Don't Blame Me! - DBM: Turning Into Mr. Krabs

Episode Date: March 6, 2025

This week Meghan and Melisa are giving advice on: Handling a bad friendship breakup when you work together Scared to let your partner pay for things Grad school or an apprenticeship Dumping a bridesmaid Update: 10/31/2024 Rekindling with an ex Buy Our Merch https://crowdmade.com/collections/sister-sign Call In - 310-694-0976 (3 minutes or less) Write In - [e-mail] (300 words or less) Follow Us! instagram.com/meghanandmelisa @meghanrienks instagram.com/meghanrienks https://twitter.com/meghanrienks @sheisnotmelissa instagram.com/sheisnotmelissa instagram.com/diamondmprint.productions Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

hello welcome back to don't play meme pod don't play me your tongue is very pink did you have candy did i it is very pink no i had cake it was oh i had purple icing on if anybody watches the patreon melissa's tongue is almost magenta like my tongue i mean it was purple icing sonam got a cake from because she wanted to do that walmart trend of people getting the heart cakes she didn't want to spend the what 100 like 200 300 on the tiny yeah home baker to make a use a box mix yep the walmart's here well don't do the heart cakes no because the walmart's here aren't walmarting like the walmart's other other places yes but they did do a very nice like

round it was very cute yeah and it was only like 20 i think and i was i told her i was like it's gonna be that cake is gonna be fucking delicious she's like i don't believe you we got it well it wasn't like i don't believe you but it was more like yeah okay it's walmart like no grocery stores make phenomenal cakes walmart cakes hit even oh they really do yeah and i was like like it's gonna be good and i said don't tell anybody where you got the cake and everybody was talking about how good the cake was and i said and then she told them after she's like yep there i think it might be sam's club i don't think it's caught it might be costco too but i do know that there's like a sheet cake that like everybody uses for their wedding that like and it's one of it's

either Costco or Sam's Club and everybody says that like it's one of the best cakes you'll ever have yeah but you just wouldn't know and they don't make it in like wedding cake form so like there's only so many ways to have it but as a kid my favorite my favorite way to kill time when someone's like with an adult shopping at the grocery store I'm gonna just hang out in the cake I just flip through all of the options for what I would want my cake to be never got one of those cakes but like they look fun time still fun time i still remember one that specifically had ice cream cone it was like a i think it was supposed to be a castle or a sand castle i had four ice cream cones on the corners and then like filled up with like frosting to like oh my god it

was beautiful and i wanted the one the cake that had barbie second middle i actually think that my grandma the fun one might have done that for me one time and my aunt that's sweet not the one who's a bitch and being like fatty you can't come to the pool looking like that and i was like ma'am your walls are yellow you can't stop chain smoking who here has the bigger problem i think you do and she's dead so i win anyways welcome we're gonna give you wonderful amazing life-changing advice and uh if you're wondering how are we qualified to give such good advice well we've been doing the show for a very long time and because we said so what we lack in credentials we make up for in opinions that's been a while i know so there are multiple ways

you can participate in the show why the fuck did you just do that i'm so tired i'm running on fumes with a lowercase f well it's gonna get kooky get on get on here with me i don't i feel like that nap i don't know wait when did you nap but when i had okay so here this is what happened i got home at 10 10 30 ish close to 11 you know and then i had to shower can't be outside and then come inside and then i started editing around 11 30 12 and i was like this isn't gonna work so then i went to sleep and i was like it'll just be like a quick 20 i woke up 20 minutes i felt like i hadn't done anything but i like went to sleep immediately if that's how tired i was and then i woke up again 30 minutes later and i said still not good i went back to sleep so it

was probably about two o'clock when i woke up again and then i finished the edit went to sleep around seven then woke up at ten so that's how long was the first stretch in total before you went back you went to sleep at seven uh probably like two hours so then seven to ten so that's five hours and i usually need eight hours to function and i fell asleep at probably 3 or 3 30 and then i had a hard time falling asleep and then i woke up at 7 30 or 8 okay i had more sleep towards the end yeah i think that's that's probably it yeah it's gonna the crash is coming that's what they say about the stock market too i actually don't know what they're talking about the stock market why did you try to make it sexual though because at this point i'm just trying to have fun there's

never any good news when it comes to finance it's not like hey everybody's making money it's always like stuff's about to get real bad and like we came like last time i tried to make a joke of being like hoping for before we bought our house being like hoping for the next recession so we can buy a house people are like this is deeply insensitive i'm like okay at what point can we joke about it like never and that to me is like not like i i'm gonna get up here and be a comedian and say i can't say anything anymore can't make jokes about the recession wow wow wow and that's where i say can't say anything people get offended by everything and welcome to megan's a republican brought to you by

Tesla today I'm coming out as a Republican I peel my skin mask off underneath I have my tattooed eyeliner and my incredibly chunky old mascara and a permanent sty because I won't get a new one

hi everybody seed oils I love RFK and I just get exceedingly angry you know what his wife i'll never forgive her for posting this was recently posting after they she had said they were separated and then quickly when she he got into the white house she's like nah but she has her own company i'm not sure what it is it might be skincare might be vitamins i don't know but she has some company and she posted a video of her talking about said product with him in the

background in the shower and that's how everybody knew they weren't separated again it was a glass door and it was just strategically placed so you couldn't see his pee pee but he was very much naked and showering to see what the worm did to his face i don't want to see what the worm did to the rest of that body that is that is none of my business i should not know him no all i should knows that yeah that's robert kennedy's son that's jack's uncle right that's his uncle well anyways if you want to call into this podcast the phone number is 310-694-0976 international listeners you can send us an audio message not an audio massage where that's traumatizing for melissa especially no but i would love to give somebody an audio massage

hi there no okay why don't you come in the room and disrobe and then lie on the table under the blanket ew okay do you want the table warmed up for you okay let me know how hard you like it very kate hudson when she's like can i order a dirty filthy slutty little fucking martini i love that one uh you can email us at meganpodcast at gmail.com for all of them the audio message and the voice message oh and you can also dm us on instagram you have to be form oh there's a form now too you're right right right right uh you have to be 18 or over or have your parents permission and you have to tell us how old you are and then for the audio message and the voicemail, you have to keep it under three minutes.

And for the email, as well as the DM, keep it under 300 words. But we do need to know how old you are. This situation that you're going through, give us the examples. We are not in your head. So like, we don't know everything. So explain it as best as you can

with the most relevant information so we can give you the best advice possible. And there's no like extension. So if you like forget something and then be like, oh, I'll just add it in another call. That's not, we're not gonna do that. It gotta be in one concise thing, but you can also write everything down that you want to say practice a few times and then just

read it out loud or use the form if you're like not feeling like you want to your words are fitting today yeah and the form also has a link where you can upload audio too so and make sure you follow us on instagram so you can see every week when melissa posts unhinged graphics on the story to remind you fill out the form for the upcoming episode i put the number on there too they got options it's um i i just i'm always impressed by the the levels and places of the internet that you go that i have never or rarely seen or not seen in conjunction before i impressed myself too you want to see an elephant in a thong i found it i got that you want it i got it at it should we hop into the first let's do it megan hey eminem long time listener rosette era

oh my god first time writing in do you want to explain what that means uh i'd rather not no that's yeah it's my very old school youtube username some people like rosette i've known you forever like i remember you from beauty break and then other people will like have their long cigarette they go i remember megan rosette i'm like yeah those bitches have been around I should have picked up my prop cigarette that I made for an audition that's on the ground I 23 female moved far from my hometown and started work where my friend 25 female was I wanted more experience and she told me about the opening she was newly single in the fall and became obsessed with guys demanding facetime calls and wouldn't listen when I just wanted to

talk she bullies people out of quote-unquote love such as nagging me to drink she sucks getting upset if it wasn't enough or about what it was making fun of pronouncing things differently than her and arguing about who was right or wrong calling me a bad driver knowing that i'd gone into an accident years ago calling me emotionally immature to other people because i don't want kids we've had combos with no changes recently during a bad shift she made a dig towards me about a new hire already doing everything alone when i confronted her she rolled her eyes i sent her a text saying we should talk in person and explained everything i've been feeling she didn't respond for three days and she said the friendship had been quote-unquote draining her i said we

should take time apart her silence said enough since she gets upset at others for the things that she does to me including the silent treatment and that i hope that we can remain professional she replied saying that i've constantly been attacking her that she's been supportive that she got me the job and has been more of a friend than i have basically turning the conversation back onto me being quote-unquote wrong i feel crazy because she'd constantly call me sensitive and needy when bringing this stuff up how do you handle a bad friendship breakup am i wrong for being upset by these things please be gentle i can be sensitive pisces oh you can be very sensitive i don't like this broad how is she saying that your friendship is emotionally draining after

you brought it up that you needed a break if she's drained from your friendship then why isn't she happy about this break too because if i was in an emotionally draining friendship and somebody came to me and was like yeah you've been really making my battery deplete then i would i would be happy that somebody wants to have a friendship break yeah she's a liar for doing the work for me yeah amazing wonderful and i'll probably be like oh i totally understand a mature person would be like yeah i understand i've been feeling the same way about this friendship we should have a break not then trying to guilt trip you into continuing the friendship you've also said nothing positive about her which doesn't necessarily mean that like you hadn't had any positive interactions

with her like this step it's you're obviously writing from the point of view where you're currently in but you didn't say how you guys met so you like you moved from your hometown and started work where your friend was and so you're two years apart so to me this is like if you've known each other since like i don't know high school or whatever like a freshman being friends with the junior there's that like age gap kind of a thing when you're younger younger can really feel like oh i'm just like teaching you the ropes i'm leading you i'm helping i'm doing all of those kinds of things and that there is actually no basis of friendship there like i'm a project then i'm a pet i'm a barbie like i'm i'm none of those things and then when you start to

you know not enjoy that or push back on it or have a little bit more of a backbone it becomes like oh my god what why am i even doing this for and it's like quite literally no one asked you to do this doesn't sound like she even really knows how to be a friend let alone a fucking co-worker because this is just like a level of drama that I would never willingly bring into my personal life and as well as my professional life at the exact same fucking time like that's just too goddamn much but shitty friendship breakups they very much suck I will say the turning it back on you is not uncommon it's like that guy who you are trying to end things with or like you don't match like you are interested in seeing on a dating app and you go so sorry like you know thank you but I'm

not interested and he goes i didn't like you anyway you fucking slut and it's like okay no you did like it's just the trying to spit out breaking up with you before you can finish the sentence because like they don't want to be the one who they want to feel the power and control so i have to assume that that's what she's doing it's not uncommon but i like handling a bad friendship breakup it sucks because it is a stereotype but i think it's a stereotype for reason because we do it that like women in general we mourn things while we're still in them like well whether it's a relationship or whatever that like not coming to the end of the decision to end this friendship on a whim like you've been having she's been a shitty fucking friend for I don't

even know how long so you have been mourning that as it's been happening like you've had to change your expectations change your standards change like what you kind of behavioral accept from this person to the point where it like gets to be too fucking much and that's it is it is helpful at the same time as it like also sucks because you will be you've probably been in a funk about this more and like ending the friendship doesn't necessarily make it like oh this feels so much better I have been through that I've been through that recently and my biggest advice is like pour into other things because it can be so easy to reminisce on and romanticize and like miss a relationship that like fundamentally does not exist anymore it is in the past and you need to have things present

things to compare it to so like even if it's just like a fun solo outing or hanging like making other friends hanging out with people whatever and not having your memories of people places and things attached to her like you just have to put yourself out the same put yourself out there the same way you would after a breakup yeah i agree with all that um it does make it difficult though since y'all work together is there a way where you don't have to work as closely or you have a different shift i don't know what kind of job it is have a different shift or you know i know you moved here for this job is there a similar job that you can look for in your town because i just you know i've i've worked with people where um we no longer were friends but i didn't have to

see them every day so it made it easier but you do have to see her pretty much every day so is there a way to work around that also why was she jealous of somebody else that was already independent working independently why was she jealous of that she made a dig toward me about a new hire already doing everything alone or oh maybe she was talking shit about you because the other co-worker was already doing things alone and you're not is that what that meant or were you supposed to be helping them or was it that they were yeah progressing faster than you like i am also very curious about what this job is because she uh does not sound like a delight she does not sound like wonderful to have in the classroom she does not sound like a team

so like i can't imagine unless she like she owns this business or like it's her family or whatever i can't imagine that she has like a wonderful reputation at work like there is something like talking shit is can be bonding like that is like i i love to bond and talk shit with people about people but like there is like a level of who i'm gonna talk shit with and who i'm gonna talk shit about so if i had overheard a co-worker talking shit about her best friend to her best friend my other co-worker i wouldn't think less of you who's receiving the shit talk it would be her who's saying all this stuff so i think that i just can't imagine that she's like beloved in the work place so i agree in the sense that like if she's been able to be at this job for so long and like

people love her i think you should you should get out otherwise i think that you if you were her only friend in the world and everybody else hated her i think she'll probably end up leaving but she sucks i hope you don't have to work around her and are able to end this friendship like she's she's also trying to like use the fact that she got this job for you as a way to control you and i don't like that i also hate that phrasing because i'm like again unless she owns the company or her family owns the company and you are an absolutely incompetent employee that they are having to work twice as hard all of that stuff for she didn't get you a job she probably got you an interview and you got yourself the job so she sounds like she's stuck in high

school and i'm gonna bet she peaked in high school all right uh we're gonna take a break when we get back we'll get into some more your playlist might get you through the workday but have you ever wondered how your ancestors spent theirs what work helped them build a life how did they adapt as the world around them changed with ancestry you can search select historical occupational records for free for a limited time and discover the stories behind the jobs in your family tree. You've got questions. We've got ancestors. Search free until August 31st. Visit ancestry.ca for details. Terms apply. We're back and it's time for the next one.

hi megan and melissa excuse me sorry i'm sorry uh so i am 27 years old and i'm trying to i need advice with my relationship nothing wrong with my relationship it's more of me so my partner 30 he they we've been together for 10 months now and it's been so great so far i love it i love them and they're just amazing but however here's my little problem i think i'm turning into mr Krabs. You know the episode of SpongeBob where Mr. Krabs starts dating Mrs. Puff and then starts buying her, like, a crazy one of stuff and starts spending a lot of stuff and is like, oh my god, I'm spending a lot of money!

And then starts blaming SpongeBob over everything. Well, I'm doing that, except not crazy stuff. I'm buying them stuff that's, like, useful and stuff that I know that they need or mentioned. Like, I got them a Brita filter because I remember they said that they accidentally broke it. Well, actually, the dog broke it. But, um, and, like, I got

them pepper spray. I got them, like, just stuff that I know that they would need. And even, like, a date night that was mostly me paying for this stuff which again i don't mind uh but even they're noticing they're like hey baby it's okay if i pay for stuff but like also i was raised to i don't know my parents like told me to never let anyone pay for my stuff but then again i'm autistic and i take things a little bit too literal so i'm just like i don't know i have that guilt of like never i i don't know i never let anyone pay for my stuff like at all because i feel guilty and then again i have my parents like

saying did anyone pay for your stuff and if i say yes they yell at me i don't know i know i'm grown But, you know, it's just that, I don't know, something in the back of my head. I hear my parents saying, don't anyone pay for your stuff. And, like, I don't know. And every time they do, I feel guilty. I don't know. Like, I just do. And, like, I don't know.

And, like, I don't, and, like, even, like, the gifts I get them, like, for Valentine's Day, Christmas, and their birthday is a little bit else. Like, Swarovski's and a flow for a coat. And what else did I get them? I don't know. Something expensive. But, like, still, like, I don't know. Like, I just, like, how do I not overspend on my partner, but also how do I let them pay for my stuff without that guilt, especially with how I was raised? And also another not-so-serious advice, A, how do I comfortably fart in front of my partner?

Because I remember an episode of Beauty Break where Jussie Smiles said that she held in a fart for so long in front of someone who she was on a date with, not the person that she's currently with, someone else. And she said that she held in that fart for, like, eight hours, went to the bathroom, tried to fart. nothing came out and then she forced that person to drive you to the hospital and I don't want to do that especially with someone who already has stomach problems so yeah how do I not overspend on my partner and also let them pay for my stuff and how do I comfortably

spend on my partner sorry two crazy things but like still would appreciate the advice and let you guys love the pod and yeah hope you guys have a great day love you guys we love you too we don't say that to just everybody no

wait so i fear you have you been holding in a fart for 10 months i do you not know how to crop dust like that's that's how you start you walk also you don't even need to stand up go to the bathroom yeah and then fart in the bathroom flush you waste the water sorry sue me wash your hands and then come back out like and then slowly walk into walk walk into the kitchen to fart okay you know whatever that's why i feel like crop dusting is the way because somebody would be like if it's just the two of you he'll know that you farted if he can smell it and then he could make a comment maybe he's too shy to make a comment but you could say something like oh i'm sorry i just farted we gotta get this gas out i would have already been in the hospital like i the only rule

that moths and i have is no farting your faces like but no and like if you have to fart and you're standing up take a couple steps away don't just like fart in my vicinity but if we're on the couch or whatever like you either need to be under like you are under your own individual blanket or your butt is away if you if it's a quick fart and you're like i'm not able to get up and move out of the way how are y'all sharing do you i'm assuming that you've shared a bed a time or two there's one of you has you've farted definitely farted as sleepy people on average fart eight times during their sleep at night imagine and if you're holding in your farts for the entire day you're farting about 30 times your your asshole is just wind blowing the whole time

you're in bed so also i know and i won't say that i thought about that too uh-huh i was like come on we we we can do hard things we've done harder things uh-huh we've done other things there yes so but you know what we're saying yeah i'll i'll i'll dm yeah if you don't i if you think you know you know also farts are objectively funny what you want is the next time or you could just peel the band-aid off and just like straight up just fart and there are times where i rip one like far and it'll be if it's silent i don't wait until he's not i literally go please hold your breath because i just farted and i bet it's gonna smell so bad or i farted this morning so loud macho's like leaning over to give me like a kiss while i was like a half asleep and he'd leave

early for a morning and i farted so loud and then i immediately did oh my god who was that i'm scared from that vine like one time we were recording well we were just chatting and you were doing your makeup or something you farted I was like did you just fart and you said yeah and then we just kept going like it's not I was just like thrown off because I hadn't heard it oh haven't heard that one before like I am so fundamentally against holding in your farts because I had such severe anxiety as like a kid and a preteen that like I would make myself sick because I would not fart at school and then I started having food intolerance issues and then it was no longer a choice really but like i wish i could be someone who could just like poop in a public bathroom i

can't i can only either so my body will not let me so my little act of rebelling every day is if i have to fart i i will let that bitch go and i do think there's a theme to this call and that is not let your freak flag fly it is do things out of spite so the idea that like you're not you're supposed to be like you know delicate and like you shouldn't be like farting is gross and it's not it's not uh attractive or whatever fuck that that that's a system in place that's that's it's capitalism it's patriarchy all of that so to rebel fart fart fart fart the aspect of oh i feel guilty uh my partner wants to spend money on me and like i shouldn't accept that no think of this as a fuck you in the face to capitalism or stimulating the economy when your

parents were ingraining these things into you it was because one they didn't want like friends paying for things and then two it was the patriarchy like you should be paying for things but things have changed you're not who you were when you were a child and you know we've you you in a relationship unless you want to be their sugar person like you gotta let them pay for things if you don't want to i'm not in your pockets i'm sure you're not going broke but it needs to be fair it's got to be a fair thing and if your partner if it like i understand like being nice like i bought you a brita filter but you can't be doing that all the time where like your partner was like oh i was gonna get that and at some point it might just resentment might build up

well and also you talk about like it seems like you you like get it like you enjoy getting things for them it makes you feel good and that's they want to do the same thing for you so like yeah give them that opportunity i so understand this mentality i would so like a first date i'm letting the dude pay like before we're in a relationship like you're paying you're paying you're paying and then like the closer i am with someone like once mox and i were dating i was like i feel bad i feel bad i feel bad like i'm just not i was also i also wasn't raised with like money like that so like that there's just like i must be i'm so incredibly like scarcity complex with money like i don't spend a lot of money i save my money i'm like very smart with my money because i also

can't do basic multiplication and addition and subtraction and that does not does not help with that and i don't i did not not i still don't have great financial literacy and like all of those kinds of things and so for me i tied money to freedom and independence and so like i not like on hoarding resources in a way but like in a way that like i don't want to ever have to rely on somebody but i was also wanted people to be able to like i didn't want to have to count on anybody but i also wanted people to count on me and i realized like that's like so not fucking fair like that because it doesn't create an even relationship in that way at all and also if you don't at a certain point start to share money or like back and forth like that you never will

learn how to have a relationship with money with your partner like it has to happen at some point and i would say that like looking back on it now like our who pays more whatever has always fluctuated based on like our jobs or whatever and i would say that like the past three-ish or so years is like the first time that like i've ever really like let mots buy me things when he wants too and he loves it like he's gets so happy and so excited and like wants to like he's like I want to get this for you like if we go like thrifting and I'm like oh this is cute and then I'll go and hang something and I'll be and then he'll be like oh I already bought these ones for you I love them I thought they're and like I see how much joy that brings him but then also like I really worked at

like figuring out what to get him for Valentine's Day and like I was so excited for him to open it and see that. And I think like if we only let that go one way, like Melissa said, it will build resentment. But even if it... Before it gets to the building resentment place, it just makes money a stickier conversation. And the longer you're together

and the more serious your relationship is, the quicker you need to start talking about money. And I have a lot of... I'm very uncomfortable talking about like with money. Like not like, oh, how much did you get paid? Very cool transparency and all of that. I just am constantly terrified that I... I because I don't have good financial literacy because I was not like raised in that way that

like feeling like I'm an idiot or I'm doing something wrong or I'm in trouble or whatever that is and I've had to like work at that and I think my life would be a hell of a lot better if I didn't have any of that baggage there but I think if you can recognize that this is manifesting because you were like you were really raised in this like um you were the only one responsible for you survival survival survival kind of thing that you don't just grow out of that you have to work your way out of that and i think this is like a really good place to to do that agree with someone you love and care about and 10 months that's oh have a time congratulations almost a year that's exciting all right next one hi megan and melissa i'm looking for advice on

bridesmaids. I, 29, she, her, am getting married to my fiance, 31, he, him, summer 2026. We have two friends my fiance met through college, Paige, 26, she, her, and Jason, 27, he, him, who are supposed to be in our wedding. However, when we went to visit my fiance's family and friends out of state last month, Paige made me reconsider her. She got engaged early 2024 and getting married late 2026. I got engaged December 2024, so this was the first time seeing everyone in person since. She didn't say anything to me in general, but also said nothing about the ring or congratulations. When we saw them eight months later after their engagement, we still made sure to congratulate them in person and asked to see the ring. When my fiance's high school friend who

were also with us, Paige has met them maybe two times, asked about my wedding. Paige would interject her own wedding plans and wouldn't let me say anything. She also made me feel guilty about having things like a videographer at my wedding because that is too expensive and a waste of money. Those are in quotes. Should I not ask her to be a bridesmaid to protect my mental health and not run the risk of her making my wedding events about her. My fiance has said he is good with whatever I decide. She is still invited to the wedding, but I feel guilty because my fiance's friend is Jason.

My fiance wants to have the same number on both sides. So if I remove one, he feels he needs to. I am a Taurus sun, Libra rising cancer moon. Paige is a cancer sun, and we are both only children if that provides more context, thanks. don't have anybody in your wedding that you don't feel 100 sold on wait i have you already asked her to be in your wedding even if you haven't i don't care if you have or haven't rescind it or like don't ask her i just need that like if you've already asked her i i assume that like if you're

close enough that you you like i'm saying if you've already asked to be your bridesmaid and you are close enough that you want her as your bridesmaid. I assume that you either FaceTimed her or called her after you got engaged, showed her the ring. You've talked in the eight-month sense. Like, you text all the time. Like, you're friends.

Her not saying, like, congratulations, like, let me see the ring. If you're close, like, the only people who will be like, I haven't seen in eight months who are like, oh my gosh, like, let me see the ring, congratulations, are people I don't talk to and I have not spoken to. Like, nobody was like, oh, my God, girl, like, show me the ring. Because first of all, you were there.

Like, do you know what I mean? Like, so I'm just like. Yes, I was there. That's what I'm saying. That I'm just kind of like, I'm, I think that like, if it's like you have not asked her yet. And it's really just because she is with Jason. And you, he wants, your fiance wants to have even like. And some people really do believe in me.

If you have one partner, the other one should also be in the wedding party. i fundamentally do not fucking believe that at all me either at all and if it's the case that you're like really not that close and you also haven't asked her she should have never even been in the running to be a bridesmaid to begin with but if like she is your good friend and you've already asked her to be your bridesmaid i have to assume at some point in the last eight months you've been in you talk like enough to ask her to be your bridesmaid that she's probably you probably facetimed her to show her the ring and like to do all of that that like I don't think it's a huge deal to say the first time I saw her in person she didn't say congratulations like

it would be odd to me if like I don't know Kyle one of my very best friends but who does not live in California he knew Moss was proposing he like I sent him like facetimed immediately after all of those kinds of things if the first time i saw him which was truly months later when i think it was for my birthday or something the first thing he says like oh my god congratulations let me see the ring because like our friendship has moved past that point do you what i mean like we that is it is not topical in our relationship and if if your engagement and your ring is topical in your relationship eight months after he proposed you are not good enough friends for her to be a bridesmaid in your wedding at all yeah like it seems like you were just having her as a bridesmaid

out of obligation because of jason i don't think that this you don't like her like no it's very clear you don't like her and she's not the kind of person that you want in your wedding there's so many people i know that don't even talk to most of their bridesmaids at this point anyway post wedding like this should be an enjoyment and celebrated by people she's gonna be there it's not like jason's showing up uh showing up dateless she's still gonna be there just in the aisle where she belongs in the back and it seems like y'all are and she's in a competition that you may not be aware of there's nothing i hate more than when i am somebody's number one op and i said so sorry i don't remember entering this pageant like i i didn't participate in this i did not sign up i

didn't sign any forms for this i also not to be like read too much into it what is your individual friend situation because you talk about him like page and what jason who are your fiance's friends from college and then the next time you talk about hanging out with a group of people who are your fiance's high school friends and where are your friends yeah because i've seen this i mean this happens in general but I'm saying like I've seen this live in person with someone before where I didn't know this because I didn't I knew them through somebody else like I I knew them through someone who I was dating well like it was the guys are friends she's a girlfriend I'm a girlfriend that's the like the the exchanges that we have we don't hang out separately don't have her phone

number don't know her like that anyway and I was also under the impression that like you know other people maybe were closer with like other other girlfriends were closer and I remember like talking to another girlfriend who again are not my personal friends I literally see them I or are these people are not my person these people were not my personal friends like I would literally see them like once twice a year like a big event things that all of these boys were getting together and I remember finding out that the person who's getting married who was not there had made like three of these girls bridesmaids then they were not close and I just assumed that they were close I'm gonna tell you right now some of those girlfriends those relationships did not

last with those guys and those guys were in the wedding like it was just there was so much pressure there and even like I even think at one point it was like floated around like they had asked someone if they thought that they should invite me to their bachelorette party. And thank God, this other person who I was not close with either

was like, no, like, you don't know her that well. I don't know her that well. I know her well enough that she doesn't want to go to Vegas and like rage.

And they're like, oh, well, yeah, but like, you know, could maybe DD, like she doesn't drink. She's like, no, like,

no, like, and thank God this person. They should hire protectors. Facts. But also like Vegas, Vegas goes, we have our own things like that. So it was just I just was I just saw how much stress this put on her because her fiance had a fuck ton of friends. And it was trying to do the same thing of making sure it looked even up there.

And it involved her having to like bond with people while she's trying to have people celebrate her in that time. Like, it's just fucking weird. and like there is no reason why like you should have as many bridesmaids or groomsmen as you both want and if someone goes i want them to look even up there okay whoever has the little the smallest number that's what you have then and if you're like well no i don't want to cut people out then have more then have more have them sit down don't stand up there with you right or have it so that like two people are escorting one person like something like that just not so much like i know right now if i were to get married tomorrow who my bridesmaids would be and it's not contingent

on who the groom would be at all that's a very good way to play like no groom in the picture i can and i'm gonna tell you now i probably have a list of people you could probably name those people and i can name people i would like it to be and i can make a list of people who i've been saying rather not and those people wouldn't be on no they wouldn't be either we'd be on the same page we should get married no so what i'm thinking like i also can like look on like my notes to see who i would write down for like who i would have wanted to have as dream bridesmaids and like never not one of them is contingent on who on moths or anyone i've ever dated before but like there are people on that list who i am no longer close with who would not be on there anymore so

like there is like Melissa said at the beginning like there are so many times that like people who will be your own personal individual friends that friendship will not maintain and they will have been in your wedding and like you're no longer friends like that's just kind of how life works if you have bridesmaids or groomsmen like you're just running the risk of that but like holy shit adding on the this is my fiance this is through them is a whole different level like I think if it's a sibling it's like okay yeah whatever but like yeah there is absolutely no need for you to have it's just and also just like think about like it is no longer than about you you are making your specific bridal driven events about him and his comfort level on the day of your wedding which

why the fuck would he even think about making sure there's an even number of like you're not going to think about that like you either walk with two people like it's ironed out already like it is not something that you should be in a position or even asking somebody who clearly does not want to spend money to spend money on bridal events that you're not that close with it will ruin the experience for you right like Megan would be a bridesmaid for me and even though Mott's and I aren't friends I would not expect the groom to have Mott's in the wedding no like that's no if someone in if for all the weddings that Mott's was in if I had to be a bridesmaid in them I would have broken up with mods I would say I'm so sorry I can't fucking do this anymore

like and even if you're friends with her like it sounds like you are friends with her but it doesn't sound like that friendship is like one of those things where it's like oh my god we would find each other in every lifetime I don't buy that I don't it does not seem like that and weddings are also the time where people really show who they are it is an incredibly unflattering time for brides and friends and guests alike weddings make people fucking crazy and you want the people you want they're supporting you are the ones who are going to be honest with you level with you bring you back down to earth and not hold that against you afterwards but also like expect accountability like it has to be that if you're gonna be like having to swallow the desire

for an apology or an acknowledgement for like anything like that, like a tit for tat, like it is going to be miserable and it will ruin your friendship. And then it'll probably ruin his friendship with Jason. Yep. So just don't have her as a bridesmaid.

And that's it. Now we're going to take a break. When we get back, we'll get into more. we are back and it is time for the next hi megan melissa i am she her 23 and my life has been really bananas recently but i will talk about the drama another time if y'all want to hear it so last year i called about giving up on illustration and storyboarding for animation because I thought I wasn't ever going to succeed. After a year of working at a coffee shop and building my portfolio,

I can say something has come from it, but now I have to make a decision. First of all, the coffee shop I worked at went out of business last week, so I'm currently unemployed just for some added context. But the first opportunity I received is to be a part of an apprenticeship program for storyboarding with major studios. I got accepted into a pool of applicants to be placed at a studio, but that could happen a week from now or a few months from now or I think never. The program would be six months and I'd probably have to move to LA and I absolutely would have to

be a California resident the whole duration of the program. The second opportunity I got was that I got accepted to an MSA program at one of the best art schools in New York City. That program would start in September but I have to confirm my enrollment in April. So I could stay and wait the apprenticeship because it's actual work experience in the industry but i wouldn't be able to go to grad school or i could go to grad school and be disqualified from the apprenticeship program also this is the last year i am eligible for the apprenticeship program because of my age and i cannot defer enrollment for grad school so i'm freaking out either way i'd be barely scraping by in a city that's really expensive but that's okay with me because i'm i just need

something but what do you guys think what do you think is the better choice i'd really appreciate your input i want both of them really bad but i cannot have both of them so what do i do i hope you have a lovely day today okay bye this isn't even a question for me this seems very easy to me we should say in the same time one two three apprenticeship no like one hundred percent. By the way, coffee shop closing this week. It is a sign and it is not a sign of go to school. It is a sign of pack your bags and move to Southern California. Yeah, because school is always going to be there. All that all that all this this apprenticeship is going to do is make you look even more desirable for school. So let's say you do

the apprenticeship and you're like, you know what? I'm not ready. You'll be ready because on the job experience is yeah more important than school you're gonna do the apprenticeship and then if you decide later you want to go to school then you can still go to school because now now you're they're gonna want you even more than they wanted you before also you said that the apprenticeship is six months the school doesn't start till september so even if you said if you were like i'm still not sure what if you just said yes to school did the apprenticeship and then you can still say i don't understand why you can't say yes to the school do the apprenticeship and then once you get to the end of the apprenticeship then it could be like oh actually

i got on the job training i'm not gonna go to school well i think it's because the apprenticeship sounds like it sounds like a rolling like it sounds like it's not like a specific start day and like that so but i agree with everything like and i know this sounds fucking rich coming from someone who dropped out of undergrad but grad school in the arts is for when you have excessive time excessive money or you don't know what you want to do it buys you it buys you time like that's really what it does and like yes it buys you experience but mostly it buys you a degree and like that's great it is not make or break for our jobs whatsoever like work experience is valued so much more so like for me i'm like this do this apprenticeship and then also if you don't

get this apprenticeship apply for other ones like do that and like there is you will get so much farther in this and you will ignite that fire in you more and that love and passion for this more by getting experience versus classes over and over because you've already you've done that and also like I think 23 is really really fucking young to go to grad school for the arts I just do especially because job experience is so valued that like I'm not going to say that you're going to be behind if you like went to school instead but I will say that like you're going to still have to start where everybody else started that is just like it's fundamentally it's what happens like PAs PAs all start at the same place and some of the PAs dropped out of high school

and some of the PAs went to grad went to USC went to USC at top of their class like some of those PAs interned for George Lucas some of those PAs worked at Chipotle like there's just it's the same starting level for everyone it's the same fucking grind for everyone and I think in general once you start that process of it i think that like i'm not saying like rule out grad school in the future completely not at all but i just think that like you are fresh off of honing your skills you're fresh off of all of these things and especially because you like what last year or something like we're like i don't know if i should do all of that you need to get out of the fucking classroom and you need to get into the like there's just no way you will be able to sustain a passion for this

and specifically a drive for this because it it's not meant to be done just in a classroom it's meant to be done in practicality and you're not going to grow i think like if you went back to if you went to grad school like five years after you've gotten some and you're like you know what i kind of want to really focus on a specialty and i want to go to grad school for that and that will also open up me to have more experience and more connections and i was gonna to say with you speaking of connections with you getting this apprenticeship and then moving to California it's going to put you around a lot more artists that are doing the same thing and it will be a great opportunity for you to be around them and network and also like let's say

the apprenticeship like maybe nothing actually comes of it but now you've got this network of people that you're building up you're building together and so that that is invaluable being physically in la and i'm just gonna say disney because i that's what i i think it's disney apprenticeship we know of yes so being here saying that you have an apprenticeship with disney even if you haven't actively done it you've still been accepted to the program then like you will be around other people that are doing the same thing that you're doing and y'all can build and grow together even if actually nothing happens with this if it's the pixar one buy your goddamn fucking ticket yes get your ass get your ass here and i have been on both lots and i just have to

tell you the makes my nipples hard literally talking about it but like the way that the feeling that you will have when you walk on to either of those lots and you are just amongst appears it's aspirational there there's a drive and a and and just like a passion and love for that there that can only give you that buzz and that excitement when you are there and there's only so much you can be dreaming of it and fantasizing about it and in general i also think with the arts you have to get out of the fucking classroom and you have to get into the real world because there is a lot of romanticizing things and there's a lot of like expectations and like there's a realism to it it's not just like this wonderful gourd like all of this and i think

like hey if you decided like last year and you're like i don't know if i should fucking do this anymore i if that even there's a one percent of you i'm telling you i think i'm sure it sounds like it would be way fucking worse to deal with moving to la and then being like i actually don't want this anymore moving back grad school will be so much fucking worse because it's not that you're going to realize in grad school you're going to realize you might realize in grad school and then you're going to finish grad school and then you gotta there's not then where are we starting from at this point so there's also like people who work in the in any aspect of the arts here it's like people do different jobs and different things and you can discover things

that you never even knew existed that you could do and you wouldn't know unless you met the people and i will also say la has a reputation for being very expensive it is la is not a hard city to be poor in most of people in LA are poor like rent is very expensive people aren't it's not they're going into debt to live into a live in a studio no people have like an illegal number of roommates like that is just you're not going to be left behind in that sense and especially in the arts like I feel so and I'm like very privileged I have you know I'm in a different spot than a lot of like when I first moved to LA a lot of like auditioning struggling actors were but I remember when I like went to like New York to like visit some or like a wedding something like Matz's

friends in New York and I was like oh my god I am the poorest of the poor like there's just different cities and different vibes and I think a lot of people think that it's easier to be poor in New York than it is to be in LA. And it's just, it's just not true. Like everybody's struggling. Like Matz's first job is where a lot of people's agency first jobs, they made, I think, an amount of money that you legally could not make today. My agent's first assistant who I worked with was working in an agency, which is a bajillion hours a day, 24 hours a day, was also Ubering. and then was also flipping sneakers like Yeezys and like Nikes and weight and doing all of this kind of stuff and like hustled hustled hustled she doesn't even work in agency world anymore like

there's just you will make it work because that is just like the mindset of everyone here and you'll be among other people who are also making it work sometimes with grad school you're among people whose parents are signing their tuition checks who are going out for fancy dinners on the like it is it is not the realistic nature of your industry and I think in order to fall in love and stay in love with your industry you have to participate in it not like earn your stripes or bide your time because that doesn't work for us the same way it does for like medical school there is no guarantee and then suddenly the debt for what you've put into this career is is a lot more and it's going to be you're going to be more insulted the first job offer

you get when it's not a lot of money agree agree can't wait to welcome you to los angeles join our patreon because there's quite a few people that live in la and you can have some built-in friends and uh you're going to succeed and you're going to be awesome and then you're gonna like get us jobs yeah like we're counting on you to help get us jobs that's what we do here so we'll get you friends you get us jobs if you need advice on places to live if we're right about the internship i can only imagine it's disney or pixar you can move to the valley you do need a car yeah yeah we can help olympics will be here soon food's great yep the weather is nice most of the year i don't know what state you're coming from but if you're coming from a red state you're going

to love our governor he's deeply unhinged um and he's also hot yeah and he knows he's hot and he's tall oh this is helpful i don't know if you're straight well there are lots of gorgeous gorgeous gay girls here but we also have tall men if you're interested in men Los Angeles has we're not overrun by shorties I prefer a short man but it is what it is

there still are short men but like the fact that people are telling me that they get on a dating app and they can scroll for like 30 minutes and there's not one person over 6 feet tall which means they're all 3 inches shorter than they say they are that's crazy we got some tallies over here the food is great there's also

there's always something to do it's always something to do there's always something free to do yes and there will always be free things to do and cheap places to get like a taco there all of those things like la is not there's a way to be super like make la super not i would say like on paper la looks like it's very expensive but there's a way to live here frugally oh my god yeah i think it's so much easier to be broke in la than it is to be broke in a vast majority of the united states like we don't have the seasons that same way people have a lot of roommates and also there's like a camaraderie in that like everybody struggles in that way and i think that's why a lot of people also prefer to

be broke in places like new york and la because there's you're not the only one and things are close together not everything is like so fucking spread apart that you don't have options for x y and z or whatever but yeah i mean even last year me and my friends made a point to every weekend we were hanging out we were doing something free or very low cost yeah one of those things was going to a movie in the park and i said hold up i've been going to these and paying what do you mean this got this one for free here yeah we did get attacked by large books but we enjoyed the movie that was really scary really fucking scary all right we're gonna take another break when we get back we'll get into an update in toronto every arrival is a statement and nothing says

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them a month or so later, and they reciprocated, so I was very happy, and we planned a time to meet up since they lived about an hour away. I actually spent my birthday with them, and then they took my virginity. I know it wasn't anything to take, but I don't know. It was still a very vulnerable thing. Then afterwards, while I was naked and emotional, I asked if they wanted a relationship with me and they said, I want a relationship. Oh no, they said, I want to want a relationship with you. Needless to say, that hurt a lot. I was trying not to freak out because I expected since we both have been feelings for each other that we would date. Maybe that was a crazy assumption of me, but whatever. It took me like a week to accept it, but I ended things

because I realized I was being strung along. I told them I respected myself too much to act like a girlfriend to them without the label i'm pissed that it's how it all went down but y'all were right that we were never really friends so it's probably for the best that they're officially out of my life so i can move on completely i don't want to be the lesbian stereotype that is friends with their exes but girl behavior i have to say if it's a cliche that someone in the writing room would go how else can we phrase that you shouldn't be saying it every day i want to want yeah ick but also let's um let's voice our feelings before we take the big plunge you know yeah that is something that i find every everybody does no matter who they're interested in and

like i've had to have conversations with my friends of being like them being like i mean you know they like we're they like me i like them so like it's going in a good direction i'm like okay so like what are you and it's like oh you know we're we're taking it so we're keeping it casual I'm like are you seeing other people no are they I don't think so and it's like we gotta talk and I know it's hard like it's it sounds I've done it where I've just like fuck somebody and then later been like well I like you and it's like did it one did I actually like them but two this wasn't the you can't fuck somebody into having feelings for you no I think that in theory we think about like oh it's not just about what we're saying it's

also about what we're not saying so if you're saying that you really like someone you have feelings for them and they're saying they really like you and have feelings for you too nobody is saying that they want a relationship it can't be assumed like it's it's not just a fill in the blanks thing there but I think in general rekindling with exes like it it's very easy to get to this point because there is history there so it can be like picking up where you left off in that way where other people's feelings don't necessarily they aren't preserved in that same way that are just like ready to be started right up again so I think this is like a good boundary for you to you to draw and I would work on like not being pissed about the situation or

you can be pissed about the situation but not being like pissed at your yourself because i i hate that whole thing of like you know it's all a learning moment but also if you want to do something you're going to do the thing and then it's you're not going to learn or you're not going to like take in what anybody else like you're going to do what you want to do and so you honor the fact that that's what you wanted to do and then the only reason why it doesn't feel like that now is because of the results of that and so the next time that there's something that you want to do you're also going to do the thing that you want to do but like it's not going to be it's never going to be the exact same thing over and over again,

but better than that to like live with regrets, you know, but I'm sorry. I'm sorry, but thank you for updating us. And at least you try. Yeah. I think trying is the best thing anyone can do ever.

You don't just try whatever you're doing, even if it sucks, you're not good at it. Try. But I also do love quitting. Yeah. Try and quit. Try,

quit and don't try. Try something else. Then quit that other thing. Then try something else. pick up the thing you did before put it again it's the circle of life we hope you enjoyed this episode

the end is that nail polish? yeah is that a china glaze? yep alright well oh next week we'll have a special guest oh yeah

do you want to tease it more than that? oh yeah it's Jerron Milligan an actor a comedian a podcaster as well he'll be joining us and his special's coming out

he's got a special it's funny named it's it's like a clever title uh but did you die and i said oh love that yeah his uh manager people's response should be to me for 90 percent of the things i say yeah and his um poster for it is him doing this but he can't naturally do it the way that i can and his manager told him it was too spooky and it needs to be funnier wait i liked it and i said no it doesn't and he said i agree and that was the end of that the name is but did you die right like if we're trying to get less spooky i think you've got an issue with the name as well yes maybe it should say but first coffee and then death and then dad don't talk to me before i've have my coffee then i can die can't die before i've had my cappuccino okay if you enjoyed call

in for an upcoming episode write us submit on the form all that information if you want a man's perspective since we haven't had mots on in a while here you go i love that i think it's gonna fun i'm kind of a boy so stay tuned we've got fisting friday tomorrow and then next week we have the docket of our regularly scheduled programming but am i wrong fisting friday see see i usually do this yeah i can't do it i am you can go go go tomorrow we have fisting friday monday we have but am i wrong tuesday see you next tuesday wednesday that's your catch-up day if you haven't been listening to episodes and then thursday we'll be back here for don't blame me flawless amazing we hope you enjoyed follow us on socials everywhere and toodaloo you know i was

spelling it t-o-t-t-l-e-s because that's how i liked it say it spell again i have to write it down so i can see what you mean t-o-t-t-l-e-s toddles cute t-o-o sorry oh t like toot like a art that's how i always said it and i was like oh no it's actually a d this is a new thing that i discovered probably three months ago oh i don't know that i knew that it was a d i think for me they were interchangeable that's what i thought too but the correct is toodle oh i don't like it i run i used a caption i said what a coinky dink and a caption and someone's like now i finally know how to spell coinkydink and i said no c-o-i-n-k-y i don't whatever it was but they tried to i don't know how i spelled it but i spent so long trying to figure it out because

some of them were like coin and then some of them are cow it's not a real word yeah it's coincidence exactly so you can spell it however your heart desires hearts desire well i'm the wrong person to ask because that was the name of one of our beaches hearts desire beach stinson and hearts desire life is a beach and then you die but not before you've had your coffee goodbye this is a sister sign production hosted by me megan rinks and me melissa d montz plus diamond imprint productions post-production by coco lorenz production assistance by melanie d watson And music by Ryan Hunter and Giacomo Picasso.