Don't Blame Me! - DBM: Settling

Episode Date: June 26, 2025

This week, Meghan and Melisa are giving advice on: Co-Sucker and ending a friendship Separating from abusive parents Wanting more emotional and sexual experiences Update: Legally petty Buy Our Merch ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://crowdmade.com/collections/sister-sign⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Call In - 310-694-0976 (3 minutes or less) Write In - ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠[e-mail]⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ (300 words or less) Follow Us! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠instagram.com/meghanandmelisa⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ @meghanrienks ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠instagram.com/meghanrienks⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://twitter.com/meghanrienks⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Always earn high regular interest rates that grow the more you save and invest. Conditions apply. Visit scotiabank.com slash H-I-S-A to learn more. Scotia Bank. You're richer than you think. hello how are you doing i i'm i'm i'm doing i'm i i'm living my life and i'm so ready to talk about um i'm actually really not ready to talk about like i don't even know how to start this episode i'm so nervous melissa why don't we just kick it off with what the show is this is a show where we give you wonderful amazing life-changing advice and sometimes we we give you the tough love advice and sometimes those people run and hide in the shadows and other times those people

say I can take it hit me baby one more time and they come back with something else and then we like okay let's let's try a tougher version of that love and we do and they say I can handle it and they come back for a third round and they can handle it and I'm gonna tell you right now I don't know that I can handle it can you handle it Michelle can you handle this no so um if you don't know what we're talking about that's fair um but i think if you're up to date on our episodes you know the most recent thing that traumatized us yeah there's something uh something's in the water something's a brewing and we have we have an update a follow-up an additional advice needed of course from the co-sucking co-worker but how do you participate

with this show the phone number is 310-694-0976 and you can leave us a voicemail there you can email us a voice at memo to meganpodcast at gmail.com you can send us a dm over on our instagram which is listed in the show notes and with also in the show notes and over on our socials is a form that you can fill out that has all of those and all of those ways you can be on the show and tell us what you need some advice on and you have to be 18 or over and we also need to know how old you are the rest of it well not the rest of it like tell us actually like the things that are happening in your life that you need help with but it's anonymous so there's no name you can use a voice changer if you want use fake names but we do need all relevant details otherwise

we might come to a conclusion that is like we want to be helpful like so we if you don't give us all of the details, we might come to a conclusion that you're like, oh, I already thought about that. I can't do that because of X, Y, and Z. Tell us that. Tell us that ahead of time. We love to have like structure it like an essay, even though you have three minutes to do it and you only have 300 words if you're writing it down. And I mean, structure it like an essay. Give us your thesis. Give us your examples and give us at the end your conclusion. What are you asking? What do you need help with? Tell us if you're sensitive and we want to help you out. And We're pretty freaking good at this.

If you love this show or you're brand new here and you're like, I'm kind of starting to like this vibe and you want more of us, don't worry. You don't have to wait a whole week. We do lots of other shows. We come out with brand new podcasts four days out of the week. The only day you don't get us is Wednesday.

And that's okay. Wednesdays you use to catch up, listen to an old episode. But we have another podcast called What Am I Wrong? Where we tell people when they're wrong. We have See You Next Tuesday, where we read the results from the voting, from that episode you can learn all about that on those episodes and we also have fisting friday

do you have questions about why it's named that so do we we did name it that it was it was a temporary placeholder and we just we just we we just it got stuck in the brain it was a little brain worm um and that is where we just like catch up and talk and hang out and it's a grand time we also have a patreon where you can watch video versions of all the podcasts you can also listen ad free there and we do live streams twice a month we can all hang out make new friends lots of people from like quite literally all over the world so if you are in like a transition period of your life you've moved somewhere new like you we you can hang out and that can be like your social thing is like doing the live streams that's like my biggest social interactions but

it can also lead to real life social interactions you can make friends who quite literally live near you all right should we jump in megan i think we should okay i'm the co-sucker and i have an update rather question after all the events transpired me and my co-worker that we put sally i think i named her we be we stayed friends we've been good this whole time her and her baby daddy have not been in the best of terms and arguing a lot you know doing that whole thing of deciding if they want to be together or not he moved out and they ended up getting pregnant so she's currently pregnant with their fourth child they just had a very serious talk and his non-negotiable for them to uh start their relationship back up is for me not to be in her life at all like to completely

like she can't talk to me anymore and I feel like that's a justified thing but like I just I just want advice on like the situation because like clearly I shouldn't be upset and honestly I'm surprised it took this long for it to happen, but I just kind of want to know, like, how do I, because, like, when she told me today, I kind of froze and wasn't really, not really receptive, but I just didn't really want to hear anything after she told me, because I could kind of tell where the conversation was going, but it's just kind of like, what do I say? What do I say to her? Like, okay, yeah, you, like, let me go, or I don't know. I'm kind of confused, but, you know, anything you guys have to add to the situation or any people that can call in and yell at me again,

i would love thank you i'm addicted to self-awareness i have questions my first one is were you two still sexually active together my second question is do you still work at the same place and my third is is the man who was i don't know you technically were the third because you were the lookout is the man that was involved with all this still in the picture we maybe we need to do a quick little update in case this is someone's first time listening so the caller first called in because they work at a cell phone place which we didn't find out to the second call i believe and um their co-worker sally who's the one that they're talking about here wanted to like hook up with their manager and um after going to see wicked they uh decided that the caller here

was going to be the lookout while sally was sucking the manager off but he had strict boundaries where he claimed to be in an open relationship and he couldn't touch suck lick fuck anything he could just be sucked himself he could receive it all and then after the first time i believe or some time had passed then our caller here joined in and so they were named here the co-sucker and so since they are co-workers and they are sucking the same dick then co-sucking happened then i believe that sally and the man actually did fuck and then come to find out he was never in an open relationship and uh sally who at the time had three children now has the fourth one on the way she also was going through a rough time with her man and uh chaos ensued and so this is now

our next update slash advice i'm i'm with you caller for can't believe it took this long i also just like i think we need a sequel of that like sarah jessica parker movie like how does she do it all because i would love to hire a co-worker as managing to do all of this with three kids because she's doing it on the clock and maintain a job like how did start yeah i think this needs to be like you know start a seminar like how to get railed at work and still make your holiday bonus like like this is it is like low key impressive bone bone i put the bone and bonus i uh i don't think you need like for the advice you guys you don't need to say anything to her like you could just it can just be like okay got it like it doesn't have to be a conversation

and like if she's trying to make it like a conversation she might have caught some feelings there in that and then it's just like okay no you went through a big life event together so i can understand because y'all were friends first you went to see wicked together it inspired you to be a homewrecker because of the two stars so i i just that's why i wonder if y'all still work together because it would make your work situation a little difficult but those might be the boundaries that you need yes and it sounds like you're very aware that this was a smart and healthy thing to do but for some reason like you were being forced to not make that decision until she did like i do want you caller to know that like you can stop that like you you can stop the

you can stop the beat you can be like hey this is toxic this isn't good for this person's relationship you don't have to be like but what is it my place you you can make it your place you can just step aside walk away walk away you don't have to maintain relationships that you know are detrimental unhealthy because you know it's that it's their responsibility to end it you don't have take control of your life grab don't grab it by the balls no grab by the bootstrap grab by the bootstrap not the strap on i'll never forget about how this is we were we were worried about how do you fuck when you have your brother as a roommate and i'm like oh yeah that was the initial call so you took it to work yeah and i'm like are we partially to

blame that we were like because we said that you know have your time turn up the tv that's what some people were saying turn up the tv in your room let them know not only did we give them them advice about how to fuck at home but so did other listeners but i will say that you i always know where you're calling because it did save your number in our google voice and it saved under you could do that co-sucker co-worker oh my god that's a fun little thing to pop up when you gotta bring a ding ding guess who's calling and i i will i've said this before i'll say it again i am so addicted to the nonchalantness of your voice and your tone when you talk about things and specifically knowing that you work in a customer facing

job knowing that you were gonna cut dick facing dick mouthing in that job like this kind of like tone and candor from someone who works in that like as a customer i'm like i love it now i am gonna start reading into those people with this lax tone being like are you sucking dick behind there so in conclusion i'm tired let's get some new friends who we don't work with and who we don't co-suck dicks with and like are you ever gonna are you gonna watch wicked part two like it might be a sore subject yeah oh and congratulations the couple on that on the new baby do not do not get a baby gift don't do anything no women no longer exist to you i'm done more people in general i think other people would benefit from uh a trait that i

didn't ask to have it just comes with adhd i think more people should quite literally forget that people exist like there are people like i you i just i don't even think about them like they don't even cross my mind and i think it's also why i think a lot of people are dead like just pretend they died people who did we think a lot of people who are alive are dead even people that i've known in my actual life my dad who loves a phone tree to tell that somebody's dead that i met one time when i was two of course but then of course probably neglects to the ones that you're important yeah but no it's it's all of them oh my my that's that's usually mine but he'll call me about someone that i did know but i haven't seen in 10 15 years and i did think

they were already dead because they didn't they no longer existed in my life so i thought they no longer existed in life yeah because i we are the center of our universe so if i didn't see them nobody saw him right six feet under or in heaven or six feet under is not the opposite of heaven okay no i always have to clarify anything okay i was like was that religiously offensive um but um yeah this is uh this is a just put other people in witness protection program like if you're not willing to do that for yourself new names new identities you don't know those people. All right. Now we will take a break and we'll get back. We'll get into some more. This episode is brought to you by Accenture. When your advertising operations fall out of sync,

Everything else follows. Spotify and Accenture are working together to reinvent the rhythm of ad sales, using automation, analytics, and smarter workflows to simplify campaign delivery and access better data across the business. The result? Less time spent on operations, more time connecting brands with the moments and fandoms that matter most. Learn more at Accenture.com slash Spotify. your summer travels deserve an upgrade with select chevrolet buick gmc and cadillac vehicles connected by onstar you can stream game and more on the go whether you're headed to a music festival or a cottage getaway you can access hundreds of apps on google play right from your center display explore onstar tech today at onstar.ca and discover how to take your summer to the next level onstar better never stops

hear that it's your money calling it wants a promotion elevate your savings with the scotia high interest savings account always earn high regular interest rates that grow the more you save and invest conditions apply visit scotiabank.com slash hisa to learn more scotiabank you're richer than you think. We are back from our break and it is time to get into the next. This is a content warning for suicidal thoughts and abuse from parents. Eminem, please help. I'm being forced to live and work in my hometown for a minimum of two years before I apply to and enroll in PhD programs. I would be applying in fall 2026 to begin in fall 2027. I, 22 female, just graduated from undergrad two-ish weeks ago. Instead of it being a happy week, it was a pure shitshow,

which has left me pretty suicidal. After applying to over 50 jobs, I received an offer for a research assistant job in upstate New York. For context, my hometown is 1,200 miles away from New York. The job would be for two years under a very famous and revered professor in my field of study. Based on the interview, the other members of my lab are so nice and supportive, including the professor himself. The research the professor does aligns with my research interests and is very impactful. This job would be do wonders for my chances to get into programs. Academia is all about who you know and the experience you have so I felt like this would be a great stepping stone for me. Programs I'm applying to are insanely competitive. The job pay is 18 an hour. This pay

is pretty much the norm when it comes to these type of jobs because universities know that students are desperate to improve their resumes before applying to grad school. I know it's not great, but I really researched the cost of living and spoke with current research assistants and I feel like it's doable. My immigrant parents went ballistic when I told them about the job. I explained over and over everything I just told y'all and more to get them to understand why this job would be good for me and why I wanted it. My grad week was filled with constant fights and my tears. I really couldn't understand why they hate the idea of the job so much because their reasoning is all over the place. One second, it's the pay is too low. The next second, it's eight years is too

long to start your career eight years being my gap year and timing grad school combined and then it's why do you want to move so far away from us they have always been so abusive controlling and impossible to reason with they used to beat me and my siblings when we were younger for this and yell at us for the smallest mistakes along with horrible things the other horrible things they've done to us I was able to escape their abuse when I went to undergrad I had people in my life outside of my parents that would help me make the move happen and even someone that would serve as a guarantor for an apartment for me, but I eventually gave up because I was tired of fighting. I was emotionally drained and frankly scared of being on my own and disowned by my family. I rescinded

my acceptance of the offer and decided to stay in my hometown to volunteer as a no pay in a professor, another professor's lab at a university 40 minutes away and work part-time on the side to hopefully save up. I did this to appease them. And now they're trying to get me to get a master's in anything they say. And I'm like, what the hell? I'm not going to get a useless master's in something random. I'm not going to pay for it. And I sure as hell, I'm not going to let them pay for anything ever again in my life because they're just going to throw it in my face anytime I go against their wishes in the future, just like they did when I was an undergrad. I had an extremely well thought out plan that I created with the help of mentors I have from college to get to where I

want to be. But now my parents have completely derailed it. Now they want to derail my future plans how do i survive the next two years in this house after what has already been the worst weeks of my life help please first i want to say i'm sorry second you sound like you're in the witness protection program i don't know what filter you use love it but i loved it no worries that's just your voice loved it if that's your voice you've got charlie pooth in you you got you got built and pitch correction. I'm sorry that you're going through this. And here are my thoughts, initial thoughts, is that your parents are never going to be satisfied with what you do, no matter what. They're always going to try to guilt you and emotionally manipulate and abuse

you so that whatever decision you make, it's never good enough for them. And that is how they keep you around. At some point, you're going to have to start living your life for you. And I know it's scary. It's scary to be financially independent and it's scary to, you know, have the potential of being cut off, but they're never going to be happy no matter what you do. And at some point you're going to have to be financially independent because as long as you are close to them and they are still paying for things for you and you're doing exactly what they want you to do they're going to use that to manipulate you purse strings for strings and i think you know that now at this point i would say it sounds like you have a lot of regret

and regret is kind of like shame and it's like a deeply unhelpful emotion especially when we're in a situation that we know we need to get out of and i'm not saying that you shouldn't feel that way but i think you can channel that channel that's like lighting a fire under your ass versus having it feel like it's like holding or bogging you down and like you mentioned having like you you you had this whole plan you did all this and then you specifically mentioned having someone who you knew is going to be able to sign as a guarantor for an apartment which to me is an indicator of someone who is financially well-established and or also older and more of like a mentor you even mentioned mentors you mentioned professors and all of this kind of

stuff and to that i would say like that those people and those connections and like the specific opportunity might be lapsed that might be something that you passed on but those connections and those people those are not those relationships are not something that is done and even if you're like we've lost contact we've lost touch even if you were not explicit about your home circumstance your life circumstance with these people as somebody who had a different you know uh upbringing and family relationship than a lot of people that i and i didn't tell people when i got older and i like you know settings would come up they knew like i didn't you didn't have to say that so there's a lot of the times people will basic people will be there in your support system to

support you at what level you are comfortable with at that time and if you are more comfortable sharing about it or talking about it but like there's only so much people can do especially when you know you still have those strings or you still are tethered to those relationships people don't want to they don't want to push you too hard or like make comments about the family or make comments about whatever or being like you have to get out because it's like this person if they're one foot in one foot out i want to make sure that i maintain this relationship with them so even if you feel like you've burned these bridges or even if you feel like you haven't fostered these relationships in the way you are a student and specifically for want teachers who are professors

and stuff this is something that they have encountered multiple times before you having lapsed in communication with them or main like fostering the relationship you had prior they are used to that and they also will understand your circumstance and why that played a role in all of that so i agree with melissa like you got to get out because the what your parents want is control and control will come in any form and whether that's being disappointed in you and asking you to jump through more hoops and do more things or it's you get a really good job and a successful job and you're miserable there and they you know want you to treat the family to x y and z or do x y and z or maintain being in a miserable job even if you don't like it like there is

it won't stop and i think it's natural to want to view a relationship that was like really horrible and toxic and abusive as a child to something that like you can earn your way out of and you can't and that's something that's a very hard thing to be like oh well I thought if I if I just was better if I just did what they wanted and like well now I'm older so they can't physically harm me like if I just if it they'll eventually it'll eventually drop it they just want once they just want what's best for me and like it's it's a really hard thing to hear and a hard thing to swallow is that like sometimes they don't there's a lot of parents who are really resentful of their kids who are really jealous of their kids and a lot of parents who they're and like

this is not an excuse because like i don't accept this as an excuse from adults that like they're unhealed from the trauma in their lives and they don't know how to not project that onto other people but that is not your problem and it's also not your lesson to teach them if people want to grow and change and do better, then they have to take that upon themselves. There's no way for you to grow and change and quote unquote, be better in their eyes because it's not about you. It was never about you. And I think you're going to be, yeah, you're, you're going to constantly feel like you're missing out on things. You're passing up opportunities and you're being asked to do things that are like not in your best interest. And you are, you're, yeah, you're, you're living

for them. And in the reality, like they're not even living through you. They are, it's the control. That's the control that they are seeking and the control that they want. You know, I think it's really smart to know that like the financial aspect is not something that you want to be tied to them anymore. So I think you saving up money right now is really good. Like Melissa said, like, you know, making enough money and saving enough money that you can get out of this. And I will say, there's never going to be a perfect time to get out. There's never going be a perfect situation to go from this one to this one from like the one you're in to the next one and sometimes it is accepting a shitty situation that's less shitty than this and it's

dialing back in that like i'm not saying like hop into like a romantic relationship and get your way out of this not that whatsoever i'm not talking about transference of being indebted to people like like those kinds of relationships but like living in a really fucking shitty apartment that you really don't like having like six roommates certain things that i think in general as always my advice to people who are severing ties with um specifically family members who are very toxic and realizing that is you need you need time and you need distance and the more that you can get that the easier everything else becomes because you realize that how hard it is to like live on your own how hard it is to pay for all that stuff truly is not as hard as it is to be in their

presence it's not as hard as it is to maintain and be in those relationships but you can never know that until you are you until you have again that time in that space and those people know that so they want to make sure they don't give you that time and they don't give you that space because any amount of that independence proves to you that you don't need them and they need you to feel like you really fucking need them yeah and also at the end of the day you got into this program you got into this prestige program with this world-renowned professor that means that you have the skills to do this again if you need to your parents can't take that away from you you have and will always have those skills and I would follow up and be like the next time the

program comes up I'd follow up and reapply and just say that like when you do your essay be honest about who you are and how important this is to you and why you had to say no before and how you've grown from this experience and I guarantee you'll get in again without a doubt and I think like it can be really easy to think that nobody else has been through this and that like people who have come from certain backgrounds of like really like controlling and abusive homes oftentimes we only see those as like sad stories or survivors or like I promise you someone reading that essay has either been through that or knows someone who's been through that like there are so many people who are so successful and in positions that you are trying to get to who have come up and

come through and overcome the same sort of things and being open and honest about that is it's not like trauma dumping it's like it's none of that like it's explaining your circumstance and your situation and it also gives people an opportunity to help someone out or give someone an opportunity that they know they're so deserving of and that like getting them out of a situation like that is something that is like it's universal like that's like there's people who apply to even undergrad in those stories and that stuff it's like you you deserve a shot and you're not you don't just deserve one shot like you deserve a second chance you deserve a third chance like you deserve all of this and you're gonna get out of it and it might not be this exact that job

might not they might not have an opening after that but if you email them someone who reads that might be like hey we don't have this but i know this other place that does like the best thing that you can do is expand that community and be honest with these people so they can help you out because i promise you they want to you just have to let people know that you need help and they will help. Right. I see big things for you. I can't wait to hear about the great things that you're going to do in this world. And even like you explaining how you were going, you went about like having a grantor and like doing all the research that shows exactly how good you're a researcher you are. And like how determined you are. And like I hate usually I hate the

compliment of resilience because no one asks to be resilient. Like that's not like something you can work on like it's just like you're you're held it you're you're given it and you have to deal with it but in this instance like that is something that people look for I'm sure forced responsible you were like you you had to be but using that in a way to not only like be successful and and do so much and graduate and then like have all these opportunities and all of this stuff for future but like specifically what you want to do sounds like very much like you're not it doesn't sound like you want to be a day trader it really sounds like you know you want to make the world a better place and you want to do all this research and all this stuff like you're it sounds like

you're perfectly built for this and someone even without your story someone without it out is looking to hire someone exactly like you don't go to don't get your master's all right all right we're gonna take a break when we get back and we'll get to the next one at deja den insurance we know that when you own a nail salon everything needs to be perfect from tip to toe that's why our agents go the extra mile to understand your business and provide tailored solutions for all its unique needs you put your heart into your company so we put our heart into making sure it's protected get insurance that's really big on care find an agent today at desjardins.com slash business coverage at volvo safety is not a feature it's our purpose rigorous

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When you're a mid-sized business, you need every competitive advantage you can get. Like an AI solution that works for you, not against you. S.A.P. Grow is built with A.I. embedded at its core, working across every system, and it's ready to go from day one so you can hit the ground running. Bring it with S.A.P. Grow, A.I. Cloud ERP for any size business. We're back. It is time for the next. hi Eminem I've been listening since season one but calling in for the first time I'm 21 she her my boyfriend is also 21 he him we've been together for two and a half years but before that we were

on and off for about eight months he's my first boyfriend first love and honestly my first for pretty much everything he on the other hand has had two serious relationships in high school a few situationships and in conclusion he's been with lots of people and I've only ever been with him this is relevant because in the beginning that really bothered me i'm not proud of it but i felt insecure immature and jealous i was constantly comparing myself to people from his past but over time i grew out of that mindset thank god and now i find myself wishing i had had more of a past i didn't date in high school and i wish i had more emotional and sexual experiences with different people not because i regret being with him but because i feel like i

midst of phase of life that I'm only now craving. We've done long distance before, five months when I studied abroad, and it actually brought us closer. We're doing long distance again now while I'm in a different city for a four-month internship. It's only two hours away and we've been seeing each other every other weekend, but this time feels different. The city is so fun, especially in the summer. There's nightlife, energy, new people, and I keep wondering what it would be like to be single here. Not because I want to be reckless, but because I've never been single with this much freedom, especially since my boyfriend and I both live at home while we're studying at uni. I love my boyfriend, he's incredibly sweet and kind, and I know I'm lucky.

If we were to stay together, I could see us getting married. But could I really get married when I've never had any other experiences to compare this to? I kind of wish I'd met him later in life when I've already had that time to explore. Also worth mentioning, he wants kids, and I'm not really sure if I do, which he's known from the very start. But later in life, let's say I decide not to have kids and we break up anyway, I think I'll regret not trying things in my 20s. As for an open relationship, I don't think he'd be into it, but I think I might be. Ideally, we'd be open just for the summer while I'm in this new city. I wonder if that space would actually give me more clarity, whether I really want to stay in this or whether I've

outgrown it. I know that might sound selfish, but I feel like I've skipped a chapter in my life and I'm not sure if that's sustainable long term. After I graduate I'm not planning to stay in my home city and realistically we may break up then anyway if our paths start to diverge. So should I just wait and see how I feel post-grad a year from now or do I try and have a conversation now knowing it could change everything? Is this a sign that the relationship has run its course or am I just afraid of missing out? I don't want to throw away something good on a whim but i also don't want to stay out of fear i haven't talked to anyone about this so i'm really hoping for an honest unbiased take i'm a leo and he's a gemini be harsh if you need to i can take

it love you guys thank you so much let's say this this at the same time one two three i need i need your ass on a fucking vespa and a fucking yacht in 24 hours from the time you hear this like these are these are not feel and I'm just just to straight up validate you like these are not like run-of-the-mill feelings to have that are just like a FOMO but like you know oh nostalgia when we were young kind of a thing like this is not it is not that like this is like you're literally being like okay open relationship okay if we broke up like you can you can break up with them you can break up with them i really hate using this term but in this situation it is exactly what you're doing and it's settling this is the first person that you've been with and you're like

he's good enough like it would be fine i can stay here i would be okay why do you need to be just okay when you're mismatched in that you're okay with having an open relationship and he wouldn't be two you only want another open relationship because you haven't had experience with other people and to me that means if you're questioning that with someone that you're with that means that they're not the person for you yeah they're not fulfilling what your needs and another thing that i don't like to use but in this specific case it is exactly what it is but he's not enough for you no and like not to like make this dark or whatever but like all of the circumstances although hypotheticals you said like okay well you know we could have to break up like later

on the road because we're like mismatched on all this and this but like like melissa said you are settling and i'm gonna put something in your head how would you feel if this man cheated on you how would you feel if this man dumped you like how relief that's what i'm saying like it's it's one of those things of being like okay you're settling for this relationship what if he doesn't want to settle what if you make this sacrifice in this choice and he doesn't know that you're making and also he shouldn't know that you're making in general but like because i don't think you should be making it but like you making this sacrifice is not guaranteed that that means that this relationship succeeds it doesn't just have to come from you like there is a there is a

there is a massive possibility at 21 years old that the relationship ends because a man does something that a man does when you have sacrificed for like stability and comfort and like it could be good this that part I'm just like no and like I'm a big believer in like trust the trust your instincts and trust the urges of what you want to do and trust the outcome that you want because regard like I do think in that way that's like the universe is trying to point you there the universe is like hey this relationship is not ultimately is not it and like you might be like okay well in my mind yeah maybe it's not it because I don't want to have kids or maybe I would break up with him in all these years but like I should stay with him until then the universe

might be being like nah he's about to do something fucking diabolical in three years i would rather you you dip on this now but i think like having this feeling of like the way i would describe it is like if you were with your person and you're right now you're doing long but didn't you say right now you're doing long distance and you're in the city and all that if this was your person you would be being like god i wish he was here i can't wait to see him and like oh my god i wish we were doing this together god he would love like versus being like i wonder what it would like to be single here i wonder what it'd be like to be with someone else and it's a very natural like yeah you should be with other people you're 21 like that is something that is a very natural

thing to want to do and like just to you know not to make it all about me but like i look back on i look back on college and being like damn i really missed out like i missed out on like having that kind of like college life and doing all those kinds of things but like ultimately there is no universe in which I would have been able to do that there is no way I would have made that work because I'm looking back at that now as a 30 year old like I'm not like there was no version of 18 19 year old me I did not have the capacity or the tool I didn't I was not going to be able to do that and I look back on that with like a sense of like nostalgia and like oh damn That would have been that would have been cool. But you are living the opportunity and going like, I kind of wish that this wasn't the only thing holding me back. It's natural to like, wonder what what what could have been or whatever in certain situations that you have no control over that you either haven't even been in or you cannot change.

but this to me is something that like you're seeing you're living your life and there's like this idea this other version of your life that you could be leading but only one thing has to change only one thing has to change you are so fucking close that you can taste it quite literally and to me i'm like yeah make that when you have that urge and that opportunity and the access to make that change to do something that you want to do you should do it people live with so much regret in their lives for things that they cannot fucking change and when there is something that you can change don't live with that regret because right now it already sounds like you're trying to regret it like go out there check your ass on a yacht please and report back yeah and again like

i need you to have more confidence too as opposed to being like what if we're just open for the summer no all that is break up because all that's telling me is like well what if i don't find anything what yeah or like what if what if i'm not interested what other people aren't no if you're meant to get back together you will yes and i wholeheartedly believe that in any lifetime you're going to be with who you should be with if you're actually putting in the work to be there together and i think you have a much it's far more likely for that to happen if you break up than if you have an open relationship for a summer and then you come back together and re-evaluate you can do that without with style still breaking up and also you're gonna grow to resent him the

more that you stay in this relationship and you're thinking about what could be and you have one foot out the door that's what i mean and so like if he does something as men do that fucking sucks or pisses you off it's gonna be like you don't know how much i sacrifice like i sacrifice for this It could just be a steady, boring-ass relationship. No, it could be like you didn't take the trash out. It could be nothing. Like, he could just exist. And his face starts to piss you off.

I don't want to look at you anymore. Even though we're long distance, I cannot stand that 20-minute FaceTime call we had. Oh my God, you had the pit in your stomach and you're dreading being like, oh my God, you're going to purposefully be somewhere where you don't have service. Or you call him at a time where you know he's not at home

and then you're just like, But I hang up after two rings and you go, oh, you didn't answer this call. Like, and then you turn your phone on silent. Like, this is just not the mindset of someone who this is not like what people think of when they have like met their person and they're secure and ready for that. And here's what I'll say. Anyone can be your person. Like, we could settle for anyone.

There are so many options. And so, like, I'm not a big believer in like, there's one person for you. I think you make choices to make any relationship work. But like in this situation, yeah, you could be happy with him. You could be happy with hundreds, not thousands of other people. And that's like varying levels of happiness. And some will be more than this first. A lot of them would be more than this. But the issue is, is you will never know that until you you are not in you're not in a relationship anymore. You'll never know that until you are single and you're living your life like that. and i understand why you feel this way but i promise you like i if the best thing you could do i don't want to infantilize you but maybe try and infantilize yourself just a little bit and be like okay let's picture i'm in high school this is probably what people felt like in their first high school relationship maybe this isn't always an age thing maybe this is a first

relationship thing maybe this is something that's feeling like that because like i felt like that my first relationship i'm like oh my god no one will ever be better and i'm like thank god but i didn't know that until i wasn't in that relationship anymore but you're gonna have fun yeah and like we said update us please all right we're gonna take another break when we get back we'll get into an update real canadian superstore has everything you need this back to school season Save on lunchbox savers like Ziggy's sliced deli meat products for always $3.75. And get Life Brand Pure Vita shampoo or conditioner for $8 each. At Real Canadian Superstore, when you're ready, we're ready with a whole world and more.

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We're back. Time for the update, and I will read it out for you. This is an update for this week's episode of Don't Blame Me. Legally petty. I am the writer with the shitty landlord. I was so excited when I saw the title of the episode. I knew it was about my situation. Your advice was perfect.

I also have his home address, so I will register him for many emails and postal marketing. I also lost it at the Québécois men versus French men. It is such a funny, a good and funny idea. Unlike Megan's shitty landlord, mine is pretty stupid and post our apartment on Facebook, raise the rent to $2,000 and advertise things that we don't have in the apartment.

So as far as I know, no one is moving in straight away after us. So I will also look into things that don't damage the apartment, but could be inconvenient for him since he will have to organize visits for future tenants. A friend suggested that I slightly unscrew the light bulb. If you have more ideas, would love to hear them.

I'm moving July 1st. I will update you when we went in court. Love that outlook. I think the light bulb is a fun thing. I have nothing to add, sorry. I thought about it last week. I've got nothing to add to it. And if other people have more thoughts,

then they should write in yeah maybe i would say if uh you redo your route so you drive by and blast very loud music or you you know take your dog on a on a walk and it's a barking like something like noise kind of thing like that but ultimately i don't like that one just because it can affect other people you're right i just think in the sense of like also if he's falsely advertising you kind of don't they'll know that yeah yeah just take them to the cleaners in court and that'll be the one that really hits them where it hurts the pockets all right well that is our wonderful episode thank you everyone so much for listening i really enjoyed this episode what about you megan i thought it was great let me read some things from spotify and don't blame me classic

entitled numb mouth i think i had to i can't remember if that was the original name i might have had to change it i think it had something to do with your it was like dick goes numb after mouth and i think i rechanged it it was when we were doing a little spicier episodes they said the person that is lgc megan's voice sounds so weird in this episode pre-covid her voice was different yeah hey guys like things changed when she was in her 20s two mostly it's covid but yeah okay there's a very distinct change you can hear and like it's getting slightly better yeah it was really bad for a while but thanks right like what else thank you for noticing

so join us tomorrow for fisting friday monday we've got but am i wrong tuesday see you next tuesday wednesday i don't know yet what that episode if there will be an episode there i don't know if anybody has any requests let me know we'll put diana on it another researcher thursday we'll be back here for another episode of don't blame me we hope you enjoyed join the patreon and we will peace out bitches i don't know this is a sister sign production hosted by me megan rinks and me melissa d montz plus diamond imprint productions post-production by coco lorenz production assistance by melanie d watson and music by ryan hunter and giacomo picasso

Thank you.