Don't Blame Me! - My Best Friend's Dad Wants to Sleep With Me

Episode Date: July 18, 2022

After discussing Love Island, Meghan and Melisa give advice on: They give advice on: Update: Peeing Bride - Part II Working with an assistant who acts like your superior Not having your ideal job after graduating college Friend dramatizing their pain Offered $200 for sex with your friend's dad Don't Blame Them: Boyfriend feels entitled to your body Buy our merch: https://store.dftba.com/collections/don-t-blame-me Subscribe to our new show: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/but-am-i-wrong/id1591757891 Follow Us! @meghanrienks www.instagram.com/meghanrienks https://twitter.com/meghanrienks @sheisnotmelissa www.instagram.com/sheisnotmelissa https://twitter.com/sheisnotmelissa @by.meghan.and.melisa https://www.instagram.com/meghanandmelisa Affordable Therapy By State (Curated by Crissy Milazzo): www.tinyurl.com/y64kwdnf Need Advice? www.dontblameme.show Domestic Listeners Call: [phone] International Listeners Send a Voice Memo To: [e-mail] … with as much detail as possible under 3 minutes! WeI'll do our best to share our wonderful words of wisdom. If you're under 18, please get your parent's permission. Advice is for entertainment purposes only, so you can't blame us if we screw up your life. I kid! Our advice IS AMAZING. Want to WATCH this episode as well? Become a patron! https://www.patreon.com/dontblameme Join the Facebook Group! https://www.facebook.com/groups/dbmsecretgroup Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/join/dontblameme Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

hello every fucking buddy wow why are you talking to our sensitive ear very precious listeners like that oh i thought you're calling yourself sensitive i am we are both i mean that's okay i can't even say it sarcastically because i am so sensitive about something i thought you're an actress oh i i am and if you watch love island i could give you the actress you are an actress oh i tried to send melissa a clip of uk love island and she was like i don't understand a single fucking word these people are saying didn't get it i i understood suck on i licked her tit or yeah whatever they said i got that but i didn't understand anything else i was like i'm so lost one day no if you get like hold on if you get like you're granted like you get that apartment

you want it's not technically an apartment but i don't know what to call it without housing you and you can call it a condo a condo you get that condo you want and like a genie it comes with a genie who grants you a wish to be like time will stop and you can you can watch every television show that you've ever wanted to watch i just want it to be somewhere on your list but like who said i ever wanted to watch that show i wanted i want you to watch the show i'm so behind on all my housewives so yeah you have like you watch more tv than like me and i also understand that to anybody who's not like a love island fan like the idea that like this is a show that is on every day but the thing is i watch my soap operas every day so that's the thing it's like i don't i

just don't have time in the rotation okay that's fine because i watch two soap operas every day hour long yeah so you're like it's not that i understand the concept it's like i'm familiar but my schedule is packed because i've understood this concept and sleep ish sleepish and she went to bed at 4 a.m no i woke up at 4 a.m i went to sleep at 10 p.m but we have decided though that apparently you want four hours of sleep is like even with me and like my brain so like i feel extra connected to that okay okay i don't want this for you to continue like i want you to sleep more i just want to be able like my my eyes aren't completely open and i just wanted to be able to have them open without feeling tension in my orbital area i didn't even know that's how i was

feeling but that is how like i am keeping my eyes open like i it's a conscious effort that i'm like if i blink too i can't let myself blink too long no don't do it i will just like slowly follow yeah i'm trying not to i was more entertained by the fact that you just tried to move your bangs out of your eyes but they weren't there to begin with yeah i don't know what i was feeling i have so many problems you have no idea i think i do yeah you actually do you're very familiar anyways welcome to the podcast this is don't blame me a wonderful fantastic life-changing podcast starring two people who give wonderful life-changing amazing advice and you might be wondering melissa how are we qualified to give such great advice move past it okay i know it

sounded a little bit like i was gonna accidentally say the other thing is when you didn't say the other i thought it was wrong so oh you're like yeah so it was like a double yeah uh-huh yeah yeah uh-huh watch the video version so you can just understand what's happening patreon so wait so why are we qualified to give advice because what we lack in credentials we make up in opinions yeah i usually say the first part you're right i was like what are you lacking i'm messing up our zone no no no it's fine we're here together we're in this together we see each other what is that from real housewives of atlanta why do i know these like because fucking phrases they're iconic was it nini it was nini and well i forgot which one

was if i was on my bullshit if i was on on more sleep than i could i think it was nini say said i see you and then candy said we see each other so is it safe to say that like i nini is one of the only housewives i can name and like of all the quotes that i know vast majority end up being nini is nini the most quotable okay yeah are they the most quotable like in like culture yeah nini by far of any franchise i believe is number one but her and candy never really got a like they didn't dislike each other was that the white refrigerator comment was no no that was kenya and they ended up very much not like each other but nini would say things and then candy had like good retorts to them quick yeah i i mean i i like all the all the audios on tiktok like she sounds

funny and the fact that she was on glee it just like makes my brain melt similar to uh jane jane lynch on glee and they played very similar characters they were rivals yeah sometimes when i think of glee i wonder if ryan murphy ever watched dance moms and he wanted to make jane lynch like abby lee miller and then all of the competition was like the the cherry what were they called i've never seen dance moms it feels racist to me i don't know why but it just it just feels racist so i was like oh oh oh it is first of all miss holly is like the i icon like absolute icon she is like she's i think i want to say but she's the only black woman not like only what like all the rest i didn't even know there was a black person on there she's the one and

she's also like a like a literally like a fucking doctor and a lawyer and is like the smartest woman in the room and the quickest one and just like the absolute goat like she carried the actual like moral like morality of that show on her shoulders and she was surrounded by the the most wild people the most wild people um but yeah no you're not wrong on picking up racist undertones from that show when i think of that show the only thing that comes to mind is not even like i guess there's children dancing on it but is her in the when she's in the scooter and she just

she fucking reverses out that's the only thing I know from that show yeah I do wonder if they took a little bit of glee from probably dance moms it's it's truly a show about children being bullied

and then their moms fighting okay it's I would hate it yeah Jojo that's where Jojo Siwa came from oh is her mom like that um i don't remember i didn't like watch it in depth i was always more of like a i really liked i liked the parents like i liked holly and the kids were cute i would like watch the dances but i was also like a kid kid you know they're not because i'm pretty sure i mean they're younger than me but they're not like that much okay some of them are like a lot younger than me

but some of the older ones aren't you like 10 years older than jojo siwa yeah that's what came in my head i was like okay but i have i've told you the story about how abbey lee miller stopped me and told me i was beautiful and if you've ever wanted to compliment more like a compliment from a reality tv show villain actually like means a lot you know what i mean who if you could have any like celebrity not like someone like not a fuckable person but like in like a oh wow someone giving you a compliment would it be like a reality show hero or villain and who would it be nini already gave me a compliment so what did she say she said she actually gave me a re-compliment she said i was pretty she said you better direct and i'm sorry just like she said i was pretty

and then we get a direct quote did she say that when you were just like i was calling like action i'm obsessed with that yeah that is that's incredible you need you need to be hired as your personal hype of it it was three but i don't remember what the third she was very nice yeah you i remember you told me that like so she was like an hour and a half late but very nice hey divas yeah that's what they do she was like i was at the taco place down the street i think i'm gonna buy it i was like okay nini wow i love that didn't follow through on your word nini no wait that's so you better direct i will you know what i'll probably have it on oh my god no because i i'll cut and she would have said it after it because imagine like if

you were able like i feel like you'd have to license it from her but like you know how like they have um like the mike sure production or they have like all that stuff and it was like a little audio if yours was like your production company you better direct like that would be like is that neat because isn't it like what's that guy's uh nick offerman he does the voice for like freemulon oh is it yeah and like that could have been meanie yeah you can just go back and look on the tape she can act though so she can redo it but it's something that's you know when it's in the moment oh my god i wish there was like a just a camera on you too for your reaction it was one of the greatest days i'm sure wow that was i'm really glad i asked that question because

that was like a bet a way better answer than i could have anticipated lisa vanderpump is also that's what i thought you were gonna say but i've already that's what i meant too like so it's like i don't i've already had it fulfilled she's accomplished all of her hopes and dreams everybody she's always been problematic but bethany frankel has done some just like did you see she got like the icon award for mtv or something reality icon award no and you know that song i mean that song that sound on tiktok bad bitch it's a genre you know that oh yeah well she got up and like said it in her speech and didn't give credit oh to that woman and isn't that one of the ones that's trademarked that i don't know but i know she didn't give credit to

that woman yikes a bunch of tiktokers have been trademarked as they should they're like catch phrases audios and that stuff because they can't you can't do it through like tiktok it doesn't protect you so people have been doing it i'm pretty sure the are you not embarrassed uh that's i'm pretty sure she trademarked a couple of hers that would make sense i think because then someone tried to use one in like an ad or something so yeah she used it in her speech and then people were like because she's on tiktok like all day yeah it's weird like all i don't follow her at all she shows up constantly she's doing like affordable makeup routines and i'm like i and her whole thing is like i'm rich so you should trust me when i tell you this affordable product

is good and i'm like no i i don't know you're really aggressive and you named your entire brand up for being skinny so like i don't actually trust anything you do right and so she's just she just doesn't give credit to people when she takes things from and so i'm just at this point i'm just like i did love you but i don't gaslight gatekeep girl boss right if only that was the one that she really aligned herself with she's not that self-aware though because that is no she is though yeah yeah like that woman is like smart smart okay like brilliant she makes a lot of money and she gives away a lot of money too yeah she's got her plane that she does stuff with yeah and she she does great she does a lot of great things but does a lot of terrible things and i

think she thinks that it balances each other out and it doesn't no i think there are very few things that like i don't think i believe i don't think i believe in heaven i believe in the good place the bad place the medium place but in high school me and sydney used to joke that it was like there is like if it's like a tally system there are certain things if you do this one thing then you basically like as long as you don't royally fuck up the rest of everything in your life like if you save someone's life automatic good place unless you take someone else's life but what if it was like you save somebody bad's life okay so we were like 16 so we really didn't think through all of this but we would talk about in like the sense of like people who were like

absolute bitches at school obviously not like level fanny frankel but then we're like try and be so nice and i'm like no these little weight these are not weighted the same way you're not you think that you're you think that you're compensating for like you being like a horrible person by doing these nice things but i'm like no they wait they're different weights different weights here you have to save someone's life if you want like guaranteed exactly the good place did we write the good place when we were like 16 all right so after all of that gossip catching up we should probably explain the podcast it's an advice podcast you call in you leave us voicemails and we give you wonderful amazing advice we give the advice that we would like to see in the world

we are not the friends that you call when you just want to be like yes everything you're doing is great we're not yes people unless we want to be yes people and we feel like that we give you like the tough love advice that you know you might not want to hear but it's what you need to hear let us know if you're sensitive before when you call in and if you want to call in for an upcoming episode you can leave us a voicemail at 310-694-0976 international listeners you can send us an audio message at meganpodcast at gmail.com you have to keep it under three minutes for both that's three minutes from the time that you start talking not like your phone timer that melissa pointed out a couple of episodes ago so like don't look at your phone timer from like the time that it you call in

yeah when it goes beep subtract it that's when you have three minutes from and the best way to give the call is to write everything down practice it time it out a couple times to make sure you're under three minutes let us know your age if it's about other people in the story their ages your pronouns their pronouns if you would like and any fake names it's all anonymous but we want to know how old you are if it's about relationships how long you've been together just as many details as possible that will influence us giving like the best advice and you have to be Asian or ever have your parents permission and you will be cut off if you don't if you don't do three minutes yep financially we will come into your house and rob you wow we wish you to up the stakes

I don't think we're good okay so can we get the update now yep so I was the maid of honor that was peed on and I'm calling in for hopefully the final update uh last time I called in I answered some questions uh in regards to the bachelorette and then I also kind of went through the last few texts I received from the bride and some awful things that her and her fiance were saying and so last weekend so this was like a couple days ago was their wedding and three days before that three days i got a text from her and the last text i had received from her was april 15th so we really have not talked since this whole debacle and she texted me and was like hi i've been thinking so much about or sorry hi i've been thinking about you a lot recently

and me and blank so her and her husband would still love for you and your boyfriend to attend the wedding let me know what you're kidding yeah so now I was livid because I listen I struggle with trying to you know be like well why didn't she do this when I have to realize like hey not everybody would make the same decisions as you or reach out like you but I don't understand why she wouldn't ask me out for lunch or ask me for to go have a glass of wine with her or FaceTime or call me she literally sent me the most like disingenuine text i think could ever exist wow wow so i texted her back and we have a mutual friends bachelorette coming up of course here's another one get your own room it's like yeah it's like yeah and it's like a lake day like we're literally

just like going she can pee in the lake like and like if it gets on you by proxy it is what it is yeah in her bathing suit no no no so um so I texted her and I was like hi I'm very much at peace that we have gone our separate ways you know with I'll call her like Susie's bachelorette coming up I really hope that we won't discuss this any further and we can move on that was mature and she didn't answer me and so therefore I just find like it was so disingenuine yeah like I don't know maybe that's just me but I was like I feel like the only reason you wanted me there I don't know what it's like again in the states but in Canada you have to bring presentation oh yeah it's called yeah so I'm like honestly it's to the point where I wouldn't even put it

past her she's like well if they come they'll bring presentation is that money yes okay so you're supposed to bring like up to like three hundred dollars in cash yeah so maybe that's like how they budgeted for their wedding is they like allotted for the amount of people they were inviting to like offset their own cost and I understand that might be a stretch but honestly like knowing her I wouldn't put it past her and then Susie actually reached out to her too and was like hey my bachelorette's coming up I don't want this fusing over like this it needs to be done like I don't want you communicating with me so with her at my bachelorette and causing a scene and she responded to Susie and was like me and her had a converse or already had a discussion

so I said to Susie I'm like if you consider a discussion her not answering my text okay wow wow I mean I don't think you're off base at all for like thinking that I mean I think that's really disingenuous like I I to me that just seems like yeah either in my head I didn't I remember the money thing so like that but then also like when someone will be like uh an obvious presence that is missed then like everyone hears about the drama then like everyone talks about it So like I went to a wedding where a couple was like miraculously not there. And it was like a very obvious thing of being like, wait, why aren't these people here? And then like a good solid chunk of the dinner was like all of us talking about the drama

that went down, which like not everybody knew, but then suddenly it's like, oh, now we're all talking about it. And like, it becomes like gossip in that sense that like, I could also see that being a part of it that like, they would rather like, if you're there, then it just can be like, if we act like this is like absolutely no big deal and like this wasn't like a whole ordeal and this wasn't a whole thing we can brush it under the rug and then maybe she won't tell people and like it won't be as embarrassing for us and we won't have to like actually admit and own up to like the absolute monstrosity of her yeah well and also i'm like you want me to go to an event where

you've shit talked me for the past like four months and i'm supposed to be like comfortable with that yeah no no I'm like and give her money yeah well and it's also I feel like like I'm damned if I go and I'm damned if I don't go because you know then she can have the response of like well I invited her and she still didn't come and it's like at this point though I don't care like I'm like I just have to like respect myself enough to be like I'm not going yeah she peed on you she peed on you yeah she peed on me and then her fiance went off on me and like literally told the entire everybody who could possibly be at the wedding and like what I just think the audacity of of them to think that they can talk shit on you when like you have the biggest dirt on her in the

world yeah that's what I said I said I bet nobody knows that you urinated on me probably not honestly probably not yeah but like if I peed on someone whether it was accidental or like specifically out of malice like my entire rest of my life would just be about like being so kind to that person and hope that they wouldn't tell the world yeah yeah and like no and like let me clarify she hasn't reached out hasn't apologized hasn't asked like hey do you want to get together for lunch or like hey could we have a phone call tonight like I wanted to chat with you like I feel like that would be more genuine than like hey let me know if you're coming to my wedding it would show like remorse versus just like she's not acknowledging it and

like by not acknowledging it then there's no apology and then there is no like recognizing like I did this horrible thing and like you can't move on if you're not even acknowledging it happened and unfortunately I don't think this will be the last update because you still have this other i see her in like 10 days yep how long is this bachelorette party it's literally just the day so it's like we get there at noon and everyone please leave by nine type of thing maybe she needs like her own like bucket to pee in that like they're gonna be in the water i know but you like write her name on it that like everybody can use this bathroom except for you here is your bucket to pee in your bridezilla right here the other bride over here oh my gosh

that's so does the other bride know the story yeah and she's actually well it was funny we used to be like the trio like really close oh gosh and so now we're not and i'm i'm a little like i don't know i'm just being selfish i'm a little sassy that suzy is still inviting her to these things but she was like you know she's like i'm just trying to stay out of it it doesn't involve me which like As much as I appreciate, I'm like, that's just you, like, tolerating the behavior. Yep. So I'm just going to go in with an open mind and, you know, just prepare myself, though, if I need to throw a little fire out. Do it.

In case, just be prepared. Yeah. But for the most part, I'm going to try my best to just avoid. No, that's a good call. I would be mad, too. How many people are going? There's, like, 20 people. Okay.

Oh, okay. So pretty easy to avoid. pretty easy to avoid but i would be annoyed with the the current bride uh suzy too like i'm when people are like well no that person's never done anything to me oh until one day did they pee on you and then here i'm gonna be like i told you so like i hate that shit like my thing of like my friend hates someone and i don't know them or i don't hate them i'm like why do we hate them like tell me why we hate them not like well they've never done that to me i'm just like no no no no i have no loyalty to that person randomly megan reposted somebody oh on tiktok

that i have a personal very petty beef with and but she didn't know she didn't even know that we knew each other no clue she's so much yeah and i told i was like i won't be explaining why and then megan said can i un yeah i was like how do i unrepost like that was her immediate response yeah which is fine my beef is very petty and it's all on me i support it though but i don't even know what it is and i support it yeah but i'm saying like that's that's what should happen yeah yeah that's a good friend and i said i said well not she's not doing anything to you until she shows up wasted or something ridiculous that you're a bachelorette and tries to like ruin the day by like stirring the pot yeah but i don't know we'll find out i'll write into the instagram page

if anything wild happens please do i was just about to ask that i hope it's like fun i hope it's not like too stressful and i hope that there's like some other people there that you can like bond with and hang out with and you have a good time and it's not obviously i hope you're able to avoid her but i also hope you're like also able to like have fun too and enjoy it and i agree oh please keep us updated if anything you know it we appreciate it so much you are a legend and icon yeah oh so are you ladies couldn't do without you thank you for taking time out of your work day twice now yeah of course anytime number one champ number one fucking champ well we look forward to uh hearing from you and we hope you have a good time involving no urination

except for your own awesome thanks ladies thank you an iconic caller yeah i think this is gonna go down in the history i'm gonna write who who writes the history books mccormick or do they do the spices they do spices oh damn it who does this history books those the textbooks from like text oh um doesn't start with an m mcmillan yeah i think so i don't know hold on whoever does those textbooks i'm gonna write to them and be like we need this or maybe she needs like a special moment of appreciation on canada day i need to write them be like hi i need you to recognize this she deserves her own international day and you know how i feel about those days mcgraw mcgraw dash hill wait so girl hill faith hill and tim mcgraw

they do this wait who which mcgraw did you say i said tim mcgraw oh oh that makes more sense i was like phil mcgrath dr phil it would make more sense for faith hill and tim mcgrath as a duo imagine it is them that's how they've gotten their fortune oh gosh anyway let's take a break we're back we're back we're back this is a shameless time before we get into the calls to remind you join our patreon we do live streams there twice a month so fun five dollars and you can i don't want to make it sound like five dollars you can hang out with us but like five dollars you can have a socially distanced way to like socialize and make friends with people all across the world join their secret text messages yeah they have a whole like text message

thing and like we have some people who are like really fantastic singers who like everyone they like find out when everyone's birthday is and they like will send messages and like plan like virtually things for like oh this is so-and-so's birthday and then this and meetups in london yeah they hang out with each other and like we are like truly just there there and everybody is like so close and it's so sweet it's really fun so if you want to join it also helps us support the show and inadvertently or inadvertently invert inadvertently and intentionally intentionally yeah it helps us support our other show but am i wrong um but if five dollars a month is too much for you we also have a dollar a month and you can watch the video version or if you have incredibly

deep pockets not just that we have more tears coming for god baby girl we do have some more tears coming and look you're hearing it hopefully you didn't skip over this part yeah we have some more tears coming we have some more exciting things to announce on launch on the patreon and as always if you have deeper pockets if you are related to like a corrupt politician or you got a trust fund from i don't know you you inherited some money from you inherited some blood money and you're trying to get rid of it this is an ethical way to dump it yes you can add you can change the price tier to however much you want you want to donate ten dollars a month go for it pledge however much you want we will not tell you no i'm not gonna stop you not gonna stop you

should we get into the calls we should we should also you should watch the video because melissa looks so hot today i don't think all they see is my computer okay well can they see that yeah look at those titties in that necklace i've realized how much i like my titties lately you great tits and they've just been i don't know what it is i think after i got off the birth control things have just felt like they've been falling back in place the way they should be and so like i'm i'm getting back into well also if you have your titty getting your your cycle back again you probably are noticing this shift in your boobs like size and that stuff and you're like i remember this it's not fair you have both tits and an ass well i tits didn't come until

30s i didn't oh so i i have you have i have some hope yeah i actually have like nice titties they're like not that small they're like small but they're like they're there yeah they've evened out one one of these is not like the other anyways on to the call let's do it hi Megan and Melissa I have a work situation I don't know if you guys can help um but here's hoping I am a toddler teacher at a daycare and I just got a new co-teacher about a month ago I have tried so hard to get along with her. I'm at my wit's end. She acts like she's in charge even though she is literally my assistant. It's my classroom. She is my assistant. She has sent messages to parents asking them to bring in things for special art projects without my knowledge. So I look like

a complete buffoon when parents are at pickup or drop off and they are asking when they need such such like a t-shirt for example when they need to bring that in by and I have no idea what they're talking about makes me look like I don't know what's going on in my own room she says that she's certified but quote her last job lost her certification which to me sounds like she lied because you can definitely access it on the state website but I digress with that she also has asked a child in my class reminder we work with toddlers this child is not even two yet and she has asked her if they could have a sleepover oh and it's not just any kid it's the director's kid my boss's kid which to me and everyone else who knows about that situation it is a huge

fucking red flag she's constantly bringing in new toys like literally every day once in a while it's fine but every single day it feels like she's trying to buy the kid's affection and nothing is ever her fault today she didn't put diapers into the parenting app while i was on my break my director knew that i was on my break when it happened so she asked me to ask my co-teacher to put them in and she rolled her eyes and said it's really not that big of a deal i have spoken to my director my assistant director and they are quote-unquote looking into everything but I am literally minutes away from losing my mind with her what do I do what do you do when you're stuck in a room with one adult and nine toddlers and you don't like that adult please help I'm losing

my mind thank you so much I love the podcast I would hate this I would hate this too she sounds creepy but i think it's gonna fix itself yeah i mean if i've like like i went to like a very hands-on parents involved like multiple teacher aides like really small elementary school and things like that and i was also not a child who is sheltered from adult conversations about like the interworkings of things and if i've like learned anything from that it's like and obviously like you you know more because you're in this space professionally that there are so many like protocols and like lanes to kind of go through for like this shit that yeah there's like a lot of like ethical things that like people need to adhere by especially when it comes to like

employment so then people because i don't know if you're at an at will state like of isn't that when at will when you can like work you can be fired for you know i mean but so there's a like a lot of like stipulations with that that then you have as a employee you have a lot more grounds to sue on and so i could definitely think that like i don't think they're lying about like looking into everything but if it's a daycare most daycares aren't funded by i mean you might be government funded but i was gonna say but so if it's not government funded and it's like privately funded and that stuff then i i mean i don't actually right i don't think it'll take less time because of that but yeah it'll when they're they say they're looking into it they're actually

looking into it like Megan said there's certain steps and things she's gonna have to mess up a few times before they can actually really do something about it so I for you I would keep a tally or even just notes about everything that she's doing that is undermining you or not in her job description. So like have a piece little maybe notes app on your phone or a little piece of paper where you write down on whatever the date is, what time it is and what she did. And just keep this as a running tab. And if like in a month, this isn't resolved, give it to your director especially the thing about a sleepover with the director's child i hope they know yeah i hope that i hope you told them but give all that to the director and say

look this has been happening please do something about it because if you don't document it there's not much that can be done yeah i would honestly like and maybe this is bad advice but she's clearly like i agree with you that like bringing in the like she's intentionally undermining you she's like bringing the toys like by their effect by their affection and all of this stuff is feels like very intentional so i would also in my petty ass i would go out of my way to intentionally annoy her as like the consequence or result of that so it's like oh if you're doing this i would talk to the director and be like this has been like really hard and like i don't want this to affect like my presence when i'm around the kids i don't want this like this tension that's here

between us I think that's something that might be helpful is if every week we could have a meeting all of us together to go over what went right this week and what went wrong this week and how we can improve and kind of just like annoying her with the more like nitty-gritty teacher like needing stuff annoying things like that where it's like not just you and her but it's like I'm gonna bring the director in and then like showing the director like this is probably not something you want to have on not saying this to them but like this is probably not something you want to have on your calendar every single week like this is probably very annoying to you so like let's speed up this process and so I think that because I agree like keeping like a documented list of like the times

and the dates that everything happens but the best way and I think about this in arguments in any relationship it's always better to bring things up in a smaller time frame with like less things in the sense that like that I think can drive the point home and it's not like well I don't even remember that it's like well let's talk about it let's unpack what happened here and like what's going on in this sense because maybe she's like this is always my fear in these things maybe she's a nepotism hire maybe she's someone's like like she's knows someone else and that's how she got this job here and it's like you need to get her out that's the goal ultimately but is there a way that she can be less annoying and less terrible in the day-to-day of that time and

would that maybe happen if she knows that there's a meeting every single week with you and the director there to kind of give the evidence, show what's happening. And like, if you would think that if she's going to try and keep her job, she would want to show improvement over that time, which I don't think that they're going to necessarily keep her around, but I think that'll help your sanity and also make the environment less hostile and frustrating because she'll actually hopefully maybe be trying and she's not trying at all. I think it'll speed up the process. Yeah. Also, I don't know what the licensure is for a preschool teacher, but for most things that are state, it's like public information. So usually you can go to like, if you want to see

if you're like hairstylist is licensed, you can go to a website and look. So is that depending on where you are and what the information is, can you just look it up yourself? Is that public information. Yeah, if you can, if you want her out real quick, and you don't think that she's licensed, that might be the fastest way. Yeah, you need like a friend to pose as like a mom at the school and like talk to the director and be like, Oh, we're all the teacher's license. Like, oh, I blah, blah, blah, I like looked it up and something so like, not don't actually have someone fake to be a teacher, be a parent there. But yeah, I do also wonder how much your director knows of all of this because I think sometimes we can feel like oh it's just a hunch I don't know I

don't want to look kind of like stupid I don't want to look like I'm like crying wolf and like she actually is certified but I think that you know these have been so many red flags over and over and over again that I think like your director should know absolutely everything and especially the thing about like hey it's felt a little suspicious to me and like you can totally tell me like buzz off but I was curious a lot of the stuff that like how she presents in the classroom aren't things that I have like learned in my teaching and has not been my experience and it feels like a lot of fundamental things that are really against what we learned through our certification and I had brought up her certification to her and she mentioned that her old school lost

it and I don't know if it's just me being paranoid but I'm like really wanting to make sure that we're in to turn it in the sense of like I really want to make sure we are protected if something were to happen and a parent presses charges against it that like we would be individually protected but then also you as like this organization in this school would be protected because they wouldn't be if they hired an unlicensed teacher and kind of use it in that sense that like looking out for like the team which i hate the term team when it comes to like employment stuff but in the looking out for the team and that and but it's also looking out for the children yeah but like in this to appeal to whatever the the the director whoever is like the

in charge here both sides of that like the emotional side of it and then also the fiscal side of like just suggesting you look into that because i think you're right if that is something that they find out that is like an immediate because it's a huge liability yeah i just i I just was seeing if you could look it up in California, you can. You can? Yeah, it's on. Oh, then you probably should in other places because California's, they seal documents like no other. So check out your education site for your state.

You can anonymously send that to your director as well if you don't want it to be coming from you specifically. Or I think you can actually just report it directly to the state and they don't even have to know. Like SAG- Wow. But I just want to commend you for your patience for this, because this would also drive me up a wall. And this, I'm sure, is like so, so, so frustrating because nine toddlers and what it feels like you need that second adult, and that adult is not doing what needs to be done and is making your job harder. Yep. Okay. Hi, Melissa and Megan. I'm calling today about questions I have regarding my job and the workforce. Simply put, I'm not sure I'm feeling any passion behind my work anymore. I work at a nonprofit that is based around violence prevention and intervention. More specifically, I work in the violence against women sector, but my job is mainly administrative.

And that's okay, I guess. I graduated from college less than six months ago, and while I did have some experience in this realm, it was experience that took place during college. I don't feel burnt out by the subject matter of my work. I don't work in the front lines of violence against women prevention, but more in the administrative field. I do feel burnt out by the tasks I've been assigned. I have a lot of talent and expertise that isn't being put to work and reorganizing Google Drive and setting up meetings for other people isn't bringing passion to my life. I feel fairly confident that I could get promoted within the next four to eight months and the

role I'd be promoted to would do more substantive work. That said, working under a broken government system has me feeling jaded. How am I supposed to make meaningful change when I have to adhere to the opinions of the national government? I kind of want to quit. I would rather go into a different field entirely, one that isn't in the social justice realm. I hate capitalism and would rather keep my activism to my personal life, where I don't have to adhere to my organization or the government's opinion. There are so many pros to my job. They furnish me with some really great equipment, including a desk and a chair. My boss and my coworkers are awesome. PTO is pretty good for a starter position.

The pay is good for the field I'm in, although my boyfriend makes roughly twice as much as me and entered the workforce at about the same time. He is in a different field, though. I just don't feel like I'm built for this type of job. I want to be able to have a flexible schedule. I want to be excited to start the day every morning. I want to be paid more. I want to do a job I think is fun, not just a job that I think is important.

If you were to ask me what I really want to do, I'd say be a stay-at-home mom, even though I don't have kids. Grow my own food, be a travel agent, be an event planner, or own a bookstore. I know that this is a wide range of jobs, but I think some things they have in common is that they play to my interests, have me managing myself for the most part, and have a more flexible work schedule. I don't feel settled on quitting, and at the moment, it makes me feel weary. I've only been in this position for four months, and I worry I'm a chronic quitter

who'd leave this position before I saw it through to all it could be. What are your thoughts on all of this? Should I stick it out? how soon is too soon to leave if it helps to know i'm a virgo thank you guys for all your help you want to live a nancy myers movie which is everyone's dream i think that there is a happy medium in this like i don't think that everyone has to work in social justice i would be curious if like seems like that's what you went to school for and it is like a very taxing job and not everybody is cut out for it and I think the biggest tell of someone who's not cut out for it

is like if you are if you end up doing more harm than good and you end up and you're losing yourself and it is you're not making meaningful change I do feel like it's a really huge pivot from like working in I think the admin stuff I totally understand feeling like you're not being utilized and I also want to say like if you quit this job that doesn't mean that this company is going to go under and that nobody else is going to like have that job and work towards this and it's not like the weight of the country is resting individually on your shoulders but it does feel like a really huge pivot to then I used to refer to these as like save the world kind of jobs like really cause driven to then something that is like I don't want to say not a real job but kind of like

a movie job that's like a fantasy that doesn't exist and it just is I would be curious what that huge pivot has been for me you sound like someone that just graduated from college like things aren't what you expected them to be but like you just graduated like you haven't been in the you've been in the work field but not as a college graduate real world like everything comes down to you you haven't been you haven't even been there six months so if you know for sure that whatever the like let's say you get promoted twice within the next three years which I don't know I don't know the exact field that you're working in but that seems pretty reasonable like in the next three years that job that you would get in the next three years is that what you really want to

do or is it just because right now you're doing the admin assistant work that everybody has to do when they first break into most businesses yeah like yeah like it's gonna anything that you go do you're going to have to start out doing the groundwork because what you may not realize right now is that what you learn while you're doing that stuff that you hate is the foundation that everything else builds upon. And you have to have that foundation in order to get to the next step. You have to know how to do everything.

If you want to be like, let's say you want to be like the CEO one day, you need to know how to do that basic stuff. And so if that job, like that your three-year goal, your five-year goal is not, you don't see yourself doing this job at all, then yeah, get out.

if you don't see yourself growing in this job get out but like if it's just that you're not doing that three-year job yet just because you just started and you're doing the the more admin type work you have to build up to get there yeah you didn't describe a job either that you want like right that's what i say you have to know like what you described a lot of different hobbies you just that could be jobs but like to get what you want you need to figure out like exactly what it is that you want to do so like you know if you plan on you want to be a stay-at-home mom great marry somebody like make it that your goal to marry somebody and there's a difference between like it's being a stay-at-home mom is a goal it's not an it's an aspiration it's

not a career aspiration so like you have to if that's what you want to do then it's yeah you need to spend time like dating people who come from a lot of money and intentionally which I don't think there's anything wrong with not wanting to have a job and then intentionally dating people who also would like to have a partner who is staying at home and can be supported that way and then you in turn can support the family but you still have to have a job in in the interim and like if this is not you're talking so much about like passion so what's the job that you have before you become the stay-at-home mom like is it saving as much money as possible is it like trying to get into a place that saves money but like I think you're conflating like life goals

and aspirations with career goals and aspirations and like you say you don't like I don't mean to like come at you but like you say that you really like don't like capitalism but like you are describing that you like want again like you want to live a nancy myers movie you want to like grow food for your family and be a stay-at-home mom and own like a bookstore and that is like do you have a trust fund because like right if you don't that's not it's not like a real if you want to own a bookstore then go work at a bookstore and then figure out start like you said though yeah you have to still start at the bottom so you need to figure out how that bookstore runs the business like you can't just be like you're going there to be a cashier no you need to learn the

business in and out you need to know how to run a business so like like you said you have these aspirations but like what's the action plan that you're going to do in order to achieve it yeah and how are they related to like your career because like you're saying that you want more free time and you want more flexibility and you also want more pay and those things don't go hand in hand especially if you like want to own your own business like starting a bookstore that's a huge amount of overhead and cost and most local like mom and pop bookstores are not incredibly profitable they're like hardly making ends meet and most of the time the reasons why they're staying around is they are uh crowdfund they've been like a pillar of the community for

a while so unless you're gonna go work for somebody that doesn't have anybody that wants to inherit their bookstore in 30 years then like you got to get in with them now and learn the business yeah a lot of that like brick and mortar kind of stuff like you're gonna have to like write for grants to like keep things like alive there and then also you are gonna then if you're gonna have employees your schedule isn't necessarily flexible and like you might not be the best boss if like your goal is to make like a large profit because those things inherently aren't really making a large overhead and then you're going to be taking money from the employees and then you're also going to have to be taking more free time and the admin stuff like i agree this

of course you feel like these are not your best use of like your skills this is not the best use of anybody's skills but it doesn't mean that it's not useful and this isn't helpful and it doesn't feed into the bigger picture yeah even just observing and like understanding and like being there like i if you think about it in like the confidence that you have like if you immediately were given like a really high powered high level position the imposter syndrome that comes like i don't know what i'm doing like this is like you're getting your footing you're understanding all of this and like there are some industries where i think that they keep you at this stage agencies are an example they keep you at the like you better work for this like grind out you are an

assistant you are the lowest level of the low for so long that it becomes like hazing but you even saying like when did how long it's been the position for like like four months yeah and then you think you'll get a position, you'll get a promotion and that's for your first job is a very quick turnaround. And like, again, I don't think that if you think that this industry is not your calling for you, I cannot stress enough. If you are in like a social justice job, if you do not like your job and you are then creating a negative environment for the people that you are working with or it is like backfiring it is counterproductive don't do it like just don't it takes a lot to be able to do this it takes a specific kind of person and doing this job

half-assed does more harm than good but I think that you probably feel like a little bit lied to a bit about like how jobs are in like tv shows and movies and stuff like a lot of it is like admin busy work? And do you feel like you want to be more in the front lines of these things? Like, is that something that you want to do? But like, like Melissa said, no matter where you go and what direction you take, what career, what category, what field you're going to start at the bottom. And like, it's just how it is. And I'm sure it's probably frustrating for your boyfriend because it's a different bottom like area and maybe it's something that is related to his college major or things that you don't like that it's not part of your history and your education

and that stuff sucks and I think that people working in activism especially in in this specific field should be highly compensated for it it's not always the case but I think if your goal is flexibility free time and like money you're gonna have to like capitalism a little more yeah and i'll say like me working in the job that i industry that i do now i started out i did internships for i mean this is they're now illegal but i was doing a lot of internships for free while i was at ucla when i was done at school ucla then i did admin work for a production a reality production company then I was an assistant to a producer director then I moved up to associate producer and then like there's just steps you have to take to get to the next level and it's not

the pay was nothing like I didn't get paid for any internships I got paid minimum wage when I was working the desk at a production company like the pay is nothing and then with time and experience does education doesn't matter it like you will get to where I mean a lot of people don't get to financially where they want to be but you'll get to more money but like you just graduated I don't know how much like yeah I can how much more I can say but you just graduated in this field yeah and the last thing I'll say is like I'm sure there's some books that could like be helpful on this or like maybe even like a callback to discuss this because like I just don't think that you have a like and this is not supposed to be mean but like I just don't think you have like a great

grasp on all of these different like adjectives and things that you want and then the practicality of them because you keep saying I want something I'm really passionate about when like I'm waking up every day and I'm so excited to do that those aren't the jobs that make a lot of money and those aren't the jobs that make a lot of money like right off the bat and like everything that you're describing is everybody's like ideal situation an ideal job and I don't know if you think that it exists and like everyone's just not telling you about it but like it doesn't exist like it just doesn't like you can be someone who works to live and then someone who lives to work and the flexibility and free time and passion passion is you live to work work to live is

flexibility and and free time and that's also having pto and that's also having um insurance paid for by your company and stability and like financial stability and not putting the risk but like the passion live to work i want something that every single day i wake up and i'm so excited about and drives me forward and is a great that is not aligned with the financially really stable and successful thing but then you also say that you really hate capitalism so like do you envision yourself as a stay-at-home mom like can you put these can you make a timeline for these aspirations of like I want to be a stay-at-home mom and I want to have a garden at the house I want to be able to own a home like I want these life goals and so what are the things in my life that I can do now

to take the steps to get there and then what is my career in the interim and then that that's not going to be the work to live so passionate about that because I just don't think that there is a crossover in a non a non-scripted like non-movie starring diane keaton that like yeah i talk about all the time like how much i would like love to live in maine and like have a bakery and like on a bookstore and it would be amazing and wonderful but but you're also work if you're having a bakery you're waking up at three o'clock yeah working your ass off yeah and it's something that like that is like a really wonderful fantasy and we can all have those like when I talk about like our retirement dreams, like that would be like a wonderful like retirement

dream. But I also am a work to live person. And I love my job. And I couldn't, I wouldn't ever like get if I had the opportunity to like walk up and leave and do that today, I would need a massive amount of money to do that. I still wouldn't because it wouldn't fulfill that career part of me. So I wonder if you can like take yourself out of the post grad, like talking about work all of the time kind of thing. And like, do you really care about work this much? Like, or do you feel like you need to be a passionate about your job because you're surrounded by people because you're going to usually find that in nonprofit work, you're surrounded by people who are really passionate about their jobs. And so do you feel like you need to be passionate about your career

in general? Cause you don't have to be, not everyone is, but I think right now you're, you've created a completely, a non-existent unattainable thing. And I think it's just telling me that like you aren't entirely sure what you want and that's like the first step to figure that out because if you think that you're a chronic quitter you probably are and i say that from a chronic quitter like i quit fucking if i'm not immediately good at something i'm out like i'm not participating i'm not even i'm not even gonna middle school i'm not even gonna pretend to run the mile because i i know i won't even participate if i think i'm not gonna be good yeah and i was a chronic quitter too and but now like I'm working in a field where I can wear 50 different hats and

no day is the same yeah and if I want to change something today then I can change it but I had to do the groundwork to get here you can have anything you want but you can't have everything you want especially at this timeline yeah so I hope that wasn't too harsh but I think in general the advice that Mott's has always given friends and people I don't work in this thing is that his thing because you asked if it's too soon to quit Mott's Mott's has always said that like he's like a year everywhere like after a year but a year is what you want on resumes and stuff and if it's abusive and horrible and horrific like yes leave don't stick it out for a year in those places but for most places you get your footing you understand and you learn a lot more and

you can actually use that as a stepping stone after a year but earlier than that it tends to people have more questions yeah and mott has like a great work ethic oh he's like capricorn capricorn i really admire him from afar just because like we mott and i were assistants at the same time and just seeing how much he has grown and then the way that he handles business i really really admire you should that's his wet dream if you tell him that he will love that he i think i have told him yeah he's he's really really great at that like stuff um and he's way too hard on himself because he's just his entire chart is all all all capricorn who you are and like how you view yourself and your relationships like work will also change over the years you just have to let

and i was like same thing with like writing and stuff like that was my main goal but then i learned that like i like money and so like i needed something else to do in addition to writing so like i figured out other things like i taught myself how to edit and then like on one job that increased my pay by like 500 so like you just have to have the yeah i have my big picture goal but it's how you get there yeah there's other things that are there to support me yeah and if you don't if you feel like you haven't seen other people do that just know there's nepotism in every industry and it's money like if you even look in like our world and like writers and stuff you will notice a lot of writers who come from like very well-off families and then you'll notice a

lot of writers who are in their 40s and it's like oh because you had a whole career or like i know a writer who was writing like love her so much she was writing what she acknowledged were shitty projects because she needed to make the money and get the credits and work the same way like work and think of it like admin jobs in the other realm of like a just a different category in order to make the thing that she's passionate about and she didn't make that until she was like well into like her 30s maybe even early 40s it's just what it is and i i think you probably feel like you're on a race compared to your peers but if your boyfriend who's making twice as much as you but like is he in engineering like yeah it's a different field you can't compare yourself to

him yeah and if you do see the people like you're describing to me like an instagram mommy blogger and like unfollow those people and just know that those people have come from money this is not how they made their money hope that wasn't too harsh all right let's take a break we're back on to the rest hi megan and melissa this is about me 23 female she her and my friend 25 female she her we'll call her liz i'm calling about two things number one putting up boundaries between liz and me and two our friend group does not want to be friends with liz let's start with Number one, Liz has struggled with chronic and mental illness within the last few years, but recently she has been struggling on doing anything on her own.

She lives with me and my boyfriend. She has guilted me into doing stuff for her, such as cooking, cleaning her bathroom, driving her around town, and helping her with her mental illness. In recent weeks, Liz has interrupted my family events and life when she is alone. She also does this with our friend group. In any situation where she's alone, she will call a friend to talk to, or she will try and guilt them into having them come over to sit with her. For Father's Day, when I was staying with my parents at their house,

she asked me to drive back from my parents' house to the apartment to sit with her while she had a panic attack. When I told her no, she tried to call another friend to do the same thing. For Fourth of July, she asked two friends to come over and sit with her because she had a sharp pain. She thought it would be appendicitis or an ovarian cyst rupture. She then called me to take her to the ER while I was with friends but had been drinking and was 30 minutes away. The hospital is five minutes away from our apartment, and I told her that, If it was an emergency, she needed to call an ambulance or an Uber to take her because it would be two hours before we could do anything. She decided to wait.

If you think I was being harsh, Liz has a tendency to dramatize her pain and situations to gain attention. Later that day when I came home, she was completely fine. Liz will also come into my room or text me so that she can be with me while she has a panic attack or is feeling ill. I don't know how to set up boundaries, so when I don't want to be around her, I hide in my room, but clearly she doesn't get the hint, which leads to number two. Our friend group does not want to be friends with her because she cannot function on her own, and when we hang out, all she talks about is from when we were in high school, talks about her being sick or something sad or brings down the mood of the conversation. I learned recently that the friend group has only been friends with her because they thought that I was friends with her

and didn't want to lose me from the group if they pushed her out. We feel drained by all the support she is forcing us to give, as well as feel drained from trying to make her feel good when she cannot help herself or is alone. She is in therapy, but we are not sure if she is being truthful to her therapist, about situations or telling the full scope of what she is doing. She also has a tendency to say that she has something but has not been diagnosed with it. For example, endometriosis, had surgery and found out she did not have it, and autism. This even prevented one of our friends from telling us a big medical situation

and fear that she would turn the conversation on her. What is some advice you guys have for us and me to put up boundaries as well as somehow getting her out of the friend group? Keep in mind she lives with me and our lease isn't done until March next year. I'm running out of time. I love you guys. Hopefully I can call back soon. Bye.

Okay, as someone just need to do a little quick clarification here. I think it's really, really, really important how you and your friends talk about this. Because I can tell you're getting jaded. And I think it's imperative that you cut her out of your circle immediately, because how you are now probably going to perceive chronically ill and mentally ill people has shifted. and just want to make sure that when you talk about this, that like you can have massive issues with her that can be related to this, but like to not make broad statements. So as a specific one, endometriosis surgery, a lot of people go into surgery and in their first surgery, don't find anything.

And that doesn't mean that they don't 100% have it, can have a second surgery, all of that. So I am not doubting that this has been really difficult and she sounds... she sounds like the she sounds like people in the chronic illness community who are like this is what makes the rose mcgowan of the feminist movement of what makes people doubt other people but mcgowan i think that this has kind of gone on for a little bit too long and how you are speaking about it is not necessarily aware of how it will be perceived by other people

in who've experienced similar things to her that haven't reacted whose responses to their life have not been the same i mean my biggest question is what's her relationship like with her family like it's my biggest one because yeah this like you can't help people who don't want to like help themselves and this is a lot of undertaking like i don't love to like being alone's not my favorite thing in like certain circumstances or contexts like i'd always rather be with someone but i'd also rather be like quiet with someone not necessarily i don't need someone to entertain me like I love sitting in a room quietly with someone doing absolute like both of us doing our same things like not speaking but I think you're probably on to something that she's not being

incredibly truthful with like her therapist but also sometimes therapists like they don't necessarily intervene if they think that you're lying or they think that you're like not representing the truth explicitly like a lot of therapy therapists play it as like the long game of like understanding you more to then kind of offer some insight to hope that you change for yourself but it I don't know it doesn't sound like she wants to do that and I think I think if she needs like full-time cooking and cleaning and things being like done for her and you're not offering and this is like an indefinite thing then I think that she needs to pursue more intensive like treatment where she is paying for people to perform that service for her and that's not what

like friends are for or what friends are about but yeah like i don't know i think we've all probably at some point in our life been the person who like is not going doing great mentally and so like we're bringing down the mood you know i definitely felt personally attacked like that line but i don't resonate with her but i want to make sure like listeners when you hear this if you've been the depressed friend who's like concerned about bringing down the mood. I just want to make sure that we know that this is like an isolated specific incidence. And it's not about dealing with chronic illness or dealing with mental illness. And like anyone else, you're not a burden on your friends. This specific friendship has not been reciprocated in like

appreciated. And it's been a lot of expecting and demanding things without being considerate or like letting people offer to help. Or you should ask when you need help. But at a certain point, if you need so much help that it, it becomes a full-time job for your friends, then you actually need to pay someone and someone you need to hire someone because that is not their full-time job. Right. I don't know. I mean, I think if you don't think that if this has been going on for a long time, and if you've had conversations with her about this, like, have you like, have you had like, Hey, this is a lot that you're asking us to do. And like, we care about you and I want what's like best for you, but I can't meet these needs that you have of me. And like, that makes me feel

like I'm failing as like a person and a friend. And I don't want that. I want you to be supported and get the help and the assistance that you need. But I can't be that for you. And I need our relationship to shift dramatically. And if it can't shift dramatically, like with like love and best wishes like I'm going to need to separate myself from this relationship and that needs to be an individual conversation you have I'm kind of like normally I'm the person who's I'm like one time and I'm done like I'm not gonna go over and over again but I think if you are concerned I don't you didn't specify mental illness aspects if you are concerned for her like well-being I would find out the contact information of her therapist or like someone you can call ahead of

time if she's close to family and be like hey I'm gonna have a conversation with her and where I'm gonna set some clear boundaries like she lives here with us so like you are will be around and you will see like you know but I want to make sure that like for myself I need to set these boundaries so if something happens I'm calling you yeah that was actually gonna be my thing was like maybe have this conversation like like tell the therapist what's going on not in a way to like undermine your roommate but like in a way that's like i don't know what to do anymore and i can't be that person that's there to be the one that she leans on because i have my own life to live and like i'm concerned about her well-being but that's not my job you know and so and i hate the

word intervention and like doing interventions and stuff and I hate like the connotation around it but like if this is something that you don't feel like you're strong enough to do or like you don't think it's getting through but you still want the best for her then I think that's the way that you have to do it yeah no I think that's a good call like either like asking her being like hey do you think that we could set up like a joint therapy session with your therapist like I have some things I would want to talk to you about and I think it would be a lot easier to do that way and I would feel like more comfortable doing that you and you know her better or if you have access to find the therapist number give the therapist a call and be like could you bring that up to her

I really want to do this but it can't come from me would it be possible for you to suggest that to her and there's some really shitty therapists but most therapists are pretty good and so I don't think they would be shocked she might be lying to her therapist but i think her therapist probably knows that as regards to the friend group though i think like not to be a cunt but like this is you are her roommate and so you have to deal with all of this more they can do whatever the fuck they want to do i feel like because they only seem to be friends with they're not even friends they only seem to be acquainted with her through you that once you set your absolute boundaries then that will not the rest will naturally fall away but don't talk about her

behind her back because it just makes things worse and everybody starts ruminating and starts feeding off of each other and then it things just get to be a bigger deal than they actually are yeah if any of you are in the chronic illness community this doesn't like apply but like if there are some of you who are like don't deal with mental health problems and like don't deal with chronic illness but even if you do like everyone deals with it differently to like go out of your way to like read subreddits and like kind of like detox yourself from her relationship to these like very like real issues and things that people deal with so she's no longer your number one connotation with that because like again that stuff like sticks with you if you

think about it just like names. Like when you date one bad guy with a J name, like that sticks to every person you meet and that's superficial. But like when it comes to like mental and physical health, ableism is built into us and built into our society and our community. And you need to actively unlearn that, especially because you have a catalyst who is essentially like the worst version of what this community people quote unquote can represent and so I think if you can all spend time learning more about various people and their different stories and all of that and not just either going off of her one experience or maybe you have your own personal experience but like really taking in the experiences of a lot of different people so this isn't something

that sticks with you because I think the fact that the friend said that she almost that she wasn't going to talk about her medical things that might sound to the rest of the group like wild but i promise you you might start to feel that in your own life if medical things come up and you also might start to doubt yourself and not take yourself to the doctor and not only like not share these things with your friends but like you might start to believe that you're not being truthful with yourself so but yeah this is hard the last thing i will say is in no way in hell should the entire group ever sit down and talk to her about this and like melissa said like issue like an ending like we're never talking about her again behind her like we're not like this is done

this is a clean break if she's not ready to help herself then that's on her but i think then maybe it's about asking your landlord if you can put a lock on your bedroom door and you don't have to ask if you just do it and then take it off oh yeah and having that happen and then like if it's amount of communication of like here are my schedule these are the hours I will be home I'm not going to be answering my phone if there's an emergency here's like emergency contact list like 9-1-1 here's poison control here's all of these things here and that sucks and it feels like yeah you're mommying someone and like you're acting like the parents leaving their kids with a babysitter but I think if you can do a lot of not to bring it back to admin work like the other call

but if you can do like all of that stuff leave all of those things on the wall and give those resources but you yourself are not a 24-hour resource but this yeah this is hard I also incredibly draining so all right next call yee oh my gosh hi Megan and Melissa this one's a crazy one so buckle in oh my gosh so we're just gonna get straight to the point I am a 19 year old female, she, her, and I grew up from about seventh grade until about two years ago with the same best friend. For the sake of this call, we're going to call her Brittany. So me and Brittany became best friends towards the end of seventh grade, and we were inseparable until about two years ago when we kind of just stopped hanging out. She moved to a different state with her

boyfriend um started school so we kind of just stopped hanging out but we still talk every single day um we have like the longest snap streak it's like 500 days or something like that so we still talk every single day keep in touch whatever me and Brittany we're cool anyways so I grew up going over to Brittany's house obviously right um she's my best friend and so for the sake of this call We're going to call her dad, Brian. So Brian is her dad. He's a single dad. He lived alone.

And Brittany actually lived with her mom full time, but she would stay with her dad occasionally. Her mom and dad lived, like, literally a street away from each other. So we used to actually walk back and forth. I know Mr. Brian very, very well. Like, I stayed the night at his house for, like, four to five years. and I was around him all the time and really looked up to him and respected him. He was a firefighter and a war veteran.

And so I just looked up to him as a father figure and whatnot. And I haven't spoken to him since the last time I hung out with Brittany. So it's been a very long time since we've actually spoke. Tell me why he was messaging me on Facebook, ladies. He was literally messaging me on Facebook and trying to hook up with me for money.

He's trying to pay me $200. You hook up with him. And I told him, you need to respect me as a young woman that you watched grow up. This is completely inappropriate. He was asking me to keep this between us, but should I tell his daughter? Should I tell Brittany that her dad is trying to pay me for sex? I don't know if I should tell her or not. What would I gain from tearing their family apart?

But I don't know. Does his family need to know? Please, guys, let me know what to do. I can take it rough. give it to me rough if you have to i don't know thanks guys have a great day don't tell him give it to me rough um i could not the fact that you just have give it to me rough i was like i can't my brain is not in the right place for that you just said 200 for sex first of all offensively lowball offensively lowballed and i just want to say here that we we are pro sex workers here but

like not pro creeps and this is soliciting someone who's not a sex yeah yeah that's what i was gonna say you don't you he solicited you and like that's a solicitation that's in writing i wouldn't say anything to her because like i feel like that's it it's gonna ruin your friendship that you want to say want to have i would just ruin that snap streak i would just report it to the police because he solicited you and it's in writing and i would just take it straight to the police yeah i i would actually specific here's the thing i hate the police but you know who hates the police more firefighters oh yeah that too so you might actually get something uh done there not because they care about the like well-being but because they have a massive feud with firefighters as a

hole usually I mean I agree I would report it I think if you report it which I think you should do and I think you should tell her and I think that you should do both because reporting this is important because this is like really pervy and really gross and I don't know it's highly unlikely that you are the only person that this has happened to with him or the last person and it's just really predatory you are only 19 and that's like the you're like one year uh like bonus from being like this was like really like illegal and creepy and you also haven't talked to him in a really long time so it feels like this thing but like festering him and he's been waiting to turn and it seems like he waited 19 to be like i'm better than just 18 so it's less

of a red flag but to me i'm like oh you've been consciously thinking about this longer so that feels more with the intent but she will find out if you report it and but it won't necessarily seem like it came from her not necessarily but you are 19 so it is not completely anonymous and like fully fully sealed so there is like there's just like less legal protection from making this be like completely anonymous it's really hard and i don't want this to deter you but like it it is really hard to make anonymous claims I mean it's not hard to make anonymous claims it's hard for anything to come from anonymous claims because they need evidence and they need proof and even if it happens when you're a minor a lot of times they're not totally sealed especially when you

get older so I think that you should report it first and then I think you should give her a heads up and let her know and it's like I don't know if anything is going to come from this or even ask her like and make sure this sucks is putting a lot on her but being like hey there's like something that has happened i felt the need to report and the reason why you have to do it in this order is because otherwise if you haven't reported you can she could potentially let him know ahead of time and recon anything there's something that happened that there's something that is by proxy pertains to you that directly pertains to me that i have like reported this And I really want to be honest with you and tell you what it is, but it's like a pretty

heavy thing. What I can tell you this right now, I don't have to tell you this at all, but I need you to know it's probably going to come out at some point. And I don't, would you rather it come out from me? And like, yeah, that puts a lot on her. Cause like, she's not going to say no to that. But I think that like, I personally like when heavy things like that are like presented in a way that it's like, Hey, I have something.

I don't want like the hey we need to talk conversation but like when people have been like hey I have something like pretty big that's happened in my life that is not necessarily a great thing that I need to share with you can we set a time when you have the capacity to do that and that's like sure that is like a oh shit this is like an anxiety inducing thing but I much prefer that to someone like cold calling me and telling me something like really horrific if I and then I am supposed to move on with my day and I have so many other things to do that I'm like I actually don't have the time allotted to do this i don't know i think that like it just would depend on do you think that you would rather her hear this from you or not from you like would you feel worse

if she knew that you withheld this information from her or would she feel worse that you offered this information that she didn't necessarily want to hear yeah i don't think that you're the only person that he sent that to because that's a real bold message not just like i want to sleep with you but i'll pay you 200 which low again but like he's done this before and i think that once you report it it will open up if they do their jobs which it's the police so then they'll find more things on facebook that more messages that he sent other people i just think it matters like what would you want in this situation personally i would want to know like i would want to know if this was anybody in my life regardless of my relationship with them me knowing about their

actions would not have torn a family apart or ruined my relationship their actions would have ruined a relationship and i want to know the kind of relationship again any whatever platonic familial romantic i want to know what i am signing up for and i want to know the kind of relationship that like i want to know this person and i i want to know and like withholding that information for me personally would not do me any favors because I'm having a relationship with someone who's done this to my childhood best friend and if I knew that that would change my relationship with that person and I want that agency like I want to make that choice for myself I don't want someone to make other choices for me to like protect my relationships because yeah my relationships

will change that's not because I know about this information it's because it happened and I also think that like again this is really pervy I think that even if it like makes her upset or she like doesn't talk to you for a while. I think it is something that I highly doubt this will be completely out of left field. And I also think it's something that like, if she has kids and brings her kids around her dad and their friends and all of that, I just think it's something that I personally, if it was me in her position, there is no instance, no circumstance where I would not want to know even if it might my reaction might not be great even if that like potentially might change the relationship or the friendship I personally would never be mad at the

person who's like telling me this at all I'm also older so that does change that but I I would feel really like stripped of my agency if I didn't know this was this had happened and again like you're nothing that you will do will tear a family apart like it's his actions and like melissa said this is definitely not the first or the last time you might not even be the first person who's reached out to tell that this has happened and i always think it's better to plant the seed to prevent more harm from being done than just hope that it's a one-off instance when statistically it's just it's just not and you seem like you're in a position in a place where like you would feel comfortable and safe telling her that and so many times which there's nothing wrong with a lot of

people who deal with any kind of like whether it's like solicitation or sexual harassment sexual assault aren't in positions where they feel comfortable and safe to do so so i think if you do feel that like listen to that part of you yeah this is disgusting yeah and screenshot absolutely everything and screen record everything and when you screen record scroll through the messages screen record all of them click on his profile show yourself logging in so then they know that it's not you know doctored in any way yep and show the like click to his profile from there make sure you're clicking so you can see that it's your profile all of that and the time date stamps everything yeah all right time for don't blame them

hi megan and melissa i'm 21 years old i'm calling for don't blame them for the latest episode titled boyfriend feels entitled to my body and this call is for the caller who the title is based on caller i will start by saying that i have been in your position i was in high school with my first boyfriend, so I was no stronger than you are right now, but he would do the same things that your boyfriend is doing. I was with him for almost two years, and I am now five years out of that relationship and have had the opportunity to reflect a lot on it. My advice to you is to listen to Megan and Melissa. In my situation, I even communicated to my ex the way his actions were making me feel various times, and things would change for a week or two, but

eventually he will keep doing the same things and get mad whenever I pointed it out. So communicating how you're feeling is not going to change anything. You already know that what he is doing is not okay and you say that it overwhelms you and annoys you. You're a human being, not a sexual object, and if your partner cannot comprehend and respect that, you need to get out. I know that ending the relationship will probably be very hard since it is a three-year relationship, but most probably your mental health will be a hundred times better. Like Megan and Melissa said, what he is doing is abuse, and you are in a safe position. Anyone, no matter whether if they are your partner or not, if you're in a serious relationship, married, etc., anyone should respect you saying no and

honor that. No one should get mad at you for saying no to a sexual action because it is your body and your experience, and you get to decide what you want to do or not. If they do get mad, they are in the wrong. It is one of the biggest red flags that connects us. Callers know that Megan, Melissa, and I, and I'm sure that many other listeners, have your back. You are strong and brave. I hope you are safe and that this call helps you and maybe provides you some reassurance. but please dump him wow that was beautiful it was a lot of messages about they had a lot of people that that called into yeah so original caller just know you have thousands of people who are literally here being like we ride at dawn like let's take her out of here we got this like get

her out so yeah i hope that's validating and also a lot of people who've experienced like have also experience this it's a like a incredibly common thing so i hope you're safe and comfortable in making the choices that are protecting like you and your body and your well-being yeah so yeah everybody is everybody is supporting you with you yeah that is it for our episode wow what a what a day what a literal long ass day because melissa and i just sat here for hours before we ever well we were we were we were working but just not on the podcast yes not audio yeah it was something it was other things oh yeah i forgot we did oh you're right you're right we did yeah yeah we did things that could be good for our future maybe maybe so we hope you enjoyed if you did leave

us a review on the podcast app um you can also leave reviews on spotify now we also love an updated review when you're like oh i left this review years ago and let me give a little updated one we absolutely love that makes us so happy also helps us you know with ads sponsors so give give the show the love that we deserve please please yeah we don't have any reviews so see and you can be featured on an episode we get to read it come on i know how many people listen to this show and i know how many people left reviews and it's not even close i can't do math but i know that that is not those numbers are not the same so if you are listening this far head on over to our instagram and comment if you work in a professional field how long how many years

did it take you to get to where you actually want it to be that's a good one some reality let it set in sink in if you want to call for an upcoming episode leave us a voicemail at 310-694-0976. International listeners, MeganPodcast at gmail.com. Send us a voice memo, voice message, voice recording. And everything I said at the top of the episode still applies to the requirements for that. And check out the Patreon. Follow us on socials.

We are actually posting on TikTok now. Again. Yeah. I have my Adderall, okay? So I will be posting more this week. Okay. Okay. I'm listening.

I made four videos. No way. I didn't cut, but am I wrong from last week? Because I was like, I don't wait to see if she's going to post the rest. Yeah, Melissa did acknowledge it. She goes, I noticed you didn't respond to my email, my text messages. So I just like stopped. I didn't want to overwhelm you.

So I was like, that is exactly what you should have done. Perfect. Uh-huh. That's how you support friends. Thank you. I appreciate it. Women supporting women. That's what we're here for.

Oh, our name is different. Oh, yeah. It is different now. On both TikTok and Instagram. Mm-hmm. Megan and Melissa. You might be asking, why didn't you do that from the beginning? because someone had it yeah it was like a child weird too like but they were a child when they

had it they were a child when they had it and if they spelt their names the same way yeah and it was like they had like one like weird picture of like a cat or like a piece of chocolate or something and it was from like 2013 yeah and i was like okay you're a child but you're no longer a child so like give us this bag somehow we have it now ayo we we put it on our um vision board and then we manifested it happening as a manifesting generator i did manifest it felt attacked hearing about that i was like whoa of course melissa heard this and was like this is us anyways we will see you all next time goodbye don't blame me is a production by me executive produced by melissa de monts

and diamond imprint productions edited by coco lawrence post-production sound by chris henry production assistance by melanie d watson music by ryan hunter and giacomo picasso