Don't Blame Me! - Guest: Mats - Getting Over the Love of Your Life

Episode Date: February 14, 2022

This week we're joined by Mats, Meghan's ex-boyfriend/current fiancé for the annual Valentine's Day Episodes. This week they discuss: Feeling insecure in a relationship Moving on What to do when your boyfriend isn't putting in effort Figuring out feelings for your fuck buddy Don't Blame Them: Dealing with noisy neighbors Buy our merch: https://store.dftba.com/collections/don-t-blame-me Subscribe to our new show: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/but-am-i-wrong/id1591757891 Follow Us! @meghanrienks www.instagram.com/meghanrienks https://twitter.com/meghanrienks @sheisnotmelissa www.instagram.com/sheisnotmelissa https://twitter.com/sheisnotmelissa @dontblamemepod https://www.instagram.com/dontblamemepod/ Affordable Therapy By State (Curated by Crissy Milazzo): www.tinyurl.com/y64kwdnf Need Advice? www.dontblameme.show Domestic Listeners Call: [phone] International Listeners Send a Voice Memo To: [e-mail] … with as much detail as possible under 3 minutes! WeI'll do our best to share our wonderful words of wisdom. If you're under 18, please get your parent's permission. Advice is for entertainment purposes only, so you can't blame us if we screw up your life. I kid! Our advice IS AMAZING. Want to WATCH this episode as well? Become a patron! https://www.patreon.com/dontblameme Join the Facebook Group! https://www.facebook.com/groups/dbmsecretgroup Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/join/dontblameme Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

hello everybody and welcome back to the annual valentine's day episode of don't blame me a midwinter ritual of love unlike any other okay build-a-bear if you guys listen on thursday you will know that reference so yes this is don't blame me and we have brought on for what we think might be the fourth time my ex-boyfriend ma zhang zhang hello everybody hello everybody what's that that's me is that what you're doing oh yeah actually sure i was referencing you and i didn't even hello everybody who does that oh it's you psych so yes we're excited that this is happening let's give you a lowdown on the show i hate when you find like random like hair balls in your clothes you know i'm talking about yeah or in my couch and then you start playing with it i'm sorry

they're fine mine look like spiders like and i have his hair mixed in i find your hair all the time yeah i'm so sorry about that can't blame it on anyone else so don't blame me we're an advice show. So if you want to call in to get some wonderful, amazing, life-changing, fantastic advice from us, you can give us a call at 310-694-0976. And international listeners, you can send us an audio message at meganpodcasts at gmail.com. Both of those things, if you keep it under three minutes, we recommend writing down everything that you want to say. So you have all the details in there, include your pronouns, how old you are, how old the people in the situation that you would need advice on are and then you can practice time it and then once you finally

record it if you do a wonderful job melissa might give you a blow job and we get a lot of messages about people and smelly dicks and i'd have to say no thank you now i got cheese dick on the brain and that is not not what i want yeah it's not about you he's like what the fuck I know, but my cast is starting to smell a little bit like shit. It's disgusting and uncalled for. Also, it's only been a few days. It's going to get worse. I know.

Well, to be fair. Okay, let's get the low down. If you didn't know, Mods has a cast. I posted on my Instagram story. And would you like to share about, like, you know, what happened? Yeah, so I was at Bootsy Bella's. Shut up. It was a pre-Super Bowl party.

At Bootsy Bella's. some some some ruffians came in and were causing mischief this is such a niche joke to such a small audience i'm hoping something uh no yeah so basically i was on a roof and i was coming back down through the roof onto a ladder and to get to the roof there's like a skylight or a trap door and when I was coming down you know the safety catch on the door broke or collapsed the only people that witnessed it were me and a subcontractor and he doesn't remember because he's traumatized for life and the door collapsed on my hand and the latch went through my hand broke the bone in two places you know a couple bone fragments are still loose are they floating around or just kind

of no no you it's so they're too it's depressed fractures so the the kind of like that's like blunt force trauma when it hits it and it kind of concaves in so that can create like you should really be on like a doctor show i don't think so considering how i handled it at the hospital i'm good with the information part i think that's why i like all that information is because it can a research position exactly I think I like that stuff because I am like a woozy person and so like I like to logic myself to like try not but the depressed fractures it's yeah like kind of like your bone it just goes in and so in one of the depressed fractures there's a small piece of metal about the diameter of a piece of hair and the length of a grain of rice that is just going

to leave in his arm so i'm now referring to him as iron man but he didn't need surgery just they're like 99 sure yeah if you were gonna most likely if you were gonna need surgery they would have done it then and so the uh stitches a bionic hand nice and then we'll call you the the bionic fister oh the six million dollars six million yeah and it was bionic woman was the spinoff yeah yes so nobody who listens to this is gonna have you don't know that you don't know if they're into classic 70s television yeah fuck off for doing like you know our people i was always more of a fan of the prisoner than six million dollar man did you ever watch that one no it's good but to wrap up the the arm he's only needs the cast most likely they said about like seven to ten

days maybe two weeks but they don't think it'll be that long and um he will be totally fine because all of the the good thing about the depressed fracture is once you get out of the clear of like infection it has like no mobility issues and is like very much fine and so it's like the best possible way to heal from it it just has like the harder at the start so you're doing good though yeah got really lucky yeah and now i will not let i keep telling you they cannot do anything at this construction site without wearing a hard hat because like so that's gonna help his hand no because if okay first of all if you lose a hand great but if that happened to your head yeah that's true oh scares the shit out of me pretty hard-headed though

good one but it has made me appreciate how much shit he does around the house that like now i have to do and like yeah like he does so much i'm like i'm just like the beauty and the funny like comedic i'm the comedic relief of this relationship i am the talent of this relationship oh yeah i need to clean the kitchen but uh anyway now that that's out of the way yeah let's move away from matters of matters of the body let's get matters of the heart right that's what we're here for yeah let's get to matters of the heart you sound like you're doing like a transition in like the bachelor like you're just like doing pivot i know you can be the new we won't name his name but yeah did you order groceries i did thank you for your text message because that's

actually what reminded me to do it oh great and if i'd kept the red receipts on you would have immediately seen me read it and then i'd be like so thank you for that you're welcome so should we um get into giving some advice we want to do like you know relationship dating that stuff so we called out for it on instagram which you should be following and uh if you were there for the first 15 minutes of that post up you could have seen that i wrote the number down wrong here we go hi megan and melissa i am a 19 year old female she her and i'm calling in about my boyfriend who is a 20 male he goes by he him and i just wanted to call in because i am feeling insecure right we all feel insecure but it's hard for me since he's away at school we're about an

hour away from each other and i constantly feel the pressure of him being in a fraternity being surrounded by constant sorority girls that are prettier than me, skinnier than me, and just overall, I'm feeling very insecure. Now, I know I don't have a problem trusting him, and I know I shouldn't worry, but I do, especially when he goes out to parties. If I can't meet them, or if he's going out to social events that are with the other sororities, it's very hard. I would like some advice on what you think I should do. I've talked to my therapist about this, and I do have an anxious attachment style so I'm trying not to you know go crazy over here but we don't go to the same school so how do I not feel like I'm missing out on the things that he does without me and how

do I stop being so dope and actually realize that this boy loves me and that he won't do anything by the way we've been dating only for seven months so it is fairly new but I know I really want to spend the future with him and I really want to stay together thanks love you guys bye so I feel like you guys always tee up at least one like long distance relationship I guess I don't know how long distance this relationship is but long distance enough I feel like you always tee up one of those calls for when I come on we have so many in general like also especially with covid so many people are even just like smaller distance long distance kind of thing oh god this is hard well well i'll start with like the last thing you said which is this like feeling of FOMO

that you have i know this is kind of hard but i think one thing that you should prioritize doing if he's not okay with this, it should tell you like what you need to know about how much effort and investment you put into this relationship. You know, you need to just prioritize like your own social life at school. Cause he's, you know, like it's inevitable that he's going to do some social events without you at his school. He's going to hang out with people. I am a reformed fraternity brother. And as I remember, you know, we generally had at least two or three events a week and at least one or two of those events were always like co-sponsored with sorority or had some sort of like date, you know, component. So it's inevitable if he's in a frat, that's

going to happen. And it's inevitable because of your schedules. Some of those events are going to happen without you. So what I would say is independent of what you do about the relationship or what you do about each other, you need to prioritize your own social life so that you can feel like you're not missing out on being social and that if something goes wrong or he violates your trust or anything, you have a social life that you can take comfort in and find supported. So I don't know if that is joining a sorority, you know, that's obviously not for everyone. I don't know if it's joined, I don't know if it's joined clubs. I don't know if it's a little community that you are building out on your hall, but like, you know, you should make

a point and kind of make sure that one night or two nights a week, you're, you're making a point of going out, hanging out with people, forming relationships with them so that you feel like you're fulfilling a part or like experiencing a social life independent of your relationship, which I think is important in any relationship. Even like we live together, we literally do 99% of things together, but we do have things for ourselves. And I think that really helps our relationship no matter what. So that's the first thing I would say. I, I think if you watch the video, Melissa and I had very similar facial reactions when you said that you were only you've only been dating for seven months. And I don't want to be like pessimistic at all. But like, this is a very hard position to be in. And I can't necessarily say that there is a way for you to not feel that way and a way for it to like go away or feel better. Like it's hard. like being long distance is hard and then especially being long distance with someone who

like literally is has to go to like date parties with other girls and essentially has to go on dates with other girls like that's not like a oh my gosh like i'm being like so crazy like no that's like not a thing that like every relationship has to go through and deal with and i think that like there is a certain personality type that can be totally fine with that but i think that that is probably the minority and I don't know anyone who would have who would feel like great about it mostly just because and not to be negative at all but like sadly long distance relationships are not usually very supported in college and social life like they're usually mocked endlessly or like not or like come on like no do blah blah blah so like I think that it is valid that it

would feel like really hard I agree that like yeah do stuff so you have things that you're doing but I think that if he is like upset that you are going if you if you join a sorority let's say or you do all the social stuff and he is upset about that that makes me indicate well if you're upset about this like that feels kind of maybe like projection but I think that like if you've gave at your honest effort trying to do the long distance thing and it's like just not working being at different schools and that stuff like no matter how happy you are in that relationship that's like a hypothetical aspect of your relationship the practicality of it is your long distance needs in a fraternity and like this stuff is like actively hurting you and i think

that like you can walk away from that and put it on pause and then hope in some time when school's done if you like want to like circle back to it but you can't change the circumstance if the circumstance is not suiting you you don't need to necessarily change yourself to like suit it like it's okay if it doesn't work creative advice yeah and the second thing i was gonna say is what megan said about like the social scene at colleges is not designed to be accommodating of uh long distance relationships and i actually know that personally i was in a fraternity and i had a long distance girlfriend and it didn't work out obviously and there are exceptions to every rule but it was you know and i was also a early 20s guy and the social scene in a fraternity

is not designed to be very accommodating of long distance relationships. So I would just say like keep that in mind as like you kind of pick your way through this, but you know, definitely develop your own social scene too. And I'll just add on top of what they both said is excellent advice, but on top of that, being long distance in college, regardless if it's like sorority, fraternity whatever's going on in your life college is a time that you're doing a lot of growing and discovering of who you are and even if you were in the same place you could grow in different directions so being long distance just adds another thing on top of that so just be mindful of that as well even if he wasn't in a fraternity there might be other

things that might pull you guys apart too agreed should we go on to the next let's do it hi i'm b and i need some advice on how to get over the love of your life basically my ex and i broke up a couple weeks ago and our relationship was a whirlwind i've had quite a few relationships in the past that I've never been in love before now it just feels so different and I'm worried that I won't ever meet somebody and feel the same way again we met three months ago on tinder I know how that sounds but I just fell for him really quickly like he told me he loved me three days in and I felt the same way and we just spent weeks and weeks together like he was he just spent the night at my house every single day for weeks and we did everything

together we would have like 3 a.m IHOP trips and and all this stuff and he was just like exactly who I wanted and I was willing to be okay with the red flags because he was everything that I wanted and he treated me better than anyone ever did but then a couple weeks ago he decided that he was had feelings for somebody else as well and we had a long talk about it and yeah it was awful and horrible and we broke up and then after that we decided to be friends but we kept sleeping together and we kept kissing and then he decided that he had some things that he really didn't like about me that he had been holding in and not telling me about and we were planning on getting back together officially but then he decided that he had these things that he didn't like about me

and then you know he told me about these things that he didn't like about me and I just don't know what to do now because now I have these ideas in my head of things that you know people don't like about me and they're things that make me who I am and it makes me really sad and I really love him and I and we're trying to be friends but you know it's really hard so I just need some advice on how to get over him and still be friends with him i lovingly lovingly lovingly i want to hug you and then shake you like oh my god first of all i do not mean this in a condescending way at all so if you've been a long-time listener you will know this is not condescending therapy like therapy therapy therapy because like you are describing the like this man's not to love

your life like he is literally a menace he is a villain he is the worst this is like toxic relationship and this is classic love bombing and the expression of he treats me better than anyone else has before that doesn't mean he treats you well right that means other people have treated you really badly he treated you a different kind of badly and like everything that he has done there is no good traits quote-unquote or good qualities that overshine any of that this is toxic as fuck love bombing and like not only should you not get back together with him or be his friend like they're like you need to cut him off and everything about him off immediately get in therapy or if you can't get in therapy read some books about attachment styles and relationships

and love bombing and toxic relationships and all of that because if you knowingly looked past the obvious red flags we think of red flags as being like very very obvious and if someone has obvious red flags like they have subtle ones they have little ones there too and if you are immediately willing to compromise major red flags and compromise like this compromise in like a relation like someone that you've like really just met that's like that is not a good indicator that like you are prioritizing yourself and your like mental well-being and have a good sense of what is like good for you in this like i'm shocked yeah i mean this person is not your friend not the love of your life but let's start there i know i'm sorry you should not be friends with

this person you should not continue to be really a resource or in contact with this person because the way that that man is looking at you right now is not as a friend not as like the one that got away he is looking at you as a contingency plan he's intentionally treating you like shit making you insecure and saying things about you to make you feel like well now i'm willing to look past these flaws that you have even though i don't like these things about you like it's the definition of like love bombing and like it's the toxic cycle of like he's then like knocking you the fuck down to make you feel like completely worthless and then he's gonna turn around and be like you know what i'll hook up with you again even though he's with somebody else and he's gonna do that whole

cycle over and over and over again like it's just manipulation yep the ultimate form of manipulation he built you up so that you're on a high so then he could just tear you down and he's the only one who can do that so like he he makes it so his compliments and his praise mean everything and then the negative things that he says also mean everything so then everything is tied to him and he's done this before like that's like the point blank he's fucking done this before he was probably dating that other person at the same time like he just used us as an excuse to move on to the next victim yep last thing i'll say is like you didn't say your age but it seemed like you were younger than us or younger than me i'm so young you are i'm older than you uh but you

have a je ne sais quoi love of your life this person's obviously not the love of your life Love your life is going to be reliable. They're going to be communicative. They're going to be self-aware. And if there are things about yourself that you want to work on, they'll be supportive of that, but they are not going to point out or criticize things and then try to blackmail or manipulate you into working on those things because there are issues for that. and 99% of the time if someone tells you they love you on date three that early on 99% of the time that's not true it's not real because they don't know you you're not even showing the real you on date three that's a red flag and if you're like oh well no I feel it back I feel it back that was intentional on their part and like when you hear stories of people who are like I knew immediately those are like fucking like 80 year old people living in Ohio who met in like the 60s and they're like oh we're in love now like there is no like it's not like a fucking like toxic like

manic pixie dream girl and I don't mean that in the offensive term to you but I mean that in those movies that romanticize these like toxic relationships sadly they always make the women the toxic ones but like those kinds of things like that's not when those people talk about like I saw them and immediately knew and all like it doesn't come along with these contingencies that they're just like not telling you like this is not how anyone's like true love and like who they end up with is this isn't like a part of the story that they're not telling you that it did happen like it's not this is everyone's shitty fucking ex it's not the love of their life but first step getting over don't talk to him block everything should we go to the next one it's time

for a break yeah fuck off you don't know anything about this show okay we're gonna take a quick break and be right back and we're back from our break and we're getting to the next call that's so long i know like you got some gray hairs yeah hi melissa and megan um i am calling you right after a full-on crying session so don't judge me on why my voice sounds like this um my boyfriend and i have been together for around four years. We're both 22, and I've been having this issue over the past couple of weeks. Well, I guess it's been more time, but I just never really paid attention to it now.

I used to be really, like, dependent of him, and I would stay over his place, like, every single day, basically, full-on lived with him while I had my own apartment. I just hated being there because I was in a shitty roommate situation. Y'all know how that goes. But recently, I moved, and I love where I'm living now. Also, I've been in here a lot more often, and we've kind of only been seeing each other on the weekends now, which has been nice because now it's more so that quality time over quantity. But, you know, sometimes randomly throughout the week when I, like, miss him or something, I'll text him and be like, oh, like, should I go over or, like, do you want me to bring you food and I can, like, come over? And his responses just, like, don't really make me feel that great or, like, wanted.

he'll say things like yeah like if you want to or like sure if you want to and it's like well I'm obviously texting you because I want to come and I don't know I just don't feel like I'm getting that same energy like reciprocated and I brought it up to him like an hour ago and he basically just kind of said that you know we're not in high school and he's going to be playing games with me up to saying like putting on this act of him like you know being all I guess excited which sounds messed up but you know that if I want to come over then come over he's never going to tell me no and I welcome all the time so he doesn't see why it's an issue on him saying like yeah sure if you want to so I don't know like being just dramatic over this you know I think the change in me not seeing

him every single day has been like hard so I like want to feel wanted even though we don't go that many days without seeing each other it's still nice to get like some reassurance and I told him about the reassurance and he's like what did I like you like I obviously do like I love you but i don't know am i just being a baby i'm like my period is like less than a week so it could just be that but i mean this has been an issue that's happened before so i don't know i'd love some advice on it so thanks guys not to be cynical but like can you not just hear like the unhappy marriage that this is like it's not a marriage but i'm saying that like this kind of vibe of like we've been dating for four years and like i'm not gonna be excited to

see you anymore and like that what like you should always be like excited and like want to like see your partner like i think if like you had said this and he was like oh i've just been like really swamped to school i've just been really busy going through stuff but like or if it was like a new relationship and like you just didn't know how each other like texted and if it's like not translating over text but it is in person and all of that like he just seems like the definition of like comfortable and is now no longer putting any effort in whatsoever and it seems like he kind of thinks that that's like what a long-term adult relationship is and that is like a very checked out mindset that like is not going to lead to like a long successful relationship and

like regardless if like if what you think or what you're feeling is like whatever you're feeling always will be valid but like whether or not like there's actually like an issue in the relationship or like it is something that like you're bringing from your past into your current relationship if your partner is automatically like no like that's shutting it down and doesn't even want to have like a conversation like really it can't like just like give you like the reassurance that you need and is like telling you that like no you get enough as it is like that's not someone who like is gonna work on shit for you and stuff gets hard you know yeah i think there's nothing wrong with a relationship reaching its natural end. Ideally, only one of your relationships in your life will

reach like the... Or however many you want. Or yeah, or however many you want. But there's nothing wrong with, yeah, a relationship coming to a natural end. And just based on what you're saying, it kind of sounds like that's where your relationship is. That you guys really over-indexed on the amount of time you spent together early on and he may not be articulating this directly or in a direct manner. He might be feeling better about having a little bit more space and having a little bit more independence and there's nothing wrong with that. What's wrong is him communicating that to you in an indirect or sounds like kind of a condescending way. And what I would say, and I know this is hard, is you kind of need to approach

that directly and ask him directly, are you enjoying being alone more than you are being with me and if he answers you truthfully and or he answers with kind of like feigned enthusiasm or like an obligatory oh you know like i want to spend time with you then you know save yourself more months or another year of just kind of like going through the motions and get on with the rest of your life. And you guys don't have to end acrimoniously or you don't have to end it acrimoniously from your end, but there's nothing wrong with that. You're 22, there's lots of dating and new relationships waiting for you. So go out and experience that. You don't have kids, you don't have a shared home. There aren't these other factors that are obligating you to try and

do more things to make it work. Go make the rest of your life work for you and don't force the issue. Melissa, can you guess what my toxic advice is? No, I don't think I can. So my toxic advice is give him the exact same energy that he's giving you. Have him be the one to reach out and hang out. Give him the same level of energy that you are because I think that, yes, that is a very toxic kind of thing to do but sometimes I find it easier to hurt my own feelings than to like have somebody else have all of the control in doing that and so in that kind of moment when you flip the tables like that and you get back that same energy and you recognize like oh shit I was putting in so much more into this relationship and like you would be perfectly

fine either you would be perfectly fine if like both of us half-ass the shit out of this or you are upset because you expect me to carry the majority of this load of this relationship and both ways are not like good. Like that's not like the answer that you want in that situation. But sometimes when you do those little toxic things, then I know that the choice I'm making

is I'm hurting my own feelings. I'm walking into the situation going, this is gonna hurt my feelings versus being the mature route and like having a conversation about it. It just depends, what mood are you in? next call hi Megan and Melissa I've been listening to you guys for years and I feel like you two might be able to understand my dilemma and hopefully give me some advice I'm turning three

years old by the way I've been seeing this guy for about a year and it's kind of a fuck buddy situation well it's not kind of it is a fuck buddy situation when we started seeing each other we agreed that we both just wanted to have some fun with no strings attached and everything was great for a while but the thing is we haven't really revisited this whole conversation or what we mean to each other sometimes i get the feeling that we have started to develop something more i mean i definitely am more into him and like him better now than i did a full year ago when we started seeing each other because now i actually know the guy but i'm very new into this whole feelings thing i've never been in a serious relationship and i've never dated a guy for long either i

definitely have a lot of defense mechanisms in place when it comes to my emotions but i really don't know what i feel for this guy he's sweet and he's funny the sex is great but i also kind of find him a bit boring i like doing things being active and spontaneous and he's more of a stay at home kind of type sometimes i feel like my feelings would be like what you in school terms would call like a crush on him and other times especially if you haven't seen each other for a while i'll just think to myself like if i never see this dude again it would be fine i also don't know where he stands i thought he was seeing other people because he never hinted just otherwise but then he sort of invited himself to a new year's party i was going to i felt a bit weird

with it but said it was okay and he could come at the party he recognized a girl and he said he might have seen her on tinder so i asked him if he's seen her on there if he'd seen her on there recently and he just answered that he deleted tinder back in spring i however am still on tinder i haven't been active the last couple of months but i was dating throughout the summer and also had a thing with this other guy for about two or three months during the fall when i'm honest with myself i kind of just want to have a full-on hoe face which i've never really done on the other hand i would like try the whole relationship big feelings thing one day but i don't know if i want to give it a shot with this guy i don't know if i'm hesitant because i'm afraid or because

he's just not the right guy also it's a super bad time for me to start dating it's cold it's winded there's a pandemic going on and i have exams but all of these things also makes it a really bad time to stop having regular sex don't we want to break it up with off with him i don't know what to do. Please help me. You don't like him at all. I think he is starting to have feelings for you. And so then you're like, this is a convenient dick. Do I like him? Like, that's what it is. Like you're a value. You're trying to decide if you like him because he likes you. You don't like him at all. You have the classic fuck buddy feeling towards him. Like if I never saw you again, like whatever. But then sometimes when you're with that, like there's a reason why

you're having, there's a reason why you get wet. There's a reason why you're having sex. Like there is that like that schoolgirl crush kind of thing I think if you age that up like that's also kind of just like lust and like being attracted to someone that doesn't necessarily mean that there's like a large amount of like long-term follow-through I don't think you like them in that way it sounds like you'd have to kind of like pull some mental contortions in order to trick yourself into thinking you like them that way so obviously I haven't had a fuck buddy or friends with benefits situation in almost a decade. But what it sounds like you're kind of describing is a work friend, which means like for me, there've been many people at places that I've

worked that are nice to have around the workplace for like a casual joke, someone to go to lunch with, et cetera, et cetera. But they never make it into like the next level of friend, which is like people you actually rely on and like you would go above and beyond for and when you quit that job it kind of you like hit them up like or they hit you up like a few a handful of times like a month or two after work and then eventually and then you literally forget that yeah you were friends with them and that's what it sounds like you're describing so i think get through your exams hopefully this is like the actual last wave who knows at this point and after your exams do your health phase well no here's what i think though like have a conversation if you morally

feel like he is like really developing like feeling feelings for you and you don't feel comfortable like continuing on the fuck buddy like trajectory without having a conversation have a conversation with him about like where his feelings are or just to be like double check like hey like so i just want to like make sure that you know like i'm still like on tinder and stuff and like if you want to sleep with other people like that's totally okay like blah blah or like whatever your terms are for that and then like feel free you can like totally keep that dick around like if you want because like it's convenient you're right it's cold out like where are you gonna find new dick when it's cold like you've already had this one you've like

enjoyed the sex with him like i think as long as you are not stringing him along and like misleading him which it doesn't sound like you are it just sounds like you haven't had like an update to the terms and conditions of this like, fuck buddy situation. And he's kind of trying to like do the opposite of the slow phase. Like he's trying to like slowly creep into like boyfriend position. And I think just be like, have a conversation about that. And then if you're on the same page and you feel comfortable continuing the fuck buddy thing, do it and then have your ho phase when you have the time because hoeing is a full time job. Yeah, he kind of sounds like an internet subscription that you forgot you signed up for and you keep reminding yourself to

like cancel so it doesn't auto charge on your card but you keep forgetting to cancel it there's one show that you like it's your comfort show and you just go back to it over and over and over again but you're like i probably should find a new show i've seen this so many times by the way we're performing like like we're just throwing strays at this guy like we don't get on him he He seems like a very nice guy. Yeah, he seems very nice, but he didn't call in. No, exactly. That's true.

And yeah, Megan's right. As a guy, he clearly likes you a lot more than you like him. So the longer you don't update your terms and conditions, the more unfair it becomes to him. I wouldn't even say that. I think morally, if you find it unfair, for sure. But if someone starts to develop feelings for you, and it doesn't seem like to you it's crystal clear,

to us it is but like if you've like had been a fuck buddy for x amount of time you you need to assess that and like have that conversation like him like have that conversation and update it you can't again slow fade into changing what that means so just doesn't sound like you want to opt into the pro account so keep that you just still want a free trial yeah we need to stop this is so annoying got so many terms and conditions puns uh well i love your accent by the way yeah i was gonna say irish we think or what i don't know if you hear this if you want to like if she hears this i fucking know if you hear this part definitely like right back with your accent because it is i was thinking my guess was irish maybe scottish like a little or like maybe

one of your parents is Scottish or maybe I don't think Welsh no idea last night it's very charming my knowledge of these accents are just from Love Island so that's it okay now it is time for don't blame them this is where one of the listeners from our show will call in and give their own thoughts and feedback or their own advice on a previous call that we've aired maybe they have personal experience maybe they just want to be like megan and melissa are so right and they're also so pretty and like they're just my role models they're who i want to grow up to be if someone said that if like a child said that you are my role model but you do not know me well enough and they're like no i do that's exactly what i want okay satan brought you here get

therapy immediately all right here it is hi i'm calling for a don't blame them for the most recent episode with the girl who um is having trouble with the noise i have like sensory issues and i have always had issues with noise literally everywhere i've lived and right now i live in the best possible living situation i've ever been in with like two of my favorite people ever and there is still a problem with the noise please please please buy soundproof headphones and earplugs sometimes I wear earplugs with the headphones and I don't put any music on with the headphones and it works super well sometimes I sleep like that if I have to I pretty much am wearing my headphones 24 7 and my quality

of life has improved so much and I mean like quality over $200 soundproof headphones you can get them used um if you're looking to do that i'm just thinking like if you have the means to think about moving moving is crazy expensive you definitely have money to drop on a pair of soundproof headphones so please do this for yourself love your podcast bye guys that's so smart so practical yeah so economical i so utilitarian okay all the things i love it's not you're very bougie i wish i could do that i have such bad sensory issues with like i mean everything but sound like specifically i cannot do like i can't i can't i get paranoid i get so paranoid my anxiety goes through the fucking like my heart is racing just thinking about it like

noise canceling headphones like are actually like that's my personal hell like i literally would just get whiplash like flipping my head everywhere and i also have this like my ears are so sensitive that like when i have my airpods in if it's even just between songs or like before like something plays there's just this really slight humming noise and that makes me want to like rip all of my skin off like the amount of people who have like praised and like swore by like noise canceling headphones in just life just do it if you can do it like that's such good advice didn't even think of that yep i didn't either because i probably because both of us yes get really paranoid dead phones on uh well that is it for our episode thank you babe for being on and thank you mott's

too you're welcome if anybody has experience like trying to live life with their dominant hand in a cast your cast is going to be off by the time this episode is out again it will literally be on for probably a week total well okay yeah the insurance is like a hard time so maybe it'll be stuck on his arm because they won't come and take it off or we can't go and get it taken off that's the time that's a different time well if you enjoyed this episode head on over to the podcast store and leave us a review we love getting the reviews when they're nice and when they're mean all we do is just make fun of you if you want to call in for an upcoming episode again the number is 310-694-0976 international listeners send us an email with an audio message at meganpodcast at gmail.com

and if you are listening this far into the episode go what should they go comment on our latest instagram post what matz's cast smells like now gross and if that gives you the get the ick and that makes you gag comment what your valentine's day plans are or your best or worst valentine's day we're giving you options here oh if you want to watch the video version of this you can head on over to patreon we also do live streams twice a month we still got merch oh yes cute cute cute merch get it while it's here yeah some stuff is sold out so there's still some a few things left so get it get it get it get it follow us on instagram our personal instagrams all of our personal socials anything else you want to throw out all good baby okay we will see you all next

time goodbye see ya don't blame me is a production by me executive produced by melissa de monts and Diamond and Print Productions. Edited by Coco Lawrence. Post-production sound by Chris Henry. Production assistance by Melanie D. Watson. Music by Ryan Hunter and Giacomo Picasso.