Don't Blame Me! - DBM: Telling Your Parents You're Pregnant

Episode Date: September 25, 2025

This week, Meghan and Melisa are giving advice on: Being an entrepreneur that's not making money Dropping the news that you're going to be a mother Staying entertained when you have a newborn Don't Blame Them: Therapist in your friend group Join our Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/dontblameme Buy Our Merch https://crowdmade.com/collections/sister-sign Listen to Melisa’s New Show https://apps.apple.com/in/app/pocket-fm-audio-series/id1538433480?mt=8 Call In for DBM - 310-694-0976 (3 minutes or less) Write In for DBM - [e-mail] (300 words or less) Write in for BAIW - [e-mail] DBM Submission Form BAIW Submission Form Follow Us! instagram.com/meghanandmelisa @meghanrienks instagram.com/meghanrienks https://twitter.com/meghanrienks @sheisnotmelissa instagram.com/sheisnotmelissa instagram.com/diamondmprint.productions Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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You're richer than you think. hi hello welcome to a brand new episode of don't blame me what's don't blame me megan it is a podcast where we give you wonderful amazing life-changing advice that will change your life for better or for worse but you can't sue us because it's called don't blame me yeah yeah baby so you can call in you can write in you can dm you can use the form email do you love the dmv are you like i miss filling out forms don't worry it's not like a dmv form no no no it actually makes everything simpler it's so easy so easy we swear um and yeah there are so many different ways if you want to call in or send a voice memo those have to be under

three minutes. If you want to write in for any of the ways that we said that you can write in, those would be under 300 words. For all of the above, you have to be over 18. Please let us know your age. And it's all anonymous. So you don't have to give us your name, your social security number, your location. Also just know that there is things if you want to keep anonymous on the podcast, but you want us to know for context, you can always include that at the bottom that's not a part of your 300 words if it's more than two sentences no like you can't you can't like write a whole other background context but if there's something of being like hey this is the specific thing i'm talking like this is there's something for privacy i don't

want to include but it'll be helpful for you to know go for it do that we we respect your privacy we would never share that aspect of it and you got to you got it you got to make it you got to make it you got either call you got it right and because it's anonymous you have to make it make sense like you can get creative if you want to do that some people have gotten very creative and like done fake names that are all related to different things and all this kind of stuff that is all fun and good but i promise you it is just as fine to just do a concise clear thing that you need advice on that doesn't have the bells and whistles like we love a bell and whistle but just know that you don't need to do that for us we we are okay with it um you know i feel like i

haven't included this in a while but people still do it which is great let us know if you're sensitive and also let us know if you're not sensitive and you're like i need you to you know get some sense into me yes yes yes yes yes you did a great job with that thank you all right shall we get into the first one? Let's do it. This is from someone, 27 Sheher. I was laid off at the start of 2023 while living outside the U.S. Since then, my days are split between applying for jobs in the morning and building my own agency in the afternoons. I've applied for countless roles, remote, in-person, and service jobs. I've only had about eight interviews in almost three years. The agency I created is geared toward the entertainment industry in the country where I live. On the

surface, it looks like things are going well. I'm landing deals, connecting with influential people and building something that feels meaningful. But those wins rarely translate into income right away. Publicly, it's looking like I'm succeeding. Privately, I can't afford small dignities like coffee or paying a credit card bill. It feels demeaning. I'm not opposed to getting a job at all. In fact, I desperately want one. My agency feels like it is the only viable thing I have, even though it's not financially sustaining me. As two creative entrepreneurs, what should I do? I've tried crowdfunding, applying for grants, and everything I can think of. I'm exhausted and don't know what the right step is i need to know what not translating into income right away means

like do you mean like a 30 to 60 day to 120 day pay period or do you mean that these are like done in exchange for like their trades like industry trades because if it's industry trades like you can't live off of industry trades like at all and most of the people who are able to do that if you're like why can't i do that they have family money like that's just like point blank how people are doing that but if it's that like people aren't paying you on time or you are lenient with your like pay structure then I think that they're I don't think you need to like necessarily full-blown like abandon this if you are getting paid it's just not in the same regular sort of way that you are but I also wonder like how much money are you spending like are you

the whole like investing in your business kind of a thing like are you spending money more than you are making money because like that's not people don't do that to like start a business unless they have money they have like the funds to begin with so like when people talk about like you know you gotta you gotta spend money you gotta do all that like that comes from like once you have like created this investment and like you have the money to invest in this thing and that's not all the money you have in the world that's not like you know very rarely the only time you ever really hear people doing that if it's like a product like that they're so so insistent that's going to like change everything but this to me I've got more I feel like I've got

questions I want to know what job you were doing before and if there's something you can do that is adjacent to that job so that you're not just applying for everything and anything that comes your way? Is there something that has a transferable, like if you worked in, let's say, set decoration, can you like help people design or like design their living room? Like something like that. Is there something that you can also be doing within the industry or something similar to the industry where you can be making like a consistent amount of money? Or even if it's like one up things but like I feel like if it was something similar to that then you can you can build up a client base but as far as like what else you can do is there because you're doing

everything you're supposed to be doing is there like a business entrepreneur program in the country you're in like for example I did one here in LA there was like the mayor was putting on this event that was sponsored by like some of the big bank groups where we had these meetings every week and everything was free these meetings every week with professionals that worked in the uh in different industries and that were entrepreneurs and then we found out like the resources that were around that could help us build our businesses so is there have you looked into any type of program like that because that can be helpful i also know that there are here there's a lot of um mentor programs where they'll pair you up with someone that is bigger

in the industry that you work in so i've i've also done that um that one specifically wasn't very helpful for me because the person i was paired up with was not in the specific industry that i'm in but if i had asked for them to change but i got super busy at the time so i wasn't really trying. But if I had asked to get somebody more specific for the industry, they would have done that. So I'd look into like mentorship programs and anything that you can do to help build your business. Even like in the US, a lot of libraries will have free programs that will help you. I can't really say because I don't know what country you're in. So I can't be that helpful to you specifically but look into things like that yeah because i don't think you need to like

fully abandon this but like if this is not paying your bills like it's not paying your it's not paying your bills and like i think like if this is like your absolute like love and passion and you're willing to you know you said you applied for like grants and you did all that stuff you've like tried to really make that work it's also not giving up on like if this is your dream it's not giving up on your dream if you can't make it happen right now but even like expanding your like the scope of what your agency does that might not be like your ideal and your favorite but like or might not be like a permanent change but like something like for right now but like I know people who have done like we're running social media accounts for like up like new high-rise

apartments and in we're getting rent in exchange for stuff like that and so like that depends on where you are legal or not but like there are ways to do things for if you are doing things for trade they have to be worth your they have to be worth your time because like your time is money your time is valuable and these things that might be like oh well this thing val like is this level of value and it's like okay cool but unless i'm selling that thing or this good or this service to pay for my rent it doesn't actually give me any financial monetary benefit that i actually need to live like it's just like perks and there's a lot about the industry that and again depends on where you live i can't we can't be like that specific but that is you know image

based and like trying to keep up appearances with that and so like it can get really fucking inexpensive but I think Melissa's right in like utilizing the other resources that you could have but I think mentorship would probably be the best considering they would know your location they would know all of that so much more than we can but yeah I'm curious like who you're if it's like is this like an influencer agency or are you like representing brands are you representing like actors are you representing directors say if it's like a job agency where you're where like you know you're like okay I've got a gaffer here and I know this project is coming up so I'm gonna put this gaffer in that like if it's that like just like a job agency you know those things are

helpful but unless you're paying of people are paying like a big monthly or yearly fee it's not gonna be very profitable for you yeah I was gonna say that like if it is something having to do with like actors directors people who work on set for film and tv production i just there's just not a lot happening to the point where like there's there are people who have been at like big agencies who like have left because like they can't make any money and so like to start it from scratch is a commendable thing but like it is just like the industry right now is just like not at a space that people who have been in it forever are not being able to make money and it's not like a hack there's not a secret it's just like there's not there's not enough stuff yeah i was talking to

a writer this week who was an ep on a big show and they're like now writing short form dramas yeah like it's it is like it's really it's really wild like it's like it's really it's a really like shitty fucking time for it it's like getting slightly better like in the last i don't know i think we're being having high hopes that it's get it's gonna get better um but i think there's also like no shame in you didn't say what kind of jobs you were applying for but like and i don't want to say this because like i know that some people are like well yeah duh i've been applying to those jobs too like i'm not saying that like you think you're above this or these are easy jobs to get,

they're just as hard jobs to get. Like I know people who are trying to get minimum wage, like fast food jobs, and they're not getting those jobs. Like the job market is awful. But depending on if you have not opened up your scope to different kinds of jobs like that, like things that are maybe

that are hourly versus salaried, I really would do that considering like, especially if you want to continue working in entertainment, like that's a great place to like network while actually getting paid hourly. like and it's so common at least where we are yep all right we're gonna take a break and when we get back we'll get into the next one

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With Ancestry, you can search select historical occupational records for free for a limited time and discover the stories behind the jobs in your family tree. You've got questions. We've got ancestors. Search free until August 31st. Visit ancestry.ca for details. Terms apply. we are back and it's time for the next hey megan and melissa long time listener here first time

caller i am calling in to ask for advice on how to tell my parents i'm pregnant i at 24 female and currently at nine weeks pregnant with my first and i'm having a hard time figuring out and even wanting to tell my parents i'm pregnant my mom is 51 and my dad is 46 i am pretty close with both of them, but don't see them super often. They are also divorced, so I'd have to tell them separately. The reason I'm having such a hard time telling them is because I don't think they'd be excited. Both of them have told me before that they want me to wait to have kids, since they had four kids by the time they were my age and they struggled. This will also be their tenth grandchild. My boyfriend had no problem telling his parents, as he told them right after we got

the positive test, but this will be their first grandchild. Almost his entire extended family knows at this point, but he still wants to put an announcement out on Facebook to tell all their family and friends. I asked him to wait until after I tell my parents, so he is impatiently waiting. I need to do this somewhat soon because I am starting to show and I want to talk to my mom about all these new things that are happening to me. Thank you in advance for any advice you'll give me. Also, since I have some time left, my boyfriend and I are both Aries and there is a high possibility our baby will also be in Aries. And if you care, my dad is also in Aries and my mom is a Taurus. Thanks so much. I love that. I really want to know if your parents like your

boyfriend. That's like kind of the only thing I want to know, but like you didn't say they didn't. So I'm assuming that that's not the issue. It sounds like the only issue is that they had, they had a minivan full of kids by the time they were 24. And so they don't want you to. um i would talk to your siblings if they've got 10 other ones out there great fucking point i forgot yeah there's a bunch of other fucking kids that filled the rest that minivan right so talk to your siblings and see how they told your parents but like it's your life and so i think sometimes parents talk in ways that are like i want the best for you blah blah blah i think this is how you should be living your life but this is how you're living your life you and your boyfriend

are excited about this they'll get on board it might be scary to tell them at first but i think they're going to be happy for you regardless yeah now number 11 is coming but like a lot of times people speak like people speak in like absolutes and like if you are happy and they see that you're happy about this like if their reactions may be not like over the moon initially it might just be like they're trying to gauge if you're happy about if you're excited about this so like I always think leading with how you feel in like these moments of announcements because like I'll be honest if someone came to me right now like one of my friends was like I'm pregnant I'd be like oh no and like I would need them to tell me like oh my gosh I'm so excited I'm pregnant I think we are

so happy i always ask how are we feeling about that exactly so like i think if you lead with how you're feeling about it and i get that your parents are divorced you have to tell them separately um talk like melissa's that talk to your siblings first and specifically like talk ad nauseum with the sibling who had the kid the youngest and be like okay like how did this go thoughts and feelings and then ask your siblings to be there with you when that happens like in general having something to diffuse that and like if you if you want your boyfriend to be there and like in theory to tell him but like you're like I'm actually not sure that that's gonna be great then like that's to me if I was your your partner I'd be like that's okay like if you think

that like it's not going to be it's not gonna go over as well if I'm there in the sense that like they might say something that upsets him and you know trying to keep the peace it's like every family dynamic is different i think like if you can both be there to share that news like that's lovely and great but if you think that it will go better if it's just you and your siblings telling a parent but also sometimes you can just do it like it can be like you know we we spent it we spent a weekend together we're all hanging out like we we came over for lunch and we're leaving And, you know, before we leave, we have some really exciting news and we tell you and then we're getting ready to go. Like it doesn't have to be like a come over.

We have this big announcement we want to tell you and then we're going to spend time together afterwards. Like you can time it any which way you want in a way that like if it doesn't go the way that you envision or the way that you really want it, you know, it doesn't derail the entire day or the rest of the plan. Like you can plan for it to be kind of unpredictable. like a smoke bomb and just leave exactly and then oh poof and then you're like and you you know drift away in the haze um and but i think the most important thing is having your siblings there and if your siblings are all people who have not like carried said pregnancy but they are the they are the you know they they weren't the pregnant ones themselves um then i would say like if you have like a wonderful sister-in-law but who you love who's there

but like someone who can like acknowledge someone who can be there for you who understands like also like the pregnancy hormones and emotions and feelings so like they can help guide the conversation if one of your parents is taking this in like a way that is like not productive or helpful because that being your responsibility as you're actively with child can be like a lot to emotionally handle yeah also you said they had four kids by the time they were your age you've got one so you're already beating them yeah if they're like oh we didn't want this for you and it's like by the way i i did exactly what you said i didn't have four kids by the time i was this age so and also maybe like you're turning 25 before this baby's born well aries that's like

beginning of next year beginning march april i don't know when aries are so but congratulations congratulations we're all excited for you and don't tell them that your boyfriend's family already knows yeah all right we're gonna take a break when we get back we'll get into the next one We'll see you next time. Learn more at Accenture.com slash Spotify. Learn more at volvocars.ca Eminem I just had my oh I just had my first baby look at these Tony babies podcast babies I'm 32 and I just had my first baby in May I'm still on maternity leave but when I do go back

to work I work from home before the baby I was very much a comfort show on in the background while working kind of girly and was on Instagram for maybe 20 minutes a day max I don't have you don't have TikTok okay we get it you're better than us I hate the internet and can't be bothered oh my how do you listen to us but now our girl is a stage five clinger and won't really sleep without being held most of the time which is very sweet but my screen time is through the roof and frankly making me deeply sad i also really am trying not to be on my phone in front of her and our goal is to not give her screens until she's two years old i have all of my original 90s vhs's on an old small tv for her when she's older trying to be intentional with it i'm

an avid reader so i do that when i can but it's hard to hold her in a book slash kindle when you need three hands oh you need three hands to have a baby i swear and i can't really retain audiobooks my question is what kind of audio only format content do you love slash recommend obviously i listen to your pod and i love giggly squad and normal gossip but wondering what else would be good easy background audio content that's still fun and entertaining and doesn't require my full attention to enjoy it something longer form i don't know what there is even out there p.s not interested in listening to men thanks do you have an interest in listening to gay men because i think las culturistas is they i think are one of like the few celebrity podcasts that like are popular

right now that didn't really start with video content so like their audio content is like very engaging like i think a lot of like podcasts that are brand new a lot of them like rely on visual elements so like that can be hard so if you can you know open yourself up to to gay men i think i think they are great i um i wonder if you have one like something you can strap your baby into on your person too so you can have your hands free um but also there's scripted audio content like i don't know what kind of things you like to read or listen to but if you're into vampire stuff i just wrote a series called chosen by faith i don't know why i said vampire if you're into werewolf stuff there are vampires in it too but if you're into werewolf stuff then like my series

chosen by faith rejected by the alpha there's on the app pocket of them there's tons of scripted audio content so if that isn't your cup of tea there's a lot of different stories um you can also look on audible for their scripted audio content as well and like i know you said that audiobooks aren't like you can't really retain them well but if there's something light that's not something you really have to think about then it could be better for you too yeah I I want to push back on the statement that like you can't really retain audiobooks that as like a broad statement I promise you it's not true you just have to know who you are some people can listen to books the same books that they can sit down and read for me when I'm picking an audiobook it

is not the same way that I pick a book that I'm sitting down and reading like they are so totally different genres for me because I know what my attention span so like I can't really not even really but I point blank like can't do a very dense like fantasy sort of audio book like that doesn't really work for me I can do it if it's something I've already read before like and it's like a comfort kind of listen but like non-fiction books that are narrated by the authors like those i find very easy to like dive into um and there are just like so many different things that like starting a sure starting like a series of i don't know one of those like dragons fucking humans kind of things like that might be a lot especially because like there's a very sometimes very graphic

things and you're like oh that's i don't know if i want to hear that through my fingers and while i'm holding my baby like it's just feels a little odd but like there are things that like you know like old sherlock home stuff like there are things that are that aren't so you know uh that there aren't necessarily like falling into like the current tropes of like what we think of with like what's really popular in books right now which you know romanticy and like smutty kind of sexy stuff like that there's like so many different things and even just like going back and, like, listening to books that you, like, really, like, loved as a kid.

Like, that, I think, is fun. Like, there's a podcast called, like, The Sleepy Bookshelf, I think it is. And it is one of my favorite things to... Like, I can listen to an audiobook. It'll put me to sleep instantly because that's how I... The only way I would fall asleep as a kid.

Like, I had a same book on tape that I played over and over and over again. I could not tell you how this story ends. Don't know anything about it. I can tell you a wolf story by William McCleary. that's it i don't know what else i don't know the plot like it would knock me the fuck out but when like wants is out of town and stuff and i'm like okay it's hard for me to sleep um the sleepy bookshelf will have books like james and the giant peach and things but they remove all of like the

stressful elements of it so like but they keep the story flowing in the same way so like it like lulls you to sleep in a really nice way but in doing that i like realized so many of these like books that i read as a kid i read like the like the chat like the picture book versions or the not the full book versions of them and some of them are just like nostalgic and fun in that way that are like whimsical so i would recommend i would really recommend that um i think like what are other podcasts that don't aren't like video element because like two podcasts that i said like i i really enjoyed they're both like heavily visual elements to them so like you could listen but i have to assume that it would suck i've never

listen to them so like i think you're sacrificing but also don't put yourself up about your screen time yeah truly like don't and i have no let me look at what my screen time is you don't want to know mine mine is probably just as bad no most of my probably like 17 hours a day i i i don't i think mine's probably just as bad because for me i always have youtube playing on the background of whatever i'm doing like i don't i don't live in i can't exist in silence like i need five things going at the same time my phone is always dying yeah mine is um average is four hours and 12 minutes a day but also i have it set up so it's not reading my computer because it was reading my computer and it was scaring me a lot but like i also do mostly look at instagram from my computer

i do look depending on what i'm doing i might have tiktok going on my computer too so it's not a actual reflection of what my screen time is oh another one though uh motz loves this uh what he loves this podcast called like what went wrong i i've heard him listen to it sounds interesting but it's like you know behind the scenes stuff of like how movies and tv shows like specific things were made and like catastrophes that were either happened or avoided that he really like likes and i know a lot of people love like deep dive history podcasts and stuff like that that um are not like dense episodes in themselves but like I have multiple chapters of like a bigger you know longer kind of story so I think that is probably

a fun great time but yeah I really wouldn't beat yourself up about screen time and like you watching what because like if you want to watch a podcast like i love jesse and lily's podcast do we know them i love brooke and connor make a podcast like those ones i would say have visual elements but like you don't have to sit there and watch like the whole time but like you know you have headphones in your kid is feeding whether you're whether that's like you're pumping and your kid is like playing or something like that like your kid is breastfeeding and cannot see you I think like holding your phone far away and listening with headphones there if that's gonna make you that doesn't make you a bad mom and like if that's gonna make you feel

have like a little bit more sanity and feel like you're not just like stuck and I don't mean stuck like in your circumstance but like physically like I friends when they're right there I'm stuck like if I don't have like my water near me or like something like I'm here for a long fucking time and like I'm just like restless I love my baby baby can't talk back to me like it's just like you are it's like your nap traps like someone falls asleep on you and you're like well fuck so I think like realizing and recognizing that like your child not having screen time until they're like two years old is like not is not necessarily the same thing as like you being able to like half pay attention to a podcast that's on your phone while your kid is like falling asleep

of breastfeeding yeah there's your sanity is important to this and very important yeah and it's not like um you can't like win it like you can't win there's no superiority in the sense that like if it makes you feel like shit and crazy to achieve the goal that you want i don't know that that's the goal that i don't know how satisfying that's going to feel at the end if like the means to that have been miserable and last one i will say that i think is great because it has so many prior episodes the bald and the beautiful with trixie and katya so many of them were not video they have video now you don't need video they don't really do those elements uh in that way but they have so many episodes and uh they're very fun and funny and i realize i'm recommending a lot

of gay men give women more mics yeah but if anybody else's recommendations sorry that's exactly what i was about to say also if anybody else is listening and you have anything that you'd like to recommend please write in um you can dm us or use the form if you want to all right we're going to take a break when we get back we'll get into don't blame them this episode is brought to you by Accenture when your advertising operations fall out of sync everything else follows Spotify and Accenture are working together to reinvent the rhythm of ad sales using automation analytics and smarter workflows to simplify campaign delivery and access better data across the business.

The result? Less time spent on operations, more time connecting brands with the moments and fandoms that matter most. Learn more at Accenture.com slash Spotify. At Desjardins Insurance, we know that when you own a nail salon, everything needs to be perfect from tip to toe. That's why our agents go the extra mile to understand your business and provide tailored solutions for all its unique needs.

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Find out more at CadillacCanada.ca. Luxury sales claim based on S&P Global Mobility Canadian New Vehicle Total Registrations for Calendar Year 2025 for the Cadillac Definition of Luxury. We're back. It is time for Don't Blame Them. And what is Don't Blame Them? Thank you so much for asking, Melissa. but don't blame them is when a listener will call in. By the way, did we tell you guys

our video versions on Patreon? Check it out. Melissa's doing humor. She's doing comedy. It is where a listener will write in or call in with their own advice pertaining to a call we had on a previous episode. So they might have personal experience,

professional experience, or just some insight that we didn't touch on that they think is important. And we're going to hear from them. all right um this don't blame them is in reference to the person that called or the person that wrote in and said that they're they realized that their therapist is in their friend group all right so uh here we go this says i'm a social worker and my therapist lives across the street i accidentally moved near where she lived in the middle of working with her and we had a long conversation

about how that would impact our work, what it would be like to likely see each other and what we do if we started to know the same people. In this situation, I would tell your therapist you have mutual friends and ask for a referral to a new therapist immediately. You too can plan out how to navigate having mutual friends, but you may just want to cut your losses

and not get involved in that friend group. Also, who knows, maybe your therapist and these friends aren't that close that's the point i never really thought about yeah but they're in pictures together so it's too close for comfort for me personally but like that's a good point that like you know it also could have been like uh you know friends with an ex you know i mean like it's like they were friends with my ex and like i never deleted them and you know we had hung out a couple times but like it's not that but like for me the connection point blank regardless of where it exists now is too weird for me yeah but it might not be for that person she knows that

your ex that you're talking about in therapy yeah whether it's a passing thing she now has a face to the name and has some type of interaction with him well i think it would be i think it's less wild to me that you as the client might want to make it work i would have a really hard time with the therapist saying that trying to find a way to make it work like if a therapist like tried to find and make it work in their head and then was like no that can't but like to verbalize that to be like you know maybe is it i'd be like why no no like this is it's it's a conflict of interest in a way that like isn't pertinent to to like our care necessarily like it's just like this is just a problem this isn't there's no benefit to this there's the cost benefit analysis

is just way way too close for comfort but maybe they have a colleague that has the same temperament as they do and they can send you a referral yeah it does like take the whole other thing to like being like damn like i wish my therapist could like understand like i said before my therapist like when i was talking about certain people i'm like i just like wish you like knew them like i wish you could see it and this is like oh well now they know it's now time to go because like the wishing you could see it would be like a fly on the walls type situation not interacting directly with it and then you're like oh it actually turns out i i don't wish for that thing turns out that actually makes this kind of hard so yeah all right well thank you all for

listening thank you person for writing in and giving your opinion uh join us on friday for fisting friday we're gonna catch up um monday we've got but am i wrong tuesday see you next tuesday and then on thursday we'll be back for don't blame me and we will oh yeah bye we'll just bye well bye bye bye toodaloo this is a sister sign production hosted by me megan rinks and me melissa d montz plus diamond imprint productions post-production by coco lorenz production assistance by melanie d watson and music by ryan hunter and giacomo picasso