Don't Blame Me! - Figuring Out Who You Are As An Adult

Episode Date: December 15, 2025

Meghan and Melisa give advice on not getting along with your supervisor and then they delve into how to manage a relationship when your partner struggles to handle emotional conversations. Melisa rants about another incredibly weird spa situation and Meghan wants to know why so many planes are landing on the streets. Plane Video: https://www.tiktok.com/@mcfli_guy/video/7540519401808874765?lang=en Join our Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/dontblameme Subscribe to But Am I Watching? Apple  Spotify Subscribe to Don’t Blame Me! Apple Spotify Call In for DBM - 310-694-0976 (3 minutes or less) Write In for DBM - [e-mail] (300 words or less) DBM Submission Form Buy Our Merch https://crowdmade.com/collections/sister-sign Follow Us! instagram.com/meghanandmelisa @meghanrienks instagram.com/meghanrienks https://twitter.com/meghanrienks @sheisnotmelissa instagram.com/sheisnotmelissa instagram.com/diamondmprint.productions Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

hi hi hi hi hi ho ho ho ho too early no we got several episodes to go before it's not too early too early no never too early yeah i'm saving that for thursday's episode oh okay okay okay fine fine i accept it though you know i've been ho ho hoing it since the day after halloween oh i was gonna say since your turn 16 yeah 16 was probably the age i was i was i was definitely starting to hoe it uh memories welcome to another episode of don't blame me where we two gorgeous girls give you wonderful amazing life-changing advice that you ask for and sometimes you ask for it to be tough love other times you say handle me softly and and we we obliged by that because most often the people who say handle me softly you're not you're not wrong

like you haven't done anything right yeah we're usually on your side and people who are like i can handle the tough love you're reaching out because you're like i actually require that and i need it i know that i did something help me resolve the problem talk me down or i know that i need a spanking bent over baby well welcome so if you want to participate and get some advice from us you can also like share your own hot take or if you have a topic you want us to talk about that you're like i need your insight on this even if it's not like direct advice go for that as well you can call us at 310-694-0976 international listeners you can send us an audio message to meganpodcast at gmail.com you can also type out what you want to say to that same email or you

can click in the show notes or on our socials we have a form to fill out so all of the above are different ways to do it for the voice mail and voice memo you have three minutes to speak into the into the phone and record it and then we will play it it is anonymous don't worry and if for the written ones 300 words great yeah don't be young like you can be young at heart but you can't be under 18 yeah i'm young at heart i don't even really want you to be 18 and like you have to be really specific about what you're calling about if you're 18 and now now things are changing no it can't be it can't be alcohol and and it can't be um like how to get like hide having sex from your parents like anything that's illegal and if you're 18 and you feel like you have to hide

things then you're you're too young exactly exactly so should we get into the first one let's do it okay hi megan melissa i am a 30 she her and i'm writing in for advice on how to deal with my boss i work at a telehealth private practice in an admin role i was originally supervised by a boss who i loved working with she was clear and concise with her expectations and allowed me the space to do my work without micromanagement i was moved to a different supervisor in September, and we've had consistent communication issues. This supervisor micromanages everything I do, is extremely unclear about our expectations, and condescending with her replies. Our communication is mainly over email or chat, but I really don't think I'm misinterpreting the

tone. We had an incident where she paid me incorrectly, and when I reached out, she thought I was being defensive and rude when I detailed the hours I worked and asked for correct compensation. After this, she's at a meeting with me to discuss my email tone, and of course, labeled it as, quote unquote, aggressive. Parentheses, I am the only Latina who works here. I let this comment go because I can mostly ignore this boss for most of my working hours, but when I do need to ask her questions, she routinely recommends that I look at my job description or refers me to documents that outline the practice's policies, and it all feels very condescending. I always do my own work and find answers to my questions before asking her,

but since she lacks clarity, I consistently have follow-up questions. I feel like I don't have room to ask questions without being labeled as difficult to work with aggressive or like i'm stepping out of bounds of my job description what can i do to work with her without going insane thank you so much oh that's a headache my first thoughts is she racist yeah i'm gonna say yes yeah uh and then my second thought says i have worked in a environment this was my first job out of college i worked in an environment where i was the only person of color in the whole office i was the only black person there and it was all women it was a it wasn't medical but it was health adjacent type profession and it's the job i think it is i don't know like the gym

health vitamin thing it was health yeah health and vitamin not the gym when that was that one i was still in college for that one and but they treated it like we were working at a doctor's office we had files I remember yeah like we had to chart and everything and I got the same type of complaints yeah they didn't properly train me they just kind of threw me in there I would hear one thing when I was in like private meetings telling me how like great I was doing blah blah lot and then when we would get into our like monthly team meetings it was like that meeting never happened and they also would say that like I was aggressive but there were people that came in specifically asking for me and that also pissed them off and they'd be like so why what did you do

and I'm like they just like some people you just vibe better with they like me they don't like you yeah they were mean and it was very clicky but then there was like one girl who actually was like friends with our boss and she would talk bad about her behind like one she lived in like she didn't live but her friends lived in the same complex that i lived in and so like she'd see me i don't remember ever seeing her but she was like we're always like why didn't you come hang out with us I was like because it was like a fourplex and I was like I don't know you and I don't even remember you but then she would like like we'd go out to lunch and she'd be talking bad I'm like I'm not gonna talk bad about her because she's legit your friend so you could go repeat things

back so I don't know if maybe she was saying things I don't know what was happening it was just a place where I did not feel comfortable I've also had heard things about like my tone in emails too but i'm like it's an email i have such a hard time with that like in dms when people are like whoa and i was like i'm i'm sorry because i must have misread your message because like i didn't i didn't read your message as aggressive but if you're reading my message as aggressive then i'm like then was your message aggressive because like right i will do my best to match other people's tone and then when they get upset about it i'm like so you were being like it's just so fucking confusing to me like if you have a problem if i have a problem i'll tell you have a

problem you won't have to guess yeah so i would say like hey these are the the lighter tones that i've learned to use i still don't think i think then i come off fake but in this position where it makes other people feel more comfortable then this is what i'll do i'll say like hey just for clarity hey how are you doing like starting the emails with pleasantries like how are you doing how was your weekend how's it going um I was just unclear about something so I just wanted a little bit of clarity adding just in things softens stuff for people again not grammatically correct or I think it makes you come off weak sorry but that's how I see it no it's like it's also like for me if I'm intentionally doing that like if that's my instinct to do that not like as a course

correction like this my instinct doing that I'm being passive-aggressive yeah so like I the idea that you want me to do that I'm like so you're interpreting me being totally normal like even like not upset just being like asking for what I need or saying whatever you interpret that as negative so you'd actually rather me do what I do when I'm being passive-aggressive okay okay Yeah. So just being as nice as you can, using as soft language as you can. I also do the thing where like I'm just trying to show you the facts of what happened, like with your information about not being paid correctly. and it also that to me seems like she fucked up and didn't think you were going to catch her her mistake and then she got defensive because you called her out on it like why would you be mad an employee for wanting to be compensated because at the end of the day you can get sued yeah and

i agree with all of that i think the things i would add is being like putting the ball in her court more because i think her i think she's racist and i think she also does not i think like melissa said like she's when you do a good job those people get even more mad at you like when you are when you are like not even just competent like you can be competent at your job and they're upset because she's racist and so she has these ideas of perceptions of how you should be and how you should behave and what you should achieve and when you don't meet that it makes her even more angry and so i think like putting the ball back in her court of being like hey uh have a clarifying question about something let me know when you're free and so not being like not loading

all of those questions like in the email giving her the agency to pick when she can tell you and then you have a paper trail of being like hey if this isn't done in a timely manner i did in fact ask her when i could when she could come to me and do that or when we could whatever figure that out giving her a sense of control and then if she does not follow through with that you already asked like that's not on you anymore and like the same thing with being like hey like what like please let me know the next steps or like let me know what you need from me let me know this xyz or whatever if there's things like that but i also wonder with her thing of like telling you to like look at your job description which is like so fucking rude like does she think you are going

out of your scope or does she think that you should be able to do these things without her like without her clarifying anything um and then if it's the she thinks you should be able to do everything and figure it all out without her clarifying anything then i would also ask and be like hey i know you're super busy like you've got so much on your plate you do so much here this place couldn't keep running without you and I hate that I'm like sometimes bogging you down with these like seemingly I like relatively unimportant questions that I do like I need to get the answer to get my job done is there a better person that I could be asking those questions to or someone like when you're busy so like if you're swamped with something someone I

can I can pop over and ask someone else to like giving her this like the idea again like a sense of control all the while making it so like she's not getting in your way to do your job making your job harder in general um but ultimately i would keep like absolutely everything over email like you're doing like keep a record of all of it and i think if like you find that she starts retaliating and i wouldn't like i would like try and make sure you're not downplaying it but like to me her telling you to look at your job description is like like that's really rude That is point blank really rude. And at a certain point, don't talk to HR, not even about reporting her or anything, but being like, hey, is there a way that I could switch someone I'm working under?

We don't really seem to be working well together. And even if they can't do it at that point, just having that known that you're having a little bit of difficulty with this, because I'm sure that this is probably not the first time she has had difficulty working with someone. And it might be like oh yeah let's switch you to this let's do this or whatever but it kind of is just throwing shit at a wall and seeing what sticks like some people like they've got a framed photo of their little gremlin chihuahua on their desk and you're like oh my gosh so cute my favorite dog and they completely flip a switch like there are certain things that make people tick and like can create something that's a little bit easier i don't want to like tell you to like find out her hobbies and

her passions because like that's like not your job and that's also like off the clock and all that kind of stuff but if something does come up that like naturally you see that she's interested in but it's even better if it's something that you're not like you don't have like a complete disdain for or an aversion to something you also even like might know a little bit about finding like one thing in common that's not like work related to just to kind of soften it and it doesn't have to be like a friendship or like something you talk about often but just like something to kind of like melt a little bit of the ice yeah yeah i agree with that because there was one job where i just could not connect with somebody but then i found out that we liked the

same tv show and then we would always talk like when we would our initial conversation be like oh did you see that last episode and then it helped break the ice and helped our uh communication going forward yeah and it's that's like it's like a tv show is ideal because like there's not much oh did you see the new episode yeah and then you move on to that or whatever and then you also just hope for the the next new person to start work because then they hate that person too yeah and then it softens it a bit on you usually yeah but then like if you go through all the steps like with megan and then it just it's still not working then say can we have a sit i like like say i really like this job i like being here for work even if you don't like the job as a whole um and i like

working with here and I know that we're having some communication problems can we just sit down and we can discuss like how best you would like me to approach certain situations when I have questions that go further than what's in the job description or my tone in emails because I really don't I'm not trying to be rude in emails but just let me know like what's the best what's your communication style yeah like people you have to do that in relationships too totally and being like could you show me like an email that you like that you have sent someone that you're like this is my this is how I would I prefer these kinds of things to be handled and I would you know hopefully HR can be in the room or someone can be there to hear I mean HR is not going to do anything but

like something along the lines of like yeah I feel like we got off on the wrong foot and like I've been trying to kind of play catch up to get back to a better baseline but I'm realizing we don't have a great baseline and like I want to like you know like Melissa said love this job want to like want to keep working here and I don't want to make your job harder and I you know talk talk down on yourself sucks but like this is sometimes these egos need that and I don't want to I don't want like it's really I don't want me trying to do my job and like I'm executing it in a way that's making your job harder like that's really not what I'm here for I really want to make all of our jobs easier the same way that like I hope all employees that's like our goal

is to work together and i want to know the best way that we can do that yeah or like tell me about your favorite like person who's had this like what was like the best things that the person who had this job before me that they did so i can implement that because like i can't be that they sucked and they got fired no but then then you if she says that then it's like she hates anyone regardless yep and it's like and why maybe it's a you problem all right we're gonna take a break when we get back we're gonna chat a little bit we are back from our break how's your week been well i did something you didn't want me to do what i didn't take your advice and for the first time ever i'm glad i'm glad i said ignore what we got the light that you think was too big okay and it looks

phenomenal okay but how is it like height wise to you and mods we can both stand under it if we needed to okay it's not like any like it's i think it's like seven feet high over more than that maybe it just looked off in the camera angle i was having a really hard time trying to convey that because every time i was on the camera i was like this makes me look like i'm cute like in my house like this makes no sense okay well maybe it was just the camera perspective i just don't want to say that i was wrong i will say shout out to kismet house a lot of my followers are responding and like some people have given me like like interior tips before so i'm like okay i trust this person or people who have like public profiles and like their house or their apartment

looks really cute i'm like cool i trust you and so i'm like kind of like ranking the votes in my head because i'll be real some of them are way differently if you have a private profile we've never had uh interior decoration stuff if you're not telling me what i want to hear i'm actually not valuing your opinion as much and i still want your opinion though it's a numbers game and so i'm like going through that and then you message me like i think it's i think it's too low and i was like fuck because i'm ranking your vote higher than a lot of these other people and i'm like shit but then kismet house who is an instagram one of my mutuals does home like home interior content i would hope so with that type of name beautiful home she responds it's totally fine

get it and i said i'm ignoring everybody fucking out and i literally told her i think the way that you had drawn it you made it like a little longer than it actually looks so that was it we were still also like up in the air like wondering what it was going to be like when we i had like moths like holds it up on the ceiling like i used like painter's tape to kind of like gauge the size but the issue is is like it is a chandelier like it's like a it's like a pendant like so it has like what i think you literally call it the swag yeah the the chain that drops down and it's not like a semi flush mount or a flush mount like it doesn't just you have to use the chain and depending on what kind of like depending on the specific light there's a there's a a certain

amount of like minimum chain you have to use and maximum chain and i was like trying to figure it out but i was like i can't totally tell because it is in fact a dupe of a dupe of a dupe so i was like i don't really know if this is like how how low it's gonna make it go the task rabbit came and was like i was like i don't want like i want like no chain and he was like okay yeah and he i know exactly what you mean because when i was at my old place i absolutely hated those ceiling fans that were in there and i was gonna change them out before i had to move but um yeah i understand what you mean but so i was like stressed and i was like oh god i hope i hope i hope and i am like when we have like a task grab at doing some home thing i know that like they don't want me to like

sit there and just watch yeah so i'm like if you need me you need me to move something you need me to help with anything or whatever hit me up i'll be over here and so mons would was like knocks on the door and was like chicken like there he's done and i was like how does it look can i just look and i walk aside i was like oh my god it's perfect like this is totally it works so well it ties the room together so nice eventually we do want to put it on a different uh we have to like make a new i don't really know how electricity works a new outlet switch for it so like we have two no one breaker that's the thing and then we have like two outlets for that so like two switches so like one does the can lights which this light's attached to the other does these sconces all of

these are hardwired so it needs to be split well yeah ideally we want to do we want to split the can light one so then we have one that just turns on the center light um which is like not like that hard we just i don't want to do it right now but it like looks gorgeous and i'm like i i'm loving the the christmassy vibes in there and it's just like makes me want to it's inspiring me to do like so many other things i was like wow yeah maybe i should work on the other rooms that have like nothing done to them i heard that but it's gorgeous and i'm just i'm so happy but now i this fat paper chain and i don't know where to put it can you just drape it over like the mantle it's too big no can you just put it on like your dining room table like a table runner yeah i'm

just trying to where else are you gonna probably i i think i might try putting it on the wall opposite of the fireplace but we'll see okay but um i've been doing some i've been doing i've been been doing a good amount of crafts watching a lot of christmas movies and but yeah i had inspired yes but i had to tell you that i didn't take your advice for the first time ever okay well you also changed what my advice was let's be honest the chain's a little shorter yeah the perspective is different and to be fair i knew the perspective with this perspective was like like wigging me out as i'm watching the video being like okay it felt like one of those things of like someone scrolling through pictures of a guy being like let me show you a good one

let me show you a good one i was like no like this is not accurately representing what this looks like i just want to clear my name i didn't have all the correct information no you didn't but i love it i love it so what was your weekend my weekend was me cleaning and organizing i finally got everything completely cleared out in my bedroom so all that's unpacked wow you're doing this way faster than we did this i'm trying my goal was to get it done before i leave but that's not gonna happen that's i'm it's mostly done it's just like stuff that's in the closets now yeah so that's fine that's pretty much done yeah you can just move it to the garage we have some unpacked boxes still in the garage i refuse to do that because that's how it ended like at

my parents house they'd just be like okay let's just hire somebody i have no pictures from my childhood because of that yeah that's fair so i'm not doing that because it gets lost it gets lost in the shuffle i have kind of like a rant oh rant away what happened so this actually happened while my mother was here um nothing of her fault but we went to the korean spa as we usually do same spy usually go to and i was like we were almost getting out of this without any incident and this now is the last straw so i was we were ready to go basically my mom was still like doing some stuff and then i see four children walk by in time yes couldn't be more than 11 in robes and i said what is going on and i wave my mom over and she's like i heard someone talking but i didn't know

what they were talking about and i said it's time to go i'm not being in a naked spa with children they can't they're not allowed to be there they are because like the only thing i can think of is like you know uh an emergency happened at school the people who own the spa their kids are there and like it's a transition period between like moving from one thing to whatever that's like so it's it's i mean i would have i would be uncomfortable if it was like kids using the facility even if it was their parents place but like this is a guest these are patrons and they and they know that because they got them i'm assuming tiny robes yeah so my mom's like i was in the spa with the lady who she was like basically put her cat in front of my face and i said oh

welcome to the spa mama but it was like she was my mom was like seated on like a lower area and the woman like got directly in front of her and um then i was like okay and she was like yeah she was talking to somebody that was like around your age so it was her daughter and she was like yeah we brought the we brought the girls here because like you know they've got to be used they got to get used to being naked and I said yeah they can get used to being naked in gym class with people their age i don't like there's no thing where you need to be used to being naked this should be 18 and older you don't know who was running around she wasn't with the children you don't know who else is like women can be predators too you don't know who else is walking around here

and you've got these girls here also and i do not like i do not feel comfortable being naked around a child that is not related to me no i was gonna say i'm fundamentally against the idea of like using other people's naked bodies to desensitize your children like if you need your children to get comfortable with nudity they can get comfortable with nudity in the comfort of your own home with people that you know and like your family like a sibling like someone young or also like if your kid is uncomfortable with nudity at 11 that's their whole thing like that just let them be okay then they're then they're uncomfortable like they're gonna eventually want to join a gym and they're gonna have to they're gonna see that but like they are there is no way that you should

be pushing your kid to be who is uncomfortable with nudity at 11 to be comfortable with nudity by using other people's naked bodies and it's also not your children and i'm like who are these other adults like one of them is was her child who are these other adults that are allowing their children to go to the spa with another so like you you're around your friend's mom that you're now seen naked which okay whatever like you're comfortable with that but don't do that around other people no and like you you know that they can't be there i thought it was 18 over it's not they don't have an age limit yeah that to me is just like also because like kids i don't know like i i think i i can remember like i grew up in a very naked household like i'm like

very comfortable with nudity have always been i never had to like desensitize that or like learn how to be like that um but i like distinctly remember going to like the uh a pool a community pool or a gym or whatever and like seeing other people change and like their naked bodies and if i was like with a friend who like was not part of a naked family and like they would giggle or do something inappropriate and i'm like this is not that that is this is if your parent know that this is going to happen like you need to talk to your kid before this if they are so chased about nudity you don't get to use other people as a learning lesson like that's really fucked up it's really and it's just weird behavior it's uncomfortable and like i just i cannot imagine and again if

kids are like uncomfortable with nudity i can't imagine their parent was like sending their kid off with this other parent being like yeah do some exposure therapy to some titties because like the other spas that are in the area like the ones that are co-ed this is not a co-ed one the ones that are co-ed they do allow children but everybody's given clothes to wear like because you're in a co-ed situation you're with other people so like you shower and then change into clothes and then go out into the room so i don't know if like maybe the parents thought it was that type of situation i don't know i don't know but like this is a fully like woman only completely naked area yeah and girls are not women they're girls right they're kids and that's like

there's a big distinction there and like i also would not feel comfortable as an employee giving specific like treatments to kids like i'm sure there's only certain ones they would give to kids but like i don't know desensitizing stranger nudity and then specifically like those spots there's a lot of touching like i don't think that that is something you need to desensitize kids to and i don't know if they were actually getting treatments or just using the little rooms but regardless like they're like you have before you even go to those rooms you take a shower in front of everybody like it's just an open area you like there are certain rooms where you have to be naked so i don't know if they were actually getting treatments or if they were just doing

the rooms but regardless like i didn't sign up for this no no that's just oh my god they made me so fucking uncomfortable i said wrap it up we gotta go and you almost made it out without a classic experience so i am now done with this spa a lot of people are in la are switching the korean spas that they go to there have been for different reasons there have been a couple that uh people have have decided to move on from my guy friend went to one also over the same weekend and he was in a hot tub and a man tickled his toes my friend pulled back and was like please don't do that and he got out the hot tub and the man goes are you uncircumcised like after you've already been turned down why would you ask that my guy there are places for

that there are why are you why are you cruising at a a spot there are spots that do that there are places that do that well he was there later in the day okay and so i believe those were cruising hours okay but he my friend did not know this yeah he needs to read the new article about the cut on the cut about cruising the cut about being cut exactly exactly which i i love i love the cuts op-eds like they are i like also love when people just like reveal information that like nobody told you to say this like nobody would have known and they're like not only am i going to like share this moment with people i'm actually going to publish it to the cut and i'm like thank you like i love it like i just i love it i'm a huge fan so yeah anyways tough time

fucking time yeah so we're gonna take a break and we get back we'll give some more advice we're back and it's time for some more advice all right this person is 22 she her My name is Lily. I'm 22. I've been with my boyfriend for almost five years now, and I'm starting to feel really confused about where our relationship stands. We met in high school graduation, and I ended up moving in with him pretty quickly. We've done everything together since then.

First apartment, new jobs, bills, adult responsibilities, and honestly, I don't even know who I am without him anymore. I've built my whole adult life around this relationship, and part of me worries that I've never actually learned how to stand on my own. He's a good guy. He's never treated me badly, and I know he loves me, but lately things have started to feel flat. We don't have that same spark we used to, and it feels like we're just existing next

to each other instead of really being together. He used to be great at showing affection, but now it feels like we're stuck in a routine. I love him deeply but I can't tell if I love him or if I just love the comfort and stability of being with him. I have only one friend here who isn't also his friend so if we broke up I'd feel completely alone and that honestly terrifies me. I know I should probably talk to him about how I feel but he doesn't handle emotional conversation very well. I'm scared that even bringing this up within the relationship completely. So I guess I'm asking, how do I figure out if I'm staying because it's love or because it's familiar? Should I try to reignite what we had or start

learning who I am without him? I'd really appreciate your advice. If you're afraid of bringing up this conversation, we'll end in a breakup to give you a little bit of like tough love. It's because he also feels the same way. And he's waiting for you to bring this up. Like this is like so normal in the sense that like not like oh this is how couples feel after five years together no no this is so normal because you're right you don't know who you are without him you have never your life has been built around him and you don't really know how to stand on your own and that is not a fleeting feeling or something that like you'll figure out while you're in a relationship like that feeling will only grow louder and stronger

and be even more overpowering and chances are he also feels that same way and like you neither of you should be settling for each other because it's not even just like oh i'm settling for this other person it's like i'm settling for being stagnant and like my final pokemon of evolution is like me at 22 like i'm never going to grow and like probably even younger than that like i'm never going to grow past this age i'm never going to have any of these other life experiences and like that will automatically breed resentment but it's also like you're both kind of just like signing up to like not grow because i do think you can grow together at a certain point i fundamentally do not think it is a it is likely or comfortable to drastically grow

together from like an eight from 18 or from from teenage age i think you can do it but there's so many more fucking growing pains and a lot of the time like the ones that work out it's because like you got pregnant you had a baby in high school you have something that's holding you together and then you're already going through those growing pains of growing up together that like you make it out on the other end but like when you don't have something that's like tying you together in a really difficult situation like it it is gonna feel like it's gonna feel boring and stagnant which i think is like the worst place to have a relationship we're like a worst place to like see a future in that relationship because it's not like this isn't

so terrible because you're like i could see my life together but like my life seems kind of unfulfilling which is like depressing and i think you should don't run away from that feeling of like hey this seems like this is going to be really fucking depressing if like this is all there is yeah like my sister my youngest sister she is with her high school suite like they were together since they were 16 but they broke up for a big period of time discovering you know dating other people discovering who they were outside of the relationship they like if it's meant to be y'all will come back together but like this just because you do a lot of these first together doesn't mean that they have to be the last um so i think like it's okay like they got back together when they

were 23 i think it's like okay to break up and or even just say i need some or live apart any like if you don't want to actually like break up break up or like you have this conversation and he's like you know I'm happy well I'm not happy just because he's happy doesn't mean that you are also happy which you've told us that but like you need to need some time to figure out who you are as a person like being 22 and just jumping like into being adult is scary to me and I'm saying this somebody that's on the complete other side like I I'm so far away from that um and so like I I just like I think about my life at 22 and I was I would not call myself an adult at that time and I know like going through different life experiences people do like people mature at different times

but like for me 22 year old me was not somebody that was an adult at all yeah and like there's something that i think gets like heavily romanticized about like growing up together like that's really hard like there are people who like you start dating like really young and you go through like all of this kind of stuff to kind of get out on the other end and then you have people who like meet someone in their 30s and like it's a lot easier and like not neither one of those like parties are like happier than the other but like it took a lot like some of those people like all of the trials and tribulations that they had all the growing pains happened with one relationship versus having all of these other relationships all these interactions and like things that teach

you these lessons that you like you don't like you can be like okay i learned a lesson and i can walk away from this but like there's just something that like the growth will happen regardless but like that's why i i think like you it has to be other like other forces that are like holding you together in a way like and like even same thing with people who grew up in like really uh strict conservative religious households and that kind of stuff like where it's like yeah those people might have gotten together like really young and the circumstances like were not ideal looking back on it and they made it out through the other end it's not usually in a way that they would recommend it for other people because like you have to sacrifice a lot of yourself to to do that

you have to be i think growing inherently is selfish and if you're doing that with the person who you like this is this is my life partner is my person if you're gonna do like a hundred percent of the growing that you need to do from adolescence into adulthood you can't be as selfish like it is and if you are you have to be with someone who's like either a okay with being walked all over or someone who's going to be equally as selfish back like it just becomes it becomes toxic and i think you having all of this awareness of all of this and like recognizing these things that voice will never quiet of like i don't know who i am without him and i think it's like a like a lot of people don't realize that until the relationship is done and like they're like oh shit i don't know these

things about me i don't i don't have any of this kind of stuff and playing house can be fun when you're the only ones of your friends like doing it and then like you get older and people are like settling down with other people they're in their different stages in their life that you've they've already lived all this other life and they've gotten to the stage that you're at that you're still at and you haven't been able to experience the rest of it so like i do think like skipping the line and cutting corners and that stuff is is not all it's cracked up to be and there's so many there's so much more out there and so many more opportunities and like Melissa said like if it really is meant to be you guys you'll find each other again but I think like

being so worried that if you even bring up this as a concept of an issue that he will end it it is because like deep down you know that he's also feeling the same he's feeling the same way or he's like wildly vindictive and like controlling that like the idea that you wouldn't that you would have any sort of like desire for agency outside of your relationship and independence is like incredibly threatening to him and like that to me is like a you shouldn't ever get back together and like you shouldn't be with him actively but i like love this for you like i love this realization for you and like you're gonna like yeah and have you've got so much life yeah yeah go have your whatever version of rumspringa this is yeah and then you decide

at the end i want what do i want i want to watch that show again i loved that show i was like tlc you really did your big one with that because we all wanted to know so all right we're gonna take a break we're back from our break and if you know anything about people in los angeles and specifically these two people we are a city who loves a car chase we love a car chase so much now what i didn't know is that there was another option for me to love which is a plane landing on the freeway why is this happening so much recently i'm so confused because i didn't know this was a possibility until suddenly it just now now it just keeps happening repeatedly uh-huh so in florida it was uh in brevard brevard county the i-95 a plane lands on the freeway it's dusk i would say

no dusk is the night one right dawn first yeah dusk it's like yeah i'm gonna say it's dusk because like it's dark but there's no street lights and like the sky is like blue still it's not like dark dark and that's like a dangerous time to drive in general so uh there are cars on the road it's not standstill traffic like there's space between them this plane lands seemingly i was like okay i'm taking offense to this the plane could have slowed down a little or like maybe it needs a horn to like let the it lands on top of a car the car is fine i mean not fine the person who was in the car was transported to the hospital with like minor injuries but of course the pilot and the passenger and the plane were completely fine but this person is like has their dash cam

footage from behind they're like talking to someone either on the phone or in their car and they're like wait what the hell it comes out of nowhere there's no sound there's like it literally is just it's like a hover it's like a fucking ufo level of just like it just slides into frame and it's just right there landing there which then led me to mod saying do you ever hear about harrison fords and i said what oh yeah yeah yeah this happened in venice oh that's what he said and i said oh au contraire this man has not gone five years without having one of these but like that one that was in florida i'm just like okay so we know that it was it had to it was an emergency landing of totally in a private plane yes so like

you know is they're not really thinking as clearly as they should be thinking because this is an emergency it as far as like they couldn't like you know like slowing down a little i understand like they really couldn't do it but like why wasn't it making a noise that's what i don't understand no and now i'm afraid because like i would have thought if a plane was making an emergency landing on the freeway and i'm driving in my car i would think that i would be able to hear it yeah before i see it because if i'm seeing it that means you've touched ground you have the wheels or whatever you are landing on has a reached solid ground like everything has been like the wheels have dropped the little propeller thing whatever those

little flaps on the wings they like you hear all that usually why is it inside a plane so loud but now i can hear a plane flying overhead but the second a second this little plane is doing an emergency landing on top of a vehicle on the freeway i was like now i'm afraid of this and i do think they need they need they need a horn like you need to have a horn yeah something an intercom system yelling out something yeah why don't you adopt the ones that the fucking helicopters here use except we can't hear a goddamn word that they're saying at least we have a warning at least like we hear right right right right so that gives me enough warning to get inside and check citizen no that's literally all i do it sounds like charlie brown and i go i

don't know what they're saying but if they're talking that means i'm supposed to listen can't listen go to citizen i will go to citizen and try and figure out what they're saying to me and it's usually please stay inside and then sometimes when it's when i remember i was like standing out there trying to listen what they were saying and i was like i can't fucking hear it i can't fucking hear it and i was like okay i'll check citizen i go inside and it was like emergency lock all your windows close the blinds shut the doors and i was like oh here i am somebody's in the backyard jumping i'm like squinting being like what are they saying and they're like get inside get inside but my god i was just i was shocked and then finding out that like harrison

ford much was like he landed at penmar golf course at the golf course uh-huh a golf course i've been to and at the time someone we know was living there so i was asking her like did you hear she had no clue no no clue what's happening i was all over this story i didn't even know what had happened mods told me and like so the most recent harrison ford incident was in 2020 but like he straight up has not gone like since he got his private plane license like he has not gone more than like five years that incident that man is too old to be flying a plane and i'm that may sound ageist but he's gotten into so many plane crashes stop letting him fly like after the first one you should have your license taken away well my question is like if there's an age limit to

flying a commercial airline flight there needs to be an age limit to flying a private airline or even like not even like a private airline flying your own personal air like aircraft like i even if you're the only person in it you like if like maybe you it like your your uh air your your airspace rights like decline as you age so like you know it can be like you can fly a commercial plane okay you can fly a plane that has less than like 20 people okay you can fly a plane that has three other people and they have to sign a waiver you can fly one other person they have to be related to you and then you can only fly yourself and then at a certain point like now you can't but i agree like if you you don't have to fly a plane like this is a hobby and like this

is for fun nobody like needs you to do this and so like you having this like oh it's just like kind of like a slap on the wrist like over and over and over again and also like i guess the other thing is like big fines but like seemingly he hasn't had to pay any of those like fines and like do you make the fines more expensive for celebrities but like i just i don't know why he's still allowed to like to fly plane like what's his health insurance like i just think about your insurance of your plane your personal health insurance your life insurance policy what your agents say about this like what productions you're on say about that because like you're not supposed to do shit like that while you're and the thing is i think because as famous as he is

and kind of like getting him now to act in things it's like a get like you get her and forth that's huge i don't think they care no i don't think so either and like i think that this man is begging for boundaries like i think this man needs someone to tell him no i think he needs someone who like with a strong personality to like put him in line and i think that's what he's been begging for and i think everybody kind of just like bowing down at his feet is like is not great for him um and i think he yeah he he needs structure and he needs structure on the on on the ground but he had a crash in 2020 and i was like i'm sorry during the pandemic they let you up in the air and why are we doing this there's these new like glider type planes that you don't have to

have a license of any type for and i saw these because this man on tiktok was flying one with no shoes on oh you see his little toesy no it's not even a run thing his little feet are out like it's a like there's a manual stick and he like goes he lives in the middle of nowhere and he'll go to like his friend's house that's down and then sometimes his friend also has one of these planes and we'll join him and i said what how is this allowed there's a motor you don't have to have anything i thought you meant the ones that are like the parasailing ones where like you run and you catch speed from the air and you have like a backpack on is it these things these are the ones that look like um uh uh okay no there's like no top to them

what you're exposed to the uh-huh imagine a bird just hits you in the face right here here it is i found one personal airplane no license required wait that's so scary here i'm gonna send it to you we'll post we'll have the link here in the description don't let the kids find out about this because they're already obsessed with e-bikes oh my gosh they are driving those little e-bikes all up on sidewalks there was a meetup where was i wait melissa this looks this looks really scary yes i'm afraid of people who like i don't have the same adrenaline gene as other people like when i like skiing like certain things give me adrenaline in a way that like i enjoy and other ways like i don't so like a sports way i don't i don't have that like with

skiing like going down like i don't have adrenaline there people who like get adrenaline and enjoy this kind of thing like i'm i'm like concerned and i do think that like i'm not for like especially our current government like being like too involved but like i i think the public deserves i just think that this this to me is like might be a leap this to me is gives me the same energy as like the kids who torture animals and become serial killers but like doing this and like enjoying this on your own i go this to me seems like a gateway to something i don't know what comes next but like i am afraid because you're putting other people in danger because what if you crash into someone like this is just it feels so unregulated it is unregulated oh my god i'm so

scared so yeah i don't like that at all the e-bikes thing i think i don't remember where i was but it was like a shopping center and a bunch of kids just like rode up oh i was in culver city like at the near the not the culver stairs but they now call them the culvert it's not the hiking thing but over in front of the movie theater yeah there's have you been there yeah you've been there recently yeah it was a bunch of kids like they just all met up there and then we're being menaces driving all through there and i'm like people are walking no what are you doing they go like 30 miles an hour that's a car i was in i was in hollywood a couple days ago and they were speeding down the street and doing like wheelies and stuff and i said what are y'all i

sound like the old man but like i just want people to be safe oh my god yeah and like i just watched a tiktok from an er doctor uh about how you know basically being like we've seen more this has been like the biggest cause of like injury that we have seen with young people but like people in general like whether they were driving or they got hit but specifically for kids driving it being like don't buy it for your kid and like you know if you insist on doing it and if you do you you have to understand that like they it needs to be the same level of operating a car but beyond that like it's not a bike they shouldn't be calling it an e-bike because you can't the a bike helmet isn't sufficient like to the level of the speed that it goes and i think they even said like the height

and the weight of the of the e-bike it a bike helmet does nothing so like it has to be like a motorcycle level helmet or like more protected gear but like kids are treating it just like a regular fucking bike i'm like what and i just think it's crazy because like we already already we already hated e-scooters and now we're like what if we gave what if what if we just did e-scooters with bigger wheels no like this is so bad it's so bad i hope places start banning them specifically for i mean in general but like i really hope they start banning them for kids yeah agree i just looked up that little plane that we were talking about and you purchase it in kits no you have to put it together you can hire somebody to put it together that's

specializes in dollars but like they sell it as a kit very cool so not only are you diy learning how to stop not are you diy learning how to how to fly this plane how to land this plane but you're also going to build it yourself with the same level of care as like a bookshelf that you put one thing on it and it collapses cool very cool now i'm just gonna be looking up in the sky all the time there's there's no way you could do that in la we have way too many fucking helicopters i feel like harrison ford would yeah but i feel like he'd like have like a house in like wyoming where he goes to do it like there's too much shit in our sky also there's parrots there's also big birds and if you're soraya eagles there's just eagles flying everywhere in

america according to soraya yeah which is like not a bad assumption because like our eagles are like our whole thing but like it is funny that i'm like you know that's you can't even touch eagles here no no no no protected most time people the only eagle they've ever seen is a like an animal exhibit most of the time it's stuffed it's dead or is it a sports game right so you know it's what it is all right thank you for joining us uh tune in on thursday for what's the movie called secret santa my secret santa my secret santa and it's the new one on netflix because i we do have to specify because turns out i guess there is like no owning of ip in christmas movies because there are about 17 christmas movies all named the same thing

so it is it's recent it's starring but unfortunately not starring uh tmr isn't it yeah all right bye this is a sister sign production hosted by me megan rinks and me melissa d montz plus diamond imprint productions post-production by coco lorenz production assistance by melanie d watson and music by ryan hunter and giacomo picasso