Don't Blame Me! - DBM: Sun Kissing Your Naked Body

Episode Date: September 5, 2024

This week Meghan and Melisa are giving advice on: If you can should study abroad Friends not wanting to go to a nudist trip anymore Moving out smooth talking ex's apartment Fell for ex-boyfriend's friend Don't Blame Them: Meeting your boyfriend's son (August 22, 2024) Follow Us! instagram.com/meghanandmelisa @meghanrienks instagram.com/meghanrienks https://twitter.com/meghanrienks @sheisnotmelissa instagram.com/sheisnotmelissa instagram.com/diamondmprint.productions Need Advice? dontblameme.show Domestic Listeners Call: [phone] Affordable Therapy By State (Curated by Crissy Milazzo): tinyurl.com/y64kwdnf Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

hi uh hello hello hello hello hello hello hello welcome welcome welcome welcome to a brand new episode of don't blame me me your favorite podcast or one of your favorite podcasts next to all of our other podcasts we're an advice podcast where we give you wonderful amazing life-changing advice that will change your life if you want to watch the video version we're over on patreon you can also support the show that way and join our live streams become friends make some friends and we're going to we're going to shift some lives today for the better, for the worse. Who knows? But Melissa, why are we qualified to give this advice to people? We're qualified because Kamala Harris

came to us and said, hey, fellow Californians, I'm here for the people and you also represent the people. And so I bestow upon you the greatest honor that a future president can give. And that's the gift of gab for giving advice. And we said, MVP, Madam Vice President, Future President, thank you so much. Now that you do not live in our state, we will now rise as the highest ranking females and take on this mantle of being for the people. And we will get microphones and talk for an hour. we expanded our roles over the years from one hour to 3.5 and here we are so thank you mvp

we greatly appreciate it and uh let's play ball go get them yeah we love our mamala thank you so much mamala and yeah also everyone check to make sure you're still registered to vote please make sure you're following uh all the team or like kamala hq accounts all that i'd like refollow twice and i was like i haven't got on tiktok but i'm good now but like it was like twice that it happened and i've also been like thinking about i've got a brush up on reading about our local elections because you know what they're putting on the ballot again yeah gay marriage and i was like okay cool this is the first time i'm learning about a state's constitution like uh you know what i mean like this is we can put that in ours so learning so much keep learning

everybody keep asking questions keep staying curious especially now yeah and also be aware have you turned into a single issue voter and is that something that you specifically take issue with other people you know good question valid question valid question it is it is it is a very valid question so if you want to call in for this podcast you can leave us a voicemail at 310-694-0976 international listeners you can send an audio message at meganpodcasts at gmail.com and you can also send us an instagram dm we are having some a wee bit of issues with our instagram dm requests and not necessarily seeing them all so if you did send one in via dm and we have not responded to it you can just shoot us an email and be like hey sent you a dm for a don't blame

me this is my username and we can like manually check to make sure it came through but you can also always send it to the email address for the audio versions for that is the voicemail and audio like voice memo that has to be under three minutes for the written version under 300 words and then for all of them you'd be able to have your parents permission we do ask that you let us know what your age is and all other relevant information so if it's about a relationship how long you've been together other people are involved in the circumstance or story how old they are what your relationship is like to them give us the examples about what's going on you know paint the best picture that you can so we can give you the most accurate advice that we can and no one ever takes

me up on this but i do think something that is what a way to convey a vibe in few words who would play him in a movie you know not just like looks wise but like or you could say think of a claire dunphy kind of character to me i know exactly who that is so you can always do that and uh again if you are going to pick roles from game of thrones please make sure to note that a lot of incest happens in there and unless you're wanting us to infer that i would avoid incest related characters i haven't seen but one episode of game of thrones and it didn't deliver in the way that i was expecting but if you use a game of thrones character i'm just gonna assume that it's incest yeah because that's what was told of me the one episode i watched had no incest or dragons which

episode you watch i don't remember it's been not the first one because no it wasn't the first it wasn't the first episode it was i was coming in it was the first episode of maybe season three i don't know but i just spit everywhere so apologies if you're watching the video and saw it but i uh i'm just gonna assume that it's incest it's a fair assumption to make like statistically yeah it is you know and like there's other shows that have incest that like is not the first thing that comes to mind how to get away with murder there's there's at least two incest plots in that but you have to remember you know because you go oh yeah yeah yeah one of them adopt it so it's not as bad yeah but to me it's the emotional aspect of it it's still terrible

it's just not as bad yeah sure but it's still bad still very bad can you just stop talking about incest we talked about incest off mic like anyway well i was going to say i've been watching a lot of um cuts of uh modern family since you mentioned claire dumpy and i've been getting a lot of claire and lily core they're the same character yes i love it i i was watching like edits like i was watching um cam and gloria edits which i love but i recently got into aaron brockovich edits i've never seen that movie the way i have to see it immediately i'm i'm obsessed it's not a comedy no no i know and for the longest time i thought this was is that their show called that hold on i think i'm just to say someone's name

i am about to just say someone's name there is a show that sounds like it should just be called andy mcdowell but andy mcdowell is an actress's name what's the show i'm thinking she was on a show that i don't think it's her though okay it just sounds like andy mcdowell and it's like a blonde woman what's the show about a woman oh i don't know yes thank you so i also aaron brockovich ali mcbeal to me those were the same fucking thing and then i saw this clip of aaron brockovich on tiktok and i was like this is not the same a movie movie this is like this is not again that whatever what if someone called you said ali mcbeal ali mcbeal also gives me like female monk energy like monk the tv show or like scrubs like that's like the same era of tv

to me ali mcbeal was out ali mcbeal was out in the 90s girls was 2000 it's not even the same time period same vibe to me i know nothing about it never seen it in my life do you you want to get your your mind rocked about ali mcbeal yeah so she's a lawyer but she also like it's a comedy but like a i would say it was one of the first dramedies okay lawyer she's in her 20s she's you dating around and stuff but she also just like sees shit all the time like like six cents not even like six cents it's like i don't even know if you remember this but the uh but you probably don't the blockbuster dancing baby no there's this baby that would like dance like this in the blockbuster commercials and like there were episodes where she was just seeing that dancing

baby okay what um yeah she also i need to watch it as an adult because i didn't i know that i fully did not understand it as a child and i didn't watch it regularly i don't even think i was allowed to because they were like doing things that i wasn't allowed to see it was like the first show too where they had a gender neutral bathroom so the characters would like be in like it was like stalls of bathrooms and so they would like have conversations in the bathroom men and women i never even thought about there was a time before that yep what yeah it was a show that everybody talked about like it was like that water cool when they say a water cooler show it was yeah but i was a child so i didn't fully understand it wait so it is categorized under

cringe comedy yeah like and that's like a real category and i clicked on it and some of the other examples are the comeback crazy ex-girlfriend curb your enthusiasm the ali g show girls it's very in the same impractical jokers the mindy project the office yeah all half these shows i love fleabag cringe comedy i've never heard that term but like that perfectly incomes it encompasses that yeah wow well hey you know i'm not so far off because aaron brockwich is also a lawyer no she's not she is now i don't think she was during the time during the she worked on a law it's like a legal something legal is happening so i'm like maybe that was based on a true story the water was polluted i had no idea until i'm watching this and i'm like oh my god and then i

opened the comments people were like oh my god and like what aaron brockovich is doing now is amazing i go this is a real bitch and i like looked it up and i was shocked and i was like i have to see this movie now yeah it's a good movie it was a really good movie yeah she's like won an oscar for it and the whole time i was like can't believe you like and i was so confused because again in my head i'm thinking alan mcmill and i go can't believe they won an oscar one fun thing about erin brockovich is you know who repped her right who the gerardi firm as in shut the fuck up um tom gerardi as in uh erica jane's uh ex-husband yeah they're No, they're not legally divorced yet.

Separated her spouse. Wow. Wow, wow, wow. Okay, well. On that note. Maybe we do a But Am I Watching or the first episode of Alec McNeil. Which, not to be confused with Aaron Brockovich.

Or Andy McDowell. Andy McDowell. Hey, it does make sense, though. I got you there. Yeah, I knew you would. i was like i'm not that far off and anytime like mods would ever say like yeah andy mcdowell and i was like the show and he was like no the woman i was like okay so in my head i thought it was kind of just like um like the ellen show like it was like andy mcdowell had a show called andy

mcdowell and then the more i saw her i go this doesn't really fit with the other projects she does i remember when i think of andy mcdowell it was seeing her in a commercial like she was a spokesperson for something but i don't remember what it was but that's when i think of annie mcdowell that's what i think of but it was like an activia kind of thing yeah well hope she got that bag when i think of her yeah i think of um made which was a show i auditioned for and i did not book because her daughter booked it and then she played her mom and they were like both fantastic in it like not not not mad about that at all but um i remember when i think she was i want to say i can't remember if she was even attached at the beginning and then i was like why the fuck do i

audition for this this is the mother daughter like this is they are related by blood like this is a much better cast but yeah and she's in um oh she is in beauty shop which we watched a trailer for mas has never seen the one with queen latifah yes i can't believe he's never seen it i don't know why that's shocking because as a huge queen latifah fan it is shocking to me i'm like what i haven't watched that movie in a long time okay well let us give you some advice now knowing that you know all this about us you know our tastes you know what we care about and we're gonna fix some lives hopefully all right first up hey megan and melissa i'm currently 19 and i use she her pronouns. I just started my sophomore year in college and I'm super excited. I applied for a

travel abroad program through my university. It's highly competitive and I did not think I'd get in. So I applied to be able to look back on it and say, oh, I gave traveling abroad a chance, but I didn't get into the program. Well, joke's on me. I got in. I didn't even think it was a possibility, so I didn't put much thought into going. Now I'm wondering if I even want to go. It's a huge opportunity. I would leave in January at the start of the spring semester and be gone until mid-May. I signed a year lease in July, so I'd have to find a lease takeover, see if my parents will keep my cat and just so many little things to prepare for being gone for that long i can't decide if the pros outweigh the cons any help will be appreciated i really want to go i

guess i'm just nervous i'm naturally an anxious person i feel like i may be in my head more than i'm admitting please offer some advice have a great evening you gotta let me know where because that depends because i know you said you it would be for the what semester spring january okay march may sorry may so not to add but it really depends on like what i think like weather too like i had friends who studied abroad for like the winter semester so they came back in january but they like went to a place that has like a climate of like immense snow and things that like were not what we were used to and so there was a lot of the stuff that like they couldn't see and like things that they would have wanted to do in that country that were like

that but I mean I think like I say go I think like it might be stressful and anxious and like planning and you might have to kind of like get all of those things lined up and like it might even be stressful when you're there for a bit and like you might have all that but I think that's a really good lesson I think it's a really good experience to kind of have that and there's uh as long as you don't say that you come back so I lived there which is what everyone I know is studying from like the way they came it was like Madonna coming back with an accent I go you were on a couple months vacation like what are you talking about like that is wild but it's like one of the things that like I thought I really really really wanted to do

and I was like determined to do it it would have been so expensive and I also didn't even stay in college that long but I think it really is for a lot of people a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity that then turns into something more so a lot of people I know who did travel I mean did study abroad end up trap like prioritizing travel a lot more into their like adult lives and if you're someone who tends to be kind of a bit anxious do you ever see yourself moving abroad for a couple months on your own accord and i would assume the answer is no and so you're kind of being given an opportunity to do something out of your comfort zone which is someone who like also really like loves routine and thrives on that kind of stuff i love getting opportunities to do something that

is like kind of out of character for me but it's like handed to me in a way that like i just have to like say yes and like follow through with it i don't have to like plan that and pursue that and if you hate it it's only a small period of time but all of that rests on where are you going and also how expensive is it because at least at my school studying abroad could be way way way more expensive than like just like a regular program and then it wouldn't the credits might not like totally transfer and a lot of people had to like stay an extra semester at school so I think if it's in like the financial ways that you could do it and you're excited about the city I would say go for it yeah when I was in college I don't know what group I was in I want to say it

was my dental society group but anyway the discussion of study abroad came up and I was like the only person that had zero interest like i did not want to go study abroad i love college so much and i did not want to leave my like friends activities i did not want to go and the uh professor did not understand that he was like why wouldn't you want to go is it money and i said no i was like i just do not want to go but you want to like you wouldn't have applied if you didn't want to go like it takes time and effort and answering questions to and also usually interviews too to be able to do this and you got in and now like you're just doubting yourself because it seems a little scary like those things those small things that you mentioned

I don't think they're that big of a deal like finding somebody to rent out your apartment I don't that's easy like that's easy to do finding like asking your parents to watch your cat that's easy to do like nothing about this just seems overly difficult I think you're just nervous because it's a new experience but you wanted to do it so like you got in now and now you don't and you said you know I I don't want to look back and I applied because I wanted to say like oh I gave traveling abroad a chance but didn't get into the program you got in now you're scared now like let's say you don't go and then you're going to be look back like oh i got into this very competitive program but i didn't go because i was scared yeah i get the same way with like

overwhelmed by not big decisions but like little things you have to do and like chip away at it tell someone that you're want to do this but you're feeling overwhelmed and the things that Like I'm the exact same way, like small, minute tasks like that overwhelm me so quickly, but they're so easy for other people. And so there'll be times where I'll call and do this one for you. Like I'll remind you to do this or whatever. And like, it just, it's easier. And I always think like past you was making a decision in the most, for the most ambitious,

exciting, like adventurous version of you. And that version of you exists because that you made a decision for that person. And so you can be that person. like you don't have to adhere to like the anxious worry secluded version of yourself like the both of those versions of you exist and so making decisions for that other version of you you can just do that and like it's scary but like at a certain point it just becomes another thing that you've done once you've done that thing that's scary or you've done that thing that was stressful or whatever then you can do more things like that and i always think that like when we look at other

people like oh god i wish i could be like that it's like you can you can't it just like takes the amount of like trying and then changing up to be how you are but just knowing that like it's such a small blip in your life that you might love it and it's gonna be so sad because it ended so quickly and you might hate it and it's gonna end it it's gonna end just as quickly so i'm a big believer in like if you seek out the opportunity and you're granted the opportunity take that opportunity right because if you were really not interested at all you wouldn't have applied yep and you said it was highly competitive like good job yeah don't you don't want to regret it and you'll more you're far more likely to regret not going than you are going have fun yeah let us know

where you're going it's going to be a blast and we'll we'll always be in your ear so yeah and depending on where you're going if you're looking to make friends if you're not in our facebook group join or our patreon we have people literally all over the world like and even people who might not live there but they're like oh my best friend's there or might be studying abroad there we have a community that can be there for you and even just like you want to stay inside and like not socialize join the patreon hang out in the live streams there yep doesn't matter what time zone you're in we get people getting on at two o'clock in the morning their time sometimes we just watch people sleep also we'll have other people call them to make sure they come to wake

come on yep yeah other people are cooking dinner for their husband other people are hanging out their roommates we need their roommate yeah kira's listening going bitch i did get married uh yeah soon it'll be me one day but you're never cooking so i do cook never on the live stream every friday where when i put my computer no y'all always get tacos oh yeah we do because we do on fridays yeah yeah anyway we're gonna take a break when we get back we'll get into uh the next few and we are back and it's time to hop in to the next one hello megan and melissa i need your advice

going a little crazy in the 2020 lockdown a couple of my friends and i experimented with nudism in our respective apartments and found a passion for it eventually we went out on some outdoor excursions together and love that even more there's actually no better feeling than being completely naked in nature with people you love, letting the sun kiss every inch of your body. Melissa, did you write this? No! Since then, we've had traditions to take a nude beach date together every summer and to spend a weekend at a naturalist resort every year. Outside of these trips, we're not really nudist, but we're less inhibited about our bodies or at least we were. This year both of my friends dropped out

of our plans. One because she's entered a serious relationship and doesn't want to cross a boundary with her partner. The other because she is dealing with some insecurity about getting older and ridiculous beauty standards. I respect her wishes but I'm heartbroken because I have loved these trips so much. Now I'm at a crossroad. Do I go to the nude resort by myself and try to make new friends in the community do i try to convince my friends to go anyway or is it time to give it up i know i probably won't do this forever but i really like the freedom and connection of getting naked socially and i'm not ready to end it just yet please let me know what you think thank you they gave their name we won't say it she her age 25 i commend you because i would love

just be outside i think she wrote this i did not i am not 25 no she's not i would love to be and i've never experienced this i would love to be outside naked just like buns in the air really butt chugging some sun i've never experienced this i do like going to like naked spas but i understand your love for this and i think if you love something you don't let it go until you are ready you don't let it go because other people are interfering with your love of being you say you're not really a nudist but you are go by yourself if you feel safe go by yourself and i hear these are very safe communities go by yourself make some new friends or you know if you don't want to go the full thing just go to a naked spa it's not the same as being outside naked and let letting

everything what did you say you said let the sun kiss every inch of your body is that what you said something similar most have found that beautiful i did it was very poetic letting this yeah there's there's actually no better feeling than being completely naked in nature with people you love letting the sun kiss every inch of your body the thing is though if you go and you have to make new friends you won't love them yet so are you going to get the full experience of that euphoria that you feel while lying outside and just absorbing the warmth and being one with nature I don't know but I think if you love it then you try and go by yourself yeah I mean I agree with that I am a little I'm wondering why like your love of like nudity and being naked has to rely

on your friends also being there and also being naked because like to me I do I don't view new like nudity as a sexual thing yeah or do i view nudity as a group project but if it is nudity in a group project i do view that as somewhat sexual so like to me i'm just like what i don't think it has to be no no but i was gonna say though but i think like do you just long for having these trips with your friends because you like hanging out with your friends like they don't have to be nudity if they're not comfortable doing that anymore you don't have to give up spending quality time together with them that's what i'm trying to say is that like i think like the contingent on like you loving being naked and like loving hanging out with

your friends are not mutually exclusive and so you don't have to give that up you can go to your nudie things alone and then hang out with your friends with clothes on and like plan a trip or something that you can do with each other that doesn't involve being naked and i think if your friendship connection is lessened because you're not naked together i think that's a different thing yeah that's true i do have a question when y'all were uh doing this during the lockdowns where where and like were you wearing a mask i hope so six feet apart but imagine a mask and nothing else on yeah that's how i expect you to be it's a pandemic people are dying outside and six feet apart yeah this is like a and i'm not judging it's just like you don't have your

you have those things where you go wow people are so different like this is something for me the sheer amount of fear and terror the way i would never be able to like unclench my entire body not for like the like insecurity nudity thing i am a very naked friend i have no issue changing in front of like i i think every single friend of mine male or female has seen me naked like i have no issues with that i share a very legitimate fear carucci and i both share this of as someone who identifies as a woman who is born female i have too many holes and the idea of the less barriers between my holes and the world increases my cortisol levels through the fucking roof like i lakes terrify me swimming even with the bathing suit bottoms on like the idea of

getting in a body of water or going on a hike going outside with my flap soap like that's just no that terror like to me i'm like oh my god something's gonna crawl up inside of me and like i just it's so like i i never even recognized that like not everybody has that fear until cruci and i were both talking about it and then sasha was like what and we were like oh this is on a normal amount of like worry that kurt and i literally as soon as we hopped out of the water we got priority for like the wash down showers and the way we would literally bend over pants off and like full hose bidet our ass and vagina because we were so fucking paranoid everybody else was like yeah that's a problem i've never thought about this so yes new fear

unlocked but where i've thought about doing this is on my side porch over here which as long as no one with the couch yeah the one with the couch the one with the couch yeah the other one i can't because there's an apartment building and it's too high they would see over right next to the street yeah but if i put if i'm lying down and then i put a blanket over the gate part you can't see in there you're right but what i'm scared about is that sometimes delivery people will deliver to that door instead of the front door and that's what i'm scared about and what i'm scared about is there is a spider who lives in the first gate there but they leave they leave during the day they only come at night no as soon as the sun goes down and i have to exit that door

i go oh the spider's coming i know it is lives right there uh well you know i just i i love how different we are all as humans yes me too like this is something that you would have to pay me a lot of money and promised me a lot of fame to do like naked and afraid that naked is not the fucking issue to me it's the like because you have to be there when the sun is down i want the sun on me and again it's i have no problem with the upper body okay well well next one hey eminem i'm needing some advice about moving out of my ex-boyfriend's apartment i'm 26 and go by she her i just got out of a two-year relationship we moved in together right at the start of the second year i wouldn't say we were toxic but we were that couple that broke up and got back together every five minutes

over silly things when he started speaking about marriage and kids about six months ago i realized i did not see a future with him the thought of bringing a child into this roller coaster of a relationship actually made me switch my birth control to the arm implant so i didn't have to worry about accidentally missing a day honestly fucking smart so needless to say he did not take that breakup well honestly i also don't believe he's taking it seriously like i said we're on and again off again for two years so he still texts and calls me i don't answer the phone but i do entertain his texts from time to time i'm currently living with my friend but my apartment will be ready in a week all of the furniture in the house is mine so i gave him a heads up that he will need

to get new furniture now i'm trying to see when to get my stuff out he's a smooth talker and the breakup is fresh so i still love him i'm afraid he will if i go he will talk me back into things and i promised myself i would stand firm how do i go about retrieving my things thanks for your help take your friends or just have your friends go i would have no fucking issue if i had a friend who was like i am breaking up and i'm worried i'll get back together will you go with me i would say hey girl sit your ass down you're not coming i will go like we will go and we'll get this shit done for you easily and dare i say i would actually there's a couple men i would love to do that for so i i think that like the it's strength in numbers and it's accountability in the sense

that like you know we all have categories if we put our friends all in the categories like you've got a friend who like you can do no wrong where it's like i just hit him with a car and it's like well babe i bet they deserved it and then you have a friend who's like i think i'm gonna call my ex and they're gonna take your phone and be like don't be a fucking dumb bitch like i will not let you do that i will barricade you so you can't so be mindful of the friends that you pick like tell the friends that you know that like will also hold you accountable and make you stand firm and, like, stand with you in that and not just kind of, like, be wishy-washy

and, like, let you take the driver's seat in that. Pick those friends. And if you're not sure who that friend is, pick a friend who had a really fucking shitty relationship who you hated and they finally got out of it. Pick that, like, pick a friend who knows and understands. The more that you can, like, tell people that, like, you're breaking up with him

and this is, you're worried you're gonna get back together and you really don't want to, those friends will hold you accountable in that moment but if you keep that to yourself and you see him by yourself or whatever like you have to also like not entertain these text messages anymore like you have to be all the way out 10 toes out both feet out whole body out not like one pinky left in the pool so if you're embarrassed by it pick the friend you'd be most embarrassed by knowing that you're still entertaining their text messages and tell them because that to me once you tell like that certain friend you go well i can never go back because they know i'm like i've

been mortified yep yep there's a solution no other no other no other thoughts stay away from this man yeah smooth talker i'm just picturing him looking like um who's john travolta's character in greece In Greece, yeah. It's giving that. Danny. Yeah, it's giving, like, slicked hair, the little curls. It's giving Johnny Bravo. I'm just like, ooh.

Yeah, too smooth, too smooth, too smooth. Hey, little mama. That's exactly what it's giving. That's exactly what it's giving. And I know for a fact that this man probably looks like Evan Peters. It's probably the total opposite. So, yeah. And just know that, like, as two women, we would love to get this call from a friend.

mm-hmm you know so i i bet your friends feel the same way and they don't want you back with this man or do the sibling they would feel the same way any means necessary to keep you away they might even chip in to hire a moving company yeah they might throw a party right they might pay you in pizza all right we're gonna take a break and we get back we'll get into the rest we are back and it's time for our next write-in hi megan and melissa how do i get over the guilt of falling for my ex-boyfriend's friend. I, 22, was with Callum, 24, for three and a half months. In the beginning, he seemed like the perfect guy. However, around the two-month mark, things started to change. He started to comment on my body, tell me how to dress, and who to spend

time with. He would get angry over the smallest things to the point where I would feel unsafe. My friends could see how unhappy I was and tried to tell me he wasn't good for me. However, I refused to believe them. During the first month of us being together, I met his friend Josh, 22. After spending time with him, I found myself wishing I was with him instead. Around month three, Callum left to go home for two weeks, and I was able to gain perspective on how badly he was treating me. I knew that I needed things to end.

Josh and I started becoming closer, and I started falling for him more and more. A few days before Callum came home, I decided to tell him it was over. I didn't end things because of Josh, but because I knew the relationship with Callum wasn't good for me. Two weeks later, Josh told me he liked me. We have now been together for five months. It is the happiest and healthiest relationship I have ever been in. When Callum found out, he threatened Josh and I, and they have not spoken since. I still hold on to guilt of breaking up their friendship and causing so much drama.

How do I move past this? Feel free to give me some tough love. I would appreciate any and all advice. Here's my thing. Why was he still friends with Callum? Because that is a red flag to me. if after this man knew that you were in a terrible relationship with his friend i'm talking about josh josh knew that you were in a terrible terrible relationship with callum and they

remained friends until callum found out that y'all were dating and ended the friendship why was josh still in friends with callum it's not not good for me not good yeah i wonder what that timeline is because if it's like a week or like two weeks that's very different to me because yeah i'm the same way like automatically i'm judging josh if josh maintained if this was who josh was friends with like it's like you are a product of your friends and so i this sounds like bitchy and i don't mean it to at all but like i just mean it like i hope it's like a clear like a clarity moment but it's like why would you feel bad about breaking up a friendship with someone who's so horrible you you're the person who you're dating shouldn't be friends with people

who have treated you horribly or who do treat you horribly because that is cosigning and condoning that behavior like to me it is a green flag if he found out that he he started feelings for you then he found out because you know a lot of fucking men are very different with their bros and they how they treat women finding out that he's treating you badly automatic green flag is they're no longer friends like would not be friends like so if you're feeling any sort of guilt about it like why would you want to date someone who's friends with someone who treats women horribly like that is an like automatic no-go and i i think if like he's not being like upset about it or like talking about like missing his friend or whatever which he's

allowed to miss his friend he is not allowed to vocalize that to you that is a inside thought with other people not someone who like suffered at the hands of that person but you're allowed to have complicated feelings about like losing friends who turned out to be bad people that you didn't know were bad people but again that's not your problem he should not make it your problem but if he's like if you're if he's not making statements that make you like feel guilty or feel bad or whatever then to me this is just like a you might feel like you've like healed from this past relationship because of the new relationship you're in but other people can't heal you like you can it can like take like lots of steps in getting there and it can be like

instrumental in that but at the end of the day like your own internal biases about uh the behavior you're you endured and like what you deserve or whatever that is like you have to unlearn that yourself and to me feeling guilty over this is you still looking at him like a good guy and you being the villain who ruined a friendship when in reality your boyfriend should without a fucking doubt have dropped him as a friend as soon as he found out about this behavior regardless if he had feelings for you or not right and if you feel like he only stopped being friends then because of his feelings for you then like to me that says more about who he is as a guy so take a look at the and also like is he actually like a good guy or just a good guy in comparison to this dude

just a better guy i i've been very very very guilty of that and like i also think that like i'm okay with that being a step like i've had that in friendships and relationships but like really in friendships where it's like well they're not they don't treat me as badly as other people did and like that is sad looking back on it but like it took me a while to like have good like you know i mean like it's like an every friend afterwards like you have you're holding a higher standard it's definitely a long way to go about it but like it still is it still is a step but you have to just recognize that you can't continue to be disappointed by people like that if you put all your faith in them as like they are the good ones if you can recognize that they're just better

they're not the best or they're not like erasing any of that like you in a sad way have to lower your expectations of those people because you're meeting them where they're at which you know it's like they could be better so but yeah i think i i don't mean to sound like in a totally like bitchy way or whatever but i i think this is probably a subconscious you problem in the sense that like you're carrying still holding on to blame and this idea that like you're a bad person who makes other people do bad things that affects other people and that to me sounds like your ex boyfriend like still in your head all right well now it's time for don't blame them don't blame them is where a caller will uh call in or write in with their own advice pertaining to a call that

we aired on a previous episode so they might have their own advice if it's like a workplace thing something they relate to they have personal experience with or it just might be some insights that they have that we didn't touch on that they think might be helpful also um when y'all are writing in please or calling in please state the episode that it came from and the date of the episode aired thank you very much uh hi melissa megan i'm 28 she her calling in for don't blame them for the 21 year old trying to figure out what to do about meeting her 28 year old boyfriend's son and becoming a stepmom uh first i agree with everything that megan and melissa said My first piece of advice would be if you're committed to this man and breaking up is not an option for you,

I would, one, suggest waiting until you're at least a year into the relationship. Two, meet his mother first and establish a relationship with her. And then three, when you do meet his son, have it be a situation where it's just the three of you so you can both meet without the pressure of other eyes watching you. Last year, I had one of my sisters who was newly separated from her wife bring her new girlfriend and her girlfriend's four-year-old daughter to our family Christmas. Now, our parents and myself met them a few days prior, but the other 15-plus people all met them at our Christmas celebration. This made for an awkward evening as some of us continued our rowdy festivities, somewhat ignoring the two of them,

and others missed out on said activities, making sure to tend to her and make her daughter and them feel welcome. That type of situation would not only put pressure on you to perform well as a stepmom in front of the rest of his family, but it would also put pressure on his son to spend time with and be accepting of you. Now, if you're not totally committed to this relationship and getting out an option, I would do so because I can also speak to the perspective of his son as I am a child of separated parents and my dad met my stepmom, we'll call her Stacey, when I was about three or four years old. I didn't meet her until I was five, so I think my dad did a good job of keeping distance

until he knew the relationship was permanent, but they were 21 and 31 when they got together and now I know Stacey expected to have children of her own one day and that never happened because my dad agreed before they got married. And by the time she was older and ready to have children, he was also older and wasn't interested. And I know that's not the only expectation that was not fulfilled. And though Stacey and I have always had a great relationship

and I'm so happy she's in our lives, she gave us a lot to do with my dad. And as a woman, and now as a mom, it makes me uncomfortable that no one spoke up for Stacey or stood up for her when she was 21 and had the opportunity to live a completely different and potentially happier life. I don't think that it's impossible

for this relationship to work. But if you do choose to stay, please keep these things in mind and make sure you have many conversations about the things you want in the future, whether it be children, jobs, or anything pertaining to the lifestyle you hope to live. Because no matter how long the two of you are together, you will always be at different stages in your life. I love the podcast so much. I hope I touched on everything. And yeah, I'd love to call back about my dad and stepmom's relationship because that show is crazy. Anyways, love you guys. Bye.

Call back, please. Please. and like fantastic insights about like and like how mature for you now as an adult and i wonder how much of that has become now that you're also a mom of recognizing like not how much not just how much your dad remarrying this much younger woman affected you but how much it affected her like how much it affected and changed the trajectory of her life and that how the decisions that you make for your future when you're 21 aren't necessarily the things that you might want when you're in your 30s or your 40s like we shouldn't be expected to make those bigger

decisions and especially when people are older are saying that that this is like a deal breaker this is a decision you make yes or no they've made that decision after a lot more years and having had that experience and yeah missing out and like it doesn't mean like you said doesn't mean that like you're not happy she's in your life but you know that like this wasn't her only option she had a lot of other trajectories a lot of other versions of her life that could have been lived and are you and as the caller like are you willing to give up all those other possibilities of your life because there's just a lot less up for chance then you know what i mean like there's because there's already a family established so like you're not cool with that or like you want

to change the dynamic in the sense that you want to have kids like what later on or whatever like it's just there's not a lot of wiggle room or leeway there like there's shit's already kind of been decided and figured out so i also just don't love that because it doesn't feel it feels like a fake adult decision like it feels like the adult the adults are telling you this is what's going on you can opt in or opt out and you're you know you're still younger so like you're gonna opt into something you might not know you really want or you know you really care about or whatever that yeah there's there's always going to be a dynamic there because when that ages even if you grow up and you get older that that gap and life experience gap is always going to

be there agree agree great advice from the caller great insight from mel it's about to call you melanie which is crazy because that is your sister's name but what's your other sister's name megan i know that's the thing is that we mix it up all the time yeah great insight from megan and uh thank you all for listening it's been a great week these were great calls very different outside the box that nudist one yeah i really enjoyed it we all know mosa loves that one she wants you to send uh those like retreats you go to she's a little curious i am i mean i know that there's literally one in malibu here's i just the way i would never want it because like i don't want to see someone i know yeah but i feel like it's older people there yeah okay well

tune in tomorrow for fisting friday tune in on monday for but am i wrong and tuesday for see you next tuesday i keep saying like if you want to join our patreon this is the time to join but like it truly is because things will be changing within the next month we took a step today closer to what the change will be. That's what I was going to say. Like, we're not just talking out of our ass now. Like, we're having meetings.

Business meetings. Big business. We stand on big business. We do. Not on little business. Actually, I stand on little business, too. Big business.

I stand on all cylinders. Do you fall? Not anymore. I'm standing both feet very secure. Ten toes down. Heels on the ground. My issue is my toes

are never on the ground. Mm-hmm. i luck on my heels i was gonna see if you were gonna agree with that or not no 10 toes are very rarely down i've got flat feet and i'm always over correcting okay well we will see you next time fuck i did it was like we gotta do at the same time we don't have one for this one i was so prepared you still weren't looking at me though because i was trying to think and you'll be prepared for the next one i'll be okay well all right goodbye y'all bye Don't Blame Me is a production by me, Megan Rinks.

And me, Melissa D. Montz, plus Diamond Imprint Productions. Post-production sound and editing by Coco Lorenz. Production assistance by Melanie D. Watson. And music by Giacomo Picasso and Ryan Hunter.