Don't Blame Me! - Friend is a Pathological Liar

Episode Date: October 31, 2022

Meghan and Melisa give advice on: Entertaining a lying friend Moving from platonic friends to casually dating Deciding where to live Ghosting a former hookup Don't Blame Them - Mom Used a Slur Buy our merch: https://store.dftba.com/collections/don-t-blame-me Subscribe to our new show: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/but-am-i-wrong/id1591757891 Follow Us! @meghanrienks www.instagram.com/meghanrienks https://twitter.com/meghanrienks @sheisnotmelissa www.instagram.com/sheisnotmelissa https://twitter.com/sheisnotmelissa @by.meghan.and.melisa https://www.instagram.com/meghanandmelisa Affordable Therapy By State (Curated by Crissy Milazzo): www.tinyurl.com/y64kwdnf Need Advice? www.dontblameme.show Domestic Listeners Call: [phone] International Listeners Send a Voice Memo To: [e-mail] … with as much detail as possible under 3 minutes! WeI'll do our best to share our wonderful words of wisdom. If you're under 18, please get your parent's permission. Advice is for entertainment purposes only, so you can't blame us if we screw up your life. I kid! Our advice IS AMAZING. Want to WATCH this episode as well? Become a patron! https://www.patreon.com/dontblameme Join the Facebook Group! https://www.facebook.com/groups/dbmsecretgroup Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/join/dontblameme Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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happy halloween hookers sluts and everybody in between what's really between me okay us not you right now no definitely not so and you're a child so we won't go there actually very true so megan and melissa could not be here today so we're taking over hi i'm janine it's too fucking good and it's britney bitch so last night was it last night you texted me last night i i had thought of it the night before but then i forgot to text you so yeah so i get a text actually let's clarify exactly what time 9 30 okay that's a little less violent because you should just know that i put it off in the back of my head until 20 minutes after i should have already been here okay you texted me and said i'll be wearing a halloween costume

from don't blame me it will be simple and it turned out it wasn't that simple it's not simple at all like at first i was like is she just gonna put on fucking cat ears or something because like am i gonna be more no this is like a whole costume but i'm also like stuck in it that's the oh yeah simple part do you like to explain to the literally the class teacher class so this morning oh wait explain who you are i said i'm janine if you don't know who that is then that's your it's on you um i'm janine teague from avid elementary aka quinta brunson the greatest gel i have this skirt and my ass has expanded i actually don't think i've actually ever worn this skirt i bought it a while no i haven't because when i gave it to you i took the tag

and um my ass um is bigger than when i bought it and i that's why i never worked because when i bought it i could get over my ass then it was too big in the waist and so now i can't get over my ass and it fits in the waist and so i put it over my head okay and then when i tried to take it because i was just seeing if i could wear it and then when i tried to take it off i couldn't like raise my arms high enough to pull it back off and so i was like we usually film but am i wrong before this episode before don't blame me and so um i was like we're going to record but am i wrong first and then because i'm already in there i'm gonna need some help though like i need you to help me get out of my costume and i was telling her before that like i kind of just like accepted that and

didn't think anything of it and then as i was driving i was like what's she wearing like and then i started getting worried because i was like you were very casual and i somehow in my head made it that you were stuck in your power rangers costume and i was like i'd be having a panic attack and then you opened the door and i was like oh and you knew immediately who i was immediately the hair is so i can't get over like how spot on the hair is it's just my normal hair just in a half ponytail it's just it you you have her you you have her in you she she's in all of us she is she is try hard hell yeah it's literally fucking all of us um and more of an ava though oh without it ava is like a violent aquarius like ava is like the most like it's just

that's mox's favorite character that in the white teacher like thanks one there's two white teachers the white mill teacher yes i always forget well i would just call her chess of course and that's uh her else her name's also melissa yeah i love her she's great and my costume is britney spears hit me baby one more time and i just want to thank pinterest algorithm because i accidentally opened pinterest not meaning to i was trying to open a different app and this was last night actually it was today 1 20 a.m i did not sleep much and i just saw no that's a lie i definitely searched for it i searched easy halloween costumes and i found it and you nailed it i didn't have to buy anything this is just everything i have i had either it's a i think

it's a good interpretation i knew immediately who you thank you and my voice is cracking again i knew immediately who you were get your teacher voice on do you need a cough drop like this but my i like saw a neighbor when i was driving here and um i haven't met her before and chick waved at me and i was like oh she looks friendly and nice and i was like oh my god she definitely is like probably like in her like later 30s and i was like she knows she knew exactly what this was and i was like oops i did it again so happy halloween everyone we did talk about doing costumes before and we have a great costume idea that we will eventually do i mean we're gonna we need to do a new photo shoot anyway so when we do our new photo shoot we'll have a few different

yeah because if target has taught us anything it's that caricatures of us sell really well they put us on a greeting card they did and i'm still mad like i'm happy but mad about it yeah no because they didn't take they didn't give us any credit for it no and you just thought you could do some like skin colored blobs on a blue couch and we wouldn't know this was us is this about us yes target that's us so i think about that too much well also like you know it was us because people were like messaging us being like look at this it just happens to be a white woman and a black woman sitting on a blue couch which we had at the time the same shape blue couch too yep had a fro like in the way that i was wearing it at that time and our like proportions of height

i mean we were sitting but like it was everything was right it could have been a thumbnail they had wine in the picture which we won't i can't see us drinking wine like call call call professionals don't call the cops like call somebody yeah because like i'll go wine tasting but i'm not just sitting down to just drink wine i've never in my life sat down to drink wine i hate wine i don't hate it i just like i don't see what the point is because i'm just gonna go to sleep i it just knocks me out in college i remember like they would have like um wine and cheese no catalina wine mixers and like all that shit and i would just we were more classy with the cheese party yeah no i'm sorry i went to school in riverside california it was not classy at all

we had like franzia boxed wine um and i just remember i was like wine is like a sad drunk like and i just remember like everybody just kind of like being sad and then me feeling sad and i was like this is not fun and i just oh i mean all alcohol is ugly but wine no yeah if you see drinking wine not good not good i mean we really had an olivia pope type of day we killed somebody and we needed to unwind get that out of our yeah we buried a body like we what who could we be from if you get to be olivia pope then you can be the uh redheaded one or melly i'll be melly okay who could i be if we did um how to get away with murder if we had a large group of friends doing that scene where they're trying to bury a body like reenacting that in costumes would be so

you'd have to be bonnie that's the only white woman hey and if there's gonna be one i fucking loved bonnie in that i loved her in that uh i want to watch that show again so it'll be bonnie and ellie's trauma-binded halloween costume that's actually really funny i wonder if they still if like friends with each other i don't know i wonder i wonder anyways happy halloween to everybody who celebrates it and anyone who doesn't i mean we really don't but i know now we kind of do because yeah we live in houses and we want to hang and i realized that like halloween i got to put on a costume and like i'm sorry there's nothing i love first of all i love attention i'm so like over the top and like dramatic and then like i'm a theater kid like i live for a fucking i wanted

to i told you i want to go to the a renaissance fair like i love i like dressing up in costumes but i don't like dressing up on halloween no because there's just too many spooks and goose going on and i don't trust everybody i don't like halloween parties i don't like being around other people in their car i want to take i think halloween should be a day where we have costumes we take beautiful photos and then we take those costumes off and that's exactly what you do that's exactly what i do now and i'm like this is great and then eventually we will take our future child to go trick-or-treating and i'll be like this is great this is great so let's uh graveyards oh yes moths came into the house the other day they're safer graveyards uh moths came

into the house the other day and he goes i have to tell you something i think you're gonna be really mad and i was like you can't fucking start like enter the home like this and he goes and i didn't say anything and i don't think you should say anything and like i really don't want you to say anything and i was like oh my god what the fuck happened he goes to the neighbors are setting up their halloween decorations and it's just like neighbors like a little bit farther down the street and they have a graveyard and i go what's it say on the gravestones and he goes it's only one that i've seen and i go biden he goes no fauci and i was like what why there's just like not even any like humor to it and like it is the weird neighbor's house like i like they have like

a very old woman who lives with them who i assume is a parent and they just let her out there with like very large electronic outdoor like like she was like chopping down like big tree branches and she's like a frail old lady and there's like these people in their 30s or 40s sitting on the porch that's probably what she enjoys to do no but i just think that like they are just they're sitting and like watching her do all of this intense manual labor and they like never even like pretend to do any i don't know they're always just kind of like weird and like kind of scowling looking around and their kids always have like you know in horror movies when you like drive by a house and then like the the camera like slows and stops on like these like little kids faces

and they just like turn and look like they have that face and i'm like i don't trust you like this is like you're sketchy versus like the other kids on our street there's like one is so nice we met i met the other day matz had already met her and her mom and her dad like they they love him the whole fam um and who doesn't true truly are like literally he's like i should have not been so nice to all of our neighbors like he will leave the house and then come back 20 minutes later he goes got caught up talking about landscaping but um they're so nice and i was talking to the mom and her daughter and we're in the middle of the conversation the daughter's in like middle school or no that's a lie i think she's probably in like fourth grade um and she

just like slides down into the splits and i was like i love that age of like i want attention from these adults i'm gonna do the splits and i was like get it great job and she's like oh like nothing and i was like that's so cute but it's weird because i still feel like i relate more to her than her mom i'm like i feel like we're closer in age but we're not yeah i always say i feel like a big kid me too i enjoy things that children enjoy yeah brights cartoons candy i'm a big kid we both love corn dogs i do not like corn dogs hot dogs i love corn dogs there's a reason why but i once threw up when i was eating one and now i can never eat one again three musketeers bars i get it yeah i get it some things always get ruined not good i'd loved them before and now

i just cannot i cannot be in the same room with one smell just takes me back yeah i'm that drinkable yogurts those are kind of gross anyway they always were gross and that's kind of why i needed i had it's when i had the salmon stuck in my throat so i needed to throw up and so i was like might as well have these things that i find absolutely disgusting we use the organic version of gogurts and the only way i could eat them is if i froze them and then it would be like frozen frozen yogurt and yo pro yo tcby yogurt the country's best yogurt yogurt i love when someone the side say tcui yogurt yeah as an insider it's redundant but i love it um so yeah that was the graveyard at our neighbors we're obviously not gonna say anything i just like you know what

sometimes like it feels like when you're like playing a game of monopoly against like a three year old and you're like this isn't even fun because you're stupid and like you're just like a baby like no but like just ignorant because they don't know you they don't know how to play the game yeah like this is just like and you're like why am i even gonna bother it's like when you have like a really great outfit and you're like them sometime okay so that's i'm okay bad analogy it's like when you have a really cute outfit and you're like am i gonna wear this like thanksgiving around these old people who like no they were not gonna appreciate this they're not gonna get this like we're just like not on the same level that's how sometimes i feel with people

with like idiotic views like that i'm like we can't even have like a banter or a conversation Like, this is just it's like I don't even have anything to say to you. Like, there's going to be no witty, witty discourse between us because it's just like I don't want to help you make this sign better and more offensive and like actually be a dig more. But I kind of less offensive. No, I'm saying like I kind of pity the fact that you thought that you did something here. I'm like, do you want me to show you how to really do like I don't want to do that.

But I'm just like, oh, I'm embarrassed for you. It's just so it's just so weird. Yeah. anyways the bell has rang time for new class yeah because you're britney oh my gosh i'm the student you're the teacher i definitely had that's what we should look up something in for the that's we're gonna find porn no no but the tiktok can be like teaching like i could be teaching a class and then we flip to you and it's britney spears like in the we got to have a pin that you're kind of twirling yeah yeah

we should explain what this podcast is this is don't blame me where we give you wonderful amazing life-changing advice from a teacher and a pop star um and you won't be wondering how we're qualified i just told you there's a teacher and a pop star here so what more could yeah you're getting premium you're getting literally schooled for free from two people whose day rates are not free astronomical astronomical one i don't even think you could find their contact information me i don't even know who you reach out to so you call in you leave voicemails and we play your voicemails on the air and we give you wonderful amazing again life-changing advice so if you want to call in you can leave us a voicemail at 3 at 310-694-0976 and international listeners you can

send us an audio message at meganpodcast at gmail.com we ask that you keep it we don't ask we demand that you keep it under three minutes you have your parents permission or you're over 18 and you write everything down practice a few times make sure you have all the relevant information like make sure you have your ages in there if it's about a relationship how long you've been together all the relevant nitty-gritty info that we need to give you the best advice possible it is all anonymous but practice it a couple times cut things add things and then finally when you're ready to record literally just read it read it you don't have to memorize it read it don't memorize it no memorizing things is completely overrated there's like a whole

section of my brain that if i could release the lyric of ashley simpson's autobiography the entire album that's the first one ashley simpson yeah she only has two okay uh sadly album it's no no melissa i might listen to it melissa when i take our break we're gonna listen i put it on one day when kyle and i were driving in the car and both of us were screaming and i was always peeing my pants and we were both crying we were like i forgot how amazing this album was and neither of us had listened to it in years but both of us still knew every fucking word let me go ahead and add it to my album it's so the fact that it didn't win a grammy like and like we did so dirty by ashley simpson with like making fun of her for like lip syncing snl all of that shit i'm

like we fucked up we could have had more of this and it's just oh it hits me right in the feels so if i could like release any of that i know all of those fucking words more of the story don't memorize your call just read it out loud and yeah you can call in literally about anything sex rock and roll i was gonna say drugs but i mean what do you call yeah it's interesting hey megan melissa i'm just wondering if i should drop acid thanks bye then the answer is depends i need more information i need more information are you writing the next case are you casing mass graves are you writing your new album then i would say if you're safe and comfortable yeah go for it drop some acid we got a great album last time it's acid the same thing as lsd no clue

i don't either we're not drug people no i always people to ask yeah honestly anyway no i i always when people talk about like tabs of them my whole life i have no idea they look like i don't want to google i don't care i just think that like they're listerine tabs yeah and like i would think i'm like oh my god what if i like have a listerine tab and it's like someone swaps it it's actually acid i remember when the listerine tabs came out like my school was like a little scared about that okay so maybe it is similar to what acid looks like i have no clue maybe i've heard like stamps i almost did shrooms once but i almost done them a few times but i've never actually done it i almost did them when i was um on a road trip and do with that information what

you will if you know the chicken what road trip no oh my god no i already peed my pants and threw up i know on myself while driving i there was no drugs involved um that was all me that is actually my like fucking nightmare but we were going to do i was going to do them we were going to do them and we literally lost them in the car somewhere we like had no idea where they were when we really did them and you just don't remember no i we would have remembered actually i don't remember anything i legitimately remember nothing i made myself a cup of tea today and then i walked out of like the bedroom like as i was or as i was like finally getting ready to leave i go what's this and i go oh that's tea that i made that i never drank so anyways okay so we get into the yeah

let's do that i'm making melissa i'm just gonna get right into it because it's kind of long and a lot i'm an eight-year-old female see her pronouns i'm a freshman in college i'm living in a hall-style dorm, and I'm really close with most of my hall. I immediately became best friends with the two girls right next door to me. We'll call them Chloe and Allison, who are roommates with each other. Both she-her pronouns. We did everything together the first few weeks of college,

and I spent all my time in their room, as I don't love my roommate. Just a few weeks ago, I was talking about a boy in our hall who I thought liked me, and Allison immediately responded with, oh, don't worry. He could never like you. He likes me. Which I found a little rude, but then she immediately told us about a conversation they had

where he told her that he was in love with her. We were really close to the guy, and me and Chloe, finding it a little bit suspicious, we talked to him, and he said that that conversation never happened, and he showed us proof that he wasn't even in the dorms that night to have that conversation. He confronted her about lying, and she shut down immediately and started crying. As soon as he left the room, she begged me to believe her, and insisted that I was on her side, not his. After his realization about this lie, me and Chloe compared our stories about a bunch of different things that she told us, and it turned out she's been lying about everything. Here are some of the many, many, many examples. She says that she lost her sense of smell, and she told Chloe it was from COVID, and she told me it was from a brain defect from birth. She also told me and my parents that she had power of attorney over her grandparents at age 17 despite having living parents.

She also told us that she had a heart attack. I don't really have any proof that either of these aren't true, but just in the context of everything else, it seems crazy, and both of my parents never believed it. She said her dad is number one archer in the country and her grandpa is number two. yes it's an archery we googled it and it just isn't true she also lies about day-to-day things when she ordered a package what she ate where she was like so many other things she said a man grabbed her by the arm and told her that she didn't he didn't know college girls were this pretty in the middle of the day in the center of our campus which just didn't happen and she also made it clear that it was a black man who did that which made me really uncomfortable she said

that a man was taking pictures of her at the gym when we were there and he was just taking mirror selfies there's no way to fit all her lies in three minutes but it's constant and they're absurd some of what she lies about is for shock some of it seems so so so so pointless like it'd be easier to tell the truth some of it revolves around everyone being obsessed with her basically our best friend's pathological liar and we have no idea what to do we feel like we just can't do nothing because how can we be friends with her we don't really know who she is because all she has is I if we confront her she's gonna shut down what do we do you had a minute left so we could have heard a lot more lies I would have loved to hear more that is wild I just want to say I do

think she's learning because power of attorney of your grandparents at 17 that no one's the number two archer in the world i'm gonna say that we're getting better at lying because i'm gonna sure i could google but like you didn't say soccer you didn't say basketball like she tried to pick like she should have picked but she has power over of attorney over her grandfather the number one the number two archer number one from my perspective as a total outsider right now if I was in this friendship, I would probably be like, fuck that. There's something kind of like chaotic and fun about this as an outsider that I would just be like, can you and Chloe, that's the other one. Can you and Chloe, like, are you a trio right now? Like, are you a package deal

friendship? Because you need to sever ties because she will, her pathological lying, like will influence how other people view you. But if you're able to like sever ties and you can keep her as like a distance friend to like just hear some of that shit i would personally but that's me now and it's because it's not my life because your life yeah i had a friend like that that would lie all the time and then it got tiring and it's exhausting yeah and i was like i just have to stop this now i had to distance myself so to school you're well you're coming up at the end of this semester so i would say just just ride it out because i mean they're they're always going to be there for the next few months maybe you know think of your breaks your holiday breaks as

time apart and you can have a breather from her but then just write it out to the end of the year and then don't talk to her again i don't think like i don't think you should confront her because she's gonna break down because you already have and what you do cry about it see i'm a bitch i would probably just keep like as much as i said like keep it it's entertainment i wouldn't do it if i was in the situation it's only entertaining you calling yeah i wouldn't like entertain her as far as like listen to what she has to like take take what she says yeah the truth like she's there she's kind of like a gnat and she's around but like i'm not gonna sit here and make somebody's college experience like a living hell i'm just gonna let them exist and not take anything they

say is at face value yeah i just think that like at least for me like i know my face and i'm going to if i like don't push back in the situation i'm just gonna be mean like i'm just going to resent and really fucking hate you and then i'm just gonna like not listen to like when you talk and i'm gonna be like a really really really like i'm just gonna be a bitch and so like for me what i would do is like when she says oh it's because like i had that i would probably at this point i would just be like because i don't think you said that you did this but i would just be like hey I like have noticed that like some of the things that you're saying like haven't totally been adding up and I just think that like that's kind like it just feels like kind of weird and

like you know you don't have to like lie about anything like I think you're really cool like you seem like a really great person like you don't have to like make then are you lying yeah fine but you can lie but like you don't have to like lie to make yourself like seem like more like exciting or whatever it's just like it's just I it feels like weird like it feels like and you being honest it make it just feel like i don't really like know who you are at this point and and i know you've lied about these things and like sure you can like deny it but like i would just really rather you be like up front and like let me know like why like is there something like is are you nervous about being in a new school are you trying to like be exciting and like to

get people to like like you whatever because pathological liars like you guys are spending a lot of time with her my thing is i think like setting not even like setting boundaries but like that she's not fooling you without being like that didn't happen that's not true but like having like a heart-to-heart like attempt there i just think like inevitably when you stop being friends she's probably gonna come with some extravagant lie about why you and allison stopped why you and chloe stopped being friends with her and i just think that like it's always better to in situations just to be like as i said one thing i don't have to say i don't have to say multiple times i don't have to like try and change anyone's mind i don't have to like try and fix anyone or

but like i can wipe my hands clean of this because i said something you know what i mean like i'm for me that ties it up in a nice little bow and it's like if that pisses you off and if we stop being friends and then if you lie on my name like later on all that like i don't care like i don't feel like there's anything more i could have done like it doesn't feel like i try to approach it in the moment and like she knows and i know that i've had this conversation with her and if she wants like then start lying about me like okay cool but like i already tried yeah i don't yeah it's also like the small lies that she does dad and grandfather being one and two archery champions okay but then it's like the terrible lies that she has about a black man grabbing that's just

racist that's racist and harmful and yeah black men have died for that and i think that's something that like in the moment you're like you can't say like like that didn't happen like and also that's really racist and like do you know what happens when you say things like that like do you know the like literal physical harm you put people in that like you can't lie about that yeah i think that's again like i think that's something that like call that out in the moment and if you can't call it out in the moment then you need to cut her off and not be friends with her like because you become complicit with like that shit like when it's something like that that like there are consequences of other people's safety that you become complicit if you don't call it out

and or if you just maintain in that friendship like that's not okay and again like people will think of you your freshman year is like a really great time to like make a first impression on people you're not married to your friend groups of like your social circles or anything like that But when you really latch onto people, that kind of becomes your entire identity. And then by nature, you don't socialize with other people. It becomes a bubble. And then a lot of people can hold expectations or ideas of you based on the people you surround yourself with.

And you've got more years to go in this place. I just don't think that you should have to stick it out and just hope that distance will grow between you. like i think you need to say something now about like the pathological lying and then decide like okay are we gonna then tell her like we're done with this friendship and like obviously chloe is her roommate or are we going to like be like correcting her as she's doing these things yeah and also maybe then you push her away and you don't have to do anything yourself yeah it probably might be different like because i was at a bigger school but freshman year it was

like when i was in the dorm everybody was like really nice like the first semester everybody was like really nice and everybody wanted to be everybody's friend and blah blah blah then when everybody came back from winter break it was like we're good like we know who we actually like here oh that's funny yeah yeah i was it was a commuter dorm so it was literally me and my ra and him me hiding alcohol in my room and then me helping the girls he was hooking up with sneak into his room and me having a chart of which girls were which day so i wouldn't call them by the wrong name got it okay well that's it on to the next what up don't blah meme uh sam a long-time listener first-time caller here i am a non-binary 29 year old pisces i have been kind of a serial monogamous

um up until the past year or so um recently got out of a very long-term very monogamous relationship and and I'm just kind of newly uh exploring like dating casually hooking up non-monogamy whatever whatever this it's all very new to me I just started going out with a friend of mine actually we're like about to go on our third date I'm in my car about to go into the bar but so we've been really good friends this person and I for the past like couple of years we're both theater people so we're like in the same community we have a lot of mutual friends and we're very new though to this like not entirely platonic thing that we're doing which is like going on dates and and making out and stuff and it may progress further than that but

it may not you know who knows like I said it's still very new and we're both like seeing other people as well so again not not monogamous not serious anyway my question or like the thing that i could use some guidance on is regarding like not the transition but from like being platonic friends to not being platonic entirely anymore but kind of the like balance between the two because like i love this guy like i'm not saying i'm in love with him because i probably am not but like i love him as a friend as i have for the last couple of years like we've been through some significant experiences together we've shared a lot of things with each other just as platonic friends and so it's weird for me because like normally when i like leave an event or if i leave

a party or something i i'm very affectionate i want to like hug all my friends and i kiss my friends on the cheek and i say like bye text me when you get home love you and like i would normally do that with this guy i was doing that with this guy up until like the last couple of weeks when we started going on dates and now i i kind of have to catch myself being like cool look uh bye you know like I want to I want to do that like that friend love thing but obviously where it feels like I can't um because now we're we're like going on dates I can't end a casual date with I love you right that's crazy so I don't know I'm I'm struggling with that just a little bit um it's not like a life-altering thing but if you have any advice or guidance I would appreciate

it thank you I understand the like oh I can't say I love you like Moss and I had that like we used to be like oh my god love you love you and then we started dating and i was like well i can't say that anymore i mean for your life caller i'm just gonna be super honest with you if you don't want to date this person like date date i think casual dating when it's not just sex and it's not just like booty call friends with benefits you're getting in really murky waters yeah i don't think you should casually date your friends no if you're gonna be with a friend it's because you're either just hooking up and then you know that like we're just friends at bone or you're friends that like you've had feelings for each other they're developing feelings for

each other and you're seeing where this relationship could go because you think this is like the person that you love yeah like you're either friends who fuck or your friends who are falling in love and like you you're existing in the in-between and like that gray area and it's just a bad fucking idea and like you're like trying to feel like how you can create like balance and boundaries you can't and that's probably why it feels really like weird and kind of hard and complicated and like there's no obvious answer it's because there's not one it's just messy it's just like and you can really have love for someone as a friend and you could also like be attracted to this person and like you know think like maybe what if but if you're not at the place

in the time that you're like i do want to date i want to date if you want to get back into like i mean even if you want to get into like ethical non-monogamy like if you want this person to be like a primary partner but like it's just your lives are intertwined and you really care about this person as a friend until you want something that is more than just casually dating i would get the casual dating out of your system if that's what you want to do and then approach this and like a let's give it a real let's give it a really a real shot but it's just because you never know people when it's the person that it works out with it only has to work out once but like the only the reason why that works out is because you have two people who have the same

feelings at the same time that progress at the same rate and that again doesn't happen that often like that's why you end up with the person you end up with but with a friend that's just a little bit harder because you feel like you owe them something and if their feelings are progressing faster than yours or your feelings are progressing faster you also know them well enough to like read into like their body language and the things that they're saying and you might not feel comfortable expressing yourself because you're like well I don't want to make it weird and then we have other friend group thing like there's just there's just it's there's too much it's just too much I would advise to not I know you're on your way to your third date and you're already have had it

maybe the date was amazing and you're like maybe there's something more here i don't know give us an update yeah but you have to like be so on the same page and like both of you like there's one thing when someone you really like starts sleeping with other people or like you know you're not the only person they're dating and it's another thing when it's someone you really like that it's a friend because when you feel when you have feelings for a friend and you're acting on them that's with knowing recognizing and accepting the risk of to that friendship and you're like you know what like I'm willing to like risk that because I care so much about like I just really want to give this a shot and then if someone's like still dating other people and they're not treating it in that

same way you're kind of like oh you didn't think about this in the same way that I did and that hurts on a friendship level and a romantic level so get on the apps yeah so sorry I hope it was fun while it lasted but your teacher and britney spears have said no more time to move on or this is the greatest love of your life but you have to pick all right time for a break yay class is back in session thank you miss jane miss teagues yeah get it right they do call each other by first names on the show that bothers me what the teachers yeah but they do it in front of the students i don't know that my teachers you went to a i called my teachers by their first name not

even like type of school mr tim yeah just tim and then you would get mixed up and sometimes i would call him dad and he was like it's okay papa papa no you ever call him big papa that's like sexy buddy the elf never seen it how do you have so many nephews and you've never seen elf i mean they weren't born when it came out yeah but that's like a like i feel like that's an orientation of like a classic christmas movie that like parents will like watch none of us saw it so who's gonna pass you sure they haven't seen it i'm positive what's your christmas movie we have this conversation every single year cool oh i don't remember mean girls okay and dream girls i can't argue with you about those i mean dreams girls no christmas do they they

I don't know, but it's a sparkly movie. Yeah, it's sparkly. It came out around Christmas, so then that's just our tradition. Mean girls. Dream girls. Happy holidays. I respect it. Okay.

Should we get back into the rest of the calls? Yes, we shall. Hi, Megan and Melissa. I hope you guys are well, and I hope you feel pretty today. I am 25. My pronouns are she, her, and I'm calling for some advice on moving in with my boyfriend. he's 24 we've been in a long distance relationship for just over two years and if he had it his way we would be living together yesterday he lives two hours away we see each other every other week for

two to three days at a time and we have spent up to like 12 to 14 days uninterrupted together on like different occasions and multiple times and I'm really confident in our ability to be roommates. Neither of us have ever lived with partners, only friends or roommates. I currently live at home with my parents. I moved home for a period of grieving and also to save up money. The only thing keeping me here right now is continuing to save money. I have a job here and my entire immediate family is here. Ideally, I would live with a friend in the city before living with my boyfriend, but I don't know anyone that's looking for roommates in the area right now anytime soon, and I don't think I could live on my own. My main fear is basically putting too much

pressure on the relationship, but my boyfriend and I are starting to have more and more conversations about this. The other element that's making me really doubt my judgment for this current decision is my relationship with my dad. We haven't been close for a long time, we just sort of inexplicably drifted apart, but almost two months ago he confronted me in a very aggressive and out of character way, just kind of pushing his expectations for his expectations for my life on me. And since then, our relationship has been at a standstill until he apologizes. That is a boundary that I set up for myself, which I'm proud of. But now living at home is making me miserable. My mom is a really good support and so are all of my brothers. And they agree that my dad is in the

wrong but he won't apologize until he wants to and he is just being simply too prideful to admit that he was wrong and apologize to me and that is really tearing down on me. My boyfriend and I had already been talking about moving in together before this happened but this has really been weighing on me. Ideally I just want to move in with him when we're like completely 100% ready and while i feel like we are i am an anxious overthinker and i'm scared of making a really big mistake and i would love to hear your thoughts on this i would be starting over um in terms of like jobs and stuff if i move to the city thank you this is a lot more complicated than other calls that we've had before in this similar nature yeah where they're just like am i

ready to move in with my boyfriend this has a different factor weighing in on it yeah i mean i feel for you because this would also probably keep me up at night and the same thing i mean the first question i would ask yourself which i'm sure you already have is if your dad apologized tomorrow let's say that like you started putting out feelers and you're like are working towards that your dad apologizes tomorrow are you regretful that you're going to move in or you move in with your boyfriend the next day your dad apologizes do you feel like in that example would you feel like you made a mistake that's good that's like then that's hard because like you don't know but like i think that there's a likelihood that this probably is not helpful but

i think like you could be right or you could just be like anxious and you could be wrong and i don't think that there is like a clear-cut answer that anyone can give you even like yourself you know yeah i wonder if there's a third option though like i know that you said you don't know anybody that's looking for a roommate maybe there's friends of friends that are looking for a roommate or i don't know like what area you're in if there's a way to look up other people that want to move in yeah i know facebook everything can be sketchy you just want to vet i mean i met my roommate that i had for years on craigslist that was when that was the best option i don't know what the best option is now yeah i agree i think there is a third option there i think like

if it feels like for you i'm either gonna move in with him and there's no friend so it's like well if i'm gonna move i'm gonna move in with him i'm not gonna move in with a roommate then that to me is like i think like you could sign uh or even like maybe like you said you couldn't live afford to live alone like what about subletting a place for a couple months and like seeing like i'm not sure how far you said two hours away so i don't know if you can work remotely for like three months or something and at your current job while still like you know maybe looking for another job but like sublet an apartment in the same city and then see that way of like do I like living here and do I like living here without my boyfriend here like do I like it

in the sense of like is this city for me in my life and not like us as a unit but I agree I think like you could find a roommate another way and that would be like a helpful way to do it but also at the same time, I don't think it's necessarily too early or too soon to move in with your partner. The thing that we've always said, though, is when you move to a new city with a partner, you're really limiting and you live with them. You're just kind of limiting your social interactions and social circles based on like, you don't have like, oh, my roommate has a friend that they're going to bring over. And like, there's just it's just a little bit more like playing house and kind of couple-y,

which there's nothing wrong with. And it just depends on like what experience you want to have. But I, you might make a mistake, you know? You're probably going to make a mistake. You can't predict the future. You can't, as much as you plan and have like in your head, what you think is right, a mistake, well, it's going to happen regardless. and even if it's not immediate and you like you might at some point feel regret and then the next

day you wake up and you don't have any regret about it like it's just the process of life and the good thing is is that you can fix it like if you regret this you can move back if you if you move within with him and you're like this was a bad call you can move back home it's like they're the stakes aren't really that high it might be a hassle it might be like costly for moving stuff it might just like you know be a little bit of a headache but you have to take action at some point like as an anxious person that's like advice that i always need to hear that it's like you can think about things and you can plan for things and you can account for things and do all of that but at some point you're going to have to make a decision and no amount of research

and no amount of thought you put into it is going to protect you from you making a mistake and then if you make a mistake what's the worst thing you can have worst thing that happens there you fix it right and you do what you can to fix it but if you like live in this like limbo of what is this what is this what is this like you right now don't know if you feel this way because of your dad and all of that and the only way you're gonna know is if you make a decision and you change something and you do something and I like to process things myself I like to like you know be in my own space and like think things through and all that and sometimes you just can't get there without action and sometimes you need action to tell you how you feel and i think that's as long as you are

being honest with yourself through the process and like the people in your life i think like you you just like gotta live your life right right so my mind says move in general like i say go for it moving is the that's what i think yeah is the solution because your parents are always going to as long as you're under their roof as they like to say they're always going to treat you like you're living at their house and so you got to get out for some respect yeah and the strain on your like relationship with your dad right now could probably use some space and even if like you've kind of accepted it and you've set a boundary which is like a really healthy thing to do sometimes like that still does kind of like just like eat away at like your daily

like life and your mindset and your mental health and stuff like it's just like something that's just there you can't like push it to the side or like do something else like it's just there because he's there so if you can't do roommates and you can't find something that feels good there move in with your boyfriend and if it doesn't work doesn't work and if it doesn't work it wasn't it's it wasn't going to work you know i mean like putting pressure on a relationship you've been together for two years you're in your early like 20s like if you have the same goals and the same timeline for future plans like if you've talked about that like where do we see our relationship in three years where we see our relationship in five years what do we want

like do you want to get married you want to have kids if you're aligned with all of that there is no pressure because you're on the same timeline there's only pressure of one of you is trying to pressure someone in someone else into doing something that you don't want to do so moving in together won't create pressure that's not already there all right best of luck let us know what you decide to do. Hi, Megan and Melissa. I got cut off in my last thing because I added way too many details, so I cut some stuff out for brevity.

Anyway, I wanted to air out a situation that I, 30 she, her, have been in with my friend, 32 he, him, for about two years. We've been friends' friends for about nine years, and I've been there for him emotionally more than I should have because I met him when my, you know, I was really bad at maintaining boundaries. So long story short. We started sleeping together in August 2020 after we had been isolating together because we had both gone through massive heartbreak.

And obviously, I'm not complaining about that. But, like, we started consistently hanging out and watching movies together and, you know, making this, you know, consistent thing. Not only were we intimate, but we were also, like, emotionally depending on each other. So this has proven problematic for my dating life. But I didn't really let that bother me too much since I knew I might be moving if the right opportunity presented itself. However, it just really felt like we were, like, secretly dating, but, like, we weren't. Back forward to now, I have moved. I moved from the only home I've ever known to a very new city to teach music at an elementary school, which is my dream job.

Yay. and I felt like it went without saying that the intimate part of our friendship would be over once I move. However, it seems like he still feels entitled to access to me. He messaged me asking for quote unquote pictures while I'm up here

and that is something I never agreed to in the first place because I'm a teacher and that is a huge risk. I will be visiting my hometown frequently so I think he has this idea that I'm going to be in a long distance like friends with benefits situation with him um but there's no end in sight to my time up here so i don't know anyway but that's not gonna work and i've been actively going on dates as well i met a

really sweet girl that i'm interested in yay so i guess that i'm looking for advice on how i can end things while maintaining the friendship or honestly uh you can just give me permission to totally risk the friendly part of our friendship or relationship or whatever and totally cut it off either way i really want that era in my life to be over one way or another and i'm a chicken shit and i need somebody to hold my hand through it apparently even though i'm boston 30 years old anyway love you guys bye i think this is pretty simple you don't like him you don't want to keep talking to him you don't want to send him pictures as a teacher i understand your predicament um i just say cut them off are those your titties just stop talking to him you already told him you don't

you're not seeing pictures you thought moving would end everything between you you said you just want it to end end it end it that's easy it's so easy just fucking end it i think like you don't like him and you're developing the ick yeah like you have the ick you have the you don't want to send him nudes ick and he like he's like well like send me some pics where you're up there and you're like i move i'm not up anywhere like i live here now like this is my home and like this is a long full-time you know indefinite sort of thing and him not getting that is giving me a secondhand ick so for all of our sakes end it ghost him you live in a new city you never have to speak to him again bye and if he misses you he just closes his eyes and think

but you look like naked that's why it's really okay to ghost people that you like have the ick that you have had sex with yeah so i'm like if you close your eyes you can see me you got that spank bank right there okay ghost goodbye all right that's the shortest advice you've ever given you but like there's really not much more to say no we're taking another break hi is class back in session miss teagues yes okay all right time for don't blame them oh don't blame them i don't know what the fuck that was but i do know what this is don't blame them is when listeners call in with their own advice pertaining to a call we had on a previous episode so maybe they have personal experience they've gone through something similar that the caller did

had a friend who did they've given advice to someone about this before it's within their profession or they have something that we didn't say and they have ideas they think we're great or they think we're horrible but we would never play that because it also just never happens because we're not horrible and you're not wasting your time to call us to tell us horrible actually it's happened a couple times but only it's usually not even a call it's usually a message yeah it's usually a message and we're a review it's heavily linked to uh we can trace back exactly and it's we've said that enough checks out okay all right hi guys i'm calling in with a don't blame me in response to um season 10 episode 14 mom used a

slur for the caller with the title story the next person whose white mom used a slur in front of her boyfriend i totally agree with what megan and melissa said and i just wanted to add on from my perspective i'm a mixed person with a hashtag white mom i'm 32 and my mom is white and my biological father is Native Central American. My mom was an amazing white mom. She raised me by herself and raised me to be an advocate for minorities of all types. She was a woman in a STEM field who actually experienced discrimination herself. But despite that discrimination and being the child of a mixed person of color, she has never used her position to make claims about understanding the experiences of people of color, including me, or to say anything appropriate about

Latinas or any other group. Your mom is super out of line, and I'm really glad that you know this is an issue that needs to be addressed. What I would suggest is speaking as a company of other mixed people if you can. I've found that I have awesome conversations and tons in common with other mixed kids, even if they are a mix of completely different things than what I am. But also, I've found a special comfort in other mixed Latinos, especially those that have specific similarities to my situation, such as like dad not being in the picture, not speaking Spanish, et cetera, et cetera. The point is that I have just found so much solace in this.

I think you'll find it's a huge relief to have a place to talk about your issues with your mom and exist in your own identity without having to worry about how it's going to be viewed. Everyone has their own experience of being mixed and no two stories are ever alike, but I think you will find a higher level of understanding from those who have this in common with you. I hope you're able to settle things peacefully with your mom and that she can

see the error in the way she's speaking. But even if she can't, I think you'll find so much comfort in finding a community that can validate you in your knowledge of what's right. I also wanted to briefly address that it does sound like your mom has some issues with alcohol. Unfortunately, this is something I can also relate to. If you have it in you or feel like it's an okay choice for you, Al-Anon is an amazing resource for people who are family or loved ones of alcoholic or people who are having issues with alcohol or other addiction, even if maybe you wouldn't identify them as an alcoholic per se.

Bottom line is there's a lot of people out there who are going to be able to relate to what you're going through and I totally encourage you to reach out and try to find them if you can best of luck and thanks to Megan and Melissa for another awesome edition of an amazing podcast love you guys bye so kind uh thank you well thank you for giving your own perspective and insight on that um and I hope that caller I think that I mean that caller we talked to them yeah after the episode came out so they're still here maybe they're maybe they're delayed and they're listening but great advice too so that is it class it's the end of the day the bell's gonna ring class is dismissed i don't think we have any reviews let me check i think my review is the last one

so we need some new ones give us reviews miss teague would give this a five-star review yeah might say there's a lot of cussing so um yeah my review's the last one if you want to see what my uh name is you can see it's very obvious that's funny that's it we hope you enjoyed the episode if you want to look at our amazing like gorgeous costumes and that caller who said i hope you're feeling pretty like we are like you should look at the patreon look at the video it's literally a dollar it's a dollar for the whole month and you can watch every previous episode if you just want to spend a dollar to like look at how fucking great we look you crushed it and i'm really glad that like i actually did because i almost didn't do it i know i figured i was like

i'm texting her very late and then i know how much effort it is for you to get ready and things and it is why i we usually started uh 11 and i was like i'm gonna be a little late usually no no we we put it in our calendar for 11 and then we check in with each other where we where we landed and i was like i'm definitely gonna be later than that and then i told you i was like like 12 or a little before 12 and then i was like i lied 12 12 15 and i got here 12 30 so that's fine but the outfit looks cute i'm not gonna tell you to go comment on our instagram something specific because i always i'm making more work for myself to make a graphic that specifically matches to that but um if you're listening though and you feel prompted go uh

tell us your favorite teacher oh yeah or what you're gonna dress up today as per halloween oh yeah maybe your best halloween costume what you're doing today just something related to what we're doing yeah okay we will see you i mean you'll hear from us tomorrow for extra episodes see you next tuesday then you get a break from us on wednesday and then we are back for but am i wrong on thursday and then fisting friday for fisting we have so many problems with that name on friday i'm used to it now me fucking too and that's my issue okay goodbye Don't Blame Me is a production by me. Executive produced by Melissa DeMonts and Diamond and Print Productions.

Edited by Coco Lawrence. Post-production sound by Chris Henry. Production assistance by Melanie D. Watson. Music by Ryan Hunter and Giacomo Picasso.