Don't Blame Me! - Drawing Boundaries With My Older Coworker

Episode Date: May 11, 2026

This week on Don't Blame Me, Meghan and Melisa are giving advice on befriending your coworker and also letting your friend know that they can't just change your plans. They also discuss their favorite looks at the Met Gala, their continued hatred of boats, and their trepidation about the upcoming elections. Join our Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/dontblameme Subscribe to But Am I Watching? Apple  Spotify Subscribe to Don’t Blame Me! Apple Spotify Call In for DBM - 310-694-0976 (3 minutes or less) Write In for DBM - [e-mail] (300 words or less) DBM Submission Form Buy Our Merch https://crowdmade.com/collections/sister-sign Follow Us! instagram.com/meghanandmelisa @meghanrienks instagram.com/meghanrienks https://twitter.com/meghanrienks @sheisnotmelissa instagram.com/sheisnotmelissa instagram.com/diamondmprint.productions Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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well hey y'all how y'all doing how's everything going it's a question it do i have an answer for yourself it's a personal question yeah and you know what i'm gonna have to reflect on that because between the election the politics on a on a broad scale boats diarrhea not that i have not just politics on a broad scale but on a local scale too that's what i mean like that's what i said the deal i meant well when i said the election i meant our california and los angeles election yes and then politics on a global scale and then speaking of global scale boats and the things that happening and how many times have we said don't go on boats countless i'm pretty sure that this cruise i don't know if it's the same like company who's hosting it and i need to ask but the style

of it like the expedition adventure style cruise where it's only like 150 people and you go to the like wonders of the world and you explore all of these things that's what matzah's god mother and godfather did this like the very beginning of this year and i'm like i need to find out if this is the same one because then i will have even more context and understanding of like the layout of the of like the whole vibe of it all because like we heard all about it and so i'm like wow what the it's just scary huh well everyone stay safe i don't really know how much you can do but no matt wear masks wherever you can um but even with that with this one i don't know thankfully it's not as contagious no but it's far more deadly

so and there's no treatment for now well i hear you i believe in science i actually unfortunately don't believe in the people who fund the science currently i don't hear but other place is yes therefore we're fucking counting on you therefore it will get here yeah and you know what at the end of the day when it really got down to it during the first time it was sped up because he was trying to be the first that's true that is true it's just the the the starting point it's just gonna be further back well and unfortunately uh we he did walk it back when he started telling everyone to drink bleach yep but you know the people that maybe believed him you know darwinism yeah ivermectin some people have suggested that to me and i was like for what

am i a horse first of all fuck you second of all you think i'm a horse let alone you think i'm a horse with worms that's that's so fucked up that's insulting on multiple levels hey you're very horse-like to me but more specifically asterisk horse with worms and like i know that there are horse people and like specifically people who like give horse vibes i don't give horse vibes no i give like pug vibes i've got like i'm a little more squished in the face i don't have i don't have one of those long faces i have a long head my face itself relatively squished i wouldn't say pug i don't know what i'd say but not pug like yeah i wouldn't go pug maybe less squished like like a dog with a you know a not a long face but like yeah somewhat shorter

like reese witherspoon gives pug you don't give pug yeah okay i get that maybe like a shih tzu maybe just don't call me a golden retriever no you don't give golden retriever either thank you well this is a podcast all about dogs dogs viruses we actually rarely talk about dogs to be honest yeah for people our age with no children we do not talk about dogs nearly as much as other people do i don't know if we want to alienate some future audience members so early on in this um listen i would not identify uh with the modern day term of with animal people yeah yep i love i love animals that i i have yeah like i like riding horses i just joined an equestrian club and that's where we end yeah so i don't like riding since i can't run anymore

a blind horse stepped on my foot i know yes wait you're quite literally getting back on the horse yes that's why i stopped because i didn't want to get injured for running but now i need to pause the running so i'm gonna get back on the horse you really just need a pulmonologist well that's next week next monday but oh perfect yeah by the time you hear this if you listen early i haven't gone to the doctor yet but i'll be otherwise you'll have melissa will probably be on a treadmill breathing through a straw and doing all sort of weird things that feel like children's toys all about your lungs in the strength and capacity so yeah i i think my thing is like conceptually i love animals like evolution solid like love that very cool animals

as like a whole very awesome but the modern day term of being an animal person is like i value animals that i don't know over humans that i do know and that will never be me and like even humans i don't know i'm valuing you over like as i've always said a building is burning and i in this hypothetical i have a dog a building is burning mitch mcconnell has broken into my home and i also have a dog i'm saving my dog right but you know when national like when disasters happen and tragedies happen i don't look at videos of people suffering and go well what about your pets then i can decide to care about you or not oh well this is a vice podcast and pop culture and current events and i feel like we've talked about all that wrapped into one right now

really we have good call good call how do people participate if you want to get some advice from us some wonderful fantastic life-changing advice for us that we've been doing for quite some time so just know that we're pretty good at it you can give us a call at 310-694- we just had our nine-year anniversary i didn't even realize oh my god wow april something go us damn that's really long sorry i interrupted you go ahead it's okay time isn't real after covid right i just tell myself and now we're free starting again anyways exactly don't don't even my immune system cannot handle it it still has not gotten back to where it was before covid um so if you want to give us a call 310-694-0976 international listeners you can send an audio message to meganpodcast

at gmail.com you can send us a typed out email there if you don't want to hear the sound of your own voice though we love hearing your voice you can use a voice changer if you want to be like mysterious and ominous or you're paranoid because you have like state secrets and that's you want our advice on. And you can also fill out a form that's listed in the show notes and on our socials. DM us on the socials. Tell us what your problem you need advice for. But for all of them, audio version under three minutes and for the written version under 300 words. And if you're like, wow, that sounds like a lot of information, just fill out the form. The form is the easiest one. But I mean, all of it's easy. April 14th. April 14th. Wow. Congratulations to us.

Yes. Congratulations to us. Let's take a break. Thank you. More at Accenture.com slash Spotify. All right, we're back. We are back. What was your weekend like? My weekend was good. I went on, it was the chapter anniversary for my sorority.

So we had a mini little yacht around the marina for two hours. That's cool. That's perfect. It was fun. Yep. Somebody was like, it should have been longer. I was like, no, it was actually perfect. i had i was like i don't know how my body will react because i have severe motion sickness

yeah i'm even just i can't read in the car so i had the sticker behind my ear and above my belly button those things and so i'm like i don't know if i would have got sick because i was prepared before i even got on this boat but what are the stickers huh what are the stickers some nausea stickers oh i've always done c bands and like dramamine i've never done this right here because i was uh covering my camera earlier so wait what are they you know megan that is a question that has been asked by you right now and so right now i am going to elongate uh finding the answer for you as i look this up and i'm gonna give a guess i'm gonna guess it is there's a it's a pressure point and then something else and by the way if it's literally just pressure point and placebo

there's nothing i love more than a placebo people like that's just placebo by the way if something can make me feel better and it's like virtually air and there's like no adverse aspects of it not even the potential for that because it's like oh a plain old sugar pill i love that more than actual medicine that's great yeah it says 100 herbal ginger mint safflower and cinnamon i don't know um says fast acting it had over 21 000 reviews on amazon so i was like should be fine could you smell it yeah but it's not like strong but it's just like you open it and you smelled it but i couldn't smell it while it was like on me i wonder if it like it your brain blocks out the smell but it's because all those things are like anti-nausea things that you would ingest and so i

wonder if it's like a faint enough smell but you it's not enough for you to register that it like helps curb nausea but what would one of my belly button do i don't know people love doing random shit with their belly button like have you seen that like people put oil in their belly button and yeah it wasn't on it but just below it like it was just stuck there but it worked it worked i mean you know i didn't i put it because it says 10 minutes before you're gonna go at least 10 minutes so i wasn't sick on the boat but i don't know if i would have got sick yeah you know have you ever been whale watching um no this woman that was obsessed with me that i was doing task rabbit with when i first moved here she basically just was paying for a friend because

we would just sit and organize things where it was just moving things around her condo but she had proposed that and i was like oh but we never went because i got weirded out because she literally was just paying for me to come over to do nothing it just the vibes got weird when she hugged me oh that's that's all you can always tell in that moment yeah it's it's a deciding factor um i got mott's like a little diy like gift certificate for us to go whale watching because he loves whales and he loves sharks but i'm like he's he wants to swim with sharks and that's like a hard no for me like not that a hard no for me to go of course i would never go it's also a hard no for him he cannot go um and uh but so the i was like i for his birthday i think like last year i got him

tickets for this but this year sucks for it because el nino so like the whole timeline of whales or whatever and i was telling him because it's such a fucking thing in san francisco and the bay area in general like a big thing when you have people out of town coming and the way that i'm going to prepare to a level that i never did as a child because i was a child i have been whale watching no less than 10 times and the only thing i've ever seen is the inside of the bathroom on the ship that's the only thing i've ever seen absolutely barfing my brains out and there was one time i almost threw up over the side of the boat and they're like please please don't do that i that will detract we don't want that's not what we're trying to get here and i was like okay well

you think it's gonna attract the wrong kind of animal that's like not what you're advertising fucked up fucked up but um i really want to maybe that'll be one of my like late in 2026 resolutions is work on my motion sickness because like it is debilitating i also cannot read in the car i can't do shit i can't even like open an email maybe get these patches and then read in the car yeah i i want to do that and then uh i also some there's these like glasses you can wear that look like fucking crazy that specifically for the car yeah to me they look to me like they would just make me sicker the glasses on on on in not moving they are moving a lot and so i guess it like counteracts it but when i look at it but woozy yeah but there's so many things because i've

done um i've done the like i would say that like my go-to if i'm going to be very if i know that i'm gonna be sick like that c-bands and dramamine only cut dramamine's gonna put you to sleep what's the point of being there no but now now i would just do zofran and just take being constipated for like a week after to be like that's because i i had done the dramamine and um c-bands like anytime we were in high altitude and like all of this kind of stuff and then we went to ecuador keto and it was those things could not hold a candle to it i was convinced i was going to die I was like, I'm not going to make it. Like, I think my stomach has detached from every, like, I think that it's floating in

there and it's like threatening to come out my ass. Like, this is not a, and I wasn't even like throwing up or anything at this point yet. But I was like, no, I actually, I think my, my organs are going into failure. I feel so bad. So I got to try little sticker ones because I would love to have a placebo that works that doesn't make me constipated for a week afterwards. That'd be nice. That would be nice.

oh speaking of i don't have sleep apnea well congratulations what's next no fucking idea now i'm all out of ideas and so i'm just like you know what i'm just gonna gaslight myself into being like you're not tired you're sleeping perfectly fine everything's wonderful and then i'm gonna see how long that takes until i get fed up and then i will probably uh go back to the doctor to figure it out i know that you hate the smell of lavender yeah but i and maybe they it comes in another scent but i got a um lotion that's lavender and magnesium that i rub on my body before i go to sleep and i've been lights out every night for the last two weeks well lavender does like really help people fall asleep but it also might be the magnesium that's in the lotion

too yeah i take magnesium but i should try and also maybe topical like will relax your body more though that would be nice because i'm and you know i've also have sleep problems and so this has really been knocking me out i've also been using secret has this new like body spray stuff that cools your body it says 10 degrees so i've been using those in combination and i've been going to sleep that is my cooling my body 10 degrees is like when i when i need that i need that and like that's the only thing that like otherwise it's a waiting game until your body Oh, yeah. I don't know why I didn't think of that. Yes. Yeah. It's so that's what I've been rubbing that lotion on and spraying the spray because it's supposed to be a nighttime thing to the one I have also smells like lavender. But I think it comes in a different scent. I think it does come in a different scent. So I believe it. I'll try it. It's been life changing. Truly. Hell, yes. That sounds great. Okay, now we're going to give you some advice.

Dear Eminem, I'm a 28-year-old woman, a lesbian, and I'm out to everyone at my work. I have a co-worker I get along with in terms of the same hobbies and interests, and we can joke around. He's 55, straight, single male. We have a lot of different political views. He's outwardly shown anti-feminist and is a not-all-men type. He has no issue with me being gay. I just tend to speak my mind when I hear something I disagree with. recently we've been participating in our shared interest more frequently and started animation

projects as suggested by him i'm enjoying it but everything has been initiated by him we've met up so far twice at a coffee place to work on our projects and also talked about doing music which i did express an interest in at work he brought up coming over to my apartment that i share with my sister to show me an old tape of his band because i mentioned i have a vhs player but i didn't give a yes or no and i didn't show enthusiasm he also brought up me coming over to watch a movie with him at his place as a co-worker and someone to share hobbies with it's fine but i don't want to do everything with this person i want a friend find friends outside of work if he mentions it again what do i say i'm afraid i gave him a certain perception because

i genuinely showed enthusiasm for our shared interest but it is an odd quote-unquote friendship not to mention the views he has i don't want to pull back but i do need to be honest about my boundaries you have to quit your job and you need to never do this again and i and i i wish i i wish I was joking but like I okay we're here we're lit we're here I personally would have never let this get this far period because this is a I'm 28 years old this is a 55 year old man that not only is he a single straight man but he also does not have the same values as me there's just so many red flags before we got to this point yeah how niche are your hobbies like they're animating things and yeah listening to music like find friends online that you never have to see never

have to know them never have to as far as like the animation projects goes there's very like big groups of even niche animation things that i just see when i'm just like i'll sometimes like a fandom that i'm into will pop up with like art stuff and those people have their own sect of things to do find people around maybe there's a club the animation club maybe you can start it and that can be just like if he wants to come he can come and that's where you do but stop hanging out with this man one-on-one and as far as like inviting him over just say that's just not something i want to do like no that that's the you have to set the boundaries the boundaries there are so many lines that were crossed before we got here but now that we're here

you just have to say like i don't think that's a good idea um but he truly sees you as like his actual friend his buddy i'm guessing and if if one of my buddies was like you can't come over that would be a little weird and now like because we've gotten to this point it's gotten a little weird because he's gonna be like well okay his feelings might be hurt but that's fine you just have to deal with it yeah i also think that like a 55 year old straight single man shouldn't want to be your friend like this and like i find that so like if his feelings are hurt like great you walked into this like this i don't i'm not putting the onus on you other than like i need i i need you to like stop being so friendly and polite to people and like because specifically stop being

so friendly and polite to old single men like straight men like it's just it's not if a man that age is showing interest in becoming your friend and hanging outside of work that's weird and it's not not weird because you're a lesbian it's not at all specifically like like progressive men are can be fucking weird about lesbians but like conservative men are very much weird about lesbians and like oh i i can change her so like thinking that it's there's not like an alternative ulterior motive here whatever and like the only appropriate relationship would be like he sees you like his daughter but like that's not what's going on and like he would not and to see you like his daughter he would go above and beyond to be not creepy because he would never want his daughter

to be in that position right but he also is not that guy like he it's fucking weird and i don't know why like they're like throw a rock and you'll find somebody who's interested in music and animation and like it people your age like they're like Melissa said there's so many red flags you ignored for like the very few like you know silver lining characteristics of an otherwise like pretty shitty fucking co-worker um and you said you don't want to pull back but you have to pull back like I don't think that you need to like communicate your boundaries to him and like create this parameter of friendship with him that's just what you do like that's just how you start carrying yourself and what you do it doesn't have to be like a hey like telling him that you

want to like still be friends but only to this capacity and all of this kind of stuff and creating those boundaries and everything like that like that doesn't seem to me no offense like that doesn't seem earnest that seems like you're trying to appease him and like make him feel better and like not completely cut him off but in reality like he's your co-worker like you know these jokes that he's making or the comments that he's making like should not a they should be reported hr that if you have an hr but like you should also not be hanging out outside of work and if he asks why just be like i you know a lot of the statements and comments you've made they have not sit have not sit right with me and i prefer to be friends with people and spend time with outside

of work with people who are my own age but you know that's it but i don't think that you need to like start by saying that i think that you just need to not spend time with him like at all and like just don't reply if he talks and just you know make it short and curt and like if he's genuinely like whoa what happened like yeah then you're like yeah you're a 55 year old man who's like made these comments and i was kind of dealing with it and i'm realizing i'm not comfortable with that but like i think it's crazy to me that he brought up coming over to your apartment and then brought up inviting you to his apartment like that to me is creepy like it's point blank like fucking weird and creepy and like he all he's 55 he also should have fucking he he should have

friends who have the same interests as him like he should not be just spending his time with you and like there are obviously like massive age gap um like work friendships but like those remain at work and those people it's because like you find a person who's like wow this person is like so me just had lived like a very different timeline of life born at a different time but like the when you see those cute videos of people who are like oh me and my unlikely be like co-worker bff and it's like a 22 year old working in their first job and then like a like a 55 year old dad of like three they're like you know they're using their slow cooker at their cubicle to make lunch and he's talking about his kids and then they're not talking or spending time together outside of

work like this is just such he's such a red flag and you not wanting to pull back but like you know your conscience is telling you like it's screaming at you that these are red flags that's why you're feeling weird about it but like you don't think that you should feel weird because of x y and z but i just i don't know oh and i just checked i read it wrong it says i tend not to speak my mind when i hear something i disagree with i thought you meant you were constantly correcting him no so yeah this is by the way if this helps you at all this is a man who thinks he can turn you to straight and not be a lesbian anymore there you go and there's that i just think it's so crazy like obviously that's not true but if it were true the guys who think it's true i go you think

you you think if this were a possibility you think you 55 year old man that's gonna be like oh my god I haven't had dick before, but God, all I needed was Gary's dick. Now, now I see the light. Like, are you fucking kidding me? Like, it's just so fucking, it's, and specifically like men who think this, like lesbians aren't unaware that men exist in the world. They have seen men. They've seen Theo James. They have seen, um, oh, who did our favorite Calvin Klein? They've seen bad bunnies calvin klein like they've seen things that are like the hottest of the hottest like heteronormative very traditionally handsome sexy men straight women goo goo gaga over and unfaced but no it is gary from accounting wrinkly old bald gary that's the one that you've been missing

your whole fucking life insane yeah don't do it um can you imagine being the sister yeah what is your sister saying have you told your sister like it's like you're like i'm bringing a friend over and it's like um there's an old man breaking into our apartment no this is my friend no that's an old man what all right let's take a break when you're a mid-sized business you need every competitive advantage you can get Like an AI solution that works for you, not against you. SAP Grow is built with AI embedded at its core, working across every system. And it's ready to go from day one, so you can hit the ground running.

Bring it with SAP Grow. AI Cloud ERP for any size business. And we are back. Met Gala. Anna Wintour broke. broke i guess does she still do the met gala or is it now just vogue i think she still does it yeah because everybody's like they'll be like oh she just invited this person this year or like yeah because i know that chloe maul is now the editor-in-chief but i guess she's still like

head of whatever operation i don't know whatever it is but um she broke her cardinal rule that has not been broken for anybody to let blue ivy not only attend under the age of 18 but walk the red carpet i died i was like i was obsessed and you know what they're calling blues uh bodyguard no blue leos that's funny and he is b613 like yes i've seen photos of him he there's videos where people will be filming wide shots and it's like he can sense the camera just turns around and deadpans into it and everyone's like blue leos my god but i i was i was loving it loving it i just she looked i mean beyonce was she was beaming she was just like so that's her baby all she could talk about was blue and her family as a whole it was just really

sweet um and for some reason i feel like the met gala received so much more flack this year than it has any other year and i just have to go on record and say um it's really great like the bezos of it aside because like critique jeff bezos for sponsoring like left for sure i will never stop like shitting on him like yes critique that but like specifically critiquing like these celebrities for going i saw someone call sarah paulson she did like a um she wore an outfit that with like these like dollar sunglasses and like the dress is called the one percent everyone's like wow the one percent really getting self-aware and I'm like Sarah Paulson is not the one percent like no Jeff Bezos makes what her entire net worth in like 15 minutes like if if if now this

whole idea of class solidarity but it's like us versus famous people and I'm like that's not how this works at all also at the end of the day like it's a fundraiser and it also and it for the arts and it's also showing like it's art on bodies as well for the designers and so they're able to showcase the work as well and like specific like craftsmen creating like physical pieces and like this people who are like we need to save the arts we need physical media we need we need all the we need third spaces we need goods and services and all of this to be like but fuck the mat gala i'm like okay now now i don't know what your mo is because like what's your preference then like it and also being like all these celebrities like they could solve world hunger

by with one ticket and i go well the celebrities aren't paying the tickets and also no they can't like jeff bezos yeah for sure he can but like this idea that all of these celebrities like wow like to say that like it's fucked up that they you know have political stances that are progressive and like will use like red carpets as an opportunity a moment to like make those known and then be like wow watching this from district 12 and i'm like i don't think you know what that means like that's not what this is again it is celebrating the arts and raising money for the arts to continue and if that i that is very leftist yeah like remember when we were mad at timothy chalamet for shitting on ballet like yeah now you're doing this is it's becoming the same

sort of thing it's people i think the issue is is that like the conceptualizing of money and like how much like money there is and you know i think that i don't love it when in like a day-to-day interaction when people who you know grew up upper upper upper class like so much money but they're not bezos are like you and i are more alike and i'm like okay on a day-to-day basis like that is like not fucking relevant and like there there there needs to be a social awareness to that but like at of fundraiser where jeff bezos is is is sponsoring like that actually is he he becomes this becomes like a personal situation like this becomes like him versus the the rest of of of us um but i don't think sarah paulson is going into like a coffee shop and being like hey can i pay

out of the tip jar like you and me were the same no no no no wild do you have a best dressed who loved outfits um i i just i i think that this year might have been the best overall that because we've been talking about this for a few years now we have done when we had other episodes done full episodes but i think overall mostly everybody looked really good i agree they weren't trying to i feel like this is the place to be doing too much but in past years they've been doing too much off topic yes they also made this theme was a lot broader than a lot of the other ones which i think helped um but i think this probably has had some of my favorite looks come out of it i loved camp obviously but there were so many duds with camp that like even though the really big ones that i

loved i would say like the the mean grade overall the average was much higher this year the but the last time i think that i really i liked this many pieces was probably like heavenly bodies right and that was like a long time ago yeah and you know i'm gonna as far as people go i'm going to like look at my faves you know they're gonna hire they're obviously gonna be higher on the list than other people just because i am biased but i thought beyonce looked incredible i thought rihanna looked great i liked sabrina's the message behind it because it was like sabrina the film yeah i thought that was so cool yeah like that was great um i loved asia wilson gold because like it represented so many things when she actually has a gold statue of herself

but also like she's uh won mvp three times she is like the gold standard as far as women's basketball goes right now so i love that i liked emma chamberlain's yes i really liked hers too i was pleasantly surprised not like because of her but like it was just it wasn't just like a dress like it was like it really set the tone for like no no we're really going art i like doji i thought she looked incredible especially because she didn't have shoes on like that's i would prefer not to have shoes on either i also really liked blake lively's i thought it was like very pretty and very well done i think i've seen hers yeah i don't know the reference she's not sure there's i'm sure there is a

reference well i guess i think that like anna personally invited her relatively like last minute okay well she said a lot of court the day before too we've talked enough about that good for her um good for her yeah i just passed by emma chamberlain's again and it beautiful right i thought uh bad bunnies was funny oh you know who else heidi klum's heidi klum is all is always gonna be the queen of like i don't care how i personally look i care about the art well it's so funny people are like well it's kind of giving costume and everyone's like well it it they did say like art as cost all of this kind of stuff like it costume and like but it's giving it's like it was very halloween i was like no no she it was very um heidi klum worm halloween costume

presenting with all of the folds but like i loved that shit like i think it was so cool like i would wear blake lively's just like in general okay yeah yeah not pretty i like it and i'm sure there's a meaning to it she's she's she's good with the uh the theme dressing but 13 feet of train i also thought it was hilarious that jimmy butler the it's not like hilarious haha but like hilarious in the way that this is still art that he had a custom aloe yoga hoodie tuxedo wait i'm looking at this now i love the pants he's got such a little waist yes damn tiny waist he's so handsome and he's always doing things different than other people like even like his media days he'll dress up like a punk or like a emo rocker like he's always doing something different and it they're

like who dressed you and he's like aloe and then points to the logo on his arm i didn't know that that's crazy i loved blue's look too yeah could you see how everybody was trying to tell her to take off her glasses and she's like no i'm not taking them off and beyonce didn't say a word everybody's telling her to take off her glasses and beyonce's i'm sure beyonce's like i already tried the car you guys are wasting your motherfucking time like not my problem not my problem oh there's blake i guess it just didn't come up yeah i'm seeing it bigger now yep that's really pretty it's like this is for sashi yep it is for sashi yep um i liked russell wilson and sierra together they looked incredible um i will go on record and say and heated rivalry

stands do your worst i am so over in general like us absolutely drooling and bending over backwards applauding men who wear makeup to be like oh my god like this is so subversive like like harry styles painting his nails and like wearing a skirt on vogue like that's fine like cool but like as if like a man has never done this before yeah and i'm like nobody in music i'm like have you seen prince have you seen talking about yes huh have you seen david bowie like what are you talking truly what are you talking about any male musician that was popular in the 70s or 80s like lycra bodies like all of this kind of stuff like it's just this men who are sexualized and you know lusted after by straight women like being like oh my god like amazing amazing and like hudson

williams like his he wore makeup and i the concept cool it was supposed to be like two dueling swans black swan and red white i don't know whatever that makeup was poorly done like it was poorly done and people being like no you just don't get it and i was like oh my god i swear to god if someone showed up with this makeup who like a woman showed up with this makeup you everyone be like oh my god no that's but like you can do messy and avant-garde and all of that and like this isn't even a knock to the uh the person who did the makeup because the person did the makeup is his groomer like that's like they do like seamless invisible men's makeup like this is not their specialty and like they were out of their comfort zone and like i'm so happy that

they were happy with it and like you know they like all of that but this idea that it's like this is perfect and amazing and also everyone's posting edited photos of it i was like that's not what it looks like like it's just it's not executed well and for your first time really doing that style of makeup i it's a very very courageous choice to choose to do it on like at the Met Gala. That is so shady. And I loved it. Like, I just think that I'm like, I'm so sorry that you decided to try to do something new for the first time on a massive platform in a global stage. We're actually like, not going to just like, no one's going to assume that this is your first time ever doing this. Because like, that's a crazy thing to do to be like, this is my first

time ever trying this okay it's like my first time trying um walking and i thought i would do it milan fashion week i've never i've never all i've done before is scooted on my butt like it's just like there's so much that goes into this so this idea that is like hey i like really just kind of winged it and i think you should be nicer to me about the execution of it i'm like well i have to assume if you were like confident enough to do this the criticism shouldn't get to you then because like I would never you know enroll in a spelling bee when I'm like oh that's not my strong suit or I've I don't have a lot of practice I'm not entering the Olympics for swimming I'm like I've I have swam I have done I have I have paddled in water I have waded in water but like

I am not a strong swimmer because I have not put in the hours so like if I do my debut at the Olympics I'm like everyone please like be nice to me like that's I think a little fucking crazy but before i loved i loved the i loved the courage but the courage needs to be massed to be matched with the confidence and the confidence isn't there and so i'm just confused why you're upset like i'm so fucking confused oh but i have to say if you're going if you're gonna do it with anyone that is the right fandom to do it for because people are like absolutely losing their minds at anybody who is like this was like pretty sloppy like you don't get it you fucking asshole and i'm like oh my god it's not really a hard concept to understand

no now speaking of it's him in his commercial for peloton wait what he's in a commercial for peloton yeah who who you were just talking about hudson williams yeah oh my god i thought you were saying prince and i was like no no no i'm sorry prince's estate let's him do a no okay okay and not the eye oh i was when i said that's literally who i had pulled up model of the year she's so she's gorgeous and then the makeup the tea the teardrop the hair the dress it was all perfect and the hair is prosthetics yeah she's bald it's so cool but it's not it's like it's not hair but yes like it's so fucking cool i love her so fucking much You know how she was discovered, right?

Mm-mm. Oh, no, no, I do. From the picture, was it at Howard? At Homecoming. Yeah. I remember seeing that picture on Tumblr and, like, being like, oh, my God. And then it was, like, the same as that guy

who had the mugshot, and then, like, within a week, he was on Runways. I was like, she's about to be the biggest supermodel in the world. And now she is. Yep. Absolutely gorgeous. Stunning.

Stunning, stunning, stunning. All right, we're going to take a break. When we get back, we will get into one more advice. that matter most. Learn more at Accenture.com slash Spotify.

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really big on care. Find an agent today at Desjardins.com slash business coverage. We're back. Oh, did you listen to What's Your Name's album yet? No. Naomi Scott? No. You also need to listen to Girls Trip, the Zara Larsson remix album.

Okay, but who were you talking about before? Naomi Scott. Oh, you sent it to me. No, I haven't listened to it. It's... When I get in the car, I just say, hey, S-I-R-I, play some music. Oh. These are the only two albums that have...

And Zara's specifically, though, have actually made it. So I went and drove in the car twice, and I only listened to Beyonce on one of them, and that has not happened in two plus years. I haven't listened to anything else besides Beyonce, and I put on Zara's album. And I was like, wow. i was gonna say that with star except for when it's a beyonce album year yeah and probably the year after a touring year i'm just still i'm yeah help i'm still at the restaurant yeah one year since we saw her i know i can't believe that all right let's do the next one hello my friend in

this situation is 27 and the writer is 24 she her i am writing in about her annoying tendency to make plans and change the details last minute. Sometimes it's who's invited, where we're going, etc. We always have a great time, so this hasn't really been an issue until now. We have been planning a weekend trip for a concert. Since this is an out-of-state trip, I needed to plan accordingly. I reached out to her asking if she has invited anyone else. Jokingly, I told her, you always tricked me into group activities. She played it off and confirmed nobody else was coming. That's work to know. As we tried to buy tickets during pre-sale, there were website slash bank issues which resulted in Ticketmaster taking the money out of her account but not giving us the tickets.

As we are trying to figure this out, she spills that the sum we are trying to recover was significantly more than we would have paid for two tickets. She then confessed to inviting someone else after I had reached out. I hate being lied to, which to be fair, if she's telling the truth, I guess it was not a lie, but information was withheld. I would have invited her friend, no problem. While I am very flexible to changes, I think she should still ask me. To better understand our relationship, I should note that we met when we were 17-20. We had more of a little sister big sister relationship then this made me realize i was starting to resent her for this and maybe even have been for a while how do i shut this down once and for all without blowing it

out of proportion by the way i'm an aries and she is a taurus you asked her up front so it is a lie you asked her and she said no it's not a lie of admission she literally lied to you yeah i'm i'm also curious like i think like it's annoying it's very detailed annoying to change details last minute like specifically like where you are going or like the time or anything like that but did they say that okay yeah who's invited where we're going etc we've always had a great time so this isn't hasn't really been an issue so i guess my question is like what is the issue if it if you still always have a great time and this is like a behavior that they always they always do because like i think if it's a behavior enough that you're like i need you to not do this like i can't do

this anymore then i was i would not have phrased it like a joke like i would have been more straightforward but her also hiding it from you makes me think that like either like she's a very weird diabolical friend or like this is a bigger deal to you than you're necessarily letting on to us and she knows that and like she should have just told you someone was coming but i guess i'm wondering like if she was like oh i invited somebody else what would have your reaction have been the writer said if she had let me know up front it would be fine i'm wondering if that like changes the travel situation like if y'all are driving if you're flying um also the room situation like now somebody's gonna have to share a bed like what what it's it also just

sometimes like an additional person changes the vibe of what's happening totally and so i need to go into especially if she might be closer your friend might be closer to this other person so like mentally i do need to be prepared if these things are happening it also should be talked about but if something came up where you need it also she needed to get this person's i'm guessing money beforehand like they they had a discussion about like this is how much we're going to pay for tickets and everything and left you out of it that's what i'd be pissed about that's why i'm wondering it's like why she didn't tell you is it like do you know this friend or are you kind of being like you know to me this is annoying because like she's always bringing like new friends or

people that i don't know but like they've always been nice and like it's fine but like my thing is i'm like okay so if we've had like great interactions before you've seen that like you know it's not very kind to just change plans last minute but we still all i have a positive attitude but you still choose to like not tell me you're inviting a friend to me when you're directly asked i'm like did this friend commit a felony like is it what is about this friend that you don't want me to know like do you think that's going to change my rsvp to this because like i don't know i think in general i want to have all the information so i can i need to prepare for things like you said like splitting rooms and all of this kind of stuff but like

not telling me when i've directly asked you i don't know that i would be like i would have been fine you know it's still fine or whatever because I'm like well why didn't there's a reason you didn't tell me and like what is the reason and that's what I would ask her because like is the reason like you think that I'm not going to go and like why is it that you think I'm not going to go is it because this is going to change the dynamic or is it's going to increase the price or you think I'm not going to like this person or what or do you just like the idea of like being in charge of making plans and kind of like holding the magic wand and like getting to do with it what you what you will and like invite more people and and do all these things and like

you know are her eyes bigger than her stomach in a sense of it like she thinks things can be that the details and logistics will all work themselves out and then do you end up like having to overcompensate for that but like i just don't get why she continues to lie about it and why you have continued to be her friend like i understand that it doesn't seem that major but like it's weird and like i don't i don't know that i would have gone this far without asking what her motivation is and like why she lies about it in like a serious way not like a joking way i'm also not being a 20 year old making friends with a 17 year old yeah well and like part of me also wonders if you're that you're younger in this situation and like if you really

viewed her like an older sister and so you view this as like quality time between you and her and she's like really trying to make it more like group activity friendship hang and you have viewed your friendship as like deeper and different than that like i think that that is also no offense i think that that is on on you at this point to like now be able to recognize that that's actually not what the relationship is at this current moment and that you're she's just gonna keep ending up disappointing you yeah which big sisters can also do yeah I know I do it all the time not intentionally but yeah when even like I'm just thinking back to because Sinitra is five years older than me and I met her when I was like 15 I think and it wasn't like it was initially I think

we've never talked about it but I'm pretty sure that it was like my mom was like they need some older black woman in or girl in their life to be like a mentor to them and it would just be like we're gonna take you to the mall it was her and tiffany and they'd be like we'll take you to the mall eventually like she became part of the family and is like my big sister now but like even when planning things it's always and i don't know if it's just like black culture but it's it with anything is before i commit i'm like who else gonna be there like because i need to be prepared for that and also my invite if you have if i because i'm not going anywhere i think if you've not if i haven't found out who's going i can have found out who's going something could

have changed and now somebody else is going my invite not written in ink i'm withdrawing that i'm no longer going if i don't want to go right so you know if i make plans with you i'm making plans with you i'm not sending it to the group chat and if those plans change i should be made aware of it so you saying this made me realize i'm starting to resent her for this and maybe have been for a while you have been for a while you said it within what you were saying it always annoys you whenever she has the tendency to do these things so i think how do you shut this down without bullying out of proportion you can't control how she's going to react but you need to say like when we make plans together these are our plans together if someone else is going to be

involved please let me know ahead of time because that could change our plant and then you have to follow through with that yes follow through and it has to be serious not in a joking way because also like she might not earnestly know that like you were being serious about it like i would have read that like a as a joke unless there were other comments that i compiled over a time period but also i could have missed that that like was something you were annoyed with but the idea that like wanting to shut it down once and for all like you don't control that like you have to just be direct with your words and then you have to be you know have very strong boundaries and you have to follow through with that like you can't be like hey if you invite

i really don't like it when you invite people who you we haven't talked about it like just or like things shift and change up like randomly but you know you're saying like we still always have fun you either need to be okay with this behavior or the next time she does this and it's like we're supposed you're supposed to go to a movie at 7 30 and then at like 6 she texts you and she's like hey i actually just got tickets for 9 30 instead be like i'm not gonna be able to go like don't don't make it work and then still resent her because like if you accommodate her and her consistent behavior it's not like a one-off like hey can you do me a solid like can we stretch this or can i i know this is last minute can i invite a friend or whatever it is

but like if you give her grace for her behavior and then one day decide like i'm i've been holding i've been compiling all of this against you and i have all of this resentment i don't agree with what she's doing but i also don't think that's also fair like i think that like if you are accommodating behavior of hers that you hate without telling her that you hate it and you're constantly doing it you've you've established that this is like how your routine is you've established this is how your relationship is and i don't think it's good for either of you but i don't think that you can then fault her entirely i think the greatest sign of like a friendship and like to or any sort of relationship is like being honest with me because you believe that like

i have no intention of hurting you and you want me to know that i'm hurting you so i can do better And like if you think someone is capable of change, greatest compliment ever. But if you just like let someone treat you in a way that you hate and like let that boil and boil and boil and like you finally tell them, I'd be like, oh, my God, that really that really hurts my feelings that you thought that I was incapable of not doing this or that I was intentionally doing this. like that doesn't sound like a friendship you should think hi you should think better of your friends than that or you shouldn't be that good of friends with those people the way i would never attend if someone was like oh hey i'm bringing someone so like if they just showed up i'd be like hello it's my my mom has a tendency of like saying we're gonna do one thing and then adds on like the side quests of doing it and i just had to be like no like i've planned out mentally that this is what I'm doing because that's the amount of time that you the time and that I've set aside

for this and now you're adding something on that goes against what I had already planned out that's not how this operates you have to tell me what's happening before and I need to decide if I have the time and capacity to deal with that right now yeah just because even if it's something that she deems fun you don't know what else I have going on well and that's the thing like I can be so flexible and like i am like this might come to talk people i'm very chill like if you want to cancel plant whatever like i'm i'm not like high strung in that way or what's like i can do whatever but like you just you have to let me know and you have to tell me because like i am making all of these like minuscule decisions and scheduling things in my head and in my brain around this

thing and like matz and i had to do this where we like would we'd like talk about this was like years ago but like talk about plans for the weekend and we'd have all this stuff to do and when we were out i'm like i feel like you're rushing like what like no no i'm not and i was like okay but there's just like a sense of urgency that like i can feel and i don't know what it's for and then when we get home he was like okay i'm gonna go hit balls and i'm like just tell me that you want to go hit balls so like i don't think that we have i don't know it's like when if you're like shopping around a store and you're like i'm gonna hit every aisle like you've got like when you're in the store you're quick in and out and then you have like your routine when you

go the other way and i'm like well unfortunately i have been doing my thorough shopping and we've only gotten to one third of the store if i i can do the quicker shorter version but like let's let's let's all be on the same page because right you know even if we still have a good time at the end of the day i will have a better time if i knew what i was in for right and like what's the point of hiding in all right well that's the end of the episode thank you guys so much for listening join us on thursday for but am i watching we'll be watching the devil wears prada 2 Woohoo! Exciting.

And then we'll be back on Monday for another episode of Don't Blame Me. Bye. Bye-bye. This is a Sister Sign production hosted by me, Megan Rinks. And me, Melissa D. Montz, plus Diamond Imprint Productions. Post-production by Coco Lorenz. Production assistance by Melanie D. Watson. And music by Ryan Hunter and Giacomo Picasso.