Don't Blame Me! - FF: But Am I Wrong? Results - Husband Starting Standup Comedy

Episode Date: May 17, 2024

Meghan and Melisa read the results from But Am I Wrong: Husband Starting Standup Comedy and then discuss their new pickle empire. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

hello and welcome to fisting friday where we fist you on a friday those are the sounds of being fisted and if you're like is it a fist first of all we don't need to know that much about your life if you're going to be like i actually you know that's actually not what my fisting is sounds like everyone's fisting is different no fistings are greater than say no not at all the diameter circumference why did i think you were saying princess diana and i said we're not talking about princess diana and fisting the same sentence the people's princess no no no no should i explain if they're new here what this is this is definitely not the podcast to um start with unless you are chaotic in which case welcome someone didn't turn

their notifications off and that's melissa so this is the podcast where we read the results of last week's episode of but am i wrong and we also read your dms and messages so be sure to vote for the week that you just heard like yesterday's episode that'll be up um and if you're like megan when does it go up it's a guessing game your guess is as good as mine um gotta keep them on their toes yeah the fire burning keep the coals you know like uh what's his name makes people run across the coals god god doesn't do that no oh no i felt like a god thing well he might think he's god the man that like gives has like those conferences retreats for like bros and he not that one

but similar vein he similar but more asshole Joe Rogan we're getting off track here okay

um who makes men walk on coals I thought it was like a religion thing like Jesus can walk on water you can walk on fire Tony Robbins that was my first guess and you said no I didn't hear Tony Robbins oh no I said Dave Ramsey I meant Tony Robbins I don't know who Dave Ramsey is Dave Ramsey is the finance guy okay I don't know who that is I meant to say Tony Robbins I fully thought I said Tony Robbins you

heard me get all defensive being like I already said that I do that with lots when we do the crossword where I will say I'm like I already said that and he goes no you said this word and I went what's that word he goes the word you said I go I don't know what that word is I thought I said that that's what i meant for us we have an audio recording so i believe you i i'm not doubting you that i said the wrong name i'm just i'd also love to know how i learned that name like i'll tell you how you learned it i know exactly how you learned it i bet i bet you do and i'm not even kidding so when we did when you had your uh which i think is this episode maybe when you were talking about people um paying i just read it in a dm that i'm about

to read in this uh-huh let's say you're right uh-huh so i literally read it like 10 seconds before and it just stayed on my brain okay wow if this is your first episode you're really getting to know me and our dynamic like incredibly well like this is this is standard so i guess we should get into sorry reading the results for episode 99 as I as I tap through and I see Avantika's thing about um Tangled I want everybody to go look up her galore spread like her spread in the magazine galore um I need her to be every Disney princess ever like it's someone at galore said she's not in a she so you mean that was just a fan casting I'm gonna make sure that happens in real life like she looks like a fucking princess i am just like in offer cinema cinema owes her

because of mean girls without a doubt like first of all she's entitled to compensation for her but i need her to like she is she's she's beauty and she's brains and And Modern Family's not on anymore because we think of Luke, our Mensa scholar. And I'm like, we've got a Columbia University student. We've got a brainiac up in here. Right. A full-on brainiac. Give her a cute little fun movie.

Let her do whatever she wants to do. She looks gorgeous. Okay. So, who is wrong for episode 99? We have me. Megan thinks it's insane to charge people money, to teach people, to stop sending money. 2% said I was wrong. 98% said I was not wrong. And we will go through and we will read my introduction to, what the fuck did I, I mean, the name's already gone now. Dave Ramsey.

Dave Ramsey. Someone said, ever since I graduated college, I've not been in the best financial situation. And I always feel guilty for having so much debt and always living paycheck to paycheck, even with having a part-time job. I don't spend excess money or splurge. Most I do is get fast food maybe once a week and even that makes you feel guilty i'm constantly in a scarcity mindset and no matter how hard i try i realize that like megan said the only way to really pay off debt and get financially secure at least for me is to make more money yep yep yep is this about me or someone else someone said tbh i'm so over influencers giving advice on shit they're

unqualified for like please stop this immensely dangerous to impressionable audiences i assume they're talking about the financial people yes because i was like my financial advice was like unfortunately you're not able to get out of debt until you start making more money they're not talking about you they just mean i was just checking because you also brought up influencers in your oh cool cool cool apparently i don't remember anything then we have my introduction to dave ramsey someone said dave ramsey can go and choke on his 500 budgeting book i don't know if they're being like tongue-in-cheek like i don't know if it's actually 500 i don't doubt that like at least a course would be courses so i i honestly think that might be

on the low end and he is very controversial and i will i will say though like his like is he the one who coined the money in an envelope no i don't think he's the money in the envelope person but his like thing for paying off debt which is free you don't have to pay for that i i actually think that's really good but then anything beyond that don't pay attention to him yeah free financial advice wonderful like give it give it out i would never i would never be like oh that i mean someone might give bad free financial advice but the issue is if you give bad financial advice behind a pay wall the sunk cost fallacy is people will have to assume it actually is they like they're predisposed to thinking it's good financial advice so they have to follow through with it even if the whole

thing is like oh we're i'm actually just making you more poor so then you're indebted to me which is awful um so those are the results for mine melissa thinks drew barrymore should go back to acting six percent said melissa is wrong 94 said melissa's not wrong coco sent me a clip of her with someone who i don't even know who it is might be dually but i don't know i yeah i think it might be here i don't know somebody that has long brown hair and is white No, that's not Dua Lipa. Doesn't she have black hair? Right now her hair is red and it's short.

It's like collarbone. Well, nope. Is that her natural color though? No. What's her natural color? Probably brown. When I see Dua Lipa, that's who I see. Oh, so you mean that's not what she looked like in the clip.

No. You just mean that that's what she's looked like in your mind's eye historically. Oh, okay. So I could actually still do a leap up. Okay. Cool. British accent? I wasn't turning the volume on.

I just saw that this person was moving away. Like Drew was edging into their lap. Don't say edging. That's what it was. That's what she does in her interviews. She edges. She was edging into her lap. And whoever this mysterious woman is was moving away.

like i'm looking at them like sitting back and um bitch that's bella is it bella hadid is it this one no i don't think so bella i know who bella hadid is you also know who dualipa is the thing about dual dualipa is that she just has like a blank face like it could be anybody's face she's she's a pop star like she's a pop star in the best way where it's like she's like new album bleaching my hair blonde totally new aesthetic like now i'm dying my hair red i'm chopping it i'm doing all of that like she's she's the she's the chameleon pop star which is what i want same with meg the stallion like transform every music video you're like who is this new bitch like introduce me to a new

fucking version of themselves every five seconds and i'm fine with that i am determined to find know who this is so um if i do i will keep everyone updated okay um i don't know it looks old it didn't look new someone said i kind of love it tbh but also get what melissa said someone else said i'll admit when she when i first saw the lore around her new style of interviewing i admired it mostly because of how genuine she was with jeanette mccurdy with the jeanette mccurdy interview but after a while i it got to be too much and gave me the ick so miss ma'am definitely needs to go back to her roots that's how i felt too part of me thinks that like it's a production issue as well because like i think jeanette mccurdy was a wonderful one i watched she did

an interview with chicks in the office and that was on their platform and that was like really good i think teffy on there is like awesome and i'm like teffy's part of chicks in the office no no teffy went on the drew perry moore show oh um but then there's a couple people where i'm like kamala harris doesn't need to be here no and also oprah doesn't need to be here and anyone who is not close personal friends with you like i think that kelly clarkson can be the um interview whoever like anyone's coming on their press tour or whatever personally i like jennifer hudson's show the most when someone on who she likes or when they're doing a segment that she really doesn't like which is like a food eating one that she was like this is so nasty like i

fucking hate this like that's where i like i like jay hud in her two extremes i like her miserable at work being like who is doing this to me and i like her interviewing people she likes mm-hmm and are also like interviewing people who you know that she knows them and she acts like never seen them before like exactly like she's like a fan of them and it's like we saw y'all work together like we know you know each other my thing with drew i'm like drew barrymore does great when she's interacting with her audience and like random like weeping people in her crowd who like want a trauma dump i'm like amazing do that and then when it's like her friends that she's worked with like for a long time or other people who are like very touchy

feely like Bella Hadid is like that and I'm like amazing do that I truly cannot handle or function if you keep having people on here who do not want to be touched like I just think there needs to be a process where I'm like you this needs to be just have people like her you know what I mean Like she could do a Tyler Henry style show and like talk to dead people and they all cry. Like, and I don't, and I mean that with kindness.

Like, I don't mean that as like being an asshole. It's just like, we don't need to have such a wide scope of who we invite. Right. And someone said, or just not be in any media. And I disagree with that.

Disagree wholeheartedly. I like Drew Barrymore. It's just everything that Megan just said. Like, it's just too much, too much. i think a podcast medium is great where people can write in or they can have live calls or like you said having it where she's just opening it up to the audience and then having friends on

but um other than that i don't need to see people running away from you in an interview no no and like i also simultaneously feel bad for her because i'm like as someone who i'm either like hyper aware or i i will like either assign how people feel about a circumstance or a situation if even if they haven't told me and like i might i might be totally wrong or i have like no clue on the vibe and i'm like oh i think i've made the vibe like worse like and not knowing and so for her that's why i kind of feel bad because i'm like she's she's not being like oh these people don't like to be in close contact and i'm like your team is setting you up for fucking failure because people are uncomfortable and you don't know that they're uncomfortable which makes us as the

audience so fucking uncomfortable as her producer should be telling her this maybe the writers are just mad at her though honestly and they would be justified they would be fully justified to be mad at her if y'all don't know what we're talking about she tried to scab tried it's actually like trying to scab is hiking more embarrassing than scabbing it is because then it was like the next week the the strike was over with so some people credit her for like because she did that that it sped it up i was like no it did not like it had been months months so fucking long um so as an update unless you saw do a lipa um doing a live show with drew barrymore shot from somebody's iphone from a back row it was actually not do a lipa okay well

i can tell you who it wasn't it wasn't bella hadid it wasn't bella hadid it wasn't um princess diaries it wasn't uh brunette people yeah it wasn't uh uh that fanfic um nepo gal with the bangs you know dakota yes dakota it wasn't her why don't you be jason momoa and you're like i just know i know i know that man okay okay jason momoa but you're back she's she's got eyes on you are you sure it wasn't Anne Hathaway look at this I know who Anne Hathaway is I know who Anne Hathaway is she she was also not in white and she was on the other side of the couch I believe I do also think that like I I don't think Drew Barrymore desperately needs to have a crush because I'm like you are crushing so hard everyone who comes on your show I'm like

just flirting like loving it like being like like giddy and I'm like love that for you maybe we don't do that at work. Like maybe we flirt at home or on a date, something like that. I recently saw a short or a reel of her. Oh, maybe this is what you saw. I recently saw a short or a reel of her show with Millie Bobby Brown. You didn't read this one already, did you? No, I didn't read it. And it was so hard to watch. Oh my God. Keep your hands to yourself. I don't care how good of friends you are. This is a talk show on TV and Millie Bobby Brown is a brunette. She is, but she's also a child a child so i wouldn't know who that was i know what millie barb bobby brown looks like like i'm saying it's a blank and they're matching it's a blank face

do a loop of type it's a model so she should be a model because blank face is model like it's like you're you're you're you're a canvas well if anyone knows who we're talking about please let us know give us a blank face Dua Lipa and we and Melissa does mean blank face in the most positive of terms I do yeah I know I just want to make sure that the people know that then we have writer number one versus someone selling stolen artwork seven percent said the writer is wrong 93 said the writer is not wrong someone said this girl is definitely wrong for stealing art but if I support stealing money from any corporation

disney is definitely on that list um writer number two versus a husband who wants to try stand-up comedy who was wrong this is a controversial one 51 said the writer is wrong 49 said the writer is not wrong i want to say shout out to my 49 my fellow bitches in the room i just feel so supported and seen i want to shout out to my 51 the winners yeah there you go There you go, but hey, as long as we know we're in this together. We are. Like I said, do it for the story. It can humble him.

Someone said, this is a tough one because what an ick to see your partner do stand up, but also they just want to have fun. Yep. The writer is definitely not wrong for trying to protect her husband from future embarrassment, but i do think it's at least worth it for him to get in some classes and see how it is personally i don't think i'm telling jokes kind of funny but i've seen certain comedic styles and i thought if you give me a joint and a good mark i could definitely do that and i would like to say to that person that said that you were very funny no you're winnie the

bish funny the way that you write is funny so like if you weren't comfortable delivering it you could be a writer for someone else that is yep yep and if anyone doesn't know who this person is just know that when i cast them as a tv show character they are winston from new girl man just wants to be silly goofy if they hate his humor so much then let him tell his jokes to other people instead of her honestly that one is kind of spot on like i'm like didn't think of it that way but like facts yeah you know overly confident white cis straight men need to be humbled let karma cook geez we don't know we don't we do not know this man's ethnicity no we don't um but anytime someone is like afraid of their significant other doing stand-up comedy

to me it usually gives cis white man who's like never had a hardship in his life who's going like i could be funny i'm like do you have the trauma actually required to be a stand-up comedian this just reminded me i was watching um grace and frankie as i do um also nicole has gotten into it because of my recommendation and is already on season two and is loving it oh i love um i feel like i may only have like three episodes left i don't know i'm just trying to savor it there's seven seasons um but wow but um in the last season um Frankie's son like she adopted her kids and his the black son he he's a lawyer because their dad's lawyer and um he doesn't like it like he is like I need something different in my life and you know what

he's trying stand up stand up comedy and guess what he's actually funny does he have trauma and everybody yes he has a lot of trauma but everybody in his life is like you're not funny why are you doing this so he's been sneaking to go do it and like got and was keeping it from his wife and then um she thought that he was cheating on her and this woman comes up to him in a grocery store and and he's like no that wasn't me though some other black man basically calling her racist and then come to find out she's actually a agent trying to sign oh that's funny that is funny yeah i i don't know what happens after maybe he goes into his stand-up life i have to watch the next episode you know maybe it's a canon event maybe this is like it's gonna be the new djing like

when men hit a certain age they're like i actually think i'm gonna start djing and now it's gonna be stand-up comedy better that than a podcast yeah i agree someone said okay i'm choosing the writers wrong for dating an unfunny man that sounds like actual hell not even dating married oh my god that's kind of mean at the same time i i actually think that like that would be the biggest mind fuck of it all because like for me dating someone who's funny is super important to me so like while if mods was like i wanted to handle comedy i would be like well okay that i the cringe i feel is going to be out of this world like my response wouldn't be you're not funny do you know what i mean so like to me if you were like if you either someone dating someone who's

funny or ending up with someone's funny either wasn't like a requirement for you or worse you were like i don't want to be with someone who's funny and then they suddenly decide i actually like be funny now like what a mind fuck exactly someone said it is rude to tell him immediately he's not funny but support him anyway from a distance also applaud the guts and courage it takes for him to even try it out that's very kind and then someone said i feel like the writer stopping a canon event for their husband that to me also like you could if someone said don't interfere it's a canon event i immediately i'm hands off i'm like not let the universe take its course don't want to throw a wrench in the space-time continuum yeah here's chances are he's

good and then like he he ha ha or he's bad and it's like okay he's not getting up on stage again or he's bad and doesn't realize he's bad well so that's that's no that's my biggest fear that's when you have to tap out that the issue that i have is i think that the statistically i think that is the most likely option and like what do you i don't know what to do from that point on i get i'm sometimes i'm in like what ebbs and flows of um comedy tiktok where people are posting their stand-up and it's because i do follow like famous comedians that are actually funny and so it seeps in these other randos and if y'all don't know when you go to a comedy club like you usually have to invite your friends and they write their names on a list and then you get like

points from it and i'm like i can tell the people in this audience are just their friends laughing because it's all coming just from one section and the joke is not funny oh yeah i was on a good point um because not only did i not laugh when the person who had us come to see their stand-up um i insisted we leave you you told this story the last time it's just like just know everyone what you're getting into yeah you know all right wrong of the week euphoria jerry seinfeld da sandra dorley congressman christy noam anyone attacking college students and faculty for protesting genocide there was a lot more but yeah nuts and bolts here um i would would like to state though for anyone looking at the image

um i cannot take credit for the christy gnome old yeller edit uh that is in fact on reddit and i found when i literally just googled christy gnome dog so i would just like to thank reddit for that one there's also been numerous other lies that she's been caught in yeah she's doing a lot right now she's doing so much and i don't understand what why she's out talking so much just take a vacation go to cabo like you've got the money yeah get on a plane go tan like it's a humiliation kink at this point i'm just like i actually need you to stop talking and i'm turning i don't feel bad for her but i'm starting to get like this like secondhand embarrassment where I'm like, I don't think that something's viscerally wrong.

95% said they're wrong. 5% said they're not wrong. A lot of people did write in and say, I voted wrong. But not everybody. Yeah. So, cool. Someone said Jerry Seinfeld is always wrong. One of the rudest people who've come through my theater.

so i've seen a ton of like stuff on reddit and people talking about this so he like wants to go see movies and i don't know if this person is anyone who's written on reddit but there's been like hundreds of he wants to see movies in theaters but doesn't want to be around people and so he would just go to the movie theater and the theaters like it's great press for them and so he would go and they wouldn't it would be for free and the only thing that he would need to do and it'd be on like off times um is that he just has to like just tip the person who is there and it's only one person who's starting the movie and they've got the concessions or whatever and he notoriously does not tip them doesn't give them and then they they're working

for free for the whole time and he like will yell at people like yell at the singular person there and i'm like imagine just like being an asshole when it's you and only one other person who's doing you a service what an asshole yeah there's so many things um and as someone who went to a movie theater and magic johnson was there and he couldn't have been nicer i love him like nicest nicest human so many people were coming up to him i was with when i did big brothers big sisters she was like he's a basketball player i was like yeah and she goes who is he And I was like, Magic Johnson. And she's like, can I get a picture with him?

And I was like, I'll ask him. He couldn't have been kinder. Oh, that's so sweet. Yeah. Yeah. Not Jerry Seinfeld. No. Asshole.

Then we have my wrong of the week, or wrongs of the week, some of them. Aaron Rodgers, Boeing, theater adults, Eric Adams, and the couple had sex in the New York City park. 100% said they're wrong. zero percent said they're not wrong i can guess what what the people were voting wrong about in the last one i think we all can eric adams also recently has been shown wearing a baseball hat that says uh nydp and everyone's like sir what is that and i guess it's from like some dance convention thing he went to but everyone like you can buy that essentially as like new york double penetration like joke merch and he's just wearing it around like fully earnestly

even though it's the same merch like for this like dance whatever but like that's not no one's thinking that can't stand that man and another boeing person uh another whistleblower died i know scrolling through tiktok as i do and i came across this girl eating the most delicious sandwich that i have ever seen in my life and why was it so delicious because there was no bread instead of bread there was a pickle cut the long way and then it was like hollowed out a little bit just a little bit it was still enough of that delicious flesh in there and then it was layered with lettuce bacon turkey ham i believe and it just looked so good it was so juicy crunchy and i immediately sent it to megan because i know she

loves pickles as much as i do and i saw it said it said two things oceanside and long beach and i was like i don't know where these things correlate with each other but this is california so i wrote on the uh post i said i will be there i will drive just to get this then i click on it and it's some town in new york that's on long beach street oceanside new york and i said what the fuck is this i was so mad but then i just bought the ingredients um and so tomorrow on our live stream if you're listening to this today on our live stream i will make it and i want y'all to enjoy this delicious sandwich with me oh my god maybe maybe i'll do that too because melissa sent it to me and immediately i had the exact same reaction i went oceanside that's by like carlsbad

that's like that's i was like a perfect and then i was like near i was like i didn't think it was near long beach but i was like okay cool like i'm sure i'm just like kind of wrong because i'm not good at that the way i literally type it in so fast and i'm i'm there and i'm going okay and i'm zooming out and i go i don't recognize a lot of these street names and i keep zooming and i keep zooming and i go well i see some water so there we go we're on the right track and i keep zooming and then suddenly i'm seeing like lakes and shit and like other water going through and i'm like i'm seeing peninsulas and i'm like oh no i see rhode island now and now i know this is actually fucked up and this is not like also it's the most california thing in the world so i'm like

what do you mean you're making this like i'm not saying that new york is not that's not the vibe but like first of all substituting bread with anything else so la but like we love pickles and i was telling mons because i showed him that video and he was like where do you even get a pickle that big and i was like oh bitch the grocery store that i used to go to as a child they had like the deli counter and they had one of those a big clear like kind of like cookie looking jars filled with pickle brine and the giant pickles and every time the butcher look at me and goes do you think you're allowed to get a pickle today and i'm like i hope so and the way i would just get them and just not on that shit they're like i've never seen a child

your size finish a full one of us and i you know i was looking at the grocery store and i was like i know none of these pickles are gonna be big enough am i gonna have to enlist allison because i know she goes to costco like every week to get me some a big container of pickles but then i was like wait they have those pickles that are in the bag yep that are one i was like that'll work that'll work i get those at disneyland like any like a pickle in a bag if i'm at an airport and i'm like with friends or whatever and it's like oh what are we gonna eat and be like megan they've got pickle in the bag they've got like it is like oh alert she she should know that they have her pickle yes i went to lunch this week with our manager um kendall and they had it said a plate

of pickles and so i ordered it thinking i was going to get a plate of cucumber pickles which a fourth of it was but there was also pickled turnips catnip all that stuff radish it was i like pickled radish i do i like it i'm a big fan of it actually um i was eating it and i was like i don't know what this is but this is delicious and then i realized it was radish and i was like this is the only way i will eat a radish but there was also um carrots which was fine yeah not great but i think carrots are too flavorful for to be pickled yeah but then there was little green tomatoes no too mushy and then some other thing that we didn't know what it was i said if i come back here i will tell them only give me the pickled cucumbers

yeah i also have pickled ginger yeah that's good too that's like radish and ginger together they've got the spice i like i need something that either is like so bland like a cucumber or i need something that is like spicy in the sense that it's got some like fire to it it's not like spicy spicy hot but it's got like it's got that like yeah the korean spy go-to um in the plates of food that they give you that both of those things are together the ginger and radishes delicious well join us um on our live stream to eat pickle sandwiches oh my god i can't wait yahoo like my mouth has been salivating since i i saw that i know i literally planned today i'm gonna make myself a um for lunch i'm gonna have a tuna

sandwich and i was like i'm gonna put extra pickles on it because of that having the pickles in there putting oh yeah tuna inside the pickle yeah i know i just think that like this is a game changer yeah i think we're underestimating pickles as like we're looking at them as on the side i think we need to look at pickles like throw some wheels on that that's a bike that's a vehicle this pickle is a vehicle for what we want and what we need and we like we can scoop people scoop out bagels all the time i yeah yeah yeah i can just imagine it think of like avocado toast how you just spread it and it's clumpy i don't want that keep that away but just give me a pickle a boat of pickle with a pickle on top oh so fucking good you could put anything in that

you could do give me like an italian sandwich like some salami and shit pepperoncini and then put the olive oil and vinaigrette on it we have our new we have our new uh food venture we're starting a pickle boat restaurant and they all have to come arrive at like you know the sushi spots that uh they go on a conveyor belt the pickle boats have to come like that and let's go oh chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga oh and then we play that sound song from tiktok that's like yo ho yo and it's like the pickle boats are arriving it's like medieval times yeah and everyone's in costume yes can't wait i love it oh now i'm hungry oh god okay i hope your mouth

is watering as much as ours if you make a pickle sandwich um using a pickle boat please send us a picture on our instagram we would love to see it okay stay briny we'll see you on monday for don't blame me tuesday for see you next tuesday and then thursday for but am i wrong and then we'll be right back here for another episode of fisting friday hell yeah goodbye Thanks for watching!