Don't Blame Me! - How to Date Casually

Episode Date: February 27, 2023

This week Meghan and Melisa give advice on: Update: Ex-friend talking about you on Snap The right time to move to a new country Telling someone you're dating other people Breaking quarantine to shower Exploring your sexual side Don't Blame Them: Jobs where you can't seek mental healthcare Buy our merch: https://store.dftba.com/collections/don-t-blame-me Follow Us! @meghanrienks www.instagram.com/meghanrienks https://twitter.com/meghanrienks @sheisnotmelissa www.instagram.com/sheisnotmelissa https://twitter.com/sheisnotmelissa @by.meghan.and.melisa https://www.instagram.com/meghanandmelisa Affordable Therapy By State (Curated by Crissy Milazzo): www.tinyurl.com/y64kwdnf Need Advice? www.dontblameme.show Domestic Listeners Call: [phone] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

guess what i'm wearing on my lips right now somebody's pussy no it's a juicy tube i'm like taken straight back to middle school that was like my first makeup i ever got my godfather got me a like little holiday lancome gift set and i was like i am the fucking shit yeah wasn't allowed to have like that glitter roll on because i had eczema it would cause a reaction on my skin but like i remember that glitter roll on my i would get so red and itchy they would burn yeah but hey beauty but you could make your own though yeah no i'm obsessed with like some body oil and then glitter instead of the chemicals that dried on your body yeah if you use body oil it would be better yeah that checks out you could

have got one of the puffs like i had from um victoria's secret oh do you know what i'm talking about yeah i remember that big pink puff that never ran out of glitter i think jerry had one yeah it never it never ran out so i had it for years until like people stopped glittering their bodies and now i'm like if i would if i i mean it's coming back because it's all the trends are coming back so it will be back so if i would have kept it it probably still would have glitter on it without a doubt you know what vibe you're giving me right now i don't know if i want to hear it why not because i don't know what you're gonna say i'm gonna say either uh college professor like a young cool one like a tea hay who's in one of those movies where she sleeps with her

student and you're like this is bad and you're like it's like english okay good because there's no other subject i could do or like english lit or that woman that british lady that has that show you know what i'm talking about and i can't think of no i have no idea what you're talking about but british remind me of something i have to tell you that she has that show where she goes around like it's a history show but she trolls people while she's doing history like if let's say like because you're saying i look smart like z-way if you took z-way and then may give her british accent but have her be very serious while she's giving history lessons in that type of way nice it's just like it there's a show on netflix now but she i see the clips on and on tiktok all the time

i like it yeah i do it well if anyone wants to see my um teacher outfit or melissa just saying in so many iterations i look smart i look brainy head on over to our patreon you can watch the video version of it and um support the show join our live streams or just be like wow megan you look great in a blazer you do thank you so do you think i'm old enough to play like a teacher yeah there's teachers that are older i mean younger than you no but tv teacher yeah sick i mean they a lot of times they make them the same age as the students and then they fuck it's mostly because they make the students the same age as the teachers yeah so you would play a teacher that would be acting well that's that's the profession you chose it is the profession i

chose we're gonna make a short this year oh okay i'm just putting it out there okay i believe like i know i know that you're going to show up for the ride i'm literally here along for the ride and then like you tell me we're doing something i'm like amazing i'm telling you we're jumping on this bridge and i go okay should i bring something do you need a snack a snack and a quotation quotation advice because if we're jumping no you and i were fine but you know i don't i was about to say if we're jumping for fun neither one of us can swim i don't know if we're jumping that's that's cause for concern yeah unless you've seen us do a post on instagram like holding some certificates that like look they're strong swimmers if we're jumping off

from a tall place into a big body of water call somebody it's not good no but yeah i told you i signed up for a short class and uh my whole point was that we're gonna make something this year i think that's a great idea yeah i love that it's gonna be the year of making things a dollhouse food food quilt yeah we want to dance lessons in gymnastics you want to you wanted to make the mat i'm i'm kind of pulling back on the gymnastics well you have to up your health insurance well that's already been done but then i'm starting to think about my back all i really want to do is just do a back handspring. And I think I could do that without going

because I've done it before. Okay, wow. That is some male ego in sports activity of being like, I've done the handspring and shit. I have a not so irrational fear of getting a TBI and I've just a not so rational fear of TBIs in general. Anything that you throw in that your neck could land anywhere weird?

As long as my hands are up, I'm fine. I used to throw them all the time. It's not like I haven't done it. it's not like i didn't do it for years upon years like i have the muscle memory i just haven't done it okay in a while you kind of get one of those big rolly things to practice i don't need that i just need somebody to spot me okay i'm not gonna be here it definitely would not be you i don't want to spot you but i also don't want to be a spectator like that shit scares me i can do it i can still do a browned off i can still do like everything i just haven't thrown like i threw

the last time i threw one you just threw it back huh you just threw it back i can throw it back But the last time I threw one was like 10 years ago. Actually, it's been less than that. I'd say eight years ago. If I have somebody to spot me, I'll be fine. Okay. Someone else volunteers tribute. I just said I don't want it to be you.

Do you know how you freak out? Like if I trip a little bit, I do not want you spotting me. I startle easily. Yeah. I do not like you be. And I'm like, no. growing up like i was too big like too tall to do like lots of gymnastics things or cheerleading things but all my friends were like tiny and like petite little little so i would like help them do

that because i was pretty good at like seeing the bigger picture like oh you have to do this this and this i just didn't have the um coordination to do it myself yeah and i used to help all of my friends do like handsprings like walkovers i was like really good at like helping them so i think i'm okay i'm a little yeah a little more secure knowing that the roundoff did not did not did not make me the thing is with the roundup though is that's how you know you have the momentum and now if you have the walkover you've got the back dexterity yeah i can do it i just haven't i'm excited for you thank you wow this takes me back to childhood gymnastics and juan i miss that guy it was fun i loved the foam pit disgusting i know anyway what is this show

welcome to don't blame me where we give you wonderful amazing life-changing advice because we can and it's our gift to you well the thing is is that we're um certified freaks five days a week four days a week take breaks i gotta sleep sometimes yeah that's why we give advice what we lack in credentials we make for up for in opinions because why not yeah you call in you leave us voicemails and then we play them on the show and give you advice so if you would like to call you can leave us a voicemail at 310-694-0976 or if you're an international listener you can send us an audio message at meganpodcast at gmail.com you have a three minute cut off for both of those whether it's

a voice memo or a voicemail the voicemail will literally cut you off the voice memo we will cut it off and not play it on the show or if you're at the very end of it it's just gonna we're gonna slice you off right there so we do ask that you be 18 or over have your parents permission you let us know your ages and like all relevant details so if it's about a relationship how long you've been together the ages of other people involved let us know your pronouns and the other people in the story predicament their pronouns if you would like to do so we keep it all anonymous give us some fake names but we do think that the best way no we don't think we know the best way to achieve the best call if you want to be the best you got to write it down

write it down practice a couple times time it out see like oh i have a lot more time than i thought instead of saying like oh and then a bunch of other like absolutely crazy shit happened but i don't have time for that oh no you do give us a little bit of the give us a little smattering a sprinkling of the crazy shit you're right that's why we're here we need the details or we cannot give accurate advice yeah it might not pertain to you at all if you like you know you're like well that doesn't make any sense and i'm like well how are we supposed to know right so if you can achieve all those things which i promise is truly not that hard a couple practice tries that's okay you can some people have called in twice and they're like i'm so sorry let's start

that over three times or four that's fine and on the fourth one they're like i should have wrote it down i came back and i finally wrote it down now so we're just looking out for you and it's also great to listen to other episodes just to get a refresher to see some like great calls and how they formatted them to be the call you wish to see in the world and yeah we also do updates which is a great way to segue into an update all right shall we get into it shall we okay so just like the recap was I was a person calling in about living with a friend who I'm no longer friends with and they're posting stuff on snapchat about me and I was very like vague in the situation so you guys said that you wanted to like know more details about kind of what happened and yeah

listening to it back I was like oh my god I really was I didn't really give any detail we love the drama guys yeah I know so I mean I guess kind of what I didn't really include is that what ended up happening was that I was basically like guilt tripped and manipulated specifically like when I told my friend that I was transferring that she said I don't know if I could be alive if you're not here at the school with me oh god yeah so obviously that's already like hard for anyone but um one of my like a couple years ago one of my really close friends had committed suicide so it's like extra trauma where it's like for me it's just really difficult like to talk about suicide and I've kind of felt like it was purposeful that she did that to like kind of make

me feel guilty and she also ends up coming to my work at one point and we get in this really big fight because I was just like hey I feel like you need to get help like go to therapy because what you're saying is concerning then I disinvited her she was gonna come to um Thanksgiving with me and go home with me and so I disinvited her um and then kind of basically after that like everything blew up I tried to resolve things but I guess I ultimately felt that it was like what she a lot of what she did was super toxic and I felt uncomfortable with continuing our friendship um and yeah so but now I still we still live together and we just don't talk and just ignore each other I mean I wouldn't want to resolve any of that either like yeah yeah that's

like that's royally royally fucked up and like I agree with you that like that does feel like intentional not that anyone should ever say that to anyone and I would never say it to anyone like it is manipulative it's like it's not okay but like you especially don't say that to someone who like has personal experience dealing with that and it brings up like a specific trauma not just the regular amount of trauma that is saying things like that so are you it was very targeted yeah exactly exactly are you at the same did you already transfer no so I basically it was too late for me to transfer when I decided like I couldn't apply to other schools for spring semester so I'm just staying here until the end of this semester and then next semester I'll be going to a different

school okay how much longer do you have of this semester 80 80 days little x's on the calendar i gotta get the fuck out of here yeah yeah i know it really is like that it's just like i'm like very homesick and like my mom i really love my mom my boyfriend lives at home and so it's just difficult for me over here um and that's another thing was like also i the reason was because i'm like having a really hard time over here and so i was met with like the opposite of what i really needed in that time yeah which was just like support because it's like it was hard for me because I actually do like the school it's just being so far from home it's just very difficult for me well transferring schools or like dropping out of schools is like not the easy option like

it's the harder thing to do and like I wish that was more regarded as such because everybody wants it to work out the first time they want it to all work out perfectly that way and so it's not giving up and it's not like do it's like this is a hard decision to come to for the person who's making the decision like it's not it's not the like ultimately like the the goal you want to have like you want to like where you end up in the situation you end up in the first time um so when so how are you getting out of your lease how's that gonna work so i actually live on campus so yeah oh is that not a lease no it's like it's by by semester so when it's over then you can just leave nice yeah so that's not gonna be difficult and i did think about moving rooms except i'm in

like an apartment style dorm so it's like we all have our own rooms which is nice at least even though there's still interaction but not the same as if you're literally like sleeping together but like none of the other room like there's no more available rooms for me to even transfer to um so I'm just like trying to stick it out but like it's just kind of I don't know it's just like very hostile if that makes sense yeah no that it makes a lot of sense and like it's hard because especially in school like you're stressed you're going to classes or you've been doing classes online like your home is supposed to be like your decompressing place and like not the place where like you go and you're like oh I'm still anxious here like I'm still stressed out

here it's unfortunate and also like I've always heard like oh don't live with your friends and I feel like everyone just has to go through it to be like okay yeah yeah no everyone thinks that they're the exception but yeah I did it and I regret it immensely I did it and you know as I've told before I prayed her out yeah it's like it's you know divine intervention exactly and you've got 80 days left when spring break spring break is in like the middle of march okay so like in a month so you've got are you getting away for that yes i'm going home and i do like i'm lucky i have a car and i also recently quit my job because i'm just like because i'm because like over i'm just overwhelmed with things so like i just have more freedom now and i can go home when i want it's

like three hour car ride so it's like not the hardest thing it's like not the best but yeah it's it's it's only a time it's only a period of time like it's you get through it and then you never have to do it again that's like one of those like good things about it like as much as it fucking sucks because it's it's all encompassing no matter how much you can spend weekends away or like spend a day away or get away like it is all encompassing until it's not and then it's like oh this is just not fucking there at all and this is not a part of my life at all anymore i don't have to think about it at all anymore and like you know if you're like me i definitely like you know still had some residual things i had to work through afterwards but the ability to like you

don't realize how much it like weighs on every aspect of like your life until you're out of the situation you're like oh now everything else is a little bit easier which is good yeah and that's like also another thing like where i about the snapchat thing that's why it's like it's just difficult i think like you want people to perceive you well and also the school the college we go to is literally 500 or so students so it's super super small my graduating class from high school was bigger than that oh yeah mine too so it's just like word is like travels fast and so i just feel like that's another thing another reason that I just hate like the posting about me and there's things that are just not true like oh I'm be I'm excluding them from plans and it's like okay we're

not even on speaking terms why would you be like hanging out with us which I understand but it just a lot of it makes it seem like I'm trying to be rude and like I just like as a I just never would ever want to be like that like all my friends know like everyone's invited to everything I try to be accepting and like oh I went through and unliked all her photos and stuff and it's like no you blocked me because I was begging her to like not keep not like I needed space because I was like oh my god what's happening like I just need time to process this and so I was blocked because she's like i can't not talk to you um so the only thing i can do is block you and so then that like i think unlikes all the photos i'm like like i don't have hatred in my heart for time yeah yes

the time to go through and unlike photos that's ridiculous but you should know that like if i knew her or was friends with her and she told me this about you i wouldn't believe it like even regardless of who the other person on that side is like we all like the the relationships we have with people like very rarely are they so insular that like those character traits you would be like shocked that you're like no way like i'm sure she's shown her hand at like some of her behavior towards other people so that like when she says some shit like i know people who like they start talking shit on someone else and i go i know for a fact if you're talking shit i'm probably on their side like i'm on the other person's side of that and so like anyone who's

going to believe the shit that she's saying is just like without any like proof or word of mouth like there are very few people that i'm going to believe them talking shit on someone that feels very like unwarranted and that kind of story like if i know the person even like again 500 persons like school like it's relatively small like if i have my own personal experiences with someone like there are very few people that i would take their word that the person that i know or have been like acquaintance with or friendly with is like this evil monster that i would have no idea because it's like totally hidden like they're very few people i would take their just their go act on that on like their word alone right yeah that makes sense yeah if your friends

know and like the people who anyone who's gonna believe her and all of that shit with like out any like proof of anything and then you have like your friends were all standing by you like those aren't people you would want to be friends with anyway because they're people like her and that's a big ass red flag yeah but that's fucking rough and it's just like yeah that's so so fucking annoying but i mean if you can i hate the whole like oh well look on the bright side but in the sense of like if she's gonna talk shit about you on like social media she is kind of weeding out all of the people that you go oh wow you have like zero backbone and like you don't you're going to like believe shit without any evidence any proof anyone caught like being able to like

speak up for yourself like okay cool so i good to know that i should never be friends with you like great amazing this is you're weeding it out and i'm also like if somebody is sitting here taking the time to do this and constantly talking about you like one that's not somebody i want to be friends with but to like go study yeah that's like if when you are so clearly like not making your entire life about her she's making her whole life about you and then trying to make it seem like that's in response to that like if i hear that i'm on the other side of it i'm like this is you this is you like you need a hobby like you become obsessed with this yeah it's just such a weird position and it's like we it's like you switch overnight i guess it's just kind of like

time because it's like we were best friends like hanging out all the time you know and it's just like ah yeah how long were y'all friends for it was just like a year I think it just it's so difficult because in college it's like you just have all this weird time where you just are not doing anything so it's like you're together all the time and it was definitely like more of a codependent relation i wouldn't say from both sides but i learned when this all went down that she viewed it very codependently which i also makes me kind of uncomfortable like because i'm just very i'm very independent so yeah it had a lot of codependent people they can attach on to that and see that and then by proxy it goes oh this is going to have me do a

lot of things that I wouldn't feel comfortable with there's a lot of insecurity with it so thinking that it has to be mutual when it's not because it's like it's also this time in your life where you're leaving your comfort like you're leaving home and so she latched on to you and it's not uncommon you're not the first person that's called in that said that their roommate has been co-dependent on them in college so it's not it's not like you know going to a new place And then having that person that's there that you're comfortable with that you have to rely on. And then it's like, yeah, but like I want to have other things in life, too. And some people just don't realize that.

Yeah. And it's a lesson you'll have to learn. Like I definitely like as someone who like did not know that she had social anxiety for a long time, like I was very like needed a friend to go with me to do anything like I couldn't do anything by myself. and then I went through absolute hell in college dropped out and was like oh I have to learn how to be independent and then I'm like independent to a fault and so like it's one of those things like she's gonna have to learn it and you were friends when it benefited both of you and it was like a good relationship and at this point but like there's no reason or no need for you to like placate or deal with her codependency and like this like tough learning time like tough love been learning time for her like it's just like okay we're done like this is there's no reason

for you to feel any sort of like remorse or guilt or that like you did anything wrong or could have handled it in any different way because based on like how she's treated you in trying to get you to like stay it's so clear that it's manipulation it's not like care yeah it is just difficult i guess like what you're saying where you feel like oh i should have done something differently because you just don't you don't want like i don't want bad things and i don't want her to suffer but it's also she was gonna suffer regardless that's like the thing it has nothing to do with you like you could have done everything right and she would have been just as mad and like that's a hard thing to reconcile with when you're you have a very different emotional state or instincts like that

you would never do that like you're if your reactions feel proportionate to like the situation at hand but for people like that like I've gone through friendship breakups where it was like literally like nothing happened and like I was like oh okay I talked about it one of my book but it was like I'm gonna go to come with me to Vegas for my birthday and this person didn't come and I was like okay didn't never showed up they planned on coming we had them in a room or whatever and then like lost their shit at me because like it was so offensive that I would invite more people than just this one person and it was like you managed to turn an invite to a birthday party to like a personal attack and like they'll do people like that will like literally do anything

and it's no matter how you handle it it's just it is what it is and it's not it's not like on you and it's not on like your actions or your character or your situation it's they fill the roles in their lives with people and then they cast them as the villain whenever they need to and so like it it's it's and it sucks to say that it's unavoidable from like both parties but it but it is because like you don't want to go into every relationship being incredibly distrusting like thinking someone's like a manipulative and awful and all of that but you know you trusted your instincts when she started to become like that and like set clear boundaries and followed through like i don't think there's anything you could have done

better like i think you handled this in like the best possible way and i'm glad it didn't deter you from making the right choice for you and transferring schools because like it's a really hard choice to make and it's a good one for you so I went home for Thanksgiving break and then I was talking to my mom and I was like I feel like I just like at the end of the day I just need to do what's best for me because like like okay four years pass and then what you're not in my life like like that at the end of the day it's just you you know like no matter who's in your life like people are like impermanent and like I have to if that's gonna make me happy right now I have to choose me and not like it's just I don't know I just it was just difficult

also it was during finals which just makes everything no that's hard a hundred times no one's gonna choose you but you and like no one else is gonna prioritize you but you like you can we can all prioritize other people but at the end of the day everyone else is always going to prioritize themselves and that's not a bad thing but it's like we should be we should all be doing that when we can and i think that's yeah i think you've got like a really good sense of this and i think you're just i think you're being a little hard on yourself of that like that you should be proud of the accomplishments of making these choices and like these decisions and like recognizing that this relationship is not good and if anybody thinks poorly of you after

like this that's that looks bad on them not you and it's easier said than done but it's it's shitty and it's hard and i think you'll feel a lot of a weight lifted off you and it'll be a lot easier to like process and deal with all of it once you're out and i find cutting out toxic people from my life like full cut so meaning you're not living there anymore it amplifies the other people and you're like i just like i have no bullshit for like anyone who's even remotely shitty anymore because i'm like i already did that i went through all the fucking legwork to get out of that situation like if you're going to empathize with that situation you're going to relate to that situation or you're going to relate to like her side of it like i have no time for you like i

already did this like i already chose me and now i don't give a shit anymore but it's harder when you're in it because you're always having to justify and rationalize and like compromise every day with like living with someone like that oh well 80 days we are counting down with you we are i'm actually gonna break it up i'm gonna count down to spring break and then count down to finals yeah yeah i know i'm excited i thank you guys for all the comments and of course of course we're excited for you and the change and we're we're rooting for you and counting down that melissa will be actually doing the numbers of counting down i will just be the doing the cheering because numbers aren't really my thing yeah so thank you of course well thank you have a great rest of your

day love the update great counting down the days everybody we're circling in our calendar it's like i don't know i have an image of spongebob crossing out days okay i don't know if that's it so without up further too we're gonna take a break we're back we're back and now we're gonna get into the calls let's change some lives Hi, Megan and Melissa. I'm 25 and have been with my 27-year-old boyfriend for about a year and a half now. We met right after both moving to this new city, which we are now in. For him, it was a totally new country, as he's from England. A year after we became official, we moved in together and have now been living together for about six months.

Totally great living with him. We split household tasks about 50-50, and he's an amazing cook and all of that. It's great. Because of his career, however, we could end up moving anywhere in the world and will likely leave the U.S. in a year or two. I knew this going into our relationship. I've always loved traveling, and I've wanted to live abroad at some point. However, now I have to put my money where my mouth is. He just got a job in Germany, in a fairly not English-speaking area, and neither of us know German. We have talked about it a lot and don't know what to do. It's a good opportunity, as I'm in a point in my career when I can also leave, and I'm still pretty young.

The downsides, however, are obvious. It's hard to find an English-speaking job, and we won't know anyone there. We could wait a year and see if he gets a job in England or somewhere else in the city. But maybe I'm just being unreasonably scared and should just take the leap. I'm worried that if, say, next year he does get another job in a better place, what if then I'm unable to leave my job and we have to break up or be long distance? This just feels like it would be the best timing in my life to do this, but I'm not sure how to know if it's the right thing to do.

Should I just say fuck it or is it maybe right time, wrong place? Because I do have some time, I'm a Virgo and he's a Cancer. any advice you have would be great thank you i can teach you german guten morgen guten tag schmetterling means butterfly so question for you do you think the assumption or what we should assume that the boyfriend's job would be an english-speaking job because he how would he get a job in germany if it's a german-speaking job if he doesn't speak german because like i think that would automatically rule it out you go i'm so sorry i don't speak german correct like the question's not should my boyfriend fake learning german it seems like your boyfriend works for a

company that probably is based yeah so his office would be a fair amount of english speaking if he could be english speaking in his office yes my question is what do you do for work now and i know taxes and things sometimes they don't let you do international just because it they get tax different it's even state by state like but i i would see like is there a job that you could work for remotely that is an english-speaking job and see if there's english speaking i feel like in i don't know where you're going in germany but they speak english at quite a few places yeah germany the netherlands like a lot of places like will have like a lot of people take english from like a very very very young age but i think doing a job while learning a language you're not it's

not going to match your experience level with like your job experience level with your experience in learning the german language like you're not going to really be able to get by with a basic german if everyone speaks german in a different position that's not you know a german class where you're learning how to speak that's unless your job is like numbers based it's going to just make your job harder and it'll make a lot of other people's jobs probably harder but beyond that like i think i would also look at it socially so like if your goal is to find an english-speaking job then is the goal to find english-speaking friends as well and if you want to like move abroad and travel and do all of that stuff, I think it's important to like learn the language

and be respectful of the language and the culture of the place that you're going. And do you feel like you would get the experience you would want if you pretty much have to exclusively only be socialized with other people who know English? It's going to be a lot of expats. Like it's going to be like you might be in the location somewhere that's not America, but like your experience might still be like pretty American or pretty British pretty like whatever the people that you're meeting whose primary language is English so I think like I would say that like I think it'll be hard no matter what no matter where you would like move abroad unless there is another language that you both speak so like if you both speak Spanish or you both speak French would it be a

no-brainer for you to go to those other places because I think like if you're not excited and stoked and like jumping at the bit to like learn German and socialize in German, like eventually maybe get a job that's like remote and it's your it's in English and then being able to work your way up to that. That's just going to be really hard for you. And I don't think you would enjoy the experience as much because moving somewhere is a lot. It takes a lot to get used to, let alone when you add a language barrier on top of that. And if how long would he plan on being there? So like are you going to put all this time and energy and effort in and then leave again because then that might make you not really that committed to learn but also she mentioned that he has to move

a lot for his job anyway so it's like if you want to have like a steady job and be able to work somewhere no matter where his job moves you you need to find a job that's an international company that's english that speaks english and they allow you to work remotely because that's really the only way that you're going to have consistent work if he's moving all the time and you don't know any other languages except for English. Yeah. And you also might know that like you enjoyed the theory of moving and traveling abroad a lot, but you might realize at a certain point that like, oh, I don't like this. I want to set roots down somewhere after a while and or I'm not a huge fan of this specific place. I really like this other place and I don't want to leave this

place. So I think like there has to be a good level of communication on not the dream. Cause you've said you, I don't know the exact phrasing that you used, but like putting your money where your mouth is, where you've said you've always wanted to do this. And now that it's practically coming up, I think that's a really good point. Like we all talk about like wanting to do these things. And if it actually comes up, it's like, oh, well, logistically, how would this work? and like would I enjoy it so even thinking about that ahead of time now you you can't be entirely sure so I would I would also like make sure you have like a really like long in-depth conversation with him about so if I don't like this after a while what's the solution like is it him being

like we would pick the place we both liked the most and we would stay there and I would no longer travel for work or would it be you'd stay here I'd come back x amount of times during the year and all of this stuff I think that that's a really important thing to like figure out before you go because there's no matter how much you like a place you're going to have be homesick you're going to like experience culture shock it's going to be hard not knowing the language and feeling othered from people and feeling like it's just harder and so even if you love it you're going to experience that and you need to make sure that you are going to be allowed to like vocalize that And it's not like, oh, well, if I complain about this, this relationship will be over because this is a deal breaker for them.

Because again, yeah, if you don't have a remote job that can let you work from anywhere, you might set down roots in a place. And like, is he going to then or you have to start traveling for it. Is he going to then come along with this or is this kind of like come along on my career journey? Right. I would also just make a list of like if there was if it was a different country, would you have this many qualms? Like, is there one that you would be like a hundred percent? Like I'm going immediately. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

And I would just ask yourself, like, does this feel like it's not everything you want? Because even though you haven't been specific with yourself, you have a specific image in your mind of what that is. Yeah. And I'm thinking because you only mentioned that, like, if you move to an English speaking country, I think you only speak English. Yeah. Yeah.

Which does limit you. but it limits you but because england was going around colonize every every place like there are people that speak english in a lot of places it just not might not be like the primary language yeah i also like i don't think this is what he does but i would just like gather some more information like crowdsource from other people i would like look on like subreddits and things of like military families who are going abroad of being and then being like oh i'm surrounded by i'm in a city where they don't i don't speak the language but the only people i'm i'm socializing with are other americans who also only speak english like yeah i would look at that's a little

different though because they're going to be on a bait like if you're in the military you're on a base and so the social like the social aspects of what is the reality of wanting to live abroad and have the experience while being in a pretty like American insular or even British in this case circle of not speaking the language and like having your social circle be that as well because it's wherever you live it's living you know what I mean like it's not always it's not like studying abroad it's not like a vacation like it's that aspects of it and social social interactions like maintaining a social life as an adult is incredibly hard and I find it hard in LA and like everyone here we're there's no language barriers and so making sure when you're going somewhere else that

like you're also making the initiative to know that like you don't want to limit your pool to like a friend so like only the people you know that speak English who then introduce you to other people who speak English because it's putting a lot of a lot of power in the hands of other people to like create your social circle in that sense and I wonder too like when you imagine living abroad where did you imagine yeah because it seems like you just imagine English speaking countries yeah and then you got this British boyfriend you're like sick yeah and like I don't think that there's anything like wrong with that but I just I think you might be setting yourself up for misery if you're not honest with yourself of like this isn't what i actually

envisioned and that i don't i don't think that makes you a bad person or makes you uncultured or anything like that like we also have a very romanticized idea of that because a lot of them are from like american movies or english-speaking movies that were like oh look at them abroad and you're like oh and everybody's speaking english here and so it it becomes more of like the fantasy versus like the practicality of like the difficulties every day of like getting my groceries, going to a pharmacy, like doing all of those things. Another option too is like,

does his company have some place where you could work where it's like a separate department? Yeah, that's a smart. And it's not shitting where you eat because you. You tasted the honey before you visit the hive. I was going to say you ate there and now you have to take a shit. I think it's a great thing for most people to do if you want to do it. But I think if you have a really big hang up, some things are harder to fix than others if you don't enjoy something.

And I don't think there's anything wrong with creating a, I don't want to say escape plan, but like if you're miserable, how are you going to get out and make sure you have the money to do so, the resources to do so. And the person you're going with, in this case, your partner is like aware that like if I'm not happy, this is the timeline I'm giving myself. And I, for me, I'm much better at like that's like creating my safety net. I'm much more comfortable jumping, taking big risks if I've thought about the outcomes and how I can help myself out of those outcomes. All right. Next call. Yeah. Hi, Megan and Melissa. So I need some relationship advice. Basically, I like recently started dating again after, you know, breakups and moving and all this stuff. And I was like, okay, I'm like not ready for a relationship I'm just gonna date casually but then I realized that I don't really

know what I'm doing dating casually I was like oh you like build a roster like whatever I'm like going on dates with you know people on Hinge and stuff and then I know this guy from work we don't like work together but I know him like location where I work basically and then I started sleeping with him let's call him Jake and love sleeping with Jake great dick a good time and we're like friends like I go out with him and his other friends and like watch movies with him and you know it's like really fun and great but it's definitely not like relationship size like it's more like friends and then also sex and then there's this other guy that I met on Hinge um let's call him

Martin and Martin is more like relationship vibes like texting me all the time like we've gone on some dates we've hung out like just hung out and not had sex you know but also had sex but

yeah and then obviously Martin doesn't know about Jake and I'm like do I need to like be do I need to tell him that no right But I don't know, like, how do I casually date? Like, I don't think that Martin is, like, sleeping with other people, so do I need to, like, tell him that? Obviously, I'm being safe and everything, but, like, how much do I owe to tell these people? And also, like, is that bad of me? Is that, like, slutty? um anyway jake moved in like a month and a half so that's like probably gonna end anyway sadly

so maybe it doesn't matter but i guess my advice is like how do i date casually and how do i like how much do i owe to tell other people that i'm dating casually like do i need to tell martin that i'm like still on the app or am i okay thank you guys so much for your advice i've been listening for years and years you basically raised me okay bye first things first slutty is not bad no we don't slut shame here no a slut is slut is great yeah it's a self-proclaimed title a self-proclaimed title that you also get to change the definition of if you want exactly like i'm i'm all for in my life serving slut in the sense of are you giving me like a if you giving me a tiny little dress and a gorgeous outfit i'm like look at me my my terms of slut and endearment is my older age

because oh boy oh boy was i guilty of using the negative connotation in terms of slut we don't do that anymore we've left that shit so being slutty is great slut it up slut it up yeah so for dating casually you don't necessarily have to build a roster you could casually date one person and if that's what you're more comfortable with then okay but if not if you want to have a roster cool make sure you have the time make sure you have the time i think if i had the time like i could be polyamorous but i bitch you could build like an empire yeah of ass i've had a roster pre-having jobs but I just at this point in my life I don't have the time you get an assistant to make a I mean oh and then as far as telling I think as a if you're having sex with them then it is

a responsibility to disclose that you're not just sleeping with that person for health reasons but you don't have to specifically say who why how many just let them know that I'm you're not the only person that i'm sleeping with that's i feel like that's the ethical thing to do but i don't think you have to let them know like specifically who it is no i don't think that the i don't think we should be under the assumption that if someone tells us they're not sleeping with other people that they are right because yeah it's health it's a health thing and so i think just because he has you're like i don't think that he is i i i don't think that that means you're both necessarily on the same page. I think it could mean that you both are sleeping

with other people, but it's good to just have the confirmation. Yeah, I think it's a discussion that anybody who's sleeping with anyone should have. And I think it makes you a little bit more comfortable to that because then like on the chance that you are someone else that you're sleeping with contracts like an STI, there is a little bit less pressure and nerves to tell the other person because it's not like oh this is a double whammy i'm sleeping with other people in case you didn't know and i you should get tested so having that open dialogue ahead of time so you both know those things it i think it just can make the comfortability of an inevitable thing that have not always now but like you know something that can happen regardless of how

many precautions that you take that is has no no moral meaning to anyone it can happen to anyone And so I just think to think ahead about your safety and the time and the turnaround. So I don't want anyone like if that was in my position, I wouldn't want anyone to be nervous about telling me. So then they would wait to tell me. Right. So I would I would really I would start the conversation. But like Melissa said, I don't think you owe them the details.

No, like the contents of it or the explanation of it, or you don't need to defend it at all. Like, I think it's just it is what it is. And it's a fact the same way. It's a fact that you're sleeping with this guy. Like it's, it's just, it is what it is. But dating casually is not, I don't think there's like a playbook. Like however you see it. No, it's the intention that you're going with.

So if you're like, your intention is that I'm dating casually. I'm dating, I'm dating this one person casually. Like we just have sex and I go hang out with his friends. Like that can be casual. Like you can have a roster and be like every night somebody else is, you know, I'm hanging. tag team yeah i'm hanging out with them it could be relay race tag team is you could you could do that you could you could it's combining your rosters yeah everybody's they're definitely playing on the team and two people aren't on the bench one person's just on the sideline

that's my my limit of sports references it's like uh when you take the ball out in basketball and then you gotta throw throw it into the next person to the person that's in the game like you're in the game together but there's one person that's throwing it in to get the ball back in play yep yep ball back in play actually works too but yeah um again it's intention only tell if i if you're sleeping with multiple people then it's the ethical thing to do you don't have a roster and uh have fun and be safe yeah i i think the intention as long as it's clear with both people because like when you're describing like this person's kind of more like boyfriendy and like this other one's more casual you have a say in that too like in the sense of like it shouldn't

just be like oh let me see what the vibes that this person is like giving off it's as long and if they're giving off boyfriend vibes when you have both established that it's casual then like that's totally fine they just might have a different way of showing affection yeah and that just it just might be a different way of operating being casual because everyone is different with that so as long as you're on the same page ahead of time I think that's always it's always so much better to be transparent at the start than versus feeling like you have to do catch up and like you're not sure where you are at because you're like you've been inside me so what do I owe you ahead of time so like I also would just kind of treat it like a blanket statement like not one

person is owed more than you from others because they've treated you x amount of like they treat you so nice so you do like whatever like it's it's not that like this is like your sexcapades this is like your sex life and like you know and you can also casually date someone and not have sex with them totally so if you're not dating someone seriously but you're dating you've and you're casually dating right so you already won good job congrats all right let's take another break yahoo we're back from our break let's get into the cash hi megan and melissa i'm 24 years old and use she her pronouns. Everyone in my story uses she her pronouns as well. My story is about a

friend we'll call Jesse. Jesse and I have been friends for over six years because we were freshman year roommates in college. We remained friends for years after and when we graduated we moved into our apartment with another mutual friend we'll call Callie. Callie's girlfriend Hannah also moved in with us about a year into living together. We all lived together for a total of two years and moved out last summer of 2022. My issue begins in January of 2022 though we've had issues before. I was about two months into my relationship with my current girlfriend. This was when Omicron was very prevalent. Me and my girlfriend got COVID at the same time, and out of respect for my roommates, I decided to stay with my girlfriend. However, at the time,

my girlfriend's shower was being redone, so her and her roommates didn't have a working shower. Since that's where they were paying rent, they didn't shower during that two-week period when all of us had COVID. However, I was still paying rent in my apartment, and I wanted to shower. I shared a bathroom with Jessie and I told her I was coming to shower and that I would wipe down the bathroom, spray Lysol, wear my mask, and be in and out as quick as possible. I only ended up doing this twice. Jessie was mad at me for this and expressed that via text. I essentially told her that I was going to shower there regardless because I was still paying rent. After this was over, I noticed Jessie treating me completely different when I returned to the apartment.

She often ignored me, didn't say hi to me or my girlfriend when we would come over, and made zero effort to interact with us or get to know my new girlfriend. She made my girlfriend feel unwelcome, so when she was home, we would often just go into my room to hang out. When Jesse was not home, my other roommates, Kelly and Hannah, were super friendly, and we all became friends. We also hang out on a regular basis, even though me and my girlfriend moved in with each other after our lease ended. Jessie never spoke to me about how she feels, and I never asked her because I was incredibly hurt and felt disrespected by her actions. We've had this issue before about her giving me and my other roommates the silent treatment when she's mad instead of expressing her feelings, but she never changed. After moving out, I drafted a text to her to express how hurt I was, but I never ended up sending it.

It's been over six months since we moved out, and we haven't spoken. I thought maybe I would let it fizzle out, but Kelly and Hannah told me that Jessie expressed to them that she was surprised that I didn't wish her a happy birthday a few months ago and that she didn't know why I'd be mad at her. Should I reach out to her and tell her how I feel, or should I leave it in the past since it has already been several months since we've spoken? Thank you and love the pod and been listening since 2017. Love you. Nobody's going to like what I'm saying. I don't think they're going to like it either. There's three different things happening here.

my first thing is did you and jesse share a shower i'm guessing like like it's a share shower because but you said the caller said i showered in jesse's shower but the thing is is that you were quarantining at your girlfriend's house you leaving breaks the quarantine and you're still regardless of wearing a mask and lifestyle you're still bringing those germs into the house and you broke your quarantine yeah and like this is of all of the times of a shower to be broken like this is actually great timing because you have covid and you shower twice yeah like i i just think like you know if the shower breaks and like you're going to work every day like that's a much bigger hassle than like oh i already have to like i can't leave the apartment like so like we're

now we're in an apartment full of a bunch of people who can't shower and can't leave and it's just your your showering is not more important than like quarantining nor is it more important than any like your hygiene is not more important than somebody's health so that i've got like fundamentally i have an issue with but i also have an issue with like and i will be so transparent like I am definitely biased in this like I'm definitely gonna be and this is how I mean we give advice on things based on like our own lives and stuff but like I have experience with similar thing to this of like you basically asked her if you were you that you were gonna go do this she said like whether you asked her and she said no or you told her and she said was upset

and you were like okay well I'm just gonna come regardless and then she treats you differently and you're like why did she never speak about how she felt she did she did she was mad and she told you she was mad and you said i don't care like and i'm not saying you're putting words in your mouth but when she tells you you're she's mad and you say okay well i'm gonna go through with this regardless of how you feel you're saying i don't care that you're mad i'm still gonna do it and now you're wondering why she's mad so i personally don't think that you have the right to be mad at her i think like you are and that's you know i mean i guess i'm saying i'm not saying i don't think you have the right to be mad at her you can feel however you want to feel i don't think it's

justified for you to be mad at her and you're really mad at her for not speaking about how she felt and instead giving you the silent treatment instead of expressing that she was mad but she did all of that i think you're mad because you didn't want her to be upset about this and she was and you made the choice doing it thinking that maybe her text message responses were you were misreading them like you didn't want this to be as big of a deal as it was and it was a big deal and I think you can't go back in time so it's easier for you to be upset with her for quote unquote making it a big deal when you knew it was a big deal to her right so I think this is truly mismanaging of other people's comfort levels expectations and things like you saying that

like you know we all got COVID so we quarantined at like my girlfriend's place that if you don't if you come back and shower twice you didn't so like I said it's breaking the quarantine so I think like for you the it felt worth it but you live with other people so you can't decide that and you unilaterally did decide that and like if I was your roommate like I would I would cry like I would be so anxious I'd be so uncomfortable I'd be so nervous and I'd feel like so disrespected and so hurt and unheard and I wouldn't talk and then if I found out that you were upset with me I'd be like why are you upset with me for my response to your actions like we wouldn't have been here if you didn't do this and I told you I didn't want to do this and this

made me upset and now you're upset at me for being upset so like i i just think we need to like listen to people when they tell you how you feel they feel and just because it's not a big deal to you it can be a big deal to other people and other people might not get over it and you have to know that going into the decisions you make and stand by it like would you now going back in time like would you have done this knowing that this really upset her and like she wouldn't like talk to you after this like was it worth it right but again i'm fully disclosing that i'm like incredibly biased about this like a covid health-wise precautions like as someone who still has to deal with all the effects of long covid like it makes me really i would be very upset being

in her position and i get upset when people don't take my health seriously whether they tell me in the moment or they tell me afterwards like it literally is like the most disrespectful thing the world like it feels like a slap in the face and you're like cool you don't care awesome but then also that like it's hard to especially when shit is so fucking contentious about the pandemic and like politicized and like all of this shit that it's really really hard to be the person who's not comfortable it's sadly the really unpopular opinion and it's the minority opinion so it is hard for her to say that she's uncomfortable with that she's not okay with that that's she's upset about that it's a lot easier for her to like you know socially to

ignore it like she's the one who's essentially been like is she didn't exile herself out of this group it was I in my point of view she essentially got exiled out of this group because it seems like maybe the other roommates were like whatever it's fine right and it's just not something that is easy to say when you're upset or you're not comfortable with it and then to have that be met with well I don't actually really care like or I'm still gonna do it anyways like that's someone shutting down something that was like already a hard boundary to make and that makes me sad and I don't think that you recognize that right right so all right I thought you're probably the only person in the world who's like I know everything

Megan is saying subtext it's the same thing that I felt too and then the thing about the birthday i don't think that's something to really dwell on like of jesse wishing that the caller wished her happy birthday yeah you know yeah if y'all aren't talking then i wouldn't want you to wish me a happy birthday but i guess it because i mean i see her point of view of like essentially being like i'm upset why haven't you apologized why aren't you upset but now you're cutting me out like i think both of you think like i think that she thinks that you're giving her the silent treatment and I think you think she's giving you the silent treatment yeah so I don't know if you want to be friends with her have a conversation with her and she might just like be a person

that's quiet and doesn't I mean she doesn't express her feelings she just might be like a quiet reserved person and what you think is the silent treatment is just her existing yeah but I would be mad at you for this yeah me too and I think it's a lot to expect that she wouldn't be all right get to the next call hey my name is melissa i am a 21 year old she her pronouns and i'm attracted to men i wanted to get your advice on putting myself out there and exploring my sexual side without really having any prior experience other than with myself first in background i had my first kiss about a year and a half ago and since then i've had two standalone makeup sessions with different guys neither of which moved below the belt were really fun and

i felt very safe in both experiences knowing that i was in control of how far things went I go to a pretty big state school where hookup culture is pretty common, and it seems like I'm a black sheep for having never had sex or done anything of the sort. Regardless, I don't feel embarrassed about my lack of experience, and I'm honestly proud of being aware of myself and my body enough to know that I hadn't been ready for those things up until this point. However, I'm really excited to start exploring my sexual side and think that I'm at a good place to begin that journey, but I'm just not sure how to go about it in a healthy and good way. I want to make sure that what I'm comfortable with is clearly communicated, even with people I'm not necessarily so deeply connected to, and that the other person feels comfortable being with me, given my lack of experience.

I also feel awkward about having someone teach me that's not like a long-term partner in these sorts of things. and I do think that it might be easier for myself to learn and explore the side of myself with someone that I have more of an emotional slash romantic connection to but I also don't necessarily want to wait until I meet someone worth dating to start this part of my life so how do I go about having these experiences is being an experience something that I need to be super upfront with do things that it's best suited to a friend's benefit sort of situation and so how does one cope out doing that or is this something that I just need to wait out and not put any pressure

on happening also i think it's good to mention that i grew up in an environment heavily influenced by purity culture waiting for marriage etc so i'm actually working on deconstructing the ideas that came from that as well but anyways um i would love any and all advice you guys have y'all are rock stars and i love the pod thanks bye yeah i didn't have sex until i was 21 22 i think and you know like you have been experimenting with yourself i don't think you have to tell anybody that you haven't because experience there's different levels of experience and depending on what your partner and who your partner is and how you partner like the experience is going to be different regardless and i don't think that it matters i think that what matters is consent

Yeah. And consent is just is consent is saying that you want to do more. And it seems like for you, like trust is a big thing that you want to be with somebody that you know, because since you know them, then you can trust them that they're not going to do things that you don't consent to. yeah and so like the person the first person i had sex with was somebody i had a class with that i didn't necessarily like but it just kind of happened in the moment like excellent kisser and then it just and you're like okay fanny flutters let's get this let's get this going yeah and it just happened like it was like whoa okay and since i knew my body i knew what i liked so that was not how my first time went you didn't know your body exactly yeah and so i think just finding somebody that you like especially if you're at school this seems like the greatest pull you can have is to maybe some maybe not specifically in like a class because it can get

awkward if you don't want to continue to see them but seeing someone that you might be in a club with a club that you don't care about or like meeting somebody at a party that you maybe hang out with a few times or is a recommendation from another friend that you trust somebody that you're attracted to enough to do more and it's not like a i don't think you need to unless this is just what you want to do it's like this is an experiment that you like pick a guy like have a control group Yeah. Like you pick a guy out and you're like, that's the one. I think just letting it happen in the moment and not trying to rush or push or have any expectations, then I don't it'll just be it'll be natural and normal. And you won't have those all those expectations put on it because there aren't any expectations. Yeah. And I think if you have expectations, you have to communicate that. And so the idea of, you know, you're saying that like you don't want to be taught anything. So mind cleaning is like you should be able to kind of weed out the kind of guy who's going to do that before you have sex. But he'll only know if you tell him like if you don't tell him that you don't then there's no there's no teaching.

totally but even even then at that point like if you decide to like tell like oh yeah i'm like i'm you know i'm not that like experienced there will be guys like oh don't worry i can teach you and you're like oh i'm good and they're usually terrible exactly and so i'm like you can really like there's a lot of in the conversations regardless of what you tell them or not you'll be able to suss out a lot about a person and how they're going to be like no one's a different person a totally different person in bed like if someone respects you out of the bedroom like they are far more likely to respect you in the bedroom than someone who doesn't respect you out of the bedroom is like suddenly going to respect you and you're having sex like that's just that's

just not likely so knowing that like that process there you can again only control yourself but you can control the people that you talk to and like i think that some people want to get things over with and so like we pick someone like random but then there's like okay well or do i want someone who i know well but like not so well that if it's like weird and as awkward so like i think there's a happy medium depending on what your expectation is afterwards. And you need to communicate that because like I've had friends and I've said on the podcast before where they're like, well, I don't want anything serious. I don't like care about if it's a boyfriend or anything. I just like don't want it to be like we sleep together one time and then I never hear from them again.

You have to communicate that first because that actually can happen with one of your friends. And then you've now had the experience you don't want for your first time having sex and you've lost a friend. Right. So that is something you need to communicate ahead of time and it's not because there's a ton of people who just wanna walk away. Sometimes some people think that like, oh, if it's your first time and like, maybe it wasn't good and like, I'm just gonna dip out.

And it's like, well, no, like I wanna be able to continue to staying friends afterwards. Some people think they're doing you a favor because that you wouldn't wanna be friends with them afterwards because maybe they don't wanna see the person that they had sex with for the first time.

But even if you're not telling them that, it's just a matter of like, you know, like what are you looking for? And knowing that like, I hate to say this, but like, if you are going to have sex with anyone, regardless if you're friends with benefits, regardless of the casual hookup, regardless if it's dating, you could have been dating for X amount of years. There is always a chance that that is the last time that you see that person ever again. And then they go, regardless of how much commitment you have in a relationship or how little commitment you have in a relationship, there is never a sure thing. It's never going to be 100%. And there is no real true security there. It's trust, like you're saying, and wanting to have that trust there. That trust can always be broken

and it sucks. So I think you're a really good place for really like knowing yourself and you're focusing much more on you and your readiness. And I think it's like, am I ready to have sex? Yes. Am I ready to have sex and then maybe never see this person again? Because no matter how well you vet the person that you sleep with you can't ensure that and that's a lot of pressure to put on you so then if it does happen that can really just send you into a tailspin and feel like you failed and your picker is off when in reality it's not we can only control ourselves and for you wanting other people to you want the other party to feel really comfortable and you know that they can be vocal and stuff like you can start that and like when you do that like it's

asking the other person and all of that but i agree with melissa said of like not putting pressure on sure you could pick out a couple people that you feel like meet the criteria of like what you want but you have to know that with each choice that you're making or like attribute that you're like yes yes you're putting expectations on somebody and on the experience in itself but i think you should wait like if it comes up like like that somebody don't think about like that's somebody I want to have sex with so that's somebody that I want to make out with yeah like that's what I want to hang out with like they're hot they're cool like yeah like the same way of like who you're spending time with and who like in the moment you want it to be with and you're

interested in that I think that's how you set up the expect because then those expectations are for you like I'm expecting to know myself for when I'm ready in the moment with this person versus I'm setting up the expectation that this is the person I want to have sex with and now I have to make that happen right like there should be no failure in this and the only way that there's no failure in this is if you have the your expectations are only on you but congratulations look at that big state school i'm seeing a lot of a lot of fun in your future me too time for don't blame them so this week our don't blame them comes in the form of a dm i have no idea if you read your dms i wanted to comment on today's don't blame me regarding the

person wanting to help their friend in need i know you're all questioning what type of job would prevent you from seeking therapy and i have personal knowledge that if you're in the u.s military especially in a higher up and or commissioned officer type rank or position you would in many if not most of all cases be prevented from seeking any form of mental health care for fear of retribution it's not talked about much but even in a desk job style position the military is incredibly hostile to any form of mental health-related illness that may arise. I just thought this might be the case, and it's so common if the person is writing and located in the USA.

That was really interesting. I never thought about that. Yeah. Me either. And that is it. That is it. Did you enjoy yourself, Melissa? I did.

Did you, Megan? I did. This was great. That seemed fake as fuck. Well, so did yours. I was being genuine. Well, I was poorly acting. Okay.

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anyways deuces bitches goodbye ow oh i stretched overstretched i i mean i felt it in my soul but you know when you like are like a little bit like a pterodactyl and you like really need to get that dinosaur out of your body i was trying and i don't have the limberness of the morning Also, Mott's took the ugliest picture of me while I was sleeping. We're done. Hold on. Goodbye. Bye.

Don't Blame Me is a production by me. Executive produced by Melissa D. Mott's and Diamond and Print Productions. Edited by Coco Lawrence. Production assistance by Melanie D. Watson. Music by Ryan Hunter and Giacomo Picasso.