Don't Blame Me! - DBM: Thinking Too Highly of Your Boyfriend

Episode Date: November 7, 2024

This week Meghan and Melisa are giving advice on: Sister voting for Trump Cleaning up your boyfriend's image Reaching out to your ex bestie Meeting your hookup's family Don't Blame Them: Surprise Party in The Bedroom Follow Us! instagram.com/meghanandmelisa @meghanrienks instagram.com/meghanrienks https://twitter.com/meghanrienks @sheisnotmelissa instagram.com/sheisnotmelissa instagram.com/diamondmprint.productions Need Advice? dontblameme.show Domestic Listeners Call: [phone] Affordable Therapy By State (Curated by Crissy Milazzo): tinyurl.com/y64kwdnf Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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With Ancestry, you can search select historical occupational records for free for a limited time and discover the stories behind the jobs in your family tree. You've got questions. We've got ancestors. Search free until August 31st. Visit Ancestry.ca for details. Terms apply. hello everybody welcome to a brand new episode of don't blame me what is this accent you're doing i'm an auctioneer i've decided to get into auctions yeah you said that before unless it's really horny today everyone's i'm not kidding she is

she's super horny you can listen on fisting friday ironically you can listen on fisting friday why but blame molly oh my god i said blame molly and i said well that's the issue if you took molly instead of your ollie gummies yeah you're gonna be horny fucking funny well this is a podcast where we give you advice and that's what we're gonna do today so if you would like to call in you can leave us a voicemail 310-694-0976 international international international you can send us an audio message at meganpodcast at gmail.com you can also just write us an email and send it to meganpodcast at gmail.com or you can slide into our dms don't get horny when i say that um just tell us what's going on

your life that you need to help with so for the voicemails you need to keep under three minutes and we ask that you like write it down practice so it's under three minutes when you record it and then for the audio messages you have to send them as a you so you have to remind them what the file type oh i didn't know what was going on it's like an email an mp3 please send them as an mp3 a lot of people have been sending different audio files your phone will automatically save it as one please go into the settings and change it to mp3 otherwise unless it's gonna haunt you they wish they do after you're 18 or over have your parents permission for all of the above and then for the written version you get to keep it under 300 words so that's with both the dm

or the written email and we ask that you let us know how old you are give us all of the relevant information how long you've been together is that a relationship how long you've been friends the key points think of it like writing an essay and you have to have your thesis statement you have to have your evidence to back that up and then you have your conclusion the conclusion is what are you asking for advice on like what do you want like what how can we help you always let us know if you're sensitive we will take that in mind um and you can also let us know if you're not sensitive though anyone who lets us know that they're not sensitive no sorry anyone who usually lets us know they're sensitive being like please you know i sound

sensitive i'm like you've done nothing wrong here like i wouldn't we're not coming for you harshly anyway we can't wait to change your life buckle up yeehaw get ready all right let's get into the first one hey eminem i'm writing for some advice because i'm 99 99.9 sorry percent sure my younger sister sam 21 she her voted for trump and i don't know what to do we grew up with extremely conservative parents but now me 26 she her and her other sister maddie 23 she they are extreme are extremely liberal maddie is a lesbian and i'm straight but engaged to a black bisexual man i'm also a teacher so obviously this election is deeply personal to us but despite many conversations with her she has not wavered in her decision and stated many times that she doesn't

want politics to come between family our mother passed away from breast cancer in 2016 and we've been extremely close since however i don't know if i can look past past this and i don't know what to do anymore any advice would be much appreciated also sam and maddie still live at home but i have since moved out well here's the thing that i say about politics in this day and age at this point it's not just about politics it's about ethics and values what politics should be is we all have like a goal but the different way that we go about doing that's when we can differ in politics but when we have a goal that is to harm people that they're basically having clan rallies as political rallies, when we're doing we're voting for like hate, that means that she has hate in

her heart. And that's not something I can look past. And I have family members that did vote for Trump in the past. And you know what? I don't talk to me anymore. They're not my sisters, but I don't talk to those people anymore. And I was extremely close to my cousin. He was like a brother to me and he voted for Trump and I stopped talking to him. Yeah. So that's where I stand on it. I mean, I think it's very rich when people who have views that directly affect the safety and outcome of your life, the people you love life and all of that, like, yeah, of course, your sister's gonna be like, I don't want this to get between us. Like, I just like, you know, let's not think any differently of each other. And it's like, well, yeah, there's only one side

that like preaches that of being like, it doesn't have to divide us. And I'm like, because you know that my policy things that I'm in favor for don't harm you actively whatsoever so I think that like you don't for her like she doesn't get to have it both ways you don't get to vote against the well-being that's interest of your family and extended family and then have those people still maintain the same relationship with you like what's more important like it is it is that serious i'm curious if you're if she's in college it sounds like you said they both live at home and it sounds like she's just you know more caught up with the same thing like what's your dad watching like what's like there's all of that kind of a thing that like i think like

when you're young and 21 is like sure not so young but like 21 still pretty fucking young and she was the youngest when your mom passed away that relationship with your dad might be very different like she might be a lot closer with your dad than you guys are at this point um and so i would say that like she needs to understand the consequence of her actions and whatever that consequence is if your dad also voted for trump that needs to pertain to him as well like it needs to be like across the board it's like a painful thing but like i don't think that you should be able to have it both ways and look past it because the thing that like I always compare it to is people who are like oh abortion is murder abortion is murder and I'm like you if you actually thought like if

I had gotten an abortion I have not but if I had wonderful you've gotten an abortion wonderful so happy we have access to those things for the time being in our area but so many people don't so like the idea that people are like oh that's a murder and I go if you genuinely thought that was murder and you had a sister who had gotten an abortion, you would cut her out of your life completely. You would be like, she has to go to jail. You wouldn't trust anyone. Like you would have,

you would want the people who are teachers who care for your kids to release their medical records to see if they've ever had an abortion because you view it as the same thing as strangling a live, living, breathing eight-year-old. Like those are not the same. So like they can make these like really like huge inflammatory arguments,

but like there is no follow through with that. Like it is just, it's just ragey. so um i don't think that it's fair for someone to have offensive views and then expect it to be all fine and good and whatever because like we see how conservatives react to anything like i mean i literally like got a comment on an old um post of mine from 2020 of uh the election it was like when biden won and i was like oh we fucking did it fuck your feelings and everyone all these conservatives are like that's such a rude thing to say i'm like you guys have all but trademarked that like i'm saying what you say back to to you and that was like a gas i can't take it no no no

and they want to dish it out and then like if you decide like oh cool so that's like very hateful and that's a boundary that i have and they're like oh my god like so sense like no no you you cannot have it both ways and like i'm someone who likes to talk shit i'm gonna talk shit and i'm gonna expect if i'm talking shit i'm not gonna be like oh my god your feelings are hurt no if i'm talking shit i'm doing it because i need you to know how i feel or whatever that is like there is a consequence to that and like i think specifically with people voting for him 99.9 percent of people are voting against their own best interest and i think that regardless everybody you see the consequence there will be a consequence and i think like acutely in a family setting you can

control that aspect of that direct consequence like it is not on you to maintain this relationship it's just being a shitty person and like if you take away the political views of being like oh yeah my sister's like a fucking bigot she's she's so mean she's horror all of those things and it's like or my friend is like this we don't have to maintain those things a just because they're family or b just because like oh it's politics and politics are always divisive like it's not no it should be like politics should be like okay we have a homeless crisis how are we going to fix it and each side would have a different way to fix it and it's not that anymore now it's like we care about the unhoused and they should be able to pull themselves up from the boot from

their bootstrap yeah yeah i'm like 100 sure your sister did too and i don't know there's anything you can do to change that yeah you just have to decide what you want to do about your relationship me i'm a cutter outer megan cuts people out all the time too snip snip snip snip snip because i also like it's also a reflection on me in the terms of like like i don't even like like being friends with people who like a I need my friends to be able to talk shit if someone's like oh I don't gossip I go you're actually then you're a horrible person because if you don't feel comfortable just like lightly gossiping I think that you're doing something so much worse like I think like you are wishing horrible things upon people but like if you are so nasty and like

ill-intended towards people like for just like so extreme I don't want to be friends with you even if it's not directed towards me because I'm like no I don't want anyone else to then be like you're friends with this person, this person, nothing like that. So I just think that like, we should be shamed. Sometimes shame is good for our views. Sometimes you need to know that you can't just wish death upon people and then have, and then you can't be shocked when they're like, yeah, I don't like you. And they're like, that's mean. And I'm like, no, no, no, you're not. These are real things that you are saying. Like you are parroting horrible, horrible, very real threats to democracy and and to people's rights to all of these different things like

you cannot do that and then not expect people to be like okay cool i'll see myself fucking out but i'm sorry that's stressful yeah we're gonna take a break and when we get back we'll get into some more this episode is brought to you by Accenture when your advertising operations fall out of sync everything else follows Spotify and Accenture are working together to reinvent the rhythm of ad sales using automation analytics and smarter workflows to simplify campaign delivery and access better data across the business. The result?

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we are back and it's time to hop into some more hi megan and melissa i'm really thankful to get y'all's advice on a situation i'm not sure how to navigate i am 20 she her and my boyfriend of three years is 20 he him from before we started dating and into the first two and a half years of our relationship my boyfriend had a porn addiction the first year went i knew he watched porn but didn't know the extent started to realize and felt uncomfortable growing self-conscious communicating that him being next to me and i go to open this phone to look something up and it to be the first thing there. Lying and hiding started to happen. Year two was a lot of hard conversations and me trying to be supportive of his growth, but also trying to hold my own

boundaries. We both went to separate therapy again. He put restrictions on himself to viewing things online, but then went to look up people and things on social media. It started to really hurt. It felt like a choice to do something that he knew hurt me and then lie and hide it from me. First part of year three, I was angry, mostly at myself for not setting my boundaries and sticking into it and then I didn't know where the line was to walk away but at this point it was getting better this was the first time I told someone about it and soon after I told another friend I thought I was done I told my mom I broke up with him for a week we talked within the week about how it would look with our tied friend group how he has changed and how he can still put in the work

for us and now it's been five months and I've forgiven and moved on I've been putting in the work to build back up his image with the people I talk to now I have a different set of problems My lease with my roommate is up at the end of March, and he wants to move in together. I'm making enough money to move out by myself, so getting a new place is part of the plan. And living with him would be fun, but honestly, not much different than now, except for that I'm not financially tied to him. He continues to make decisions that result in financial stress. Not having enough money for his bills or food, having to get money from his mom. He changed jobs, prioritized training for MMA, which I support him, but there has to be a point.

He is saying how he's going to be promoted soon and how he'll make more money. but if he already doesn't have enough and he doesn't pay rent right now I don't know if a raise is going to make it better with an added $700 to his monthly responsibilities. He doesn't have anything saved and it's stressing me out. We've talked a lot over the past couple months about budgeting, saving, building credit and it seems overwhelming for him which is fair but still no moves have been made. I've always seen him as being a good father to our potential future children and we have similar core values but I'm also afraid that our right now goals are very different. I've worked really hard in my job and I've gotten promotions, making money, work close

to travel opportunities. I have more friends now. I want to enjoy what I've been working so hard for. He is such a sweet man. He loves me and I love him. I promise I think higher of him than what might be portrayed in this, but he also lives very negatively and sometimes it's hard to be the person to bring him up. I'm not sure. I feel like I may be taking care of him and I think I'm getting frustrated. I don't know if I want to take care of anyone. What is our future supposed to look like my future any advice would be helpful thank you ma'am i think you think too highly of him i think you're thinking too much about the wrong things and you're not thinking about the bad things enough yes like this man can't pick a struggle i thought this was going to be our

yearly porn yeah question where we were going to have to say defend porn but then that's not even what the question is about no and i'm like where are we with where are we with that because here's the thing even when when you guys call in about like oh my boyfriend has like a porn addiction you have to be fucking specific because if it's like my boyfriend watches porn like when i'm out of town or i'm not home and he like wants to get off we still have sex as often as we want to have sex he's not like the porn he watches it does not affect our sex life but it affects my confidence and like it makes me insecure is incredibly different than like my boyfriend can is listening to porn in his fucking airpods 24 hours a day including when we are having sex violent porn

he cannot come we are not having sex he's telling me to get fake there's fake titties like all of these things he's calling me riley reed like there are things that are like shitty and their porn just happens to be like a make a cameo and a shitty person being fucking shitty but like when you do an overarching like a porn thing you have to give us the specifics and it doesn't even seem like it's actually a problem anymore but i don't see how one week of y'all being broken up could even fix whatever that problem was and like i also need to know what the problem was because again like if the problem was like he was just watching porn like on occasion when you guys were not having sex and that made you feel insecure i think he it's gonna happen again because it's

just a natural it's just a natural instinct and like to to think someone's going to like fully abstain from any sort of like stimulating media to get themselves off when they're like on their own is just naive but it's like he was looking up like really offensive really fucked up porn we have that's that is also an inevitable thing that that's also going to come up again and that is also indicative of a larger issue there so like but this man like how old did they say they were i don't remember let me play i have 20 see her and my boyfriend of three years is 20 he had 20 damn yeah y'all are too too too young for any of these issues already like manifesting this is not you have got to slow down pump the brakes i need y'all to break up for longer than one week

like i need you to move across the country you're ready to like you're talking about how you want to move in with him but he needs a mommy like he needs to stay with his parents until he grows up yeah no you need a drunk roommate to do like thing one thing two costumes with like you don't need a man like first of all 20 year olds don't be living you should not be living with a partner i need to go back to so we're talking about a 17 year old who had a sex who had a porn addiction what's i mean at this point i don't i know i know i'm just like it's not a problem for them so she says i'm wondering the the environment in which you have both grown up it's like this is a very natural thing of being you didn't say like my parents don't want me to move in with him like

i'm wondering if you have you've grown up in a conservative area or more traditional value and like maybe it's not to pigeonhole but like a utah kind of thing but it's like if you've been dating someone for three years and you're 20 yeah you should get your it's time to get married like you might you might feel like you have wasted quote unquote this time and to that i say if that is the case if this is like typical for where you are move move move move because like this is you have other shitty people you're supposed to date after him before you date great people don't make him be the shitty like the shit of the shit of the shit right because like he doesn't have a job he has no money he wants y'all to move in together he wants you to support him he wants

you to support his mma training i can't with that one he like i said he needs he wants parents yeah can he cook can he clean like right like what is he bringing to the table and what values of his that you're like i like for our future children the mma fighting the porn or the not having money like which of those things are you like i really want my children to like have that ethos they grew up with like what fight club like what is this this is just like what are his good qualities you didn't name one thing you named all these terrible things about him what are his good qualities because you naming all those terrible things that tells me that he doesn't have any good qualities because if he did have good qualities other thing you're just saying

like he would make he loves me and he would make a good parent for my future children why don't you name those what are they yeah and you have doubts about moving in here is your wake-up call don't do it no if you want to stay in a bad relationship that is like a dead end with like a fucking loser you as you're right first of all it's almost a rite of fucking passage for 20 years old like that is like that is your right but i just i on hands and knees i fucking beg of you as in a someone who is far more grown than you do not make any decisions that affect future you and tying your financials to this man untying that we will be fucked yeah it will affect all of the choices when you do eventually break up or even if you don't break up but you want to break up

those decisions that you made when you were 20 about moving in with this man that credit the any of these eviction note any of this shit that will be stuck with you long after the relationship is done and that will hold you back so like if you want to stay in a shitty relationship go for it but if this man is even like pushing for you to move in together he wants you to be his mommy and you're 20 like you should be dancing on a yacht like this is you shouldn't be at his fucking shitty mma practices yeah um you didn't say you were sensitive so we went in but i feel like you need a wake-up call and you wouldn't be calling us if you didn't think you needed one yeah and i really want you to reflect on what kind of porn it is because this is not a broad

like assumption or statement or whatsoever but um similarly to a lot of things that require violence or physicality there are people who participate and join in on those because for the exercise for like the work like the people who are like really by the book very like yeah the discipline and being very technical and being incredibly safe it's like bdsm or whatever and then you have fucking people who participate and join in to take advantage of abusing people of the enjoyment of inflicting pain and all those kinds of things and i think if you see any direct correlation between his porn history and that side of him and any other things like is he prone to anger like someone who does martial arts mma who does uh jujitsu like any of those

things you will usually meet those people and they have the most even keeled fucking like you that you cannot piss them off like they are so calm so even kill all of that kind of stuff if he is not that it is all tied to a far bigger problem that should not be your problem and really should not be your credit scores problem you have to break up with him yesterday what is your i mean also we didn't even touch on this like you went around talking shit about him to your friends and stuff and now you feel like you have to go on a campaign to clear his name your friends are probably telling you what you need to hear you do not if if he is a decent person he wouldn't need this campaign because he would show instead of telling yeah it's if if your

partner like fucks up and everyone's event inevitably at some point or whatever and you tell your friends it's like not your responsibility to be like oh you have to forget like no no first of all yeah my friends should stand on that shit and like i i should it should also be like i want to watch how my partner earns that back or whatever and like if they not my fucking problem have fun you deal with it on your fucking own but like if you feel like you have to sell people on it you're a used car salesman trying salesman trying to sell a lemon like it's just like this is not it's it is not rocket science it's not that complicated and there is no like secret combination of words or like oh this is what i should have said instead or whatever it's like

no no if you love and you trust your friends and your friends like this man's a piece of shit listen you love and you trust your friends point blank this man gives me the ick i don't even know what he looks like you can imagine i know i can't imagine him with cauliflower ear too what's that he looks british i just know that for a fact okay we're gonna take a break okay we'll be right back this episode is brought to you by Accenture when your advertising operations fall out of sync everything else follows Spotify and Accenture are working together to reinvent the rhythm of ad sales Using automation, analytics, and smarter workflows to simplify campaign delivery and access better data across the business.

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regular interest rates that grow the more you save and invest conditions apply visit scotiabank.com slash hisa to learn more scotia bank you're richer than you think we are back and it's time for another write-in hi megan and melissa everyone involved in this story is 25 i use she her pronouns and my friend uses he him i used to have a best friend so did i we were so close for our entire lives we went to college together and his family who lived close to the university took care of me while i was away from my family he was the first person i would tell everything to and truly we were always so close in 2021 he graduated college and invited me to his grad party it happened to be on the same weekend i was going

to see my grandparents for the first time in a year and a half so i decided to do that instead I felt bad but I thought he'd understand I'd offered to see him later in the year and initially I thought he'd take me up on that but he never did we talked less and less and eventually stopped talking I said just tell me what I did so I can understand and fix it and he said if you think hard enough you'll figure it out and then the like baring teeth emoji we haven't spoken since this never made me that sad because I knew I was in the right and he was being unreasonable but sometimes I wish I could tell him stuff about my life or get advice about things I've never reached out and neither has he but I wonder if he's secret if we secretly both want to reach out

but we can't should I reach out and see if we can be friends again if yes what should I say should I just let him go and admit that we'll never be friends again you don't have to be soft on me I can take it you already reached out and he rejected you yeah I don't think so i think we've already done what was needed to be done yeah i appreciate like your romanticism of this of like maybe we're both just sitting here staring up at the same moon thinking about each other and he's like nah don't fucking contact me i love when someone is like so gung-ho if like they didn't do anything wrong and so like if you don't feel like guilt about this and like you don't feel like you did anything wrong that's great like i'm not gonna like dispute that uh

but you kind of wondering if romanticizing this it does like are you're not mad at him because usually what happens is like one person feels very wronged by the other and then either that other person thinks that's valid and they're like very apologetic or what usually happens is that person then gets mad at them for being upset and so you don't have any animosity or ill will or like you're not mad at him at all you just like kind of like wonder like oh I wonder if he like still thinks about me and like would want to talk or whatever and I'm not trying to like poke any holes in that but I think it just might be deeper than like how you're feeling about it like I think this just might have hurt him a lot more and like if this to you was no big deal you might it might

have come off to him that you were like oh it's no big deal but at the same time like I think like if you know that you didn't do anything wrong i would be annoyed with him him yeah i'm saying like but you're not i also want to put into context that this was in 2021 so like you probably were like freshly vaccinated going to see your grandparents that you haven't seen in two years almost two years so like i'm so annoyed with him like even with the layer maybe maybe he was secretly in love with you and this was when he was gonna declare his love for you at this party and then you didn't go and now he's just butthurt about it but like i'm mad at him i know and i'm wondering why you're not mad at him because like to me this is like so ridiculous

that i'm like are we sure that this is what he's upset about then because like he's like oh you would know and you're like well i know i'm not on the right like it's just i don't know like again like it's it's a natural reaction when someone is someone just is like so upset about something that is like literally like not valid whatsoever and like is yeah like you you're like what the fuck like again like I am an I my natural instinct is to be annoyed with him and yours is not and so I think that like even if you were to mend that relationship he still has all of these feelings about this and like it's not just like water under the bridge so like you would have to come to him with a hey I've been thinking about it and you what I'm really sorry and like is that authentic

to you like what because if this really hurt him and mattered so much to him which again I didn't graduate college I don't understand a grad party like to me I'm like okay like also it's funny because that's why I think there's something else on it or it's a different situation I think it might have to be a different situation and then like as two people who like ghost or whatever there are things that I will tell someone of being like hey this really hurt and like I will want you to rectify this because like I don't want this relationship to end or like I'm gonna let you know I need some space or whatever but like for cutting off like a close close friend it's not a first offense kind of thing it's like shit has been bad and then you say something so fucking

insane or so fucking out of pocket that like I it's not even it's I can't even dignify it with the response and so I think in this instance like I I'm just having a hard time thinking that this is the only thing that happened because again if it was I think you'd be mad at him so I I think if like you know we can all have like different levels of sensitivity and like priorities and all of that kind of a thing and like if you want to work on that friendship you can try but like if it isn't about this and it's about something else that you also quote-unquote should know but you're not then you you guys just like might not be supposed to be friends for the rest of your life because like there are some times where it's like something that's so obvious to me

i don't want to have to explain to somebody else that that hurts me but but if he wanted to continue with this friendship he would have told you specifically what it was that's what i'm saying I think fundamentally it has to be a compilation of things like you don't just cut off someone you've been this close to for this long like there could have been things that they were pissing him off or upsetting him and he like let them compile and he never said anything about it and that's like not your fault you're not you don't can't be a mind reader in that instance but when you don't share what's upsetting you and sometimes even if you do like sometimes the message is only clear to the other person once that relationship has is ended and it's been

severed and it's done so I think like you know if you notice this is a pattern in other friendships that you've had or other relationships or like you're finding it like you're finding it hard to get close to people then I think like yeah maybe do some like self-reflection and be like ask him you so don't owe this to me but like I'm having a hard time I would love to know like if you could just explain to me like what had happened and he might not give you that but Like, you can go for it and do that. But I think we tend to, like, mourn versions of the relationship. And I don't like having friends who will not tell me when they're upset.

Like, I'm, like, if you're upset with me, like, tell me, like, and, like, let me know. Give me the opportunity to, like, make it right or whatever. And when someone sits in on that, when I'm someone who will tell someone, even if it's uncomfortable, like, I will tell someone and I need that kind of respect back and forth. and so he didn't give you that and so i don't even know if it's a relationship worth pursuing because this might happen again like this isn't this could just be fundamental communication differences in different expectations so he might be more uptight you might be more chill and like that can be a very hard dynamic even as simple as that is like it just can be a hard dynamic to

maintain all right uh next one can you be casual with a guy and also go on vacation with him where you meet his family no i'll keep reading though thank you for the the quick tldr i love it a thesis statement exactly i 28 she her have been seeing this guy 31 he him for about a month and things are going really well we are on the same page about wanting to be friends who also fuck sometimes today while hanging out he mentioned that he was going home to puerto rico in december january and he invited me to join him my initial reaction was to say yes but only for a few days not this whole three-week trip, but that feels like doing the opposite of being casual but making long-term plans with a man that I haven't really known that long. On the other hand, I do want to

go to Puerto Rico and I would need to pay for my flights. The hot girl in me is like, bitch, just go, but I'm apprehensive because I tend to rush into relationships and I really don't want to do that again. When I told him it feels a bit serious to make those plans, he said it doesn't have to mean anything deep and beyond him wanting me to have the opportunity to go on a fun trip. He was in Puerto Rico when we started talking, so I flirtingly wished, wishing that I was at a beach with him. I basically manifested it, right? So is this normal or am I overthinking it? I don't have to accept immediately or anything, but I don't want to get excited about it and then not even like him anymore in a month. I'm an Aries, so it'd be like that. I've never been casual about

anything. Please help. Love you guys. Thanks for existing. I'd read this book. If it was a free trip, you're not using your vacation time or like you can work from home at a distance or, you know, you're just rich and you don't have to work at all. Then I'd be like, go for it. But the fact that it would be a whole three weeks no meeting his family no he wants to date you he yeah like this is not a casual thing i also think you want to date him too so like if y'all y'all are down for that then like yeah go for it but if not buy a refundable ticket so that if you decide not to go then don't go but like can you stay at a hotel where he just comes and hooks up with you or you gotta stay with him and his family no thanks yeah what if like well no it's porter i was gonna say

what if they like the food is bad and i'm like no food won't be bad but like i was like but like you know that's like when people like should i go visit my boyfriend like this guy i'm dating for the first time his family lives in wisconsin i go what are your dietary restriction are you gonna trust those people you've never met before to cook you food puerto rico i would wisconsin i love you Bitches, not so much. Not so much. But... Cheese and meat.

I like the meat. Take away the cheese. The thing is that, like, as a Leo, fire to fire, I recognize you. You... I stand with Melissa

in the fact that, like, I don't think you should be paying for this ticket whatsoever. Like, I think if he wants you there, he should pay for your ticket. I think spending money on a flight to go with your fuck buddy,

like, this is, like, the same way that like, don't waste your vacation time. Don't waste your vacation dollars because it's not a vacation. Like you are not doing whatever you want to do. Like you are being invited essentially as a plus one. And like, I am also a firm believer. Like if I'm invited as a plus one, I pay plus zero. I pay zero. You pay plus two. Like that's just, it's not for me. And it's not for that. Like I'm here for you in that instance. And like, if you want to go to Puerto Rico, like plan a trip with your friends to go. Like this doesn't have to be like, oh, My only opportunity to ever go would be with him.

And I think like if you guys do, it does seem like you would be interested in dating at some point, but you just don't want to rush into it because that's kind of your habit. I think it's a very fucking weird way to meet the family. If like you do end up dating, like it is just a little bit odd. And like, how would you feel if like you get there and his parents are like, oh, another one of these girls you bring? Like, it's just like there's so many variables there that are odd. And like, it's just can be awkward.

Like, where are you going to are you going to be staying with them? Are you going to poop there? do you have your own bathroom like they're just all of these things that like are stress that like you have to do when you're in a relationship and you're not even in a relationship yet so I say pass on pass on that part and then also do not make any future plans decisions after until three months together because like as someone who also for me very rarely have I ever gotten to the past the point of maintaining a crush on someone or liking someone for more than three months it literally would be like a sand die the timer goes off and I wake up in that

morning and I open my eyes and I'm like I'm repulsed I can I I can never see you ever again and the the plans I used to make people and then I would be like you'll never see me again like you know this about you I knew this about me it's not a trait I love it's also not my least favorite trait like I'm you know I know I'm I'm consistent with that but like also like once you got to three months over like I was fine you haven't been there like that's not a place that you lived in a long time you know this is the only person who I've liked more than I know so like it doesn't even like it's not even a part of who you are anymore no exactly but it's just like when you know that about yourself you have to take that into consideration that I'm like oh other people

aren't like this so like I'm not just making empty promises with another person who knows that like yeah I mean TBD if we still want to see each other without vomiting in two and a half months and then I like knowing that I was actively disappointing people thinking that like it was no big deal to me but I was like oh that's not how you operate so if you know that's how you operate you have to plan accordingly and you cannot because I think the same thing with guys who are like that too where you can't just be like well I told her that's what I'm like and so she said she was she said let's just try it out like no no if I know that like I am incredibly inconsistent for the first three months and then I could be super into you and then like

my responsibility is not just to like tell a guy like hey you know kind of hard to tie down like after I don't know you know I'm not really not sure what I'm looking for whatever and I tell someone that and then I think like they say like oh that's fine like it'll be fine like I still want to do that inevitably I know I'm still going to hurt them and now I feel like I've kind of absolved myself and like I've washed my hands clean because like well I told them and it's like well no like it is on i think us when we know that about ourselves to set those boundaries because other people might tell us that they're fine with it and you know deep down they're not and like it's just not totally fair so don't spend the money if you're gonna get a refundable

ticket go for it but like where do they live do they have space do they have room and this just like doesn't work out well i know someone who like invited a girl he was like starting to date to an international wedding and i was like why i was like i met your girlfriend he's like i don't of a girlfriend i was like you're taking her to a wedding four months from now in europe plans like and he was like no and i was like that's your girlfriend you need to go break up with your girlfriend because i don't like your tone and i was like first of all she's so fucking i was like literally like live it and the way i wanted to like shake this girl and be like no babe no no no no yeah everyone thinks they operate like when someone says like oh no i'm cool with casual

If your actions don't match your words, you are misleading someone. Yep. Yeah. All right. We're going to take another break. When we get back, we'll get into don't blame them. Spotify and Accenture are working together to reinvent the rhythm of ad sales, using automation, analytics, and smarter workflows to simplify campaign delivery and access better data across the business. The result? Less time spent on operations, more time connecting brands with the moments and fandoms that matter most.

Learn more at Accenture.com slash Spotify. Get your tickets now for the Dog Stars. it's no surprise how fast civilization can disappear a therapist kill or be killed jacob alorti there are people out there they need our help josh brolin shoot first and inquire afterwards margaret qualley okay tough guy and guy piers arm up the dog stars directed by ridley scott in theaters friday get tickets now hear that it's your money calling it wants a promotion elevate your savings with the scotia high interest savings account always earn high regular interest rates that grow the more you

save and invest conditions apply visit scotiabank.com slash hisa to learn more scotiabank you're richer than you think we're back coco please keep it do it coco all right it's time for don't blame them megan do you want to tell them what don't blame them is i do don't blame them is where a listener uh will call in or write in with their own advice pertaining to something we had aired on a previous episode so if it's about career they might be in the same field or they've experienced something similar or relationships they've been through it personally maybe professionally it deals with their job and they are going to give their own insight for the original caller and

hopefully it can help all right this is from the episode surprise party in the bedroom oh three someone before i even finished the episode i had to pause and write this because i certainly had some thoughts. When my boyfriend and I started dating, we were very open about talking about our kinks and fantasies. I had been involved in group sex scenarios in my past. I am a bi woman, by the way. And he, a straight man, had always fantasized about group sex. Once we were settled and secure in our relationship, we started talking more seriously about having a threesome. Communication and trust is so key if you want to bring anyone else into your relationship in any capacity. Without it, you are asking for trouble. We created a joint profile on some dating apps.

Our profile clearly showed and stated we were a couple and we both had access to the account to swipe and chat, which we were upfront about to matches. There's nothing wrong with seeking out a third, but having been on both sides of this on dating apps in the past, it is so frustrating when you match with seemingly a single girl who then jumps in when she messages you with searching for a third. It's not upfront. It's not honest. It's really just a gross fetish of queer women and feels like a rude waste of time and blindside as someone who was just looking for another person, not a couple. There are also specific dating apps like Field that are specifically for people and couples who are searching out kinks, group sex, and polyamory. The person you are inviting in

is also an actual person too, not just a part of your fantasy. Their thoughts, feelings, desires, comforts, and fantasies should all be taken into account. If your only reason for a threesome is to fulfill your own pleasure and fantasy, don't have one. It's that simple. I've been the person invited into a couple before where the couple really just was excited about having a threesome, not excited about having me. My pleasures were not considered. The girl also didn't even seem to be into being with a girl which was annoying and not cool and i felt like just an object used in their fantasies if you are not ready to bring another actual human with thoughts feelings and desires into the bedroom try porn or sex toys instead i hope this caller takes a lot more

thought and communication into whether or not she or her partner wants this before she pursues anything further agree yeah that's great well said very well said i did at some point end up on tiktok of people just doing talking about that dating app and like i'm sure it's great for some people but it was like talking about like someone's like the worst dating dates i've ever been on and talking about the people that they match with and like like we were saying in the um fisting friday episode about like how no sorry no in this episode how you're saying about how like in communities like a bdsm or like a fighting community you can have people who are very like just there for all of the right reasons and bachelor term thin ones who are just like fucking freaks and perverts who

are like trying to slip in with that and it was happening on this app and there are some people who are like holy fucking like it was wild i do have a friend that is on the app and they enjoy it they use it to meet up with people so it can if you're being smart about using it just like any dating app oh totally and this was not like someone was like bamboos it was like the dating profile itself was like oh you've probably been kicked off of all of their dating apps this is just the newest one that you have yet to be kicked off of in this and you're trying to like hide amongst like oh we should all be accepting and it's like no no no no one in this community is accepting of this and what you are doing but anytime there's a new dating app i go oh you're

getting all of the dudes yeah all the dudes who haven't who've been kicked off the existing one they're just flocking here like you gotta wait a couple years to wait till they get filtered out yeah well that is it for our episode we hope you all enjoyed and uh don't forget to leave a review you can also watch the video version on patreon join our patreon support the show we do live streams twice a month it's very fun get to know people make new friends and um stay tuned for next week when you have all of our shows that come out friday we have fisting friday monday we have but am i wrong tuesday see you next tuesday and then break on wednesday but maybe participate in the group music on patreon we're gonna post about everybody can contribute a song one song for this

month and make a playlist spotify makes it where we can add a playlist right now i have your book is there and which is a contribution from both of us yeah and uh but am i wrong but like the old feed but we can swap out the old feed and put a playlist i love that yep and if any of you bitches put like a stupid song make it funny no this is if there's a stupid song that it won't be included no but if it's a stupid song it needs to be a song that like is like quote unquote stupid but like i actually love it yeah but like it was just a stupid dumb song no no we have final say on what makes it to this playlist and we have taste and you know what you want to submit taste by sabrina carpenter taste you can put in any one of her songs i'll add any any one of her songs

i can't talk about not going to her concert okay goodbye This is a Sister Sign production hosted by me, Megan Rinks. And me, Melissa D. Montz, plus Diamond Imprint Productions. Post-production by Coco Lorenz. Production assistance by Melanie D. Watson. And music by Ryan Hunter and Giacomo Picasso. Real Canadian Superstore has everything you need this back-to-school season. Save on lunchbox savers like Ziggy's Sliced Deli Meat products for always $3.75.

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