much help on the publishing side, but that's what I have to say about the PR on the social side so good luck really great really really great and i love how there's different like flavors of adhd like some people they need the structure of like not too many things going on at once but for me i need things to bounce between like creative wise um but i have other friends with adhd who also work in pr and they started or like work in not pr they would be like bitch i don't work in pr it's totally different personality type but they

work in uh on the social side and they've done in-house and they got they did that and they got really bored with it and then moved to i mean they worked on like a branded side got bored with that and then moved to like agency side so you're doing a bunch of different things and then they've gone back to that and they've gone back and forth and that kind of a thing which i think is great because it's also like there's a lot of um movement within this industry of people who go you can do a lot of different things um from it so i think that's great love it love it love it thank you so much well that is it for our episode we hope you all enjoyed if you did you can always leave us a review on the podcast app you can also leave a review for the episode specifically on spotify

where didn't you tell me to remind you to read one or is that for a different one i think we already did it okay i can check one moment please call in for an upcoming episode or you can always write in send us a dm on instagram or email us a voice memo everything we said at the top of the call that also applies and um yeah join the patreon you can watch the video version and you can also join us for live streams twice a month hang out with people get along um i still have actually yet to hear from mary how she feels being cast as phil dunphy she's traveling that's now yeah she's in new york i thought oh she already is there you're right she landed she did because she asked about the monopoly thing she said is it tracking me and i was like no

it's just the event she said spooky i was like the one day i do get into the monopoly thing i did have this information and i thought you responded to it i did and i just forgot you're right you're right you're right um she said this was going to be a busy time that's why she couldn't meet up allegedly with brie at this moment in my mind it was like i thought oh we are in april yes buddy fucking hell i was like that's april and you're like you know it's april oopsies um but yeah you can get to know all the personalities hang out with everyone it's a grand old jolly old good old time and bonus points if you join and you say erica you remind me of mitch from our family you've made well she's not listening so does no she's not of course i know this is a safe space

we hope you all enjoyed and we will um oh stay tuned for the rest of the episodes we have coming out this week we have see you next tuesday tomorrow uh wednesday we give you a little bit of break thursday we have but am i wrong please join us we're having a grand old time across so many platforms if you're not on our instagram we we're doing more things on across all social media and we did a ama last week a couple weeks ago now so it was fun i had i could have kept going there's so many more they're really funny i have been working on more casting ones and the one for Soraya has made me

piss my pants laughing. I can't wait to see. Don't tell me. I can't wait to see. I feel like you could guess. Alright. See y'all later. Goodbye! Don't Blame Me is a production by me, Megan Rinks. And me,

Melissa Demonts, plus Diamond Imprint Productions. Post-production sound and editing by Coco Lorenz. Production assistance by Melanie D. Watson.