Don't Blame Me! - DBM: Surprise Party In The Bedroom

Episode Date: October 24, 2024

This week Meghan and Melisa are giving advice on: Fiancé feeling inferior Meet cute at the hardware store Offering up a man or woman to your husband Asking your professor out Update: Nosey neighbor Follow Us! instagram.com/meghanandmelisa @meghanrienks instagram.com/meghanrienks https://twitter.com/meghanrienks @sheisnotmelissa instagram.com/sheisnotmelissa instagram.com/diamondmprint.productions Need Advice? dontblameme.show Domestic Listeners Call: [phone] Affordable Therapy By State (Curated by Crissy Milazzo): tinyurl.com/y64kwdnf Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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that's it oh we're recording hi we are i'm gonna see how far you were gonna go i didn't i wasn't gonna tell you i was gonna just let it roll out so what you're saying is you're my personal hater no i'm your personal lover not that came out wrong don't do that i don't want that i love you but not like that yeah yeah not in that sense it did not mean to come out that way apologies to you thank you thank you i forgot to tell you something that i was gonna do in the other update what it's not an update um but moth couldn't find his keys and so he was using my car keys for a while and then he found his spare key and so i'm very good at finding his things my own things that gift card couldn't tell you where the fuck it is but i'm a lot better at like getting

into his brain because his brain makes sense my brain doesn't fucking make sense but it obviously doesn't make sense to him no it's something so i'm very when he was looking for them he's like don't get up i'll find them and i go first of all with love i don't know that i believe that you might but like let me look you've been looking for a while i can like look in new places and he had had them because he had gone out on this is like last thursday he's like the last he was like i think the last time i used him was wednesday night i was like no because you went out thursday afternoon and you drove your car and you could drive your car and you drove home meaning that they're here they're just not close and they're not in your car we can't get into your car without

them like it's not like automatically unlocking because they're inside the car I was like so they're somewhere and I was like did you check the laundry like we've looked everywhere check the laundry and he was like I checked the laundry I was like check inside the washing machine like they probably like maybe they were inside your pocket or whatever like I'm saying you check the laundry you have to check the laundry and finally like I'm like I'm going down to the laundry room and we're gonna look and as we walk there we realize it's locked and I'm like okay we look in the window and on top of the laundry machine are the keys and when he was using my keys he took off the house key to make a copy of the house key like we went to lowe's and so we took

he took that individual key off put that on his key chain made the copy we got the copy and in doing that he goes yeah but why don't you have a key for downstairs and i was like i do have a key for downstairs and he hands me my keys back there is a key missing and i go you lost my key that would help us get your fucking key and he was like no no there wasn't another hand here I was like no I promise you I have to I lock that up when I'm done you doing laundry you're not home or whatever like I can lock that and unlock that I have a key and so no clue where that one is no fucking idea so we literally have to call a locksmith and I was like I literally was like should we just like pick the lock like how much harder is that gonna be turns out you can really

fuck up a lock if you pick it wrong yeah is it a um doorknob lock or a bolt it's just a door okay just because i can i can i can do a bolt yeah but the doorknob yeah and it's already like loose in the sense of like i don't want to i really don't want to fuck with that but i had such a satisfying thing of being like yeah look at it like you can see it through the window where i said it was wow incredible i'm always on his ass about how he never locks he forgets to lock things all the time and now he's like well i'm getting better at locking and i was like yeah but it's now we've got the other extreme we're like we'll both be working outside and he'll go back inside and i'll come in five minutes later and he's locked the door and his phone's on silent

and i was like ring and knock and i was like okay i just there is a happy medium of remembering to lock the doors when you come in or when you go to bed at nighttime and locking me out when you've been inside for five minutes yeah and I I am someone who loves a smart home but for some reason a smart lock freaks me out Melissa I don't think they're right I don't think it's right I don't I don't think it's no and I don't have any evidence to I just have a bad feeling and like I just don't feel good about it and I just would advise anybody just to not do that part like I just don't i don't like it yeah so those are my thoughts on the smart home everything but the locks yeah i agree with that wholeheartedly but welcome to don't blame me it's a podcast

podcast it's a podcast where we solicit for phone calls and write-ins where y'all let us know the problems and predicaments that you're going through in your own life and then we as two big brain big brained professional unprofessionals answer your questions and or mostly mostly not and or it's always and give advice you got a problem we're here to solve it you got a problem i'll solve it ice ice baby uh all right so how do you participate in this megan there's multiple different ways we do calls we do voice memos and we also will read your emails and dms so if you would like to leave a voicemail or a voice memo actually for all of them if you age and over have your parents permission give us as many details as possible and specifically for the voicemail

voice memo. Keep it under three minutes. Same thing with a voicemail. It will just, that one will totally cut you off. The other one, we will cut you off. So to keep under that, we recommend that you write everything down, practice saying it a few times, time it out, make sure it fits under that with all of the information that we need, and then leave that voicemail or record that voicemail. And if you want to email us, you can email the voicemail to the same place where you can type out the email, which is meganpodcasts at gmail.com. And for both the written versions on the email or dms keep it under 300 words please and the only requirement we have aside from being Asian or over having a transformation for all of them is include your age you can

include your pronouns if you would like your age is important because it does it adds layers of history there to it though we still want you to give us the history and the backstory so remember that you might listen to us in your car all the time and be like oh my god like I know these witches front and back. We, if you join our Patreon, we know you, but if you don't join our Patreon, we don't, we don't, we don't know you that same way that you know us. So you have to give us the backstory to the life, to the things, to the circumstance and situation going on that you need advice on. Otherwise we have to put the pieces together on our own. And we want you to give us, like, we want to help you and we want to be on your side. And if we're not on your

side, we want to make sure that we're delivering the information in a way that's a good for you. So also let us know if you're sensitive. And the phone number to leave a voicemail is 310-694-0976. And international listeners, you can send us a voice memo to meganpodcast at gmail.com. All right, let's get into the first write-in. Hey, Megan and Melissa, I'm 23 and use she, her pronouns. I graduated back in May and after putting in countless applications, I finally got hired. I'm so excited and the pay is great. Wow. I'm calling because I think my job has my fiance, 24, he, him, feeling inferior. He graduated in the fall semester and got a job straight away. I thought that would happen for me too. We majored in the same thing,

but it took me months. While we work in the same field, it's two different companies. I'll make about $15,000 more than him a year. When I first told him I got the job, he was so excited for me. Of course, asked my pay. I told him and he pushed me to counter because it was on the lower side. Now that I've countered per his instructions, I got the counter and his mood has changed. I keep asking if he's okay and I'm getting very bleak replies going over everything that's happened recently and me getting the job and the pay is the only thing I could think of we've been wanting to buy a house and we're planning a wedding so I thought this would be a good thing should I directly ask him if making more money than him is what's bothering him

I'm currently just walking on eggshells since I don't know what upset him in the first place so I can't fix it it could be a plethora of things I think we should ask but if it is this if this is the reason what year is it if this is the reason like fifteen thousand dollars in discrepancy of pay is like i like i i i just i just promise you that like you're on a trajectory if you're paying more if you're getting paid more than him the likelihood that you will then get a job that is matching your salary or an increased salary you are on a on that and then he's going to hold out until he gets one that's more than that and then if you're in the same industry as well like at what point does like how much more does he need to be making like then you to feel better

and then also like what does that say about him as a person right and also he's the one that pushed you to ask for more money so i i truly i i you need to ask him what's wrong with him because it could be anything if you did what he told you to do even that you should have done it anyway but if he did what he told you to do and then he's butthurt about that and it seems like that y'all share finances as it is anyway so a win for you is a win for the both of you then that just doesn't speak well on him as a person yeah I don't know and like this is like a very opposite advice I normally give but like I don't know if I would ask directly about this because I think sometimes when we do that it validates an invalid feeling like I think like yes you can feel your feelings

but like not all feelings are valid in that sense where it's like he has no right to be angry about this and so like i wouldn't even i'm not even going to verbalize that this is possibility of why you could be angry yeah if he says like no no i'm fine it's like okay cool so we need to put the wedding on hold and we need to like pause everything and start going to therapy because like you're not being honest with me or and it's like if you insist that you're fine then we're acting like everything's fine like so it's no longer walking on eggshells it's no longer doing those things like he has to make the choice and like that's something that like I I'm a verbal processor but I'm also like if I'm upset about something like I'm gonna say it like I'm gonna

say it in the moment like I don't like to stew on things or anything like that like I want to resolve as quickly as possible and I take what people say at face value the same way like I'll tell someone if I'm upset I expect them to tell me if they're upset and then if I ask them if they're upset and they say no then I go cool then I'm not I'm not gonna sit there and drag that out of you at all because I don't make you do that to me and so I think in this circumstance like he has to choose and like it could be that like he is upset over this but he knows it's irrational he knows it's fucked up he knows that like he shouldn't feel that way and I'm also a firm believer in like just because you know what you're feeling is wrong and you know you shouldn't feel

that way how are you acting because if you're still acting pissed off and if you're like well I'm trying really hard to not I'm trying really hard not to be upset it's like but you are still being upset like then you need to separate yourself or do better at that then like you either have to tell me what's going on or you have to lie fucking better and like you have to like actually get over it as opposed to harboring the resentment and being pissed off but feeling stupid and silly for feeling that way and still treating someone like shit and then not verbalizing it because you know it's stupid but still treating them badly like it's just it you have to pick a fucking lane and like sometimes you're allowed to have i think in general you're allowed to have

like irrational reactions to things and then like feel icky about that but like you have to a tell your partner and then you have to work at that not just letting yourself stew in those feelings like that is a personal problem for him but yeah i i think that if he just like stands by that like absolutely nothing is wrong then like cool we need to put a pause on the wedding we have to go therapy because like you're not telling me something i think people should be going to couples therapy before they get married anyway yeah it's about like problem solving and like communication and i think like anytime you have to walk on eggshells around a significant other that like to me is like a very big red flag in sense and in terms of like one person

bearing the responsibility of how the day goes how the night goes like the outcome or whatever of like knowing that like you have to do 200% because they're like a ticking time bomb. Yeah, yeah. And I'm not like a verbal processor. I have to think on my stuff first. For me, I just need to think on it and then come up with my plan for what to say.

But if somebody's telling me that, or somebody is coming to me and saying, you know, what's wrong, what's going on? I'm going to be like, there is something wrong. I need a moment to process it and I'll bring it back to you. But I'm not just going to keep it inside because there's there's nothing productive about that no and it builds resentment and like i have

i've got an issue with a filter like i'll just say things part of the reason why it works it's how we figure out melissa's mic isn't working all the time because like i will just i'll just i'll be like something sounds funny like and i will do and it can be so annoying to people of like i have it takes everything in me if a stranger has a tag sticking out of their shirt to not just like hey tuck it back in because i'm like keep your hands yourself bitch this is not like I have a really hard time with that kind of impulse control. But like I've tried at certain points to just be like, just get over it. And I can literally feel it bubbling up inside me and I can feel my like face starts like scowl. And I'm like, no, no, I'm getting more upset when I'm not

talking about it. Like if you don't share those feelings, those feelings don't go away. Those feelings just build into resentment. And then at a certain point, unfortunately, you can get used to resenting someone but like it just makes every other argument worse there's just all this dynamite underneath it that can explode right after and it's just not fair to your partner or anybody to like not give them the opportunity to like repair some damage that they've done knowingly or unknowingly i just think it like i'm like that says a hell of a lot about me that you're like not it's not worth bringing up so congratulations on your new job yeah and the pay yeah and i also don't know this is something that you need to fix so i i think this is a great test for your future

in communication and and money is one of the things that people find the top things that couples fight about yeah problem solved before you're tied to each other all right we're gonna take a break this episode is brought to you by Accenture when your advertising operations fall out of sync everything else follows Spotify and Accenture are working together to reinvent the rhythm of ad sales using automation, analytics, and smarter workflows to simplify campaign delivery and access better data across the business. The result? Less time spent on operations, more time connecting brands with the moments and fandoms that matter most. Learn more at Accenture.com slash Spotify.

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It wants a promotion. elevate your savings with the scotia high interest savings account always earn high regular interest rates that grow the more you save and invest conditions apply visit scotiabank.com slash hisa to learn more scotia bank you're richer than you think we are back from our break and it's time to hop into the next hello megan and melissa one of my favorite very podcast individual advice givers i'm calling in for don't blame me i need help i've been listening to megan or watching megan for a long time since she's launched the what is anxiety but anyway so i live in canada i am a 29 female she her

I am in the Facebook group I will say that and so yesterday October 14th was Canadian Thanksgiving and I live what's like kind of would be similar in a way close by to what New York maybe LA is I live in Toronto but north of it and so a lot of things are open let's just say that and I had to go to Home Depot this headache store for women at times I find because i know nothing about hardware or anything home people makes me feel overwhelmed but anyways i got help from this really nice gentleman who definitely was over the age because he definitely did not seem like a kid like under 18 because of what he gave context wise so this is like a meet cute kind of thing but i'm like i don't have many other details except like where he works

but I'm just wondering like how I guess modern day in this situation what could be older style what would be called sliding to dms or something because I'm a socially anxiety ridden person but he made me just feel so at ease and calm so I want to take that and I don't feel like that very easily and I was like there was many things and I would have been actually more anxious but he made me feel very comfortable and we got to know each other a little bit but not like extensively um I have a service dog so he got to ask about her like not anything like not confidential like he kind of got to know me a bit and I try to do the same here but we I feel like we had a great time I obviously don't know his relationship status or anything I

pretty sure he lives with his mom but that's not a concern given where I live um as it's very expensive and I obviously don't know his family situation so basically I'm just asking for help on how do I do a modern day would be sliding to his dms but I don't I only know where it's workplace and yeah thanks bye so don't slide into his dms point but like so the advice I'm gonna give you is first I think it's important to note that like when you have like a connection with someone or someone like really gets you or whatever, I know that it can feel like it's that person who does that. But what I always like to remind myself, it's like, oh, if I can feel that way about one person, that means I can feel that way towards other people. So I don't want you to

put it all on one person specifically because of what I'm going to say next is that I do think it's really important that we acknowledge, and I'm not saying you're not doing this, but I just think it should be stated that the same way how women in customer service get hit on a lot because customer service requires being like kind, polite and helpful and all of that kind of stuff that he could totally have had like similar sort of feelings towards you. Or he also could have totally just been doing his job. And those, I don't want the latter for you to feel like that was a total loss or you feel silly or whatever. Because I think like, again, like if you're saying that you've got anxiety and you have not had easy times making connections with someone

if you can make a connection with someone for however long at like a hardware store to me that's like you've just been meeting the wrong people then like this is like this is a sign that like you can have great connections with people and get along with people and feel like they can get to know you so like it's not necessarily about him like I would take some onus in that in that instance too that like you you can participate in that and you can have those feelings so the but at the same time I don't want to say that like you should never that people like never meet anybody when they're working or whatever so like but the thing is is like not crossing boundaries of like don't find their social media don't find them online don't anything like that you don't like call their

manager or go and like look for them at the store and ask people about it like don't involve any of that but I think like the only way to go about this kind of thing in a polite way which is the same advice I would give like if a straight man was calling who was interested in the straight woman who was at her workplace is like if you are there naturally again and you see this person leaving you're giving them your phone number and just like on a piece of paper or I don't think asking someone because again like directly asking someone that while they're at work and at their job that can affect their job performance regardless if the answer is yes or no like you can just get distracted so i think that that's the way to do it is to next time you're there

if he's there but i i think like anything further of like sleuthing investigating like all of that kind of stuff i just think that if you wouldn't want that done to you i i think it like can feel a little icky yeah I was pretty much going to give the same advice we had someone call in say like a month ago where they were the person that worked at the place and the customer gave them their number like that person was also going through and not quite yet their breakup but it's the in the similar vein but it was opposite of what you're calling about and with that I was gonna say exactly what Megan said was like this person could have just been doing their job and it might have been misconstrued or you know it could have been an actual connection and if it's

an actual connection just naturally being there again if you run into him great don't go chasing him down but be respectful when you come to him being like hey I know that this is your place of work um i think you're cool here's my number if you are interested then you know feel free to call me but you leave it very open and putting it completely in his court so he doesn't feel like that there is any pressure to actually call you back yeah and do not go looking for him on social media this is when you said like what's the modern way there's this is old like you you've met him in old-fashioned way so you have to go about this in an old-fashioned way yeah like until like the different paths whether like in real life or social media have crossed over i think it's

incredibly inappropriate for someone you've just talked to on social media to either find your phone number or find out where you work and show up in person the same way that it is if you meet someone in person you find them on social media you can like find someone on social like but like don't act on that because you know it's obviously very different in terms of like power dynamics in general but I'm always like very cautious and wary of how I would interact with men that I was pursuing or pursuing me because I never want them to think that like if I did something that that they could then it's cool to do that to a woman like there are double standards in the sense of like it is not finding out where someone works and like you know showing up at their job or whatever

like statistically the threatening aspect statistically is men that's going to be what is far more threatening to that but I think like if I find it threatening which it is threatening I don't ever want to even harmlessly also do something like that because regardless that it's harmless a lot of men also view themselves as harmless and also that's how you get shitty people get to sneak in with that because it's like oh you know this is a totally fine and cool thing to do and it's just it's just not and i don't think you're gonna do that but i just just want to we just want to reiterate that part be cautious but this could be cute yeah i'm also curious because you're in toronto you're not like you're not in alberta but like what's the

what's the reputation of like home depot because you said home depot before you said like the summary just has like meet cute at home depot and so i was like oh well i don't know if this want someone you want to meet at Home Depot and then you said Canada and so I'm like okay what's that vibe because the Home Depot's in the states like it's very split of raging conservatives yeah only time I've ever seen a Trump flag or a Trump sticker was on a truck in front of Home Depot in Los Angeles in Los Angeles yes I've actually but no I have seen the flag and the sticker on the same truck in a couple of other, but on the road, but driving on the road. And then they pulled into the Home Depot parking lot. And then I've seen him again. And it seems like

he probably was going to Home Depot again, but I was going somewhere else. Same man. I was going to say, I didn't think you were a Home Depot person. No, no, no, no, no. Here's another write-in. Megan and Melissa, I'm a longtime listener. I have written in a few times and your advice has always led me in the right direction. I'm 26 and use she her pronouns my husband and I got married at 21 before we even started dating he disclosed to me that he is bisexual I was really happy he trusted me enough to reveal that to me before we got serious fast forward we are going into our fifth year of marriage and I thought it'd be fun to open our bedroom up to the third to a third not polyamorous relationship just doing

a threesome I've been thinking about it for a while I'm fully comfortable in our marriage and do not think there would be anything to come out of it other than trying a new experience together my question is with him being bisexual would it make more sense to offer a male or female i know i should talk to him and all this but i want to go to him with the game plan i'd love it to be a surprise no we're already out sorry i will finish this i was already there's no surprise When you said offer like a virgin sacrifice, I was already out. I'd love for it to be a surprise, but since we haven't ever talked about threesomes, I don't think I can spring this on him without some planning.

Please let me know what you think. Am I allowed to ask for a don't blame them? If so, listeners with threesome experience would love to hear from you too. The more the merrier. Pun intended. Love you. Bye. This is not something that you just spring up on somebody.

A threesome, especially, actually, no matter what the context is, a threesome should always be a conversation before, unless it just naturally happens when you're out with whoever you're with. As far as if it should be a man or a woman, that is a conversation that we cannot decide for you. That is a conversation that you have to have amongst yourselves. Also, like, are you attracted to women? is that something that you also want to participate in i'm guessing you're gung-ho for either one

there's also limitations you have to put on like is it okay for everybody to be touching is it okay for penetration you have to talk about birth control if you're using condoms and maybe people get tested before there's a lot of factors that go into this that need to be discussed before you just spring this on him it cannot be a surprise whatsoever yeah i agree with that i also think that like this could be a phrasing thing and like how you've discussed like how you've written this into us but like it doesn't sound like you've like talked about this at all and so like i do think that the jump from the qualifying of starting this with written that your husband is bisexual it then kind of feels like it's writing

and like so clearly a threesome is something that he'd be interested in and like I think that's like a super dangerous stereotype of like anyone who's bisexual is hyper sexual and cannot choose cannot pick has to have sex with everyone kind of a thing and they could again it could just be in the way you've written it and

you guys have talked about that he's talked about a threesome being a fantasy of his at any point or whatever but the correlation without that context correlating bisexual with threesome is i i think and i say this is a straight woman take that with a grain of salt like i do think is inherently problematic but yeah threesome should just like never be a surprise i also think that like our brains sometimes have been like very warped by a cis hetero male patriarchy

of thinking that every man wants to have a threesome like of course and that is also problematic because like it does uphold this idea of like traditional quote-unquote masculinity of like all of those things and it's putting men in a box as well that like some some dudes some gay dudes some straight dudes some bi dudes some are like i'm not i'm not super interested in that like the same way that like we're we view women in that in that same way that like it's a total like it is not shocking to us if like a cishet woman is like oh i'm not interested in having a threesome but then if a man said that you'd be like what no way and it's like what like it's just that to me is like inherently problematic in that and it sounds like you're very interested

in doing this and that's totally awesome but like it shouldn't it's not like surprising him as like a present like look what i did for you like it doesn't include another person in there as well and like it's just so it's such an odd like this to me sounds like this is a fantasy you have so it needs to be brought up to him that if it's a fantasy that you have not like i've bestowed this gift of multiple pussies along to you or like a pussy and a dick like it's just like i think that you're being a little bit clouded by how threesomes are talked about in media and like how like you know gold star blow job like all of those kinds of things have talked about like men as these disgusting like horny fucking creatures and like women as these like pure innocent virgins and

then you're like it's yeah like this to me is like this has to be a fucking conversation and not in a sense of like you're welcome in advance more like hey i'm interested in this and not assuming that he is whatsoever and the we've said this so many times before but when you get into like the sexual fantasy things and if you build this up in your and you talk for so long and you plan it all out and you have all of these things and you like you come with like a fucking blueprint a game plan if you like let your imagination go wild before interacting with your partner about this a even if they're down it will never be what you think it's going to be the expectations will ruin everything for you you might not enjoy it and then you'll feel weird and then you'll be like

wait what what is i thought i was really gonna like this or they're not going to be interested and you're going to feel like a huge sense of betrayal because this has been like something you've been thinking about for so long when you could have just had that conversation and it would have been nipped in the bud way earlier. And then you could have processed how you feel about that on your own

versus like building this whole thing up in your head. Yeah. Because also like, what if you bring somebody and they're not even, your partner isn't even attracted to them. Yeah. And then it's just embarrassing for everybody. I agree with like everything that Megan's saying,

but also like presenting is like, this is something i want to do not that i want to do for you like i want to have a threesome and i want to know if that's something you're open to is that something you're interested in and saying like do you want a guy or girl i also think that like when you like obviously a threesome is about you and your partner until the third person gets there and so i think that like you also have to remember like it sounds really fucking creepy to like offer someone up like It really is giving like everybody is there to like serve and whatever. Like there are people like this is these are people, people.

And didn't we have somebody call in before that have been in a threesome where they were the third and they felt like that they were just like being used and their feelings weren't being put into perspective a while ago. But yeah. And there's just something about like other people are not to be used to fulfill your fantasy. like they are other and they have their own agency and they have their own things that they're kind of like interested in in that sense um and so like i don't know i think like sometimes people talk about like oh threesome like that's what brought me and my partner closer together and i'm like okay cool so like what about that third person there like it's just like this it's not a sex toy it's not just like someone there and then again there's like this stereotype of like oh well

people who have threesomes with couples like they're fucking crazy horndogs like of course they're like i'm like no like stop like you have to just like continue to attach these people to this and yeah i just yeah it's giving it's giving human sacrifice and that makes me i think to you deeply uncomfortable it feels like it's just your fantasy that you're trying to live out but using your partner as an excuse for it yeah and like you're totally allowed to have these fantasies you're totally like you want to take some ownership on it yeah and like you liked the fact that he was so honest with you about like his sexuality before you guys got like when you were younger when you first got together so like you need to be honest and open with him about like this side

of you and then also like knowing that if you don't like get it out in the open yet you will you will like stew on this and you'll like you'll obsess over it more and more and more and then like you have to decide like is this a deal breaker if he's not interested but like yeah this is like getting someone a a present that could like you assume that they're going to love without any knowledge of if they wear this thing if it's the right size like all of these other things there that it's like if you let it build up this fantasy specifically build up so big and they let you down you're gonna feel crushed and you probably wouldn't have felt nearly as crushed two weeks prior and you're gonna put all this work in and it's like no one has to do

that look uh let us know how it goes also if you've been in this situation from any angle from any position from any uh part of the the threesome yeah please write in um give us your thoughts from that perspective and um if it was what you consider a success or not and specifically i mean i want everyone who's been in that position to write in but i also just need to know if there's even one person who listens to us who has ever been in that position because they responded to a dating app of a couple where they said looking for a third looking for a unicorn because i have to know if it works i've seen them and i think and i think i think it does work i've seen guy and girl and then also guys because you know i'm interested in guys so i'm either getting the

guy's profile where he's with his partner well either way but um but the one where it's a man or woman yeah if it's guy and guy then it's like a joint thing that they have together so yeah i've seen both when i was on dating apps every three people you scroll through it's a man who looks like he rock climbs and his wife or his girlfriend or whatever and so like i'm just so curious if that works because i think it would work way more if it was a guy guy one because the profile specifically when they're written by the husbands i'm like you do not have a way with words sir this is the last one i saw it was written by the wife like those ones are much better you could tell when there's like looking for our looking for our unicorn like

we're a fun loving cup and i'm like no stop no but let us know all right we're gonna take another break and we'll get into some more this episode is brought to you by Accenture when your advertising operations fall out of sync everything else follows Spotify and Accenture are working together to reinvent the rhythm of using automation, analytics, and smarter workflows to simplify campaign delivery and access better data across the business. The result? Less time spent on operations, more time connecting brands with the moments and fandoms that matter most. Learn more at Accenture.com slash Spotify. When you're a mid-sized business, you need every competitive advantage you can get.

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Visit scotiabank.com slash H-I-S-A to learn more. Scotiabank. You're richer than you think. We're back. And it's time to get into the next. Oh, no. i'm gonna read this out loud and i am not looking forward to it just based on the one sentence summary hey i loved that laugh that was good hey ladies love the podcast so this is gonna hurt even

more i'm new to the podcast scene so i love tuning into y'all daily i'm meeting you're new so you meant you missed our very mean stage yeah so we have to we have to we really have to rein in and this is a new listener we don't we don't want them us spreading these these bitches okay i'm 28 she her and going back to school i'm in my sophomore year my psych professor is a grad student and super hot okay this is better than i thought this is better yeah probably older than you yeah okay 28 yeah we're on the same age so it's not like i'm crushing on a grown man okay i'm so sorry we judge i'm so sorry too it literally said oh you know i should have read it said caller is an older college student i didn't read that i just said caller college student crush

professor okay so sorry over the semester i've definitely developed a real connection with him and I'm pretty sure it's reciprocated. I've let him know my backstory a bit, so it's not like he's a creeper who could have a crush on a 19-year-old. Very good. Thank you for including that. We follow each other on social media

and from what I see, he's very much available. I'm only taking this class because I have to for my entry-level courses. I'm not a psych major. After December 16th, I won't be his student or sit in one of his classes ever again. So my question is, after the semester ends, is it wrong for me to pursue him?

I honestly don't see any issues with it. I feel I would have come on to him if I met him outside the classroom. So our meeting place is the only thing throwing me off from fully going for it in a couple months. Any advice would be great.

Thanks for listening. I take everything back. I'm so sorry. I am so sorry. I am very much relieved with how much this question, this turned around. Oh, God.

I ship it. I do. But there might be some things in place at the school where you can't date somebody that's been your student, even if they're not currently your student really yeah well i guess it is undergrad because it's not it would be yeah it would be different if if you met him just like out in the wild and he you were

never his student but you've now been his student so there may be something you can check this would be public information it would be in the handbook for the school you can check to see it might be fine it might not be if it comes from you then there's no issue like if you're you just say and then he would have to be like hey i actually can't do this but like we just need to figure out things but i do i ship it very much we may have to wait two years i don't know but we just gotta we just gotta or when he's done if he's done with his grad program in like a year we may have to wait just figure it out this is look in the school handbook it's public information and i think that's a very good point because i didn't think of that part but also you need to be regardless

if it's like allowed by the school there are things that are also like quote-unquote frowned upon or just like not necessarily super professional and so i think like you regardless of if it's allowed or not you need to be the one to be like send him a message and be like hey i'm interested maybe not put it in writing i would say it out loud yeah but you shouldn't go to his aunt like no no but he's got to be around campus yeah like and just like say like hey i you know i don't know if this is cool or whatever i just like want to let you know that like i would like love to go out with you sometime i don't know like you obviously know your job and like what's allowed or whatever but like i didn't you know i would be kicking myself if i didn't say

something because i think if you're gonna wait for him to like pursue or reciprocate in like anything more than that i think even if it is allowed by the school that would then still be deemed somewhat in a power imbalance because even though you could then say like oh no i totally reciprocated it unless it's like there's just a little bit more gray area there so i think like he could totally be into you but he's probably reciprocating as much as he can without you making that statement or move and then also he's not gonna i don't think it's also presumptuous and you could say something if he said hey by the way we can't actually do this because of this and it just for what your relationship is now and you could have been like i was being friendly why did

you think this is flirtatious and then you could report him so i think like you're picking up on all of the things i think he's probably doing whatever he can do that is like appropriate yet so i totally ship this um but i think adding having each other on social media to me is an indicator that there is not a policy that you can't date because i think that would be included or it would at least be enough in like the indicator of the gray area that that would have been a bad move specifically adding you while you were his student yeah so so i like this just proceed with caution yeah i mean i just watched an episode of great well the we just they just broke up in greek sorry spoiler alert um for the show that came out in 2006 um but um calvin was

dating he got set up by ashley to date who was one of her old tas um and he's like still a ta on camp he's not like a professor but he's like a ta and he's like 26 and calvin is like 18 or 19 or whatever and calvin broke up with him after like he like slept with his like calvin's ex and it was like this thing and he thought that that's like what the other like his like big bro did he thought his big bro was like cheating and so he was like yeah like no it can't be too serious or whatever and then he realized that like the eyes like his he was like no our like our age difference is okay like we can do this or he was like no i like kind of need to be 18 and like you're great but like even though he wasn't like pressuring him to like be he like he wanted like

healing he wanted them to like go to a wine bar and he's like i want to go to a frat party like i like you know i'm younger like that and then i was like hey max greenfield's character because it's not the real man it's the actor it's like yeah maybe maybe you shouldn't be 26 27 28 dating a 19 year old so was max the one that was dating yeah he was who he's dating who's calvin was dating has he done that on a couple shows where he's played a professor and hooking up with a student or the students have been interested in him well i mean objectively looking at him he does have sweater vest energy which is professor slash ta energy and typecast left and right yeah how often are you get it how often is someone playing a professor on tv who's not doing some fucking

that's true stereotype i think he's played at least three times because i've seen clips on tiktok where it was girls that okay he was with the girls in this yeah and he was caught with well the girls friends were out and saw them holding hands yikes yeah okay well we're gonna take a break when we get back we're gonna get into an update which we actually should have done at the beginning so we're gonna do it at the end this episode is brought to you by Accenture when your advertising operations fall out of sync everything else follows Spotify and Accenture are working together to reinvent the rhythm of ad sales using automation analytics and smarter workflows to simplify campaign delivery and

access better data across the business the result less time spent on operations more time connecting brands with the moments and fandoms that matter most learn more at accenture.com spotify hear that it's your money calling it wants a promotion elevate your savings with the scotia high interest savings account. Always earn high regular interest rates that grow the more you save and invest. Conditions apply. Visit scotiabank.com slash H-I-S-A to learn more. Scotiabank. You're richer than you think. We are back and now it's time for our update at the end of the show. We're just switching it up, keeping it fresh.

exactly freaky fresh hey eminem i'm writing in for an update i'm the caller from when my sister and i have a nosy neighbor that was a twins so to clear up a few things we plan to be here a few years while we fix it up fingers crossed one of us meets someone by then lol so i took your advice and bought some headphones over the ear to make it make to make it obvious i'm busy then i decided to give in and just try to get to know him it's about to be sad so stop laughing no i know i'm just saying that like you did the whole thing of being like over the ear headphones you know i'm busy and then being like reverse reverse actually let's take the other approach his wife passed away a few years ago and his kids live out of state so more than being nosy i believe he's lonely

i have now become his friend as has my sister we are even planning on inviting him over for the holidays if his kids can't make it in town my sister travels a lot so i'm home on my own it'll be nice to have my neighbor close by if i were to ever go missing like you said that's sweet see this is why communication is important people and communication what is that beginning of that word also community oh no melissa don't make it weird no but i'm just saying that Like we talk so much about like, you know, in terms of like politics and just humanity and stuff about like we need community in order to have that there has to be communication. And like you can have feelings about someone right off the bat to be like, fuck those people. And I'll be real with you.

We're rarely wrong about what we don't like someone or you get a bad vibe or whatever. And like the gift of fear, trust those kinds of instincts and feelings. But in other instances, something told you to take those over the ear headphones off and get to know this man. yeah you got comfort you know sometimes you got to get a little comfortable put your headphones on ease in and then you realize hey now that i can only hear what's going on in my head maybe i should have a little compassion yeah and i think that like i think it's also good because i'm assuming what happened is you saw he respected those boundaries and if he hadn't respected those boundaries and would have kept staying on i don't care that your wife died like that's just like

that's not my fucking problem you need to learn how to if you want to have any relationships with anybody you might be lonely but there's a way to go about this in a way that is safe and um respectful but when he respected those boundaries of that it's like oh okay let's hear more about this story and yeah i like love i like love getting to know like some of our neighbors like it's it's so nice and like i like the fact that like now i know if another rat somehow ended up in our house stuck on a trap i know for a fact that our neighbors one of our neighbors her husband he works from home and i literally was like i need your note i told him about the rat thing he was like oh my god and i was like yeah i i'm gonna get your i'm got his number from his wife and i said

this happens again you're who i'm calling everyone that's listening when megan spells out rat does the a sound like an i to you because it always does for me that might be a california of thing and i i just need to to validate myself just let me know yes or no because i was gonna say say california california i think i changed the eyes to a so maybe i'm changing a's to eyes too like california it sounds the same okay well in general that's one of the enunciation things that i've heard is our accent so i but i've heard it's in terms of um eyes become a's so in my mind I go, maybe the A's are also becoming I's. And that is your grammar lesson

from somebody who dropped out of linguistics on day... I think I dropped out of the first class. It was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. I listen to people explain it and it doesn't make sense to me. But I love that there are people that understand it. So shout out to everyone who majored in linguistics. Even if you completed that linguistics class,

I couldn't even do that. big brains big brains all around and that's it we hope you all enjoyed this episode don't forget to write and call in for the advice that you need desperately from us we're here to solve your problems for you and we also would love if you could write and call in specifically from this episode about the threesomes or don't blame them so you can give that caller some of your own advice and insight and as always join the patreon you can watch the video version or watch or listen to the podcast ad free and you can join us for our live streams that we have twice a month they are very fun everybody is so cool and nobody is uncool and if they're uncool we don't let them

in yeah and just know that like you can be nervous you can be like anxious about talking or whatever that is but there's usually at least one person pretty much always at least one person who's every time so you're not alone everybody's very fun and we explain all of our inside jokes which i think is like truly the best thing about us i really can't stand when people do an inside joke and they go well it's a long story you had to be there we don't do that no we don't do that um there are other inside jokes that we aren't privy to because they have a group that they won't let us into yeah they're they are mean about that but other than that they're super nice to each other they like hate us which doesn't make any sense no but like we're trying really hard to get them

to like us but like you know sometimes sometimes you can't always be included in everything in their group chat one day maybe one day they'll let us in maybe one day yeah but they'll let you in by the way so i'm sure they talk about us all the time well we'll see you tomorrow for Fisting Friday and then Monday for But Am I Wrong and Tuesday for See You Next Tuesday. Flawless, fantastic. And she did all of that without her focus pills. And we'll talk to you later. Goodbye. Bye-bye.

This is a Sister Sign production hosted by me, Megan Rinks. And me, Melissa D. Montz, plus Diamond Imprint Productions. Post-production by Coco Lorenz. Production assistance by Melanie D. Watson. And music by Ryan Hunter and Giacomo Picasso.