Don't Blame Me! - DBM: Sex on Antidepressants

Episode Date: October 23, 2023

Meghan and Melisa to give advice on: Putting yourself out there for dating Being upset about you body's limitations Health anxiety Haven't had sex with partner in 8 months Buy our merch: https://store.dftba.com/collections/don-t-blame-me Follow Us! @meghanrienks instagram.com/meghanrienks https://twitter.com/meghanrienks @sheisnotmelissa instagram.com/sheisnotmelissa https://twitter.com/sheisnotmelissa @meghanandmelisa https://www.instagram.com/meghanandmelisa Affordable Therapy By State (Curated by Crissy Milazzo): tinyurl.com/y64kwdnf Need Advice? dontblameme.show Domestic Listeners Call: [phone] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

hi hello welcome we're gonna lead you in a guided meditation pussy pussy pussy flaps and breathe in through your nose breathe out through your ass it'll be like breathe in from your heart breathe out from your yoni and everybody i want you to carry i want you to carry the essence of that yoni with you today as you walk through this earth through this life and the life beyond focus on that yoni but welcome to don't blame me this is a call-in write-in dm advice show hosted by two incredible loving sophisticated it heart-stopping yoni clenching women i have nothing to add that is that is exactly who we

are you know that's that uh that that phrase that trauma is stored in the body uh-huh i decided that i think the best case for me is someone needs to put me through a washing machine and a dryer cycle just to like shake it all out of my body because i do notice i'm clenching my whole body at all times you know i hate it the other day i came upon a tiktok and it said hey you you like release that breath you're holding and i was holding a breath and then it said and relax your jaw and i was doing all of it oh you can't but i was like i was literally had my jaw jutted for it like this yeah so i know like but don't you think like a a nice fluff and fold cycle would really help you could just get it fucked really hard if you're especially if you're storing the tension

in your pelvis literally store it everywhere yeah and i just think the idea of like a human-sized washer and dryer it just knocks it out of you you could go hold on there's this weird ass place that i follow on instagram it's one of those weird fucking sex trauma things i can't and they like beat you no no no no and then people just have or i know no no no let me get in my washer and dryer and sort this out myself that is a hand wash i don't want to be hand washed i would like to be machine washed anyway welcome to the advice podcast the one the only and if not the one or the only the best or your favorite so we are going to give some wonderful amazing life-changing advice and if we don't uh it you can't blame us no you can't it's in the title and what we lack in

credentials that we make up for and big big oh opinions capital oh she's not wrong which speaking of this is only one of our many shows so if you want to know the whole slate of shows that we have you should subscribe to this feed like this is if you're listening on spotify or the other one the podcast app i can just say that um we release four episodes a week and one of them is literally called but am i wrong bought to us or not we also have see you next tuesday and fisting friday wholesome names and if you want to listen ad free you can subscribe to our patreon and someone asked i won't put you out there but you posted it asked they were like i can see don't blame me but i don't see but am i wrong you have to subscribe to they weren't subscribed to so in order to see

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your pronouns. If you would like, you do not have to. It is all anonymous, though. So we ask that you come up with pseudonyms for the people involved in said story and that you include the most relevant information because that's how we can give you the best advice. And, you know, we're hot and we're funny, but we also are here to help and we want to help. You can also let us know if you are sensitive and we will take that into mind and practice. Write it down first. Read it out loud a couple of times to yourself. Time it. Make sure you have everything. And then you can just read it straight up when you record the voicemail or the voice memo and for write-ins we ask that they're under 300 words and all of the same requirements except for like you know the

voice ones and everyone has to be 18 or over have your parents permission i'm over 18 so am i shockingly i got carded for a lottery ticket what how old do you have to be 18 why what do you mean why why do you have to be 18 for the lottery because it is like a big financial thing you have to be an adult but it still fucks up adults okay yeah but adults are making the conscious decision of doing it yeah but yeah the lottery is weird to me it's great to me i love it for you thank you is there always a lottery there's always a lottery huh well here's hoping let us know has anyone ever won like a small lottery or a big lot i would love everyone like two dollars here five dollars like a scratcher no on the actual lottery our scratcher is not the lottery i mean it is but

like i mean like powerball mega million and then i i'm starting to do more research on the california one to see because i know with mega million and powerball when somebody's actually gonna win so i'd never like actually play until i know somebody's gonna win because i don't want to just be throwing money out there willy-nilly well shall we play the first call i think we shall hi nick and melissa long time listener first time caller i'm 22 years old and you see her pronouns recently graduated college. I'm calling to ask for advice on how to date. Most of my college experience has been in the pandemic and being COVID cautious throughout, I didn't meet many people after my freshman year. Because of this, it's now been three years since I've been with

anyone, which makes me really anxious to put myself out there. Another issue that I can't stand dating apps and the only guys I've been around are my restaurant co-workers or their friends at the bar nearby and even though there's a server close to my age that I'm crushing on hard like full fantasizing and hanging on every word he says when I'm around him I think there's a chance he would be interested in me too but I know how messy it would be to get involved at work which just increases my worries about putting myself out there like there was a night at the bar where he left the people that he usually hangs with and talked to me the whole night but it seems like it might have been to try and flirt with my friend and that I was kind of getting in

the way. So I'm trying to put him in the co-worker box and not the potential boyfriend box, but I'm not finding many options. The advice I'm looking for is really broad, but any thoughts you have on how to meet people and get over my dry spell would be beyond appreciated. I don't think there are any other details. So I'm a Gemini sun, Sagittarius moon, and also rising. I love you both and can't wait to hear what you think. Bye. You're fun. You're so fun. Yeah. You're astrologically fun don't don't fucking date a co-worker yeah that's too fun for this i don't know anything about astrology but i will say do not date a co-worker especially at a restaurant and i've never worked at a restaurant but i've just heard from everybody that does work at

restaurants that is a terrible idea because everybody just fucks everybody and then it's just like incestuous and gross and it's like work stuff and then the drama is there and you ruin the restaurants for your friends because when you have friends who work at a restaurant then you hear about everything and then you go to your the restaurant where your friend works and you're like i know that you're fucking her and then you're fucking this person behind there and like it's just like and you're all touching my food and all i'm thinking about is you fucking right so and also don't let your friend date them either because that's a mess no yeah how to meet people i hate dating apps as well i they scare me also i've said it before like i'm experienced

so my jokes don't land on the same way on dating apps as they land in person no then you just have men who become like i'm enamored with you you're an enigma and it's like i need you to keep up yes i need you to keep up jeremy yes i think you should just you should go out more but expand your circle like go out now with the people you work with because it seems like y'all work together and hang out together restaurant culture no go somewhere else where where do you um i mean like i'm asking this like for you to ask yourself where do you live where can i go what's your social security number are there neighboring towns around that i can go to get out of your bubble um fine join like what are your hobbies join those type of things like what do you like to do what

do you what would you like your partner to do go to those places hang out see who's around chat it up touch an arm you know like do things give a give a giggle give a little laugh bat an eye oh bought an eyelash because it's not your eyelashes are doing the work it's just they're the ones that dramatic aspect it's the lids about those lids about them lids um i agree with that because i would say like you don't like dating apps but think of your think of dating apps are just people who are around you but just them on the phone so right now you in your real life dating app your little pin where you're asking about your radius is uh like i don't know how big the restaurant is 3 000 square feet like your radius is too small so

widen that radius and don't hang out and go to the places that you guys like like you said normally go to go a town over go like you need to like truly just expand the zip code in that kind of reach and think of it back to like sounds silly but like think of it back to like high school where it's like you're with the same fucking people every day and you're like oh i don't know if i let and then you hang out with a friend who goes to a different high school and you get there and you go who are all of these brand new people and once you are out of that like little bubble where it feels like it's so small and everybody knows everybody other people have that feeling in their own bubbles you just gotta exit that bubble and move into another bubble right not

move but like pop it in pop yeah pop pop pop move over and bop to the top oh yeah so yeah i would say if you're also going to go out with friends i would go out with like one friend and if you have friends who you both are looking for like similar things that can be good because you're not trying to like some people always say like oh go out with a friend who's like in a relationship and have them play like the wing person like it's just it doesn't like it's not uh sustainable for like the whole night because like you just get bored and then you start to feel responsible and you feel bad so someone who's like looking for the same thing that you are by the end of the night and i would say if possible someone who you have like relatively different types then but

like types that are close enough that these activities or these places that you go to would you know the likelihood of having those people there is pretty high yeah but like if you have the exact same type of someone don't don't go together no you don't want to have to you don't want to have to do it to them agree oh also last thing i would say though to get rid of the dry spell if you also just want to get the dry spell over with you can use the dating app for solely that if that makes you feel like getting back into the hang of it if it if it becomes like you're just getting in your head with that it's like dating apps you don't have to date they're dating apps yeah just know that you might be breaking somebody's heart just don't

fuck a co-worker to get out the dry spell no i just worry about that all right next one is a write-in long time watcher first time advice seeker i 37 non-binary they them was injured at work in early 2017 which led me to being permanently disabled having chronic pain and eventually surgery which led to further disabilities. I've always heard that body neutrality is being grateful for your body allowing you to do things you do. Like my body allows me to get up and eat so I can do this thing and that thing. Or my legs allow me to go to places I want to go. That kind of stuff. And that is great. I want that. My struggle is however how do I reconcile wanting to recognize the things that my body does for me while also being in so much pain

and frustrated which borders on anger at my body for all the things I can no longer do how do I not feel upset for being so limited by my body I fully recognize that I'm I am able to do things that others can't and I think that's where my guilt of being upset at my body stems from i just don't know how to be how to not be resentful to my body at the doctor who refuses to help me in meaningful way for a year and at my limitations for time for context if needed the too long did read of my injury is a severely herniated disc at work then my quote-unquote surgeon refused for a year to do the surgery i needed because of my weight and wouldn't refer me to anyone else, which caused calcification and then further herniation. I finally had

surgery by a different surgery to relieve the 40% of the pain, but I will forever have severe chronic pain and be disabled. I listened to a really great podcast episode on maintenance phase about Ozempic and they specifically talked about the lack of healthcare, but specifically in terms of surgery with like not operating on people and not doing all of this other kind of stuff and how um ozempic is like playing a role into that and it's an it's an interesting it's an interesting listen that i would say is for for you like they specifically like talk about stuff and then them on their individual socials also talk a lot of how to advocate at the doctor and i don't know where you live but um a lot of fake facebook groups people will share people and share

that kind of stuff of like oh this is a safe doctor to go to who is better because that's also a trauma because of weight like doctors that are yeah doctors and they prescribe ozempic for people to they'll say we're not going to give you we're not going to operate on you until you take ozempic and it's like holy shit like that it first of all like you a lot of problems this idea that every problem goes away with your weight is like not a thing but then also you're going to ask someone to go on a medication which is in currently in a shortage and so now it's just not the official medication and so this medication that everyone's taking has not been tested and there are like horrific side effects some people have and it also doesn't work for a lot

of people yeah so like it's just like it's it's only gotten worse they're like medical fat phobia and thankfully what comes out of that is like community and people who will share doctors who are safe people who are not going to be doing that and are taking patients pain seriously so I think that like that's something that I would like that's like a trauma that you're currently enduring is from a doctor like that. That's like that's really, really awful and horrible. And you can have like resentment and anger directed towards that doctor specifically. I would I will say what you're describing that you want to be or what that you're describing body positivity. That's not body neutrality. Body neutrality is just my body is my body. And sometimes I fucking hate it. And other times it's just it's whatever. But like the goal of body neutrality is that your body is not a factor that you are choosing to think about. And so body positivity is reframing all of your thoughts and feelings towards your body in a positive way. Body neutrality is

if I think about my body, I would like to pivot away from that thought, move on past it and not give it, not give it any importance or any, any weight to it. And if I do give it this weight to it, I'm allowed to be mad at my body and I'm allowed to be resentful and I'm allowed to be like pissed as fuck about it. And then because I'm allowed to do that, I don't have to feel shame about that. And then I'm just going to move on. And then I forget about it again. It's like my body exists it literally exists like my body's like the sky my body is like a tree like it's just there and it's never not been there my whole life it will be there and it might be different on this day it might be different on this day but like it's just it is what it is and you're allowed

to be mad like you're allowed to be mad and i don't know what rhetoric that you have been hearing about like disability because I would specifically steer away from body talk in the sense of you know the wellness kind of thing of like oh here's how like I wouldn't go for body neutrality in terms of like body image aspect of in relation to weight like in dieting and that kind of stuff like I would specifically like go seek out disability spaces because the notion that people who are disabled or like not allowed to complain about being disabled and like not allowed to dislike being disabled but then also still advocate for disability rights and uh fair and equal treatment and all of this stuff is just not true like that's very like that's able able-bodied spaces like

that's what this idea of like oh you're brave and you're wonderful and like you need to be grateful for that that's like just so not what i have found in the people that i followed and then like who are disabled so I would say that trying to instead of reframe your mindset in this sense I would seek out other people and like let yourself feel how you feel but you're grieving and you're allowed to grieve and it doesn't always feel good and it like feels sucky and shitty but it is kind of like the perfect example bonnie trial it is what it is and it's allowed to it's allowed you're allowed to be mad and you're like allowed to feel that it sucks and you're also allowed to know that in in the comparison of like oh well other people

have it harder and it's like and people who don't have it hard complain also like people complain about anything and everything and the the hardest thing that you'll have gone through is can be 10 million times harder than something else but like we the hardest thing some person has ever gone through is the hardest thing they've ever gone through that doesn't mean that it's not hard because this is the hardest thing for them and so I I would say you just give yourself some grace and give yourself like permission to feel how you feel yeah this doctor sucked like yeah if you want to be mad at them be mad at them and like live in that anger and like process it but like therapy like going to like if if you're able to go to therapy and um discuss this with a therapist so

that you can like truly process your feelings if you're not able to find like a community of people um you know like if you can't physically go somewhere look online look at reddit um i'm sure there's a community that exists that you can join and share your thoughts and your anger and then hear other people's thoughts and anger and that can help you process things further. But I agree with everything Megan said. I really don't have much more to add to that. But yeah, because of the thing that mainly jumped out to me was the body neutrality thing. And I was like, I don't think that's body neutrality. Yeah. Chronic pain spaces are also, I would say, is really helpful too to give you one recommendation um on tiktok their username is crutches underscore and underscore

spice and on twitter they are uh amani i m a i a i m a n i underscore b a r b a r i n and like they're just very she's really good at um not only talking about her life her experience But specifically, like, really, like, I find out so much, like, news about, like, new accessibility things. I'm like, oh, wow, this is really cool. And just very, a nice thing in my timeline to see constantly for every take that happens in the world and everything to have there be a voice specifically factoring in disability into that. Because until that's something you're dealing with, like, chronic pain or chronic illness or in disability, it is something that a lot of people, like, just don't think about. and then it becomes all consuming for your life and so then everything in your world is seen through that lens so i found it really nice to have somebody who is doing that and yeah also

she's very very funny that's what i'm gonna say she's fun she's very funny and that's like and it's also like not the only thing that she talks about she just talks about her life yeah like i am i'm constantly entertained like she's just like a great follow yeah that even if it's a content that i'm like i don't know what this is about like i'm gonna watch it because like her stitches are so she's very sweet too we had her on an episode of jbu oh fun yeah well she's great yeah big big big fan um and i also if you're in our facebook group i would post if you would like to like if this was helpful advice for you and you were looking for more content creators like people recommend me people all of the time and specifically people are on our facebook and

our patreon group will send me recommendations and they'll talk about other things so finding that sense of community like you said wherever you can find it but it can definitely feel isolating in your personal life if you don't know anyone going through that. So I hope that helped. Me too. And fuck that fucking doctor.

You can also report that doctor. Sending you love and neutrality. I'm not sending you neutral vibes, but I'm sending you neutral vibes for yourself. I'm sending you. I hope I have a not bad vibe.

When you said neutral vibes, it just sounded like a vibrator name. Neutral vibes. That's just like mormon mommy vlogger like beige vibrators ew i know doesn't it though vibrators why are they always so brightly colored what about salmon what about dusty mob salmon is pink though salmon is pink but there are some kinds of like

mass-produced salmon like shades of things that get a little too a little too um undercooked and raw meat to me salmon pink is the official pink shade of alpha kappa alpha sorority incorporated salmon pink to me is very different than when people say salmon because salmon is okay it's just sunburned beige well all right we're gonna take a break we're back from our break i hope that was good for you let's get into the rest hello um i am calling in because i recently had my first seizure and i remember a little bit back i think like a couple years ago you had had one kind of out of the blue and I was absolutely fucking mortified I was in the grocery store

and I was picking out potato chips and I felt my eyes roll back in my head and I had a grandma future in the potato chip aisle of my local grocery store which is fucking mortifying and the ambulance came and they were going to take me to the hospital but I was like well unless you're like having a seizure they can't really check what's causing it um like if they do a brain scan like post seizures they can't really tell like why you've had it and so I was like look I'm gonna make a doctor's appointment afterwards like whatever and so I had AMA um mostly because I was like so fucking embarrassed and I called my partner and he came been picking me up which is fine and yeah I've just felt like fucking trash ever since and I have

an appointment coming up just like for a full workup I'm not somebody who goes to the doctor very often but how do you deal with health anxiety because I've just felt so strange ever since having it and I haven't been driving I've been like trying to be super careful about that kind of thing and i researched like my anxiety medication to see if that can cause seizures and it doesn't it's not a good side effect and so anyway i'm just freaking the fuck out and i was wondering how do you deal with health anxiety and are there ways to manage it that you find like are helpful on the daily yeah i'm just freaking the fuck out so please help i've been watching a ton of Gilmore Girls and resting up so I'm in my Megan Riggs era Melissa has a lot of experience

with this my sister has seizures she has epilepsy um she epilepsy usually like you either have it like as a child or as a like an older older adult and she had her first seizure when she was I think 16 around that age um and the way it happened was like she had one but we didn't know what it was like in the nighttime like we woke up and she had throw up on the floor and was like don't know what that is and it happened in the summertime so I was home from college during the time and then I accidentally uh set the house on fire and um while we were waiting outside the ambulance came and she had a seizure and so then like we knew why she had thrown up and then also it made sense like there were times where she would just be staring out and she was

having many seizures then but i will say it is important to go to the doctor after you have one because they can do like they can trace things like in your brain the brain activity it's still important to go after we anytime she has one like immediately go to the doctor even because you can't have like another one it's very common to have another one after that as well and um they will take your blood which does give information that they need like triggers yes it also like depending on how you're feeling they can also like give you fluids and things that your body needs and that blood test will tell you what is depleted. And I think like for the anxiety coming from it, it's a lot of the unknown. And so I don't like, don't go researching things because it's going

to lead you down a path that doesn't specifically pertain to you. It also like will put things in your head that isn't, that aren't true. Like you're questioning a lot of things that are happening you're like looking up things about your medication which don't like don't do that like that's that's adding to your anxiety i think the most important and it probably by the time this comes out you might have already gone to the doctor but it's very important to get to the doctor and because you're going to go to somebody that's a professional they're going to have answers it might not be right away because i don't know like if you're going to your general doctor they're probably gonna then um send you to a neurologist to get checked too and do scans like for example

my sister has like this tiny tumor that's on her brain that is it it hasn't grown it's been like 15 years now at this point and it hasn't grown but they she has to like constantly get it checked um to see if it's growing or anything and it has um some hormone in it that is what causes the seizure yeah you know it took going to a couple doctors like not just like the neurologist that was in our area like neurologists that were in our area we had to go to a specialized one that is a couple hours away and she is like constantly being checked for those things but because like she is always talking to the doctor even if like today she's like extra tired she'll like write that down and talk to the doctor about things that are going on but like once you're able to

go to the doctor and get answers, I think that will help a lot with your anxiety. Yeah, I agree with all of that. I had a gynecologist give me the best health anxiety advice I've ever been given. And she wasn't even trying to where I told her I was like, I literally never been to the gynecologist. Like I don't love going to the doctor at all, like in general, like I just do not like going. And I'm always worried because I don't go that i'm gonna go and the reason why i'm avoiding going is because i'm like oh i'm probably dying and then i don't go because i think i'm dying and then i'm like but then you're gonna tell me i'm dying and she literally looked at me and she goes i mean if you're dying i won't be

able to know that on the first time you're here and i was like oh and she goes yeah so like just go to the like if there's something wrong and she's like it's gonna take me a lot like it'll take us a while to figure it out so like just go like it's you're you're not gonna go at one time and then your world ends right and it was just like no no you just go and then it becomes less scary it's never going to be you're getting the worst news of your life the first time you've ever walked into a hospital unless they're saying your appointment is actually not here yeah and then it's also like snowballing because you're just thinking about it all the time without even getting like the next step yeah and I think that I mean I'm very glad you're not driving I would

I guess I my follow-up question would be like are you going to see a primary care physician or are seeing a neurologist because you I think regardless of your insurance if your insurance usually requires you to have a like a recommendation to a specialist you having a like you don't you should be able to just call your primary care physician without getting an appointment with them like before that they will send you to a neurologist because yeah it is sucky because it's one of those things like monitor your head the monitor your heart they'll do all those things and it's like they can track it if you have an active seizure while you're hooked up to everything but it's also important for them to check to like oh was your blood sugar really low are you like super deficient

in x vitamin or anything like that and that can also ease your peace of mind while you're waiting for more answers to just kind of know and even now i would say instead of like spiraling and focusing on oh what medications am i on and all of that kind of stuff was there like i would just like go back for your own peace of mind and like write down what the day was like if you can remember like what did you eat anything that day like had you not eaten in a while like were there certain things like what was that there and it is scary like that it's totally fucking scary and it's fair and legitimate and so valid for you to be freaking out i will say that like mine ended up being diagnosed as a vasovagal sinoscope, but like not just a, like a pretty intense one where

like, it just, it looked like a full like seizure. It wasn't that I just passed, like it was, it was a lot. And I felt like shit physically for two weeks. And so I, I can't, I literally felt like I had been run over by a car. Like every, it felt like every limb in my body was ripped in a different direction it felt like someone had like shaken my whole body and everything throbbed everything hurt everything was stinging and ringing and just aching in pain and that is a really scary feeling because I've never like you know after like I've had like a cyst burst that is like you feel like you've been hit by a car for a couple days but like this was a unique feeling of pain that that made me really fucking anxious because I was like there has been a from

this moment on something happened and now this is my new forever and it was not and so it is just the after effects of of that with your body because it is not an it is not a natural conscious thing that your body does so we've never felt the after effects and feelings of that until it happens for some people. So I would just make sure you don't take the how you feel right now and how you felt recovering from this as an indicator of what is wrong and that this is a forever thing. And if it ends at like the worst case scenario with this is that this is it's a very well studied thing. Like seizures are something that like this is not like a huge question mark in the sense of like no one in medicine knows but there's also like some people just have a seizure and then and then

don't never again yeah and so at least for me I felt like the only option was that I was suddenly epileptic that's like in my mind I was like that's the only thing it could be like what else that that's all I knew about seizures was like that's who gets seizures and I if you're diabetic like that could be a seizure and so I really went for like oh all of these other things and then I found out that the only chance that I'm ever going to have to have that again is if I am in extreme pain, and there's blood involved, and they're all happening at the same time. And so, you know, that it can just be the anxiety of it is, is intense. And I totally know that. But like, when I say the comedown of like, the second that I went in, I was like, Okay, no, no,

I'm spiraling because I don't I didn't go to I didn't, I don't have my doctorate. Like, I don't know anything about this and so therefore like it's like all of these potential things swirling in the air the second I was in my neurologist's office before he even started talking to me I felt like an instant sense of relief because I was like this is no longer just my problem and like this is you have been trained in this problem I am relinquishing the fucking weight of this so I think you're doing the right things with like watching comfort shows and stuff like that and just being really treat your body very kindly because I did not know how physically horrible I would feel for like two weeks yeah and when she doesn't have them often she's on a great

medication but like she might have one once a year if that but when she does she's like out like she's taken out of it for two three weeks yeah she can't do anything she just sleeps all day yeah It's the only thing, it's the only thing you can do. And it's, it's, it's just really, it's, it's tough. So I would, if you, I would take a small medical leave of absence or, you know, dial back on the work stuff if it's a good distraction for you, but to not expect yourself to be operating at like a peak level. yeah so awful and also you are on anti-anxiety medication i don't know if that is through your pcp that you're through your psychiatrist that is also something that you can bring up with them that like hey i'm having this and the generalized anxiety i only ever like really medicate for my anxiety when in medical situations and so you can also like a lot of psychiatrist will have you like up a dose if it's something regarding a medical instance and

something like that. How I started getting anti-anxiety medication for my medical anxiety was specifically after the seizure because that was the thing that they were afraid that this was just going to keep causing it was because I would get so freaked out and my body was not calm to say the least. And Melissa was there for that too. I was. You're like, I need people to stop having seizures around because traumatizing for you it was nothing for me it was traumatizing for me for melanie's first one because i didn't know what it was yeah and you're younger and also aril i was there and she was like oh shit yeah and so we were in like we were literally just standing outside you would already set your parents house on fire so we were waiting for the

uh firefighters to get there and they actually went to the wrong house why are there firefighters in both of these stories because they're the first ones usually on the scene oh that but yours is an actual fire it was an actual fire but in arkansas it's required that fire police and paramedic and paramedics come at the same time for anything damn well covered yeah and so they went to the wrong house and so it was like three houses down so i'm like barefoot sprinting down the street telling them to come down while eroli is like standing there stunned she's 17 now which is like that's actually well she'll be 17 in december which is wild but like she just kind of like the look,

like that's what I, like the look on her face. And then my dad's like freaking out and doesn't know what to do. I'm just like, make sure Melanie's head doesn't hit the concrete. I'll go get the ambulance. I'm right. I'm like,

Ariel, I just stay in there. And so that's like it, but yours, I wouldn't freak it out then. No, but you also, I was very calm.

Very calm. And also there's a high possibility. I have done this before. I think like, but, I didn't know, like someone else wasn't around or aware, but like, I'm very good at being like, cause I'm a, I'm a fainter. So I'm being like, I'm going to throw up. And then you're like, oh, let me grab you a bucket. And I was like, actually, I'm just going to pass out. And then

I did. So, you know. Yeah. I remember that moment. Cause you said, I'm going to throw up. Amanda was with us. And she went to go, but she couldn't get a bowl. She had a pot. It was a pot. And then you said, I'm going to pass out. And then you did. And I held your head and I said, call 911 like that was the it was just like god and I remember the moment that I like I just knew that I fucked up and I was like because it got my earring caught in my ear and it you know it was a lot of pain and it was just one of those moments where I was like this is this isn't this isn't ending right now like I just knew even before I like texted you being like hey are you here early like any chance could you help me and I just happened to be sitting in my car early because

you even when i was on time you would have me sitting like at the door for like 10 minutes every time no matter what it was that's why i take my time when you when you come no that's fine i don't have a good sense of time i know but yeah i just happened to be there like i think it was like 15 minutes early and i was just sitting in my car looking at my phone and you texted me and i was like oh i was like hey are you early just come up i need your help but it was like you're just sitting on your stairs with your hand in your ear but it was so funny because like i just remember looking at myself in the mirror as i did this and i was like this is gonna be a whole day thing like i just knew in my i knew in my soul that this was this wasn't but it was a half a day

thing and then we hung out with nicole byer yeah and she's like are you sure you don't want to cancel and i was like no you're nicole byer and she's like babe we just met but you just had a seizure yeah and you didn't you went to urgent care and i was like you don't go to urgent care for a seizure i go no i know because they said do you want us to cut it out of your ear it won't look nice and i was like that man was can you imagine if that man the people at that urgent care had i don't think it was a real play no it was a set it was a set because they all had accents like but they were the accents yes but they weren't it was like anna delvey mixed with more rose yeah no it was the these were not location-based accents like this was like they

were doing a bit like everyone was doing a bit and that man did not go to medical school that's also the same urgent care when I had strep for one time I had a fever of like 105 and they just like left me in the room for an hour and I'm like wandering and I'm like literally like going in and out of consciousness and I like just walk back to the front and I'm like holding my sweater just like and i go i i did someone forget about me and everyone who's like in the urgent care is like oh my god it was like it was it was not good and they're like oh we'll come right back but they're like oh we'll come in the moira rose voice and i was like yeah so sending you love it is it's rough but it uh it's a lot it's always going to be worse in your mind and also the chip like passing out in

the grocery store don't be embarrassed about that no i'm just happy you're okay because like those are hard floors very hard floors what chips did you get did you get them afterwards i hope you got i'd be so mad if like my boyfriend like if monster of me home and then like was like no we should just leave like i need the chips what are your favorite chips but like if you didn't have to think about dietary restrictions oh that doesn't change much for me because chips are just i've got very groovy teeth these are like fucking breastfed until i don't know four two fucking old that's i think we've been over this it's we're discovering is why i think a lot of things are wrong with me

but I have really groovy teeth in the back so chips are not like dietary restriction or not those are not really like a huge thing for me flavor wise

I love salt and vinegar but I was always more of like those little pretzel bites that are honey mustard I like those a lot more but like chip flavor other than that

I don't like I tend to prefer like a sweet potato chip I don't like oily chips oh I don't like oily chips either but I find like

Lay's to be very oily I don't like Lay's I'm thinking Doritos Cool Ranch oh I can't have those I said no. No, no, but I've never had them because they have MSG,

even though I don't think that's a real allergy that I have. It's not. Because it's not real. It's not. Thank you, Maintenance Space, for teaching me that it's not real. It was racism. Yes. So that and then Fritos makes these like twisty chips.

Fritos makes a good texture. Yeah, but like they're twisty. And then like the flavors in all those little grooves. Crannies, nooks and crannies. Oh my gosh, those are delicious. I could fuck with. I love the texture of a Frito chip. Yes.

Oh. But I don't like like regular Fritos. No, but the texture is great. I don't like it. These are different. They're, I don't know how to describe it. They're crunchier, but the way that they're created. Well, it sounds like a fun experience to eat as well, which I enjoy.

You can like put your tongue. I immediately, I'm like, I'm just picturing myself doing it. So good. And then I love a Pringle sour cream. Mott's loves sour cream and fucking cheddar chip. I love those. and cheddar chips oh my gosh i forgot about cheddar chips i love cheddar chips too i just have to say that like i'm sure they taste wonderful the smell of them is so unique the

smell is disgusting because it doesn't smell like cheddar or sour cream it like doesn't smell like like it doesn't smell like trash or garbage but like you're smelling and going what is like you cannot pinpoint the smell just the smell is is not good but the taste is phenomenal yeah i think i've probably had sour cream and onion which i think i probably enjoyed too but i don't like like lays i like i don't like lays in general yeah they are too salty but i like them like pringles or like other people that do yeah chips pringles are sharp chips but what i don't like about pringles is that the part that actually like fits your tongue the best doesn't have the flavor it's the other side there's only flavor on one side yeah cheap i know hella fucking cheap

they're also very big they cut your mouth it's like a dutch crunch roll cut your mouth i think They're the most delicate on your mouth. But when people do it to be like the duck thing. Oh, that's terrible. That hurts. Don't do that. Well, I love food with a bit. All right.

And then we've got another write-in. Do you want to read it? Sure. Hi, Megan and Melissa. Me, 25 she, her, and my partner, 26 she, her, have been together for almost two years and have lived together for about a year. We have a great relationship

and I know that she's absolutely my person. However, we haven't had sex in eight months or so. Sex was never an issue until I got on antidepressants. I needed them desperately, but it seems just about impossible to get turned on the way I used to. This has caused some strain in our relationship. My partner does everything she can to be understanding.

She also struggles with severe depression and anxiety and is on meds too. But I know it bothers her that I'm never in the mood. I also don't understand how adults balance work life, personal life, and sex life with their partners. There never seems to be a good time to quote unquote, get it on. I'm either too tired, feeling disgusting, smelly.

My nails are too long. I just took a shit. I'm IPS, et cetera. We've had many conversations about this, but I think it's just starting to feel like a bunch of excuses to her. She doesn't pressure me, but I can feel her growing frustration.

How do I bring back the sexy spark in our relationship while also not worrying about it being perfect? It feels like i've never had sex before in my life and i'm more anxious about it now than i've ever been before I'd also like to note sex between two women tends to be a marathon That feels so daunting when i'm already low energy from life in general any advice would mean the world to me I love you both so much. I've been listening since almost the beginning Thank you. Also, you know, I think you can say similar to how people when they train for a marathon I would just like to do a 5k. I was gonna say, uh, if you

Involve other things like toys. Is it can can you uh, make it a sprint and all all running is running yeah you can jog you can walk you can run like what doesn't have to be just like what it normally is or what like it feels like making up for that but i think like that to me seems like a big part of the um the daunting anxiety of it all is because it is like an what you assume it should be and because it's like oh we haven't had sex in so long so it can't first i mean we can't just have like a quick sex it has to be like a you know really making up for lost time it does not have to be that at all yeah and I was also going to also say we are two straight women so somebody might write in and be like actually it has to

be a marathon yeah I have a sex playlist that's like I think eight hours long so yeah I don't know how people balance a work life personal life with an eight hour sex playlist I would say though that like I would ask yourself like are you never like do you not feel sexually turned on in the sense that like it doesn't cross your mind or is it that like I actively don't want to have sex how do you feel the idea of like after having sex or like if you're making out is it like I want this to end or is it like oh I'm having fun but like I might not be very wet like I might not be like oh I would like to have like I am you know lusting for that because I will say it's very different, but like ADHD, like sexist sometimes that like, it'll cross my mind randomly. And then

I'll be like, oh my God, I'm totally in the mood. But then there'll be other times where if I'm distraught, I like will forget. I forget that water exists. I forget that peeing exists. Like you forget just all of those things. But when I'm reminded, or if I then have to go out of my way to be like, oh, let me think about this thing or this thing here. And then you can get yourself in the mood and something like, I think just even as can be as simple as the book, Pride and prejudice or various iterations of that, like certain steamy scenes, steamy scenes of things like that, or like a fanfic or even just like, yeah, like a sexy playlist or taking like a cute picture of yourself during the day. It can be, you might feel like you're disappointing your partner

by being like, oh, I'm not going to be in the mood. I don't know when I'm going to be in the mood, but like, what if you start trying to get in the mood like the day before, or you started trying to get into the mood that day and then it becomes something that you can like look forward to as opposed to you know dread disappointing someone because it's not disappointing at all but I do think that like if it is something that you will enjoy it just might take your body a little bit longer to give you the indicator of that then I think there's ways that you can find things that are sexy without initially being turned on by them but keeping you in that mindset for when that does happen you can also like talk to your doctor about different

meds and switching your meds yeah so i was about to say um i had a doctor recently on another podcast that was saying that there are other antidepressants that you can be on that you know work better with your body chemistry and if you talk to your doctor they can make adjustments to see what works better for you and if sex is important to you then you can like adjust it to make it so that your sex drive isn't dried up for lack of better words yeah and i also think that like your partner you said very understanding a lot of the time that we'll put we'll put a lot of like guilt on ourselves when like our partner is like very okay with it but like if they're okay with all of it and it's fine but you don't them bringing it up like you're often is that's very

hard for you I think it's just about a conversation about like okay how do we operate because this thing that you're saying or how you're going through this makes me feel really guilty and I know that's not your goal and so I if someone told me that I would go okay perfect thank you like let me how can I rephrase this in a way that makes you feel desired and like loved and like shown care for and not, not that. And like, you could then be like, I want to be the one to bring it up. And then it's like, okay, cool. Amazing. So a lot of that can be communication because we can assign feelings or intention behind there that someone else is like feeling some type of way about it. But it sounds like you've got like a really like kind and understanding partner.

So the more communication you have with that and knowing that like, we all go through seasons, like and some some times in your life you're going to be having less sex and other times you're going to be you know having to think about and planning for the sex more and having to like really hype yourself up into it but that's not an indicator of how you feel about the person and even though it seems like your partner's also on or deals with anxiety and depression i don't know if they're also on meds they might have one that is doesn't affect their sex drive as much and so making sure you also reiterate to them that like i'm still so attracted to you i still like like this i still love you this is just because people can have different reactions to meds yeah and then also

i just want to add on about you saying you don't understand how adults balance work life personal life and sex life with their partners schedule sex like if if that's something that you want to do schedule it like schedule it just like the way that you schedule going to work or anything else in your life like have a date night that may just be comprised of sexy timing you get ready for that date so then you know you have taken a shower and you you've trimmed your nails like you're preparing for this thing and it's okay to schedule sex it doesn't have to be spontaneous especially if spontaneity is not something that is feasible at this moment yeah i'm someone who like i i get overwhelmed really easily and so like i am also like i could totally be in the mood to have sex

but if i have not showered and i have like not been like oh we're gonna have sex later like then i will just be oh oh i i and then you can get you know you can get overwhelmed or too anxious and then you're like but i have all these things i want to do but then yeah versus in the morning in the day you're like oh i'm gonna like do that and then i'll like put on a cute playlist later and i'll do this like you get to be you get to prolong that experience too which is sexy in itself right all right that's it for today's episode hell yeah we hope you all enjoyed this episode if you did you can leave us a review we appreciate it so much not going to read the update we got we did get a nice update did you see that okay just know everybody from one of the calls we

had on the last episode was a caller right in i do not remember but just know one of them great ending. Very good. They didn't, they were not comfortable with it being shared on it, but just know that we're all happy about it. Yeah. A collective, a collective, uh, hell yeah. So we hope y'all enjoyed this episode and please write in, call in DM and slide into the DMs for our upcoming episodes. And you can do everything we said at the top of the episode, as well as supporting the show over on patreon let me read some patrons shout out here's a little shout out to people who joined in october lauren g i think you've been here before lauren g brie eric louisa robin and kaz welcome welcome welcome welcome welcome we hope that you uh review the show and

You also follow us on our individual socials because you can't get enough. Well, we will check back in with you truly tomorrow. We'll see you on Tuesday. Bye. Bye. Don't Blame Me is a production by me, Megan Rinks. And me, Melissa Demonts, plus Diamond Imprint Productions. productions. Post-production sound and editing by Coco Lorenz. Production assistance by Melanie

D. Watson. And music by Giacomo Picasso and Ryan Hunter.