Don't Blame Me! - German Chocolate Cake Isn't German

Episode Date: August 1, 2023

In this episode of the podcast, Melisa rants about the origins of German chocolate cake. She shares why people are confused about why the cake is called "German" when it is not actually German. She also talks about her experience in a water balloon war and how her lungs won. Finally, she shares her love of Mariah Carey's audiobooks. Meghan is Part of Her New Nibbling's Birth Plan Meghan is also on the podcast to talk about her new nibbling's birth plan. She shares her thoughts on epidurals, natural childbirth, and doulas (not really). She also talks about her experience as a birth partner. Melisa's cleaning led to a discussion about massage chairs, their made up history of adjustable beds, and hysteria. She shares her thoughts on the benefits of massage chairs and how they can help with stress and pain. She also talks about the history of adjustable beds and how they were originally used to treat hysteria. Finally, Melisa shares her love of Mariah Carey's audiobooks. She talks about how she loves listening to Mariah Carey's voice and how the audiobooks help her relax and de-stress. Listen to this episode to hear Melisa's rants, Meghan's birth plan, and Melisa's love of Mariah Carey's audiobooks. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

i sound like our chant well it's a beyonce song and if you listen to her album then you'd know that what i have and you don't know that song she says cunt about two million times in that song i really need to put my listening ears on like oh my god okay well i'm gonna listen to it again i okay i'm gonna do the because i listen to it in the car and i need to listen to it with the lyrics to help me out i'm sorry i just had a big yawn it's okay and now my eyes are watering all right well now that you said that now my eyes are i have a big i've been yawning for a while um because i woke up at

5 45 in the morning and i went to bed at 1 a.m well i went to bed a lot earlier but i did wake up around the same time why do you wake up so early well i need to get up and clean and then but i didn't wear my glasses and then prep i've been i i've been cleaning since sunday i didn't really clean yesterday but since sunday i've been cleaning and i just felt like i didn't make a dent in anything but then i realized that i washed about six loads of clothes but that's including like like um my duvet linens linens and then things that didn't necessarily need to be washed but i was like i'm here i need to freshen up the home and so i felt like i didn't get anything done but i did but it's been a lot and i still like i still need stuff i still have things

to clean i understand completely i did so much in the last couple days on my to-do list and i looked my to-do list today and i was like bitch you have so much to do it just is a it's a never-ending constant and i feel that's with cleaning because i will get into really specific things yes that's what i was and then i go well now i can't i just cleaned inside of a drawer that i can't see yes but what i see is the mess like bitch focus on the shit that you yeah i was i cleaned up my drawers i reorganized my whole makeup shelf yeah um cleaned all the drawers in my in my bathroom not this one over here um and so you know it was i did a lot but it just didn't feel like a lot but i and i still don't feel accomplished and i won't feel accomplished till everything's done

yeah um i understand i feel you and i'm here to support you and let you know that um i think this is a feeling that we're just gonna always have forever yeah because i used to say that about like my like last apartment i was like oh i just like once i clean it was like well like that place isn't fully like decorated or furnished and like that's it's just not done and then i would do that and then i'm like but i need to like i need to find this but i haven't done this or whatever um and i still feel the exact same way even though i've moved so here we are but isn't that life because what happens when you're finished with things then you just no i've got all i've got a whole bunch of things like i told you i need to get this

fucking table that has been not together in in september it'll be two years yeah so i need to do that i need to because once i do that then all this stuff over here will be clear so i have this they can't see what you're talking about i'm about to explain it you're right as i said i have this they can't see me i have this is a good impression this desk that has just a whole bunch of it's just just kind of turned into the catch-all i had things on the wall that fell off so when i tell you that they're all over there that is i just put my glasses on someone is anthropologically like this is impressive that like when everyone melissa has something stacked on here but they're sticky that's why they they're able to be like

but still the precarious nature of this but they haven't moved because they're sticky so they can't they're all stuck to each other no but they're not stuck to the thing that they're resting on and they're not resting on flat surfaces that's true um and do things on top of them that are like throwing off the weight distribution i know what's going on no that's what i'm saying that's why it's impressive so uh once i'm able to get these things and i can again rearrange this room yeah to get it to where it needs to be also i'm going to rent a u-haul and put this fucking desk sitting thing bike desk bike and then all the stuff that's over in my uh gym that needs to go away i'm gonna put all of that in there and just take it and drop it off

somewhere so there's you all placed down the street i'm gonna miss all of the surfaces i love having so many surfaces just to put stuff on as you see i'm still using it as a surface but it just takes a surface i know but it just takes up but when i have whenever i can redo everything there'll still be the same amount of surfaces it'll just be easier to get to yeah and more organized so once i do that so i have projects that's what i'm saying i have a whole bunch of projects so it'll never be over don't you wish someone could pay you for your personal project because that's how i feel yeah like but here's the other thing you then use that you're gonna pay me for my personal projects i'm still gonna hate doing them i know i'll still complain but

at least i'm making money doing it like you getting on that boat and i don't have residuals wish i did that sucks yeah i'm ordering food do you want anything i brought food i know i'm just being cordial that's nice thank you i'm okay though okay what are you ordering they have some german chocolate cake on here and it is not proper german chocolate cake as the german chocolate cake connoisseur she's not kidding she is i am chocolate not connoisseur the baker because oh you're expert here's the thing german chocolate cake did not come from germany it is named after somebody whose last name is german he created baker's german chocolate they created specifically for the company baker's chocolate which also the

person that name is not called baker's because like it's baker's called baker's because that's the last name of the person that made it. So they created the German chocolate. So there's only one way to properly create German chocolate. You have to actually use German chocolate. So if you go somewhere and you see a chocolate cake that has coconut on it, that is not a German chocolate cake. It has to be specifically made with German chocolate. And if your cake is dark, it's not German chocolate. It has to be a light brown. That is proper German chocolate cake. You cannot just take a german a chocolate cake and put coconut frosting on it that's not german chocolate and i see this and this is not german chocolate because german chocolate is light

so impressive for somebody who's been just like tripping over their words in our previous episode like literally the way that you just so quickly oh that's so fucking i just i'm very passionate about it very passionate i mean clearly that is so fucking funny i wow i wonder if is there like an unwrapped episode about it do you just read it on wikipedia you just learn from like it's a fact you've always known um a combination of things once i became so my grandmother would always make german chocolate cakes and then i would watch her and then it became my turn to take over the um the process of it because she had gotten to her older age and could no longer do it because alzheimer's um and so um when i'm making things i like to you know put my own spin

on it and so i i do research about the the information but once i've learned that like there's only one proper way to do a german chocolate cake or else it's not german chocolate cake it's like the champagne champagne comes from yes yeah then i there's no like extra spin there's a process my process is different yeah but i and there's a reason why my cakes are more moist than anything you'll ever get um fighting but uh there's a proper way to do anything and so i can't delineate too much from the actual recipe well the more we all know everybody german chocolate cakes germans are here going thank you it's not our cake and i'm like thank you it's not your thank you it is not your cake um how are your weekend my weekend was okay um what did i even

end up doing this weekend i had to get out of the house because it was a little bit toasty oh but no this was my first weekend i would call it a celebratory weekend okay because on thursday of the week before i went to the doctor and i got beta blockers so on both saturday and sunday this bitch slept in like i was able to like i'm excited sleep um because i just can't like i'm not good at the heat and like i really can't fucking sleep um but i was able to like sleep in a decent amount like and fall asleep uh and i had planned like okay we're gonna get out of the house for both of these days because it'll be too hot i take these beta blockers i've run about 10 degrees colder now and i go incredible i can like function i was like i told him i was like is like the

window unit working better he goes no this is what it always feels like oh this is what it's always felt like and he was like what do you mean i was like it's straight up i feel physically 10 degrees colder in my body but it feels 20 degrees colder in this room and he goes oh my god and he's like he's sweating and i was like no this is amazing like i was like this is crazy um so that has been um a fun a fun thing and i've been practicing my dosage and figuring that out and my doctor was like fuck around with it while you're home like and you will find out if this is good for you exactly so that has been that was like the weekend hung out with the child yeah with our nephew um his dad's birthday was on monday so we hung out with him on sunday and it was really fun he was

stoked to have another dance party was like very ready um and also I didn't even tell you this um so she's due in like September-ish and was saying like so obviously like she's like my parents are gonna be coming into town but she had our nephew early he wasn't a preemie but he was like I think he was like two and a half if it's if it's three weeks is the cutoff he was almost three weeks um but his dad's not very big she's not very big like he's just small um and so she's like we're not entirely sure obviously like when i go into labor and the second one tends to be a lot faster and so she's like we'll when i go into labor like we'll just call you and we'll have someone who lives like close close by ready be there but then you'll come and like just you can

just stay here so he's got all of his stuff um and we were doing the math and if she gives birth on time we're totally in the clear if she gives birth like a little like around the same time she had him like we're gonna be okay but there's this small window in which moths will be out of town and it will be just me and i'm like oh my god call me i melissa i will when is it was like i need to i need to because i might be out of town too when is it i don't know what's the window it's like a september something it's not everyone always does like relate it to like a holiday weekend because i'm out of town the 25th i think that's a fine okay i hope um and i'm just like i know i could like and here's the thing his parents when like ma said like oh i might

be out of like they didn't flinch like it was like no like it wasn't even like a oh if it's just megan like we'll try and find something else and with so much love if it was mobs they would go oh okay let's let's figure let's figure something else out um or like let's have a secondary backup there so like they have complete and total like faith in me if it's just me um and like the first thing i said i was like so i will need someone to i don't i'm afraid of like if you need him to leave the home then someone needs to i was like i need a video of and it was like I don't know they'll be close by like if if like you know going places um like his dad will come back and set up the car seat I was like amazing because otherwise like go to a fire

station yeah but I was like I was like so if it happens during the week like I bring him to school right like I bring him to like and they're like yeah I was like what time does it start they're eight but you know it's okay if he's late I go I mean I would I would I would hope so I feel like you're just going to hang out with them literally I was like I don't just like hang out and play and and and all of that um but it's just like I like I wasn't around babies like and I'm I mean like babysitting like I was like good with babies in that sense but like again like not babies in my family like I don't have a lot I don't have cousins really like I was the youngest um and I've seen in you know depicted in media or like people talking about like oh the old or like my

friends having kids of like oh you know and like oh the older one like then meeting the younger one all that and I am mostly afraid of like him asking me questions about like the bait like is the baby going to stay forever I'm gonna be like yeah like usually I'm like you should ask your parents that but i can't respond with is the baby gonna be here forever and i go you should ask your parents so i'm a little nervous if it is that window um but it'll be fine and of all of the kids like he will help me out he loves rules he loves order and there's we were reading him a book and it has this animal called oh god a coyote a quaddie i kept every single time i go how do i pronounce it again and he would tell me over and over again so i know if i did something where i

would be like is this right and we go no that's wrong so that is helpful um but this is weighing on my shoulders and mods goes we'll cross that bridge when we get to it i go no no the issue is i am afraid that i will be crossing that bridge alone it will not be a we i am not worried if it's you and me there are two hands there you can also facetime that's what i might yeah you know so i might be i might call in i literally told his mom that i was like you should like you know you can always like we'll give you numbers of like any of his like friends parents and all that was like yeah i can also just like call melissa and she goes yeah she's got lots of little aces i feel like no no she's my she's the resident aunt in here who can

be like yeah you got this all you gotta do is play yeah no i'm not worried about that you're just other things yeah i get that you know solo endeavors have you ever watched him by yourself yeah okay that's i'm not even worried i'm most of my worries were uh alleviated when it was like he can be late to school okay i was like okay cool um but yeah he just talks a lot and like i love it like we have conversations no i love that this is why we get along so well like he and i are just buddies um but i don't want the responsibility of like asking about where's the baby coming from i'm just gonna divert i'm gonna go oh this is a good time for screen hospital that's a good yeah you can that's not a lie no he knows about the hospital

he goes you know we go to the hospital when we are sick but you also go when you're having a baby they haven't put up the free offers yet that's why i keep refreshing this page you can't see any free offers yeah for my game they give free things away at two o'clock and they haven't put them up yet um and it's five minutes after and i don't like that my weekend was good you said that you like were booked in like a busy weekend i um miss somebody's birthday party but um purpose well i had plans no like you were aware you didn't just like forget to go to their birthday no i was aware i had plans before and those plans just kept going i told them happy birthday on their actual birthday so that counts right

so i was involved in a water balloon award okay i i'm glad that that's where that was going because when you say i was involved with that sounds like a head-on collision like it sounds like uh an activity that you would get in a crime report could be a crime no but as it could be and that's why it was a perfect word choice um yeah uh and it was a lot of fun except for i couldn't breathe i have an appointment tomorrow we couldn't breathe in in what way in the way that i can't breathe when i have a lot of were you like physically like running or were you like being waterboarded no i was running okay there was water involved and neither of us why would i be waterboarded well no because you said i couldn't breathe and like

neither of us are very strong swimmers i didn't know if you were in a pool and then they were no no no we were on pavement but yeah so we were playing a lot of fun i um yeah i had to sit down for like the second half because couldn't breathe took me about 20 minutes to catch my breath and i tracked it all so they can have all that information when i go to the doc tomorrow is it a pulmonologist you go to do you like have you been to this one before okay because i would say i like my pulmonologist if it's like one of the few doctors I would ever give a recommendation to.

If they don't do what I need them to do, then maybe. Yeah. Maybe after tomorrow, then yeah. And his office is really nice. They don't validate parking though. I know. Do they valet?

I don't know. I feel like all doctor's offices valet. I do, but like it never even crosses my mind to valet. That's the first thing I think of. i would just love to have that mindset i just think so no um yeah and then we had some pizza and talked and it was fun though the people that were invited to have pizza you had that like sleepover thing where it's like oh my birthday party and then like some people are sleeping yeah we're like but don't that's exactly what it was exactly and then

And we never got out of it. Everybody was leaving, like walking out, then let them get in their cars, loop back around. Shut the fuck up. That's so dramatic. That's funny. You don't want to pay for everybody's pizza. Wow.

What a fun weekend. So were there teams of your water? Who won? The other team did. Well, they lost one of their best star players. You got winded. And the first game that we played, the rules were too much that it was taking too long and we all kind of just like gave up and

then we changed the rules but then when we changed the rules the game moved too fast and then oh i couldn't breathe so then i had to sit down yeah but i did hide behind a car and was throwing water balloons from behind there but i just couldn't actively uh-huh get to the target yeah i think about it regularly if a hunger games were to happen now um and i would just have to commit to finding a really good hiding spot like my strategy would be hide yep keep my legs elevated and the heart rate down yeah so that's what i did understandable and then i on sunday i cleaned most of the day and like i said before i felt like i didn't really make a dent in anything but you know i'm just gonna wait till i get to my big picture moment little things when they get to the big

picture i think it's a great idea it's a very good call my body hurts so much from uh-huh those ass muscles when you realize like oh i've been just bending down and moving shit and then a combination with the running from the day before too much and then i always forget that i have a massage chair that i can easily just sit in but then and i'm here once a week i should hop in that one point you should but then i get like the thing is like once i get in bed i don't want to it out a bit and then i'm like because then it's cold also because i have to be on 65 when i go to sleep so it's too much you know they should have like a tempur-pedic bed that one of the things they go you can go up you can go down you can go soft you can go hard but then there should also

be something that i can press that legitimately turns it into a massage chair but like the level that like engulfs you like the nail salon i agree because it does have a massage feature but it's just the vibrating it's not the same that's like for fucking yeah that's to add a little something something when you add a little motion to the ocean also like you know how the legs prop up you can there's so many different positions you can get in i feel like they were made for sex like to start but then they were like 100 but then all the old i think it was first it was first hospitals and then people were like but a lot of the things in the hospitals were sexual because they were like oh this is how we treat hysteria is by putting a vibrator on a

woman's clit so like i my favorite part of history yeah because i feel like a lot of women would just be like oh i'm gonna stare because you could get the machines at home oh that was now i'm actually having an orgasm for the first time in my life yeah i'm a lazy fucking piece of shit it's just i love that yeah but i love it i love like a really intense like nail salon um massage chair and i know that one is no i know and i forget that you literally fucking own one yep yep there it is being there there it is also like i'm obsessed with like the location of where it is in your home and if you like opened up the curtains and then you just like stared at people i have it's but it's also there's been people that walk past and they're like oh what is that

like i've been outside but the curtains have been open and i see people looking inside my house i'm like people are obsessed with you in your home i know and i'm like why are they looking at my house and then they'll be like what's that thing what kind of massage chair is that and i'm like you don't want it the truth is you don't want it it's not great it's good enough because it's not great that's why it's good because you never paid right didn't they give you the full refund yeah but if they would have made it adjustable to different body sizes then it'd be great yeah like the one at where i go get my car well i used to i don't go anymore oh my god the one i went to the car wash what the fuck you say these things like this is like an everybody

experience the massage chair that i go when i get my car washed like what are you now now i have people come to my house to wash my car but aspirational content but that one would mold perfectly like they would have like a short medium height or tall and then you could adjust it you could adjust it and then but then also i'd be like there my boobs just shaking as people are passing by well because getting your car washed is not an activity you wear a bra to right or anything in life unless i'm working now that's what i'm saying like i'm getting my car washed like why would i wear a bra and then suddenly titties whipping titties everywhere but that was the best and i've been on their yelp trying to figure out like i'm like inside the building

trying to figure out the name of it i can't i call i i found it but it's they don't make them anymore wow yeah that's where you put a google alert for ebay listings and i did find i found another one but then it was like not quite in english i didn't know what i was really getting into you know yeah you don't want to commit to those kinds of orders yeah you should just ask them like if you ever go out of business or you well don't say that because that's the big fuck you yeah if you if you ever like replace these or like you want to move on past these chairs i will buy like that is smart here's my phone number i'm excited i'm gonna sit in it later today it's gonna be my plan yay my plan um anything else you like to share anything else

I would like to share no I don't think so let me double check that I didn't write anything in here oh I do have one thing tell me about it first of all in case people missed

that what we were doing last week on see you next Tuesday is comedy is comedy nothing was fact i also put it in the show description i was listening all the way here and i saw that i was like what is this all caps like show it's like very jarring and i was like what the fuck is she on about and i clicked it expand yeah none of this is facts this is just so this is fiction we're based in fun and i was like okay yep fair um and then two i started listening to mariah

carey's audiobook it's great i didn't know anything about her life at all and the way that she weaves like even because she writes all her music too so the way that she weaves like this is like this is where this song came from oh wow into it and she also sings on the audiobook too it's great and i highly recommend especially people that call into us about their controlling exes and uh age gap relationships with their first husband i haven't got to the second one yet um but uh but even the way she grew up having parents that don't pay attention to you like i feel like a lot of people that call into our show would also enjoy the could never relate to that that no that i she is someone who like i'm i'm too i'm too young like my godfather like loved her and

like i loved britney and he was like oh like i he would call britney and he was like oh my god that's like your mariah and um but kelly clarkson is like incredibly obsessed with mariah carey and so i've been watching kelly clark's interviews and i watched her on lost culture recessed i think that's a podcast with bowen yang and matt um and they talk about mariah carey on there and i like know her as like an icon yeah and like ranked like from like a like a pop culture icon but then like ranked from like a technical standpoint as like one of the most like prolific songstresses like voices but then also like from a production standpoint of like music that she like said she she like carved her thing and then yeah and she also plays piano and doesn't

yeah she never plays it in public but like that's how she like she writes all her music sitting at a piano and coming up with everything yeah that she's like insanely talented um but then they did like they like they they touched on a couple like of things about like her life or whatever and i was like oh i actually don't know i didn't know anything about and i just know like her public like persona and she talks about how like she just likes as a kid she would just like create characters and things there's a part where she talks about how her older sister tried to traffic her when she was 12 like there's a like she has a lot of things that happened to her as a kid that i had no idea about yeah i saw she after i watched all these interviews like other random interviews

of her popped up and the same reference i kept coming up it was about her sister and like i didn't know what it was um but then that was it was used in the same context of people talking about jessica simpson's book and they were like now we're getting mariah's and i know jessica simpson's book was like also apparently really eye-opening to her life and personal and so i was like oh people are comparing these like and people really want to hear her life story who like know bits and pieces me as someone who knows nothing i'm sure it's really like it's a lot yeah i wonder okay i'm listening because like for me i know her as like i remember when she first came out i was probably like in kindergarten i remember just seeing her on tv and then like always enjoying

her music and then getting to when she kind of on she was on trl and people were like she's having a mental breakdown or whatever like she had phoned in from her bathtub they just do that with every female pop star yes wow and and so um i haven't got there yet but knowing how controlled she was before that even came about like a lot of things just like make sense and then also i'm like you live i just always saw her as just like this glamorous person and she's lived so many lives before wow and she but she she makes it really fun like it's a good it's a really good audiobook like i recommend listening to oh i will i've heard from people who've like met her um and stuff that like she's like the most self-aware kind of person and you don't end up being like the most beloved

and self-proclaimed diva having been born with a silver spoon in your mouth in that sense that like she's earned the title because she's earned it and she's proud of it yes and that's like i think the whole her rebranding of the word diva was like one of the first times i heard of like heard things from her that weren't just like through her music yeah and i was like that's really like that's a whole other twist on this like you would have never gotten to and that makes sense that there's a big backstory behind it i'll add it to my list yeah i recommend it i'm not through it yet but i listened to a great deal of it while i was cleaning oh that's i should have been doing it this morning i wasn't even thinking i was just in silent space well i i do

that yeah more often than i cared with it where i go it's been silent in here for six hours and i haven't and then i try and talk and i go yeah where's my boy yep i most of the time like if it's during the week when i'm not doing podcast stuff when i have my like evening check-ins with melanie that might be the first time that i'm talking and she's like fuck yeah no that's that's me this is the day that i'm ensured that i do talk all day yes and now that mods works from home but like prior to that he comes home from work and i'm like hello so sorry yep he goes you lost your voice and i go no it's just been resting all day i've been on vocal rest rusty as hell well well that's gonna i'm gonna add that to my plate because now i the thing i do need to read

which i've said i've needed to read forever is i'm glad my mom died by yeah i think they might be a good uh yeah a good uh-huh i think it's a companion piece when i was listening to it because again i just thought i was getting into a fun book and i was like but this is so good and like i know all her music and so just hearing the way that she what she was going through at the time what the songs actually mean is incredible hot take which is not what we do on this podcast um but i think if you are a celebrity and you're writing a memoir it needs to be like you're a comedian you're funny like there's like it's like haha laugh out loud comedian thing and like your life doesn't be traumatic but like you have a way of storytelling that is

so like funny and in like page turning can't wait to read which is hard for a lot of perfect singers especially because like you write your life in your songs and like you don't really always want to be so like transparent about that stuff or you have to have a life that is so not what the public version of you is like there are some people who like you know are on different uh have different jobs in media who are just there and they write memoirs and i'm like who is this for but even that going with that like but chelsea handler to me is a perfect example of someone who like has been through and like lived through a lot of life and is a really good at telling those stories and like it doesn't have to be and then there's other people like i haven't

read but i've heard like minka kelly's book is like amazing and she had like a very dark childhood and stuff that was like very hard that nobody knew about and so i'm like you either are going to be someone who's like vocal about your life like a comedian like chelsea handler and be able to be really funny in a written format and be a great storyteller of both you know light and dark things or you it has to be something that is like a side of you that no one has ever seen before yep agree so i think it's impressive because usually i find musicians have the hardest time with that kind of you know so i'm excited to the the reason i listen to it i'll tell you offline but it's not bad but it's really good and i think we should do it oh my god i love that i was gonna

ask you like because i didn't i don't were you a mariah carey like fan growing up i love mariah carey's music like yeah she dropped like her new album well it's not new now but she probably dropped in like 2018 i was the first to download it i know every like i love her music i just didn't know anything about her personal life yeah because she just seems like bigger than like yeah she's just she's like she's share like she's just always but even with share i know things about share's life that i i just i don't know why i just never looked into i knew she was married to that old man i even remember as a child being like why is she married to that old man um i remembered i was like she's so pretty and like she just she's just one of those people i

just never looked into their life well i do think that if i'm not mistaken what i've learned from tiktok she was like pretty burned by the media from like early on in her career that she just kind of stopped talking to so then it became like you would have to seek it out like you weren't going to just come across yes that kind of stuff yeah which i mean it's a good mode of protection and hearing everything that she went through it all makes sense now oh well i'm excited to hear about why yeah wow okay all right well we hope you enjoyed it we'll circle back oh we'll see you next tuesday sorry i take my meds