Don't Blame Me! - DBM: Upgrading My Friends

Episode Date: May 1, 2025

This week Meghan and Melisa are giving advice on: Former friend calling your partner Regretting not moving for college Having a very chill dating situation Friends can't accept the new you Buy Our Merch ⁠https://crowdmade.com/collections/sister-sign⁠ Call In - 310-694-0976 (3 minutes or less) Write In - ⁠[e-mail]⁠ (300 words or less) Follow Us! ⁠instagram.com/meghanandmelisa⁠ @meghanrienks ⁠instagram.com/meghanrienks⁠ ⁠https://twitter.com/meghanrienks⁠ @sheisnotmelissa ⁠instagram.com/sheisnotmelissa⁠ ⁠instagram.com/diamondmprint.productions Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Always earn high regular interest rates that grow the more you save and invest. Conditions apply. Visit scotiabank.com slash H-I-S-A to learn more. Scotia Bank. You're richer than you think. hello greetings greetings earthlings that was offensive yeah well it was offensive to me that you didn't enjoy he what getting railed by an alien yeah because that's offensive to my people maybe if it's about ghosts i could have been more on board i'll actually send him a message for a request i'm sure he's probably already written it i hope he's on cameo i can get you a custom insert your name here thank you no thank you that'll be the biggest waste of money

donate that money to a charity this is a charity my happiness no i would i the way i would love that so much you don't know what we're talking about we talked about it in a our fisting friday episode yeah no kwan mills is that his name yes i knew i'm getting i'm getting to you you even remembered his name because his name's been floating around for years because people talked about him on black twitter i kept calling him kwan smith and moth was like who is kwan smith hit the kwan i don't know yeah i was like that's i don't know where it came from but welcome everyone this is an advice podcast where we give you wonderful amazing life-changing advice where'd you get that sweater i thrifted it i like the line isn't that cute

yeah it's uh i got it in colorado we went to like thrift store and i got another sweater too matz's mom like loves the ones i got she's like these are so cute and stylish and the last time she was here she was like do you wear those and i was like i wear them all the time she goes oh i love them i always think about how cute you look to them i was like thanks girl that's sweet and i do look cute in them you do i look great in a bright color you do i've been white for so long welcome yeah no i don't know what i was doing i look good in a white but like gray no gray is not my color your whole life was just beige i know and like no girl no nah well why are we qualified to give advice melissa because we exist we breathe

we were birthed into this world as and some of us got clenched a little too hard and got a conehead well both of us did but one of us had a bit fixed one of us had attentive non-neglectful parents the other has a lot of volume and a crown naturally and uh see if you can figure out who yeah watch the patreon see the video version check it out uh we also do live streams twice a month you can support the show that way if you would like anyways we're giving advice my advice to uh the republicans bite it yeah have you ever seen a big tall bridge and ever wondered what it's like at the bottom have you ever thought about soaring soaring like flying yes but yeah flying yeah with your body i think you and by the way a lot of you look really

aerodynamics yeah i could just do you ever feel like a plastic bag drifting through the wind wanting to start again katie join them anyways um we're gonna give advice you can give us a call at 310-694-0976 international listeners you can send us an audio message at meganpodcast at gmail.com you can also fill out the form that is listed in the description as well as in the bio of our socials melissa also posted on a story on our instagram ahead of time yeah i posted last night forgot a little too late but mine they're very themed and if you can crack well it's too late now but i haven't seen it yet yeah you gotta crack the code i like cracking codes so i love national treasure so much yes um but for the audio ones you have to keep it under

three minutes for the written versions keep it under 300 words it is all anonymous but we do ask that you include your age because it is helpful to know for the context of it all create some fake names but tell us all the important details otherwise we're giving like half-baked advice we want to give you good advice and you can tell us if you're sensitive we will we're not gonna be mean to you we're not gonna bully you unless you say please bully me and even sometimes when you say that we're not gonna do it usually you say you're self-aware enough to know that you don't actually yeah but hey we love if you're delusional call it we love that too yeah big fan of delusional queens here shall we get into the fuss let's do it hey megan and melissa long

time listener first time reaching out so i am 32 she her and i've been dealing with this friendship quote unquote for like six years now and honestly it's been a whole thing we were work wives for a bit and even roommates for a hot second but it was never a deep connection you know more like a forced proximity situation i'm the kind of friend who's always there at the drop of a hat if someone needs me and this person totally took advantage of that over the years it's been draining af mentally physically emotionally so she moved to another city last year for a new chapter got a new boo and everything but then out of left field she's blowing up my phone wanting to hang out again i've been ignoring her and then she has the audacity to text my partner being all

dramatic like, oh, guess she was never really my friend. IDK why I even bother. I gasped so hard I spit. I'm not kidding. So manipulative and childish, especially for someone in their 30s. The irony? She's pulled way worse ghosting stunts on me in the past. Talk about not being able to take what you dish out. I'm just at this point in my life where I'm over trying to force energy into relationships that aren't a two-way street. So I'm curious about your take on how to handle this moving forward. For what it's worth, she's a Gemini and I'm a Capricorn. Total air and earth sign clash maybe anyway hit me with your wisdom thanks objectively i think this is fucking crazy i just keep ignoring her and block her number on both your phone and your partner's phone

if someone texted moms by the way people have but like yeah they have yeah i'd have to give like a caveat but like that's insane that's so weird like we've bypassed social media i don't know if you're on social media but we've bypassed social media we're just going straight to the partner that's weird no that's super like you just just like ignore her keep ignoring her and actually you know what maybe don't ignore don't yes ignore but don't block i was gonna say block but don't block you need evidence you gotta keep tabs yeah this thing sounds like someone who's gonna show up at your door and be like and honestly maybe even show up at your door and pretend like nothing has happened hey girl why do you know where i live so yeah i i agree with

like keep ignoring don't block her keep the tabs on her have your part have your partner block her though like i don't think that that's necessary especially if he's like like is he good at this or is like this he's the kind of person where you're like send me the screenshot and he's like yeah send me the screenshot like he needs me on top of it thankfully i am with an a1 gossip i'm i'm with that kind of it so like when this shit happens he he gives me all the details immediately oh my god speaking of yesterday after we finished recording the uh other episodes i got a call from him middle of the day we have we wasn't texting so of course you know ptsd from the time he shattered his hand and called me and i always have to like quell that voice in my head

when i he i see him call me out of the blue and anybody calls me in the middle of the day i think it's an emergency yeah and especially if he hasn't like texted me like hey do you have our mortgage like i sent the confirmation code like whatever nothing like no preamble and i answer the phone and i think i'm being crazy because i'm like chill megan and i'm like what's wrong and he goes don't freak out and i was like oh my god so like something is something is wrong and he goes i'm on my way to urgent care i cut my hand at work and i was like are you fucking wrong with him the opposite hand you would think that this man works in construction no and the way that like we're like he's like i'm gonna start like making because i was like i can like we can like

make food ahead for you for lunch and like you know we can do it on a weekend together and then you can bring it to work um and i need to start doing that stuff too because like i'm not gonna stand up in the middle of like the day to make myself lunch like that i only really do leftovers and so the first day he decided i'm gonna i'm gonna make myself a sandwich at work someone walks in and he starts talking to them and he's like well i looked up and then i just cut my hand and i was like oh my god what why was he using a sharp knife for a sandwich anyway i had i i i also had questions because he it was like cold cuts and bread and i'm like was he spreading maybe he was spreading mustard or something on it but it's just he cut it i know that's why i'm like

why was he using a sharp knife i don't know and then yesterday for dinner i asked if he could grab me a knife and he brought me a butter knife and i was like we're eating pork tenderloin why why did you get me a butter knife? I could cut it with a butter knife. It was cooked well, but like not well done, but like, you know,

I cooked it well. It was tender. Yeah. And I was like, yeah, you, you, you what pulled out a samurai sword out here to like for a baguette.

But also like he was talking so animated that he cut his hand. And apparently like the person he's talking to just like screamed and like freaked out. And I was like, yeah, that is traumatizing. I was like, you should apologize. Yeah.

So. anyways two of you i worry about that home honestly fair fucking point you you need to meet our neighbors and you'll worry a little less because they have their shit together i understand that but they're not inside your home no but they do worry did i not tell you oh how i got a text from one of them the other day in the morning being like hey like are you good and i was like yeah why and they're like um the police are in your driveway we try to make sure you're okay will come like and they were like if you didn't respond i was just gonna come over they just saw an open driveway and decided to park there instead of on the fucking street

i'm like can you move at that point they're on private property i know that's trespassing i know you could have taken them to court i kind of wanted to go out there and say something and i got dressed to do that and by the time i got dressed they were gone but i also was standing out there and staring at them taking videos for a very long time i was getting the town to eat there's so much open parking on the street there there's not even street cleaning days you can park on either side of the street at all times it's a wide-ass fucking street too okay i know so moral of the story this friendship is is clearly done now you need to treat her like your potential stalker so yeah your ex-work wife yeah i have to say though it is crazy of like the

forced proximity of being like you know quote-unquote friendship six years we worked together should i work with them we are roommates that's like a little more than i would normally do yeah yeah for a hot second though maybe that's when things start getting weird you're like we're kind of friends at work sure i have to say six years six years is a long time it's kind of a long time but there are people that i've known six years that i wouldn't consider like close friends yeah totally but you wouldn't move in with them no but i did live with my roommate for like four years and we probably we probably talked three times like hi hello i would say like hours wise we probably talked maybe an hour yeah i was gonna say if you say anything more than

an hour you're fucking lying yeah this is uh like combined from hi hello all that yeah i didn't yeah that's you add those together i think i'm gonna i'd say like 46 minutes yeah so uh yeah time for another friend and just keep an eye out for selena next one let's take a break okay get your tickets now for the dog stars It's no surprise how fast civilization can disappear. Go! Out there, kill or be killed. Jacob Elordi.

There are people out there. They need our help. Josh Brolin. Shoot first and inquire afterwards. Margaret Qualley. Okay, tough guy. And Guy Pearce. Arm up!

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Conditions apply. Visit scotiabank.com slash H-I-S-A to learn more. Scotia Bank. You're richer than you think. All right, we're back. Woo! Time for the next. I, 26, she, her, am attending grad school this fall.

I'm attending one in my home state on the East Coast with a great scholarship and reasonable cost of living. However, since college, I've always wanted to travel and eventually move away from my home state for a few years. I'm a Sag rising stereotype without the money to follow through on impulse. I don't know what that is. um think of like a sad just someone who and i don't mean this in like a derogatory way but it's like it's the energy of like your friend who like met a band and just is gonna go on tour with them and like turns out they end up being like incredibly famous and like they're obsessed with her like sad just have this like wanderlust like drop of the hat impulsive impulsivity kind of

nature but that's also paired with like fun you want to be like you want like a fun sad friend but like if a sad is your roommate you go i really hope they don't just move out next week and like live in istanbul like that kind of vibe i studied abroad in college and moved for grad school previously after undergrad moved back home a few years ago but covet stress and money all got in the way of me traveling more consistently because of this i apply to some school out of state and have some regrets not choosing the california school that i that accepted me even though i've always wanted to live somewhere warm year-round i turned it down because of costs i would rather move cross-country with some financial stability after i graduate instead as a broke student yes

i'm a tourist son oh you gotta explain yeah i also know nothing about tourist women but i can't stop thinking that it makes more sense to move for school rather than start than the start of a career. I also have a mental block around moving at 30, even though I know three years isn't a huge difference. My plan right now is to use school breaks to travel and see if I really do want to live in California specifically or somewhere else entirely, or if I just need to scratch the travel itch and stay local. Am I wrong for thinking it makes sense to explore more before potentially moving out of state? Am I self-sabotaging by trying to wait for the perfect moment? Any advice you have around career changes moving and late 20s life panic is so appreciated.

I'm not sensitive, so feel free to give it to me straight. Thank you both. I in general think moving to any expensive city is the best time to do it. Like if finances are a factor at all for you when it's a job because you'll be paid according to that state as opposed to like going for school for school but if if you're stressed about finding it like the finance aspect of it and being like i'm gonna pick this other one because this one if that's like a big stress for it then i think like a job it's not that's not great people move here for jobs all the time yes agree but i do think it's easier to live cheaper when you're a student yeah and you can you're less required of you yes you have less required of you you are able to take advantage of

things on campus and you know like the roommate situation is different and most people your peers are also broke yes that's helpful exactly so and i think that it is i think like what you're saying is like using your breaks as time to travel because before i moved here because i moved here like mid early mid no it was mid-20s um i moved here mid-20s and i came out here numerous times to work on student films which is free work but i did it to see if i would actually like living here and i think like doing some type of working activity is different than just coming to visit because like that that joke that's like the millennial urge of when i go on a vacation and i'm like yeah i could live here yeah la is really different working versus yes yes social so if

there's a way that you can do some type of activity like let's say during your breaks if you decide not to come for school maybe you could do a semester here during the summer or something like that take a class that will also count towards your degree like doing something an internship would be a great way to come out to california and see if you actually like living here and i don't know where you you said you're attending uh an east coast school depending on what state that's in there are some like east coast states that have like very or even if you're like just a train like a close commute to new york there are like people who without a doubt who are in grad school on the west coast who are from the west coast who eventually want to get to

the east coast who you can be like hey let's do a housing swap for the summer while they have an internship somewhere in new york and you have an internship somewhere in la but i i agree with that i think that i assume you've been to california before yeah california is wonderful it's amazing there's uh a huge difference like i think the best thing that you could do is like if is like work on breaking down the hang-ups you have about like moving at 30 and doing all of those kinds of things that matters no because once you get here you will like that's such an anomaly feeling and in los angeles like we are just at a different people have kids here later people get married later like people like pivot career people have multiple jobs so many different

things all at the same time and also like the age gap of your friends also is bigger too like it like you're not just going to be around people your age you're going to be around people younger and older like it doesn't matter yeah some people move here like straight out of high school some people move here when they're 40 like it doesn't it really doesn't matter yeah and i think that like being able to break down this like kind of like expectations will be helpful because the first time you move to la you're not gonna end up in your like forever neighborhood you're probably not gonna like your apartment like it's la people move a lot people like you're lucky if you get a place that eventually you can stay for more than a couple like i was moving like oh like

the first couple years because you're trying to figure out it's a huge fucking city and so making sure that's like you're getting a taste of the city but also like you're okay with change yeah Because I would say that this is, compared to, like, my friends on the East Coast, there's just a little bit more of a, like, a track that, like, the people that I know are on. And, I mean, and all the people Masa knows. Like, it's just a little bit of a different vibe. Like, I know people who are in their late 30s who've, like, done complete career shifts and pivot changes here. and obviously that happens everywhere but I think if you're resistant or hesitant towards um or you're just associating your age with a certain place you should be at and all of that

kind of stuff the sooner you can get rid of that mindset the more that you will really I think really love California but also maybe you don't want to move to LA yeah it could be whatever but you just want to make sure that you're in the part because like people if it's LA I don't think you mentioned la but you did say california but like since we live in california i mean in la then it's easier for us to talk on it but like there are so many different areas of la too um like when people are like oh la hollywood like that means you just didn't find you were trying to keep up with the joneses and you didn't find your actual neighborhood that you should be in yeah it's not all just transplants but also la is very welcoming of transplant like that's just kind of

the culture of it um but yeah I I would also advise like when you travel to like do stuff solo like not just like if you have a friend who's got like an established life there like sure see them but if you kind of just go along with their life that will not be the life that you have yeah when I came out here to work on the films and stuff like I stayed with a friend that I had gone to college with um in Arkansas but like I was so busy doing the other stuff like I only saw her when I came home yeah and I think that's more real giving me like it gave me more of a realistic feel of what the city actually was yeah um and also you can like move to a city in California and be like I don't love it here and the great thing about it is we're a huge fucking

state like there's so many other places to be and um there's also people who like don't move to like especially if it's like a San Diego or something they like move in like way later established in their career and then they work remotely for an east coast company out here so there's so many different ways and they're never going to be too late to move to california like that's a state that think of it like florida like old people also move here but i love it so me too i wonder what i would be really curious about we obviously won't share it but send us an email with the school that you're going you're going to and then the california school that you're missing that you're feeling bad about because i will tell you bad things about the school to make you feel

better i only know things about one school so that's all i can speak i can tell you about yeah you're you're a part of the yep this can tell you all about it in my head they're going to yukon oh on the east coast i was like what are you talking about i love the ice cream at yukon love the cafeteria okay i made ice cream this past weekend it's pretty good flavor blueberry why do i know that because i posted on my instagram i was like i yeah blueberry such a random flavor okay i was like why do i fucking know that i'm just a fan wow talk about you want to go back to that first write-in i'm obsessed ready should i do the next one yep okay hey megan and melissa huge fan thank you so quick rundown i

am 20 finishing a sophomore year met this guy freshman year became official last spring it got serious fast future talks the works thought he was quote unquote the one then right before our one year he broke up with me. Sucked. Didn't talk for two months, then he apologized. No bad behavior, just got freaked out by the seriousness and length. It was new for him. My own life's been a bit much with anxiety and depression. Plus, I switched majors, so I've got two more college years, which I'm excited about, but I know it's a factor for him moving forward. So my question, is it healthy to have a super chill, laid-back relationship if both people are cool with it? I'm happy with casual, but exclusively dating. No others, but no pressure on long-term stuff

like marriage and kids just enjoying now being happy where we are and talking openly if things ever get tough which he says is up for ever been there would love your advice on the pod thanks you're 20 that's all you should be doing i'm really confused what the difference between this and a relationship is i think like just dating and not focusing on the future is what are you in utah like this she's like just date like you can be together without talking about marriage and a family because you're 20 yeah you thinking someone is the one at 20 it's crazy I think you both need to pretend that that never happened and you're starting back from where you are you're just together let's just be together we're not talking about the future no and like but I think

if you put so much stress on being like we're really casual don't do that like you're just in a relationship and you're dating because i think the more you say like we're casual we're casual like we're chill we're laid back to me that's like okay he's gonna start fucking other people exactly like you will be fucking other people he's fucking other people that and in that sense you have an open relationship but you're still in a relationship yeah i don't know what like a chill laid-back relationship because the alternative is a high-strung stressful relationship no no i have to assume you are in like utah or like the south any other place where people get married young yeah but like is this different than your friends and relationships

are they like wow you guys are like really casual yeah so i remove the word casual and just pretend that all that other stuff never happened and you're dating and that's your boyfriend yeah and i think if he freaks out and you're like okay like how can i dial it back even more leave be done because he's like what do you mean you don't want to lock it down also like you also said something like i switched majors so i've got two more college years you're a sophomore that's what that's what usually happens yeah like just just live your college life in your relationship where you're not talking about marriage yeah casual but exclusively dating is an oxymoron to me casual is i think i think it could be like in a way of like i see him once a

month but we're only seeing each other that's casual but exclusively dating yeah that's that's boring and someone's lying yeah this to me like i think like i would just watch your phrasing of this and watch how much you like downplay this because like at a certain point you're gonna downplay it enough to like he's gonna introduce you it's like hey this is my homie and like that sucks but he's ready to lock it down i'm a little confused about this i need to know where you are i i i'm i would put money on you are there we have other things to discuss first if you're in utah yeah yeah we gotta get you out yeah expeditiously and if that's marriage then okay that's marriage but we're getting out of utah yeah get out of provo girl yeah provo has

like these just beautiful girls just in a choke these beautiful girls and these gay men in a chokehold i'm like get them out of there i and put them on dancing with the stars that's where they're supposed to be i keep seeing all these tiktoks and i'm like save yourselves but they don't know that they need to be saved no they don't have you ended up on the ones of people who grew up mormon in other states who are not white and then they get they get like recruited or scouted or massive scholarships to go to uh byu yes and then they get there and they go hold up and i'm just like that i think should be a leak like i think that like that is a whole up because like what do you mean that like you tailored the way that you taught these kids

religion in a way that was omitting a massive part of like the like the text of this shit identity yes and then you're going to send them to a college where they like oh cool lots of people like me and it's like no no we were taught to hate you biblically yep oh yeah yeah uh which i'm excited about but i know it's a factor for him moving forward how old is this man yeah you didn't tell us that why does he care you have two more years of school if he is old out and by old i mean anything over 23 yep if you didn't listen to but am i wrong go back and listen to it all right we're gonna take a break when we get back we'll get into the last one Real Canadian Superstore has everything you need this back-to-school season.

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all right we're back megan and melissa so i'm 27 she her and i'm having a significant issue with my current maybe soon to be former circle of friends whoa okay over the past year i've gone through a pretty substantial life overhaul no more drinking finally got healthy and my mental the well-being is more solid. I feel fantastic and am excited for the future. The problem is my friends. Some I've known forever, best friends since 13, and others I got close to a couple years ago. They're not exactly supportive of this new me, which sucks because I'm genuinely happy. Instead, they constantly bring up who I used to be, someone I've worked hard to move past. I used to have a pretty active casual dating life no judgment but it's like they can't like let it

go this weekend I was with a great guy I'm seeing and all my visiting friend wanted to talk about were my past hookups and how I used to drink all the time it honestly made me feel awkward I'm seeking guidance on navigating this with my friends or if it's even worth trying it may be time for a friend upgrade what do you think thanks that's a really tough word to use upgrade let me upgrade you i don't know if it's necessarily an upgrade but more that you're at a different point in your life and so friends some friends are in your life for a season how old are you 27 okay um some friends are in your life for a season and your season has changed and i think that these friends are i mean you were who you were for years these are people that you've known

since you were a child so like it's hard to adjust to somebody when they're going through a life change and did you expect them to change along with you especially you said that's friends visiting like yeah they're not they're not gonna see you all the time yeah and i think like as someone who like i quit drinking younger than you were the like feeling like awkward or and like i don't know if you feel like embarrassed of like oh like they're talking about this version of me and like i don't want this like great guy that i'm seeing like like who that is yeah like who you were is who you were and like that's why you are who you are today was because of like that person and i think like if a lot if any of this for you is like overhauling to like match who you are now

that's you don't know that you're gonna be this person forever either and I think in general like we to have like consistency and like people who see us through different seasons of life if we're feeling like a lot of like shame or embarrassment about like a version of ourselves that like it doesn't sound like it sounds like that's coming from you it doesn't sound like they're being like oh my god like she was a fucking mess like what we're like i can't stand her now yeah i think like if it's coming from a place like that then like of course these are people who are but i think there's just like a there's a very like weird narrative right now of like you know and it comes from like this like the puritanical fucking hyper feminine culture of

being like your friends are just jealous and they're trying to bring you down oh my gosh or like your friends like they're uh they're negative energy and like you're just like on a higher plane like they're just all of this kind of stuff and i think like to shift everything in your life if you have made like true good positive change in your life the people who are supposed to be there will also still be there you don't need your friends to also do that yeah you don't need to change all of that up as well and like you shouldn't feel awkward in front of like an ex i mean in front of a hookup i'm sorry you shouldn't feel awkward in front of a guy that you're dating if a friend is talking about and if you were this is a great guy like that they

should accept you for who you were and like also see like if this is someone that you're like this is who i want to be with they should know who you were before yeah and i think if they're encouraging bad destructive behavior if you're like yeah that's like a that's that's not good but if they're like supportive of that of you but they're just not there and like they do still want to talk and like in general when you have been friends with people like you said some of them since you were 13 you will talk about the past like you will talk about your history you'll talk about that kind of stuff so i think like owning that part of you and like who you who you were and then also who you are now i think like the whole thing of like oh your friends reflect who

you are. Sure, totally. But I think like, if you need to be surrounded by people who are doing the exact same thing as you in order for you to keep doing this thing, that might be like more of an influence as opposed to a strong personal choice that you're making. And they should respect the fact like you don't want to drink anymore. They should respect, you know, respect like the relationships that you're in and like all of that kind of stuff. But I just think in general, the phrasing of it and you know we obviously don't know but like saying things like i finally got healthy my mental being is solid i feel fantastic all of this would your friends say the same thing yeah i feel like there's shame like you feel shameful about who you used to be

and it's okay to like look back and reflect on who you used to be but like unless you did something absolutely awful which is a possibility yeah there's you know like you've you should forgive yourself yeah and i think that's what you're missing as part of this growth thing is forgiving who you used to be or even just like like i used to party all i didn't do drugs but i did like drink a lot and that's who i used to be and she was cool i think i had a great time but that's not who i am now but i don't look back on that time and be like yeah melissa you were fucking mess i i've noticed sometimes this behavior with people who like i grew up in a very very very small town and people who had and because of that it was like really hard to kind of change from the

perception that people had of you starting literally at like elementary school like so and there were some people who when they went to college close friends we never heard from them ever again like they delete their social media they do all of that and that i'm like you don't have to do you don't have to change and but that does come from a place of shame and in general i don't think anything any meaningful long-lasting change comes from shame and i think like especially if you've been friends with people for so long if they're doing things that like make you uncomfortable like hey can we because like i understand it's like can we like not talk about like if they're talking about like someone you used to hook up with in front of this new guy

could we just like maybe not do that that's just not cool yeah and so saying that but i think like you can be like very happy with where you are at but i think if you try if you have to reassure the people in your life that you are happy with that and they've known you really really well for a really long time like sometimes we maybe think we're doing amazing and we're super happy but like the people who are closest to us and know us well can see like hey you can quit drinking you can do all these things but like there's there's it feels like you're really trying to compensate here for this yeah and and i think nostalgia is a big part of just like like when you're congregating with old friends like you get caught up in that i always when i'm with my old friends

we're always talking about what we were doing but we don't judge ourselves based on that either yeah and as someone who again who quit drinking very young i didn't no one else did that with me And like that didn't change the road, like the friendships, the close friendships and relationships that I had. And it, it didn't mean to, I didn't need to be, I don't need to be surrounded by people who are also in that same, same vibrational like level. Plane. Yeah.

But I think if it's like an entire circle of friends and they, it's not malicious. I do think in general, I think the upgrading of a term, that's like that. Yeah. That, that, like that would really hurt. That would really sting. Yeah. I wouldn't say it's not upgrade, just friends that you have more in common with right now. And that doesn't mean you have to get you have to end these friendships.

You don't have to get rid of other friends, though. OK, well. Well, we hope you all enjoyed that episode. This episode. I don't know why I said that. You can always leave a review on the podcast app as well as Spotify for this specific one. You can check out our socials, Patreon, watch the video versions there. Listen ad free.

join our live streams we have there twice a month very very fun and just support the show yeah tiktok too yep also on patreon i posted a question that said what's your favorite current song and we talked about doing a good call um playlist so we're gonna start doing monthly playlists and i love it so i guess in the last episode we were talking about uh having sex in twin beds at college yeah yeah and uh Josie posted and people get down in a lofted twin bed that is scary as someone who has been on the bottom of a bunk bed while someone was fucking that that changes your friendship forever I had a lofted bed before my roommate moved out um so mine was a lofted bed and honestly it was terrifying I did it so that I could put my

desk underneath because I went a little little sitting area I had a rail but then after I was after she moved out I put it back down on the floor so I could mush two beds together but like it it wasn't a good time no I remember people like did that like to start a freshman year and I was like I know myself fun fact about me in the words of Tila Dunn fun fact actually really sad fact I was a thrasher when I slept as a kid I had to have like you know when you like go from like a crib to like you transition to like a toddler bed or whatever i had um my like whatever toddler bed that still had a bar up so like it would lift up and it would just be on one side not the top or the bottom just the side that's and my bed would be against a wall i had to install

that on a twin bed because i would roll out of bed and then finally i was like i can't have this anymore i'm like i'm 10 like yeah i need to have a sleep i'm a big girl i won't have a sleepover so then i got a trundle bed and i had to pull out the trundle every night because i would roll from the top to the bottom and now i like wake up just like very on the bed and i'm like when did that just like well you're also in a king bed now actually i might have fallen out of bed in college a couple times yeah and didn't you say that matt said that you do i move a lot in my sleep but i don't like i just like roll over yeah and you're in a king bit now so yeah i guess maybe i have more space yeah but like so if you weren't in a king bit then you would be on the ground

just picture like me probably like what five five fifth grade with like a bar on my bed yeah anyways the end tune in tomorrow for fisting friday monday we have but am i wrong tuesday see you next tuesday wednesday play your favorite episode and then we'll be back here on thursday for don't blame me bye goodbye this is a sister sign production hosted by me megan rinks and me melissa d montz plus diamond imprint productions post-production by coco lorenz production assistance by melanie d watson and music by ryan hunter and giacomo picasso